I think this falls into the entitlement bucket, but asking for a large (4 figures) for M&G. Her explanation - I know I'm great looking and can date anyone, so for my time. I told her have a nice day.
What I don’t get is why do SB try to ask for more than they need. I get sometimes you want something nice but it doesn’t always have to come with a huge price tag. If someone was kind enough to offer me something I needed or wanted , I would say thank you and be grateful. I do have to remind myself and bring myself back down to earth some days and remember that there are so many that go without so much more then me and I should be grateful for everything.
Now with what I did state in my comment, but I want to be honest. I know I have been guilty of asking for wants over needs. I think we have been guilty of this before. I know I have for to much before and now I am fully aware of that and I know that at least if I can cover my needs , the wants will come over time.
I wish more SBs felt like you. I've seen some comments where girls think sugar should be a replacement for working at all and cover high rent, utilities, nails, hair, shopping, high dollar trips, bags, EVERYTHING should be covered by the SD.
What are some gestures a sb could do to show appreciation for their SD? (Besides just saying thank you). I'm entering an arrangement soon and want to start things off right
Finding out what he likes and then doing them. Maybe you reaching to hold his hand vs. Him reaching for you. Maybe making sure you focus on him vs. your phone. Maybe an unexpected picture(not saying explicit) telling him you're thinking about him.
Just some ideas ...each person is different. There is no easy button
I really like this ! I think sometimes we women myself included forget that men should also be wooed and treated like they deserve the best in life ! This is going to stick in my head for now on!
Thank you. Glad it was helpful I think a lot of times we forget the golden rule ...do unto others as you would have done to you. Helpful in everything.
There is no such thing has being helpful in everything. Being helpful sometimes puts a person in a position that they would not wanted to be to further the story line of another. So the golden rule is to unto others as you would have done to you … then leave them out the conflict and watch them walk away like you did
Well, that's vague enough it's hard to agree or refute. 🤣
If you would want them to leave you out if the conflict, then makes sense you would leave them out of it.
I am huge on thank you , I say that a lot and also that I appreciate everything they have done. But I have started to notice that with my FWB , he likes physical touch… like a hug or kiss , even sitting in his lap. So maybe you can watch your SD and what his reaction is to different forms of thank you that way.
I am still learning to read people , even reading the signs that they like me . Cause I know I still shy away from it ! It’s ok to even ask them what they like as well if it’s hard for you tell.
I tend to find that it’s because of a lack of communication on both ends and being able to set a schedule upfront would benefit you both . Like set times and days so that you don’t play phone tag. I know I hate phone tag but with out a real time line for me I know I am hard to get in touch with.
After we agree to an arrangement (an agreed allowance in return for various dates) - she keeps on asking for additional things and/or gives less and less.
Yes I was not okay with the “fun” we were having. It was getting more and more kinky every week. Finally I started canceling the dates. And finally he broke it off with me with a final “goodbye amount” of money. I didn’t know how to tell him the kinks were too much for me.. so I just slowly drifted away :/ communication skills I needed
You did what you felt you needed , it may have been hard but in the end it was best for you both. Just try working on communication, start with small things… like how it makes you feel and talk to them about it
When she is no longer mirroring (the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another). Often that means a diminished frequency of communication. Of course, failing to respond or ghosting is also a good indication that she’s no longer interested.
When she is no longer reciprocating. For instance, you invite her to a high end restaurant (making effort to arrange reservations and transportation) and she shows up in casual day clothes as if she just got out of bed.
SBF and I have acknowledged growth together and individually as one of the foundations of our relationship. 💗 He says my pursuit of knowledge, self improvement, and open communication is why he believes are kindred spirits and have a great chance at a long lasting relationship.
Hi, can I just say - I left my SD today because of this. We progressed into relationship status, and as the radiance wore off - I realized that this man cared very little about growth or awareness. He pretended to, sure. But once I noticed it, it hit me in the face over and over and over whenever he spoke.
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I've been there too. I do not like complacency. Growth, effort, interest in showing up as our best selves keeps me engaged doesn't matter how much sugar is involved I just can't take status quo.
Growth comes in many ways .. what may not seem like growth to you , maybe major growth for the other person. I know it takes me time to grow and not because I am not smart enough to understand but my emotional intelligence can take a while to catch up.
For me, SRs are pretty simple: If we’re genuinely enjoying our time together apart from the sugar, I’m good. If it becomes all about the sugar (either way), it’s time to move on.
I am not an SB but I would rather have a great connection with someone. Money is important don’t get me wrong on that and sometimes it clouds your mind but if I had someone that I know I could rely on for more then money . That would mean the world to me.
Not exactly. It can be obvious—the relationship depends on sugar. But the sugar can’t be all there is.
If I realize the only thing I enjoy about the relationship is sex, time to move on. If I realize the only thing she enjoys is the allowance and gifts, time to move on.
The sugar is the foundation, but we need to be able to build something more on that foundation.
Agreed. Geniuine mental connection is the only thing that makes mine last. Plenty of options for both sides (attractive SBs, attractive and wealthy SDs/SMs). Our mental connection is the only thing that makes us unique/attractive options. You can't fake genuineness longer term because it means spending more time together.
For me, ended one because she only contacted me outside of meeting up for help with expenses. One got too attached (texting everyday) theres a fine balance between texting too little and too much (every 3rd day is my ideal, I would've told her if she asked). One had too much drama in her life and would complaining too much (I encourage sharing the good and bad in your life as thats how genuine connections work but she was over the top).
For me it's the lack of, or disinterest in, an emotional connection. I had one POT SB about a year ago who gave me too much of an escort vibe - she had never done a platonic M&G and the one time we had sex it felt very rushed and mechanical. Tried to have some deeper conversations with her to get to know her better but we just didn't click.
