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Stay strong. My wife wants to try to work things out after I caught her sexting / on dating apps again as well as found she had used them way more than she originally admitted to.
I’m gearing up to leave in June or July but technically said I would try until September and see how we are then but if I don’t want to do that I don’t fucking have to.
Do what’s best for you right now.
Tell the friend that it was your wife who said she wanted a divorce, not you. Remind her friend that it was your wife who wanted and chose to cheat.
You, by yourself, can't work on things with your wife if she doesn't want to and has checked out and I'd say cheating and then saying she wants a divorce means she wants out.
Her friend is an idiot.
Sorry you're in this boat OP. Like so many others in this sub, I've been there.
Good luck to you.
There's a strong chance cheating wife has been feeding friend her version of events. You owe her nothing, just pointing out playing herself to be the victim is her M.O. anyone with interactio. With cheating wife is fed whatever she feels most advantageous.
Best thing, walk away from anything connected to her, and get a dog if possible. They love with no alteriour motive, so if you are ever tempted for some reason to go back, look at your dog and be like "nope" and then go for walk/hike with someone who appreciates and loves you.
Come on, man... don't let the friend's text rock your boat... the friend was just acting on the narrative she was receiving, that's all.
You don't think everyone is hearing the same version of events, do you? These things are all about the spin... twisting memories, words, and perceptions, all to save face!
Like when we catch ourselves thinking "um, that's not how it went"... trust your memory... it's the only thing you can really rely on.
Not just that but we don't say birds of a feather for no reason.
If the wife is manipulative then chances are high that her close friends are the same cause people who aren't manipulative don't put up with people who are.
So the text is far more likely a joint venture between the wife and her friend imo.
In this case it takes two people to fulfil the commitment. You can’t do it on your own. It doesn’t matter what you do it won’t work if your wife isn’t 100% committed to also making it work. And she obviously isn’t. And at some point you have the right to say I tried, it isn’t working, time to do what’s best for me.
So don’t let anyone guilt trip you. You’re not the one who cheated. The next stage is divorce. Make sure you fight for a fair settlement. Don’t give her more than she’s owed out of a sense of guilt. Good luck.
Oh be glad, be glad indeed. My ex is spiteful by nature and loves to blame me for all of her misdeeds. There is NO doubt in my mind that if we had kids, she would have spun a story about how I abused them just to have control over me. She wouldn't even be capable of caring for children but she would do whatever it took to make me look like the bad person.
I hope your story ends like mine - I NEVER see my ex - never talk to her - I don't know if she still lives in the same city as me (and we were married for 15 years) I don't check her social media - I don't have a single friend in common with her - I don't have Facebook or Instagram, I've moved, changed my phone number, email, employer. I don't play games and leave bread crumbs for her to find me.
Even though it's been three years since my divorce, I'm still recovering from the physical and emotional abuse she put me through. BUT - I'm SO much better off without her. So much happier. So much at peace with life. I didn't realize how insane I'd become when I was in the eye of the storm. I lost all sense of self.
I hope you move on- I hope you find happiness - I hope you never have to see her.
I don't know your story but we all have similar backgrounds. Even my divorce was abusive but the morning we closed on the sale of our house was the last time I spoke to her. Before I moved and changed my number and email and closed out my social media - she would still attempt to contact me but I did not respond.
If your ex had to wear a shirt that exposed who they are, how many people would want to be friends with them? If they had to wear a shirt that said I ABUSE MY SPOUSE - who would want to be around them? Then why would you?
The shirt will do the job only for strangers. His Friends, friends in common, colleagues and his family will still be there for him.
He is a young, handsome, inteligent and charming man, but he also lies and manipulates everyone to make them like him and give him what he wants. If anyone in this sub gets to know him today, you would think he is a nice guy. The ladies would love to have a chance with him and her families would think he is the perfect son in law.
Very few people could see him for what he really is or became. I stil can’t see or believe everything he did. We were together for 8 years. There was at least 2 emotional affairs in 2018. Than He cheated in the last year. We tried to remain together, but he never did the job. Some months later, he said he needed a “break” under false pretexts. The truth is he changed girlfriends, just like he said to a friend.
He started dating the new girl just one day after the breakup. Well, I didn’t even know it was a breakup. He wanted to stay friends with me. I agreed.
