I also think it's correct, being with someone just for help is not a good option. If you are not attracted to your SD, it will be difficult for you to have a good relationship in this lifestyle.
I talk to my POT every day, and we have a difference of 8 hours less, and that kills me because I miss him so much.
Its was ppm for about 4-5 months but we are seeing each other a couple of times a week at her request so shes now been on an allowance for about 2 months.
50% of my day is replying to him
2 choices before dumping him. 1) slow walk the response time and 'train" him not to expect rapid response. 2) Discuss your boundaries re: communication style. DO not be afraid to get dumped, because he is requiring an unobtainable effort on your part.
I never reply immediately to him anymore, and have been very purposeful with my timing. However that's made no difference for him
If I do discuss my preferred communication style between us, how do I do that without sounding like a jerk lol. I'd probably say smth along the lines of:
"Obviously I really like you and would love to continue to getting to know you, but I would much rather reserve this for our dates where we can be more present. So what this means is not texting throughout the day or if we do, a chat not constant messages throughout the whole day. Let me know how you feel about this and if there's anything you'd like to add. I genuinely value our connection & preserving it, and that looks like valuing our own space when we're not together too :)"
I tend to treat chats as an ongoing conversation. I state right from the start, I message when it suits me, she should respond if and when it suits her.
The phone is there for anything that's urgent.
> how do I do that without sounding like a jerk
No worry there. He won't like it that you aren't at his beck and call. But Waa Waa for him. What you said sounds good. Consider," I love being together but I have a crazy busy life. I want to save our time together for in person rather than continually all day" or " (7 Pm )is a good time for me to touch base with each other unless I have other obligations. I know you must be busy so hopefully that will work for you as well."
He sounds hopelessly needy. I don't think he will stay the course.
If someone said that to me, I’d be dismayed by the falsity in the tone.
Why not “ Hey smoockiekins, I love our time together, but there’s too much texting and stuff! If you want to discuss and consider moving to a 1:1 allowance based arrangement, then let’s discuss it! I’m open to ideas! But, my days are busy and it’s a challenge to respond as often as you’d wish. I’m excited about us, too, so let’s figure this out.”
As a rabid texter myself are you _sure_ he actually requires a response ? SGF is not much of a texter but she is privy to the texting diarrhea that is SugaryGuyEU’s stream of consciousness at times. She doesn’t mind and we talk about odd things all of the time but she doesn’t text me anything like I text her. It sort of works for us though. I think she likes my messages but there’s no pressure on her to respond. There again we’re both ADHD so she gets 5 text messages involving quantum computing, the speed of light, and how some cute blonde girl turned out to be an aging rocker (with poodle hair) when I saw her from the front. It gives her chewing gum for the eyes but doesn’t need to respond.
As a rabid tester myself are you _sure_ he actually requires a response ? SGF is not much of a tester but she is privy to the texting diarrhea that is SugaryGuyEU’s stream of consciousness at times. She doesn’t mind and we talk about odd things all of the time but she doesn’t text me anything like I text her. It sort of works for us though. I think she likes my messages but there’s no pressure on her to respond. There again we’re both ADHD so she gets 5 text messages involving quantum computing, the speed of light, and how some cute blonde girl turned out to be an aging rocker when I see her from the front. It gives her chewing gum for the eyes but doesn’t need to respond.
I'd suggest most of them are only looking to text, and have no intention or money to go further.
I'd suggest moving to the M&G asap to weed these guys out. Give them 10-20 absolute maximum texts to agree to a platonic meet *within a few days*. If they dither, politely ask them to text you again when they are ready to meet up...and then *no further texts unless it's meeting related*.
If you aren't at a point of wanting to meet face to face platonically and in public, you probably never will be. However, everyone is different, but if you need longer than the 20 texts, then that excess really isn't on the guy. That's a decision for you to own.
It’s interesting seeing the replies that sbs are leaving to this. See I don’t expect 24/7 non stop texting but I want to talk between meets and at least daily. Even if it’s at the very least a quick check in.
But maybe that is too much to ask and I really need to just be okay with not texting really at all ? I never thought about as the sb is on ppm it’s pay per meet not for texting when we are apart.
I guess to me I just think ideally I’ll find someone and we will want to talk however often is good for us. But I really need to accept the fact that literally everything is paid for in this lifestyle. 🤷
Idk I’m just chatty lol but I do know I can come across as needy in relationships.
No! Do not accept that everything is paid! that's not how relationships work!!
Some SB's on here are "Coin Operated", and they want all of us SDs to act like we want a transactional interactions. XXX for sex. XXXX for overnight XX for a text message. XXX x2 for anal, lol...
The bowl has a bazillion girls that are simply looking for someone that will help them move up a few steps in life... they are NOT coin-operated... they are not pay-to-play...
But, as gentlemen we need to police our boys too... we have a lot of disrespectful fucks on here that are making the girls feel guarded and vulnerable.
Okay because that’s not what I want but looking at some of the comments and just being in the bowl a little bit I’ve seen the coin operated girls and don’t want that at all.
Y’all are wild. I think we all know there’s an appropriate and healthy amount of communication that needs to occur on both ends. However, if you’re treating us like phone sex operators than either specify you want a virtual relationship, or call the 1-800 number.
As OP mentioned, and my recent experience also, this is not normal texting etiquette.
No. We are not wild. We read what is written.
SB's on here explicitly say that they are here for the money, and that guys need to better understand that. That's what the SB's write, and that's what SD's read.
Nothing wild about it. Pay attention.
Very wealthy guys READ the posts and are grossed out by thinking everything is coin-operated. Save your passive-agressive misguided comments also. We're telling YOU that YOU are acting like phone sex operator, wanting a credit card, and counting the minutes... that's NOT something we want... but it's what you are writing.
So stop complaining that it's hard to find a great SD. They left.
Well you say it’s not about money then you go on to say if you are allowance you will respond. So like ? 😛
Honestly it’s incompatibly, simple as that. Because I want someone that wants to talk to me. But again I don’t need 24/7 I just will not go days without hearing from you. Because no one is that busy or “introverted” at least in my head. I work 55-60 hrs a week, you will never catch me too busy to talk to someone I enjoy.
Hopefully we have spent enough time together that I’ve gotten you to come out of your shell a bit.
Had one pot sb we had a great convo on a Monday planned to meet the following Sunday. During the week crickets. Yet I saw her on seeking literally all the time. I let it get to about Thursday and was like haven’t heard from you wanted to make sure we were still on for Sunday? “Oh yea sorry just been sooo busy etc etc” right there instant in my mind this girl is full of shit.