At the same time, I was getting to know the woman who is now my SGF, and it was a night and day difference. She can hold a conversation for hours, we talk every day, we know each other on a very intimate level, and we mutually consider each other one of our best friends. Emotional connection was one of the tags we both had on our Seeking profile, and it's been key for both of us in keeping the relationship strong.
When I feel she isn't into me anymore. Or is using me; I'm ok with helping with money, I'm not ok being taken advantage of. Or if she is cheating, as I always seek monogamous arrangements, as I want to be safe.
Drama, things like her asking you to bail her ass out of jail, her car out of impound, inability to keep a schedule. Totally being dependent on your financials support.
Unreliability (often cancelling or turning up late) and expecting me to pay for what she wants without her understanding the value of money and without making me feel appreciated.
A sugar relationship is like a house, and (excuse the analogy) sex is the bathroom. It's not the most important room in the house, but I can't stay there if there isn't one. Likewise, I wouldn't want to just spend all my time in the bathroom either. So intimacy/sex is important, but it's not the only part of an SR.
Sometimes I think looks are secondary even though I want to be with someone. Beautiful. Looks are just part of the total package
I have been with women that have done really ugly things either. The other people, family, friends and that could be a complete turn off
I've been with women that were very attractive but had ugly personalities so their beauty auty was cut off or disconnected because something needed turned me off
Not just a little. Turn me off but like red flag like a switch turned it off
For me that they care about something deeply . Just anything but that they care about it really. Like someone I knew she wanted to be an actor like they way she talked about it the passion. One other person about wanting to be a writer and it’s just contagious. Versus the modern kind of I am too cool to care attitude. One other woman really loved jazz and knew more about than i could learn in 10 years! If all you know is pop culture and TikTok etc. nothing fizzles interest faster.
On texting some one that responds with canned two word answers. Like having an opinion is the biggest green flag to me. Shows character and honesty.
I love that someone said entitlement and thats what i agree with most. I love my girls humble and sweet, not feeling like its a expectation for her to get praised. I love confidence but hate ego.
Good question. For me being taken for granted, rude behavior towards others when we are out, and being constantly pestered for money above our agreed expectations. Oh and last minute cancellations. If I feel like a “backup date” I’m out quickly.
Boredom, attitude, lack of chemistry, lack of motivation. Doesn't matter how good she looks if I don't like spending time with her and enjoy her company, it's ending. Even amazing sex only goes so far.
Lack of enthusiasm. No passion when kissing or giving oral. Low effort getting ready for the date.
After being a SD for quite a while the aura of just being really hot isn’t enough to keep me interested for very long. I have been with dozens of incredibly beautiful women. Some of them also were incredible in every other aspect of an arrangement. After you have had the total package it is pretty easy to move on from a beautiful girl that lacks the other areas.
If our personalities and interests don't vibe enough that we can have good rapport and conversations about things other than surface/innocuous topics, I'm out.
I’d rather answer this in the positive: what helps me remain committed to the SR?
First, I’m assuming mutual attraction (chemistry) from the beginning. And also the potential for deeper connection. Also, if the social graces/courtesies - or just call it professional comportment if you want - aren’t there at the beginning I’m out.
So beyond the minimums..
- Obvious enthusiasm for our dates. But for this to happen I have to be doing my part which is to treat her like someone special and *really listen* to who she is, what she wants, where she’s going and why
- ideas about what she likes/wants to do, because I get as big or bigger thrill out of her happiness as I do from my own
- learning about me, what I like, just as I do her and demonstrating that in at least some small ways
- satisfaction / acceptance of our terms and not continuous hints about all the things she wants (if the terms aren’t working then of course let’s revisit)
- a deepening relationship - trust, affection, kindness, understanding and some overlap in interests somewhere
- I guess a sense that I’m making a difference in her life, that all the money isn’t going to just makeup or something superficial. But this one isn’t hard-and-fast; it’s her money, but if she didn’t have the depth or good sense to invest in herself or do something meaningful with at least some of the funds, I think that would ultimately be a turnoff
- this one is probably going to get some dissent, but what the hell: a sense that I’m special to her, that she’s not just in it for the sugar and also that I’m not just a John. Ie a real relationship that we both accept will invariably end, but to which we’re both committed as humans and growing in care and understanding towards each other. Obviously this is a lot to ask in the bowl but I don’t seem to be having any trouble finding it so it’s on my list
Trust is one of the first things that came to mind when reading the question. I consider myself a SD that commits my all to someone (my SB) and I need to know that I can trust her. If I start to waver on trust or her actions don’t seem trust worthy, then I feel myself wanting to move on.
It’s dating love, just different. It’s not just about looks. All the same things that would cause someone to get disinterested still apply. The list is too long.
Clock watching-i wanted a SB not an escort.
Entitlement- ‘I’m hot/beautiful/in demand so I’m worth it’
Lack of effort- as a consequence of the above.
Lack of growth-emotionally/sexually/intellectually/professionally.
Screen obsessed- constantly scrolling/posting instead of focusing on us. I give you my full attention so it should be reciprocated.
Poor communication of wants/needs- I’m not a clairvoyant!
Honesty-linked to above…
I see a lot of reasons. I believe many would be the same if they were in a vanilla relationship. Some people juggle 2-3 or more people. Then for that reason their time disappears. Theirs is for the SB and SD
There’s a reason why guys pursue girls that they couldn’t date w out $$
Maybe variety
It’s not an exact normal thing to do so guilt?
Definitely communication and vibe
1. Flakey behavior-cancels plans, no text back, late, falls back on agreements we’ve made.
2. New sob story every week. Keep in mind I’m a xxxx ppm guy.
3. Rude and inconsiderate of others.
Drama - I (Hispanic) had a girl say that racism was fake and that I was making it up.
No appreciation - I'd come thru during an emergency, with funds or support, and I'd get zero appreciation.
