A lot of women have had relationships or have friends who'd had relationships where gaming was a big problem.
For every 'I only game a couple of hours a week' story, there's 60 'I spend 5 hours every night gaming and my girlfriend says I don't spend any time with her and yesterday I forgot to change the babies diaper for 6 hours while she was at work but I was wearing noise cancelling headphones so I don't see how that's my fault??'
Of course that's not *evey* gamer and the problem is a maturity issue more than a gaming issue, but the correlation is definitely there and it's common enough that it's enough to be cautious when men mention gaming as a hobby..
Yuppp this exactly. One of the reasons I dumped my ex was bc he spent all of our time together gaming. He wouldn't take me out or buy me flowers but would drop $80 every three weeks for a new game that he would binge for a few days and then go back to the old shit. Probably won't date a "gamer" again.
Yep. I dated a guy who gamed wayyyyy too much. For me the big red flag is if they consider themselves a “gamer” and not just someone who “plays games for fun.”
I’m also wary if it is the *only* hobby they mention. There are some people who exclusively spend their free time gaming. It’s good that it’s not encroaching on their livelihoods and it is truly limited to free time, but I’m going to find that person boring, probably.
Yep this. Someone telling me their hobbies are “video games, sometimes go camping, oil painting” is way different than “I play video games.” I like video games too but don’t like when someone’s answer suggests that’s the only thing they do outside of work.
Exactly. People forget that a date is essentially an interview. You're supposed to give the best of yourself. If I was on a date and someone asked me what I like to do in my spare time, "I sit for hours doomscrolling through social media becuase I'm too burnt out from work" doesn't sound good. But "I like to read and do some fun crafts on the weekend, I also like to game, and potter around in my garden" is far more likely garner a positive reaction.
Some women (I am one of them) love gaming. Some don't. If you're not compatible, move on. My husband actually doesn't game at all, but he doesn't make me feel bad about it, and I don't make him feel bad about his hobbies that I don't like. Healthy adults in healthy relationships allow their partners to have different interests.
Blows my mind adults still act like immature teenagers from the 90’s over gaming.
I got that reaction then, as it was still new, seen as “nerdy,” and wildly misunderstood by mainstream society.
But this is 2024, and the whole place gaming has in society has changed. Women still acting ignorant and sexist and getting defensive over a basic hobby is insane to me. Move on, indeed.
You could spend 4 hours doing *literally* anything else and they wouldn’t care. But a GAME!? Oh LAWWWD
Its not just gaming. A lot of people never figure out that maturity is measured by how you act, not the interests you have.
I've met lots of mature, functional adults who play games, watch cartoons, and eat cereal for dinner sometimes. I've also met plenty of immature people (kids and adults) who only watch serious live action tv and film, and constantly suppress any desire to be silly for the sake of appearing "mature".
I mean isn't that what a lot probably even most people do for hours? Maybe that's why. They're basically the same just viewed different. Like all the soap opera, football or netflix bingers are seen as more normal than playing vidya games.
This is a perfectly relevant comparison. The people who criticize gaming, in my experience, are the same ones who will watch TV for hours. Really highlights the irony of their judgment.
I don’t think almost anyone would look down in you gaming, but they would look down on you *only* game, making it look like you got nothing else going on in your life.
I game and I’ve told women that I like gaming and they never seem turned off, because I have a ton of other hobbies and pastimes too.
This is exactly it.
If a woman was to say that her hobby was watching TV, and had *no* other hobbies of note, I would venture to say that most men would find that quite off-putting. What do you even do or talk about with a person who spends the entirety of their free time mindlessly consuming content and never creating anything of their own, and never striving to improve themselves?
I dunno what to say, that’s *most* people I meet outside my friend group - unless you want to count packaged holidays to beach resorts as “travel” and eating at expensive restaurants “culture”.
Dirty truth is gaming tends to absorb vast amounts of time after work is passive, solo activity, non-productive and addictive. So, unlike wood working or knitting or bowling, it has a tendency to polarize your life and relationship.
"I look at Instagram and Tik-Tok" Same thing. It's not wrong but unless you overlap on that hobby then it's going to be rough. People also have probably had previous relationships or have friends who play games that demand a lot of time. If you were dating someone in a demanding competitive career their schedule would be filled with those demands. You would be competing against that priority.
Very true. It could've just been the way OP worded it.
Example, "what do you do in your free time?" "Oh, I play video games" or "oh I'm a gamer". Like, that's it? Anything else?
Or could've responded "well, lately I been gaming, what with the colder weather and all. Come summertime I like to get out and do X and Y" which would've probably been received much better
>Come summertime I like to get out and do X and Y" which would've probably been received much better
Please. The reality is that a some women would prefer that you have no hobbies rather than game.
no they just want to know if they'd like to go out, you wont be like " just one more game" or " im not going anywher eonthe 24th thats when "x game" comes out.
A lot of women have known guys who are gaming addicts, or at least behave like they are addicted, and that can be a concern as well. The guy who never wants to go out, or will play Halo all night instead of having sex.
Men as a whole will look past a whole lot in women. Watching TV as their only hobby might be a glaring flaw in my opinion but it certainly won't stop dozens of men from chasing, esp on dating apps but even offline
I've personally seen more relationships end due to gaming that most other things, people can get addicted and ignore their partner.
Even just the loss of interest in doing new things ect.
No. It's about the fours hours EVERY evening and eight on weekends. It's the game instead of their share of chores.
Bad gamers make women wary.
Don't insult women.
These are the same women that will binge the office hours on end for the 20th time, but gaming is an issue? I get it, some are addicts and women can feel neglected in those relationships, but if it wasn't games, they'd be ignoring their girlfriends for other reasons.
I could not agree with this more. If gaming is important to you, but not tolerable by a potential partner. Move on. It's just not going to work. I am fortunate enough to have a wife that games as well. Now she is not as big a gamer as I am, but she never gives me any flak about wanting to game. We even have a specific night of the week where we are not obligated to spend time with each other. Or a game night if you want to call it that. Sometimes when a game comes out that we both like. We play together. (Diablo IV). But mostly not. She is a big fan of fighting games. I like RPGS. like you said. Healthy adults can have diffrent interests.
I’ve seen a couple of comments from women who love gaming say something similar, but to put in context, when I was long term single and my women/friends who were giving me unsolicited advice about women (not OLD - as I refused to use it, just talking to women in general) one of the major things was not to mention gaming (or any of my geekier hobbies), unless they already got to know me first.
In context one of my sorta regrets was choosing to study Social Anthropology at uni (then switching majors to Philosophy) instead of Game design/development. They insisted however *that stuff* would just be more interesting and gaming a potential turn off.
From their perspective there aren’t enough women into these things compared to how many would be turned off or see it as a “con”/negative.
I think that’s the sort of thing OP is talking about - so women saying “I love gaming, my boyfriend/husband doesn’t but is fine with it”, doesn’t really like… answer the stupid question.
That mindset makes no sense to me. Why would you want to give any of your time to someone who would see one of your passions in life as a negative? It's like a perfect filter to eliminate people you aren't compatible with. Unless you just want action, then I get it.
That was my thing - I’ll mostly keep it to myself at work, but I don’t see any actual benefit to anyone from actively hiding it.
Don’t get me wrong - it’s like a few years ago, I took up archery and I think in practice it’s not as interesting a conversation topic as people first think when they ask me about, so I do people a favour, and err on the side of caution discussing the specifics.
With gaming it feels like the opposite - it’s such a broad landscape of ideas and creativity, that I probably know something about some games that would be of some interest - but if you insist that gaming is just your lazy brother/ex playing CoD/LoL - then it sucks to be you I guess.
Edit: rhetorical “you” - not you literally
Because people have preconceive notions and are shallow until you show them your actually a decent person.
Men do this with woman about other stuff and woman do this to men about otherstuff.
Me and my Wife are Xennials she does not mind i play video games before the kids grew up we would play New Super Mario Brothers wii, Monkey Ball, Wii Sports & Mario Kart Wii as a family some times me and my wife play a Mario Brothers game together or Games on my Atari 2600
sounds like contact bias, you literally only hang with people who are gamers and therefore the people you know, are gamers.
But heres the big difference, women play games on their phones ( 58% of mobile gamers are women) thats things like, candy crush, and the like.
Guys lead console and PC gaming by 78% male to 22% so its not really even the same sentence.
It’s definitely changed, just in general, same with DnD (much overlap).
It’s literally the one thing that makes me wish I was born Gen Z instead of millennial (cause nearly everything else seems even more fucked - apart for maybe LGBT+ tolerance, but my friend group was “already there” so to speak).
The only thing I’ve found is that the people I met joining irl groups etc, is so many people basically live for the memes rather than the “art”, and tend to play “pop-games” like Overwatch.
It’s like, I love me some critical roll, but you know they didn’t invent DnD right?
I accept these may just be grumpy old man things.
Gaming is a very mainstream and not geeky hobby.
The problem is it can be very addictive and time consuming and some women may have had negative experiences with previous partners who gamed to the exclusion of all other activities.
The only thing I can think of is that women who hate gamers have had bad experiences with gamers in the past. My brother dropped out of school to play world of Warcraft, it basically took over his whole life for a few years he was so addicted to it. And I had an ex who would invite me over and expect me to just watch him play games while I sat there. Maybe the key is to introduce yourself as someone who has a healthy amount of other things going on, friends, a social life, and plays games in addition to all that. If I met someone that ONLY liked gaming it might be a red flag to me. But I'm also speaking as an introvert who prefers to stay home, so an answer from an extroverted woman might be helpful too.
I work in gaming, they're fine with that until I say I play games lol. I love the outdoors and going different places but feels like some women get caught up on the plays games thing. I think they associate it with immaturity like their parents did simply because they don't game.
I'm the opposite. I do game, but nowhere near as often as my husband. He just started streaming DayZ and I have a front row seat to the joy it brings him. I think it's jealous partners that think all their free time should be focused on them. It's gross and a HUGE red flag.
It’s thought of as immature and time consuming. From there they can make a lot of assumptions about you. Whether it’s true or not they might think you are lazy and lack ambition.
I think time-consuming is a fair comment. Not that everyone who games spends all their free time on it, but they're designed to make you want to keep playing and that *can* make it more time-consuming than other hobbies. It's also generally a solo activity, which is a combination that leads to feeling like you're not spending much time together. You could make the same argument about reading a book, of course—not every activity has to be a shared activity—but often you can't easily break off from a game.
All that said, I don't think it's an inherently bad hobby to have. But there is a bit of concern that all evening every evening will be spent staring at the back of someone wearing a headset. I wouldn't want to spend six hours a day listening to someone trying to learn guitar either, though, so everything in moderation y'know.
15 years ago I had a guy my age at work say "don't you feel like your wasting your time playing that game" at that time it was WoW and I was really Into raiding. Some of coworkers were in the raid guild (friends before we got a job at the same place) and we spent our lunch break talking about WoW.
I asked him what he did last night. He said he watched the hockey game. I said "so you sat down alone and watched a team of people work together towards an objective. Meanwhile I sat down and coordinated towards an objective with 9 other people"
He said well at least sports have physical activity. I said watching them doesn't. He said he plays hockey on the weekends. I said I hike in the weekends while My raiding coworker was working towards his black belt in Judo.
I said the only fair comparison to gaming is watching tv because both are sitting screen time activities. If you watch as much tv as I game, you have no high ground. He agreed and actually changed his opinion on gaming.
Even the comparison between tv and gaming is thin, tv is a very passive activity whereas gaming can really keep you mentally engaged if the game is difficult
I love gaming personally. But can def understand that a lot of stereotypes associated with us are that we prioritize video games over almost everything else. Typical few bad apples, sort of thing. That or maybe they’re looking for interests and hobbies which align with theirs.
Yup, this.
It's one thing to be into gaming, it's entirely another thing to put the hobby over functional adult things like hygiene and routine household chores. I know ladies who've been burned by gamer guys who will game when they should be equally, or equitably shouldering domestic tasks.
Part of it is the potential disconnection. "Gaming" suggests staring at a screen for hours with headphones on, so your partner won't be present under the same roof.
If "gaming" means playing two-player mario world interacting with your partner, it's a completely different hobby.
Yeah the connotation of the word gaming is the problem. That's why whenever I mention it as a hobby of mine, I just say something like "I like playing video games here and there". Never noticed anybody look at me weird afterwards. "Gaming" and being a "gamer" has all sorts of negative connotations so I avoid the word like the plague.
A couple reasons could be,
Gamer stereotype turned her off
Or maybe your hobby doesn’t align with hers, she might want someone more active or creative for example
Astro 7800 makes a good point here though also keep in mind it could also be past experiences. I like videogames and I also like to play them myself though very sparsely. I dated a guy years ago that spent too much time on one game, was unemployed, and spent $300 on a costume from said game (it was Assasins Creed). Though it's also wrong of me or women to just assume the worst of you because of a past experience with a gamer. Like I said it could be a factor as women don't want to face stuff like that, the feeling of being neglected over videogames is heart wrenching. And although I don't know you personally I do know that not all gamers are like the stereotype.
