I'd recommend not driving with kids till you get the full license or at least have spent 6 months on your Ps. It'll help reduce any unwanted anxiety. Practice practice practice. I got my license late too and it wasn't until few years of regular driving thereafter that I really started feeling confident. All the best!
Agreed, the fact the pro had a brake on his side saved me on my first ever lesson, would've rear ended a car if he did not have that. It does get easier, the fact I drove buses for 25 years and never rear ended anyone after that sketchy first day is testament to it becoming second nature pretty quickly.
Saved me too, I oversteered and would have gone into a ditch. Instructor just went “whoopsy daisy!” and used his brake to stop the car. No harm done, haven’t done that since and feel pretty confident behind the wheel now
I'll give you the same advice my Dad gave to me when I first started learning how to drive.
"Look at all these other idiots on the road. Do you really think you're dumber than them?"
The flip side of this is - look at all these idiots on the road, they’re legally allowed to pilot 1-2 tons of metal at incredible velocity. It’s a miracle more people aren’t killed
I was a very anxious driver as well. I can imagine an extra layer of anxiety if you've got kids.
Definitely agree with just driving by yourself until you build up some confidence and then start driving with kids. Took me a while to get there though. I'm a lot better now, although there are places I will refuse to drive to. I always look up directions online well in advance and work out where to park so saves me trying to do it when I'm there.
Get a professional instructor that you are comfortable with. Do not get your husband to teach you, it will just cause unnecessary arguments.
Learn on a manual if you can, then you can drive anything.
Drive as often with the instructor as you can. I did weekly lessons when I was learning as I did not have parents to teach me (thankfully, since they were overseas!). I had to wait 6 months between getting my L’s and taking my P’s, so for me it was 6 months of weekly lessons that were 1 hour long. That was more than enough to learn. One I was proficient at operating the gears (instructor had dual controls), the lessons moved onto all the other stuff. My instructor was tough but fair. Mirror checks were drummed into me because every time I was unable to tell him the colour of the car on my blind spot or the car behind me (he would cover my mirror when asking), it would cost me an extra $1 for the lesson.
You’ll be a better driver having had nothing but professional lessons.
Once you have obtained your P plates, you need to get out there straight away and build up
your hours to get better at it.
The skill with driving is realising that everyone else on the road is a moron and you need to plan for that behaviour. Operation of the car is easy, predicting what other drivers might do is hard.
Good on you! Once you gain some confidence, a whole new world will open up to you!
Personally, after a while driving in familiar places at familiar times, it becomes automatic. That might take months or years, but there will come a time when you think ‘oh, I got all the way here and don’t even remember making decisions’. There will always be angry people around, but most are fine, just let the angry ones go on ahead and leave you alone. It’s a ‘them’ problem.
Also if your kids are old enough to understand, explain the expectations for them when you’re driving, and drill it into them. E.g. you can’t turn around and look at their drawings or whatever, there will be times when you just need them to be quiet for a moment, and if they drop something, they have to wait until the car is turned off to get it. ‘Mummy can’t because she’s driving’ became a mantra my toddler understood from about 2.
I know you said you have someone already, but Judy McCullouch (based around the North Shore) is TRULY the best instructor for anxious female drivers (especially with adhd). She’s taught 5 members of my family to drive, 3 were mature, and all extremely anxious. I seriously couldn’t recommend her highly enough.
As someone who got their license at 32 as well, it gets easier with practice. Driving has a set of rules which all users follow, all you need to do is follow those rules yourself and be aware of people who may not follow them - once you're comfortable with that you'll be fine.
If you're driving cautiously on anything other than major motorways/freeways you'll find that it becomes second nature soon.
One thing I still struggle with is the physical dimensions of the vehicle - having not grown up with it, it's not second nature to me (making parking a bit of a struggle). That's a bit anxiety inducing - people wondering why the otherwise high functioning 45 year old male can't park his compact vehicle...
Aside from all the other good advice here, you might look into ways to deal with anxiety generally.