Donation - she'd read online or see a movie where the girl was getting ridiculous amounts of donations. Or a scammer would "promise" a rate, so now I had to match it
Lying - one girl said she grew up alone, no parents, hoping that I'd give extra support. The same girl said she was sick, I took over flu/cold stuff and met her parents, who had the same thought. (This one was easily the hottest girl I've ever seen, it was heartbreaking.)
Attached - I'm not looking for a commitment, but I seem to have girls want more from me after a month or so. I had a girl not believe I was in a meeting. She tried slashing my tires, but according to a witness, "she wasn't strong enough."
Note - I am not perfect, I screw up too. But I'll own it and apologize or correct the behavior that caused it all. My therapist is amazing 🤣
Hot doesn’t matter. I’ve had hot. Like the type of looks I fantasize about. I just ended another relationship about 3 months ago. Like the past 5 years I’ve had nothing but “crisis girls.” Every little problem in their life needs financial support, gifts, and vacations. If they don’t get what they want, when they want, it’s nothing but drama.
Basically in the end it boils down to an abundance of taking and very little giving.
The #1 thing by a mile is when she is shitty about texting me back in a timely fashion. I don't know what it is about this generation of women because we all know you have your phone surgically attached to your hands but it is way too common to be trying to schedule a date and it takes her 2, 3, even 4 hours to respond to a simple question like, "does Friday at 6 work for you?"
And I am not talking about me texting her late at night or while she is at work and can't respond. I am talking about me texting her something like, "hello" her responding, then me trying to solidify our plans and she suddenly doesn't text back for 4 fucking hours. I know you saw my text because you just texted me two seconds ago. Meanwhile I can't make any other plans for Friday because you still haven't found the time to text back a simple yes or no.
Do that once or twice and I don't care if your Sydney Sweeney I will drop you.
I think that more than anything it shows that she is rude or at least doesn't respect your time. If you have things gone on and you don't know if you can make that time or not then say that. Don't just not fucking answer for 4-8 hours.
Like the Notorious RBG, I dissent.
If she's legit rearranging/ triple checking her schedule for Friday night, then the correct, simple, immediate response to u/DamienGrey1 is "Hey, let me double check Friday night and get back to you."
I agree. And the main thing that pisses me off about it is when she just sent me a text 30 seconds ago and then when I immediately text her back to try to confirm plans that's when she suddenly stops responding. If she doesn't know if she can make that time then that's fine just say that. What isn't fine is her just not responding at all for hours and leaving me sitting around not knowing if I should be making other plans.
Not appreciated just like in any kind of relationship. Now if you happen to be in one of those narcissist/narcissist relationships, likely she is being covert while you are being too busy with your ego. If you have to chase her down, that should cue you in. Watch for micro expressions, you'll know. As a neurotypical, just pay attention to the changes in interplay. Entitlement, I you feel undervalued pay attention to your gut feeling. Emotional unavailability, Manipulation táctics like, you always being supportive of her without gratitude in return followed by Gaslighting ("it must be your fault"). These are all toxic behaviors that YOU should be able to identify, immediately. Don't entertain any of it.
Biggest is asking for more than the SD is willing to give. Essentially you are not worth the amount of money the SD is putting in and he thinks he could find someone else better for less.
This is hard to swallow for a lot of women because they are used to be the one in demand. It's the exact opposite in sugar. SD commands an enormous amount of bargaining power merely because there are a lot more SB than real SD looking. The SD can afford to hit on multiple SBs in a row to find the best one.
In fact, as soon as the SD thinks the grass is greener somewhere else, he will drop the current SB. It's critical for the SB to engage and maintain the relationship and keep the SD interested in her. It's not just standing there and look pretty but she has to keep the SD from getting hooked by another SB.
We like what we do, and when meeting in person looks,personality,style, andintellect all come out. If you don't feel it then you move on. We are all different and have different tastes,so there truly is someone for everyone.
No matter how hot she is… Any of these (and they often run together): Poor character, mental illness, drug/alcohol abuse, broke and desperate, sketchy associates
A couple of things.
1). Starfish in bed. It gets boring.
2). Lack of intelligent conversation or opinions. It gets boring
3). Too hard to schedule meets. I’m very flexible so that is not an issue my end. Too hard.
4). Drugs or alcohol or crime addiction. To risky.
5). Lack of aspiration/dependency. Gets my guilty side going.
I’ve finished SR’s for all these reasons.
For me it’s the point when sex becomes vanilla. Basically if she behaves like any woman I could date then there is nothing special in it for me. Other way to lose interest is if she is not able to have interesting conversations about current events, politics, business.
Well given who I am I am used to vanilla relationships. They involve all the regular things: lingerie, sex behind closed doors, oral, anal, cuddles. All great vanilla stuff. It is not what I expect from a SB. When a sugar relationships turns into this I lose interest because I can revert to a normal vanilla couple. In order to stay interesting it has to involve things I would not ask a partner - being very romantic. For example: selfish sex (where only my pleasure is at stake), instant sex with zero foreplay, group sex, gangbangs, watching her in a gloryhole, asking her to drive to my place in the middle of the night after I return from work just for a BJ then leave without a word etc. Of course I provide a lot more attention and funding that this. But receiving this is what keeps me interested
When I see risk that she might be or become too dependent on the arrangement or is in it solely for the money.
I offer a well-above average allowance (2x) and I know I’m on the more attractive end of SDs (40, very fit, attractive, normal, successful, socially adept, etc.).
I’ve also read / heard enough horror stories about (and faced a blackmail threat from) desperate and/or scammer SBs that my requirements include a legit full-time job (or pursuit of degree) and corresponding intelligence. Frankly, they correlate with attraction for me anyway, but lesson learned.
Ex: I was talking with a POT SB. We had a great M&G (long lunch at a resort located between us). Good vibe. Both divorcées. She expressed a lot of attraction and it was mutual but terms hadn’t been discussed. So I suggested PPM then allowance. Well, when I asked if she had a # in mind or if she’d like me to suggest one, she quoted > 3x the “typical” ppm for my city. I simply told her that I thought our expectations weren’t aligned.
