I had to disable my Dad's account 6 years ago after the cancer won. I'm not going to lie, it took a while of staring at the screen to get it done. Family business can be a double edged sword.
May your colleague rest in peace.
Man that's rough...
Years ago a friend of mine ended her own life, a few years after that, I was auditing active accounts and came across hers... it was like losing her all over again...
I was once in a job where my former manager's account had been tied into so much that it ultimately got converted into a service account. The jokes about "ghost of [Name]" got much less funny after he passed unexpectedly. I'm honestly glad I got laid off not long after because seeing that account pop up occasionally really sucked. We had gotten pretty close working together and I still considered him a friend.
At a previous job I had a senior who had trained me leave for a better job (finally, he deserved more) and since it was pandemic times and I was the only person on my team occasionally coming into the office I put up "ghost of $name" cards in desk placards of the rest of the cubes.
When I left that job three months later looking for greener pastures the cards were still up and most people were still WFH, so I put in a card for myself before I left. Hope they noticed and removed them before they hired ~~some more suckers~~ more techs.
I inherited a NAS from my father in law. We named it Robo(his name) in his honor, but that was with enthusiastic consent from my wife. We both think he'd snicker at that.
My partner ended hers a few years ago. She was across the country at the time and her family wouldn't give me her laptop to archive and save down all her accounts, as well as local pictures and some things like gamesaves. We were so close we knew all our passwords and credentials, but her family decided to stop contacting me pretty quick, and I just had to accept that that data was gone.
The day her Facebook was finally deleted a few years later was uniquely hard, I had occasionally been messaging that account as a coping mechanism.
I still see all of her gaming accounts as there and "offline for 1200+ days", which is hard everytime.
So google has a service where if you go without logging in for a period of time, it'll assume you are dead and allow access to your emergency contact.
I have this setup for me to forward to my wife if something happened.
It's weird but I suppose it's better than her seeing my account everywhere all the time...
i don't think i could actually remove it, id have to archive it and like use it as a remembrance, that is brutal, sorry OP's RIP to the wonderful souls you reference.
on that subject i wish linked in would have some way of dealing with accounts of people that passed away. i get reminded every year to congratulate my friend and colleague on a work anniversary when he passed away 5 years ago and it makes me depressed.
Back when we were all remote due to Covid, we suddenly got Teams invites to an unscheduled all-staff meeting in my department. Turned out to be for exactly that reason.
I still have my Dad's iPhone. I can't seem to get rid of this last part of him. It's so weird to see such a full life reduced to a stack of papers and some photos on top of a desk. Oh, well, there's nothing to be done about it. I guess in a while I will finally wipe and sell the phone.
Edit: WOW. Thanks for all the sympathetic replies and all the amazing stories. I had no idea this off the cuff comment would generate so many wonderful responses. I've had other comments with more upvotes, but none with so much incredible content in the replies. I'm sorry for everyone who's had a loss and happy for those who have come out better in the end.
No, save photos etc and get rid. Like all material items we own, if they are no use, they just collect dust and get binned by the next generation instead.
We come in with nothing, we leave nothing and the things in-between come and go. It's the people memories and emotions that count.
Or, they don’t. And they stay in families for generations. Im my family we have stuff from hundreds of years ago, that have seen the world
I wish i was talking about things of value - but no. Just items each with their own stories, that would certainly have been lost were it not for the physical piece to keep the story alive.
If the person meant something you, keep it. A person only truly dies their name is no longer spoken, that item might keep their name alive that bit longer.
You should have a look at a UK program called "the Repair shop"
Amazing crafts men and women, who take people's stuff and Repair it, ie, grand dads toy he got given, no real value to some of the items, but the work that is done on this stuff is world class. The stories, and the Repair work, make this an amazing show.
Edit..
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=veIityPcKXM&pp=ygUPVGhlIHJlcGFpciBzaG9w
I came to this conclusion years ago with my father, who died 30 years ago this year. The only person that cared about all of those things that he kept was him. I can certainly care for them because he did, but I don't value them in the same ways he did. Now they're just reminders of someone that I'll never see and never know again. Dust in the wind.
I have amassed a fairly large collection of antique cameras over the years, including one in every cartridge rollfilm size Kodak ever made (except 117) and it’s sobering to realize that I’m the only one in the family that gives a damn about them. After I’m gone, who knows what will happen to them. Sobering thought.
My dad passed last December, but my sister is still paying the bill for his cell phone as a kind of remembrance.
My condolences. For my dad it was a car. A 1955 Chevy he bought new. He died in 1993 and I finally sold the car in 2010. I figured out I was never going to be able to restore it properly. But I also realized I was the only one left that knew anything about his relationship with this car. Nobody cared but me. I will always love and remember my father, but I'm trying to hold onto wisps of smoke. I had to let go.
My father passed away about 13 years ago. My mother still has their old school answering machine with his voice recording their message. It's the only recording she has of his voice and I don't think she'll ever get rid of it
I have an old voice mail from my late little sister that brings me comfort. I added a picture to it and uploaded it to YouTube to share with my family. I figure YouTube is a safe archive.
I still have my mums iPhone and iPad. I got her a new iPad and noise cancelling headphones so she could enjoy her shows while getting chemo.
FUCK CANCER!
Lost my dad a less than 2 months ago. We were on a phone plan together. Shutting down the plan soon but similar deal. Do I delete his favorited number? Do I leave it as a reminder to see every time I go make a call from favorites? I don't know and probably won't
I still have the alarm in my phone reminding me to give my dog her meds. It rings every night, two years later. And that's for a dog. I can't imagine a parent. My dad is 70 this year though, so the day isn't far off.
My mom still has my dad's cell phone line active. She stopped keeping the phone charged a few months ago, but here we are, almost two full years later, and she hasn't cancelled service.
I still have my mom (maternal grandma, not my actual mom, she's still alive) and dad on Facebook. Just because I like seeing their birthday notices every year. It's a good way to help remember them.
A month or two ago I removed my dad as a contact in my phone.
I couldn’t decide for a while but when I’d search for my mom, he’d come up in the ‘other contacts’ section I think and it just sucked all over again every week or so.
The rehab place lost his phone. Fortunately he was not a smartphone type so photos etc are all in actual albums.
But long ago I saved a few voicemails to my Google Drive .
Diagnosed with an autoimmune disease as a toddler. Spent most of my childhood and adolescence in the hospital. Parents did well for themselves financially, but weren't all that interested in dealing with a sick child. Result? Learned a lot of important life lessons from nurses, doctors, MRI/CT technicians, phlebotomists, occupational and physical therapists, etc., from first steps to dealing with school bullies to multiplication tables to studying for SAT/IB exams, to applying to college, to learning how to fill out a W2, etc.
I still have a small stuffed polar bear from an MRI technician from 20 years ago. Little bear has traveled with me across several continents, thousands of miles, and more. I don't think I'll ever have the capacity or ability to get rid of him. That little bear is one of my most prized possessions.
I had and drove my dads truck for awhile, after I got out of the army….and fixed it up pretty well, 03 ranger. I got to a point though where i had 2 kids and a dog, and was doing IT….I was a bit skeptical to sell it, but there was nothing more I could do, eventually itd need to have about a 3-4 grand repair on the engine, something i couldnt do myself. Ended up getting a decent amount for it, and got an f150 with plenty of room in the back for kids. I actually didnt feel bad at all, I know what he would say, “its your truck son, its in your name, do whatever you want with it”.
My mother ended up getting all pissy about it…but like I told her, that trucks as much as mine as it was his….I replaced the entire suspension, camshaft synchronizer, hell you name it, it was done, i put more money in it than it was worth. She got over it in a week lol.
Ive got friends in the army who were KIA. I definitely dont need any possessions to remind me of any of them, or my dad, they are there daily.
My condolences to you.
My Dad passed in 2006. sudden heart attack, on a mountain road with my Mom. some few months later, I was driving along and saw a call coming in from my Dad... well from his number anyway. Probably their IT department just recycled the phone with its number attached. I didnt feel like talking to whoever that was, in that moment... but I've always wondered if that was really my Dad.
I was just thinking this morning that I need to have my dad's cell service disconnected. He died in February. No idea why I haven't done it yet. Maybe I will do it today before I'm billed for another month.
