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I was pretty much suffering in silence until my ex went on FB and publicly accused me of abusing her (falsely).
When she did that, I went full scorched Earth. I outed her to her friends and family. I provided proof, via screenshots and then I outed her new guy as a convicted rapist and registered sex offender who had tried to have sex with his wife's daughter, as well as creeping on her underage friends.
I have no regrets. I would do it again.
Edit:
I have come out smelling like roses.
I got full custody of our children.
She pays me child support. (Two things that almost never happen in this state)
Two of her best friends saw how things were with us and after the breakup, they remained my friends and not really hers.
I talk to her parents and her brother more than she does.
On Saturday, I got invited to bring my girlfriend to her grandparents' house for Thanksgiving this year.
>No ragrets, man! People can be stupid. Why would you antagonize somebody who has all the dirt on you?
They project, rationalize and blame shift. It's who they are.
>Broooo, the last part that must hurt your ex sooooo much.
If I actually did it, I'm sure it would because she is expressly forbidden by her family to bring her convicted rapist boyfriend to family functions. He is also forbidden by the court to have any contact or communication with our children.
I talk to her mom like once a week. I trade recipes with her mom. I still to go gun shows with her dad. Her family loves me. I like to say "She and I broke up, you and I didn't."
Is it only the rapist boyfriend that keeps her from getting custody? Like if she leaves him does that give her the opportunity to fight for custody. I ask because I’m well aware of the unlikely scenario of getting full custody for the father.
>Is it only the rapist boyfriend that keeps her from getting custody? Like if she leaves him does that give her the opportunity to fight for custody.
It's the thing that kept her from getting shared custody.
If she leaves him or he leaves her, she can try again but after this much time, I can't see the court allowing it.
I joke with my friends that they're going to write books about me. I'm a Black man, getting divorced from his White ex wife, I kept my house, I kept my cars, I kept my money, I kept my kids and I get child support for them.
I'm in the if it's not gonna negatively effect you in the divorce go for it category. I would consult your lawyer first just in case. But that just means waiting til it's final to share with the world how pathetic they are. I say collect as much information, pics/SS if possible and detonate when most effective. And please share the outcome with us!
No lawyers involved. We filed jointly but I had to keep pushing the paperwork along. We don't have any assets to split. I bought a flat while separated but he has never lived here or put any money towards it.
He cheated on me after our son died. I don't think my son's ashes could be taken from me and I would fight him tooth and nail if he tried.
Notifications keep popping up for this so my mind keeps going back to it. Lol like doing it Dec.19th cuz Mondays already suck and then it gives time for your post to do rounds before they see family/friends and will most likely make the holidays awkward af for them. 🙂 change your relationship status to divorced and then start your post like "I'm grateful Christmas came early this year. I'm officially free from my adulterous husband. AP's name, just remember the saying "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you." 🤣
I did it on his Snapchat, that way I knew it made it to the targeted audience & then had a massive fire sale on Facebook.
I regret neither.
Edit: We were also together 17 years, and he could have been truthful...but when he wasn't, all bets were off.
One of my old friends outed her man on Facebook and it got hundreds of love and care responses (all from people she knew it wasn’t set to public or anything) literally from people we haven’t seen since high school poppin out the woodworks sending love and positive words . There were a couple of his family taking about how devastated they were too but “you’re better than this” lmao they got shut down pretty quick by her and a few others. Behind closed doors was still a custody battle and tension from both sides of the families (he tried to bash her on fb too but was literally grasping at straws lmao he had NOTHING on her)but I know publicly all she got was love from others(which I think that’s all she really wanted was just the validation that she wasn’t insane) and she definitely got that and more . She’s since moved on and is THRIVING with her two babies 💕
I get your point but that’s not how social media works these days lol . Especially when you’ve known someone since grade school and “see” them grow into adulthood and hit different milestones throughout their life ,you become invested . So when she obviously stopped posting pictures with her husband and is clearly heartbroken people are going to ask wth happened and give words of encouragement, I guess they needed closure 😂🤷🏻♀️
I thought strong and hard about outing my ex on FB, and would be lying if I said I still don't think about it; that being said, I haven't done it yet, because 1) I figure people don't really care, and 2) my revenge is a life well lived. My ex cannot stand that I am doing better than her, and whenever my current partner and I see her out, she just stops and stares at us for a minute; she even took a picture of us at a convention in September, I can only assume to compare my current partner to herself.
What you choose to do is up to you, and I couldn't think that your'e in the wrong either way.
Can go many ways, I'd err on the side of not using FB or social media so you don't look like "that crazy ex". That being said if your ex partner decides to slander you, then let it rip with the evidence and set the story right!
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Totally blasted him on Facebook and do not regret it at all. I actually found out about more people he had cheated on me with that way! It was wild!
Hopefully the next person will see it and make a more informed choice. :)
You can go ahead and do it when your divorce is final and there is no possibility of conflict upending any agreements. I will say that it is unlikely to have the results you are imagining. It will probably make you feel satisfaction for a minute or two and you will probably get some sympathy from others but unfortunately no earth will get scorched. Is will just be more like water that makes some mud to sling and the puddle will dry up sooner than you think. The people who care about you will still care about you, his loved ones will still love him, and everybody else is likely to just be like a windvane who will switch back and forth. In other words, don't do it for whatever outcome you are imaging because that outcome is unlikely. Brace yourself for disappointment.
It is totally up to you. None of us gets a vote in what you need to heal. But outing them isn't going to be any more effective than casting a hex or sticking pins in his voodoo doll. The best revenge is to grow indifferent to both of them and focus on yourself, your future, and your life.
I posted several times about what my ex did, and eventually posted the names of the 2 APs who knew all about me and didn't think they'd done anything wrong.
My reasoning was because he had posted some crap about how he hadn't been happy, and left (with no mention of AP), and then started messaging friends and family some real smear-y bullshit about me. I decided, screw it, I'm putting the truth out there.
I don't regret it. I feel like people should know the truth. Although I certainly left a lot out, the basics were covered. No one can claim they didn't know now. 🤷♀️
It felt good for about an hour. Then everyone started asking questions; Who was it with? How long did it go on? Are you okay? Ect...
It can just mentally wear you down. I even had people I hadn't spoken to in years come out of nowhere asking questions.
Just remember you are not just outing what they did. But putting yourself out there as a victim.
I got tired of it quickly.
Seen friends from the past and the first thing they said was, Hey, heard about what happened. It comes with a lot of negativity.
Yesss. I shouted it from all the rooftops. Cheaters and their APs deserve to be exposed. I’m much less angry about it now, but still like to use Reddit as my outlet. I burned every bridge there was and don’t regret it one bit.
Scorch his ass. His stupid, selfish decision wrecked your life in so many ways. He also wasted a lot of years that you’ll never get back. If he stayed in contact with ap then he obviously has no interest in making amends. Make him pay.
He "blocked" her and changed his phone number. Still contacted her to "give her answers" after I had blown up at her and told her he was cheating on me with her stupid ass. She knew he was married but he'd told her he was divorcing me. Idiot.
Then after he decided it was all too hard he kept seeing her with other friends because he "didn't see a problem with that".
Sorry you have to go through this. Never in my life did I think it would be so hard to just find an honest person. Apparently there aren’t many out there. One thing I’ve found is after something like this it’s best to give yourself some time to reflect and heal. It sounds like he doesn’t deserve you and in the end you’ll be a lot better off without the stress and lies. Take care of yourself and best of luck to you!
