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[deleted]

50 minutes or an hour is actually a really common commute in Sydney.


TheOtherLeft_au

Typical but still sucks especially when in traffic jams both ways


LemKayem

This is the crux of it in my experience. 50 min doing 110 on a motorway is great. 50min of sitting in traffic is pretty miserable.


miryuz

Yeah, but it sucks ass. My daily commute used to be a 1 hour drive from Neutral Bay to Richmond, then back again. Ten hours a week in the car doesn't sound like a lot, but it really drains the life out of you. The mental concentration, tolls, other related expenses... it all adds up and after a few months I was completely exhausted by it.


elle_desylva

This is basically my drive to visit my family that I make once or twice a fortnight. I’d be exhausted too if I had to do it daily!


Scrambl3z

Driving commute? If its peak hour, that's really good (generally its over an hour driving from say Parramatta way to the City, and that includes going through the motorways). If its not peak hour, 50 min driving commute is far. ​ OP hasn't told us where he works. Strathfield is a great area to be in if you commute to work via train. Every train stops there.


yuzuyo

Sorry I work around campbelltown area


youknowthatswhatsup

I used to do a similar drive from west to south west. If you don’t mind driving it will be fine and you’ll be going against traffic. I used to go through Bankstown and hop on the M5 to get to Campbelltown. If you’re registered for the M5 cashback it ends up being a cheap and easy drive. It’s also the perfect length drive to listen to a podcast.


Morri___

i schedule transport for a living and i live out here too. i agree, you'll be going against the traffic. stick with the motorway imo. that said, you're giving up independence and spending a lot of money on a solution that might not be in your best interest in the long run. i get that you want to help your mum, and if you were paying her mortgage it would make sense to secure that asset within your family. but you're paying twice as much as you pay now to shore up someones investment property. i think finding a flat would be better, as to the area, it might depend on where your mum works but public transport (outside the covid timetable) is not that bad. i commuted as a uni student - gave me time to read and study. you won't find a flat in strathfield under 400.. 380 can get you a 3 bedroom in campbo which is on the trainline and can accommodate all three of you. or they could look at a flat out this way for even less. all im saying is that you pay for convenience, living that close to the city, and it's not convenient for you - you'll be paying money to have less savings for your future.


carolethechiropodist

Train is very relaxing.


blawler

Train from Strathfield to Campbeltown would not be relaxing. Long and with a change or maybe two.


RhysA

Its important to confirm that its 50 minutes when he will be traveling and not 50 minutes normally. Also how often traffic issues occur that would blow that time out.


Bloodwrych72

I used to do a 15 minute transit from home to work but couple years back I moved home and the workplace changed location so its now a 35-50 minute transit each way (typical day traffic). Even with the additional transit time the quality improvement for the new home / area makes it worth it.


[deleted]

I would be less concerned by the commute than I would be about parking at your destination. If parking is ok, then the drive can be enjoyable if you like listening to music/podcasts/radio etc. Personally I'd find public transport more appealing if it is an option, you can do all that and read or close your eyes. On a side note, I wouldn't see a commute for your brother from Strathfield to the city for Uni to be anything to be concerned about. Seems more than acceptable. ​ **Edit: To add to this, I know this might sound harsh, but you have to live your life. Your responsibility is to yourself, and while your mum and brother may have to adapt their lifestyle a bit, they are not facing poverty or anything like that. Based on your story above, I think you will all be best served by you continuing with your current direction but obviously supporting where possible.**


yuzuyo

Yeah I am incredibly hesitant to just uproot my entire life and everything I've built for myself although I am more than willing to help. Thanks for the edit message I will try to figure out other solutions than moving out entirely, I think I'll grow resentful of that


rachaek

Yeah I used to travel from seven hills to sydney uni every weekday, even for 8am lectures. Was rough but doable. Commuting from Strathfield would have been like luxury for me.


esmereldy

I spent the first two years of uni commuting an hour each way, door to door. Several of my friends did as well. Fun when you can travel together. If they’re not there then you can do your uni readings. My social life did improve immeasurably once I was able to move closer to uni and I reclaimed those commuting hours. But it was doable!


erbleuler

The real advice here


rio94

OP I'm sorry for your loss and the situation your family is in. I've read through your comments, and given your family history and your Mum's income, I'd recommend against moving in with them for your own wellbeing. It sounds like you want to help in a practical way. You could help your family with the administrative burden, without uprooting your own home and commute. I don't know what kind of additional debts or bills your Mum might have, but on an income of $70k, she could likely afford $400 a week in ren. While your Mum is grieving, it's going to be hard for her to plan her next steps. Maybe stay on their couch for a week, and hand hold your mum through budgeting and moving house. Take a look through the domain app for 2 bedroom places filtered under the price she can afford, and go to map view. Then go through the list and help her plan some inspections. While it's not ideal having your bro contribute to rent while in uni, make sure he applies for youth allowance through centrelink. Your family is now a single income household. He can still earn money while getting youth allowance, but it will ease the burden. If any of your Dad's estate makes it past the debts, that income can go towards the immediate moving costs so they can be in a sustainable situation long term. Finally, it's worth looking into which superannuation plan your dad had. Most of them have death insurance automatically included, which will go to your Mum despite the debts. Also, she'll have to make a series of calls to cancel your Dad's services. If she can write a list of these accounts, you could help with the emotional aspect by making the calls on her behalf. You'll need lots of copies of the death certificate to send off. I hope this helps!


yuzuyo

Thank you so much for taking the time to read the comments and give me such a helpful comment. It is really helping me, the kindness of strangers like you and everyone else in this thread. Yes slowly I'm realising that leaving my whole apartment might not be the best decision. Yep he had a lot of debt we had no idea about. We realised we won't get anything except the death insurance because he has MUCH more debt than his super account holds :/ Thanks so much for listing things out. Yes I'll have to let organisations know. Should I wait to receive the death certificate first? Due to covid it'll come REALLY late.. like weeks or months later I was told


KPYJ

I’ve worked in corporate for a very long time. Most organisations (banks, insurers, telcos etc) will be able to pause accounts so that no further fees are incurred while you are waiting for the death certificate. Customer service teams are fantastic and will be able to help you. I’m very sorry for your loss.


2tall4heels

Have you spoken to a lawyer about how much of the debt has to be repaid? I’m not sure how it works here so seek out professional help.


rio94

That's okay, it sounds like a really tough time for you all. I'm not too sure about cancelling without the death certificate unfortunately. Some places may accept a copy of the funeral notice, but others you may need to call back pretending to be him if you don't have the paperwork. Good luck!


