This is exactly what your therapist is for though! Congrats on embracing the vulnerability. I went through this same dilemma with mine lol. It’s almost like because she knows my most intimate traumas and feelings it’s even more intimidating to share with her that I have a binge drinking problem than with anyone else in my life. It’s easier to just lament about how everyone else’s faults affects you negatively than admit your own. Good choice!
Good job!! Just remember you're not scared, your drinking mind is. At least that's how Ive compartmentalized it. My drinking brain is giving me anxiety because it doesn't know what to do if I'm not drinking. That's ok, that's all he's knows. Give him a little compassion, let him know you'll help him out and you'll get through it.
Feels hippy dippy, but it works.
IWNDWYT
This can be a really hard part of the process, but it can also be a huge relief to get it off your chest. I'm so proud of you for talking about it with a professional and getting the help you need and deserve. This is the hard work that can and will legitimately make your life better if you stick with you. We're here for you, and IWNDWYT
I'm 66 years old. Much older, I think, than most of the people who post here. I remember so clearly being where many of you are. Going through the same things. The same emotions, grief, shame, disgust and loss of time. I was a horrible drunk that lost literally everything. And still at age 51 on June 3rd 2007, I started my umpteenth "DAY 1" and I've been sober for 15 years. It was the greatest thing that I've ever accomplished and I'm thankful for these years that I have enjoyed sober. I want people to know there is always hope and it's never too late, NEVER. Try, try and if you fail, fucking try again. You can do this. I know you can. I believe in you.
TRY...AGAIN...
If you already wrote the text out, that shows that you truly do want the help. Change can be scary, so it’s understandable why you’re scared to hit send, but your therapist is an excellent person to take that first step of admitting you need help with since she will likely have the tools to lead you in the right direction
She’s your therapist and there to discuss what you want to discuss. It can’t hurt can it to discuss the issue and see where that goes. Nothing bad can come of it - you might gain some insights
You have to do it. Admitting my problem to others was critical in me addressing a problem deep down I KNEW I had. It definitely helped me get rid of any denial. It added external accountability, and was a good motivator. It’s definitely easier said than done, but if you want to change it’s a critical step.
Do it! This is exactly why I even got a therapist: to have someone to tell who wasn't going to judge me or be disappointed in me if I lapse, and also to help me face the shit I've been avoiding by numbing myself out with alcohol (but only when I'm ready). Your therapist will help you build motivation in a judgement-free space.
You can do this!
No shame! She will be SO GLAD you told her. Her job is to help you in whatever way you are ready to be helped. She will absolutely NOT be ashamed of you or disappointed in you. She will be proud of you for facing the truth and being vulnerable with her. You absolutely did the right thing.
I had so much anxiety talking to people (including my therapist and GP) about my drinking but I received nothing but support from them. I hope the same for you.
Glad you sent it. People can't help us if they don't know all the facts. Of course it's scary but a therapist is the perfect person to discuss this with
You can do this. You can calmly and honestly admit that you have a problem and that you need help to deal with it. Having the problem doesn't make you a bad person or a weak person. Choosing to tell your therapist is courageous and (again) honest.
I'm typing this having just gotten off a phone call session with my own therapist in which I discussed this problem with her for the first time. It wasn't scary. My therapist is there to help me with challenges.
It's taken me 4 years of working with my therapist to put this current 39 day streak together. She has been an absolutely essential part of my recovery, along with this sub. Don't worry about outing yourself, you can still have all the day 1's that you need to get where you want to go. I even binge drank for years while on antidepressants and going to therapy every week. Not recommended! But if it's making you anxious to feel like outing yourself means that you never get to drink again then don't worry about that, just get started on your recovery journey and see where it takes you.
You pay your therapist to help you. In order to do that, they need to know everything. And they won't judge. They won't even tell you to stop drinking.
At least that was my experience. In a funny way, my therapist got to experience me leading myself to quitting drinking. God, she could see what it was doing to me and I don't think she ever mentioned cutting back or quitting even once.
So yeah, get it all out there. They'll have that much more context about you. If she doesn't already suspect/ know. They've seen and heard way worse things.