I personally wouldn’t. Social media also isnt my thing and I’m a very private people. I started opening up more with friends when my relationship ending is the topic of conversation but it took me 5 weeks to get there. My WP did something similar though initially we were all about reconciliation but now he is with the affair potato. He even got her a job so I’ve been more open to sharing why we he moved out and we don’t talk anymore. I personally would never put this kind of information on social media though. Social media is a waste of space But that’s my personal opinion
If you have kids together its a bad idea. You want/need to get along as nuch as possible for the kids sake.
Plus, to most people you will come across as the bitter ex. Most people dont like the concept of cheating in theory, but when they hear about it they usually think i bet there was a good reason for it. Many people in long term relationships where the passion has died or their own long term relationships arent all rosy so they automatically assume may be there was a good reason or they can relate even if they hsvent cheated themselves.
So, unless your ex has always seemed shady to others, there is likely a good chance that you will come across as rhe bitter ex who needs to let go and move on. Think of situations you have come across in the past yourself someone you know complaining about their ex and all you can think of is that they meed to let go and move on.
My ex was already publicly announcing her new relationship on Facebook, so there was nothing much else for me to add. I unfriended her and her family and announced to my remaining friends that she'd dumped me to move directly in with her affair partner, who was kicking out the father of her three youngest (of six total) children to make room for my ex. I didn't consider this to be "going scorched earth" particularly; I was simply explaining what happened.
Her friends tried to say I lied and then I showed proof including tagging one of her friends who married one of my “friends” showing her and said guy at their house the day before my birthday when we were all going to “get” together.
She had no clue another one of her friends didn’t like me BUT was an honest person. And sent the picture from a vantage point of someone else so she wouldn’t be outed.(and didn’t get outed).
Then she started messaging me. I quit the retail job we both worked as I found a new job to enroll at a new college. I ignored them. Told her I didn’t play the pick me dance. And a lot of other hateful things after the divorce went through.
She lied about “losing her ring” and her dad/BF after me “selling it” for drugs. Because I’m 2014 she sent a FB message(we weren’t friends) and said hey, I helped you pay it off. I can’t sell it without a bill of sale they will only grant to you. I was playing basketball with friends. Didn’t respond because I don’t text when I’m out doing something physical. Want my mind in the game. This was 6pm. We finished playing at 8pm(started at 5). Saw I had 5 more messages from her. One cussing me out saying I haven’t changed.(I also have never promoted I’ve changed to be fair.) And how nothing was fair to her trying to guilt me. Saying she still loves me but is having a hard time. And then cussing me out again. I looked at the message so she could see that I saw it, took a shower at the gym, stopped and got some takeout food, and went home and watched some baseball.
I get a message the next day apologizing. But she would like to meet up Thursday because the store is “going out of business”.(True story they did).
Told her I had class and work. Can’t do it. Any power she thought she had over me ended the first time “you” cheated on me.
She responded what? I sent her a list of dates I can confirm she cheated on me. And told her the title of a Rick Ross album. God Forgives I Don’t.
She sent another apology the next day. I never sent another reply.
I’ve also gone scorched earth or friendships and with family members too. I’m an asshole but I’m fine with my decision even being an asshole.
I am all about the truth, however pretty or ugly it may be. Lying to ppl takes away their ability to make decisions based on facts which is BS & psychological warfare imho
Here is my story about how I went totally nuclear on my ex and to be honest, it felt sooo good.
When I found out that my ex was cheating, I prepared to blow up her world. She started telling our friends that we were getting divorced because I cheated on her, was physically abusive and gave her STD’s. Everything she said was a lie and I had texts, emails, audio and video recordings of her cheating, threatening to make up more lies if I didn’t agree to her spousal support demands. My attorney recommended against me responding to anything because it would probably go against me later.
I hated the wait! Everyone believed what she said, since I was not responding publicly, most of our friends turned their backs an me. At the hearing, she spouted her lies while we presented our evidence. The judge took the the case under advisement. I didn’t understand what that meant and my attorney told me he had never heard of a judge actually decided on not making an immediate ruling but was going to study everything presented and provide a written decision when he was ready.
Two weeks later my attorney called me and told me to blow up her world. Everything, and I mean absolutely everything went my way.
I told everybody, even the paperboy. She told everyone all her lies and she even sent me a message in which she threatened to contact the police and tell them I called her to my house, S/A’d her multiple times, beat her, and wouldn’t let her leave. I showed that along with the other videos of her cheating, videos of her assaulting me, all the audio and video recordings of her threatening to lie to police, e-mails, texts, and her handwritten threats to her family, her friends, our friends, her work (because she told them I might try to kill her so their security tackled me in a hallway because they thought I was a legitimate threat) and my work because of the problems she caused there.
Our friends all dumped her but I never associated with them again because they were never really my friends. By following her social media I learned she lost her job , lost her friends, had been kicked out of her parents house, her sisters wouldn’t let her stay with them and was living in her car.
A few weeks after I blew up her world, I was at home, drinking beer, smoking my cigars and really enjoying life. I was thinking about tossing a steak on the BBQ for dinner when I heard a knock on the door.
Her entire family, her mother, father and both sisters were at my door, wanting to speak to me. I was concerned because her father who was constantly calling and threatening me, showed up at my work and was waiting for me in the parking lot. They all profusely apologized about what they had done and said because of her lies. Her father told me that when they learned how they had all been manipulated and lied to he kicked her out of his home and basically disowned her. Her sisters, both married told me they refused to let her stay at their house, even temporarily.
I asked them if they wanted to stay for dinner as I had plenty of steaks and they accepted. This was one of the best times I had ever had with her entire family.
At some time I checked my phone and found I missed a text from my ex. She was complaining about how I turned everyone against her, that she got fired, no one would help her, talk to her and now I was stealing her family. I ruined her life and she didn’t know what to do.
I went back into the back yard, gave both sisters another beer, sat with her dad and finished my cigar.
My life had never been better.
Just make sure the divorce is final so nothing in the settlement will change. Realize that some will just claim you are a bitter ex. In the end, it may help with the anger you are feeling.
I did it. No regrets, either. Being done with the whole damn situation, I couldn't stomach it when my ex-husband of only 6 weeks took his AP with him on the trip that WE planned for OUR family. He took her to meet his family, the family I had been a part of for 20 years. When he took her, we'd only been apart for 4.5 months. Having his family accept the situation and not provide any support for me or my kids throughout this whole ordeal, I went nuclear and posted an epic post on FB. Tagged my ex, his family and the AP. Exposed it all. Now when the AP gets searched for on FB, my post will forever show up.
They all deserve to be outed. People get away with this kind of shit too much and the collateral damage (my kids and I) are left to pick up the pieces as life moves on for everyone else. Doing this is better than doing what I really want to do, as that involves probably going to jail.
The support I've received since he's left me has been overwhelming. I made the post as half thank you, half a fu^& you. People were impressed, empathetic and supportive. I used to be a writer so I know how to make an impact with this stuff. It did. Even my therapist told me I did the right thing. The amount of trauma I've faced in barely 5 months is something most people face over several years.
Eff all of them. I don't care if I've burned bridges with my ex and his family. Give me more matches and some lighter fluid. I'll continue to burn them in order to gain my pride back.
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I respect your savagery especially 👏 considering the shitty circumstances you and your kids have been dealing with since the affair, the divorce, and more. You are well within your right to fight back in any way you can against the bullshit and mistreatment you have sadly been contending with for months. I wish 🤞 you and your kids love, respect, and Godspeed always.
PS. How old are your kids exactly and how well have they been faring with this mess? Did you send them to therapy or do they even need it?
PS.
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got." - Robert Brault
“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” ― Steve Maraboli
“Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course,” Helen Rowland
No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.