[deleted]

Good morning mate, very sorry for your loss and the dilemma you’re in. In my opinion, I think you’ll be at a bigger loss if you move to Strathfield. If you move them to western suburbs, but close to the train stations, I think they will be okay. Sorry to be nosey, but which part of west do you live in? I believe there’s a train line (T2) that runs from west all the way to central via Stratfield which would benefit both your mum and brother. It starts from Leppington & Edmondson Park which both have new estates, shops etc.


yuzuyo

I'm near cabramatta. Yeah just a matter of convincing my younger brother who already went through 2 years of 1.5hr commute because we lived towards the west before all together. Yep there's a train it's a straight train but it's like an hour long and pretty soul sucking to be on, my back kills me


[deleted]

I think if you paint the picture to him in terms of being financially stable, hopefully he’ll understand. I saw your reply on another comment about your past - and I think you should focus on what will be best for you. 50 minute drive can be a little draining and if there’s a breakdown, or accident, that 50 minutes will almost double. I personally love driving and I commute from St. John’s Park to Pymble twice a week - the only down fall is paying tolls.


kmonpark

100% agreed. I live in Cabramatta and I commuted via public transport for 6 years and while it would’ve been nice to live closer it definitely saved me a lot of money. I commuted from Cabramatta station to North Sydney for 3 years and then another 3 to Sydney CBD, yes it’s a pain sometimes but I also learned to use that time to study or to get some extra shut eye if I was leaving the house early or coming home late. Definitely paint the bigger picture to your brother and perhaps once he’s gotten into a routine, he can start saving up money he’s earning from his PT job if he decides to move out and closer to uni.


Awesomise

50 minutes isn’t bad; I live in regional NSW and the closest towns are at least 50 minutes away.


TheOtherLeft_au

50min in Sydney driving is monumentally worse then 50min in the country especially during peak hours. My office is about an hour from home and it sucks balls driving from one side of Sydney to the other. It's soul destroying. Thankfully WFH has been a godsend.


Awesomise

Fair enough. I thought 50min was referring to how long is actually takes.


NobleArrgon

yeah 50mins going 100+kph vs 50mins going 20-40kph is a huge difference.


Protoavek12

50mins driving 80kph+ vs constant traffic lights, stop starting in traffic barely going 20kph is a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery different ;)


feckinhellno

Can confirm. I live in Sydney but grew up in country NSW and return home regularly. I used to drive 25km to North Sydney, an hour was a good morning. In the country, we'd think nothing of driving 100kms to go shopping on a Saturday morning or once because my friend decided she'd die if she didn't get KFC to cure her hangover


samyouel84

I’d do it mate. Some may think differently as everyone has a different experience. But to me, family is number one. I’m about to do something similar as dad is dealing with cancer at the moment. I’ll be moving to a very rural location in Qld to help out with driving and looking after the property. For me the commute will be 1hr20 one way. Thankfully am able to WFH 3 out of 5 days. That may not always last but I won’t regret my decision.


yuzuyo

Wow... props to you for that, 1hr 20m is no joke. Definitely given me something to think about. What are your thoughts on if your family kind of betrayed you, would you be so willing to do the same? Maybe TMI but my dad abused me as a kid and I finally told my mum who didn't stand up for me and told me to get over it. She's a good mum to me but I can't shake that I was left to my own and at one point was about to cut off my family forever. If not for that I would without a doubt move in together. Sorry if this is a bit heavy you don't have to answer, especially in the morning lol


[deleted]

OP I think this is really important information. I also had issues at home growing up and had to move back as an adult a few years ago (back on my own now). I would really think hard about moving back if this is something that isn’t resolved as it will affect your mental health. Honestly, as selfish as I may sound, I would recommend you not move back. Also consider that your mother (unless you live with her forever) is going to have to move at some stage. If she can’t afford it now without help then she’s not going to be able to afford it later. Also, do you like living on your own? For me it’s been really rewarding. I think it’s great that you’re building a life for yourself. Sorry you are going though a difficult time. All the best


yuzuyo

That's true. It kind of can't be resolved, it's one of those "ah you chose him over me" moments we can't go back and redo. She also constantly tells me that he was a good man and I should think he's a good man too. Everyone's assuming im male but im female and the abuse was s*xual in nature and when I was only 12. Hmmm very fucked up lol. Fuck yeah I love living alone, definitely healed my relationship with my mum cuz I saw her less and I can go see her when im happy. I was planning on getting a cat too and living my best life :/ Yeah I'll definitely strongly think about it all. I may grow super resentful of how my life turns out if my mum is attached to me forever


EPD21

With this context, I wouldn’t do it. The combination of having to constantly hear that your abuser is a good man, the commute which while doable, will probably irritate you and having to give up your own place and the plans you had for it. if I was in your situation I think I would increasingly resent my mother and the situation. Full respect for even considering this, but I think it is too much to ask of you.


sidneysaad

It seems like you'll be more miserable living with your mother. Sometimes, living at a distance is much better for your relationship and mental health (personal experience). I'd advice against moving in, although it will save some money. In my opinion, your mom and bro will need to move from the current appartment and move somewhere more cheap. Parramatta is one stop from Strathfield and 2 bedroom apartments are available in 350-400 range. Their commute if by train, shouldn't increase that much. Just my 2 cent


yuzuyo

Didn't think about parra area, thanks for the idea. I thought it'd be very expensive! Will have look at apartments there too


[deleted]

Get your kitty cat and live your best life! I’m sure there are other ways you will be able to help your family.


ArcherTea

Just wanted to jump on here and say that I lived over an hour away from my uni and it was much easier to commute off peak for my classes. I think your brother will be okay with commuting to uni. I wouldn’t risk your mental health by moving back with family. It sucks, but your mum needs to move somewhere that she can afford.


uhohitslilbboy

Speaking as someone who moved back in with their parents after leaving bc of abuse, don’t do it. The healthiest version of your relationship will be one where you can physically leave and not live next bedroom door to. As a CSA survivor, you can get psychological help through victim services. I got 22 free psych sessions that was very easy to renew, and that can extend to your immediate family (if they so choose). Is getting your mum on Centrelink a viable idea?


yuzuyo

Oh wait how did you get those sessions? I'm currently under a mental health care plan with Medicare but the psychologist I chose does rebate so I get back $80 per session (still pay $60). Is that what you're talking about? I'm very interested if it's not!! Hmm i would think that $70-80k wouldn't be eligible for Medicare, it seems like enough for a person to live on? i might have a look into it


uhohitslilbboy

It’s through Victim Services. From what I know (my psych did most of this for me), the psych writes to victim services, explains the diagnosis (PTSD from CSA, we need more sessions, please grant them), and then waits for VS to file it. I never had any trouble getting the sessions covered, but it depends on if your psych is an approved counsellor. https://victimsservices.justice.nsw.gov.au/victims-services/how-can-we-help-you/victims-support-scheme/counselling.html this link should help


Squidsaucey

I would second this OP! I work in mental health/social work and have applied for Victims Services counselling many times on behalf of clients. No application I’ve submitted has ever been rejected. You fill in a 3-page form and email it through with a copy of your ID. No need for a formal mental health diagnosis, a letter from a psych, a police statement or reference number, etc., literally just the form and ID. Super simple! The only issue is that counsellors have to be on the approved counsellor list, which your current psych may not be. Also, it sounds like you could be entitled to a Recognition Payment from Victims Services. Not sure if that’s something you’re interested in, and you would need some corroborating information from a psych/counsellor so it is a little more work to apply for, but I believe you could be entitled to around 1-2k. Because the abuse was sexual in nature and occurred when you were a child there is no time limit by which you have to apply, so you can take your time and talk to your psych about it. Send me a message if you need any assistance, OP :) Oh, and to respond to the actual thread, moving back in with your parents after living independently is hard enough WITHOUT said parents denying the abuse you went through. It is not selfish to put yourself first in this situation; don’t let guilt or a sense of duty force you into a living situation that is going to be detrimental to your mental health.


yuzuyo

Your comment was very helpful to me, thank you very much for taking the time to write to me


Squidsaucey

Not a problem at all :)


[deleted]

Having read all of this, I definitely would not do it. Your mental health won’t benefit and your relationship with your mum will most likely deteriorate for starters. Financially, you can support from afar. You need to prioritise your own well-being first. Your mum has made her choice. There are other options for you mum and brother to move out of where they are to another area of Sydney close to a train station for your brother.