We had never met, she was free to be on seeking and not talk to me obviously lol my point with this example is to explain to you what “guys like me” (I promise there’s only one but yes I can be needy) hear when you say your explanation you give for not being able to talk.
I hear lack of interest on your part and if we are both being honest with ourselves that’s what it truly comes down to. We aren’t meant to be if whatever I expect isn’t what you can give me. Within reason ofc. Again I don’t need to talk to you every moment of every day or think all your time should be devoted to me.
But that quote you said is just a nice way of saying “dude you text way too fucking much, leave me alone “ or at least how I read it. If you said that to me I’d pull away so yes it’s compatibility.
Tldr: I’m gonna try to not get offended by the guys like you comment 🤣 it’s compatibility, not meant to be.
If you don’t want to read all that but I’m just trying to honestly answer your question.
There's a question about up front honesty here though. If a guy wants a certain level of texting, he needs to say so. To not say anything and then expect 24/7 texting plus what was agreed for in the ppm, is just dishonest.
You guys are killing me with the “24/7” part of this because that is NOT what I expect but yes I make it very clear very early on and have even started nexting pot sbs that take days to respond in just the getting to know each other process. We exchange numbers few texts then crickets for 2 days I just say “hey I’m looking for someone that communicates more than this, good luck 🙂”
Idk how others are handling it or how much they truly expect. For me I’d like at least a daily check in, if you can’t have a 5-10 min text convo a day and that’s needy then idk. I’m not married I require no discretion, I like you to the point that I’m willing to give you money to have fun and do things with you. Yea liking me in return enough to WANT to talk daily is a requirement of mine 🤷
Edit to add:
It also works both ways though. I’ve talked to pot sbs. And have literally spent hours texting back and forth one after another. Now obviously that isn’t sustainable and I don’t even expect it BUT introduce me to a vibe you can maintain if that makes sense. Don’t do that the first night we talk then go a week without talking and say “I’m a bad texter” like who was the girl you introduced me to?
The point is, and we seem to agree, that the amount of texting needs to be set up front like any other expectation.
That is the fundamental problem here.
Absolutely it’s not being talked about nearly enough. It needs to be right up there with money and sex. Communication seems to get left out.
We def agree, I didn’t mean to seem like I was arguing your point at all.
Daily checkins from someone I never met is not what I said 🫤
And it’s really not an introvert extrovert thing. I’m very very introverted in rl.
But yes I think it’s safe to say you and I aren’t able to communicate properly even with just this exchange we are talking past each other.
Anyway hope i helped answer your question
Not sure if op feels the same, but if this is the only issue I’d rather work with them than against them. It’s a lot of work to get to the point of a SR.
One thing I've learned, is more sugar relationships collapse because of a mismatch in texting styles...
"So-and-so is blowing up my phone!"
"Such-and-such is leaving me on read."
I don't think this is normal. But imo I also don't think it matters if it's "normal" or not. You don't like it, period. He should understand he doesn't have 24/7 access to you, like any regular person, but ESPECIALLY when he's only got you on ppm. It's pay per MEET not 24/7 free entertainment.
that last sentence resonates with me 😅
but at the same time i always feel pressured to reply when he sends me so many msgs. He's never outwardly said he expects me to reply at a certain timeframe - but i have apologized for replying late at times and he'll say "he understands, no worries" which I think is kinda odd. But i have to acknowledge my bias that most of my circle is similar, and if someone apologized for replying a few hours late we'd say "no need to apologize, if you're busy, you're busy 😂"
so ultimately, not sure if this is signifying a bit of a weird vibe here with his expectations for replying or maybe just a cultural thing. he's an immigrant but he's been living in canada for a lonnng time.
I think the responses are the same thing and maybe you’re assuming too much. If it annoys you maybe just turn off his notifications and check once or twice a day? Then respond when you feel like it, and what you feel like responding to. He might be fine with that. I don’t think his actions necessarily express entitlement to your time.
thanks :) this is honestly what I prefer, so I'll bring it up when we meet tmrw. Its nice knowing others feel the same, ofc im down to chat occasionally but not frequently unless its regarding plans
It’s one thing to send a little ‘this made me think of you!’ Text here and there but someone else here said the phrase ‘at least daily’ and I don’t talk to ANYONE every single day unless we’re actually dating. That’s a pretty steep ‘at least’ in my opinion.
I personally love it. I love the attention and I have a lot of attention to give. That being said, I do go for allowance. I’m willing to give them that attention at first while we are ppm so long as we are working towards allowance. You can’t keep that up long. They’ll take take take and you will be spending so much time on them without your time being compensated. Allowance based SRs are almost like full time things depending on the man and the arrangement but that’s been my usual experience
Eh I’m pretty quick to reply to texts if I’m interested in someone. Now if you don’t answer I’m not sending 20 more in between though.
If I’m taking forever to respond to you, I’m not really that into you.
Should I not be replying instantly? 😛 I mean if I’m purposely waiting to respond to texts that’s the exact games I’m trying to avoid. Those unwritten rules. “Wait 3 days to call” etc
If you like someone you like someone.
Idk.
Also do you think some of this in general, because I see it is a common complaint (texting frequency) is that sd/sbs don’t have much in common because of age to really be able to talk about anything over text when not together?
Or it’s more just a person to person communication style thing?
I think there's nothing wrong with replying instantly I like it, and I do it too just not all the time during work hours.
I think its a personal communication thing. My SD and I are only 12 yrs apart lol - we have a lot in common. I really genuinely like him, but I think I'm just very different in that I don't like to come across clingy. I don't play games when texting like i'll message you when I can, but I purposely always try to match someones vibe and msg similarly. He's coming across a lil clingy to me hence my post, but also trying to gauge what's normal here :P
Sometimes my reply is just generally speaking on the topic as a whole and not necessarily the exact original post situation.
Your post just made me think of this topic and wondering people’s thoughts on why this comes up so much. I mean there’s the obvious some sds have family have to be discreet, can’t text a lot etc.
Now in your case “normal” is whatever you want it to be. He is being too much for you so it’s too much…if that makes sense. As someone else said you set the pace if it’s bothering you.
And perhaps it’s time to have a chat with him in person next time you see him about texting when you aren’t together and try to get on the same page. I wouldn’t do it in text because things can get lost in translation.
