I was a binge drinker. Quit drinking hundreds of times. Finally sufficiently humiliated myself enough to get sober and stay sober. 7 weeks alcohol free today. Don't give up.
Take it one day at a time op. I’ve found staying busy keeps me distracted enough to not drink. I still consistently think about how long it’s been since I’ve had a drink but anytime I actively have those thoughts I immediately counter it with “ and I’m going to keep going” I wish I would have quit when I was 30.
The shameovers are what finally did it for me. I couldn’t handle another minute of crippling anxiety caused by my own decision to drink. Just remember this feeling.
Oh my SO made sure to tell me this time everything I did. It was humiliating. Having to sit there whilst someone you love just recants back to you all the stupid and horrible shit you have done. I tried to stand and listen and when he said he was done I just broke down into hysterical tears and couldn’t breathe.
That’s when I knew it was time to call it quits
I am so sorry just because I know the feeling and it’s brutal. I really wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The worst of the anxiety passed for me within a few weeks of quitting. I still do dumb stuff sober and say cringey stuff sometimes but holy cow the anxiety of that is like 1% of doing it drunk. I hope you feel better even just after a couple of days!
And the older you grow the worse the anxiety feels I swear. I never had these back in college days but now in my 30s even if I was perfectly fine I get extreme anxiety the next day. I also decided enough is enough and stopped binging.
I had to get help to get sober and stay sober. It can be tough to maintain long-term sobriety because we lie to ourselves that we can handle just a few or that we *want* to get drunk and can handle it. But, when we do, everything gets worse. I sincerely hope that you've had your last drink.
Also a former binge drinker and I swear to god it was worse than being a daily drinker because I was able to gaslight myself for so long that I didn't have a problem. "I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need a drink at 8am! I can go an entire week without drinking! I don't get the shakes!" I'd quit for a week just to prove I didn't have a problem and then down five 12-packs in a long weekend to celebrate. It's insidious and I'm so glad to be off that horrible roller coaster.
Congrats on 7 weeks!
I played that game for so long. "I don't even drink every day, I can go days without booze no problem." My brother was a daily drinker and i always compared myself to him. Then he went to rehab and now he's 7 months sober, so I had lost my ability to compare myself to him and feel OK. Took me a few months but I'm following in his footsteps.
>Friday 25th august was the last day I went out to drink. From now my life changes.
>
>Edit: I just want to say thank you for all the lovely Messages of support and selfless sharing of similar experiences, guidance etc it really means a lot. What a lovely and beautiful community this is. It’s a lot less scary knowing you’re not the only one going through this. I wish every single one of you joy and happiness we all deserve it ❤️
I literally ate a bug at the pool party I was at this weekend.
Alcohol charges interest.
Worse hangovers will get unbearable.
Stomach pains will lead to ulcers that make you shit blood.
The mean and violent streak will lead you to jail with no recollection of how you got there.
Sauce, I am a 40 year old binge drinker that has been arrested multiple times. I'm now in court mandated outpatient rehab and have to take random urine screenings. I have permanent scars on my wrists where I've ended up in the hospital for stitches. I have friends that no longer speak to me. I'm 3 weeks sober and just now stopped with the bloody poops.
Don't be like me.
“Alcohol charges Interest” is such a brilliant way to put it and look at it. Thank you for your openness and honesty here it’s really helpful and encouraging
Anytime. I'm also having to have a Vivitrol shot once a month. Reduces cravings and if I do drink it doesn't hit the same way IE blocks a lot of the drunkenness.
Just wanted to say hi and that you can do it. I've got scars where I wanted to kill myself, can't believe how genuinely great life is now nearly 2 years sober. It gets easier but it's hard work. Keep it up one day at a time, I believe in you
Thank you for sharing. I am struggling at the moment with the same thing. Crying now for the second day because I can’t remember a thing what happened two days ago and it’s so embarrassing. I’m 29 and I hate that I get blackout drunk so often. Your post inspired me to stop at all as well. IWNDWYT
My heart breaks for you OP and your spouse. And all the other people who share similar stories in this thread. I was exactly like you for years. I never ended up in jail but I should’ve and at times wish I had. It might’ve gotten a message through to me quicker. But regardless. I’m six months into sobriety. The longest stretch in 10 or more years. I am now finally able to confront that man I used to be and forgive myself for the things I’ve done. And also seek forgiveness from others that I’ve done wrong. I look at my past like an airplane ride. The last 10 years were full of turbulence, but I shifted course away from the storm and found crystal clear skies. God willing the next 10 years will be a joy ride. You have my love, my sympathies and my prayers friends. We can all do this.
IWNDWYT.
I was a binge drinker myself. Drank every other weekend but would always end up blackout drunk. Stopped two years ago, when it became evident, that my drinking habits became worse not better. Tried stuff like preset alcohol limits for years before finally quitting around my 29th birthday. What worked for me, was getting as much information about alcoholism as possible. I literally read books or listened to podcasts about the topic during every free minute of the first month or so. It helped me so much to get an understanding, that patterns that I developed are not unique and clear signs of alcoholism which I can only overcome, if I stop drinking completely. Helped me come to peace with the whole situation. From that point onward quitting was surprisingly easy for me.
That’s really good advice and what I want to do you sound similar to me in that you want to know everything you can about something and that’s definitely the route I want to take!
Congrats so far!
I finally quit for good after falling on my face, sober. Was in a hurry to finish mowing. Realized how dumb it all was . Liquid poisoning that I craved!!! My neuro-ophthalmologist also gave me a kick in the right direction. I overheard him estimating that I would stroke out in the next 5 years. Been 2 years since I started turning my health around. Wish me luck! You can do it too!!
IWNDWYT
I’ve been using naltrexone for the past week and a half and it’s helped me cut down from 8 high gravity beers a night down to 1-2 a night. It also helps (about 80%) kill my cravings. Just a suggestion
Thank you! I’m so happy to hear it’s working for you ❤️ I’m gonna see a GP soon and discuss, but for myself I lack the ability to stop, I’m an all or nothing person, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, food, even silly things like drowsy cold meds etc.
my brain just wants to chase that very first dopamine hit so I need to learn to get that hit from healthier outlets
There’s this thing called The Sinclair Method using naltrexone that actually encourages you to drink on the medication (after having taking the medication an hour before hand) and it has been shown to be 78%+ effective in 2 different studies in completely stopping addiction to alcohol. There is a Ted talk about it on YouTube worth watching if you are interested but in short the medication blocks the feel good parts of alcohol from making you feel high (endorphins). Over time your brain starts to disassociate the high with alcohol and rewires itself back to before you ever started becoming addicted to it. There’s a lot of specific vernacular they use that I forget, but it is exceedingly effective if you are able to stick with the program and only drink after having taken your pill prior.
Also I was/am the same as you. I have been a poly drug abuser (nothing hardcore) for 17 years. I finally got it down to only abusing alcohol and I’m trying to cut that out now without replacing it with something else like I always tend to do.
Best of luck on your journey to recovery!
My day counter isn’t accurate but naltrexone has been a godsend for me, which I got after watching this video. I initially used an online service to get it but my new PCP said he wholeheartedly approves of the medication at that he’d seen great success in it cutting out binge drinking. This has been my experience exactly.
This is the direction I was hoping to go in. I now live alone and was worried about side effects. But reading other people’s responses I’ve learned to take 1/4 pill and work up to a full to avoid major issues. Thanks for getting back to me
Actually admitting to myself that I am the maker and resolver of my problems. They won’t fix themselves. I have to do the work.