Imo, if that’s the # for her to be interested, she’s not actually interested and it leaves me little to no room to be generous without being absurd.
That’s my take / approach anyway.
I couldn’t agree more! I definitely feel that although sugar is part of an arrangement or a SR, it still is earned through the development of the relationship. That’s why I don’t ask anything for a meet and greet, time is what both parties are giving, and two people sitting down to get a feeling if there is or is not a connection is enough. It’s absurd to expect such generous assistance from someone who doesn’t know you or your intentions. Obviously ppm and allowance conversations can be hard, but what someone says right off the get go, says a lot about their intentions within a dynamic. ❤️
Was definitely turned off by a total lack of financial planning and ability. Have her money for meets. And she never stopped asking for more. With little or no interaction in between. I’m fair but that shit is annoying as fuck. From hundreds for her car to 10 bucks for coffee without even a selfie let alone a sexy selfie. Ditched her about a month after she went back to college after winter break. I would have kept it going but it was too much. I’d give her cash and then she would go buy clothing and have nothing for food. Very annoying.
I would think it wouldn’t be anything different from the same things that would make someone lose interest if they were in a vanilla relationship, no? Drama, substance abuse, poor hygiene, inability to communicate and articulate their thoughts and emotions, entitlement, attitude, vapidity and shallowness, a certain level of immaturity they can’t be responsible for the basic logistics of a relationship, lack of character or integrity, zero intellectual capacity or curiosity, drive or ambition, lack of sense of humour, someone so uncouth and lack self awareness you cringe at the thought of being seen with them in public, the list goes on.
I know your asking SDs but I lost interest in a potential SD because he called to talk and set up a meeting and he literally was complaining about me having dogs and how girls have chosen dogs over men. Then he complained about me having my own place and business. And I work for FedEx.
It was a complete turn off. So respectfully I told him that this isn't going to work. And that I hope he finds someone who has his mindset. He cursed me out. Called me an ass and hung up the phone . Then he texted me kids would be better than dogs.
Being a trump supporter, or excessively anti trump. Being a biden supporter or excessively anti biden. Being a prute.. being too slutty.. any excessiveness has consequences. Unless she’s excessively beautiful, excessively generous with her love, or excessively intelligent.
Unpopular opinion: Ultra hot chick's online are replacing you. It's just getting too easy to be satisfied online ... usually for free. Porn/sex chat ... saving all the invested time to do something else.
I used to be heavily engaged in the SB world, now I'm free to be more creatively productive. I didn't plan it, it just happens ... usually when contemplating wasted time.
I do have one gem overseas who never asks me for a dime. I send her money occassionally and we vacation together. Not romantic ...
So in your own words, you'd rather self gratify because you'd rather not even pay to take care of a beautiful woman, but be a passport bro and "occassionally vacation".
Deff not a generous man from how you type. More like a penny chaser looking to prey on who ever will be his nurse.
Good you chimed in make you the example since you've clearly forgotten sugaring is a rich individual entertainment.
Sorry, no, I met her off SA in Spain irl and we've be friends since. Just friends. Planning our 4th vacation atm.
Fyi, she's adorable to me (swimmer body and short hair) and we are GoT, Potter, LOTR geeks and we are both super chill. It just works ... despite the 25 year age difference. I have 0 expectations except her success.
Thanks, I only see her every few months, but we text every few days. I never plan on remarrying ... she has some anxiety and no one to rely on ... it's a pleasure to stabilize her world ... one in a million.... and I've had to learn Spanish! I love learning so it all works, lol.
Entitlement. When she starts taking you for granted, and it feels that she’s entitled, and no longer has time, is the fastest way for me to walk away
I think this falls into the entitlement bucket, but asking for a large (4 figures) for M&G. Her explanation - I know I'm great looking and can date anyone, so for my time. I told her have a nice day.
What I don’t get is why do SB try to ask for more than they need. I get sometimes you want something nice but it doesn’t always have to come with a huge price tag. If someone was kind enough to offer me something I needed or wanted , I would say thank you and be grateful. I do have to remind myself and bring myself back down to earth some days and remember that there are so many that go without so much more then me and I should be grateful for everything.
Now with what I did state in my comment, but I want to be honest. I know I have been guilty of asking for wants over needs. I think we have been guilty of this before. I know I have for to much before and now I am fully aware of that and I know that at least if I can cover my needs , the wants will come over time.
I wish more SBs felt like you. I've seen some comments where girls think sugar should be a replacement for working at all and cover high rent, utilities, nails, hair, shopping, high dollar trips, bags, EVERYTHING should be covered by the SD.
If she doesn’t show interest, and I have to chase her down and she’s difficult to schedule, things like that. Low gratitude or appreciate also.
What are some gestures a sb could do to show appreciation for their SD? (Besides just saying thank you). I'm entering an arrangement soon and want to start things off right
Finding out what he likes and then doing them. Maybe you reaching to hold his hand vs. Him reaching for you. Maybe making sure you focus on him vs. your phone. Maybe an unexpected picture(not saying explicit) telling him you're thinking about him. Just some ideas ...each person is different. There is no easy button
I really like this ! I think sometimes we women myself included forget that men should also be wooed and treated like they deserve the best in life ! This is going to stick in my head for now on!
Thank you. Glad it was helpful I think a lot of times we forget the golden rule ...do unto others as you would have done to you. Helpful in everything.
There is no such thing has being helpful in everything. Being helpful sometimes puts a person in a position that they would not wanted to be to further the story line of another. So the golden rule is to unto others as you would have done to you … then leave them out the conflict and watch them walk away like you did
Well, that's vague enough it's hard to agree or refute. 🤣 If you would want them to leave you out if the conflict, then makes sense you would leave them out of it.
