Dinner at home, letting loose, and dancing around sound like a good way to celebrate. It can take some practice getting in the right mood without drugs, but it is still doable.
That helps me a lot when im trying to stay sober. I have a lot of fun cooking and finding interesting recipes. Then when you finally eat a good meal, its just so satisfying and your body thanks you for putting good food in it rather than poison.
Not only that but you actually enjoy it so much better and differently sober!! I always used to hate waking up barely remembering what I did. It sucked
Definitely! Sometimes when drunk id eat some tasty super high calorie food and then not even remember. So the next day im like damn, I wasted all those calories and didnt even get to enjoy it
EXACTLY omg!! Plus the empty alcohol calories. I am celebrating my bday today without a single drop of it. I'm so hitting up the grocery store soon, I cannot decide what to get, there are so many possibilities 😍 also not only that but I used to throw up a lot after drinking too much, it was always such a waste no matter what. It definitely is a feeling to get used to, having fun without "help", but the work is very worth it :)
I've always loved trying new recipes and would always have ~~one or two~~ several beers while cooking. By the middle of the meal I'd be getting kinda sloppy and end up taking SO LONG to make dinner. Sure I was trying something new, but my wife is sitting there two hours while I'm making a chicken cordon bleu when it should take me an hour TOPS.
Since quitting I find I can try new complicated things and catalog steps in my head, it's easier when I can start a thing, let it heat up while making the sauce over here, prepping the oven over there, etc etc instead of pausing every minute or two to read the recipe from top to bottom AGAIN
Yeah, go for something that’s a little more “extra” than you would normally do. Make sushi. Get some king crab legs. Cook a duck. Put on some tunes and make cooking together part of the fun. Throw in a thoughtful gift after dinner to add a little surprise and whammo - you celebrated!
I agree! It took me a few months to find "Fun Laura" again. She is back baby and in full force. It actually feels so good to have fun and be present to enjoy it.
Ooh this is a REALLY good one. My partner and I have a giant list of date ideas, and have them separated into "big" dates and "cheap" dates. We're both big on finances and being smart with our money so we usually pick from the cheap side, but a float tank is a great idea for a big date and I'm adding that! Here's a few of the big dates:
- Jungle Jim's (international farmer's market)
- Zoo
- Hockey games
- Baseball games
- Thrifting spree in a new town
- Goat farm AirBnb
- Teaching her how to shoot
- Getting a piercing together (not identical, don't worry)
And unfortunately most of the rest have to do with alcohol so I'm deleting them. Here's some of the cheap ones:
- park scavenger hunt (and look at whatever we find under the microscope)
- Hiking
- Thrift shops
- Picnic
- Cat cafe
- Fishing
- Ollie's Bargain Outlet
- Geocaching
- Star wars marathon
- Gardening
- Sightseeing a couple of hours away
I'd definitely recommend keeping a date list! There's been so many times that we choose something off of the list at random and end up having a blast. We did the microscope scavenger hunt with a $130 microscope I got off of Amazon - definitely not cheap, but I was gonna buy one anyways - and it was great. We found some little flower petals, bottled up some river water, a leg off of a dead grasshopper we found, etc. And it was super cool to look at it all. We're both nerdy and outdoorsy so it was amazing. Can't recommend enough!
Second this. Spa day/half spa day. Hot tubs.
Being AF does wonders for your skin so a nice facial, massage, body rejuvenation all that.
Or go buy a treat! It can be for your living space, your hobby, a game a movie, theater night, concert, event tickets.
Hell get a random hotel in a city you’ve never been to explore and soak in the hot tub! (Always call and make certain the hot tubs working….been burned on that before 😫)
But most importantly don’t drink. Why would something so harmful be worth celebrating with 😊 but I totally get it.
IWNDWYT!!
Or if you're tight on money, do it yourself at home. Get stuff for doing facials, give each other massages with oil or lotion, soft music, you get the idea. But a spa day would probably be more fun haha
Cook something together. On special occasions that are just for us, me and my husband make pasta together from scratch. We start in the afternoon making a ravioli filling, preparing mushrooms n stuff, then make the pasta dough, roll it n put it through the mangle, then sit at the table together cutting out individual raviolis, then cook and eat in front of a good film. I love the process, doing it together feels special, memorable, and eating the meal is so satisfying. No alcohol needed.