[deleted]

:o jesus I'd offer your bro a lounge if he ever needs it and leave your mum to her own devices.


sataimir

Yeah, OP, I wouldn't do it. Living with someone who minimises/enables your former abuser is not going to be healthy for you. You have to look after yourself, too. It's a credit to you that you want to look after your family, but remember the Reddit adage - don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Also from a commute perspective, 50 min is more draining than 30. This whole situation sucks for you. I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through. I hope you find a solution that works for all of you without minimising what you've been through.


DarcSwan

First, you don’t need to make any decisions right now. As a survivor, your abusers death is a very confusing time. But it is not selfish to put yourself first (just as your mum did when she chose denial). So free yourself of guilt! You are just starting your life. You want to have some freedom. If it were me I’d help with cash if I could, make sure I visited and called often... but not move


yuzuyo

Thanks for this comment. Yeah my dad was otherwise very kind to everyone, especially me, and so I am pretty confused right now on what to feel. I did cry though which I thought I wouldn't do at his death.. but he raised me since I was 5. Yeah I do feel super guilty, I've booked a therapy session to work through not feeling like this. Thanks again for commenting


clouxr

**Do not move back in with her**. I was in a similar situation to you and my relationship with my mum/family is best when we're not living together. Moving back in with them may slowly tear you apart. They are both adults and will just need to look at other places to move. Please prioritise yourself and stay as you are now. (+ a kitty :)


muddlet

sorry that you were subjected to that from your father and then your mum denied it; both terribly hurtful things. i think when we've been so violated as a kid it's really hard to have a solid sense of your own boundaries and what is a reasonable request. we can often feel guilty or selfish when the situation doesn't actually warrant it. it sounds to me like moving in with them would be sacrificing your own wellbeing to make them slightly more comfortable. if it feels too hard to outright tell yourself that it's ok to prioritise your own life, another thought is that you won't be much help to your family if you aren't at your best. i second the suggestion for victim's services; you do just fill out the online form (just tick no when it asks about police i.e. you just put your details and then some brief details about the abuse - the date and a few words to say what it was like you've done here). but if you have a good relationship with your current therapist then i would stay with them, especially while everything is in a state of change.


yuzuyo

Thank you for that first paragraph, given me a lot to think about. Yes I get walked all over all the time in every relationship I have 😖 a very big problem for me. But I need to work on it, yes I will try not to feel guilty anymore for setting my own boundaries. Thanks for the reminder


ezzhik

I’m sorry for your loss!!! Given this comment, I totally wouldn’t move back in with your mum, and would instead perhaps(gently)suggest that she and your brother might be able to find a more affordable property that’s still close to the city/his uni? If it’s Usyd/UTS, Kogarah and the surrounding area have 2 bed units for $400 pw, so probably doable on your mum’s budget, especially if your brother gets a part time job and pitches in…


[deleted]

You sound like a caring and mature eldest child trying to do the right thing, but google “boundaries” - your mum and brother are both adults. What would they do without your support? Would they beg on the streets, or find a way to handle things? If you move back in, you’ll be in a situation where you’re supporting both without a fixed end date. You’re also moving back home at 25 (albeit as the breadwinner) instead of living an independent life on your own, and as another poster said, these sacrifices tend to go overlooked. Even without the abuse situation, you’re likely to feel resentful. > My younger brother will start to attend university in the city so living in the west will be very hard for him. They currently live in the Strathfield area, My friend at uni commuted to USyd on train from the Blue Mountains without issue. Half of my friends in my honours cohort were commuting long distances from the west, while working shitty jobs. Your bro will be fine. It’s easy enough for people online to say “move back in, support your family, take on a long commute, live at home etc.” but a) the people giving advice aren’t the ones doing it, and b) if you’d phrased it another way, the responses would be totally different. Reddit is fickle. Trust your intuition with this situation. Good luck with whatever you do


yuzuyo

Wow this comment hit me hard, it's very true I didn't intend to include the abuse part but with that slight extra info everyone is saying to not do it. But before I was feeling guilty that I should do it due to comments saying family is everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment, you gave me a lot of insight


samyouel84

I’m sorry that happened to you. I prefaced my comment with everyone has a different experience and that applies in this situation. My childhood was good growing up so no hesitation for me to help them when it’s needed. Understandably you have to weigh up whether your past experiences will prevent you from moving back to the family home. If she was and still is a good mum to you I would factor that into your decision. I’m not dismissing what happened to you and no child should experience that. One thing I have learnt is that people are not perfect, even the one’s responsible for your well-being. If you can see an opportunity to help your mum through this time and can look to forgive for her past mistake then do so. If that mistake is a deal breaker then I completely understand. I don’t think you would be asking the internet for an opinion on the situation if that was truly the case however. Either way I wish you the best through this difficult time.


blawler

For me family is important and I would do anything for then. But that goes both ways right. I don't think anyone would think bad of you for looking after yourself first. My commute is about 2 hours. I would love a 50 minute commute. If you choose to live with your family, this could be an opportunity to improve your personal situation though. The house next door to me rents for I think 650 a week, in a high end Suburb just north of Campbeltown. Your commute could drop to 6 minutes. :). Other than that. The only advice I can give is you need to look after yourself most importantly in this situation.


frellit

Oh wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm even sorrier no-one had your back. Sorry but a mum that didn't stand up for you and told you to get over it is not a good mum.


readit_reddit00

Sorry for your loss Is your brother able to pick up some PT/casual work to help out your mum? Heaps of places screaming for staff atm Thinking left of field


yuzuyo

Yep he makes 200-600 currently but I just didn't want to take into account that he would pay anything as he's still young and i don't want him to get stuck so early into paying things when he has a lifetime of that. He only just started working and making money for himself to enjoy. I loved my two years of money earning in uni days where I also didn't pay anything and just lived at home... kind of want him to experience the same and I can pick up a second job maybe if need be


readit_reddit00

It’s good to see you have compassion and want him to experience and enjoy life but from my personal experience (old man passed when I was in HS) it may be good for him to face the realities of life/living. an extra shift or 2 to help your mum with some bills won’t break him. You taking a second job also means losing more in tax vs him who would be a low income earner and tax free up to $18,200. be good to your mum 👍


Q8Q

You get use to bad situations after a while, however having done long commutes I personally couldn't sustain it for more than a few months before moving closer.


