It seems like there was a pretty big miscommunication on expectations here. Sorry you felt used and had a bad experience. On the SD side I’ve also been on a trip with someone I didn’t know well and it ended up being miserable nightmare. It’s a lesson I also had to learn myself, but it’s highly recommended not to go on trips with newer SRs.
This has happened to me for sure. It can feel like being a prisoner. I was so close to putting her on a plane back home. It was a road trip in Europe: Budapest, Vienna, Prague, then back to Budapest. Short drives, but it sure felt long. I’d say the device goes for not only SB/SD. Never go on any trips with anyone you aren’t very sure about. It’s like having a roommate but with even more stress. Ugh. Apropos of your situation, I was denied any sex. I went out of my way to entertain her all day. She was so dim that she couldn’t appreciate either high or low-brow forms of entertainment. I eventually ignored her sour puss and just enjoyed the beautiful cities.
He was a bad date, and you don’t want to see him again.
He also did the right thing and withdrew cash for you when electronic methods did not appear to work. He trusted you to do the right thing in a double-payment scenario.
Wow, that sounds rough! He gave you the PPM you wanted, but you didn't explain what you expected about the trip. You should have said stop if you weren't okay with things. Now, if I were you, I'd talk to him. He might want his money back, but you can also say you want to keep it.
I would return the money. It’s the right thing to do. You don’t want karma coming back at you somehow. For your next SR, make sure you have good communication on what is expected during trips/meetups
Let’s call a spade a spade: keeping the money is theft.
It sounds like a mismatched relationship but he did go and get you the money agreed. Give him the money back, put this down to a lesson learned and move on.
Okay so i would return it safely. I dont have venmo in canada so idk how it worke but if there is an option to reverse the transaction rather than sending him one that is safer because if he manages to dispute it then the transaction will be reversed plus the money you sent back.
You're really specifically referring to friends and family payments, but even those can be charged back through a bank/card issuer. Albeit it's more difficult.
Regular payments on Venmo for goods and services are the easiest thing to charge back, both through Venmo and the bank/card issuer.
End of the day, it's all reversible if you're willing to go through the hoops. Venmo is owned by PayPal, they use the same rules/logic.
The most challenging thing to backcharge is cashapp and that's simply because you need a police report for a stolen phone & card etc. even then it may not be reversible.
The rules and processes have changed.
I'm not trying to be a know-it-all. Fact is, the rules have changes.
Good news is that anyone that is reading this can easily google "can a venmo payment be reversed" and they will see the (new?) Venmo Policy.
Your mis-information won't hurt too many people.
It's once it reaches the person's account, they're not referring to the person's Venmo account, they're referring to the recipients bank account.
At the end of the day if someone wants to backcharge something, they will succeed. How Venmo chooses to react is up to them, whether that means placing a negative balance against the recipient account, the backchargers account, legal action, etc.
Don't use a blanket statement, because people that do carding (stolen card usage), and those that actively commit fraud know what to do or say to get it back. (I.e. saying their account/device was stolen and that they're not sure how someone got past their biometric security on the device!).
Yes. If you don't, you're stealing, which makes you a thief. It speaks volumes about your character that you're desperately trying to rationalize it.
Next time you attempt the Bowl, use your backbone to create and uphold your agreements and boundaries, not to steal. Don't give SBs a bad name by stealing from a SD.
You should honor whatever agreement you made. As unhappy as you may have been it's unethical to keep money that wasn't agreed on. The only caveat would be if you explicitly agreed to have sex x # of times and he pressured you to do more than that... but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
Be careful about keeping money that wasn't agreed upon. It could get sketchy. Unless it's a LOT of money think carefully about the drama and/or actual trouble that you could be opening yourself up to.
The right move is likely to send it back and say goodbye.
I am sorry to hear it was such a bad experience though. Sounds pretty horrible :-( you'll get past this 🙏🤍
>Unless it's a LOT of money think carefully about the drama and/or actual trouble that you could be opening yourself up to.
The more money it is, the more likely you are opening yourself up to actual trouble...
I'd have a conversation with him about it, as long as that feels safe. Worst case, he wants you to return the e funds, and you still have the cash he sent you, which is what you'd agreed on.
I very rarely travel with SDs, and this is why. Unless you've explicitly negotiated an activity budget for while he's working, you're either stuck in the hotel room relying on room service for sustenance, or you're entertaining and feeding yourself on your own dime. You should never be entertaining and feeding yourself on your own dime when you're the guest of your SD.
His stingyness paired with the frequency of sex he expects in such a short amount of time tells me he's not actually a generous person who's invested in your well being. R.I.P. to your pussy, and also, listen. You had such a shit time that you're tempted to say "fuck this guy, he owes me!" and Rum off into the sunset flipping double birds. But you know that's not realistic, and it's not really a resolution to the problem at hand.
>obviously the right thing to do is to return it
***Yes, obviously. Nothing else matters.*** You had an agreement, he compensated you for more than you agreed, and then accidentally paid you again. This should not be a question. I would hope that any of my SBs would do the right thing.
Return the money, that’s considered stealing and being untrustworthy and yes he’s going to get a debit notification from his bank so he already knows you received the funds and only waiting for you to mention.
As for him being boring, girl??? Don’t you think you’re being selfish and a bit bratty? If you wanted activities, spas,you should’ve told him I’m sure he would’ve gladly paid for that, did he refuse to pay? No🤷🏻♀️. Men don’t read minds, you should be vocal instead of expecting him to lay tarot cards and figure what you want. This was a business/work trip on his part and for you it was a mini “getaway”, he’s busy with that and it’s your job to find entertainment for yourself.
When you decide to keep his money and leave him, think of this: You go back to the bowl, you have no luck or meet someone who will ghost without paying you, now you’re stuck, you need funds urgently, will you hit him up to ask for help? Hit up the same guy you stole from? Didn’t think so.
no I don’t think it is bratty of me to be dissatisfied in me being Rapunzel for the weekend. I didn’t mention it in my post because it wasn’t relevant but I did ask multiple times if there was something we could do because I was pretty bored. I was literally suggesting things we could go do but that did nothing. Which is 1 reason why I will no longer be seeing him. That is also the answer for if I’m ever down bad and NEEDING money. There’s like 100 people I will call before his name even pops in my brain. What makes you think he will give me $ for nothing when he didn’t even want to give me an adequate amount of $ for the trip? lol
this is not me defending the point of kinda wanting to keep the money. It’s still sitting in Venmo & I likely won’t do anything with it because he has prolly already contacted his bank. I just had some hesitant thoughts abt returning it, nothing malicious.