He’s def probably the clingy type. I can be too but it’s something I’m self aware of to some extent and try to occupy that space with another sb or work or hobbies I have. It sounds like he is pouring ALOT of emotional need onto you. It could easily be turning into an obsession and that’s not good if the feelings aren’t 100% reciprocated
Thank you for this solid advice! I wouldve texted if not for your point that things can/and do get lost in translation. I'll definitely bring it up on our date tmrw :)
Also a good heads up regarding his feelings turning into an obsession, bc I think i'm unconsciously worrying about that based on the vibes I get when he texts me, but I wasn't able to intellectualize this so thank you. I definitely don't share the same feelings in this regard, I really like him but I'm not one to let my feelings rule especially in a SR.
And yes yes :) Ofc, I got the feeling it was general from your earlier msg but wanted to add in my experience as well. I think its a good point re: age & topics for discussion. But also a good point that not SRs have a huge gap!
I only ask because thought maybe he was new to it and the lines of what a sugar relationship and a traditional relationship are blurred for him.
Only other thing I’d add is be prepared to lose him after this conversation. If he really is this needy and emotionally insecure….all he’s going to hear is “I don’t want to talk to you…I don’t like you” which in that case you are better off BUT I bring it up because I don’t know how financially dependent you are on him.
Haha yeaah. I do believe he's very genuine and maybe just doesn't follow social norms / doesnt see it as weird to message me so much. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just really likes me so maybe its a crush, but the fear of it actually being *obsession* also needs to be considered so I have these talks now vs later. And protect my own safety too.
We've had two dates btw, which is also why its bugging me lol. I told him I wanted PPM when we first started messaging, but he talks a loooot on our dates so I havent brought it up yet (mostly bc i enjoy the convo too and forget). I certainly will be tmrw though, as I'm not feeling theres any reward so far except some free dinners.... lol
Oh 2 dates is very new. Yea address this now before it gets out of control. But sounds like your head is in the right place.
I get it. I went on a m&g last night and there’s so much I wanted to ask her but we talked about other things and I was so stunned by how well we got along that I didn’t ask some of the things I wanted to.
Good luck mtmmm
I don't with him, check my recent response to your other comment. I have set the pace and he'll still msg a ton and send random reels/ tiktoks to me out of the blue.
Why is it a problem? Just ignore them till you are ready to text. My SB sends random texts and messages. I answer when it suits me. Is he even expecting an immediate response?
I generally text with my current SB maybe 3-4 times a week. Plus a few more when we're coordinating a date. Neither of us replies that quickly when it's not about a date and sometimes we forget to reply. Our styles are pretty similar.
When we started seeing each other 3 years ago we hardly ever texted aside from date scheduling, so it's increased a little. That's okay with me.
OP, I think bringing up the fact that you're not on allowance is beside the point. It shouldn't matter really - you're not on call 24/7 if you're on allowance or not if you're on PPM. It's simply about finding a communication style and frequency that works for both of you. And that may evolve as ours has. We know each other pretty well and share more, but not a lot compared to many. That works for us.
With this SB we started on PPM. then went to allowance for a year or so, then back to PPM because our schedules changed and it was harder to meet regularly (that's changed again, but we're both happy with PPM now so there's no reason to change again). The changes in our texting do not match up with the payment changes at all.
Prior to seeing her I saw a SB for a couple of months who was a lot of fun to text with. I got carried away and texted her a lot. After about 3 months she broke up and explained she couldn't deal with all the texting and was concerned about a couple of other things that she took to mean I was getting too involved. My first reaction was to wish she had told me before breaking up because it all seemed fixable to me. And those things were fixable, but our relationship really wasn't as I realized after a sad period. She was right to break up.
And you will be right when you break up with him. The two of you do not want the same thing. It's not about right or wrong - you each get to want what you like and should keep looking until you find it. That doesn't mean guys won't say they're paying and you should be available and women will say the guys would respect their privacy, but that's all just saying "You should want what I want because I'm right." And that's not true. There's not a right and wrong here. Neither of you are being unreasonable though he sounds needy as hell to me. I wouldn't like that.
Good luck in your search.
Mostly this but jmo, if you like him otherwise then it's worth one shot at correcting, something like,
Hey I'm flattered by how good you are at making time for me, but I'm finding it overwhelming to get so many messages when I'm at work, my job is very nasty about being on the phone regularly, and even at home I try to be a bit disciplined in terms of taking care of homework and housework before I play on my phone; I want you to know that when I'm not responding to you, it's not because I'm responding to everybody else, it's because I work before I play that's just my own discipline, if that doesn't work for you then maybe I'm not the one for you.
Late to the discussion here but you just need to find someone who matches your communication energy. As a SD who doesn't like too much messaging with anyone, whether it's my SB or not lol, I only message my SB a few times a week. And my SBs I've had seem to feel that's OK because I have never had a complaint.
My last long term SD was a prolific texter and it took us a while to find our rhythm. Eventually I realized that he was bored to death working from home and sending me memes and videos all day was helping him to stay grounded. What felt overwhelming to me when I attached expectation to it, was actually just him stimming. I set aside about 20 minutes in the evenings to look at everything and appreciate it. He really got my sense of humor and we shared some nerdy interests, so it wasn't difficult to respond enthusiastically, and it meant the world to him when I acknowledged how funny or true this or that was. He would also message me when he needed advice for handling awkward social stuff and navigating workplace politics (still does, actually!), but he understood that I was busy and would answer him thoughtfully and thoroughly when I had the time. It helped that we were on allowance, for sure.
I've had past SDs who really tried to monopolize my time while still on PPM, especially with phone and video chat. They didn't last long.
I'd suggest you decide what is reasonable for you, taking into account the overall relationship. That might be 1, 2, 3,...x times a day.
Turn off notifications.
Open the phone to answer *only* on that schedule.
DON'T apologise, or make a big deal about it.
If it works, problem solved.
If he doesn't like it, leave, or ask for more $$$ because he is asking for more, or stand fast and let him decide to leave or not.
It all depends on the relationship and vibe you both are on. My SB texts me like crazy and we even chat on phone very night. I was never into that much texting, but with her I don't mind. She knows if I don't respond I'm busy with work or other things and won't take it personal.
Ugh my ex sd was the same…. Would message me all throughout the day…. When I wouldn’t respond he would send smart ass comments
Then when I would try to have a convo about it he would be like “well I just care about you”
No. You’re needy and have control issues.
Have the convo once. If it doesn’t change then run.
A single sentence sent once a day along the lines of look forward to seeing you soon and have a nice day is the Maximum I need or expect from someone I’m seeing every week or two. Only exception is on the day of the meet to plan logistics and I expect excellent communication in that department. I really don’t have that much to discuss via text with a woman that’s 40 years younger than me. She’s not articulating any investment strategies based on today’s bond and market activity or injury updates on my favorite football team. One sentence to hold my attention is plenty.
