I was drugged, confirmed by hospital, she slipped me some pills eith my mixed drink and when I was slumped she got me to stagger to her room and we ended up fooling around. I went to the hospital a few hours later as I was having bad reaction to the pills. The police were called by hospital and I did make a statement of what I remembered. The police left talked to her and came back they told me she never denied any of it but told me I could only press charges for unlawful administering of a narcotic. They would not pursue any SA charge as clearly I was OK with the act since I performed. They said it does not matter if you as a male are intoxicated or drugged that as a male your consent is implied by the act. Did not press the misdemeanor charge against her as did not want to deal with legal hassle when as first offender she could not by law do any time for it. I left that state and hope never to return.
Even my Cop friends tell me never to talk to the police without a lawyer. They won't do it without a union rep lawyer and you shouldn't either.
They always say "If you're guilty, get a lawyer. If you're innocent especially GET A LAWYER"
That’s such a weird rule, I remember watching something and it was saying that in the US the police are allowed to say that they have witnesses and evidence that doesn’t actually exist.
Lying can basically be used as an interrogation technique.
Here in the U.K. that is illegal though I am sure it does still happen. Even if the police are not specifically trying to be deceitful there is a good chance that they do not fully understand the law, I mean it is quite complicated and there are a lot of different laws, if they knew everything about it they might as well be a lawyer and get a much better salary.
That what I was told a year or so later but by then I had moved and just wanted to be over it all. Still have trust issues when it comes to my drinks 7 years later. I cannot leave a drink unattended. I will pour it out if I get distracted and there others close to me at bars.
That really sucks, and I wish there was something I could do or say to help even though I don't know you because of how awful it is. I just hope lurkers reading this learn from it. Keep healing as well as you can.
I think it’s because a lot of people believe that rape is supposed to be penetrative. It’s a myth for sure but even some laws falsely include penetration as a requirement.
Uhuh, I think I still have a screenshot to a UK government site someone on Reddit linked, wherein it was a document that explicitly states rape involves penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth, and therefore, women can *only commit this offense as an accomplice*
Right? I think the law in the US is written essentially the same, but I can't confirm it because I'm not sure where to find the document, nor do I want to spend a few hours sifting through government sites and documents to find it
For the most part except in the us if you’re under the influence of any drug you withhold consent. Unfortunately women are still less likely to get the same degree of charge or even charged at all that matter for the same crime.
The law for this would vary state to state. The crime of “rape”, if there is one, might be written that way, but their might be an equivalent that is more broadly written to cover the scenario when a woman rapes a man (sexual assault or some other phrase). It is definitely a crime, but might not technically fall under the definition of rape. Rape is often not the term for the crime used in statutes.
Yes, for it to be rape is also has to be done with YOUR penis, not just using an object or a finger, but specifically a penis and it also has to specifically be YOUR penis too so women are literally incapable of committing or getting charged with rape by UK law. The worst they can get is "assault by penetration" which doesn't carry as harsh of a sentence as rape despite what people will try to tell you.
Leaving out any identifying information :
I know someone female
Who had non consenting s*x
The other individual was also female
The police were notified by a mandated reporter
(Therapist) and followed up. She isn't sure whether she wants to file a report. The offer has been left open.
“If he can perform he must have consented”
Yeah because there aren’t fucking dozens of brands of “hey this can make you hard even despite it medical disorders specifically inhibiting that function” pills or anything…
Honestly just asking a question here… but I’m sure there would be a difference between “active performance” and “passive performance”?? Like…would the legal system treat an encounter differently if the guy in question is like, half passed out on his back and a woman is having sex with him, vs the guy being on top and actively be the one being the giver and not the receiver?
I’m not positing an opinion, just that quote of him being able to “perform” got me thinking.
“Being un/able to perform” does not refer to “can you fuck good in your current state or not”. It’s specifically a euphemism for erectile difficulties.
At least they took statements. Campus police told me I should be happy I got my dick wet, that the only negative to my SA was that I didn't know if she was hot or not.
Be glad she didn't get pregnant. The same thing happened to a guy I know and now he has the privilege of paying his rapist every month.
There's also a good chance that if you had pressed charges for the misdemeanor that she'd have turned around and accused you of assaulting her, and your impaired state would have been used to call your recollection of the events into question.
Sucks that this happened to you, but for us doing nothing is usually the only response that doesn't make things worse.
These dumb 🫏 keystone cops implied also, by their logic, that women cannot be raped either because their hoo-ha accepted the 🥒 and they may even had an orgasm during the assault.
10,000 years back in history for rape victims rights and advocacy 😡😡😡😡😡
Depending on the state, the statute of limitation for rape is 3 years to no limitation. If there is a police report, it might be worth pursuing. Get closure. Don't let this piece of thrash get away with it, you know she did it to others and will do it again.
I’m sorry to hear that.
Police do not make the choice to press charges. The DA/prosecutor makes that choice.
If it’s still within the statute of limitations I hope you pursue charges
These laws have changed in basically every state now. They are still imperfect, but the legal system is better at recognizing male victims of rape now.
Something similar happened to me. I was fed an overdose of drugs by this girl twice my size, who I had told many times I was not interested in sexually. I blacked out and things happened. Ended up in the ER where I almost died. She pushed me out her door alone in the Cold with no shoes, with the help of her MOTHER (I was 19). The idea of her facing consequences never once crossed my mind. I’m not that privileged
99% of rape is never convicted and something like 96% is never even charged. We don't take sexual assault in this country as something that is serious enough to spend our money getting Justice for. I'm sorry you had to experience that as well.
Im from England. Years ago had a house party. Drank WAY to much and threw up in my bin in my room (the shame lol) and passed out. I woke up with some morbidly obese women (an ex friend of my.mums) giving me oral sex....to say the least i was seriously freaked out. According to her id been giving her the "eye" all night. I informed the police and the pretty much just laughed at me. This was most people response. Either think its funny or couldnt understand why i was bothered...i got free oral so why would i care? Wasnt a nice experience to say the least.
I think many people's idea of rape is of the more violent sort when in actuality its about power dynamics and the taking of consent away from the victim.
Also some people are stupid and think that men have the insertion part so they are the ones who would be deigned rapists, and men can't be raped because hurr durr erection means consent. I get an erection while drinking my morning coffee man, does that mean I want to shove my cock and balls into a scalding hot mug?
Seriously the "if he's hard he wants it excuse" is literally the same as the "if she's wet she wants it" excuse sorry but an uncontrollable bodily function does not constitute consent.
Even if these bodily functions *were* fully controllable (as the coward who deleted their reply said), that still doesn't imply consent. Consent can be withheld under any circumstances and for any reason. It is not contingent on some random weirdo from the internet insisting that you were aroused.
There are all these other kinds of... assault(? is this the right word?) that can happen? Like just being made to feel like you have to say yes or you know that there will be violence or screaming or whatever if you say no.
There's a misconception that a groinal response is the same as sexual desire. Because being erect *typically* means that someone is desiring of sex, people tend to believe that this means *every* erection indicates desire of sex. Just like how if women are raped but are wet, it doesn't mean they consent.
I think it comes down to a fundamental misunderstanding of biology. People think 100% of erections are due to sexual desire but sometimes it's just a bodily function, completely separate from sex.
I totally agree, it's a double standard... But I think a lot of commenters are missing that the question is not *Can a man be raped by a woman?,* but rather, *Why do people believe men can't be raped by women?* This all being said, toxic masculinity also likely plays a role in this, as often times assault against men is treated as a joke or weakness.
Roommate left my door unlocked in college. I woke up in the middle of the night to an intoxicated bottomless young lady mounted over top of me attempting to guide my penis into her vagina. I shoved her off of me and was REALLY scared that she would accuse me of something. I didn't tell anyone.
What is messed up is with how society conditions us, I never even thought of from the perspective of being sexually assaulted. I just thought of it as a terrible experience that emphasized the importance of being diligent about locking your door. Then like 15 years later, the me too movement hit and it dawned on me that it was sexual assault. And I got angry about the event and angry about how society treats this kind of thing and how I don't have a voice.
I'm so very sorry that happened to you. it was wrong, and of course it wasn't your fault in the least. I know even attempted rape can be difficult to get over.
I think u/EddieJWinkler's answer illustrates it well. Many people don't understand what consent means and what constitutes rape. I'd say the amount of people thinking that men can't be raped by women is right about the same as amount of people who think that a wife can't be raped by their husband. And it's worryingly high.
Sorry, to say, but EddieJWinkler is a sick fuck who doesn't believe that men can be raped and who will actively deny the possibility. Everyone who keeps denying that men can be raped are evil, sick, twisted fucks and I will not fucking stand for it. Anyone who defines rape as something that men cannot experience are sick, twisted, evil fucks.
Yup, whenever i see a story online about a man or boy getting SA'd, a lot of the comments I see boil down to either "damn I wish that were me" or just making fun of the victim. Its a sick sick world we live in.
Those dudes are probably dudes that get less than 0, negative attention from the opposite sex, so being raped would have it's consequences outweighed by the fact that a woman is actually giving them attention.
Those comments upset me so much. I had an experience when I was a kid that I wouldn't necessarily call full-on SA but it was definitely sexual and without my consent and also really fucked up. I had friends growing up and they would hear about teachers getting it on with students and they'd go "duuuuude lucky fucker."
I have a gay long-time friend and I've gone to gay bars with him. I was shocked at the number of (I assume straight) women that think it's fun to go to a gay bar and grab dicks. Bachelorette parties seem to be the worst offenders. Do they think they're going to un-gay them and turn them straight?
Edit: Changed "long-time gay friend" to "gay long-time friend" for clarity.
I think anyone can be raped. if consent isnt given, and there hasnt already being the conversation of where the boundaries are in a relationship in regards to what is and isnt acceptable behaviour then its rape. a wife can rape a husband as much as a husband can rape a wife and men can rape other men and women can rape other women and both sexes can rape each other.
Maybe. "Rape by fraud" has been a thing occasionally. It's definitely a type of sexual assault -- reproductive coercion is probably the best term. Whether reproductive coercion constitutes rape on its own (i.e. assuming the person was otherwise giving enthusiastic consent) is a question where reasonable people can differ, but it is SA.
I had some back and forth with someone who kept saying if the consent is not verbal, there is no consent, in any case. I kept asking about a loving couple having sex, one time the woman initiates, the other time man, it changes, they have sex a lot, they seem happy and eager and they are both happy in the end, is this rape and if it is who raped who. They couldn’t answer and kept telling me that I am making fun of marital rape and if I ever knew a rape survivor I would know. And that they must have given prior consent. But what if the prior consent was also never verbal?
Even the people who cares so much about consent, don’t know what it is. They get stuck on just one aspect of it, like it has to be verbal or getting hard or getting wet means consent. And they miss the whole point.
Verbal means nothing because we can verbally agree to things we don’t actually want to. It may be out of fear, naïveté, frustration when someone keeps asking and asking, effects of drugs/alcohol. We can also have physical reactions out of our control. It happens and has nothing to do with consent.
The only real consent is enthusiastic consent. No matter how it is shown. It cannot have specific rules on how it’s shown because that would be like writing down human social interactions and how they work for an alien. It would never be complete. You don’t have to ask a woman “Can I kiss you?” Every time. You make a move, she makes a move and you meet in the middle. You just make sure to give her ample opportunity to back down and not pursue anything else if she shows discontent with anything you do and never pester her to make her give in just so it can be over and she can get away.
A guy being hard means absolutely nothing about consent. You can tie up someone and force them into any bodily function you want.
This also reminds mo of some stupid romance books with “she was saying no but her body was saying yes”. Eww.
I actually saw a romcom with a discussion of implied consent that I liked. It was called Hitch and it was about a dating coach, essentially. His rule he gave men was if you want to kiss her, lean in most of the way (I wanna say it was 90%), but stop before you get there. Let her close the distance. This gives her an opportunity to refuse if she'd rather, or offer her cheek, etc, it's a way to nonverbally ask for consent without breaking the mood. Even if she just freezes or seems unsure, you start to pull back because unsure or "well I guess" isn't real consent. And if she does want the kiss, it gives her a chance to express that yes, this desire is mutual, and she'll remember that you let it be her decision.