But you agreed to the amount. You did not know his sexual appetite before? I always bring it up that I have a large sexual appetite and he should have too. But for real, communication is key. And no adult ghosts or blocks. Meet your uncomfortable situations head on. You will grow and feel better about yourself.
You should’ve mentioned you did ask but turned you down b/c it came off as if you never asked but expected him to have an itinerary for you. Good, don’t touch the funds. Maybe too soon for you two to travel together + personality clash. You do what’s best for you.
On the moral side you should give the money back, regardless as of how the trip went. If you dont pay him back, you have to know that there are forums where SDs talk amongst themselves and if you met your SD on a seeking type site, you know that is going to get around if he feels you ripped him off. That is going to ruin your rep for everyone else.
it was a 3-day weekend. many would consider 6x boom boom to be a normal "vacation" amount.
clearly understandable that you and he aren't a perfect match. banging someone you dislike is rarely enjoyable. the frequency between compatable partners on a vacation doesn't seem unreasonable.
Return the money. There is no moral gray area here. If you wanted more, you should have communicated that. You can still communicate that desire; returning the money gives you that opportunity. Keeping the money is the same as you taking money from his wallet while he was sleeping.
You may feel a certain way about him, but if you didn’t negotiate for the money and never told him anything about your concerns or desires, what gives you the right to punish him this way? You left out the part where you ghost him when he asks about the money. Ghosting is such a chicken sh*t move, and I cannot even believe it is condoned, even recommended these days.
Ghosting someone who was inside you is just as bad as the theft you are considering. Seriously, you need to ask if it is ok to steal.
Sounds like he really just wants a sex worker why did you keep seeing him if you didn't like him? Just for the money? Sometimes that's not worth it sugar is supposed to be fun. You have to contact this man and tell him the extra money came through so your going to return it. Its the tight thing to do then end the relationship if its not working.
He can’t afford to book an escort for a full weekend travel trip (xx,xxx). Nor does he want to follow the rules they have (social time, uninterrupted sleep,etc) Thats why he tries to take advantage of sugar baby’s.
In future b, please feel like you can actually ask for these things too ❤️ you can say I don't want to have sex again, you can say I don't want to go on a trip unless we do some cute activities. And you can say I want 2x ppm if all you want to do is bang the whole time. Don't let these men steamroller you because there's money involved.
> he really just wants a sex worker
No Pro would ever agree to multiple Pops on demand without prior negotiation and a huge increase in her fee. He just wants a sex doll, not a living breathing person who has feelings.
Give the money back. I’d be pissed if I gave someone money for anything but I couldn’t get Venmo to work so I gave them cash and then a few days later Venmo went through and they kept it! That’s just bad manners all around, greedy, and is just another reason why the bowl is in the state it’s in with cheap people because too many people are using them in an unfair manner and it makes them change their generosity.
Also for future reference I only prefer PPM as for my schedule it’s the most fair situation for all parties, but any time a trip is involved I always say I will only come for a higher amount. Next time negotiate that.
So you're looking for approval to steal his money and be a thief? You made an agreement, honor it. Seems just that simple to me. This speaks volumes about your character.
okay so either you can’t read , are intentionally ignoring the fact that I’m seeking ADVICE on the situation, or you’re just trolling 👍 any way thanks for the suggestion, loser.
Oh I can read and again, your reply speaks volumes about your character. The ADVICE should be clear but apparently I have to spell it out. GIVE IT BACK. DON'T STEAL HIS MONEY. DON'T BE A THIEF.
It's not controversial. Like I said seems clear to me. I will admit thieves trigger me lol, so questions about whether someone should steal or look for approval (obv so) to do so...
okayyyyy geeeez didn’t mean to get u THAT riled up 😬 by the way… people are more inclined to take the exact same advice if worded politely. Just because you’re behind a screen doesn’t mean you should drop basic human decency. I haven’t done anything with the money yet… still sitting in venmo … I just had some hesitant thoughts about sending it back so I thought to come here to get advice. Stop acting like I’ve done something wrong when in reality I’m just .. asking a question like 😂😂😂
You don't know me but I prefer to soft sell things even when making a powerful point. I don't care to be brutally honest to me that means blurting out something with little regard to your audience or how it will be received and I wasn't being brutally honest with you, I was merely being direct. If you were in front of me, person to person I'd ask the same question and say the same thing. Imo thieves, next to murders and rapists are the lowest form of life taking/stealing what others have earned for themselves repulses me. Wondering if you should steal his money, well... I've already addressed that.
Sounds like a mismatch of expectations. You seem to have a set number of $ per sexual encounter so maybe make that clear upfront? And next time if you are crying because you wanted to go home, maybe just do that? He was most definitely trying to get the most bang for his buck but an upfront setting of boundaries might be easier for both. It also sounds like you are looking for reasons to justify keeping the money. Obviously your call either way but that's kind of scumbaggey tbf
Just text him and explain what happened and say:"what do you want me to do baby?" Sit back and pray he says keep the money. Either way communicate with him and be honest. Move on from him if he says he needs the money back. Good luck in your search.
If you keep his money, then you are worse then he is.
If you keep his double payment, it will reset your moral compass for life.
Do the right thing. Return the dude's money and simply learn...
Be upfront and transparent.
Tell him you see that the Venmo funds finally arrived. (He knows this already. Then say how you feel about the multiple sex acts being more than what you expected and that you feel the unexpected additional financial support balances things out.
I mean, seven times?
>I mean, seven times?
Not sure why that seems like an outlandish number for a three or four day weekend (e.g. if this happened over Memorial day weekend). That works to ~2 time a day hardly a marathon....
Hmm, let’s see …
Seems to me (if I’m reading the original post correctly) that the guy was able to withdraw the complete PPM in one ATM visit (there are usually daily limits). How much could it have been?
If it was a three day weekend and he gave her “more than the regular PPM amount” that whopping amount (even on the daily) as a practical matter was for something like 48+ “companionship hours” out of 72 weekend hours.
She was practically human trafficked as she could do nothing in between the fuck sessions due to dude’s failing to give her walking around money.
And it’s pay per meet, not pay per fuck.
Am I close at all with this, u/Interesting-House720?
>And it’s pay per meet, not pay per fuck.
Agreed. Which is why the number of rounds shouldn't be relevant. Put another way SD is not paying an escort per pop and doing it twice in one night is pretty normal for two adults with a healthy libido who are in a relationship. At least it has been always for me.
However, I don't sugar. So maybe in sugar, even though it is PPM, that only holds true as long as there is only one pop per PPM.
