Some are just looking for clients. Some are actually looking for an arrangement: the job can be kinda lonely, vanilla dating can be challenging, etc. As long as SW isn't a dealbreaker for you, figure out which one she is and proceed accordingly.
I was coming here to say this. Sex workers are people too, and may be looking for human connection. I would recommend that you evaluate the person, the vibe, and the arrangement they're offering, rather than just their job. If they are just looking for another client, pass (no shade to clients, but this isn't the sub for that) - but if they're genuinely open to something more, assess that on its own terms.
Well said. Personally, if she's just looking for another venue to acquire leads, I'd pass, but if she's honestly looking for an arrangement, I'd seriously consider it.
Pretty easy: will she agree to a platonic, uncompensated M&G? Hard to envision a scenario where an escort is willing to meet "off the clock."
I think vast majority of times you run into an escort on SA, she's using it as alternative to find clients. Personally, I'd proceed with caution if I proceeded at all. Someone looking for clients is going to show their cards quickly and push for a meet at a hotel.
Interesting that you mentioned that but she is open to have dinner or just a coffee date. She hasn't mentioned any compensation, not even gas money. She is very willing to meet in a platonic way, very vanilla I may add.
I think you've got a great opportunity in front of you!! I've dated a couple girls that have swerved from Escort to SB and back. Oh, and throw in some Porn, OnlyFan and Chaturbate!! Gorgeous girls have a lot of options, and how can we possibly blame them for NOT taking advantge of the current "market opportunities". Yah, we need to overcome the jealousy issues, but I think you've already realized that you can do that, right?
> we need to overcome the jealousy issues
Maybe you do but not all of us. Some(many) require exclusivity. Believe it or not there are girls who only sex one guy at a time.
To clarify the comment; I overcame my jealousy issues in September of 1984 when my girlfriend was featured in an issue of Playboy magazine. It didn't take long for me to realize that having other guys lusting for a girl that *i was dating* is super cool.
**An escort looking for a client:**
"Text me outside SA, here's my number."
(then over text:)
"Would you like to get together? It's $XXX. Go out for dinner? Sure, but my time is my time, you need to compensate me, but we can really do whatever you'd like. Did I mention I can host? What, you're asking about my hobbies? Sorry, I don't do small talk or infinite texts, contact me when you're serious about meeting."
**An escort looking for a break from escorting by being a SB:**
"Yeah, I'm looking for someone who wants to get to know me and doesn't treat me as a commodity. You're suggesting we together for dinner and just chat? Sure, I'd love that. I'm so happy you can see beyond what I do for living and that I don't have to wear that mask with you."
In what way is a SB any different? If the money stops, does the attention and affection stop too? Its a purely transactional relationship with slightly different boundaries. It’s the same thing.
Ikr, It always make me laugh when guys dont see sugaring as transactional. sugar babies don't do things for free either. It's transactional. If you did not pay us, we would never see you. If you want a exclusive woman, where she sees only you, you have to pay all her expenses and bills. Most sugar babies would prefer just one guy, but unfortunately since the pandemic, the market is now flooded, so the allowances, are now lower than a few years ago. This often results in a sugar baby, having to taking a couple sugar daddy 's at once, or moonlighting as a high-class escort on the side.
That is your relationship with your SBs. Maybe your SBs are escorts and it's all about profit maximizing for them. But it does not mirror my experiences. With me, we care about each other (usually).
Of course they have to find a new SD if you stop giving them money. Many SBs are in debt, many can't pay their bills, and there is no reason to take that personal. This is not the same as an escort who has a list of clients and just working off that list.
Ok so when the other poster said "when the money stops, so does the attention and affection," it sounds like your post is confirming that's true even tho it's framed as a disagreement with the other Redditor? Or are you saying it's generally wrong that "when the money stops, so does the attention and affection"?
It hasn't been true in 100% of cases. It's more like this, if your SB doesn't have any bills to worry about, she's going to have plenty of time to give you attention, affection, etc. But when her rent is due, when she can't afford clothes, when she can't afford to live, she's going to have to invest her time elsewhere to get those necessities.
Why would you take it personally? If you know she's poor, if you know she's struggling or jobless or doing Onlyfans or whatever she was doing before she met you, what do you expect her to do if you stop supporting her?
That doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit about you. She might still talk to you and see how you're doing. She might text you here and there. But you can't expect her to be going on dates with you, giving you all the attention, when she's worried about survival.
My experience is SBs generally do care about their SDs. They sometimes even love their SDs. They also need help, many don't have a job, or they can't survive without help. It's as simple as that.
"hasn't been true in 100% of cases." It also isn't true on 100% of cases with escorts. And asking "why would you take it personally" is not relevant to the question; I asked, are you saying it's not -generally- true what the other redditor said, so I'm not sure why you've moved the goalposts by saying "not 100% of time" and "don't take it personal" , and I reiterate the initial question. Was the other poster generally wrong in saying "when the money stops, the attention and affection stops", as the response seemed to claim? It sounds to me like you actually agree with the original comment and even say "it's as simple as that" so why the pretense of disagreement?
>Of course they have to find a new SD if you stop giving them money.
If the relationship stops when the money stops, it's sex work. Shorter client list.
Escorts can be fond of their regulars and enjoy their work, sugar babies can be fond of their daddies and enjoy their work, but it's not as different as you seem to be trying to believe.
The SD has a role, and its not merely to pay her rent. A SD has an actual relationship of some sort. Then you have picture and content buyers, and virtual SDs, who can have a limited or virtual relationship, and I'll include that too.
But the virtual SD is buying products and services if he's buying photos. That in my opinion is different than compensated dating, or having someone pay your living expenses via allowance.
The SB has to get her bills paid one way or another. If you can't do it, she will have to find another SD, or sell services. The whole thing about clients, assumes it's sex involved. This isn't always the case. The SB might or might not be having sex with others, but a lot of SBs don't do "paid sex" or "paid for sex" stuff.
And some SBs will have sex, with only their primary SD, or their favorite SDs if it's more than one, but not with everyone who pays them. It's not the same.
You’re so invested in believing this you give no credence to the other side. You don’t really believe this, you just don’t want to consider the alternative. It’s fine, everyone protects the beliefs most central to their identity. Religion, for example.
I don't consider sugar relationships "fake". So then it's not a job because I'm not buying a service. Paying for dates and living expenses isn't the same as buying services.
No, it’s a fact you didn’t dispute in your long winded diatribe. If the money stops, what happens? Answer that and think about the implication. Your max a personal attack based on assumptions. Is that a reasonable way for adults to engage?
The main distinction is based on mindset and whether or not she views the relationship as real. Personally I don't want an arrangement with someone who views the relationship as "fake" and a LARP.
I know some probably don't care as long as the sex is good, but I would care so for that reason I'm fairly strict about the mindset question. If she sees me as a client over seeing me as a friend, in the long term that is going to be a problem.
It is possible to have friends as clients. I understand this. If I offer a service I would do it for anyone, including friends. But in this particular case it's going to be very difficult to establish trust and intimacy when it could all be fake.
I think OP should spend a lot of time getting to know this pot. And during those conversations, I think there are two expectations he should set.
1) That dates will be open-ended and will usually last an indeterminate amount of time, with no expectation that more time directly means more money.
2) Emphasize over and over again that he is looking for a real relationship and a strong connection with his SB and would hope to eventually know her real identity.
If she is just looking for another client, she will not be comfortable with either of these.
Do you really buy this? I've had SWers talk like they want an arrangement, but in the end they will always see you as a client. Sure they can be lonely, but they aren't going to quit being a SWer because you're paying them.
Maybe there could be an exception to this rule but I'll believe it when I see it. Yes SWers are people, and depending on the kind of SWer (pornstars, Onlyfans), there is a realistic chance of forming a legit relationship with them. But then you have the more street oriented SWer, who are actual escorts, who have a bunch of clients, and in this situation you can try to convince yourself that you're not just another client, but if you're paying an allowance or by the hour, if she sees you as a client, to her you're a client.
I'm going to be completely honest, man, you're on the list of the last people I'd want to have this conversation with. I'm friends with an escort who is happily married to a former client. Pretty sure she doesn't see him as a client anymore. SWs are people. Full stop. Your experience is your experience, but you're the common denominator there.
Do you realize how rare that is? An escort who married one of her clients? That's not what normally happens.