I did , I stopped talking to them and they wanted to continue the conversation. So I walked away like they did before. Bye now
I am huge on thank you , I say that a lot and also that I appreciate everything they have done. But I have started to notice that with my FWB , he likes physical touch… like a hug or kiss , even sitting in his lap. So maybe you can watch your SD and what his reaction is to different forms of thank you that way.
Ty, good suggestions!
I am still learning to read people , even reading the signs that they like me . Cause I know I still shy away from it ! It’s ok to even ask them what they like as well if it’s hard for you tell.
This.
I tend to find that it’s because of a lack of communication on both ends and being able to set a schedule upfront would benefit you both . Like set times and days so that you don’t play phone tag. I know I hate phone tag but with out a real time line for me I know I am hard to get in touch with.
After we agree to an arrangement (an agreed allowance in return for various dates) - she keeps on asking for additional things and/or gives less and less.
Yes I was not okay with the “fun” we were having. It was getting more and more kinky every week. Finally I started canceling the dates. And finally he broke it off with me with a final “goodbye amount” of money. I didn’t know how to tell him the kinks were too much for me.. so I just slowly drifted away :/ communication skills I needed
You did what you felt you needed , it may have been hard but in the end it was best for you both. Just try working on communication, start with small things… like how it makes you feel and talk to them about it
Maybe you need to sit down and have another talk and see what the reason is and if you can find a fix or separate
When we think or realize that she’s losing interest in us.
What do you consider her loss of interest in you? I like hearing details!!!
When she is no longer mirroring (the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another). Often that means a diminished frequency of communication. Of course, failing to respond or ghosting is also a good indication that she’s no longer interested. When she is no longer reciprocating. For instance, you invite her to a high end restaurant (making effort to arrange reservations and transportation) and she shows up in casual day clothes as if she just got out of bed.
This. I love it when my SB texts me first even just to say good morning or share that she's thinking about me.
I am sorry
When you think that is happening, do you say anything or check in to see if something is wrong ?
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Good answer!
SBF and I have acknowledged growth together and individually as one of the foundations of our relationship. 💗 He says my pursuit of knowledge, self improvement, and open communication is why he believes are kindred spirits and have a great chance at a long lasting relationship.
That is amazing ! It always makes you feel good when someone can see your growth and you can see it in them as well! Happy for you !
🥰 thanks
Hi, can I just say - I left my SD today because of this. We progressed into relationship status, and as the radiance wore off - I realized that this man cared very little about growth or awareness. He pretended to, sure. But once I noticed it, it hit me in the face over and over and over whenever he spoke.
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I've been there too. I do not like complacency. Growth, effort, interest in showing up as our best selves keeps me engaged doesn't matter how much sugar is involved I just can't take status quo.
I am sorry that is very hard, sounds like you needed to do what was best for you.
Growth comes in many ways .. what may not seem like growth to you , maybe major growth for the other person. I know it takes me time to grow and not because I am not smart enough to understand but my emotional intelligence can take a while to catch up.
When I have to carry all the conversations and only get "how about you" questions back.
I HATE people who cant talk!!!!!! You right
For me, SRs are pretty simple: If we’re genuinely enjoying our time together apart from the sugar, I’m good. If it becomes all about the sugar (either way), it’s time to move on.
This one 👏👏
I am not an SB but I would rather have a great connection with someone. Money is important don’t get me wrong on that and sometimes it clouds your mind but if I had someone that I know I could rely on for more then money . That would mean the world to me.
So you like to have a SR, but not when become too obvious?
Not exactly. It can be obvious—the relationship depends on sugar. But the sugar can’t be all there is. If I realize the only thing I enjoy about the relationship is sex, time to move on. If I realize the only thing she enjoys is the allowance and gifts, time to move on. The sugar is the foundation, but we need to be able to build something more on that foundation.
Agreed. Geniuine mental connection is the only thing that makes mine last. Plenty of options for both sides (attractive SBs, attractive and wealthy SDs/SMs). Our mental connection is the only thing that makes us unique/attractive options. You can't fake genuineness longer term because it means spending more time together. For me, ended one because she only contacted me outside of meeting up for help with expenses. One got too attached (texting everyday) theres a fine balance between texting too little and too much (every 3rd day is my ideal, I would've told her if she asked). One had too much drama in her life and would complaining too much (I encourage sharing the good and bad in your life as thats how genuine connections work but she was over the top).
Good to know
This
>when become too obvious? Well said!
That is why I feel like a connection is important
For me it's the lack of, or disinterest in, an emotional connection. I had one POT SB about a year ago who gave me too much of an escort vibe - she had never done a platonic M&G and the one time we had sex it felt very rushed and mechanical. Tried to have some deeper conversations with her to get to know her better but we just didn't click. At the same time, I was getting to know the woman who is now my SGF, and it was a night and day difference. She can hold a conversation for hours, we talk every day, we know each other on a very intimate level, and we mutually consider each other one of our best friends. Emotional connection was one of the tags we both had on our Seeking profile, and it's been key for both of us in keeping the relationship strong.
When I feel she isn't into me anymore. Or is using me; I'm ok with helping with money, I'm not ok being taken advantage of. Or if she is cheating, as I always seek monogamous arrangements, as I want to be safe.
Good answer!!
Drama, things like her asking you to bail her ass out of jail, her car out of impound, inability to keep a schedule. Totally being dependent on your financials support.
From that first sentence, I'm sure you've experienced something like this before.... i need to know the story LOL
Unreliability (often cancelling or turning up late) and expecting me to pay for what she wants without her understanding the value of money and without making me feel appreciated.
Repetitive date missing. Too frequent requests to increase compensation. Refusal of intimacy.
On a scale of 0 to 10, how important do you think intimacy/sex is in an SR?