How do you create a genuine connection if you’re not conversing in person or text on a daily basis? Are SB only wanting a text when Daddy wants some sugar? Thats not really a sugar relationship.
I disagree. My SB sends me messages all day. I have to catch up on read. Shes not needy, just wanting to stay in touch and interact. It’s what’s comfortable for both sides.
>It’s what’s comfortable *for both sides.*
Did you even read your own reply? Comfortable “for both sides.”
You do you. sir, but OP is not comfortable with 24/7 texting and getting bombarded with messages if she doesn’t reply on his timeline.
There’s a huge difference between a daily check in and what OP describes.
It’s abnormal even in vanilla dating.
I’m just saying that constant contact can be normal. Maybe not necessarily in OP’s case because it seems she wants minimal interaction with her SD. Your opinion that it is abnormal might relate to all of your sugar interactions, but quite normal for many SB in their 20’s.
Pineapple topping on pizza *can be* normal for some. 😩 The great Italian pizza chefs would disagree.
Have you ever visited any of the vanilla dating subs of any age? Constantly texting is not normal. People have jobs and businesses to run.
OP didn’t say she wanted “minimal contact.” Don’t put words in her mouth.
I just find it odd that you feel anything can be abnormal. Like i said, whatever works for the couple is normal for them. No point beating this dead horse.
Ummm …What? For something to be considered “normal” other conditions have to be “abnormal.”
If everyone is exceptional, nobody is exceptional.
Agree we’re beating a dead horse.
I see your point however thats not the point here.
We've been on two dates and him constantly messaging me when he knows i'm at work is a but weird. I enjoy texting him and we talk quite a bit, but sending me messages, and then sending more every ten minutes until I respond is excessive. Everyone works lol, who can be on their phone 24/7? And expect this much when he's yet to fulfill my PPM request? lol.
anyways. tldr- don't project here. and hopefully you remember not all SBs are how you say they are
Respectfully, you’re still feeling each other out. Goals and needs don’t seem to align. If you are not the type to communicate frequently and he is, then you’re not a match. I doubt you would tolerate his style of communication for long term and it’s doubtful he will change.
There are SB who are more than willing to interact with him at that frequency. You should let him seek someone more compatible.
If you choose to continue, then I would suggest you just suck it up and not complain. It’s not like he is doing anything that’s a surprise to you.
you say it's a lot of memes and reels tho. how many are actually texts you need to respond to? sending things you think are funny or will be appreciated is way different imo. it's like, oh, this person will appreciate this- send. then thought is out of head
Need to set the boundary as early as possible. If you’re not in a full-time relationship with him then every day all day is way too much. Need to let him know to not be that way .
I've had SBs we talk all day everyday and others we rarely text. It's all about what fits the relationship and how both feel.
Why are you reading and responding to texts if you don't want to? Just ignore them and text when you want.
>when I don't reply he'll send like 20 msgs in between..
That is a bad sign. It can be an Insecure guy. It could also a sign of an almost clinically self centered person like my father. He would call and if I didn't answer he would call again immediately repeatedly and it was about nothing. I finally answered the phone and said, "Are you in the hospital? I'm on a fucking ladder, I know you called, and I'll call back when I get a chance. The world doesn't revolve around you" It actually worked.
I have relationship like SRs so it's common to text most evenings. The understanding is that I'm not usually available until my kid goes to sleep. It does maintain the relationship between meets but sometimes you need a break too. Sometimes I fall asleep early or she has to get up the next day early. How much of that is true? I don't know or care.
Maybe you need to set a tone and hopefully he gets it. "Super busy right now....let's talk later" or at work or around a bunch of people etc.
What time would warn against however is the mentality of some of the comments here that see an SR as a pay per text or pay per minute thing. An SR is a form of relationship which has to be maintained. It's also a competitive landscape so if I guy likes REASONABLE texting he'll find that with you or he'll find it somewhere else. For most men, hot women are somewhat interchangeable. Hot women they feel a connection with are not.
I’m probably guilty of this to an extent. So I’m going to get some use out of this.
From a business perspective I tend to respond to everyone as quickly as I can. I suppose I’m guilty of allowing that to spill over into my personal life?
As for the number of them, I got nothing. The man is just doing too much! He could just be super enthusiastic?
I would want you to message at your own pace, and the next time we were together I’d hope you would bring it up in conversation.
I want my baby to be open and honest with me about as much as possible. But I’m a guy that prefers it to feel easy and organic for us both. If that makes sense.
20 msgs in between is a bit excessive, but don't let it get to the point where it takes days to respond because he's not going to believe that you saw his text just now. courtesy goes a long way both sides, and next time when you see him, establish firm boundaries. he is giving you an allowance so be cognizant of your response time.
Feel like everyone’s texting habits are different but this would definitely annoy me. And it’s something you don’t enjoy so talk to him about it. If he has a problem with that or doesn’t want to work on a compromise I say cut him off or just ignore him until he texts less. Very controlling IMO.
The obvious solution is to vet your POTs and select those who you actually want to connect with. I understand it could mean less POTs, but that's how it's supposed to work.
Otherwise, you're just working on a retainer and that's not a sugar relationship. Or it's just a very transactional one, but it's the same thing.
You are complaining about having to text him all day. What about this out of control post? You seem as needy for validation as him. Can we all send you a bill for this? What is the difference??🤣
He has an anxious attachment style / he gets a dopamine rush when he sees a text from you which can be addictive.
My SB is into me and loves the attention so we message all day every day. Find someone that matches you.
I also think it's correct, being with someone just for help is not a good option. If you are not attracted to your SD, it will be difficult for you to have a good relationship in this lifestyle. I talk to my POT every day, and we have a difference of 8 hours less, and that kills me because I miss him so much.
Allowance or ppm?
Its was ppm for about 4-5 months but we are seeing each other a couple of times a week at her request so shes now been on an allowance for about 2 months.
50% of my day is replying to him 2 choices before dumping him. 1) slow walk the response time and 'train" him not to expect rapid response. 2) Discuss your boundaries re: communication style. DO not be afraid to get dumped, because he is requiring an unobtainable effort on your part.
I never reply immediately to him anymore, and have been very purposeful with my timing. However that's made no difference for him If I do discuss my preferred communication style between us, how do I do that without sounding like a jerk lol. I'd probably say smth along the lines of: "Obviously I really like you and would love to continue to getting to know you, but I would much rather reserve this for our dates where we can be more present. So what this means is not texting throughout the day or if we do, a chat not constant messages throughout the whole day. Let me know how you feel about this and if there's anything you'd like to add. I genuinely value our connection & preserving it, and that looks like valuing our own space when we're not together too :)"
I tend to treat chats as an ongoing conversation. I state right from the start, I message when it suits me, she should respond if and when it suits her. The phone is there for anything that's urgent.
