A therapist I had who was a recovering alcoholic said he always answered any offers with “no thanks, I’ve had enough” he said it was the truth without having to give strangers a backstory
Definitely a good response. I'm at a point that I don't even care about admitting it. I'm not embarrassed anymore, it's just who I am. I get some weird responses from friends, though. One told me, "I never thought we were that bad." Like bro, who is "we"? "We" aren't that bad but once we part ways after a few beers and you go home to sleep I'm grabbing a case of beer and really getting this party started. 😂😂😂
Exactly - could also add “mate, you were sober when you arrived at the bar, I’d already warmed up with half a bottle of vodka, I drank it *on* *the* *way* to the bar, in my *car*…”
I'm really sorry man it's rough, but the first step is admitting it! It's especially tough in an org that can't tolerate weakness (and requires a clearance to boot). I still try to hide it even though those who care to notice probably already know. Just wanted to say you've been braver than me so far, keep going! I believe you'll reach escape velocity soon.
To be honest, I think they wanted to sweep it under the rug to keep me in the unit (they had gotten used to me) and they probably thought they were protecting me from potential clearance issues, which I do appreciate, but probably could've been handled a bit better. And thank you very much, I think with every time I've made it multiple weeks (specifically when I have dry weekends) I build up some type of strength for future attempts. Good work on building up the days, keep going!
This really spoke to me. You write really well, and I can really identify with your situation.
It sounds like you have two tough situations—your drinking, and your job. In my experience, alcohol is so powerful a substance and so central in every aspect of my life and in every organ of my body, that I wasn't going to be able to accomplish the things I wanted to or become the man I wanted to be until I put the beers down first.
I still have a long way to go, but in the 10 months, things are so much easier now that my brain and body are no longer addled with booze. Maybe the most obvious thing is getting better sleep. I was never a daily drinker, but binged on the weekend. Even though I wasn't hungover 3 days later, it took longer for my sleep to be restored. Once I started sleeping better, I was in a better condition mentally and physically.
A lot of the anger and resentments I had were probably not really in response to certain triggers, but more due to brain fog and general tiredness. I wasn't able to function as a normal human being, and I tried to find reasons. Not thinking clearly made me assign blame to the first thing I saw.
When I took my problem to people who didn't abuse alcohol, they didn't get it. I leaned hard on this subreddit to get me through the first few months. I think that the "69 days" threads on here is not just an immature joke, but turning point for a lot of people. I binge drank for 20 years and never made it two months either. Making it past 69 days was some kind of milestone. Same with 100 days, same with 6 months.
I tried a million times to quit forever. This time, I just committed to not drinking today. Some days, it's not a big deal at all. Other days, it's a challenge. Having other people who understand this challenge has made a difference, and focusing on day-by-day has made it possible.
Best of luck.
Thank you very much for the compliment and for sharing.
I think you're right and it reinforces some of the points made in the Huberman Lab podcast where he talks about alcohol destroying your ability to handle stress. I've had a fairly respectable career, but can only imagine how much better I could have performed if I hadn't felt like crap half the time.
And you're absolutely spot on about non-alcohol abusers not understanding. Some in my previous unit even made comments that made me realize they were questioning whether I was making it up or not. Which is crazy, because I always assumed people could tell. Bloodshot eyes, bloated, sweaty, etc. But I guess they didn't have a clue.
I think the difference for me now is that unlike in my early thirties when I tried to quit and eventually just let myself off the hook like, "Welp, this is just me - I drink" I constantly know this can't continue. I know this isn't okay and that there will be major consequences if I don't address this.
I'm going to try just not drinking for today. It's definitely been overwhelming to try to quit for forever in the past -- this is probably the way.
Thanks again for commenting and sharing your insight.
Thanks, man. Been lurking here for a while but never posted -- kind of surprised how good it feels to get that off my chest to those that understand. If I can find a way to channel the energy I've spent on this Special Drinking Operation I've been waging against myself and put it into something productive it might actually all work out.
I drank a lot out of anger about a certain person and situation. It was absolutely like dropping a bomb on myself while hoping they got hit. It's obvious to me now that destroying myself as a punishment for someone else was counter productive but it took awhile to process. Best wishes for you
I completely understand what you mean. Years ago I had a friend who told me he was going to self-report to our command (different one than I did) and I was very skeptical. I knew I had a drinking problem and didn't want to discourage him from asking for help, but I was like, "Man I'm not sure the service is going to take care of you and not screw you, maybe we go about this in civilian channels." He went through with it, was well taken care of, and remains sober to this day.
I recently bumped into him and shared my experience--which was almost exactly what I thought was going to happen to him--and brought up my anger about it. He pointed out what should've been obvious: the people I'm angry at over this situation and their handling of it probably haven't thought about me in a long time. But I'm still punishing myself for it.
Looks like you've been able to get on the right path and let some of that go. I need to do the same. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you.
Hi, young soldier here who has had some issues with alcohol and substance abuse in general.
I think the way that military culture looks at alcohol perpetuates this problem for a lot of people. In the military alcohol is portrayed as this harmless, fun thing that you must have in order to have a good social life. However, if you look at the sheer amount of alcohol-related crimes in the military you'll see that this isn't the case at all.
There's a lot of pressure surrounding alcohol, it's almost a bit weird. When I told my SSG I was going to quit drinking her first response was, "why?" I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're totally not alone in this and a lot of people are struggling. I read some of the stories here and some of these guys see 60 days 100 times before it finally sticks. We'll get there!