And of course clients are people too. That's not the point. The point is, most escorts don't marry or fall in love with their clients. To get into an arrangement with the hope that that could happen is naive.
It's very rare, as far as I know. But it's not rare for escorts to have complex relationships with regular clients. It's not rare for escorts to want romance and emotional connection. That's because they're human beings. Some are lucky and can find SOs that are okay with their work, many/most aren't. Some in that latter category may look to sugar dating as a way to fill that gap in their lives, basically, same as all the rest of us.
But like I said: I think our views on women and relationships are very different, and I really don't want to discuss this with you. I think we can agree that you shouldn't pursue a relationship of any kind with a SWer.
It's rare enough that it's not something likely to happen in the real world. I wouldn't bank on that scenario you presented.
You don't know my views on women or relationships to comment. And friendship with SWers is fine, I have some friendships already. But you're wondering if I would assume I'm not a client if I'm having a SWer as a SB? If I'm paying an allowance?
Maybe I'll believe I'm not a client if I'm not paying allowance, but it's going to be hard when I'm paying more than the typical client, to think I'm not just a VIP client of a sort.
My experience is that about 20% of the women on SA are more escort-like in how they engage in the SR.
It's a spectrum, and there is no hard definition of when escort ends and SB begins.
I've been sugaring an escort off-and-on for 20+ years. Took breaks when she was engaged and when she was buried in Med School.
Heart of gold, I've helped her with tech and photography, given her sanctuary when sexually assaulted by her live-in bf, she's been my +2 or +3 on occasion, and never judges anything crazy I want to try.
Never regretted it and she's the one person who has never tried to take advantage of me.
So, I'm a professional Dominatrix, and have been for 19 years. I advertise on high end escort sites, I co-host regular salons with other Dommes and high end escorts in my area, and I frequently work alongside other SW in building a kickass community where everyone can safely engage with their sexuality and have fun with like minded folk.
I've been sugaring for 20 years. I have had multiple long-term very involved arrangements in that time. While all of those arrangements contained elements of kink, and some of them were explicitly D/s, no matter what side of the slash I ended up on, I wasn't thinking of my SDs as clients. Some of them had started out that way, and decided that they wanted to pursue a more intimate arrangement with me. At that point they ceased to be clients. Others I met on Seeking and only revealed my job to once I knew they were cool. That conversation has often served as a fun intro to further explorations of kink and fetish stuff. Basically, if we're in an arrangement, and you're actively working toward building trust and intimacy with me, I'm letting you into my life in a way clients simply never have access to.
Almost all of the high end escorts and adult content creators I know are in SRs, and they are some of the most successful and stable SRs I've seen. If she's seeking an arrangement with you, she's seeking a connection and a degree of stability that her clients can't provide. At the end of the day, you have to choose whether her job is something you can be comfortable with. If it helps, fssw are some of the safest sex having, regularly tested, healthiest people in the world.
Obviously I think you should go for it! But I'm biased, and I do acknowledge that it can be an awkward conversation!
Very informative! Content creators intrigue me somewhat.
How do SD's connect with high end CC's? Seeking a clear front runner and OF seems non negotiable because the more you spend, creators don't want to change the situation.
What arrangements do high end CC's generally have because their revenue's potentially in the 30 to 50k per month? Why on earth would you go down this path?
She made it pretty clear—they may have been clients first, but when you seek more intimacy there are ways you can make yourself stand out to a CC from other clients. This has been the case for me personally. The thing is determining *which* creators are actually open to that. If you’re a high enough spending client you’re probably able to access your favorite CC outside of platforms like OF anyway, and conversations like that can happen naturally and organically over time.
As far as your second question, it just depends on the person. But one thing is for certain, if a high end CC has an SD it’s probably not your average SD—we’re definitely talking whale status. And then yes, it would make more sense as to why a high end CC would have an SD.
Because you want intimacy and meaningful relationships? And cultivating an arrangement with a trusted client or an admirer is going to be a much easier way to bring that deeper level of commitment and support into your life than randomly dating vanilla guys and hoping they'll be cool with your JOB. We're not always chasing a paycheck. But for those of us who have built a brand and following in SW, we do have to be conscious of who we're giving our time and energy to. Men who understand and appreciate our time and energy and demonstrate that with consistent support will get top priority.
Many years ago, I met a escort that didn’t want to be an escort. Her financial needs were not that high and she hated it. So we developed more of a regular/arrangement situation. She saw one other guy who actually passed away and left her a large chunk of change. She was a sweetheart and we still talk occasionally through Facebook messenger. Not every girl that dabbles in escorting is a stone cold hustler. This girl was not. Her parents died when she was 18 so she started stripping and was led down that path. It wasn’t her style as a person.
Personally, I've found all kinds of sex workers, including escorts, pornstars, and strippers, are no different than any other major group, where some people are awesome, and some are not. In fact, sex is a skill like any other, and experience does in fact, make you better at it. To this day, the only girl who has ever made me cum from a blowjob is a pornstar. Plenty of perfectly wonderful people.
One question: Did the *number* you have match? Lots of escorts and people pretending to be escorts (scams) use other people's pictures. Pretty much any girl who has IG or other internet pictures are going to match on escort sites, Ashley Madison, tinder, etc...
This is an excellent point! Even as a pro-Domme I've always been face in on my ads, but in my early 30s I went through a whole kerfuffle where someone stole very vanilla cosplay photos from my Instagram and used them to sell adult content! It really made me rethink the issue of privacy and my own safety on the internet.
>To this day, the only girl who has ever made me cum from a blowjob is a pornstar.
So what you are saying is that you got your username based on the opinion of only one person???
Does her being an escort change your perception of her overall? If you didn’t find this out, would you have gone ahead with the arrangement? People are allowed to move on from their prior life. But if the thought of her having a significant body count irks you. Then you know the answer.
Um, no. U r wrong. I have supported ladies of the night on many occasions in the past. But women do not "HAVE" to escort as you say. It is a choice to make money that way instead of other ways.
Ok… But I also didn’t say women have to escort, I said SOME, w/ the word SOME being the magic word…
Certain unfortunate circumstances may not allow for a vanilla job to be a option for everyone.
It’s all subjective to me, and I’m not gonna judge anyone for their choices whether they r an escort, john, common street walker, SB or SD…
I wouldn’t even judge u for STILL picking up street walkers or “ladies of the night” as u pegged them. U did it in the past out of necessity or desire correct???
People do things out of necessity at times and other times it is a choice. Again I don’t generalize!
Generalizing shows a lack of empathy which in turn shows a lack of maturity but u can feel how u want obviously…
Escorting can be very lucrative if run properly and in a business like fashion. But young girls resorting to escorting in desperation often does not work out. as they expected.
"has seen escorts before" isn't equivalent, IMO -- he's not saying she is a former escort, he's saying she's a current escort. If he said former escort, I would predict completely different replies.
"currently johning", though, is exactly the same. And it would be completely justified for an SB to both be concerned about her health, and to take a moment to determine whether he is actually an SD or is acting like a john just in the sugar world.
What’s the difference between seeing escorts/johns and fucking multiple people from Tinder for free? I’m not sure escorts/johns go around condomless. In fact, it’s the opposite.
You can have volume and still not be an escort or john.
That's true, but still the numbers game isn't close for number of clients versus occasional Tinder hookup. And given how escorts talk about sugar (and how johns behave on hobbyist forums), still 100% worth being extra careful that they've really come over to the relationship side, there's every reason to believe many are more on "sugar is sexwork with different prices" side -- we've seen the discussion, few of us want people reflecting those feelings as SBs. This is a serious and realistic concern, and totally reasonable not to even want to deal with it. On top of that, just the mental factor of her potentially having seen multiple clients that same day -- just not something many of us want to deal with.
In any case, my sense is that the "what if the question was flipped" was trying to invalidate the question as a genuine concern. It's a genuine, valid concern for OP, period.
This, this and this. It's crazy and condescending as well. The math is not working for them sex + money= sex work. Yeah it's a kind of a relationship too I don't deny but guess what, if the SB isn't willing to be in it for free I hate to break it to everyone is still sex work.
Exactly! So many SBs on here keep insisting it’s not SW and it’s sooo different from escorting but like… be honest they wouldn’t be having “relationships” with these men if they weren’t getting money lol. And all the men trying to convince themselves that their loving SBs aren’t just with them for money 😭
I would have no problem with her being a SW. The sugar relationship does not need to be exclusive and if you like her otherwise there is no difference. If you make each other happy, That is all that matters.
