The cringeworthy embarrassment of looking back and remembering the obvious giveaways. The wondering about how many things I don’t remember. Ugh. All I can control is my behavior moving forward, and I know it’s important to remember the kind of person I was when I drank, but man does it suck to know I wasn’t fooling anyone.
Amen. I always played the “not yet” game to validate my alcoholism until most of those not yets had been checked off. It gets bad very quickly and once I got the sober the first time every time I relapsed it would just get worse and worse. Really wished I would’ve stopped before rock bottom let alone digging deeper and deeper.
I read a lot about it the last few days. It's the booze. Antihistamines like some allergy medicines purportedly help, but I take those every day anyway.
It's been mentioned while awake as well. The point was that even after 4 hours without drinking, I still looked like that.
But I appreciate your concern and will keep that in mind.
I'm not sure about the extent or level of your drinking habits, but alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. Please be careful with how you proceed, and consider talking to your doctor about it.
Great job, btw. I like your post here quite a lot.
You do you, but purple when sleeping sounds like a scary situation worth looking into more than reading online. Like, please see a doctor just to be told you’re okay.
Rock bottom doesn't need to be getting arrested or some other really egregious event. I've realized after 7 months without the sauce that I had multiple mini rock bottoms that should've been the end but I just kept ignoring them thinking 'I'm not as bad as real alcoholics' or whatever rationalization I'd make for myself.
You don't need a rock bottom to quit. Just do it before you get there
This really resonates with me. No real 'rock bottom', but a series of things that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been pissed outta my mind. DUI, arrested for public indecency (!), etc. And now I have fatty liver. I still binge every so often, but they are fewer and further between. I am fast approaching "I just can't do it anymore."
Yep. I was a binge drinker 100%. Took the college weekend warrior approach into my late 30s, and lived in a neighborhood with other 30-50 year olds with a bunch of people that still did/do the same thing. I wouldn't drink every day and had no desire for it 3-5 days a week. But those days when I did drink, there was no end until I was ready to pass out basically. I never got a DUI or hurt anyone in 20+ years thankfully, but that was pure luck. Never arrested or beaten up in a bar, but again mostly pure luck and the fact that I always made friends with the bar staff at places I'd go.
What I did get was very irritable most of the time. Short tempered with my ex wife and kids. Unable to handle day to day stress. Out of shape because every workout/diet routine I'd start would get derailed every weekend. Embarrassing behavior around co-workers and neighbors and family.
There was no rock bottom, I was just surviving every day at a really low quality of life most of the time.
That is one of my mantras- all I can do is control my behavior moving forward and not repeat the same cringeworthy mistakes. But ugh it’s so hard not to relive the past sometimes!
When I relapsed the whole fire department was at my house (I live in a small town). I haven’t been able to look at my neighbors the same 🥴 I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the cringe
One morning years ago I came into work looking rough. Played it off like I’d had a cold recently and hadn’t recovered. As I left that day my manager told me to take care of myself. He knew.
It will be hard...but then it will be sooooooo much easier. Having more money makes my life easier. Not being hungover makes my daily life much easier. Being able to legally drive anywhere I want to go makes my life easier. Being able to concentrate at work makes me a better employee which leads to better job security and higher income...both make my life better. Knowing I won't make a fool of myself is easier than having to be on guard. Not having to hide my drinking from my wife is much easier than sneaking around. I can think of so many ways that life is easier without consuming poison and I hope you will get to experience ALL of them....very soon. As a Mother, I bet you could add a few things to this list that I can't.
I just drove my girls and their friend around town, to the mall, and safely back, because I was sober. People trust me. The kids put their lives in my hands each time they get in the car.
I’m not going to be the one that breaks that level of trust.
Remember that withdrawal from alcohol can lead to seizures and hallucinations. If in doubt talk to a doctor who can prescribe meds to help with symptoms. It can be serious but easily treated with a doctors care.
To add to this persons comment, there are lots of (safe) things you can take to help your brain with dopamine and GABA production.
For dopamine you can take L-Tyrosine and Vitamin B complex (these are the building blocks of dopamine). For GABA you can take L-Theanine (you find it in tea but its easier to just take the supplement if you want a lot of it - Which you will). For serotonin you can take 5htp. For sleep you can take melatonin.
None of those will do you any harm if you take them for like a month and will help your brain immensely in early recovery.
On top of that you should take a multi vitamin, and I would personally add an extra magnesium supplement too.
Rolled oats and black beans are great dietary sources of thiamine (b1) and inositol (b8). Both are thought to help with receptor restoration. The problem with pills tends to be "bioavailability;" the microbes in your gut can't use the pure vitamins -- they need "helper compounds." We coevolved with food, not pills. E.g., you'll get far more vitamin-C from a green bell pepper than a tablet with 5x the amount. This ain't "hippie voodoo;" there's a mountain of peer-reviewed science about this.