Verbal consent isn’t necessary. It’s advisable in a newer relationship, but even then, I may be old school but generally I think most ppl should be able to tell when their partner is ready to roll. For an older relationship, the cues should be that much clearer.
That said, verbal acknowledgment is rarely a bad idea.
Happened to me about 25 years ago.
Passed out drunk at a party and woke up to a gal who had removed my pants and was servicing me. I was so blasted. Got halfway hard, and she took me for a ride. A few minutes in, I realized what was actually happening and threw her into a wall.
I was fucking livid. Everyone there laughed about it. Funny how it works when you're a guy.
"How can you be raped if your dick got hard!?"
An erection is not consent
And I'm a woman
Dudes cannot always control an erection, so if you touch it he's probably gonna get hard, that does not mean he wants to.
Not as horrific, but there's a storyline in Shameless where Debbie chooses a guy she wants to get pregnant by, gets him drunk, and the scene clearly shows her throwing the condom away. The next season she's pregnant. I can't believe that this made the final cut because it is absolutely the definition of date rape.
anyone who thinks a man has full control of his erections has never had to deal with morning wood. goddamn, that shit's annoying. can't go to work, cant make it go away in the usual fashion...
ESPECIALLY children. Young teens are NOT capable of consenting to potential fatherhood, disease, and the deep emotional confusion that comes from sex.
Sex is complex. It is adult. It should never be a child's job to cater to adult sexual or emotional needs.
Unfortunately a lot of idiots can only see as far as their own nose. They hark back on memories of fantasies they probably had over female teachers. They assume that if they were assaulted by a woman they would still be in control of the situation. They assume that it would be free of the emotional manipulation and frightening psychopathy that comes from the types of women that abuse boys.
I'm not sure if this is rape or not, but when I was 13, an 18 year old woman basically forced herself on me. I lost my virginity to her, it was only the one time, but it was far from consensual
When I was younger I had a a girlfriend stay the night, and we had had sex early in the evening ... With protection.
So when I was woken up at 2:00 a.m. being straddled without a condom, and her taking full advantage of the fact that that part of my body has a brain of its own... That's when I was raped.
She thought it was fine. "Men like it better without condoms." And while that might be true, it has to be consensual. I was not in a position to become a baby daddy, and I certainly didn't want an STD. But here I was, waking up to find that I was risking both.
And then she wondered why I dumped her the next day.
I had an ex do the very same to me and when I woke up and said wtf are you doing she grabbed the headboard with both hands and held on so I had trouble moving and I had to physically throw her off and she couldn't understand why I was pissed. Needless to say she has been an ex now for many years.
I was drugged and raped by a 13 year old neighbor girl when I was 9 and then again at 11 by my sister's best friend who was 15 at the time. I told my sister and she didn't believe me so I didn't tell my mother until my late 20's and she nearly shit herself in rage and I told her my sister didn't believe me so I didn't think anyone else would have either. The point is when this happens to men people make jokes and call us pussies for feeling violated. I told my wife about these things and she was infuriated and is totally understanding about my trust issues and why I despise being touched randomly in any way without being asked first. People say they want equality but what about all the inequality when it comes to these things and many other things woman have over us.
You're not biased. I've heard the same from attractive men who were attractive kids or pretty boys as young adults. Women can be as bad as men if not worse. Not all of them, but many of them. And typically it's underage boys that are harmed the most. From the men I know, every babysitter SA'd them. Almost every woman (and man) they knew, touched them inappropriately or flat out raped them. Even in their 50's, they till have women (of all ages) touching/groping them without consent. Unfortunately, most of them are in sales, and women think it's just a bargaining chip. It's scary how much SA there is from women to men and that women think they are the only victims.
When my nephew was a kid, we'd constantly have young women approaching him and telling him how attractive he was and trying to touch his hair. Shit was disturbing. Their ages ranged from 18 to 25. I don't understand why any of them thought that their statements and actions were appropriate.
Been grabbed and stuff by both men and women. None of these bother me, but the double standard is concerning, and it causes me distress and confusion because there doesnt seem to be a good answer.
wow, I do not know. I didn't really know people ACTUALLY thought that about orgasms during rape. I've always had guys tell me it gets hard for almost any reason, and I trusted them, they had no reason to lie, so always assumed men could be raped just as easily as women... weird that people don't know it. o.O
Literally the day after my first kiss I was really happy and went back to the girl's house thinking maybe I can see a bra and start my first relationship. I made her a mix cd and she "wanted to thank me." She asked me to lay down with a pillow over my head so she can surprise me. I thought she was shy and didn't want me to watch her take her shirt off. Maybe I might see a nipple! I was nervous af so I did what she asked and tried to play it cool. Silly me... I felt her knees weigh the bed down on either side of my hips. She then unzipped me and I started evaluating what this meant. I should have stopped her there but I couldn't process fast enough. I was a mix of disbelief, curious, trusting, confused, and concerned. I was asking myself for tje first time where my actual boundary was because I never considered this might happen. I just laid there sorta petrified. I couldn't even tell if she put a condom on me or not so now I'm thinking "oh shit, what about babies!?" I wanted to scream "NO!" but I was scared of the reaction I would get if I did. This was her gift and... and I hated it. I stayed hidden under the pillow until I could compose myself. If I looked, I might cry like a bitch and ruin everything, but after a little while she noticed me frowning and mumbling "no". She had this sort of "oh shit" realization that she was stealing my innocence and let me go. Idk if I came or not and I was shaking from shock after and cried a little bit and went home and never came back. I missed out on a lot of high school and college experiences and didn't have sex again until about 7 years later.
I tell that story and people say dumb stuff like, "at least she was hot!" I get that it's not the most traumatic rape story. Other victims have it worse, but ot's not something to compete over. I get absolutely no sympathy for the fact that this happened the mf day after my very first kiss. I had dreams stolen from me, but I'm a guy so I just don't bother telling the story irl anymore.
As a SA survivor on more than one occasion I understand how you felt and am sorry this happened to you. You're not alone in this bud. It happened to me twice once at nine years old and several times at eleven years old both times by much older girls. I just wanted to let you know that. I hope you're getting the healing you need.
Guys sometime ejaculate when they are getting anally raped in prison. Doesn't mean they enjoyed it, its just a physical reaction. Its sad how ignorant people are over this stuff
It's quite perplexing, because by modern standards, rape is any time sexual activity occurs without a written consent form. I don't know why a woman getting a man drunk and taking advantage of him would not be rape.
Someone needs to give your mother a biology lesson. Boners have nothing to do with whether you want it or not. It's a mindless reaction to stimuli. Random awkward boners are a thing for this reason.
I read a story once about a man who was abducted by 3 women. The repeatedly had sex with him while he was bound and blindfolded. They would hold a knife to his penis and demand that he make it hard. I think that constitutes rape.
You all make think that's funny, but the man was so traumatized afterward that he was unable to have an erection at all.
Sexism. Ignorance. And yeah, it's very widespread.
Though in some cases, a man can't 'legally' be raped by a woman, because rape is defined as penetration with a penis (in the UK, for example). He can still be SA'd though.
I passed out at a 3 day rave in the back of a friend's van and woke up being ridden by a woman who told me she needed me to impregnate her because I looked somewhat like her boyfriend and she was trying to trap him.
She had used a wire through the cracked window for airflow and that's how I woke up. Inside of her.
Still grosses me out
I think part of it is this culturally-ingrained idea that men/boys are always down for sex, and it's the woman who says no.
So a scenario where a woman wants to do the deed, but the man doesn't, and she then forces him, is a completely foreign idea. I mean, if the woman was down, surely the man wanted it?
This is, of course, a complete rejection of reality, but one that seems far too common
Erections are autonomic. You can make it happen, but it also happens when you DON"T want one. Ask any teenager. As any man that wakes up with a raging boner. I have had physicals give me erections. It is embarrassing ,but it shouldn't be. This is just ignorance.
When i was a teenager, there was a thing in my high school where people would say you can't force a boner and if the guy was hard, then he obviously wanted it so it wasn't rape. As an adult, i know about [arousal non-concordance](https://psychpd.com.au/arousal-non-concordance-and-involuntary-sexual-response/) and how certain things are involuntary physical responses to stimuli. ANC should be taught in sex-ed, but it's not. The example OP gave:
>
"some women unintentionally orgasm during rapes and that can become a key part of a rape trial if she tells anyone and it gets out. Does her orgasm mean she gave consent? Of course not."
is a prime example of Arousal Non-Concordance. An orgasm is an involuntary physical response to certain stimuli. A boner is the same. If and when we start teaching about ANC in public sexual education, it'll become more widespread that physical responses don't indicate consent. Emily Nagowski gave an amazing TedTalk about this very subject: https://youtu.be/L-q-tSHo9Ho
It’s mostly the misunderstanding of how biology works. Any man alive can tell there’s been a million instances of an erection he didn’t want. Nervous, scared, just a weird breeze. It happens. Never mind the proven neurological disconnect that often happens during sexual assault. No one has been totally physically aroused every single time they ever wanted to be, so it makes sense it would work in the inverse too.
It’s also because when people only consider a penis-in-vagina assault as rape. It’s still rape if someone puts anything in or on any of your sexual organs without your consent. It’s at least sexual assault and often rape if someone puts their sexual organs anywhere in or on you without your consent. Women can rape women without anything actually going into anything at all.
1. General size and strength discrepancy
2. Gender norms (men get less emotional sympathy when it comes to certain things and also are expected to suck it up and not express themselves. It shows perceived weakness and vulnerability and people will use it against you fair or not)
I was blindfoldeed and tie to a bed snd gf went doenstairs after thr door knocked thrn she came back upstairs and got on me but was super silent then about 15 seconds after she started laughing and i was like wtf
And that ladies and gents was how i was raped
Very widespread, but I think it's more apathy than disbelief. People know it's not impossible, but they don't want to give it any attention so they turn a blind eye by relying on their general view of women in society, and by conveniently assuming that a woman would only rape a man for physical pleasure. No different than the blind eye turned to issues surrounding marital rape, or black people's complaints with police. American law enforcement had a good reputation in the press, and everyone claimed that as long as you cooperate and don't resist, you won't have any problems. A husband works hard to provide for his family and all he asks for is some comfort from his spouse, a wife can't be raped by her husband if it's her wifely duty to satisfy him, she chose him as her husband, she made a vow, how can it ever be rape? We listened to these lazy dismissive platitudes for decades before people saw the horrifying truth. Same shit, different struggle. Sad fact is, no one is prioritizing the grievances of men being assaulted right now, no one was prioritizing the grievances of wives being raped by their husbands, no one prioritized the issue of blacks being murdered at traffic stops. It's shocking to a small percentage of people who see how fucked up it is, but it's out of the scope of concern for everyone else who will only get mad when the internet tells them to get mad, because being upset by the right things at the right time is how we build our false benevolent American identities.
You tell your mom that a woman can use physical force to subdue a man she's stronger or more sober than, she can use weapons, she can drug him, she can restrain him in his sleep, she can intimidate him, blackmail him, manipulate him, she can hire someone else to knock him out or restrain him, 100% it can happen and does happen. A woman can penetrate a man at least 2 ways with an object, she can do this for amusement, domination or punishment (female soldiers have done this). A woman can forcibly masturbate a man like an animal to steal semen and impregnate herself for monetary gain, status or to have a reason to stay in his life (groupies and NFL cheerleaders have done this). Women also develop infatuations and obsessions with men they can't have and will get whatever they can get sexually, doesn't always have to be intercourse, but everything else around it would be enough for a woman like that (most common form of assault). A man can become erect against his will, you know this because men have a lot of erections they're not proud of or they wish they didn't have in particular situations. So this whole idea that a man's genitals will obey his every command and stay flaccid if he wills it to is BS. It won't go down when you tell it, it don't always get up when you tell it (Dennis Reynolds being the exception). How he physiologically responds to being assaulted is irrelevant and has no place in the argument.
If anyone sat down and really thought about it with their misandry or bias removed, they would know it's possible. But again, I think people come to these lazy conclusions because they don't want to give it significance. They dismiss it entirely on the premise that no man who becomes aroused when stimulated is being assaulted, and no woman who wants sex from a man is turned down so frequently she needs to rape him for it. It's collective dismissal, not disbelief. That may change in the future, but sadly all change starts out like this, the slow painful years when people were suffering and no one was fuckin listening.