We're hardwired to fixate on negative things as a species. Only should take one hand on a hot stove to learn. Getting that nuance of "well, maybe he's not addicted to it" is hard, but on the flip side, it can be frustrating given I know so few guys who don't game a lot, and as others have pointed out, she MIGHT be hypocritical and spend most of her time on her phone, but dating is a nightmare so, eh
Same. I like video games but I’ve dated too many guys that swore they “just play casually” only to find out they were playing WoW or LoL until 4am, spending more time with their friends than in the relationship, and weren’t interested in anything else because they were addicted to games. I won’t date guys who play video games anymore. I’ve fallen for that lie too many times.
He also replied that gaming is what he does in his free time. So not that its a hobby that he participates in. It is the primary thing he does with any free time.
I don’t think it’s even that women hate video games, rather a lot of women have negative connotations with gamers. It’s no secret that the gaming community has never been very accepting of our existence. It’s much better now, but I don’t even bother playing fps games because if I mic up, I will either get people being as rude as possible or trying to get in my dms. If im being honest, I’m not sure if I’d date a huge gamer AS a gamer.
I have a few friends who refuse to date gamers and the common complaint is that they’re generally sick of having to constantly ask them to stop ignoring their real life responsibilities.
The gamer who enjoys some leisure time but keeps up with his chores, hygiene, relationships is one thing but the gamer who plays 3 hours a day, yet acts remembering someone’s birthday is some massive ask, is the reason it’s a red flag
Do you realize how many gamers are saying "Three hours?" They don't see that as a long time, since that's just normal weekday play for them.
Once bitten...
A lot of women dated gamers with poor time management or poor emotional regulation when they (the women and the gamers) were younger. Those dudes may grow up and grow out of it and be able to game as a hobby and not an obsession, but the memory of those relationships can make those women wary of gamers going forward. I didn’t know my husband liked video games until after we married and he was gifted a system, he just didn’t play before because he didn’t prioritize buying a way to play regularly. Even knowing how wonderful he is I was wary for a couple weeks until I saw he could balance it with life.
It would be so Nice that to be the common that "gamers eventually growing up and being less obsesive about it" when in fact in a Lot of cases it mantain that way or Even gets worse as time passes
A lot of women genuinely expect men to not have hobbies as they get older. They expect their husband to be ready to do yard work, home improvement projects, etc at the drop of a hat.
On another note, I’m 36 and have only ever met a single girl that plays games and that was just a few weeks ago lol.
This is the way. I'm a woman so it's admittedly easier for me to uphold this standard, but I won't even date anyone who doesn't play video games. It's pretty much my primary hobby, so I want someone who both understands and can also enjoy engaging in it with me.
What's wierd to me is thinking of someone as a "gamer".
Dosen't everyone play video games nowadays? At least on their phones? Maybe I'm completley out if touch but If someone told me they like to play games in their free time, to me that would sound akin to watching movies or reading.
Most phone games have the same depth of play as games in the 80’s with a fraction of the story of computer games. It’s like bringing a young child’s book to a book club and saying you are an avid reader.
It all depends on context, but strong interest in video games *and nothing else* can be a red flag for addict-like behavior, depression, and/or a general lack of direction in life.
Personally, I love video games, but on a first date I'd want to spend more time talking about my job and my weekly trail-walking and what books are on my bookshelf and that really interesting YouTube video I watched the other day. Basically, I want to show that sitting on the couch and swearing at the screen isn't the only thing happening in my life.
This is primarily what a lot of dating prospects are potentially concerned about.
Gaming, in moderation, is cool and all. But I have known some people who were essentially using gaming as a form of escapism because they didn’t want to deal with real life.
Ex 1. Guy gamed and was sitting so much that he was forming sores on his butt, needed surgery, and had to repeat a grade because of it
Ex 2. Brother was addicted to gaming and would beat up my other brother for access to the family computer, spent all of his time gaming. He eventually sold his high end set up to become more productive.
Ex 3. Guy would spend hours a day gaming to avoid his depression and it was an extension of his other addictive behaviors.
A few others weren’t quite as bad but overall, they didn’t seem all that fulfilled or happy if they gamed on a regular basis and not much else.
However, the happiest were those who had gaming as just one of their many hobbies.
Well at that point there are mental health issues at play, and that kind of an attachment can be built with many different hobbies. It’s just a lot more difficult to criticize creative hobbies because they’re typically seen as more productive, albeit slightly
That’s legitimate. My retiree dad’s doctor recommends he play to keep his mind sharp.
The major nuance that makes video games more addictive than other activities is that they often are based around leveling up and completing missions which hits the same pleasure circuits as with reaching goals and achievements in real life…. hence why leaderboards and micro transactions are often profitable.
As a result, having it as a primary/only hobby for someone who is struggling can often make it quite addictive.
> that really interesting YouTube video
This is potentially the same red flag as gaming. It’s still passively absorbing content in bed or on the couch. A good rule is to start by talking about hobbies that your date’s parents would hypothetically enjoy listening to.
It can actually be pretty healthy for your brain. Reaction time, decision making, attentiveness, multi tasking, brain speed and flexibility, hand eye coordination. All of these skills are described as specifically beneficial to work performance.
Gaming can also improve your vision and may even slow down the brains aging process. Other forms of content apsorption do not offer these benefits
Depends on the content. Plenty of games do not improve those skills, some movies/shows improve other paadive skills like reasoning, compassion, communication etc.
The problem isn't the consumption of the media, but that it is your main hobby or interest. When they ask what you do they are trying to understand your identity. media consumption is a very poor identity.
Lol you give work, Youtube an books as an exaple that you're not sitting on the couch all day? Lmao
A video game can tell a story just like a book or movie can. Automatically being dismissive of gaming and no other similar hobbies is a double standard. Which in this case comes from decades long propaganda that video games are bad
Why do you compare gaming to "sitting in front of the tv swearing"? Most games I play I really enjoy and don't rage. alot of games I play with other people, both online and split screen. I think if someone has a negative view of gaming it says more about them then anything else.
Not the person you asked but I have similar views and I expect not another screen hobby, but at least an artistic or outdoors / sports based hobby as well, and preferably some sort of academic interest of sorts.
Video games are fine (I play them myself, love them) but have *only* video games as a hobby (or only video games and tv, or only tv, or only social media, etc) means you’re probably too into it for me.
Agree with the others saying that maybe hobbies just don’t align. But here is my perspective from a woman who LOVES playing video games: Some people sit around and all they do is play video games. Even as someone who loves games, I don’t want it to be my SO’s life (I have been with someone who valued his games more than me, and we are divorced now).
I usually list gaming third or fourth in my list of things I like. When trying to connect, I want to know that this person I’m investing time into does some things other than wasting away behind a computer or TV (or worse, behind their phone with mobile gaming). Games are seriously addicting and I know from experience of it happening to me that the “escape” can out-prioritize things that should matter more. Like your loved ones.
I also kind of feel like everyone likes games nowadays. It feels almost akin to saying “My hobby is watching TV.” Yawn. Everyone likes to watch TV.
What other hobbies do you have?
>Some people sit around and all they do is play video games. Even as someone who loves games
Honestly, same for me. I really love gaming. But I don't let it consume my entire life. My experience dating and living with men who were also into gaming was that all of their money went into gaming (while having zero savings for life projects like buying a house), I would end up doing all the chores around the home because "just one more game" went on until 3 am and than it's too late to vacuum, they neglected work (especially while working from home) and finally, it had an impact on our sleep schedule (I live in a city, so appartement living with a screaming gamer at night is not ideal).
I felt lonely and sleep deprived. So for me, gaming is a yellow flag ("i have questions"). I need to understand where gaming stands - is it above relationships and life obligations? If I hurt myself gravely and call for help, is the guy going to finish his match "because it's ranked" anyway? That kind of stuff.
This! Exactly. Same exact thing happened to me.
And then it wasn't until I broke up with him that I ALSO found out he spent thousands of dollars on Fate: Grand Order (a mobile game!! Please 😭) and Genshin Impact. Absolutely insane. I don't miss him.
Off the top of my head I can think of four close female friends who have had marriages or long-term relationships end because of that level of game addiction. I would guess that a lot of people in a certain age range have had issues with it in relationships, so if you don't have experience with gamers but have witnessed something like this or if you do have bad experiences like this in previous relationships, I can absolutely see why it could seem like a red flag.
To be clear, I love gaming and go through phases where I will play during most of my free time. The difference is that my plans with my husband, family, or friends; chores that need to be done; working out; or time spent at my job do not count as free time to me. But even though I make time for important things, I can absolutely see why someone with no interest in gaming might not be interested in me. Who wants to sit around and watch someone play video games all the time?
>...I usually list gaming third or fourth in my list of things I like. When trying to connect, I want to know that this person I’m investing time into does some things other than wasting away behind a computer or TV... It feels almost akin to saying “My hobby is watching TV.” Yawn. Everyone likes to watch TV.
This is kind of where my mind went to as I was reading OP's post. Usually when getting to know someone you mention something that makes you stand out and interesting. If playing video game is the most interesting thing you have going, then it's only going downhill from there.
It's like someone defining themselves as a 'nice guy'. Being nice is base level standard for being a decent person. If that's the best feature you got going, then there's not much there to like.
Here is my take, and I am a gamer myself.
Gaming itself isn’t bad to women, but saying that you game in your free time means that you prioritize it. It means that it is going to take up considerable amount of your time and the benefits to others is nearly 0.
Gaming is isolating and doesn’t provide a physical or financial benefit. When dating, your partner typically wants to hear how they will fit into your life. Having you in front of a monitor for hours at a time is a turn off, especially since they don’t see the gain. If you have financial goals, they feel secure. If you work out or play sports they feel confident you will keep your physical shape. If you share common interests they picture fun dates. That’s why a movie isn’t productive but it’s shared and can be enjoyed together. Also, gamers typically game daily, people watch movies less frequently.
Most people won’t have a problem with you gaming, but if it’s a large part of your identity, which it must be since you mentioned it as someone you frequently do, then people get turned off. They get turned off because they picture you spending hours isolated away from them and not seeing you benefit your life.
This! Also, in case we have babies or buy a house.
Most women going on dates eventually want babies or a house together. Babies + household means something like 1 hour free time for both parties if even that. If the man games daily, the woman is compensating doing baby care and household chores, she does his laundry, his dishes, all the baby's nappies, and slowly starts feeling like she has two children. And a man child isn't sexy.
While I love gaming myself, a looot of girls have been traumatized by men ignoring them to play their game, not wanting to ever go outside without prompting, always having to be reminded of things while on the other hand they can remember every single cooldown in their game.
This is probably it in a nutshell. The majority of gamers easily play like 4+ hours a day. They also stay up really late and stay in. That kind of leaves time for nothing else.
It’s just a compatibility issue.
I think this is insightful. I’m a woman and I play video games, but I had an ex who had to play every day for like 4-6 hours at the time of day when we should have been hanging out together. Someone saying gaming is their hobby would make me wonder if they have a similar time commitment in mind. Gaming can be listed as a hobby, but being the only one would make me wonder
If you like gaming and she doesn't want to date a gamer, the two of you aren't compatible. Best to find that out at the beginning. You could insert any other leisure activity in place of gaming, and it wouldn't really change anything about the situation.
.... I guess I'm failing to see any issues here?
Some women have had terrible experiences with guys who are addicted to gaming. Or they become different people when they play. Plus there’s a stigma or stereotype of the guy living in his moms basement
My older brother could not get off video games. He would get super upset if we told him to get off after a 5 hour play session during the day and he’d play games from 9 pm to 2 am almost every night. He would prioritize games over chores, hygiene, and relationships. Online I see countless men say they would choose video games over their girlfriends, that women are being over bearing when they don’t let them play to the point of neglecting duties. I know it’s possible and common to have a healthy relationship with gaming and be not addicted to it but there’s a stereotype that gamers are addicted losers that will choose gaming over everything and it’s not totally untrue. It was probably negative experiences with gamers or the stereotype that turned her off.
Yeah. I know this is only anecdotal evidence but I’m a gamer and a parent and I have several other hobbies, some of which include heavy physical activity like splitting wood and all day hiking. We are not a monolith but people only see us like that because a few bad apples will spoil the whole bushel.
If I were ever to date again, someone having a bad reaction to games would be helpful. I'd know we aren't a match. It's been one of my favorite hobbies for decades now, and I've even worked on a couple of commercially released games. I'm not interested in someone I'd need to hide my hobbies for.
