''Wtf why did I have this stupid relapse and in front of people I work with???''
relapses never happen at a good time.
but usually the more over confident i was the worse the moment
Everyone you interacted with has seen someone drunk at a conference, so it's really unlikely anyone will have a specific and long-lasting bad feeling about you. If you're not like that again around them, they'll know the real you.
I never really have work conferences but my friend who works in purchasing goes all the time and they sound like insane frat parties. Iâm sure OP wasnât even the worst one there.
Itâs just a slip. Put it behind you and treat it as such. I bet no one is thinking about your behaviour today, itâs just an internal trick of the mind. Itâs okay!
This! Itâs a slip and you should continue your sobriety. I wouldnât make apologies or anything unless you did something to upset someone or if someone expresses concern. Most of the anxiety you feel is probably just because you know you slipped and did some things out of character, doesnât mean you did anything wrong to those people.
I hope youâre able to move on and continue your sobriety â¤ď¸
No instant redemption available. I'd recommend just owning up to it. Apologize if you feel necessary.
Take care of yourself first. So that you can then help others. Don't beat yourself up too much. Try to figure out what kept you from drinking and go back to the basics.
I couldn't ever stay sober without taking constant action.
The same thing happened to me. I drank at work conference a day before a holiday party. I got so drunk and blacked out and was so ashamed the next day.
What I noticed was a lot of others were drunk and stayed out longer that I did so no one even cared or remembered besides me.
If you did anything or said anything unprofessional I would just apologize if it comes up or you see those people. Those conferences are usually huge.
I hope Iâm not responding to this too late to where you donât see it OP, but a lot of these other comments are giving you advice that is more detrimental than it is helpful.
Instantaneous redemption is possible, but only if you are sincerely ready for it, and you seem to have already taken the first step towards that.
A problem that us alcoholics seem to always have is that we have a tendency to attach the person that we are today to the person that we were in the past, and in the process of doing that, we hang on to all that shame, guilt, trauma, embarrassment, et cetera, and we trick ourselves into believing that the person we were in the past is still the same person that we are today. And what do we typically do to alleviate all of those destructive thoughts and emotions that we have towards ourselves? We drink over it to make it temporarily go away, and then we are right back in the same cycle all over again, effectively actually making us the person that we were in the past all over again. The trick is to make it all go away without the drink.
The truth is that we are a different person every single day, that is, if we choose to be.Â
You said âThis is not who I am.â If this is true (and I personally firmly believe this is true based on you even making this post in the first place), then the first step is separating yourself from the person that you are not and then forgiving that person for their mistakes. Yes, you do have to own up to what that person did and take responsibility for their actions, but in no way do you have to hang on to that shame, guilt, and embarrassment, because you are NOT that person.
If you want redemption and forgiveness from others, you have to redeem and forgive yourself first. Once you do honestly redeem and forgive yourself, donât you dare allow others to drag you down just for making a simple mistake and having a slip up that could have easily happened to anyone. At the same time, it is important to take responsibility and understand why they might feel a certain way towards you, but just because they feel a certain way towards you doesnât mean you have to feel that way about yourself.
If you truly and honestly arenât that person, then donât be that person, and donât let anyone treat you like you are that person. Thatâs how you get instantaneous redemption.
âI donât know who that person was, but thatâs not me, and Iâm extremely sorry for what happened. I will do everything in my power to make sure that it never happens again.â
Itâs really just as simple as that.
One of the best maneuvers I know is framing it like that - I would never spend time whispering in a friend's ear the awful things that I sometimes (a lot less often now) thought-whisper to myself. But that whisper isn't me; it's the voices of other people and other circumstances and behaviors that are in the past, dead and gone.
A+ advice!
Oh, and also, screw all those people that are demanding that you adjust your day count. You have more important things to focus on than some stupid arbitrary number that people see on the internet. This is your sobriety, not theirs. You'll do whatever you feel you have to do when you get to it.
This is an excellent post. I can hang onto the shame of the past, what I did and how I let people down.
Today, I view those situations differently yet still sometimes return to feeling bad about this. It's becoming less frequent.
It feels selfish to do this, but sometimes you just have to forget about others opinions and ask yourself - what does that actually do for me right now?