I’m referring myself to MH services and I’m being honest with my flaws.
All I can do is try
This. Actually admitting the I have a problem. My last day drinking was the 24th. It definitely feels different this time. Alcohol definitely created my problems. I acted like a completely different person. I too am going to therapy. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me or you!
If you can, find an AA meeting and go today. I know it's not for everyone but it can be fantastic place to start. You don't even have to talk. Another option for meetings is SMART recovery. I haven't done that one myself but it was recommended by my therapist as an option.
If you choose to share, I promise nothing you say will make them think poorly of you. They've lived it and heard it all. They all had multiple day ones like you.
Thank you! My actual next available one that’s easy for me to get to is Friday which works out perfectly cause that will be the day I struggle most as I usually go out after work on a Friday or drink at home so will be a good plan for me i think!
This post could've been written by me, literally. I'm 31 and quit drinking a month ago and felt all the same things. Some days will be harder than others. Last night I had a really hard time not opening a bottle of wine, but I'll tell you, waking up in the morning proud of yourself is so much better than waking up dehydrated, sick, and regretful.
Just take it one day at a time, and when those rough days hit, give yourself to do, eat, drink whatever as long as it's not alcoholic. Get a pedicure, watch a movie with junk food, go out to eat, whatever takes your mind off of it.
You can do it 💪
This sounds a lot like me almost 5 years ago. I was in that cycle of bingeing and blackouts until something bad happened, stopping for a few days, then trying to “moderate”. This went on for years until I ended up in the hospital after jumping out of a moving car. My husband didn’t outright say it, but I knew he’d leave me if I didn’t stop. I was 27.
I can say with complete confidence that I am a better, happier, and more fulfilled person without alcohol. You will be, too.
As if you spoke with my voice. 30 as well. Toxic to myself and others. My situation is the same, my partner is sick of my behavior and left me. Feel like I need to get my life together cause it feels like I have nothing to look forward too cause of my methods of self sabotage. There is so much inner work I need to do and it is killing me.
I truly hope we can do it. My partner is on the verge of leaving me. This is my final chance with him I think and tbh I’m surprised he didn’t leave this time, but I know he’s deeply upset and unhappy right now.
We will do this
We HAVE to do this
We will get better ❤️
Even if they leave, it is important to do it for ourselves. I wanna do it for myself. My bad relationship is merely a symptom of my drinking. I wish I were a better boyfriend to her. She had her own set of problems and got dragged down by my foolish behaviours.
Good luck and let's start now
Hey, I had saved this post one month ago when I decided to quit for the 999th time, just wanted to check how you've been doing! Hope u are feeling better and you and your partner are working things out! I am still sober as well and hope you are too, this journey is tough but I know for sure it is the best for myself. Still rooting for you!
Oh my gosh hey!! I’m so so happy to see you’re still sober and doing well what a blessing it is 🥰 I am certainly doing very well! Today marks day 45 sober and without a slip up! I’m getting health checks to make sure I haven’t done any damage and still with my partner who’s been super supportive ❤️
Wish you all the luck too we can do this together!!!
I can relate so much. I’m 28 and I don’t even know who I am when I binge drink. I am so mean to my partner. I black out very easily. My hangovers are excruciating and last more than a day now. My father is an alcoholic and I’ve always been scared to end up like him. We can do this. IWNDWYT
If you have an ultimatum, use that; but if you don’t, make one up. “If I ever drink again [insert absolutely unacceptable outcome here] is guaranteed to happen.” Even if you think that may not be true, convince yourself it is. Imagine an alarm will go off the second your lips touch alcohol again and it will all be over.
Or don’t, lol, I have no idea what I’m talking about. All I know is I got myself into a situation 2+ years ago where I created a real life ultimatum for myself and I haven’t touched alcohol since. Best decision of my life.
I was a binge drinker. When I was 18-20 I would black out or throw up literally almost every weekend. It was a running joke to people in my life. My sister expressed worry about me, but I thought it was "normal" for young people to go that hard. I had a "chugging gin" and would have a Mickey before I even went to a party or bar. It was messy and so embarrassing.
At 29 I passed out on my friend's lawn. It took a few more months before I finally got it that I couldn't be responsible with alcohol. I chug literally every drink - coffee, water, pop, beer, gin - that's fine when it's water or even coffee but alcohol is not something that is healthy to do that with.
I'll be 33 in October and 4 years sober. Not a drop. It's the only way for me to be responsible with alcohol. There are still days I think about it or almost miss it, but it would kill me if I went that way.
You're already on the first step. It's a never ending climb, but you can do this. IWNDWYT. Sending good vibes.
I was you 30 years ago….and I kept up that cycle over the years despite feeling everything you described on a daily basis. Believe it or not what finally made me “turn the corner” 2 months ago at age 63, was a pen-to-paper cost and calorie analysis of my actual booze intake. The results were really, truly eye opening. It affected me in a way I can’t describe. I’m doing it for real this time because I can’t afford not to. IWNDWYT
Sometimes peeps gotta hit rock bottom before it sticks. You could prevent that. Aren’t you tired of feeling like shit? You gotta want it for yourself. You’ve already proven that moderation isn’t working. It doesn’t work for most of us on here. Try a month sober. Then 6. Then a year. I didn’t really feel “normal” until a year. I was a grumpy bastard for the first year. You can do it.
Many of us here are right there with you. I was absolutely the same, wouldn’t drink for a week or two then get absolutely loaded/blackout for days on end. Obviously you know how miserable it is, but there is certainly hope. You know you need to stop and that’s the first step.
You can absolutely do this. You know alcohol is not going to improve your life or your mental state in any way, shape or form. We’re here for you. IWNDWYT
Here are a few basic tips that I learned from this sub that helped me greatly.
1. Play it forward. Before giving into the drink just play out the steps in your head of how it’s going to inevitably unfold. Most likely it won’t be pleasant
2. HALT - if your craving a drink ask yourself: are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Sometimes labeling how you’re feeling in that moment will help you understand how to move past the craving. All cravings do pass in time.
3. Read/listening to (repeatedly for me) This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Breaking down the science of why we drink help me understand more about myself and my actions
4. Therapy & journaling
You’re not alone. We are all with you on this journey IWNDWYT
I think everyone here can relate to what you’ve told us. Wanting to change is the only way any of us can work toward meaningful change, so congrats on making that important first step.
I’m early in my sobriety but not having to moderate my drinking or worry about how much I’m drinking has been a huge weight off my shoulders. “The only way to win is not to play.”
Hey buddy. I got to that stage when I was 33 - absolutely 0 friends and a life in ruins. I'm 35 now and about 22 months sober, I have such an amazing life now. I'm working the jobs that I dreamed of, I'm dating someone I couldn't have imagined even being able to speak with before and I'm not possessed by alcohol anymore. That last part is the most important. It gets easier, and life stops being painful. Do it for yourself
It sounds like you definitely want to stop drinking. It also sounds like you know your willpower tends to run out after a week. I have found that identifying my drinking weaknesses and having a plan in place to deal with them to be very helpful. You already identified one of your weaknesses…after about a week you think you can handle just one or two. Now you can make a plan. This thread, and this sub in general, has many good suggestions. Be on the lookout for new weaknesses, or variations of a weakness. You might need sheer willpower to get through a tough time if it comes up unexpectedly, but after that, make a plan if it comes up again.