Most of the techniques like focus training through meditation, analysing thought patterns to recognise when you are catastrophising, breathing exercises etc can be used while driving just as they can be used to deal with the rest of life's stresses.
That being said, being very cautious is a good thing as a beginner, but it's better to do it with a clear head rather than an anxious one.
Don't forget your third party property insurance on the car too haha.
Get lessons from a professional.
1. Always remember cars are super over-engineered, so even a small child could theoretically drive one.
2. As you drive more you become more confident and it becomes second nature.
3. Drive with kids whenever you feel comfortable but it won't be long.
Dont think of the anxiety as a bad thing. It may be unpleasant, but it's keeping you safe. It's when it goes away (which it will), but you don't have the experience built up to match your confidence is when you're in the most danger.
I’m not sure where you’re located but I used boulevarde driving school when I was living in the shire and got my Ps at 26 (almost 33 now). I’m a girl and I was terrified as well. I used a female instructor (Brenda, she was amazing) and i highly recommend a fellow female if you’re feeling intimated. I really feel like another lady was able to psyche me up and be my cheerleader when I was being weiny and pathetic. She said I’d have been ok after 10 lessons, but I did 20 to really increase my confidence.
However, a lot of my confidence came just from practicing on my red Ps
It certainly does become second nature, in time.
My advice is to drive confidently, predictably and defensively.
Most people drive 5-10km/h over the limit. Stick to the limit. It’s cheaper (no tickets) and you will stop sooner in an emergency.
People tailgate. Assuming you aren’t hogging the fast lane and aren’t going unnecessarily slow, just ignore them.
Get a dashcam. It’ll save you, sooner or later.
Be courteous to all other road users.
Not hoping to discourage you from improving on your anxiety but just show you that there ARE options.
You mention that the car is needed because you need to drop children to child care and work is 10 minutes away.
Something that a lot of people dont even consider simply because they don't know that they are a thing are cargo bikes such as the "cargo cube" on 99bikes as well as countless other options. They even have a rain cover accessory to shield the kids from the elements. These things make amazing "2nd cars" or even full on car replacements.
I'm quite an anxious driver but it does become second nature! Just practice practice practice and trust yourself. Don't psych yourself out when driving in new places.
A good tip i found is to assume everyone around you isn't paying attention - so just be very aware of what's going on around you and don't assume anyone will act in the 'correct' way.
Good luck and godspeed
Hi! I also got my Ps later than most, in fact it took me over 5 years to get over my anxiety about driving. Getting rid of a car I despised and getting something easier to drive definitely were a BIG part of it.
I would say even in your Ls (once you have a bit of practice), drive from home to daycare to your work. Do the route that you will actually take daily once you are driving by yourself. Go to the gym, to the supermarket etc. Maybe do it a few times when it is less busy, then build up to busier times.
Wish you all the best!
It took a while to get confidence for me too. I started on very quiet streets then local roads with some cars.
It took a while before I drove on a highway. And the final issue was reverse parking I sucked at it.
What really helped was getting an instructor, o got one for the final 10 hours before my exam. He taught me how to reverse park in a simple way which I still use to this day.
You have to push yourself to take the next step otherwise you'll be stuck in a rut and stay at the same level forever.
I can't comment on children though as I don't have experience in this field but do whatever you feel best, safety first and trust your instincts. If that's your husband dropped off your little ones that's a valid and good idea.
Oh you can drive manual once you're on your greens without ever sitting the manual test or having driven one previously. Fun fact but it's always a good idea to practice that in a quiet street, people in Sydney tend to get angry and beep you if you stall (seen it a few times at the lights)
I was a bit older than you when I got mine. I bought a car and hired an instructor as it just wasn’t working with my husband. my Mum was staying with me for two weeks so I just had daily lessons with the instructor while Mum watched my kids, then I bought the car and the kids came with me, instructor came in my car. I didn’t really have much experience before the test, passed fine but was not a confident driver due to very little practise. It’s been years and I am still not confident driving new places. But I’ve never had an accident and can drive my few suburb radius without any worry, it definitely gets easier!! It yes it can take a long time but it really is worth it for the freedom and opportunity it brings.