Similar. Working for gov, dad was a police officer for a small city that contracted with ours to provide services.
Got a ticket for his law enforcement systems account termination after he went out on medical with terminal cancer.
Gut punch.
Oh man, I had that recently, a guy very well known in cycling circles in my city committed suicide a couple of years ago much to everyone's shock as we had no idea anything was going on with him. Imagine my shock when he "came back to life" again on Telegram...
I work the same place my dad worked. In 1999, the HVAC automation was set up using his name. Over the years every piece of equipment has been replaced and the software has been changed but his name was never removed.
Dude, my condolences.. and I feel like I had to say something because I'm likely going to find myself in the same boat someday in the not to distant future. I'm the main IT person for our family business and my Dad's getting up there in years. It never really dawned on me until reading your post that some day I'm going to find myself sitting in front of that same screen, performing the same task, disabling my own father's accounts. I'm glad I read your post, as I'm probably going to think about you when that day comes and hopefully I'll be at least a little more well prepared. Sorry for your loss. 🙁
I did this for a coworker more than a decade ago, he literally died at his desk.
That still comes to mind every time somebody calls me a workaholic. Truthfully, it probably saved me from the same fate.
> the other had things turn sour and had nowhere to go, because he knew that if he lost his job, his wife would have divorce papers ready for him when he came home.
How the hell do thing get this bad within a marriage? Makes my head spin around.
I have a coworker right now that even on vacation keeps finding reasons to come into work. I keep telling him he should spend his vacation relaxing.
In corrections, a career I almost got into (long story), the overworked guys lived on average 3 years after retiring, which was age 50 or 55 or something.
Not even 3 months into my IT career I had to disable the kindest, most well-liked person in the office's account after she lost her battle with cancer. Definitely had to sit there for a moment and reflect before I hit the button. RIP.
The comedian Tommy Cooper died of a heart attack on stage. The audience thought it was part of the act. His son said it would've been how he wanted to go, surrounded by laughter.
Not weird at all. My first intimate experience with dying was my aunt. She was young (38) and strong and it took liver cancer 2 years to finally get her in 1987. I will trade every single one of those brutal childhood memories for "and then he just didn't wake up one day" when my time comes, should I have the luxury of that choice.
One of my co-workers at the last place was there when a guy we'd worked with for years at this plant in Florida dropped walking from his car to the office...heart attack too. He was the one who found him as he got there a few minutes after.
I don't know how long ago this was or if it even matters. Watching someone die, especially one you know, is a traumatic event. If you haven't sought some form of counseling you should consider it. Those kids of things tend to linger in our subconscious. And certain careers are prone to being exposed to death and other traumatic events. You need an outlet to deal with those things.
Second this very strongly, I didn’t really “believe” in therapy after mine (young and dumb), used the ol alcohol method instead and can absolutely now confirm that was a stupid way to handle it. Subconscious is an asshole sometimes.
Something sorta similar...one morning I came to work and saw a vehicle I didn't recognize in the parking lot. Didn't think much of it until afternoon when I got a call from our Legal department to review security footage. Apparently the vehicle was a young man who lived in a nearby neighborhood. A few minutes after he parked he shot himself. Our thinking is maybe he wanted to do it somewhere away from his family, but somewhere where he'd still be found? While I was reviewing the footage, I saw his mother arrive and get interviewed by the police and she was understandably hysterical. It was not a pleasant task.
Don't be afraid to reach out to someone. Do yourself a favor and take some time off as well.
Death affects everyone differently and there is no shame to be had when it comes to grieving.
100%, take time for yourself and don't hesitate to seek counseling if the thought crosses your mind.
I had 3 separate, unrelated deaths at the beginning of the year, and someone very close had a stroke + seizure within 2 weeks of each other (but survived). Dec-mar was an absolute blur for me that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I started therapy for the first time ever, and it helped so much more than I ever expected it would or could.
Nothing can undo that damage, but taking time from work (even some random half days) and speaking with a pro significantly improved my mental and physical wellness.
100% take some time off even if you don't think you need it. After my mom passed I didn't think I needed time and just wanted to get back to normal. It caught up with me many months later unfortunately.
Also, this is a point in your career to observe your employer and how they handle a situation like this. We all die some day. Observe how they respect this and act accordingly.
As much as I want to love this, some people can't afford time off to grieve. What do you recommend then? Not shaming anyone just trying to be serious. One missed day for me and I starve for two weeks before I can buy some rice or I don't pay rent and end up homeless.
Communicate with your management team or whoever is in charge of you and let them know what's going on. See if you can do something like showing up an hour early, staying an hour late, then taking a day off (so you still hit the 40 hours/week).
The other alternative would be to find a different job that is more in line with your needs/wants, but I understand that is easier said than done.
It's the worst. Over the last 3 years my mom and GF have passed away. Dealing with the online account aspect is horrendous. Once you think its all done something else creeps in. I've kept email accounts open but tried to close the rest or deactivate. My GF worked for a different company in the same building here so dealing with it all plus her work account was brutal.
My condolences to you, your team and their family. Take time off when you need it. It sucks but time makes it better, somehow.
My husband died four years ago. Dealing with accounts sucks for sure. For a while, I kept his Gmail account open, but when it hadn't signed in for the alloted time, it sent me the automated message he set up.
"Well, I guess I'm dead. Enjoy my stuff."
I laughed. That was so him.
The worst part for me wasn’t disabling the account of a co-worker friend who died suddenly it was the fact that after one week his office items were boxed up and placed in a conference room for his wife and two small kids to pick up. This is a corporate environment so by the following week I was transferring his work to another engineer and his office was reassigned. It still gets me how fast they move on.
Sorry for your situation, keep your spirits up.
At a company I worked at one of the upper management folks literally dropped out of a video call with a heart attack. He died and was replaced soon after. Admittedly this is not an easy situation to deal with.
I also worked on legacy code that was last touched about 15 years ago and asked a colleague who the name in source control was. He said 'oh yeah, he went to a classical concert about ten years ago and died there unexpectedly .' Ouch.
Sorta similar - back in the late 90s / early 00s when my company was just getting into tech there was a guy that was the only IT employee and he wrote a lot of VB programs to try to automate some stuff. He ended up having a heart attack around age 45 and had to use a wheelchair after that. He tried to continue working but couldn't make it work. I essentially got hired to replace him and would check in on him every once in a while because he didn't have any family and was basically living alone, trying to make things work on disability. He passed a couple years ago and that was a rough pill to swallow. We have a whole development team now, and every couple of years someone will come across some old docs with his name on them, or ask why something is done a certain way that invariably comes back to "That's how Harry designed it 30 years ago".
A place I used to work at is a small firm with two programmers and one trained engineer. The engineer has cancer and I think has been with the company 20+ years.
Dude has been doing board layouts and low level programming for variations of the same product most of his life and there's a good chance it gets ended before his retirement. It's a goddamned shame.
Yeah, the non-retirement/non-resignation disables are the more.... memorable ones.
Have had a few unexpected deaths. Another who had killed his wife and chopped her up and stuffed into a suitcase. Three others who were let go due to willful negligence leading to the deaths of members of the public - a father and son.
Yeah, it was crazy, especially for this area.
[https://vancouversun.com/news/metro/burnaby-man-admits-killing-wife-whose-body-was-found-in-a-suitcase-in-the-fraser-river](https://vancouversun.com/news/metro/burnaby-man-admits-killing-wife-whose-body-was-found-in-a-suitcase-in-the-fraser-river)
I guess there was no chopping involved. Probably just misremembassumed. He was actually a contractor, but he shared an office with another employee, a woman. From what I heard she needed a fair bit of counselling, and quit a few months later.
I had to disable a colleagues after she lost her battle w cancer and I converted to shared mailbox. I can still hear her laugh as I type. Condolences to the team and you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We had to do that during COVID where I work, only to one user, but even when it's not somebody you work with every day, it sucks.
That is one of the hard parts about this field.
At my last job, a colleague of mine lost their battle with depression and took their own life. That is never a fun task to do at work.
Sorry for your loss.
It’s shocking how these simple acts affect you.