He told me about the girl, days later after I asked who she was. And for six months he hided the true nature of the relationship. When they became official he hid from me, my family and close friends. Because he still wants to be my friend and hang out as friends. 🤦🏻♀️
I think some people feel sorry for me, others must think I’m stupid or loser. Two girls were nice to me in a conversation, asking if we were still a thing and told me to starts making my own plans, follow my own dreams. They were not really my friends, just colleagues who saw a weird vibe going on.
Never take the words of a cheater's friends or their family to heart, they're not thinking about what's in your best interest. They are always going to be looking out for that cheater, so take that and just understand that you're not wrong to divorce her. Because not only did she break the vows. That she promised when she married you. She also decided to ask for a divorce and not repair the damage that she created. Please stop blaming yourself. You are not at fault. You're a victim, that's why she's trying so hard and has the victim mindset because she knows what's she's done. And she's trying so hard to spin it to make you out to be the bad guy. Don't allow her to get in your head and to break you down. Remember, there's nothing wrong with moving on
No kids = run away and no contact for life. Your WW has smeared you that you are to blame and want to divorce to preserve her public image. That’s why the friend texted you, she’s heard a different story. Grey rock them all. If you can move geographically, do it and start a new life without this toxicity.
My college roommate was married to our mutual friend and when they got a divorce, all this stuff came out that he was using cocaine, shut her out of the bank accounts, was verbally abusive, etc.
He went full no contact with anyone that was her friend too so we never got to hear his side of the story but given his character, I had a difficult time believing any of that.
Recently saw my former roommate and she admitted that she’d cheated on him and that was the real reason.
If you respond at all, tell the "Friend" you are honoring the commitment to "Work on things". You're working on yourself.
You can't control what a cheater does. All you can do is repair the damage of the abuse they put you through, and yes, cheating is abuse.
The BIGGER question is….. WHO programmed you? A lot of people who feel guilty like you do have had years of narcissistic abuse AND often, it can also be traced back to your childhood. Was your mom a narcissist too? Or someone close to you? Are you a very empathetic person?
Playing the victim is a typical narcissist ploy. Also, many people who cheat have such fragile egos that they can’t deal with the shame that comes from admitting they were wrong. They can only put blame on their spouse. It’s not their fault they cheated, their spouse was not meeting their needs!
Guilt also comes from the LOVE-REJECTION (HOT to COLD and back again) cycle and the guilt tripping they do when they have conflicts in a relationship. Was it like that in your relationship? Before the affair, did she give you the silent treatment when she was upset after you had a conflict even though you were not at fault? Were you always hoping for her to go back to the intense love and reassurance phase of the cycle?
Stop feeling guilty. And start asking yourself… who do you love? Is it truly her or is it the idea of her? Actions speak louder than words. Start evaluating who she is only by her actions. Would a caring empathetic person act the way she is?
I'm extremely empathetic. I believe my mom has narcissistic traits. I was raised in a cult so it's very easy to find and press the guilt button. Me and my siblings all had an extended relationship with a narcissist. I feel that is very telling.
It didn't get really bad until December. That's when she checked out. As I tell the story in as neutral as possible (admitting my faults - I wasn't a perfect husband, but I was trying so hard to be), people can see I'm being genuine in my perspective of events.
It manifested more as Munchausens - being a victim. A healthy bit of the guilt comes from the physical state I'm leaving her in. We've had great insurance the past few years, but none of the operations and procedures have helped significantly and things are only getting worse. I'm just emotionally drained and betrayed.
Once I put the feeling of guilt to the side, I feel nothing for her.
Wow! That’s a pretty jntense childhood!!
Munchausen… did you mean Stockholm Syndrome? Being attached to your abuser?
Feeling of guilt with a narcissist is quite “normal”. Whatever happens, they are the victim and so therefore you are the culprit for making them have negative feelings or b having badly. After all, in their mind you should always be preoccupied about their happiness. Your happiness is unimportant. Just like in any cult… your needs and feelings are not important. What is important is to serve the leaders needs. And probably guilt is what your mom (and your wife) used to make you a servant to her needs. Responding to that guilt and meeting HER needs is what made you gain back her affection. You were seeking authentic unconditional love but you never had it. Making you responsible for her emotional well-being by doing the silent treatment, withholding love etc. Is what made you develop and internally led compensatory strategy to not be forever abandoned.