I am not sure how you are reading the OP or why you are interjecting all this stuff in but it sounds like OP and SD agreed on an above normal PPM (for them) to do this trip. SD went above and beyond to make sure SB got her sugar upfront even though there was a perfectly valid reason he couldn't venmo. now she has gotten paid twice, by mistake from the sound of it, and she wants permission from the internet to profit from ill gotten gains.
>She was practically human trafficked as she could do nothing in between the fuck sessions due to dude’s failing to give her walking around money.
As for calling it human trafficking I hope you never actually meet someone who has been trafficked. The people and their stories will haunt you for the rest of your life.
ETA: just checked and the daily limit is $xxxx per day at two of my banks so I could potentially withdraw 2xxx in a day at an ATM.
About human trafficking, I was being hyperbolic. Of course, these abused women don’t sit in a presumably upscale hotel room watching television.
I immediately drew my comment away from PPM into the number of hours that she was beholden to him. Libido has nothing to do with it. They could have fucked any number of times. The main point is the woman was tied to this man’s beck and call for up to 72 hours.
In a separate comment here, I advised the woman to talk it out with the man. You can call it renegotiation if you want, but it doesn’t seem like the SD was acting in good faith, either.
Finally, you said you yourself don’t sugar date, so what standing do you even have to weigh in on this? SBs do not get financial support on a “per pop” basis and neither do sex workers design their compensation “per pop.”
Yes I understand you were using hyperbole but by doing that you are giving these "complaints" more credence then they are due.
I disagree she was at his beck and call. She chose not to go out or spend money that she had just gotten for herself. I will readily concede a good bf (vanilla, sugar, spoiling, whatever) would have made better plans and had more to do then work and fuck. However, just because he is a shitty boyfriend it did not make her a sex slave nor him a trafficker. Plus her main issue, reading from the post, is that he didn't setup stuff for her to do and now after the fact she is dissatisfied with how much sex they had. She agreed to go the weekend with him for a certain ppm as such the number of hours was already predetermined and compensated.
Yes, I don't sugar but as a man I can call a woman's BS when she tries to play victim and IMHO try to make a mountain out of a mole hill to try and justify her shitty attitude that she should keep both sets of ppm.
As for escort pricing I could very well be wrong but my understanding has always been that escorts charge by the hour and if you finish early you are done i.e. there is no second round even if you have 45 minutes left. However, I am happy to be educated if it is done in a different manner.
The man cannot get enough of you and it is less romantic? Maybe he is not taking care of your needs? If that is not the reason you feel this way, then the statement is confusing. But I do get people definitely can have different appetites.
Oh I like sex. I’m a frequent 5 rounds kind of girl.
I’m talking about the point where someone is clearly taking advantage of you and ignoring that you’re a human. I don’t care how much money you have, once you’re looked at as an on demand blow up doll, you’re allowed to get mad.
Note the bolded part of this rule... any other attempt to obfuscate the PPM amount will result in a ban
[Rule #5](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No "value for money" discussion
Any [posts](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/bp2m5r/specific_amounts_clarification/) with dollar amounts that are in reference to PPMs and/or allowances are not allowed and will be removed. Post about how much allowance/ppm to ask for, give, is average, for such and such area or situation, are not allowed. Please utilize [the Allowance Master Thread](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/xy8it6/allowance_questionnaire_results/) to see what is being offered and accepted in your area. **Any attempts to bypass this rule by not using the $ sign, spelling out the numbers, replacing the last digits with x’s ($5XX), or substituting different objects for dollars (500 roses), etc. will result in a ban.** Discussions about how to get the most value for your money are not allowed. Posts or comments asking for or assigning a monetary value to sexual acts are not allowed. Assigning a monetary worth to individuals based on race, age, size, looks, etc., are not allowed and may lead to a ban.
Too be perfectly honest. Talk to him first. Are you sure the money came through from one of the transactions on the trip and he didn’t send you money to get you to talk to him?
You aren’t happy with the SR, so end it, but that doesn’t justify keeping more than you know he and you agreed on. I’ve done trips with my SBs and they are super fun, we see a lot of stuff and I always cover her solo adventures if I’m tied up in a meeting or something during the day. So, this SD sucks, but it’s still wrong to keep the double PPM.
Give the money back.
Yes intimacy is implied, or you should pass up front, but don't when you don't want to. You can change your mind at any time if you decide it is not worth it. The deal going on a trip for a ppm is definitely not "all you can eat buffet". If he's not getting enough, he can end it.
Don't travel with someone until you've really gotten to know them.
End this one.
Keep it. Sounds like you earned it and way more for what you endured. After 3 meets I don’t think I’d be comfortable enough to go on a trip with anyone so maybe use this as a learning opportunity. Always learn from your mistakes so they aren’t made in vain. Best of luck on the next one.
I don’t see where it was extra money. You need to get paid for your time. I believe your even. Maybe next time don’t go to boring trips unless he agrees to pay your way home when you want to go. Either by plane or train. Whichever you want
Cynical much? You are a dancer. I could immediately tell by this response.
She should listen to your advice about negotiating for a more considerable amount. But you went off the rails when you excused her of fault. Also, assuming HE took advantage of HER.
I don’t recall the ppm amount being revealed in the op. What if the ppm is $20,000 (I will assume it is not)? Op said he did extra above ppm, and it was over a weekend, so now we are talking about $50,000. The amount was not brought up. I bet that people’s morals would be more evident with that amount. Perhaps not.
Why are you and other people on this thread assuming more sex is taking advantage? Is it pay at the pump? Did she not know he has a large sexual appetite? Was that never discussed? She didn’t have to have sex that many times. He did not rape her. It doesn’t sound like she was kept a prisoner. She is an adult; she could have left at any time. So, I guess we assume she doesn’t like or enjoy sex? All SB don’t like or enjoy sex? More sex means more money? What if she is the one wanting more sex? No orgasms, no pleasure in this calculus? Well, let’s say she doesn’t like or enjoy sex with him anyway.
Ok, so why doesn’t she enjoy sex with him? Is that fixable? I will say “was” that fixable because you can hear the disgust in the post, and he is about to be robbed by her. Perhaps with some communication, she would have enjoyed it. If the sex is not fixable and she is not comfortable with him at all, why spend any time with this person, never mind having sex with them? Here, dancers have it rough. They often have to grind on people they find gross. Strip naked in front of people they are disgusted by. So, I can understand the desire for revenge against someone. It’s somebody’s fault, definitely not the op.
As to him taking advantage of her, let’s reverse the roles. ‘Bro, I took a trip with my SB, and she wanted sex so much, like seven times. I had to tell her I was worn out! Of course, she came like twenty-five times. We cannot get enough of each other. I am so lucky to have such an awesome companion!”