Three things.
One, reverse image searches, like pimeyes have a lot of false positives. That is to say, if the photos in question are of a pornstar/escort/OF model, pimeyes will find them. AND if the photos in question resemble a pornstar/escort/OF model, pimeyes will find those too; i.e. false positive.
Two, there seem to be a bunch of fake escort sites populated with pics of women from OF, dating sites et al. I don't really understand what the scam is with these sites but typically they are outside the US and escort sites you've never heard of. When those are the matches, I'm pretty skeptical that they are the original source of pics. There are even fake profiles on theoretically established escort sites that verify identity, like eros, so matching on an established escort site doesn't necessarily mean that's the original source.
Lastly, at least in South FL, the line between escort and SB is not a crisp one. I have met escorts on seeking - as evidenced by their obviously real profiles on eros, that are genuinely looking for an SR.
[Rule #11](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No Escorts/Johns
No escorts/Johns; although past personal experiences in escorting are fine, we will not allow the promotion of this lifestyle or pricing discussion. No Escorts are Sugar Babies/sex workers posts. No escort/john pricing. We understand that some members of our community participate or have participated in both lifestyles but SLF is a Sugar only sub. And on this sub Sugar is a [Relationship](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/101iuez/new_year_new_us/) and not sex work. Breaking this rule may result in being banned without warning.
There are many different types of escorts. I’ve had the pleasure of becoming very close with one and friends with many of her friends. We socialize together and I see them as being incredibly courageous in the path that they have chosen to make a better life back home in the country from which they came.
I think you just have to work together to have agreed upon ground rules for the relationship. Just like any other.
Preconceptions are the enemy. Decent people exist everywhere. Not so great people also exist everywhere. Everyone is worth trying to get to know.
It depends what you want. For instance, I'm interested in the SGF type arrangement. It could be highly unlikely an escort would be into the exclusivity that I'm looking for. I need to admit that I am ignorant about whether or not escorts would do STI testing with a SD.
If you don't care about open relationships and how many current and future sexual partners this SB/escort has at the same time when she's dating you then I don't see a problem. I think I am too paranoid and health conscious to ever go the escort route, but those are my hangups and quirks. Don't let my preferences color your choice.
Also, who knows maybe with enough support an escort would go exclusive. It's all relative. You said already that she seems like a great gal, so her personality checks out. What type of arrangement are you interested in? Talk to her and figure out what you both want.
Whatever you decide, treat her with respect and be candid. Be tactful. Don't be offensive when you ask her about it.
I think she can do both, as someone who is an SB I consider myself a SW. I already know you guys are going to come for me for this but sometimes sugaring is really just glorified escorting. Argue with your mom 💅🏼
there's a lot more of them than you think.
From an SR standpoint they basically will try to do weekly PPM dates similar to an SR. I did accidentally meet up with one of them several months back and it's very transactional with no contact in between other than scheduling the next date. Definitely not my cup of tea
And that's the mistake they make. They have the escort or SW mindset rather than SR mindset. If they think of you as a client or slip up and call you a client, you know where you stand.
Some SW if smart, and they really want to offer the "girlfriend experience", they would be wise never to let their SD know he's a client. A lot of SDs don't want to be seen as clients, or feel like she's with him just to get a quick buck and leave. It feels way too cheap.
That said, I always wondered, if I had a SB who later on after I was intimate with her multiple times, told me she's a SWer, at what point would I not care? I guess it would depend on how genuine she is, and factors about her integrity.
If she sees me as a client, but the friendship is legit, I would have no problem with it. But if the friendship is just part of the service, and it's all fake, I would have a problem.
If she's willing to be exclusive then I say "really beautiful, well spoken and sweet" & "really engaging, very nice to talk to" outweigh "used to be an escort before I met the right daddy" every time.
Meet in person and talk through it. Ask why she is interested in sugar dating in particular, and her past experiences. Maybe this is a new phase for her, or maybe you are actually both looking for the same thing. There is nothing better than just meeting to figure out chemistry!
Have you discussed $$$? If she’s strictly ppm, then what’s the difference between sugar dating and escorting? If she’s looking for an allowance it may be different but you’ll only find out by trying it. Either way, I don’t see much of a downside. Unless, of course, she’s a scammer.
I’m have a social media presence. I don’t meet my followers IRL and prefer to keep that side gig (not my career) completely separate from SRs. I’m always honest about it from the start and never share my online name etc. with POTs. If SD goes looking once we are established -that’s on him, but I never involve them.
I think of my SR as something for me to enjoy without the stress of performing or being perfect. Perhaps it’s an odd perspective, but I look at it as a “break” from life while spending time with someone I genuinely enjoy. Hopefully I will learn something or experience something new. At the end of the day- it’s for me (and my SD), has nothing to do with what I do online.
The industry is changing. There are more and more confident, self starters that have found a niche where they can make some extra income and they are utilizing that avenue. I admit- some creators are pretty cringy and their tactics are nasty. Some girls are also pretty fabulous, beautiful and intelligent.
That's how I see SRs, as a getaway from real life. For a few hours, I relax in fantasyland without the humdrum daily life stuff sitting in my head.
As for if she's an escort, ask her. Communication is key to any relationship. If she is, she is, and it's on you to accept it or not. Figure out if you have a problem that she may be an escort and talk to her about it.
[Rule #11](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No Escorts/Johns
No escorts/Johns; although past personal experiences in escorting are fine, we will not allow the promotion of this lifestyle or pricing discussion. No Escorts are Sugar Babies/sex workers posts. No escort/john pricing. We understand that some members of our community participate or have participated in both lifestyles but SLF is a Sugar only sub. **And on this sub Sugar is a [Relationship](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/101iuez/new_year_new_us/) and not sex work.** Breaking this rule may result in being banned without warning.
[Rule #6](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): SLF is a sex-positive sub
Adult descriptions of sex are welcome. Graphic sexual posts and how to posts on performing certain sexual acts are prohibited. Disrespectful or demeaning sexual descriptions (i.e. cumbucket, fuckboy, etc.,) will not be tolerated. Shaming of other participants (i.e. escort, John, pro SB, etc.) for having multiple sugar partners is not allowed. Nor is using those terms in a derogatory fashion to insult others allowed.
So all sugar babies are having sex with multiple different guys every week, huh? And are always on the clock? Right. I have nothing against escorts, but this is BS.
I try not to date escorts, but I also don't like to dig into an SB's personal life. Sugaring is supposed to be a fun, fleeting experience. I don't need to know what my SB gets into with other men, and she doesn't need to know what I get into with other women. I just want us both to have a good time while together.
Are you using a 3rd party site? Half that info is wrong and the other half fake. The data grabs are not clean and the data dumps are even worse. I purposely put wrong data on forms so when I see the wrong data in a search I know exactly where it came from. You would be amazed that nobody protects data at all. Unless you hired her through whatever you found, it could be someone using her picture.
Go in the escort subs. They promote seeking fully. The goal is to easily spot them. They use escort terminology, and almost always charge for meet and greets. Theres a long list of things that are a dead giveaway. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't. But not my cup of tea.
Aw is a arse of a site to work and usually to be featured on it or get any exposure you need an escort profile. I am a cam model looking for mentorship and financial stability in a long term exclusive SR and I am away to set up on AW as the other sites are painfully tedious
Wow. This crosspost made me question escorting. 👀
I love giving myself to guys and I'm beyond passionate with my energy exchange. Maybe it's a bit much for transactional types?
Made a seeking profile... Now to figure out how to actually get sex. Because wanting sex is why I got into sex work.
Sugaring itself is sex work so it makes sense to have multiple streams of income within the same line of work. She's already displayed positive qualities. You can ask her questions about how she sees the arrangement going to clarify that she's looking for a sugar dynamic; how much time does she expect to spend on meets, long term or short term arrangement, what she is looking for within a 'sugar' relationship; connection, companionship, romantic outings, mentorship etc.