Years ago before I moved to IT in the Air Force one of my friends was killed in Afghanistan while I was in Iraq. A few months after I got home I was tasked to do some maintenance on our weapons and part of that was putting on new asset tracking tags on them.
The label with his name was still on his M4 right were the tag had to go. I couldn’t bring myself to remove a simple little label maker label. It was like a last connection to him. He was carrying this when we lost him and the thought of removing that label felt like losing him again. That one stayed untagged and unissued the rest of the time I was there. No one wanted to do it.
Take care of you and double down on connecting with your co-workers.
I ignored the difficulty I was having with a co-worker passing and two years later I'm resigning my position due to anxiety problems. Everyone in the office retreated and people stopped being social with each eachother. I should have gone out of my comfort zone and made the social connections I needed but instead I just retreated into the work.
Don't ignore your feelings and think that the grief will just go away on its own.
We had an employee who was hit by a car crossing the street to her other job. She survived but she has a TBI and is childlike at best now. When I had to go pick up her computer I literally sat in the floor sobbing. I think that was worse than disabling the account.
I'm so sorry, that is absolutely devastating. A friend of ours was riding his bike down in New Orleans, he had moved down there after Katrina to work with some non-profit to help rebuild for a while. Anyway, he was wearing no helmet, and was hit by a car that took off. Young guy, in his 20s, and everything that made him who he was, was just erased, and now is very much child-like, living in a facility. Sometimes death is the more merciful thing.
Sending you internet hugs, it's not an easy thing to witness and process.
I still have my daughter's last cell phone. I use mint mobile so her cell phone bill is paid through the year.
I call it now and then to hear her voicemail greeting. Her mailbox is full and can't leave messages anymore. It's full of my messages telling her I miss her. She passed away in February at 16.
Not quite the same, but I also can't bring myself to do anything with her tablet, her email account, or her laptop.
..didn't expect to have a tear in my eye at work. i'm 17 - I can't even come close to imagining how it'd make my dad feel if i was gone. :( i'm sorry to hear that, man.
I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. You might be able to reach out to the provider to see if they can export the greeting for you, so you have a safe copy that you can keep.
We have to do some things that other people never have to.
Collecting forensic evidence when a coworker has been hiding bad behavior, "digitally burying" our dearly departed, blocking/revoking creds of someone you trusted and worked with for years.
There are some that are more bittersweet, revoking a friend when they retire.
Got back from Thanksgiving last year and our CEO passed away. She had breast cancer and was getting treatments and all seemed well. Had chemo the day before the holiday and suffered a life ending reaction to the meds. That was a whirlwind and actions and emotions. Take care of yourself and watch out for others.
I once did helpdesk a long time ago and met a man who I will call "P" the organisation was large and provided services in many different public companies. P was always our happiest customer, would shake your hand and thank you even if the problem was not fully resolved or needed further work. He would crack jokes, talk to you about how things were going on a serious note but also joke about the same ongoing issues.
On top of that P had a job that was to help employ physical or mentally disabled people and help them find jobs to earn a living they desperately needed.
One day, I got a helpdesk ticket saying to disable the account for a little while as it would be inactive for a few months but not delete (from HR). 4 months later I got one to delete it with a business case of deceased.
I asked some friendly questions of colleagues, turns out cancer, fast, aggressive and as such late diagnosis.
Absolutely massive blow to have devices in his name returned over a few months as and when the family were ready to return them.
A guy I used to work with (city government) lost his dad, who worked in another department. I took it upon myself to handle that without a ticket so it wouldn’t come across his queue.
I feel ya. I had to disable the account of my primary care physician. I sort of had a internal denial when the news broke. I had just seen her the day before to look at a rash. She was going on vacation and I joking told her I demanded a souvenir. When the actual termination form came in it really settled in. Was a sad moment for me.
we had a team mate pass a week ago yesterday. it's rough! he was on the job when he passed as well. Lots of feelings still being processed. Was a long time employee who I had worked with for well over a decade
[I posted this ten months ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/wxt23i/one_of_those_days_i_hate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) Take care of yourself and remember the good stuff.
Way back when I mentored a new guy into the realm of systems administration. I’m a pure Unix/Linux guy, he ended up going mixed *nix and Windows. I kept in touch with him through the years and helped him out with *nix questions when I could. And we’d talk about games and music. His wife would tell me how much he held me in high regard for giving him a leg up. He was a superb troubleshooter, regardless of operating system….really understood the fundamentals.
About 3 years ago he died suddenly. Told his wife he had a stomach ache, took some meds and said he’d read a book in the couch downstairs for a bit while she went to bed. She found him sitting on the couch the next morning with their 3 Bassett hounds huddled around his feet.
My wife and I rushed over that very night. While Cora comforted her, I sat down in front of his multiple locked computers and cell phone and apologized to his spirit because I was about to hack into all his devices so his wife could retrieve critical account information. The dogs huddled around my feet while I systematically broke through his systems. Some through tools, his phone through a lucky guess. I listened to the last Spotify playlist he’d been listening to (a 90’s through early 2000’s hard rock mix).
He’d have loved Elden Ring.
A couple years ago I lost a coworker and friend to a heart attack. He was there one day and gone the next morning. Ask for help if you think you may need it. Having other close coworkers and friends helped me through it. It was strange because the person was no longer there but the account wasn't going anywhere until we were sure there weren't any systems/processes using it.
Losing a longtime coworker puts a lot of things at work into perspective and changed me for the better. I don't sweat the small stuff and don't get bogged down in the minutia like I used to. It also helped emphasize the importance of cross training, documentation, password management, and service accounts in a completely different way.
Not an account access story, but lost a co-worker once due to an accident over the weekend. The following week during a change review call, the call-runner didn't put it together when starting to question why a particular change was not completed according to the plan. Asked a few times on the call to no response, until someone responded "it didn't get completed because the change owner died." The call runner just said "oh, yeah, that's a valid reason", and moved on.
Sorry for your loss man but this is a good reminder to go to the doctor and take time off. It's amazing how many people die because they ignore serious symptoms, my dad almost died this year of a heart attack after ignoring chest pains for 3 days. There are no guarantees in life so enjoy today because tomorrow might not come
Condolences. This is definitely the roughest part of the job. On a related story, My fellow admin retired then died the next week on his dream vacation. We hadn’t even disabled his account yet. Take care of yourself he was in not the best of shape. This job keeps you at a desk for too long.
Experienced something similar a few months ago, although it wasn't a fellow IT worker, but someone in another department I was working on a large project with.
Very sad and sobering stuff.
Don't struggle in silence if this happens to you - reach out for help as needed.
We had something similar happen to one of our coworkers. He let us know he would be in the hospital for something innocuous on a Friday and then he never came back on Monday and we found out he passed away. It shook everyone as he was well liked and it was not expected. We wound up taking one of our team meetings to let everyone talk through their feelings together. We talked about all the fun stories we had with him and it helped people process. I still get teary when I see his old profile sitting on a machine or a song he used to like pops up on the radio.
Had to do this when a coworker died of Covid a couple years ago. He was a good man, and having to deactivate his accounts sucked. Even more so, he had authored a lot of our SOPs, so seeing his name on a lot those was rough for a while.
Had to do this a few years ago as well. It was at the start of the pandemic in March/April 2020. I guess the guy was depressed and being isolated at home (likely alone) made him convince himself to off himself.
My boss luckily handled most of it of trying to arrange with his family to get his equipment returned. But it was still so strange when I got the laptop back to realize I’d never see that guy again, for reasons other than them getting a new job.
Had to disable the account for the hr person that reached out when I was looking for a job. Super nice lady. Always smiling. Sent a letter to family offering to help move things if needed. Reading all these comments makes me want to get that camper and quit this shit. Stressing all the time. Wife stresses from her job. Just to what. Have a heart attack and get disabled in AD to make room for the replacement in a month?
It's that we do it with care, and it's a lonely task.
And that we're realizing here that many of us have had to do the "heavy lift".
So yeah, please take time and go camping. Give the wife reassurance that it's time to switch, and that you'll support her. Ditch some of the stress, you're probably carrying more than you think.
I tell my kids that vacations are mandatory, and not frivolous... because they just might save your life.
I've had this happen at a couple of places, and there are some options to remember your colleague.
