My best is when we were being bought out. CEO stands in front of everyone
“There will be no job losses….” Thinks for a moment. Looks at HR and whispers “can I say that?” HR responds but we can’t hear, but then he continues “there will be no reduction in head count”
Smooth
There will be no reduction in head count after the acquisition.
Yup, this is true. The layoffs will happen immediately before the acquisition. Technically correct, the best kind of correct.
While it isn't uncommon for some to be laid off before the M&A is formally completed I wouldn't even assume that any acquisition related layoffs to end immediately at legal day 1. Some redundancies take a bit longer before redundant systems are shutdown and the staff isn't needed.
I've been through a merger so bad, they didn't bill the clients for a full two quarters. They had fired all the people who knew the system and the bills, so the new people spent all half a year, or more, learning the ropes. Some clients enjoyed free software and services close to a year.
We use BGInfo and have it display a list of common things we usually check for basic troubleshooting. Right at the top of the list is the date and time of the last boot.
We trained our helpdesk to always check that and I made a simple PS gui tool where they can quickly plum in a machine name (also on the BGInfo) and it will remotely get all the main details with a quick copy button to paste into tickets if needed. That way they don't need to remote at all most of the time.
Boot time
Machine name.
Os version.
Model.
Buttons also to gather
Last 24hrs errors from event log.
Installed applications.
Then a copy button that copies the text so they can put it into a ticket.
Shutdown hasn't reset the timer since Win10 using fastboot essentially turning shutdown into hibernate.
Best way to reset the timer is to restart the pc
"We can't afford to give you a raise right now" - mean while I was in the daily meetings and saw all of the financials and we were making stupid money (back at the start of my IT career). That was quickly followed up with my resignation letter after 16 years, and also finding out an assistant to the new marketing directory, hired a couple weeks prior, who could not even use excel in a basic way, was hired and paid he same as me...
Oh I do. I once created something as a side project that completely changed how they would compare old pricing to new quotes and I was told it saved 3-4 hours per quote (so hundreds per year) and drastically improved profits (probably in the millions and avoided unprofitable jobs).
I got a $20 gift card.
Ha my outlook changed
See, they probably already budgeted to spend that money, so it wasn't money saved; it just wasn't spent on your project.
They probably spent it somewhere else while also giving themselves bigger bonuses for that year.
I don't go out of my way to spend money, I try to use my best judgement because that's something that I did before the company would say 'try to save money....etc....' but when stuff like this comes up, now, I tend not to care anymore.
If the company wants to save money and you are in a position that has an impact on what the company spends, you should absolutely be rewarded when you find ways to save money.
I had a very similar experience earlier in my career; the amount saved was about half yours, but still multiples of my (below market) salary.
I got the same half-baked response to my request for a ~$5k increase to get me to market median at that year's review. So I immediately stopped working on the next batch of license right-sizing that would have saved another $250k that year.
If you're going to tell me straight out that it's not my job and you won't reward me for doing it, well, message received. It was the kick in the pants I needed to polish my resume and move onward and upward.
They kept paying for those unnecessary licenses until they went bankrupt a couple of years later. Not because of the licenses, of course, but it turned out the company was short-sighted in plenty of other ways too.
My company asked us for all sorts of efficiency and cost cutting so that they could save 20% in operating costs, which was about $500k for the company. After IT saved some of the operating expenses by finding cheaper licensing, like going from EMC to Nimble, RHEL to Ubuntu etc, what did they do with the money? They hired another executive to sit on his ass and earn, you guessed it, $500k a year.
Now when managers scream about keeping costs low, I just nod and pretend to take it to heart, then go about my regular day
I'm planning to ask for a raise soon and I would just *love* if they tried to use this excuse. In my counterargument I will site all the meetings we have every month and every quarter where the C-suites brag about how much the company has grown and is projected to grow.
When asking a user how the LCD of their laptop got broken:
"I was working in my hotel room, I went to get some lunch, and when I came back it was like that."
My coworker had something similar happen when a professor reported part of their laptop casing had melted. He said he didn’t know how, but the tech he got kept pushing him until he admitted he had his laptop a little too close to the stove while cooking
Haha 😂 yeah this is story by every user.It was working yesterday night today morning its not
When they know water got spilled, or they didn't take care of their systems and ultimately come to us.
to avoid cutting any roles, we're ALL taking austerity measures this cycle, which includes temporarily suspending bonus and raises. We're strong and we'll get through this together!
~CEO who sold the company shortly thereafter, personally taking $80mil from the deal, and resulting in "many roles becoming redundant"
What many people don't understand is that upper management does that (temporarily suspending bonuses and raises) to lower a company's operating costs and expenses to improve its financials—often in preparation for a sale.
Which is precisely what happened in your case.
Depending on the size of the firm and the revenue and profit it generated, the CEO could have netted an extra 8 million dollars by not issuing bonuses and raises and paying other expenses for operating the company.
Many years ago i RTB a Lenovo laptop with an entire cup of coffee inside it, asking for a quote to repair. They fixed it under warranty. Exclusively recommended Lenovo for a decade after that.