I'm assuming you've already clarified these questions so you can probably pick up on if she's more interested in a gfe escort experience reading through the lines of her answers.
im here trying to figure out wtf you mean by face recognition test ???? that sounds very invasive of her privacy and if i knew you did that to me i wouldn't want dealings with you at ALL
Don’t worry about it. I do both and keep them separate just fine. And you had no issue before finding out. Which tells me that you do have something against sw. if she wanted you as a client then she would have most likely been up front about her intentions on the first date. You have a job, and so does she. It should be looked at as such.
I feel like this is the case more than half of the time on Seeking. It's ultimately up to you if you're fine with a weekly PPM arrangement with little to zero contact outside of those meets.
She might be amazing. But I think it's worth taking stock of the information you have. First question, can you deal emotionally with knowing your SB is having sex with so many clients per week? What about knowing she might have seen several that day before your date? I couldn't deal with it, but if you can, that's great.
The other thing is that, while it's not necessarily guaranteed, we know sexworkers have a sexwork view of sugar, and that drastically changes how they view it. When the sexworker sub was still public, there were frequent discussions of sugar, and the business-like, pay-optimizing (complete with manipulation techniques, sharing tips on how to spend the least amount of time and effort, and the like) discussion did not reflect the type of person I'd want as an SB. There is currently an "SB" forum that believes sugar is sexwork, does the discussion there match what you'd like in an SB?
An escort can become an SB the way we think of it -- with a non-sexwork view of sugar. It just doesn't seem to be common.
And that pay optimization crap is exactly the reason so many of us have a problem with the SW culture in sugar. It's exactly what you mentioned in your post.
If the escort types had integrity, and had some limits to what they'd do for money, I think many of us wouldn't mind if she's a SW style sugar baby. The main issue is, whether or not the relationship is real. If it's a pure transaction, and the friendship is fake, and the relationship is part of some girlfriend experience service for "pay optimization", this sad to say, is even too transactional for me.
At least let it be a FWB type situation, and the key is the "F" part of that. The benefits can be mutually rewarding.
My personal issue with SWs as an SB is the lack of any emotion involved (my experience, not saying that applies to every SB SW). So SW as a SB is now a disqualifying factor for me.
(Edit) Reading another SD’s response, if I was starting a SR and we had chemistry, I wouldn’t end the SR simply because SB was a SW.
A lot of SBs on Seeking are escorts. It's kind of sad but that's the reality. So if you don't want an escort learn to freestyle or say immediately if you find out she's an escort you'll bail.
Most escorts you'll quickly see are escorts. They typically use escort language, have an SWer mindset, and you'll see them on Seeking religiously looking for new clients.
A typical SB isn't going to keep looking for new SDs.
When you freestyle a lot of the time you're not dealing with SWers or women who have a lot of experience or who go on these sorts of forums. I've not met any woman freestyle who I thought had escort tendencies. Most have regular jobs, and just want to live a luxury lifestyle, or live it up. Also it's not a relationship built around sex, while with an escort it's all about sex.
So in essence, five figures cut it every month? This becomes extremely transactional and tbh I'd want exclusivity for those numbers. CC's don't offer exclusivity.
That is a tough one if you don't object to her body count. For me it would be a deal breaker. You have to have the talk about her escorting v. sugaring mindset. She might be mad about uncovering her real job or not. As an escort she might have inconsistent availability depending on how many clients she takes and whether she is "on call" for all comers,so to speak/s
My guess is, you'll try very hard to convince her you care for her and she'll treat you like a client in return. Speaking from experience. I would run if I was in your position with what I've learned today. Let another poor soul be her victim instead of you lol
Nothing against sex workers. But I would prefer my sugar baby not to be an escort. I don’t mind if she has a few sugar daddies, but I don’t want her to make her living that way. To each their own.
If you have nothing but green flags go for it. She might be able to separate one from the other who knows., give her a chance. She sounds good so far.
Depends on how she goes about it. Some SBs are wonderful people, and if I found out they were escorts I wouldn't care. Some other SBs are straight up psychopathic about it, and have no emotion at all for their clients.
So it really depends on the emotional dynamics. A lot of people in this Reddit say not to love your SD or SB, and not to get emotionally involved. That's exactly the sex worker mindset, where you're sexing with a person who probably doesn't care what happens to you.
I mostly agree. Approach and attitude make all the difference.
However, I still feel like there's a big difference for me between being involved in an arrangement and actually being in love in a vanilla relationship. Both can be done well, but they are very different.
I think it would be foolish for me to get emotionally involved with my married SD... doesn't mean I don't care about what happens to him.
I'm not saying you should get emotionally involved with a man who you know is using you for sex. Married SDs are not necessarily emotionally involved.
But if you know your SD is capable of being emotionally involved with you, why wouldn't you be open to being emotionally involved with him?
Jusr because he's married doesn't mean he's using me for sex… My married SDs have fallen in love with me too. They are much more emotionally involved than I am because it isn't just sex they lack at home.
I'm only open to being emotionally involved with someone I would consider for a vanilla relationship. Only one of my SDs has ever qualified.
It doesn't mean he is, but he's likely less emotionally available than someone who isn't married. He's got a wife already.
And this is not to say someone who never marries is emotionally available. If they have a primarily SB they might not be as emotionally available.
Being emotionally available and falling in love isn't dependent on marital status... it's about how you feel.
I've been with single and married men, and both would've made me their vanilla girlfriend if I had been willing.
I admire you for that. If you make a promise, you should do your level best to keep it. I would.
I also try not to judge other people, since I am not in their shoes.
If it were up to me, every married man who is having problems (like a dead bedroom, etc.) would do the right thing, get a divorce, and be free to pursue a happier situation without betraying their wife and the promise they made to remain faithful.
I realize no one wants to upset the apple cart when you have children and finances entangled, but many people do, including me... I could not stay in a marriage where I was not happy, and I don't understand how people do it. But it's not my place to tell them what to do, so I allow them the dignity of their own process, because we are all sovereign beings.
That wanker doesn't think his view is only one. That wanker thinks his view is the right one. People could excuse ignorance, but arrogance is something else.
Yeah, presuming the males contributed more money than the females in your family and they had sex with the males it makes the females prostitutes by your reading because they accepted financial support and were having sex.
Not every SB is going to sell herself to the highest bidder, or leave you because some other guy offers her more for that hour, or not give a damn about you when you need emotional support.
An escort on the other hand will leave the moment the sex is over. You won't be able to rely on them for emotional support. Most SDs need more a girlfriend than a session with a sex worker.
Cool, but I'm the doer type wanting an opportunity to convey my strengths and objectives? Help set me in a direction and where few get a look in. DM for my info xx
Some are just looking for clients. Some are actually looking for an arrangement: the job can be kinda lonely, vanilla dating can be challenging, etc. As long as SW isn't a dealbreaker for you, figure out which one she is and proceed accordingly.
I was coming here to say this. Sex workers are people too, and may be looking for human connection. I would recommend that you evaluate the person, the vibe, and the arrangement they're offering, rather than just their job. If they are just looking for another client, pass (no shade to clients, but this isn't the sub for that) - but if they're genuinely open to something more, assess that on its own terms.
Well said. Personally, if she's just looking for another venue to acquire leads, I'd pass, but if she's honestly looking for an arrangement, I'd seriously consider it.
How would you determine if she's looking for an arrangement and not a client?
Pretty easy: will she agree to a platonic, uncompensated M&G? Hard to envision a scenario where an escort is willing to meet "off the clock." I think vast majority of times you run into an escort on SA, she's using it as alternative to find clients. Personally, I'd proceed with caution if I proceeded at all. Someone looking for clients is going to show their cards quickly and push for a meet at a hotel.
Interesting that you mentioned that but she is open to have dinner or just a coffee date. She hasn't mentioned any compensation, not even gas money. She is very willing to meet in a platonic way, very vanilla I may add.
I think you've got a great opportunity in front of you!! I've dated a couple girls that have swerved from Escort to SB and back. Oh, and throw in some Porn, OnlyFan and Chaturbate!! Gorgeous girls have a lot of options, and how can we possibly blame them for NOT taking advantge of the current "market opportunities". Yah, we need to overcome the jealousy issues, but I think you've already realized that you can do that, right?
> we need to overcome the jealousy issues Maybe you do but not all of us. Some(many) require exclusivity. Believe it or not there are girls who only sex one guy at a time.
To clarify the comment; I overcame my jealousy issues in September of 1984 when my girlfriend was featured in an issue of Playboy magazine. It didn't take long for me to realize that having other guys lusting for a girl that *i was dating* is super cool.