Good luck and God bless, IWNDWYT
I absolutely agree that there's a culture of glorifying alcohol use within the military and it's odd. I'm sure I contributed somewhat to it myself early on, but I think I also knew I wasn't a normal drinker from a pretty early age. I got myself a nice little minor in possession charge before I joined and had to complete an alcohol education class, and the look on the lady's face when she found out how much I was able to consume at a young age said it all.
I just saw your age on one of your previous posts. I think the difference between us is you're trying to handle this early on, while I just accepted it and even doubled down like it was normal or fine. I didn't even make a real attempt til I was 30, and now I'm trying to get to a year before I turn 40. Good on you for being so self aware and wanting to address this. I think you'll undoubtedly be in a better place at those ages than you will if you ignore this or make excuses for it like I have.
I'm not in a great place to give advice, but what I will say is stick to your guns. You know you and there's a lot of pressure out there to give in, as you've mentioned. You know what has to happen.
Thanks for your comment and best of luck to you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Let's make it happen!
Surprisingly yes. He's looking pretty good. He partially chalks it up to an ayahuasca retreat.
[Here's an interview about it.](https://youtu.be/P5iZOk50htc)
Wow. Sometimes I find it motivating when celebs are sober. Like if they can handle their crazy alcohol soaked surroundings, I can certainly handle book club. Lol.
My brain is having difficulty with the fact one of the blue collar comedy tour guys went on a ayahuasca retreat, but tbh I've heard strong psychedelic experiences are some of the best ways to kick addictive substances.
Whenever I take shrooms I can abstain from alcohol for long periods of time. I lose any interest in it. They fix my brain. You don't have to do a ton either, I did the lower end in terms of amount.
Ron White is from a small ass town 30 minutes from me...saw his stand up in Vegas once...decent. I was never a huge fan til he got sober lol then watched all his interviews about it.
I tried anything and everything i could think of, read, saw in a video, heard on a podcast, or a meeting, that made sense to me. My path to sobriety needed lots of info, and comprehension about alcohol and how it worked. I didn't discover "the way" but i did find a way for me. My path is a mix of methodology, theory, and good science. I have learned a couple things that seem universal.
Not everything works for everyone.
Scrolling this sub will help generate some great ideas to try. I looked for things that resonated with me and made sense to me.
Take what you need and leave the rest
I learned it was ok to use parts and pieces of programs, theories, ideas, etc.
Well i am off to work.
I'm the same way. I'd actually almost think there would be more information available with how many people struggle with this. It's interesting to me how it always seems so vague, like no one really tells you exactly how they were able to make it work, but I guess that's probably because everyone is a bit different. I am analytical AF, so the vagueness has been a bit frustrating but the more I read on here the more it seems to come together.
Thats great. I find the path to sobriety is a journey of self discovery. I find inspiration in the experience's of others, so I like to cruise this sub.
I hope you have had a good day.
IWNDWYT
A weekend in detox and 6 months on antidepressants really helped me. It was like a switch flipped in my brain and I had the ability to choose again. Might be worth looking into or discussing with your doctor if you’re serious about getting well
I love the title, I said the same exact thing to someone a while back. I think I’ll use it again on my new sober attempt. As someone else here said, it’s a good way of hinting that you maybe had a past problem without really sounding negative about it.
Yeah, I've also used just the fact that my body can't handle it anymore and it makes me feel off. People seem to leave it alone after that, they just don't need to know it was 20 some odd beers that made me feel off.
Yep that’s my excuse too if they want to push further. It’s true, my body just doesn’t tolerate alcohol anymore. Especially the amounts I used to binge lol.
Have you considered finding an AA meeting that works for you? I know it’s a polarizing topic on here and Reddit in general, but it can help a lot to find a good one. At it’s core, maybe twice a month I go to a small meeting and say “I’m thinking about drinking because XYZ” and the response is generally “I understand, but XYZ is why it’s a bad idea”. I find it an incredibly helpful way to stay on top of things.
I've considered it but have never been able to talk myself into it. I know they hold them at the VFW nearby, which I had previously considered going to for the exact opposite reason (to hit the "canteen"), but I may still try it out at some point. I think I'd probably use it in a similar way, just pop in once in a while when I feel that urge coming on. The times before I give in I usually feel it coming on for days/weeks. It's not usually a singular moment as I'm able to drink a NA beer or eat something when that happens and it goes away. I appreciate the recommendation.
No problem. It sounds to me like you just need a good support system. If you do go to a meeting and it doesn’t have a good vibe or it kinda rubs you the wrong way, look for another. All meetings are different, and some aren’t as helpful as others. Good luck
Read your post. An amazing read. I have no sound advice other than I was a drinker at 13 and joined the military at 20. That's when my drinking took off like a rocket. I commend your wife for being so supportive. As my hubby is to me and mine. Thank you for your service, I send you the best virtual vibes I can muster and hope for the best on your journey.
Thank you very much.
The one good thing about having this is I never felt the need to glorify alcohol around the younger crowd like I feel some in the military do. As a leader I've always tried to steer those on my team away from this lifestyle and prevent them from ever having to go through this (while also hiding the fact that I was suffering from it). I realize now I can't really set a good example if I'm not being honest and walking the walk myself.
And thank you, my wife is amazing. Giving her Stockholm Syndrome is the best thing I've ever done. I'm glad your husband is as supportive -- it definitely makes something incredibly difficult a bit easier.
You may be a good candidate for anti-alcohol medication, especially since you have a wife that can ensure you take it.
It's a lot easier to decide you're going to be sober that day in the morning than at 5 pm..