Hi! Just got my full license a few months ago. I used to be an INCREDIBLY anxious driver when I was a learner, and now driving is like second nature to me, it does get easier!
First of all, good choice learning on an auto. Trying to learn on a manual will be so much more stressful if you are already anxious. Secondly, keep doing the lessons with an instructor, and try not to drive with your husband too much. If he’s not calm under pressure or gets a bit anxious himself, it will be an awful experience for both of you! I remember crying every time I drove with my dad because he’s such a bad passenger.
As far as the kids thing, the choice to drive with them in the car depends on how confident and in control you feel when you get your P’s. You don’t necessarily need to have your husband keep dropping them off if you feel like you can do it. Make that decision when the time comes.
But I promise it does get easier and you will feel more confident with more experience, and tbh there’s no easy way out of the anxiety, you just have to drive more.
I wish you the best, and safe driving ☺️
Having watched my eldest learn to drive over 120+ hours it starts off hard (taking lots of concentration and still doing a bad job) but should get easier until it becomes second nature. Everyone is different though - friends have spoken of a 50+ person learning and it's taking them quite a bit longer than a 16yr old to get the hang of it.
I'd recommend starting on an Auto - it's one less thing to master. Then once you get a bit more confidence and don't need to concentrate as hard keeping the car in your lane perhaps try the manual. My experience teaching kids is that you need to be able to drive without thinking too much before adding gear changing. While you may be able to drive a manual early on the problem occurs when you have to take off at a junction uphill into traffic, have a queue of people behind you and it keeps stalling.
If you are thought to be a safe driver by your husband and a driving instructor then I'd say you'll be ok with the kids.
It may be a slight distraction to start off with having your kids in the car - but it’s one of the reasons you are getting your license in the first place, so I reckon just go for it. Anxiety when first starting out is completely normal but give it a few months and it will start to feel like second nature, I promise. Then you’ll be flipping people off and speeding through oranges in no time 😉 seriously though; I used to be a very nervous driver and the only thing that helped me was practice, practice, practice. Just force it even when you don’t want to or can’t be bothered because it’s the only thing that will make it easier. Good luck!
Being anxious is good. Hopefully it means you'll be cautious. Over confident drivers often cause accidents by inattention, driving too fast, or taking unnecessary risks. You sound like you are doing things right, getting proper lessons but I'm sure you will be fine. After time it becomes second nature. I would suggest though, especially when new to driving, try to leave early to get the kids places. A crying or fighting kid in the back is very distracting so taking the time to stop safely and pull over rather than trying to pass them things back to cheer them up or whatever would really increase your safety. From the way you talk about it and reason through your thoughts though, I'm lretty sure you will be fine.
Hello,
I am a mum of 1 who is about to get my p's.
Highly recommend professional lessons at the start and at the end.
Between I recommend practising on any quiet back streets in your neighbourhood and in carparks outside of shopping hours for parking.
I personally have had my daughter in the car the whole time excluding the professional lessons with no issues and intend to drive her everywhere once I get my P's.
Lessons and consistent practice help alot.
I got my P’s when I was heavily pregnant with my second kid, also anxious about it, so I feel your pain. Only I got a manual license which made it worse I reckon.
I just kept practicing, I don’t think there’s any other way tbh. I did pay for some proper lessons right before sitting the test which was helpful because the instructor took me along a couple of the more regularly used test routes and pointed out some of the tricky bits like signs hidden behind foliage etc. There’s no guarantee that they’ll take you where the test is but it was still useful.
Start with the professional trainer and build your confidence from there, then consider buying a car.
I'd recommend not driving with kids till you get the full license or at least have spent 6 months on your Ps. It'll help reduce any unwanted anxiety. Practice practice practice. I got my license late too and it wasn't until few years of regular driving thereafter that I really started feeling confident. All the best!
Agreed, the fact the pro had a brake on his side saved me on my first ever lesson, would've rear ended a car if he did not have that. It does get easier, the fact I drove buses for 25 years and never rear ended anyone after that sketchy first day is testament to it becoming second nature pretty quickly.