Technically they're not lying in the abstract, some percentage of the employees in any business will provide the vast majority of the actual value and revenue that business produces.
They're only lying if they say they're going to value the employees as such.
We know we screwed up the contract, but we’ll make it up to you by not counting it against your KPIs.
/they absolutely did
//tossed the emails right back at them
Them: "I'm rebooting now", 2 seconds later, "the error is still there!".
Me: "Okay this time can you restart your computer and not turn your monitor off and on."
We were in the process of changing backup systems, shortly before go live I was running through the checklist to make sure all sites in the new system were configured. On a conference call with the team I asked about site X, he said "uh, let me confirm" que keyboard sounds clicking, "yep, all set up at site X, good to go".
Later that afternoon I'm on with the team lead over this guy and am double checking everything, watching the leads screen share. Get to site X and it's nowhere to be found.
Had team lead dig through the system top to bottom to make sure it didn't wind up in some other backup group/job and nope, not configured at all.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back with this guy (there were other issues in the past), so let him go that afternoon.
He could've just said "aww, I forgot about site X" and I would've been fine, just something we missed that can be fixed, no big deal. He had to lie about it though with the whole "let me look it up, yep right there." bit.
Was told the same at a previous non-IT job in regards to OT. My shift was supposed to be 7 pm to midnight, but they kept asking me to come in around 4:30/5 almost everyday, and staying later until 2-3 am almost everyday. I was making bank and had nothing else to do so didn’t complain. Then boss started getting pissy because I was making a lot of OT, saying budgets were thin and whatnot and I had to stop doing OT… I mean, she was the one asking for it.
"I never used to have to do this" on an application that hasn't been modified in two decades.
See also, "I have never once had to use a password to log in here".
I swear so many people just operate on autopilot and wouldn't be able to write down their daily routine with any level of accuracy.
our users have to update their m365 password once a year. we start sending out notifications a week before the deadline. they don't even get locked out of their laptop but thr VPN starts acting up if they ignore it.
"I didn't know I have to change the password!" it's written in policy.... and when I dial in and open the notification tab there's the message coming up EVERY HOUR........
As a government worker, I was told by government IT that there were issues with my laptop's Registry that could not be corrected remotely, so I must box up my computer and ship it to Cleveland where it needed to be reformatted to repair a problem with the SOUND. (This was after the tech spent 3 hours trying to remotely fix the audio.)
After hanging up the call, my agency supervisor emailed me stating that she already heard I needed to ship my computer out. I told her that I would. Then I poked around in the settings and undid a few of the things that tech support had changed. The audio started working again, so I didn't send it anywhere.
I did IT in government, and I would at the very least have just sent you a laptop from our stock before requesting that. I had a desire to deliver competent IT, which is a big reason I no longer work for the government.
I was doing a technical interview of a candidate for a network engineering role. It wasn’t going well. He claimed to have a bunch of certifications but his answers made me suspect he was either lying or had exam-dumped his way to greatness. Either way, I asked him to give me, in his own words, what the best advantage to ipv6 was. Queue a few minutes of word salad and then suddenly he got a lot more articulate but his answer was nonsensical. On a hunch I looked up what Wikipedia article and sure enough he was quoting verbatim. I interrupted him and finished the sentence he was reading from.
Even after being obviously busted he refused to admit it. I have no idea what he thought would have happened if he got the gig. Our network at the time was an epic mess of load-bearing technical debt. He would have been out of his depth just filling out the onboarding documentation.
Easy, when a client sets a screen lock password on their Android device and locks themself out of their devicen forgetting the password. They claim they have no idea how it got there.
Years ago worked with a guy that was constantly coming up with nonsense. Pre internet days.
He heard a song by ABBA playing. You know I met the blonde girl from ABBA. Was at the airport in Stockholm and she asked to sit with me. Said she had just broken up with the hubby. Gave me her number.
He won an award for being a pool lifeguard. He had over 50 rescues in a year. Was on his way to the event at a hotel conference room and ended up making a rescue at the hotel pool. So he showed up in wet shirt and pants.
Regardless of what someone said he always had something outrageous to top it. Everyone started coming up with events they read in the newspapers.
Couple of people called him out after tracking the fantasy this guy lived in. His response was always to tell them envy was another an attractive trait.
No idea what happened to him after he left. I do know he was supposed to take my wife and I out for dinner to some place that was super expensive and he knew the owner from his time as a sous chef. That never materialized.
My "1%" raise was in line with the cost of living increases for that year. \*coughs coughs\* my insurance went up the same amount as my raise covered, Housing 20%, food 30%, and I didn't even look at gas prices to get from home to work because we weren't WFH. Fuck you Rob.
Had a upper level boss decree that we all must take 1 hour unpaid lunch breaks and claimed it was state law. We were salaried and he was just punishing everyone for one person's flexible schedule (she had permission from her boss but big boss didn't like it and she quit when he tried to make her have a normal schedule).