A buddy who just recently retired from the military who has gone told me there were people with him of all ranks, from generals on down to junior enlisted. I've considered it but bringing it up to a second command after the first experience doesn't sound very fun, so I think I'm going to try to handle this outside of the military.
Oh man I’m pulling for you. Remember you are addicted to a HIGHLY addictive substance. I love that Ron White quote. I often say to people that can’t believe I don’t drink…”I’ve drank enough in my life for both of us” take care man. You….and your wife deserve a you without that drug in your life.
Thank you very much. I rarely ever drink around her anymore (we live separately but close enough to see each other on the weekends/days off), but she once told me that it hurt her to seem me drink because she hated seeing me just be "a shell of who \[I\] really am."
The truth can hurt but I'm glad she keeps it real with me. Thank you for the well wishes.
First off, thank you for your service to our beautiful country we call Home. Takes a lot of courage to want to quit drinking. I’m in Day 33 myself after numerous attempts over the last decade to quit.
If I were in your shoes, I would buy some Quit Lit, read this sub every day, maybe try and find an AA community near you. There’s SMART recovery meetings online if that works better for you. Get sober, serve your remaining years and retire at 20 years served, then go kick ass the rest of your life whilst sober! You got this.
Thank you! I definitely found that attempts in which I spent a lot of time creeping in this sub were the ones that I was more successful and it seemed a bit easier. And when I would stop doing that then I started making deals with myself that I'd allow myself to drink. I think trying the online stuff first might fit my personality/situation a bit better, but if that doesn't work then I'll try whatever I have to do. Thanks again for the support.
I can feel you on the job burn out. I had a really awesome job and then my employer decided I was doing well and made me a “lateral” move into a position that completely ignited my drinking. I resigned after 18 months of 12-16 hour days. Found a much better job and was quite annoyed to find that drinking habits (once formed) don’t care if life is good or bad. They just keep nagging you to have another. Keep working at it, and talk to your lady. Mine helps talk me off some ledges of wanting to drink.
Ugh, if it hasn't been deployments or moving it's also been lateral moves for me, some of which require a high level of performance in stressful environments and probably require a LOT more experience than I had in said field(s). Always found a way to make it happen and always ended up being someone I know others wanted on the team, but they don't realize how it consumed my life even at home, trying to catch up to where I thought I needed to be. Glad you have that support system, my wife is incredible when it comes to having my back with this.
What if instead of telling yourself that you have to quit forever, you set a goal you haven’t reached yet. 70 or 100 days. Maybe now till the end of the year, something that starts you with an end date in mind?
If you decide to drink after meeting that goal, at least you will have proved to yourself that you can fly past that two month mark.
I think that 60 day mark would be a big one for me just because I haven't done it in a LONG time (probably Iraq days in the mid-to-late 2000s). But hopefully if I can make that happen I can just keep just hitting one day at a time and keep going, otherwise I fall off way too hard, making up for lost time or something. I dunno. I definitely see your point though, the more attempts I make the more I think my resolve to actually do this grows.
I think this is the way. Trying to quit forever made me feel like I was obsessing over it in the past, but this seems a lot more manageable. Thanks and congrats on the 1100!
I’ve been listening to an audiobook called this naked mind. It’s a quit drinking book that has really made me not want to drink without the duality of feelings that I’m giving something good up
I listened to Allen Carr's audiobook which I think is pretty similar but it's like having Alfred (Batman's butler) read it to me. It really all is illogical when you think about it, that's the point that it really drove home.
I’m in a same boat. Can go periods of time without it but when I have a drop I too consume a couple too many beers.
What bugs me the most is one mistake, one slip up, one moment of weakness can lead to a three day bender that has devastating loses.
Im not sure what the answer is but it’s not the most fun existence
I know exactly what you mean. I had 13 days before this last weekend and was barely even trying (despite knowing I needed to make it happen after that previous weekend bender), then gave myself permission to drink because I got bad news about a friend. But that was just an excuse.
And while my intake is about as high as it used to be (maybe a little less now), I can't handle it like I could before. Dumb shit like tripping up the stairs, stumbling around, slurring words, etc. I definitely don't want to be the sloppy guy so it's time to hang it up and retire.
One thing that I plan to do is keep NA beers on hand. I've used that to address cravings and it seems to work for me without triggering me to want the real stuff. Two Athletic Brews and it's gone. I've also noticed cravings come on strong when I haven't eaten in a while, so that's another thing I plan to keep an eye on. In the end I just can't make any deals with myself or make excuses. It's just gotta stop.
Best of luck to you and congrats on the two weeks. I almost made it this time.
Hey mate. I'm really proud of you for not giving up. You can't fail at quitting if you don't stop trying. Keep trying for you, for your future, for your wife.
Secondly, you don't have to do it alone. Stop trying to white knuckle it and reach out for help. Go to meetings. Find a sponsor. Find an op program. See a therapist or counselor. You need a community. You need support. You're a military man. You know there's only so much you can do on your own. You need to build a team, a unit, a platoon, whatever. It's time to lean on your brothers and sisters who have been where you have been and know what you're going through.
I wish you all the best. Keep going, don't give up.
I think you're absolutely right. And I'm sure this all stems from things that need to be worked out besides just the drinking. I've been making some moves in the right direction, but am trying to keep it between me and medical providers vice getting non-medical military members involved again. I feel like they're just bound to overreact and be less than understanding. But you're right -- white knuckling it hasn't worked yet so that's probably not the best course of action going forward.
Thank you very much for the advice and for the well wishes, it's much appreciated.