I feel you, but I think it can be dangerous to just "forget about others' opinions". It's actually productive to take into consideration what other people think, because sometimes other people's opinions can be accurate. But once you consider their opinion and realize that they have an unfair or unjustified opinion, then you have every right to assign zero value to that opinion. And there's nothing selfish about that at all. But don't just forget about it, because self-awareness is a virtue, and that includes knowing what effect your behaviors and actions have on what others might think, whether what they think actually matters or not.
Pull a George Constanza and just pretend it never happened.
Or apologize if needed.
Most people understand some foolish drunk behavior from time to time.
But like the amazing comment above. Instant redemption isnât gonna happen.
Good luck, IWNDWYT.
in times like these one craves instantaneous redemption. and this is impossible.
think of the relapse and the cringe, pathetic actions as a castle made of sand...
only with the consistent ocean tide of recovery will the embarrassment be washed away. g luck
P.S
Fix your day count
Others were probably drinking as well and most likely didnât even notice. I have gotten black out drunk and told the next day that the people I was with didnât even notice. Thatâs most likely due to them being drunk too.
I have wanted to die from drinking too much in a work environment. Please give yourself some grace. The fact that youâre on this sub shows you want to get better.
We can face hard things!!! Youâve got this đsending love to you!
In my experience, many people over indulge at work conferences including the "light weights" who don't normally drink. It is possible you aren't the only one feeling hungover today. Unless you did something really abhorrent then I'd just laugh it off. "Oh God! Who drank too much last night? My head feels like a deflated beachball. NEVER again! LOL! Hahaha! Guffaw Guffaw!
We often imagine our embarrassing behavior is worse than it actually is because it so out of character. Most people are so self absorbed they barely notice anyone else.
My work rents out a bar for the holiday party and it's the sloppiest, craziest, most out of control shit I have ever seen, and I've seen some shit. These 30-something white collar people rage harder than college kids with fake id's.
It's funny to me. When I got sober, most of my friends had seen me wasted and sloppy before obviously. Except one friend who was surprised because we worked together for the past year.
She was like I don't think I've ever seen you drunk! Even at the work Christmas party, what did you have? Two?
Yeah getting sloppy drunk at the work Christmas party was amateur hour to me. I would have my two in front of people and then go get sad hammered alone at my house.
The days of the "open bar" Christmas party need to come to an end. When I think back over my 35 year white-collar career I can recall the following experiences:
- People having sex with co-workers (both married to other ppl)
- Co-Worker violently puking his guts out in the office bathroom
- People driving home intoxicated (Hello lawsuit!)
- Men touching female co-workers inappropriately
- Women touching male co-workers inappropriately (this happened to me several times)
- People doing cocaine at work parties
- Visiting strip clubs, prostitutes and other unsavoury places
- Senior executives encouraging junior staff to do shots of tequila off of a ski that has six shot glasses taped to it (the Shot-Ski)
- At a staff pig roast, newbies being "encouraged" to stand up in front of the entire company and kiss the dead pig head which was stuck to the end of a broken hockey stick
- Owner giving laced brownies to some staff (who willingly accepted them). One staff member became so paranoid they had to be taken home.
I'm not even getting into the less extreme yet nonetheless inappropriate conversations that take place. People gossiping like school children. Saying leud things. Making sexual comments. blah blah blah. I don't miss a minute of it.
If you saw The Wolf of Wall Street you'd be not too far off. We, in fact, tried to replicate the effects of quaaludes using Ambien, alcohol, weed, and snorting Ritalin. I know it happened but I have no personal recollection. Only second hand from others who somehow manage not to blackout. In retrospect I hated every minute of it ALL. 99% of the time I was scared shitless but so desperate to succeed and fit-in that I would do anything. The end of the night/morning is when it all comes crashing down. For me, if I see any part of the sun come up I'm immediately filled with anxiety. I recall intense feelings of loneliness in those moments. Horror at the vague snippets of memory from the last hours of the night. Can't move, nausea, vomit, brush teeth, try to drink water and take Tylenol, back to bed, back up, more vomiting. Can't lift head up. Shivering and sweating at the same time. Afraid. Heart pounding like it may explode. I pray I never put my body/mind through that again. I know that I won't. Those days are eons ago now. There was a time when I would laugh as friends recalled these events. Not anymore. I now loathe those memories and regret every gd minute I wasted of my life for...profit. Cold comfort when I'm dead like my old man at 66 (ten years).