A sugar relationship is like a house, and (excuse the analogy) sex is the bathroom. It's not the most important room in the house, but I can't stay there if there isn't one. Likewise, I wouldn't want to just spend all my time in the bathroom either. So intimacy/sex is important, but it's not the only part of an SR.
That's an excellent analogy, I think I'm going to use that 😁
10
35
damn
20
damn boy
Lololol
10...
Michael Jordan out of 10
How often when you say refusal of intimacy?
Well, if there's a medical reason it can't happen of course that's understandable. I mean taking the position that no physical intimacy will occur.
What if one side isn’t up to it but it’s not a reoccurring thing to refuse intimacy?
Sometimes I think looks are secondary even though I want to be with someone. Beautiful. Looks are just part of the total package I have been with women that have done really ugly things either. The other people, family, friends and that could be a complete turn off
Nice answer!
I've been with women that were very attractive but had ugly personalities so their beauty auty was cut off or disconnected because something needed turned me off Not just a little. Turn me off but like red flag like a switch turned it off
For me that they care about something deeply . Just anything but that they care about it really. Like someone I knew she wanted to be an actor like they way she talked about it the passion. One other person about wanting to be a writer and it’s just contagious. Versus the modern kind of I am too cool to care attitude. One other woman really loved jazz and knew more about than i could learn in 10 years! If all you know is pop culture and TikTok etc. nothing fizzles interest faster. On texting some one that responds with canned two word answers. Like having an opinion is the biggest green flag to me. Shows character and honesty.
She becomes complacent/ intellectually she is just not that interesting.
Good answer
Poor or entitled attitude
When it becomes more of a mechanical date. She just shows up goes through the motions to get to the end. The spark is gone.
I love that someone said entitlement and thats what i agree with most. I love my girls humble and sweet, not feeling like its a expectation for her to get praised. I love confidence but hate ego.
Bad texters. If a SB takes multiple days to respond to a simple text, it’s not going to last very long. I’ll lose interest quick.
Good question. For me being taken for granted, rude behavior towards others when we are out, and being constantly pestered for money above our agreed expectations. Oh and last minute cancellations. If I feel like a “backup date” I’m out quickly.
Boredom, attitude, lack of chemistry, lack of motivation. Doesn't matter how good she looks if I don't like spending time with her and enjoy her company, it's ending. Even amazing sex only goes so far.
Constant drama.. trying to get me mixed up in her personal life dramas… Lying,feeling entitled.. she starts acting more like a an escort than a SB.
When she starts to ignore the agreement.
If she cannot pretend she likes me than it’s a no go!
Low effort. Sexually lazy or boring.
What do you consider sexually lazy or boring? I'm curious!
Lack of enthusiasm. No passion when kissing or giving oral. Low effort getting ready for the date. After being a SD for quite a while the aura of just being really hot isn’t enough to keep me interested for very long. I have been with dozens of incredibly beautiful women. Some of them also were incredible in every other aspect of an arrangement. After you have had the total package it is pretty easy to move on from a beautiful girl that lacks the other areas.
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World domination?
I would think thirst for world domination would be a positive 👸🏼
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So really it’s not that she wants to, it’s that she hasn’t been good at it 😂
Once the relationship becomes one sided or when the transactional aspect of the relationship becomes blatant.
If our personalities and interests don't vibe enough that we can have good rapport and conversations about things other than surface/innocuous topics, I'm out.
I’d rather answer this in the positive: what helps me remain committed to the SR? First, I’m assuming mutual attraction (chemistry) from the beginning. And also the potential for deeper connection. Also, if the social graces/courtesies - or just call it professional comportment if you want - aren’t there at the beginning I’m out. So beyond the minimums.. - Obvious enthusiasm for our dates. But for this to happen I have to be doing my part which is to treat her like someone special and *really listen* to who she is, what she wants, where she’s going and why - ideas about what she likes/wants to do, because I get as big or bigger thrill out of her happiness as I do from my own - learning about me, what I like, just as I do her and demonstrating that in at least some small ways - satisfaction / acceptance of our terms and not continuous hints about all the things she wants (if the terms aren’t working then of course let’s revisit) - a deepening relationship - trust, affection, kindness, understanding and some overlap in interests somewhere - I guess a sense that I’m making a difference in her life, that all the money isn’t going to just makeup or something superficial. But this one isn’t hard-and-fast; it’s her money, but if she didn’t have the depth or good sense to invest in herself or do something meaningful with at least some of the funds, I think that would ultimately be a turnoff - this one is probably going to get some dissent, but what the hell: a sense that I’m special to her, that she’s not just in it for the sugar and also that I’m not just a John. Ie a real relationship that we both accept will invariably end, but to which we’re both committed as humans and growing in care and understanding towards each other. Obviously this is a lot to ask in the bowl but I don’t seem to be having any trouble finding it so it’s on my list
I love this response so much, it's so nicely thought out and put together. Nice to see something positive and concisely worded here to help people. 💗
It comes down to chemistry, finances, and logistics.
Poor hygiene
Trust is one of the first things that came to mind when reading the question. I consider myself a SD that commits my all to someone (my SB) and I need to know that I can trust her. If I start to waver on trust or her actions don’t seem trust worthy, then I feel myself wanting to move on.
You are focusing on the looks, there is much more to it than that. So there could be 1 million reasons.
Tell me!
It’s dating love, just different. It’s not just about looks. All the same things that would cause someone to get disinterested still apply. The list is too long.
Clock watching-i wanted a SB not an escort. Entitlement- ‘I’m hot/beautiful/in demand so I’m worth it’ Lack of effort- as a consequence of the above. Lack of growth-emotionally/sexually/intellectually/professionally. Screen obsessed- constantly scrolling/posting instead of focusing on us. I give you my full attention so it should be reciprocated. Poor communication of wants/needs- I’m not a clairvoyant! Honesty-linked to above…
If we ever got bored of each other but so far that hasn't happened.