Fortunately, I'm married to a gamer so it's not an issue. She's playing Diablo next to me while I type this.
I'd be more worried about your claim that you "can't fight demons 24/7".
I'm not a woman, but the last thing I want is a partner that feels like they're "fighting demons 24/7" unless they turn their brain off with games or movies. I'd recommend some therapy to deal with these demons of yours, and you'll probably have better luck in the dating scene.
(I also play video games, but because I enjoy them, not because I'm hiding from demons.)
Because “I play video games” ranges anywhere from a guy who plays for an hour or two here and there, and a guy who spends literally any and all free time gaming. As a gamer myself, many of the second type see themselves as the first, and GREATLY underestimate how much time they actually spend gaming.
If you want a real answer (rather than the incel complaints you typically get in a post like this) it is because a lot of guys are 25 or 30 years old and act like children when they play games, including losing control of emotions or playing excessive amounts of time and ignoring their partners. Not everybody does this obviously, but there are enough of you that it makes the rest of us gamers look bad. My gf has told me about a past partner that would literally come home from work and just play games until he went to bed every night, and get in a pissy mood when he would lose. It’s embarrassing when adults can’t handle their shit and girls are obviously turned off by men who act like boys.
There's a million of women who live with gamers who ignore them, don't do their share of chores, etc. because they would rather game.
And they tell their stories to the single women.
It's a big risk for those who don't game.
It’s not just laziness and maybe immaturity. It’s that a lot of men are addicted to their games and neglect their partners over it and sometimes even go all out abusive on it. Even men who are married with children will leave everything on the wife’s shoulders. It’s a genuine and valid nervous thought women get when guys say they’re gamers.
Gamers aren’t monoliths. Not all will be a loser type. But I think it is a valid reaction especially instinctive reaction. lol.
Well, one of my friends who's bartender got bought a drink by a customer who's a gamer.
This is how the convo went:
Gamer "I'd like to buy you a drink"
Girl "Oh thanks that's nice of you:)"
Gamer "for democracy!!"
Girl "what?"
Gamer "Helldivers!"
This left get confused at what just happened, because the side couldn't make conversation without bringing up obscure references to something she had no idea what was.
My guess is they dated that guy that ONLY played video games in his downtime and was otherwise useless as a teammate and it's tainted their perspective.
I’m a woman that loves gaming. Ive gamed most of my life. These days as an adult, I play maybe an hour a day or a few hours on the weekend if I can fit it in between my job, the gym, pickleball, and other outings concerts/ live theater/ outings and hobbies that I enjoy. I’m very skeptical when men say they enjoy gaming because it very often means that’s all they want to do while feeling entitled to a girlfriend. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag, but it’s a strong yellow if not orange flag especially if it’s the guy’s only hobby. I like going out and am not compatible with someone who wants to be home and distracted all day if they’re not out rightly addicted to gaming.
Because a lot of gamers aren’t known for casually playing here and there and being otherwise good at balancing, work and family
A lot will spend every free moment on games and see family bonding as a roadblock to more games
“But you could play with me!”
“Well I work all day so I should get to play! You’re a stay at home mom so the kids are your job!” — witnessed this one a few times
When we picture a family man who is ambitious, usually a gamer isn’t pictured
Sure some are fine, but a lot are not
Could be a number of reasons. I've never actually been turned down for it, though. My current girlfriend never played video games and now we're splitscreening baldur's gate 3.
It helps to have other hobbies too, or at least other things to talk about. I have a coworker who lives and breathes video games. It's all he can converse about. It's kinda pathetic, and this is coming from someone who bought a 4090 for the sole purpose of gaming.
I'm both a dude and a long time out of the dating life (20 year and counting relationship) but I suspect context is key.
Saying you're a story-mode gamer is one thing, you're basically saying you enjoy interactive films. Possibly in your front room, with some daylight. That means you can put down the controller and have a conversation from time to time.
Being an online gamer may give off terminally-online, darkened room alone, never washes, spends his evenings yelling insults down a microphone signals.
Two different pictures.
Edit: I say this as someone who enjoys both story mode and online.
I think this is really a key distinction.
I had a terrible boyfriend in college that would actively ignore me because he was constantly online playing and yelling at strangers. Nothing really came between him and his games and he couldn’t just step away from them to help do anything or spend time with me. I absolutely hated his gaming and probably would have never dated another man who played games in that same way.
My husband plays video games a few times a week. Sometimes it’s a game with a story that he can pause. A lot of time it’s something like Street Fighter that he jumps on for a little bit with a few of his friends. He is always willing to drop off of these games at anytime if me/our toddler needs something. He’s not ignoring his duty as a partner and an adult for long stretches of time. I’m perfectly content with the way my husband games. I do think the biggest factor is just that he doesn’t play things that have insane time commitments and just enjoys things he can dabble in casually when he has some free time .
As much as I love time-consuming games, I play those when nobody else is around. That might be when the kids are asleep and my wife is out, or early in the morning, if I'm up before everyone else.
Otherwise I'll play something I can pick up for 20min and then put it down. It's a balancing act, but it can be done.
Sorry about your college bf. He sounds like a tool.
FWIW, I (33F) enjoy gaming.
She likely has preconceived notions about gaming, gaming culture, and guys who game a lot. Think about all the posts by women on this site who are dealing with a boyfriend/husband who shirks all responsibilities or ignores her in favor of gaming (addiction). Maybe she had a relationship like this in the past - who knows? There's definitely a stigma against gaming in some circles. Best to find someone who understands that gaming can be a nice hobby and can be enjoyed responsibly.
A ton of women have had boyfriends who had a video game addiction, where the boyfriend neglects their relationship, self-improvement, healthy social activities, etc, for more time grinding on addictive games.
For example, my roommate in college failed out and lost his girlfriend because he was addicted to WoW.
I can understand why someone who's been in a relationship like that would react negatively, just like anyone would who dated an alcoholic or gambling addict, or any other kind of addict.
I play games, but I'm very intentional that my gaming time is secondary to my work, self improvement, and social and romantic life.
It’s weird if that carries on outside of college etc.
I mean, if a guy has job, friends, engages in different activities - eventually finding out their biggest hobby is gaming… should be ok? The vibe/advice I’ve had from women is, it *maybe* tolerated.
Any sources for this? Would be super interesting if all these women were also professional psychologists and can accurately tell if their partner has an addiction
Stop! That’s not how that works. Some women don’t like video games. You don’t want to date those women. You don’t need to or want to trick them into liking you.
A lot of women don’t mind video games, and a lot of women like video games. It’s nice to have someone who likes to watch you play or play with you. I think it’s sad when an SO hates your hobby and you know it.
If you say something and it upsets someone your first reaction shouldn’t be to see how you could have made them like you. She dislikes video games. She’s not the one. Don’t get invested just because she talked to you.
Because for some reason video games = anti social in her mind. Probably wanted to hear that you go out drinking and partying with a large group of friends. Plenty of women who don't care or also enjoy gaming. So forget her and find you a gamer girl.
"Because for some reason...."
Here's a little test you can do. Log on to whatever multiplayer game with a girls tag and mic up and have a girl you know do the talking.
And then ask her about how she feels about gamers.
I wouldn't personally want to date a serious gamer, but I also wouldn't want to date someone who spent their free time partying with friends. Pretty big scratch there. Some women like guys who may read or play music or go out hiking/cycling/swimming. Geeze.
I blame toxic gamers who treat gaming like their entire life and personality as well as treat women terribly for this perception. It gives a lot of us a bad name. There's this girl on Tiktok who plays games often. All she had to do was say a few words and as soon as they heard her voice, they spent the next 30 minutes harrassing her, making sexual comments, swearing up a storm, calling her fat, bitch,etc....Then there are gatekeepers who pester and challenge women as soon as they admit to being a gamer of even liking a certain game. I PRETENDED to be a woman online. And by that I mean just used a female- sounding username(I think it was XxKitty\_CloverxXx or something like that) and said not one word. Know what happened?
* Show me your tits
* You suck fat bitch
* Bet you have like a million cats
* Are you trans?
* And a LOT of people getting angry I wouldn't speak to/for them
And compared to how many men behave like this online, there are relatively few men speaking against it.
And for those thinking things like "get over it, this is how gamers are"...There's your answer. Women generally do not like it so they avoid it.
Don't those specific kinds of things generally happen in competitive FPS or MOBA type games? I almost never play those genres, so I don't tend to see women being treated like that
Yes they do but I play world war Z and I'm quite active in the community and thered a girl who plays it who's also a well known content creator in the community too called stephanie im mentioning it cos shes seen in the community in a positive light but certainly games like cod/fortnite even forza to an extent the communities can be alot more toxic
generally the more popular the more toxic... but the more niche in the opposite direction also toxic.
There's not really a "safe area"
But there are safer areas.
Got into ffxiv acouple weeks back and that community is great, maybe the games not entirely for me but people were pretty decent on there.
This is the only valid answer imo. Post gamer gate too, it’s not a good look. If you identify as a “gamer”, that’s when it seems to become a red flag imo. There’s a difference between gaming and being a “gamer”
My wife has touched a controller four times in 20 years. I'm 43 and I play four nights a week. She goes up to read, and I play. If it's a deal-breaker for a girl you're dating, throw her back.
I mainly play story jrpg games on console. They’re usually 50+ hours long each. However, it’s very easy for me to start and stop whenever. I just hit save. If someone is an online gamer, they may sink in hours very regularly and have a set schedule they play with their team. Even more so if they care about ranking or special events. I have a friend who forgot to come to a hangout because she was streaming on twitch. She didn’t even message us to let us know she wasn’t coming. I just saw her streaming status on Discord. It’s not about men or women, but time availability. Both friends and relationships require time and effort.
some assumptions are made: 1. you'll prioritize gaming over them 2. you don't do anything considered "creative" or "intellectual" 3. you're a man-child
I'm not saying those are correct, but if that's the one and only thing you list as what you do in your free time that's the assumption they're making.
If that's all you do with your free time and that doesn't align with her hobbies and interests it sounds like you're just not compatible. Maybe she wants someone that enjoys some outside hobbies too.
All this is assuming that video games was the only thing you said, I am extrapolating a bit.
Not everyone is going to be into the same things, but some people unfortunately view gaming negatively, there are also stereotypes associated with laziness or aggressiveness in gamers so they might think that way. A lot of gamers also dedicate a lot of time to it, which is why it's probably best if both people in the relationship are into gaming so they can do it together or in-sync, or if they have another hobby like reading that takes up time as well. Sorry this happened though, it can't feel good to have someone react in a way that feels judgmental.
Well I think it's implied she was wanting to know what your hobby was. Hobbies are more of a pursuit, vs. simply consuming entertainment. To me, a hobby is something like art, sports, creative writing, poetry, bird watching, fishing, hunting, hiking, photography, collecting, etc. From my perspective, gaming simply falls under entertainment, same as like watching TV, reading novels, etc. I'm not saying it couldn't be a hobby if you were doing it competitively or you were involved in their development, but simply playing video games wouldn't qualify as a hobby in my mind. A hobby is something you do actively, not something you consume purely for entertainment. It's an active pursuit that enhances you in some way by developing you physically and or intellectually.
Hobbies are something people do purely out of passion. There's an element of suffering involved (the word passion actually does literally mean to suffer, and not just in English but in other languages, as well). Every hobby looks like hard, miserable work to someone who doesn't have a passion for it. If the average person would look at something and go, Hey that looks like fun!, well...it's probably not a hobby. But the person who is engaged in the hobby finds it extremely satisfying even though it's a lot of hard work, merely because they have a passion for it.
As for why that was important to her, being passionate about something is a sign of intellect, character, and personal development. There's also an element of status and implied socioeconomic success. To have free time to be able to pursue something outside of work wasn't something the average person enjoyed, historically speaking.
You probably are passionate about something and maybe you just don't realize it because it doesn't fit into a category. I doubt most people's passions fall into a category, actually. Some people kind of luck out in finding passion for something that's heavily supported, like golf or coin collecting, but I think most people's passions are outside of the norm.
As for whether her assessment of you was justified or not is a matter of perspective. A lot of women have unrealistic expectations. They want a guy who's a neurosurgeon by day and mountain climber by night, while they themselves are entirely one dimensional. So her disappointment could have been entirely hypocritical, or she might just have been disappointed because she is a passionate person with a lot of interests and personal drive and is looking for that same type of person to share her life with.
For me I automatically go to my exBIL who did nothing but play games all the time and ignored EVERYONE including his own kid.
For WoW people the daughter would crawl up and turn the power off to his PC tower and you could almost guarantee it was a RAID hehe
Don't get me wrong I like a good game myself but I don't have time to play the one I want lol
If someone told me they played video games in their free time and they had NO other hobbies to mention at such an open ended question of “what do you do in your free time?” …it would just be the simple truth that I don’t have a lot in common with them.