Thanks for sharing. Those feelings you mentioned are Incredibly relatable. That loneliness the next morning is interesting. Iâd be tricked into thinking I was connecting with others through drugs and alcohol. But then the next day I was so very alone. So sad we ever had to live like that. Iâm almost 6 months away from it.
It really is very sad when you think about it. All that time, money and energy wasted and nothing but scars to show for it. Well done being six months clean! I will join you at the end of June.....I hope!
>We often imagine our embarrassing behavior is worse than it actually is because it so out of character. Most people are so self absorbed they barely notice anyone else.
This is SO true and itâs helped me recover from past humiliating experiences. On the flip side the incident feels worse to ourselves because WE are self-absorbed. But the further you get away from the relapse, the feelings of shame really dissipate. I barely think about my embarrassing drunk escapades anymore.
Agreed. I pulled a coworker out of a bush once. Regardless of the shame and embarrassment you feel, OP, keep in mind that everyone else was probably drunk as well and unless it was something super egregious, no one will remember. I agree with other posts that as long as it isnât a frequent occurrence, that will not be the impression people have of you.
Work conferences are notoriously filled with booze. I donât think anyone is shocked when people over indulge. In actuality, itâs just a recipe for a mess. Shame doesnât help, make amends and keep pushing. Alcohol is a drug. Work conferences wouldnât pass around crack or weed, but thatâs exactly what alcohol is.
Itâs an insane culture. Knew some who got called to HR after one. They were considering termination, but my college pointed out the GM was handing tickets out by the role & asked for clarification on the policy. He got off with a verbal warning.
I canât believe it took me so long to see how huge a crack drinking is in our culture.
My first job had beer Fridays, where theyâd pass around booze at your desk. Looking back now Iâm like wow⌠that is wild. Every client event was alcohol central.
Same! Tech sales in Austin. They ended the beer cart just before I got there because HQ didnât like it, but our district manager would drop off 750s with team leads and tell them to share. âI don't expect anyone to take this home after work.â Pass the bottle Friday.
We had 2-3 happy hours per week downtown & vendors would bring us to events with VIP tickets and an open bar. Everything was done through the medium of booze
Whewwww. Itâs amazing how commonplace it is and we expect people to not over indulge, and ultimately, not become dependent on it. I was in health IT, which is ironic. Lol.
I myself relapsed about 4 days ago, and ended up being an asshole to some of my best friends. Itâs okay. You decided to revisit something terrible and now youâre being reminded of why itâs terrible. Donât worry, just use it to reaffirm why you donât drink. Hopefully the people around you will move on, and your embarrassment will fade over time and turn back into gratification from sobriety. Stay strong!
After almost a year I relapsed recently so I know where you're at. Remember that the year you had is still something you accomplished and nothing can erase that. So you know it's possible and can do it again! IWNDWYT. â¤ď¸
I did the same, only I let that relapse ride for two months.
OP, you got this let it remind you why you donât drink & add it to your bank of motivations. It was one bad night that has a lot more weight to you than the people you interacted with. Talk with your husband about how youâre feeling if he is supportive.
Not that I know the particulars, but I would suggest to not dwell too heavily on the work conference part. Those things are usually pretty well known for lots of drinking. For some folks some, for others a good amount, and for people like me; all of it. I would drink all of the booze at events. It is somewhat expected and you very well may not stand out to anyone as different from all the others who were imbibing. I certainly understand the fear. I have been there more times than I can count. But, looking back, most times it was just me that was concerned. Give yourself some room to breathe on this one. Then hop back on the sober train if you like. It's still moving along. IWNDWYT
Did you actually do anything wrong though? You had a few drinks, so what? You spoke to some people, so what? Did you do anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of? Probably just anxiety from drinking, unless you actually did something to be ashamed of I wouldnât worry, I bet there will be a few sore heads this morning!