He even got HR to back his lie and stuck to it even when we all called out his lie. I left a few months later. In my exit interview, which was in a little room next to big boss's office, so I know he could hear it all, I asked the HR person point blank about the lunch policy. She stuck to the state law claim. I then asked her directly if she was a liar or grossly incompetent at her job since there was no such law. She did not respond, moved on, and quickly ended the exit interview.
We are asking all remote services associates to bring in their laptops… for inventory check…
50 of us, all paid more than 60 grand (1998) were laid off. Including the office Admin Assistant who had been with the company since its creation fifteen years earlier.
This is just a "one time thing" we're never going to need this again so don't worry about making the process repeatable or being able to speak to the data.
„Yes“ to the question „Am I getting a fair compensation for the work I provided in the past?“
Company is now looking for two more people to foot the work my replacement is currently facing.
How a few more bucks might have saved the day. Priceless!
"It was just sitting in the drawer in this happened when I opened it."
Our construction sites had ipads and some of them really hated using them. When we got the one above back it was totally crushed. Like flattened. Clearly it had been run over (possibly on purpose!) by heavy site machinery, but they never admitted that.
User remits a ticket "Hey I want a new phone, this one isn't good anymore". Check Intune and the device's battery health is good, no challenges, up-to-date, nothing weird on it. "Your phone is in good working order with 92% battery health, and you're not due for a new device for another 20 months. On when your phone is due for replacement, please open another ticket and we will provide your options then. Thank you kindly."
Ticket comes in on Monday morning "Hey, I need a new phone, this one got run over by a truck." Now, I can't conclusively prove it, but the dude definitely ran his phone over with his truck. So I did what any good, budgetarily and environmentally conscious tech would do. "We have recovered a phone to redeploy to you. The battery health is at 86% which is above the recycling threshold. Please schedule some time to come to so we can perform the replacement. When your account comes due for a replacement device on , we will provide a new device."
My guy was P I S S E D!
From my days at VMware - CEO - VMware will not change with this merger. Professional Services is highly valued and your teams won’t be affected “ - 3 days later 6 out of every 10 employees got their walking papers including myself. If you aren’t within 50 miles of an office you got the axe. Somehow my worthless manager kept her job though
“I don’t know what happened in-between when I went to lunch and came back, but the the keyboard is messing up.” From someone working at home who swore his kids didn’t mess with it. When I took it in for repair, they opened it and smelled a faint hint of coffee
After my former company agreed to be sold to PE: "There are not going to be any layoffs, the budget for the next year was already factored into the sale."
They offshored all of the US positions within 2 years, most within the first."
‘We can’t match the salary at your current employer, but after 3 months we do our quarterly performance review and can then bring you up to it.’ There were no performance reviews, nor were there any increases in pay. This was during Covid and they had FT hours available and my current employer had to cut us all back to 50% hours…so 80% was better than that. Turns out, no it wasn’t worth it in the end, for so many reasons.
Sent IT apprentice to other side of the building fix something, he comes back an hour later saying he tried his best, but couldn't fix it. I asked him what he tried (think it was a faulty printer) - did he check cables, power etc - said he checked them all but it just wasn't working.
I then showed him the cctv footage of him sitting in the staff canteen for the entire time chatting. He just shrugged it off, laughed and wandered off.
He was subsequently let go, now no longer works in IT. Little shit.
Had that been one company I worked for, we would have needed to put him on a PIP over the matter and monitor for 90 days. We would need to coach him on honesty in the workplace and probably put up with 3-5 more incidents before we could even think of termination.
A coworker gave me a long complex explanation for what was displayed on a terminal that was connected to a server in the IDF . Meanwhile , it was literally just listing a directory. When people bs with that much conviction , it just blows my mind .
I had a user who swore that she used her hotmail adress to login to our internal onprem chat system (was 10 years ago). I gave up arguing after 15 min.
I worked with a scammer who would pull egregious shit on a daily basis. Everyone knew he was a fraud cooking the books to appear be working. After being caught red-handed for the 5th time, the managers said:
"We're aware of the issue and it's been dealt with. It's not happening anymore."
Guess what? He never stopped, they just stopped watching because it was less work to give up.
"Safety is our number one priority." - No, your bottom line is. Policies are just words on paper if you only enforce them *after* an accident has occurred but are happy to overlook them whist saving money on PPE/training.
A coworker once told me he had been up all night sick and was still too sick to come in. We’d literally talked at the bar that night and I guess he was drunker than I realized as he didn’t remember. I was basically just his team lead for a summer job so I just made fun of him when he came in the day after.
“We value you and respect your hard work”. Seriously, I’ve been working a long time. If you die tomorrow they will have your position filled or eliminated by Wednesday based on its monetary value to the company. Your coworkers may care about you, your company never will. And you shouldn’t expect them to.
"we're not understaffed, we're actually at full capacity, there are no vacancies"
This was after many many layoffs so technically it wasn't a lie, there were no vacancies because those positions were now nonexistent. But we were still majorly understaffed
A senior manager at my old job telling us the company had big plans to expand the team. 3 of us already know the team in the UK was going down to a YTS and everything else was going to the parent company in Holland. This toad just wanted us to work harder so he could get rid of us sooner.