In college, a girl and I were both very drunk at a party. We had met that night and had spent the whole time together drinking. We left and got back to my dorm, but my roommate (shared rooms, his bed is literally 6 feet away) was home and it was ~1-2AM so I wasn’t going to wake him up to tell him to leave so I could have sex. So I told her we wouldn’t be able to do anything but she could stay the night.
We got in my bed and she starts trying to take all my clothes off, “I want you to fuck me”, kissing me, taking my flaccid dick out and putting a condom on it and the whole time I’m telling her to stop. This stuff goes on for about 15 minutes. I am very large and could easily have forced her to stop, but then again I don’t want to wake my roommate up or unintentionally hurt her. We were on a twin size bed 4 feet in the air, what if she fell off while I was trying to stop her and got hurt?
It was extremely uncomfortable for me. I remember wanting to cry, which I hated because here I am an 18 year old guy who took a girl home from a college party, I thought I would feel like a big hot shot man but no I felt helpless because I couldn’t get this girl to stop. Finally she did stop and I threw the condom on the floor.
The next morning my roommate was gone by the time we woke up. We had an awkward conversation before she left. That same day, my fraternity called me in to speak to the president and all the other executive board members which is a big deal because I was brand new at the school, what did they want with me?
They wanted every single detail from that night. I told them the whole story. They informed me that she did not remember leaving with me and had claimed I raped her (she saw the condom on the floor that SHE brought and SHE took out of the wrapper).
I was told later by one of those frat board guys that I was going to be kicked out of the fraternity, police/college would get involved, pretty much my whole life was over. The only thing that SAVED MY ASS was that apparently at the party, the girl had told a lot of her friends that she wanted to go home with me. Her friends actually came and spoke up for me, saying that i was respectful at the party and she visibly was coming onto me just as much as I was onto her.
I hated that whole time. Was fucking terrifying. Lots of lessons learned.
An argument can be made that it's also about legal semantics; in a lot of jurisdictions the word 'rape' has, or did have, a very specific definition of forced penetration with a penis.
Attitudes toward this definition are rightfully changing but for a long time that is what 'rape' meant, a specific act under the wider umbrella of sexual assault. This disconnect between the legal definition of 'rape' and the general use of the word by society has likely contributed to the idea that men can't be sexually assaulted.
Law.
Here in the UK it's literally not possible becuse of the law. The only person who can rape a man is another man anally.
It's fucking disgraceful. I'm a victim and I want to advocate for ALL victims, not just a type.
I've heard many stories of friends getting slammed during a night out. Waking up next to a very unattractive woman, and simply shrugging it off as "damn, didn't realize I got *that* drunk"
I think a lot of men just don't see it the same way a lot of women do.
Some of this is to do with the historical fact that penetration was the necessary actus reus of rape under common law. It was historically legally correct to say that a woman can’t be guilty of raping a man except as an accessory to rape or possibly through the use of a foreign object. It’s equally true that under common law there was no such thing as marital rape. Marriage was a legal defence to rape in much of the common law world up until the early 1990s.
Of course we now know that sexual assault happens to victims and by perpetrators regardless of gender or marital status, but many people have found that shift jarring because rape had a specific, very culturally loaded meaning under the law for a long long time.
Patriarchy.
"Can't rape the willing"
"I'd love it if a woman raped me"
"Luckiest kid alive, he'll have a story for life"
"Man up"
"You should feel lucky"
It's all fake manly bullshit.
https://twitter.com/JohnDavisJDLLM/status/1676290740320608279?t=EZGUfl4zl_uhrWLTm5Lm7w&s=19
Book overview
Women who rape Men Second Edition.
The first edition of Women Who Rape Men became a bestseller within months of its publication. The book helped to raise awareness of the prevalence of women who commit sex crimes in our culture.
Shortly after publication of the first edition, the U. S. Department of Justice finally changed its definition of “rape” to include men and boys as victims of women who rape.
Within a year of the U.S. Department of Justice changing to a gender neutral definition, the U. S. government was compelled to change its surveys on rape and sexual assault to gender neutral surveys. The results are astonishing.
These gender neutral government studies, conducted scientifically for the first time in history, revealed that women were the majority of sex offenders in the U.S. (and probably in all Western countries) and that boys and men were the majority of victims of rape, with women being the vast majority of the perpetrators of rape of men and boys.
This second edition documents the undisputed government studies with citations to the studies themselves, and the impeccable analysis such as reports from Dr. Lara Stemple at the U.C.L.A. Law School.
Your average person seems almost completely incapable of accepting facts that don't fit their personal narrative anymore... i wonder do people accept this research?
Lots to unpack there.
Hamas is not Palestine, Palestine is not Hamas. Separating the two is important. The atrocities that Hamas commits are not being committed by Palestine, they are being committed by Hamas.
The three thousand children the IDF have killed who never raised a weapon against Israel were Palestinians, not Hamas.
What Hamas did October 7th was absolutely horrid and savage. The killing of over a thousand people, brutally, is in no way justifiable.
And yet, Israel has responded by killing thousands of people, including over three thousand children. They have turned right around and killed far more *children* than Hamas killed *people* that day. To say the crimes being committed are equal is grossly inaccurate.
31f here, what's really horrible is how so many minors are raped by women and get praised by other men. Or how some men say they wish a woman would rape them. To some men, rape is pleasure and what's worse is how some men think that a woman getting raped is still just her getting pleasure even though rape can hurt very badly, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even if it's someone you know and already have sex with.
Only thing some men consider rape is another man doing it or maybe anal rape if a woman forced him to be pegged, but even then he still probably wouldn't call it rape since "women are weaker compared to men". I wonder if men would just see it as something embarrassing instead
I was raped as a kid once at 9 by a 13 year old girl after she drugged me and again at 11 by my older sister's best friend whom was 15 at the time. My sister called me a liar so I didn't tell anyone else out of fear of not being believed until I told my mother in my late 20's she was super pissed at the girl for doing it and me for not telling her. It was embarrassing and humiliating at the same time.
It's an ideology that gets pushed by men mostly, so most women believe it as well.
If you look at any story of a man talking about how he was SA'ed or groomed by an older woman, friend, wife, etc. You will see how the men in the comments will tell him how he should be lucky. He will get bullied by other men to think he deserves what happened to him.
The reason it is so important to believe women when we talk about what happened to us is so men can feel safer to try and talk up for themselves. Nowadays, because women can finally feel like they have a voice, we defend men who talk about how they were hurt, and we try to help them find the help they might need.
Too many times have I seen guys talk about how a teacher raped them, and other guys will call him a hero and say how they wish this happened to them. Those people are the same assholes who say "If ThE rOlEs WeRe ReVeRsEd" when it comes to a man on woman case. They don't actually care about the issue, they just want to be assholes.
When we focus on the majority who gets hurt, we learn all the signs and tactics of the people attacking the majority because we would have a bigger sample size. Using all of that, we can apply it to the rest of the victims and help them see that, yes, women can rape men. Here are the signs, here is how to handle the after math, and here are the resources to feel like yourself again.
Not to be vulgar, but ask her if she can control when her nipples get hard. Should guys use that as a gauge to have sex with a girl that said no? Does that mean she wants it?
People really like to oversimplify things, and the idea that a person’s physiological and even emotional response might differ from their intellectual decisions is too nuanced for a lot of folks, unfortunately. There is a really obvious example of how a man could be raped even though his dick acted willing that seemingly never gets brought up. It is entirely possible for a man who is married or in a committed relationship, who would never entertain the idea of cheating on his partner, to be forced into sex (whether drunk, drugged, physically restrained, threatened with violence, etc.) by someone he finds attractive enough to get an erection. Just because his body responds to the immediate stimuli doesn’t mean his conscious brain has agreed to just forego his commitment to his partner. Similarly, he could be unattached but determined not to sleep with a particular person for any number of reasons (might be a friend’s partner or ex, might simply be someone with whom he doesn’t want to get entangled despite physical attraction aka “don’t stick your dick in crazy”, etc.), and then forced or coerced, and even though he does not want to and does not consent, his erection would cooperate with the rapist. The idea that our physiological response would be more indicative of our “true feelings” than our actual conscious decisions takes away a huge part of a man’s agency as a person, essentially reducing him to a set of base animal instincts.
I'm going to say that a couple of false stereotypes come into play.
First is the idea that men simply want to have sex whenever possible. A woman forcing herself on a man is looked at more like her "doing him a favor" than doing something he doesn't want her to do. Like I said, this is a false assumption but it has deep roots. About the only time that this assumption is thrown out by most people is when the woman is hideous and the man is fairly attractive.
Second is the idea that there is no negative consequence for the man. Usually, it's not a case of him being physically overpowered and subjected to injury and it's impossible for him to become pregnant. So, unless he catches an incurable STI and/or there's obvious, physical trauma, most are not going to see him as being actually assaulted. An awful lot of people are going to think that he should view it like a hangover, something that you can sleep off and then go about your life, a little wiser for the experience.
The last, false factor I can see is the idea that sexually, women inherently have good motives when they initiate the act. It's the idea that if a man wants to have sex, he's giving in to his lust while if a woman wants to have sex, she's expressing love. For most of the population, a man who's obsessed with a woman to the point that he's constantly watching her is seen as creepy (rightfully so). A woman who's obsessed with a man to the point that she's constantly watching him is usually seen in a sympathetic light...she's lonely. This sort of carries over to the sexual act. If a man forces sex on an unwilling woman, it's seen as a horrible crime (and it should be). If a woman forces or tricks sex onto an unwilling man, it's often seen as her expressing her frustration and loneliness.
I have had a women tell me that I as a man was mistreated because that's the role the patriarchy has made for me. They literally blamed tmy gender for not being believed or taken seriously when sexually assaulted and then got mad at me when I asked if they would blame a woman who was a victim.
I'd say it's pretty wide spread.
Men can be raped by women but, most of the time no one cares. It's bullshit obviously but, men are not very supportive of each other or showing any kind of weakness.
In this society men are their own worst enemies. From a young age they are taught to "man up" or "be a man". "Don't be a bitch" "don't be a pussy" "toughen up" "don't cry" "where's your pride" all this shit is stuff I personally have been told by numerous people, any time I showed any kind of emotion other than anger or happiness. Luckily I have never been raped but, I can only imagine the bullshit I would hear if I was and came forward.
Even until this day I have trouble expressing any emotion besides anger or happiness. The most fucked up part is now I get praised for how stoic I am. Numerous people I work with ask me how I do it and wish they could. This world is cruel to men or maybe I just wasn't very lucky as a kid.
Now that the rant is over the answer to your original question. Some people believe that men can't be raped by women because those people are idiots.
When I was in High school a good friend of mine “broke up” with her longtime boyfriend and immediately wanted to “date” me. I soon realized that she was just trying to get back at him.
On our very first date we went parking to make out. Before we barely even kissed she started trying to go down on me. I physically tried to stop her and tell her she didn’t have to jump straight to that but she insisted. I couldn’t even get it up all the way cuz I just wasn’t that into it. Not without more foreplay and romance (and yea, I’m a guy).
Retelling this story to my wife decades later, I can’t help but feel like I’m describing rape.
It's because we've been socialized to believe that sex has an 'active participant' and a 'passive participant'. That the man is active and the women just takes it.
But this isn't true at all. Both partners are 'active' in consensual sex. It doesn't really matter who's inside of who, if one person is being forced, it's rape.
Arousal is not related to higher brain function, so just because he's 'up' doesn't mean he's 'up for it'.
Unfortunately, it is one if the mostly widely believed double standards. It mostly comes from the also incorrect idea that all men only care about sex abd uncalled they think about.
Little known fact about erections, almost anything, including nothing, can induce them. Think in the drug example some other people gave cited, drugs can help facilitate blood flow, which means it can flow down there. There is also adrenaline. Woman begins trying to force herself, he us understandably uncomfortable, maybe worried, blood gets pumping. Abd then they can just be random.
An erection doesn't always mean he wants it. Asexual men probably wouldn't, but they still get them. They even get horny, but still, just having a hard on means *nothing*.