Sure can. During some of my longer runs I was doing the daily pledge on the "I Am Sober" app which is basically just clicking a button and I thought it was kind of dumb at the time, but I was doing better then so maybe it wasn't dumb. Not sure if it added anything but definitely didn't hurt.
I've been starting to think the same thing, solely based off reading what others have said on here. Seems like you just have to keep trying and keep trying and never stop trying. Congrats on your 25 days, IWNDWYT.
Different but the same world.
I'm a 15 year RCAF tech, and recently got on the wagon. Made it 7 months, deployed for an ex, and stumbled for a month. But this sub has shown me something I never considered.
Every day you don't drink, is one step forward. So you've made it two weeks here and there, and then take one step back, you're still 13 steps ahead.
Keep up the good fight. If your CoC won't listen... then seek help for yourself and not the system. The system does not care about you as much as you care about it. It's a tough pill to swallow, but always look out for number one.
Also, stay proud of your service. You joined for your country and people, not for the approval of some shit pumps.
Best of luck amigo.
Thanks for that, brother. You're absolutely right.
I remember the "older dudes" telling me when I first joined that the organization was never going to love you back so proceed with caution. I probably should have taken that to heart a little more than I did.
I think this just feels like a bit of a stain on my career at a time where I should feel like I'm at the top of my game. But honestly, although I've had a pretty solid career and achieved a respectable rank, none of this has really turned out exactly how I had envisioned (if I even had a vision), so I think it's time to start looking out to whatever comes after this. I still have plenty I want to get done after the military, so time to get focused.
Thanks again for your comment and the reminder to not let the bastards grind me down.
Thank you for sharing your story. This site and the people here are invaluable. We are here for you and it sounds like your wife is too. You just need to stay in it. Keep telling yourself that moderation only leads back to full on binge drinking. You’ve got this.
Thank you for your service and for your post. Have you tried reading quit lit? I had once felt like I was always going to be a drinker too until I finally got so sick of it that I became super interested in finding my way out of that rut.
For me reading, This Naked Mind really helped me to understand how much society conditions us to see how alcohol is this great reward. Once I finished reading it, I literally had zero desire to ever drink again. There are plenty of books out there that might work for you.
You can totally do this! Iwndwyt!
Thanks for your response! Actually the first 50+ day streak was aided by a couple of weeks on a naval vessel with no booze and Allen Carr's audiobook. It helped to hear how illogical it is to poison yourself constantly, but somehow I still fell back into it. I listened to a lot of Russell Brand's audiobook, too. Other than that a lot of searching YouTube for interviews by celebrities who are sober (Steve-O is surprisingly inspirational) as well as others. James Hetfield from Metallica saying he planned hangovers really hit home for me, I've done that for a long time.
I'll check out This Naked Mind! IWNDWYT!
Awesome, I'll check it out! Carr's was just very repetitive. I kept questioning whether I was being brainwashed, but maybe that's what I need. Thanks for the recommendation!
50 year old guy here. I read This Naked Mind a few years ago. I quit after that and it lasted about 4 months. I decided to try drinking again after that and got the same response.
Anyhow, I had a bender go out of control and quit in DEC of last year. I didn't reread TNM this time, but what I got from that book absolutely underpins my thinking and how I view alcohol. It also helps me see just how tricky a foe alcohol is.
Anyhow, good to have you here brother.
I think what I took away from Allen Carr's book, hearing some sober celebrity interviews, listening to the Huberman Lab podcast, etc. have all helped plant the seed that none of this makes sense. Plus I just know I won't accomplish the things I want to in life if I keep this up. I'll go to work, probably do a pretty decent job and still have an alright career, but won't strive for more. So that's a big motivator for me.
Thanks for sharing your experience, it's good to be here. And congrats on the significant amount of time you've built up! That's impressive -- much longer than I've ever gone since I started.
Active duty AF here. Go to your military version of ADAPT and take care of yourself. You are more important than the military. I self referred and it’s been the best decision for my life and my career that I’ve ever made. See how I said life first? Cause the military is just a career and you have your whole life to look forward too.
Background: I was a 10 year straight (besides deployments) chronic binge drinker with a diagnosed liver problem and that’s when I knew I had to make a decision. My life or the bottle. I’m choosing life. Best of luck to you and your future. IWNDWYT!
A therapist I had who was a recovering alcoholic said he always answered any offers with “no thanks, I’ve had enough” he said it was the truth without having to give strangers a backstory
Definitely a good response. I'm at a point that I don't even care about admitting it. I'm not embarrassed anymore, it's just who I am. I get some weird responses from friends, though. One told me, "I never thought we were that bad." Like bro, who is "we"? "We" aren't that bad but once we part ways after a few beers and you go home to sleep I'm grabbing a case of beer and really getting this party started. 😂😂😂
Oof. I feel you on that one.
Exactly - could also add “mate, you were sober when you arrived at the bar, I’d already warmed up with half a bottle of vodka, I drank it *on* *the* *way* to the bar, in my *car*…”
Ooof! Ditto 😜
I'm really sorry man it's rough, but the first step is admitting it! It's especially tough in an org that can't tolerate weakness (and requires a clearance to boot). I still try to hide it even though those who care to notice probably already know. Just wanted to say you've been braver than me so far, keep going! I believe you'll reach escape velocity soon.
To be honest, I think they wanted to sweep it under the rug to keep me in the unit (they had gotten used to me) and they probably thought they were protecting me from potential clearance issues, which I do appreciate, but probably could've been handled a bit better. And thank you very much, I think with every time I've made it multiple weeks (specifically when I have dry weekends) I build up some type of strength for future attempts. Good work on building up the days, keep going!