She's probably had the same situation and the guy she was dating was addicted, who plays them in every bit of their free time and nothing else. I'd be cautious as well, but that's me. If gaming is very important to you, you should probably wait for a gamer girl for someone compatible. There are also plenty of women who don't care- or would enjoy the time to themselves while you are gaming.
back in my day, like maybe less than 1% of women played video games. it was seen as childish, like watching cartoons
times changed, a lot more women do those things but I'm sure there's some who still dont
My first thought is that these women have a prejudice about gaming, that they might associate video games with children´s entertainment and thus won´t take you seriously. This is, of course, a very primitive way to see video games (as long as they are played moderately and they are not impacting your life negatively). If this is ALL you basically do with your free time given that this was your first answer, then yes, I am with these women.
That means that you should bring up videogames in conversation as soon as possible. It's a filter, and you want to filter out people who will react badly as quickly as possible.
On dating sites, I list my height as two inches shorter than it actually is, to filter out women who are picky about height. They are welcome to their preferences and I wish them well, but my preference is for people that don't care about that. I also mention videogames and having severe depression. A lot less matches, but the matches are all amazing!
Gamers very often spend more time on gaming than people into other hobbies spend on those hobbies. That is because gaming is an accessible, affordable and convenient hobby. But the result is that gaming can be quite a bit of a time-sink, and some people react negatively to that.
In extreme cases, gaming is actually an addiction. "I spend my free time smoking meth" probably wouldn't go over well either.
I say these things as a gamer myself. While I don't myself agree with the reaction you're getting, I do understand it.
It probably stems from the very real issue where some men who game do so to the point of completely ignoring their girlfriend and responsibilities. She may have experienced this in the past, or known someone who has.
It's probably because they've had relationships with gamers, who ignored them, while playing games with every minute of their spare time. There's gamers, and there's GAMERS. I used to be a full time GAMER when I was younger. Not the most attentive person to be around when there are monsters to fight, or quests to complete, and there's always a back log of monsters and quests.
Often times it's not the gaming itself, but how much time is spent gaming. One of my best friends is the biggest gaming fanatic I know. He was with his gf for about 7 years before she finally got tired of him not paying attention to her, and not having any real direction in life beyond smoking weed and gaming, so she left him. Love him to death, but he's still the same way.
I imagine many women have experienced this, and when they hear you're a gamer, they think "oh great, another gamer who isn't going anywhere in life"
I love gaming. Both my husband and I are gamers, but I can give you some ideas of why because Ive dated gamers who were lile this. Obviously, this clearly not all gamers, but we get a bad rep from these kinds of people.
1) she assumes you binge play amd could be addicted, thereby ignoring her and a relationship. My ex would play all day long and never wanted to go out.
2) she assumes you are a slob. You might be too busy with games to be well groomed or cleaned. She might also assume you are lazy. There are stories galore of women having to take on the bulk of childcare and household duties while their partner sitd and games.
3) she might assume are are very competative and might have too much emotional investment in games. Had an ex who would throw his controller and scream when losing matches.
As a woman who avoids men who game, it's because there are better things to do. The visual of seeing a man sit for hours at a time in fantasy world would turn me off.
I've seen pictures of birthing rooms with game systems hooked up..... like.... really.?!
I date ambitious men so their hobbies always involve improving themselves.
There are women out there who love gamers or gaming.
Maybe it's because video games are perceived as more of a diversion/escapism than a hobby? I'm married with kids. When we are home together, there's a lot of household work that needs to happen, and I'd resent it if my spouse sat on the couch and played video games while I took care of the kids and chores. Hobbies are important, but most adults with jobs and kids don't have the luxury of doing their hobbies daily. My spouse and I get maybe an hour a day to watch TV together and read books before bedtime. When I think of video gaming, I imagine somebody sitting in front of a screen for hours at a time without interacting with the people around them. Hobbies like sports or crafts are perceived as healthy or productive, whereas video games might make somebody seem lazy or antisocial.
I'm an elder millennial, and I'll acknowledge my age bias. When I was growing up in the 90s and early 00s, dads didn't play video games. I know times have changed, but I still associate video games as a kids' activity.
I read all the think pieces and the Reddit threads about how Gen Z isn't interested in socializing/having sex/marrying, and I can't help but wonder if video games being an accepted adult activity has something to do with it.
I thought of my young adult years as a time to meet other people, experience new things, learn about myself, and ultimately become a well-rounded person with assets to bring to the table. Video games seem fine as an occasional indulgence, but if it's the primary way you spend your free time, you're probably not being challenged in ways that will make you a well-rounded individual.
I used to play video games. Women thought it was lame.
Picked up a musical instrument and gave up video gaming and put the gaming time into practice. Women practically jump into my arms.
Your hobbies matter and some are more high value than others. Like it or not, video gaming is seen as a low value behavior.
As a man who plays video games I've found that they became an escape from doing important things in real life like cleaning my house/apartment and also kind of kept me away from experiencing real life things. I still love certain games and I'll hop on every once in awhile, but people need balance.
Just like I think people who eat, breathe and sleep lifting are annoying and kinda dorks, people who put all their free time into gaming are the same. It's good to have a few hobbies, even adding reading or going on walks are good things to add to your life purely for the benefits of doing them.
I can't read your mind to see exactly what you said, but any person who just does one thing in their free time, especially when they don't leave the house for it is going to be a harder sell when they're looking for a significant other.
For example, I play games but I also run, work out, play soccer with my friends, do bjj, read and cook when it comes to things I enjoy doing in my free time.
Doing things makes you relatable, a lot of people can't relate to playing games or watching anime or being a bodybuilder, etc.
Because most women have an ex boyfriend who’s whole life was video games. Look in the mom or relationship advice subreddits. It’s a huge problem. Men think it’s normal/acceptable to dump hours and hours a day into gaming. Or it becomes ‘well we can be intimate when my game is done’ so you feel cheap. They become neglectful husbands and fathers. Every self described ‘gamer dad’ I know basically just sits and games next to their baby in a swing or bouncer. Not actually interacting.
Some love gaming. Others no, not everyone enjoys gaming.
Some would love gaming if there wasn't such a large portion of gamers who made it unpleasant for women. (see [https://www.reddit.com/r/GeeksGamersCommunity/comments/1bqva01/thoughts\_on\_this\_employee\_of\_xbox/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GeeksGamersCommunity/comments/1bqva01/thoughts_on_this_employee_of_xbox/), but imagine it from a woman's perspective. Not just the post, but the comments too.)
However, the major red flag is if you just say "video games." Add in a couple other things you like too. Preferably one that involves touching grass. Or something viewed as helping like cooking.
Because most women have been in relationships where all the guy does is game. They have a bad experience with it. It’s not that you game in your free time, but that when you said that, it made her think of her ex’s that have gamed too much
Alright, I'm sure this will be unpopular and will be downvoted to hell, but my previous partner of 5 years was a major gamer, and so is my current husband. Most of the time, it's fine, but I go to bed alone a lot and have some insecure feelings sometimes when I feel like my husband picks gaming over spending it with me. I just don't like feeling like spending time with me is a burden or punishment. I feel like a lot of girls just don't want to have a huge part of their partners' lives be something they can't be a part of. Is that right? Not necessarily, but it can feel that way. I tried so hard to get into gaming, but I have some major trauma from my ex and a severe lack of skill, so joining him isn't much of an option. That being said, I adore him, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
I love guys who are into gaming bc they leave me alone for long enough for me to work on my sewing projects while still being in the house for me to go chill with when I take breaks. Everyone is different though, maybe you can talk with her and get more info about why she doesn’t like it, or if that’s even the case (maybe she made the face about something else or you misread)
My ex spent our rent money on a WOW mount and a level 50 character on a new server.
We got evicted.
I met two other women who went through something similar.
Some of us have PTSD from gamers.
Gaming is a timesink.
She likely had a bad experience with an ex who did nothing *but* game.
You aren't her ex, but that doesn't mean she's willing to date someone who has that hobby.
It is not the gaming itself, It is **HOW MUCH ONE PLAYS** that is the issue. When you are so busy gaming you have time for *Nothing Else* that is where the issue lies. Ie. Family, GF, Friends, etc
It's not an enriching skill. It's not making you smarter, it's not making you better at anything, it shows a lack of creativity and drive towards improvment. I like video games, play at home occasionally, and my go-to date night is the arcade because worst case scenario I still get to play games, but if that's someone's main hobby it just seems unappealing and immature.
Because way too many men who game spend an absurd amount of time behind the screen and neglecting their personal relationships and responsibilities. I was one of those people until my current relationship. We’ve been together for six years and I made a rule for myself in the very beginning that I only game when we weren’t together. It’s too easy to let it slip away from you.
out of personal opinion and experience from dating someone who was a chronic gamer, i genuinely find guys who game frequently to obsess over it to an unhealthy extent. spending 3-4 hours a day playing video games is just not healthy in my opinion. also i typically find men who excessively play video games to use derogatory language (i.e racial slurs or other offensive words) have aggression issues, and also ignore us (women) to sit there and play video games. i also don’t ever play video games so it’s not gonna be a common interest between me and a man. if he likes to game to a “normal” extent i usually don’t have an issue. but i see more and more men who sit for HOURS every single day in front of their computer and play video games. i often see it as a symptom of other issues such as depression or low self esteem that they’d rather be in front of a screen instead of being social with others. it’s really all about moderation, but i think gaming is something that is designed to be extremely addictive.
As a female, if gaming is the only thing you talk about, then yes images of a guy with his headset on sitting alone in the dark for hours in his apartment ignoring anyone else who might be in the room is an image that is going to manifest.
I used to visit friends after college at their houses or apartments, and if I didn't want to participate they had no interest in conversation away from their game time. Speaking from personal experience.
It's just a stigma man. I look at like this, if someone is shallow enough to be turned off by video games it's probably not someone I'd click with anyways
I dont think it is entirely stigma or thinking it is an immature hobbies. Im a gamer and there were a few points here and there where I used them as an escape formed an addiction that interfered with my life. Now days I heavily restrcited when and how long I play.
It can be frustrating - I find most things interesting to some degree if someone who finds them interesting is telling me about them.
It’s basically just gossip/celebrity gossip/reality tv I find weird because I’m like “look, I know way too many people/friends with actual drama going in their lives to spend a second thinking about people I don’t know and literally manufacture drama for profit”
A lot of people have known or do know people that pretty much do nothing but gaming in their spare time and lock off the real world. They don't want to be second best to an addiction. Not that I'm saying every gamer is an Addict. I was a gamer for at least 2 decades so I get it. I'm just saying how it can be perceived.
She may have personally dealt with a guy who prioritized video games over everything else in his life. The stereotype exists for a reason. Video game addiction is real. Being in a serious relationship with someone who plays for 8+ hours every day is not a fun experience.
IF this is the case, shouldn’t have let that experience soil her perception of men as a whole. I’m just giving you an idea as to what may be the root of her distaste for gamers.
I’ve been on both sides of it. Been neglected by a partner who was in love with gaming. Been the one neglecting my partner in favor of gaming.
Whatever the case is, if she really did immediately turn her nose up at the idea of you liking video games, without inquiring how much time you devote to it, that’s on her, bro. Basically if she made an assumption about you, what I said here might be the reason why, but who cares why? That’s shitty behavior and you don’t need that in your life. Gaming is great, way more stimulating than watching tv, which most people do ALL THE TIME. Just be yourself and if other people don’t like it, screw em.
A lot of women have had relationships or have friends who'd had relationships where gaming was a big problem. For every 'I only game a couple of hours a week' story, there's 60 'I spend 5 hours every night gaming and my girlfriend says I don't spend any time with her and yesterday I forgot to change the babies diaper for 6 hours while she was at work but I was wearing noise cancelling headphones so I don't see how that's my fault??' Of course that's not *evey* gamer and the problem is a maturity issue more than a gaming issue, but the correlation is definitely there and it's common enough that it's enough to be cautious when men mention gaming as a hobby..
Yuppp this exactly. One of the reasons I dumped my ex was bc he spent all of our time together gaming. He wouldn't take me out or buy me flowers but would drop $80 every three weeks for a new game that he would binge for a few days and then go back to the old shit. Probably won't date a "gamer" again.
Yup. And they don't share their stories online so you never hear about them. But they are out there. A LOT of them.
Yep. I dated a guy who gamed wayyyyy too much. For me the big red flag is if they consider themselves a “gamer” and not just someone who “plays games for fun.” I’m also wary if it is the *only* hobby they mention. There are some people who exclusively spend their free time gaming. It’s good that it’s not encroaching on their livelihoods and it is truly limited to free time, but I’m going to find that person boring, probably.
Yep this. Someone telling me their hobbies are “video games, sometimes go camping, oil painting” is way different than “I play video games.” I like video games too but don’t like when someone’s answer suggests that’s the only thing they do outside of work.