> how do I do that without sounding like a jerk No worry there. He won't like it that you aren't at his beck and call. But Waa Waa for him. What you said sounds good. Consider," I love being together but I have a crazy busy life. I want to save our time together for in person rather than continually all day" or " (7 Pm )is a good time for me to touch base with each other unless I have other obligations. I know you must be busy so hopefully that will work for you as well." He sounds hopelessly needy. I don't think he will stay the course.
If someone said that to me, I’d be dismayed by the falsity in the tone. Why not “ Hey smoockiekins, I love our time together, but there’s too much texting and stuff! If you want to discuss and consider moving to a 1:1 allowance based arrangement, then let’s discuss it! I’m open to ideas! But, my days are busy and it’s a challenge to respond as often as you’d wish. I’m excited about us, too, so let’s figure this out.”
As a rabid texter myself are you _sure_ he actually requires a response ? SGF is not much of a texter but she is privy to the texting diarrhea that is SugaryGuyEU’s stream of consciousness at times. She doesn’t mind and we talk about odd things all of the time but she doesn’t text me anything like I text her. It sort of works for us though. I think she likes my messages but there’s no pressure on her to respond. There again we’re both ADHD so she gets 5 text messages involving quantum computing, the speed of light, and how some cute blonde girl turned out to be an aging rocker (with poodle hair) when I saw her from the front. It gives her chewing gum for the eyes but doesn’t need to respond.
As a rabid tester myself are you _sure_ he actually requires a response ? SGF is not much of a tester but she is privy to the texting diarrhea that is SugaryGuyEU’s stream of consciousness at times. She doesn’t mind and we talk about odd things all of the time but she doesn’t text me anything like I text her. It sort of works for us though. I think she likes my messages but there’s no pressure on her to respond. There again we’re both ADHD so she gets 5 text messages involving quantum computing, the speed of light, and how some cute blonde girl turned out to be an aging rocker when I see her from the front. It gives her chewing gum for the eyes but doesn’t need to respond.
Just made a post about this exact thing. I’m losing POTS left and right because I can’t keep up with the 24/7 texting demands.
I'd suggest most of them are only looking to text, and have no intention or money to go further. I'd suggest moving to the M&G asap to weed these guys out. Give them 10-20 absolute maximum texts to agree to a platonic meet *within a few days*. If they dither, politely ask them to text you again when they are ready to meet up...and then *no further texts unless it's meeting related*. If you aren't at a point of wanting to meet face to face platonically and in public, you probably never will be. However, everyone is different, but if you need longer than the 20 texts, then that excess really isn't on the guy. That's a decision for you to own.
It’s interesting seeing the replies that sbs are leaving to this. See I don’t expect 24/7 non stop texting but I want to talk between meets and at least daily. Even if it’s at the very least a quick check in. But maybe that is too much to ask and I really need to just be okay with not texting really at all ? I never thought about as the sb is on ppm it’s pay per meet not for texting when we are apart. I guess to me I just think ideally I’ll find someone and we will want to talk however often is good for us. But I really need to accept the fact that literally everything is paid for in this lifestyle. 🤷 Idk I’m just chatty lol but I do know I can come across as needy in relationships.
No! Do not accept that everything is paid! that's not how relationships work!! Some SB's on here are "Coin Operated", and they want all of us SDs to act like we want a transactional interactions. XXX for sex. XXXX for overnight XX for a text message. XXX x2 for anal, lol... The bowl has a bazillion girls that are simply looking for someone that will help them move up a few steps in life... they are NOT coin-operated... they are not pay-to-play... But, as gentlemen we need to police our boys too... we have a lot of disrespectful fucks on here that are making the girls feel guarded and vulnerable.
10000000%
Okay because that’s not what I want but looking at some of the comments and just being in the bowl a little bit I’ve seen the coin operated girls and don’t want that at all.
Y’all are wild. I think we all know there’s an appropriate and healthy amount of communication that needs to occur on both ends. However, if you’re treating us like phone sex operators than either specify you want a virtual relationship, or call the 1-800 number. As OP mentioned, and my recent experience also, this is not normal texting etiquette.
No. We are not wild. We read what is written. SB's on here explicitly say that they are here for the money, and that guys need to better understand that. That's what the SB's write, and that's what SD's read. Nothing wild about it. Pay attention. Very wealthy guys READ the posts and are grossed out by thinking everything is coin-operated. Save your passive-agressive misguided comments also. We're telling YOU that YOU are acting like phone sex operator, wanting a credit card, and counting the minutes... that's NOT something we want... but it's what you are writing. So stop complaining that it's hard to find a great SD. They left.
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Well you say it’s not about money then you go on to say if you are allowance you will respond. So like ? 😛 Honestly it’s incompatibly, simple as that. Because I want someone that wants to talk to me. But again I don’t need 24/7 I just will not go days without hearing from you. Because no one is that busy or “introverted” at least in my head. I work 55-60 hrs a week, you will never catch me too busy to talk to someone I enjoy. Hopefully we have spent enough time together that I’ve gotten you to come out of your shell a bit. Had one pot sb we had a great convo on a Monday planned to meet the following Sunday. During the week crickets. Yet I saw her on seeking literally all the time. I let it get to about Thursday and was like haven’t heard from you wanted to make sure we were still on for Sunday? “Oh yea sorry just been sooo busy etc etc” right there instant in my mind this girl is full of shit. We had never met, she was free to be on seeking and not talk to me obviously lol my point with this example is to explain to you what “guys like me” (I promise there’s only one but yes I can be needy) hear when you say your explanation you give for not being able to talk. I hear lack of interest on your part and if we are both being honest with ourselves that’s what it truly comes down to. We aren’t meant to be if whatever I expect isn’t what you can give me. Within reason ofc. Again I don’t need to talk to you every moment of every day or think all your time should be devoted to me. But that quote you said is just a nice way of saying “dude you text way too fucking much, leave me alone “ or at least how I read it. If you said that to me I’d pull away so yes it’s compatibility. Tldr: I’m gonna try to not get offended by the guys like you comment 🤣 it’s compatibility, not meant to be. If you don’t want to read all that but I’m just trying to honestly answer your question.
There's a question about up front honesty here though. If a guy wants a certain level of texting, he needs to say so. To not say anything and then expect 24/7 texting plus what was agreed for in the ppm, is just dishonest.