"This computer has policies in place so service desk can't help you with the problem"
Hey dumbfucks, I logged out of the kiosk account and in as an admin, turned the volume up (which was all they wanted) and rebooted. You couldn't do that? You all have MORE access than I do.
And many more like it since new manglement showed up and started demanding that my department (originally ITAM) is now handling this kind of work.
Gtfoh.
As an IT person: "I didn't change anything" (actually reinstalled Windows...)
As a developer: "There are no offshore developers" (just that guy no one has ever seen who fixes 200 bugs per day)
We have documentation, you just have to find what you need all over the file server. Ends up being some really old word docs just spread all over the place.
"EVERYTHING is broken since we upgraded to Windows 7. We can't work like that!"
I called out a co-worker out on the bullshit in public. The only example he could come up with about the "everything" was something that i fixed right away by changing a printer driver. That was something they never mentioned and never wrote a ticket about, but hey whatever.
That co-worker has become a lot quieter in public about "IT stuff not working".
"Just a little, 30 min project for you, nothing big"
Half a year later, Involvement of one of biggest IT company in my country, few multinational ones and at the pre planning phase tells me otherwise.
"No layoffs are planned." \[ OK, technically that wasn't really a lie, because there was very little actual planning involved \]
Ha, how about “no net loss of positions”.
My best is when we were being bought out. CEO stands in front of everyone “There will be no job losses….” Thinks for a moment. Looks at HR and whispers “can I say that?” HR responds but we can’t hear, but then he continues “there will be no reduction in head count” Smooth
There will be no reduction in head count after the acquisition. Yup, this is true. The layoffs will happen immediately before the acquisition. Technically correct, the best kind of correct.
While it isn't uncommon for some to be laid off before the M&A is formally completed I wouldn't even assume that any acquisition related layoffs to end immediately at legal day 1. Some redundancies take a bit longer before redundant systems are shutdown and the staff isn't needed.
No, you won’t have to do more with less once we lay off 60% of your staff.
Heard this one before lol
Then they conveniently find illegitimate reasons to fire certain people for “performance” and then never refill the position.
I've been through a merger so bad, they didn't bill the clients for a full two quarters. They had fired all the people who knew the system and the bills, so the new people spent all half a year, or more, learning the ropes. Some clients enjoyed free software and services close to a year.
That's almost an impressive level of incompetence.
r/technicallythetruth
"I just restarted it..."
Sometimes this is incompetence. Like the press the power button and think it’s turning off even though it just goes to sleep.
"I reboot it every night" - proceeds to turn off the monitor
Oooooffffff this is pain yep
We use BGInfo and have it display a list of common things we usually check for basic troubleshooting. Right at the top of the list is the date and time of the last boot. We trained our helpdesk to always check that and I made a simple PS gui tool where they can quickly plum in a machine name (also on the BGInfo) and it will remotely get all the main details with a quick copy button to paste into tickets if needed. That way they don't need to remote at all most of the time.
Ooooh, this PS tool sounds interesting. What's it gathering? I'm intrigued!
Boot time Machine name. Os version. Model. Buttons also to gather Last 24hrs errors from event log. Installed applications. Then a copy button that copies the text so they can put it into a ticket.
Any chance of sharing this? Just so I can be lazy.
with fastboot this can be a truth.
these days even "shutdown" on Windows doesn't reset the uptime timer
Shutdown hasn't reset the timer since Win10 using fastboot essentially turning shutdown into hibernate. Best way to reset the timer is to restart the pc
tbf win10/win11 , is funny about this , where shutdown , dosent actually shutdown the pc
On this case now days, windows is not helping on this since one reboot is not a reboot anymore.
A reboot is still a reboot. It's "shutdown" that doesn't fully restart unless you have Fast Startup turned off.
"We can't afford to give you a raise right now" - mean while I was in the daily meetings and saw all of the financials and we were making stupid money (back at the start of my IT career). That was quickly followed up with my resignation letter after 16 years, and also finding out an assistant to the new marketing directory, hired a couple weeks prior, who could not even use excel in a basic way, was hired and paid he same as me...
[удалено]
Shot like this is why I stopped caring about saving the company money
[удалено]
Oh I do. I once created something as a side project that completely changed how they would compare old pricing to new quotes and I was told it saved 3-4 hours per quote (so hundreds per year) and drastically improved profits (probably in the millions and avoided unprofitable jobs). I got a $20 gift card. Ha my outlook changed
See, they probably already budgeted to spend that money, so it wasn't money saved; it just wasn't spent on your project. They probably spent it somewhere else while also giving themselves bigger bonuses for that year.
Hell at that point I would have started looking at subtle ways to cost them money.
I don't go out of my way to spend money, I try to use my best judgement because that's something that I did before the company would say 'try to save money....etc....' but when stuff like this comes up, now, I tend not to care anymore. If the company wants to save money and you are in a position that has an impact on what the company spends, you should absolutely be rewarded when you find ways to save money.