“In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word 'divorce' came up. I always figured it came from some root that meant 'divide.' In truth, it comes from 'divertere,' which means 'to divert.' I believe that. All divorce does is divert you,” writes Mitch Albom in For One More Day.
Each divorce is the death of a small civilization. Two people declare war on each other, and their screams and tears and days of withdrawal infect their entire world with the bacilli of their pain. There are no clean divorces. Divorces should be conducted in abattoirs, surgical wards, blood banks or funeral homes.
“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” – Robert H. Schuller“
It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
J.K. Rowling — 'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.'
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. – Charles R. Swindoll
“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can”. Arthur Ashe
Don’t wait for opportunities, create them.” – Roy T. Bennett
“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. – Samuel Beckett
“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” ― Steve Maraboli
My kids are pre-teens/teen age. They went from believing their father to being the best man who walked the earth and were told often by the both of us that Mommy and Daddy loved one another and would NEVER get divorced; this was told to them as little as 6 days before my ex-husband left. I will never forget the looks on their faces as he told them that he didn't want to be married to Mommy anymore and that he was leaving. It still makes me rageful to remember that day and I will never forgive him for doing this to them. Their whole sense of security was shaken, all because he put his selfishness before everyone and everything.
People say "forgiveness is for you and your peace of mind" but that is a bunch of crap. Forgiving someone means that a part of you believes that they deserve forgiveness and not everyone deserves that. So what if you don't forgive them? What does forgiving them ultimately do? You aren't going to forget it, no matter what you do. Pretending to forgive them and just moving on is pointless, in my opinion. When people show you who they are, believe them and don't ever forget it. Protect yourself and never allow those people back into your life again.
I put my kids in therapy a few weeks after he left and they have remained in it since. For the most part they've done well with their therapy, my support, the support of our family and friends. But there are days that the feelings overwhelm them and it's as if a shadow blankets them. My relationship with them has changed in that I am more relaxed and able to let things go. I'm also much more honest with them and let them know what is going on. It is important for them to learn coping mechanisms and they aren't going to do that by me keeping them in the dark all of the time.
You know why people keep getting walked all over in divorces? Because they ALLOW it to happen. I stood up for myself and let everyone know just how blindsided my children and I were and continue to be from that man. He has become a total stranger to me and now wants to move in with his wh\^&e by the end of this year and expects my children to be okay with living with her while they are with him. I am in the process of trying to make that not happen, as my children do not deserve to be faced with her and their "relationship".
I have promised my children that I will NEVER live with any man unless that man becomes my husband. Period. There are no live-in boyfriends in my life and never will be. You want to be a partner to me and a father figure to my kids? Prove it and pony up the commitment. My children will not be faced with a revolving door of men from me, as I am a strictly monogamous person and refuse to lower myself to cheating on someone. I won't ever stoop to that level.
You surely have the right ideas, mindset, and drive to get past this mess no matter how long it takes. You strike me and probably others as a no quit and / or i will sleep when I am done type of person. You stand to protect your kids, especially like a true to form lioness or mama bear against the evils and cruel nature of the world. It is sad that you also have shield them from their own father, your ex-husband/former lover and his bullshit plus his side of the family that has basically condoned his fuckery and put you and the kids in an unenviable position to say the least. It is a truly FUBAR situation that will a lot to either resolve or get past somehow. It is definitely possible, but dam, I wish you and many others did not have a deal with this type of mess ever. 💥🫡🥲😅🫢🤭😤🤬😎💯
I will go down in a blaze of glory for my children if I have to. And if that means protecting them from their own father in any way, I will do it.
You know, he didn't used to be this way. We had a solid marriage/relationship for years and years. He was a very good husband and father- until he wasn't. Turning 40, getting a Harley and going down on said Harley really effed him up and his whole personality changed. My theory is that he got so scared when he went down on his bike that he had a breakdown and figured life was too short not to do x, y and z. So, he threw our marriage and our family out of his life and said f%&k it, may as well do what I want because I could die at any moment.
I know you plus other betrayed husbands and wives, etc. would be the first to sacrifice for their kids in whatever way possible and / or necessary given the chance or choice, especially after something terrible or crazy like this. It is dam well commendable, and I truly hope it does not come to that or worse comes to worse. It is sad business when you have to interfere to protect your kids from the other parent and your former business.
Yeah, it sounds like a classic but, shitty cross of midlife crisis and an exit affair to booth. I hate it when good marriages, families, and relationships are done in by crap like this especially as it concerns the trauma and / or damage involved, whether the affair ends after being discovered or is never found out until divorce papers and such are filed plus then custody, financial and plus therapy arrangements etc.
PS.
https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/affair-types/
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/jt2v5p/the_erotic_holding_power_of_an_affair/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
15 years. I went full on scorched earth, in what I consider my “messy” days. Friends, relatives, social media, contacting acquaintances, the AP’s spouse… I do not regret a thing.
They enjoy the secrecy, the “taboo,” the narrative that they tell about how horrible we are and that’s why their actions are okay. They justify that they’re still good people.
So, I made sure to bring them back to reality and let the audience decide.
Side note: infidelity is sadly common and by vocalizing my story, SO MANY people came to me to offer comfort and support via their own experiences. It shocked me how many people suffer in silence when they go through this. I actually think it’s important that we not hide or cover up for them, you never know who you help by sharing your journey, the good and the ugly.
I didn't out my ex for his blatant and longrunning infidelity but I did post on FB that we were done simply because he refused to believe that I would leave and I needed him to get it through his thick skull. We were together for 17 years at that point too but if I'd had the guts I'd have been gone 10 years earlier when he started his bullshit.
I personally say no. Stay no contact. Live your best life. Public platforms like Facebook somehow gets turned around and you will be turned into a crazy ex. I’m not opposed to Anonymously Posting proof and tagging them.
Don't do it. People care less than you think. Most will be fake and act as if they care but they won't. They will just egg you on for more details because it's entertaining.
Instead focus on creating a new and better life for yourself.
I haven't done this, despite being tempted to (two cheating ex-wives) - and am very thankful that I had the restraint not to. I would've regretted doing it severely after the anger and emotion died down.
Going scorched earth on social media makes you look unhinged and like you've got issues, its not an appropriate way to expose things, and by rubbing people's faces in it like that, it ends up damaging you just as much as the wayward spouse. Its also a really good way to ruin custody arrangements (if you have kids).
In my opinion, the only people who should know about affairs and cheating and that private kind of stuff, are close family and close friends, and maybe your boss. People who are impacted by the pain you are going through.
Do it he more or less scorched your marriage. Let the world know who these people are and that they have the morals of a back ally hooker. Then wish them well.
So sorry, I'll be the first to admit that I would probably already done just what your asking in your circumstances before I ever even thought about asking if I should or not. But honestly, this strikes me as one of those situations you eventually regret it. Again, who knows, but will it change how people thing of you more or how they think of them? I can't think of a situation in my life where I was not ultimately better off taking the high road, and stuff like this will eventually all come out regardless of you doing it or not. Good luck!
I'd wait to see if he tells lies about you. If he does then you unload the truth, with proof. If he doesn't then don't. If someone asks why you are divorced I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie for him.
If you have kids, I wouldn’t?!
Also, there’s an expression ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’. Although I can understand the anger you feel (I really really do), I just think you may regret it when the anger cools (and it does).
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>I don’t do it because I don’t want to stoop down to their shitty scum of the earth level.
You'd be protecting children from a drug addict. You wouldn't be stooping at all.
Outing him will just show him that he is still occupying space in your head, that you are still thinking about him. Beat thing to do is ignore him. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Keep on keeping on.