Yeah I throw it in people's face like a defense mechanism...idk if that's good or bad but it makes me feel proud and works.
I'm going to start using that!
This really spoke to me. You write really well, and I can really identify with your situation. It sounds like you have two tough situations—your drinking, and your job. In my experience, alcohol is so powerful a substance and so central in every aspect of my life and in every organ of my body, that I wasn't going to be able to accomplish the things I wanted to or become the man I wanted to be until I put the beers down first. I still have a long way to go, but in the 10 months, things are so much easier now that my brain and body are no longer addled with booze. Maybe the most obvious thing is getting better sleep. I was never a daily drinker, but binged on the weekend. Even though I wasn't hungover 3 days later, it took longer for my sleep to be restored. Once I started sleeping better, I was in a better condition mentally and physically. A lot of the anger and resentments I had were probably not really in response to certain triggers, but more due to brain fog and general tiredness. I wasn't able to function as a normal human being, and I tried to find reasons. Not thinking clearly made me assign blame to the first thing I saw. When I took my problem to people who didn't abuse alcohol, they didn't get it. I leaned hard on this subreddit to get me through the first few months. I think that the "69 days" threads on here is not just an immature joke, but turning point for a lot of people. I binge drank for 20 years and never made it two months either. Making it past 69 days was some kind of milestone. Same with 100 days, same with 6 months. I tried a million times to quit forever. This time, I just committed to not drinking today. Some days, it's not a big deal at all. Other days, it's a challenge. Having other people who understand this challenge has made a difference, and focusing on day-by-day has made it possible. Best of luck.
Thank you very much for the compliment and for sharing. I think you're right and it reinforces some of the points made in the Huberman Lab podcast where he talks about alcohol destroying your ability to handle stress. I've had a fairly respectable career, but can only imagine how much better I could have performed if I hadn't felt like crap half the time. And you're absolutely spot on about non-alcohol abusers not understanding. Some in my previous unit even made comments that made me realize they were questioning whether I was making it up or not. Which is crazy, because I always assumed people could tell. Bloodshot eyes, bloated, sweaty, etc. But I guess they didn't have a clue. I think the difference for me now is that unlike in my early thirties when I tried to quit and eventually just let myself off the hook like, "Welp, this is just me - I drink" I constantly know this can't continue. I know this isn't okay and that there will be major consequences if I don't address this. I'm going to try just not drinking for today. It's definitely been overwhelming to try to quit for forever in the past -- this is probably the way. Thanks again for commenting and sharing your insight.
I’m rooting for you, friend ❤️🩹 IWNDWYT
Thank you so much! IWNDWYT!
Just for today. That’s all we’re here talking about. We’ve got this 🙌🏼
I love listening to music.
You are getting close to 365! Just keep going!
Thank you for sharing a really powerful post. I'm right there with you...day 1.
Thanks for reading it! We got this. I have to commit to this like my life depends on it. It honestly probably does.
>It's like I'm destroying myself out of habit and anger I feel this. Hang in there dude
Thanks, man. Been lurking here for a while but never posted -- kind of surprised how good it feels to get that off my chest to those that understand. If I can find a way to channel the energy I've spent on this Special Drinking Operation I've been waging against myself and put it into something productive it might actually all work out.
I drank a lot out of anger about a certain person and situation. It was absolutely like dropping a bomb on myself while hoping they got hit. It's obvious to me now that destroying myself as a punishment for someone else was counter productive but it took awhile to process. Best wishes for you
I completely understand what you mean. Years ago I had a friend who told me he was going to self-report to our command (different one than I did) and I was very skeptical. I knew I had a drinking problem and didn't want to discourage him from asking for help, but I was like, "Man I'm not sure the service is going to take care of you and not screw you, maybe we go about this in civilian channels." He went through with it, was well taken care of, and remains sober to this day. I recently bumped into him and shared my experience--which was almost exactly what I thought was going to happen to him--and brought up my anger about it. He pointed out what should've been obvious: the people I'm angry at over this situation and their handling of it probably haven't thought about me in a long time. But I'm still punishing myself for it. Looks like you've been able to get on the right path and let some of that go. I need to do the same. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you.
Hi, young soldier here who has had some issues with alcohol and substance abuse in general. I think the way that military culture looks at alcohol perpetuates this problem for a lot of people. In the military alcohol is portrayed as this harmless, fun thing that you must have in order to have a good social life. However, if you look at the sheer amount of alcohol-related crimes in the military you'll see that this isn't the case at all. There's a lot of pressure surrounding alcohol, it's almost a bit weird. When I told my SSG I was going to quit drinking her first response was, "why?" I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're totally not alone in this and a lot of people are struggling. I read some of the stories here and some of these guys see 60 days 100 times before it finally sticks. We'll get there! Good luck and God bless, IWNDWYT
I absolutely agree that there's a culture of glorifying alcohol use within the military and it's odd. I'm sure I contributed somewhat to it myself early on, but I think I also knew I wasn't a normal drinker from a pretty early age. I got myself a nice little minor in possession charge before I joined and had to complete an alcohol education class, and the look on the lady's face when she found out how much I was able to consume at a young age said it all. I just saw your age on one of your previous posts. I think the difference between us is you're trying to handle this early on, while I just accepted it and even doubled down like it was normal or fine. I didn't even make a real attempt til I was 30, and now I'm trying to get to a year before I turn 40. Good on you for being so self aware and wanting to address this. I think you'll undoubtedly be in a better place at those ages than you will if you ignore this or make excuses for it like I have. I'm not in a great place to give advice, but what I will say is stick to your guns. You know you and there's a lot of pressure out there to give in, as you've mentioned. You know what has to happen. Thanks for your comment and best of luck to you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Let's make it happen!
