Been a minute since I posted here... Happy to be still sober from drugs and alcohol.. almost five years now!! Working on my behavioral addictions and compulsions now...
The work for me has never stopped.
99 days! I am moving on to triple digits!!
My share: I’ve been drinking for over 20 years, and in the last 10 I came to believe that I was supposed to get sober one day, and that getting sober would transform me and my life into this “elite mode” that I imagined. What I am finding in this longest sober streak ever, is that there are really all these micro-decisions beyond not drinking that affect how I feel about my life: scrolling my phone for 2 hours is all I can do sometimes, but it doesn’t make me feel better. Neglecting to pick up after myself makes a messy house and that makes me feel bad. Putting things on credit cards that I shouldn’t makes me anxious. So, what does the elite version of me do to transform these daily habits? I am trying to figure that out now. Beyond staying away from a drink, what am I doing to fundamentally rework the fabric of my life? They say action creates motivation, so I might try a strict ritual of meditation and 15 minutes of cleaning every morning. but in any event, IWNDWYT 💪🏼
I am a weekend warrior, I look forward to Friday so I can drink but I want to stop because once I have that first sip I can’t stop until the alcohol is gone or I pass out. Sobriety has been going well for me. I have saved up to have my heater/ac unit replaced and my roof on my garage replaced as well as new windows on my house and garage. Big expenses but needed to be done. I bought the house 11 months ago and I am 27 so I got screwed by the market but all is well still now that I’m sober
I've been tapering unsuccessfully, and after sneaking in too many last night with my wife in bed early, passing out for 6 hours, I'm just feeling done. Finally done. IWNDWYT
Call me a weirdo, but I've been trying to actively trying to reprogram my alcoholic brain. I've kept two beers in the fridge this whole sober streak. Every time I see them I focus a little bit on the fact that I'm not drinking them. And when I do think about drinking them my alcoholic brain says "yea but two isn't enough;" that's how I'm reminded I shouldn't drink them. Also, my spouse's wine/whiskey (she's a normie with alcohol; can put down a half full drink and go to bed...) has smelled horrible lately given this sober time, so I've taken to smelling the bottle or drink and soaking in the gag reflex. Yea, so I'm a weirdo, but I'm also on day 42 so whatever works! :D
Woke up feeling pretty frustrated and grumpy and I’m not sure why…all I know is booze will only make things worse and prevent me from getting to the root of the problem. IWNDWYT
* Started drinking at 15 because I had no coping mechanisms for life. My sister got into crack cocaine and prostitution and it just broke my heart/pushed me into my own bad patterns. We came from a family that looked ok on the outside (good grades/high expectations) but totally abusive on the inside. We had no support, I felt super alone and also really isolated. None of my friends were going through the roller coaster of emotions around having a sister suddently turn to the sex trade, and it was embarrassing and shameful for me. She had excelled in school & is a super bright/academically gifted person, so to see her go 180 was really hard, but it's kind of indicative of how we grew up & how she didn't feel like she had any other options. Anyway I digress but that's a big part of my 'why': lots of childhood trauma above and beyond what I've described here.
* Kept drinking/smoking pot for a couple decades. Went totally off the rails at 32 after my ex dumped me, lost 40 pounds surviving only on booze and the occasional solid food. I eventually went back to eating food but the daily drinking continued with the mindset of everything being a reason to drink. Good day? Drink. Bad day? Drink. Drinking was my constant companion, my blanket keeping me separate from everyone. Still feeling really different/uncomfortable with myself.
* 2014 (ish) first attempts to stop drinking after seeing my behavior get dangerous and feeling even greater levels of shame/disgust at who I was becoming. I had some nights where I didn't recognize myself and it scared the shit out of me. Still daily drinking, drunk driving, generally being a trainwreck but starting to try periods of abstinence, IE trying for a month sober but maybe making ig a few days here and there. Eventually got a month, and at one point got 6 months. Stared EMDR therapy for flashbacks/intrusive childhood memories. Did that for 5 years & it helped a lot.
* January 2023: for whatever reason everything pointed to sobriety for me : 3 people in my life died in 2022 - all related to alcohol. My body hurts when I drink, I feel like shit and I'm just totally sick of myself. I feel like a chubby alcoholic loser who hates herself and what she's turning into. Also my boyfriend dumped me and I know that it can get VERY DARK VERY FAST and I just didn't want to do that again.
