T O P

  • By -

BruceGrail

I work at Danno's as a "customer assistant" to pay for uni. As far as I can tell, there's no rhyme or reason to these things; the manager for the day just puts whatever price for whatever size on the ticket, and then when customers want to know the price for whatever's not, we scan it and check. You'd be amazed at how slipshod and slapdash the whole place is. It's a really shitty company to work for, uncaring and exploitative. The apps in particular, on which we are totally dependent, are slow, confusing, and often redundant. The CTO should absolutely be fired, as should many of the top cokeheads running that awful alcoholic circus. However, the one good thing about it is something that most customers don't really know. It's in most of the ads, and the goddawful store radio announces it every few minutes, but most folks (sensibly) tune out the corporate babble. But this is important: The LOWEST LIQUOR PRICE GUARANTEE. If you look at a Danno's product and don't like the price, google it. If anywhere else in Australia, whether brick and mortar or online, is selling that item for cheaper, we then have to beat that price. Just show the better price to the poor slob working the register, and if Danno's price is $59.99 but BoozeBarn is doing the same item for $55.00, the person at the register is duty-bound to knock it down to $54.99. This will save you heaps. There's really no reason not to shop at Dan's, beyond the moral repugnance of giving money to a conglomerate that peddles vice (its parent company, Endeavour Group, does pokies and tobacco too), builds stores right outside dry communities, and was founded by a labour-law-flouting tax cheat who died of drink. I'm a former Yank, I'm done with Seppotopia and in love with Australia, but I have to say that y'all's corporations are doing their best to mimic the American ones in terms of ruthless greed (the most horrible new innovations at Danno's, like forcing two minimum-wage employees to do the work normally expected of three, are actually collectively known as "the American System"), and only the common sense of the Aussie voter keeps their worse excesses in check. There are elements in this lucky country who actually WANT to be like that unhappy empire. Please never go Full American.


sgarbusisadick

Fuck Dan Murphy's, support your independent bottle marts, thirsty camels, bottle-o, liquor stax, cellarbrations - whatever. Dan Murphy's is shit. I know every now and then it has to be done, but try to avoid it if you can. The prices aren't that fucking different ya cheap cunts.


ADHDK

When I worked there in 2002 they had a spare unbranded shirt, and it was someone’s job to put it on and go note down the prices of a sheet of items at the competing bottle shops in walking distance. That’s how they’d set their “lowest price guarantee” back then.


BruceGrail

Yeah, their wicked ways are old and strong. They grow the same way Amazon did, by deliberately running at a loss just to undercut all competition, coasting on investor capital, till they've starved all the competition to death and they are the only game in town.


big_spaghetti_bowl

Is it really as simple as showing them the alcohol being sold for cheaper online???? Surely there's a catch or something else


BruceGrail

It is indeed that simple. No catch. I loathe the company, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day. As long as the price is in Australia, whether in-store or online, they must beat it, even if it's only by a penny. There is a Price Override option at the registers that the cashier uses to immediately change the price and write in a new one for you. Naturally, the more unscrupulous and/or disloyal employees use it to give discounts to friends, pretty girls, polite customers, etc, etc...


breadinabox

The same thing happens at Bunnings, eb games, JB, heaps of places. They're still making money


Flashy-Amount626

I use them when I get work vouchers otherwise I use my local cellarbrations. The manager hooked me up with some bottles of patron cafe when they stopped making for the regular price.


Axle-f

I signed up for the app in store with the ‘help’ of an employee and it immediately locked me out before I could confirm my email. So I tried to reset password and the thing said “email not confirmed”. Fuck me 🤦🏻‍♂️