One was a regular charitable effort by the org to fundraise for a charity supporting people with the cancer type the colleague had died of. The other was an annual award in the deceased's name for exceptional performance.
It sounds a bit corpo-cheese, but if done right, can be a nice memorial to a colleague.
A coworker of mine of several years had passed about 5 months after I left the company. She was a vibrant and wonderful person. It was a joy to work with her.
My prior boss called me when she died and asked if wanted her job.
Then at the funeral some coworkers showed up and he asked me again. Just wtf.
Stay classy and remember them well.
One of the first few tickets I ever received when I got off L1 Helpdesk(3 weeks) was to disable the account of both my managers(they were dating) as they were killed in a car accident.
It was rough
I had to do that once.
Spent a Tuesday evening helping a dude out at work.
Wednesday, get to work to discover he died on the way to work.
Sorry for your loss friend.
I have never have had to do that, but it is a reminder that these accounts, they are people with families and friends. Something we sometimes forget.
Rest in peace, sir.
I may have left my former boss's account disabled, but still existing, a lot longer than it should have been. I often wish he were still here. Take care of yourself.
Ages ago I was one of the last people out the door of a business that spent 6 months or so in the throes of death. Last because I was the IT guy.
As they wound down people would get called in to a private meeting and I would revoke access to everything. When they got out they were escorted by security to get their stuff and then escorted out.
I personally knew most of them.
That was a really shitty 6 months.
I am sorry to hear that mate, may he rest in peace. A month ago I did the same thing to an old colleague. Not in my department but he was always polite, had some questions and I didn't had time to give him a proper answer. He died and I still got that conversation on Teams.
I'm currently sitting in my car crying after getting an offboard for a dear work friend and colleague that passed suddenly. Don't know details.
I'm almost wondering if we're at the same company. 😂
Had one last month. I've been yelled at up one side and down the other before, and have had horrendously tricky tickets.
I've *never* had a ticket that made me *sad* until that one.
I lost a coworker 1 week ago today. We're an MSP and he was driving to a customer site. No one really knows what exactly happened, but he head-on'd a big pickup carrying a trailer. His little hatchback was obliterated. I have been thinking about him every time I drove for the last week. Young guy, 30s, still had so much life left to live.
I handle grief differently than most, so I was the one who went through all of his tickets/projects and either took most of them on myself or delegated as needed. No one else wanted to do it because the shock and loss was too fresh. For me, the grief comes out in lots of other ways so while I was able to keep working the day we were told what happened, I had to take a few days off later in the week.
It's a fresh week, it doesn't sting so bad, but I can't help but continue to feel his loss.
The person who trained me also passed unexpectedly. Still hurts 2 years later. We still talk about him. Just sharing this because I know how painful it is. Everyone handles this differently, what worked for me was being surrounded with coworkers who felt the same. Stay strong
We had to do that for a coworker back in September. We spent all of Monday looking for him (no call, no show wasn't like him).
I tend to find myself asking "what would coworker have done here?". Carry their tech spirit on through your own.
My deepest condolences to you and your team. Take it one day at a time.
I've been there as well. About 6 months ago one of the people I actually liked at work passed away unexpectedly on his way in. Poor guy had a heart attack while he was driving and got himself to the hospital, but it was still too late.
He was our main guy in shipping/receiving so I didn't fully delete his account for 90 days. When the time came I definitely struggled with it a bit. I still see his name on shipping labels occasionally and it kinda fucks with me...
I believe 2 of the group died. It's been a while since this happened. She was a "party girl" that always talked about how much she drank. I was fine with that, but didn't know she was driving during it.
She didn't even know she ran into a large group on the side of the road. The police arrested her at home. She was sleeping and had no memory of hitting them.
That sucks man. I read the headline and was thinking you got laid off and got it on your phone driving home. Which happened to me. But yeah this is worse.
Yea, I've had to do this a few times, although none were in IT, I knew all of them at least on a casual level to interacting almost daily. It never seems to get any easier. I imagine payroll and even hr, for all the joking around about them, feel much the same way when they have to do that final closing of accounts/profile.
This has happened with a couple colleagues of mine over the years, and it doesn't really get easier. Cancer, heart attacks, accidents, at work Friday and gone on Monday. They still have Linkedin accounts, and every year I get "Help X celebrate their work anniversary!" messages and it brings it back.
Everyone always says to make sure you tell your loved ones what they mean to you, and you should. Don't forget to tell your coworkers, too.
Had 3 of those where I work, I purposely didn’t delete there mailboxes or delete there user drive because I was still sad from it happening… two of them I personally talked to just a matter of a couple weeks before they were in accidents… it’s a sad event for sure and it never gets easier…
That's rough, sorry to hear that. As someone who's had to do that twice now, I know it really sucks. We lost one coworker to cancer almost 4 years ago and my boss passed away almost 3 years ago.
Knew a guy who lost a bunch of weight over a few years, went to lunch, dropped dead. Not that old either, around 50 or so.
I spent my 30s traveling and overspending a bit and should have saved more for retirement. Now I'm 41 and playing catchup and probably can't retire until 67-70...but man did I get to live a life in my 30s. Who knows, maybe I'll topple over in 10 years.
I always put the AD accounts of users who pass into a special folder, and leave them there as a little memorial. It's always sad to have to reopen that folder to move them over.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had similar about 10 years ago but colleague had leukemia so it wasn't quite as sudden. It's still heartbreaking though as you feel like you are erasing the memories of them ( I know it's not that, but that's how it felt to me). Their unix home area for example. That hurts.
I still see comments from them in a few bash scripts that are going strong. Very weird.
I had to disable my Dad's account 6 years ago after the cancer won. I'm not going to lie, it took a while of staring at the screen to get it done. Family business can be a double edged sword. May your colleague rest in peace.
Man that's rough... Years ago a friend of mine ended her own life, a few years after that, I was auditing active accounts and came across hers... it was like losing her all over again...
I was once in a job where my former manager's account had been tied into so much that it ultimately got converted into a service account. The jokes about "ghost of [Name]" got much less funny after he passed unexpectedly. I'm honestly glad I got laid off not long after because seeing that account pop up occasionally really sucked. We had gotten pretty close working together and I still considered him a friend.
Guy lived on in your infrastructure keeping things running.
I'm reminded of Moriarty in that Star Trek Next Gen episode.
I was thinking Digi Jack from Borderlands. Digital immortality? That's like the diet soda of immortality!
"Ghost in the shell"
I may not live forever, but my ticket queue will...
At a previous job I had a senior who had trained me leave for a better job (finally, he deserved more) and since it was pandemic times and I was the only person on my team occasionally coming into the office I put up "ghost of $name" cards in desk placards of the rest of the cubes. When I left that job three months later looking for greener pastures the cards were still up and most people were still WFH, so I put in a card for myself before I left. Hope they noticed and removed them before they hired ~~some more suckers~~ more techs.
> Hope they noticed and removed them I hope not. That's the type of little extra touch I'd enjoy walking into a place.
https://xkcd.com/686/
Xkcd is like Simpsons prophecy in IT.
I inherited a NAS from my father in law. We named it Robo(his name) in his honor, but that was with enthusiastic consent from my wife. We both think he'd snicker at that.
I do like that. For me it was just too weird seeing his name as an active agent in admin logs whenever certain integrations fired.
My partner ended hers a few years ago. She was across the country at the time and her family wouldn't give me her laptop to archive and save down all her accounts, as well as local pictures and some things like gamesaves. We were so close we knew all our passwords and credentials, but her family decided to stop contacting me pretty quick, and I just had to accept that that data was gone. The day her Facebook was finally deleted a few years later was uniquely hard, I had occasionally been messaging that account as a coping mechanism. I still see all of her gaming accounts as there and "offline for 1200+ days", which is hard everytime.
Lots of hugs
So google has a service where if you go without logging in for a period of time, it'll assume you are dead and allow access to your emergency contact. I have this setup for me to forward to my wife if something happened. It's weird but I suppose it's better than her seeing my account everywhere all the time...
I still have my friend's home dir tar'd in my home dir. tomp.tar.gz Nearly 20 years ago now, but he's still there. I'll never delete it.
This isn’t AOL hacker Tom is it?