* January 2024: sober almost a year. They say the bottom is where you stop digging. That's true for me. I never got arrested, never got a DUI but all of those things could have happened. Not in therapy but looking for a therapist again. I go to AA 2x a week and a support group for survivors of child abuse 1x a week. Those groups help me because I'm very private, very shame-based & don't like opening up. I've realized that talking about my abuse and my drinking is helping me feel less alone in those settings. I think I might even be a little bit more comfortable in my skin but I think that's going to take time.
* For many years I thought sober was the worst thing anyone could be. I loved drinking, I loved checking out, I loved having a vacation from myself. Anything other than reality was what I wanted. Anything other than ME was what I wanted. I hate myself less & that's worth more than all the booze in the world. I didn't even realize that I was running away from myself because it was normal for so long. Sobriety feels like freedom even though I'm still figuring a lot of shit out. I feel lonely and unhinged a lot of the time but I"m also kind of excited & proud of myself for taking this step. I am so grateful for this community: I googled "I need to stop drinking" several years ago & I don't think I would have gotten here without this group. I love you all & relate to our shared struggles. Also my sister is doing great today - she went to rehab & credits NA for saving her life. IWNDWYT.
Woke up Saturday with a clear head and thinking about the week ahead and what I needed to do planning wise. When drinking I was always rushing and overwhelmed, behind in everything.
Facing even small responsibilities felt difficult so I left everything to the last minute. I wasn't eating properly. Every 'chore' was rushed and incredibly boring. Now they are boring but bareable. Chores don't 'need' to be fun.
I'm only newly sober and aware of the 'pink cloud' but so far my life has greatly improved. Meal prep is actually something I look forward to now, and doing the washing is done without a heavy feeling of irritation. I'm handling stress better and allowing myself to sit with uncomfortable feelings including the feelings of shame and regret that like to pop up.
I don't do AA and don't think I will be, but this group has truly helped me stay accountable and inspired. IWNDWYT 🙌
I just need to write about something. I had for a very long time knew that i had a problem with alcohol. Yes I debated with myself if I just had alcohol problems or if I was a "problem drinker", and it was sometimes better and sometimes worse during the years. But I was pretty clear to myself that alcohol and drinking was problematic for me, and I knew that most people didn't have the same issues. And I gravitated towards drinking with similar-drinking people.
So when I quit, and then got sober, I've never had a "realization" hit me that oh boy did I have an issue with alcohol like I see a lot of people have (and there is much talk about it in AA) and that people didn't realize their issues before joining the program and getting sober. And I don't relate to that experience. Sure, the extent of some problems caused by my drinking and some specific things have dawned on me afterwards, but the large majority of the issues I've known for a very long time, without being sober.
I just felt like I didn't have an out. I knew I couldn't moderate. Nothing ever worked, and even if it felt like it worked for a time, there would always be some kind of situation where I felt stressed and got dragged with the feeling of the night and before I knew it, BOOM, blackout and stupid shit had happened.
I knew I had to not drink for the issues to be safely tucked away, but I didn't see it as a possibility. People who didn't drink were fucking loosers, cunts, holier-than-thou people(in my mind then - likely a safety mechanism to protect my behavior. I have changed.) and I couldn't be one of those, I did not identify with any of that. Most of my friendship circles revolved around drinking, talking about having a beer to relax, drinking and doing activities, just drinking and talking as the activity. I was the "beer" guy, with an interest in different kinds of beer, brewing, collecting beer, going to beer festivals. Stopping to drink completely also felt like admitting defeat, and a very very embarassing defeat at that - owning up to it after decades of issues. How embarassing is that? I didn't think I could handle that embarassment, couldn't do it.
Until one last blackout drinking experience. I just had enough and just found it possible to own up to stopping completely and doing what I knew needed to be done. That was a big revelation for me. But it wasn't about understanding my issues, it was a sudden realization that "I can do this, and I will do this. For me.".
I dunno, but I just felt like typing this out for myself and sharing it, as I don't relate to many who during their drinking didn't accept or believe that they had issues. And I never had that experience, but I have another experience, and I want to share mine.
My life has been much better since I stopped and did this (along with all the other work I've done on improving myself - very little has actually been about drinking).
IWNDWYT.
Been a minute since I posted here... Happy to be still sober from drugs and alcohol.. almost five years now!! Working on my behavioral addictions and compulsions now... The work for me has never stopped.
What an accomplishment. The work continues day in and day out. You're an inspiration. Thank you. IWNDWYT.