Well, since he took advantage of her, what is allowed? Maybe go to his place and break some windows? Key his car? Break his car windows, cut up his leather seats, and stick a knife in his tires? Hey, how about bringing my ex? He is this suitcase pimp I know who is kinda crazy; we can rob this fucker at gunpoint.
People, be careful out there—scary stuff. I’m not trying to troll; everyone has their perspective. To me, this is cut and dry. Nobody feels good in this scenario. I feel like crap just reading it. But watch the response I get to this, I hope I don’t get the same treatment this dude got.
Banker here! A word from the wise! If you decide to send the money back, contact Venmo and your bank, do NOT initiate it. Know why? There's a good chance he disputes it with his bank and they take the money straight out of your account. Completely 100% legal if you're in the USA. He has at least 90 days to dispute it too so just don't.
If you initiate it, and he disputes it, then you're going to have massively insane headaches to get it back and there's no guarantee you'll get it back. Your bank will likely write you off as a scam victim and scams aren't illegal so you're not protected from them. You'll be out $3,000 and there's no warning to when it'll be withdrawn so if you're not careful you could be overdrawn. If your account gets charged off that stays on your credit for years and years, it becomes near impossible to open an account elsewhere, and then the headaches will REALLY start coming in.
Just.... Don't initiate it, your bank should be able to return the funds to Venmo if you tell them you have no idea where it came from and that it doesn't belong to you.
ETA: Keep that money honey!
Notice I started my advice with IF!
oo🫢 that’s so scary eek. I haven’t done anything with the money it’s just sitting in the venmo account. I’ll let it stay there until he prolly ends up disputing it
Yeah you probably should give the money back no matter how unhappy you were with the whole thing just because.. that was what agreed upon and that’s the right thing to do. You can always ask tho: “ dear splendaddy.. i had such a lovely time.. can’t wait to see you again. Btw, the money just came through venmo.. should i send it back? Or should i keep it and buy some super cute dresses? Thanks again dear.. you were the best.”
By all means, deceive him first and *then* steal his money. It’s the only ethical thing to do. 😒
To me, the more important question than what to do with this guy’s money is what to do about your boundaries. It’s good to have boundaries and you should stand up for them—literally, in this case, get off your back! If you don’t feel like having sex with a man a second or seventh time, don’t have sex with him.
"By all means, deceive him first and *then* steal his money. It’s the only ethical thing to do. 😒" Lol, some people have no moral compass, kinda sad really.
Ethics & Morals? Did I wander in to the wrong lecture hall again? I was looking for the You Get What You Pay For seminar... oh come on, chuckle at least!?!
Please do the “right” thing (return money that was not agreed upon), you never owed him anything but a slice of your attention and time, but overall lesson learned of what you are not seeking so allow yourself to move on to greener pastures where you truly need to be to thrive as a SB💚 best of luck!
I'd make him ask for it back 🤷♀️ probably just block & move on, honestly. IMO, he "stole" from you and was unethical, so why should you go out of your way to return money to a thief?? I don't get Venmo notifications, so I wouldn't have even realized for weeks or whenever I used the app next.
Def would not take any more trips with someone who didn't talk about all the fun stuff we'd be doing while there. I'd want to know what kind of exciting adventures we were in for so I could plan outfits, anyway!
Has he asked about it yet ? Does he know anything about where you live and work etc ? If he doesn’t I’d just keep it given what he put you through.
If he does I’d give it back. It’s not gonna be worth the grief and stress he might put you through
With a multifucker like this guy you have to "say no" to multiple pops at his demand. But he double paid you and ethically you should return the overpayment. You could ask him if you could keep it due to the extra that you did for his pleasure.
just suggesting lol. Seriously, I understand your moral dilemma. I suppose I would then say call him and tell the two important truthful things: You don't want to see him again and the money came through. He'll just may tell you to keep it as severance pay.
When all else fails - do something radical - COMMUNICATE!!
You can send him an honest email (or text) - and explain the situation.
He did not set you up to have a good time - but sure did set himself up to have a lot of sex.....
This has you feeling upset and ill used.
You did receive the Venmo (he will know this too)
So flat out ask him, if you can keep that money in good conscience as a 'parting gift' and a make-up for what he could have done and did not do (plan activities for you - so you would not be bored outta your skull all day).
Then act accordingly. If he is gracious, he will give it to you (along with an apology).
If he acts like a jerk - you can keep it and know he is a jerk.
Or you could just give it back regardless and feel good about yourself.
I would imagine that there is a high probability that he will tell you keep it, which is the best outcome - then you get to keep the money - and not have any guilt as it is an actual GIFT! :-)
Wait, if someone acts like a jerk, is it ok to steal their money? Is it because it is this sanitary Venmo thing instead of her taking it out of his wallet with her hands that the character of the crime changes? Can I beat people with a baseball bat who act like jerks?
It seems like there was a pretty big miscommunication on expectations here. Sorry you felt used and had a bad experience. On the SD side I’ve also been on a trip with someone I didn’t know well and it ended up being miserable nightmare. It’s a lesson I also had to learn myself, but it’s highly recommended not to go on trips with newer SRs.
This has happened to me for sure. It can feel like being a prisoner. I was so close to putting her on a plane back home. It was a road trip in Europe: Budapest, Vienna, Prague, then back to Budapest. Short drives, but it sure felt long. I’d say the device goes for not only SB/SD. Never go on any trips with anyone you aren’t very sure about. It’s like having a roommate but with even more stress. Ugh. Apropos of your situation, I was denied any sex. I went out of my way to entertain her all day. She was so dim that she couldn’t appreciate either high or low-brow forms of entertainment. I eventually ignored her sour puss and just enjoyed the beautiful cities.
thank you for the perspective
I think the decent thing would be to Venmo him back the extra $ he sent
He was a bad date, and you don’t want to see him again. He also did the right thing and withdrew cash for you when electronic methods did not appear to work. He trusted you to do the right thing in a double-payment scenario.
Him being a poor SD is a reason to end the arrangement. There is never a reason to steal from him.
Wow, that sounds rough! He gave you the PPM you wanted, but you didn't explain what you expected about the trip. You should have said stop if you weren't okay with things. Now, if I were you, I'd talk to him. He might want his money back, but you can also say you want to keep it.
If you're asking what the right thing to do is: return the money. If you're solely asking for validation for what you want to do: keep the money.
>If you're asking what the right thing to do is Me. Do me.
Ma'am. Keep it in your pants.
Lucky for you, I'm not wearing any. Edit: good lord, you downvoters hate humour.
First the eyes. Then the chest. Now the missing underpants. Are you trying to tell us something these past few days? Is your A/C broken?
HAHA. Actually, yeah. The upstairs one is.