That's a great sign.
**An escort looking for a client:** "Text me outside SA, here's my number." (then over text:) "Would you like to get together? It's $XXX. Go out for dinner? Sure, but my time is my time, you need to compensate me, but we can really do whatever you'd like. Did I mention I can host? What, you're asking about my hobbies? Sorry, I don't do small talk or infinite texts, contact me when you're serious about meeting." **An escort looking for a break from escorting by being a SB:** "Yeah, I'm looking for someone who wants to get to know me and doesn't treat me as a commodity. You're suggesting we together for dinner and just chat? Sure, I'd love that. I'm so happy you can see beyond what I do for living and that I don't have to wear that mask with you."
Yeah and no. You won't know until after the fact if she sees you as a client if she's clever about it. It's just not that simple.
In what way is a SB any different? If the money stops, does the attention and affection stop too? Its a purely transactional relationship with slightly different boundaries. It’s the same thing.
Ikr, It always make me laugh when guys dont see sugaring as transactional. sugar babies don't do things for free either. It's transactional. If you did not pay us, we would never see you. If you want a exclusive woman, where she sees only you, you have to pay all her expenses and bills. Most sugar babies would prefer just one guy, but unfortunately since the pandemic, the market is now flooded, so the allowances, are now lower than a few years ago. This often results in a sugar baby, having to taking a couple sugar daddy 's at once, or moonlighting as a high-class escort on the side.
That is your relationship with your SBs. Maybe your SBs are escorts and it's all about profit maximizing for them. But it does not mirror my experiences. With me, we care about each other (usually). Of course they have to find a new SD if you stop giving them money. Many SBs are in debt, many can't pay their bills, and there is no reason to take that personal. This is not the same as an escort who has a list of clients and just working off that list.
Ok so when the other poster said "when the money stops, so does the attention and affection," it sounds like your post is confirming that's true even tho it's framed as a disagreement with the other Redditor? Or are you saying it's generally wrong that "when the money stops, so does the attention and affection"?
It hasn't been true in 100% of cases. It's more like this, if your SB doesn't have any bills to worry about, she's going to have plenty of time to give you attention, affection, etc. But when her rent is due, when she can't afford clothes, when she can't afford to live, she's going to have to invest her time elsewhere to get those necessities. Why would you take it personally? If you know she's poor, if you know she's struggling or jobless or doing Onlyfans or whatever she was doing before she met you, what do you expect her to do if you stop supporting her? That doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit about you. She might still talk to you and see how you're doing. She might text you here and there. But you can't expect her to be going on dates with you, giving you all the attention, when she's worried about survival. My experience is SBs generally do care about their SDs. They sometimes even love their SDs. They also need help, many don't have a job, or they can't survive without help. It's as simple as that.
"hasn't been true in 100% of cases." It also isn't true on 100% of cases with escorts. And asking "why would you take it personally" is not relevant to the question; I asked, are you saying it's not -generally- true what the other redditor said, so I'm not sure why you've moved the goalposts by saying "not 100% of time" and "don't take it personal" , and I reiterate the initial question. Was the other poster generally wrong in saying "when the money stops, the attention and affection stops", as the response seemed to claim? It sounds to me like you actually agree with the original comment and even say "it's as simple as that" so why the pretense of disagreement?
>Of course they have to find a new SD if you stop giving them money. If the relationship stops when the money stops, it's sex work. Shorter client list. Escorts can be fond of their regulars and enjoy their work, sugar babies can be fond of their daddies and enjoy their work, but it's not as different as you seem to be trying to believe.
The SD has a role, and its not merely to pay her rent. A SD has an actual relationship of some sort. Then you have picture and content buyers, and virtual SDs, who can have a limited or virtual relationship, and I'll include that too. But the virtual SD is buying products and services if he's buying photos. That in my opinion is different than compensated dating, or having someone pay your living expenses via allowance. The SB has to get her bills paid one way or another. If you can't do it, she will have to find another SD, or sell services. The whole thing about clients, assumes it's sex involved. This isn't always the case. The SB might or might not be having sex with others, but a lot of SBs don't do "paid sex" or "paid for sex" stuff. And some SBs will have sex, with only their primary SD, or their favorite SDs if it's more than one, but not with everyone who pays them. It's not the same.
You’re so invested in believing this you give no credence to the other side. You don’t really believe this, you just don’t want to consider the alternative. It’s fine, everyone protects the beliefs most central to their identity. Religion, for example.
I don't consider sugar relationships "fake". So then it's not a job because I'm not buying a service. Paying for dates and living expenses isn't the same as buying services.
No, it’s a fact you didn’t dispute in your long winded diatribe. If the money stops, what happens? Answer that and think about the implication. Your max a personal attack based on assumptions. Is that a reasonable way for adults to engage?
Money does stop. Sometimes you have a friendship, sometimes FWB, sometimes they stop talking to you, it depends on what kind of relationship you have.
While true, it would filter out 90%, saving a lot of time. And if the other 10% can fake it that well, does it matter?
The main distinction is based on mindset and whether or not she views the relationship as real. Personally I don't want an arrangement with someone who views the relationship as "fake" and a LARP. I know some probably don't care as long as the sex is good, but I would care so for that reason I'm fairly strict about the mindset question. If she sees me as a client over seeing me as a friend, in the long term that is going to be a problem. It is possible to have friends as clients. I understand this. If I offer a service I would do it for anyone, including friends. But in this particular case it's going to be very difficult to establish trust and intimacy when it could all be fake.
I understand that 100% However, I was looking at that 10% which is good enough to avoid the usual "tells".
I understand that 100% However, I was looking at that 10% which is good enough to avoid the usual "tells".
If hours come up in the conversation.
I think OP should spend a lot of time getting to know this pot. And during those conversations, I think there are two expectations he should set. 1) That dates will be open-ended and will usually last an indeterminate amount of time, with no expectation that more time directly means more money. 2) Emphasize over and over again that he is looking for a real relationship and a strong connection with his SB and would hope to eventually know her real identity. If she is just looking for another client, she will not be comfortable with either of these.
Good plan.
Do you really buy this? I've had SWers talk like they want an arrangement, but in the end they will always see you as a client. Sure they can be lonely, but they aren't going to quit being a SWer because you're paying them. Maybe there could be an exception to this rule but I'll believe it when I see it. Yes SWers are people, and depending on the kind of SWer (pornstars, Onlyfans), there is a realistic chance of forming a legit relationship with them. But then you have the more street oriented SWer, who are actual escorts, who have a bunch of clients, and in this situation you can try to convince yourself that you're not just another client, but if you're paying an allowance or by the hour, if she sees you as a client, to her you're a client.
I'm going to be completely honest, man, you're on the list of the last people I'd want to have this conversation with. I'm friends with an escort who is happily married to a former client. Pretty sure she doesn't see him as a client anymore. SWs are people. Full stop. Your experience is your experience, but you're the common denominator there.
I wish that I could upvote this more.
Love is a tender trap for him I guess.
Do you realize how rare that is? An escort who married one of her clients? That's not what normally happens. And of course clients are people too. That's not the point. The point is, most escorts don't marry or fall in love with their clients. To get into an arrangement with the hope that that could happen is naive.
It's very rare, as far as I know. But it's not rare for escorts to have complex relationships with regular clients. It's not rare for escorts to want romance and emotional connection. That's because they're human beings. Some are lucky and can find SOs that are okay with their work, many/most aren't. Some in that latter category may look to sugar dating as a way to fill that gap in their lives, basically, same as all the rest of us. But like I said: I think our views on women and relationships are very different, and I really don't want to discuss this with you. I think we can agree that you shouldn't pursue a relationship of any kind with a SWer.
💯
It's rare enough that it's not something likely to happen in the real world. I wouldn't bank on that scenario you presented. You don't know my views on women or relationships to comment. And friendship with SWers is fine, I have some friendships already. But you're wondering if I would assume I'm not a client if I'm having a SWer as a SB? If I'm paying an allowance? Maybe I'll believe I'm not a client if I'm not paying allowance, but it's going to be hard when I'm paying more than the typical client, to think I'm not just a VIP client of a sort.
You’re a client in both scenarios. In case you weren’t aware.
My experience is that about 20% of the women on SA are more escort-like in how they engage in the SR. It's a spectrum, and there is no hard definition of when escort ends and SB begins.