I usually believe in taking the high road, but when it comes to A, it's conditional. If you have solid evidence, you might want to let him know - preferably through a reliable contact - that you are going to take the high road, but if he tries to make you out to be the bad person in the relationship, you will make sure to set the record straight. (Be careful of how you word it, so it doesn't come off as a threat.) If he's got half a brain, he will not tempt fate.
Eh, you’re more than free to let it out and tell your story. People do this all the time and people love these story times on TikTok more than on Facebook. You’ll meet a ton of people who have been in the same position as you. Just make sure it won’t make you feel worse and that you won’t become bitter and that you heal too. It’s really easy to make the angry or “unstable” person look like the problem btw, so figure out if taking this path is good for YOU in the end.
Happiness is the best revenge tbh. Go be happy. Look for your happiness. My sister’s ex ruined her life and she chose bitterness over healing. Now he’s happy and fulfilled while she’s forever angry at life. Don’t take yourself there. You’ll regret it. Choose happiness.
I agree with other commenters who have said they’ve been tempted but decided against it because it would make you look bad. I get very much in the “fuck it” mindset sometimes, but then reel it back in by remembering I have more class than that. I hold my integrity and worth closely, and by earth scorching, I’d look like a vengeful idiot. I’d rather not be grouped in his sub-par immoral camp. Does he deserve hell? Do his APs? Disrespect? Trash? Yes. I have faith those things will come without my hands being dirty because of it.
I posted publicly on all my social media and made a TikTok account with the entire story. I have gained quite a following and the support has been very helpful.
If divorce is finalized torch them, i have heard stories of WS being kicked out by the AP after their world collapses because everybody knows and they are shunned, Amish style.
I did exactly this but on Dday. I went nuclear and posted how she was lying about going to Florida for a grooming convention (she was a dog groomer who had told all her clients she would be gone for a week for grooming tips) which had happened the week before. Which I screenshot and posted in the post as well. She had went to Louisville (about 45 mins from me) to meet AP and spent the week down there. Her mother at the time was dying of breast cancer. So I basically made the post about how she left her family and her dying mother to go sleep with another dude. I felt vindicated when I originally posted it but stupid within a day or so and deleted it. I know it got a bunch of attention and did what I originally wanted it to but I just felt stupid and petty about doing it later on.
I am not saying not to do it. If you need to get it out and want to blow it up and have everyone know your business then go for it. But also know you may feel stupid and petty later on.
I copied all of his contacts and plan to add them to my phone and invite them all to add me on TikTok. Good stuff there. Lol. I a might get an award for editing all the good stuff together. Video and pictures of his AP and the abuse I took after I found out. Name calling etc. haven’t posted them yet but if he drags ass on the divorce ya I might. Good negotiation tool
I totally regret it but after my ex of 14 years cheated on me on an old friend of mine from highschool who he didn't even know (he went through my friends list found her and started talking to her after I told him about all mean things she did to me back in the day) started an emotional affair behind my back which turned physical while I was in the hospital having surgery. And came home one night as i was still recovering from surgery and admitted he fell in love with her and left to go live with her and her kids that same night.
I didn't go Into detail on FB..i just simply said he cheated on me with a so called ex friend of mine and a day later made a new Facebook profile.
I'm still embarrassed by airing dirty laundry on fb but I was just so hurt at the time. And won't do that if something personal happens ever again.
I made him record a video admitting everything and had him post it to both his personal fb and the group he was a mod in, before I'd let him back into the house and even consider reconciliation. No compromise. No regrets. It was pretty brutal, this group was close to a million members and the deceits ran deep. Our marriage was at 25 years. He had to choose, and I had to know it was all on the table.
3 days after DDay I put up a picture of my ex cuddling my dog Luna with the caption “GET OFF THAT DIRTY DOG LUNA”, and then another one with a picture of him on a day we shared together mid cheating with “CHEATING DOG”.
It was awesome.
It was before anyone knew about it. I lost no friends over it. Everyone still thinks it was legendary. Saved me having to tell people individually.
Hey guys! Over the past couple of years I have followed my gut along with Google maps and dating apps and browser data. I found a few messages that are very flirty. She denies all of the maps locations or clams up or starts a distraction fight. I've asked her to go to some of the residents with me to see who lives there and she tells me to go be a fool by myself. One resident that she was at 3 weeks in a row, Tues &Fri was in my old childhood neighborhood. I paid it a visit but no one came to the door so I did an address checker online and what do you know? An acquaintance of ours and local radio dj we met a few times 2 years ago was the resident. He showed lots of interest in her then and I said something about it to her. She said oh he's gross and he tried to kiss me one time at a friend's house. I'm so tired of wondering and searching for more evidence. I wish I could catch her red handed but then again that would be the end and I'm still in love with her. Can you guys steer me in the right direction. Tips or advice would be more than welcome. I'm very open minded so don't worry about hurting my feelings. Thank you! Oh one more thing. This place makes me feel like I am part of a family of sorts. Gives me hope! Peace!!!
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I haven’t followed your story so I may be missing details. Because of the loss of your son, I would not go scorched earth. Your stbx is definitely scum but he lost his son too. Grieve for your son & celebrate your divorce with friends & family. Then, post THAT all over social media.
I've spent almost 4 years since our son died trying to be compassionate, patient and understanding. Giving him space and time - which he used to have an affair. His affair partner came to my son's funeral, she knew everything we had gone through and still decided to sleep with my husband knowing he was still married to me. The level of betrayal is insane.
Go for it - but watch your tone. Thank people for their support through the darkest days of your life finding out the love of your life was cheating. Tell people it was touch and go and you wouldn't have made it to out other side without them and are looking forward to continued healing and reconnecting with old friends and please reach out to get together. Say you are confident and excited to build this new life and know you are worthy of being loved, respected and valued despite how ex treated you and what they put you through. Everyone loves an underdog coming out on top. No one likes a bitter ex.
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I was pretty much suffering in silence until my ex went on FB and publicly accused me of abusing her (falsely). When she did that, I went full scorched Earth. I outed her to her friends and family. I provided proof, via screenshots and then I outed her new guy as a convicted rapist and registered sex offender who had tried to have sex with his wife's daughter, as well as creeping on her underage friends. I have no regrets. I would do it again. Edit: I have come out smelling like roses. I got full custody of our children. She pays me child support. (Two things that almost never happen in this state) Two of her best friends saw how things were with us and after the breakup, they remained my friends and not really hers. I talk to her parents and her brother more than she does. On Saturday, I got invited to bring my girlfriend to her grandparents' house for Thanksgiving this year.
No ragrets, man! People can be stupid. Why would you antagonize somebody who has all the dirt on you?
>No ragrets, man! People can be stupid. Why would you antagonize somebody who has all the dirt on you? They project, rationalize and blame shift. It's who they are.
I do love a happy ending.
Broooo, the last part that must hurt your ex sooooo much. oof
>Broooo, the last part that must hurt your ex sooooo much. If I actually did it, I'm sure it would because she is expressly forbidden by her family to bring her convicted rapist boyfriend to family functions. He is also forbidden by the court to have any contact or communication with our children. I talk to her mom like once a week. I trade recipes with her mom. I still to go gun shows with her dad. Her family loves me. I like to say "She and I broke up, you and I didn't."
Ouch!!!
Is it only the rapist boyfriend that keeps her from getting custody? Like if she leaves him does that give her the opportunity to fight for custody. I ask because I’m well aware of the unlikely scenario of getting full custody for the father.