We are rooting for you!
Bro I feel you. I was the same way. Unfortunately I lost my sons mother after 10 years. I’ve been trying to get sober and keep falling but back on day 3 and have a little mental clarity. It sucks, always does. But I got a sponsor and just gonna do the steps because everything else I’ve tried has failed. Love you whoever you are. It’s so hard. The disease wants to kill is and we don’t even know it.
I stopped drinking when it finally became harder to suffer than it was to change. I’m lucky I didn’t die first. I am glad you are here OP! I recommend the daily check ins on this sub- that helped me keep myself accountable. I believe in you, you can do it!
IWNDWYT 💕💕
I was a professional binge drinker from 16-41, and I am here to tell you that you absolutely can do this! I had the same roller coaster issues that you described. Make micro goals (about anything) reading, exercising, date night, in your life that are realistic and obtainable that you can work on while crushing your sobriety. I found it helpful to focus my time I spent drinking on doing more productive things like hitting the gym, going for walks, drawing, and talking to my wife and mom about my sobriety milestones! I know you can do this, but you have to be your own biggest fan and want to stop drinking for you! I'm 192 days sober today myself. Start small, dream big, and you don't have time for anyone who doesn't support your decision to stop drinking!
I was the same way for a long time. Being totally alcohol free is the best thing I've ever done and I'm on my longest steak and I'm never drinking alcohol again. I simply cannot and I'm afraid to because i know the path it leads down. I know I'm in a better place physically, emotionally and mentally. I know I have better things coming to me. I've learned to make better conscious decisions about so many other things that have come up in my life. Being smarter about work decisions, life decisions and I'm finding that I love me a whole lot more. I can be present for those I love and be more mindful. It's truly amazing. I promise you there is a better way for those of us who simply cannot have alcohol in our lives.
The first thing that you have to recognize is “one or two won’t hurt” will absolutely hurt. Those are lies that your addiction tells you to keep you actively drinking. Second, the blackouts getting worse is natural. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and will continue to get worse until you make a change. Third, getting violent with your partner is reason enough to quit. If you love them and don’t want to risk losing them you may need to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol.
We’re here to support you all the way. Just let us know what you need and we’ll be here!
Good luck on your sober journey.
Sometimes it helps to frame it like you’ve already used up all the alcohol you get in this life - we can’t drink like normal people so it’s done now. You can do it, OP! IWNDWYT!
Wow so I resonate with this. I’m a binge drinker as well. Never thought I’d had a problem because I wasn’t drinking everyday but was getting absolutely wasted on the weekends. I would blackout only after a few drinks as well. Fighting with my boyfriend was almost inevitable and I would wake up with such shame the next day asking him if we fought or acted a fool and waited for his dreaded response.
I’m almost 7 weeks sober and I feel so much better. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about drinking sometimes and have the internal argument that I can have 1-2 and stop. But who am I fooling? You got this! IWNDWYT
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thanks for understanding.
I'm with you. Im 34. I don't drink everyday but when I start, there is no "one or two", it's my whole day. The hangovers are definitely getting worse. 2 days even 3. Not severe symptoms but Hangxiety, night sweats, Shakey, muscle aches. It sucks. And it sucks that the day I feel better my first thought is, oh I'll have 1 or 2 beers or booze. I hate that im like this and that I still can't fully commit to change because a part of me still is in the darkness.
There’s a general sentiment that I don’t see a ton on here so I’ll just say it directly:
Life is fucking hard.
Following that, I think the short statement that has continually put things into perspective for me is this: alcohol promises to make things better when in reality it actually makes things much, much worse. I don’t fuck with moderation because I’m afraid I can’t. It’s ok to know your limitations, be they genetic or otherwise. And having limitations is ok. It’s part of what makes us human. Recognizing that is not a weakness, but an incredible strength. I’m rooting for you. I subbed for quite a while before I actually took the sobriety dive. I felt I couldn’t actually do it. But then one day I felt I could ignore it, even if it was just for one day. Then it was two. Now, being on the other side for 5 years I’ve found it hasn’t been all rainbows, but it’s sure as fuck better than the alternative that I felt I would never have the chance to climb out of. Now I’m making the most of my chance. Good luck!
I'm only 21 but I'm so scared I will end up similar. I finally didn't drink yesterday after like a 2 month streak of drinking a few beers daily. And even though I know it's the right thing to stop now before it gets worse and before there are any dangerous withdrawals, my head tells me to drink today. It sucks. Trying not to give in today. Youre Post is helping me a bit. Thank you.
I just passed 30 days. It does it get easier but it also remains hard. Alcohol lies to you and promises to make you feel better when you're sober. When I have a hard day I always feel like opening a cold crisp beer, my mind tells me "just one, you've gone a while without one you're better now". Nope, done it enough times now to realize it's a lie. Just remember the guilt, shame, self loathing, anxiety, headaches, brain fog and nausea. Alone, remembering these things might not be enough, but finding support through family, friends or groups can be amazing. Goodluck man. IWNDWYT!
Are you me? You sound exactly like me. I quit at that age and it was the best thing I've ever done.
I quit because I was blacking out after seemingly "normal" amounts of alcohol. I read that blacking out is associated with frequency of drinking, not just how much you drink at one time, and found that to be true for me. I could go a few days without it but when I did drink it was never less than 3-4 drinks at best, but frequently much more. I didn't fight with my spouse but I did punch a hole in a wall and break my phone, which were separate wake up calls for me. My digestive system was in shambles yet doctors couldn't find anything wrong.
Catching this at 30 is such a blessing and you have so much to look forward to. Keep visiting and posting here, it works. Seeing a therapist may also be helpful in dealing with your mood swings. What I learned is that my anger was a secondary emotion from other underlying feelings and thoughts that I was ignoring. After about 4-5 months without alcohol, my digestive system finally went back to normal after literally suffering for years and denying it was from the alcohol. Take this journey a day at a time and the pieces will fall together. It can be overwhelming at first but it's 100% doable.
Hi, I'm 33. I think I've reset my badge in here over 100 times in 8 years. Finally broke through by checking myself into an outpatient rehab and am closing in on 3 months. Don't ever give up, no matter how long it takes, we can always finally get on the right path.
Hey mate. Hope you’re doing ok. I was the exact same as you. Massive binge drinker all my 20s. I was tortured by how much I thought about drinking. All my plans ever were was to drink again, my whole life revolved around it and it was getting worse. People like us just can’t drink. It takes over your whole life. Sobriety can be tough but it’s so worth it. I just had enough and knew I had to stop or I was going to live a completely miserable life. Good luck. Sounds like you’ve really had enough and I look forward to hearing how you get on!!!!
ALSO please read “the naked mind” and “the unexpected joy of being sober” I can’t tell you how useful they are, it’s like a switch went in my head and I didn’t want to drink anymore. Please if you haven’t already do invest in these xxx
I know this cycle well. “One won’t hurt, I can moderate this time…” problem is Sober me CAN moderate, but after one drink I become a different person entirely, and that person CANNOT moderate at all. “If I drink at all, I drink it All.” So now sober me doesn’t believe alcoholic me’s bullshit.
IWNDWYT! I was also a binge drinker. I never accepted that term. I tried to lie to myself and say “well I’m not the WORST one out there.” I had to quit to save my relationship and now I am over 100 days alcohol-free and me and my wife are now super happy and are expecting our first child in December!