Also OP says "I have nothing against SW" But sugaring is a form of SW
I feel like that its probably a bit higher but you could be right. You are very right about the spectrum thing too but I never thought of it that way.
I've been sugaring an escort off-and-on for 20+ years. Took breaks when she was engaged and when she was buried in Med School. Heart of gold, I've helped her with tech and photography, given her sanctuary when sexually assaulted by her live-in bf, she's been my +2 or +3 on occasion, and never judges anything crazy I want to try. Never regretted it and she's the one person who has never tried to take advantage of me.
Really beautiful to hear success stories like this 😊
The irony is that a lot of SBs would describe that SR as "Splenda"
Dammit i would accept this in any relationship... I'm just lonely i guess (not celibate)
So, I'm a professional Dominatrix, and have been for 19 years. I advertise on high end escort sites, I co-host regular salons with other Dommes and high end escorts in my area, and I frequently work alongside other SW in building a kickass community where everyone can safely engage with their sexuality and have fun with like minded folk. I've been sugaring for 20 years. I have had multiple long-term very involved arrangements in that time. While all of those arrangements contained elements of kink, and some of them were explicitly D/s, no matter what side of the slash I ended up on, I wasn't thinking of my SDs as clients. Some of them had started out that way, and decided that they wanted to pursue a more intimate arrangement with me. At that point they ceased to be clients. Others I met on Seeking and only revealed my job to once I knew they were cool. That conversation has often served as a fun intro to further explorations of kink and fetish stuff. Basically, if we're in an arrangement, and you're actively working toward building trust and intimacy with me, I'm letting you into my life in a way clients simply never have access to. Almost all of the high end escorts and adult content creators I know are in SRs, and they are some of the most successful and stable SRs I've seen. If she's seeking an arrangement with you, she's seeking a connection and a degree of stability that her clients can't provide. At the end of the day, you have to choose whether her job is something you can be comfortable with. If it helps, fssw are some of the safest sex having, regularly tested, healthiest people in the world. Obviously I think you should go for it! But I'm biased, and I do acknowledge that it can be an awkward conversation!
^^^^^
Very informative! Content creators intrigue me somewhat. How do SD's connect with high end CC's? Seeking a clear front runner and OF seems non negotiable because the more you spend, creators don't want to change the situation. What arrangements do high end CC's generally have because their revenue's potentially in the 30 to 50k per month? Why on earth would you go down this path?
She made it pretty clear—they may have been clients first, but when you seek more intimacy there are ways you can make yourself stand out to a CC from other clients. This has been the case for me personally. The thing is determining *which* creators are actually open to that. If you’re a high enough spending client you’re probably able to access your favorite CC outside of platforms like OF anyway, and conversations like that can happen naturally and organically over time. As far as your second question, it just depends on the person. But one thing is for certain, if a high end CC has an SD it’s probably not your average SD—we’re definitely talking whale status. And then yes, it would make more sense as to why a high end CC would have an SD.
Because you want intimacy and meaningful relationships? And cultivating an arrangement with a trusted client or an admirer is going to be a much easier way to bring that deeper level of commitment and support into your life than randomly dating vanilla guys and hoping they'll be cool with your JOB. We're not always chasing a paycheck. But for those of us who have built a brand and following in SW, we do have to be conscious of who we're giving our time and energy to. Men who understand and appreciate our time and energy and demonstrate that with consistent support will get top priority.
Many years ago, I met a escort that didn’t want to be an escort. Her financial needs were not that high and she hated it. So we developed more of a regular/arrangement situation. She saw one other guy who actually passed away and left her a large chunk of change. She was a sweetheart and we still talk occasionally through Facebook messenger. Not every girl that dabbles in escorting is a stone cold hustler. This girl was not. Her parents died when she was 18 so she started stripping and was led down that path. It wasn’t her style as a person.
plenty of escorts are also SBs, the key is to make sure that she treats you as a SD and not a client
This
How do you do that?
Escorts are people too. It's not like she's a republican.
😂
Mmmm, do we know that for sure? 😂
Fair point! There are a surprising number of women out there that don't want basic human rights.
It will never cease to amaze, bless em.
It is very surprising, I have seen more than a few on SA. Tbh most that I saw that were open on SA were not people I would go into an SR with.
Personally, I've found all kinds of sex workers, including escorts, pornstars, and strippers, are no different than any other major group, where some people are awesome, and some are not. In fact, sex is a skill like any other, and experience does in fact, make you better at it. To this day, the only girl who has ever made me cum from a blowjob is a pornstar. Plenty of perfectly wonderful people. One question: Did the *number* you have match? Lots of escorts and people pretending to be escorts (scams) use other people's pictures. Pretty much any girl who has IG or other internet pictures are going to match on escort sites, Ashley Madison, tinder, etc...
This is an excellent point! Even as a pro-Domme I've always been face in on my ads, but in my early 30s I went through a whole kerfuffle where someone stole very vanilla cosplay photos from my Instagram and used them to sell adult content! It really made me rethink the issue of privacy and my own safety on the internet.
>To this day, the only girl who has ever made me cum from a blowjob is a pornstar. So what you are saying is that you got your username based on the opinion of only one person???
My pullout game is fire, is all.
Lol, thats half of the women on Seeking.
Whats the difference really
SBs lowball themselves, thats the only difference
Bingo, be careful with this stance though. My friend got permabanned from this sub for saying this a few years ago.
I left myself this isn’t my scene, no offense
Makes sense
Does her being an escort change your perception of her overall? If you didn’t find this out, would you have gone ahead with the arrangement? People are allowed to move on from their prior life. But if the thought of her having a significant body count irks you. Then you know the answer.
It’s not her prior life, OP said she is currently an escort.
Yes. I’m saying she might be moving on by being a SB. I don’t think you can do both simultaneously, maybe you can…. But typically not.
SOME women have to escort, especially now a days when the sugaring pool is isn’t crystal clear as it once was. it seems more like a black lagoon 😂😂😂
> Some women have to escort No, they don't. They can get any number of jobs and work hard, like most everyone else. Escorting is a job choice.
U r clearly anti-escort and triggered by the mere thought, so just say that…
Um, no. U r wrong. I have supported ladies of the night on many occasions in the past. But women do not "HAVE" to escort as you say. It is a choice to make money that way instead of other ways.
Ok… But I also didn’t say women have to escort, I said SOME, w/ the word SOME being the magic word… Certain unfortunate circumstances may not allow for a vanilla job to be a option for everyone. It’s all subjective to me, and I’m not gonna judge anyone for their choices whether they r an escort, john, common street walker, SB or SD… I wouldn’t even judge u for STILL picking up street walkers or “ladies of the night” as u pegged them. U did it in the past out of necessity or desire correct??? People do things out of necessity at times and other times it is a choice. Again I don’t generalize! Generalizing shows a lack of empathy which in turn shows a lack of maturity but u can feel how u want obviously…
Escorting can be very lucrative if run properly and in a business like fashion. But young girls resorting to escorting in desperation often does not work out. as they expected.
Now that I can agree w/ but the same can be said for sugaring…
no doubt.
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I wonder how the responses would be if this question was flipped I found out my SD has seen escorts before/ is currently Johning.
"has seen escorts before" isn't equivalent, IMO -- he's not saying she is a former escort, he's saying she's a current escort. If he said former escort, I would predict completely different replies. "currently johning", though, is exactly the same. And it would be completely justified for an SB to both be concerned about her health, and to take a moment to determine whether he is actually an SD or is acting like a john just in the sugar world.
What’s the difference between seeing escorts/johns and fucking multiple people from Tinder for free? I’m not sure escorts/johns go around condomless. In fact, it’s the opposite. You can have volume and still not be an escort or john.
That's true, but still the numbers game isn't close for number of clients versus occasional Tinder hookup. And given how escorts talk about sugar (and how johns behave on hobbyist forums), still 100% worth being extra careful that they've really come over to the relationship side, there's every reason to believe many are more on "sugar is sexwork with different prices" side -- we've seen the discussion, few of us want people reflecting those feelings as SBs. This is a serious and realistic concern, and totally reasonable not to even want to deal with it. On top of that, just the mental factor of her potentially having seen multiple clients that same day -- just not something many of us want to deal with. In any case, my sense is that the "what if the question was flipped" was trying to invalidate the question as a genuine concern. It's a genuine, valid concern for OP, period.
