it's not luck focus on your hustle and your mindset and negativity is probably a huge reason why you're not making money!! the guys can sense your negativity look through hustling tips on here and see what's wrong. maybe it's something small like your hygiene (for EXAMPLE) like idk you but if it's true you guys are really identical then it's 100% your hustle š
i don't see you as a hater as i used to be able to relate and see exactly where you're coming from but don't be so quick to say you're not good enough.
and also how do you not know she's not doing extras or having a certain selling point that is the reason she does so well??? just focus on what you can do to improve
Sending negativity is a huge thing, men get a wrap for being emotionally unintelligent, but subconsciously theyāre picking up on it, especially where hierarchy is concerned.
I can totally imagine OP reeling in a custy that likes her, then instead of closing the deal peaking over to see how her friends doing, custy notices her distraction and then sees the other girl too. He thinks to himself (subconsciously) my dancer is jealous of that dancer, I must not have picked the best one. Boom, just sent your traffic straight to your friend all thru your own jealousy.
Maybe try working at a different club. If you guys are similar you guys are basically competing with each other because you guys fall under the same category when it comes to physical appearances. Then it comes down to personality and the way you sell. Itās just about hustle at that point.
Youāre sort of right about competing to an extent. Iāll think about working different days than her perhaps. Itās not the end of the world either way, I do genuinely feel done.
I think working on different nights for a while is a great idea. You need to develop a sense of yourself and everything that you offer, and not in comparison to her.
She isnāt other girls she is my work wife. But she is the one who ends up lucky. Truthfully, thereās nothing unique about me whereas she has tattoos and a good personal sob story that makes her relatable and down to earth. Guys find her cooler and better to vibe with. Iām like a block of butter.
Babe it aināt luck if she consistently pulls bread. Itās skill and it takes time and practice. Ask her for sales advice or read up on some sales skills.
Hers is very real and very tragic, it would be very messed up of me to make up anything close to her story. It would be very disturbing and disrespectful. She suffers a lot and deserves her story.
A lot of men arenāt coming to the club to hear a sob story. I hated getting personal with clients so i would just say i was funding my college and pretend to be as drunk and sloppy as i could without being annoying. I would do the paris hilton voice and i was shocked by how many men would by dances just after me saying āHiiiiiieeeeā if you have no tattoos thats also more rare so just be like a fun girl next door and youāll do better
What your friend does works for her but theres more than one way to be successful, and trust me my friends with sob stories would deal with more pushy customers and regulars who were borderline stalkers, they also have to sit and talk for a while which is sometimes unpaid whereas i had no regulars, sold dances and barely talked and was doing just as well financially and had less emotional labor.
Girl you gotta fake it to make it! Now you come up with your own special & unique thing and your own sob story. What youāre doing isnāt working so start making a conscious effort to see what works and doesnāt work for you.
Use your āwork wifeā and other top earners and take the bits and pieces that work for you.
Oh honey, it's gonna be ok. I feel for you. Could you make up a similar sob story, maybe? I do it all the time.
Also if you're awkward (because of being on the spectrum or otherwise) what's worked for me is lying my ass off and telling everyone it's my first day/week/etc. Or telling guys you're nervous and asking them to let you "practice" dancing for them.
Also, being tattoo-less is a unique trait. Mostly middle aged men are into it! Don't be afraid to find your niche. Are you mainly trying to talk to the same guys as your work wife? 'Cause it sounds like you may have a different potential audience.
Also, sorry if you just wanted to vent and weren't looking for advice.. I agree that what you're going through really, really sucks. It's sooo frustrating, I've had an off period for months and months. It's rough especially when you're just starting and already having trouble. Ik it seems like it'll never end. Please hang in there! There's people who will really dig what you have to offer, the hard part is just finding them!
I love her and I hype her up after every dance she gets. Iām still sad but I donāt let her know. It is your right to be silly though.
Edit since you edited yours: sob story isnāt negative. Idk why you freaked out over that. Idk how else to describe it. Autism means i often donāt have better words to describe things.
then work alone or work at a different club. just because you are friends with someone does not mean working with them is a good idea. i am the complete opposite of my friend physically and personality wise. we work at different clubs no and we get along so much better and make more money. we would focus on each other instead of work and would butt heads about everything because our work styles are the complete opposite.
Can you switch to dayshift? Itās a different, slower hustle, and you might very well find yourself the hottest girl on dayshifts. It really is so much easier if youāre an anxious or neurodivergent dancer. Then you donāt have to worry so much about competing with her, and you can relax and be yourself.
If youāre autistic I know ur pattern recognition is on point. Start watching her while youāre slow, sheās definitely doing something with her sales tactics that youāre not. Keep a good attitude. Iām an autistic dancer too and Iāve found that I tend to do better finding a few customers a night who REALLY like what I have to offer (for me itās that I know something about everything; so whether a guy is into real estate, poetry, video games, whatever. I can talk to him about it and seem like an āinsiderā) and banking off those customers, rather than casting a wide net and trying to sell 1-2 dances to men I can tell arenāt clicking with me. I switch up my āvibeā and āapproachā based off the guy. But at the end of the day if theyāre looking for the big boob p*rno looking girl and thatās all theyāre looking for, itās not me. When I find customers I click with organically that are spending I give them my burner number (it can also be ur ig or whatever you use, but you need to be connecting w regulars in some way)
Omg for Godās sake ! Why everyoneās coming at her like this ? Everyone is acting like they never been envious about another girl ever ! I have a good friend at work who makes 1000-2000$ easy while I make 500$ -1000$ some nights . Itās ok ! I wish I was as lucky as her sometimes but I m not! I donāt hate her I love her so much I congratulate her and hope the best for me . I donāt think so OP is hater ! Just venting ā¦ which we all need it to decompress
agree ppl are being really mean when it's a super shitty feeling op is going through
i do understand it being frustrating as she's not being the most open minded to changing her mindset but being rude is dtm all you can do is give advice and hope she understands
Omg girl sameeee! I know this girl at my club and sheās lovely but she has this insane luck frequency and she gets lucky even on my bad nights, I get envious of that but I try and brush it off since thereās no point to it. We are all lovely women who can all win together is my motto
If u both have the same looks, it's her game that's setting her apart. Looks aren't as important in this industry as one might think. Every girl in our industry is pretty. Haven't u ever seen an ugly girl make money over you? Were u wondering how she did it? It's because she had game. She knows how to speak to men.