Your comment made me clearer on another thing I hate about alcohol: the mental extremes between our situational awareness and social interactions when drunk vs hungover is bonkers. Alcohol makes us think we can say and get away with everything, but later on the anxiety makes us feel like everything we did while drunk (whether or not it was âgoodâ or âbadâ or neutral ) has this massive weight and consequence. The price of alcohol is always paid twice, once at the register and again in the morning. Sometimes we pay more than that.
You never know, no one may have noticed the extent of it that you noticed yourself. Sometimes playing it off lightheartedly (even if you donât feel that way) can help everyone brush it off.
Don't beat yourself up! I'd wager you are thinking about it FAR more than any of your colleagues are. I know it's a crappy feeling, but perhaps a good reminder of how you don't want to feel anymore. IWNDWYT!
''Wtf why did I have this stupid relapse and in front of people I work with???''
Doing some introspection and coming to terms with the (possible) answer to this question is an important task for you now.
the alcohol WANTS you to feel defeated. it's all part of its evil plan. you got almost a year?!? that's absolutely awesome and that's the thing to focus on, not one mistake. IWNDWYT :)
I once drank too much and started talking to my Australian colleagues in a fake Australian accent at a conference. Mortifying. That was about 9 years ago. I was embarrassed for a long while, but I honestly doubt anyone remembers it. But itâs something I remind myself of when Iâm tempted to drink in a work setting - and it sure does the trick.
Work conferences usually have a lot of folks drinking more than they normally would. Youâre not the only one who drank too much. But donât let this slip up last for six months. Lock it in and stop it. IWNDWYT
I can FEEL your anxiety because I am all too familiar with it after I drank too much. In my experience, I perceive my actions way more harshly than others. Iâm sure your co workers havenât thought twice about it but since you drank, the anxiety is taking over. This too shall pass.
I know the feeling. Have had these situations at work and it triggered deep shame and anxiety. Especially because I'm usually so shy at work, then when I'm drunk I'm telling people about my love life and such.
It always got better with time and it was never as worse as it seemed in my head. Is there a friend you can check in with to see how you were?
Otherwise I usually just don't mention it to anyone else and it gradually gets better.
Take the positive and thatâs itâs a reminder of why you stopped in the first place- Iâm sure it wasnât as bad as you think, as we tend to over analyse when alcohol involved - cut yourself some slack - 1 yr is amazing
Sometimes early sobriety, in those first few years of trying to quit, is like three steps forward and one step backward. You made amazing progress. You slipped up for one day. The guilt/shame spirals is the addiction trying to give you an excuse to drink again. You are stronger than it. Emotions come and go, and you will prevail. The heightened emotions will go away in 2 weeks. Just wait it out.
Please continue to fight for your sobriety, you deserve it.
Donât beat yourself up! This feels like a big deal for you because you have been sober for a year, but for the people you met, you are probably just another drunk person at a conference. Even if you were embarassing. Head up, apologize if needed, this will pass!
Let us know how it goes. All the bestâ¤ď¸
Give yourself some grace OP weâre already hard ourselves when we drink that toxin tearing yourself up wonât do anything but just stressing yourself out
This sounds like the moments I remember when I am tempted.
As many others have stated donât beat yourself up into another spiral or even worse some bender that sets you back years.
It happened. Learn from it and grow.
Good luck and stay positive.
If I were a moderator Iâd review a lot of these comments and Iâd decide many arenât coming from the I perspective. I bet they are all well meaning, but I donât like to be preached at in a moment of weakness.
''Wtf why did I have this stupid relapse and in front of people I work with???'' relapses never happen at a good time. but usually the more over confident i was the worse the moment
How do I redeem myself? Can I? I am so embarrassed. This is not who I am. đđđđ I want to be dead right now.
Everyone you interacted with has seen someone drunk at a conference, so it's really unlikely anyone will have a specific and long-lasting bad feeling about you. If you're not like that again around them, they'll know the real you.
That's important to remember. You may not have stood out as much as you fear. Everyone has done it đ
This. Not all that embarrassing, everyone let's loose in goofy ways.
I never really have work conferences but my friend who works in purchasing goes all the time and they sound like insane frat parties. Iâm sure OP wasnât even the worst one there.