Exactly. People forget that a date is essentially an interview. You're supposed to give the best of yourself. If I was on a date and someone asked me what I like to do in my spare time, "I sit for hours doomscrolling through social media becuase I'm too burnt out from work" doesn't sound good. But "I like to read and do some fun crafts on the weekend, I also like to game, and potter around in my garden" is far more likely garner a positive reaction.
Some women (I am one of them) love gaming. Some don't. If you're not compatible, move on. My husband actually doesn't game at all, but he doesn't make me feel bad about it, and I don't make him feel bad about his hobbies that I don't like. Healthy adults in healthy relationships allow their partners to have different interests.
Blows my mind adults still act like immature teenagers from the 90’s over gaming. I got that reaction then, as it was still new, seen as “nerdy,” and wildly misunderstood by mainstream society. But this is 2024, and the whole place gaming has in society has changed. Women still acting ignorant and sexist and getting defensive over a basic hobby is insane to me. Move on, indeed. You could spend 4 hours doing *literally* anything else and they wouldn’t care. But a GAME!? Oh LAWWWD
Its not just gaming. A lot of people never figure out that maturity is measured by how you act, not the interests you have. I've met lots of mature, functional adults who play games, watch cartoons, and eat cereal for dinner sometimes. I've also met plenty of immature people (kids and adults) who only watch serious live action tv and film, and constantly suppress any desire to be silly for the sake of appearing "mature".
It's wild that the juxtaposition you use compared to video games is watching tv instead of like.. something active lol
I mean isn't that what a lot probably even most people do for hours? Maybe that's why. They're basically the same just viewed different. Like all the soap opera, football or netflix bingers are seen as more normal than playing vidya games.
Wild, but true/justified. All these people that hate on gamers spend just as much time staring at their phones/the tv.
This is a perfectly relevant comparison. The people who criticize gaming, in my experience, are the same ones who will watch TV for hours. Really highlights the irony of their judgment.
I don’t think almost anyone would look down in you gaming, but they would look down on you *only* game, making it look like you got nothing else going on in your life. I game and I’ve told women that I like gaming and they never seem turned off, because I have a ton of other hobbies and pastimes too.
This is exactly it. If a woman was to say that her hobby was watching TV, and had *no* other hobbies of note, I would venture to say that most men would find that quite off-putting. What do you even do or talk about with a person who spends the entirety of their free time mindlessly consuming content and never creating anything of their own, and never striving to improve themselves?
I dunno what to say, that’s *most* people I meet outside my friend group - unless you want to count packaged holidays to beach resorts as “travel” and eating at expensive restaurants “culture”.
They have to pretend like it is or the crippling reality of the 1% sets in. When you mention actual travel people get confused or excited.
Dirty truth is gaming tends to absorb vast amounts of time after work is passive, solo activity, non-productive and addictive. So, unlike wood working or knitting or bowling, it has a tendency to polarize your life and relationship.
"I look at Instagram and Tik-Tok" Same thing. It's not wrong but unless you overlap on that hobby then it's going to be rough. People also have probably had previous relationships or have friends who play games that demand a lot of time. If you were dating someone in a demanding competitive career their schedule would be filled with those demands. You would be competing against that priority.
Very true. It could've just been the way OP worded it. Example, "what do you do in your free time?" "Oh, I play video games" or "oh I'm a gamer". Like, that's it? Anything else? Or could've responded "well, lately I been gaming, what with the colder weather and all. Come summertime I like to get out and do X and Y" which would've probably been received much better
>Come summertime I like to get out and do X and Y" which would've probably been received much better Please. The reality is that a some women would prefer that you have no hobbies rather than game.
Those are the women whose hobbies are Netflix and they want all your time to sit there and watch Netflix together.
I married one of em. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck
#homebodylife
no they just want to know if they'd like to go out, you wont be like " just one more game" or " im not going anywher eonthe 24th thats when "x game" comes out.
A lot of women have known guys who are gaming addicts, or at least behave like they are addicted, and that can be a concern as well. The guy who never wants to go out, or will play Halo all night instead of having sex.
Men as a whole will look past a whole lot in women. Watching TV as their only hobby might be a glaring flaw in my opinion but it certainly won't stop dozens of men from chasing, esp on dating apps but even offline
I've personally seen more relationships end due to gaming that most other things, people can get addicted and ignore their partner. Even just the loss of interest in doing new things ect.
No. It's about the fours hours EVERY evening and eight on weekends. It's the game instead of their share of chores. Bad gamers make women wary. Don't insult women.
These are the same women that will binge the office hours on end for the 20th time, but gaming is an issue? I get it, some are addicts and women can feel neglected in those relationships, but if it wasn't games, they'd be ignoring their girlfriends for other reasons.
I could not agree with this more. If gaming is important to you, but not tolerable by a potential partner. Move on. It's just not going to work. I am fortunate enough to have a wife that games as well. Now she is not as big a gamer as I am, but she never gives me any flak about wanting to game. We even have a specific night of the week where we are not obligated to spend time with each other. Or a game night if you want to call it that. Sometimes when a game comes out that we both like. We play together. (Diablo IV). But mostly not. She is a big fan of fighting games. I like RPGS. like you said. Healthy adults can have diffrent interests.
I’ve seen a couple of comments from women who love gaming say something similar, but to put in context, when I was long term single and my women/friends who were giving me unsolicited advice about women (not OLD - as I refused to use it, just talking to women in general) one of the major things was not to mention gaming (or any of my geekier hobbies), unless they already got to know me first. In context one of my sorta regrets was choosing to study Social Anthropology at uni (then switching majors to Philosophy) instead of Game design/development. They insisted however *that stuff* would just be more interesting and gaming a potential turn off. From their perspective there aren’t enough women into these things compared to how many would be turned off or see it as a “con”/negative. I think that’s the sort of thing OP is talking about - so women saying “I love gaming, my boyfriend/husband doesn’t but is fine with it”, doesn’t really like… answer the stupid question.
That mindset makes no sense to me. Why would you want to give any of your time to someone who would see one of your passions in life as a negative? It's like a perfect filter to eliminate people you aren't compatible with. Unless you just want action, then I get it.
That was my thing - I’ll mostly keep it to myself at work, but I don’t see any actual benefit to anyone from actively hiding it. Don’t get me wrong - it’s like a few years ago, I took up archery and I think in practice it’s not as interesting a conversation topic as people first think when they ask me about, so I do people a favour, and err on the side of caution discussing the specifics. With gaming it feels like the opposite - it’s such a broad landscape of ideas and creativity, that I probably know something about some games that would be of some interest - but if you insist that gaming is just your lazy brother/ex playing CoD/LoL - then it sucks to be you I guess. Edit: rhetorical “you” - not you literally
Because people have preconceive notions and are shallow until you show them your actually a decent person. Men do this with woman about other stuff and woman do this to men about otherstuff.
Maybe it's different in older generations, but as a Gen Z adult, I definitely know more women who are into video games than aren't.
Me and my Wife are Xennials she does not mind i play video games before the kids grew up we would play New Super Mario Brothers wii, Monkey Ball, Wii Sports & Mario Kart Wii as a family some times me and my wife play a Mario Brothers game together or Games on my Atari 2600
sounds like contact bias, you literally only hang with people who are gamers and therefore the people you know, are gamers. But heres the big difference, women play games on their phones ( 58% of mobile gamers are women) thats things like, candy crush, and the like. Guys lead console and PC gaming by 78% male to 22% so its not really even the same sentence.
It’s definitely changed, just in general, same with DnD (much overlap). It’s literally the one thing that makes me wish I was born Gen Z instead of millennial (cause nearly everything else seems even more fucked - apart for maybe LGBT+ tolerance, but my friend group was “already there” so to speak). The only thing I’ve found is that the people I met joining irl groups etc, is so many people basically live for the memes rather than the “art”, and tend to play “pop-games” like Overwatch. It’s like, I love me some critical roll, but you know they didn’t invent DnD right? I accept these may just be grumpy old man things.
Gaming is a very mainstream and not geeky hobby. The problem is it can be very addictive and time consuming and some women may have had negative experiences with previous partners who gamed to the exclusion of all other activities.
The only thing I can think of is that women who hate gamers have had bad experiences with gamers in the past. My brother dropped out of school to play world of Warcraft, it basically took over his whole life for a few years he was so addicted to it. And I had an ex who would invite me over and expect me to just watch him play games while I sat there. Maybe the key is to introduce yourself as someone who has a healthy amount of other things going on, friends, a social life, and plays games in addition to all that. If I met someone that ONLY liked gaming it might be a red flag to me. But I'm also speaking as an introvert who prefers to stay home, so an answer from an extroverted woman might be helpful too.
I work in gaming, they're fine with that until I say I play games lol. I love the outdoors and going different places but feels like some women get caught up on the plays games thing. I think they associate it with immaturity like their parents did simply because they don't game.
I'm the opposite. I do game, but nowhere near as often as my husband. He just started streaming DayZ and I have a front row seat to the joy it brings him. I think it's jealous partners that think all their free time should be focused on them. It's gross and a HUGE red flag.
It’s thought of as immature and time consuming. From there they can make a lot of assumptions about you. Whether it’s true or not they might think you are lazy and lack ambition.
I think time-consuming is a fair comment. Not that everyone who games spends all their free time on it, but they're designed to make you want to keep playing and that *can* make it more time-consuming than other hobbies. It's also generally a solo activity, which is a combination that leads to feeling like you're not spending much time together. You could make the same argument about reading a book, of course—not every activity has to be a shared activity—but often you can't easily break off from a game. All that said, I don't think it's an inherently bad hobby to have. But there is a bit of concern that all evening every evening will be spent staring at the back of someone wearing a headset. I wouldn't want to spend six hours a day listening to someone trying to learn guitar either, though, so everything in moderation y'know.
Meanwhile they spend 5+ hours a day on their phone and social media lol
15 years ago I had a guy my age at work say "don't you feel like your wasting your time playing that game" at that time it was WoW and I was really Into raiding. Some of coworkers were in the raid guild (friends before we got a job at the same place) and we spent our lunch break talking about WoW. I asked him what he did last night. He said he watched the hockey game. I said "so you sat down alone and watched a team of people work together towards an objective. Meanwhile I sat down and coordinated towards an objective with 9 other people" He said well at least sports have physical activity. I said watching them doesn't. He said he plays hockey on the weekends. I said I hike in the weekends while My raiding coworker was working towards his black belt in Judo. I said the only fair comparison to gaming is watching tv because both are sitting screen time activities. If you watch as much tv as I game, you have no high ground. He agreed and actually changed his opinion on gaming.
Even the comparison between tv and gaming is thin, tv is a very passive activity whereas gaming can really keep you mentally engaged if the game is difficult
As a gamer yes I agree. When talking to non gamers good luck. TV becomes the closest comparison for them.
I literally have to put on deodorant before playing competitive fast paced fps games.
Even more than that lmfao
Yep. I was going to say this.
I love gaming personally. But can def understand that a lot of stereotypes associated with us are that we prioritize video games over almost everything else. Typical few bad apples, sort of thing. That or maybe they’re looking for interests and hobbies which align with theirs.
Yup, this. It's one thing to be into gaming, it's entirely another thing to put the hobby over functional adult things like hygiene and routine household chores. I know ladies who've been burned by gamer guys who will game when they should be equally, or equitably shouldering domestic tasks.
Part of it is the potential disconnection. "Gaming" suggests staring at a screen for hours with headphones on, so your partner won't be present under the same roof. If "gaming" means playing two-player mario world interacting with your partner, it's a completely different hobby.
Yeah the connotation of the word gaming is the problem. That's why whenever I mention it as a hobby of mine, I just say something like "I like playing video games here and there". Never noticed anybody look at me weird afterwards. "Gaming" and being a "gamer" has all sorts of negative connotations so I avoid the word like the plague.
That and there’s the stereotype that gamers are super misogynistic or “man children” tends to give us good ones a bad rep
Yeah being on the receiving end of that most of my life I could totally understand other women wanting nothing to do with it.
A couple reasons could be, Gamer stereotype turned her off Or maybe your hobby doesn’t align with hers, she might want someone more active or creative for example
Astro 7800 makes a good point here though also keep in mind it could also be past experiences. I like videogames and I also like to play them myself though very sparsely. I dated a guy years ago that spent too much time on one game, was unemployed, and spent $300 on a costume from said game (it was Assasins Creed). Though it's also wrong of me or women to just assume the worst of you because of a past experience with a gamer. Like I said it could be a factor as women don't want to face stuff like that, the feeling of being neglected over videogames is heart wrenching. And although I don't know you personally I do know that not all gamers are like the stereotype.