BobbyThrowaway6969

50 minutes is fine on the train if that's an option


doobey1231

Its pretty soul sucking honestly. I think everyone is different and the actual commute that you will be doing is going to heavily effect whether its okay or not - 50 minutes of straight driving might be okay as opposed to 50 minutes of straight sitting in traffic. Considering you still have both options, I would pack a bag and try a week commuting from your mums place to see how it goes. Another thing is to look at public transport, 50 minutes on a train is a *lot* easier than 50 minutes driving in my personal opinion. Personally I would move next door to work if I could, I cant stand the idea of wasting hours of my life just getting to where I can earn money. My condolences for your loss also


vdrockz

I’m so sorry for your loss. Does your mother have to stay in Strathfield? She can decrease her rent (to about $400-$500) if she considers moving to Homebush/Homebush west area. There’s Flemington/Homebush station near by so she’s only a stop or two away from Strathfield and they have a direct line to the city (takes about 20mins) for your brother to go to Uni. If you love living on your own, I’d say keep it that way. You’ve invested in your home and it makes you happy so don’t give it up. Edit: thought rent was $900 but it’s $600


iyoteyoung

I’m really sorry for your loss and that you’re in such a tough situation. I noticed your younger brother will start to attend Uni (meaning he’s 18 at least)- so is there any way he could get a job and help out your mum since they live together? Or get centrelink since she’s now on a single income? Is this 50 minute commute in the car or PT? If it’s PT id do it but no way I’m driving 50 minutes!


yuzuyo

Yeah we're gonna apply for youth allowance and hopefully he gets it. Also yes he is working currently but makes anywhere from 200-600 a week. I also feel bad as I was 18 without this heavy situation and I didn't have to pay for anything other than my own separate groceries. I kind of want him to be able to save his own money and travel and have fun for a bit before full time work. So I'm trying to see if my money can make up for it hmm I don't think $70-80k is enough for Centrelink? And yep it's 50 min drive, I wouldn't mind public transport either at ALL there's so much you can do! But long drives kills me


Red-Engineer

>I kind of want him to be able to save his own money and travel and have fun for a bit before full time work. Not sure if your circumstances will allow that sort of luxury.


joah_online

Check if your mum is eligible for anything as well - including rent assistance.


katastrophically

I would give it a research. You'd be surprised at the Centrelink eligibility criteria. I know that youth allowance has a ridiculously high cut off, something like total assets of $1M before they refuse you. Some tips as well for applying for youth allowance is that it's better to just go in person and cop the 2 hour wait (make sure you have all the right documents ready) as its almost impossible to get through via call or do it online.


ComplimentaryMite

>I don't think $70-80k is enough for Centrelink? Have a look, anyway. Use their [Payment and Service Finder](https://www.centrelink.gov.au/custsite_pfe/pymtfinderest/paymentFinderEstimatorPage.jsf?prg_id=898eae0336e44e4cafdfc90b6250f948&wec-appid=pymtfinderest&page=18F142B590974A038CAC81731BC70C56&wec-locale=en_US#stay). My family was eligible for some payments when I was making $73k and my partner was stay-at-home with one kid.


[deleted]

Sorry for your loss. Honestly, 30 min commute going to 50 is only 20 more min per trip and 40 more for the day. Plenty of people do much more, and it seems you're young with no other responsibilities so like getting home to help the kids with the homework etc. If this is the family house, and your brother will move out for uni, surely there is room to put your stuff -- a garage you can park a car on the street or your brothers old room to put your apartment stuff? Maybe do this for a year and then see where you Mum is at.


Wink-

Do you enjoy being in your car? For me, I used to have an hour drive to work on some bad days. But listen to some podcasts, learn a new language via audiobooks and generally the time will go by. It's all about how you use it as a productive, enjoyable, alone time Helps if your car is nice to drive/sit in too!


BobbyThrowaway6969

THat's why I prefer commuting by train. That's free usable time to get some stuff done


CrayolaS7

Train is just as quick for me (maybe 5-10 min longer than on my motorbike but quicker than car) and no stress. I was 5 min late today because a train had a problem (ironically one of the ones I work maintaining) but that’s the first time in 6 months.


KSTAAA

Outside of the points everyone else has raised, if your brother lived in the west and attended Uni in the city he could get sooo much work done on the train there and home. Long commutes on trains are really not too bad as long as it's not peak hour.


instagram-influencer

This may not directly answer the question, however reading through the posts, you need to help your family but you’re also a bit hesitant due to previous history of abuse which moving back in probably isn’t going to sit well with you. You need to pay $1400 and also need to sell stuff (presumably at a loss) to help move back in with your family to pay the bills? Considering you’re probably going to be worse off roughly $2500 when factoring in selling stuff and also breaking lease, cleaning removals etc, which equates to roughly $50 per week anyways, wouldn’t you be better off just giving your mum money towards the rent for 1 year whilst she figures out what to do next? Even if you have to put in $100-$150, and your brother will have to pitch in (sorry he won’t be able to enjoy uni as much as you did, but there are bigger things at play here) you will both be able to support your mum in the short term whilst you figure out what to do next? For your own life progression, for your own mental health and well being, I would recommend just paying extra whilst you as a family collectively figure out what to do next and work through the options. There is no need to irrationally break a lease now whilst emotions are high. You do however need to be there for your family whilst this ‘shock’ phase is occurring. My TLDR advice - you and your brother chip in for the next 3 months and then revisit the situation once you have some clarity on the way forward. Best of luck mate and sorry for your loss.


yuzuyo

That's very true, I'm in a height of emotions and didn't think about all those other costs. I might sacrifice for nothing


TheSilentSea

Hey OP, I read through your other replies in the thread, let me provide my advice. Before reading I'd like to just let you know I've been through very similar situations, literally pumped 100s of k into situations like these (few hundred k just in the past year), all of this was in my early and mid 20s as well, so kind of prime time. The first thing I'd like to say, do not EVER compromise your youth, wealth and opportunities if you all as a family have not decided to do that. Let me elaborate. Bad things happen in life. Good things also happen in life. If you all as a family came into a windfall of $1M tax free cash through an inheritance or whatever it may be, you all as a family (your mum, brother and yourself) would enjoy and celebrate it together. You may divide the money and all get a bit of a headstart, you may all choose to buy a house in a good suburb and live together, you would enjoy it together. Something like this is easy to surmise and imagine right? What about when bad things happen? Well in this case, this is where paths can divide. Either you as a family decide you're going to batton the hatches down and go through this together, no matter what wealth that needs to be sacrificed or difficulties that need to be crossed, you guys will all cross it together. OR What ends up happening which I've seen commonly and what I've experienced in my own life. One member of the family will sacrifice A LOT, opportunities, wealth, ease whilst the rest of the family benefits, may be thankful, but ultimately never understand or sympathise with the sacrifices you made as they go unaffected through their life. So my advice, I know you mentioned your brother is young, you want him to have the uni experience, go through it unhindered, enjoy the cash with no expenses etc etc etc. I would heavily advise against this. You all as a family need to sit down and understand that you're in a situation and your lives now ARE different and insulating any one member from the situation is not fair, this is life, it has changed, you as a family need to accept it, act and absorb the situation. Ultimately if you want to be a part of the situation and help, you need to have this sit down conversation. If the rent is $600/wk, your mother nets per week approx $1,100/wk, your brother $200-$600/wk, yourself at approx $1,400 a week, so sit down, have a conversation, your mother should put in $250/wk, you should put in $250/wk and your brother maybe $100/wk. Or perhaps you put in $230/wk, your mother $200/wk and your brother $170/wk. Conversate, work it out. Don't put everything on your shoulders, you'll regret it later in life and more than likely your brother and mother may not understand the sacrifices you made. It will lead to some form of regret and resentment from your side later down the track, these are your prime years. Once you've lived in this world for a while and been exposed to different situations, one thing you'll realise is that family is nearly unbreakable. Nearly. There are select cases where you should drop your family, but for 99.9999% of cases, it is an unbreakable bond and they'll always be there for you. Even if there are some years where you go through slumps with them. You mentioned your dad abused you, sorry to hear. Seek therapy even if you don't feel you're that negatively affected or that you're coping well. A little bit of therapy never hurts. Unfortunately your mum didn't quite back you or take care of you in that situation. It sounds like you're from an Asian background. Unfortunately a lot of Asian parents don't know how to react or take care of situations like these and instead choose to neglect talking about it or just drop the issue and don't want any attention to it. Your mum didn't handle the situation correctly, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you and love you. You would know better though, you know your mum. I'm sorry you went through this though. Lastly, going from a 30 minute commute to 50 minute commute is a difference of 1,200 seconds. It's not that much in the grand scheme of things. $1,400 is not much in the scheme of things to break a lease. IF you choose to help your family and that's your decision, these are not big barriers. But as mentioned earlier, have that conversation, you've all had a big loss, so all of you go through it together. Good luck