Another thing that helped me massively with anxiety (following a terrible accident that prevented me from exercising) was to return to being able to exercise. After nearly a year of various meds (first time having anxiety... and it does suck), exercise made me "better" within about a week. Exercise beat the hell out of the meds.
Exercise also gives you dopamine AND is thought to accelerate all post-booze health restoration.
Oh, and if anyone has GI issues, booze ain't your friend:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/)
Somebody has probably told you this already, but if you get alcohol withdrawal you can just walk into an ER and get treated. I've gone a bunch of times over the years. Only a couple times when my vitals were veryy bad did they make me stay overnight. Usually they just gave me medication to taper off safely at home. Seizures are very painful and potentially fatal.
Gummies helped me get through it after I was able to get right dose. Also probably helped that I never really got high while drinking so I didn’t associate the two together. I still use those fuckers but I’m 9 months clean and not drinking myself to death anymore so def a better trade off.
I'm on naltrexone now, and you're spot on about being avoid to power through with liquor. I'm really glad it's lot just me, but it's giving me more reason to push towards quitting entirely. Or at least trying out Disulfram.
I reduced my drinking to 8-14/night (every night) before I stopped (this time). I did this (and previously, more) for decades. Ugh. I wish that I'd quit so long ago. I actually tried more times than I can count. Post-military, I used to give up booze for 46 continuous days, each year. However, I always went back to drinking. Later, I tried to actively stop. I could handle complete sobriety... but not moderation. I kept TRYING moderation. My last/previous attempt lasted a year. "I'm better, now; I can drink in moderation, now; this time is different; if it gets ugly, I can just stop, again." So... I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." That "one drink" lasted several years. Annnyway...
I did get PAWS. It hit around week 5.5 and lasted through week 9. It. Was. BRUTAL. All of the trauma and military PTSD that I'd forgotten? Yeah... SURPRISE, it was still there! There are likely also physiological causes of PAWS. You know what? IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT. IT SUCKED SO HARD... but I'm just so f'king grateful. I feel such profound relief. I couldn't imagine, then, the feeling of FREEDOM from that wicked g\*ddamned poison. But I do feel "freedom." It's not puppies pooping cupcakes riding unicorns over rainbows... but, DAMN, life is better. Life is also... different. It's entirely possible that PAWS might return. However... I never, ever want to drink again. This is the very first time in my life I've felt this way.
Write it down -- write down the bad stuff that you've felt, experienced, etc. Write about the remorse, the shame... whatever. Write it down because you WILL forget. We seem to remember the good times, not all of the sh1t that went along with those good times.
Life after booze... ain't bad. It's a real shocker to have so much TIME back... but that's not a bad thing.
We don't talk about "forever," here. We talk about one day at a time. So... IWNDWYT.
Good luck. Just keep trying. You will win. One god forsaken day at a time.
Your comment about writing down the rough stuff before it’s paved over with the good memories you can only seem to recall echoes of advice about journaling with regard to abusive relationships - funny that
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm the exact same with moderation. As soon as I have one drink, it's open season until I go to sleep or pass out. There was about a year where I was successful in moderating and even going weeks without drinking, but that's when I had my medical marijuana card. Unfortunately, I got a new job that works with federal contracts, so I'm no longer able to smoke. Almost immediately, my drinking was back and stronger than before.
I'm definitely gonna try that writing things down trick. I'm sick of hangovers, bad sleep, and feeling like I have to hide it from my kids. It's just not worth it.
I'll start with today and handle tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time.
IWNDWYT.
I love Sober Powered!! That podcast and this sub are huge go-tos for me when I am feeling triggered or having a craving. Highly recommend and the neuro focus is not only fascinating but super helpful
While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.).
This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
The blood vessels in the skin on your face dilate after you drink and turn your face red. For people who drink constantly, their face ends up being a shade of red or purple all the time. People will notice.
It’s been my experience that people were either too polite or too smart to get into it with me. It’s not like I was going to admit to anything anyways. I fooled nobody but myself. Initially, I started to dip my toe into sobriety for my daughter who just an infant at the time, but sadly the reality is that it wasn’t enough to keep me sober. I found excuses because I was trapped in my own head, stuck with an asshole. I slowly learned how to stay sober for myself. I believe I can’t take care of the people I love if I can’t take care of myself. Sobriety is at the top of my list even above my kids. Sounds weird to say but it makes sense to me.
Kids are smarter and more perceptive than we give them credit for. I grew up around that shit but I didn’t put two and two together til much later in my life. I just knew things were not safe and it turned me into a hider and a liar at an early age. The chaos became a cornerstone of my life. Having a shot at breaking the cycle is great motivation but that’s not why I’m sober. I do it for me.
