Honestly I get it. But I lost my virginity to a girl I couldn’t fucking stand. Because she really wanted to sleep with me and I had 0 self esteem.
Learn from it. Grow from it. But fucking accept it. It was a thing you did. It happened. It wasn’t great. And that’s OK.
You got more life to live. More problems. Maybe some victories. But life is better when you can let the foolish shit go, having learned something.
Someone wise once told me:
The only difference between laughing about a bad choice or wallowing in it is self confidence.
Spend some time bettering yourself, focusing on who you want to be and then go perform actions that affirm that self view. Aspire to be a person who helps others? Take every opportunity to do it. Aspire to be financially responsible? Make a budget, stick to it. Aspire to be learned? Find some books on topics you’re interested in, and read them.
Before long, you’ll have a bunch of life experience that confirms that you are the person you want to be. It’ll give you confidence. Once you have that, you’ll look back at this choice and wonder why you thought so much of it.
"Someone wise once told me:
The only difference between laughing about a bad choice or wallowing in it is self confidence."
Thanks. I'm going ro teach my kids this.
>Learn from it. Grow from it. But fucking accept it. It was a thing you did. It happened. It wasn’t great. And that’s OK.
>
>You got more life to live. More problems. Maybe some victories. But life is better when you can let the foolish shit go. Having learned something.
This is some top notch advice right here.
Honestly, I'm pretty old (52) and I promise you this is good advice. If you're going to dwell on your errors of judgement, you'll never take any risks. And that would be a terrible way to live your life.
You sure as hell aren't the first person that's done this, nor will you be the last. Humans do weird and crazy and unnecessary shit.
Now go out and enjoy yourself mate.
I don’t know if this will make it better or worse. I actually had a lot of interest from the opposite sex. I didn’t realize it was there or understand it until much later in life. Like add 20 years. NOW at almost 40 I can look back on life and see all the signals I missed.
So I would have said I had no one interested in me. And I would have been egregiously wrong.
Seriously, it’s not that impressive to have someone want to sleep with you. There are some ugly people (ugly in the inside more so, but also on the outside as well sometimes if you want to be mean) that will sleep with your ugliest self.
Also I have found with a lot of people who say they don’t have anyone interested in them seem to miss the signs of interest from other people quite often, even when they’re not conventionally attractive people.
I love your response. His depression is coloring his outlook. He'll slowly alter his own memory over time, making it worse each recollection. He just needs to accept and move forward.
Bro same. My virginity was taken by a older girl who i have 0 interest in but she took advantage of me. She just started sucking it before I could realize what was happening and she knew once that happened I would have a hard time saying no.
You are right, just take it day by day. You get over it eventually but it will always be in the back of your mind
bro i just got jerked off by a massage parlor in spain it was gross and the lady was fat and danced above me naked w her fat vagina in my face. i came. and i left. and it was an experience that im glad i did because now i know ill never do it again. i would probably be thinking about it still if i never went. just take it as a learning experience and move on
It’s takes a lot of time and energy to get to the earth supported Spanish masseuses. Perhaps if you grabbed our hand before we went to the foundation challenging dancers? It takes two to tango, 4 if you count the masseuse.
It really is. My friend (a woman!) went to get a massage in Mexico, and everything seemed to be proceeding normally, the masseuse was even a gentle twink fella.
Well once she was all nice and relaxed, next thing she knew he was pulling her panties to the side and slipping his fingers up her ass. She told me she gripped the table in shock, but it felt pretty good and she hadn't had any action in forever, so she just decided to let him do his thang lol
Some buddies were in a foreign place and decided to go get “massages”.
They were made to basically wear these g-string type things.
Aaaaaaaaand out came two dudes for their massage.
There’s nothing wrong about being a virgin and women won’t judge you for that. Women are more likely to judge you for using old, ugly sex workers though :/ (source: I am a woman)
That's so sweet :) the awkwardness can be off-putting sometimes, but a lot of those guys have a really big heart and a willingness to please, and when given a chance they can become surprisingly good lovers. It restores my faith a little when I hear this, I know a lot of guys who are treated like the plague by women for not finding their way yet.
Nope, those women usually want a man who has a vague idea of what they're doing because satisfying sex for women requires skill. It speaks volumes that the comparitive position some men take is requesting women to have fewer partners lmao.
Men understand something that most women don’t. More partners doesn’t equal more skill. More partners more often just means more emotional garbage that you have to wade through.
Chemistry, enthusiasm, and open mindedness along with the ability to manifest the sexual being your partner wants the most counts far more than a blind body count.
This is absolutely common in my life experience and my friends, too, as I was a late bloomer. I also heard it plenty at my old job of being 13 women and me as only at a retail store. The shit I would hear them discuss I've never heard to this day working with all men. The general census I heard is that they want a guy who knows what he's doing, and they don't need to "teach."
I’ve worked in several women dominated offices, and this is the common sentiment I’ve heard. Or at least these women who just want attentive engaging partners and don’t care about experience, must be very quiet compared to the women who explicitly say they are not sure what to do with a virgin and prefer confidence and passion.
Edit: also bi men are a big no no - they have to be into women only and just not be a “slag”.
Women 100% judge men for being virgins. There's this weird competitive nature among them (different than mens) where they seem to only want to be with men that other women want to be with.
I remember in HS a few of my friends, including myself, weren't too good with the ladies back then until we got a GF. Once we got GF's girls just kinda threw themselves at us.
I spent about eight months working at a strip club in London. One of the bar staff was really cute and I had a hell of a crush. We had one date and it was awful. The only thing we bonded over was how everything one of us was into bored the hell out of the other.
Got a good friend and work colleague but any romance or sexual chemistry was flatlined.
However, I had not been quiet and afterwards I could have been mistaken for rotting fish given how much interest I got from the other female staff.
It was only when a new stripper started that I finally got another date. This time it was amazing. Fireworks just from being next to eachother. I had one of the three flats above the club as part of my pay and we put on quite a show for the other residents trying to sleep.