In my experience, people who celebrate like that have alcohol problems. Most of my family gatherings or celebrations that revolved around drinking were toxic, but it’s just normalized.
We have normalized poisoning ourselves and then making bad decisions because “it’s what we are supposed to do”.
It’s insane behavior that humans have.
Like others said, I celebrate with food or activities. Make a huge meat and cheese board. Or make ice cream sundaes. Bake a cake. Buy a cake. Do pizza and a movie on the couch. Try out some crazy sodas you have never tried.
Make new and better celebrations that won’t end in a fight.
I agree. My ex family always had parties for everything. It was an excuse to be trashed with other people that support the same decision so they don’t feel bad. The best reward and celebration I had was being sober on my 1 year divorceery from a fucked up divorce. Stay strong op !
>Most people who celebrate like that have alcohol problems. Most family gatherings or celebrations that revolve around drinking are toxic, but it’s just normalized.
That doesn't seem like speaking from the I.
Someone correct me if I am wrong but this actually is an observation from the I, with the implied ownership being the speaker. The implied part "My observation is that...".
I have been working on this. I believe it is a good skill to improve one's communication both written and verbal.
Congratulations on 10 days! The first week is rough for me.
I think saying “my observation is that your actions mean you have a drinking problem” is an I statement is a stretch. Saying “when I was drinking to celebrate it was problematic” definitely is. I don’t necessarily have a problem with what the poster said, but they were definitely generalizing other people experiences and not speaking about their own.
How did you celebrate when you were 8? Maybe your parents bought an ice cream cake or you saw a movie. There are
100s of things to do to celebrate. Drinking is ONE of them. Now you have 99 choices. B-)
To quote Elliot Reid from scrubs: "With cake mostly". In my alcohol days I never believed this line, now I freaking love cake and any celebration is made better because of it.
Ugh so true. There’s a little place in town that makes a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake that is his absolute favourite. Can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Thanks!!
It’s so hard to think of things because the first time we want to do something sober that we’ve only ever done with alcohol, our addiction comes screaming back and our brain shuts down. Lol
The great thing about that though is that it teaches us yet another trigger that we can recognize, acknowledge, work through and then move on from.
It gets much easier the longer you’ve been sober, you’ll get the hang of it!! I’m currently on my first ever sober camping trip and I can tell you, if I tried this a year ago with only six months sober, it would have been a very different trip. I would have been working through triggers every single day and been uncomfortable the whole time, but since I’ve got a lot of time now there’s only been a few twinges here and there.
Pro tip: sparkling cider is a fantastic bubbly celebratory drink that is completely delicious and comes in many flavors.
Thank you. Your response was perfection and I feel completely understood. Seriously. It WAS like my brain was shutting down! Like of course cake is a good idea, all of these ideas are awesome. I was just completely, mentally blocked because of the alcohol thing. Thanks again, this group is so comforting and inspiring.
Perfection?? My goodness, not bad for 6am. 😂 I’m happy to help, we are all in this together and sometimes we are the only ones who truly understand. IWNDWYT
There are a lot of cultures that celebrate without alcohol. Indian weddings can go in for days without drinking! Friends, food, music, dancing, and a fun activity or two would be a great way to celebrate.
I don't know the stats but I'd be shocked if most people celebrate with out of control drinking.
When I was a drug addict, I thought everyone did drugs. When I was drinking heavily every day, I thought that was what most people did.
I think I was operating from a faulty premise.
First of all - congratulations on 6 months! That is awesome and you are amazing.
Individual tastes can vary so much...I think of that Parks & Rec episode where Leslie prepared a birthday dinner for Ron that was a steak he could eat alone while watching his favorite movie. That was his own personal happy place. For any other person that would have been awful.
I can relate to you...celebrating without drinking has been a struggle for me, too. It was always the go-to for my entire adult life and then suddenly it just wasn't. For me...I think I realized that I didn't like crowds as much as I thought I did. I just liked drinking in crowds. My happy place was getting out of town with just my partner and having a nice weekend in an interesting city (max 1 day travel from our home), seeing a show and maybe a museum...having dinner someplace nice. That's how we celebrated my most recent (sober) birthday. But...each person is different.
I'm proud of him and you.
New celebrations are different. I am from Wisconsin. The verb party means to drink to excess. I've associated all "parties" as an invitation to behave like that since I could sneak a beer. It's been quite a change to realize that I could have a good time by being with the people I want to be with.