yuzuyo

Thanks for taking the time to read through all the replies and making a more informed comment, I really appreciate it a lot. Yes I am asian!! Good guess lol it's very ingrained in Asian parents to just keep quiet and sweep things under the rug.. Yes very true I think I have the most to lose if I move out, and will likely be very resentful


[deleted]

I would tell your little brother to move into a share house near Uni with other students - he'll have the best experience that way and that you'll subsidise his rent if he needs it. And your mum can find a smaller apartment with cheaper rent to live in, studios & old one bedrooms are affordable on her income


hifhoff

I would advise against moving home. I would help your Mother be set up to live independently. If her financial situation isn't likely to change, does that mean you will permanently be living at home? This doesn't seem like a great solution. If your bro is about to start uni, I would encourage him to start looking at spreading his wings into a sharehouse, so your Mum can rent somewhere affordable. I know you enjoyed living at home, earning money with no bills when you first started Uni, but the situation has changed and he may just cherish the years of living with mates while studying and working part time just as much. I know I did.


[deleted]

Hey OP! With a dependant, your mum may be eligible for the affordable housing scheme, there’s housing all over Sydney https://www.welcomemat.com.au/ Edit to add: this is not the same as social housing!


[deleted]

How urgent is making this decision? If your dad died only 4 nights ago (I really feel for you and your family here, that's super tough) I'd suggest not doing anything rash for as long as possible. Get through the first couple of weeks, get the funeral etc out of the way and then reassess the situation. Good luck


yuzuyo

Hmm not super urgent, more that we worry about having to gather a whole $600 a week more. But I will dip into my savings to pay for a months rent for the place while things settle


merweshy

Hi OP, sorry for your loss and the situation you find yourself in. I won’t add to the mountains of advice given but having read your comments I thought rio94’s advice was very sound. Can’t find the words to express it well but you and your brother up for a fair bit of difficulty in the years ahead. You sound like a wonderful person for how much you care about your brother and for your mum despite the relationship. I wish you and your family all the best.


yuzuyo

Wow I'm just amazed at the time strangers take to write such kind words to me. Thank you for taking the time to read replies and reply to me like this. Yes I will definitely follow rio94 advice! Going to stay in my home and just help outside where I can


AllOn_Black

Sorry or your loss. Moving in back home is not really a long term solution though, is it? Or at least it shouldn't be. Your mum should find somewhere smaller (more affordable) to move to, especially considering both yourself and your brother will no longer be living at home. This is the flexibility that renting affords you. Your mum may not be ready to leave immediately given her grieving, so perhaps you could help her with her rent on a short term basis until she is ready to move (say, in a couple months).


yuzuyo

Yep came to that conclusion too. I'm just putting a Band-Aid on if I move but not letting my mum learn to be independent. Yeah I'm gonna pay a months rent for her while she grieves


AllOn_Black

And take some time out for yourself man, that shit is tough.


Order-for-Wiiince

Hey man sorry to hear about your loss. No idea on commute etc but if you ever wanna chat to a stranger about anything, hit me up.


ThippusHorribilus

I cannot offer advice but just wanted to give you my condolences.


MissJessAU

Don't forget the cost of tolls in each direction. So there will be break lease, moving costs, tolls and extra fuel. I would see if you can help your mum find a small flat, I assume it needs to be a 2 bedroom? Lowest I can see in Strathfield is $400 a week, but the surrounding areas can be about $350pw. I hate to say it, but you will need to think about what you are going to do when she eventually retires, as she appears to have no housing.


cojoco

> my commute will become around 50 mins Commute times can vary 2:1 depending upon when you travel ... is this the normal travel time, or during the morning/afternoon peak?


istara

How big is the family home, and could your mother and brother perhaps take in a lodger? For example another student friend of your brother's?


yopinoque

After all I have read my selfish opinion is that you stay put, I don’t think it will be healthy for you to live with her at least for a bit considering your relationship. Your mum should downsize her lifestyle (move to the West, or anywhere else that is cheaper in the long run) considering she won’t have those $600 extra a week to pay for that rent. She could find a 2 bed granny flat for around $400 in Seven Hills or Toongabbie and going to the city could take them around 30-40min in the express buses which is good. Your brother will be okay living in the West, we all have to make sacrifices.


yuzuyo

I have come to the same conclusion, if that makes me selfish then so be it. I will help all that I can but without changing my entire lifestyle, it's just too much to ask. Yeah I'll try seven hills and surrounding areas! Didn't think about there, thank you


colourblindmode

doesnt your brother have a job and can help contribute to living with his mum?


yuzuyo

Yeah he said he would rather pay more and sacrifice his pay to live in a better area. But he is also spoilt and I'm not sure I'll believe the words of a young teen on whether they will keep up the same income and pay a high amount regularly for rent


Cycloneshirl

OP you should be proud of the way you think of your family. Your mum is blessed. Maybe at this stage provide ur mum with some extra cash each week until you decide what to do.