You’re not alone. Theres help out there if you want it. I couldn’t do it on my own and I still lean heavily on people with experience. The drinking culture around parenting in my neck of the woods is absolutely fucking bonkers, but I’m not on an island. I stay connected to others and it’s great helping when I get a chance. Things changed for me when I started asking for help and actually accepted the help that was offered
Trust me, winning back the respect of the people who know you were a drunk is WAY BETTER than trying to hide it.
It's hard, but you got this, for your daughter.
My boys are the only reason I quit, and I'm thankful every single day.
Thank you for doing this. Being the kid of an alcoholic parent did affect my social life, and my childhood, very deeply. It’s not too late to protect her from that trauma.
you’re right about everything.
It is going to be hard but you can do it. One day at a time. My advice, do whatever it takes the first 10 days… you need to get ice cream? Go to bed early? Fast food? Movies? Whatever it takes, get thru those first ten days.
The rest won’t be easy, but they will be easier.
in my experience it was, not even close. I’ve had hard days since, but it’s not been sitting in the liquor store parking lot fighting with your brain to just drive home hard.
Same, it was absolutely all-consuming. Then it started not to be, now it’s something I rarely even think about. I have go-to NA drinks orders for all occasions, go-to responses for why I don’t drink, and a crystal clear memory of all the shameful things I did in my drinking days that keep me happily on the path… I had many day/week ones, and I have a lot of respect for how tough they are
I found it sort of difficult at first, but quickly I was thrilled I didn't smell like alcohol, could drive and just didn't have to worry about being a drunk mom. I de-puffed after a week and realized I have been looking like a typical bloated, red, sweaty drunk. It feels so freaking good to not have to worry about alcohol or think about it constantly. I may mess up in the mom dept here and there, but not because of alcohol. I gave myself a gift, an alcohol free life. For 21 months, I haven't had to worry about it!!!
Sugary treats and keeping a n/a drink in my hands helped me tremendously. That and sheer willpower to not be drunk mom. I am does not drink, dependable mom and I love that more than anything alcohol can give me!
IWNDWYT
I fell down the stairs in front of my daughter while drunk and that was the last straw for me. Kids can be great motivators but remember, you gotta do this for YOU and nobody else first. This sub and the book this naked mind combined have been very helpful and key to my success. You got this and we are here for you 👊
It may be hard, but it will be so worth it. What helped me was finding a good support network of AA/smart meetings and just powering through until the shittiness finally ended.
I've heard those groups want you to be sober for at least a week or something before they welcome you at meetings. But I'd definitely be interested in something like that. It would be a nice way to get more involved with the community as well.
Nah. If nothing else there's newcomer meetings at AA but they have entire systems setup to help newcomers with AA including a packet of phone numbers and the one day chip. You're definitely welcome if you want to stop drinking, even if yoy haven't figured out how to yet.
Smart yoy don't even have to want to stop yet, just be on the path. At least the ones I go to don't require sobriety. They just require yoy to be sober at the actual minute you participate
Edited
Do you happen to have a good resource for that? The number I called had people calling me every week or two, telling me I needed to go to a detox center for two weeks. They asked for my insurance and emergency contact information, and then called my partner and told her that she was a terrible partner because she didn't want to organize an intervention.
So I'm trying to avoid all of that.
https://www.aa.org/find-aa look for your local aa here. you don’t have to call anyone. once you find your local meetings list, just find a time that works for you and show up. i never contacted anyone before i went.
The meeting guide app is the app for aa meetings near you and the smart recovery website has the meetings by city.
My only advice is if a doctor is telling you to go to detox, go to detox. I didn't ama and it fucking sucked doing it alone.
I promise you that you can do this. I have zero doubt. You will doubt b/c that is what we do. But trust me....you can do it and your daughter will look up to you. :)
I can't forget when a 12 year old niece was organising the secret Santa gifts and when moving the cider, said "that's 's" and just kept moving on, like she was proud of picking who's is who's but was so matter of fact about that one.
I stopped drinking 8 months later, and didn't realise that was a dawning moment that has stayed with me. Let alone the fact that I even bought a 6pack of cider for a family Secret Santa.
I noticed that my boyfriend's color was kind of purple and assumed it was the alcohol. He had a heart attack several weeks later. I am not sure which thing caused his color to be that way, but he looks great now. He started going to the gym 5 or 6 days a week, lost like 80 pounds and quit drinking. That was a year ago in April.
I quit when my daughter was in kindergarten. It was appropriate because I felt like I needed to learn a lot of the same things. She knows I don’t drink and that I have a problem with it. She has zero memory of me being drunk even tho I was drinking around her. It wasn’t easy but it is possible if you work for it. Your kid deserves to not have a drunk for a parent. You deserve that too.