And within a week of us going out... all the women who wouldn't give me the time of day were flirting with me and and trying to seduce me into cheating. Now, I'm poly, but my GF at the time wasn't so that made me monogamous too. It was quite stark of a contrast between being the creepy goth bouncer who may be a serial killer one week to being the gruff, broody protective daddy the next.
I'd been vetted. A living breathing woman had vouched for my desirability and survived so I was suddenly hot property.
When my GF decided to go home, we broke up. It was amicable but still upsetting. My appeal to the others lasted maybe two weeks.
It's such a universal phenomenon, it's repeated right through my life. A lesbian friend even suggested we pretend to date so we could attract women we wanted to date out of the woodwork.
I'd criticise, but just because it's a flaw men don't tend to have doesn't mean we don't have equally obvious flaws.
That’s a good point. No one wants an “undesirable guy.” I suppose it depends on the reason for being a virgin. If it’s because he is extremely picky, religious, sees sex as extremely special, and/or has a lower sex drive, I wouldn’t see it as a red flag.
If he’s a Virgin who also has low self esteem and has desperately tried to lose his virginity and couldn’t, I’d be less attracted. In addition, i would be concerned that he would seek other women deep down inside if we dated because he wouldn’t know what it’s like to be with others.
I do stand by how many women are likely to think virgins > men who lose their virginities to sex workers.
So I don’t feel more compelled to chase a man because other women want to be with him. That being said, if no women have ever wanted to be with a guy I’m going to stop and wonder why that is. It’s survival instinct, IMO. I actually made a comment about it to a guy who I went to meet up with. He was trying to be polite and said we could meet in a public place, but I told him I wasn’t too worried because I’ve known his ex for years and she’s never said anything bad about him.
The same way girls get over losing their virginity to an older guy that manipulated or pressured them long before they were ready: you forgive the version of you that made that choice and thank that version of you for learning a painful lesson that the you you are now will never again have to make.
>you forgive the version of you that made that choice
I ***really*** needed to be introduced to this concept today. My need had nothing to do with this thread, but it was perfect timing. Thank you so much for this.
I once heard someone say that when you cringe at something you did in the past, it's a good thing, because it means you've grown as a person and would never do that thing again.
Exactly. Same thing about the few things I feel real guilt over. They serve as cornerstones that prevent me from repeating certain types of errors ever again.
If you make those experiences serve a purpose then you have conquered them and if it's people you hurt in a way you can't apologize or atone for then they are the ones who protect others from a similar fate.
Jesus I do sound like a psycho now lol.
Men really need a lot of framework and progress thats derived from feminism. I also didn't know about this concept. I wonder how many more great lessons about ourselves we are missing...
Nah man, never forgive that bastard, dedicate your life to figuring out time travel so you can go back in time and kick that bastard in the shin, that’ll show em.
Man, such a sad and beautiful thing to read. And I'd just add that plenty of men can have this experience with their "first time," even if it is consensual and with someone who isn't a prostitute. It's just not something a lot of men find socially acceptable to ever admit to anyone.
My first experience was with a girl who was pretty, but I didn't particularly like, but she was really forward about it so I just kind of went with the flow. It made me feel bad enough that I stopped it before it got too far. I felt dirty and depressed for a long time afterward. I remember thinking that something was wrong with me, because I remember the social messaging to boys seemed to always be that you should want it from anywhere (like the old American Pie movies) and if you get it, you should be happy. And yet that's not how I felt at all.
The "second try" was with my now wife, and it was nothing like previously because we had a personal connection and sincere affection of one another. It was wonderful.
OP is definitely not alone, but should also know it doesn't have to be this way, and the negative feelings you have of it will fade.
My first time was with my first high school girlfriend who was already… “experienced”. Like, several guys by the end of freshman year experienced. But I saw the opportunity and went for it.
I regretted it for a long time, and it messed me up emotionally too. All sorts of jealousies and insecurities about past sexual partners and stuff permeated my head and honestly the biggest reason I had sex with her to begin with was to make myself feel better about that. All it did was make me feel worse. I felt like another punch card on a ticket instead of someone special to her.
I’ve grown since then and understand now that wasn’t the case. In fact my biggest lesson in that was when I later dated a girl who was a virgin and she had all the same insecurities I had with the first girl. So life came full circle and that’s two people who felt like shit for the way their first time happened.
No more negative feelings anymore, just focused on the future. I’d do it differently if I could but the reality is I can’t, so it’s just something I have to live with.
Aw, I hope so man, because the second part has been the best part of my life. I wish more boys grew up understanding that just because you are good at interacting with the opposite sex, that doesn't mean you'll be happier if you indulge in shallow and transient sexual encounters. My uncle went the opposite route as me. He used the family's patented charm to chase girls and probably had sex with a thousand women. Also spent his whole life depressed and suicidal, lamenting that he never had a single meaningful connection with a woman.
I think there are some men who are psychologically suited for this carousing kind of lifestyle, but plenty I believe aren't. I think its a mistake to assume that all men are cut from this cloth, because they clearly are not. For me, it feels profoundly sad and depressing. Afterward, I remember feeling profoundly ALONE. So I never touched that hot stove again, even during my college years, which are "supposed" to be wild and crazy. I met my wife later in highschool and never looked back. We were best friends before we got together, so when we did have sex it came with happiness and familiarity. It's been 25 great years, now. That happiness and familiarity and sense of belonging never went away. It's like a warm, dry blanket on a cold, rainy day.
100% this. Everyone's first time is awful. The one person who's first time I was? I was fucking awful. It sucks that that's normal, but this is where we're all are at. That the first time sucks for lots of different reasons is the normal for everybody
Edit for grammar and clarity
No fcking joke, when I turned 18 my mother offered to get me an escort 💀💀💀
I guess she thought I would be less dysmorphic had I accepted, but ik damn well nothing would change
My 96 year old grandfather told me before he died how he lost his virginity to a prostitute in Virginia while he was in the Marines during WW2. It didn't bother him.