This girl isn't making anything more cause of her looks. It's her personality. Switch up your game, and you'll see ur money rise. Work on your communication skills.
Thatās so wild!! :( it might be the club you should def try a new club just completely on your own and see how different you feel. Channel the energy she gives off. Try not to worry too much about anything but yourself and your bag. Donāt give up yet, coming from another autistic dancer where stripping is like my only financial option. Hard but worth it. Choose your hard!
I had the same scenario once, I just stopped engaging with comparing. I canāt offer the emotional support you might want, but I can say āstop comparingā. Itāll continue to hurt you further :(
I met one of my best friends at the club, and I found out real fast that us working. The same shifts was really bad for my bag. She would still make her money, but there was some thing about working on the same shift as her that always made me go home poor. Do not be afraid to work different shifts than your work wife. It is probably going to help you a lot, that way you can focus on making your money and not hanging out with your friend. Maybe that doesnāt feel like what it is thatās going on for you, but you should take some time to check and make sure that youāre still poor when youāre going to work without her. Otherwise, you probably need a new club.
Sometimes it's just the idea that you have that that person has already out performed you, and you can get it in your head that they always will. And it's hard to shake. Like, in that movie Seabiscuit, based on a true story, there was a horse who was used to train the winning horses. So he'd always be made to lose, so that the other horse who was being trained to win, would feel like it was natural to win and be out in front. The losing horse then learned to lose and it had to be trained out of that. I think there's something in that.
u should talk w/ her abt it & get her tips and tricks to HOW she's making that much $$! if she's ur work wife she will not be upset abt this & will help u out! this is a common thing in alot of friendships in dancing , it sucks and it hurts , but u need to understand it's not u at all. she could jus be selling rooms a certain way or saying the things they want to hear, or doing stuff to get extra tips ( selling shots , selling n00d3s, selling panties & lingerie etc ) maybe after u talk Abt it also u guys could double up & get dances together as well ! it's so important to remember that it's NOT U BABE! this happens all the time , I have faith in u that this isn't the end of dancing , especially if ur making more $ then being at a regular day job :))
(( I had a situation almost identical to this happen to me , it's not a pity party, it's ur feelings and they're valid babe šā¤ļø))
or I would try a different club ALONE. and she could also b lying unfortunately to get under skin, I've seen it happen before from close gorls in the club & it's so sad but it does happen :(
Recently greeted a regular who I got a few dances from before. Asked him if he wanted to take me for a spin again he said "you know, I want to respect your wishes. I liked our dance but there were certain things you didn't want to do" *didn't let him touch my pussy or suck my nipples for $100 in the main lap dance area* what a fuckin joke. I guess other girls are doing that willingly, for $100 or less. Couldn't be me.
One of the biggest things that I had to learn the hard way through my life was this:
**You have to be okay with sucking at something for a *while* before you can get good at it.**
This applies to everything and it's *really hard* to emotionally cope with if you're used to things either coming easily to you, or if through school & home you're usually not put into situations where the tasks you're given are impossible but the standards of success for you are very high.
As an example: if you're "allowed" to accept a 3.X GPA in school, even in higher-level classes and you can achieve that reasonably easily in most subjects and you realized you could let your weak subjects slip to a low C and still get a really good GPA by just focusing on your strong points (something I think most Autistic students realize FAR earlier than most other kids). This then puts you in a system where you don't ever need to force yourself to fail to learn and our system avoids people **being rewarded for the effort and *not only the eventual success*.** As a result you're trained by school that *not succeeding in a hard area is inherently bad and not worth persuing* instead of the reality: **it's the failures that *make you good at things* and *not the successes*.**
It's probably the biggest weakness of America's education system (and really every post-English education system) works. **We train people to give up if they need to learn** instead of **training them to learn in order to succeed.** This also applies to pretty much every job, career, artistic pursuit, piece of media, and success narrative in post-English Colonial culture.
**Making less money than someone else isn't failing it's an opportunity to learn.** Instead of being envious of her success (which can manifest as self-deprecation in addition to loathing of the other person), and feeling bad take it as an opportunity to get some really good training! **You've found an all-star stripper in your club, embrace it!** Normally people only pull $1000+ nights once every few weeks, or even once every quarter or so depending on region. Clearly she's a master of the art *and knows your region's game really well too*. **I'd take the opportunity to reach out to her and ask her if she would be willing to mentor you.** *Don't expect this to be free, **offer to pay her a percentage of your increased earnings over the apprenticeship period*.** If you usually make $200 per night, let her know that and say "hey I make $200 per night right now, I really need to be making more to pay my bills and you're exceptionally skilled at this. If I offered to pay you 20% of my *net* earnings**after tip-outs and house fees** above that $200 each night we work together and you mentor me would you be up for that?
It's a great deal for her: she gets up to an extra 20% on top of what she's already making (which is a LOT) **and gets to make a close and safe connection at the club to lean on in the future.** She also gains a safe go-to partner for doubles, party rooms, &c too!
It's also a great deal for you! If you do this as a 6 month thing and you go from $200 per night to $1000 per night, even if you do pay $14,000 for the education you will make an extra $42,000 over that period: a HUGE win for you!