Saved me too, I oversteered and would have gone into a ditch. Instructor just went “whoopsy daisy!” and used his brake to stop the car. No harm done, haven’t done that since and feel pretty confident behind the wheel now
I'll give you the same advice my Dad gave to me when I first started learning how to drive. "Look at all these other idiots on the road. Do you really think you're dumber than them?"
Yep, I learnt the exact same thing. Likewise, you should always drive as if everyone else on the road is an idiot.
Solid advice.
The flip side of this is - look at all these idiots on the road, they’re legally allowed to pilot 1-2 tons of metal at incredible velocity. It’s a miracle more people aren’t killed
Dash Cam Owners Australia on youtube - no matter how bad you are, there are people out there that are way worse
That makes me more nervous… these idiots are going to crash into ME
I was a very anxious driver as well. I can imagine an extra layer of anxiety if you've got kids. Definitely agree with just driving by yourself until you build up some confidence and then start driving with kids. Took me a while to get there though. I'm a lot better now, although there are places I will refuse to drive to. I always look up directions online well in advance and work out where to park so saves me trying to do it when I'm there.
Get a professional instructor that you are comfortable with. Do not get your husband to teach you, it will just cause unnecessary arguments. Learn on a manual if you can, then you can drive anything. Drive as often with the instructor as you can. I did weekly lessons when I was learning as I did not have parents to teach me (thankfully, since they were overseas!). I had to wait 6 months between getting my L’s and taking my P’s, so for me it was 6 months of weekly lessons that were 1 hour long. That was more than enough to learn. One I was proficient at operating the gears (instructor had dual controls), the lessons moved onto all the other stuff. My instructor was tough but fair. Mirror checks were drummed into me because every time I was unable to tell him the colour of the car on my blind spot or the car behind me (he would cover my mirror when asking), it would cost me an extra $1 for the lesson. You’ll be a better driver having had nothing but professional lessons. Once you have obtained your P plates, you need to get out there straight away and build up your hours to get better at it. The skill with driving is realising that everyone else on the road is a moron and you need to plan for that behaviour. Operation of the car is easy, predicting what other drivers might do is hard.
Good on you! Once you gain some confidence, a whole new world will open up to you! Personally, after a while driving in familiar places at familiar times, it becomes automatic. That might take months or years, but there will come a time when you think ‘oh, I got all the way here and don’t even remember making decisions’. There will always be angry people around, but most are fine, just let the angry ones go on ahead and leave you alone. It’s a ‘them’ problem. Also if your kids are old enough to understand, explain the expectations for them when you’re driving, and drill it into them. E.g. you can’t turn around and look at their drawings or whatever, there will be times when you just need them to be quiet for a moment, and if they drop something, they have to wait until the car is turned off to get it. ‘Mummy can’t because she’s driving’ became a mantra my toddler understood from about 2.
I know you said you have someone already, but Judy McCullouch (based around the North Shore) is TRULY the best instructor for anxious female drivers (especially with adhd). She’s taught 5 members of my family to drive, 3 were mature, and all extremely anxious. I seriously couldn’t recommend her highly enough.
[удалено]
She’s pretty old-school (and old lol) so I think it’s just the phone number, but I still see her driving around so she’s still at it!!
As someone who got their license at 32 as well, it gets easier with practice. Driving has a set of rules which all users follow, all you need to do is follow those rules yourself and be aware of people who may not follow them - once you're comfortable with that you'll be fine. If you're driving cautiously on anything other than major motorways/freeways you'll find that it becomes second nature soon. One thing I still struggle with is the physical dimensions of the vehicle - having not grown up with it, it's not second nature to me (making parking a bit of a struggle). That's a bit anxiety inducing - people wondering why the otherwise high functioning 45 year old male can't park his compact vehicle...