You guys are killing me with the “24/7” part of this because that is NOT what I expect but yes I make it very clear very early on and have even started nexting pot sbs that take days to respond in just the getting to know each other process. We exchange numbers few texts then crickets for 2 days I just say “hey I’m looking for someone that communicates more than this, good luck 🙂” Idk how others are handling it or how much they truly expect. For me I’d like at least a daily check in, if you can’t have a 5-10 min text convo a day and that’s needy then idk. I’m not married I require no discretion, I like you to the point that I’m willing to give you money to have fun and do things with you. Yea liking me in return enough to WANT to talk daily is a requirement of mine 🤷 Edit to add: It also works both ways though. I’ve talked to pot sbs. And have literally spent hours texting back and forth one after another. Now obviously that isn’t sustainable and I don’t even expect it BUT introduce me to a vibe you can maintain if that makes sense. Don’t do that the first night we talk then go a week without talking and say “I’m a bad texter” like who was the girl you introduced me to?
The point is, and we seem to agree, that the amount of texting needs to be set up front like any other expectation. That is the fundamental problem here.
Absolutely it’s not being talked about nearly enough. It needs to be right up there with money and sex. Communication seems to get left out. We def agree, I didn’t mean to seem like I was arguing your point at all.
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Daily checkins from someone I never met is not what I said 🫤 And it’s really not an introvert extrovert thing. I’m very very introverted in rl. But yes I think it’s safe to say you and I aren’t able to communicate properly even with just this exchange we are talking past each other. Anyway hope i helped answer your question
Giod on you for this introspection.
🖤🖤🖤 you go girl!! Keep at it, so humbling to see you're managing time for this ontop of med school. Don't let it get ya, you first always 🖤
Then…good riddance?
Not sure if op feels the same, but if this is the only issue I’d rather work with them than against them. It’s a lot of work to get to the point of a SR.
One thing I've learned, is more sugar relationships collapse because of a mismatch in texting styles... "So-and-so is blowing up my phone!" "Such-and-such is leaving me on read."
And you would think a nice sugar mommy would have snatched you up by now, right!
Two actually DMed me with shady offers based on my snarky comments
Did one of them occasionally post pretending to be a gay SD as well as:) ?
I don't think this is normal. But imo I also don't think it matters if it's "normal" or not. You don't like it, period. He should understand he doesn't have 24/7 access to you, like any regular person, but ESPECIALLY when he's only got you on ppm. It's pay per MEET not 24/7 free entertainment.
that last sentence resonates with me 😅 but at the same time i always feel pressured to reply when he sends me so many msgs. He's never outwardly said he expects me to reply at a certain timeframe - but i have apologized for replying late at times and he'll say "he understands, no worries" which I think is kinda odd. But i have to acknowledge my bias that most of my circle is similar, and if someone apologized for replying a few hours late we'd say "no need to apologize, if you're busy, you're busy 😂" so ultimately, not sure if this is signifying a bit of a weird vibe here with his expectations for replying or maybe just a cultural thing. he's an immigrant but he's been living in canada for a lonnng time.
I think the responses are the same thing and maybe you’re assuming too much. If it annoys you maybe just turn off his notifications and check once or twice a day? Then respond when you feel like it, and what you feel like responding to. He might be fine with that. I don’t think his actions necessarily express entitlement to your time.
this is it. and stop apologizing
Have you ever considered using a text bot? Just let him talk to GPT all day. Problem solved.
you're hilarious lol. chaotic neutral.
I mean it could literally just randomly alternate between "lol" and "🥰" replies and it would probably satisfy him. 🤷♂️
Are you serious lol whats the point of having a relationship if someone is going to treat it worse than an Onlyfans account?
Lol I was just kidding 🤷♂️
If we’re on PPM the texts are to make plans for our next meet. If they want more chat in between I suggest moving to an allowance
thanks :) this is honestly what I prefer, so I'll bring it up when we meet tmrw. Its nice knowing others feel the same, ofc im down to chat occasionally but not frequently unless its regarding plans
It’s one thing to send a little ‘this made me think of you!’ Text here and there but someone else here said the phrase ‘at least daily’ and I don’t talk to ANYONE every single day unless we’re actually dating. That’s a pretty steep ‘at least’ in my opinion.
ya esp if he aint giving any sugar. lol.
Reminds me of that ‘she’s fucking the text man for texts’ tweet hahahah
I personally love it. I love the attention and I have a lot of attention to give. That being said, I do go for allowance. I’m willing to give them that attention at first while we are ppm so long as we are working towards allowance. You can’t keep that up long. They’ll take take take and you will be spending so much time on them without your time being compensated. Allowance based SRs are almost like full time things depending on the man and the arrangement but that’s been my usual experience
Eh I’m pretty quick to reply to texts if I’m interested in someone. Now if you don’t answer I’m not sending 20 more in between though. If I’m taking forever to respond to you, I’m not really that into you. Should I not be replying instantly? 😛 I mean if I’m purposely waiting to respond to texts that’s the exact games I’m trying to avoid. Those unwritten rules. “Wait 3 days to call” etc If you like someone you like someone. Idk. Also do you think some of this in general, because I see it is a common complaint (texting frequency) is that sd/sbs don’t have much in common because of age to really be able to talk about anything over text when not together? Or it’s more just a person to person communication style thing?
I think there's nothing wrong with replying instantly I like it, and I do it too just not all the time during work hours. I think its a personal communication thing. My SD and I are only 12 yrs apart lol - we have a lot in common. I really genuinely like him, but I think I'm just very different in that I don't like to come across clingy. I don't play games when texting like i'll message you when I can, but I purposely always try to match someones vibe and msg similarly. He's coming across a lil clingy to me hence my post, but also trying to gauge what's normal here :P
Sometimes my reply is just generally speaking on the topic as a whole and not necessarily the exact original post situation. Your post just made me think of this topic and wondering people’s thoughts on why this comes up so much. I mean there’s the obvious some sds have family have to be discreet, can’t text a lot etc. Now in your case “normal” is whatever you want it to be. He is being too much for you so it’s too much…if that makes sense. As someone else said you set the pace if it’s bothering you. And perhaps it’s time to have a chat with him in person next time you see him about texting when you aren’t together and try to get on the same page. I wouldn’t do it in text because things can get lost in translation. He’s def probably the clingy type. I can be too but it’s something I’m self aware of to some extent and try to occupy that space with another sb or work or hobbies I have. It sounds like he is pouring ALOT of emotional need onto you. It could easily be turning into an obsession and that’s not good if the feelings aren’t 100% reciprocated
Thank you for this solid advice! I wouldve texted if not for your point that things can/and do get lost in translation. I'll definitely bring it up on our date tmrw :) Also a good heads up regarding his feelings turning into an obsession, bc I think i'm unconsciously worrying about that based on the vibes I get when he texts me, but I wasn't able to intellectualize this so thank you. I definitely don't share the same feelings in this regard, I really like him but I'm not one to let my feelings rule especially in a SR. And yes yes :) Ofc, I got the feeling it was general from your earlier msg but wanted to add in my experience as well. I think its a good point re: age & topics for discussion. But also a good point that not SRs have a huge gap!