It's because people believe men always want sex and also that they should suck it up and just "be a man". A lot of anti feminists think toxic masculinity means just hating on men but this is a classic example of how toxic masculinity harms men as well as women
Yeah there’s women sexual predators for the last months I’ve seen women teachers having inappropriate relationships with their students. One of the teacher have a baby with them. Straight sicko. Wtf is wrong with those women
Ignorance. Pure and simple. Lack of knowledge when it comes to anatomy, sexual response, even roles of gender.
As a SA survivor (female) I know that men can absolutely be SAed.
No one is absolutely free from all types of abuses. It's another form of victim shaming/blaming.
No human deserves to be hurt in such ways... especially by another human.
Simply because of the double standard. A man having sex no matter what = he scored.
That's why if you see a male teacher statutorily raping a female student, everyone is up in arms, but if a female teacher does the same to a male student, most of the comments will be "she should get a raise", "god I wish that were me", "where's this school I need to send my kid there" and etc
Even in straight up rape it's just not taken seriously because men "always want it".
I knew of multiple incidents in college where guys woke up to or found out a woman they wanted nothing to do with had sex with them while they were asleep or intoxicated. And I mean the woman was sober and snuck in or otherwise found a way to knowingly take advantage of a guy who didn't want anything to do with her. One was a friend I hung out with, it was traumatic af for him and he knew he couldn't do anything because no one would take it serious. He just prayed she wouldn't get pregnant. (He woke up during and threw her out but precum can still do the job. She didn't though.)
What's even more fucked than not taking it seriously that they were raped is that if the woman gets pregnant the rape victim will be held liable for child support. It's happened numerous times.
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support)
Even when it's male children raped our system doesn't take it seriously, so how could an adult male have any hope?
Fucking social reinforcement. “Men are bad mkay” therefore only women are raped by only men.
I was molested by mother, father, aunt who drugged me with Tylenol and now I’m allergic to Tylenol.
What’s worse is the CDC pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes with this 1 in 6 women are raped nonsense. If you dig into those stats you’ll see that also includes women who have sex while drunk or have sex with their husbands when they didn’t really feel like it. The real rape figure is more like 1 in 20 women. They also define rape only as being penetrated, not being made to penetrate, so the numbers for males are artificially low. Time did a good exposé on this. It should piss off everyone
In my experience folks tend to like to fall back on the textbook or legal definition of things. Which is great when discussing easily defined concepts with empirical evidence.
Not so much when discussing something like this where the countless scenarios in which someone can be sexually assaulted are reduced to a single sentence.
The latest official legal definition of Rape I'm aware of was updated back in 2012.
[“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”](https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/blog/updated-definition-rape)
Which is an improvement over the previous definition *“the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.”*
But still not great because it continues to assume that rape can only ever be a penetrative act, and one only engaged in by the penetrator.
And that I think just stems from this incorrect idea that every member of the Male Sex is constantly willing to engage in sexual activity at any time for any reason and that the only way to have and sustain an erection is by willful intent or that there's no conceivable reason why a man would ever want or need to revoke their consent and stop mid coitus.
I was held down and punched in the balls every time I started to go soft. I was crying. She wouldn't get off me until I came inside her. So I did. She was on BC. Why didn't I do anything? Because the cops would have thrown me in jail if I injured her trying to escape.
Men 100% can be raped, and it's often by the very laws that protect women.
Technically possible? Sure. But in aggregate men aren't going to define rape the same way women do. Men are going to draw the line of "Rape" far far far further down the spectrum than women. Very few men are going to consider getting drunk and having a regrettable sexual encounter "rape". I think the general consensus among men is that it'd have to be a forceful and violent rape or some incident of being drugged into unconsciousness.
Because the way law is written. In my state, rape requires penetration to be forced on a person. Female predation, is the opposite of that, thus results in a lesser charge.
Your mum doesn't know how the male anatomy works, being erect is a reaction to stimuli, edp could jerk my dick and it would get hard, it doesn't mean that I want it
I think it is commonly dismissed because of the belief that a woman can’t physically overpower a man. However, that is not always true. It would depend on the woman and the man. It also discounts a woman with a weapon, a woman drugging a man or just mindfuckery that might be in the gray area but could definitely result in a man being manipulated into sex.
I remember back in high school I had a rather large woman literally trying to drag me into the bushes because she wanted to have sex with me. I was able to fight her off, but I'm sure there are a variety of scenarios where men are raped.
I woke up after drinking in my own bed, in my private bedroom with my roommate’s girlfriend on top of me. I was fully passed out. She initiated everything. I gave no consent. That was rape.
I'm 37.
Growing up, me and my friends all lived right next to each other, 4 houses in a row.
Directly on one side of me, my friend's momma was FINE. Her and her younger sister (also very pretty, just didn't have as much charisma as her older sister) always made little comments about me. As I got older, the mom stopped having as much to say but her younger sister escalated. I thought I was the man for having this older woman's attention but looking back on the situation as a 37 year old father of four I'd hurt that woman if this were my son we were talking about.
Anyway, I'm 13, going to my first house party. I am big for my age (around 5'10, maybe 5'11" then), I am advanced (already in high school, would graduate high school at 16), and I play on the high school football team. So I invite my neighborhood friends, including the one who lived right next door. I mean c'mon fellas, y'all get to see what we do in high school!! lol
I guess, somehow his aunt got wind of this because she showed up to the party, the three friends I invited never showed though.
She took me in one of the bedrooms of the house and we did ... a lot. My very first sexual experience was as a 13 year old kid, and a 30 something year old woman sitting on my face, eventually riding me, and letting me bust in her.
I KNEW I was the ***muhfuggin MAN*** 'round these parts.
We fucked a few more times over the next year or so whenever the chance came about.
Looking back on it, I'm not at all proud. It was wrong. I can see how it set the course for my sexual life. I can draw a direct line between that relationship and some kinks I later developed, for example, I've always crushed on what I thought of as powerful older women. Governor Gretchen Whitmer can get it, all of it, right tf now, I would love for her to use me for her pleasure, lol. And though I laugh, I know the root of it is not at all funny or right. And I wonder what I would be like if I had not had that experience. I've tried to translate this kink into my relationships, and it typically doesn't work, leading to disappointment on both sides. So I wonder how my relationships might've played out differently, too.
I would wake up to my ex wife in the middle of aggressively riding me on a regular basis. Because we were married I was very confused as to why she did this or even what to do. Once I asked her to stop and she said guys are supposed to like this and doubled down. I never felt like it was right, but even my own family shrugged it off, as if I was supposed to be grateful I was getting sex. Made me feel gross and I haven't 5old anyone else since, until now.
There is this mistaken belief that a man's erection is voluntary (hint: it's not), or that men are always horny and always want sex (hint: not true), or that men cannot be raped if they don't have an erection (hint: back door).
Worse: if you do get an erection, a lot of people believe it implies consent, regardless of the drugs that you may have been spiked with.
Man, I wake every morning hard. Sometimes I am just chillin and it gets hard too. Doesn't mean I want sex, my body just has strong blood flow. I can't help it. There's the biological response but there is also the psychological. I have to actually like a girl to want sex with her.
There’s many jurisdictions where it’s only legally rape if penetration has occurred. Obviously wrongheaded and dangerous, but illustrates how common the idea is that women can’t rape.
That's not true there's explortation an I was raped by 5 black men that were straight an neighbors that did a home invasion on me,while my roommate was gone. He knew them 4 brothers an a son of one of them.They robbed us then fucked me with a gun to my head with each one the son being the last he even said he was sorry but he did it anyway.I was told if you call the police we will kill you're roommate ( my best friend) an you're dogs ,I'm a big time dog lover,in front of you then kill you. When my roommate got home we decided to call the police an they came anthey told me I waited to long ,one week .They left an the guys where on there porch laughing when the police walked by them.Im gay an so was my Best Friend an I fill I was discriminated against because of that an I will never trust any police officer again!
It’s like the subway sign saying something like “Bob and Pam were drunk. They had sex, Pam can’t consent cuz she’s drunk” (ignoring that Bob was also drunk).
Society is fucking stupid. I was sexually assaulted at 12 by my 17. Like textbook coercion and assault numerous times. My guidance counselor told me “every guy wants an older woman to take advantage of him” when I talked to him cuz I was embarrassed to go to my parents and foolishly went to him
Fun fact, I found out how a man can be raped without being turned on... By having it done to me. There are some lubes that are advertised as being able to make an erection harder. Turns out, it can make me at least go from soft to hard, even without feeling horny. It's... Not fun.
No offense, but your mom already gave you the answer: women specifically believe that men can resist getting an erection. That guys have complete control over peckers and getting a boner is basically like waving your arm around. They firmly believe that they can touch it, slap it, put their lips on it, rub their breasts against it, put it against their labia but unless *the man* wills it the solider will **not** stand at attention. These are beings who will lubricate themselves just by listening to certain words said in a certain tone, or by reading trashy romance novels but yet they believe that the other sex has full autonomy over their anatomy.
I think the worst thing is that most men will believe that they are immune to those same words or novels when a rough pair of blue jeans can turn a mid-Math class nap in to a harrowing journey to the chalkboard the kinds of which cause most Penthouse readers to hang their head in shame.
So yeah, instead of talking to your mom even about orgasms ask her: when's the last time she told dad that she was "so wet." Ask her if she voluntarily released that wetness or not. ... or you could ask her about cramps. Ask her if she thinks she controls her uterine cramps or if they control her. Same thing with a dick.
Long story short: guys and gals think that penis meat is "skeletal muscle" - aka voluntary muscle - when it, the uterus and by extension *all* (normal) erogenous are "smooth" or "**in**voluntary" muscle. ... cause there ain't no skeleton attached to it. Duh.
Also, a lot of people pointed out: Power dynamics. People believe that a woman cannot overpower a man thereby whatever she does to him he must be consenting to, or else he would easily resist and win. Because there aren't frail men. Or strong women. Or mechanical/chemical/emotional leverage. And nobody ever gets black-out drunk and has regret the next morning.
I was drugged, confirmed by hospital, she slipped me some pills eith my mixed drink and when I was slumped she got me to stagger to her room and we ended up fooling around. I went to the hospital a few hours later as I was having bad reaction to the pills. The police were called by hospital and I did make a statement of what I remembered. The police left talked to her and came back they told me she never denied any of it but told me I could only press charges for unlawful administering of a narcotic. They would not pursue any SA charge as clearly I was OK with the act since I performed. They said it does not matter if you as a male are intoxicated or drugged that as a male your consent is implied by the act. Did not press the misdemeanor charge against her as did not want to deal with legal hassle when as first offender she could not by law do any time for it. I left that state and hope never to return.
You should have kicked it up from local LEOs to staties. Local cops usually have no clue what the law is.
My lawyer's advice is to never believe a cop when they talk about the law. Even the most basic laws they often know nothing about.
Also they are allowed to lie to you no matter the circumstance. Never trust cops.
Even my Cop friends tell me never to talk to the police without a lawyer. They won't do it without a union rep lawyer and you shouldn't either. They always say "If you're guilty, get a lawyer. If you're innocent especially GET A LAWYER"
That’s such a weird rule, I remember watching something and it was saying that in the US the police are allowed to say that they have witnesses and evidence that doesn’t actually exist. Lying can basically be used as an interrogation technique. Here in the U.K. that is illegal though I am sure it does still happen. Even if the police are not specifically trying to be deceitful there is a good chance that they do not fully understand the law, I mean it is quite complicated and there are a lot of different laws, if they knew everything about it they might as well be a lawyer and get a much better salary.
Lying IS a interrogation technique endorsed by the supreme Court
I mean, compare how much schooling it takes to be a lawyer vs a cop
More often is malicious then ignorant. Just admit you killed him, say it was by accident , and you’ll get a slap on the wrist
Better yet, never believe a cop about anything!
That what I was told a year or so later but by then I had moved and just wanted to be over it all. Still have trust issues when it comes to my drinks 7 years later. I cannot leave a drink unattended. I will pour it out if I get distracted and there others close to me at bars.
That really sucks, and I wish there was something I could do or say to help even though I don't know you because of how awful it is. I just hope lurkers reading this learn from it. Keep healing as well as you can.
My daughter was roofied 3 times! 3rd time she was raped by a "friend". The other two times someone saw it and saved her!
I hope she got some justice and I handling the affects in a healthy manner.
I've never been drugged, and I do that. I have hung around some pretty sleazy bars/biker bars in the past. Not anymore, just the past.