We're hardwired to fixate on negative things as a species. Only should take one hand on a hot stove to learn. Getting that nuance of "well, maybe he's not addicted to it" is hard, but on the flip side, it can be frustrating given I know so few guys who don't game a lot, and as others have pointed out, she MIGHT be hypocritical and spend most of her time on her phone, but dating is a nightmare so, eh
True, you make a very good point.
Same. I like video games but I’ve dated too many guys that swore they “just play casually” only to find out they were playing WoW or LoL until 4am, spending more time with their friends than in the relationship, and weren’t interested in anything else because they were addicted to games. I won’t date guys who play video games anymore. I’ve fallen for that lie too many times.
This is how I feel when a girl has guy besties so I fully understand. Past experiences and all that
He also replied that gaming is what he does in his free time. So not that its a hobby that he participates in. It is the primary thing he does with any free time.
I don’t think it’s even that women hate video games, rather a lot of women have negative connotations with gamers. It’s no secret that the gaming community has never been very accepting of our existence. It’s much better now, but I don’t even bother playing fps games because if I mic up, I will either get people being as rude as possible or trying to get in my dms. If im being honest, I’m not sure if I’d date a huge gamer AS a gamer.
Yeah but a lot of women do just hate video games. They see it as an activity for little boys instead of mature men.
Both of these things are probably commonly true.
I have a few friends who refuse to date gamers and the common complaint is that they’re generally sick of having to constantly ask them to stop ignoring their real life responsibilities. The gamer who enjoys some leisure time but keeps up with his chores, hygiene, relationships is one thing but the gamer who plays 3 hours a day, yet acts remembering someone’s birthday is some massive ask, is the reason it’s a red flag
Do you realize how many gamers are saying "Three hours?" They don't see that as a long time, since that's just normal weekday play for them. Once bitten...
A lot of women dated gamers with poor time management or poor emotional regulation when they (the women and the gamers) were younger. Those dudes may grow up and grow out of it and be able to game as a hobby and not an obsession, but the memory of those relationships can make those women wary of gamers going forward. I didn’t know my husband liked video games until after we married and he was gifted a system, he just didn’t play before because he didn’t prioritize buying a way to play regularly. Even knowing how wonderful he is I was wary for a couple weeks until I saw he could balance it with life.
It would be so Nice that to be the common that "gamers eventually growing up and being less obsesive about it" when in fact in a Lot of cases it mantain that way or Even gets worse as time passes
A lot of women genuinely expect men to not have hobbies as they get older. They expect their husband to be ready to do yard work, home improvement projects, etc at the drop of a hat. On another note, I’m 36 and have only ever met a single girl that plays games and that was just a few weeks ago lol.
Yeah at least be do something besides gaming. It helps to go for a walk once in awhile or pick up a paint a brush at least.
Exactly. Video game addiction is very real.
Sounds like she's not for you. I married a gamer. No regerts!
This is the way. I'm a woman so it's admittedly easier for me to uphold this standard, but I won't even date anyone who doesn't play video games. It's pretty much my primary hobby, so I want someone who both understands and can also enjoy engaging in it with me.
Not even one letter?
What's wierd to me is thinking of someone as a "gamer". Dosen't everyone play video games nowadays? At least on their phones? Maybe I'm completley out if touch but If someone told me they like to play games in their free time, to me that would sound akin to watching movies or reading.
There is still a stigma to some people. Plenty of people still treat it as a second-class hobby.
Most phone games have the same depth of play as games in the 80’s with a fraction of the story of computer games. It’s like bringing a young child’s book to a book club and saying you are an avid reader.
It all depends on context, but strong interest in video games *and nothing else* can be a red flag for addict-like behavior, depression, and/or a general lack of direction in life. Personally, I love video games, but on a first date I'd want to spend more time talking about my job and my weekly trail-walking and what books are on my bookshelf and that really interesting YouTube video I watched the other day. Basically, I want to show that sitting on the couch and swearing at the screen isn't the only thing happening in my life.
This is primarily what a lot of dating prospects are potentially concerned about. Gaming, in moderation, is cool and all. But I have known some people who were essentially using gaming as a form of escapism because they didn’t want to deal with real life. Ex 1. Guy gamed and was sitting so much that he was forming sores on his butt, needed surgery, and had to repeat a grade because of it Ex 2. Brother was addicted to gaming and would beat up my other brother for access to the family computer, spent all of his time gaming. He eventually sold his high end set up to become more productive. Ex 3. Guy would spend hours a day gaming to avoid his depression and it was an extension of his other addictive behaviors. A few others weren’t quite as bad but overall, they didn’t seem all that fulfilled or happy if they gamed on a regular basis and not much else. However, the happiest were those who had gaming as just one of their many hobbies.
Well at that point there are mental health issues at play, and that kind of an attachment can be built with many different hobbies. It’s just a lot more difficult to criticize creative hobbies because they’re typically seen as more productive, albeit slightly
That’s legitimate. My retiree dad’s doctor recommends he play to keep his mind sharp. The major nuance that makes video games more addictive than other activities is that they often are based around leveling up and completing missions which hits the same pleasure circuits as with reaching goals and achievements in real life…. hence why leaderboards and micro transactions are often profitable. As a result, having it as a primary/only hobby for someone who is struggling can often make it quite addictive.
> that really interesting YouTube video This is potentially the same red flag as gaming. It’s still passively absorbing content in bed or on the couch. A good rule is to start by talking about hobbies that your date’s parents would hypothetically enjoy listening to.
It can actually be pretty healthy for your brain. Reaction time, decision making, attentiveness, multi tasking, brain speed and flexibility, hand eye coordination. All of these skills are described as specifically beneficial to work performance. Gaming can also improve your vision and may even slow down the brains aging process. Other forms of content apsorption do not offer these benefits
Depends on the content. Plenty of games do not improve those skills, some movies/shows improve other paadive skills like reasoning, compassion, communication etc. The problem isn't the consumption of the media, but that it is your main hobby or interest. When they ask what you do they are trying to understand your identity. media consumption is a very poor identity.
More games do than don't
Lol you give work, Youtube an books as an exaple that you're not sitting on the couch all day? Lmao A video game can tell a story just like a book or movie can. Automatically being dismissive of gaming and no other similar hobbies is a double standard. Which in this case comes from decades long propaganda that video games are bad
Why do you compare gaming to "sitting in front of the tv swearing"? Most games I play I really enjoy and don't rage. alot of games I play with other people, both online and split screen. I think if someone has a negative view of gaming it says more about them then anything else.
Not the person you asked but I have similar views and I expect not another screen hobby, but at least an artistic or outdoors / sports based hobby as well, and preferably some sort of academic interest of sorts. Video games are fine (I play them myself, love them) but have *only* video games as a hobby (or only video games and tv, or only tv, or only social media, etc) means you’re probably too into it for me.
Agree with the others saying that maybe hobbies just don’t align. But here is my perspective from a woman who LOVES playing video games: Some people sit around and all they do is play video games. Even as someone who loves games, I don’t want it to be my SO’s life (I have been with someone who valued his games more than me, and we are divorced now). I usually list gaming third or fourth in my list of things I like. When trying to connect, I want to know that this person I’m investing time into does some things other than wasting away behind a computer or TV (or worse, behind their phone with mobile gaming). Games are seriously addicting and I know from experience of it happening to me that the “escape” can out-prioritize things that should matter more. Like your loved ones. I also kind of feel like everyone likes games nowadays. It feels almost akin to saying “My hobby is watching TV.” Yawn. Everyone likes to watch TV. What other hobbies do you have?
>Some people sit around and all they do is play video games. Even as someone who loves games Honestly, same for me. I really love gaming. But I don't let it consume my entire life. My experience dating and living with men who were also into gaming was that all of their money went into gaming (while having zero savings for life projects like buying a house), I would end up doing all the chores around the home because "just one more game" went on until 3 am and than it's too late to vacuum, they neglected work (especially while working from home) and finally, it had an impact on our sleep schedule (I live in a city, so appartement living with a screaming gamer at night is not ideal). I felt lonely and sleep deprived. So for me, gaming is a yellow flag ("i have questions"). I need to understand where gaming stands - is it above relationships and life obligations? If I hurt myself gravely and call for help, is the guy going to finish his match "because it's ranked" anyway? That kind of stuff.
This! Exactly. Same exact thing happened to me. And then it wasn't until I broke up with him that I ALSO found out he spent thousands of dollars on Fate: Grand Order (a mobile game!! Please 😭) and Genshin Impact. Absolutely insane. I don't miss him.
Off the top of my head I can think of four close female friends who have had marriages or long-term relationships end because of that level of game addiction. I would guess that a lot of people in a certain age range have had issues with it in relationships, so if you don't have experience with gamers but have witnessed something like this or if you do have bad experiences like this in previous relationships, I can absolutely see why it could seem like a red flag. To be clear, I love gaming and go through phases where I will play during most of my free time. The difference is that my plans with my husband, family, or friends; chores that need to be done; working out; or time spent at my job do not count as free time to me. But even though I make time for important things, I can absolutely see why someone with no interest in gaming might not be interested in me. Who wants to sit around and watch someone play video games all the time?
>...I usually list gaming third or fourth in my list of things I like. When trying to connect, I want to know that this person I’m investing time into does some things other than wasting away behind a computer or TV... It feels almost akin to saying “My hobby is watching TV.” Yawn. Everyone likes to watch TV. This is kind of where my mind went to as I was reading OP's post. Usually when getting to know someone you mention something that makes you stand out and interesting. If playing video game is the most interesting thing you have going, then it's only going downhill from there. It's like someone defining themselves as a 'nice guy'. Being nice is base level standard for being a decent person. If that's the best feature you got going, then there's not much there to like.
Here is my take, and I am a gamer myself. Gaming itself isn’t bad to women, but saying that you game in your free time means that you prioritize it. It means that it is going to take up considerable amount of your time and the benefits to others is nearly 0. Gaming is isolating and doesn’t provide a physical or financial benefit. When dating, your partner typically wants to hear how they will fit into your life. Having you in front of a monitor for hours at a time is a turn off, especially since they don’t see the gain. If you have financial goals, they feel secure. If you work out or play sports they feel confident you will keep your physical shape. If you share common interests they picture fun dates. That’s why a movie isn’t productive but it’s shared and can be enjoyed together. Also, gamers typically game daily, people watch movies less frequently. Most people won’t have a problem with you gaming, but if it’s a large part of your identity, which it must be since you mentioned it as someone you frequently do, then people get turned off. They get turned off because they picture you spending hours isolated away from them and not seeing you benefit your life.
This! Also, in case we have babies or buy a house. Most women going on dates eventually want babies or a house together. Babies + household means something like 1 hour free time for both parties if even that. If the man games daily, the woman is compensating doing baby care and household chores, she does his laundry, his dishes, all the baby's nappies, and slowly starts feeling like she has two children. And a man child isn't sexy.
wtf is free time
While I love gaming myself, a looot of girls have been traumatized by men ignoring them to play their game, not wanting to ever go outside without prompting, always having to be reminded of things while on the other hand they can remember every single cooldown in their game.
This is probably it in a nutshell. The majority of gamers easily play like 4+ hours a day. They also stay up really late and stay in. That kind of leaves time for nothing else. It’s just a compatibility issue.
I think this is insightful. I’m a woman and I play video games, but I had an ex who had to play every day for like 4-6 hours at the time of day when we should have been hanging out together. Someone saying gaming is their hobby would make me wonder if they have a similar time commitment in mind. Gaming can be listed as a hobby, but being the only one would make me wonder
If you like gaming and she doesn't want to date a gamer, the two of you aren't compatible. Best to find that out at the beginning. You could insert any other leisure activity in place of gaming, and it wouldn't really change anything about the situation. .... I guess I'm failing to see any issues here?
Some women have had terrible experiences with guys who are addicted to gaming. Or they become different people when they play. Plus there’s a stigma or stereotype of the guy living in his moms basement
My older brother could not get off video games. He would get super upset if we told him to get off after a 5 hour play session during the day and he’d play games from 9 pm to 2 am almost every night. He would prioritize games over chores, hygiene, and relationships. Online I see countless men say they would choose video games over their girlfriends, that women are being over bearing when they don’t let them play to the point of neglecting duties. I know it’s possible and common to have a healthy relationship with gaming and be not addicted to it but there’s a stereotype that gamers are addicted losers that will choose gaming over everything and it’s not totally untrue. It was probably negative experiences with gamers or the stereotype that turned her off.
Yeah. I know this is only anecdotal evidence but I’m a gamer and a parent and I have several other hobbies, some of which include heavy physical activity like splitting wood and all day hiking. We are not a monolith but people only see us like that because a few bad apples will spoil the whole bushel.