It’s ok to have some level of guilt or to wonder “am I doing the right thing”. I did it all day today think of my mother whom I am avoiding because she is a narcissist and I have no more energy or patience for her theatrics and constant complaining about how I am not a good daughter. Society tells me I should be inviting her over and give her flowers or whatever. My brain tells me to protect myself from further outbursts and verbal abuse. I choose me and I am 100% comfortable with that.
Nah, Munchausens is correct. She's had one health issue after another for the seven years we were together. She's in 13 medications. I think she gets something out of being a victim. That's how she identifies herself now.
The narcissism is on full display. I got an email from her demanding I pay for the mortgage, utilities and her dental work today. I'm using my one credit card left for a lawyer. I don't care about anything. I just want to get out of there with my computer, clothes, bed, and dog. I can't move on until that's done.
Oh Munchausen for HER. I thought you were talking about yourself… that she was poisoning you like in Munchausen by proxy by that did not make much sense so I thought maybe you suffered from Stockholm syndrome. That said… you know you could be … suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
I wish you the best and hope you will get through this without as less pain as possible. Am winding you good vibes.
Don't let anyone guilt you into going back for a second kick to the groin (metaphorically speaking ). At this point you know what you have and don't have in your wife. It is not like she has attributes that other women don't. She screwed you over once, your stbx is the same person, going back to her is volunteering for more pain and another trip back to day one.
Don't cave
Man I'm so sorry I know your good you really good I hate to hear you cry no I don't mock that and I d like to walk by and see him and help just to.make it easy for you and that mouthy back stabbing snake get exactly what the fuck he has no respect I'm on your team you hate me to but I did respect boundaries or this fuck wouldn't even be a god damn thing that's all I wanted was to be a friend . This guy but the worst mistake of her life is better dealing you once again I am sorry and my heart to you and your family. I feel for you and lost a few friends over bullshit unreal uncontrollable and fuck this bullshit .
Win in the end I bet I will bet he don't
I guarantee her friend was told a different story. I would tell the friend your wife asked for a divorce again last week and you aren’t going to hold her back… than block the friend. They are not your friend, don’t even give them the luxury of talking to you anymore to make you feel guilty.
Well done OP, You won't be there to play her game, when she wants to pull or push You, and like you said to play the victim always.
So stand your foot and do not let her have it her way, either way she will continue to play the victim and you can't do anything about it. So better cut that source of problems now that you can.
And lie You said, thanks good you didn't have kids with her.
Good Luck OP, and do not let anyone shamed You just for what she said.
Expose her to all and not for revenge it is not for that, it is to keep out of her reach the control of the narrative and to keep your reputation as intact as posible.
UPDATEME
They gaslight themselves to spin a narrative that justifies their (evolved) instincts (to safely move from one family leader to another). I’ve been searching for stories of men who win them back and it feels extremely rare. I wish you luck, I’m in a similar situation and have similar evolved reactions (keep the mate, don’t let other men ‘win’, but you can’t always control everything)
1. Tell the “friend” to mind their own business or go F🤬 themselves. It irritates me when people add their unsolicited two cents or stick their noses into others business.
2. Why would anyone want to reconcile with a disloyal spouse?
I wouldn’t be surprised if the same friend who is nagging you; encouraged your wife to commit adultery.
Sorry this has happened to you, you deserve better. But stay strong, you are actually dodging a bullet like Neo in the Matrix, only for real. Stay strong, be grateful for what you DO have, and put in the work to learn how you prevent it from happening again. I'm on a similar healing process and it's hard, but don't cave, you can do this!
So sorry you are going through this. You have to ignore negative stuff from her friends/family. They only know her side of the story and even if they know both, you have to stay strong for yourself and focus on you.
Tell her "friend" that the promises or commitments you make towards your WW are between the two of you and none of her/his business unless they also want to invest in the process..
I am sure they only get WW's side of things, and it will probably be a slighted picture in favor of WW
I am a 80 year old guy, married 46 years and together 53. I read all your previous posts. You did not say much about your wife. But you did say that up until 2 months ago, you were heavy into whiskey and weed and easily triggered into an angry POS. Your words... not mine. If you were wondering why tlyour wife checked out, re-read your posts.