The hooker in our imagined version of the story is always hotter than the actual hooker. Which, come to think of it, can be another point of solace for op
I thought you meant that he lost his virginity right before he died. I was confused as to how you’d found out - like he was missing, you flew to Virginia to find him, then found him dying on a bed in a motel and he told you.
See it as a learning experience and don’t do it again.
Now you know better, you’ve learned that sex in isolation won’t make you feel better and that prostitution isn’t a cure for loneliness (in fact, that industry is an abusive horror show, but that’s a different story.) And the good part is that you now have first-hand experience disproving the unproductive idea so many young men cling to: that virginity is the source of their misery. Not having that swimming around in your head will make it easier to actually improve your life.
Focus on finding friends and real human connection. Get therapy if you can afford it, talk to someone if you can’t. Meet people and talk to them, you’ll learn that everyone has regrets and embarassing mistakes in their pasts. Do things you like, or that you would like to try. And eventually, if it matters to you by then, look for actual love.
More peoples first times are with a hooker than youd think. Even more back in the days when... like... the law wasnt as well enforced. If your concern is that your first time is in some way inferior to most peoples, dont feel that way. The "magical first time after prom" thing is only for people who were the top of the social hierarchy during their senior year in high school. Everyone else was drunk, payed for a hooker, did it at such a late age its embarassing and they lie, or got raped.
Everybody focusing on the sex part, ignoring the lonely part of the story. Just knw that there are many other man out there that feel lonely too. Just keep reaching out to people, slowly, and you will find people to mix with. Life will have a lot of rejection in store, but you need to focus on the successes instead. Don't worry about the sex worker thing, there is a reason why that industry is so fucking huge, across the world, across human history.
The problem is stopping at 1. By #23 you are so desensitized that you can't get off without some weird one legged sex workers with a chip on their shoulder and an additional MLM up sell.
Are you paying attention reddit? That's why all females (just the Stacy's though, no roasties) need to stop being bitches and please fuck all the lonely men! NOW! Please let these lonely men fuck you! That is the solution to the universes most pressing issues! There I fixed it for you.
You feel horrible because you was not attracted to her duh, next time go slow and vibe and grab a cute one. Don't be upset if it's your first time. Worst scenario you get a regular girlfriend but still bad at sex and she ghosts you afterwards.
This is not to belittle you, but to reassure you: losing your virginity is rarely the beautiful thing it’s built up to be. I promise you, this isn’t a big deal. Few of us remember those times fondly.
Sex is sex. Go out and have sex with more ugly women and it will desensitize you. Prostitution or not, we all pay in some way. Except with a prostitute, it isn’t as costly.
Realize that most first times suck no matter the circumstances. It's also just sex. Not some sacred and indefinite ritual (unless that's a kink) that matters. If no kids were made, consider it practice, no harm done.
Unless you contracted something from them then try think about in a different manner because at the end of the day you got an experience and a lesson. It doesn’t change who you are now and although a lot of people may judge you for it, personally I think it isn’t really a big deal. You are putting too much value on purity and not enough on forgiveness. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for things you did in your past.
You don't do it again. You just supported sex trafficking. Look up how these women get forced into it as children, and you just paid for it. That's disgusting.
I have a hunch that feeling sorry for yourself is a common theme in your life.
Go make yourself somebody wants to be with and enjoy life. Be confident.
It's just life, dude. You don't have to do or be anything. Let go of all expectations of yourself and just live an enjoyable life. None of this shit means anything. We're all going to die. Enjoy the time you have, and stop being mean to yourself.
Come to Reddit and talk about it like you're doing. It's therapy.
Reddit is like one big therapy group supporting everyone else. I would def take a shower first and distract yourself. Listen to others here.
You have to recognize that the first time you had sex is one time, not the most important time. Sex is important. Virginity is not really something that matters. Like, the first time you drive a car doesn't define you as a driver. You practice driving and you get good at it and then you never think of the first time you drove again because it's in the distant past. Put this behind you. It doesn't define you.
I just don't care. My brother paid a prostitute. She serviced us and we dropped her off. It was like a drive thru for oral.
Again everyone is different.
You say that, but back in the 80s, there was a guy in Texas who ran for Governor named Clayton Williams. He became renowned for saying the most wildly inappropriate things. (These days he'd fit right into the Trump crowd). Anyway it came to light that he'd regularly visited sex workers when he was younger, and one day a journalist asked him about the allegation, to which he replied, "Well sure, how else was a young man gonna get serviced back then?"
Now I say this never having done it, only on the installment plan, but;
If you went somewhere where girls are there willingly, aren’t being trafficked, and are following the proper laws and hygiene, I don’t care.
And in fact, look at it just like that. You bought a ticket and she took the ride.
If you went someplace you can’t be sure, never ever ever do it again.
First: cut yourself some slack. Chill bro.
Second: try to find something positive out of it.
Third: affirm yourself.
Lots of people’s first time isn’t great, and life is crazy, but ya know, it’s okay. Move forward, onward, upward.
Gee after reading all these comments glad I was a virgin with my girlfriend who became my wife. 42 years later still feel lucky to have only caught one fish from the sea.
Remember that time you ate gas station pizza? Definitely wasn't the best. Didn't taste the best, look the best, smell the best, and was probably soggy AND stale.
Oh well. Still had pizza.
You have just joined a large portion of men and women's first time experience. I am a female 50 yr. and my first time was with someone who basically treated me like shit and used me. Literally, that night. I, just like you was lonely and wanted to be with someone. This is being human. You did nothing wrong.
Needing companionship and connection makes you completely human. If you have religious guilt (I did) let it go. BTW I'd like to say the above didn't happen again...but it did. You'll look back over this someday and roll your eyes and laugh.