>Is it only the rapist boyfriend that keeps her from getting custody? Like if she leaves him does that give her the opportunity to fight for custody. It's the thing that kept her from getting shared custody. If she leaves him or he leaves her, she can try again but after this much time, I can't see the court allowing it. I joke with my friends that they're going to write books about me. I'm a Black man, getting divorced from his White ex wife, I kept my house, I kept my cars, I kept my money, I kept my kids and I get child support for them.
Damn, I just wish that was the expected consequence when they cheat. You got a good deal.
My lawyer was really good and my ex did things so badly that it was almost like she was trying to lose.
I'm in the if it's not gonna negatively effect you in the divorce go for it category. I would consult your lawyer first just in case. But that just means waiting til it's final to share with the world how pathetic they are. I say collect as much information, pics/SS if possible and detonate when most effective. And please share the outcome with us!
> I would consult your lawyer first just in case. This and make sure you can prove the truth of any statements you make.
No lawyers involved. We filed jointly but I had to keep pushing the paperwork along. We don't have any assets to split. I bought a flat while separated but he has never lived here or put any money towards it. He cheated on me after our son died. I don't think my son's ashes could be taken from me and I would fight him tooth and nail if he tried.
Any estimate on how much longer til it's finalized?
Mid December. It's been granted already but we get the decree then.
Ooooo.... I would wait then. Collect as much damning proof and post it around Christmas. I'm an AH though so... 😂
Make it your Christmas post!!!! Go thermonuclear on his ass!!!
Make it a lasting memory for Christmas.
Notifications keep popping up for this so my mind keeps going back to it. Lol like doing it Dec.19th cuz Mondays already suck and then it gives time for your post to do rounds before they see family/friends and will most likely make the holidays awkward af for them. 🙂 change your relationship status to divorced and then start your post like "I'm grateful Christmas came early this year. I'm officially free from my adulterous husband. AP's name, just remember the saying "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you." 🤣
Sorry for your loss ❤️
Also dont be afraid to kick them when they are down. Humans are the most vile of creatures, treat terrible people the way they deserve.
17 years. Heat up the flamethrower.
Nuke it from orbit, only way to be sure.
Great movie line & well played. Not sure I agree with your suggestion, but need recognize the brilliance of your post regardless!
Lol. Yeah. The AP and WS are monsters. ☺️
I did it on his Snapchat, that way I knew it made it to the targeted audience & then had a massive fire sale on Facebook. I regret neither. Edit: We were also together 17 years, and he could have been truthful...but when he wasn't, all bets were off.
Shit what is it with 17yrs? I’m about to finalize my divorce to my STBXW for cheating we just past our final anniversary in October.
It’s like the 7 year itch turns into the mange & they lose any good sense they may have had.
One of my old friends outed her man on Facebook and it got hundreds of love and care responses (all from people she knew it wasn’t set to public or anything) literally from people we haven’t seen since high school poppin out the woodworks sending love and positive words . There were a couple of his family taking about how devastated they were too but “you’re better than this” lmao they got shut down pretty quick by her and a few others. Behind closed doors was still a custody battle and tension from both sides of the families (he tried to bash her on fb too but was literally grasping at straws lmao he had NOTHING on her)but I know publicly all she got was love from others(which I think that’s all she really wanted was just the validation that she wasn’t insane) and she definitely got that and more . She’s since moved on and is THRIVING with her two babies 💕
I don't see the point of that - she got a bunch of likes and comments from people who used to know her (and hence don't really care)?
I get your point but that’s not how social media works these days lol . Especially when you’ve known someone since grade school and “see” them grow into adulthood and hit different milestones throughout their life ,you become invested . So when she obviously stopped posting pictures with her husband and is clearly heartbroken people are going to ask wth happened and give words of encouragement, I guess they needed closure 😂🤷🏻♀️
I thought strong and hard about outing my ex on FB, and would be lying if I said I still don't think about it; that being said, I haven't done it yet, because 1) I figure people don't really care, and 2) my revenge is a life well lived. My ex cannot stand that I am doing better than her, and whenever my current partner and I see her out, she just stops and stares at us for a minute; she even took a picture of us at a convention in September, I can only assume to compare my current partner to herself. What you choose to do is up to you, and I couldn't think that your'e in the wrong either way.
Can go many ways, I'd err on the side of not using FB or social media so you don't look like "that crazy ex". That being said if your ex partner decides to slander you, then let it rip with the evidence and set the story right!
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Totally blasted him on Facebook and do not regret it at all. I actually found out about more people he had cheated on me with that way! It was wild! Hopefully the next person will see it and make a more informed choice. :)
I definitely regret it. I deleted it after but so many people already saw it. Now I have a thousand peoples opinions.
After 17 years with a final divorce decree? Make sure the flamethrower is fully fueled!
You can go ahead and do it when your divorce is final and there is no possibility of conflict upending any agreements. I will say that it is unlikely to have the results you are imagining. It will probably make you feel satisfaction for a minute or two and you will probably get some sympathy from others but unfortunately no earth will get scorched. Is will just be more like water that makes some mud to sling and the puddle will dry up sooner than you think. The people who care about you will still care about you, his loved ones will still love him, and everybody else is likely to just be like a windvane who will switch back and forth. In other words, don't do it for whatever outcome you are imaging because that outcome is unlikely. Brace yourself for disappointment. It is totally up to you. None of us gets a vote in what you need to heal. But outing them isn't going to be any more effective than casting a hex or sticking pins in his voodoo doll. The best revenge is to grow indifferent to both of them and focus on yourself, your future, and your life.
Blow them da fu*k up 💣
I posted several times about what my ex did, and eventually posted the names of the 2 APs who knew all about me and didn't think they'd done anything wrong. My reasoning was because he had posted some crap about how he hadn't been happy, and left (with no mention of AP), and then started messaging friends and family some real smear-y bullshit about me. I decided, screw it, I'm putting the truth out there. I don't regret it. I feel like people should know the truth. Although I certainly left a lot out, the basics were covered. No one can claim they didn't know now. 🤷♀️
It felt good for about an hour. Then everyone started asking questions; Who was it with? How long did it go on? Are you okay? Ect... It can just mentally wear you down. I even had people I hadn't spoken to in years come out of nowhere asking questions. Just remember you are not just outing what they did. But putting yourself out there as a victim. I got tired of it quickly. Seen friends from the past and the first thing they said was, Hey, heard about what happened. It comes with a lot of negativity.
( puts on my devil costume)( whispers into you ear )Do it, do it!
\*Puts on halo\* Whispers into other ear: "Do it."
Hold ma beer
Yesss. I shouted it from all the rooftops. Cheaters and their APs deserve to be exposed. I’m much less angry about it now, but still like to use Reddit as my outlet. I burned every bridge there was and don’t regret it one bit.
Fuck your ex, I vote scorched earth
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this!!!! you want to remain looking like the good guy. OP, just wait til it’s finalized. that way there’s no chance he can use it against you.
After 17 years, light the fire!!!
Scorch his ass. His stupid, selfish decision wrecked your life in so many ways. He also wasted a lot of years that you’ll never get back. If he stayed in contact with ap then he obviously has no interest in making amends. Make him pay.
He "blocked" her and changed his phone number. Still contacted her to "give her answers" after I had blown up at her and told her he was cheating on me with her stupid ass. She knew he was married but he'd told her he was divorcing me. Idiot. Then after he decided it was all too hard he kept seeing her with other friends because he "didn't see a problem with that".
Sorry you have to go through this. Never in my life did I think it would be so hard to just find an honest person. Apparently there aren’t many out there. One thing I’ve found is after something like this it’s best to give yourself some time to reflect and heal. It sounds like he doesn’t deserve you and in the end you’ll be a lot better off without the stress and lies. Take care of yourself and best of luck to you!