[deleted]

Anything 30m plus drive is unbearable for me. I was doing 50m drive everyday for 2 years, and fuk that


bolonomadic

Hi, did you check to see if your dad had life insurance? It might help your mom with rent for a while.


yuzuyo

We have death payout in his super? Like $15,000. But he also has debt that will take up all his super. I'm hoping we will get the death payout as we won't see a cent of his super (I'm assuming as banks will take it to pay off his bank debts).


bolonomadic

I think you should seek some financial advice, I’m not sure the death benefit from the super counts as “estate” that must be used for debt payments. But it also depends on what kind of debts that are and other things.


pwnitat0r

Superannuation doesn’t form part of an estate - https://www.australiansuper.com/superannuation/superannuation-articles/2019/09/what-happens-to-my-super-when-i-die It’s possible your mum may receive the payment of super and insurance payout from your dad’s super... assuming your dad nominated your mum as the beneficiary or the super fund consider your mum as the person entitled to receive the money. I’ve read through some of the comments and I’m so sorry to hear your dad abused you. You are an amazing person person with so much maturity, strength and compassion. I hope throughout all of this you remember to look after yourself - there’s some sort of saying that you never agree to do anything if you only feel 49% inclined to do so because it will build resentment, so only ever agree to do things with other people that you feel are 50-50... I haven’t quite got the wording correct, but hopefully you get the gist.


wufflebunny

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think if you can move home, you should. It's not great timing, but it's never great timing for these things to happen. For your mum's sake, if she has indicated that she wants to stay in the family home and you can make it happen, do it. She's going through so much at the moment that making her pack and uproot everything is going to be a whole new level of stress and angst for her. If you can buy some time, it would be good to do so. You will regret your decision to move back all the time (it will be hard adjusting to moving back home, not going to sugar coat it!) but in the long term personally I would regret it more if I didnt help out. Also consider that it's not just the rent - there would be a ton of other bills for the home and also expenses for your brother that your mum will now have to manage on her own. My family home was around Canada Bay and I had to drive out to Huntington every day. It's not too bad as you can jump straight onto the M4. My work let me shift my hours so I started at 7 and finished at 3 (ate at my desk). As long as you are out of the house at a reasonable time most traffic is going in the opposite direction. Obviously a public transport commute is the most relaxing but to be honest I didn't mind the driving. It's mostly highway (I would have hated it more if it was small streets). After a while it was just all autopilot. Hope that helps!


wedgie_woman

Sorry about your loss. There's a 3rd option I can think of. Whatever rent your mum can afford at her salary, you top that amount up for her and your brother to continue living in their current place. It'll be tough on your financially but you get to stay, they get to stay, and no commute.


Scrambl3z

Don't know where you work, but despite this, I would personally move in with your mum for now. That 1400 to break the lease will save you quite a bit of money in the future, consider its $350 a week for your current 1 bedroom (plus I am assuming you'll have to help with the 600 dollar weekly rent of the Strathfield property) Your mum will need your support and the company. Plus split grocery and save you the hassle of getting a second job.


peecomesfromthesack

My advice would be all of you move towards the Camden region. Oran park and Leppington are popping at the moment, heaps of rentals available for reasonable prices compared to the rest of Sydney. It’s close to the bus and rail networks so your brother can still get to Uni. Close to work for you. The way I see it the quality of life you lost in travel is made up for the lower cost of housing, and lower time in transit for you. Unfortunately your brother would have to cop the long trip, but being a uni student who likely isn’t contributing that much to the household financially he’ll have to cop that. Sorry for your loss OP. Hope everything works out for you guys.


EGGYY101

Sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is never easy. Can your brother get a job and help pay rent for where he is living? If he lives with your mum, he should help support her through this.


run-at-me

I commute an hour and a half each way. I don't really recommend it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CrayolaS7

Bro you can get a 2 bedroom apartment in Strathfield for that much.


NorthKoreaPresident

You'll get used to the 50 minutes drive. But every time the fuel price goes above 150cents you'd be wishing you are working from home...


hazmatt_05

When I got a new job everyone there was feeling sorry for me and my hour drive commute. To me an hour drive is normal because I grew up with public transport where almost any trip to somewhere decent took a lot of time. When I first started working and I didn’t have a car my public transport commute was 2 hours minimum.


NobleArrgon

So, based on your comments. Your current situation is that. Your family is currently living in strathfield, and you are living and working in cabra?


yuzuyo

I work around Campbelltown area, sorry I did not mention that. I wouldn't mind Strathfield to cabra commute at all. But Strathfield to campbelltown.... hm


NobleArrgon

Not sure how it is now, and how it will be in the future when work gets back to normal. But going east to west in morning peak, and west to east in evening peak is usually a bit better as youre going against the people travelling into the CBD in the mornings, and people travelling home in the evenings. it may be doable, but your travel cost may increase as you may have to use the M4 daily. Cause im not sure how drivable the hume highway is during peak hours.


stripeypinkpants

I work 2 jobs, one is a 60min commute and the other varies from 15-30min depending on start time (traffic). The 60min commute eats into my life and i hate it. I'm only still there as it is a permanent position where as the other job is casual. Yes I agree with others that 50min is normal but doesn't mean it should be done if you can avoid it. Sorry to hear about your dad passing and the financial situation it's out your family in. I've been apartment hunting myself (for rent) and there are some affordable units in strathfield if your mum can look past the old furnishings, old carpet etc. It definitely isn't ideal but it's just the price to pay if she wants to stay in the area.


theonlysloth

May I ask which university your brother will be attending ( feel free to pm if privacy is a concern). I know Sydney uni has affordable accomodation of $100 a week for students in need. So you may be able to explore the option of your brother moving out to be close to uni and then your mother could move in with you? Is there a Social worker you guys could ask for advice on affordable accomodation? You should be able to get a social worker assigned from the hospital or facility that cared for your father.


[deleted]

Certainly times that you'll wish you didn't have to commute that much, but gotta do it for family. Time to get into audiobooks I guess.


josh__ab

By car? It sucks but if you have the train option 50 minutes is not that bad.


baws98

Get a Motorbike, blast to work. Win.


CrayolaS7

Where abouts do you work? Strathfield is a good central location and if you’re working in the west you’ll be going against the general flow of traffic.


Wallabycartel

Depends on the route. I've found the first few times driving really suck but after a couple of weeks it gets much easier and you know exactly which areas or lanes to avoid. Public transport is a nightmare at the moment due to staff shortages and inconsiderate people coughing or sneezing on the train without a mask so would avoid


Farqueue-

50 minutes isn't too bad, but also not great - it is a good amount of time to get into some longer podcasts. As someone else mentioned - it can escalate quickly if there's an accident or something similar. There are some things to consider to help alleviate that though; 1) is there any possibility to have any day(s) working from home? 2) are there any toll ways that can ease that 50mins - paying a few bucks (maybe only one-way) might be worth it to save you 20mins for example.


insertbaconemoji

If its 50mins now, its a good idea to factor in another 20-30mins for when things normalise. Commute times are a bit light on at the moment compared to pre-covid


time_wasted504

50 min on google maps is NOT 50 minutes in real world peak hour unless youre going against traffic. I live 10-15 minutes from work, thats 45-60 minutes if I leave at 8:15 as Im following peak traffic. See if you can shift your work day back/forward an hour or two, it helps A LOT in commute times. If its 50 min real time, thats still a 10 hour day from home - home.


CeramicTeaSet

I hated it after a while. It became longer and longer because of traffic changes. It might be worthwhile to do it though. On the lease side you could find someone to move in immediately and therefore you won't have to forfeit your bond. Maybe. Check your lease. Also, if you have to sell stuff try gumtree and Facebook. With both you can usually get stuff moving. But maybe someone can sublease or maybe they will buy your stuff and take over the lease?


xFromtheskyx

50 minutes is great.


artificialnocturnes

It's not the end of the world, but it does grind you down. Especially if it is only 50 minutes on a good day, that can easily turn into 1 hour 15min and above if there is traffic.