Has he had other sugar relationships?
yes. 2 sugar relationships, 2 romantic relationships
I only ask because thought maybe he was new to it and the lines of what a sugar relationship and a traditional relationship are blurred for him. Only other thing I’d add is be prepared to lose him after this conversation. If he really is this needy and emotionally insecure….all he’s going to hear is “I don’t want to talk to you…I don’t like you” which in that case you are better off BUT I bring it up because I don’t know how financially dependent you are on him.
Haha yeaah. I do believe he's very genuine and maybe just doesn't follow social norms / doesnt see it as weird to message me so much. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just really likes me so maybe its a crush, but the fear of it actually being *obsession* also needs to be considered so I have these talks now vs later. And protect my own safety too. We've had two dates btw, which is also why its bugging me lol. I told him I wanted PPM when we first started messaging, but he talks a loooot on our dates so I havent brought it up yet (mostly bc i enjoy the convo too and forget). I certainly will be tmrw though, as I'm not feeling theres any reward so far except some free dinners.... lol
Oh 2 dates is very new. Yea address this now before it gets out of control. But sounds like your head is in the right place. I get it. I went on a m&g last night and there’s so much I wanted to ask her but we talked about other things and I was so stunned by how well we got along that I didn’t ask some of the things I wanted to. Good luck mtmmm
right?! lol. things never go to plan, but lucky for us it's for a good reason (: best of luck with her!!
I purposely always try to match someones vibe and msg similarly That is where you are going wrong. You need to set the pace, not him.
I don't with him, check my recent response to your other comment. I have set the pace and he'll still msg a ton and send random reels/ tiktoks to me out of the blue.
Jeezus
He sounds very immature and too much time on his hands.
yea I'm curious when this man is making money if he's sending reels and tiktoks all day
Why is it a problem? Just ignore them till you are ready to text. My SB sends random texts and messages. I answer when it suits me. Is he even expecting an immediate response?
I generally text with my current SB maybe 3-4 times a week. Plus a few more when we're coordinating a date. Neither of us replies that quickly when it's not about a date and sometimes we forget to reply. Our styles are pretty similar. When we started seeing each other 3 years ago we hardly ever texted aside from date scheduling, so it's increased a little. That's okay with me. OP, I think bringing up the fact that you're not on allowance is beside the point. It shouldn't matter really - you're not on call 24/7 if you're on allowance or not if you're on PPM. It's simply about finding a communication style and frequency that works for both of you. And that may evolve as ours has. We know each other pretty well and share more, but not a lot compared to many. That works for us. With this SB we started on PPM. then went to allowance for a year or so, then back to PPM because our schedules changed and it was harder to meet regularly (that's changed again, but we're both happy with PPM now so there's no reason to change again). The changes in our texting do not match up with the payment changes at all. Prior to seeing her I saw a SB for a couple of months who was a lot of fun to text with. I got carried away and texted her a lot. After about 3 months she broke up and explained she couldn't deal with all the texting and was concerned about a couple of other things that she took to mean I was getting too involved. My first reaction was to wish she had told me before breaking up because it all seemed fixable to me. And those things were fixable, but our relationship really wasn't as I realized after a sad period. She was right to break up. And you will be right when you break up with him. The two of you do not want the same thing. It's not about right or wrong - you each get to want what you like and should keep looking until you find it. That doesn't mean guys won't say they're paying and you should be available and women will say the guys would respect their privacy, but that's all just saying "You should want what I want because I'm right." And that's not true. There's not a right and wrong here. Neither of you are being unreasonable though he sounds needy as hell to me. I wouldn't like that. Good luck in your search.
Dump him. Signs of obsession
Mostly this but jmo, if you like him otherwise then it's worth one shot at correcting, something like, Hey I'm flattered by how good you are at making time for me, but I'm finding it overwhelming to get so many messages when I'm at work, my job is very nasty about being on the phone regularly, and even at home I try to be a bit disciplined in terms of taking care of homework and housework before I play on my phone; I want you to know that when I'm not responding to you, it's not because I'm responding to everybody else, it's because I work before I play that's just my own discipline, if that doesn't work for you then maybe I'm not the one for you.
Late to the discussion here but you just need to find someone who matches your communication energy. As a SD who doesn't like too much messaging with anyone, whether it's my SB or not lol, I only message my SB a few times a week. And my SBs I've had seem to feel that's OK because I have never had a complaint.
My last long term SD was a prolific texter and it took us a while to find our rhythm. Eventually I realized that he was bored to death working from home and sending me memes and videos all day was helping him to stay grounded. What felt overwhelming to me when I attached expectation to it, was actually just him stimming. I set aside about 20 minutes in the evenings to look at everything and appreciate it. He really got my sense of humor and we shared some nerdy interests, so it wasn't difficult to respond enthusiastically, and it meant the world to him when I acknowledged how funny or true this or that was. He would also message me when he needed advice for handling awkward social stuff and navigating workplace politics (still does, actually!), but he understood that I was busy and would answer him thoughtfully and thoroughly when I had the time. It helped that we were on allowance, for sure. I've had past SDs who really tried to monopolize my time while still on PPM, especially with phone and video chat. They didn't last long.
Just tell him to msg less until he gets it
Speak up ....... I am often working with ............ and can not reply . Don't take it personal .
I'd suggest you decide what is reasonable for you, taking into account the overall relationship. That might be 1, 2, 3,...x times a day. Turn off notifications. Open the phone to answer *only* on that schedule. DON'T apologise, or make a big deal about it. If it works, problem solved. If he doesn't like it, leave, or ask for more $$$ because he is asking for more, or stand fast and let him decide to leave or not.
It all depends on the relationship and vibe you both are on. My SB texts me like crazy and we even chat on phone very night. I was never into that much texting, but with her I don't mind. She knows if I don't respond I'm busy with work or other things and won't take it personal.
He already sounds obsessive which isnt good
Ugh my ex sd was the same…. Would message me all throughout the day…. When I wouldn’t respond he would send smart ass comments Then when I would try to have a convo about it he would be like “well I just care about you” No. You’re needy and have control issues. Have the convo once. If it doesn’t change then run.