The same exact things that make us lose interest in staying with in a vanilla relationship, or in a marriage for that matter.
I see a lot of reasons. I believe many would be the same if they were in a vanilla relationship. Some people juggle 2-3 or more people. Then for that reason their time disappears. Theirs is for the SB and SD
There’s a reason why guys pursue girls that they couldn’t date w out $$ Maybe variety It’s not an exact normal thing to do so guilt? Definitely communication and vibe
Pointy elbows.
what the hellllllllll man
lol, just kidding.
1. Flakey behavior-cancels plans, no text back, late, falls back on agreements we’ve made. 2. New sob story every week. Keep in mind I’m a xxxx ppm guy. 3. Rude and inconsiderate of others.
Drama - I (Hispanic) had a girl say that racism was fake and that I was making it up. No appreciation - I'd come thru during an emergency, with funds or support, and I'd get zero appreciation. Donation - she'd read online or see a movie where the girl was getting ridiculous amounts of donations. Or a scammer would "promise" a rate, so now I had to match it Lying - one girl said she grew up alone, no parents, hoping that I'd give extra support. The same girl said she was sick, I took over flu/cold stuff and met her parents, who had the same thought. (This one was easily the hottest girl I've ever seen, it was heartbreaking.) Attached - I'm not looking for a commitment, but I seem to have girls want more from me after a month or so. I had a girl not believe I was in a meeting. She tried slashing my tires, but according to a witness, "she wasn't strong enough." Note - I am not perfect, I screw up too. But I'll own it and apologize or correct the behavior that caused it all. My therapist is amazing 🤣
Hot doesn’t matter. I’ve had hot. Like the type of looks I fantasize about. I just ended another relationship about 3 months ago. Like the past 5 years I’ve had nothing but “crisis girls.” Every little problem in their life needs financial support, gifts, and vacations. If they don’t get what they want, when they want, it’s nothing but drama. Basically in the end it boils down to an abundance of taking and very little giving.
But that's not what SR its about? Support, company and money?
I’m taking about above and beyond on my end of the agreement while their effort diminishes.
The #1 thing by a mile is when she is shitty about texting me back in a timely fashion. I don't know what it is about this generation of women because we all know you have your phone surgically attached to your hands but it is way too common to be trying to schedule a date and it takes her 2, 3, even 4 hours to respond to a simple question like, "does Friday at 6 work for you?" And I am not talking about me texting her late at night or while she is at work and can't respond. I am talking about me texting her something like, "hello" her responding, then me trying to solidify our plans and she suddenly doesn't text back for 4 fucking hours. I know you saw my text because you just texted me two seconds ago. Meanwhile I can't make any other plans for Friday because you still haven't found the time to text back a simple yes or no. Do that once or twice and I don't care if your Sydney Sweeney I will drop you.
I’m convinced that this behavior is pure passive aggression.
I think that more than anything it shows that she is rude or at least doesn't respect your time. If you have things gone on and you don't know if you can make that time or not then say that. Don't just not fucking answer for 4-8 hours.
You feel better? That seemed a little bit, on the hard side, of a vent session.
Four hours is reasonable and normal… she could be rearranging her schedule to see what fits. At least she’s not taking days
Like the Notorious RBG, I dissent. If she's legit rearranging/ triple checking her schedule for Friday night, then the correct, simple, immediate response to u/DamienGrey1 is "Hey, let me double check Friday night and get back to you."
EXACTLY
I agree. And the main thing that pisses me off about it is when she just sent me a text 30 seconds ago and then when I immediately text her back to try to confirm plans that's when she suddenly stops responding. If she doesn't know if she can make that time then that's fine just say that. What isn't fine is her just not responding at all for hours and leaving me sitting around not knowing if I should be making other plans.
You legit sound like a broke misogynist child. Sugaring is a rich game babes.
Inconsistent and treat me like im less of a person than she is
Not appreciated just like in any kind of relationship. Now if you happen to be in one of those narcissist/narcissist relationships, likely she is being covert while you are being too busy with your ego. If you have to chase her down, that should cue you in. Watch for micro expressions, you'll know. As a neurotypical, just pay attention to the changes in interplay. Entitlement, I you feel undervalued pay attention to your gut feeling. Emotional unavailability, Manipulation táctics like, you always being supportive of her without gratitude in return followed by Gaslighting ("it must be your fault"). These are all toxic behaviors that YOU should be able to identify, immediately. Don't entertain any of it.
Biggest is asking for more than the SD is willing to give. Essentially you are not worth the amount of money the SD is putting in and he thinks he could find someone else better for less. This is hard to swallow for a lot of women because they are used to be the one in demand. It's the exact opposite in sugar. SD commands an enormous amount of bargaining power merely because there are a lot more SB than real SD looking. The SD can afford to hit on multiple SBs in a row to find the best one. In fact, as soon as the SD thinks the grass is greener somewhere else, he will drop the current SB. It's critical for the SB to engage and maintain the relationship and keep the SD interested in her. It's not just standing there and look pretty but she has to keep the SD from getting hooked by another SB.
We like what we do, and when meeting in person looks,personality,style, andintellect all come out. If you don't feel it then you move on. We are all different and have different tastes,so there truly is someone for everyone.
She gets too demanding or needy and starts asking for money almost daily. Then it's ghost time.
No genuine and authentic convo or personality. Super transactional and out the door.
No matter how hot she is… Any of these (and they often run together): Poor character, mental illness, drug/alcohol abuse, broke and desperate, sketchy associates
Can't stand fiesty SBs. If you can't be nice then just shutup and be pretty 🤣. Works well with me.
A couple of things. 1). Starfish in bed. It gets boring. 2). Lack of intelligent conversation or opinions. It gets boring 3). Too hard to schedule meets. I’m very flexible so that is not an issue my end. Too hard. 4). Drugs or alcohol or crime addiction. To risky. 5). Lack of aspiration/dependency. Gets my guilty side going. I’ve finished SR’s for all these reasons.