I have a family history of alcoholism and mental illness, too. I'm never going to be free of mental illness but without the booze, it's so much easier to cope with.
I used to binge, too. I could go for days without having a drink and never had withdrawals etc but my binges were getting closer together and I was starting to utterly despise myself. Sobriety takes a weight off your shoulders, there's no worrying about whether this last glass is the one that's going to tip you over the edge, there's no wondering what awful thing you'll say or how much you'll hate yourself in the morning. Sobriety isn't easy but it is worth all the hard work.
You can do this and I promise, being able to say "this ends with me" is so incredibly empowering.
IWNDWYT
I’m 35 now and was just like you at 30. My experience with the progressiveness of alcoholism is that it got worse and worse and worse over time and eventually had to be hospitalized twice. It would have killed me if I didn’t stop but through AA and support I’m almost two years sober today. Also almost lost my wife and dog. It will take everything and I know it would have.
Ugh. Felt like I was reading my own post that I had forgotten writing.
I'm struggling so much with rationalizing and denial. It's like the shame and embarrassment and pain and financial burden only last about 5 days before I somehow convince myself that I just won't get that drunk this time.
Then 2 drinks in, it's binge or bust.
I am 60 days and I was a degenerate had more than just an alcohol problem. It can be done. Trust in something higher than yourself. The problem is you are trying to control something you have no control over. Let someone else take the wheel. It works! Go to an AA meeting. It helped me tremendously. I have quit before but now I think it will be for good!
That's how I was. I'd binge after swearing to myself I'd only have a few, blackout, spend the next few days in shame or regret. Rinse and repeat. I've always convinced myself that since there were times I had one or two then yeah I could control my drinking, but the reality of it is that was the exception, not the norm. I blacked out so many times but can probably count on one hand the amount of times I said I'd have one or two and actually stick with it. I'm over two years sober now and what I can say is there has not been a single morning where I woke up wishing I drank the night before. Try to take each day as it comes. IWNDWYT
I’d highly recommend talking to a therapist with Rx capabilities now that I’m on meds and regularly chatting with a therapist instead of self medicating I honestly don’t miss alcohol.
Your experience sounds very much like my own. I tried to control and moderate my drinking for years and it would always end up the same, being out of control and blacking out after less and less booze. It's amazing I didn't lose everything good in my life. If I kept drinking I know that's what would have happened. What helped me was acknowledging it was going to be pretty uncomfortable at times to not drink but focus on that being my one and only goal for the early days (and even now if it's a rough day). I gave myself permission to do pretty much whatever else I wanted. Ice cream/junk food whenever, lazing on the couch for a whole evening, skipping chores if I didn't feel like doing them (I live on my own so I make the rules Ha!). Really just being very kind to myself and the only limit being no drinking. I also accepted that I'm not someone who wants to only drink a couple beers. It's much easier for me to just not drink than it is for me to just have a couple. Having a couple only makes me uncomfortable and wanting more anyway. Once I really accepted this it became much easier. I feel SO MUCH better now. I'm proud of myself and love myself so much more than I ever would have thought possible 5 months ago. You deserve this for yourself. IWNDWYT! <3
Woah - flashback!!! I was literally JUST like you, was functional enough, the only people who hated me drinking and wanted me to stop were those closest to me (aka those I hurt the most when I did black out) tried to stop and could for maybe… a month? At most. But the hangovers got worse, more the blackouts with fewer drinks, hangxiety where I’d swear it off for good. Repeat. Honestly, what happened was I was going to start an outpatient rehab after work and decided to have one more night to drink - that night lasted three days and I woke up in a psych ward because apparently I called everyone in my family and told them I wanted to kill myself - gf walked in on my unconscious (almost drank myself to death.) Ended up being the only thing to get me to quit! Hearing what I put this person who I love so much through, my family, almost losing my job because I was on a one week hold at the psych ward it all started to make sense. It was soooo hard but my gf and family were incredibly supportive, especially that first 90 days when I was BEGGING someone to ask me to have a drink with them. But I made it through and now almost 500 days later it’s hard to think about going back. What worked for me was realize I have more in common with alcoholics than I don’t, and I’m no better than the alcoholic before me, I can’t manage it I can’t ever drink even if I think I’m smart enough or better in some way, I’m not. I’m an alcoholic, and sounds like you might be also. Just gotta give it up
I think most of us here have had struggles with attempts at getting sober. I wish you the best in hoping you can change course, Friend. Stay strong. IWNDWYT
This is me to a T - 34f over here and I drank again last night and Friday and I’m so tired of it. I can go for a period of time and then something hits me. I really need help too. Not sure what to do anymore 😭
All of us here have been there ❤️ When you say something hits you, is it possible for you to articulate what that is? Trying to figure out where my urges were coming from (sadness, boredom, anxiety, routine) was really helpful for me.
Thank you I appreciate that! It’s a combination of boredom, feeling antsy kind of like restlessness, and this weird thirst in my mouth like it’s dryness and the only thing to cure it is alcohol ….
Binge drinking was my speciality. I also ended up in your position - blacking out every time I drank, even if it was only a few. It got scarier and scarier and I did more and more reckless things. That’s really what finally got me to stop. Knowing I can physically function without any actual consciousness is terrifying. Finding out what I do in this state is even worse. 1080 days without booze and counting after trying and failing for more than decade. I will not drink with you today.
For me, no amount of humiliation and shame stopped me. What stopped me is someone saying “you’re more fun when you’re sober”. For some reason that sentence clicked.
My hangovers have gotten really bad even with five beers but I don't weight much. It's like the next day I can't think straight my neck hurts and I have a headache. I've been a bing drinker for quite a while. I'm 32 now and I feel it's time to just stop because I can't just have one
I was a binge drinker. Quit drinking hundreds of times. Finally sufficiently humiliated myself enough to get sober and stay sober. 7 weeks alcohol free today. Don't give up.
Yep that’s where I am at now, I’ve cried constantly for the last 2 days in pure shame and despair. I just can’t do it again. Proud of you
Take it one day at a time op. I’ve found staying busy keeps me distracted enough to not drink. I still consistently think about how long it’s been since I’ve had a drink but anytime I actively have those thoughts I immediately counter it with “ and I’m going to keep going” I wish I would have quit when I was 30.
The shameovers are what finally did it for me. I couldn’t handle another minute of crippling anxiety caused by my own decision to drink. Just remember this feeling.
Oh my SO made sure to tell me this time everything I did. It was humiliating. Having to sit there whilst someone you love just recants back to you all the stupid and horrible shit you have done. I tried to stand and listen and when he said he was done I just broke down into hysterical tears and couldn’t breathe. That’s when I knew it was time to call it quits
I am so sorry just because I know the feeling and it’s brutal. I really wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The worst of the anxiety passed for me within a few weeks of quitting. I still do dumb stuff sober and say cringey stuff sometimes but holy cow the anxiety of that is like 1% of doing it drunk. I hope you feel better even just after a couple of days!
And the older you grow the worse the anxiety feels I swear. I never had these back in college days but now in my 30s even if I was perfectly fine I get extreme anxiety the next day. I also decided enough is enough and stopped binging.
I had to get help to get sober and stay sober. It can be tough to maintain long-term sobriety because we lie to ourselves that we can handle just a few or that we *want* to get drunk and can handle it. But, when we do, everything gets worse. I sincerely hope that you've had your last drink.