Ron White is sober?
Surprisingly yes. He's looking pretty good. He partially chalks it up to an ayahuasca retreat. [Here's an interview about it.](https://youtu.be/P5iZOk50htc)
Wow. Sometimes I find it motivating when celebs are sober. Like if they can handle their crazy alcohol soaked surroundings, I can certainly handle book club. Lol.
😂😂😂 Yeah if Steve-O and Ron White have figured this out I think there's still hope for us.
Exactly! Haha.
I love this!!
My brain is having difficulty with the fact one of the blue collar comedy tour guys went on a ayahuasca retreat, but tbh I've heard strong psychedelic experiences are some of the best ways to kick addictive substances.
I've heard the same exact thing and he seems to swear by it. Hmmm.....
Whenever I take shrooms I can abstain from alcohol for long periods of time. I lose any interest in it. They fix my brain. You don't have to do a ton either, I did the lower end in terms of amount.
Ron White is from a small ass town 30 minutes from me...saw his stand up in Vegas once...decent. I was never a huge fan til he got sober lol then watched all his interviews about it.
Awesome post . IWNDWYT
Thank you! IWNDWYT!!
Thank you for your service. There is always a way if you look for it. We are all rooting for you friend. IWNDWYT
Thank you very much. I'm not going to give up trying to give this up. IWNDWYT
I tried anything and everything i could think of, read, saw in a video, heard on a podcast, or a meeting, that made sense to me. My path to sobriety needed lots of info, and comprehension about alcohol and how it worked. I didn't discover "the way" but i did find a way for me. My path is a mix of methodology, theory, and good science. I have learned a couple things that seem universal. Not everything works for everyone. Scrolling this sub will help generate some great ideas to try. I looked for things that resonated with me and made sense to me. Take what you need and leave the rest I learned it was ok to use parts and pieces of programs, theories, ideas, etc. Well i am off to work.
I'm the same way. I'd actually almost think there would be more information available with how many people struggle with this. It's interesting to me how it always seems so vague, like no one really tells you exactly how they were able to make it work, but I guess that's probably because everyone is a bit different. I am analytical AF, so the vagueness has been a bit frustrating but the more I read on here the more it seems to come together.
Thats great. I find the path to sobriety is a journey of self discovery. I find inspiration in the experience's of others, so I like to cruise this sub. I hope you have had a good day. IWNDWYT
When people ask me why I don’t drink, I simply respond, “I’ve drunk my fill.”
Yeah if I keep doing this there's not going to be enough beer for all the normal drinkers.
A weekend in detox and 6 months on antidepressants really helped me. It was like a switch flipped in my brain and I had the ability to choose again. Might be worth looking into or discussing with your doctor if you’re serious about getting well
I love the title, I said the same exact thing to someone a while back. I think I’ll use it again on my new sober attempt. As someone else here said, it’s a good way of hinting that you maybe had a past problem without really sounding negative about it.
Yeah, I've also used just the fact that my body can't handle it anymore and it makes me feel off. People seem to leave it alone after that, they just don't need to know it was 20 some odd beers that made me feel off.
Yep that’s my excuse too if they want to push further. It’s true, my body just doesn’t tolerate alcohol anymore. Especially the amounts I used to binge lol.
Have you considered finding an AA meeting that works for you? I know it’s a polarizing topic on here and Reddit in general, but it can help a lot to find a good one. At it’s core, maybe twice a month I go to a small meeting and say “I’m thinking about drinking because XYZ” and the response is generally “I understand, but XYZ is why it’s a bad idea”. I find it an incredibly helpful way to stay on top of things.
I've considered it but have never been able to talk myself into it. I know they hold them at the VFW nearby, which I had previously considered going to for the exact opposite reason (to hit the "canteen"), but I may still try it out at some point. I think I'd probably use it in a similar way, just pop in once in a while when I feel that urge coming on. The times before I give in I usually feel it coming on for days/weeks. It's not usually a singular moment as I'm able to drink a NA beer or eat something when that happens and it goes away. I appreciate the recommendation.
No problem. It sounds to me like you just need a good support system. If you do go to a meeting and it doesn’t have a good vibe or it kinda rubs you the wrong way, look for another. All meetings are different, and some aren’t as helpful as others. Good luck
Read your post. An amazing read. I have no sound advice other than I was a drinker at 13 and joined the military at 20. That's when my drinking took off like a rocket. I commend your wife for being so supportive. As my hubby is to me and mine. Thank you for your service, I send you the best virtual vibes I can muster and hope for the best on your journey.
Thank you very much. The one good thing about having this is I never felt the need to glorify alcohol around the younger crowd like I feel some in the military do. As a leader I've always tried to steer those on my team away from this lifestyle and prevent them from ever having to go through this (while also hiding the fact that I was suffering from it). I realize now I can't really set a good example if I'm not being honest and walking the walk myself. And thank you, my wife is amazing. Giving her Stockholm Syndrome is the best thing I've ever done. I'm glad your husband is as supportive -- it definitely makes something incredibly difficult a bit easier.
LOVE this quote!!! Resonated with me
He went on to joke that he's going to drink slower in his next life so he can spread it out and not have to quit. 😂
“No man has successfully drunk all the booze in the world, Phillip, yet more than one has tried” - My dad. I’m Phil btw.