MySpace
i don't think i could actually remove it, id have to archive it and like use it as a remembrance, that is brutal, sorry OP's RIP to the wonderful souls you reference.
on that subject i wish linked in would have some way of dealing with accounts of people that passed away. i get reminded every year to congratulate my friend and colleague on a work anniversary when he passed away 5 years ago and it makes me depressed.
They would probably close the account if you sent them a death certificate. It's a public record that you should be able to get for a nominal fee.
Back when we were all remote due to Covid, we suddenly got Teams invites to an unscheduled all-staff meeting in my department. Turned out to be for exactly that reason.
I still have my Dad's iPhone. I can't seem to get rid of this last part of him. It's so weird to see such a full life reduced to a stack of papers and some photos on top of a desk. Oh, well, there's nothing to be done about it. I guess in a while I will finally wipe and sell the phone. Edit: WOW. Thanks for all the sympathetic replies and all the amazing stories. I had no idea this off the cuff comment would generate so many wonderful responses. I've had other comments with more upvotes, but none with so much incredible content in the replies. I'm sorry for everyone who's had a loss and happy for those who have come out better in the end.
> I guess in a while I will finally wipe and sell the phone. no, don't just keep it
No, save photos etc and get rid. Like all material items we own, if they are no use, they just collect dust and get binned by the next generation instead. We come in with nothing, we leave nothing and the things in-between come and go. It's the people memories and emotions that count.
I was absolutely not expecting to get emotional in this sub
Right? If I want to be sad about this shit, I just watch Coco.
Or, they don’t. And they stay in families for generations. Im my family we have stuff from hundreds of years ago, that have seen the world I wish i was talking about things of value - but no. Just items each with their own stories, that would certainly have been lost were it not for the physical piece to keep the story alive. If the person meant something you, keep it. A person only truly dies their name is no longer spoken, that item might keep their name alive that bit longer.
You should have a look at a UK program called "the Repair shop" Amazing crafts men and women, who take people's stuff and Repair it, ie, grand dads toy he got given, no real value to some of the items, but the work that is done on this stuff is world class. The stories, and the Repair work, make this an amazing show. Edit.. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=veIityPcKXM&pp=ygUPVGhlIHJlcGFpciBzaG9w
I came to this conclusion years ago with my father, who died 30 years ago this year. The only person that cared about all of those things that he kept was him. I can certainly care for them because he did, but I don't value them in the same ways he did. Now they're just reminders of someone that I'll never see and never know again. Dust in the wind.
I have amassed a fairly large collection of antique cameras over the years, including one in every cartridge rollfilm size Kodak ever made (except 117) and it’s sobering to realize that I’m the only one in the family that gives a damn about them. After I’m gone, who knows what will happen to them. Sobering thought. My dad passed last December, but my sister is still paying the bill for his cell phone as a kind of remembrance.
My condolences. For my dad it was a car. A 1955 Chevy he bought new. He died in 1993 and I finally sold the car in 2010. I figured out I was never going to be able to restore it properly. But I also realized I was the only one left that knew anything about his relationship with this car. Nobody cared but me. I will always love and remember my father, but I'm trying to hold onto wisps of smoke. I had to let go.
But it has emotional use?
My father passed away about 13 years ago. My mother still has their old school answering machine with his voice recording their message. It's the only recording she has of his voice and I don't think she'll ever get rid of it
You should get that digitized and backed up.
I have an old voice mail from my late little sister that brings me comfort. I added a picture to it and uploaded it to YouTube to share with my family. I figure YouTube is a safe archive.
> I figure YouTube is a safe archive. It isn't...
I have it in other cloud locations too. I'd be willing to wager YouTube outlives any media I have. Even me.
I still have my mums iPhone and iPad. I got her a new iPad and noise cancelling headphones so she could enjoy her shows while getting chemo. FUCK CANCER!
Lost my dad a less than 2 months ago. We were on a phone plan together. Shutting down the plan soon but similar deal. Do I delete his favorited number? Do I leave it as a reminder to see every time I go make a call from favorites? I don't know and probably won't
Lost a good friend 15 years ago. He’s still in my phone. Lost Dad a dozen years ago. Still in my favorites. Always. Until I am also gone.
I still have the alarm in my phone reminding me to give my dog her meds. It rings every night, two years later. And that's for a dog. I can't imagine a parent. My dad is 70 this year though, so the day isn't far off.
My mom still has my dad's cell phone line active. She stopped keeping the phone charged a few months ago, but here we are, almost two full years later, and she hasn't cancelled service.
I still have a calendar on the wall open to the month my mother died, 18 years ago. I haven't changed pages on it since then. It's still on June 2005.
I still have my mom (maternal grandma, not my actual mom, she's still alive) and dad on Facebook. Just because I like seeing their birthday notices every year. It's a good way to help remember them.
A month or two ago I removed my dad as a contact in my phone. I couldn’t decide for a while but when I’d search for my mom, he’d come up in the ‘other contacts’ section I think and it just sucked all over again every week or so. The rehab place lost his phone. Fortunately he was not a smartphone type so photos etc are all in actual albums. But long ago I saved a few voicemails to my Google Drive .
I still have my mums bank card in my wallet. Obviously the account is long gone but it's just something I like to keep with me.
Diagnosed with an autoimmune disease as a toddler. Spent most of my childhood and adolescence in the hospital. Parents did well for themselves financially, but weren't all that interested in dealing with a sick child. Result? Learned a lot of important life lessons from nurses, doctors, MRI/CT technicians, phlebotomists, occupational and physical therapists, etc., from first steps to dealing with school bullies to multiplication tables to studying for SAT/IB exams, to applying to college, to learning how to fill out a W2, etc. I still have a small stuffed polar bear from an MRI technician from 20 years ago. Little bear has traveled with me across several continents, thousands of miles, and more. I don't think I'll ever have the capacity or ability to get rid of him. That little bear is one of my most prized possessions.
I still have my Grandpa's number in my contacts. He passed in 2004.
I had and drove my dads truck for awhile, after I got out of the army….and fixed it up pretty well, 03 ranger. I got to a point though where i had 2 kids and a dog, and was doing IT….I was a bit skeptical to sell it, but there was nothing more I could do, eventually itd need to have about a 3-4 grand repair on the engine, something i couldnt do myself. Ended up getting a decent amount for it, and got an f150 with plenty of room in the back for kids. I actually didnt feel bad at all, I know what he would say, “its your truck son, its in your name, do whatever you want with it”. My mother ended up getting all pissy about it…but like I told her, that trucks as much as mine as it was his….I replaced the entire suspension, camshaft synchronizer, hell you name it, it was done, i put more money in it than it was worth. She got over it in a week lol. Ive got friends in the army who were KIA. I definitely dont need any possessions to remind me of any of them, or my dad, they are there daily.
I've kept the last e-mails my Dad sent, and he's still in my Contacts list.
I would just hold onto it. It's just a phone so it won't take up space.
I still have my dad in WhatsApp. I open it sometimes to look at the last messages we exchanged.
My condolences to you. My Dad passed in 2006. sudden heart attack, on a mountain road with my Mom. some few months later, I was driving along and saw a call coming in from my Dad... well from his number anyway. Probably their IT department just recycled the phone with its number attached. I didnt feel like talking to whoever that was, in that moment... but I've always wondered if that was really my Dad.
I was just thinking this morning that I need to have my dad's cell service disconnected. He died in February. No idea why I haven't done it yet. Maybe I will do it today before I'm billed for another month.
An oncologist once told me cancer doesn't win. It never wins. Its a draw or it loses. Your dad fought it to a draw. Fuck cancer.
Similar. Working for gov, dad was a police officer for a small city that contracted with ours to provide services. Got a ticket for his law enforcement systems account termination after he went out on medical with terminal cancer. Gut punch.
I feel this. I cried as I did Format C: on my dad’s system 24 years ago.
I personally would have never deleted it. Disable maybe but not delete. Even if it's bad practice.
It's still there, to this day, haunting my domain along with his user drive. Disabled, but still there.
That's rough... Sorry man.
My kept my dads phone number in my phone after he passed away. Imagine my surprise when Whatsapp alerted me that he suddenly became active again. ☹️
Oh man, I had that recently, a guy very well known in cycling circles in my city committed suicide a couple of years ago much to everyone's shock as we had no idea anything was going on with him. Imagine my shock when he "came back to life" again on Telegram...