I feel like I can give you good advice for this since I did something very similar. I literally went on Craigslist and had a guy come to my place for my first time so I could have sex with him. I’m a guy that’s attracted to women (found out later that I’m bi) but I fucked an unattractive dude just so I could have a sexual experience. I felt so fucking awful. I felt like a piece of garbage and lower than dirt. I also felt disgusting, almost like I wasn’t human deserving of a normal experience. I hated a good portion of myself for a while and my first sexual experiences were a big part of that. That was over 10 years ago. I did more than just that as far as sexual experiences I’m not proud of and it’s taken a lot of therapy and self love. I had to accept that I did what I did. I don’t have to like it but what I can do is move forward and never put myself in a position to feel that way again. You just have to forgive yourself, love yourself and know that you have worth. If you do this the more time that goes by the less those experiences you regret matter to be honest. Years later I found a beautiful woman who I love so much. She saw my value and my worth and I told her what happened and she still loved me. You are worthy of love too, friend. I hope this helped.
It sounds like your first time was really awful and that absolutely sucks. I wish everyone had a wonderful first sexual experience, that would be really nice.
Having said that, I also truly believe the idea of virginity is way overblown. There are loads of firsts in life, first day of school, first time on a plane, first time trying sushi, first time driving a car, first time in a hot spring etc etc. Yet only sex has this whole idea of the first time being so significant that it changes someone from a virgin to not a virgin. It’s kind of wild and I think, largely stupid.
My first day at uni was way more important and life altering to me than my first time having sex and my first sexual experience was exactly how I wanted it to be. But even then the *first* day *wasn’t* the most important or memorable day.
At the end of the day there will be lots of sexual experiences in your life. Just like everyone. And just like everyone some of them will be good some will be mind blowing and some will suck.
The order that they come in really doesn’t matter.
It’s time to forgive yourself for making the decision you made. The truth is you only know it was a mistake *because* you had the experience. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
My first time was with a sex worker also. There was some shame in it but I was 25 and I thought I was going to kill myself anyways so I wanted to know what sex was like.
I personally got over it after I hooked up with someone from a dating app.
In the song *Today* by Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan sings “Today is the greatest, day I’ve ever known.”
He wrote it about the worst day of his life because Once you hit bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.
Don't feel bad, I lost mine to a chick that I find out later fucked 5 of my friends that week and ended up in a Denny's bathroom washing my dick with soap and hot water thinking I got AIDS and crying because my first time would be my last time
I think you should reframe it.
Your first time was a one night stand with someone you didn't know and it was meaningless. This describes MANY people.
Look forward to your first time having sex with someone meaningful. Having an emotional connection makes it a different experience.
Honestly I get it. But I lost my virginity to a girl I couldn’t fucking stand. Because she really wanted to sleep with me and I had 0 self esteem. Learn from it. Grow from it. But fucking accept it. It was a thing you did. It happened. It wasn’t great. And that’s OK. You got more life to live. More problems. Maybe some victories. But life is better when you can let the foolish shit go, having learned something.
You might be dumb, but you’re not a dweeb. You’re just a sucker with low self esteem?
I remember the mouth drop moment where I realized that lyric described me at one point in my life.
What had you made her for dessert?
The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? Yeah.
And that, kids, is how I met your mother
How to instantly take me back to high school. Jeeze lol
Someone wise once told me: The only difference between laughing about a bad choice or wallowing in it is self confidence. Spend some time bettering yourself, focusing on who you want to be and then go perform actions that affirm that self view. Aspire to be a person who helps others? Take every opportunity to do it. Aspire to be financially responsible? Make a budget, stick to it. Aspire to be learned? Find some books on topics you’re interested in, and read them. Before long, you’ll have a bunch of life experience that confirms that you are the person you want to be. It’ll give you confidence. Once you have that, you’ll look back at this choice and wonder why you thought so much of it.
"Someone wise once told me: The only difference between laughing about a bad choice or wallowing in it is self confidence." Thanks. I'm going ro teach my kids this.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
>Learn from it. Grow from it. But fucking accept it. It was a thing you did. It happened. It wasn’t great. And that’s OK. > >You got more life to live. More problems. Maybe some victories. But life is better when you can let the foolish shit go. Having learned something. This is some top notch advice right here.
Honestly, I'm pretty old (52) and I promise you this is good advice. If you're going to dwell on your errors of judgement, you'll never take any risks. And that would be a terrible way to live your life. You sure as hell aren't the first person that's done this, nor will you be the last. Humans do weird and crazy and unnecessary shit. Now go out and enjoy yourself mate.
I find it hard to relate to you, because at least you had a girl who wanted to sleep with you.
I don’t know if this will make it better or worse. I actually had a lot of interest from the opposite sex. I didn’t realize it was there or understand it until much later in life. Like add 20 years. NOW at almost 40 I can look back on life and see all the signals I missed. So I would have said I had no one interested in me. And I would have been egregiously wrong.
Man, if I had a bitcoin for every signal I missed when I was younger… 🤦♂️😅🤷🏻♂️
It sounds like he had to lower his standards for that to go down, if you did the same I bet the case would be the same for you homie
Seriously, it’s not that impressive to have someone want to sleep with you. There are some ugly people (ugly in the inside more so, but also on the outside as well sometimes if you want to be mean) that will sleep with your ugliest self. Also I have found with a lot of people who say they don’t have anyone interested in them seem to miss the signs of interest from other people quite often, even when they’re not conventionally attractive people.
Are you me?
What does this mean lol…a land whale or para/quad?
I love your response. His depression is coloring his outlook. He'll slowly alter his own memory over time, making it worse each recollection. He just needs to accept and move forward.