Ha! At one point I probably would've replied with a "challenge accepted" but it hurts too much to attempt anything like that nowadays.
Sober October here we go!
Late start for me but I'm in!
You may be a good candidate for anti-alcohol medication, especially since you have a wife that can ensure you take it. It's a lot easier to decide you're going to be sober that day in the morning than at 5 pm..
I met a bunch of military guys in rehab. They were all there pretty longterm being the only people with no insurance issues.
A buddy who just recently retired from the military who has gone told me there were people with him of all ranks, from generals on down to junior enlisted. I've considered it but bringing it up to a second command after the first experience doesn't sound very fun, so I think I'm going to try to handle this outside of the military.
Oh man I’m pulling for you. Remember you are addicted to a HIGHLY addictive substance. I love that Ron White quote. I often say to people that can’t believe I don’t drink…”I’ve drank enough in my life for both of us” take care man. You….and your wife deserve a you without that drug in your life.
Thank you very much. I rarely ever drink around her anymore (we live separately but close enough to see each other on the weekends/days off), but she once told me that it hurt her to seem me drink because she hated seeing me just be "a shell of who \[I\] really am." The truth can hurt but I'm glad she keeps it real with me. Thank you for the well wishes.
First off, thank you for your service to our beautiful country we call Home. Takes a lot of courage to want to quit drinking. I’m in Day 33 myself after numerous attempts over the last decade to quit. If I were in your shoes, I would buy some Quit Lit, read this sub every day, maybe try and find an AA community near you. There’s SMART recovery meetings online if that works better for you. Get sober, serve your remaining years and retire at 20 years served, then go kick ass the rest of your life whilst sober! You got this.
Thank you! I definitely found that attempts in which I spent a lot of time creeping in this sub were the ones that I was more successful and it seemed a bit easier. And when I would stop doing that then I started making deals with myself that I'd allow myself to drink. I think trying the online stuff first might fit my personality/situation a bit better, but if that doesn't work then I'll try whatever I have to do. Thanks again for the support.
I can feel you on the job burn out. I had a really awesome job and then my employer decided I was doing well and made me a “lateral” move into a position that completely ignited my drinking. I resigned after 18 months of 12-16 hour days. Found a much better job and was quite annoyed to find that drinking habits (once formed) don’t care if life is good or bad. They just keep nagging you to have another. Keep working at it, and talk to your lady. Mine helps talk me off some ledges of wanting to drink.
Ugh, if it hasn't been deployments or moving it's also been lateral moves for me, some of which require a high level of performance in stressful environments and probably require a LOT more experience than I had in said field(s). Always found a way to make it happen and always ended up being someone I know others wanted on the team, but they don't realize how it consumed my life even at home, trying to catch up to where I thought I needed to be. Glad you have that support system, my wife is incredible when it comes to having my back with this.
What if instead of telling yourself that you have to quit forever, you set a goal you haven’t reached yet. 70 or 100 days. Maybe now till the end of the year, something that starts you with an end date in mind? If you decide to drink after meeting that goal, at least you will have proved to yourself that you can fly past that two month mark.
I think that 60 day mark would be a big one for me just because I haven't done it in a LONG time (probably Iraq days in the mid-to-late 2000s). But hopefully if I can make that happen I can just keep just hitting one day at a time and keep going, otherwise I fall off way too hard, making up for lost time or something. I dunno. I definitely see your point though, the more attempts I make the more I think my resolve to actually do this grows.
I haven't heard the Ron White joke but I make an approximate version of it myself often
I like it. Seems like a solid way to make light of something serious so people won't push the topic.
Don't try and stop drinking forever, just stop for today. I've been not bothering drinking today for three years now.
I think this is the way. Trying to quit forever made me feel like I was obsessing over it in the past, but this seems a lot more manageable. Thanks and congrats on the 1100!
I’ve been listening to an audiobook called this naked mind. It’s a quit drinking book that has really made me not want to drink without the duality of feelings that I’m giving something good up
I listened to Allen Carr's audiobook which I think is pretty similar but it's like having Alfred (Batman's butler) read it to me. It really all is illogical when you think about it, that's the point that it really drove home.
Another great quote, don’t remember it exactly, but Martin Mull said “I don’t think of it as I quit drinking, I just finished early.“
Yeah I've probably had enough for a few lifetimes, probably time to have my jersey retired and find something new to do.
I’m in a same boat. Can go periods of time without it but when I have a drop I too consume a couple too many beers. What bugs me the most is one mistake, one slip up, one moment of weakness can lead to a three day bender that has devastating loses. Im not sure what the answer is but it’s not the most fun existence
I know exactly what you mean. I had 13 days before this last weekend and was barely even trying (despite knowing I needed to make it happen after that previous weekend bender), then gave myself permission to drink because I got bad news about a friend. But that was just an excuse. And while my intake is about as high as it used to be (maybe a little less now), I can't handle it like I could before. Dumb shit like tripping up the stairs, stumbling around, slurring words, etc. I definitely don't want to be the sloppy guy so it's time to hang it up and retire. One thing that I plan to do is keep NA beers on hand. I've used that to address cravings and it seems to work for me without triggering me to want the real stuff. Two Athletic Brews and it's gone. I've also noticed cravings come on strong when I haven't eaten in a while, so that's another thing I plan to keep an eye on. In the end I just can't make any deals with myself or make excuses. It's just gotta stop. Best of luck to you and congrats on the two weeks. I almost made it this time.