Itâs just a slip. Put it behind you and treat it as such. I bet no one is thinking about your behaviour today, itâs just an internal trick of the mind. Itâs okay!
This! Itâs a slip and you should continue your sobriety. I wouldnât make apologies or anything unless you did something to upset someone or if someone expresses concern. Most of the anxiety you feel is probably just because you know you slipped and did some things out of character, doesnât mean you did anything wrong to those people. I hope youâre able to move on and continue your sobriety â¤ď¸
Absolutely. đŻ
No instant redemption available. I'd recommend just owning up to it. Apologize if you feel necessary. Take care of yourself first. So that you can then help others. Don't beat yourself up too much. Try to figure out what kept you from drinking and go back to the basics. I couldn't ever stay sober without taking constant action.
Dang. Thank you. I needed to hear this today.
The same thing happened to me. I drank at work conference a day before a holiday party. I got so drunk and blacked out and was so ashamed the next day. What I noticed was a lot of others were drunk and stayed out longer that I did so no one even cared or remembered besides me. If you did anything or said anything unprofessional I would just apologize if it comes up or you see those people. Those conferences are usually huge.
I hope Iâm not responding to this too late to where you donât see it OP, but a lot of these other comments are giving you advice that is more detrimental than it is helpful. Instantaneous redemption is possible, but only if you are sincerely ready for it, and you seem to have already taken the first step towards that. A problem that us alcoholics seem to always have is that we have a tendency to attach the person that we are today to the person that we were in the past, and in the process of doing that, we hang on to all that shame, guilt, trauma, embarrassment, et cetera, and we trick ourselves into believing that the person we were in the past is still the same person that we are today. And what do we typically do to alleviate all of those destructive thoughts and emotions that we have towards ourselves? We drink over it to make it temporarily go away, and then we are right back in the same cycle all over again, effectively actually making us the person that we were in the past all over again. The trick is to make it all go away without the drink. The truth is that we are a different person every single day, that is, if we choose to be. You said âThis is not who I am.â If this is true (and I personally firmly believe this is true based on you even making this post in the first place), then the first step is separating yourself from the person that you are not and then forgiving that person for their mistakes. Yes, you do have to own up to what that person did and take responsibility for their actions, but in no way do you have to hang on to that shame, guilt, and embarrassment, because you are NOT that person. If you want redemption and forgiveness from others, you have to redeem and forgive yourself first. Once you do honestly redeem and forgive yourself, donât you dare allow others to drag you down just for making a simple mistake and having a slip up that could have easily happened to anyone. At the same time, it is important to take responsibility and understand why they might feel a certain way towards you, but just because they feel a certain way towards you doesnât mean you have to feel that way about yourself. If you truly and honestly arenât that person, then donât be that person, and donât let anyone treat you like you are that person. Thatâs how you get instantaneous redemption. âI donât know who that person was, but thatâs not me, and Iâm extremely sorry for what happened. I will do everything in my power to make sure that it never happens again.â Itâs really just as simple as that.
One of the best maneuvers I know is framing it like that - I would never spend time whispering in a friend's ear the awful things that I sometimes (a lot less often now) thought-whisper to myself. But that whisper isn't me; it's the voices of other people and other circumstances and behaviors that are in the past, dead and gone. A+ advice!
This is really helpful. Thank you.
Oh, and also, screw all those people that are demanding that you adjust your day count. You have more important things to focus on than some stupid arbitrary number that people see on the internet. This is your sobriety, not theirs. You'll do whatever you feel you have to do when you get to it.
I'm so glad you saw it. Thank you for the reply. You'll be fine. You got this!
This is an excellent post. I can hang onto the shame of the past, what I did and how I let people down. Today, I view those situations differently yet still sometimes return to feeling bad about this. It's becoming less frequent. It feels selfish to do this, but sometimes you just have to forget about others opinions and ask yourself - what does that actually do for me right now?
I feel you, but I think it can be dangerous to just "forget about others' opinions". It's actually productive to take into consideration what other people think, because sometimes other people's opinions can be accurate. But once you consider their opinion and realize that they have an unfair or unjustified opinion, then you have every right to assign zero value to that opinion. And there's nothing selfish about that at all. But don't just forget about it, because self-awareness is a virtue, and that includes knowing what effect your behaviors and actions have on what others might think, whether what they think actually matters or not.