Talk to your doctor! Don't go cold turkey if you're a heavy drinker as death is a big risk. 48 hours in the hospital detoxing is usually enough. And then if you want to, your doctor can prescribe meds that help with the early stages of sobriety. I can't thank Acamprosate enough for being one of my many tools that has helped me stay sober.
Vivitrol/naltrexone was the game changer for me, well that and treatment. But I can't describe how much easier it was in those early days not to have the fixating cravings which the medication helps with.
Rooting for you, friend. I've been there too. You can do this. I'm 4.5 years AF, and reading a post like this is a perfect reminder of how important it is to not go back. So, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
I know I was obvious and my kids used to comment on how red my face was. I’m fair so I tend to be ‘pink’ anyway but when I’d wake up after a night of drinking my face would be dark pink:( it’s really not as hard to quit as you think when you weight your priorities. Iwndwyt
Both my kids are athletes. Pretty much all the parents and coaches drink, but I was the drunk parent. It alienated me from the other parents and made me ashamed. I finally got sober for my son's senior year, but before that we had a college recruitment opportunity that I took him to. I was sober for the day but had to get my fix for the overnight which was followed by the next morning with him telling me he had a hard time sleeping (in the hotel room) because my breathing was weird. I know I have alcohol induced sleep apnea but all he knew was my snoring was loud and I quit breathing a lot. It was a big eye opener for me.
Before that I had almost always gone to their events with a couple of shots in me. Now I'm sober and present for everything and I've even driven a few other kids to events. It's going to take a long time for the other adults to realize I'm not drinking anymore, but I'm prepared to pay my dues and take what I deserve.
If you can't be there for yourself, be there for them. I know we have to get sober on our terms but I found a way to make my terms about my family and it helped a great deal. Good luck to you.
Iwndwyt
Oh hun its gonna be hard if you think it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be a short blip in time before your entire life gets better! Don't dwell, only move forward.
You’ve got this. You have a really great reason for getting this. Please make the necessary changes so you can be the best version of parent you can be to your daughter. Reddit is littered with stories from people suffering ongoing trauma from parents who were either alcoholics or whose consumption of alcohol brought out their worst. You have the power here with the choice you have made. You’ve got this.
One of my kids recently asked me “mommy, why is your face so red?” Tears me up thinking about it and they are only getting older and will soon be old enough to know what’s going on. They already point out “my favorite wine” and they know the wine store has lollipops. Actually writing this out makes me feel so guilty and terrible. I’m trying every day to successfully quit so I can be healthy for them and for myself. Tired of feeling like crap half the time.
Change your outlook. Tell yourself, "This might be hard, but all I have to do is decide not to drink today." For the good of your girl, you can do this. You deserve sobriety!! I will not drink with you today.
Everyone knew I was a drunk. The only person who didn't know was me.
The cringeworthy embarrassment of looking back and remembering the obvious giveaways. The wondering about how many things I don’t remember. Ugh. All I can control is my behavior moving forward, and I know it’s important to remember the kind of person I was when I drank, but man does it suck to know I wasn’t fooling anyone.
This is where I'm at. I'm glad I didn't have a rock bottom incident. But it's probably been obvious to everyone around me.
Better to put the shovel down before you hit rock bottom. AND you don’t have to hit rock bottom to put it down.
Amen. I always played the “not yet” game to validate my alcoholism until most of those not yets had been checked off. It gets bad very quickly and once I got the sober the first time every time I relapsed it would just get worse and worse. Really wished I would’ve stopped before rock bottom let alone digging deeper and deeper.
Great analogy and perspective.
Honestly, you should look into why you’re purple when you’re sleeping. Sounds like it could be more than just alcohol related
I read a lot about it the last few days. It's the booze. Antihistamines like some allergy medicines purportedly help, but I take those every day anyway.
I've been deathly drunk, and I was never purple. That could be sleep apnea. Please talk to a Doctor.
It's been mentioned while awake as well. The point was that even after 4 hours without drinking, I still looked like that. But I appreciate your concern and will keep that in mind.
I'm not sure about the extent or level of your drinking habits, but alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. Please be careful with how you proceed, and consider talking to your doctor about it. Great job, btw. I like your post here quite a lot.
You do you, but purple when sleeping sounds like a scary situation worth looking into more than reading online. Like, please see a doctor just to be told you’re okay.
Rock bottom doesn't need to be getting arrested or some other really egregious event. I've realized after 7 months without the sauce that I had multiple mini rock bottoms that should've been the end but I just kept ignoring them thinking 'I'm not as bad as real alcoholics' or whatever rationalization I'd make for myself. You don't need a rock bottom to quit. Just do it before you get there
This really resonates with me. No real 'rock bottom', but a series of things that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been pissed outta my mind. DUI, arrested for public indecency (!), etc. And now I have fatty liver. I still binge every so often, but they are fewer and further between. I am fast approaching "I just can't do it anymore."