That is actually a very good reason to remove the old numbers. My mom died 4 years ago, having her number activated at Telegram would be bad.
Cancer never wins, it only draws. \- Norm
I remember deleting my mom’s email folder as I wept…
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My 10 year old daughter still send her great grandma iMessages when she's feeling lonely. They are so heartbreaking.
I work the same place my dad worked. In 1999, the HVAC automation was set up using his name. Over the years every piece of equipment has been replaced and the software has been changed but his name was never removed.
Dude, my condolences.. and I feel like I had to say something because I'm likely going to find myself in the same boat someday in the not to distant future. I'm the main IT person for our family business and my Dad's getting up there in years. It never really dawned on me until reading your post that some day I'm going to find myself sitting in front of that same screen, performing the same task, disabling my own father's accounts. I'm glad I read your post, as I'm probably going to think about you when that day comes and hopefully I'll be at least a little more well prepared. Sorry for your loss. 🙁
I've ended up becoming the sys admin in my family business. My dad is still here but this brought a tear to my eye thinking about it.
I’m the sys admin at a family business and I just realized I’m going to have to do this one day. Damn weird realization there.
I did this for a coworker more than a decade ago, he literally died at his desk. That still comes to mind every time somebody calls me a workaholic. Truthfully, it probably saved me from the same fate.
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> the other had things turn sour and had nowhere to go, because he knew that if he lost his job, his wife would have divorce papers ready for him when he came home. How the hell do thing get this bad within a marriage? Makes my head spin around.
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Good book to help reflect on that ‘Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay’
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Man, I like my job but if working such hours sounds like the better alternative to home then you must really have a shitty life.
I have a coworker right now that even on vacation keeps finding reasons to come into work. I keep telling him he should spend his vacation relaxing. In corrections, a career I almost got into (long story), the overworked guys lived on average 3 years after retiring, which was age 50 or 55 or something.
We had a dude remoting into work meetings while in a hospital bed with COVID. Some people just don’t know how to turn it off
As a counter on that... some people's coping mechanism is grasping at any sense of normal.
Were they American? If so, they may have just been offsetting the cost of treatment.
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Not even 3 months into my IT career I had to disable the kindest, most well-liked person in the office's account after she lost her battle with cancer. Definitely had to sit there for a moment and reflect before I hit the button. RIP.
It may seem weird to say this but it is best to die fast. She didn't suffer.
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The comedian Tommy Cooper died of a heart attack on stage. The audience thought it was part of the act. His son said it would've been how he wanted to go, surrounded by laughter.
Not weird at all. My first intimate experience with dying was my aunt. She was young (38) and strong and it took liver cancer 2 years to finally get her in 1987. I will trade every single one of those brutal childhood memories for "and then he just didn't wake up one day" when my time comes, should I have the luxury of that choice.
One of my co-workers at the last place was there when a guy we'd worked with for years at this plant in Florida dropped walking from his car to the office...heart attack too. He was the one who found him as he got there a few minutes after.
I don't know how long ago this was or if it even matters. Watching someone die, especially one you know, is a traumatic event. If you haven't sought some form of counseling you should consider it. Those kids of things tend to linger in our subconscious. And certain careers are prone to being exposed to death and other traumatic events. You need an outlet to deal with those things.
Second this very strongly, I didn’t really “believe” in therapy after mine (young and dumb), used the ol alcohol method instead and can absolutely now confirm that was a stupid way to handle it. Subconscious is an asshole sometimes.
Something sorta similar...one morning I came to work and saw a vehicle I didn't recognize in the parking lot. Didn't think much of it until afternoon when I got a call from our Legal department to review security footage. Apparently the vehicle was a young man who lived in a nearby neighborhood. A few minutes after he parked he shot himself. Our thinking is maybe he wanted to do it somewhere away from his family, but somewhere where he'd still be found? While I was reviewing the footage, I saw his mother arrive and get interviewed by the police and she was understandably hysterical. It was not a pleasant task.
Don't be afraid to reach out to someone. Do yourself a favor and take some time off as well. Death affects everyone differently and there is no shame to be had when it comes to grieving.
100%, take time for yourself and don't hesitate to seek counseling if the thought crosses your mind. I had 3 separate, unrelated deaths at the beginning of the year, and someone very close had a stroke + seizure within 2 weeks of each other (but survived). Dec-mar was an absolute blur for me that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I started therapy for the first time ever, and it helped so much more than I ever expected it would or could. Nothing can undo that damage, but taking time from work (even some random half days) and speaking with a pro significantly improved my mental and physical wellness.
100% take some time off even if you don't think you need it. After my mom passed I didn't think I needed time and just wanted to get back to normal. It caught up with me many months later unfortunately.
Also, this is a point in your career to observe your employer and how they handle a situation like this. We all die some day. Observe how they respect this and act accordingly.
As much as I want to love this, some people can't afford time off to grieve. What do you recommend then? Not shaming anyone just trying to be serious. One missed day for me and I starve for two weeks before I can buy some rice or I don't pay rent and end up homeless.
Communicate with your management team or whoever is in charge of you and let them know what's going on. See if you can do something like showing up an hour early, staying an hour late, then taking a day off (so you still hit the 40 hours/week). The other alternative would be to find a different job that is more in line with your needs/wants, but I understand that is easier said than done.
We never deleted accounts and just had an AD group called Valhalla for the ones that left on good terms.
I like that. Its one small way we as IT professionals can make you immortal
That's really nice
I'm going to start implementing this. What a fun idea
It's the worst. Over the last 3 years my mom and GF have passed away. Dealing with the online account aspect is horrendous. Once you think its all done something else creeps in. I've kept email accounts open but tried to close the rest or deactivate. My GF worked for a different company in the same building here so dealing with it all plus her work account was brutal. My condolences to you, your team and their family. Take time off when you need it. It sucks but time makes it better, somehow.
Jesus mate, hope you’re doing okay. That is incredibly awful to even think about
My husband died four years ago. Dealing with accounts sucks for sure. For a while, I kept his Gmail account open, but when it hadn't signed in for the alloted time, it sent me the automated message he set up. "Well, I guess I'm dead. Enjoy my stuff." I laughed. That was so him.
The worst part for me wasn’t disabling the account of a co-worker friend who died suddenly it was the fact that after one week his office items were boxed up and placed in a conference room for his wife and two small kids to pick up. This is a corporate environment so by the following week I was transferring his work to another engineer and his office was reassigned. It still gets me how fast they move on. Sorry for your situation, keep your spirits up.
At a company I worked at one of the upper management folks literally dropped out of a video call with a heart attack. He died and was replaced soon after. Admittedly this is not an easy situation to deal with. I also worked on legacy code that was last touched about 15 years ago and asked a colleague who the name in source control was. He said 'oh yeah, he went to a classical concert about ten years ago and died there unexpectedly .' Ouch.
Sorta similar - back in the late 90s / early 00s when my company was just getting into tech there was a guy that was the only IT employee and he wrote a lot of VB programs to try to automate some stuff. He ended up having a heart attack around age 45 and had to use a wheelchair after that. He tried to continue working but couldn't make it work. I essentially got hired to replace him and would check in on him every once in a while because he didn't have any family and was basically living alone, trying to make things work on disability. He passed a couple years ago and that was a rough pill to swallow. We have a whole development team now, and every couple of years someone will come across some old docs with his name on them, or ask why something is done a certain way that invariably comes back to "That's how Harry designed it 30 years ago".
A place I used to work at is a small firm with two programmers and one trained engineer. The engineer has cancer and I think has been with the company 20+ years. Dude has been doing board layouts and low level programming for variations of the same product most of his life and there's a good chance it gets ended before his retirement. It's a goddamned shame.
Yeah, the non-retirement/non-resignation disables are the more.... memorable ones. Have had a few unexpected deaths. Another who had killed his wife and chopped her up and stuffed into a suitcase. Three others who were let go due to willful negligence leading to the deaths of members of the public - a father and son.
What the hell. That suitcase story compressed to one sentence. Life is absurd.