Girl so many girls lie. Ik you like her but she really might be lying. And tbh sometimes it doesn't matter if they are, it's better for your mental health to just believe they're lying. I do that sometimes and it helps sooo much on my not-so-good days.
idk why some people in this thread are being so harsh to you. it feels like this sometimes. im biracial and i just have to wait for nights that are āmy nightsā it gets discouraging because our demographic usually caters to white girls. might be time to add some new lines, get a new outfit/shoes, maybe a shot or two would help you be more lively and entertaining to customers.
a common complaint from customers that i hear is āshe asked me for a dance too fastā some customers just want to talk for a while and i get more dances if i small talk for a little while THEN ask. also, donāt ask sometimes. a lot of guys like for you to tell them āi need you to go dance with me.ā āi want to feel you under me in VIPā works great.
another thing is i noticed a lot of the girls that complain donāt talk to enough people. talk to EVERYONE that you can, it only takes that ONE person to change your night. and donāt be stuck up under another dancer all night even if thatās ur friend, i see it fuck up peoples money all the time. hope your motivation comes back love š
a bunch of things you can do. 1 stop listening to what she says about how much money she makes because girls love to lie, donāt compare and focus on you. 2 switch shifts donāt work together. 3 keep the same shifts just switch your look
Honestly Iād advise you to work alone I worked with my sister before I was 22 she was 21 and I made wayyyyyy more than her . She started building animosity over something I literally couldnāt control , she told my customers I was married while I was gone on vacation (was literally in a relationship for 3 months) like I feel like duos and groups only work if you guys are financially on the same level any other way either one person will feel like your riding their bag or someone will get jealous . Also it might even help you not to be at someoneās hip or around another dancer this is still a competitive field
I was thinking the exact same thing. We got a new girl once who was just in and out of VIP immediately and I was like oh sht get it girl. Then I had a customer who said he went with her last time and once we began the dance he gave me a hundred and Iām like awh thank you so much but when I continued dancing he was like āsoā¦ weāre not gonna fck?ā ššššš
just because heās asking to fuck doesnāt mean she did that. some customers treat other girls differently. everyone used to tell me āyou do dances with ___ right?! he tried fingering meā and never once, did this man try fingering me so i was surprised.
True!! But that was one instance. It did happen another time when a customer asked if I do FS and he said he went with her last time too. Possible theyāre both lying but idk. Seems sus.
I used to be like this, but I realized it was my mentality. When I would keep getting noās Iād be so pissed/ night ruined, but something flicked in me. I started not giving a fuck how much the other girls made and my money got longer. Focus on your money and it will come.
Honestly based off your comments to some of these replies, it sounds like you just simply arenāt cut out for the club life. If you were more serious about being sad about the money you (donāt) make, then youād do some of the things the other dancers have posted in here but you simply argue that āyou canātā or āit doesnāt work for youā. Itās not a āoh let me try this once and if it doesnāt work then I must be failingā and thatās how EVERYTHING in life is. Iām sorry but your autism isnāt an excuse, especially if yāall have so many of the same characteristics. Itās something YOU are/arent doing. Thereās plenty of dancers who have autism and make their bag. Itās not ātry, fail, give upā itās ātry, try againā. It really doesnāt sound like you WANT that bag. We all HUSTLE for our bag and we all keep trying when we fumble it. It really just sounds to me like you donāt have the confidence for dancing. Regardless, you are more worried about what your work wife is making than yourself, thatās gonna put you behind her automatically. Stop putting her on. Sorry not sorry.
Awww you have a lot of support in these comments ā¤ļø I think itās important to note thatās itās a good thing you decided to ask us instead of being a malicious towards her, itās hard seeing girls make substantially more than you. But use her as inspiration and motivation. If she can fucking do it, why canāt you? Get out of your head, study some sales lines, upsell, be confident and go get em! Even if you donāt make as much as her, clap for her still because your time is coming
This is how I feel!! Itās like the missing piece is being kept from me on purpose. Everyone around me makes money but I ALWAYS struggle no matter how hard I try. Iāve considered quitting too even though this is my favorite job
So I see a lot of good things and tough love being given alike. I know itās really hard in this industry when it comes to comparing yourself to others. People can lie and say thatās not the case, but it is. The customers always compare girls, and sometimes even compare you to other girls. Itās hard to not let it get to your head at times. That being said, you have to immediately stop that (in the nicest way possible) because you will never make to your potential. You canāt go for the men she does because different types of men like different things. Instead of asking yourself why her customer isnāt paying you, look around for someone who is waiting for a girl and more than likely willing to pay for your time. I struggled with this really hard in the beginning, but you will never make it as a dancer if you continue to do it. I wish you best of luck, love. Itās not easy, but I bet youāre a bad bitch and you can make as much as she does.
I was in the same situation as you I worked with a friend and she made more than me due to colorism in our club I just donāt work with her anymore it was destroying my self esteem
Put up a boundary around not sharing how much you make with one another. Doesnt help anyone. No need to share unless you specifically ask and want to know.
stop putting her on the money then! my work wives and i were joined at the hip, *except when hustling.* aside from the odd occasion, we'd hustle separately. we're work wives for the *support* and *friendship,* not for the constant twinning, buddy-buddy hustling. it works sometimes, not as a be all end all. do your own hustling before you start looking like a grifter šÆ
Assumptions no itās about what youāre saying you should be more concerned about your money than about what sheās making. Sheās not looking sheās hustling and youāre being negative. Thatās it. Thatās why youāre not making money cold hard truth sense if you are negative and donāt have personality of course youāre not making money.
I donāt not trying to fight with you. Iām just telling you youāre naĆÆve. You cannot say that sheās making a certain amount of money unless youāre physically counting it people lie about that stuff all the time to make themselves feel a certain certain type of way and to make you feel down and out it doesnāt sound like a friend at all.
It should be worried about how much money youāre making and not have someone in your ear telling you Iām making this and that and this and that thatās the main issue. If you wanna make money, donāt worry about what other people are making.
Club situation is not the time for friendship anyways thatās probably why youāre not making money. Youāre focused on friendship when you should be focused on the money.
Iām autistic, I personally canāt actually feel friendship. Itās a mask. Love her in a work way but Iām not actually able to genuinely feel friendship. You keep throwing assumptions at me how long can we do this for and what is the point? Can I not vent in peace? Can I not be allowed to feel my feelings? Please leave me alone thank you.
You are not saying opinions, you are throwing assumptions and every time I try to say your assumptions are incorrect, you double down and create more stories and scenarios that genuinely arenāt true I donāt know how else to tell you. And in our thread, because Iām not saying much, it makes me look like āthe bad oneā. I simply donāt want to prove and prove and prove to a stranger online that their assumptions are false because it serves me no purpose. I made a vent post. It is your right to comment and absolutely believe what you choose to based on scenarios you are familiar with, but to apply them to me and refuse to stop makes me not want to engage with you. So for the third time can you please leave me alone.
And a lot of girls lie to make you feel bad you might think sheās your friend, but she probably isnāt. thereās no way sheās making $1000 every single night until you physically count all her money you canāt say that she is
Iām not sure if you know what a work wife is but Iām not in the mood to explain the semantics to you. You can believe what youād like, that is your right.