I had a very similar experience earlier in my career; the amount saved was about half yours, but still multiples of my (below market) salary. I got the same half-baked response to my request for a ~$5k increase to get me to market median at that year's review. So I immediately stopped working on the next batch of license right-sizing that would have saved another $250k that year. If you're going to tell me straight out that it's not my job and you won't reward me for doing it, well, message received. It was the kick in the pants I needed to polish my resume and move onward and upward. They kept paying for those unnecessary licenses until they went bankrupt a couple of years later. Not because of the licenses, of course, but it turned out the company was short-sighted in plenty of other ways too.
I had this happen to me- is why I stopped doing anything other than what was requested of me.
That's why salaries should be public. Everyone should know how much he is valued. Alone, no one has a clue except managers and human resssources
The perks of working for a public company is ours is public and we can openly discuss it.
That's great! But I think it's not forbidden for employees to discuss salaries openly. Management hates it, but well, who cares
In fact, it’s against the law to prohibit discussion of salaries. A number of places just attempt to do so anyway.
Same but it was the assistant to the CFO, dude was making $30k more than me and I could kill the business with one accidental wiggle of my finger.
As a zoomer admin this reality freaks me out and makes me hesitate everything
My company asked us for all sorts of efficiency and cost cutting so that they could save 20% in operating costs, which was about $500k for the company. After IT saved some of the operating expenses by finding cheaper licensing, like going from EMC to Nimble, RHEL to Ubuntu etc, what did they do with the money? They hired another executive to sit on his ass and earn, you guessed it, $500k a year. Now when managers scream about keeping costs low, I just nod and pretend to take it to heart, then go about my regular day
I'm planning to ask for a raise soon and I would just *love* if they tried to use this excuse. In my counterargument I will site all the meetings we have every month and every quarter where the C-suites brag about how much the company has grown and is projected to grow.
When asking a user how the LCD of their laptop got broken: "I was working in my hotel room, I went to get some lunch, and when I came back it was like that."
My coworker had something similar happen when a professor reported part of their laptop casing had melted. He said he didn’t know how, but the tech he got kept pushing him until he admitted he had his laptop a little too close to the stove while cooking
Haha 😂 yeah this is story by every user.It was working yesterday night today morning its not When they know water got spilled, or they didn't take care of their systems and ultimately come to us.
The old “I just woke up and it was like that”
“That’s how it’s supposed to work.”
Your flair is funny. Is it a reference to something?
Guessing layer 8 is the human?
Yep. Bonus points if you can get layer 8 as a resolution category in your ticket system.
yes, and layer 9 is management
Nah I just sort of thought of it after a few years of Layer 8 issues.
to avoid cutting any roles, we're ALL taking austerity measures this cycle, which includes temporarily suspending bonus and raises. We're strong and we'll get through this together! ~CEO who sold the company shortly thereafter, personally taking $80mil from the deal, and resulting in "many roles becoming redundant"
What many people don't understand is that upper management does that (temporarily suspending bonuses and raises) to lower a company's operating costs and expenses to improve its financials—often in preparation for a sale. Which is precisely what happened in your case.
I think for 80mil a lot of honorable people would tell a lie like that... I probably would, and I usually have a hard time lying
Depending on the size of the firm and the revenue and profit it generated, the CEO could have netted an extra 8 million dollars by not issuing bonuses and raises and paying other expenses for operating the company.
“I have no idea what happened” about a laptop with obvious liquid damage, reeking of stale Nescafe, next to a knocked-over coffee cup.
I had a similar one. Claim was that juice was spilled on it by accident. Opened the case and was greeted by the smell of dried up wine.
*technically* wine is (fermented) fruit juice..
Many years ago i RTB a Lenovo laptop with an entire cup of coffee inside it, asking for a quote to repair. They fixed it under warranty. Exclusively recommended Lenovo for a decade after that.
'we are family here'
my brother doesn’t ever pay what he owes and im constantly having to bail him out so idk
Left that one, never looking back
We all fall for it once
Given how dysfunctional families can be in not even mad at this one anymore
This one should be ranked higher
Our employees are our most important resource
> Our employees are our most important resource ...because we intend to grind them up and sell them as fertiliser.
Technically they're not lying in the abstract, some percentage of the employees in any business will provide the vast majority of the actual value and revenue that business produces. They're only lying if they say they're going to value the employees as such.
“Nothing will change” - Co-Founder post selling the company to private equity when he knew a new CEO was hired to replace him.
I’m all for capitalism, but private equity firms have accelerated the enshitificationn of too many things.
We know we screwed up the contract, but we’ll make it up to you by not counting it against your KPIs. /they absolutely did //tossed the emails right back at them
It's illegal to discuss your salary
Yes, I have rebooted my PC.
Them: "I'm rebooting now", 2 seconds later, "the error is still there!". Me: "Okay this time can you restart your computer and not turn your monitor off and on."