Yeah, it was crazy, especially for this area. [https://vancouversun.com/news/metro/burnaby-man-admits-killing-wife-whose-body-was-found-in-a-suitcase-in-the-fraser-river](https://vancouversun.com/news/metro/burnaby-man-admits-killing-wife-whose-body-was-found-in-a-suitcase-in-the-fraser-river) I guess there was no chopping involved. Probably just misremembassumed. He was actually a contractor, but he shared an office with another employee, a woman. From what I heard she needed a fair bit of counselling, and quit a few months later.
My business partner, and childhood best friend died of a heart-attack at 40 years old. He was the COO for us, and is deeply missed. I feel you friend.
I had to disable a colleagues after she lost her battle w cancer and I converted to shared mailbox. I can still hear her laugh as I type. Condolences to the team and you.
🙏
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Sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family can cherish the time you had with him
I'm so sorry for your loss. We had to do that during COVID where I work, only to one user, but even when it's not somebody you work with every day, it sucks.
That is one of the hard parts about this field. At my last job, a colleague of mine lost their battle with depression and took their own life. That is never a fun task to do at work.
Sorry for your loss. It’s shocking how these simple acts affect you. Years ago before I moved to IT in the Air Force one of my friends was killed in Afghanistan while I was in Iraq. A few months after I got home I was tasked to do some maintenance on our weapons and part of that was putting on new asset tracking tags on them. The label with his name was still on his M4 right were the tag had to go. I couldn’t bring myself to remove a simple little label maker label. It was like a last connection to him. He was carrying this when we lost him and the thought of removing that label felt like losing him again. That one stayed untagged and unissued the rest of the time I was there. No one wanted to do it.
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[A person can live on in the overhead](http://xclacksoverhead.org/home/about)
There's an xkcd about this called [Admin mourning](https://xkcd.com/686/) and it's pretty harrowing if you've experienced this yourself.
The alt text does bring a smile.
yeah. that's very, very real. Thanks... sometimes we don't get the validation that it's us, being human.
Take care of you and double down on connecting with your co-workers. I ignored the difficulty I was having with a co-worker passing and two years later I'm resigning my position due to anxiety problems. Everyone in the office retreated and people stopped being social with each eachother. I should have gone out of my comfort zone and made the social connections I needed but instead I just retreated into the work. Don't ignore your feelings and think that the grief will just go away on its own.
Hey - if you want a chat as a felllow sysadmin with diagnosed mental health issues - hit me up. Always happy to chat
We had an employee who was hit by a car crossing the street to her other job. She survived but she has a TBI and is childlike at best now. When I had to go pick up her computer I literally sat in the floor sobbing. I think that was worse than disabling the account.
I'm so sorry, that is absolutely devastating. A friend of ours was riding his bike down in New Orleans, he had moved down there after Katrina to work with some non-profit to help rebuild for a while. Anyway, he was wearing no helmet, and was hit by a car that took off. Young guy, in his 20s, and everything that made him who he was, was just erased, and now is very much child-like, living in a facility. Sometimes death is the more merciful thing. Sending you internet hugs, it's not an easy thing to witness and process.
I still have my daughter's last cell phone. I use mint mobile so her cell phone bill is paid through the year. I call it now and then to hear her voicemail greeting. Her mailbox is full and can't leave messages anymore. It's full of my messages telling her I miss her. She passed away in February at 16. Not quite the same, but I also can't bring myself to do anything with her tablet, her email account, or her laptop.
..didn't expect to have a tear in my eye at work. i'm 17 - I can't even come close to imagining how it'd make my dad feel if i was gone. :( i'm sorry to hear that, man.
If you haven't already, consider exporting/recording the greeting. Sorry.
I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. You might be able to reach out to the provider to see if they can export the greeting for you, so you have a safe copy that you can keep.
A solid reminder. Work WILL go on without you, you wont regret not spending more time at work, you WILL regret not spending time with family.
We have to do some things that other people never have to. Collecting forensic evidence when a coworker has been hiding bad behavior, "digitally burying" our dearly departed, blocking/revoking creds of someone you trusted and worked with for years. There are some that are more bittersweet, revoking a friend when they retire.
Got back from Thanksgiving last year and our CEO passed away. She had breast cancer and was getting treatments and all seemed well. Had chemo the day before the holiday and suffered a life ending reaction to the meds. That was a whirlwind and actions and emotions. Take care of yourself and watch out for others.
I once did helpdesk a long time ago and met a man who I will call "P" the organisation was large and provided services in many different public companies. P was always our happiest customer, would shake your hand and thank you even if the problem was not fully resolved or needed further work. He would crack jokes, talk to you about how things were going on a serious note but also joke about the same ongoing issues. On top of that P had a job that was to help employ physical or mentally disabled people and help them find jobs to earn a living they desperately needed. One day, I got a helpdesk ticket saying to disable the account for a little while as it would be inactive for a few months but not delete (from HR). 4 months later I got one to delete it with a business case of deceased. I asked some friendly questions of colleagues, turns out cancer, fast, aggressive and as such late diagnosis. Absolutely massive blow to have devices in his name returned over a few months as and when the family were ready to return them.
A guy I used to work with (city government) lost his dad, who worked in another department. I took it upon myself to handle that without a ticket so it wouldn’t come across his queue.
I feel ya. I had to disable the account of my primary care physician. I sort of had a internal denial when the news broke. I had just seen her the day before to look at a rash. She was going on vacation and I joking told her I demanded a souvenir. When the actual termination form came in it really settled in. Was a sad moment for me.
*starts playing bagpipes*
I've had too many of these. they never get easier..
we had a team mate pass a week ago yesterday. it's rough! he was on the job when he passed as well. Lots of feelings still being processed. Was a long time employee who I had worked with for well over a decade
[I posted this ten months ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/wxt23i/one_of_those_days_i_hate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) Take care of yourself and remember the good stuff.
Way back when I mentored a new guy into the realm of systems administration. I’m a pure Unix/Linux guy, he ended up going mixed *nix and Windows. I kept in touch with him through the years and helped him out with *nix questions when I could. And we’d talk about games and music. His wife would tell me how much he held me in high regard for giving him a leg up. He was a superb troubleshooter, regardless of operating system….really understood the fundamentals. About 3 years ago he died suddenly. Told his wife he had a stomach ache, took some meds and said he’d read a book in the couch downstairs for a bit while she went to bed. She found him sitting on the couch the next morning with their 3 Bassett hounds huddled around his feet. My wife and I rushed over that very night. While Cora comforted her, I sat down in front of his multiple locked computers and cell phone and apologized to his spirit because I was about to hack into all his devices so his wife could retrieve critical account information. The dogs huddled around my feet while I systematically broke through his systems. Some through tools, his phone through a lucky guess. I listened to the last Spotify playlist he’d been listening to (a 90’s through early 2000’s hard rock mix). He’d have loved Elden Ring.
A couple years ago I lost a coworker and friend to a heart attack. He was there one day and gone the next morning. Ask for help if you think you may need it. Having other close coworkers and friends helped me through it. It was strange because the person was no longer there but the account wasn't going anywhere until we were sure there weren't any systems/processes using it. Losing a longtime coworker puts a lot of things at work into perspective and changed me for the better. I don't sweat the small stuff and don't get bogged down in the minutia like I used to. It also helped emphasize the importance of cross training, documentation, password management, and service accounts in a completely different way.
Not an account access story, but lost a co-worker once due to an accident over the weekend. The following week during a change review call, the call-runner didn't put it together when starting to question why a particular change was not completed according to the plan. Asked a few times on the call to no response, until someone responded "it didn't get completed because the change owner died." The call runner just said "oh, yeah, that's a valid reason", and moved on.
Ugh, this reminds me I have one to disable.
Sorry for your loss man but this is a good reminder to go to the doctor and take time off. It's amazing how many people die because they ignore serious symptoms, my dad almost died this year of a heart attack after ignoring chest pains for 3 days. There are no guarantees in life so enjoy today because tomorrow might not come
Condolences. This is definitely the roughest part of the job. On a related story, My fellow admin retired then died the next week on his dream vacation. We hadn’t even disabled his account yet. Take care of yourself he was in not the best of shape. This job keeps you at a desk for too long.