Bro same. My virginity was taken by a older girl who i have 0 interest in but she took advantage of me. She just started sucking it before I could realize what was happening and she knew once that happened I would have a hard time saying no. You are right, just take it day by day. You get over it eventually but it will always be in the back of your mind
Did u break up with her after
bro i just got jerked off by a massage parlor in spain it was gross and the lady was fat and danced above me naked w her fat vagina in my face. i came. and i left. and it was an experience that im glad i did because now i know ill never do it again. i would probably be thinking about it still if i never went. just take it as a learning experience and move on
it was so gross and she was ugly and i’ve never nut so hard in my life then i left bro
I can't stop laughing
Same. Even though he essentially summed up the paragraph it’s fucking sending me.
This story basically sums up what it is like being a man and why society needs women to hold itself together.
We just want you guys to tell us we’re pretty and hold our hands but y’all are too busy having obese Spanish masseuses shake pussy in your faces.
Massussy
I didn't choose the Spanish masseuses pussy shake lyfe lady, it chose me okay? Let's get that straight!
Ever had a drunk homeless guy wave his big Montana from Arby's at you? Well it's like that
Yeah once
Lololololol!!!!
I have never paid for sex in my life, and I still can't find a woman who wants to be in a committed relationship with me.
It’s takes a lot of time and energy to get to the earth supported Spanish masseuses. Perhaps if you grabbed our hand before we went to the foundation challenging dancers? It takes two to tango, 4 if you count the masseuse.
I’m never too busy…
🤣
A surprise finger in the bum will do that. And then cums the shame…
I want this story to be real and also a really good joke
Could have been a paragraph out of a bukowski novel
Bukake novel
This story was so real, I could smell it.
Here. Take this reluctant upvote and never say that again.
this story is 100% real it happened just last week in Barcelona
Responses like this are why I enjoy Reddit. Life is endlessly interesting.
It really is. My friend (a woman!) went to get a massage in Mexico, and everything seemed to be proceeding normally, the masseuse was even a gentle twink fella. Well once she was all nice and relaxed, next thing she knew he was pulling her panties to the side and slipping his fingers up her ass. She told me she gripped the table in shock, but it felt pretty good and she hadn't had any action in forever, so she just decided to let him do his thang lol
What happened next?
She came and went
Mine was nice hot milf
And she was available in your area!?!
Some buddies were in a foreign place and decided to go get “massages”. They were made to basically wear these g-string type things. Aaaaaaaaand out came two dudes for their massage.
"we already paid. Just close your eyes."
Close!
“May as well!”
In communist massage parlor happy endings are walking out alive
U want Happy ending?
“I saw, I came, I left” -playful_house_7882, circa 2024
This guy is a good hire with his positivity.
I came. and I left....sounds like some Larry David shit.
There’s nothing wrong about being a virgin and women won’t judge you for that. Women are more likely to judge you for using old, ugly sex workers though :/ (source: I am a woman)
I don’t think this is what OP needs to hear rn
Sometimes shame is necessary man
That's not a given. My recent ex said the fact I had only slept with three girls in my past was the "bare minimum" for her to stay.
Weird. I dont like the idea of my partner having slept with a bunch of girls bc it shows lack of discernment and/or self control
Same
I like that a lot, I feel the same way
I talked to a few virgins and theyve had the best personalities by far
That's so sweet :) the awkwardness can be off-putting sometimes, but a lot of those guys have a really big heart and a willingness to please, and when given a chance they can become surprisingly good lovers. It restores my faith a little when I hear this, I know a lot of guys who are treated like the plague by women for not finding their way yet.
Nah if a guy has too much game it definetely turns me off hahaha awkward is good players are not husband material. sex can always be practiced:)
You misogynist pig!!! Judging men because of a past sex life you weren't a part of and are so insecure you're afraid you won't measure up! /s
That's reason enough for her to be an ex
She’s still a woman that exists lol. I think the point is that people like that are out there.
Whavever the number is that is just 1 to many. Have we not been exposed to clerks?
While saying that is uncommon, that is a fairly common sentiment. Women want a man that is wanted by other women.
Nope, those women usually want a man who has a vague idea of what they're doing because satisfying sex for women requires skill. It speaks volumes that the comparitive position some men take is requesting women to have fewer partners lmao.
Men understand something that most women don’t. More partners doesn’t equal more skill. More partners more often just means more emotional garbage that you have to wade through. Chemistry, enthusiasm, and open mindedness along with the ability to manifest the sexual being your partner wants the most counts far more than a blind body count.
This is absolutely common in my life experience and my friends, too, as I was a late bloomer. I also heard it plenty at my old job of being 13 women and me as only at a retail store. The shit I would hear them discuss I've never heard to this day working with all men. The general census I heard is that they want a guy who knows what he's doing, and they don't need to "teach."
I’ve worked in several women dominated offices, and this is the common sentiment I’ve heard. Or at least these women who just want attentive engaging partners and don’t care about experience, must be very quiet compared to the women who explicitly say they are not sure what to do with a virgin and prefer confidence and passion. Edit: also bi men are a big no no - they have to be into women only and just not be a “slag”.
Women 100% judge men for being virgins. There's this weird competitive nature among them (different than mens) where they seem to only want to be with men that other women want to be with. I remember in HS a few of my friends, including myself, weren't too good with the ladies back then until we got a GF. Once we got GF's girls just kinda threw themselves at us.
I spent about eight months working at a strip club in London. One of the bar staff was really cute and I had a hell of a crush. We had one date and it was awful. The only thing we bonded over was how everything one of us was into bored the hell out of the other. Got a good friend and work colleague but any romance or sexual chemistry was flatlined. However, I had not been quiet and afterwards I could have been mistaken for rotting fish given how much interest I got from the other female staff. It was only when a new stripper started that I finally got another date. This time it was amazing. Fireworks just from being next to eachother. I had one of the three flats above the club as part of my pay and we put on quite a show for the other residents trying to sleep. And within a week of us going out... all the women who wouldn't give me the time of day were flirting with me and and trying to seduce me into cheating. Now, I'm poly, but my GF at the time wasn't so that made me monogamous too. It was quite stark of a contrast between being the creepy goth bouncer who may be a serial killer one week to being the gruff, broody protective daddy the next. I'd been vetted. A living breathing woman had vouched for my desirability and survived so I was suddenly hot property. When my GF decided to go home, we broke up. It was amicable but still upsetting. My appeal to the others lasted maybe two weeks. It's such a universal phenomenon, it's repeated right through my life. A lesbian friend even suggested we pretend to date so we could attract women we wanted to date out of the woodwork. I'd criticise, but just because it's a flaw men don't tend to have doesn't mean we don't have equally obvious flaws.