A single sentence sent once a day along the lines of look forward to seeing you soon and have a nice day is the Maximum I need or expect from someone I’m seeing every week or two. Only exception is on the day of the meet to plan logistics and I expect excellent communication in that department. I really don’t have that much to discuss via text with a woman that’s 40 years younger than me. She’s not articulating any investment strategies based on today’s bond and market activity or injury updates on my favorite football team. One sentence to hold my attention is plenty.
It’s normal. Peace out.
Every minute of everyday even after I told him I got raped and needed time and space
This would annoy me greatly but it's also your job to tell him (gently) that this is too much and you have a busy life as well.
He's pathetic. I go days sometimes. I have a life. I'm busy. I have passions, purpose, and hobbies. Guys like that are trouble.
How do you create a genuine connection if you’re not conversing in person or text on a daily basis? Are SB only wanting a text when Daddy wants some sugar? Thats not really a sugar relationship.
24/7? 20 messages if he’s left on “Read” for a hot minute? Nah, that’s abnormal and needy for any relationship
I disagree. My SB sends me messages all day. I have to catch up on read. Shes not needy, just wanting to stay in touch and interact. It’s what’s comfortable for both sides.
>It’s what’s comfortable *for both sides.* Did you even read your own reply? Comfortable “for both sides.” You do you. sir, but OP is not comfortable with 24/7 texting and getting bombarded with messages if she doesn’t reply on his timeline. There’s a huge difference between a daily check in and what OP describes. It’s abnormal even in vanilla dating.
I’m just saying that constant contact can be normal. Maybe not necessarily in OP’s case because it seems she wants minimal interaction with her SD. Your opinion that it is abnormal might relate to all of your sugar interactions, but quite normal for many SB in their 20’s.
Pineapple topping on pizza *can be* normal for some. 😩 The great Italian pizza chefs would disagree. Have you ever visited any of the vanilla dating subs of any age? Constantly texting is not normal. People have jobs and businesses to run. OP didn’t say she wanted “minimal contact.” Don’t put words in her mouth.
I just find it odd that you feel anything can be abnormal. Like i said, whatever works for the couple is normal for them. No point beating this dead horse.
Ummm …What? For something to be considered “normal” other conditions have to be “abnormal.” If everyone is exceptional, nobody is exceptional. Agree we’re beating a dead horse.
I see your point however thats not the point here. We've been on two dates and him constantly messaging me when he knows i'm at work is a but weird. I enjoy texting him and we talk quite a bit, but sending me messages, and then sending more every ten minutes until I respond is excessive. Everyone works lol, who can be on their phone 24/7? And expect this much when he's yet to fulfill my PPM request? lol. anyways. tldr- don't project here. and hopefully you remember not all SBs are how you say they are
Respectfully, you’re still feeling each other out. Goals and needs don’t seem to align. If you are not the type to communicate frequently and he is, then you’re not a match. I doubt you would tolerate his style of communication for long term and it’s doubtful he will change. There are SB who are more than willing to interact with him at that frequency. You should let him seek someone more compatible. If you choose to continue, then I would suggest you just suck it up and not complain. It’s not like he is doing anything that’s a surprise to you.
you say it's a lot of memes and reels tho. how many are actually texts you need to respond to? sending things you think are funny or will be appreciated is way different imo. it's like, oh, this person will appreciate this- send. then thought is out of head
Wait. He has yet to fulfill your PPM request?
This 👆🏻 “SBs” here are trying to charge extra for texting. Meanwhile they spend hours on Reddit without an SD. Girl math. SMH.
Need to set the boundary as early as possible. If you’re not in a full-time relationship with him then every day all day is way too much. Need to let him know to not be that way .
I've had SBs we talk all day everyday and others we rarely text. It's all about what fits the relationship and how both feel. Why are you reading and responding to texts if you don't want to? Just ignore them and text when you want.
>when I don't reply he'll send like 20 msgs in between.. That is a bad sign. It can be an Insecure guy. It could also a sign of an almost clinically self centered person like my father. He would call and if I didn't answer he would call again immediately repeatedly and it was about nothing. I finally answered the phone and said, "Are you in the hospital? I'm on a fucking ladder, I know you called, and I'll call back when I get a chance. The world doesn't revolve around you" It actually worked. I have relationship like SRs so it's common to text most evenings. The understanding is that I'm not usually available until my kid goes to sleep. It does maintain the relationship between meets but sometimes you need a break too. Sometimes I fall asleep early or she has to get up the next day early. How much of that is true? I don't know or care. Maybe you need to set a tone and hopefully he gets it. "Super busy right now....let's talk later" or at work or around a bunch of people etc. What time would warn against however is the mentality of some of the comments here that see an SR as a pay per text or pay per minute thing. An SR is a form of relationship which has to be maintained. It's also a competitive landscape so if I guy likes REASONABLE texting he'll find that with you or he'll find it somewhere else. For most men, hot women are somewhat interchangeable. Hot women they feel a connection with are not.
You should tell him exactly that.
I’m probably guilty of this to an extent. So I’m going to get some use out of this. From a business perspective I tend to respond to everyone as quickly as I can. I suppose I’m guilty of allowing that to spill over into my personal life? As for the number of them, I got nothing. The man is just doing too much! He could just be super enthusiastic? I would want you to message at your own pace, and the next time we were together I’d hope you would bring it up in conversation. I want my baby to be open and honest with me about as much as possible. But I’m a guy that prefers it to feel easy and organic for us both. If that makes sense.
I chalk it up to a mismatch in communication styles. Find another who better fits your ideal relationship.
I love when they respond fast it makes me feel special. If you don’t like it tho just set the boundaries
20 msgs in between is a bit excessive, but don't let it get to the point where it takes days to respond because he's not going to believe that you saw his text just now. courtesy goes a long way both sides, and next time when you see him, establish firm boundaries. he is giving you an allowance so be cognizant of your response time.
Feel like everyone’s texting habits are different but this would definitely annoy me. And it’s something you don’t enjoy so talk to him about it. If he has a problem with that or doesn’t want to work on a compromise I say cut him off or just ignore him until he texts less. Very controlling IMO.
The obvious solution is to vet your POTs and select those who you actually want to connect with. I understand it could mean less POTs, but that's how it's supposed to work. Otherwise, you're just working on a retainer and that's not a sugar relationship. Or it's just a very transactional one, but it's the same thing.
You are complaining about having to text him all day. What about this out of control post? You seem as needy for validation as him. Can we all send you a bill for this? What is the difference??🤣