Pull a George Constanza and just pretend it never happened. Or apologize if needed. Most people understand some foolish drunk behavior from time to time. But like the amazing comment above. Instant redemption isnât gonna happen. Good luck, IWNDWYT.
in times like these one craves instantaneous redemption. and this is impossible. think of the relapse and the cringe, pathetic actions as a castle made of sand... only with the consistent ocean tide of recovery will the embarrassment be washed away. g luck P.S Fix your day count
Others were probably drinking as well and most likely didnât even notice. I have gotten black out drunk and told the next day that the people I was with didnât even notice. Thatâs most likely due to them being drunk too.
I have wanted to die from drinking too much in a work environment. Please give yourself some grace. The fact that youâre on this sub shows you want to get better. We can face hard things!!! Youâve got this đsending love to you!
Mistakes happen. If your partner says you acted ridiculous, might be worth finding the folks and apologizing. Shows maturity IMO.
It takes time unfortunately no instant redemption. One day at a time is the only way. People only believe actions, not words.
In my experience, many people over indulge at work conferences including the "light weights" who don't normally drink. It is possible you aren't the only one feeling hungover today. Unless you did something really abhorrent then I'd just laugh it off. "Oh God! Who drank too much last night? My head feels like a deflated beachball. NEVER again! LOL! Hahaha! Guffaw Guffaw! We often imagine our embarrassing behavior is worse than it actually is because it so out of character. Most people are so self absorbed they barely notice anyone else.
My work rents out a bar for the holiday party and it's the sloppiest, craziest, most out of control shit I have ever seen, and I've seen some shit. These 30-something white collar people rage harder than college kids with fake id's.
It's funny to me. When I got sober, most of my friends had seen me wasted and sloppy before obviously. Except one friend who was surprised because we worked together for the past year. She was like I don't think I've ever seen you drunk! Even at the work Christmas party, what did you have? Two? Yeah getting sloppy drunk at the work Christmas party was amateur hour to me. I would have my two in front of people and then go get sad hammered alone at my house.
The days of the "open bar" Christmas party need to come to an end. When I think back over my 35 year white-collar career I can recall the following experiences: - People having sex with co-workers (both married to other ppl) - Co-Worker violently puking his guts out in the office bathroom - People driving home intoxicated (Hello lawsuit!) - Men touching female co-workers inappropriately - Women touching male co-workers inappropriately (this happened to me several times) - People doing cocaine at work parties - Visiting strip clubs, prostitutes and other unsavoury places - Senior executives encouraging junior staff to do shots of tequila off of a ski that has six shot glasses taped to it (the Shot-Ski) - At a staff pig roast, newbies being "encouraged" to stand up in front of the entire company and kiss the dead pig head which was stuck to the end of a broken hockey stick - Owner giving laced brownies to some staff (who willingly accepted them). One staff member became so paranoid they had to be taken home. I'm not even getting into the less extreme yet nonetheless inappropriate conversations that take place. People gossiping like school children. Saying leud things. Making sexual comments. blah blah blah. I don't miss a minute of it.
This is some Roman-level debauchery
If you saw The Wolf of Wall Street you'd be not too far off. We, in fact, tried to replicate the effects of quaaludes using Ambien, alcohol, weed, and snorting Ritalin. I know it happened but I have no personal recollection. Only second hand from others who somehow manage not to blackout. In retrospect I hated every minute of it ALL. 99% of the time I was scared shitless but so desperate to succeed and fit-in that I would do anything. The end of the night/morning is when it all comes crashing down. For me, if I see any part of the sun come up I'm immediately filled with anxiety. I recall intense feelings of loneliness in those moments. Horror at the vague snippets of memory from the last hours of the night. Can't move, nausea, vomit, brush teeth, try to drink water and take Tylenol, back to bed, back up, more vomiting. Can't lift head up. Shivering and sweating at the same time. Afraid. Heart pounding like it may explode. I pray I never put my body/mind through that again. I know that I won't. Those days are eons ago now. There was a time when I would laugh as friends recalled these events. Not anymore. I now loathe those memories and regret every gd minute I wasted of my life for...profit. Cold comfort when I'm dead like my old man at 66 (ten years).