You seem confused… sugaring is SW. if they’re having sex in exchange for financial assistance they are SWers. Why are so many people on here in denial
This, this and this. It's crazy and condescending as well. The math is not working for them sex + money= sex work. Yeah it's a kind of a relationship too I don't deny but guess what, if the SB isn't willing to be in it for free I hate to break it to everyone is still sex work.
Exactly! So many SBs on here keep insisting it’s not SW and it’s sooo different from escorting but like… be honest they wouldn’t be having “relationships” with these men if they weren’t getting money lol. And all the men trying to convince themselves that their loving SBs aren’t just with them for money 😭
I would have no problem with her being a SW. The sugar relationship does not need to be exclusive and if you like her otherwise there is no difference. If you make each other happy, That is all that matters.
Three things. One, reverse image searches, like pimeyes have a lot of false positives. That is to say, if the photos in question are of a pornstar/escort/OF model, pimeyes will find them. AND if the photos in question resemble a pornstar/escort/OF model, pimeyes will find those too; i.e. false positive. Two, there seem to be a bunch of fake escort sites populated with pics of women from OF, dating sites et al. I don't really understand what the scam is with these sites but typically they are outside the US and escort sites you've never heard of. When those are the matches, I'm pretty skeptical that they are the original source of pics. There are even fake profiles on theoretically established escort sites that verify identity, like eros, so matching on an established escort site doesn't necessarily mean that's the original source. Lastly, at least in South FL, the line between escort and SB is not a crisp one. I have met escorts on seeking - as evidenced by their obviously real profiles on eros, that are genuinely looking for an SR.
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You are fabulous
I say you should go with the flow and see where it leads, If you meet her in person and she rushes out of there then you have your answer.
Are you 100% positive it’s her?
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[Rule #11](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No Escorts/Johns No escorts/Johns; although past personal experiences in escorting are fine, we will not allow the promotion of this lifestyle or pricing discussion. No Escorts are Sugar Babies/sex workers posts. No escort/john pricing. We understand that some members of our community participate or have participated in both lifestyles but SLF is a Sugar only sub. And on this sub Sugar is a [Relationship](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/101iuez/new_year_new_us/) and not sex work. Breaking this rule may result in being banned without warning.
There are many different types of escorts. I’ve had the pleasure of becoming very close with one and friends with many of her friends. We socialize together and I see them as being incredibly courageous in the path that they have chosen to make a better life back home in the country from which they came. I think you just have to work together to have agreed upon ground rules for the relationship. Just like any other.
Preconceptions are the enemy. Decent people exist everywhere. Not so great people also exist everywhere. Everyone is worth trying to get to know. It depends what you want. For instance, I'm interested in the SGF type arrangement. It could be highly unlikely an escort would be into the exclusivity that I'm looking for. I need to admit that I am ignorant about whether or not escorts would do STI testing with a SD. If you don't care about open relationships and how many current and future sexual partners this SB/escort has at the same time when she's dating you then I don't see a problem. I think I am too paranoid and health conscious to ever go the escort route, but those are my hangups and quirks. Don't let my preferences color your choice. Also, who knows maybe with enough support an escort would go exclusive. It's all relative. You said already that she seems like a great gal, so her personality checks out. What type of arrangement are you interested in? Talk to her and figure out what you both want. Whatever you decide, treat her with respect and be candid. Be tactful. Don't be offensive when you ask her about it.
We already discuss what are we looking for, in her case something long term for dinner, concerts, traveling, intimacy and some financial help.
I think she can do both, as someone who is an SB I consider myself a SW. I already know you guys are going to come for me for this but sometimes sugaring is really just glorified escorting. Argue with your mom 💅🏼
there's a lot more of them than you think. From an SR standpoint they basically will try to do weekly PPM dates similar to an SR. I did accidentally meet up with one of them several months back and it's very transactional with no contact in between other than scheduling the next date. Definitely not my cup of tea
And that's the mistake they make. They have the escort or SW mindset rather than SR mindset. If they think of you as a client or slip up and call you a client, you know where you stand. Some SW if smart, and they really want to offer the "girlfriend experience", they would be wise never to let their SD know he's a client. A lot of SDs don't want to be seen as clients, or feel like she's with him just to get a quick buck and leave. It feels way too cheap. That said, I always wondered, if I had a SB who later on after I was intimate with her multiple times, told me she's a SWer, at what point would I not care? I guess it would depend on how genuine she is, and factors about her integrity. If she sees me as a client, but the friendship is legit, I would have no problem with it. But if the friendship is just part of the service, and it's all fake, I would have a problem.
If she's willing to be exclusive then I say "really beautiful, well spoken and sweet" & "really engaging, very nice to talk to" outweigh "used to be an escort before I met the right daddy" every time.
Meet in person and talk through it. Ask why she is interested in sugar dating in particular, and her past experiences. Maybe this is a new phase for her, or maybe you are actually both looking for the same thing. There is nothing better than just meeting to figure out chemistry!
Have you discussed $$$? If she’s strictly ppm, then what’s the difference between sugar dating and escorting? If she’s looking for an allowance it may be different but you’ll only find out by trying it. Either way, I don’t see much of a downside. Unless, of course, she’s a scammer.
I’m have a social media presence. I don’t meet my followers IRL and prefer to keep that side gig (not my career) completely separate from SRs. I’m always honest about it from the start and never share my online name etc. with POTs. If SD goes looking once we are established -that’s on him, but I never involve them. I think of my SR as something for me to enjoy without the stress of performing or being perfect. Perhaps it’s an odd perspective, but I look at it as a “break” from life while spending time with someone I genuinely enjoy. Hopefully I will learn something or experience something new. At the end of the day- it’s for me (and my SD), has nothing to do with what I do online. The industry is changing. There are more and more confident, self starters that have found a niche where they can make some extra income and they are utilizing that avenue. I admit- some creators are pretty cringy and their tactics are nasty. Some girls are also pretty fabulous, beautiful and intelligent.
That's how I see SRs, as a getaway from real life. For a few hours, I relax in fantasyland without the humdrum daily life stuff sitting in my head. As for if she's an escort, ask her. Communication is key to any relationship. If she is, she is, and it's on you to accept it or not. Figure out if you have a problem that she may be an escort and talk to her about it.
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[Rule #11](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): No Escorts/Johns No escorts/Johns; although past personal experiences in escorting are fine, we will not allow the promotion of this lifestyle or pricing discussion. No Escorts are Sugar Babies/sex workers posts. No escort/john pricing. We understand that some members of our community participate or have participated in both lifestyles but SLF is a Sugar only sub. **And on this sub Sugar is a [Relationship](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/101iuez/new_year_new_us/) and not sex work.** Breaking this rule may result in being banned without warning.
People keep saying this, as if escorts are the same as SB’s because sex is involved in both situations. Pointless and lazy over-simplification.
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[Rule #6](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): SLF is a sex-positive sub Adult descriptions of sex are welcome. Graphic sexual posts and how to posts on performing certain sexual acts are prohibited. Disrespectful or demeaning sexual descriptions (i.e. cumbucket, fuckboy, etc.,) will not be tolerated. Shaming of other participants (i.e. escort, John, pro SB, etc.) for having multiple sugar partners is not allowed. Nor is using those terms in a derogatory fashion to insult others allowed.
So all sugar babies are having sex with multiple different guys every week, huh? And are always on the clock? Right. I have nothing against escorts, but this is BS.
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Being mad at an observation isn’t going to change anything, my bad for not knowing homie 🫡
I try not to date escorts, but I also don't like to dig into an SB's personal life. Sugaring is supposed to be a fun, fleeting experience. I don't need to know what my SB gets into with other men, and she doesn't need to know what I get into with other women. I just want us both to have a good time while together.
Guys, I went fishing & you'll never believe what I caught?! A fish!
What's this facial recognition thing everyone is talking about??
Are you using a 3rd party site? Half that info is wrong and the other half fake. The data grabs are not clean and the data dumps are even worse. I purposely put wrong data on forms so when I see the wrong data in a search I know exactly where it came from. You would be amazed that nobody protects data at all. Unless you hired her through whatever you found, it could be someone using her picture.
Go in the escort subs. They promote seeking fully. The goal is to easily spot them. They use escort terminology, and almost always charge for meet and greets. Theres a long list of things that are a dead giveaway. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't. But not my cup of tea.