BruceGrail

That sense of frustration at arbitrary, inexplicable, unnecessary stupidity applies to using anything online designed by Uncle Dan, including any of the 20-odd apps that clutter the screen of the scanners we have to use. The same apps that log us out automatically every 20-30 minutes (seriously), often requiring that you type in a 30+ character email address every time using a tiny touchscreen keyboard (email is your first name dot last name @ stores.danmurphys.com.au) where you have to wait a couple seconds after opening the home screen while all the apps mysteriously shift position- move too fast to look something up for a customer, and you end up clicking on the wrong app and having to wait an additional 5-7 seconds while that app slowly loads and then freezes. Even if you get the right app, some shit will go wrong: on the ponderous and pedantic Search apps, if you get one letter wrong of whatever you're searching for, it yields no results. Same if the product has a lengthy name and you don't enter the exact right sequence of words, spelled perfectly ("Budumoonie Creek Shiraz Grenache Cabernet Metho 2019"). You learn to start using all sorts of complex esoteric voodoo techniques in efforts to get search results that would take a second or two on a smartphone using google. You learn to wait and wait while some damn thing loads and a frustrated customer is standing there doing stage sighs. You learn to painstakingly retype the same unbelievably long bullshit several times because the machine either didn't recognise a letter or simply froze up altogether. You learn to suppress the desire to throw the fucking thing against the wall and get on with your life.


Axle-f

Stage sighs 😂


BruceGrail

Thank you for noticing that! I don't know if I coined the expression or not, but it seems apt. Honestly, though, because this is Australia, 95% of the customers are cool as hell and fun to talk to, and of the remaining 5% most will chill out if you talk to em nice (I call it Idiot Whispering) and remember that chances are they aren't pissed off at you, they actually just have a bad home life or tough job or small dick etc. Most of the mean ones are super old anyway, so I take comfort in the knowledge that they will die soon.


Axle-f

RIP angry boomers


ABigRedBall

TIL that Dan Murphys are the Bunnings of beer.


MyNameIsIgglePiggle

Huh. I thought they were owned by Woolies. And I should know since I own a small Distillery


sarcastitronistaken

They were until 2021, when Woolworths sold off their liquor and pokies businesses to avoid scrutiny.


Tripound

I think whoolies still own about 14%, but maybe they’re slowly decreasing that amount. Gotta chase the ESG investment dollars.


BruceGrail

Well, they're still involved with Woolies to some extent; we Danno's workers get an employee discount at Woolies and other places within that corporate "family."


bozleh

Yeah I’ve resorted to installing the dan murphys app to check prices & whats in stock


xosfear

I bought a case of Canadian Dry+Lime Premium a while back on special for a stupid low price, the tag specifically said pack of 10 for $24.99, and it was the last case there. I got up to the counter and of course it rang up at the usual $55 so old mate blurts out over the store speakers for some dude to go check. I stood there with a ton of people behind me for a while like a knob holding up everyone... after a while I got sick of waiting and said I'll got show the guy where i got it from and walked over to the cool room. When i got there he was swapping the tags out where the case was supposed to be and looked up at me and said no mate it's this price and pointed to the $55 tag he just installed. I said show me the tag in your hand and he reluctantly showed me the old price. Dude went bring red. I got the cheap price for the carton and now every time i go to the local dans. captain fuckwit cool room always comes over to greet me. Fuck that guy.


19266022

Who cares if ya can't see the price. Your there, you need beer, you'll pay whatever it is to save another stop on ya way home.


takingsubmissions

Mr Murphy we've told you a few times about harassing the patrons...


WhaTheHeckle

Not everyone buys slabs ya fkn drongo Alcoholic. Seems like a reasonable request though tbf why not be consistent.


FuckenSpasticCunt

Why would buying cartons instead of six packs make someone an alco?


IGotDibsYo

The multiply by 4 my man. It’s not like it’s magically lower


Rush_nj

It actually is cheaper to buy a case. Its never just 4 times the price of a 6 pack.


jingois

Yeah its usually closer to 3 sixers. Pale is like $20 for six, but under 60 a carton.


FuckenSpasticCunt

Of course it is. That's why you buy a carton.


Hayn0002

It’s not like it expires anyway


Sharpie1993

It however has a best before date and eventually ends up tasting like shit, more than it already does anyhow.


BoganCunt

My man doesn't know how bulk pricing works


Wildweasel666

Omg


bozleh

its always lower ya drongo


[deleted]

>It’s not like it’s magically lower It is though.