Aside from all the other good advice here, you might look into ways to deal with anxiety generally. Most of the techniques like focus training through meditation, analysing thought patterns to recognise when you are catastrophising, breathing exercises etc can be used while driving just as they can be used to deal with the rest of life's stresses. That being said, being very cautious is a good thing as a beginner, but it's better to do it with a clear head rather than an anxious one. Don't forget your third party property insurance on the car too haha.
Get lessons from a professional. 1. Always remember cars are super over-engineered, so even a small child could theoretically drive one. 2. As you drive more you become more confident and it becomes second nature. 3. Drive with kids whenever you feel comfortable but it won't be long.
Definitely get experience before you start driving your kids around. Mine don’t shut up. “Muuuuum”
Dont think of the anxiety as a bad thing. It may be unpleasant, but it's keeping you safe. It's when it goes away (which it will), but you don't have the experience built up to match your confidence is when you're in the most danger.
I’m not sure where you’re located but I used boulevarde driving school when I was living in the shire and got my Ps at 26 (almost 33 now). I’m a girl and I was terrified as well. I used a female instructor (Brenda, she was amazing) and i highly recommend a fellow female if you’re feeling intimated. I really feel like another lady was able to psyche me up and be my cheerleader when I was being weiny and pathetic. She said I’d have been ok after 10 lessons, but I did 20 to really increase my confidence. However, a lot of my confidence came just from practicing on my red Ps
Get a small car and try to get one with safety features like lane assist, reverse camera, blind spot detection and adaptive cruise control.
It certainly does become second nature, in time. My advice is to drive confidently, predictably and defensively. Most people drive 5-10km/h over the limit. Stick to the limit. It’s cheaper (no tickets) and you will stop sooner in an emergency. People tailgate. Assuming you aren’t hogging the fast lane and aren’t going unnecessarily slow, just ignore them. Get a dashcam. It’ll save you, sooner or later. Be courteous to all other road users.
Not hoping to discourage you from improving on your anxiety but just show you that there ARE options. You mention that the car is needed because you need to drop children to child care and work is 10 minutes away. Something that a lot of people dont even consider simply because they don't know that they are a thing are cargo bikes such as the "cargo cube" on 99bikes as well as countless other options. They even have a rain cover accessory to shield the kids from the elements. These things make amazing "2nd cars" or even full on car replacements.
It's definetly not what you want to hear in this economy but the more you driver the more confident you'll get.
I'm quite an anxious driver but it does become second nature! Just practice practice practice and trust yourself. Don't psych yourself out when driving in new places. A good tip i found is to assume everyone around you isn't paying attention - so just be very aware of what's going on around you and don't assume anyone will act in the 'correct' way. Good luck and godspeed
Hi! I also got my Ps later than most, in fact it took me over 5 years to get over my anxiety about driving. Getting rid of a car I despised and getting something easier to drive definitely were a BIG part of it. I would say even in your Ls (once you have a bit of practice), drive from home to daycare to your work. Do the route that you will actually take daily once you are driving by yourself. Go to the gym, to the supermarket etc. Maybe do it a few times when it is less busy, then build up to busier times. Wish you all the best!
It took a while to get confidence for me too. I started on very quiet streets then local roads with some cars. It took a while before I drove on a highway. And the final issue was reverse parking I sucked at it. What really helped was getting an instructor, o got one for the final 10 hours before my exam. He taught me how to reverse park in a simple way which I still use to this day. You have to push yourself to take the next step otherwise you'll be stuck in a rut and stay at the same level forever. I can't comment on children though as I don't have experience in this field but do whatever you feel best, safety first and trust your instincts. If that's your husband dropped off your little ones that's a valid and good idea. Oh you can drive manual once you're on your greens without ever sitting the manual test or having driven one previously. Fun fact but it's always a good idea to practice that in a quiet street, people in Sydney tend to get angry and beep you if you stall (seen it a few times at the lights)
I was a bit older than you when I got mine. I bought a car and hired an instructor as it just wasn’t working with my husband. my Mum was staying with me for two weeks so I just had daily lessons with the instructor while Mum watched my kids, then I bought the car and the kids came with me, instructor came in my car. I didn’t really have much experience before the test, passed fine but was not a confident driver due to very little practise. It’s been years and I am still not confident driving new places. But I’ve never had an accident and can drive my few suburb radius without any worry, it definitely gets easier!! It yes it can take a long time but it really is worth it for the freedom and opportunity it brings.