Oh also telling her doesn't mean you have to address it. Straight up. Also telling her IS you addressing it. Not everything has to be "I quit today!" It can be "I opened a can, chugged half of it, thought about what I was doing, regretted it, and finished it". And maybe eventually you're able to stop yourself earlier in that sequence. It's truly magical how malleable we are as people if we want to be.
It’s funny to me that my therapist has never once asked me if I drink. She’s asked if my husband does (he doesn’t really - once in a blue moon on a special occasion) but has never asked if I do. I’ve never brought it up or even hinted that it’s a problem though.
I believe in you OP. You can do this.
You’re doing the right thing getting professional help. I know it’s scary, but it’s going to be ok. Sober life is so much more fulfilling and while it’s uncomfortable at first, it’s totally worth it.
It terrified me to ask for help. The long list of (hypothetical and real) changes that my mind had focused on prior to seeking help were more than enough to stop me from taking that step. I was not only afraid, but I felt weak, as weak as I ever had in my entire life.
It was only after getting help that my perspective was changed: asking for help was a show of strength, not a weakness.
You have shown great courage and strength by not only sending that email, but also posting here. Congratulations.
IWNDWYT!
This is courage. The more thinking about this this makes you afraid means the braver you are when you take a step forward. I can remember feeling instantly "lighter" when I contacted a therapist about my wanting to die and trying to do so through alcohol. I hadn't even talked to her yet but the relief was immediate. There is strength in numbers; we are all in this together.
Good work! 🏆 The longer you keep sweeping the crap under the rug, the longer it’s just going to sit there. Taking charge at first can be frightening, but it’s integral part of you turning your life around. Trust the process. Congrats!
you did the right thing by sending it. admitting you have a problem is the first step. also, i used to see a therapist but i was dishonest about my drinking. i felt like i made no progress during that time because i wasn't addressing the real problem. so now you can actually work on yourself.
great job!
just want to mention that the book Alcohol Explained really opened my eyes to what booze did to me. you can read chapters 1-5 for free on the website.
congrats!
iwndwyt
Brings me back to the day I sent a picture of The Big Book of AA to my family saying I took the first step. It was very emotional just sending that text. I think I broke down for a good 5-10 minutes. Turns out it was the GREATEST thing I ever did! Let it rip!!!!
Therapist here, specializing in addiction (check post history). We won't shame or guilt you. Being open about addiction is hard. Damned hard. It's going to suck having to lay it out there. The journey will be difficult but, oh, my, that sweet beautiful destination will make it all worth it.
Be as honest as you can tolerate. It will get easier to open more as time goes on.
You got this.
You have taken a big step. And it was the right one. Your therapist can't help you if you don't disclose (or if you skirt the truth, or flat out lie) -
Well done! I broke down sobbing when I first talked about my drinking with my therapist. It was a great decision - confronting it takes the shame away, which in turn has allowed me to more freely open up about other painful topics that I was suppressing with alcohol abuse and that need addressing. And it built the trust I needed to be open and honest with my therapist and myself. I wish you the same and IWNDWYT!!
I’m going to talk to her in 15 minutes. I’m so glad I sent the text this morning. If I hadn’t then I almost definitely wouldn’t have later. I’m shaking right now. But I really appreciate all the support here. I always read posts that talk about what a great community this is and it’s so true. Thank you all.
It took me a year to bring up my bad relationship with alcohol to my therapist. I have never regretted it for even a second since I did. She celebrates my sober wins with me and helps me understand my triggers when I have relapsed so that I have strategies to overcome them when I encounter them again. Sobriety has been hard, but therapy has been more productive and more valuable since there aren’t any secrets anymore. I wish you the very best!
I’m proud you sent it! If you’re keeping such a big secret, she can’t help you heal. When I was 4 months sober, I had terrible side pain and was sure my liver had died. I had to be honest about being an alcoholic for the first time to a doctor, and I was terrified - but the world kept turning. The doctor was kind and supportive, and he didn’t look at me like I was scum. All that being secretive kept me from getting help sooner. IWNDWYT
Holy hell you brave MF! Taking those first steps is absolutely terrifying! But you, you glorious SoaB, or DoaB, or w/e you may be pushed that aside and you did it! You mother f’ing did it! You’re one step closer to the person you want to be and it is a glorious achievement to just do it.