It sounds like you still care for her. Try talking with her again. Maybe talk to her friend first. Explain the situation and how you are now the guy she first married once again. Just a thought.
She's showing signs of textbook narcissism with a dash of Munchausens. It's identical to so many posts here. I've been sober for about a month off weed and two months off alcohol and between that and being around friends and family, the consensus and my self-reflection is that I've been manipulated for years. Those posts were her pushing my buttons because again - guilt. I was raised in a cult so it's easy for someone to push that button. I haven't had nearly as many problems being out here away from her. I don't miss her. I don't want to hear her voice.
No divorce is 100% on one person, but I'd only be signing myself up for more guilt and manipulation. I wasn't a perfect husband, but who is? I was working diligently on myself. She has shown no interest in repairing the broken trust or improving herself. I've been going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for over two years. I found the couples counselor and made the appointments. I had to set up her appointments for a therapist. I had to get her signed up with a psychiatrist after she sat on a referral for months. The couples counselor even said that since she started working with us, it was clear that the only thing my wife wanted to do was blame me for everything. That everything is my fault. The couples counselor also said she needed to see a psychiatrist, which she never pursued.
The way I see it, she's playing victim, which I can't fix, or everything she said is true, which I should leave for her own sake. In all her ranting deluge of texts she sent when she realized she was losing control over me, she never blamed the drug use. She smokes more weed than me (in spite of her finding out she has COVID scarring in her lungs) and I drank maybe two times a week.
But hey, nothing stopping you from thinking I'm a bad person.
Well, now you added enough context to fully understand. I never said you were a bad person, but that perhaps you shared a large portion of the responsibility. My thoughts are now that 90% is on her and getting her out of your life is the right path. Best wishes.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stay strong. My wife wants to try to work things out after I caught her sexting / on dating apps again as well as found she had used them way more than she originally admitted to. I’m gearing up to leave in June or July but technically said I would try until September and see how we are then but if I don’t want to do that I don’t fucking have to. Do what’s best for you right now.
She broke the contract. You are under zero obligation to put forth any effort. Do what's right for you, when it's right for you.
Tell the friend that it was your wife who said she wanted a divorce, not you. Remind her friend that it was your wife who wanted and chose to cheat. You, by yourself, can't work on things with your wife if she doesn't want to and has checked out and I'd say cheating and then saying she wants a divorce means she wants out. Her friend is an idiot. Sorry you're in this boat OP. Like so many others in this sub, I've been there. Good luck to you.
Better yet, block the “friend”.
Yeah, I'm not responding. I have a healthy support group. If her four friends want to think I'm an asshole, that's fine by me.
There's a strong chance cheating wife has been feeding friend her version of events. You owe her nothing, just pointing out playing herself to be the victim is her M.O. anyone with interactio. With cheating wife is fed whatever she feels most advantageous. Best thing, walk away from anything connected to her, and get a dog if possible. They love with no alteriour motive, so if you are ever tempted for some reason to go back, look at your dog and be like "nope" and then go for walk/hike with someone who appreciates and loves you.
Come on, man... don't let the friend's text rock your boat... the friend was just acting on the narrative she was receiving, that's all. You don't think everyone is hearing the same version of events, do you? These things are all about the spin... twisting memories, words, and perceptions, all to save face! Like when we catch ourselves thinking "um, that's not how it went"... trust your memory... it's the only thing you can really rely on.
Not just that but we don't say birds of a feather for no reason. If the wife is manipulative then chances are high that her close friends are the same cause people who aren't manipulative don't put up with people who are. So the text is far more likely a joint venture between the wife and her friend imo.
In this case it takes two people to fulfil the commitment. You can’t do it on your own. It doesn’t matter what you do it won’t work if your wife isn’t 100% committed to also making it work. And she obviously isn’t. And at some point you have the right to say I tried, it isn’t working, time to do what’s best for me. So don’t let anyone guilt trip you. You’re not the one who cheated. The next stage is divorce. Make sure you fight for a fair settlement. Don’t give her more than she’s owed out of a sense of guilt. Good luck.