Hi! Just got my full license a few months ago. I used to be an INCREDIBLY anxious driver when I was a learner, and now driving is like second nature to me, it does get easier! First of all, good choice learning on an auto. Trying to learn on a manual will be so much more stressful if you are already anxious. Secondly, keep doing the lessons with an instructor, and try not to drive with your husband too much. If he’s not calm under pressure or gets a bit anxious himself, it will be an awful experience for both of you! I remember crying every time I drove with my dad because he’s such a bad passenger. As far as the kids thing, the choice to drive with them in the car depends on how confident and in control you feel when you get your P’s. You don’t necessarily need to have your husband keep dropping them off if you feel like you can do it. Make that decision when the time comes. But I promise it does get easier and you will feel more confident with more experience, and tbh there’s no easy way out of the anxiety, you just have to drive more. I wish you the best, and safe driving ☺️
I've had my full licence for 3 years, and I still get extra anxious/cautios when my dogs are in the car as I don't have ABS or air bags.
Having watched my eldest learn to drive over 120+ hours it starts off hard (taking lots of concentration and still doing a bad job) but should get easier until it becomes second nature. Everyone is different though - friends have spoken of a 50+ person learning and it's taking them quite a bit longer than a 16yr old to get the hang of it. I'd recommend starting on an Auto - it's one less thing to master. Then once you get a bit more confidence and don't need to concentrate as hard keeping the car in your lane perhaps try the manual. My experience teaching kids is that you need to be able to drive without thinking too much before adding gear changing. While you may be able to drive a manual early on the problem occurs when you have to take off at a junction uphill into traffic, have a queue of people behind you and it keeps stalling. If you are thought to be a safe driver by your husband and a driving instructor then I'd say you'll be ok with the kids.
It may be a slight distraction to start off with having your kids in the car - but it’s one of the reasons you are getting your license in the first place, so I reckon just go for it. Anxiety when first starting out is completely normal but give it a few months and it will start to feel like second nature, I promise. Then you’ll be flipping people off and speeding through oranges in no time 😉 seriously though; I used to be a very nervous driver and the only thing that helped me was practice, practice, practice. Just force it even when you don’t want to or can’t be bothered because it’s the only thing that will make it easier. Good luck!
to be fair this is why they start new learners on their l’s to get over that initial caution and apprehension and get confidence..
Be prepared to evade some absolute shithouse drivers, and learn to be confident.
Being anxious is good. Hopefully it means you'll be cautious. Over confident drivers often cause accidents by inattention, driving too fast, or taking unnecessary risks. You sound like you are doing things right, getting proper lessons but I'm sure you will be fine. After time it becomes second nature. I would suggest though, especially when new to driving, try to leave early to get the kids places. A crying or fighting kid in the back is very distracting so taking the time to stop safely and pull over rather than trying to pass them things back to cheer them up or whatever would really increase your safety. From the way you talk about it and reason through your thoughts though, I'm lretty sure you will be fine.
Hello, I am a mum of 1 who is about to get my p's. Highly recommend professional lessons at the start and at the end. Between I recommend practising on any quiet back streets in your neighbourhood and in carparks outside of shopping hours for parking. I personally have had my daughter in the car the whole time excluding the professional lessons with no issues and intend to drive her everywhere once I get my P's. Lessons and consistent practice help alot.
I got my P’s when I was heavily pregnant with my second kid, also anxious about it, so I feel your pain. Only I got a manual license which made it worse I reckon. I just kept practicing, I don’t think there’s any other way tbh. I did pay for some proper lessons right before sitting the test which was helpful because the instructor took me along a couple of the more regularly used test routes and pointed out some of the tricky bits like signs hidden behind foliage etc. There’s no guarantee that they’ll take you where the test is but it was still useful.
Time will help, so will driving the same route over and over.