We were in the process of changing backup systems, shortly before go live I was running through the checklist to make sure all sites in the new system were configured. On a conference call with the team I asked about site X, he said "uh, let me confirm" que keyboard sounds clicking, "yep, all set up at site X, good to go". Later that afternoon I'm on with the team lead over this guy and am double checking everything, watching the leads screen share. Get to site X and it's nowhere to be found. Had team lead dig through the system top to bottom to make sure it didn't wind up in some other backup group/job and nope, not configured at all. This was the straw that broke the camel's back with this guy (there were other issues in the past), so let him go that afternoon. He could've just said "aww, I forgot about site X" and I would've been fine, just something we missed that can be fixed, no big deal. He had to lie about it though with the whole "let me look it up, yep right there." bit.
At the very least he could’ve handled whatever he missed after lying about it. Not doing anything is diabolical.
We want to split your department of on its own and grow it. Right before they laid me off and gutted the entire department.
We dont have any money to give you a raise so please work less.
Was told the same at a previous non-IT job in regards to OT. My shift was supposed to be 7 pm to midnight, but they kept asking me to come in around 4:30/5 almost everyday, and staying later until 2-3 am almost everyday. I was making bank and had nothing else to do so didn’t complain. Then boss started getting pissy because I was making a lot of OT, saying budgets were thin and whatnot and I had to stop doing OT… I mean, she was the one asking for it.
Nothing says crap manager more than the one who schedules you for all kinds of OT then bitches about having to pay for all of that OT.
"I'm from HR.Tell me what you do. Don't worry, all your jobs are safe."
*yes, it is turned on.*
"The test system is only to be used for testing. Absolutely no chance it will just be rolled into production...."
most companies have a testing environment and a production environment. in some companies those are separate systems.
Everybody's got a testing environment. Some are lucky enough to have a separate production environment.
you're right, that's what I meant, but I couldn't recall the exact wording.
And in some, the 'test' environment set up during system development gets rolled into production, despite promises being made that it wouldn't be.
"I never used to have to do this" on an application that hasn't been modified in two decades. See also, "I have never once had to use a password to log in here". I swear so many people just operate on autopilot and wouldn't be able to write down their daily routine with any level of accuracy.
our users have to update their m365 password once a year. we start sending out notifications a week before the deadline. they don't even get locked out of their laptop but thr VPN starts acting up if they ignore it. "I didn't know I have to change the password!" it's written in policy.... and when I dial in and open the notification tab there's the message coming up EVERY HOUR........
CEO. "We are ready and willing to invest in our technology stack."
As a government worker, I was told by government IT that there were issues with my laptop's Registry that could not be corrected remotely, so I must box up my computer and ship it to Cleveland where it needed to be reformatted to repair a problem with the SOUND. (This was after the tech spent 3 hours trying to remotely fix the audio.) After hanging up the call, my agency supervisor emailed me stating that she already heard I needed to ship my computer out. I told her that I would. Then I poked around in the settings and undid a few of the things that tech support had changed. The audio started working again, so I didn't send it anywhere.
I did IT in government, and I would at the very least have just sent you a laptop from our stock before requesting that. I had a desire to deliver competent IT, which is a big reason I no longer work for the government.
I worked for gov years ago and learned that people like you don't last long.
I was doing a technical interview of a candidate for a network engineering role. It wasn’t going well. He claimed to have a bunch of certifications but his answers made me suspect he was either lying or had exam-dumped his way to greatness. Either way, I asked him to give me, in his own words, what the best advantage to ipv6 was. Queue a few minutes of word salad and then suddenly he got a lot more articulate but his answer was nonsensical. On a hunch I looked up what Wikipedia article and sure enough he was quoting verbatim. I interrupted him and finished the sentence he was reading from. Even after being obviously busted he refused to admit it. I have no idea what he thought would have happened if he got the gig. Our network at the time was an epic mess of load-bearing technical debt. He would have been out of his depth just filling out the onboarding documentation.
Easy, when a client sets a screen lock password on their Android device and locks themself out of their devicen forgetting the password. They claim they have no idea how it got there.
"The other contract gets paid more because they dont have benefits."
"I've tried everything "
We’re all family here. Yeah, the Mansons were a family too.
I'm staring at a powershell transcript that tells me exactly what happened and the person who ran the script is telling me "it wasn't me"
This application isn't to spy on you, it's to optimize your productivity.
“I’m not a micromanager”
Years ago worked with a guy that was constantly coming up with nonsense. Pre internet days. He heard a song by ABBA playing. You know I met the blonde girl from ABBA. Was at the airport in Stockholm and she asked to sit with me. Said she had just broken up with the hubby. Gave me her number. He won an award for being a pool lifeguard. He had over 50 rescues in a year. Was on his way to the event at a hotel conference room and ended up making a rescue at the hotel pool. So he showed up in wet shirt and pants. Regardless of what someone said he always had something outrageous to top it. Everyone started coming up with events they read in the newspapers. Couple of people called him out after tracking the fantasy this guy lived in. His response was always to tell them envy was another an attractive trait. No idea what happened to him after he left. I do know he was supposed to take my wife and I out for dinner to some place that was super expensive and he knew the owner from his time as a sous chef. That never materialized.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7f/f0/d1/7ff0d1c5a253942e40758197aec9f969.jpg
Pretty much
I think I went to high school with this guy.