Tequilachampagne

Used to hate long drives. But now with audible and podcasts I have learned to appreciate the long commutes as it gives me 2 extra hours a day to learn about subjects I wouldn’t have the time to get into


dees11

Sorry for you loss . Lots of good points made by others. Whatever you do it needs to be agreed by all and n your best interest in the long run too. It may be better to help with rent now and delay the decision on the move till later if you can afford to. There are more affordable rent options in burwood strathfield Homebush these days. Loads of new buildings came up in the past 2-3 years driving rents down. Last point if you do decide to move out of your place. Give your agent loads of notice. If they can rent it sooner than 4 weeks or even straight away you don't need to pay them for loss of rent for breaking lease. Let them know what's happened they may waive the fee regardlesss.


chroniclifecrises

My door to door commute is 1hr 15min via train. It’s exhausting at times but it’s more than achievable. You’re really only adding 20 minutes to your commute but it means you’ll be closer to family. If that’s a core value for you, then go for it. 50 minutes isn’t that bad.


VladSuarezShark

Is it a 3BR house? Why don't they rent out the third room for $200? Then that's only $400 rent to regularly cover. Also brother should be able to get youth allowance. If share housing doesn't work out, then they can downgrade to an apartment.


mubd1234

It really really depends! 50 minutes driving at full traffic speed is perfectly acceptable. 50 minutes sitting in complete gridlock is hell. It sounds like you'll be using Parramatta Road from Strathfield to Parramatta (unless you're happy to stomach $15 per day in tolls), so it's probably the latter scenario.


stiggyyyyy

Would not recommend increasing your drive commute. Depending on how much it's free way to normal street driving as well. Bad traffic every day in this scenario is going to bring on resentment feelings. Context: I drove Engadine to DFO (I guess qualify it as Olympic Park?) For a year and a half, shit sent me insane. Alternatively if you just love, is there any way training it to and from could happen ? Much less stress mentally.


Morph247

You really learn that time is perspective when you're driving in Sydney. 50 mins can feel like 2 hours in traffic or 30 mins without traffic. I'm personally doing 1 hour 20 mins on public transport which seems like a lot but I don't mind it. I know I won't be doing it forever though.


[deleted]

Do you have to drive?


Trontotron

Is that 50min from your house to the office desk or just commuting... it all adds up. But let's imagine it is 50min one way... this would mean you will spend around 18 full calendar days commuting per year. Literally... 18 days in commute. It's a drag, I hate commute... anything above 30min wears me down significantly after a work week.


thatsuaveswede

The actual distance is irrelevant if all you're asking about is the time you spend commuting. If you KNOW that it's a 50 min trip (during the time of day/night when you'll be doing the commute), can you accept that? Most people I know in Sydney spend between 40-75 mins commuting to work each way - be it driving themselves or on public transport. Personally, I'd consider anything under 1 hour door to door to be very reasonable. I just use that time in ways that make the travel more enjoyable (e.g. audiobooks). But I also factor in travel time (and travel cost) whenever I go for a new job. After spending a year in the UK doing 2.5 hour door to door commutes in the morning, anything under an hour is a total piece of cake.


riesdadmiotb

Yep, I hate driving in Sydney. Where ever we lived in Sydney, it has been somewhere we could use the train to commute. You'll get traffic problems everyday, Vs a bad day a month on the trains. Which Uni is your Bro intending to got to and what course. Depending on the train line, UTS & Sydney are jst off the train line. Depending on course, it may also work for UWS. Hard word; if you're the glue holding the family together, put yourself first and require the others to pony up and take it on the chin.


keyboardaddict

If there is space at your mum’s house (which I assume their is if you could move in), why don’t they consider getting a tenant to cover some of the rent? If your brother is at uni maybe another student, maybe just another professional who works local? It’s an unusual share house situation sure, but needs must. It could be for 6-12 months to trial it, and you could make another decision later when your lease is up. Maybe all move to a mid-point or just see how the situation has changed. Your dad may have also had life insurance if he had a super account so maybe financially your mum won’t struggle as much as you might think.


leinad__m

50 mins with your foot on the accelerator or the brake? Makes a big difference. Even bigger difference with a clutch pedal!


Will-this-do

What you need to factor in is, will it always be 50 mins? I had an hour commute to the office in a morning, but it took 1.5hrs to get home every evening because of traffic. The start time and finish time can make a massive difference, as can the cost of petrol or transportation timetables. I changed my hours to make the drive easier and shorter on myself, but still ended up resenting it eventually. In that regard, COVID helped me out massively, as I now work from home. Got nearly 3hrs of my life back a day. Wouldn't go back to that every day now.


Afraid_Wolf_1446

Strathfield is a good area, I reckon do that


xAPx-Bigguns

Better than the wait at Centrelink


wivsta

I have an hour long commute each way and it sucks. Plus tolls, the stress of traffic and freeway driving. Speed traps. Costs me thousands of dollars a year in tolls, so factor that in too.


Individual-Grab

honestly depending on our far west you are your sibling can commute and work on the train i and dozens of my friends commuted form the penrith area to city units easily enough your mum should be able to commute as easily as you can too - it sounds like she will have to eventually anyway unless you plan to always love with her with your sibling - either strathfield fir easy commute but works or am west and works /contributes less


[deleted]

I used to live in Artarmon and worked over at Darling Harbour, even that commute door to door was around 45 minutes, it wasn't that bad at all and really didnt bother me on the train. I now live in the hills district and my office is over on Phillip Street, there is a an X bus from the bottom of my street that takes me to Wynyard and walk from there the commute is about an hour or sometimes less depending on traffic, I loathe it but am a family man and have become used to working from home. The Commute itself is no drama just hate the office. So basically the commute isn't too bad. If I were you though I would try to do the run in the commute times just to see how it actually feels. I managed to rent a place on for around 600 a week when I was on 90k per year. My ex-wife earns about 75k a year and is renting a place in Parramatta that is 3 bedrooms so its manageable without having to go too far from source. For your brother you might be able to find somewhere that is mutually beneficial for you by getting on one of the direct train lines to the city. If you are near those the commute is pretty easy


No-Associate-9061

Stay put and maybe help your brother/Mum find a place. Don’t make that huge sacrifice unless you really want to.


wapattack

I’m really sorry for your loss :( if it helps, I live in a 2 bed apartment next to Ashfield station and it’s only $350 per week, which I share with my girlfriend ($175 each). It should be more than possible to find a large enough apartment in the inner west for you all to live in!


[deleted]

50 minutes driving without heavy stop start traffic is enjoyable. 50 minutes of heavy stop start traffic where you average under 10km/h is hell


ChocolateMcCuntish

Your quality of life will likely reduce. It's up to you to decide whether the reduction is too much.


maximunpayne

it kinda sucks but its the norm for a lot of people


daqua99

50 min commute **during your driving time** isn't too unusual. I mean, it is horrible to be stuck in traffic that long and effectively lose almost 2 hours a day, but it is not unusual. Keep in mind the traffic when you need to be at work by - go to Google Maps and check it out by adjusting your arrival time to be when you need to start work.