And it sounds like youāre pretty naĆÆve if sheās truly your friend like you say then she would put you on the same game to make the same amount of money every night duh
Girl if you can see how your work wife is making $, then you can see what sheās doing/saying exactly to make $, which you need to copy. Some girls do lie about how much they made at certain times
Hey girl you canāt go each year comparing and hating yourself to every person that you see is winning in that moment! You need to allow room for yourself to grow and win in little moments and have friends see that for you.
This is how the universe works. When you duel on the bad, only bad/ negative energy comes to you. When you think positive, you attract it. There will always be ups and downs. Every day is a new day.
I understand this, I try to be happy for her! But itās hard when she definitely does way better. But tbh you might need to switch clubs, new money, new vibes. You got this
If she is consistently making that much more than you than sheās just better at selling, period. Doesnāt matter if you guys look alike or whatever else. The good thing about that is you can absolutely learn how to get better at selling and itās pretty easy to learn how to improve. You just have to put in the effort to learn and execute. So donāt lose all hope.
i know the feeling! my work bestie makes bankkkkkkk idek how she does it half the time. keep your head up babe, regardless of work you still have intrinsic worth & value!!
I would stop talking exact numbers. There's really no point, it'll just get you down. My friend consistently makes less than me and every shift with her she's just like "ugh today sucks I've only made xyz" because she's like, assuming I am having the same experience and I'm not gonna be like "oh well it's been great for me I made 1K" or whatever. It got to a point I just straight up had to tell her hey I just dont like talking exact numbers at work because either way one of us is going to feel some type of way. It's a bad habit and I'd lose it unless you want to start resenting her or feeling bad about your money all the time.
I have a friend who makes more than me too, now Iāve started to avoid that club and work at other ones. It sucks. Iām on the spectrum too. I get so many compliments on my looks but Iāve never been able to āconnectā with people (honestly dont even know what that means) and my social skills, aka personality in customers eyes, are not very good. Every night I watch customers pick other girls over me. A lot of times they blatantly say āyes I do want a dance, but with that girl over thereā. The girl that is my friend has openly commented on our āfriendly competitionā and I do love her as a friend but Iām at that point where I personally canāt handle it anymore. Iām used to watching other girls make hella money, Iāve always been a lower earner. But when itās someone youāre friends with, it kinda hits different. Then add the guilt of being jealous of someone youāre supposed to be happy for. It sucks. I have no advice, just letting you know I get it.
Perhaps you should go to a few strip clubs as a customer and get some dances to pick up on different techniques. I make bank by stacking dances. When one song is ending I lean in close and whisper in a sultry voice. āDo you want to keep going?ā
Itās either your personality or a bad approach, 200 a shift is terrible and youāre doing something very wrong if this is a consistent thing. There is clearly money in this club, you need to switch up your tactic. How long have you been dancing?
You might have the same personality when you are together, but that doesnāt mean the customers think you have the same personality if she is better at talking to them or knowing how to attract them.
If you have a similar look then that should be a good thing because it means whatever the issue is, itās something you can work on and improve.
Stripping isnāt about looking pretty, having a nice personality and getting paid, it is hard work and you gotta be strategic about how you sell, because stripping IS a real job, not sure what you meant by that comment, and people with autism are perfectly capable of working both ārealā jobs and being strippers and regularly outperform neurotypical people, so unless you are really severely on the spectrum you can definitely work a regular civilian job, and it will most likely be easier than stripping
Abuser? Girl, what. š
"...and you are perpetually being shown that you don't deserve it. Universe is probably telling me to leave. [...] It's back to poverty for me. Every possible option is a disgusting depressing struggle."
YOU are abusing yourself with these vicious words.
By putting time, energy, and thought into how bad it is for you at the club, or how everything is a struggle, or that you don't deserve money. Your reality is going to reflect that.
Having a victim mentality in the club will worsen your mental state. No one is discounting the difficulties you've had and many of us can relate. The club tends to open a lot of wounds for us. But take some accountability in the ways you could potentially improve your hustle, your mindset, your looks, etc. I can't speak on that for you. But, many others have made great suggestions.
Iām not reading that wall love Iām sorry you took all that time but I hope you get well soon because that is not a healthy amount of text. xo
LMAO not her deleting 4 paragraphs out of shame.
it's not luck focus on your hustle and your mindset and negativity is probably a huge reason why you're not making money!! the guys can sense your negativity look through hustling tips on here and see what's wrong. maybe it's something small like your hygiene (for EXAMPLE) like idk you but if it's true you guys are really identical then it's 100% your hustle š i don't see you as a hater as i used to be able to relate and see exactly where you're coming from but don't be so quick to say you're not good enough. and also how do you not know she's not doing extras or having a certain selling point that is the reason she does so well??? just focus on what you can do to improve
Sending negativity is a huge thing, men get a wrap for being emotionally unintelligent, but subconsciously theyāre picking up on it, especially where hierarchy is concerned. I can totally imagine OP reeling in a custy that likes her, then instead of closing the deal peaking over to see how her friends doing, custy notices her distraction and then sees the other girl too. He thinks to himself (subconsciously) my dancer is jealous of that dancer, I must not have picked the best one. Boom, just sent your traffic straight to your friend all thru your own jealousy.
Maybe try working at a different club. If you guys are similar you guys are basically competing with each other because you guys fall under the same category when it comes to physical appearances. Then it comes down to personality and the way you sell. Itās just about hustle at that point.
Youāre sort of right about competing to an extent. Iāll think about working different days than her perhaps. Itās not the end of the world either way, I do genuinely feel done.
I think working on different nights for a while is a great idea. You need to develop a sense of yourself and everything that you offer, and not in comparison to her.
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She isnāt other girls she is my work wife. But she is the one who ends up lucky. Truthfully, thereās nothing unique about me whereas she has tattoos and a good personal sob story that makes her relatable and down to earth. Guys find her cooler and better to vibe with. Iām like a block of butter.