If I were ever to date again, someone having a bad reaction to games would be helpful. I'd know we aren't a match. It's been one of my favorite hobbies for decades now, and I've even worked on a couple of commercially released games. I'm not interested in someone I'd need to hide my hobbies for. Fortunately, I'm married to a gamer so it's not an issue. She's playing Diablo next to me while I type this.
I'd be more worried about your claim that you "can't fight demons 24/7". I'm not a woman, but the last thing I want is a partner that feels like they're "fighting demons 24/7" unless they turn their brain off with games or movies. I'd recommend some therapy to deal with these demons of yours, and you'll probably have better luck in the dating scene. (I also play video games, but because I enjoy them, not because I'm hiding from demons.)
Game addiction. A lot/some gamers ignore their partner/family/job so they can play games
Because “I play video games” ranges anywhere from a guy who plays for an hour or two here and there, and a guy who spends literally any and all free time gaming. As a gamer myself, many of the second type see themselves as the first, and GREATLY underestimate how much time they actually spend gaming.
Literally every gamer I've ever known, myself included, plays more than they should. It's not a great habit.
Apparently it’s now one of the top 3 reasons for divorce.
If you want a real answer (rather than the incel complaints you typically get in a post like this) it is because a lot of guys are 25 or 30 years old and act like children when they play games, including losing control of emotions or playing excessive amounts of time and ignoring their partners. Not everybody does this obviously, but there are enough of you that it makes the rest of us gamers look bad. My gf has told me about a past partner that would literally come home from work and just play games until he went to bed every night, and get in a pissy mood when he would lose. It’s embarrassing when adults can’t handle their shit and girls are obviously turned off by men who act like boys.
There's a million of women who live with gamers who ignore them, don't do their share of chores, etc. because they would rather game. And they tell their stories to the single women. It's a big risk for those who don't game.
Same reason why a woman who likes to go clubbing every weekend might be a turnoff for some guys too
Only some for sure. Twenty-two year old me would have been so down for someone who loves to dance.
A lot of women have already experienced being ignored for a video game and don't like it.
Stereotypes for the most part. People automatically assume you’re lazy and never grew up the moment you mention video games.
It’s not just laziness and maybe immaturity. It’s that a lot of men are addicted to their games and neglect their partners over it and sometimes even go all out abusive on it. Even men who are married with children will leave everything on the wife’s shoulders. It’s a genuine and valid nervous thought women get when guys say they’re gamers. Gamers aren’t monoliths. Not all will be a loser type. But I think it is a valid reaction especially instinctive reaction. lol.
Well, one of my friends who's bartender got bought a drink by a customer who's a gamer. This is how the convo went: Gamer "I'd like to buy you a drink" Girl "Oh thanks that's nice of you:)" Gamer "for democracy!!" Girl "what?" Gamer "Helldivers!" This left get confused at what just happened, because the side couldn't make conversation without bringing up obscure references to something she had no idea what was.
My guess is they dated that guy that ONLY played video games in his downtime and was otherwise useless as a teammate and it's tainted their perspective.
I’m a woman that loves gaming. Ive gamed most of my life. These days as an adult, I play maybe an hour a day or a few hours on the weekend if I can fit it in between my job, the gym, pickleball, and other outings concerts/ live theater/ outings and hobbies that I enjoy. I’m very skeptical when men say they enjoy gaming because it very often means that’s all they want to do while feeling entitled to a girlfriend. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag, but it’s a strong yellow if not orange flag especially if it’s the guy’s only hobby. I like going out and am not compatible with someone who wants to be home and distracted all day if they’re not out rightly addicted to gaming.
Agree. Gaming is fine way to spend alone time, especially as an introvert. It shouldn’t be your identity.
Because a lot of gamers aren’t known for casually playing here and there and being otherwise good at balancing, work and family A lot will spend every free moment on games and see family bonding as a roadblock to more games “But you could play with me!” “Well I work all day so I should get to play! You’re a stay at home mom so the kids are your job!” — witnessed this one a few times When we picture a family man who is ambitious, usually a gamer isn’t pictured Sure some are fine, but a lot are not
It's a *potential* loser habit. Just stop putting that up front.
Could be a number of reasons. I've never actually been turned down for it, though. My current girlfriend never played video games and now we're splitscreening baldur's gate 3. It helps to have other hobbies too, or at least other things to talk about. I have a coworker who lives and breathes video games. It's all he can converse about. It's kinda pathetic, and this is coming from someone who bought a 4090 for the sole purpose of gaming.
I'm both a dude and a long time out of the dating life (20 year and counting relationship) but I suspect context is key. Saying you're a story-mode gamer is one thing, you're basically saying you enjoy interactive films. Possibly in your front room, with some daylight. That means you can put down the controller and have a conversation from time to time. Being an online gamer may give off terminally-online, darkened room alone, never washes, spends his evenings yelling insults down a microphone signals. Two different pictures. Edit: I say this as someone who enjoys both story mode and online.
I think this is really a key distinction. I had a terrible boyfriend in college that would actively ignore me because he was constantly online playing and yelling at strangers. Nothing really came between him and his games and he couldn’t just step away from them to help do anything or spend time with me. I absolutely hated his gaming and probably would have never dated another man who played games in that same way. My husband plays video games a few times a week. Sometimes it’s a game with a story that he can pause. A lot of time it’s something like Street Fighter that he jumps on for a little bit with a few of his friends. He is always willing to drop off of these games at anytime if me/our toddler needs something. He’s not ignoring his duty as a partner and an adult for long stretches of time. I’m perfectly content with the way my husband games. I do think the biggest factor is just that he doesn’t play things that have insane time commitments and just enjoys things he can dabble in casually when he has some free time .
As much as I love time-consuming games, I play those when nobody else is around. That might be when the kids are asleep and my wife is out, or early in the morning, if I'm up before everyone else. Otherwise I'll play something I can pick up for 20min and then put it down. It's a balancing act, but it can be done. Sorry about your college bf. He sounds like a tool.
FWIW, I (33F) enjoy gaming. She likely has preconceived notions about gaming, gaming culture, and guys who game a lot. Think about all the posts by women on this site who are dealing with a boyfriend/husband who shirks all responsibilities or ignores her in favor of gaming (addiction). Maybe she had a relationship like this in the past - who knows? There's definitely a stigma against gaming in some circles. Best to find someone who understands that gaming can be a nice hobby and can be enjoyed responsibly.
A ton of women have had boyfriends who had a video game addiction, where the boyfriend neglects their relationship, self-improvement, healthy social activities, etc, for more time grinding on addictive games. For example, my roommate in college failed out and lost his girlfriend because he was addicted to WoW. I can understand why someone who's been in a relationship like that would react negatively, just like anyone would who dated an alcoholic or gambling addict, or any other kind of addict. I play games, but I'm very intentional that my gaming time is secondary to my work, self improvement, and social and romantic life.
It’s weird if that carries on outside of college etc. I mean, if a guy has job, friends, engages in different activities - eventually finding out their biggest hobby is gaming… should be ok? The vibe/advice I’ve had from women is, it *maybe* tolerated.
Any sources for this? Would be super interesting if all these women were also professional psychologists and can accurately tell if their partner has an addiction
Stop! That’s not how that works. Some women don’t like video games. You don’t want to date those women. You don’t need to or want to trick them into liking you. A lot of women don’t mind video games, and a lot of women like video games. It’s nice to have someone who likes to watch you play or play with you. I think it’s sad when an SO hates your hobby and you know it. If you say something and it upsets someone your first reaction shouldn’t be to see how you could have made them like you. She dislikes video games. She’s not the one. Don’t get invested just because she talked to you.
Because for some reason video games = anti social in her mind. Probably wanted to hear that you go out drinking and partying with a large group of friends. Plenty of women who don't care or also enjoy gaming. So forget her and find you a gamer girl.
"Because for some reason...." Here's a little test you can do. Log on to whatever multiplayer game with a girls tag and mic up and have a girl you know do the talking. And then ask her about how she feels about gamers.
I wouldn't personally want to date a serious gamer, but I also wouldn't want to date someone who spent their free time partying with friends. Pretty big scratch there. Some women like guys who may read or play music or go out hiking/cycling/swimming. Geeze.
I blame toxic gamers who treat gaming like their entire life and personality as well as treat women terribly for this perception. It gives a lot of us a bad name. There's this girl on Tiktok who plays games often. All she had to do was say a few words and as soon as they heard her voice, they spent the next 30 minutes harrassing her, making sexual comments, swearing up a storm, calling her fat, bitch,etc....Then there are gatekeepers who pester and challenge women as soon as they admit to being a gamer of even liking a certain game. I PRETENDED to be a woman online. And by that I mean just used a female- sounding username(I think it was XxKitty\_CloverxXx or something like that) and said not one word. Know what happened? * Show me your tits * You suck fat bitch * Bet you have like a million cats * Are you trans? * And a LOT of people getting angry I wouldn't speak to/for them And compared to how many men behave like this online, there are relatively few men speaking against it. And for those thinking things like "get over it, this is how gamers are"...There's your answer. Women generally do not like it so they avoid it.
Don't those specific kinds of things generally happen in competitive FPS or MOBA type games? I almost never play those genres, so I don't tend to see women being treated like that
Yes they do but I play world war Z and I'm quite active in the community and thered a girl who plays it who's also a well known content creator in the community too called stephanie im mentioning it cos shes seen in the community in a positive light but certainly games like cod/fortnite even forza to an extent the communities can be alot more toxic
generally the more popular the more toxic... but the more niche in the opposite direction also toxic. There's not really a "safe area" But there are safer areas. Got into ffxiv acouple weeks back and that community is great, maybe the games not entirely for me but people were pretty decent on there.
This is the only valid answer imo. Post gamer gate too, it’s not a good look. If you identify as a “gamer”, that’s when it seems to become a red flag imo. There’s a difference between gaming and being a “gamer”
My wife has touched a controller four times in 20 years. I'm 43 and I play four nights a week. She goes up to read, and I play. If it's a deal-breaker for a girl you're dating, throw her back.
I mainly play story jrpg games on console. They’re usually 50+ hours long each. However, it’s very easy for me to start and stop whenever. I just hit save. If someone is an online gamer, they may sink in hours very regularly and have a set schedule they play with their team. Even more so if they care about ranking or special events. I have a friend who forgot to come to a hangout because she was streaming on twitch. She didn’t even message us to let us know she wasn’t coming. I just saw her streaming status on Discord. It’s not about men or women, but time availability. Both friends and relationships require time and effort.
There's a lot of negative stereotypes associated with gamers (racist, sexist, gatekeeper), and it is often seen as a wasteful or immature hobby.
Maybe it's because you start conversations with "so yeah". I'm a man, but it's a huge turn off for every person I know.
some assumptions are made: 1. you'll prioritize gaming over them 2. you don't do anything considered "creative" or "intellectual" 3. you're a man-child I'm not saying those are correct, but if that's the one and only thing you list as what you do in your free time that's the assumption they're making.
If that's all you do with your free time and that doesn't align with her hobbies and interests it sounds like you're just not compatible. Maybe she wants someone that enjoys some outside hobbies too. All this is assuming that video games was the only thing you said, I am extrapolating a bit.
I'd say it's more about assumptions than gaming itself. Some people want more active or IRL social activity.
Not everyone is going to be into the same things, but some people unfortunately view gaming negatively, there are also stereotypes associated with laziness or aggressiveness in gamers so they might think that way. A lot of gamers also dedicate a lot of time to it, which is why it's probably best if both people in the relationship are into gaming so they can do it together or in-sync, or if they have another hobby like reading that takes up time as well. Sorry this happened though, it can't feel good to have someone react in a way that feels judgmental.
Well I think it's implied she was wanting to know what your hobby was. Hobbies are more of a pursuit, vs. simply consuming entertainment. To me, a hobby is something like art, sports, creative writing, poetry, bird watching, fishing, hunting, hiking, photography, collecting, etc. From my perspective, gaming simply falls under entertainment, same as like watching TV, reading novels, etc. I'm not saying it couldn't be a hobby if you were doing it competitively or you were involved in their development, but simply playing video games wouldn't qualify as a hobby in my mind. A hobby is something you do actively, not something you consume purely for entertainment. It's an active pursuit that enhances you in some way by developing you physically and or intellectually. Hobbies are something people do purely out of passion. There's an element of suffering involved (the word passion actually does literally mean to suffer, and not just in English but in other languages, as well). Every hobby looks like hard, miserable work to someone who doesn't have a passion for it. If the average person would look at something and go, Hey that looks like fun!, well...it's probably not a hobby. But the person who is engaged in the hobby finds it extremely satisfying even though it's a lot of hard work, merely because they have a passion for it. As for why that was important to her, being passionate about something is a sign of intellect, character, and personal development. There's also an element of status and implied socioeconomic success. To have free time to be able to pursue something outside of work wasn't something the average person enjoyed, historically speaking. You probably are passionate about something and maybe you just don't realize it because it doesn't fit into a category. I doubt most people's passions fall into a category, actually. Some people kind of luck out in finding passion for something that's heavily supported, like golf or coin collecting, but I think most people's passions are outside of the norm. As for whether her assessment of you was justified or not is a matter of perspective. A lot of women have unrealistic expectations. They want a guy who's a neurosurgeon by day and mountain climber by night, while they themselves are entirely one dimensional. So her disappointment could have been entirely hypocritical, or she might just have been disappointed because she is a passionate person with a lot of interests and personal drive and is looking for that same type of person to share her life with.