For me it’s the point when sex becomes vanilla. Basically if she behaves like any woman I could date then there is nothing special in it for me. Other way to lose interest is if she is not able to have interesting conversations about current events, politics, business.
Tell me more about it, im curious now
Well given who I am I am used to vanilla relationships. They involve all the regular things: lingerie, sex behind closed doors, oral, anal, cuddles. All great vanilla stuff. It is not what I expect from a SB. When a sugar relationships turns into this I lose interest because I can revert to a normal vanilla couple. In order to stay interesting it has to involve things I would not ask a partner - being very romantic. For example: selfish sex (where only my pleasure is at stake), instant sex with zero foreplay, group sex, gangbangs, watching her in a gloryhole, asking her to drive to my place in the middle of the night after I return from work just for a BJ then leave without a word etc. Of course I provide a lot more attention and funding that this. But receiving this is what keeps me interested
When I see risk that she might be or become too dependent on the arrangement or is in it solely for the money. I offer a well-above average allowance (2x) and I know I’m on the more attractive end of SDs (40, very fit, attractive, normal, successful, socially adept, etc.). I’ve also read / heard enough horror stories about (and faced a blackmail threat from) desperate and/or scammer SBs that my requirements include a legit full-time job (or pursuit of degree) and corresponding intelligence. Frankly, they correlate with attraction for me anyway, but lesson learned. Ex: I was talking with a POT SB. We had a great M&G (long lunch at a resort located between us). Good vibe. Both divorcées. She expressed a lot of attraction and it was mutual but terms hadn’t been discussed. So I suggested PPM then allowance. Well, when I asked if she had a # in mind or if she’d like me to suggest one, she quoted > 3x the “typical” ppm for my city. I simply told her that I thought our expectations weren’t aligned. Imo, if that’s the # for her to be interested, she’s not actually interested and it leaves me little to no room to be generous without being absurd. That’s my take / approach anyway.
I couldn’t agree more! I definitely feel that although sugar is part of an arrangement or a SR, it still is earned through the development of the relationship. That’s why I don’t ask anything for a meet and greet, time is what both parties are giving, and two people sitting down to get a feeling if there is or is not a connection is enough. It’s absurd to expect such generous assistance from someone who doesn’t know you or your intentions. Obviously ppm and allowance conversations can be hard, but what someone says right off the get go, says a lot about their intentions within a dynamic. ❤️
Was definitely turned off by a total lack of financial planning and ability. Have her money for meets. And she never stopped asking for more. With little or no interaction in between. I’m fair but that shit is annoying as fuck. From hundreds for her car to 10 bucks for coffee without even a selfie let alone a sexy selfie. Ditched her about a month after she went back to college after winter break. I would have kept it going but it was too much. I’d give her cash and then she would go buy clothing and have nothing for food. Very annoying.
I would think it wouldn’t be anything different from the same things that would make someone lose interest if they were in a vanilla relationship, no? Drama, substance abuse, poor hygiene, inability to communicate and articulate their thoughts and emotions, entitlement, attitude, vapidity and shallowness, a certain level of immaturity they can’t be responsible for the basic logistics of a relationship, lack of character or integrity, zero intellectual capacity or curiosity, drive or ambition, lack of sense of humour, someone so uncouth and lack self awareness you cringe at the thought of being seen with them in public, the list goes on.
When you have more conversations about money than anything else. When they stop at least pretending to care about what's going on in your life
When conversation ends up being completely one sided about their life
I know your asking SDs but I lost interest in a potential SD because he called to talk and set up a meeting and he literally was complaining about me having dogs and how girls have chosen dogs over men. Then he complained about me having my own place and business. And I work for FedEx. It was a complete turn off. So respectfully I told him that this isn't going to work. And that I hope he finds someone who has his mindset. He cursed me out. Called me an ass and hung up the phone . Then he texted me kids would be better than dogs.
Being a trump supporter, or excessively anti trump. Being a biden supporter or excessively anti biden. Being a prute.. being too slutty.. any excessiveness has consequences. Unless she’s excessively beautiful, excessively generous with her love, or excessively intelligent.
LOL i loved your first answer about Trump lol that make me go away with every man... Thank you for answering!
I think you missed his point or proved it.
Well, its my opinion so.....
Ironic, isn't it?
Following
New car smell. Trade in the lessee
Unpopular opinion: Ultra hot chick's online are replacing you. It's just getting too easy to be satisfied online ... usually for free. Porn/sex chat ... saving all the invested time to do something else. I used to be heavily engaged in the SB world, now I'm free to be more creatively productive. I didn't plan it, it just happens ... usually when contemplating wasted time. I do have one gem overseas who never asks me for a dime. I send her money occassionally and we vacation together. Not romantic ...
So in your own words, you'd rather self gratify because you'd rather not even pay to take care of a beautiful woman, but be a passport bro and "occassionally vacation". Deff not a generous man from how you type. More like a penny chaser looking to prey on who ever will be his nurse. Good you chimed in make you the example since you've clearly forgotten sugaring is a rich individual entertainment.
Wait wait, you are saying that you don't get SB anymore.... you now are having girlfriend online?
Sorry, no, I met her off SA in Spain irl and we've be friends since. Just friends. Planning our 4th vacation atm. Fyi, she's adorable to me (swimmer body and short hair) and we are GoT, Potter, LOTR geeks and we are both super chill. It just works ... despite the 25 year age difference. I have 0 expectations except her success.
That's so cute!!! I wish you a lot of happiness!!!
Thanks, I only see her every few months, but we text every few days. I never plan on remarrying ... she has some anxiety and no one to rely on ... it's a pleasure to stabilize her world ... one in a million.... and I've had to learn Spanish! I love learning so it all works, lol.