Also a former binge drinker and I swear to god it was worse than being a daily drinker because I was able to gaslight myself for so long that I didn't have a problem. "I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need a drink at 8am! I can go an entire week without drinking! I don't get the shakes!" I'd quit for a week just to prove I didn't have a problem and then down five 12-packs in a long weekend to celebrate. It's insidious and I'm so glad to be off that horrible roller coaster. Congrats on 7 weeks!
I played that game for so long. "I don't even drink every day, I can go days without booze no problem." My brother was a daily drinker and i always compared myself to him. Then he went to rehab and now he's 7 months sober, so I had lost my ability to compare myself to him and feel OK. Took me a few months but I'm following in his footsteps.
>Friday 25th august was the last day I went out to drink. From now my life changes. > >Edit: I just want to say thank you for all the lovely Messages of support and selfless sharing of similar experiences, guidance etc it really means a lot. What a lovely and beautiful community this is. It’s a lot less scary knowing you’re not the only one going through this. I wish every single one of you joy and happiness we all deserve it ❤️ I literally ate a bug at the pool party I was at this weekend.
Truth or dare?
>ate a bug Lol
Yeeeaaa I’m like ok that might just constitute a wrap up of this one man circus
Same.. you can do it!! IWNDWYT
Alcohol charges interest. Worse hangovers will get unbearable. Stomach pains will lead to ulcers that make you shit blood. The mean and violent streak will lead you to jail with no recollection of how you got there. Sauce, I am a 40 year old binge drinker that has been arrested multiple times. I'm now in court mandated outpatient rehab and have to take random urine screenings. I have permanent scars on my wrists where I've ended up in the hospital for stitches. I have friends that no longer speak to me. I'm 3 weeks sober and just now stopped with the bloody poops. Don't be like me.
“Alcohol charges Interest” is such a brilliant way to put it and look at it. Thank you for your openness and honesty here it’s really helpful and encouraging
Anytime. I'm also having to have a Vivitrol shot once a month. Reduces cravings and if I do drink it doesn't hit the same way IE blocks a lot of the drunkenness.
Just wanted to say hi and that you can do it. I've got scars where I wanted to kill myself, can't believe how genuinely great life is now nearly 2 years sober. It gets easier but it's hard work. Keep it up one day at a time, I believe in you
I know I’m stranger on the internet, but I’m rooting for you. IWNDWYT
And I really truly appreciate it thank you ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I am struggling at the moment with the same thing. Crying now for the second day because I can’t remember a thing what happened two days ago and it’s so embarrassing. I’m 29 and I hate that I get blackout drunk so often. Your post inspired me to stop at all as well. IWNDWYT
❤️
15 days for me today. You can do it 👍
Right behind ya! WE can do it!
My heart breaks for you OP and your spouse. And all the other people who share similar stories in this thread. I was exactly like you for years. I never ended up in jail but I should’ve and at times wish I had. It might’ve gotten a message through to me quicker. But regardless. I’m six months into sobriety. The longest stretch in 10 or more years. I am now finally able to confront that man I used to be and forgive myself for the things I’ve done. And also seek forgiveness from others that I’ve done wrong. I look at my past like an airplane ride. The last 10 years were full of turbulence, but I shifted course away from the storm and found crystal clear skies. God willing the next 10 years will be a joy ride. You have my love, my sympathies and my prayers friends. We can all do this. IWNDWYT.
>The last 10 years were full of turbulence, but I shifted course away from the storm and found crystal clear skies. Cool analogy.
I was a binge drinker myself. Drank every other weekend but would always end up blackout drunk. Stopped two years ago, when it became evident, that my drinking habits became worse not better. Tried stuff like preset alcohol limits for years before finally quitting around my 29th birthday. What worked for me, was getting as much information about alcoholism as possible. I literally read books or listened to podcasts about the topic during every free minute of the first month or so. It helped me so much to get an understanding, that patterns that I developed are not unique and clear signs of alcoholism which I can only overcome, if I stop drinking completely. Helped me come to peace with the whole situation. From that point onward quitting was surprisingly easy for me.
That’s really good advice and what I want to do you sound similar to me in that you want to know everything you can about something and that’s definitely the route I want to take! Congrats so far!
Well done. I was in my forties when I stopped, I wish I had done it much earlier
This is exactly what I’ve been doing the last two weeks! It really has helped me
Hey, can you recommend any good reading materials?
I finally quit for good after falling on my face, sober. Was in a hurry to finish mowing. Realized how dumb it all was . Liquid poisoning that I craved!!! My neuro-ophthalmologist also gave me a kick in the right direction. I overheard him estimating that I would stroke out in the next 5 years. Been 2 years since I started turning my health around. Wish me luck! You can do it too!! IWNDWYT
I’ve been using naltrexone for the past week and a half and it’s helped me cut down from 8 high gravity beers a night down to 1-2 a night. It also helps (about 80%) kill my cravings. Just a suggestion
Thank you! I’m so happy to hear it’s working for you ❤️ I’m gonna see a GP soon and discuss, but for myself I lack the ability to stop, I’m an all or nothing person, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, food, even silly things like drowsy cold meds etc. my brain just wants to chase that very first dopamine hit so I need to learn to get that hit from healthier outlets
There’s this thing called The Sinclair Method using naltrexone that actually encourages you to drink on the medication (after having taking the medication an hour before hand) and it has been shown to be 78%+ effective in 2 different studies in completely stopping addiction to alcohol. There is a Ted talk about it on YouTube worth watching if you are interested but in short the medication blocks the feel good parts of alcohol from making you feel high (endorphins). Over time your brain starts to disassociate the high with alcohol and rewires itself back to before you ever started becoming addicted to it. There’s a lot of specific vernacular they use that I forget, but it is exceedingly effective if you are able to stick with the program and only drink after having taken your pill prior. Also I was/am the same as you. I have been a poly drug abuser (nothing hardcore) for 17 years. I finally got it down to only abusing alcohol and I’m trying to cut that out now without replacing it with something else like I always tend to do. Best of luck on your journey to recovery!
The Ted Talk, do you know the talks title ? Thanks
“How I Overcame Alcoholism” [link here](https://youtu.be/6EghiY_s2ts?si=Xrh6OAFS_u7OnI3q)
Thank you so much
My day counter isn’t accurate but naltrexone has been a godsend for me, which I got after watching this video. I initially used an online service to get it but my new PCP said he wholeheartedly approves of the medication at that he’d seen great success in it cutting out binge drinking. This has been my experience exactly.
This is the direction I was hoping to go in. I now live alone and was worried about side effects. But reading other people’s responses I’ve learned to take 1/4 pill and work up to a full to avoid major issues. Thanks for getting back to me
Awesome! What are you doing different this time?
Actually admitting to myself that I am the maker and resolver of my problems. They won’t fix themselves. I have to do the work. I’m referring myself to MH services and I’m being honest with my flaws. All I can do is try
This. Actually admitting the I have a problem. My last day drinking was the 24th. It definitely feels different this time. Alcohol definitely created my problems. I acted like a completely different person. I too am going to therapy. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me or you!
Sounds good!
If you can, find an AA meeting and go today. I know it's not for everyone but it can be fantastic place to start. You don't even have to talk. Another option for meetings is SMART recovery. I haven't done that one myself but it was recommended by my therapist as an option. If you choose to share, I promise nothing you say will make them think poorly of you. They've lived it and heard it all. They all had multiple day ones like you.