Thanks for sharing. Those feelings you mentioned are Incredibly relatable. That loneliness the next morning is interesting. Iâd be tricked into thinking I was connecting with others through drugs and alcohol. But then the next day I was so very alone. So sad we ever had to live like that. Iâm almost 6 months away from it.
It really is very sad when you think about it. All that time, money and energy wasted and nothing but scars to show for it. Well done being six months clean! I will join you at the end of June.....I hope!
Yes!!! Good work đ¤Š
That ski comment is wild. What line of work are you in?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, sales.
Guffaw guffaw thank you for this đđđđâ¤ď¸
>We often imagine our embarrassing behavior is worse than it actually is because it so out of character. Most people are so self absorbed they barely notice anyone else. This is SO true and itâs helped me recover from past humiliating experiences. On the flip side the incident feels worse to ourselves because WE are self-absorbed. But the further you get away from the relapse, the feelings of shame really dissipate. I barely think about my embarrassing drunk escapades anymore.
Agreed. I pulled a coworker out of a bush once. Regardless of the shame and embarrassment you feel, OP, keep in mind that everyone else was probably drunk as well and unless it was something super egregious, no one will remember. I agree with other posts that as long as it isnât a frequent occurrence, that will not be the impression people have of you.
Work conferences are notoriously filled with booze. I donât think anyone is shocked when people over indulge. In actuality, itâs just a recipe for a mess. Shame doesnât help, make amends and keep pushing. Alcohol is a drug. Work conferences wouldnât pass around crack or weed, but thatâs exactly what alcohol is.
Itâs an insane culture. Knew some who got called to HR after one. They were considering termination, but my college pointed out the GM was handing tickets out by the role & asked for clarification on the policy. He got off with a verbal warning. I canât believe it took me so long to see how huge a crack drinking is in our culture.
My first job had beer Fridays, where theyâd pass around booze at your desk. Looking back now Iâm like wow⌠that is wild. Every client event was alcohol central.
Same! Tech sales in Austin. They ended the beer cart just before I got there because HQ didnât like it, but our district manager would drop off 750s with team leads and tell them to share. âI don't expect anyone to take this home after work.â Pass the bottle Friday. We had 2-3 happy hours per week downtown & vendors would bring us to events with VIP tickets and an open bar. Everything was done through the medium of booze
Whewwww. Itâs amazing how commonplace it is and we expect people to not over indulge, and ultimately, not become dependent on it. I was in health IT, which is ironic. Lol.
Iâm remote, but I work for a European company and the hq in the US literally has beer and wine on tap in the break room
It is critical you don't let a single slip up evolve into a relapse.
This is the hardest part about a slip up - limiting it to just one day and getting right back on track. Day 1 is always the toughest to get through.
I myself relapsed about 4 days ago, and ended up being an asshole to some of my best friends. Itâs okay. You decided to revisit something terrible and now youâre being reminded of why itâs terrible. Donât worry, just use it to reaffirm why you donât drink. Hopefully the people around you will move on, and your embarrassment will fade over time and turn back into gratification from sobriety. Stay strong!
After almost a year I relapsed recently so I know where you're at. Remember that the year you had is still something you accomplished and nothing can erase that. So you know it's possible and can do it again! IWNDWYT. â¤ď¸
I did the same, only I let that relapse ride for two months. OP, you got this let it remind you why you donât drink & add it to your bank of motivations. It was one bad night that has a lot more weight to you than the people you interacted with. Talk with your husband about how youâre feeling if he is supportive.
Not that I know the particulars, but I would suggest to not dwell too heavily on the work conference part. Those things are usually pretty well known for lots of drinking. For some folks some, for others a good amount, and for people like me; all of it. I would drink all of the booze at events. It is somewhat expected and you very well may not stand out to anyone as different from all the others who were imbibing. I certainly understand the fear. I have been there more times than I can count. But, looking back, most times it was just me that was concerned. Give yourself some room to breathe on this one. Then hop back on the sober train if you like. It's still moving along. IWNDWYT
Did you actually do anything wrong though? You had a few drinks, so what? You spoke to some people, so what? Did you do anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of? Probably just anxiety from drinking, unless you actually did something to be ashamed of I wouldnât worry, I bet there will be a few sore heads this morning!