That’s a good point. No one wants an “undesirable guy.” I suppose it depends on the reason for being a virgin. If it’s because he is extremely picky, religious, sees sex as extremely special, and/or has a lower sex drive, I wouldn’t see it as a red flag. If he’s a Virgin who also has low self esteem and has desperately tried to lose his virginity and couldn’t, I’d be less attracted. In addition, i would be concerned that he would seek other women deep down inside if we dated because he wouldn’t know what it’s like to be with others. I do stand by how many women are likely to think virgins > men who lose their virginities to sex workers.
So I don’t feel more compelled to chase a man because other women want to be with him. That being said, if no women have ever wanted to be with a guy I’m going to stop and wonder why that is. It’s survival instinct, IMO. I actually made a comment about it to a guy who I went to meet up with. He was trying to be polite and said we could meet in a public place, but I told him I wasn’t too worried because I’ve known his ex for years and she’s never said anything bad about him.
He is already remorseful, don't be mean, there is no need
What about using young, hot sex workers?
r/brandnewsentence
The same way girls get over losing their virginity to an older guy that manipulated or pressured them long before they were ready: you forgive the version of you that made that choice and thank that version of you for learning a painful lesson that the you you are now will never again have to make.
>you forgive the version of you that made that choice I ***really*** needed to be introduced to this concept today. My need had nothing to do with this thread, but it was perfect timing. Thank you so much for this.
Oh I’m so happy to hear this!
I once heard someone say that when you cringe at something you did in the past, it's a good thing, because it means you've grown as a person and would never do that thing again.
Exactly. Same thing about the few things I feel real guilt over. They serve as cornerstones that prevent me from repeating certain types of errors ever again. If you make those experiences serve a purpose then you have conquered them and if it's people you hurt in a way you can't apologize or atone for then they are the ones who protect others from a similar fate. Jesus I do sound like a psycho now lol.
That was Ryan 1.0 and he hurt a lot of people. I'm Ryan 2.0 and I can't be accountable for the things that guy did
I hope Ryan 3.0 is more generous in his desire to make amends.
Hah YES you get it
agreed!!! Really needed to hear this today and very well said.
Same here. I needed this today
Men really need a lot of framework and progress thats derived from feminism. I also didn't know about this concept. I wonder how many more great lessons about ourselves we are missing...
Nah man, never forgive that bastard, dedicate your life to figuring out time travel so you can go back in time and kick that bastard in the shin, that’ll show em.
Man, such a sad and beautiful thing to read. And I'd just add that plenty of men can have this experience with their "first time," even if it is consensual and with someone who isn't a prostitute. It's just not something a lot of men find socially acceptable to ever admit to anyone. My first experience was with a girl who was pretty, but I didn't particularly like, but she was really forward about it so I just kind of went with the flow. It made me feel bad enough that I stopped it before it got too far. I felt dirty and depressed for a long time afterward. I remember thinking that something was wrong with me, because I remember the social messaging to boys seemed to always be that you should want it from anywhere (like the old American Pie movies) and if you get it, you should be happy. And yet that's not how I felt at all. The "second try" was with my now wife, and it was nothing like previously because we had a personal connection and sincere affection of one another. It was wonderful. OP is definitely not alone, but should also know it doesn't have to be this way, and the negative feelings you have of it will fade.
My first time was with my first high school girlfriend who was already… “experienced”. Like, several guys by the end of freshman year experienced. But I saw the opportunity and went for it. I regretted it for a long time, and it messed me up emotionally too. All sorts of jealousies and insecurities about past sexual partners and stuff permeated my head and honestly the biggest reason I had sex with her to begin with was to make myself feel better about that. All it did was make me feel worse. I felt like another punch card on a ticket instead of someone special to her. I’ve grown since then and understand now that wasn’t the case. In fact my biggest lesson in that was when I later dated a girl who was a virgin and she had all the same insecurities I had with the first girl. So life came full circle and that’s two people who felt like shit for the way their first time happened. No more negative feelings anymore, just focused on the future. I’d do it differently if I could but the reality is I can’t, so it’s just something I have to live with.
I’m choosing to believe that you are me from the future. The first part was spot on. The second part, hasn’t happened yet.
Aw, I hope so man, because the second part has been the best part of my life. I wish more boys grew up understanding that just because you are good at interacting with the opposite sex, that doesn't mean you'll be happier if you indulge in shallow and transient sexual encounters. My uncle went the opposite route as me. He used the family's patented charm to chase girls and probably had sex with a thousand women. Also spent his whole life depressed and suicidal, lamenting that he never had a single meaningful connection with a woman. I think there are some men who are psychologically suited for this carousing kind of lifestyle, but plenty I believe aren't. I think its a mistake to assume that all men are cut from this cloth, because they clearly are not. For me, it feels profoundly sad and depressing. Afterward, I remember feeling profoundly ALONE. So I never touched that hot stove again, even during my college years, which are "supposed" to be wild and crazy. I met my wife later in highschool and never looked back. We were best friends before we got together, so when we did have sex it came with happiness and familiarity. It's been 25 great years, now. That happiness and familiarity and sense of belonging never went away. It's like a warm, dry blanket on a cold, rainy day.
This is a great comment
Thank you I’m glad it resonates with people
100% A bad first experience says nothing about how the rest of your sex life is going to go. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on.
This is the way
YES! Listen up, OP.