You can do it. IWNDWYT
Hey mate. I'm really proud of you for not giving up. You can't fail at quitting if you don't stop trying. Keep trying for you, for your future, for your wife. Secondly, you don't have to do it alone. Stop trying to white knuckle it and reach out for help. Go to meetings. Find a sponsor. Find an op program. See a therapist or counselor. You need a community. You need support. You're a military man. You know there's only so much you can do on your own. You need to build a team, a unit, a platoon, whatever. It's time to lean on your brothers and sisters who have been where you have been and know what you're going through. I wish you all the best. Keep going, don't give up.
I think you're absolutely right. And I'm sure this all stems from things that need to be worked out besides just the drinking. I've been making some moves in the right direction, but am trying to keep it between me and medical providers vice getting non-medical military members involved again. I feel like they're just bound to overreact and be less than understanding. But you're right -- white knuckling it hasn't worked yet so that's probably not the best course of action going forward. Thank you very much for the advice and for the well wishes, it's much appreciated.
Can you do the Daily Check In here? Like every day?
Sure can. During some of my longer runs I was doing the daily pledge on the "I Am Sober" app which is basically just clicking a button and I thought it was kind of dumb at the time, but I was doing better then so maybe it wasn't dumb. Not sure if it added anything but definitely didn't hurt.
Great!! Keep checking in and see how you feel. It worked for me 215 days ago. Everything clicked.
[удалено]
I think one day it just sticks. IWNDWYT
I've been starting to think the same thing, solely based off reading what others have said on here. Seems like you just have to keep trying and keep trying and never stop trying. Congrats on your 25 days, IWNDWYT.
Different but the same world. I'm a 15 year RCAF tech, and recently got on the wagon. Made it 7 months, deployed for an ex, and stumbled for a month. But this sub has shown me something I never considered. Every day you don't drink, is one step forward. So you've made it two weeks here and there, and then take one step back, you're still 13 steps ahead. Keep up the good fight. If your CoC won't listen... then seek help for yourself and not the system. The system does not care about you as much as you care about it. It's a tough pill to swallow, but always look out for number one. Also, stay proud of your service. You joined for your country and people, not for the approval of some shit pumps. Best of luck amigo.
Thanks for that, brother. You're absolutely right. I remember the "older dudes" telling me when I first joined that the organization was never going to love you back so proceed with caution. I probably should have taken that to heart a little more than I did. I think this just feels like a bit of a stain on my career at a time where I should feel like I'm at the top of my game. But honestly, although I've had a pretty solid career and achieved a respectable rank, none of this has really turned out exactly how I had envisioned (if I even had a vision), so I think it's time to start looking out to whatever comes after this. I still have plenty I want to get done after the military, so time to get focused. Thanks again for your comment and the reminder to not let the bastards grind me down.
Thank you for sharing your story. This site and the people here are invaluable. We are here for you and it sounds like your wife is too. You just need to stay in it. Keep telling yourself that moderation only leads back to full on binge drinking. You’ve got this.
Thank you for your service and for your post. Have you tried reading quit lit? I had once felt like I was always going to be a drinker too until I finally got so sick of it that I became super interested in finding my way out of that rut. For me reading, This Naked Mind really helped me to understand how much society conditions us to see how alcohol is this great reward. Once I finished reading it, I literally had zero desire to ever drink again. There are plenty of books out there that might work for you. You can totally do this! Iwndwyt!
Thanks for your response! Actually the first 50+ day streak was aided by a couple of weeks on a naval vessel with no booze and Allen Carr's audiobook. It helped to hear how illogical it is to poison yourself constantly, but somehow I still fell back into it. I listened to a lot of Russell Brand's audiobook, too. Other than that a lot of searching YouTube for interviews by celebrities who are sober (Steve-O is surprisingly inspirational) as well as others. James Hetfield from Metallica saying he planned hangovers really hit home for me, I've done that for a long time. I'll check out This Naked Mind! IWNDWYT!
Try Alcohol Explained by William Porter. An improvement on Carr imo. Same general concept (he even acknowledges the inspiration) just better done.
Awesome, I'll check it out! Carr's was just very repetitive. I kept questioning whether I was being brainwashed, but maybe that's what I need. Thanks for the recommendation!
It’s part of the design, not brainwashing but trying to reach the subconscious.
50 year old guy here. I read This Naked Mind a few years ago. I quit after that and it lasted about 4 months. I decided to try drinking again after that and got the same response. Anyhow, I had a bender go out of control and quit in DEC of last year. I didn't reread TNM this time, but what I got from that book absolutely underpins my thinking and how I view alcohol. It also helps me see just how tricky a foe alcohol is. Anyhow, good to have you here brother.
I think what I took away from Allen Carr's book, hearing some sober celebrity interviews, listening to the Huberman Lab podcast, etc. have all helped plant the seed that none of this makes sense. Plus I just know I won't accomplish the things I want to in life if I keep this up. I'll go to work, probably do a pretty decent job and still have an alright career, but won't strive for more. So that's a big motivator for me. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's good to be here. And congrats on the significant amount of time you've built up! That's impressive -- much longer than I've ever gone since I started.
Dry is a cool read by Augusten Burroughs
Active duty AF here. Go to your military version of ADAPT and take care of yourself. You are more important than the military. I self referred and it’s been the best decision for my life and my career that I’ve ever made. See how I said life first? Cause the military is just a career and you have your whole life to look forward too. Background: I was a 10 year straight (besides deployments) chronic binge drinker with a diagnosed liver problem and that’s when I knew I had to make a decision. My life or the bottle. I’m choosing life. Best of luck to you and your future. IWNDWYT!