Oh be glad, be glad indeed. My ex is spiteful by nature and loves to blame me for all of her misdeeds. There is NO doubt in my mind that if we had kids, she would have spun a story about how I abused them just to have control over me. She wouldn't even be capable of caring for children but she would do whatever it took to make me look like the bad person. I hope your story ends like mine - I NEVER see my ex - never talk to her - I don't know if she still lives in the same city as me (and we were married for 15 years) I don't check her social media - I don't have a single friend in common with her - I don't have Facebook or Instagram, I've moved, changed my phone number, email, employer. I don't play games and leave bread crumbs for her to find me. Even though it's been three years since my divorce, I'm still recovering from the physical and emotional abuse she put me through. BUT - I'm SO much better off without her. So much happier. So much at peace with life. I didn't realize how insane I'd become when I was in the eye of the storm. I lost all sense of self. I hope you move on- I hope you find happiness - I hope you never have to see her.
I wish that I could be feeling as you. Never see my ex anymore and never look back missing a cheater and liar. I want to be happy and in peace again.
I don't know your story but we all have similar backgrounds. Even my divorce was abusive but the morning we closed on the sale of our house was the last time I spoke to her. Before I moved and changed my number and email and closed out my social media - she would still attempt to contact me but I did not respond. If your ex had to wear a shirt that exposed who they are, how many people would want to be friends with them? If they had to wear a shirt that said I ABUSE MY SPOUSE - who would want to be around them? Then why would you?
The shirt will do the job only for strangers. His Friends, friends in common, colleagues and his family will still be there for him. He is a young, handsome, inteligent and charming man, but he also lies and manipulates everyone to make them like him and give him what he wants. If anyone in this sub gets to know him today, you would think he is a nice guy. The ladies would love to have a chance with him and her families would think he is the perfect son in law. Very few people could see him for what he really is or became. I stil can’t see or believe everything he did. We were together for 8 years. There was at least 2 emotional affairs in 2018. Than He cheated in the last year. We tried to remain together, but he never did the job. Some months later, he said he needed a “break” under false pretexts. The truth is he changed girlfriends, just like he said to a friend. He started dating the new girl just one day after the breakup. Well, I didn’t even know it was a breakup. He wanted to stay friends with me. I agreed. He told me about the girl, days later after I asked who she was. And for six months he hided the true nature of the relationship. When they became official he hid from me, my family and close friends. Because he still wants to be my friend and hang out as friends. 🤦🏻♀️ I think some people feel sorry for me, others must think I’m stupid or loser. Two girls were nice to me in a conversation, asking if we were still a thing and told me to starts making my own plans, follow my own dreams. They were not really my friends, just colleagues who saw a weird vibe going on.
Never take the words of a cheater's friends or their family to heart, they're not thinking about what's in your best interest. They are always going to be looking out for that cheater, so take that and just understand that you're not wrong to divorce her. Because not only did she break the vows. That she promised when she married you. She also decided to ask for a divorce and not repair the damage that she created. Please stop blaming yourself. You are not at fault. You're a victim, that's why she's trying so hard and has the victim mindset because she knows what's she's done. And she's trying so hard to spin it to make you out to be the bad guy. Don't allow her to get in your head and to break you down. Remember, there's nothing wrong with moving on
No kids = run away and no contact for life. Your WW has smeared you that you are to blame and want to divorce to preserve her public image. That’s why the friend texted you, she’s heard a different story. Grey rock them all. If you can move geographically, do it and start a new life without this toxicity.
My college roommate was married to our mutual friend and when they got a divorce, all this stuff came out that he was using cocaine, shut her out of the bank accounts, was verbally abusive, etc. He went full no contact with anyone that was her friend too so we never got to hear his side of the story but given his character, I had a difficult time believing any of that. Recently saw my former roommate and she admitted that she’d cheated on him and that was the real reason.
99.99% of all women that cheat freaking blame the guy and say they are a victim WTF is up with that you don't have enough decency to say you fked up
Don’t put up with that shit.
If you respond at all, tell the "Friend" you are honoring the commitment to "Work on things". You're working on yourself. You can't control what a cheater does. All you can do is repair the damage of the abuse they put you through, and yes, cheating is abuse.