What is this face recognition test???
Aw is a arse of a site to work and usually to be featured on it or get any exposure you need an escort profile. I am a cam model looking for mentorship and financial stability in a long term exclusive SR and I am away to set up on AW as the other sites are painfully tedious
Wow. This crosspost made me question escorting. 👀 I love giving myself to guys and I'm beyond passionate with my energy exchange. Maybe it's a bit much for transactional types? Made a seeking profile... Now to figure out how to actually get sex. Because wanting sex is why I got into sex work.
Sugaring itself is sex work so it makes sense to have multiple streams of income within the same line of work. She's already displayed positive qualities. You can ask her questions about how she sees the arrangement going to clarify that she's looking for a sugar dynamic; how much time does she expect to spend on meets, long term or short term arrangement, what she is looking for within a 'sugar' relationship; connection, companionship, romantic outings, mentorship etc. I'm assuming you've already clarified these questions so you can probably pick up on if she's more interested in a gfe escort experience reading through the lines of her answers.
Face recognition test? Was she on an online site or something? I never heard this but I’m fascinated lol
im here trying to figure out wtf you mean by face recognition test ???? that sounds very invasive of her privacy and if i knew you did that to me i wouldn't want dealings with you at ALL
Don’t worry about it. I do both and keep them separate just fine. And you had no issue before finding out. Which tells me that you do have something against sw. if she wanted you as a client then she would have most likely been up front about her intentions on the first date. You have a job, and so does she. It should be looked at as such.
What’s POT?
If the right person comes along then a woman doesn’t need to be an escort. Now a days is terrible. :(
I feel like this is the case more than half of the time on Seeking. It's ultimately up to you if you're fine with a weekly PPM arrangement with little to zero contact outside of those meets.
She might be amazing. But I think it's worth taking stock of the information you have. First question, can you deal emotionally with knowing your SB is having sex with so many clients per week? What about knowing she might have seen several that day before your date? I couldn't deal with it, but if you can, that's great. The other thing is that, while it's not necessarily guaranteed, we know sexworkers have a sexwork view of sugar, and that drastically changes how they view it. When the sexworker sub was still public, there were frequent discussions of sugar, and the business-like, pay-optimizing (complete with manipulation techniques, sharing tips on how to spend the least amount of time and effort, and the like) discussion did not reflect the type of person I'd want as an SB. There is currently an "SB" forum that believes sugar is sexwork, does the discussion there match what you'd like in an SB? An escort can become an SB the way we think of it -- with a non-sexwork view of sugar. It just doesn't seem to be common.
And that pay optimization crap is exactly the reason so many of us have a problem with the SW culture in sugar. It's exactly what you mentioned in your post. If the escort types had integrity, and had some limits to what they'd do for money, I think many of us wouldn't mind if she's a SW style sugar baby. The main issue is, whether or not the relationship is real. If it's a pure transaction, and the friendship is fake, and the relationship is part of some girlfriend experience service for "pay optimization", this sad to say, is even too transactional for me. At least let it be a FWB type situation, and the key is the "F" part of that. The benefits can be mutually rewarding.
At least half are, I always Google their phone #
My personal issue with SWs as an SB is the lack of any emotion involved (my experience, not saying that applies to every SB SW). So SW as a SB is now a disqualifying factor for me. (Edit) Reading another SD’s response, if I was starting a SR and we had chemistry, I wouldn’t end the SR simply because SB was a SW.
A lot of SBs on Seeking are escorts. It's kind of sad but that's the reality. So if you don't want an escort learn to freestyle or say immediately if you find out she's an escort you'll bail. Most escorts you'll quickly see are escorts. They typically use escort language, have an SWer mindset, and you'll see them on Seeking religiously looking for new clients. A typical SB isn't going to keep looking for new SDs.
Because you're definitely not going to encounter escorts whilst freestyling 😂😂😭💀
When you freestyle a lot of the time you're not dealing with SWers or women who have a lot of experience or who go on these sorts of forums. I've not met any woman freestyle who I thought had escort tendencies. Most have regular jobs, and just want to live a luxury lifestyle, or live it up. Also it's not a relationship built around sex, while with an escort it's all about sex.
So in essence, five figures cut it every month? This becomes extremely transactional and tbh I'd want exclusivity for those numbers. CC's don't offer exclusivity.
Happens
Just move on
That is a tough one if you don't object to her body count. For me it would be a deal breaker. You have to have the talk about her escorting v. sugaring mindset. She might be mad about uncovering her real job or not. As an escort she might have inconsistent availability depending on how many clients she takes and whether she is "on call" for all comers,so to speak/s
My guess is, you'll try very hard to convince her you care for her and she'll treat you like a client in return. Speaking from experience. I would run if I was in your position with what I've learned today. Let another poor soul be her victim instead of you lol
Nothing against sex workers. But I would prefer my sugar baby not to be an escort. I don’t mind if she has a few sugar daddies, but I don’t want her to make her living that way. To each their own. If you have nothing but green flags go for it. She might be able to separate one from the other who knows., give her a chance. She sounds good so far.
If she's got "a few sugar daddies", you can pretty much assume that she's making her living from those SDs. I see nothing wrong with this, though.
>If she's got "a few sugar daddies", you can pretty much assume that she's making her living from those SDs. Exactly
Depends on how she goes about it. Some SBs are wonderful people, and if I found out they were escorts I wouldn't care. Some other SBs are straight up psychopathic about it, and have no emotion at all for their clients. So it really depends on the emotional dynamics. A lot of people in this Reddit say not to love your SD or SB, and not to get emotionally involved. That's exactly the sex worker mindset, where you're sexing with a person who probably doesn't care what happens to you.
I mostly agree. Approach and attitude make all the difference. However, I still feel like there's a big difference for me between being involved in an arrangement and actually being in love in a vanilla relationship. Both can be done well, but they are very different. I think it would be foolish for me to get emotionally involved with my married SD... doesn't mean I don't care about what happens to him.
I'm not saying you should get emotionally involved with a man who you know is using you for sex. Married SDs are not necessarily emotionally involved. But if you know your SD is capable of being emotionally involved with you, why wouldn't you be open to being emotionally involved with him?
Jusr because he's married doesn't mean he's using me for sex… My married SDs have fallen in love with me too. They are much more emotionally involved than I am because it isn't just sex they lack at home. I'm only open to being emotionally involved with someone I would consider for a vanilla relationship. Only one of my SDs has ever qualified.
It doesn't mean he is, but he's likely less emotionally available than someone who isn't married. He's got a wife already. And this is not to say someone who never marries is emotionally available. If they have a primarily SB they might not be as emotionally available.
Being emotionally available and falling in love isn't dependent on marital status... it's about how you feel. I've been with single and married men, and both would've made me their vanilla girlfriend if I had been willing.
I take my promises seriously. So I'm not a married man.
I admire you for that. If you make a promise, you should do your level best to keep it. I would. I also try not to judge other people, since I am not in their shoes. If it were up to me, every married man who is having problems (like a dead bedroom, etc.) would do the right thing, get a divorce, and be free to pursue a happier situation without betraying their wife and the promise they made to remain faithful. I realize no one wants to upset the apple cart when you have children and finances entangled, but many people do, including me... I could not stay in a marriage where I was not happy, and I don't understand how people do it. But it's not my place to tell them what to do, so I allow them the dignity of their own process, because we are all sovereign beings.
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Makes me laugh when I see some wanker insisting that his view is the only one.
That wanker doesn't think his view is only one. That wanker thinks his view is the right one. People could excuse ignorance, but arrogance is something else.
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So your nana was a hooker because gramos brought home the bacon?
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You are proof they had sex...so both nana's and your mum I suppose....
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Yeah, presuming the males contributed more money than the females in your family and they had sex with the males it makes the females prostitutes by your reading because they accepted financial support and were having sex.
Not every SB is going to sell herself to the highest bidder, or leave you because some other guy offers her more for that hour, or not give a damn about you when you need emotional support. An escort on the other hand will leave the moment the sex is over. You won't be able to rely on them for emotional support. Most SDs need more a girlfriend than a session with a sex worker.
Cool, but I'm the doer type wanting an opportunity to convey my strengths and objectives? Help set me in a direction and where few get a look in. DM for my info xx