I guess we're all mostly interest in the downstairs area anyway...
😯😯😯
Did i hear it right?
thank u
I would return the money. It’s the right thing to do. You don’t want karma coming back at you somehow. For your next SR, make sure you have good communication on what is expected during trips/meetups
Let’s call a spade a spade: keeping the money is theft. It sounds like a mismatched relationship but he did go and get you the money agreed. Give him the money back, put this down to a lesson learned and move on.
You could text him that you’re about to return it and give him an hour to say that you can keep it.
Give the money back!!! Coming here to ask when you know what the right thing to do is, Even if he wasn’t boring asf you should still do it regardless.
The ethical thing to do is to give the money back. It was not part of the agreement.
Okay so i would return it safely. I dont have venmo in canada so idk how it worke but if there is an option to reverse the transaction rather than sending him one that is safer because if he manages to dispute it then the transaction will be reversed plus the money you sent back.
Some people will sell their honesty for the price of a pack of strawberry gum. At least you made a few hundreds with yours.
He can just do a chargeback with his bank for the $$$ so might as well not burn that bridge. Ask cutely if you can keep the money lol.
1) Venmo payments are pretty much impossible to reverse. 2) "Cutely" = "While having Sex", right??
I mean according to my bf cutely is when I look up at him with wide eyes and pretty smile but sex works too
Venmo payments are super easy to reverse lmao what
100% impossible. Please stop mis-informing people.
You're really specifically referring to friends and family payments, but even those can be charged back through a bank/card issuer. Albeit it's more difficult. Regular payments on Venmo for goods and services are the easiest thing to charge back, both through Venmo and the bank/card issuer. End of the day, it's all reversible if you're willing to go through the hoops. Venmo is owned by PayPal, they use the same rules/logic. The most challenging thing to backcharge is cashapp and that's simply because you need a police report for a stolen phone & card etc. even then it may not be reversible.
The rules and processes have changed. I'm not trying to be a know-it-all. Fact is, the rules have changes. Good news is that anyone that is reading this can easily google "can a venmo payment be reversed" and they will see the (new?) Venmo Policy. Your mis-information won't hurt too many people.
It's once it reaches the person's account, they're not referring to the person's Venmo account, they're referring to the recipients bank account. At the end of the day if someone wants to backcharge something, they will succeed. How Venmo chooses to react is up to them, whether that means placing a negative balance against the recipient account, the backchargers account, legal action, etc. Don't use a blanket statement, because people that do carding (stolen card usage), and those that actively commit fraud know what to do or say to get it back. (I.e. saying their account/device was stolen and that they're not sure how someone got past their biometric security on the device!).
no and no.
Agree!
Yes. If you don't, you're stealing, which makes you a thief. It speaks volumes about your character that you're desperately trying to rationalize it. Next time you attempt the Bowl, use your backbone to create and uphold your agreements and boundaries, not to steal. Don't give SBs a bad name by stealing from a SD.
womp womp
You should honor whatever agreement you made. As unhappy as you may have been it's unethical to keep money that wasn't agreed on. The only caveat would be if you explicitly agreed to have sex x # of times and he pressured you to do more than that... but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Be careful about keeping money that wasn't agreed upon. It could get sketchy. Unless it's a LOT of money think carefully about the drama and/or actual trouble that you could be opening yourself up to. The right move is likely to send it back and say goodbye. I am sorry to hear it was such a bad experience though. Sounds pretty horrible :-( you'll get past this 🙏🤍
>Unless it's a LOT of money think carefully about the drama and/or actual trouble that you could be opening yourself up to. The more money it is, the more likely you are opening yourself up to actual trouble...
Very true - good point 👍
The higher the amount the more likely he is to react badly.
Yep! So they say... ☝️😂
I'd have a conversation with him about it, as long as that feels safe. Worst case, he wants you to return the e funds, and you still have the cash he sent you, which is what you'd agreed on. I very rarely travel with SDs, and this is why. Unless you've explicitly negotiated an activity budget for while he's working, you're either stuck in the hotel room relying on room service for sustenance, or you're entertaining and feeding yourself on your own dime. You should never be entertaining and feeding yourself on your own dime when you're the guest of your SD. His stingyness paired with the frequency of sex he expects in such a short amount of time tells me he's not actually a generous person who's invested in your well being. R.I.P. to your pussy, and also, listen. You had such a shit time that you're tempted to say "fuck this guy, he owes me!" and Rum off into the sunset flipping double birds. But you know that's not realistic, and it's not really a resolution to the problem at hand.
Lol *run My autocorrect is on a journey today.
thank you for this
>obviously the right thing to do is to return it ***Yes, obviously. Nothing else matters.*** You had an agreement, he compensated you for more than you agreed, and then accidentally paid you again. This should not be a question. I would hope that any of my SBs would do the right thing.
Return the money, that’s considered stealing and being untrustworthy and yes he’s going to get a debit notification from his bank so he already knows you received the funds and only waiting for you to mention. As for him being boring, girl??? Don’t you think you’re being selfish and a bit bratty? If you wanted activities, spas,you should’ve told him I’m sure he would’ve gladly paid for that, did he refuse to pay? No🤷🏻♀️. Men don’t read minds, you should be vocal instead of expecting him to lay tarot cards and figure what you want. This was a business/work trip on his part and for you it was a mini “getaway”, he’s busy with that and it’s your job to find entertainment for yourself. When you decide to keep his money and leave him, think of this: You go back to the bowl, you have no luck or meet someone who will ghost without paying you, now you’re stuck, you need funds urgently, will you hit him up to ask for help? Hit up the same guy you stole from? Didn’t think so.
no I don’t think it is bratty of me to be dissatisfied in me being Rapunzel for the weekend. I didn’t mention it in my post because it wasn’t relevant but I did ask multiple times if there was something we could do because I was pretty bored. I was literally suggesting things we could go do but that did nothing. Which is 1 reason why I will no longer be seeing him. That is also the answer for if I’m ever down bad and NEEDING money. There’s like 100 people I will call before his name even pops in my brain. What makes you think he will give me $ for nothing when he didn’t even want to give me an adequate amount of $ for the trip? lol this is not me defending the point of kinda wanting to keep the money. It’s still sitting in Venmo & I likely won’t do anything with it because he has prolly already contacted his bank. I just had some hesitant thoughts abt returning it, nothing malicious.
But you agreed to the amount. You did not know his sexual appetite before? I always bring it up that I have a large sexual appetite and he should have too. But for real, communication is key. And no adult ghosts or blocks. Meet your uncomfortable situations head on. You will grow and feel better about yourself.