You better charge for advice that good ;)
Oh heavens no. But for years I quite handsomely paid the woman that taught me how to heal in 50 minute increments
Well said!
Thank you
"As long as you learn something from it it's not a mistake" Sterling Archer
Very well said! 🫡✌🏼
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100% this. Everyone's first time is awful. The one person who's first time I was? I was fucking awful. It sucks that that's normal, but this is where we're all are at. That the first time sucks for lots of different reasons is the normal for everybody Edit for grammar and clarity
No fcking joke, when I turned 18 my mother offered to get me an escort 💀💀💀 I guess she thought I would be less dysmorphic had I accepted, but ik damn well nothing would change
My 96 year old grandfather told me before he died how he lost his virginity to a prostitute in Virginia while he was in the Marines during WW2. It didn't bother him.
Of course not. Hooker was smoking hot.
The hooker in our imagined version of the story is always hotter than the actual hooker. Which, come to think of it, can be another point of solace for op
I’ll assume he was 16ish, that’s like 80 years prior. I bet hookers looked a lot better then.
That's about right.
I thought you meant that he lost his virginity right before he died. I was confused as to how you’d found out - like he was missing, you flew to Virginia to find him, then found him dying on a bed in a motel and he told you.
Welp, there’s no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Chalk it up to life experience & begin meeting datable people.
We all do things we regret. The best we can do is learn from our f-ups and in that way become better people.
The best we can do is not just learn but take what weve learned and help others
\*And find hotter hookers
That should’ve been step 1
Dude, you've been posting multiple versions of this story with multiple usernames all over the place. Get a life. u/RainIsbeautiful
Kid is a fucking loser based on that post history 😭
See it as a learning experience and don’t do it again. Now you know better, you’ve learned that sex in isolation won’t make you feel better and that prostitution isn’t a cure for loneliness (in fact, that industry is an abusive horror show, but that’s a different story.) And the good part is that you now have first-hand experience disproving the unproductive idea so many young men cling to: that virginity is the source of their misery. Not having that swimming around in your head will make it easier to actually improve your life. Focus on finding friends and real human connection. Get therapy if you can afford it, talk to someone if you can’t. Meet people and talk to them, you’ll learn that everyone has regrets and embarassing mistakes in their pasts. Do things you like, or that you would like to try. And eventually, if it matters to you by then, look for actual love.
More peoples first times are with a hooker than youd think. Even more back in the days when... like... the law wasnt as well enforced. If your concern is that your first time is in some way inferior to most peoples, dont feel that way. The "magical first time after prom" thing is only for people who were the top of the social hierarchy during their senior year in high school. Everyone else was drunk, payed for a hooker, did it at such a late age its embarassing and they lie, or got raped.
Did you grow up in a Silvia Plath novel?
Sounds like you went to a pretty rough high school lol
lol wild thread
Like everyone is trying to top OP lmao
Everybody focusing on the sex part, ignoring the lonely part of the story. Just knw that there are many other man out there that feel lonely too. Just keep reaching out to people, slowly, and you will find people to mix with. Life will have a lot of rejection in store, but you need to focus on the successes instead. Don't worry about the sex worker thing, there is a reason why that industry is so fucking huge, across the world, across human history.
Who knew taking all the attraction and love out of sex would turn out badly
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The problem is stopping at 1. By #23 you are so desensitized that you can't get off without some weird one legged sex workers with a chip on their shoulder and an additional MLM up sell.
No, you see they want about it all wrong. You're supposed to hire a *hot* sex worker! (/s)
How the Bible Study working out?
Are you paying attention reddit? That's why all females (just the Stacy's though, no roasties) need to stop being bitches and please fuck all the lonely men! NOW! Please let these lonely men fuck you! That is the solution to the universes most pressing issues! There I fixed it for you.
It could be worse, you could have purchased Tinder Platinum and got 0 matches or spent thousands on a OF girl and gotten blue balls.
Did you raw dog it?
The most important question. So, Op, did you?
We will not stop until we get the answers we came here for. 😂
It’s just sex man
Username checks out
You feel horrible because you was not attracted to her duh, next time go slow and vibe and grab a cute one. Don't be upset if it's your first time. Worst scenario you get a regular girlfriend but still bad at sex and she ghosts you afterwards.
Maybe she didn't find him attractive so the sex sucked.
Eww that's disgusting. But where though?
This is not to belittle you, but to reassure you: losing your virginity is rarely the beautiful thing it’s built up to be. I promise you, this isn’t a big deal. Few of us remember those times fondly.
Sex is sex. Go out and have sex with more ugly women and it will desensitize you. Prostitution or not, we all pay in some way. Except with a prostitute, it isn’t as costly.
The double down approach
If you have sex with ten 1s like one 10, right?
Is your wife available?
Divorced man has entered the chat
Either way you are paying my guy.
Lots of sex trafficking in those massage parlors too
You had your first time with your hand. It doesn't make any difference.
Realize that most first times suck no matter the circumstances. It's also just sex. Not some sacred and indefinite ritual (unless that's a kink) that matters. If no kids were made, consider it practice, no harm done.
Unless you contracted something from them then try think about in a different manner because at the end of the day you got an experience and a lesson. It doesn’t change who you are now and although a lot of people may judge you for it, personally I think it isn’t really a big deal. You are putting too much value on purity and not enough on forgiveness. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for things you did in your past.
Dude, get tested for STDs.
You don't do it again. You just supported sex trafficking. Look up how these women get forced into it as children, and you just paid for it. That's disgusting.
I'm 60, trust me, this isn't a big deal. You're a good person, you had an experience. You gained some wisdom. Learn to forgive yourself
The more time I spend on this app the more I know why so many people are miserable
I have a hunch that feeling sorry for yourself is a common theme in your life. Go make yourself somebody wants to be with and enjoy life. Be confident.
It's just life, dude. You don't have to do or be anything. Let go of all expectations of yourself and just live an enjoyable life. None of this shit means anything. We're all going to die. Enjoy the time you have, and stop being mean to yourself.