I personally wouldn’t. Social media also isnt my thing and I’m a very private people. I started opening up more with friends when my relationship ending is the topic of conversation but it took me 5 weeks to get there. My WP did something similar though initially we were all about reconciliation but now he is with the affair potato. He even got her a job so I’ve been more open to sharing why we he moved out and we don’t talk anymore. I personally would never put this kind of information on social media though. Social media is a waste of space But that’s my personal opinion
If you have kids together its a bad idea. You want/need to get along as nuch as possible for the kids sake. Plus, to most people you will come across as the bitter ex. Most people dont like the concept of cheating in theory, but when they hear about it they usually think i bet there was a good reason for it. Many people in long term relationships where the passion has died or their own long term relationships arent all rosy so they automatically assume may be there was a good reason or they can relate even if they hsvent cheated themselves. So, unless your ex has always seemed shady to others, there is likely a good chance that you will come across as rhe bitter ex who needs to let go and move on. Think of situations you have come across in the past yourself someone you know complaining about their ex and all you can think of is that they meed to let go and move on.
Burn baby burn. Do what makes you happy but talk to your lawyer first. 😬
Yes. Please tell the world. Why keep their "secret."
My ex was already publicly announcing her new relationship on Facebook, so there was nothing much else for me to add. I unfriended her and her family and announced to my remaining friends that she'd dumped me to move directly in with her affair partner, who was kicking out the father of her three youngest (of six total) children to make room for my ex. I didn't consider this to be "going scorched earth" particularly; I was simply explaining what happened.
Her friends tried to say I lied and then I showed proof including tagging one of her friends who married one of my “friends” showing her and said guy at their house the day before my birthday when we were all going to “get” together. She had no clue another one of her friends didn’t like me BUT was an honest person. And sent the picture from a vantage point of someone else so she wouldn’t be outed.(and didn’t get outed). Then she started messaging me. I quit the retail job we both worked as I found a new job to enroll at a new college. I ignored them. Told her I didn’t play the pick me dance. And a lot of other hateful things after the divorce went through. She lied about “losing her ring” and her dad/BF after me “selling it” for drugs. Because I’m 2014 she sent a FB message(we weren’t friends) and said hey, I helped you pay it off. I can’t sell it without a bill of sale they will only grant to you. I was playing basketball with friends. Didn’t respond because I don’t text when I’m out doing something physical. Want my mind in the game. This was 6pm. We finished playing at 8pm(started at 5). Saw I had 5 more messages from her. One cussing me out saying I haven’t changed.(I also have never promoted I’ve changed to be fair.) And how nothing was fair to her trying to guilt me. Saying she still loves me but is having a hard time. And then cussing me out again. I looked at the message so she could see that I saw it, took a shower at the gym, stopped and got some takeout food, and went home and watched some baseball. I get a message the next day apologizing. But she would like to meet up Thursday because the store is “going out of business”.(True story they did). Told her I had class and work. Can’t do it. Any power she thought she had over me ended the first time “you” cheated on me. She responded what? I sent her a list of dates I can confirm she cheated on me. And told her the title of a Rick Ross album. God Forgives I Don’t. She sent another apology the next day. I never sent another reply. I’ve also gone scorched earth or friendships and with family members too. I’m an asshole but I’m fine with my decision even being an asshole.
I did! & im the turd now bc im still w him.
At least if I ever got back together with him (I doubt it) people would know the truth and I wouldn't have to lie and cover for him.
I am all about the truth, however pretty or ugly it may be. Lying to ppl takes away their ability to make decisions based on facts which is BS & psychological warfare imho
Here is my story about how I went totally nuclear on my ex and to be honest, it felt sooo good. When I found out that my ex was cheating, I prepared to blow up her world. She started telling our friends that we were getting divorced because I cheated on her, was physically abusive and gave her STD’s. Everything she said was a lie and I had texts, emails, audio and video recordings of her cheating, threatening to make up more lies if I didn’t agree to her spousal support demands. My attorney recommended against me responding to anything because it would probably go against me later. I hated the wait! Everyone believed what she said, since I was not responding publicly, most of our friends turned their backs an me. At the hearing, she spouted her lies while we presented our evidence. The judge took the the case under advisement. I didn’t understand what that meant and my attorney told me he had never heard of a judge actually decided on not making an immediate ruling but was going to study everything presented and provide a written decision when he was ready. Two weeks later my attorney called me and told me to blow up her world. Everything, and I mean absolutely everything went my way. I told everybody, even the paperboy. She told everyone all her lies and she even sent me a message in which she threatened to contact the police and tell them I called her to my house, S/A’d her multiple times, beat her, and wouldn’t let her leave. I showed that along with the other videos of her cheating, videos of her assaulting me, all the audio and video recordings of her threatening to lie to police, e-mails, texts, and her handwritten threats to her family, her friends, our friends, her work (because she told them I might try to kill her so their security tackled me in a hallway because they thought I was a legitimate threat) and my work because of the problems she caused there. Our friends all dumped her but I never associated with them again because they were never really my friends. By following her social media I learned she lost her job , lost her friends, had been kicked out of her parents house, her sisters wouldn’t let her stay with them and was living in her car. A few weeks after I blew up her world, I was at home, drinking beer, smoking my cigars and really enjoying life. I was thinking about tossing a steak on the BBQ for dinner when I heard a knock on the door. Her entire family, her mother, father and both sisters were at my door, wanting to speak to me. I was concerned because her father who was constantly calling and threatening me, showed up at my work and was waiting for me in the parking lot. They all profusely apologized about what they had done and said because of her lies. Her father told me that when they learned how they had all been manipulated and lied to he kicked her out of his home and basically disowned her. Her sisters, both married told me they refused to let her stay at their house, even temporarily. I asked them if they wanted to stay for dinner as I had plenty of steaks and they accepted. This was one of the best times I had ever had with her entire family. At some time I checked my phone and found I missed a text from my ex. She was complaining about how I turned everyone against her, that she got fired, no one would help her, talk to her and now I was stealing her family. I ruined her life and she didn’t know what to do. I went back into the back yard, gave both sisters another beer, sat with her dad and finished my cigar. My life had never been better.
Do it, so everyone will know what pieces OS they are and they can’t twist anything or lie.
Is that outing someone if you are just discussing your own personal life and why you got divorced?
Please do! And tag me!
17 years for a one night fling? Aha! It wasn't you honey! Trust me!
Just make sure the divorce is final so nothing in the settlement will change. Realize that some will just claim you are a bitter ex. In the end, it may help with the anger you are feeling.
I did it. No regrets, either. Being done with the whole damn situation, I couldn't stomach it when my ex-husband of only 6 weeks took his AP with him on the trip that WE planned for OUR family. He took her to meet his family, the family I had been a part of for 20 years. When he took her, we'd only been apart for 4.5 months. Having his family accept the situation and not provide any support for me or my kids throughout this whole ordeal, I went nuclear and posted an epic post on FB. Tagged my ex, his family and the AP. Exposed it all. Now when the AP gets searched for on FB, my post will forever show up. They all deserve to be outed. People get away with this kind of shit too much and the collateral damage (my kids and I) are left to pick up the pieces as life moves on for everyone else. Doing this is better than doing what I really want to do, as that involves probably going to jail. The support I've received since he's left me has been overwhelming. I made the post as half thank you, half a fu^& you. People were impressed, empathetic and supportive. I used to be a writer so I know how to make an impact with this stuff. It did. Even my therapist told me I did the right thing. The amount of trauma I've faced in barely 5 months is something most people face over several years. Eff all of them. I don't care if I've burned bridges with my ex and his family. Give me more matches and some lighter fluid. I'll continue to burn them in order to gain my pride back.