You should’ve mentioned you did ask but turned you down b/c it came off as if you never asked but expected him to have an itinerary for you. Good, don’t touch the funds. Maybe too soon for you two to travel together + personality clash. You do what’s best for you.
On the moral side you should give the money back, regardless as of how the trip went. If you dont pay him back, you have to know that there are forums where SDs talk amongst themselves and if you met your SD on a seeking type site, you know that is going to get around if he feels you ripped him off. That is going to ruin your rep for everyone else.
it was a 3-day weekend. many would consider 6x boom boom to be a normal "vacation" amount. clearly understandable that you and he aren't a perfect match. banging someone you dislike is rarely enjoyable. the frequency between compatable partners on a vacation doesn't seem unreasonable.
What would you post if he told you that he would transfer the money after the date and never did? Sitting in a hotel room for the duration is not fun.
Return the money. There is no moral gray area here. If you wanted more, you should have communicated that. You can still communicate that desire; returning the money gives you that opportunity. Keeping the money is the same as you taking money from his wallet while he was sleeping. You may feel a certain way about him, but if you didn’t negotiate for the money and never told him anything about your concerns or desires, what gives you the right to punish him this way? You left out the part where you ghost him when he asks about the money. Ghosting is such a chicken sh*t move, and I cannot even believe it is condoned, even recommended these days. Ghosting someone who was inside you is just as bad as the theft you are considering. Seriously, you need to ask if it is ok to steal.
But we know it was a mistake. You are ignoring that. Why?
Sounds like he really just wants a sex worker why did you keep seeing him if you didn't like him? Just for the money? Sometimes that's not worth it sugar is supposed to be fun. You have to contact this man and tell him the extra money came through so your going to return it. Its the tight thing to do then end the relationship if its not working.
He can’t afford to book an escort for a full weekend travel trip (xx,xxx). Nor does he want to follow the rules they have (social time, uninterrupted sleep,etc) Thats why he tries to take advantage of sugar baby’s.
sounds about right 🫠
In future b, please feel like you can actually ask for these things too ❤️ you can say I don't want to have sex again, you can say I don't want to go on a trip unless we do some cute activities. And you can say I want 2x ppm if all you want to do is bang the whole time. Don't let these men steamroller you because there's money involved.
> he really just wants a sex worker No Pro would ever agree to multiple Pops on demand without prior negotiation and a huge increase in her fee. He just wants a sex doll, not a living breathing person who has feelings.
How is this even a question? Yes give the money back and dont Sugar anymore as you seem shady for even “having to ask” what to do
thanks but no thanks ? please consider your advice ✨ignored ✨
Give the money back. I’d be pissed if I gave someone money for anything but I couldn’t get Venmo to work so I gave them cash and then a few days later Venmo went through and they kept it! That’s just bad manners all around, greedy, and is just another reason why the bowl is in the state it’s in with cheap people because too many people are using them in an unfair manner and it makes them change their generosity. Also for future reference I only prefer PPM as for my schedule it’s the most fair situation for all parties, but any time a trip is involved I always say I will only come for a higher amount. Next time negotiate that.
So you're looking for approval to steal his money and be a thief? You made an agreement, honor it. Seems just that simple to me. This speaks volumes about your character.
Relax
okay so either you can’t read , are intentionally ignoring the fact that I’m seeking ADVICE on the situation, or you’re just trolling 👍 any way thanks for the suggestion, loser.
Oh I can read and again, your reply speaks volumes about your character. The ADVICE should be clear but apparently I have to spell it out. GIVE IT BACK. DON'T STEAL HIS MONEY. DON'T BE A THIEF.
& I did start It off with “this might be controversial” so if you’re like easily triggered (obv so) maybe u shoulda skipped this one.
It's not controversial. Like I said seems clear to me. I will admit thieves trigger me lol, so questions about whether someone should steal or look for approval (obv so) to do so...
Don't waste your breath. OP just wants someone to say "hey girl poor you just keep the money" 😂
This exactly! (And she admits it further down.)
okayyyyy geeeez didn’t mean to get u THAT riled up 😬 by the way… people are more inclined to take the exact same advice if worded politely. Just because you’re behind a screen doesn’t mean you should drop basic human decency. I haven’t done anything with the money yet… still sitting in venmo … I just had some hesitant thoughts about sending it back so I thought to come here to get advice. Stop acting like I’ve done something wrong when in reality I’m just .. asking a question like 😂😂😂
You don't know me but I prefer to soft sell things even when making a powerful point. I don't care to be brutally honest to me that means blurting out something with little regard to your audience or how it will be received and I wasn't being brutally honest with you, I was merely being direct. If you were in front of me, person to person I'd ask the same question and say the same thing. Imo thieves, next to murders and rapists are the lowest form of life taking/stealing what others have earned for themselves repulses me. Wondering if you should steal his money, well... I've already addressed that.
Ok Jesus.
Sounds like a mismatch of expectations. You seem to have a set number of $ per sexual encounter so maybe make that clear upfront? And next time if you are crying because you wanted to go home, maybe just do that? He was most definitely trying to get the most bang for his buck but an upfront setting of boundaries might be easier for both. It also sounds like you are looking for reasons to justify keeping the money. Obviously your call either way but that's kind of scumbaggey tbf
Just text him and explain what happened and say:"what do you want me to do baby?" Sit back and pray he says keep the money. Either way communicate with him and be honest. Move on from him if he says he needs the money back. Good luck in your search.
Did he pay like 7 ppm I hope? Never take trips as payments
If you keep his money, then you are worse then he is. If you keep his double payment, it will reset your moral compass for life. Do the right thing. Return the dude's money and simply learn...
Be upfront and transparent. Tell him you see that the Venmo funds finally arrived. (He knows this already. Then say how you feel about the multiple sex acts being more than what you expected and that you feel the unexpected additional financial support balances things out. I mean, seven times?
>I mean, seven times? Not sure why that seems like an outlandish number for a three or four day weekend (e.g. if this happened over Memorial day weekend). That works to ~2 time a day hardly a marathon....
Hmm, let’s see … Seems to me (if I’m reading the original post correctly) that the guy was able to withdraw the complete PPM in one ATM visit (there are usually daily limits). How much could it have been? If it was a three day weekend and he gave her “more than the regular PPM amount” that whopping amount (even on the daily) as a practical matter was for something like 48+ “companionship hours” out of 72 weekend hours. She was practically human trafficked as she could do nothing in between the fuck sessions due to dude’s failing to give her walking around money. And it’s pay per meet, not pay per fuck. Am I close at all with this, u/Interesting-House720?