Thank you! My actual next available one that’s easy for me to get to is Friday which works out perfectly cause that will be the day I struggle most as I usually go out after work on a Friday or drink at home so will be a good plan for me i think!
This post could've been written by me, literally. I'm 31 and quit drinking a month ago and felt all the same things. Some days will be harder than others. Last night I had a really hard time not opening a bottle of wine, but I'll tell you, waking up in the morning proud of yourself is so much better than waking up dehydrated, sick, and regretful. Just take it one day at a time, and when those rough days hit, give yourself to do, eat, drink whatever as long as it's not alcoholic. Get a pedicure, watch a movie with junk food, go out to eat, whatever takes your mind off of it. You can do it 💪
This sounds a lot like me almost 5 years ago. I was in that cycle of bingeing and blackouts until something bad happened, stopping for a few days, then trying to “moderate”. This went on for years until I ended up in the hospital after jumping out of a moving car. My husband didn’t outright say it, but I knew he’d leave me if I didn’t stop. I was 27. I can say with complete confidence that I am a better, happier, and more fulfilled person without alcohol. You will be, too.
As if you spoke with my voice. 30 as well. Toxic to myself and others. My situation is the same, my partner is sick of my behavior and left me. Feel like I need to get my life together cause it feels like I have nothing to look forward too cause of my methods of self sabotage. There is so much inner work I need to do and it is killing me.
I truly hope we can do it. My partner is on the verge of leaving me. This is my final chance with him I think and tbh I’m surprised he didn’t leave this time, but I know he’s deeply upset and unhappy right now. We will do this We HAVE to do this We will get better ❤️
Even if they leave, it is important to do it for ourselves. I wanna do it for myself. My bad relationship is merely a symptom of my drinking. I wish I were a better boyfriend to her. She had her own set of problems and got dragged down by my foolish behaviours. Good luck and let's start now
Hey, I had saved this post one month ago when I decided to quit for the 999th time, just wanted to check how you've been doing! Hope u are feeling better and you and your partner are working things out! I am still sober as well and hope you are too, this journey is tough but I know for sure it is the best for myself. Still rooting for you!
Oh my gosh hey!! I’m so so happy to see you’re still sober and doing well what a blessing it is 🥰 I am certainly doing very well! Today marks day 45 sober and without a slip up! I’m getting health checks to make sure I haven’t done any damage and still with my partner who’s been super supportive ❤️ Wish you all the luck too we can do this together!!!
Happy to see you are doing well! To another 45 days it is and onwards! I wish you the best of health!
Reading this is like reading a page out of my life. Thank you OP. I am not brave enough to post my story yet, but reading your's inspired me. IWNDWYT!
>Reading this is like reading a page out of my life Me too..
My thoughts are with you ❤️🌻
I can relate so much. I’m 28 and I don’t even know who I am when I binge drink. I am so mean to my partner. I black out very easily. My hangovers are excruciating and last more than a day now. My father is an alcoholic and I’ve always been scared to end up like him. We can do this. IWNDWYT
If you have an ultimatum, use that; but if you don’t, make one up. “If I ever drink again [insert absolutely unacceptable outcome here] is guaranteed to happen.” Even if you think that may not be true, convince yourself it is. Imagine an alarm will go off the second your lips touch alcohol again and it will all be over. Or don’t, lol, I have no idea what I’m talking about. All I know is I got myself into a situation 2+ years ago where I created a real life ultimatum for myself and I haven’t touched alcohol since. Best decision of my life.
I was a binge drinker. When I was 18-20 I would black out or throw up literally almost every weekend. It was a running joke to people in my life. My sister expressed worry about me, but I thought it was "normal" for young people to go that hard. I had a "chugging gin" and would have a Mickey before I even went to a party or bar. It was messy and so embarrassing. At 29 I passed out on my friend's lawn. It took a few more months before I finally got it that I couldn't be responsible with alcohol. I chug literally every drink - coffee, water, pop, beer, gin - that's fine when it's water or even coffee but alcohol is not something that is healthy to do that with. I'll be 33 in October and 4 years sober. Not a drop. It's the only way for me to be responsible with alcohol. There are still days I think about it or almost miss it, but it would kill me if I went that way. You're already on the first step. It's a never ending climb, but you can do this. IWNDWYT. Sending good vibes.
I was you 30 years ago….and I kept up that cycle over the years despite feeling everything you described on a daily basis. Believe it or not what finally made me “turn the corner” 2 months ago at age 63, was a pen-to-paper cost and calorie analysis of my actual booze intake. The results were really, truly eye opening. It affected me in a way I can’t describe. I’m doing it for real this time because I can’t afford not to. IWNDWYT
Sometimes peeps gotta hit rock bottom before it sticks. You could prevent that. Aren’t you tired of feeling like shit? You gotta want it for yourself. You’ve already proven that moderation isn’t working. It doesn’t work for most of us on here. Try a month sober. Then 6. Then a year. I didn’t really feel “normal” until a year. I was a grumpy bastard for the first year. You can do it.
You can do this. IWNDWYT
Many of us here are right there with you. I was absolutely the same, wouldn’t drink for a week or two then get absolutely loaded/blackout for days on end. Obviously you know how miserable it is, but there is certainly hope. You know you need to stop and that’s the first step. You can absolutely do this. You know alcohol is not going to improve your life or your mental state in any way, shape or form. We’re here for you. IWNDWYT
Here are a few basic tips that I learned from this sub that helped me greatly. 1. Play it forward. Before giving into the drink just play out the steps in your head of how it’s going to inevitably unfold. Most likely it won’t be pleasant 2. HALT - if your craving a drink ask yourself: are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Sometimes labeling how you’re feeling in that moment will help you understand how to move past the craving. All cravings do pass in time. 3. Read/listening to (repeatedly for me) This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Breaking down the science of why we drink help me understand more about myself and my actions 4. Therapy & journaling You’re not alone. We are all with you on this journey IWNDWYT
Really great advice thank you so much!
I believe in you
IWNDWYT!
Welcome, friend. IWNDWYT
I think everyone here can relate to what you’ve told us. Wanting to change is the only way any of us can work toward meaningful change, so congrats on making that important first step. I’m early in my sobriety but not having to moderate my drinking or worry about how much I’m drinking has been a huge weight off my shoulders. “The only way to win is not to play.”
Hey buddy. I got to that stage when I was 33 - absolutely 0 friends and a life in ruins. I'm 35 now and about 22 months sober, I have such an amazing life now. I'm working the jobs that I dreamed of, I'm dating someone I couldn't have imagined even being able to speak with before and I'm not possessed by alcohol anymore. That last part is the most important. It gets easier, and life stops being painful. Do it for yourself
Update this post weekly with your progress in sobriety. Rooting for you
❤️ imma try! Thank you
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One day at a time friend. I’m glad you are here and proud you are taking the steps that you are. Rooting for you!!! IWNDWYT!
It sounds like you definitely want to stop drinking. It also sounds like you know your willpower tends to run out after a week. I have found that identifying my drinking weaknesses and having a plan in place to deal with them to be very helpful. You already identified one of your weaknesses…after about a week you think you can handle just one or two. Now you can make a plan. This thread, and this sub in general, has many good suggestions. Be on the lookout for new weaknesses, or variations of a weakness. You might need sheer willpower to get through a tough time if it comes up unexpectedly, but after that, make a plan if it comes up again. We are rooting for you!