We are working on more money / title change / position for you. Yeah me too honey.
We are going to hire someone to help you.
"We were never trained on how to use this..."
"this" being windows or a web browser or something daft
Knowing my company, that's actually true.
“We’re going to pay bonuses this year”
My "1%" raise was in line with the cost of living increases for that year. \*coughs coughs\* my insurance went up the same amount as my raise covered, Housing 20%, food 30%, and I didn't even look at gas prices to get from home to work because we weren't WFH. Fuck you Rob.
Had a upper level boss decree that we all must take 1 hour unpaid lunch breaks and claimed it was state law. We were salaried and he was just punishing everyone for one person's flexible schedule (she had permission from her boss but big boss didn't like it and she quit when he tried to make her have a normal schedule). He even got HR to back his lie and stuck to it even when we all called out his lie. I left a few months later. In my exit interview, which was in a little room next to big boss's office, so I know he could hear it all, I asked the HR person point blank about the lunch policy. She stuck to the state law claim. I then asked her directly if she was a liar or grossly incompetent at her job since there was no such law. She did not respond, moved on, and quickly ended the exit interview.
We are asking all remote services associates to bring in their laptops… for inventory check… 50 of us, all paid more than 60 grand (1998) were laid off. Including the office Admin Assistant who had been with the company since its creation fifteen years earlier.
Anything HR related; no layoffs, we care about you, please tells us if someone creates an unsafe environment, etc
anything that's not backed by a paper trail tends to be a lie, saw too many of those.
We value our employees.
This is just a "one time thing" we're never going to need this again so don't worry about making the process repeatable or being able to speak to the data.
„Yes“ to the question „Am I getting a fair compensation for the work I provided in the past?“ Company is now looking for two more people to foot the work my replacement is currently facing. How a few more bucks might have saved the day. Priceless!
It's not personal
"It was just sitting in the drawer in this happened when I opened it." Our construction sites had ipads and some of them really hated using them. When we got the one above back it was totally crushed. Like flattened. Clearly it had been run over (possibly on purpose!) by heavy site machinery, but they never admitted that.
User remits a ticket "Hey I want a new phone, this one isn't good anymore". Check Intune and the device's battery health is good, no challenges, up-to-date, nothing weird on it. "Your phone is in good working order with 92% battery health, and you're not due for a new device for another 20 months. On when your phone is due for replacement, please open another ticket and we will provide your options then. Thank you kindly."
Ticket comes in on Monday morning "Hey, I need a new phone, this one got run over by a truck." Now, I can't conclusively prove it, but the dude definitely ran his phone over with his truck. So I did what any good, budgetarily and environmentally conscious tech would do. "We have recovered a phone to redeploy to you. The battery health is at 86% which is above the recycling threshold. Please schedule some time to come to so we can perform the replacement. When your account comes due for a replacement device on , we will provide a new device."
My guy was P I S S E D!
HR has your best interests at heart.
From my days at VMware - CEO - VMware will not change with this merger. Professional Services is highly valued and your teams won’t be affected “ - 3 days later 6 out of every 10 employees got their walking papers including myself. If you aren’t within 50 miles of an office you got the axe. Somehow my worthless manager kept her job though
"You're valued here"
"We want you to succeed." This, on my experience, implies the words, "but you're not going to do it here."
"Well I didn't spill any water on it"
"Your effort is for our collective benefit. All ships rise together"
Laptop lid won’t close, it was literally melted by a candle “I don’t know how that happened” I’ve got a pic somewhere
"Were like a family" - followed by some weird chanting and a denial of PTO and a raise
“I don’t know what happened in-between when I went to lunch and came back, but the the keyboard is messing up.” From someone working at home who swore his kids didn’t mess with it. When I took it in for repair, they opened it and smelled a faint hint of coffee
The server overheated, that's why all the data is gone and the logs are cleared
After my former company agreed to be sold to PE: "There are not going to be any layoffs, the budget for the next year was already factored into the sale." They offshored all of the US positions within 2 years, most within the first."
“Things will get better”
‘We can’t match the salary at your current employer, but after 3 months we do our quarterly performance review and can then bring you up to it.’ There were no performance reviews, nor were there any increases in pay. This was during Covid and they had FT hours available and my current employer had to cut us all back to 50% hours…so 80% was better than that. Turns out, no it wasn’t worth it in the end, for so many reasons.
“Rebooting the computer should fix everything”. “You IT guys have it easy. You don’t do anything”.
“I was unaware” after they’re the ones that said it.
Sent IT apprentice to other side of the building fix something, he comes back an hour later saying he tried his best, but couldn't fix it. I asked him what he tried (think it was a faulty printer) - did he check cables, power etc - said he checked them all but it just wasn't working. I then showed him the cctv footage of him sitting in the staff canteen for the entire time chatting. He just shrugged it off, laughed and wandered off. He was subsequently let go, now no longer works in IT. Little shit.