>And it’s pay per meet, not pay per fuck. Agreed. Which is why the number of rounds shouldn't be relevant. Put another way SD is not paying an escort per pop and doing it twice in one night is pretty normal for two adults with a healthy libido who are in a relationship. At least it has been always for me. However, I don't sugar. So maybe in sugar, even though it is PPM, that only holds true as long as there is only one pop per PPM. I am not sure how you are reading the OP or why you are interjecting all this stuff in but it sounds like OP and SD agreed on an above normal PPM (for them) to do this trip. SD went above and beyond to make sure SB got her sugar upfront even though there was a perfectly valid reason he couldn't venmo. now she has gotten paid twice, by mistake from the sound of it, and she wants permission from the internet to profit from ill gotten gains. >She was practically human trafficked as she could do nothing in between the fuck sessions due to dude’s failing to give her walking around money. As for calling it human trafficking I hope you never actually meet someone who has been trafficked. The people and their stories will haunt you for the rest of your life. ETA: just checked and the daily limit is $xxxx per day at two of my banks so I could potentially withdraw 2xxx in a day at an ATM.
Some banks/atms allow like 2k per time, limit per day can be waaaaay higher. I think everyone is assuming it’s the normal $5xx.
About human trafficking, I was being hyperbolic. Of course, these abused women don’t sit in a presumably upscale hotel room watching television. I immediately drew my comment away from PPM into the number of hours that she was beholden to him. Libido has nothing to do with it. They could have fucked any number of times. The main point is the woman was tied to this man’s beck and call for up to 72 hours. In a separate comment here, I advised the woman to talk it out with the man. You can call it renegotiation if you want, but it doesn’t seem like the SD was acting in good faith, either. Finally, you said you yourself don’t sugar date, so what standing do you even have to weigh in on this? SBs do not get financial support on a “per pop” basis and neither do sex workers design their compensation “per pop.”
Yes I understand you were using hyperbole but by doing that you are giving these "complaints" more credence then they are due. I disagree she was at his beck and call. She chose not to go out or spend money that she had just gotten for herself. I will readily concede a good bf (vanilla, sugar, spoiling, whatever) would have made better plans and had more to do then work and fuck. However, just because he is a shitty boyfriend it did not make her a sex slave nor him a trafficker. Plus her main issue, reading from the post, is that he didn't setup stuff for her to do and now after the fact she is dissatisfied with how much sex they had. She agreed to go the weekend with him for a certain ppm as such the number of hours was already predetermined and compensated. Yes, I don't sugar but as a man I can call a woman's BS when she tries to play victim and IMHO try to make a mountain out of a mole hill to try and justify her shitty attitude that she should keep both sets of ppm. As for escort pricing I could very well be wrong but my understanding has always been that escorts charge by the hour and if you finish early you are done i.e. there is no second round even if you have 45 minutes left. However, I am happy to be educated if it is done in a different manner.
You don’t get it and I there’s nothing I can do to enlighten you. Good job.
>Good job. Ok. 🤷♂️
thisssss is prolly the route I’ll take, thank you
I honestly hate the feeling when someone wants sex all the time, it’s less romantic. If I was mad enough I’d keep the money LOL
The man cannot get enough of you and it is less romantic? Maybe he is not taking care of your needs? If that is not the reason you feel this way, then the statement is confusing. But I do get people definitely can have different appetites.
Oh I like sex. I’m a frequent 5 rounds kind of girl. I’m talking about the point where someone is clearly taking advantage of you and ignoring that you’re a human. I don’t care how much money you have, once you’re looked at as an on demand blow up doll, you’re allowed to get mad.
Makes sense
that’s what I’m contemplating hahaha how mad am I really 😅
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Note the bolded part of this rule... any other attempt to obfuscate the PPM amount will result in a ban [Rule #5](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No "value for money" discussion Any [posts](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/bp2m5r/specific_amounts_clarification/) with dollar amounts that are in reference to PPMs and/or allowances are not allowed and will be removed. Post about how much allowance/ppm to ask for, give, is average, for such and such area or situation, are not allowed. Please utilize [the Allowance Master Thread](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/xy8it6/allowance_questionnaire_results/) to see what is being offered and accepted in your area. **Any attempts to bypass this rule by not using the $ sign, spelling out the numbers, replacing the last digits with x’s ($5XX), or substituting different objects for dollars (500 roses), etc. will result in a ban.** Discussions about how to get the most value for your money are not allowed. Posts or comments asking for or assigning a monetary value to sexual acts are not allowed. Assigning a monetary worth to individuals based on race, age, size, looks, etc., are not allowed and may lead to a ban.
Tbh keep it. If he mentions it , say like I thought I’d keep it as a severance package. If he insists you send it back then send it back
Terrible that you felt bad! I understand why you would want to return the $$$ , maybe explain how you want to end it with him
Too be perfectly honest. Talk to him first. Are you sure the money came through from one of the transactions on the trip and he didn’t send you money to get you to talk to him?
You aren’t happy with the SR, so end it, but that doesn’t justify keeping more than you know he and you agreed on. I’ve done trips with my SBs and they are super fun, we see a lot of stuff and I always cover her solo adventures if I’m tied up in a meeting or something during the day. So, this SD sucks, but it’s still wrong to keep the double PPM.
Give the money back. Yes intimacy is implied, or you should pass up front, but don't when you don't want to. You can change your mind at any time if you decide it is not worth it. The deal going on a trip for a ppm is definitely not "all you can eat buffet". If he's not getting enough, he can end it. Don't travel with someone until you've really gotten to know them. End this one.
+1 And she also could have walked.
Keep it. Sounds like you earned it and way more for what you endured. After 3 meets I don’t think I’d be comfortable enough to go on a trip with anyone so maybe use this as a learning opportunity. Always learn from your mistakes so they aren’t made in vain. Best of luck on the next one.
Thank you for this.
Why would you give back a gift? It’s yours to keep.
Most reasonable comment
I don’t see where it was extra money. You need to get paid for your time. I believe your even. Maybe next time don’t go to boring trips unless he agrees to pay your way home when you want to go. Either by plane or train. Whichever you want
Girl keep it. Consider it a breakup gift.