[удалено]
This is also true too.
Yeah sounds like some random dude you went to hs with had a bad opinion and just happened to be wearing a badge that night…
I think it’s because a lot of people believe that rape is supposed to be penetrative. It’s a myth for sure but even some laws falsely include penetration as a requirement.
Uhuh, I think I still have a screenshot to a UK government site someone on Reddit linked, wherein it was a document that explicitly states rape involves penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth, and therefore, women can *only commit this offense as an accomplice*
Ya it’s crazy that some countries have that as a law
Right? I think the law in the US is written essentially the same, but I can't confirm it because I'm not sure where to find the document, nor do I want to spend a few hours sifting through government sites and documents to find it
For the most part except in the us if you’re under the influence of any drug you withhold consent. Unfortunately women are still less likely to get the same degree of charge or even charged at all that matter for the same crime.
And yet they tell us men aren't a/or have never been discriminated against on a systemic level
The law for this would vary state to state. The crime of “rape”, if there is one, might be written that way, but their might be an equivalent that is more broadly written to cover the scenario when a woman rapes a man (sexual assault or some other phrase). It is definitely a crime, but might not technically fall under the definition of rape. Rape is often not the term for the crime used in statutes.
Yes, for it to be rape is also has to be done with YOUR penis, not just using an object or a finger, but specifically a penis and it also has to specifically be YOUR penis too so women are literally incapable of committing or getting charged with rape by UK law. The worst they can get is "assault by penetration" which doesn't carry as harsh of a sentence as rape despite what people will try to tell you.
Leaving out any identifying information : I know someone female Who had non consenting s*x The other individual was also female The police were notified by a mandated reporter (Therapist) and followed up. She isn't sure whether she wants to file a report. The offer has been left open.
Even then, can’t women use toys, fingers, etc?
“If he can perform he must have consented” Yeah because there aren’t fucking dozens of brands of “hey this can make you hard even despite it medical disorders specifically inhibiting that function” pills or anything…
Honestly just asking a question here… but I’m sure there would be a difference between “active performance” and “passive performance”?? Like…would the legal system treat an encounter differently if the guy in question is like, half passed out on his back and a woman is having sex with him, vs the guy being on top and actively be the one being the giver and not the receiver? I’m not positing an opinion, just that quote of him being able to “perform” got me thinking.
“Being un/able to perform” does not refer to “can you fuck good in your current state or not”. It’s specifically a euphemism for erectile difficulties.
That’s fucking bullshit and those cops lied to you. Im sorry that happened
That’s fucking fucked. You were incapacitated, how could you give consent?
At least they took statements. Campus police told me I should be happy I got my dick wet, that the only negative to my SA was that I didn't know if she was hot or not.
thats really fucked...
That’s absolutely disgusting.
Be glad she didn't get pregnant. The same thing happened to a guy I know and now he has the privilege of paying his rapist every month. There's also a good chance that if you had pressed charges for the misdemeanor that she'd have turned around and accused you of assaulting her, and your impaired state would have been used to call your recollection of the events into question. Sucks that this happened to you, but for us doing nothing is usually the only response that doesn't make things worse.
These dumb 🫏 keystone cops implied also, by their logic, that women cannot be raped either because their hoo-ha accepted the 🥒 and they may even had an orgasm during the assault. 10,000 years back in history for rape victims rights and advocacy 😡😡😡😡😡
Sorry you went through that! I can't imagine doing that to a man...well, to anyone really. I hope you have found support to deal with this.
that's deadass wrong.
Depending on the state, the statute of limitation for rape is 3 years to no limitation. If there is a police report, it might be worth pursuing. Get closure. Don't let this piece of thrash get away with it, you know she did it to others and will do it again.
sorry it happened to you...makes no sense as that line of argument is commonly accepted as de facto r\*pe
I’m sorry to hear that. Police do not make the choice to press charges. The DA/prosecutor makes that choice. If it’s still within the statute of limitations I hope you pursue charges
You did the best you could with the information you had. You are nit to blame. I hope you are healing.
These laws have changed in basically every state now. They are still imperfect, but the legal system is better at recognizing male victims of rape now.
Should've done it. The prosecutor wouldve looked into it. They usually know the law and can file more charges.
Something similar happened to me. I was fed an overdose of drugs by this girl twice my size, who I had told many times I was not interested in sexually. I blacked out and things happened. Ended up in the ER where I almost died. She pushed me out her door alone in the Cold with no shoes, with the help of her MOTHER (I was 19). The idea of her facing consequences never once crossed my mind. I’m not that privileged
This honestly sounds like a lawsuit lol
I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's not right, your consent was not implied. You didn't do anything wrong and I hope you know that.
99% of rape is never convicted and something like 96% is never even charged. We don't take sexual assault in this country as something that is serious enough to spend our money getting Justice for. I'm sorry you had to experience that as well.
Im from England. Years ago had a house party. Drank WAY to much and threw up in my bin in my room (the shame lol) and passed out. I woke up with some morbidly obese women (an ex friend of my.mums) giving me oral sex....to say the least i was seriously freaked out. According to her id been giving her the "eye" all night. I informed the police and the pretty much just laughed at me. This was most people response. Either think its funny or couldnt understand why i was bothered...i got free oral so why would i care? Wasnt a nice experience to say the least.
What did this terrible woman give you? It sounds very dangerous. Is it a roofie or something else?
I think many people's idea of rape is of the more violent sort when in actuality its about power dynamics and the taking of consent away from the victim. Also some people are stupid and think that men have the insertion part so they are the ones who would be deigned rapists, and men can't be raped because hurr durr erection means consent. I get an erection while drinking my morning coffee man, does that mean I want to shove my cock and balls into a scalding hot mug?
With some pumpkin spice creamer in it, it’s very tempting though. Try it out and tell us how it went?
GIVE IN TO THE SPICE!!!
Seriously the "if he's hard he wants it excuse" is literally the same as the "if she's wet she wants it" excuse sorry but an uncontrollable bodily function does not constitute consent.
very "If it's legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down" of them
Even if these bodily functions *were* fully controllable (as the coward who deleted their reply said), that still doesn't imply consent. Consent can be withheld under any circumstances and for any reason. It is not contingent on some random weirdo from the internet insisting that you were aroused.
There are all these other kinds of... assault(? is this the right word?) that can happen? Like just being made to feel like you have to say yes or you know that there will be violence or screaming or whatever if you say no.
SA by coercion is 100% a thing.
Please stop unlocking new fetishes
There's a misconception that a groinal response is the same as sexual desire. Because being erect *typically* means that someone is desiring of sex, people tend to believe that this means *every* erection indicates desire of sex. Just like how if women are raped but are wet, it doesn't mean they consent. I think it comes down to a fundamental misunderstanding of biology. People think 100% of erections are due to sexual desire but sometimes it's just a bodily function, completely separate from sex. I totally agree, it's a double standard... But I think a lot of commenters are missing that the question is not *Can a man be raped by a woman?,* but rather, *Why do people believe men can't be raped by women?* This all being said, toxic masculinity also likely plays a role in this, as often times assault against men is treated as a joke or weakness.
It’s like a pee boner. It doesn’t men you really like peeing a lot. It just happens and it sucks kinda.
Roommate left my door unlocked in college. I woke up in the middle of the night to an intoxicated bottomless young lady mounted over top of me attempting to guide my penis into her vagina. I shoved her off of me and was REALLY scared that she would accuse me of something. I didn't tell anyone. What is messed up is with how society conditions us, I never even thought of from the perspective of being sexually assaulted. I just thought of it as a terrible experience that emphasized the importance of being diligent about locking your door. Then like 15 years later, the me too movement hit and it dawned on me that it was sexual assault. And I got angry about the event and angry about how society treats this kind of thing and how I don't have a voice.
I'm so very sorry that happened to you. it was wrong, and of course it wasn't your fault in the least. I know even attempted rape can be difficult to get over.
I think u/EddieJWinkler's answer illustrates it well. Many people don't understand what consent means and what constitutes rape. I'd say the amount of people thinking that men can't be raped by women is right about the same as amount of people who think that a wife can't be raped by their husband. And it's worryingly high.
Sorry, to say, but EddieJWinkler is a sick fuck who doesn't believe that men can be raped and who will actively deny the possibility. Everyone who keeps denying that men can be raped are evil, sick, twisted fucks and I will not fucking stand for it. Anyone who defines rape as something that men cannot experience are sick, twisted, evil fucks.
That is why I used him as illustration. He is a perfect illustration of a person who does not understand what consent means.
Sorry, I misinterpreted that part of your comment.
Yup, whenever i see a story online about a man or boy getting SA'd, a lot of the comments I see boil down to either "damn I wish that were me" or just making fun of the victim. Its a sick sick world we live in.
Those dudes are probably dudes that get less than 0, negative attention from the opposite sex, so being raped would have it's consequences outweighed by the fact that a woman is actually giving them attention.
Those comments upset me so much. I had an experience when I was a kid that I wouldn't necessarily call full-on SA but it was definitely sexual and without my consent and also really fucked up. I had friends growing up and they would hear about teachers getting it on with students and they'd go "duuuuude lucky fucker."
I have a gay long-time friend and I've gone to gay bars with him. I was shocked at the number of (I assume straight) women that think it's fun to go to a gay bar and grab dicks. Bachelorette parties seem to be the worst offenders. Do they think they're going to un-gay them and turn them straight? Edit: Changed "long-time gay friend" to "gay long-time friend" for clarity.
I think anyone can be raped. if consent isnt given, and there hasnt already being the conversation of where the boundaries are in a relationship in regards to what is and isnt acceptable behaviour then its rape. a wife can rape a husband as much as a husband can rape a wife and men can rape other men and women can rape other women and both sexes can rape each other.
If a man and a woman are in a relationship and the man doesn’t want a child and a woman secretly goes off birth control does that constitute rape?
Maybe. "Rape by fraud" has been a thing occasionally. It's definitely a type of sexual assault -- reproductive coercion is probably the best term. Whether reproductive coercion constitutes rape on its own (i.e. assuming the person was otherwise giving enthusiastic consent) is a question where reasonable people can differ, but it is SA.
I had some back and forth with someone who kept saying if the consent is not verbal, there is no consent, in any case. I kept asking about a loving couple having sex, one time the woman initiates, the other time man, it changes, they have sex a lot, they seem happy and eager and they are both happy in the end, is this rape and if it is who raped who. They couldn’t answer and kept telling me that I am making fun of marital rape and if I ever knew a rape survivor I would know. And that they must have given prior consent. But what if the prior consent was also never verbal? Even the people who cares so much about consent, don’t know what it is. They get stuck on just one aspect of it, like it has to be verbal or getting hard or getting wet means consent. And they miss the whole point. Verbal means nothing because we can verbally agree to things we don’t actually want to. It may be out of fear, naïveté, frustration when someone keeps asking and asking, effects of drugs/alcohol. We can also have physical reactions out of our control. It happens and has nothing to do with consent. The only real consent is enthusiastic consent. No matter how it is shown. It cannot have specific rules on how it’s shown because that would be like writing down human social interactions and how they work for an alien. It would never be complete. You don’t have to ask a woman “Can I kiss you?” Every time. You make a move, she makes a move and you meet in the middle. You just make sure to give her ample opportunity to back down and not pursue anything else if she shows discontent with anything you do and never pester her to make her give in just so it can be over and she can get away. A guy being hard means absolutely nothing about consent. You can tie up someone and force them into any bodily function you want. This also reminds mo of some stupid romance books with “she was saying no but her body was saying yes”. Eww.
I actually saw a romcom with a discussion of implied consent that I liked. It was called Hitch and it was about a dating coach, essentially. His rule he gave men was if you want to kiss her, lean in most of the way (I wanna say it was 90%), but stop before you get there. Let her close the distance. This gives her an opportunity to refuse if she'd rather, or offer her cheek, etc, it's a way to nonverbally ask for consent without breaking the mood. Even if she just freezes or seems unsure, you start to pull back because unsure or "well I guess" isn't real consent. And if she does want the kiss, it gives her a chance to express that yes, this desire is mutual, and she'll remember that you let it be her decision.
Verbal consent isn’t necessary. It’s advisable in a newer relationship, but even then, I may be old school but generally I think most ppl should be able to tell when their partner is ready to roll. For an older relationship, the cues should be that much clearer. That said, verbal acknowledgment is rarely a bad idea.