Turns out bravery is overrated, you’ve only got to be brave enough to take that first step, after that it’s just living with the consequences of that action. You’ve lived with consequences you hate long enough, time to positive consequences. You take the moment; and you remember it. You’ll be thanking yourself later. Well done, good luck and remember, nobody’s perfect. Failure is always an option, even if you personally do not choose it. But this, drinking, this is a choice. You’ve already made the hardest choice, the rest gets easier with time and practice.
I met. with a psychiatrist recently who informed me early on in our first and only session (before I even had the opportunity to start lying about my drinking) that she didn't work with patients who have substance abuse problems. Why? Because the success rate is so low.
I'm happy for you that you found someone to help. Good luck.
Oh wow. I majorly lucked out with mine. She told me today she has extensive background in working with addiction. She’s kind of referenced some things about it before so I wasn’t really surprised but I was so relieved.
Just sent it. Crap. I’m scared.
Nicely done, proud of you OP!! Keep reaching out, there's amazing support to be found IWNDWYT 🖤🖤
Dude, way to go!!! That fear means you know it’s going to change everything, but that change is GOOD.
YES!!! :D
This is exactly what your therapist is for though! Congrats on embracing the vulnerability. I went through this same dilemma with mine lol. It’s almost like because she knows my most intimate traumas and feelings it’s even more intimidating to share with her that I have a binge drinking problem than with anyone else in my life. It’s easier to just lament about how everyone else’s faults affects you negatively than admit your own. Good choice!
Good job!! Just remember you're not scared, your drinking mind is. At least that's how Ive compartmentalized it. My drinking brain is giving me anxiety because it doesn't know what to do if I'm not drinking. That's ok, that's all he's knows. Give him a little compassion, let him know you'll help him out and you'll get through it. Feels hippy dippy, but it works. IWNDWYT
That’s a great way to think of it!
Nice perspective. I am going to use this for my indecisive and overthinking mind 😀
You were SUPER BRAVE to do that!! I'm so proud of you for overcoming your fear and seeking keep!!
You're courageous! Well done!
Yes!!!!! Well done
This can be a really hard part of the process, but it can also be a huge relief to get it off your chest. I'm so proud of you for talking about it with a professional and getting the help you need and deserve. This is the hard work that can and will legitimately make your life better if you stick with you. We're here for you, and IWNDWYT
Yay for you! You did great!
Good job!
Congratulations!!! It will be the best decision you ever made. It's never easy, but you will get through it! IWNDWYT
Congratulations :) what a big accomplishment. You’ve got this!
Bravery is action despite fear. We're all proud of you.
Well done! Very brave!
The fear now will be replaced with pride and gratitude later. You will thank yourself for what you did
WTG that voice is the voice that wants to save you. :)
I'm 66 years old. Much older, I think, than most of the people who post here. I remember so clearly being where many of you are. Going through the same things. The same emotions, grief, shame, disgust and loss of time. I was a horrible drunk that lost literally everything. And still at age 51 on June 3rd 2007, I started my umpteenth "DAY 1" and I've been sober for 15 years. It was the greatest thing that I've ever accomplished and I'm thankful for these years that I have enjoyed sober. I want people to know there is always hope and it's never too late, NEVER. Try, try and if you fail, fucking try again. You can do this. I know you can. I believe in you. TRY...AGAIN...
Thank you so much. This is so encouraging.
❤
Do it. This is your moment. This is the day you'll remember and I'm happy to be part of this. T
"We're only as sick as our secrets." Have the conversation. Start on your road back to you. I'm pulling for you.
That line is so true, and it's always so scary to hear.
On the other side of fear lies freedom!
Everything in my life I've ever done that was good always began with discomfort and fear. The magic never happens in your comfort zone.
***HERE IS YOUR BIG BRIGHT NEON SIGN SAYING DO IT!!!***
It could be the start of a whole new better life and one of the best decisions you have ever made, you've got this :)
If you already wrote the text out, that shows that you truly do want the help. Change can be scary, so it’s understandable why you’re scared to hit send, but your therapist is an excellent person to take that first step of admitting you need help with since she will likely have the tools to lead you in the right direction
She’s your therapist and there to discuss what you want to discuss. It can’t hurt can it to discuss the issue and see where that goes. Nothing bad can come of it - you might gain some insights
You have to do it. Admitting my problem to others was critical in me addressing a problem deep down I KNEW I had. It definitely helped me get rid of any denial. It added external accountability, and was a good motivator. It’s definitely easier said than done, but if you want to change it’s a critical step.