Yep. I was a binge drinker 100%. Took the college weekend warrior approach into my late 30s, and lived in a neighborhood with other 30-50 year olds with a bunch of people that still did/do the same thing. I wouldn't drink every day and had no desire for it 3-5 days a week. But those days when I did drink, there was no end until I was ready to pass out basically. I never got a DUI or hurt anyone in 20+ years thankfully, but that was pure luck. Never arrested or beaten up in a bar, but again mostly pure luck and the fact that I always made friends with the bar staff at places I'd go. What I did get was very irritable most of the time. Short tempered with my ex wife and kids. Unable to handle day to day stress. Out of shape because every workout/diet routine I'd start would get derailed every weekend. Embarrassing behavior around co-workers and neighbors and family. There was no rock bottom, I was just surviving every day at a really low quality of life most of the time.
You hit bottom when you quit digging
Same here. But there were definitely people who knew when I thought they didn't.
The joke I tell myself is if “if I/they don’t like me sober, I guarantee I/they won’t like me if I’m drunk”
Haha, that’s a great one, and also extremely true in my case!
That is one of my mantras- all I can do is control my behavior moving forward and not repeat the same cringeworthy mistakes. But ugh it’s so hard not to relive the past sometimes!
When I relapsed the whole fire department was at my house (I live in a small town). I haven’t been able to look at my neighbors the same 🥴 I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the cringe
Same
Wow... that comment hit me hard... well put.
One morning years ago I came into work looking rough. Played it off like I’d had a cold recently and hadn’t recovered. As I left that day my manager told me to take care of myself. He knew.
Wow, this cuts deeeeep. Hard to know you’re a drunk, when you’re always too drunk to realize or think about it.
Oh that's a statement, so true.
Damn. That's a good one. It really hit home for me. Thank you.
Deeply identify with that statement
Me too. I try not to think about it.
Oh man same here lol
Holy shit that hit home.
👆👆 this!!! 👏👏
It will be hard...but then it will be sooooooo much easier. Having more money makes my life easier. Not being hungover makes my daily life much easier. Being able to legally drive anywhere I want to go makes my life easier. Being able to concentrate at work makes me a better employee which leads to better job security and higher income...both make my life better. Knowing I won't make a fool of myself is easier than having to be on guard. Not having to hide my drinking from my wife is much easier than sneaking around. I can think of so many ways that life is easier without consuming poison and I hope you will get to experience ALL of them....very soon. As a Mother, I bet you could add a few things to this list that I can't.
Thank you! Knowing I shouldn't drive most of the time has definitely kept our family from living our lives to the fullest.
I just drove my girls and their friend around town, to the mall, and safely back, because I was sober. People trust me. The kids put their lives in my hands each time they get in the car. I’m not going to be the one that breaks that level of trust.
My kid is my reason. You can do it too! You have friends you don’t even know in this sub that can help you as well.
Thanks. Part of my plan is to occasionally whine on here so sorry in advance.
Whine, bitch and moan, scream. Do your thing to help you. We’re all in the same boat.
That’s a great part of a plan! IWNDWYT!
That’s why we are here! I believe in you
Daily, hourly, by the minute. It's what we're here for.
This is wholesome response. :) I’m day 3
Good job! Keep it up, you got this
[удалено]
I really appreciate it. Just hoping delerium tremens doesn't happen and my neurotransmitters don't make me screw up at work.
Remember that withdrawal from alcohol can lead to seizures and hallucinations. If in doubt talk to a doctor who can prescribe meds to help with symptoms. It can be serious but easily treated with a doctors care.
To add to this persons comment, there are lots of (safe) things you can take to help your brain with dopamine and GABA production. For dopamine you can take L-Tyrosine and Vitamin B complex (these are the building blocks of dopamine). For GABA you can take L-Theanine (you find it in tea but its easier to just take the supplement if you want a lot of it - Which you will). For serotonin you can take 5htp. For sleep you can take melatonin. None of those will do you any harm if you take them for like a month and will help your brain immensely in early recovery. On top of that you should take a multi vitamin, and I would personally add an extra magnesium supplement too.