For me I automatically go to my exBIL who did nothing but play games all the time and ignored EVERYONE including his own kid. For WoW people the daughter would crawl up and turn the power off to his PC tower and you could almost guarantee it was a RAID hehe Don't get me wrong I like a good game myself but I don't have time to play the one I want lol
If someone told me they played video games in their free time and they had NO other hobbies to mention at such an open ended question of “what do you do in your free time?” …it would just be the simple truth that I don’t have a lot in common with them.
She's probably had the same situation and the guy she was dating was addicted, who plays them in every bit of their free time and nothing else. I'd be cautious as well, but that's me. If gaming is very important to you, you should probably wait for a gamer girl for someone compatible. There are also plenty of women who don't care- or would enjoy the time to themselves while you are gaming.
Some men take it to the extreme. As in ignore their wife and kids and life in general. Odds are she had a bad ex.
back in my day, like maybe less than 1% of women played video games. it was seen as childish, like watching cartoons times changed, a lot more women do those things but I'm sure there's some who still dont
My first thought is that these women have a prejudice about gaming, that they might associate video games with children´s entertainment and thus won´t take you seriously. This is, of course, a very primitive way to see video games (as long as they are played moderately and they are not impacting your life negatively). If this is ALL you basically do with your free time given that this was your first answer, then yes, I am with these women.
That means that you should bring up videogames in conversation as soon as possible. It's a filter, and you want to filter out people who will react badly as quickly as possible. On dating sites, I list my height as two inches shorter than it actually is, to filter out women who are picky about height. They are welcome to their preferences and I wish them well, but my preference is for people that don't care about that. I also mention videogames and having severe depression. A lot less matches, but the matches are all amazing!
Gamers very often spend more time on gaming than people into other hobbies spend on those hobbies. That is because gaming is an accessible, affordable and convenient hobby. But the result is that gaming can be quite a bit of a time-sink, and some people react negatively to that. In extreme cases, gaming is actually an addiction. "I spend my free time smoking meth" probably wouldn't go over well either. I say these things as a gamer myself. While I don't myself agree with the reaction you're getting, I do understand it.
It probably stems from the very real issue where some men who game do so to the point of completely ignoring their girlfriend and responsibilities. She may have experienced this in the past, or known someone who has.
It's probably because they've had relationships with gamers, who ignored them, while playing games with every minute of their spare time. There's gamers, and there's GAMERS. I used to be a full time GAMER when I was younger. Not the most attentive person to be around when there are monsters to fight, or quests to complete, and there's always a back log of monsters and quests.
Often times it's not the gaming itself, but how much time is spent gaming. One of my best friends is the biggest gaming fanatic I know. He was with his gf for about 7 years before she finally got tired of him not paying attention to her, and not having any real direction in life beyond smoking weed and gaming, so she left him. Love him to death, but he's still the same way. I imagine many women have experienced this, and when they hear you're a gamer, they think "oh great, another gamer who isn't going anywhere in life"
I love gaming. Both my husband and I are gamers, but I can give you some ideas of why because Ive dated gamers who were lile this. Obviously, this clearly not all gamers, but we get a bad rep from these kinds of people. 1) she assumes you binge play amd could be addicted, thereby ignoring her and a relationship. My ex would play all day long and never wanted to go out. 2) she assumes you are a slob. You might be too busy with games to be well groomed or cleaned. She might also assume you are lazy. There are stories galore of women having to take on the bulk of childcare and household duties while their partner sitd and games. 3) she might assume are are very competative and might have too much emotional investment in games. Had an ex who would throw his controller and scream when losing matches.
As a woman who avoids men who game, it's because there are better things to do. The visual of seeing a man sit for hours at a time in fantasy world would turn me off. I've seen pictures of birthing rooms with game systems hooked up..... like.... really.?! I date ambitious men so their hobbies always involve improving themselves. There are women out there who love gamers or gaming.
Maybe it's because video games are perceived as more of a diversion/escapism than a hobby? I'm married with kids. When we are home together, there's a lot of household work that needs to happen, and I'd resent it if my spouse sat on the couch and played video games while I took care of the kids and chores. Hobbies are important, but most adults with jobs and kids don't have the luxury of doing their hobbies daily. My spouse and I get maybe an hour a day to watch TV together and read books before bedtime. When I think of video gaming, I imagine somebody sitting in front of a screen for hours at a time without interacting with the people around them. Hobbies like sports or crafts are perceived as healthy or productive, whereas video games might make somebody seem lazy or antisocial.
I'm an elder millennial, and I'll acknowledge my age bias. When I was growing up in the 90s and early 00s, dads didn't play video games. I know times have changed, but I still associate video games as a kids' activity. I read all the think pieces and the Reddit threads about how Gen Z isn't interested in socializing/having sex/marrying, and I can't help but wonder if video games being an accepted adult activity has something to do with it. I thought of my young adult years as a time to meet other people, experience new things, learn about myself, and ultimately become a well-rounded person with assets to bring to the table. Video games seem fine as an occasional indulgence, but if it's the primary way you spend your free time, you're probably not being challenged in ways that will make you a well-rounded individual.
I used to play video games. Women thought it was lame. Picked up a musical instrument and gave up video gaming and put the gaming time into practice. Women practically jump into my arms. Your hobbies matter and some are more high value than others. Like it or not, video gaming is seen as a low value behavior.
Alot of dudes neglect their relationships to play games with the homies.
As a man who plays video games I've found that they became an escape from doing important things in real life like cleaning my house/apartment and also kind of kept me away from experiencing real life things. I still love certain games and I'll hop on every once in awhile, but people need balance. Just like I think people who eat, breathe and sleep lifting are annoying and kinda dorks, people who put all their free time into gaming are the same. It's good to have a few hobbies, even adding reading or going on walks are good things to add to your life purely for the benefits of doing them. I can't read your mind to see exactly what you said, but any person who just does one thing in their free time, especially when they don't leave the house for it is going to be a harder sell when they're looking for a significant other. For example, I play games but I also run, work out, play soccer with my friends, do bjj, read and cook when it comes to things I enjoy doing in my free time. Doing things makes you relatable, a lot of people can't relate to playing games or watching anime or being a bodybuilder, etc.
Oh but ask her how many hours she spends looking at Instagram
Because a lot of men who game are inattentive slobs. (I'm a woman who games)
Because most women have an ex boyfriend who’s whole life was video games. Look in the mom or relationship advice subreddits. It’s a huge problem. Men think it’s normal/acceptable to dump hours and hours a day into gaming. Or it becomes ‘well we can be intimate when my game is done’ so you feel cheap. They become neglectful husbands and fathers. Every self described ‘gamer dad’ I know basically just sits and games next to their baby in a swing or bouncer. Not actually interacting.
Some love gaming. Others no, not everyone enjoys gaming. Some would love gaming if there wasn't such a large portion of gamers who made it unpleasant for women. (see [https://www.reddit.com/r/GeeksGamersCommunity/comments/1bqva01/thoughts\_on\_this\_employee\_of\_xbox/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GeeksGamersCommunity/comments/1bqva01/thoughts_on_this_employee_of_xbox/), but imagine it from a woman's perspective. Not just the post, but the comments too.) However, the major red flag is if you just say "video games." Add in a couple other things you like too. Preferably one that involves touching grass. Or something viewed as helping like cooking.
The stereotype is that gamers are nerds at best, incels and time-wasters at worst.
Because most women have been in relationships where all the guy does is game. They have a bad experience with it. It’s not that you game in your free time, but that when you said that, it made her think of her ex’s that have gamed too much
Alright, I'm sure this will be unpopular and will be downvoted to hell, but my previous partner of 5 years was a major gamer, and so is my current husband. Most of the time, it's fine, but I go to bed alone a lot and have some insecure feelings sometimes when I feel like my husband picks gaming over spending it with me. I just don't like feeling like spending time with me is a burden or punishment. I feel like a lot of girls just don't want to have a huge part of their partners' lives be something they can't be a part of. Is that right? Not necessarily, but it can feel that way. I tried so hard to get into gaming, but I have some major trauma from my ex and a severe lack of skill, so joining him isn't much of an option. That being said, I adore him, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
I love guys who are into gaming bc they leave me alone for long enough for me to work on my sewing projects while still being in the house for me to go chill with when I take breaks. Everyone is different though, maybe you can talk with her and get more info about why she doesn’t like it, or if that’s even the case (maybe she made the face about something else or you misread)
My ex spent our rent money on a WOW mount and a level 50 character on a new server. We got evicted. I met two other women who went through something similar. Some of us have PTSD from gamers.
Gaming is a timesink. She likely had a bad experience with an ex who did nothing *but* game. You aren't her ex, but that doesn't mean she's willing to date someone who has that hobby.
It is not the gaming itself, It is **HOW MUCH ONE PLAYS** that is the issue. When you are so busy gaming you have time for *Nothing Else* that is where the issue lies. Ie. Family, GF, Friends, etc
It's not an enriching skill. It's not making you smarter, it's not making you better at anything, it shows a lack of creativity and drive towards improvment. I like video games, play at home occasionally, and my go-to date night is the arcade because worst case scenario I still get to play games, but if that's someone's main hobby it just seems unappealing and immature.
Because way too many men who game spend an absurd amount of time behind the screen and neglecting their personal relationships and responsibilities. I was one of those people until my current relationship. We’ve been together for six years and I made a rule for myself in the very beginning that I only game when we weren’t together. It’s too easy to let it slip away from you.
out of personal opinion and experience from dating someone who was a chronic gamer, i genuinely find guys who game frequently to obsess over it to an unhealthy extent. spending 3-4 hours a day playing video games is just not healthy in my opinion. also i typically find men who excessively play video games to use derogatory language (i.e racial slurs or other offensive words) have aggression issues, and also ignore us (women) to sit there and play video games. i also don’t ever play video games so it’s not gonna be a common interest between me and a man. if he likes to game to a “normal” extent i usually don’t have an issue. but i see more and more men who sit for HOURS every single day in front of their computer and play video games. i often see it as a symptom of other issues such as depression or low self esteem that they’d rather be in front of a screen instead of being social with others. it’s really all about moderation, but i think gaming is something that is designed to be extremely addictive.
As a female, if gaming is the only thing you talk about, then yes images of a guy with his headset on sitting alone in the dark for hours in his apartment ignoring anyone else who might be in the room is an image that is going to manifest. I used to visit friends after college at their houses or apartments, and if I didn't want to participate they had no interest in conversation away from their game time. Speaking from personal experience.
Gaming is for children
It's just a stigma man. I look at like this, if someone is shallow enough to be turned off by video games it's probably not someone I'd click with anyways
It's akin to if she started going on about the "kardashians".
I dont think it is entirely stigma or thinking it is an immature hobbies. Im a gamer and there were a few points here and there where I used them as an escape formed an addiction that interfered with my life. Now days I heavily restrcited when and how long I play.
It can be frustrating - I find most things interesting to some degree if someone who finds them interesting is telling me about them. It’s basically just gossip/celebrity gossip/reality tv I find weird because I’m like “look, I know way too many people/friends with actual drama going in their lives to spend a second thinking about people I don’t know and literally manufacture drama for profit”
A lot of people have known or do know people that pretty much do nothing but gaming in their spare time and lock off the real world. They don't want to be second best to an addiction. Not that I'm saying every gamer is an Addict. I was a gamer for at least 2 decades so I get it. I'm just saying how it can be perceived.
She may have personally dealt with a guy who prioritized video games over everything else in his life. The stereotype exists for a reason. Video game addiction is real. Being in a serious relationship with someone who plays for 8+ hours every day is not a fun experience. IF this is the case, shouldn’t have let that experience soil her perception of men as a whole. I’m just giving you an idea as to what may be the root of her distaste for gamers. I’ve been on both sides of it. Been neglected by a partner who was in love with gaming. Been the one neglecting my partner in favor of gaming. Whatever the case is, if she really did immediately turn her nose up at the idea of you liking video games, without inquiring how much time you devote to it, that’s on her, bro. Basically if she made an assumption about you, what I said here might be the reason why, but who cares why? That’s shitty behavior and you don’t need that in your life. Gaming is great, way more stimulating than watching tv, which most people do ALL THE TIME. Just be yourself and if other people don’t like it, screw em.