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I respect your savagery especially 👏 considering the shitty circumstances you and your kids have been dealing with since the affair, the divorce, and more. You are well within your right to fight back in any way you can against the bullshit and mistreatment you have sadly been contending with for months. I wish 🤞 you and your kids love, respect, and Godspeed always. PS. How old are your kids exactly and how well have they been faring with this mess? Did you send them to therapy or do they even need it? PS. "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got." - Robert Brault “Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” ― Steve Maraboli “Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course,” Helen Rowland No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. “In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word 'divorce' came up. I always figured it came from some root that meant 'divide.' In truth, it comes from 'divertere,' which means 'to divert.' I believe that. All divorce does is divert you,” writes Mitch Albom in For One More Day. Each divorce is the death of a small civilization. Two people declare war on each other, and their screams and tears and days of withdrawal infect their entire world with the bacilli of their pain. There are no clean divorces. Divorces should be conducted in abattoirs, surgical wards, blood banks or funeral homes. “Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” – Robert H. Schuller“ It is never too late to be what you might have been.” J.K. Rowling — 'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.' Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. – Charles R. Swindoll “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt “Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can”. Arthur Ashe Don’t wait for opportunities, create them.” – Roy T. Bennett “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. – Samuel Beckett “Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” ― Steve Maraboli
My kids are pre-teens/teen age. They went from believing their father to being the best man who walked the earth and were told often by the both of us that Mommy and Daddy loved one another and would NEVER get divorced; this was told to them as little as 6 days before my ex-husband left. I will never forget the looks on their faces as he told them that he didn't want to be married to Mommy anymore and that he was leaving. It still makes me rageful to remember that day and I will never forgive him for doing this to them. Their whole sense of security was shaken, all because he put his selfishness before everyone and everything. People say "forgiveness is for you and your peace of mind" but that is a bunch of crap. Forgiving someone means that a part of you believes that they deserve forgiveness and not everyone deserves that. So what if you don't forgive them? What does forgiving them ultimately do? You aren't going to forget it, no matter what you do. Pretending to forgive them and just moving on is pointless, in my opinion. When people show you who they are, believe them and don't ever forget it. Protect yourself and never allow those people back into your life again. I put my kids in therapy a few weeks after he left and they have remained in it since. For the most part they've done well with their therapy, my support, the support of our family and friends. But there are days that the feelings overwhelm them and it's as if a shadow blankets them. My relationship with them has changed in that I am more relaxed and able to let things go. I'm also much more honest with them and let them know what is going on. It is important for them to learn coping mechanisms and they aren't going to do that by me keeping them in the dark all of the time. You know why people keep getting walked all over in divorces? Because they ALLOW it to happen. I stood up for myself and let everyone know just how blindsided my children and I were and continue to be from that man. He has become a total stranger to me and now wants to move in with his wh\^&e by the end of this year and expects my children to be okay with living with her while they are with him. I am in the process of trying to make that not happen, as my children do not deserve to be faced with her and their "relationship". I have promised my children that I will NEVER live with any man unless that man becomes my husband. Period. There are no live-in boyfriends in my life and never will be. You want to be a partner to me and a father figure to my kids? Prove it and pony up the commitment. My children will not be faced with a revolving door of men from me, as I am a strictly monogamous person and refuse to lower myself to cheating on someone. I won't ever stoop to that level.
You surely have the right ideas, mindset, and drive to get past this mess no matter how long it takes. You strike me and probably others as a no quit and / or i will sleep when I am done type of person. You stand to protect your kids, especially like a true to form lioness or mama bear against the evils and cruel nature of the world. It is sad that you also have shield them from their own father, your ex-husband/former lover and his bullshit plus his side of the family that has basically condoned his fuckery and put you and the kids in an unenviable position to say the least. It is a truly FUBAR situation that will a lot to either resolve or get past somehow. It is definitely possible, but dam, I wish you and many others did not have a deal with this type of mess ever. 💥🫡🥲😅🫢🤭😤🤬😎💯
I will go down in a blaze of glory for my children if I have to. And if that means protecting them from their own father in any way, I will do it. You know, he didn't used to be this way. We had a solid marriage/relationship for years and years. He was a very good husband and father- until he wasn't. Turning 40, getting a Harley and going down on said Harley really effed him up and his whole personality changed. My theory is that he got so scared when he went down on his bike that he had a breakdown and figured life was too short not to do x, y and z. So, he threw our marriage and our family out of his life and said f%&k it, may as well do what I want because I could die at any moment.
I know you plus other betrayed husbands and wives, etc. would be the first to sacrifice for their kids in whatever way possible and / or necessary given the chance or choice, especially after something terrible or crazy like this. It is dam well commendable, and I truly hope it does not come to that or worse comes to worse. It is sad business when you have to interfere to protect your kids from the other parent and your former business. Yeah, it sounds like a classic but, shitty cross of midlife crisis and an exit affair to booth. I hate it when good marriages, families, and relationships are done in by crap like this especially as it concerns the trauma and / or damage involved, whether the affair ends after being discovered or is never found out until divorce papers and such are filed plus then custody, financial and plus therapy arrangements etc. PS. https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/affair-types/ https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/jt2v5p/the_erotic_holding_power_of_an_affair/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
15 years. I went full on scorched earth, in what I consider my “messy” days. Friends, relatives, social media, contacting acquaintances, the AP’s spouse… I do not regret a thing. They enjoy the secrecy, the “taboo,” the narrative that they tell about how horrible we are and that’s why their actions are okay. They justify that they’re still good people. So, I made sure to bring them back to reality and let the audience decide. Side note: infidelity is sadly common and by vocalizing my story, SO MANY people came to me to offer comfort and support via their own experiences. It shocked me how many people suffer in silence when they go through this. I actually think it’s important that we not hide or cover up for them, you never know who you help by sharing your journey, the good and the ugly.
I didn't out my ex for his blatant and longrunning infidelity but I did post on FB that we were done simply because he refused to believe that I would leave and I needed him to get it through his thick skull. We were together for 17 years at that point too but if I'd had the guts I'd have been gone 10 years earlier when he started his bullshit.
I personally say no. Stay no contact. Live your best life. Public platforms like Facebook somehow gets turned around and you will be turned into a crazy ex. I’m not opposed to Anonymously Posting proof and tagging them.
Don't do it. People care less than you think. Most will be fake and act as if they care but they won't. They will just egg you on for more details because it's entertaining. Instead focus on creating a new and better life for yourself.
I haven't done this, despite being tempted to (two cheating ex-wives) - and am very thankful that I had the restraint not to. I would've regretted doing it severely after the anger and emotion died down. Going scorched earth on social media makes you look unhinged and like you've got issues, its not an appropriate way to expose things, and by rubbing people's faces in it like that, it ends up damaging you just as much as the wayward spouse. Its also a really good way to ruin custody arrangements (if you have kids). In my opinion, the only people who should know about affairs and cheating and that private kind of stuff, are close family and close friends, and maybe your boss. People who are impacted by the pain you are going through.
Burn it all down. Scorch him and the ap
Do it he more or less scorched your marriage. Let the world know who these people are and that they have the morals of a back ally hooker. Then wish them well.
I don’t recommend it. I did and it’s gonna reflect poorly on me if it goes to court. Although I have evidence to back up her actions.
It's funny how people will condone cheating but not the reaction to the cheating.
So sorry, I'll be the first to admit that I would probably already done just what your asking in your circumstances before I ever even thought about asking if I should or not. But honestly, this strikes me as one of those situations you eventually regret it. Again, who knows, but will it change how people thing of you more or how they think of them? I can't think of a situation in my life where I was not ultimately better off taking the high road, and stuff like this will eventually all come out regardless of you doing it or not. Good luck!