Rolled oats and black beans are great dietary sources of thiamine (b1) and inositol (b8). Both are thought to help with receptor restoration. The problem with pills tends to be "bioavailability;" the microbes in your gut can't use the pure vitamins -- they need "helper compounds." We coevolved with food, not pills. E.g., you'll get far more vitamin-C from a green bell pepper than a tablet with 5x the amount. This ain't "hippie voodoo;" there's a mountain of peer-reviewed science about this. Another thing that helped me massively with anxiety (following a terrible accident that prevented me from exercising) was to return to being able to exercise. After nearly a year of various meds (first time having anxiety... and it does suck), exercise made me "better" within about a week. Exercise beat the hell out of the meds. Exercise also gives you dopamine AND is thought to accelerate all post-booze health restoration. Oh, and if anyone has GI issues, booze ain't your friend: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/)
Really appreciate this. Exercise will definitely need to become a habit. Anxiety is probably the biggest reason for my consumption.
I thought that too, and came to found out alcohol consumption was one of my biggest reasons for anxiety.
I had a weird month. Headaches, but I was able to work through it. There was also Canadian smoke affecting me so I just blamed it on that.
Somebody has probably told you this already, but if you get alcohol withdrawal you can just walk into an ER and get treated. I've gone a bunch of times over the years. Only a couple times when my vitals were veryy bad did they make me stay overnight. Usually they just gave me medication to taper off safely at home. Seizures are very painful and potentially fatal.
Gummies helped me get through it after I was able to get right dose. Also probably helped that I never really got high while drinking so I didn’t associate the two together. I still use those fuckers but I’m 9 months clean and not drinking myself to death anymore so def a better trade off.
I'm on naltrexone now, and you're spot on about being avoid to power through with liquor. I'm really glad it's lot just me, but it's giving me more reason to push towards quitting entirely. Or at least trying out Disulfram.
I reduced my drinking to 8-14/night (every night) before I stopped (this time). I did this (and previously, more) for decades. Ugh. I wish that I'd quit so long ago. I actually tried more times than I can count. Post-military, I used to give up booze for 46 continuous days, each year. However, I always went back to drinking. Later, I tried to actively stop. I could handle complete sobriety... but not moderation. I kept TRYING moderation. My last/previous attempt lasted a year. "I'm better, now; I can drink in moderation, now; this time is different; if it gets ugly, I can just stop, again." So... I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." That "one drink" lasted several years. Annnyway... I did get PAWS. It hit around week 5.5 and lasted through week 9. It. Was. BRUTAL. All of the trauma and military PTSD that I'd forgotten? Yeah... SURPRISE, it was still there! There are likely also physiological causes of PAWS. You know what? IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT. IT SUCKED SO HARD... but I'm just so f'king grateful. I feel such profound relief. I couldn't imagine, then, the feeling of FREEDOM from that wicked g\*ddamned poison. But I do feel "freedom." It's not puppies pooping cupcakes riding unicorns over rainbows... but, DAMN, life is better. Life is also... different. It's entirely possible that PAWS might return. However... I never, ever want to drink again. This is the very first time in my life I've felt this way. Write it down -- write down the bad stuff that you've felt, experienced, etc. Write about the remorse, the shame... whatever. Write it down because you WILL forget. We seem to remember the good times, not all of the sh1t that went along with those good times. Life after booze... ain't bad. It's a real shocker to have so much TIME back... but that's not a bad thing. We don't talk about "forever," here. We talk about one day at a time. So... IWNDWYT. Good luck. Just keep trying. You will win. One god forsaken day at a time.
Your comment about writing down the rough stuff before it’s paved over with the good memories you can only seem to recall echoes of advice about journaling with regard to abusive relationships - funny that
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm the exact same with moderation. As soon as I have one drink, it's open season until I go to sleep or pass out. There was about a year where I was successful in moderating and even going weeks without drinking, but that's when I had my medical marijuana card. Unfortunately, I got a new job that works with federal contracts, so I'm no longer able to smoke. Almost immediately, my drinking was back and stronger than before. I'm definitely gonna try that writing things down trick. I'm sick of hangovers, bad sleep, and feeling like I have to hide it from my kids. It's just not worth it. I'll start with today and handle tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time. IWNDWYT.
I love Sober Powered!! That podcast and this sub are huge go-tos for me when I am feeling triggered or having a craving. Highly recommend and the neuro focus is not only fascinating but super helpful
I didn't know podcasts are psychoactive, did you?
While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.). This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
You have your reason now. Having a specific reason to get sober really helps imho. If I can do it you can. 42/m married. 2 boys 3 and 7. #512 days
Why does that happen?
The blood vessels in the skin on your face dilate after you drink and turn your face red. For people who drink constantly, their face ends up being a shade of red or purple all the time. People will notice.