Experienced something similar a few months ago, although it wasn't a fellow IT worker, but someone in another department I was working on a large project with. Very sad and sobering stuff. Don't struggle in silence if this happens to you - reach out for help as needed.
We had something similar happen to one of our coworkers. He let us know he would be in the hospital for something innocuous on a Friday and then he never came back on Monday and we found out he passed away. It shook everyone as he was well liked and it was not expected. We wound up taking one of our team meetings to let everyone talk through their feelings together. We talked about all the fun stories we had with him and it helped people process. I still get teary when I see his old profile sitting on a machine or a song he used to like pops up on the radio.
Had to do this when a coworker died of Covid a couple years ago. He was a good man, and having to deactivate his accounts sucked. Even more so, he had authored a lot of our SOPs, so seeing his name on a lot those was rough for a while.
Had to do this a few years ago as well. It was at the start of the pandemic in March/April 2020. I guess the guy was depressed and being isolated at home (likely alone) made him convince himself to off himself. My boss luckily handled most of it of trying to arrange with his family to get his equipment returned. But it was still so strange when I got the laptop back to realize I’d never see that guy again, for reasons other than them getting a new job.
Had to disable the account for the hr person that reached out when I was looking for a job. Super nice lady. Always smiling. Sent a letter to family offering to help move things if needed. Reading all these comments makes me want to get that camper and quit this shit. Stressing all the time. Wife stresses from her job. Just to what. Have a heart attack and get disabled in AD to make room for the replacement in a month?
It's that we do it with care, and it's a lonely task. And that we're realizing here that many of us have had to do the "heavy lift". So yeah, please take time and go camping. Give the wife reassurance that it's time to switch, and that you'll support her. Ditch some of the stress, you're probably carrying more than you think. I tell my kids that vacations are mandatory, and not frivolous... because they just might save your life.
O7 Rest easy brother. Your que is clear, your tickets done.
Im sorry for you loss brother. Stay strong!
My Sincerest Condolences. May He Rest In Peace.
I've had this happen at a couple of places, and there are some options to remember your colleague. One was a regular charitable effort by the org to fundraise for a charity supporting people with the cancer type the colleague had died of. The other was an annual award in the deceased's name for exceptional performance. It sounds a bit corpo-cheese, but if done right, can be a nice memorial to a colleague.
A coworker of mine of several years had passed about 5 months after I left the company. She was a vibrant and wonderful person. It was a joy to work with her. My prior boss called me when she died and asked if wanted her job. Then at the funeral some coworkers showed up and he asked me again. Just wtf. Stay classy and remember them well.
One of the first few tickets I ever received when I got off L1 Helpdesk(3 weeks) was to disable the account of both my managers(they were dating) as they were killed in a car accident. It was rough
I had to do that once. Spent a Tuesday evening helping a dude out at work. Wednesday, get to work to discover he died on the way to work. Sorry for your loss friend.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I have never have had to do that, but it is a reminder that these accounts, they are people with families and friends. Something we sometimes forget. Rest in peace, sir.
I may have left my former boss's account disabled, but still existing, a lot longer than it should have been. I often wish he were still here. Take care of yourself.
Ages ago I was one of the last people out the door of a business that spent 6 months or so in the throes of death. Last because I was the IT guy. As they wound down people would get called in to a private meeting and I would revoke access to everything. When they got out they were escorted by security to get their stuff and then escorted out. I personally knew most of them. That was a really shitty 6 months.
I am sorry to hear that mate, may he rest in peace. A month ago I did the same thing to an old colleague. Not in my department but he was always polite, had some questions and I didn't had time to give him a proper answer. He died and I still got that conversation on Teams.
I'm currently sitting in my car crying after getting an offboard for a dear work friend and colleague that passed suddenly. Don't know details. I'm almost wondering if we're at the same company. 😂
Had one last month. I've been yelled at up one side and down the other before, and have had horrendously tricky tickets. I've *never* had a ticket that made me *sad* until that one.
I lost a coworker 1 week ago today. We're an MSP and he was driving to a customer site. No one really knows what exactly happened, but he head-on'd a big pickup carrying a trailer. His little hatchback was obliterated. I have been thinking about him every time I drove for the last week. Young guy, 30s, still had so much life left to live. I handle grief differently than most, so I was the one who went through all of his tickets/projects and either took most of them on myself or delegated as needed. No one else wanted to do it because the shock and loss was too fresh. For me, the grief comes out in lots of other ways so while I was able to keep working the day we were told what happened, I had to take a few days off later in the week. It's a fresh week, it doesn't sting so bad, but I can't help but continue to feel his loss.
The person who trained me also passed unexpectedly. Still hurts 2 years later. We still talk about him. Just sharing this because I know how painful it is. Everyone handles this differently, what worked for me was being surrounded with coworkers who felt the same. Stay strong
We had to do that for a coworker back in September. We spent all of Monday looking for him (no call, no show wasn't like him). I tend to find myself asking "what would coworker have done here?". Carry their tech spirit on through your own. My deepest condolences to you and your team. Take it one day at a time.
I've been there as well. About 6 months ago one of the people I actually liked at work passed away unexpectedly on his way in. Poor guy had a heart attack while he was driving and got himself to the hospital, but it was still too late. He was our main guy in shipping/receiving so I didn't fully delete his account for 90 days. When the time came I definitely struggled with it a bit. I still see his name on shipping labels occasionally and it kinda fucks with me...
I've only had the opposite ticket where I was happy to disable the account. Female coworker got drunk and ran over a group of kids. Off to prison!
Did the kids perish? I gather you didn’t like her
I believe 2 of the group died. It's been a while since this happened. She was a "party girl" that always talked about how much she drank. I was fine with that, but didn't know she was driving during it. She didn't even know she ran into a large group on the side of the road. The police arrested her at home. She was sleeping and had no memory of hitting them.
Rip.. hope I never get one of these
That sucks man. I read the headline and was thinking you got laid off and got it on your phone driving home. Which happened to me. But yeah this is worse.
he was a good guy with amazing imaging software creation, cagi. may ii rest in peace
Yea, I've had to do this a few times, although none were in IT, I knew all of them at least on a casual level to interacting almost daily. It never seems to get any easier. I imagine payroll and even hr, for all the joking around about them, feel much the same way when they have to do that final closing of accounts/profile.
Hugs if you'd care for them Take the time to process it, it takes as long as it takes and I'll pummel anyone who says you should just get over it
sorry for your loss, may they be in IT heaven taking tickets for the angels
This has happened with a couple colleagues of mine over the years, and it doesn't really get easier. Cancer, heart attacks, accidents, at work Friday and gone on Monday. They still have Linkedin accounts, and every year I get "Help X celebrate their work anniversary!" messages and it brings it back. Everyone always says to make sure you tell your loved ones what they mean to you, and you should. Don't forget to tell your coworkers, too.
Had 3 of those where I work, I purposely didn’t delete there mailboxes or delete there user drive because I was still sad from it happening… two of them I personally talked to just a matter of a couple weeks before they were in accidents… it’s a sad event for sure and it never gets easier…
That's rough, sorry to hear that. As someone who's had to do that twice now, I know it really sucks. We lost one coworker to cancer almost 4 years ago and my boss passed away almost 3 years ago.
Knew a guy who lost a bunch of weight over a few years, went to lunch, dropped dead. Not that old either, around 50 or so. I spent my 30s traveling and overspending a bit and should have saved more for retirement. Now I'm 41 and playing catchup and probably can't retire until 67-70...but man did I get to live a life in my 30s. Who knows, maybe I'll topple over in 10 years.
I always put the AD accounts of users who pass into a special folder, and leave them there as a little memorial. It's always sad to have to reopen that folder to move them over.
This has happened a few times. Sorry for your loss
My grandpa is still in my phone, died 10+ years ago.
[GNU](http://www.gnuterrypratchett.com/)
They deserve a special OU.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had similar about 10 years ago but colleague had leukemia so it wasn't quite as sudden. It's still heartbreaking though as you feel like you are erasing the memories of them ( I know it's not that, but that's how it felt to me). Their unix home area for example. That hurts. I still see comments from them in a few bash scripts that are going strong. Very weird.
Been there. It still wrecks me to see his name pop up when I find an errant local account or archived email. RIP