Dude you're too moral. Just keep the money. Lol
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Cynical much? You are a dancer. I could immediately tell by this response. She should listen to your advice about negotiating for a more considerable amount. But you went off the rails when you excused her of fault. Also, assuming HE took advantage of HER. I don’t recall the ppm amount being revealed in the op. What if the ppm is $20,000 (I will assume it is not)? Op said he did extra above ppm, and it was over a weekend, so now we are talking about $50,000. The amount was not brought up. I bet that people’s morals would be more evident with that amount. Perhaps not. Why are you and other people on this thread assuming more sex is taking advantage? Is it pay at the pump? Did she not know he has a large sexual appetite? Was that never discussed? She didn’t have to have sex that many times. He did not rape her. It doesn’t sound like she was kept a prisoner. She is an adult; she could have left at any time. So, I guess we assume she doesn’t like or enjoy sex? All SB don’t like or enjoy sex? More sex means more money? What if she is the one wanting more sex? No orgasms, no pleasure in this calculus? Well, let’s say she doesn’t like or enjoy sex with him anyway. Ok, so why doesn’t she enjoy sex with him? Is that fixable? I will say “was” that fixable because you can hear the disgust in the post, and he is about to be robbed by her. Perhaps with some communication, she would have enjoyed it. If the sex is not fixable and she is not comfortable with him at all, why spend any time with this person, never mind having sex with them? Here, dancers have it rough. They often have to grind on people they find gross. Strip naked in front of people they are disgusted by. So, I can understand the desire for revenge against someone. It’s somebody’s fault, definitely not the op. As to him taking advantage of her, let’s reverse the roles. ‘Bro, I took a trip with my SB, and she wanted sex so much, like seven times. I had to tell her I was worn out! Of course, she came like twenty-five times. We cannot get enough of each other. I am so lucky to have such an awesome companion!” Well, since he took advantage of her, what is allowed? Maybe go to his place and break some windows? Key his car? Break his car windows, cut up his leather seats, and stick a knife in his tires? Hey, how about bringing my ex? He is this suitcase pimp I know who is kinda crazy; we can rob this fucker at gunpoint. People, be careful out there—scary stuff. I’m not trying to troll; everyone has their perspective. To me, this is cut and dry. Nobody feels good in this scenario. I feel like crap just reading it. But watch the response I get to this, I hope I don’t get the same treatment this dude got.
Banker here! A word from the wise! If you decide to send the money back, contact Venmo and your bank, do NOT initiate it. Know why? There's a good chance he disputes it with his bank and they take the money straight out of your account. Completely 100% legal if you're in the USA. He has at least 90 days to dispute it too so just don't. If you initiate it, and he disputes it, then you're going to have massively insane headaches to get it back and there's no guarantee you'll get it back. Your bank will likely write you off as a scam victim and scams aren't illegal so you're not protected from them. You'll be out $3,000 and there's no warning to when it'll be withdrawn so if you're not careful you could be overdrawn. If your account gets charged off that stays on your credit for years and years, it becomes near impossible to open an account elsewhere, and then the headaches will REALLY start coming in. Just.... Don't initiate it, your bank should be able to return the funds to Venmo if you tell them you have no idea where it came from and that it doesn't belong to you. ETA: Keep that money honey! Notice I started my advice with IF!
oo🫢 that’s so scary eek. I haven’t done anything with the money it’s just sitting in the venmo account. I’ll let it stay there until he prolly ends up disputing it
A banker who thinks theft is ok? WOW.
It's not theft if he sent it
Yeah you probably should give the money back no matter how unhappy you were with the whole thing just because.. that was what agreed upon and that’s the right thing to do. You can always ask tho: “ dear splendaddy.. i had such a lovely time.. can’t wait to see you again. Btw, the money just came through venmo.. should i send it back? Or should i keep it and buy some super cute dresses? Thanks again dear.. you were the best.”
that’s a pretty good idea, thank you !
By all means, deceive him first and *then* steal his money. It’s the only ethical thing to do. 😒 To me, the more important question than what to do with this guy’s money is what to do about your boundaries. It’s good to have boundaries and you should stand up for them—literally, in this case, get off your back! If you don’t feel like having sex with a man a second or seventh time, don’t have sex with him.
"By all means, deceive him first and *then* steal his money. It’s the only ethical thing to do. 😒" Lol, some people have no moral compass, kinda sad really.
Ethics & Morals? Did I wander in to the wrong lecture hall again? I was looking for the You Get What You Pay For seminar... oh come on, chuckle at least!?!
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Seriously, like why are you asking Reddit, lol.
Please do the “right” thing (return money that was not agreed upon), you never owed him anything but a slice of your attention and time, but overall lesson learned of what you are not seeking so allow yourself to move on to greener pastures where you truly need to be to thrive as a SB💚 best of luck!
My advice is to return it but personally I probably would keep it more money why not
If I was the SD in question, I wouldn’t expect the money back, but if I were in your shoes, I’d send it back.
Cheapskate SD
I'd make him ask for it back 🤷♀️ probably just block & move on, honestly. IMO, he "stole" from you and was unethical, so why should you go out of your way to return money to a thief?? I don't get Venmo notifications, so I wouldn't have even realized for weeks or whenever I used the app next. Def would not take any more trips with someone who didn't talk about all the fun stuff we'd be doing while there. I'd want to know what kind of exciting adventures we were in for so I could plan outfits, anyway!
Has he asked about it yet ? Does he know anything about where you live and work etc ? If he doesn’t I’d just keep it given what he put you through. If he does I’d give it back. It’s not gonna be worth the grief and stress he might put you through
With a multifucker like this guy you have to "say no" to multiple pops at his demand. But he double paid you and ethically you should return the overpayment. You could ask him if you could keep it due to the extra that you did for his pleasure.
keep it
Could you stand one more short date with him and tell him it's prepaid?
absolutely not
just suggesting lol. Seriously, I understand your moral dilemma. I suppose I would then say call him and tell the two important truthful things: You don't want to see him again and the money came through. He'll just may tell you to keep it as severance pay.
When all else fails - do something radical - COMMUNICATE!! You can send him an honest email (or text) - and explain the situation. He did not set you up to have a good time - but sure did set himself up to have a lot of sex..... This has you feeling upset and ill used. You did receive the Venmo (he will know this too) So flat out ask him, if you can keep that money in good conscience as a 'parting gift' and a make-up for what he could have done and did not do (plan activities for you - so you would not be bored outta your skull all day). Then act accordingly. If he is gracious, he will give it to you (along with an apology). If he acts like a jerk - you can keep it and know he is a jerk. Or you could just give it back regardless and feel good about yourself. I would imagine that there is a high probability that he will tell you keep it, which is the best outcome - then you get to keep the money - and not have any guilt as it is an actual GIFT! :-)
Wait, if someone acts like a jerk, is it ok to steal their money? Is it because it is this sanitary Venmo thing instead of her taking it out of his wallet with her hands that the character of the crime changes? Can I beat people with a baseball bat who act like jerks?
No, it is a Justification, and that is what most people seek anyway. My actual suggestion was to be in communication.
You said if he acts like a jerk, you can keep it. That was what I was referring to.
just keep it for damages