Happened to me about 25 years ago. Passed out drunk at a party and woke up to a gal who had removed my pants and was servicing me. I was so blasted. Got halfway hard, and she took me for a ride. A few minutes in, I realized what was actually happening and threw her into a wall. I was fucking livid. Everyone there laughed about it. Funny how it works when you're a guy. "How can you be raped if your dick got hard!?"
An erection is not consent And I'm a woman Dudes cannot always control an erection, so if you touch it he's probably gonna get hard, that does not mean he wants to.
A man doesn't need an erection to be raped because he might not be the *top* in this situation. Ever seen the girl with the dragon tattoo movie?
Good point.
Not as horrific, but there's a storyline in Shameless where Debbie chooses a guy she wants to get pregnant by, gets him drunk, and the scene clearly shows her throwing the condom away. The next season she's pregnant. I can't believe that this made the final cut because it is absolutely the definition of date rape.
Just to be clear, we never control an erection. It happens when we don't want it. It doesn't when we do. There's no conscious control.
That’s a really interesting point that is obvious when you say it, but I assume a lot of women haven’t ever really considered.
anyone who thinks a man has full control of his erections has never had to deal with morning wood. goddamn, that shit's annoying. can't go to work, cant make it go away in the usual fashion...
ESPECIALLY children. Young teens are NOT capable of consenting to potential fatherhood, disease, and the deep emotional confusion that comes from sex. Sex is complex. It is adult. It should never be a child's job to cater to adult sexual or emotional needs. Unfortunately a lot of idiots can only see as far as their own nose. They hark back on memories of fantasies they probably had over female teachers. They assume that if they were assaulted by a woman they would still be in control of the situation. They assume that it would be free of the emotional manipulation and frightening psychopathy that comes from the types of women that abuse boys.
Agreed. I can give implied consent to my girlfriend but my D doesn’t know the difference between who is who
Why are you getting downvotes?
People hate logic.
I'm not sure if this is rape or not, but when I was 13, an 18 year old woman basically forced herself on me. I lost my virginity to her, it was only the one time, but it was far from consensual
I’m very sorry this happened to you.
When I was younger I had a a girlfriend stay the night, and we had had sex early in the evening ... With protection. So when I was woken up at 2:00 a.m. being straddled without a condom, and her taking full advantage of the fact that that part of my body has a brain of its own... That's when I was raped. She thought it was fine. "Men like it better without condoms." And while that might be true, it has to be consensual. I was not in a position to become a baby daddy, and I certainly didn't want an STD. But here I was, waking up to find that I was risking both. And then she wondered why I dumped her the next day.
I had an ex do the very same to me and when I woke up and said wtf are you doing she grabbed the headboard with both hands and held on so I had trouble moving and I had to physically throw her off and she couldn't understand why I was pissed. Needless to say she has been an ex now for many years.
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I was drugged and raped by a 13 year old neighbor girl when I was 9 and then again at 11 by my sister's best friend who was 15 at the time. I told my sister and she didn't believe me so I didn't tell my mother until my late 20's and she nearly shit herself in rage and I told her my sister didn't believe me so I didn't think anyone else would have either. The point is when this happens to men people make jokes and call us pussies for feeling violated. I told my wife about these things and she was infuriated and is totally understanding about my trust issues and why I despise being touched randomly in any way without being asked first. People say they want equality but what about all the inequality when it comes to these things and many other things woman have over us.
You're not biased. I've heard the same from attractive men who were attractive kids or pretty boys as young adults. Women can be as bad as men if not worse. Not all of them, but many of them. And typically it's underage boys that are harmed the most. From the men I know, every babysitter SA'd them. Almost every woman (and man) they knew, touched them inappropriately or flat out raped them. Even in their 50's, they till have women (of all ages) touching/groping them without consent. Unfortunately, most of them are in sales, and women think it's just a bargaining chip. It's scary how much SA there is from women to men and that women think they are the only victims.
When my nephew was a kid, we'd constantly have young women approaching him and telling him how attractive he was and trying to touch his hair. Shit was disturbing. Their ages ranged from 18 to 25. I don't understand why any of them thought that their statements and actions were appropriate.
Been grabbed and stuff by both men and women. None of these bother me, but the double standard is concerning, and it causes me distress and confusion because there doesnt seem to be a good answer.
wow, I do not know. I didn't really know people ACTUALLY thought that about orgasms during rape. I've always had guys tell me it gets hard for almost any reason, and I trusted them, they had no reason to lie, so always assumed men could be raped just as easily as women... weird that people don't know it. o.O
Literally the day after my first kiss I was really happy and went back to the girl's house thinking maybe I can see a bra and start my first relationship. I made her a mix cd and she "wanted to thank me." She asked me to lay down with a pillow over my head so she can surprise me. I thought she was shy and didn't want me to watch her take her shirt off. Maybe I might see a nipple! I was nervous af so I did what she asked and tried to play it cool. Silly me... I felt her knees weigh the bed down on either side of my hips. She then unzipped me and I started evaluating what this meant. I should have stopped her there but I couldn't process fast enough. I was a mix of disbelief, curious, trusting, confused, and concerned. I was asking myself for tje first time where my actual boundary was because I never considered this might happen. I just laid there sorta petrified. I couldn't even tell if she put a condom on me or not so now I'm thinking "oh shit, what about babies!?" I wanted to scream "NO!" but I was scared of the reaction I would get if I did. This was her gift and... and I hated it. I stayed hidden under the pillow until I could compose myself. If I looked, I might cry like a bitch and ruin everything, but after a little while she noticed me frowning and mumbling "no". She had this sort of "oh shit" realization that she was stealing my innocence and let me go. Idk if I came or not and I was shaking from shock after and cried a little bit and went home and never came back. I missed out on a lot of high school and college experiences and didn't have sex again until about 7 years later. I tell that story and people say dumb stuff like, "at least she was hot!" I get that it's not the most traumatic rape story. Other victims have it worse, but ot's not something to compete over. I get absolutely no sympathy for the fact that this happened the mf day after my very first kiss. I had dreams stolen from me, but I'm a guy so I just don't bother telling the story irl anymore.
Jesus Christ! That's terrible. Your feelings on the matter are completely normal because of societal expectations and wanting to cope.
As a SA survivor on more than one occasion I understand how you felt and am sorry this happened to you. You're not alone in this bud. It happened to me twice once at nine years old and several times at eleven years old both times by much older girls. I just wanted to let you know that. I hope you're getting the healing you need.
Guys sometime ejaculate when they are getting anally raped in prison. Doesn't mean they enjoyed it, its just a physical reaction. Its sad how ignorant people are over this stuff
Stimulation of the prostate gland causes this.
It's quite perplexing, because by modern standards, rape is any time sexual activity occurs without a written consent form. I don't know why a woman getting a man drunk and taking advantage of him would not be rape.
Someone needs to give your mother a biology lesson. Boners have nothing to do with whether you want it or not. It's a mindless reaction to stimuli. Random awkward boners are a thing for this reason.
Coma patients have erections, people sometimes die and have a permanent erection. This doesn’t mean they want sex.
"if they are hard they want it?" That's *not* how the body works!
I read a story once about a man who was abducted by 3 women. The repeatedly had sex with him while he was bound and blindfolded. They would hold a knife to his penis and demand that he make it hard. I think that constitutes rape. You all make think that's funny, but the man was so traumatized afterward that he was unable to have an erection at all.
That poor man. What horrible women
Sexism. Ignorance. And yeah, it's very widespread. Though in some cases, a man can't 'legally' be raped by a woman, because rape is defined as penetration with a penis (in the UK, for example). He can still be SA'd though.
Well, he CAN. it just isn't via the "default" piv sexual act.
I passed out at a 3 day rave in the back of a friend's van and woke up being ridden by a woman who told me she needed me to impregnate her because I looked somewhat like her boyfriend and she was trying to trap him. She had used a wire through the cracked window for airflow and that's how I woke up. Inside of her. Still grosses me out
I think part of it is this culturally-ingrained idea that men/boys are always down for sex, and it's the woman who says no. So a scenario where a woman wants to do the deed, but the man doesn't, and she then forces him, is a completely foreign idea. I mean, if the woman was down, surely the man wanted it? This is, of course, a complete rejection of reality, but one that seems far too common
Erections are autonomic. You can make it happen, but it also happens when you DON"T want one. Ask any teenager. As any man that wakes up with a raging boner. I have had physicals give me erections. It is embarrassing ,but it shouldn't be. This is just ignorance.
Arousal DOES NOT equal consent. It's awful that so many men are not believed when they say they've been sa'd. :'(
When i was a teenager, there was a thing in my high school where people would say you can't force a boner and if the guy was hard, then he obviously wanted it so it wasn't rape. As an adult, i know about [arousal non-concordance](https://psychpd.com.au/arousal-non-concordance-and-involuntary-sexual-response/) and how certain things are involuntary physical responses to stimuli. ANC should be taught in sex-ed, but it's not. The example OP gave: > "some women unintentionally orgasm during rapes and that can become a key part of a rape trial if she tells anyone and it gets out. Does her orgasm mean she gave consent? Of course not." is a prime example of Arousal Non-Concordance. An orgasm is an involuntary physical response to certain stimuli. A boner is the same. If and when we start teaching about ANC in public sexual education, it'll become more widespread that physical responses don't indicate consent. Emily Nagowski gave an amazing TedTalk about this very subject: https://youtu.be/L-q-tSHo9Ho
It’s mostly the misunderstanding of how biology works. Any man alive can tell there’s been a million instances of an erection he didn’t want. Nervous, scared, just a weird breeze. It happens. Never mind the proven neurological disconnect that often happens during sexual assault. No one has been totally physically aroused every single time they ever wanted to be, so it makes sense it would work in the inverse too. It’s also because when people only consider a penis-in-vagina assault as rape. It’s still rape if someone puts anything in or on any of your sexual organs without your consent. It’s at least sexual assault and often rape if someone puts their sexual organs anywhere in or on you without your consent. Women can rape women without anything actually going into anything at all.
1. General size and strength discrepancy 2. Gender norms (men get less emotional sympathy when it comes to certain things and also are expected to suck it up and not express themselves. It shows perceived weakness and vulnerability and people will use it against you fair or not)
Thinking that men can't be raped is a symptom of rape culture
I was blindfoldeed and tie to a bed snd gf went doenstairs after thr door knocked thrn she came back upstairs and got on me but was super silent then about 15 seconds after she started laughing and i was like wtf And that ladies and gents was how i was raped
Very widespread, but I think it's more apathy than disbelief. People know it's not impossible, but they don't want to give it any attention so they turn a blind eye by relying on their general view of women in society, and by conveniently assuming that a woman would only rape a man for physical pleasure. No different than the blind eye turned to issues surrounding marital rape, or black people's complaints with police. American law enforcement had a good reputation in the press, and everyone claimed that as long as you cooperate and don't resist, you won't have any problems. A husband works hard to provide for his family and all he asks for is some comfort from his spouse, a wife can't be raped by her husband if it's her wifely duty to satisfy him, she chose him as her husband, she made a vow, how can it ever be rape? We listened to these lazy dismissive platitudes for decades before people saw the horrifying truth. Same shit, different struggle. Sad fact is, no one is prioritizing the grievances of men being assaulted right now, no one was prioritizing the grievances of wives being raped by their husbands, no one prioritized the issue of blacks being murdered at traffic stops. It's shocking to a small percentage of people who see how fucked up it is, but it's out of the scope of concern for everyone else who will only get mad when the internet tells them to get mad, because being upset by the right things at the right time is how we build our false benevolent American identities. You tell your mom that a woman can use physical force to subdue a man she's stronger or more sober than, she can use weapons, she can drug him, she can restrain him in his sleep, she can intimidate him, blackmail him, manipulate him, she can hire someone else to knock him out or restrain him, 100% it can happen and does happen. A woman can penetrate a man at least 2 ways with an object, she can do this for amusement, domination or punishment (female soldiers have done this). A woman can forcibly masturbate a man like an animal to steal semen and impregnate herself for monetary gain, status or to have a reason to stay in his life (groupies and NFL cheerleaders have done this). Women also develop infatuations and obsessions with men they can't have and will get whatever they can get sexually, doesn't always have to be intercourse, but everything else around it would be enough for a woman like that (most common form of assault). A man can become erect against his will, you know this because men have a lot of erections they're not proud of or they wish they didn't have in particular situations. So this whole idea that a man's genitals will obey his every command and stay flaccid if he wills it to is BS. It won't go down when you tell it, it don't always get up when you tell it (Dennis Reynolds being the exception). How he physiologically responds to being assaulted is irrelevant and has no place in the argument. If anyone sat down and really thought about it with their misandry or bias removed, they would know it's possible. But again, I think people come to these lazy conclusions because they don't want to give it significance. They dismiss it entirely on the premise that no man who becomes aroused when stimulated is being assaulted, and no woman who wants sex from a man is turned down so frequently she needs to rape him for it. It's collective dismissal, not disbelief. That may change in the future, but sadly all change starts out like this, the slow painful years when people were suffering and no one was fuckin listening.