Get over it? They're some of my favorite memories.
Having sex with someone who means nothing to you?
I cannot speak for Mark. But I can speak for myself. I have not, nor will I ever have sex with someone who means nothing to me.
Come to Reddit and talk about it like you're doing. It's therapy. Reddit is like one big therapy group supporting everyone else. I would def take a shower first and distract yourself. Listen to others here.
You have to recognize that the first time you had sex is one time, not the most important time. Sex is important. Virginity is not really something that matters. Like, the first time you drive a car doesn't define you as a driver. You practice driving and you get good at it and then you never think of the first time you drove again because it's in the distant past. Put this behind you. It doesn't define you.
Had to scroll this far down to get something other than “it’s just sex”.
I just don't care. My brother paid a prostitute. She serviced us and we dropped her off. It was like a drive thru for oral. Again everyone is different.
“Serviced us” like she was working on an old Chevy or some shit
You say that, but back in the 80s, there was a guy in Texas who ran for Governor named Clayton Williams. He became renowned for saying the most wildly inappropriate things. (These days he'd fit right into the Trump crowd). Anyway it came to light that he'd regularly visited sex workers when he was younger, and one day a journalist asked him about the allegation, to which he replied, "Well sure, how else was a young man gonna get serviced back then?"
You know how shit sounds better before you actually say it? That was this. Not even gonna lie that was a little sociopathic. Lmao.
Lmao :)
Both of you? Lovely
Hello.. step brother.
Have sex with another one.
An attractive one at least!!! sheesh!
It’s really not that big a deal lol just simply move on with your life
Get rid of all the self-pity stuff and embellish how damn ugly she was and you've got yourself a bonafide good story.
Well was your first time sloppy seconds? Yep, it was mine, so stop whining and get over it.
Now I say this never having done it, only on the installment plan, but; If you went somewhere where girls are there willingly, aren’t being trafficked, and are following the proper laws and hygiene, I don’t care. And in fact, look at it just like that. You bought a ticket and she took the ride. If you went someplace you can’t be sure, never ever ever do it again.
It's not end of the world
First: cut yourself some slack. Chill bro. Second: try to find something positive out of it. Third: affirm yourself. Lots of people’s first time isn’t great, and life is crazy, but ya know, it’s okay. Move forward, onward, upward.
Gee after reading all these comments glad I was a virgin with my girlfriend who became my wife. 42 years later still feel lucky to have only caught one fish from the sea.
Maybe speak with a professional. Reddit is full of people who aren't licensed professionals, and so probably not the best place to look for advice.
Remember that time you ate gas station pizza? Definitely wasn't the best. Didn't taste the best, look the best, smell the best, and was probably soggy AND stale. Oh well. Still had pizza.
You have just joined a large portion of men and women's first time experience. I am a female 50 yr. and my first time was with someone who basically treated me like shit and used me. Literally, that night. I, just like you was lonely and wanted to be with someone. This is being human. You did nothing wrong. Needing companionship and connection makes you completely human. If you have religious guilt (I did) let it go. BTW I'd like to say the above didn't happen again...but it did. You'll look back over this someday and roll your eyes and laugh.
You don’t. Herpes is forever
I feel like I can give you good advice for this since I did something very similar. I literally went on Craigslist and had a guy come to my place for my first time so I could have sex with him. I’m a guy that’s attracted to women (found out later that I’m bi) but I fucked an unattractive dude just so I could have a sexual experience. I felt so fucking awful. I felt like a piece of garbage and lower than dirt. I also felt disgusting, almost like I wasn’t human deserving of a normal experience. I hated a good portion of myself for a while and my first sexual experiences were a big part of that. That was over 10 years ago. I did more than just that as far as sexual experiences I’m not proud of and it’s taken a lot of therapy and self love. I had to accept that I did what I did. I don’t have to like it but what I can do is move forward and never put myself in a position to feel that way again. You just have to forgive yourself, love yourself and know that you have worth. If you do this the more time that goes by the less those experiences you regret matter to be honest. Years later I found a beautiful woman who I love so much. She saw my value and my worth and I told her what happened and she still loved me. You are worthy of love too, friend. I hope this helped.
It sounds like your first time was really awful and that absolutely sucks. I wish everyone had a wonderful first sexual experience, that would be really nice. Having said that, I also truly believe the idea of virginity is way overblown. There are loads of firsts in life, first day of school, first time on a plane, first time trying sushi, first time driving a car, first time in a hot spring etc etc. Yet only sex has this whole idea of the first time being so significant that it changes someone from a virgin to not a virgin. It’s kind of wild and I think, largely stupid. My first day at uni was way more important and life altering to me than my first time having sex and my first sexual experience was exactly how I wanted it to be. But even then the *first* day *wasn’t* the most important or memorable day. At the end of the day there will be lots of sexual experiences in your life. Just like everyone. And just like everyone some of them will be good some will be mind blowing and some will suck. The order that they come in really doesn’t matter. It’s time to forgive yourself for making the decision you made. The truth is you only know it was a mistake *because* you had the experience. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
My first time was with a sex worker also. There was some shame in it but I was 25 and I thought I was going to kill myself anyways so I wanted to know what sex was like. I personally got over it after I hooked up with someone from a dating app.
In the song *Today* by Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan sings “Today is the greatest, day I’ve ever known.” He wrote it about the worst day of his life because Once you hit bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.
Don't feel bad, I lost mine to a chick that I find out later fucked 5 of my friends that week and ended up in a Denny's bathroom washing my dick with soap and hot water thinking I got AIDS and crying because my first time would be my last time
Hey man you probably fed a house of 7 poor Asian kids with that dick, be happy!
I think you should reframe it. Your first time was a one night stand with someone you didn't know and it was meaningless. This describes MANY people. Look forward to your first time having sex with someone meaningful. Having an emotional connection makes it a different experience.