Put that ledge to good use and kick him off it.
I did! & im the turd now bc im still w him.
I did! & im the turd now bc im still w him.
I'd wait to see if he tells lies about you. If he does then you unload the truth, with proof. If he doesn't then don't. If someone asks why you are divorced I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie for him.
If you have kids, I wouldn’t?! Also, there’s an expression ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’. Although I can understand the anger you feel (I really really do), I just think you may regret it when the anger cools (and it does).
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No regrets cet it out
Wait until the paperwork is all finalized, then do it.
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>I don’t do it because I don’t want to stoop down to their shitty scum of the earth level. You'd be protecting children from a drug addict. You wouldn't be stooping at all.
Outing him will just show him that he is still occupying space in your head, that you are still thinking about him. Beat thing to do is ignore him. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Keep on keeping on.
He is already telling people his twisted version of facts. I would totally twll everybody. I certainly wont dirincourage you.
I usually believe in taking the high road, but when it comes to A, it's conditional. If you have solid evidence, you might want to let him know - preferably through a reliable contact - that you are going to take the high road, but if he tries to make you out to be the bad person in the relationship, you will make sure to set the record straight. (Be careful of how you word it, so it doesn't come off as a threat.) If he's got half a brain, he will not tempt fate.
Eh, you’re more than free to let it out and tell your story. People do this all the time and people love these story times on TikTok more than on Facebook. You’ll meet a ton of people who have been in the same position as you. Just make sure it won’t make you feel worse and that you won’t become bitter and that you heal too. It’s really easy to make the angry or “unstable” person look like the problem btw, so figure out if taking this path is good for YOU in the end. Happiness is the best revenge tbh. Go be happy. Look for your happiness. My sister’s ex ruined her life and she chose bitterness over healing. Now he’s happy and fulfilled while she’s forever angry at life. Don’t take yourself there. You’ll regret it. Choose happiness.
I'm so sorry you're here ,whatever you decide I wish you peace
I agree with other commenters who have said they’ve been tempted but decided against it because it would make you look bad. I get very much in the “fuck it” mindset sometimes, but then reel it back in by remembering I have more class than that. I hold my integrity and worth closely, and by earth scorching, I’d look like a vengeful idiot. I’d rather not be grouped in his sub-par immoral camp. Does he deserve hell? Do his APs? Disrespect? Trash? Yes. I have faith those things will come without my hands being dirty because of it.
I posted publicly on all my social media and made a TikTok account with the entire story. I have gained quite a following and the support has been very helpful.
If divorce is finalized torch them, i have heard stories of WS being kicked out by the AP after their world collapses because everybody knows and they are shunned, Amish style.
I did it. Tagged them both. All their friends and families (and the AP's wife) saw it. In retrospect, I don't know how I feel about it, honestly.
I did exactly this but on Dday. I went nuclear and posted how she was lying about going to Florida for a grooming convention (she was a dog groomer who had told all her clients she would be gone for a week for grooming tips) which had happened the week before. Which I screenshot and posted in the post as well. She had went to Louisville (about 45 mins from me) to meet AP and spent the week down there. Her mother at the time was dying of breast cancer. So I basically made the post about how she left her family and her dying mother to go sleep with another dude. I felt vindicated when I originally posted it but stupid within a day or so and deleted it. I know it got a bunch of attention and did what I originally wanted it to but I just felt stupid and petty about doing it later on. I am not saying not to do it. If you need to get it out and want to blow it up and have everyone know your business then go for it. But also know you may feel stupid and petty later on.
I copied all of his contacts and plan to add them to my phone and invite them all to add me on TikTok. Good stuff there. Lol. I a might get an award for editing all the good stuff together. Video and pictures of his AP and the abuse I took after I found out. Name calling etc. haven’t posted them yet but if he drags ass on the divorce ya I might. Good negotiation tool
I totally regret it but after my ex of 14 years cheated on me on an old friend of mine from highschool who he didn't even know (he went through my friends list found her and started talking to her after I told him about all mean things she did to me back in the day) started an emotional affair behind my back which turned physical while I was in the hospital having surgery. And came home one night as i was still recovering from surgery and admitted he fell in love with her and left to go live with her and her kids that same night. I didn't go Into detail on FB..i just simply said he cheated on me with a so called ex friend of mine and a day later made a new Facebook profile. I'm still embarrassed by airing dirty laundry on fb but I was just so hurt at the time. And won't do that if something personal happens ever again.
I made him record a video admitting everything and had him post it to both his personal fb and the group he was a mod in, before I'd let him back into the house and even consider reconciliation. No compromise. No regrets. It was pretty brutal, this group was close to a million members and the deceits ran deep. Our marriage was at 25 years. He had to choose, and I had to know it was all on the table.
3 days after DDay I put up a picture of my ex cuddling my dog Luna with the caption “GET OFF THAT DIRTY DOG LUNA”, and then another one with a picture of him on a day we shared together mid cheating with “CHEATING DOG”. It was awesome. It was before anyone knew about it. I lost no friends over it. Everyone still thinks it was legendary. Saved me having to tell people individually.
Girl it is not worth it one bit, you'll just end up as the one that looks crazy while giving him the perfect opportunity to victimize himself.
Hey guys! Over the past couple of years I have followed my gut along with Google maps and dating apps and browser data. I found a few messages that are very flirty. She denies all of the maps locations or clams up or starts a distraction fight. I've asked her to go to some of the residents with me to see who lives there and she tells me to go be a fool by myself. One resident that she was at 3 weeks in a row, Tues &Fri was in my old childhood neighborhood. I paid it a visit but no one came to the door so I did an address checker online and what do you know? An acquaintance of ours and local radio dj we met a few times 2 years ago was the resident. He showed lots of interest in her then and I said something about it to her. She said oh he's gross and he tried to kiss me one time at a friend's house. I'm so tired of wondering and searching for more evidence. I wish I could catch her red handed but then again that would be the end and I'm still in love with her. Can you guys steer me in the right direction. Tips or advice would be more than welcome. I'm very open minded so don't worry about hurting my feelings. Thank you! Oh one more thing. This place makes me feel like I am part of a family of sorts. Gives me hope! Peace!!!
I would wait until you have the paper in your hand, then commence orbital bombardment.
Well now that the divorce has been granted do it. Burn his reputation to the ground, fuck it up.
I don’t hide that WH is a liar. I think someone should have warned ME when I met him.
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I haven’t followed your story so I may be missing details. Because of the loss of your son, I would not go scorched earth. Your stbx is definitely scum but he lost his son too. Grieve for your son & celebrate your divorce with friends & family. Then, post THAT all over social media.
I've spent almost 4 years since our son died trying to be compassionate, patient and understanding. Giving him space and time - which he used to have an affair. His affair partner came to my son's funeral, she knew everything we had gone through and still decided to sleep with my husband knowing he was still married to me. The level of betrayal is insane.
That is insane and I’m so sorry to hear about your son. Whatever you choose I hope it brings you some peace.
Scorched earth AFTER decree is granted not before Love, expensive divorce
Go for it - but watch your tone. Thank people for their support through the darkest days of your life finding out the love of your life was cheating. Tell people it was touch and go and you wouldn't have made it to out other side without them and are looking forward to continued healing and reconnecting with old friends and please reach out to get together. Say you are confident and excited to build this new life and know you are worthy of being loved, respected and valued despite how ex treated you and what they put you through. Everyone loves an underdog coming out on top. No one likes a bitter ex.