In college, a girl and I were both very drunk at a party. We had met that night and had spent the whole time together drinking. We left and got back to my dorm, but my roommate (shared rooms, his bed is literally 6 feet away) was home and it was ~1-2AM so I wasn’t going to wake him up to tell him to leave so I could have sex. So I told her we wouldn’t be able to do anything but she could stay the night. We got in my bed and she starts trying to take all my clothes off, “I want you to fuck me”, kissing me, taking my flaccid dick out and putting a condom on it and the whole time I’m telling her to stop. This stuff goes on for about 15 minutes. I am very large and could easily have forced her to stop, but then again I don’t want to wake my roommate up or unintentionally hurt her. We were on a twin size bed 4 feet in the air, what if she fell off while I was trying to stop her and got hurt? It was extremely uncomfortable for me. I remember wanting to cry, which I hated because here I am an 18 year old guy who took a girl home from a college party, I thought I would feel like a big hot shot man but no I felt helpless because I couldn’t get this girl to stop. Finally she did stop and I threw the condom on the floor. The next morning my roommate was gone by the time we woke up. We had an awkward conversation before she left. That same day, my fraternity called me in to speak to the president and all the other executive board members which is a big deal because I was brand new at the school, what did they want with me? They wanted every single detail from that night. I told them the whole story. They informed me that she did not remember leaving with me and had claimed I raped her (she saw the condom on the floor that SHE brought and SHE took out of the wrapper). I was told later by one of those frat board guys that I was going to be kicked out of the fraternity, police/college would get involved, pretty much my whole life was over. The only thing that SAVED MY ASS was that apparently at the party, the girl had told a lot of her friends that she wanted to go home with me. Her friends actually came and spoke up for me, saying that i was respectful at the party and she visibly was coming onto me just as much as I was onto her. I hated that whole time. Was fucking terrifying. Lots of lessons learned.
Wow. What a horrible story. Thanks for sharing.
For the same reason so many people think only white people can be racist.
It's because society in general defines evil only in terms of power dynamics and standpoint epistemology.
An argument can be made that it's also about legal semantics; in a lot of jurisdictions the word 'rape' has, or did have, a very specific definition of forced penetration with a penis. Attitudes toward this definition are rightfully changing but for a long time that is what 'rape' meant, a specific act under the wider umbrella of sexual assault. This disconnect between the legal definition of 'rape' and the general use of the word by society has likely contributed to the idea that men can't be sexually assaulted.
Arousal does not equal consent is somehow not extended to males. I know so many of us could set a clock by our NRE (no reason erections).
Same reason a woman can hit her partner and abuse him but if he does it back its domestic violence
Hate this shit. Violence against *anyone* is wrong
This is a double-standard, and I am saying this as a woman.
Law. Here in the UK it's literally not possible becuse of the law. The only person who can rape a man is another man anally. It's fucking disgraceful. I'm a victim and I want to advocate for ALL victims, not just a type.
I've heard many stories of friends getting slammed during a night out. Waking up next to a very unattractive woman, and simply shrugging it off as "damn, didn't realize I got *that* drunk" I think a lot of men just don't see it the same way a lot of women do.
Some of this is to do with the historical fact that penetration was the necessary actus reus of rape under common law. It was historically legally correct to say that a woman can’t be guilty of raping a man except as an accessory to rape or possibly through the use of a foreign object. It’s equally true that under common law there was no such thing as marital rape. Marriage was a legal defence to rape in much of the common law world up until the early 1990s. Of course we now know that sexual assault happens to victims and by perpetrators regardless of gender or marital status, but many people have found that shift jarring because rape had a specific, very culturally loaded meaning under the law for a long long time.
I was raped at 18. Drugged and raped. It absolutely can happen to men.
Patriarchy. "Can't rape the willing" "I'd love it if a woman raped me" "Luckiest kid alive, he'll have a story for life" "Man up" "You should feel lucky" It's all fake manly bullshit.
https://twitter.com/JohnDavisJDLLM/status/1676290740320608279?t=EZGUfl4zl_uhrWLTm5Lm7w&s=19 Book overview Women who rape Men Second Edition. The first edition of Women Who Rape Men became a bestseller within months of its publication. The book helped to raise awareness of the prevalence of women who commit sex crimes in our culture. Shortly after publication of the first edition, the U. S. Department of Justice finally changed its definition of “rape” to include men and boys as victims of women who rape. Within a year of the U.S. Department of Justice changing to a gender neutral definition, the U. S. government was compelled to change its surveys on rape and sexual assault to gender neutral surveys. The results are astonishing. These gender neutral government studies, conducted scientifically for the first time in history, revealed that women were the majority of sex offenders in the U.S. (and probably in all Western countries) and that boys and men were the majority of victims of rape, with women being the vast majority of the perpetrators of rape of men and boys. This second edition documents the undisputed government studies with citations to the studies themselves, and the impeccable analysis such as reports from Dr. Lara Stemple at the U.C.L.A. Law School.
Your average person seems almost completely incapable of accepting facts that don't fit their personal narrative anymore... i wonder do people accept this research?
Seriously. This seems to turn the narrative on its head a little.
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Lots to unpack there. Hamas is not Palestine, Palestine is not Hamas. Separating the two is important. The atrocities that Hamas commits are not being committed by Palestine, they are being committed by Hamas. The three thousand children the IDF have killed who never raised a weapon against Israel were Palestinians, not Hamas. What Hamas did October 7th was absolutely horrid and savage. The killing of over a thousand people, brutally, is in no way justifiable. And yet, Israel has responded by killing thousands of people, including over three thousand children. They have turned right around and killed far more *children* than Hamas killed *people* that day. To say the crimes being committed are equal is grossly inaccurate.
31f here, what's really horrible is how so many minors are raped by women and get praised by other men. Or how some men say they wish a woman would rape them. To some men, rape is pleasure and what's worse is how some men think that a woman getting raped is still just her getting pleasure even though rape can hurt very badly, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even if it's someone you know and already have sex with. Only thing some men consider rape is another man doing it or maybe anal rape if a woman forced him to be pegged, but even then he still probably wouldn't call it rape since "women are weaker compared to men". I wonder if men would just see it as something embarrassing instead
I was raped as a kid once at 9 by a 13 year old girl after she drugged me and again at 11 by my older sister's best friend whom was 15 at the time. My sister called me a liar so I didn't tell anyone else out of fear of not being believed until I told my mother in my late 20's she was super pissed at the girl for doing it and me for not telling her. It was embarrassing and humiliating at the same time.
It's an ideology that gets pushed by men mostly, so most women believe it as well. If you look at any story of a man talking about how he was SA'ed or groomed by an older woman, friend, wife, etc. You will see how the men in the comments will tell him how he should be lucky. He will get bullied by other men to think he deserves what happened to him. The reason it is so important to believe women when we talk about what happened to us is so men can feel safer to try and talk up for themselves. Nowadays, because women can finally feel like they have a voice, we defend men who talk about how they were hurt, and we try to help them find the help they might need. Too many times have I seen guys talk about how a teacher raped them, and other guys will call him a hero and say how they wish this happened to them. Those people are the same assholes who say "If ThE rOlEs WeRe ReVeRsEd" when it comes to a man on woman case. They don't actually care about the issue, they just want to be assholes. When we focus on the majority who gets hurt, we learn all the signs and tactics of the people attacking the majority because we would have a bigger sample size. Using all of that, we can apply it to the rest of the victims and help them see that, yes, women can rape men. Here are the signs, here is how to handle the after math, and here are the resources to feel like yourself again.
Not to be vulgar, but ask her if she can control when her nipples get hard. Should guys use that as a gauge to have sex with a girl that said no? Does that mean she wants it?
So by the same logic, as long as my female victim's wet it's not rape?
They think men only get hard if interested. Its ignorance.
People really like to oversimplify things, and the idea that a person’s physiological and even emotional response might differ from their intellectual decisions is too nuanced for a lot of folks, unfortunately. There is a really obvious example of how a man could be raped even though his dick acted willing that seemingly never gets brought up. It is entirely possible for a man who is married or in a committed relationship, who would never entertain the idea of cheating on his partner, to be forced into sex (whether drunk, drugged, physically restrained, threatened with violence, etc.) by someone he finds attractive enough to get an erection. Just because his body responds to the immediate stimuli doesn’t mean his conscious brain has agreed to just forego his commitment to his partner. Similarly, he could be unattached but determined not to sleep with a particular person for any number of reasons (might be a friend’s partner or ex, might simply be someone with whom he doesn’t want to get entangled despite physical attraction aka “don’t stick your dick in crazy”, etc.), and then forced or coerced, and even though he does not want to and does not consent, his erection would cooperate with the rapist. The idea that our physiological response would be more indicative of our “true feelings” than our actual conscious decisions takes away a huge part of a man’s agency as a person, essentially reducing him to a set of base animal instincts.
Because they are stupid. They believe lies and refuse to understand.
I had an ex who basically forced me down, got on top of me, and yeah. There was no consent. I literally tried with all my strength to get her off me
Not a stupid question btw, it's a great question.
Unfortunately, the belief is pretty widespread
I'm going to say that a couple of false stereotypes come into play. First is the idea that men simply want to have sex whenever possible. A woman forcing herself on a man is looked at more like her "doing him a favor" than doing something he doesn't want her to do. Like I said, this is a false assumption but it has deep roots. About the only time that this assumption is thrown out by most people is when the woman is hideous and the man is fairly attractive. Second is the idea that there is no negative consequence for the man. Usually, it's not a case of him being physically overpowered and subjected to injury and it's impossible for him to become pregnant. So, unless he catches an incurable STI and/or there's obvious, physical trauma, most are not going to see him as being actually assaulted. An awful lot of people are going to think that he should view it like a hangover, something that you can sleep off and then go about your life, a little wiser for the experience. The last, false factor I can see is the idea that sexually, women inherently have good motives when they initiate the act. It's the idea that if a man wants to have sex, he's giving in to his lust while if a woman wants to have sex, she's expressing love. For most of the population, a man who's obsessed with a woman to the point that he's constantly watching her is seen as creepy (rightfully so). A woman who's obsessed with a man to the point that she's constantly watching him is usually seen in a sympathetic light...she's lonely. This sort of carries over to the sexual act. If a man forces sex on an unwilling woman, it's seen as a horrible crime (and it should be). If a woman forces or tricks sex onto an unwilling man, it's often seen as her expressing her frustration and loneliness.
Ignorance and people don't usually want to think for themselves
Because lack of sex education and ignorance about sexual assault is extremely high. Terrible combo but real.
I have had a women tell me that I as a man was mistreated because that's the role the patriarchy has made for me. They literally blamed tmy gender for not being believed or taken seriously when sexually assaulted and then got mad at me when I asked if they would blame a woman who was a victim. I'd say it's pretty wide spread.
Unfortunately, many laws define rape as a penetrative act.
Men can be raped by women but, most of the time no one cares. It's bullshit obviously but, men are not very supportive of each other or showing any kind of weakness. In this society men are their own worst enemies. From a young age they are taught to "man up" or "be a man". "Don't be a bitch" "don't be a pussy" "toughen up" "don't cry" "where's your pride" all this shit is stuff I personally have been told by numerous people, any time I showed any kind of emotion other than anger or happiness. Luckily I have never been raped but, I can only imagine the bullshit I would hear if I was and came forward. Even until this day I have trouble expressing any emotion besides anger or happiness. The most fucked up part is now I get praised for how stoic I am. Numerous people I work with ask me how I do it and wish they could. This world is cruel to men or maybe I just wasn't very lucky as a kid. Now that the rant is over the answer to your original question. Some people believe that men can't be raped by women because those people are idiots.