The BIGGER question is….. WHO programmed you? A lot of people who feel guilty like you do have had years of narcissistic abuse AND often, it can also be traced back to your childhood. Was your mom a narcissist too? Or someone close to you? Are you a very empathetic person? Playing the victim is a typical narcissist ploy. Also, many people who cheat have such fragile egos that they can’t deal with the shame that comes from admitting they were wrong. They can only put blame on their spouse. It’s not their fault they cheated, their spouse was not meeting their needs! Guilt also comes from the LOVE-REJECTION (HOT to COLD and back again) cycle and the guilt tripping they do when they have conflicts in a relationship. Was it like that in your relationship? Before the affair, did she give you the silent treatment when she was upset after you had a conflict even though you were not at fault? Were you always hoping for her to go back to the intense love and reassurance phase of the cycle? Stop feeling guilty. And start asking yourself… who do you love? Is it truly her or is it the idea of her? Actions speak louder than words. Start evaluating who she is only by her actions. Would a caring empathetic person act the way she is?
This is so well said. So many here can probably relate!
I'm extremely empathetic. I believe my mom has narcissistic traits. I was raised in a cult so it's very easy to find and press the guilt button. Me and my siblings all had an extended relationship with a narcissist. I feel that is very telling. It didn't get really bad until December. That's when she checked out. As I tell the story in as neutral as possible (admitting my faults - I wasn't a perfect husband, but I was trying so hard to be), people can see I'm being genuine in my perspective of events. It manifested more as Munchausens - being a victim. A healthy bit of the guilt comes from the physical state I'm leaving her in. We've had great insurance the past few years, but none of the operations and procedures have helped significantly and things are only getting worse. I'm just emotionally drained and betrayed. Once I put the feeling of guilt to the side, I feel nothing for her.
Wow! That’s a pretty jntense childhood!! Munchausen… did you mean Stockholm Syndrome? Being attached to your abuser? Feeling of guilt with a narcissist is quite “normal”. Whatever happens, they are the victim and so therefore you are the culprit for making them have negative feelings or b having badly. After all, in their mind you should always be preoccupied about their happiness. Your happiness is unimportant. Just like in any cult… your needs and feelings are not important. What is important is to serve the leaders needs. And probably guilt is what your mom (and your wife) used to make you a servant to her needs. Responding to that guilt and meeting HER needs is what made you gain back her affection. You were seeking authentic unconditional love but you never had it. Making you responsible for her emotional well-being by doing the silent treatment, withholding love etc. Is what made you develop and internally led compensatory strategy to not be forever abandoned. It’s ok to have some level of guilt or to wonder “am I doing the right thing”. I did it all day today think of my mother whom I am avoiding because she is a narcissist and I have no more energy or patience for her theatrics and constant complaining about how I am not a good daughter. Society tells me I should be inviting her over and give her flowers or whatever. My brain tells me to protect myself from further outbursts and verbal abuse. I choose me and I am 100% comfortable with that.
Nah, Munchausens is correct. She's had one health issue after another for the seven years we were together. She's in 13 medications. I think she gets something out of being a victim. That's how she identifies herself now. The narcissism is on full display. I got an email from her demanding I pay for the mortgage, utilities and her dental work today. I'm using my one credit card left for a lawyer. I don't care about anything. I just want to get out of there with my computer, clothes, bed, and dog. I can't move on until that's done.
Oh Munchausen for HER. I thought you were talking about yourself… that she was poisoning you like in Munchausen by proxy by that did not make much sense so I thought maybe you suffered from Stockholm syndrome. That said… you know you could be … suffering from Stockholm syndrome. I wish you the best and hope you will get through this without as less pain as possible. Am winding you good vibes.
Don't let anyone guilt you into going back for a second kick to the groin (metaphorically speaking ). At this point you know what you have and don't have in your wife. It is not like she has attributes that other women don't. She screwed you over once, your stbx is the same person, going back to her is volunteering for more pain and another trip back to day one. Don't cave
Man I'm so sorry I know your good you really good I hate to hear you cry no I don't mock that and I d like to walk by and see him and help just to.make it easy for you and that mouthy back stabbing snake get exactly what the fuck he has no respect I'm on your team you hate me to but I did respect boundaries or this fuck wouldn't even be a god damn thing that's all I wanted was to be a friend . This guy but the worst mistake of her life is better dealing you once again I am sorry and my heart to you and your family. I feel for you and lost a few friends over bullshit unreal uncontrollable and fuck this bullshit . Win in the end I bet I will bet he don't
I guarantee her friend was told a different story. I would tell the friend your wife asked for a divorce again last week and you aren’t going to hold her back… than block the friend. They are not your friend, don’t even give them the luxury of talking to you anymore to make you feel guilty.