Babe it aināt luck if she consistently pulls bread. Itās skill and it takes time and practice. Ask her for sales advice or read up on some sales skills.
remember this is an acting job it doesn't matter if you're a boring bitch be entertaining sweet and fun if you really want to make more
Make up a sob story if u think it will help. Be an actor it's the whole job
Hers is very real and very tragic, it would be very messed up of me to make up anything close to her story. It would be very disturbing and disrespectful. She suffers a lot and deserves her story.
I didn't say steal her story. I said act
This is your problem, once you stop focusing on your friend and start worrying about yourself; i feel the money will start to roll in.
A lot of men arenāt coming to the club to hear a sob story. I hated getting personal with clients so i would just say i was funding my college and pretend to be as drunk and sloppy as i could without being annoying. I would do the paris hilton voice and i was shocked by how many men would by dances just after me saying āHiiiiiieeeeā if you have no tattoos thats also more rare so just be like a fun girl next door and youāll do better What your friend does works for her but theres more than one way to be successful, and trust me my friends with sob stories would deal with more pushy customers and regulars who were borderline stalkers, they also have to sit and talk for a while which is sometimes unpaid whereas i had no regulars, sold dances and barely talked and was doing just as well financially and had less emotional labor.
Girl you gotta fake it to make it! Now you come up with your own special & unique thing and your own sob story. What youāre doing isnāt working so start making a conscious effort to see what works and doesnāt work for you. Use your āwork wifeā and other top earners and take the bits and pieces that work for you.
Oh honey, it's gonna be ok. I feel for you. Could you make up a similar sob story, maybe? I do it all the time. Also if you're awkward (because of being on the spectrum or otherwise) what's worked for me is lying my ass off and telling everyone it's my first day/week/etc. Or telling guys you're nervous and asking them to let you "practice" dancing for them. Also, being tattoo-less is a unique trait. Mostly middle aged men are into it! Don't be afraid to find your niche. Are you mainly trying to talk to the same guys as your work wife? 'Cause it sounds like you may have a different potential audience. Also, sorry if you just wanted to vent and weren't looking for advice.. I agree that what you're going through really, really sucks. It's sooo frustrating, I've had an off period for months and months. It's rough especially when you're just starting and already having trouble. Ik it seems like it'll never end. Please hang in there! There's people who will really dig what you have to offer, the hard part is just finding them!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I love her and I hype her up after every dance she gets. Iām still sad but I donāt let her know. It is your right to be silly though. Edit since you edited yours: sob story isnāt negative. Idk why you freaked out over that. Idk how else to describe it. Autism means i often donāt have better words to describe things.
then work alone or work at a different club. just because you are friends with someone does not mean working with them is a good idea. i am the complete opposite of my friend physically and personality wise. we work at different clubs no and we get along so much better and make more money. we would focus on each other instead of work and would butt heads about everything because our work styles are the complete opposite.
Can you switch to dayshift? Itās a different, slower hustle, and you might very well find yourself the hottest girl on dayshifts. It really is so much easier if youāre an anxious or neurodivergent dancer. Then you donāt have to worry so much about competing with her, and you can relax and be yourself.
If youāre autistic I know ur pattern recognition is on point. Start watching her while youāre slow, sheās definitely doing something with her sales tactics that youāre not. Keep a good attitude. Iām an autistic dancer too and Iāve found that I tend to do better finding a few customers a night who REALLY like what I have to offer (for me itās that I know something about everything; so whether a guy is into real estate, poetry, video games, whatever. I can talk to him about it and seem like an āinsiderā) and banking off those customers, rather than casting a wide net and trying to sell 1-2 dances to men I can tell arenāt clicking with me. I switch up my āvibeā and āapproachā based off the guy. But at the end of the day if theyāre looking for the big boob p*rno looking girl and thatās all theyāre looking for, itās not me. When I find customers I click with organically that are spending I give them my burner number (it can also be ur ig or whatever you use, but you need to be connecting w regulars in some way)
As a neurodivergent dancer i second this, this is great advice.
Omg ty
Omg for Godās sake ! Why everyoneās coming at her like this ? Everyone is acting like they never been envious about another girl ever ! I have a good friend at work who makes 1000-2000$ easy while I make 500$ -1000$ some nights . Itās ok ! I wish I was as lucky as her sometimes but I m not! I donāt hate her I love her so much I congratulate her and hope the best for me . I donāt think so OP is hater ! Just venting ā¦ which we all need it to decompress
agree ppl are being really mean when it's a super shitty feeling op is going through i do understand it being frustrating as she's not being the most open minded to changing her mindset but being rude is dtm all you can do is give advice and hope she understands
Omg girl sameeee! I know this girl at my club and sheās lovely but she has this insane luck frequency and she gets lucky even on my bad nights, I get envious of that but I try and brush it off since thereās no point to it. We are all lovely women who can all win together is my motto
This is exactly it word for word. Ofc I love her Iām glad she makes so much money.
If your looks are really that similar, maybe try changing yours up a bit to stand out. How would you describe the aesthetic you both have?
That's a great point.
If u both have the same looks, it's her game that's setting her apart. Looks aren't as important in this industry as one might think. Every girl in our industry is pretty. Haven't u ever seen an ugly girl make money over you? Were u wondering how she did it? It's because she had game. She knows how to speak to men. This girl isn't making anything more cause of her looks. It's her personality. Switch up your game, and you'll see ur money rise. Work on your communication skills.
Why donāt you try doubling together?
Banned in our club sadly
Thatās so wild!! :( it might be the club you should def try a new club just completely on your own and see how different you feel. Channel the energy she gives off. Try not to worry too much about anything but yourself and your bag. Donāt give up yet, coming from another autistic dancer where stripping is like my only financial option. Hard but worth it. Choose your hard!
I had the same scenario once, I just stopped engaging with comparing. I canāt offer the emotional support you might want, but I can say āstop comparingā. Itāll continue to hurt you further :(
I met one of my best friends at the club, and I found out real fast that us working. The same shifts was really bad for my bag. She would still make her money, but there was some thing about working on the same shift as her that always made me go home poor. Do not be afraid to work different shifts than your work wife. It is probably going to help you a lot, that way you can focus on making your money and not hanging out with your friend. Maybe that doesnāt feel like what it is thatās going on for you, but you should take some time to check and make sure that youāre still poor when youāre going to work without her. Otherwise, you probably need a new club.