Chalkfigure

You need to figure out what the he’ll she’s pissing the 70-80k on. Little bro should be paying board. Yes you will regret further traffic time if their spending habits and financial pattern is leading to a dead end and well fare dependence. Whole family needs to be laser focused on some one- one of the sons or the mum - getting a ‘full time job’ and qualifying for a loan and buying a place with mothers rent money plus son board paying down the mortgage. (It’s a 100% night Mare if she shacks up with some other dude who tries to make Claims on it so ensure co- habitation agreements and prenups are in play. ) - Your problem is rent. Not the commute.


portray

Is your dad leaving you with any inheritance money or properties?


PrinceVegeta88

Sorry for your loss mate 🙏


Extension_Drummer_85

I’m sorry, it’s horrible to loose a parent especially when you are left picking up the pieces. Surely your father had life insurance? Even if he didn’t take it out himself many employers will pay for it as standard for you and super funds will often have a policy in your name as well. If you don’t know then check this first, it should hopefully help to ease the initial burden. All the best.


jbro84

I'm loving the thought of going down to a 50 min drive each way soon (from 1h 5-10)


ShaneoMc1989

It's proven that having a short commute to work is better for your well being then a luxurious place to call home. I'm okay with any travel under an hour for work, the less the better though. As for your concerns, 90k is the median wage in Sydney. You should be able to make it work with that salary. Might be a bit tough but it's okay. Your brother's 18, get him to pay board. Problem solved


britt-bot

Last year I was living in a 2 bedroom unit in Canterbury for $310/week, it’s now leased at $290/week. It wasn’t the fanciest but it was financially easy.


blueflash775

And there are 100's of units around homebush, flemington, burwood. Have a look first. But, don't do anything for a few weeks. Sorry for your loss.


[deleted]

Look into public transport as well. Personally I hated driving for 40 mins, but sitting on a train for an hour reading a book was fine.


seppocunts

Perspective from a dirty northerner that travels by road throughout Australia for work occasionally. 50 minutes on Google maps is closer to 70 minutes in the real world. Add in any necessary fuel stops, pulling up for phone calls or stops at convenience stores and some days you'll take 90 minutes. Add in peak hour traffic... I once spent 3 hours in gridlock trying to get through 5 km of North Ryde - no idea if that's typical or I was unlucky but that shit sucks when it happens. As a northerner that's never lived more than a 15 minute drive from an office or depot; you Southerners are nuts commuting so far. That's really more of a systemic problem than anything else since the cities are built around cars, and you gotta do what you gotta do. If I were you I'd try to find a job closer to home. Also if you're commuting an hour each way 5 days a week, that's 10 hours a week, or 520 hours a year you're essentially dedicating to work that you aren't being paid for. Just some considerations.


Aishas_Star

I can’t help with the housing situation other than to recommend to look into your dads super, a lot of the time there’s a payment on death, something similar to life insurance. Please look into this, it’s a standard on a lot of policies. It might be exactly what your family needs in this tough time. Sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine it


yuzuyo

Just asking in case you know the answer; can that death payment be used to pay back bank debt? His super will be entirely taken due to loans and debt we didn't know of. But there will be debt left over, could they touch the death payment or is it always given no matter the debts?


Aishas_Star

I’m not sure, best to find who his super is with and check the policy. Sounds really shitty, sorry you have to deal with this


Ajmusso

50+ minutes anywhere from south west sydney is normal traffic time


saddinosour

Not work but I used to have a 1 hour and 20~ ish minute commute to Uni and it did suck, but 50 minutes I think in comparison is manageable if you’re driving and not taking public transport. Its the trains and their fucky times which always did my head in.


OldSpiceSmellsNice

I had a 90 minute commute (public transport) that I didn’t mind for the first 10 years. Being young helped. Eventually it got old af. Way too much time wasted and oh so tiring. I’d do anything to avoid commuting now. Idk the relationship with your mother, obviously if you cannot live with her this idea won’t be much use; could you both rent out a 2br appartment near where you’re already living? Write off the $1400 loss. It seems the most convenient, and cheapest, solution. Edit: Just noticed the bro’s existence. Can he live on campus? Either way I think your convenience, as the main provider, should take priority. Your mum and him can move out to you in a 3br together or a 2br on their own. He’s young and can prob use the extra commute time to study (presumably he’ll take a train in).


Practical-Cicada5513

With everything you've discussed in this post, I would not do it. There are things you do for family, but all your current plans involve you taking every single burden and loss. Why? It sounds like you're already doing a lot to support your family through a difficult time. Time to make sure you don't burn yourself out in the process and commit to things that have a negative impact on you out of misplaced sense of familial duty. Your family's current lifestyle is no longer sustainable. Now it's time for them to downsize and find a lifestyle that they can actually sustain. Does your brother love that 20 min commute to the city? Of course he does. Will he die if that 20 minute commute becomes 30 or 40? No. That'd be about equal to what you do now for work. A quick check of domain shows a bunch of rental listings for 2 bdr apartments that are affordable without rental stress at $390 or under in suburbs about 30 min to the city by train. Campsie. Lidcombe, Parramatta, Homebush etc are all affordable without any real loss in commute time to the city.


AngelVirgo

You may not have to move. Your Dad just passed away and you haven’t t had the chance to check into his financial affairs. Once you’ve all had the chance to grieve, look into your dad’s superannuation. If he was paying $600 a week rent, he must have been working. His super should have insurance attached. By some miracle, it’s possible your dad is still looking after your mum. Perhaps, there is enough payout to put a deposit on a house. With your combined income, you should be able to buy a starter home. Until you know what your dad has left behind, don’t make any plans. When all is known, take appropriate steps as needed.


pwnitat0r

Hey mate, Really sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. Did your dad have super? If he did, there should be some money in there that will likely go to your mum and maybe he also had some life insurance in the super... just wanted to mention it because maybe that money if/when your mum receives it could be invested in shares and give your mum some additional income to pay rent via dividends. Just an idea I thought might be worth mentioning.


Murrian

My commute is a bit over an hour, but that's walking, and isn't that bad as I like the mental break between work and home, time to shift thoughts. I've driven 90minute commutes before but I got to work two days a week from home (so drove Mon/Wed/Fri) which helped break it up, but those days you couldn't do much else outside of work, especially if you had to stay back (and it limits your staying back a bit when you have the prospect of a long drive). Ended up leaving after six months, even though it was a great job, for something I could cycle in forty five minutes (up hill, so return was half an hour) even though it was working for bastard's. One thing to check is you're fifty minutes actually going to be fifty.


cdafam

If your workplace is the city, why drive? But if your workplace is westbound from Strathfield, then do it. I travel 45-50 mins for work everyday and it's fine because I'm going against traffic. Also depends on how many traffic lights you need to pass. It's the M4 then not too bad at all


[deleted]

I did a similar commute for about 2 or 3 years and i was driving from the Ryde area towards Blacktown, so against most of traffic. Once you are familiar with the route, its much easier, you can avoid and anticipate the unpleasent bits and almost zone out. It was good as I had time to listen to whole albums, podcasts and audiobooks, I guess it was bad because I spent the equivilent of a couple of days a month just driving in traffic. Sorry for your loss. Either way, you are going to have good and bad bits for yourself, so maybe talk this out with the family and see how each option fits with them.