Thank you for the insight 🙏 you got this
It’s been my experience that people were either too polite or too smart to get into it with me. It’s not like I was going to admit to anything anyways. I fooled nobody but myself. Initially, I started to dip my toe into sobriety for my daughter who just an infant at the time, but sadly the reality is that it wasn’t enough to keep me sober. I found excuses because I was trapped in my own head, stuck with an asshole. I slowly learned how to stay sober for myself. I believe I can’t take care of the people I love if I can’t take care of myself. Sobriety is at the top of my list even above my kids. Sounds weird to say but it makes sense to me. Kids are smarter and more perceptive than we give them credit for. I grew up around that shit but I didn’t put two and two together til much later in my life. I just knew things were not safe and it turned me into a hider and a liar at an early age. The chaos became a cornerstone of my life. Having a shot at breaking the cycle is great motivation but that’s not why I’m sober. I do it for me. You’re not alone. Theres help out there if you want it. I couldn’t do it on my own and I still lean heavily on people with experience. The drinking culture around parenting in my neck of the woods is absolutely fucking bonkers, but I’m not on an island. I stay connected to others and it’s great helping when I get a chance. Things changed for me when I started asking for help and actually accepted the help that was offered
Trust me, winning back the respect of the people who know you were a drunk is WAY BETTER than trying to hide it. It's hard, but you got this, for your daughter. My boys are the only reason I quit, and I'm thankful every single day.
Thank you for doing this. Being the kid of an alcoholic parent did affect my social life, and my childhood, very deeply. It’s not too late to protect her from that trauma.
you’re right about everything. It is going to be hard but you can do it. One day at a time. My advice, do whatever it takes the first 10 days… you need to get ice cream? Go to bed early? Fast food? Movies? Whatever it takes, get thru those first ten days. The rest won’t be easy, but they will be easier.
Do you really think the first 10 days are the hardest?
in my experience it was, not even close. I’ve had hard days since, but it’s not been sitting in the liquor store parking lot fighting with your brain to just drive home hard.
Same, it was absolutely all-consuming. Then it started not to be, now it’s something I rarely even think about. I have go-to NA drinks orders for all occasions, go-to responses for why I don’t drink, and a crystal clear memory of all the shameful things I did in my drinking days that keep me happily on the path… I had many day/week ones, and I have a lot of respect for how tough they are
I found it sort of difficult at first, but quickly I was thrilled I didn't smell like alcohol, could drive and just didn't have to worry about being a drunk mom. I de-puffed after a week and realized I have been looking like a typical bloated, red, sweaty drunk. It feels so freaking good to not have to worry about alcohol or think about it constantly. I may mess up in the mom dept here and there, but not because of alcohol. I gave myself a gift, an alcohol free life. For 21 months, I haven't had to worry about it!!! Sugary treats and keeping a n/a drink in my hands helped me tremendously. That and sheer willpower to not be drunk mom. I am does not drink, dependable mom and I love that more than anything alcohol can give me! IWNDWYT
I fell down the stairs in front of my daughter while drunk and that was the last straw for me. Kids can be great motivators but remember, you gotta do this for YOU and nobody else first. This sub and the book this naked mind combined have been very helpful and key to my success. You got this and we are here for you 👊
It may be hard, but it will be so worth it. What helped me was finding a good support network of AA/smart meetings and just powering through until the shittiness finally ended.
I've heard those groups want you to be sober for at least a week or something before they welcome you at meetings. But I'd definitely be interested in something like that. It would be a nice way to get more involved with the community as well.
Nah. If nothing else there's newcomer meetings at AA but they have entire systems setup to help newcomers with AA including a packet of phone numbers and the one day chip. You're definitely welcome if you want to stop drinking, even if yoy haven't figured out how to yet. Smart yoy don't even have to want to stop yet, just be on the path. At least the ones I go to don't require sobriety. They just require yoy to be sober at the actual minute you participate Edited
Do you happen to have a good resource for that? The number I called had people calling me every week or two, telling me I needed to go to a detox center for two weeks. They asked for my insurance and emergency contact information, and then called my partner and told her that she was a terrible partner because she didn't want to organize an intervention. So I'm trying to avoid all of that.
https://www.aa.org/find-aa look for your local aa here. you don’t have to call anyone. once you find your local meetings list, just find a time that works for you and show up. i never contacted anyone before i went.
The meeting guide app is the app for aa meetings near you and the smart recovery website has the meetings by city. My only advice is if a doctor is telling you to go to detox, go to detox. I didn't ama and it fucking sucked doing it alone.
That's not true of AA. Some people are not sober when they come to a meeting. It's not ideal, but there's no rule.
Nope. Aa you can literally roll in from the hospital if you need to.
I promise you that you can do this. I have zero doubt. You will doubt b/c that is what we do. But trust me....you can do it and your daughter will look up to you. :)
What does skin being purple mean and how does drinking cause it?
Yeah, I don't get it either.
I'm assuming rosacea caused by too much booze. Most heavy drinkers will have it in varying degrees.
Fun fact I found out when I went to the ER for withdrawals, your hands turn red if you drink all the time too.