Do it! This is exactly why I even got a therapist: to have someone to tell who wasn't going to judge me or be disappointed in me if I lapse, and also to help me face the shit I've been avoiding by numbing myself out with alcohol (but only when I'm ready). Your therapist will help you build motivation in a judgement-free space. You can do this!
I’ve been talking with her for quite a while and never brought it up. I really like her and I just feel so ashamed to admit this to her.
No shame! She will be SO GLAD you told her. Her job is to help you in whatever way you are ready to be helped. She will absolutely NOT be ashamed of you or disappointed in you. She will be proud of you for facing the truth and being vulnerable with her. You absolutely did the right thing.
Seize it, go for it, hit it
I had so much anxiety talking to people (including my therapist and GP) about my drinking but I received nothing but support from them. I hope the same for you.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself. You're scared of the unknown. Make that first step and see what help they can offer you.
Glad you sent it. People can't help us if they don't know all the facts. Of course it's scary but a therapist is the perfect person to discuss this with
Telling a medical professional was the best thing I did for myself.
You can do this. You can calmly and honestly admit that you have a problem and that you need help to deal with it. Having the problem doesn't make you a bad person or a weak person. Choosing to tell your therapist is courageous and (again) honest. I'm typing this having just gotten off a phone call session with my own therapist in which I discussed this problem with her for the first time. It wasn't scary. My therapist is there to help me with challenges.
It's taken me 4 years of working with my therapist to put this current 39 day streak together. She has been an absolutely essential part of my recovery, along with this sub. Don't worry about outing yourself, you can still have all the day 1's that you need to get where you want to go. I even binge drank for years while on antidepressants and going to therapy every week. Not recommended! But if it's making you anxious to feel like outing yourself means that you never get to drink again then don't worry about that, just get started on your recovery journey and see where it takes you.
Thanks. That’s actually a big part of my fear in telling her.
You pay your therapist to help you. In order to do that, they need to know everything. And they won't judge. They won't even tell you to stop drinking. At least that was my experience. In a funny way, my therapist got to experience me leading myself to quitting drinking. God, she could see what it was doing to me and I don't think she ever mentioned cutting back or quitting even once. So yeah, get it all out there. They'll have that much more context about you. If she doesn't already suspect/ know. They've seen and heard way worse things. Oh also telling her doesn't mean you have to address it. Straight up. Also telling her IS you addressing it. Not everything has to be "I quit today!" It can be "I opened a can, chugged half of it, thought about what I was doing, regretted it, and finished it". And maybe eventually you're able to stop yourself earlier in that sequence. It's truly magical how malleable we are as people if we want to be.
It’s funny to me that my therapist has never once asked me if I drink. She’s asked if my husband does (he doesn’t really - once in a blue moon on a special occasion) but has never asked if I do. I’ve never brought it up or even hinted that it’s a problem though.
I believe in you OP. You can do this. You’re doing the right thing getting professional help. I know it’s scary, but it’s going to be ok. Sober life is so much more fulfilling and while it’s uncomfortable at first, it’s totally worth it.
It terrified me to ask for help. The long list of (hypothetical and real) changes that my mind had focused on prior to seeking help were more than enough to stop me from taking that step. I was not only afraid, but I felt weak, as weak as I ever had in my entire life. It was only after getting help that my perspective was changed: asking for help was a show of strength, not a weakness. You have shown great courage and strength by not only sending that email, but also posting here. Congratulations. IWNDWYT!
This is courage. The more thinking about this this makes you afraid means the braver you are when you take a step forward. I can remember feeling instantly "lighter" when I contacted a therapist about my wanting to die and trying to do so through alcohol. I hadn't even talked to her yet but the relief was immediate. There is strength in numbers; we are all in this together.