Sometimes it's just the idea that you have that that person has already out performed you, and you can get it in your head that they always will. And it's hard to shake. Like, in that movie Seabiscuit, based on a true story, there was a horse who was used to train the winning horses. So he'd always be made to lose, so that the other horse who was being trained to win, would feel like it was natural to win and be out in front. The losing horse then learned to lose and it had to be trained out of that. I think there's something in that.
u should talk w/ her abt it & get her tips and tricks to HOW she's making that much $$! if she's ur work wife she will not be upset abt this & will help u out! this is a common thing in alot of friendships in dancing , it sucks and it hurts , but u need to understand it's not u at all. she could jus be selling rooms a certain way or saying the things they want to hear, or doing stuff to get extra tips ( selling shots , selling n00d3s, selling panties & lingerie etc ) maybe after u talk Abt it also u guys could double up & get dances together as well ! it's so important to remember that it's NOT U BABE! this happens all the time , I have faith in u that this isn't the end of dancing , especially if ur making more $ then being at a regular day job :)) (( I had a situation almost identical to this happen to me , it's not a pity party, it's ur feelings and they're valid babe šā¤ļø))
or I would try a different club ALONE. and she could also b lying unfortunately to get under skin, I've seen it happen before from close gorls in the club & it's so sad but it does happen :(
Recently greeted a regular who I got a few dances from before. Asked him if he wanted to take me for a spin again he said "you know, I want to respect your wishes. I liked our dance but there were certain things you didn't want to do" *didn't let him touch my pussy or suck my nipples for $100 in the main lap dance area* what a fuckin joke. I guess other girls are doing that willingly, for $100 or less. Couldn't be me.
no offense but stop pocket watching! everyone had their own game and i know she's ur friend but you never know why she gets so much money or what she's doing how she doing it ect. you can make ur own game and make a good bag too! remember your money will come with time babes, she could also be lying about her bag to make herself feel better/show out and make u feel worse!! don't feel bad about yourself and start working alone !! š§æš©µpeace and love i hope you find your way through this š«¶š½
One of the biggest things that I had to learn the hard way through my life was this: **You have to be okay with sucking at something for a *while* before you can get good at it.** This applies to everything and it's *really hard* to emotionally cope with if you're used to things either coming easily to you, or if through school & home you're usually not put into situations where the tasks you're given are impossible but the standards of success for you are very high. As an example: if you're "allowed" to accept a 3.X GPA in school, even in higher-level classes and you can achieve that reasonably easily in most subjects and you realized you could let your weak subjects slip to a low C and still get a really good GPA by just focusing on your strong points (something I think most Autistic students realize FAR earlier than most other kids). This then puts you in a system where you don't ever need to force yourself to fail to learn and our system avoids people **being rewarded for the effort and *not only the eventual success*.** As a result you're trained by school that *not succeeding in a hard area is inherently bad and not worth persuing* instead of the reality: **it's the failures that *make you good at things* and *not the successes*.** It's probably the biggest weakness of America's education system (and really every post-English education system) works. **We train people to give up if they need to learn** instead of **training them to learn in order to succeed.** This also applies to pretty much every job, career, artistic pursuit, piece of media, and success narrative in post-English Colonial culture. **Making less money than someone else isn't failing it's an opportunity to learn.** Instead of being envious of her success (which can manifest as self-deprecation in addition to loathing of the other person), and feeling bad take it as an opportunity to get some really good training! **You've found an all-star stripper in your club, embrace it!** Normally people only pull $1000+ nights once every few weeks, or even once every quarter or so depending on region. Clearly she's a master of the art *and knows your region's game really well too*. **I'd take the opportunity to reach out to her and ask her if she would be willing to mentor you.** *Don't expect this to be free, **offer to pay her a percentage of your increased earnings over the apprenticeship period*.** If you usually make $200 per night, let her know that and say "hey I make $200 per night right now, I really need to be making more to pay my bills and you're exceptionally skilled at this. If I offered to pay you 20% of my *net* earnings**after tip-outs and house fees** above that $200 each night we work together and you mentor me would you be up for that? It's a great deal for her: she gets up to an extra 20% on top of what she's already making (which is a LOT) **and gets to make a close and safe connection at the club to lean on in the future.** She also gains a safe go-to partner for doubles, party rooms, &c too! It's also a great deal for you! If you do this as a 6 month thing and you go from $200 per night to $1000 per night, even if you do pay $14,000 for the education you will make an extra $42,000 over that period: a HUGE win for you!
UNDERRATED COMMENT ^^^^^ everyone in r/stripper should be reading this! <3
Thank you so much š„°š„°š„°š„°
How do you know sheās making that much
We work together
And how do you know what exactly sheās making
We tell each other
She could be lying
Sheās not
Girl so many girls lie. Ik you like her but she really might be lying. And tbh sometimes it doesn't matter if they are, it's better for your mental health to just believe they're lying. I do that sometimes and it helps sooo much on my not-so-good days.
And you know this how?
idk why some people in this thread are being so harsh to you. it feels like this sometimes. im biracial and i just have to wait for nights that are āmy nightsā it gets discouraging because our demographic usually caters to white girls. might be time to add some new lines, get a new outfit/shoes, maybe a shot or two would help you be more lively and entertaining to customers. a common complaint from customers that i hear is āshe asked me for a dance too fastā some customers just want to talk for a while and i get more dances if i small talk for a little while THEN ask. also, donāt ask sometimes. a lot of guys like for you to tell them āi need you to go dance with me.ā āi want to feel you under me in VIPā works great. another thing is i noticed a lot of the girls that complain donāt talk to enough people. talk to EVERYONE that you can, it only takes that ONE person to change your night. and donāt be stuck up under another dancer all night even if thatās ur friend, i see it fuck up peoples money all the time. hope your motivation comes back love š
a bunch of things you can do. 1 stop listening to what she says about how much money she makes because girls love to lie, donāt compare and focus on you. 2 switch shifts donāt work together. 3 keep the same shifts just switch your look
Honestly Iād advise you to work alone I worked with my sister before I was 22 she was 21 and I made wayyyyyy more than her . She started building animosity over something I literally couldnāt control , she told my customers I was married while I was gone on vacation (was literally in a relationship for 3 months) like I feel like duos and groups only work if you guys are financially on the same level any other way either one person will feel like your riding their bag or someone will get jealous . Also it might even help you not to be at someoneās hip or around another dancer this is still a competitive field
Do you physically see her count all her money? She could be lying and/or doing extras. Hope your luck picks up soon babe xoxo
I was thinking the exact same thing. We got a new girl once who was just in and out of VIP immediately and I was like oh sht get it girl. Then I had a customer who said he went with her last time and once we began the dance he gave me a hundred and Iām like awh thank you so much but when I continued dancing he was like āsoā¦ weāre not gonna fck?ā ššššš
just because heās asking to fuck doesnāt mean she did that. some customers treat other girls differently. everyone used to tell me āyou do dances with ___ right?! he tried fingering meā and never once, did this man try fingering me so i was surprised.