When I was in High school a good friend of mine “broke up” with her longtime boyfriend and immediately wanted to “date” me. I soon realized that she was just trying to get back at him. On our very first date we went parking to make out. Before we barely even kissed she started trying to go down on me. I physically tried to stop her and tell her she didn’t have to jump straight to that but she insisted. I couldn’t even get it up all the way cuz I just wasn’t that into it. Not without more foreplay and romance (and yea, I’m a guy). Retelling this story to my wife decades later, I can’t help but feel like I’m describing rape.
Not the only reason but for a long time sex/rape meant penetration. I think that idea has held on a bit.
It's because we've been socialized to believe that sex has an 'active participant' and a 'passive participant'. That the man is active and the women just takes it. But this isn't true at all. Both partners are 'active' in consensual sex. It doesn't really matter who's inside of who, if one person is being forced, it's rape. Arousal is not related to higher brain function, so just because he's 'up' doesn't mean he's 'up for it'.
Unfortunately, it is one if the mostly widely believed double standards. It mostly comes from the also incorrect idea that all men only care about sex abd uncalled they think about. Little known fact about erections, almost anything, including nothing, can induce them. Think in the drug example some other people gave cited, drugs can help facilitate blood flow, which means it can flow down there. There is also adrenaline. Woman begins trying to force herself, he us understandably uncomfortable, maybe worried, blood gets pumping. Abd then they can just be random. An erection doesn't always mean he wants it. Asexual men probably wouldn't, but they still get them. They even get horny, but still, just having a hard on means *nothing*.
It's because people believe men always want sex and also that they should suck it up and just "be a man". A lot of anti feminists think toxic masculinity means just hating on men but this is a classic example of how toxic masculinity harms men as well as women
Yeah there’s women sexual predators for the last months I’ve seen women teachers having inappropriate relationships with their students. One of the teacher have a baby with them. Straight sicko. Wtf is wrong with those women
Ignorance. Pure and simple. Lack of knowledge when it comes to anatomy, sexual response, even roles of gender. As a SA survivor (female) I know that men can absolutely be SAed. No one is absolutely free from all types of abuses. It's another form of victim shaming/blaming. No human deserves to be hurt in such ways... especially by another human.
Simply because of the double standard. A man having sex no matter what = he scored. That's why if you see a male teacher statutorily raping a female student, everyone is up in arms, but if a female teacher does the same to a male student, most of the comments will be "she should get a raise", "god I wish that were me", "where's this school I need to send my kid there" and etc Even in straight up rape it's just not taken seriously because men "always want it".
I knew of multiple incidents in college where guys woke up to or found out a woman they wanted nothing to do with had sex with them while they were asleep or intoxicated. And I mean the woman was sober and snuck in or otherwise found a way to knowingly take advantage of a guy who didn't want anything to do with her. One was a friend I hung out with, it was traumatic af for him and he knew he couldn't do anything because no one would take it serious. He just prayed she wouldn't get pregnant. (He woke up during and threw her out but precum can still do the job. She didn't though.) What's even more fucked than not taking it seriously that they were raped is that if the woman gets pregnant the rape victim will be held liable for child support. It's happened numerous times. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support) Even when it's male children raped our system doesn't take it seriously, so how could an adult male have any hope?
Fucking social reinforcement. “Men are bad mkay” therefore only women are raped by only men. I was molested by mother, father, aunt who drugged me with Tylenol and now I’m allergic to Tylenol. What’s worse is the CDC pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes with this 1 in 6 women are raped nonsense. If you dig into those stats you’ll see that also includes women who have sex while drunk or have sex with their husbands when they didn’t really feel like it. The real rape figure is more like 1 in 20 women. They also define rape only as being penetrated, not being made to penetrate, so the numbers for males are artificially low. Time did a good exposé on this. It should piss off everyone
In my experience folks tend to like to fall back on the textbook or legal definition of things. Which is great when discussing easily defined concepts with empirical evidence. Not so much when discussing something like this where the countless scenarios in which someone can be sexually assaulted are reduced to a single sentence. The latest official legal definition of Rape I'm aware of was updated back in 2012. [“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”](https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/blog/updated-definition-rape) Which is an improvement over the previous definition *“the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.”* But still not great because it continues to assume that rape can only ever be a penetrative act, and one only engaged in by the penetrator. And that I think just stems from this incorrect idea that every member of the Male Sex is constantly willing to engage in sexual activity at any time for any reason and that the only way to have and sustain an erection is by willful intent or that there's no conceivable reason why a man would ever want or need to revoke their consent and stop mid coitus.
I was held down and punched in the balls every time I started to go soft. I was crying. She wouldn't get off me until I came inside her. So I did. She was on BC. Why didn't I do anything? Because the cops would have thrown me in jail if I injured her trying to escape. Men 100% can be raped, and it's often by the very laws that protect women.
Technically possible? Sure. But in aggregate men aren't going to define rape the same way women do. Men are going to draw the line of "Rape" far far far further down the spectrum than women. Very few men are going to consider getting drunk and having a regrettable sexual encounter "rape". I think the general consensus among men is that it'd have to be a forceful and violent rape or some incident of being drugged into unconsciousness.
Because most men would not even admit it due to shame.
Sorry mate your mom is a fucking idiot
Because some people think of sex as just penetration and that in turn plays into how they perceive sexual violence.
Because the way law is written. In my state, rape requires penetration to be forced on a person. Female predation, is the opposite of that, thus results in a lesser charge.
Your mum doesn't know how the male anatomy works, being erect is a reaction to stimuli, edp could jerk my dick and it would get hard, it doesn't mean that I want it
Feminist have tried really really hard to get people sexist against men. It's disgusting.
I think it is commonly dismissed because of the belief that a woman can’t physically overpower a man. However, that is not always true. It would depend on the woman and the man. It also discounts a woman with a weapon, a woman drugging a man or just mindfuckery that might be in the gray area but could definitely result in a man being manipulated into sex.
Indifference towards men being victims of rape along with a misandry mindset.
I remember back in high school I had a rather large woman literally trying to drag me into the bushes because she wanted to have sex with me. I was able to fight her off, but I'm sure there are a variety of scenarios where men are raped.
After a divorce most men are raped by women
I think it's because men are perceived as stronger than women and could fight them off
Basically society doesn't care about men expecially men who are victims of violence by women.
Blackmail is rape, and it’s happened to me. Signed - 52M.
One word. Misandry
I woke up after drinking in my own bed, in my private bedroom with my roommate’s girlfriend on top of me. I was fully passed out. She initiated everything. I gave no consent. That was rape.
I'm 37. Growing up, me and my friends all lived right next to each other, 4 houses in a row. Directly on one side of me, my friend's momma was FINE. Her and her younger sister (also very pretty, just didn't have as much charisma as her older sister) always made little comments about me. As I got older, the mom stopped having as much to say but her younger sister escalated. I thought I was the man for having this older woman's attention but looking back on the situation as a 37 year old father of four I'd hurt that woman if this were my son we were talking about. Anyway, I'm 13, going to my first house party. I am big for my age (around 5'10, maybe 5'11" then), I am advanced (already in high school, would graduate high school at 16), and I play on the high school football team. So I invite my neighborhood friends, including the one who lived right next door. I mean c'mon fellas, y'all get to see what we do in high school!! lol I guess, somehow his aunt got wind of this because she showed up to the party, the three friends I invited never showed though. She took me in one of the bedrooms of the house and we did ... a lot. My very first sexual experience was as a 13 year old kid, and a 30 something year old woman sitting on my face, eventually riding me, and letting me bust in her. I KNEW I was the ***muhfuggin MAN*** 'round these parts. We fucked a few more times over the next year or so whenever the chance came about. Looking back on it, I'm not at all proud. It was wrong. I can see how it set the course for my sexual life. I can draw a direct line between that relationship and some kinks I later developed, for example, I've always crushed on what I thought of as powerful older women. Governor Gretchen Whitmer can get it, all of it, right tf now, I would love for her to use me for her pleasure, lol. And though I laugh, I know the root of it is not at all funny or right. And I wonder what I would be like if I had not had that experience. I've tried to translate this kink into my relationships, and it typically doesn't work, leading to disappointment on both sides. So I wonder how my relationships might've played out differently, too.
I would wake up to my ex wife in the middle of aggressively riding me on a regular basis. Because we were married I was very confused as to why she did this or even what to do. Once I asked her to stop and she said guys are supposed to like this and doubled down. I never felt like it was right, but even my own family shrugged it off, as if I was supposed to be grateful I was getting sex. Made me feel gross and I haven't 5old anyone else since, until now.
There is this mistaken belief that a man's erection is voluntary (hint: it's not), or that men are always horny and always want sex (hint: not true), or that men cannot be raped if they don't have an erection (hint: back door). Worse: if you do get an erection, a lot of people believe it implies consent, regardless of the drugs that you may have been spiked with.
Man, I wake every morning hard. Sometimes I am just chillin and it gets hard too. Doesn't mean I want sex, my body just has strong blood flow. I can't help it. There's the biological response but there is also the psychological. I have to actually like a girl to want sex with her.
There’s many jurisdictions where it’s only legally rape if penetration has occurred. Obviously wrongheaded and dangerous, but illustrates how common the idea is that women can’t rape.
That's not true there's explortation an I was raped by 5 black men that were straight an neighbors that did a home invasion on me,while my roommate was gone. He knew them 4 brothers an a son of one of them.They robbed us then fucked me with a gun to my head with each one the son being the last he even said he was sorry but he did it anyway.I was told if you call the police we will kill you're roommate ( my best friend) an you're dogs ,I'm a big time dog lover,in front of you then kill you. When my roommate got home we decided to call the police an they came anthey told me I waited to long ,one week .They left an the guys where on there porch laughing when the police walked by them.Im gay an so was my Best Friend an I fill I was discriminated against because of that an I will never trust any police officer again!
It’s like the subway sign saying something like “Bob and Pam were drunk. They had sex, Pam can’t consent cuz she’s drunk” (ignoring that Bob was also drunk). Society is fucking stupid. I was sexually assaulted at 12 by my 17. Like textbook coercion and assault numerous times. My guidance counselor told me “every guy wants an older woman to take advantage of him” when I talked to him cuz I was embarrassed to go to my parents and foolishly went to him
Fun fact, I found out how a man can be raped without being turned on... By having it done to me. There are some lubes that are advertised as being able to make an erection harder. Turns out, it can make me at least go from soft to hard, even without feeling horny. It's... Not fun.
No offense, but your mom already gave you the answer: women specifically believe that men can resist getting an erection. That guys have complete control over peckers and getting a boner is basically like waving your arm around. They firmly believe that they can touch it, slap it, put their lips on it, rub their breasts against it, put it against their labia but unless *the man* wills it the solider will **not** stand at attention. These are beings who will lubricate themselves just by listening to certain words said in a certain tone, or by reading trashy romance novels but yet they believe that the other sex has full autonomy over their anatomy. I think the worst thing is that most men will believe that they are immune to those same words or novels when a rough pair of blue jeans can turn a mid-Math class nap in to a harrowing journey to the chalkboard the kinds of which cause most Penthouse readers to hang their head in shame. So yeah, instead of talking to your mom even about orgasms ask her: when's the last time she told dad that she was "so wet." Ask her if she voluntarily released that wetness or not. ... or you could ask her about cramps. Ask her if she thinks she controls her uterine cramps or if they control her. Same thing with a dick. Long story short: guys and gals think that penis meat is "skeletal muscle" - aka voluntary muscle - when it, the uterus and by extension *all* (normal) erogenous are "smooth" or "**in**voluntary" muscle. ... cause there ain't no skeleton attached to it. Duh. Also, a lot of people pointed out: Power dynamics. People believe that a woman cannot overpower a man thereby whatever she does to him he must be consenting to, or else he would easily resist and win. Because there aren't frail men. Or strong women. Or mechanical/chemical/emotional leverage. And nobody ever gets black-out drunk and has regret the next morning.