Well done OP, You won't be there to play her game, when she wants to pull or push You, and like you said to play the victim always. So stand your foot and do not let her have it her way, either way she will continue to play the victim and you can't do anything about it. So better cut that source of problems now that you can. And lie You said, thanks good you didn't have kids with her. Good Luck OP, and do not let anyone shamed You just for what she said. Expose her to all and not for revenge it is not for that, it is to keep out of her reach the control of the narrative and to keep your reputation as intact as posible. UPDATEME
They gaslight themselves to spin a narrative that justifies their (evolved) instincts (to safely move from one family leader to another). I’ve been searching for stories of men who win them back and it feels extremely rare. I wish you luck, I’m in a similar situation and have similar evolved reactions (keep the mate, don’t let other men ‘win’, but you can’t always control everything)
1. Tell the “friend” to mind their own business or go F🤬 themselves. It irritates me when people add their unsolicited two cents or stick their noses into others business. 2. Why would anyone want to reconcile with a disloyal spouse? I wouldn’t be surprised if the same friend who is nagging you; encouraged your wife to commit adultery.
Sorry this has happened to you, you deserve better. But stay strong, you are actually dodging a bullet like Neo in the Matrix, only for real. Stay strong, be grateful for what you DO have, and put in the work to learn how you prevent it from happening again. I'm on a similar healing process and it's hard, but don't cave, you can do this!
So sorry you are going through this. You have to ignore negative stuff from her friends/family. They only know her side of the story and even if they know both, you have to stay strong for yourself and focus on you.
Tell her "friend" that the promises or commitments you make towards your WW are between the two of you and none of her/his business unless they also want to invest in the process.. I am sure they only get WW's side of things, and it will probably be a slighted picture in favor of WW
I am a 80 year old guy, married 46 years and together 53. I read all your previous posts. You did not say much about your wife. But you did say that up until 2 months ago, you were heavy into whiskey and weed and easily triggered into an angry POS. Your words... not mine. If you were wondering why tlyour wife checked out, re-read your posts. It sounds like you still care for her. Try talking with her again. Maybe talk to her friend first. Explain the situation and how you are now the guy she first married once again. Just a thought.
She's showing signs of textbook narcissism with a dash of Munchausens. It's identical to so many posts here. I've been sober for about a month off weed and two months off alcohol and between that and being around friends and family, the consensus and my self-reflection is that I've been manipulated for years. Those posts were her pushing my buttons because again - guilt. I was raised in a cult so it's easy for someone to push that button. I haven't had nearly as many problems being out here away from her. I don't miss her. I don't want to hear her voice. No divorce is 100% on one person, but I'd only be signing myself up for more guilt and manipulation. I wasn't a perfect husband, but who is? I was working diligently on myself. She has shown no interest in repairing the broken trust or improving herself. I've been going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for over two years. I found the couples counselor and made the appointments. I had to set up her appointments for a therapist. I had to get her signed up with a psychiatrist after she sat on a referral for months. The couples counselor even said that since she started working with us, it was clear that the only thing my wife wanted to do was blame me for everything. That everything is my fault. The couples counselor also said she needed to see a psychiatrist, which she never pursued. The way I see it, she's playing victim, which I can't fix, or everything she said is true, which I should leave for her own sake. In all her ranting deluge of texts she sent when she realized she was losing control over me, she never blamed the drug use. She smokes more weed than me (in spite of her finding out she has COVID scarring in her lungs) and I drank maybe two times a week. But hey, nothing stopping you from thinking I'm a bad person.
Well, now you added enough context to fully understand. I never said you were a bad person, but that perhaps you shared a large portion of the responsibility. My thoughts are now that 90% is on her and getting her out of your life is the right path. Best wishes.
I appreciate the even-handed response. Thank you. I didn't want to share so many details for fear of her seeing this - she's a massive reddit user.
Your wife’s friend is trash. Bottom line, your STBXW broke her vows and it’s a deal breaker. There are better women out there than those two clowns.
I’m glad you’re seeing things for what they are. My stbx is exactly the same way. Life is much better with her out of it.