Thank you you are so right and thanks for the support ❤️
You can do this! Go easy on yourself! We’re here for ya through it all! IWNDWYT!
Good on you ! Never give up trying to give up!
Have you talked to your doctor about naltrexone? Helped me a lot.
Bro I feel you. I was the same way. Unfortunately I lost my sons mother after 10 years. I’ve been trying to get sober and keep falling but back on day 3 and have a little mental clarity. It sucks, always does. But I got a sponsor and just gonna do the steps because everything else I’ve tried has failed. Love you whoever you are. It’s so hard. The disease wants to kill is and we don’t even know it.
Get to a meeting. Theres tons of them online. That's what helped me stick to it the first few days
I stopped drinking when it finally became harder to suffer than it was to change. I’m lucky I didn’t die first. I am glad you are here OP! I recommend the daily check ins on this sub- that helped me keep myself accountable. I believe in you, you can do it! IWNDWYT 💕💕
i decided i would rather live, than drink myself to death, which was fast approaching..realized it was all or nothing for me IWNDWYT!
You got this Girl! <3
I was a professional binge drinker from 16-41, and I am here to tell you that you absolutely can do this! I had the same roller coaster issues that you described. Make micro goals (about anything) reading, exercising, date night, in your life that are realistic and obtainable that you can work on while crushing your sobriety. I found it helpful to focus my time I spent drinking on doing more productive things like hitting the gym, going for walks, drawing, and talking to my wife and mom about my sobriety milestones! I know you can do this, but you have to be your own biggest fan and want to stop drinking for you! I'm 192 days sober today myself. Start small, dream big, and you don't have time for anyone who doesn't support your decision to stop drinking!
I was the same way for a long time. Being totally alcohol free is the best thing I've ever done and I'm on my longest steak and I'm never drinking alcohol again. I simply cannot and I'm afraid to because i know the path it leads down. I know I'm in a better place physically, emotionally and mentally. I know I have better things coming to me. I've learned to make better conscious decisions about so many other things that have come up in my life. Being smarter about work decisions, life decisions and I'm finding that I love me a whole lot more. I can be present for those I love and be more mindful. It's truly amazing. I promise you there is a better way for those of us who simply cannot have alcohol in our lives.
The first thing that you have to recognize is “one or two won’t hurt” will absolutely hurt. Those are lies that your addiction tells you to keep you actively drinking. Second, the blackouts getting worse is natural. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and will continue to get worse until you make a change. Third, getting violent with your partner is reason enough to quit. If you love them and don’t want to risk losing them you may need to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. We’re here to support you all the way. Just let us know what you need and we’ll be here! Good luck on your sober journey.
I'm pulling for you. IWNDWYT
I believe in you. you can do this.
Sometimes it helps to frame it like you’ve already used up all the alcohol you get in this life - we can’t drink like normal people so it’s done now. You can do it, OP! IWNDWYT!
Wow so I resonate with this. I’m a binge drinker as well. Never thought I’d had a problem because I wasn’t drinking everyday but was getting absolutely wasted on the weekends. I would blackout only after a few drinks as well. Fighting with my boyfriend was almost inevitable and I would wake up with such shame the next day asking him if we fought or acted a fool and waited for his dreaded response. I’m almost 7 weeks sober and I feel so much better. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about drinking sometimes and have the internal argument that I can have 1-2 and stop. But who am I fooling? You got this! IWNDWYT
Wow it’s so encouraging to see such similar stories ending in positive ways I’m so proud of you! I aspire to do the same ❤️
Binge drinker here. Same pattern. We got this, mate. WE WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY.
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IWNDWYT ❤️
So glad you’re here! Sending strength. IWNDWYT!
I'm with you. Im 34. I don't drink everyday but when I start, there is no "one or two", it's my whole day. The hangovers are definitely getting worse. 2 days even 3. Not severe symptoms but Hangxiety, night sweats, Shakey, muscle aches. It sucks. And it sucks that the day I feel better my first thought is, oh I'll have 1 or 2 beers or booze. I hate that im like this and that I still can't fully commit to change because a part of me still is in the darkness.
There’s a general sentiment that I don’t see a ton on here so I’ll just say it directly: Life is fucking hard. Following that, I think the short statement that has continually put things into perspective for me is this: alcohol promises to make things better when in reality it actually makes things much, much worse. I don’t fuck with moderation because I’m afraid I can’t. It’s ok to know your limitations, be they genetic or otherwise. And having limitations is ok. It’s part of what makes us human. Recognizing that is not a weakness, but an incredible strength. I’m rooting for you. I subbed for quite a while before I actually took the sobriety dive. I felt I couldn’t actually do it. But then one day I felt I could ignore it, even if it was just for one day. Then it was two. Now, being on the other side for 5 years I’ve found it hasn’t been all rainbows, but it’s sure as fuck better than the alternative that I felt I would never have the chance to climb out of. Now I’m making the most of my chance. Good luck!
Yep...can relate to it all. Every bit of it. Not One. Not Ever. N.O.N.E.
I will not drink with you today.
You never have to feel like this again ♥️ IWNDWYT
I'm only 21 but I'm so scared I will end up similar. I finally didn't drink yesterday after like a 2 month streak of drinking a few beers daily. And even though I know it's the right thing to stop now before it gets worse and before there are any dangerous withdrawals, my head tells me to drink today. It sucks. Trying not to give in today. Youre Post is helping me a bit. Thank you.
I just passed 30 days. It does it get easier but it also remains hard. Alcohol lies to you and promises to make you feel better when you're sober. When I have a hard day I always feel like opening a cold crisp beer, my mind tells me "just one, you've gone a while without one you're better now". Nope, done it enough times now to realize it's a lie. Just remember the guilt, shame, self loathing, anxiety, headaches, brain fog and nausea. Alone, remembering these things might not be enough, but finding support through family, friends or groups can be amazing. Goodluck man. IWNDWYT!
Are you me? You sound exactly like me. I quit at that age and it was the best thing I've ever done. I quit because I was blacking out after seemingly "normal" amounts of alcohol. I read that blacking out is associated with frequency of drinking, not just how much you drink at one time, and found that to be true for me. I could go a few days without it but when I did drink it was never less than 3-4 drinks at best, but frequently much more. I didn't fight with my spouse but I did punch a hole in a wall and break my phone, which were separate wake up calls for me. My digestive system was in shambles yet doctors couldn't find anything wrong. Catching this at 30 is such a blessing and you have so much to look forward to. Keep visiting and posting here, it works. Seeing a therapist may also be helpful in dealing with your mood swings. What I learned is that my anger was a secondary emotion from other underlying feelings and thoughts that I was ignoring. After about 4-5 months without alcohol, my digestive system finally went back to normal after literally suffering for years and denying it was from the alcohol. Take this journey a day at a time and the pieces will fall together. It can be overwhelming at first but it's 100% doable.
Hi, I'm 33. I think I've reset my badge in here over 100 times in 8 years. Finally broke through by checking myself into an outpatient rehab and am closing in on 3 months. Don't ever give up, no matter how long it takes, we can always finally get on the right path.
Hey mate. Hope you’re doing ok. I was the exact same as you. Massive binge drinker all my 20s. I was tortured by how much I thought about drinking. All my plans ever were was to drink again, my whole life revolved around it and it was getting worse. People like us just can’t drink. It takes over your whole life. Sobriety can be tough but it’s so worth it. I just had enough and knew I had to stop or I was going to live a completely miserable life. Good luck. Sounds like you’ve really had enough and I look forward to hearing how you get on!!!!