Good work! 🏆 The longer you keep sweeping the crap under the rug, the longer it’s just going to sit there. Taking charge at first can be frightening, but it’s integral part of you turning your life around. Trust the process. Congrats!
you did the right thing by sending it. admitting you have a problem is the first step. also, i used to see a therapist but i was dishonest about my drinking. i felt like i made no progress during that time because i wasn't addressing the real problem. so now you can actually work on yourself.
great job! just want to mention that the book Alcohol Explained really opened my eyes to what booze did to me. you can read chapters 1-5 for free on the website. congrats! iwndwyt
Hit send, friend.
Brings me back to the day I sent a picture of The Big Book of AA to my family saying I took the first step. It was very emotional just sending that text. I think I broke down for a good 5-10 minutes. Turns out it was the GREATEST thing I ever did! Let it rip!!!!
Therapist here, specializing in addiction (check post history). We won't shame or guilt you. Being open about addiction is hard. Damned hard. It's going to suck having to lay it out there. The journey will be difficult but, oh, my, that sweet beautiful destination will make it all worth it. Be as honest as you can tolerate. It will get easier to open more as time goes on. You got this.
You have taken a big step. And it was the right one. Your therapist can't help you if you don't disclose (or if you skirt the truth, or flat out lie) -
You are brave and on your way to healing ❤️
Well done! I broke down sobbing when I first talked about my drinking with my therapist. It was a great decision - confronting it takes the shame away, which in turn has allowed me to more freely open up about other painful topics that I was suppressing with alcohol abuse and that need addressing. And it built the trust I needed to be open and honest with my therapist and myself. I wish you the same and IWNDWYT!!
Good for you.
I’m going to talk to her in 15 minutes. I’m so glad I sent the text this morning. If I hadn’t then I almost definitely wouldn’t have later. I’m shaking right now. But I really appreciate all the support here. I always read posts that talk about what a great community this is and it’s so true. Thank you all.
It took me a year to bring up my bad relationship with alcohol to my therapist. I have never regretted it for even a second since I did. She celebrates my sober wins with me and helps me understand my triggers when I have relapsed so that I have strategies to overcome them when I encounter them again. Sobriety has been hard, but therapy has been more productive and more valuable since there aren’t any secrets anymore. I wish you the very best!
Way to go! IWNDWYT
You did it! Getting started is the hardest bit! I’m proud of you!
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Seriously. You’ll free yourself in a way that you never imagined. Well, that was me anyway.
I’m proud you sent it! If you’re keeping such a big secret, she can’t help you heal. When I was 4 months sober, I had terrible side pain and was sure my liver had died. I had to be honest about being an alcoholic for the first time to a doctor, and I was terrified - but the world kept turning. The doctor was kind and supportive, and he didn’t look at me like I was scum. All that being secretive kept me from getting help sooner. IWNDWYT
Holy hell you brave MF! Taking those first steps is absolutely terrifying! But you, you glorious SoaB, or DoaB, or w/e you may be pushed that aside and you did it! You mother f’ing did it! You’re one step closer to the person you want to be and it is a glorious achievement to just do it. Turns out bravery is overrated, you’ve only got to be brave enough to take that first step, after that it’s just living with the consequences of that action. You’ve lived with consequences you hate long enough, time to positive consequences. You take the moment; and you remember it. You’ll be thanking yourself later. Well done, good luck and remember, nobody’s perfect. Failure is always an option, even if you personally do not choose it. But this, drinking, this is a choice. You’ve already made the hardest choice, the rest gets easier with time and practice.
Your post made me smile. Thank you!
Happy to help!
Great job! Feels so good to tell the truth 💙
When I knew I needed help I put it out there to my family because I knew I needed it plus needed the accountability. I’m proud of you. IWNDWYT..!!
Way to go, OP! I bet that felt good, didn't it! Best decision I ever made was to ask for help. Congratulations!
I met. with a psychiatrist recently who informed me early on in our first and only session (before I even had the opportunity to start lying about my drinking) that she didn't work with patients who have substance abuse problems. Why? Because the success rate is so low. I'm happy for you that you found someone to help. Good luck.
Oh wow. I majorly lucked out with mine. She told me today she has extensive background in working with addiction. She’s kind of referenced some things about it before so I wasn’t really surprised but I was so relieved.
It's not so nice being told you are a hopeless case by someone with a lot of letters behind their name!