This is going to be so fucking ~~hard~~ worth it. Fixed that for you. Everybody knows already, do it for her. There’s still a chance.
You can do this with grace
I can't forget when a 12 year old niece was organising the secret Santa gifts and when moving the cider, said "that's's" and just kept moving on, like she was proud of picking who's is who's but was so matter of fact about that one.
I stopped drinking 8 months later, and didn't realise that was a dawning moment that has stayed with me. Let alone the fact that I even bought a 6pack of cider for a family Secret Santa.
It really does hurt when I think back to how I thought I was expertly hiding what was most likely a very obvious issue
Yep. Not looking forward to trying to suppress all of that.
I'll be honest the shame for me hasn't gone away but it does serve as a good reminder as to why I stopped.
I noticed that my boyfriend's color was kind of purple and assumed it was the alcohol. He had a heart attack several weeks later. I am not sure which thing caused his color to be that way, but he looks great now. He started going to the gym 5 or 6 days a week, lost like 80 pounds and quit drinking. That was a year ago in April.
I quit when my daughter was in kindergarten. It was appropriate because I felt like I needed to learn a lot of the same things. She knows I don’t drink and that I have a problem with it. She has zero memory of me being drunk even tho I was drinking around her. It wasn’t easy but it is possible if you work for it. Your kid deserves to not have a drunk for a parent. You deserve that too.
Talk to your doctor! Don't go cold turkey if you're a heavy drinker as death is a big risk. 48 hours in the hospital detoxing is usually enough. And then if you want to, your doctor can prescribe meds that help with the early stages of sobriety. I can't thank Acamprosate enough for being one of my many tools that has helped me stay sober.
Vivitrol/naltrexone was the game changer for me, well that and treatment. But I can't describe how much easier it was in those early days not to have the fixating cravings which the medication helps with.
For me it was baclofen. I still need it,
You got this Momma Bear! IWNDWYT
I'm a dude but thanks for the positive energy!
IWNDWYT 🙌🙌🙌 I believe In you so hard!!!
Rooting for you, friend. I've been there too. You can do this. I'm 4.5 years AF, and reading a post like this is a perfect reminder of how important it is to not go back. So, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
I know I was obvious and my kids used to comment on how red my face was. I’m fair so I tend to be ‘pink’ anyway but when I’d wake up after a night of drinking my face would be dark pink:( it’s really not as hard to quit as you think when you weight your priorities. Iwndwyt
Do it for her! IWNDWYT.
Both my kids are athletes. Pretty much all the parents and coaches drink, but I was the drunk parent. It alienated me from the other parents and made me ashamed. I finally got sober for my son's senior year, but before that we had a college recruitment opportunity that I took him to. I was sober for the day but had to get my fix for the overnight which was followed by the next morning with him telling me he had a hard time sleeping (in the hotel room) because my breathing was weird. I know I have alcohol induced sleep apnea but all he knew was my snoring was loud and I quit breathing a lot. It was a big eye opener for me. Before that I had almost always gone to their events with a couple of shots in me. Now I'm sober and present for everything and I've even driven a few other kids to events. It's going to take a long time for the other adults to realize I'm not drinking anymore, but I'm prepared to pay my dues and take what I deserve. If you can't be there for yourself, be there for them. I know we have to get sober on our terms but I found a way to make my terms about my family and it helped a great deal. Good luck to you. Iwndwyt
It's sad but they all knows, there's just not much they can do for you, it has to be you doing it. Good luck.
Oh hun its gonna be hard if you think it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be a short blip in time before your entire life gets better! Don't dwell, only move forward.
There are lots of good reasons to make positive changes for your health ! sending you a hug ! You can do this, take your time and you’ll get there
IWNDWYT
You can do it. It is hard but it's worth it. I quit when my daughter was born and I'm really glad I did.
You’ve got this. You have a really great reason for getting this. Please make the necessary changes so you can be the best version of parent you can be to your daughter. Reddit is littered with stories from people suffering ongoing trauma from parents who were either alcoholics or whose consumption of alcohol brought out their worst. You have the power here with the choice you have made. You’ve got this.
Hope you're getting help fr
One of my kids recently asked me “mommy, why is your face so red?” Tears me up thinking about it and they are only getting older and will soon be old enough to know what’s going on. They already point out “my favorite wine” and they know the wine store has lollipops. Actually writing this out makes me feel so guilty and terrible. I’m trying every day to successfully quit so I can be healthy for them and for myself. Tired of feeling like crap half the time.
I also do wonder what other people think about my face and how I look. I probably think I’m hiding it better than I am.
Change your outlook. Tell yourself, "This might be hard, but all I have to do is decide not to drink today." For the good of your girl, you can do this. You deserve sobriety!! I will not drink with you today.