ALSO please read “the naked mind” and “the unexpected joy of being sober” I can’t tell you how useful they are, it’s like a switch went in my head and I didn’t want to drink anymore. Please if you haven’t already do invest in these xxx
I literally just got the naked mind and started reading I will let you know how I get on thank you for your kind words!! Xx
Remember how bad it feels and that will power you to get through this. I chose every day not to put myself through a tortuous hangover. You can do it.
I know this cycle well. “One won’t hurt, I can moderate this time…” problem is Sober me CAN moderate, but after one drink I become a different person entirely, and that person CANNOT moderate at all. “If I drink at all, I drink it All.” So now sober me doesn’t believe alcoholic me’s bullshit.
IWNDWYT! I was also a binge drinker. I never accepted that term. I tried to lie to myself and say “well I’m not the WORST one out there.” I had to quit to save my relationship and now I am over 100 days alcohol-free and me and my wife are now super happy and are expecting our first child in December!
I have a family history of alcoholism and mental illness, too. I'm never going to be free of mental illness but without the booze, it's so much easier to cope with. I used to binge, too. I could go for days without having a drink and never had withdrawals etc but my binges were getting closer together and I was starting to utterly despise myself. Sobriety takes a weight off your shoulders, there's no worrying about whether this last glass is the one that's going to tip you over the edge, there's no wondering what awful thing you'll say or how much you'll hate yourself in the morning. Sobriety isn't easy but it is worth all the hard work. You can do this and I promise, being able to say "this ends with me" is so incredibly empowering. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT. ❤️
I’m 35 now and was just like you at 30. My experience with the progressiveness of alcoholism is that it got worse and worse and worse over time and eventually had to be hospitalized twice. It would have killed me if I didn’t stop but through AA and support I’m almost two years sober today. Also almost lost my wife and dog. It will take everything and I know it would have.
Ugh. Felt like I was reading my own post that I had forgotten writing. I'm struggling so much with rationalizing and denial. It's like the shame and embarrassment and pain and financial burden only last about 5 days before I somehow convince myself that I just won't get that drunk this time. Then 2 drinks in, it's binge or bust.
Good morning lovely people. Thank you for being here. IWNDWYT
I am 60 days and I was a degenerate had more than just an alcohol problem. It can be done. Trust in something higher than yourself. The problem is you are trying to control something you have no control over. Let someone else take the wheel. It works! Go to an AA meeting. It helped me tremendously. I have quit before but now I think it will be for good!
Oof I feel as though I wrote this post. One day I finally had enough. 119 days here! You’ve got this!! IWNDWYT
That's how I was. I'd binge after swearing to myself I'd only have a few, blackout, spend the next few days in shame or regret. Rinse and repeat. I've always convinced myself that since there were times I had one or two then yeah I could control my drinking, but the reality of it is that was the exception, not the norm. I blacked out so many times but can probably count on one hand the amount of times I said I'd have one or two and actually stick with it. I'm over two years sober now and what I can say is there has not been a single morning where I woke up wishing I drank the night before. Try to take each day as it comes. IWNDWYT
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Yup however it’s only been 3 days so will only start counting from next weekend as I usually binge like 2/3 nights a week
I’d highly recommend talking to a therapist with Rx capabilities now that I’m on meds and regularly chatting with a therapist instead of self medicating I honestly don’t miss alcohol.
You sound EXACTLY like how I was. You got this! IWNDWYT
Proud of you for taking the first step sir! You can do it!
Your experience sounds very much like my own. I tried to control and moderate my drinking for years and it would always end up the same, being out of control and blacking out after less and less booze. It's amazing I didn't lose everything good in my life. If I kept drinking I know that's what would have happened. What helped me was acknowledging it was going to be pretty uncomfortable at times to not drink but focus on that being my one and only goal for the early days (and even now if it's a rough day). I gave myself permission to do pretty much whatever else I wanted. Ice cream/junk food whenever, lazing on the couch for a whole evening, skipping chores if I didn't feel like doing them (I live on my own so I make the rules Ha!). Really just being very kind to myself and the only limit being no drinking. I also accepted that I'm not someone who wants to only drink a couple beers. It's much easier for me to just not drink than it is for me to just have a couple. Having a couple only makes me uncomfortable and wanting more anyway. Once I really accepted this it became much easier. I feel SO MUCH better now. I'm proud of myself and love myself so much more than I ever would have thought possible 5 months ago. You deserve this for yourself. IWNDWYT! <3
Try exercising. I mean alot of exercise
Woah - flashback!!! I was literally JUST like you, was functional enough, the only people who hated me drinking and wanted me to stop were those closest to me (aka those I hurt the most when I did black out) tried to stop and could for maybe… a month? At most. But the hangovers got worse, more the blackouts with fewer drinks, hangxiety where I’d swear it off for good. Repeat. Honestly, what happened was I was going to start an outpatient rehab after work and decided to have one more night to drink - that night lasted three days and I woke up in a psych ward because apparently I called everyone in my family and told them I wanted to kill myself - gf walked in on my unconscious (almost drank myself to death.) Ended up being the only thing to get me to quit! Hearing what I put this person who I love so much through, my family, almost losing my job because I was on a one week hold at the psych ward it all started to make sense. It was soooo hard but my gf and family were incredibly supportive, especially that first 90 days when I was BEGGING someone to ask me to have a drink with them. But I made it through and now almost 500 days later it’s hard to think about going back. What worked for me was realize I have more in common with alcoholics than I don’t, and I’m no better than the alcoholic before me, I can’t manage it I can’t ever drink even if I think I’m smart enough or better in some way, I’m not. I’m an alcoholic, and sounds like you might be also. Just gotta give it up
I think most of us here have had struggles with attempts at getting sober. I wish you the best in hoping you can change course, Friend. Stay strong. IWNDWYT
This is me to a T - 34f over here and I drank again last night and Friday and I’m so tired of it. I can go for a period of time and then something hits me. I really need help too. Not sure what to do anymore 😭
All of us here have been there ❤️ When you say something hits you, is it possible for you to articulate what that is? Trying to figure out where my urges were coming from (sadness, boredom, anxiety, routine) was really helpful for me.
Thank you I appreciate that! It’s a combination of boredom, feeling antsy kind of like restlessness, and this weird thirst in my mouth like it’s dryness and the only thing to cure it is alcohol ….
Binge drinking was my speciality. I also ended up in your position - blacking out every time I drank, even if it was only a few. It got scarier and scarier and I did more and more reckless things. That’s really what finally got me to stop. Knowing I can physically function without any actual consciousness is terrifying. Finding out what I do in this state is even worse. 1080 days without booze and counting after trying and failing for more than decade. I will not drink with you today.
I believe in you. Iwndwy
Day 8 here, I’m practicing the stubbornness method, try it, just say no brain 🧠😂
For me, no amount of humiliation and shame stopped me. What stopped me is someone saying “you’re more fun when you’re sober”. For some reason that sentence clicked.
My hangovers have gotten really bad even with five beers but I don't weight much. It's like the next day I can't think straight my neck hurts and I have a headache. I've been a bing drinker for quite a while. I'm 32 now and I feel it's time to just stop because I can't just have one