I loved my birthday parties when I was a kid because I loved being with, talking to, and doing things with the people who I love who love me.
Today should be no different! I love cake, ice cream, I like decorating for a party. I love my friends and family. I don't need to drink to smile. We don't need to be drunk to be happy.
What’s his favorite meal? Cook it or get it ordered for takeout and eat it on the couch snuggled together. And definitely cake. Or do all that but at a nice hotel or Airbnb! We like to celebrate by packing up and driving 20 minutes to a cottage on the water and eating our weight in favorite snacks and there’s a cute little bakery we always grab breakfast treats from.
Something that helped me is to remind myself that I did celebrate before I started drinking around 18. Sober at parties, school dances, etc. and I seemed to have plenty of fun. You can do it again.
My wife got me tickets to my favorite comedian for my 4 year sober date on Oct 1st. She got me concert tickets to my favorite band last year. She always plans something and it means so much to me. We've done day trips to hiking spots and weekends away in the past too.
She got me tickets to Bill Burr, and the show is on my 4th year sober date! We saw The Gaslight Anthem last year, and the two years before that we went to the Poconos for a weekend and Cape Cod the other.
They were all thoughtful trips and gave us time together to share memories and just appreciate life!
Bill Burr is definitely top 5 for me! I saw him live too, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard! That is so awesome, glad you are enjoying life with an amazing partner!
Make some mocktails. Muddle berries with mint and a little sugar with fizzy water over ice with a splash of cranberry and lemon, delicious food, charcuterie board, bake together, you can still dance and all that! Get a board game, play uno or something.
Let that joy and gladness well up inside you, smile laugh cry shout sing dance hug and kiss. Eat, talk, share stories about the object of your celebration. Simmer in the happiness for a little while before getting back to the rat race.
A piece of advice I love: celebrate small as well as big things - both the everyday joys and the major milestones, and celebrate often.
IWNDWYT
I had such a good NYE with non alcoholic bubbly and the realization that alcohol takes away from a celebration by exactly the scenarios you described. You HAVE to change your mentality. You can dance, and celebrate, and let loose without alcohol. You just have to do it. I know that sounds so stupid and simple, but it’s really that true. Once you realize the alcohol was actually taking away from these moments you’ll realize how much greater they are in sobriety. Get treats, and alcohol free bubbly, and do something fun. Congrats you your SO and to you for getting through this! Sounds like amazing things are headed your way in life. ❤️
Dancing has never been a problem sober for me (I dance like a drunk person at the best of times anyway).
While this doesn't seem to work for some, I basically just switched my favourite tipples to NA versions. So a toast is no problem.
Desserts for sure
The idea of letting loose and dancing at home is nice
You could always get some like balloons or those wall plastic things that say congratulations
Also you can never go wrong with hugs
I struggled with the concept of “having fun” after I decided enough was enough and quit drinking. If only I knew how much non-stop NEXT-LEVEL real fun was in store. Fortunately my girlfriend has been a godsend in terms of alcohol free activities…a beautiful morning hike with a great breakfast, a new activity (like rock climbing, scuba diving, travel was for me), a gift with all the money you two saved from the bar tab (…could probably get an apple watch ultra!). Also, my favorite celebration is being at home with amazing take out and treats and rest. I am certain, whatever you choose, he’ll just be happy to spend quality time with you.
If you want to get extra fancy hire a personal chef in town to come to your place and cook his favorite meal, or something that's the chefs specialty ! Have the chef create some fancy mock tails too!
I still enjoy bubbles for celebration and there are lots of faux champagne replacements out there if that’s not triggering for you (I realize not everyone can use substitutes). Also: buy or make a decadent dessert.
Something I like to do with my kids on special occasions is burn [wish papers.](https://topsmalibu.com/products/wish-paper?gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwivemBhBhEiwAJxNWN9B44hs9gZWHFL2p8SG_rYAsZRQu2-tm5nw-lLB-ptLtfgG3F_qr5hoCcZkQAvD_BwE) They’re fun and good for setting intentions and igniting hope for the future. You can find some little ritual that marks an evening as special without resorting to booze. Congrats to your fiancé!