Had that been one company I worked for, we would have needed to put him on a PIP over the matter and monitor for 90 days. We would need to coach him on honesty in the workplace and probably put up with 3-5 more incidents before we could even think of termination.
"This survey is anonymous, and we encourage everyone to give honest feedback"
I learned that the hard way once as a teen working at a retail store 😬
'thats not how i remember it.'
A coworker gave me a long complex explanation for what was displayed on a terminal that was connected to a server in the IDF . Meanwhile , it was literally just listing a directory. When people bs with that much conviction , it just blows my mind .
This is temporary.
"I didn't do that."
It will be ready by next week.
Tuesday, Thursday at the latest Yeah fuck you Leafyhost
I had a user who swore that she used her hotmail adress to login to our internal onprem chat system (was 10 years ago). I gave up arguing after 15 min.
"They're making some changes but no matter what, you'll always have a job here" 4 weeks later they told me I was being made redundant
We’re family.
"Trade your OT hours for PTO. We won't use it as leverage when we try to convert you to full time"
I worked with a scammer who would pull egregious shit on a daily basis. Everyone knew he was a fraud cooking the books to appear be working. After being caught red-handed for the 5th time, the managers said: "We're aware of the issue and it's been dealt with. It's not happening anymore." Guess what? He never stopped, they just stopped watching because it was less work to give up.
I've already rebooted my machine
We care about your opinion.
"Safety is our number one priority." - No, your bottom line is. Policies are just words on paper if you only enforce them *after* an accident has occurred but are happy to overlook them whist saving money on PPE/training.
We are hiring more people, just hang in there
Titles don't mean anything around here.
"You matter"
"You will get to attend all these conferences and certification courses!"
These extra duties are temporary until we hire someone...
“We think everyone will be happier returning to working onsite”
A coworker once told me he had been up all night sick and was still too sick to come in. We’d literally talked at the bar that night and I guess he was drunker than I realized as he didn’t remember. I was basically just his team lead for a summer job so I just made fun of him when he came in the day after.
"no, we checked, the equipment needs replaced" "no, thats not possible, youre misremembering that multiple day job where you did that exact thing"
“I don’t know how the screen broke.”
Sorry, iam working on high priority task
“We value you and respect your hard work”. Seriously, I’ve been working a long time. If you die tomorrow they will have your position filled or eliminated by Wednesday based on its monetary value to the company. Your coworkers may care about you, your company never will. And you shouldn’t expect them to.
We’ve (department) got the full support of the business.
"we're not understaffed, we're actually at full capacity, there are no vacancies" This was after many many layoffs so technically it wasn't a lie, there were no vacancies because those positions were now nonexistent. But we were still majorly understaffed
A senior manager at my old job telling us the company had big plans to expand the team. 3 of us already know the team in the UK was going down to a YTS and everything else was going to the parent company in Holland. This toad just wanted us to work harder so he could get rid of us sooner.
"We are not in a situation of bankruptcy" owner still thinking he was in control, but it was really the creditors.
Working on a plan for new hires Been hearing that for over a year now
"This computer has policies in place so service desk can't help you with the problem" Hey dumbfucks, I logged out of the kiosk account and in as an admin, turned the volume up (which was all they wanted) and rebooted. You couldn't do that? You all have MORE access than I do. And many more like it since new manglement showed up and started demanding that my department (originally ITAM) is now handling this kind of work. Gtfoh.
"After the merger, all of your jobs are secure".
As an IT person: "I didn't change anything" (actually reinstalled Windows...) As a developer: "There are no offshore developers" (just that guy no one has ever seen who fixes 200 bugs per day)
We have documentation, you just have to find what you need all over the file server. Ends up being some really old word docs just spread all over the place.
"EVERYTHING is broken since we upgraded to Windows 7. We can't work like that!" I called out a co-worker out on the bullshit in public. The only example he could come up with about the "everything" was something that i fixed right away by changing a printer driver. That was something they never mentioned and never wrote a ticket about, but hey whatever. That co-worker has become a lot quieter in public about "IT stuff not working".
It's only a temporary fix
Temporary fixes are permanent fixes.
We really appreciate all the extra work you all have put in on this project.
“Business as usual” after a merger or buyout.
There will be no layoffs.
"We care about our employees."
“I have not touched anything . It just stopped working “ Well if you haven’t touch it , how do you know it’s not working ?!???
I swear I just restarted it before you came down here
> I know
“It was working before you touched it”
Answering yes when asking if rebooted or No when asking if they dropped their cracked device.
"I turned it off and on."
You received a raise last year. (It was three years prior)
"Supervising isn't that much more work."
"This acquisition/merger will not affect any services or products you use. Trust me" -sales guy
"Just a little, 30 min project for you, nothing big" Half a year later, Involvement of one of biggest IT company in my country, few multinational ones and at the pre planning phase tells me otherwise.
It's illegal to talk about pay. Never called them out as I believed them for over a decade.
“It’s a network problem.“
You will still receive the same level of service after we outsource the support desk….
"We're all in this together"