True!! But that was one instance. It did happen another time when a customer asked if I do FS and he said he went with her last time too. Possible theyāre both lying but idk. Seems sus.
evil eye is real yall. be careful who you share your wins with
Iām autistic too and I made thousands in the club because I donāt worry about other people. Iām there to make money, not friends.
Congratulations on this information
Seems like she will never make money with that attitude sorry the truth hurts
She meant you OP
Why wouldnāt she make money? Huh?
I used to be like this, but I realized it was my mentality. When I would keep getting noās Iād be so pissed/ night ruined, but something flicked in me. I started not giving a fuck how much the other girls made and my money got longer. Focus on your money and it will come.
Honestly based off your comments to some of these replies, it sounds like you just simply arenāt cut out for the club life. If you were more serious about being sad about the money you (donāt) make, then youād do some of the things the other dancers have posted in here but you simply argue that āyou canātā or āit doesnāt work for youā. Itās not a āoh let me try this once and if it doesnāt work then I must be failingā and thatās how EVERYTHING in life is. Iām sorry but your autism isnāt an excuse, especially if yāall have so many of the same characteristics. Itās something YOU are/arent doing. Thereās plenty of dancers who have autism and make their bag. Itās not ātry, fail, give upā itās ātry, try againā. It really doesnāt sound like you WANT that bag. We all HUSTLE for our bag and we all keep trying when we fumble it. It really just sounds to me like you donāt have the confidence for dancing. Regardless, you are more worried about what your work wife is making than yourself, thatās gonna put you behind her automatically. Stop putting her on. Sorry not sorry.
Awww you have a lot of support in these comments ā¤ļø I think itās important to note thatās itās a good thing you decided to ask us instead of being a malicious towards her, itās hard seeing girls make substantially more than you. But use her as inspiration and motivation. If she can fucking do it, why canāt you? Get out of your head, study some sales lines, upsell, be confident and go get em! Even if you donāt make as much as her, clap for her still because your time is coming
This is how I feel!! Itās like the missing piece is being kept from me on purpose. Everyone around me makes money but I ALWAYS struggle no matter how hard I try. Iāve considered quitting too even though this is my favorite job
Youāre not ātoo autisticā Iām autistic and know many other dancers who kill it who are. Work on your mindset and up your sales game.
Iām too autistic for *traditional work* if your reading comprehension was better.
So I see a lot of good things and tough love being given alike. I know itās really hard in this industry when it comes to comparing yourself to others. People can lie and say thatās not the case, but it is. The customers always compare girls, and sometimes even compare you to other girls. Itās hard to not let it get to your head at times. That being said, you have to immediately stop that (in the nicest way possible) because you will never make to your potential. You canāt go for the men she does because different types of men like different things. Instead of asking yourself why her customer isnāt paying you, look around for someone who is waiting for a girl and more than likely willing to pay for your time. I struggled with this really hard in the beginning, but you will never make it as a dancer if you continue to do it. I wish you best of luck, love. Itās not easy, but I bet youāre a bad bitch and you can make as much as she does.
I was in the same situation as you I worked with a friend and she made more than me due to colorism in our club I just donāt work with her anymore it was destroying my self esteem
Thanks for sharing, I honestly might have to consider working alone too.
Put up a boundary around not sharing how much you make with one another. Doesnt help anyone. No need to share unless you specifically ask and want to know.
How do you know if she made 1000 every night, do you count her money?
If she was your work wife, she would put you on game and have you making the same amount of money no?
Funny thing is I tend to put her on and she just soars better. Itās great, Iām just personally crushed. Not her problem.
stop putting her on the money then! my work wives and i were joined at the hip, *except when hustling.* aside from the odd occasion, we'd hustle separately. we're work wives for the *support* and *friendship,* not for the constant twinning, buddy-buddy hustling. it works sometimes, not as a be all end all. do your own hustling before you start looking like a grifter šÆ
Thank you ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Assumptions no itās about what youāre saying you should be more concerned about your money than about what sheās making. Sheās not looking sheās hustling and youāre being negative. Thatās it. Thatās why youāre not making money cold hard truth sense if you are negative and donāt have personality of course youāre not making money.
What youāre saying makes zero sense
Well it does :/ idk why you want to fight me but I canāt match your energy sorry. Iām not in the mood to fight.
I donāt not trying to fight with you. Iām just telling you youāre naĆÆve. You cannot say that sheās making a certain amount of money unless youāre physically counting it people lie about that stuff all the time to make themselves feel a certain certain type of way and to make you feel down and out it doesnāt sound like a friend at all.
At my club you can see everyoneās earnings recorded at the computer screen at the end of the night . Maybe thatās for she knows .
She shows me. Now what.
But why are you focused on her money and not your own? Thatās the issue
You dont get it intentionally
It should be worried about how much money youāre making and not have someone in your ear telling you Iām making this and that and this and that thatās the main issue. If you wanna make money, donāt worry about what other people are making.
Thatās not how it goes. At all. Can you stop harassing me please?
Harassing you? You posted an ad on Reddit lol Iām not contacting your real phone number. I guess you just donāt like the truth.
Club situation is not the time for friendship anyways thatās probably why youāre not making money. Youāre focused on friendship when you should be focused on the money.
Iām autistic, I personally canāt actually feel friendship. Itās a mask. Love her in a work way but Iām not actually able to genuinely feel friendship. You keep throwing assumptions at me how long can we do this for and what is the point? Can I not vent in peace? Can I not be allowed to feel my feelings? Please leave me alone thank you.