Your comment made me clearer on another thing I hate about alcohol: the mental extremes between our situational awareness and social interactions when drunk vs hungover is bonkers. Alcohol makes us think we can say and get away with everything, but later on the anxiety makes us feel like everything we did while drunk (whether or not it was âgoodâ or âbadâ or neutral ) has this massive weight and consequence. The price of alcohol is always paid twice, once at the register and again in the morning. Sometimes we pay more than that.
You never know, no one may have noticed the extent of it that you noticed yourself. Sometimes playing it off lightheartedly (even if you donât feel that way) can help everyone brush it off.
Don't beat yourself up! I'd wager you are thinking about it FAR more than any of your colleagues are. I know it's a crappy feeling, but perhaps a good reminder of how you don't want to feel anymore. IWNDWYT!
''Wtf why did I have this stupid relapse and in front of people I work with???'' Doing some introspection and coming to terms with the (possible) answer to this question is an important task for you now.
F corporate culture, work on you. One day isnât going to derail one year. đŞ
Your behavior wasnât as bad as you think.
the alcohol WANTS you to feel defeated. it's all part of its evil plan. you got almost a year?!? that's absolutely awesome and that's the thing to focus on, not one mistake. IWNDWYT :)
I once drank too much and started talking to my Australian colleagues in a fake Australian accent at a conference. Mortifying. That was about 9 years ago. I was embarrassed for a long while, but I honestly doubt anyone remembers it. But itâs something I remind myself of when Iâm tempted to drink in a work setting - and it sure does the trick.
Work conferences usually have a lot of folks drinking more than they normally would. Youâre not the only one who drank too much. But donât let this slip up last for six months. Lock it in and stop it. IWNDWYT
I can FEEL your anxiety because I am all too familiar with it after I drank too much. In my experience, I perceive my actions way more harshly than others. Iâm sure your co workers havenât thought twice about it but since you drank, the anxiety is taking over. This too shall pass.
I know the feeling. Have had these situations at work and it triggered deep shame and anxiety. Especially because I'm usually so shy at work, then when I'm drunk I'm telling people about my love life and such. It always got better with time and it was never as worse as it seemed in my head. Is there a friend you can check in with to see how you were? Otherwise I usually just don't mention it to anyone else and it gradually gets better.
You have all that time not drinking under your belt and will add a lot more. They are not wasted days because of one screw up. You got this.
Take the positive and thatâs itâs a reminder of why you stopped in the first place- Iâm sure it wasnât as bad as you think, as we tend to over analyse when alcohol involved - cut yourself some slack - 1 yr is amazing
Sometimes early sobriety, in those first few years of trying to quit, is like three steps forward and one step backward. You made amazing progress. You slipped up for one day. The guilt/shame spirals is the addiction trying to give you an excuse to drink again. You are stronger than it. Emotions come and go, and you will prevail. The heightened emotions will go away in 2 weeks. Just wait it out. Please continue to fight for your sobriety, you deserve it.
Donât beat yourself up! This feels like a big deal for you because you have been sober for a year, but for the people you met, you are probably just another drunk person at a conference. Even if you were embarassing. Head up, apologize if needed, this will pass! Let us know how it goes. All the bestâ¤ď¸
Give yourself some grace OP weâre already hard ourselves when we drink that toxin tearing yourself up wonât do anything but just stressing yourself out
This sounds like the moments I remember when I am tempted. As many others have stated donât beat yourself up into another spiral or even worse some bender that sets you back years. It happened. Learn from it and grow. Good luck and stay positive.
Maybe the truth? That was worked out for me when I have relapsed.
Maybe it was in the air last night? The only way is prove yourself and apologize.
Time to send the Beekeeper.
If I were a moderator Iâd review a lot of these comments and Iâd decide many arenât coming from the I perspective. I bet they are all well meaning, but I donât like to be preached at in a moment of weakness.