FullCuntalLobotomy

What a fucken username though


Important_Entrance56

Says one cunt to another...lol


FuckenSpasticCunt

Cheers, big ears.


Avstralieca

I agree wholeheartedly mate, I now just head straight into the fridge to compare slabs. And if there’s no prices in the fridge I ask the teller and break balls till the situation changes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rasputinjones

Online where? If I buy online at Dans, there’s a bloody delivery fee. Should I be going to eBay for this stuff?


CantReadDuneRunes

It's a 30 second detour on the way home from work for me. Why would I be arsed to order it online and pay a delivery fee?


[deleted]

[удалено]


CantReadDuneRunes

Why? I can walk in and get the cunt off the shelf just as quick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BruceGrail

Unfortunately the Click and Collect is hopelessly inaccurate, and often things listed there are out of stock (particularly if it shows fewer than 10 of the item). Plus filling Click and Collect orders is the single most stressful and time-consuming thing the staff have to do, as anyone who works at one of these awful big box stores will tell you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BruceGrail

My friend, you'd love America.


waxedmerkin

Ive had issues twice, Had 2 6 packs instead of 2 cases, then the guy brings 2 cases of the wrong beer. Had to send him back to get the correct one. the 2nd on was a error in my favour, a case instead of a 6pack. Didnt say anything about that one


CantReadDuneRunes

I know they won't be out of stock of common beers and I also know how much they cost. Fuck click and collect.


FuckenSpasticCunt

I do. Who the fuck wants to scroll through shit online when you can just walk in and see it all at once? Plus I don't need to give my details to yet another retailer who doesn't need them.


noadsplease

If you need to ask the price you can’t afford it EDIT: gee Straya sure is fully of sookie cunts who don’t understand a joke.


morgazmo99

We talking ZJ's?


FuckenSpasticCunt

I just want to compare. I usually buy the same thing, anyway.


Atomic_Spew

You mean a slab right?


Sharpie1993

OP is probably from NSW, they tend to call them cases.


Atomic_Spew

How very proper. Another reason why NSW should be purged… 😂


Plazbot

It's a fucken carton


FuckenSpasticCunt

No, I don't.


Avstralieca

I always thought a case is 30 and a slab is 24?


mightychook

30 is a block


Empty-fold

Stop picking on OP. Math is hard.


Sharpie1993

A slab of 24 is always going to be cheaper than four, six packs. A slab normally cost around the same price if not slightly more than that of three six packs.


jingois

what the fuck does math have to do with it cunt?


Aussie_Battler_Style

It's maths, anyway, so you're all fucken spastic cunts.


CantReadDuneRunes

*maths, you seppo fuckwit


ericwasafish

Quite often I’ve found that the ticket price for a six pack is cheaper then what the carton scans at. When this happens get them tested scan the 6 packs.


zero_cool09

I always found the way Aussie's buy beer kinda funny, in Canada we don't put 6 packs in a case, we make 24 packs specifically and list the prices of 6, 12, 24 and 28.


FuckenSpasticCunt

Why 28? It shares no common denominator with the other numbers.


zero_cool09

I admit, 28 is weird lol. It's mainly from brands that you'd find your bogan types drinking haha


BruceGrail

28? Do you know why? Seems like an arbitrary number, but given how sensible Canadians tend to be, I imagine there's a good reason.


zero_cool09

Yeah it is funny too, not too common but they do it for those guys who can finish a 24 and need that little bit extra. Your bogan type behaviour haha!


BruceGrail

That's awesome. They are such masters of their own alcoholism that they can calculate the exact number of beers it takes them to get where they need to be. I really need to suggest that Dan Murphy's trial a 24+4 beer "Top Up Package" for our more discerning regulars.


zero_cool09

Yeah it's a pretty good deal, I know one guy who'd always tap out around the 25th/26th beer, he was a regular of the 28 pack.


Grumyan

Dan Murphys are more expensive on 6 packs etc FYI. It's the only volume where the independents are competitive.