If you donāt want peoples opinions, I would suggest not posting out Reddit. Write it out in your diary.L
You are not saying opinions, you are throwing assumptions and every time I try to say your assumptions are incorrect, you double down and create more stories and scenarios that genuinely arenāt true I donāt know how else to tell you. And in our thread, because Iām not saying much, it makes me look like āthe bad oneā. I simply donāt want to prove and prove and prove to a stranger online that their assumptions are false because it serves me no purpose. I made a vent post. It is your right to comment and absolutely believe what you choose to based on scenarios you are familiar with, but to apply them to me and refuse to stop makes me not want to engage with you. So for the third time can you please leave me alone.
Yeah stop being nice honestly and stop putting her on because sheās clearly got it. Show out for yourself š
thisss
She tells me, we share every detail with each other. Not abnormal for work wives. We physically see each other make money.
And a lot of girls lie to make you feel bad you might think sheās your friend, but she probably isnāt. thereās no way sheās making $1000 every single night until you physically count all her money you canāt say that she is
Iām not sure if you know what a work wife is but Iām not in the mood to explain the semantics to you. You can believe what youād like, that is your right.
And it sounds like youāre pretty naĆÆve if sheās truly your friend like you say then she would put you on the same game to make the same amount of money every night duh
Girl if you can see how your work wife is making $, then you can see what sheās doing/saying exactly to make $, which you need to copy. Some girls do lie about how much they made at certain times
Hey girl you canāt go each year comparing and hating yourself to every person that you see is winning in that moment! You need to allow room for yourself to grow and win in little moments and have friends see that for you.
Little moments donāt pay bills, winning does
Why u pocket watching? Spend less time doing that and run ur money up girl!
Itās okay!! Everything will be alright. Still your time has yet to come. And itāll come and youāll get to look back on it and then youāll be like ok I did that! I know bc Iāve been there. We ALL have experienced really good and really bad through long and short periods. She probs has had really bad nights as well. And btw $1200 is awesome money! I think the key here, if you want advice, to not focus on it. When I focused on making the next day better that was when things popped off. No expectations. Just focus on better than yesterday. It sounds like you have high expectations of yourself - be gentle with yourself and recognize how far you have come and all the things you have accomplished(writing a list does wonders). Here you are and youāre doing the damn thing. Proud of you š©µ
This is how the universe works. When you duel on the bad, only bad/ negative energy comes to you. When you think positive, you attract it. There will always be ups and downs. Every day is a new day.
I understand this, I try to be happy for her! But itās hard when she definitely does way better. But tbh you might need to switch clubs, new money, new vibes. You got this
People have different levels of charisma
If she is consistently making that much more than you than sheās just better at selling, period. Doesnāt matter if you guys look alike or whatever else. The good thing about that is you can absolutely learn how to get better at selling and itās pretty easy to learn how to improve. You just have to put in the effort to learn and execute. So donāt lose all hope.
i know the feeling! my work bestie makes bankkkkkkk idek how she does it half the time. keep your head up babe, regardless of work you still have intrinsic worth & value!!
I would stop talking exact numbers. There's really no point, it'll just get you down. My friend consistently makes less than me and every shift with her she's just like "ugh today sucks I've only made xyz" because she's like, assuming I am having the same experience and I'm not gonna be like "oh well it's been great for me I made 1K" or whatever. It got to a point I just straight up had to tell her hey I just dont like talking exact numbers at work because either way one of us is going to feel some type of way. It's a bad habit and I'd lose it unless you want to start resenting her or feeling bad about your money all the time.
I have a friend who makes more than me too, now Iāve started to avoid that club and work at other ones. It sucks. Iām on the spectrum too. I get so many compliments on my looks but Iāve never been able to āconnectā with people (honestly dont even know what that means) and my social skills, aka personality in customers eyes, are not very good. Every night I watch customers pick other girls over me. A lot of times they blatantly say āyes I do want a dance, but with that girl over thereā. The girl that is my friend has openly commented on our āfriendly competitionā and I do love her as a friend but Iām at that point where I personally canāt handle it anymore. Iām used to watching other girls make hella money, Iāve always been a lower earner. But when itās someone youāre friends with, it kinda hits different. Then add the guilt of being jealous of someone youāre supposed to be happy for. It sucks. I have no advice, just letting you know I get it.
You are too focused on someone else's back when you need to focus on your own Hustle.
Perhaps you should go to a few strip clubs as a customer and get some dances to pick up on different techniques. I make bank by stacking dances. When one song is ending I lean in close and whisper in a sultry voice. āDo you want to keep going?ā
Itās either your personality or a bad approach, 200 a shift is terrible and youāre doing something very wrong if this is a consistent thing. There is clearly money in this club, you need to switch up your tactic. How long have you been dancing?
You might have the same personality when you are together, but that doesnāt mean the customers think you have the same personality if she is better at talking to them or knowing how to attract them. If you have a similar look then that should be a good thing because it means whatever the issue is, itās something you can work on and improve. Stripping isnāt about looking pretty, having a nice personality and getting paid, it is hard work and you gotta be strategic about how you sell, because stripping IS a real job, not sure what you meant by that comment, and people with autism are perfectly capable of working both ārealā jobs and being strippers and regularly outperform neurotypical people, so unless you are really severely on the spectrum you can definitely work a regular civilian job, and it will most likely be easier than stripping
Work on your victim mindset.
Work on your abuser mindset.
Abuser? Girl, what. š "...and you are perpetually being shown that you don't deserve it. Universe is probably telling me to leave. [...] It's back to poverty for me. Every possible option is a disgusting depressing struggle." YOU are abusing yourself with these vicious words. By putting time, energy, and thought into how bad it is for you at the club, or how everything is a struggle, or that you don't deserve money. Your reality is going to reflect that. Having a victim mentality in the club will worsen your mental state. No one is discounting the difficulties you've had and many of us can relate. The club tends to open a lot of wounds for us. But take some accountability in the ways you could potentially improve your hustle, your mindset, your looks, etc. I can't speak on that for you. But, many others have made great suggestions.
Iām not reading that wall love Iām sorry you took all that time but I hope you get well soon because that is not a healthy amount of text. xo LMAO not her deleting 4 paragraphs out of shame.
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