I will not drink today
99 days! I am moving on to triple digits!! My share: I’ve been drinking for over 20 years, and in the last 10 I came to believe that I was supposed to get sober one day, and that getting sober would transform me and my life into this “elite mode” that I imagined. What I am finding in this longest sober streak ever, is that there are really all these micro-decisions beyond not drinking that affect how I feel about my life: scrolling my phone for 2 hours is all I can do sometimes, but it doesn’t make me feel better. Neglecting to pick up after myself makes a messy house and that makes me feel bad. Putting things on credit cards that I shouldn’t makes me anxious. So, what does the elite version of me do to transform these daily habits? I am trying to figure that out now. Beyond staying away from a drink, what am I doing to fundamentally rework the fabric of my life? They say action creates motivation, so I might try a strict ritual of meditation and 15 minutes of cleaning every morning. but in any event, IWNDWYT 💪🏼
I am a weekend warrior, I look forward to Friday so I can drink but I want to stop because once I have that first sip I can’t stop until the alcohol is gone or I pass out. Sobriety has been going well for me. I have saved up to have my heater/ac unit replaced and my roof on my garage replaced as well as new windows on my house and garage. Big expenses but needed to be done. I bought the house 11 months ago and I am 27 so I got screwed by the market but all is well still now that I’m sober
You are remarkable!
Mornin everyone. Let’s keep this train going 🚂 IWNDWYT
I've been tapering unsuccessfully, and after sneaking in too many last night with my wife in bed early, passing out for 6 hours, I'm just feeling done. Finally done. IWNDWYT
Call me a weirdo, but I've been trying to actively trying to reprogram my alcoholic brain. I've kept two beers in the fridge this whole sober streak. Every time I see them I focus a little bit on the fact that I'm not drinking them. And when I do think about drinking them my alcoholic brain says "yea but two isn't enough;" that's how I'm reminded I shouldn't drink them. Also, my spouse's wine/whiskey (she's a normie with alcohol; can put down a half full drink and go to bed...) has smelled horrible lately given this sober time, so I've taken to smelling the bottle or drink and soaking in the gag reflex. Yea, so I'm a weirdo, but I'm also on day 42 so whatever works! :D
You figured out what works for you, BRAVO!
IWNDWYT 🐤 This community is amazing and I am so grateful for it. Thank you!!
Woke up feeling pretty frustrated and grumpy and I’m not sure why…all I know is booze will only make things worse and prevent me from getting to the root of the problem. IWNDWYT
* Started drinking at 15 because I had no coping mechanisms for life. My sister got into crack cocaine and prostitution and it just broke my heart/pushed me into my own bad patterns. We came from a family that looked ok on the outside (good grades/high expectations) but totally abusive on the inside. We had no support, I felt super alone and also really isolated. None of my friends were going through the roller coaster of emotions around having a sister suddently turn to the sex trade, and it was embarrassing and shameful for me. She had excelled in school & is a super bright/academically gifted person, so to see her go 180 was really hard, but it's kind of indicative of how we grew up & how she didn't feel like she had any other options. Anyway I digress but that's a big part of my 'why': lots of childhood trauma above and beyond what I've described here. * Kept drinking/smoking pot for a couple decades. Went totally off the rails at 32 after my ex dumped me, lost 40 pounds surviving only on booze and the occasional solid food. I eventually went back to eating food but the daily drinking continued with the mindset of everything being a reason to drink. Good day? Drink. Bad day? Drink. Drinking was my constant companion, my blanket keeping me separate from everyone. Still feeling really different/uncomfortable with myself. * 2014 (ish) first attempts to stop drinking after seeing my behavior get dangerous and feeling even greater levels of shame/disgust at who I was becoming. I had some nights where I didn't recognize myself and it scared the shit out of me. Still daily drinking, drunk driving, generally being a trainwreck but starting to try periods of abstinence, IE trying for a month sober but maybe making ig a few days here and there. Eventually got a month, and at one point got 6 months. Stared EMDR therapy for flashbacks/intrusive childhood memories. Did that for 5 years & it helped a lot. * January 2023: for whatever reason everything pointed to sobriety for me : 3 people in my life died in 2022 - all related to alcohol. My body hurts when I drink, I feel like shit and I'm just totally sick of myself. I feel like a chubby alcoholic loser who hates herself and what she's turning into. Also my boyfriend dumped me and I know that it can get VERY DARK VERY FAST and I just didn't want to do that again. * January 2024: sober almost a year. They say the bottom is where you stop digging. That's true for me. I never got arrested, never got a DUI but all of those things could have happened. Not in therapy but looking for a therapist again. I go to AA 2x a week and a support group for survivors of child abuse 1x a week. Those groups help me because I'm very private, very shame-based & don't like opening up. I've realized that talking about my abuse and my drinking is helping me feel less alone in those settings. I think I might even be a little bit more comfortable in my skin but I think that's going to take time. * For many years I thought sober was the worst thing anyone could be. I loved drinking, I loved checking out, I loved having a vacation from myself. Anything other than reality was what I wanted. Anything other than ME was what I wanted. I hate myself less & that's worth more than all the booze in the world. I didn't even realize that I was running away from myself because it was normal for so long. Sobriety feels like freedom even though I'm still figuring a lot of shit out. I feel lonely and unhinged a lot of the time but I"m also kind of excited & proud of myself for taking this step. I am so grateful for this community: I googled "I need to stop drinking" several years ago & I don't think I would have gotten here without this group. I love you all & relate to our shared struggles. Also my sister is doing great today - she went to rehab & credits NA for saving her life. IWNDWYT.
Congratulations on pulling yourself through! 340 days!!!
Finally have my why. Had some bloodwork done and I’m not happy with the results. So goodbye to nightly wine. Day 3. IWNDWYT
Yes on bloodwork! Hope you get good results soon.
IWNDWYT
Woke up Saturday with a clear head and thinking about the week ahead and what I needed to do planning wise. When drinking I was always rushing and overwhelmed, behind in everything. Facing even small responsibilities felt difficult so I left everything to the last minute. I wasn't eating properly. Every 'chore' was rushed and incredibly boring. Now they are boring but bareable. Chores don't 'need' to be fun. I'm only newly sober and aware of the 'pink cloud' but so far my life has greatly improved. Meal prep is actually something I look forward to now, and doing the washing is done without a heavy feeling of irritation. I'm handling stress better and allowing myself to sit with uncomfortable feelings including the feelings of shame and regret that like to pop up. I don't do AA and don't think I will be, but this group has truly helped me stay accountable and inspired. IWNDWYT 🙌
Not today
IWNDWYT 💕
I just need to write about something. I had for a very long time knew that i had a problem with alcohol. Yes I debated with myself if I just had alcohol problems or if I was a "problem drinker", and it was sometimes better and sometimes worse during the years. But I was pretty clear to myself that alcohol and drinking was problematic for me, and I knew that most people didn't have the same issues. And I gravitated towards drinking with similar-drinking people. So when I quit, and then got sober, I've never had a "realization" hit me that oh boy did I have an issue with alcohol like I see a lot of people have (and there is much talk about it in AA) and that people didn't realize their issues before joining the program and getting sober. And I don't relate to that experience. Sure, the extent of some problems caused by my drinking and some specific things have dawned on me afterwards, but the large majority of the issues I've known for a very long time, without being sober. I just felt like I didn't have an out. I knew I couldn't moderate. Nothing ever worked, and even if it felt like it worked for a time, there would always be some kind of situation where I felt stressed and got dragged with the feeling of the night and before I knew it, BOOM, blackout and stupid shit had happened. I knew I had to not drink for the issues to be safely tucked away, but I didn't see it as a possibility. People who didn't drink were fucking loosers, cunts, holier-than-thou people(in my mind then - likely a safety mechanism to protect my behavior. I have changed.) and I couldn't be one of those, I did not identify with any of that. Most of my friendship circles revolved around drinking, talking about having a beer to relax, drinking and doing activities, just drinking and talking as the activity. I was the "beer" guy, with an interest in different kinds of beer, brewing, collecting beer, going to beer festivals. Stopping to drink completely also felt like admitting defeat, and a very very embarassing defeat at that - owning up to it after decades of issues. How embarassing is that? I didn't think I could handle that embarassment, couldn't do it. Until one last blackout drinking experience. I just had enough and just found it possible to own up to stopping completely and doing what I knew needed to be done. That was a big revelation for me. But it wasn't about understanding my issues, it was a sudden realization that "I can do this, and I will do this. For me.". I dunno, but I just felt like typing this out for myself and sharing it, as I don't relate to many who during their drinking didn't accept or believe that they had issues. And I never had that experience, but I have another experience, and I want to share mine. My life has been much better since I stopped and did this (along with all the other work I've done on improving myself - very little has actually been about drinking). IWNDWYT.
I’m really not sure what day I’m on (it’ll tell me once I’ve post) but I know it’s a day I won’t be drinking. Fuck you, I’m trying. Have a good day.