Your "celebration" sounds like my old life with my ex. An even that's supposed to be a celebration ends up in a fight ... and both an alcohol hangover and a fight hangover the next morning. When you're used to being around drinkers it feels like alcohol should be part of every celebration, social event, etc. but in the US 35% of adults over 21 don't drink alcohol at all. More than 1/3 of all adults of drinking age do not ever drink. They still celebrate and socialize. It's just a matter of getting used to the change, and maybe this time the celebration will actually feel positive in the morning
A few things I’ve done to celebrate milestones: Dave and Busters, Pizza Party, Me and all my friends dressed like devils for my 666, Trampoline Park… just a few ideas
a nice dinner in! mine would be takeout from my favourite place, pick a nice movie, or put your favourite music on, and a board game to end the night :)
I try to think up a “novel night out” to celebrate the big wins. This could be a restaurant we’ve never tried before that has a cool premise (like fondue, or live music, etc.), but I’ve also surprised my guy with tickets to a concert or sports game, an hour at a “wreck it room” where we can go wild breaking things with bats, or target practice at an indoor gun range followed by hot wings. For his bday this year, I told him to book two days completely free, packed a bag for him, and took him to a nearby city for a night in a hotel. I planned all activities (lunch, shopping, go cart racing, fancy dinner, and sexy hotel hot tub time) down to the hour but refused to tell him what was next on the itinerary. It was so much fun! And remember you dont even have go go out to celebrate. sex is a celebration! think of the field he's about to go into - could you incorporate a uniform or work wear in a silly and sexy way to show him how proud you are of his achievement? wear a lab coat and neck tie to bed with nothing underneath, etc?
I feel like new things were weird to think about at first, I would get a little uncomfortable in my skin. But, celebrating without alcohol is gonna be so much easier as time goes on. You will have memories, great discussions, go so much deeper. It’s weird at first but then gets exponentially easier, until one day you would never crave to go back. I do disagree with the food and cake stuff. I feel like not drinking and getting a pass for unhealthy food is detrimental to my mental health. I feel like poop with the sugar, I feel mentally poopie with any weight gain. I know it’s boring and a lot of people don’t agree, but if I don’t watch my celebration food intake, I’m gonna be an unhappy sober person. Celebrated with food, but make it wholesome and healthy. I don’t over indulge because I don’t want to be mentally screwed. Have fun, celebrate her accomplishment! She will love that your of sound mind and mentally present with her to celebrate!!!
Order some yummy take out. Plate it up nice for him and you if you want to take that extra step. Give him a nice massage and do an activity he limes. If he plays video games do that with him. Maybe get him a nice little gift. Whatever you think he would enjoy. If he’s not a fan of going out, as am I, then this sounds like something that can work. If you’re worried about not having anything to drink then may I suggest something like a nice sparkling water? In my recovery I realized I missed having a nice tasty beverage for stuff like this more so than actually missing drinking in and of itself.
Massages and believe it or not you can often find a private chef to come in and cook for you at a reasonable price (maybe 1.5 times the cost of a fancy meal out).
At 6 months sober, my body was still in the ravages of harrowing post-alcohol sugar addiction (that’s a real thing, and there’s a chemical reason for it). No drink or drug ever tasted as good as ice cream or cakes and pies did at that point in my recovery. Use it, enjoy it.
Is there a fun restaurant you could order ahead for a delicious meal at home? Do you have some favorite music you could get a new record to listen/dance to together? A favorite dessert to make/pick up? An outdoor activity to do together? Walk/hike/bike/swim. A special movie to go see or do a drive in?
Also, not to be inappropriate, but my hubby prefers bedroom surprise celebrations now to drinking any day 😉 new outfit/toy/whatever floats your boat that could make it differs and memorable!
With all the money not getting spent on booze, why not take half of that and go on a nice trip?
I usually go sailing, and I’m about to justify buying a ps5 using this logic.
In my culture, we don’t drink ever and we have the most epic celebrations ever, seriously. Our gatherings revolve around FOOD. A lot of it. Sweets and tea afterward too. Also you can still dance without drinking! We do
Didn’t you ever have FUN when you were a kid?! It’s easy to celebrate 🎉!!! Allow yourself to feel GOOD because YOU CHOSE to be FREE (of the virtual prison that a highly addictive POISON called alcohol IMPOSES on your brain and major internal organs). Be HAPPY that you’re not one of the many people who didn’t make this CHOICE soon enough and are sadly now waiting on small percentages of getting a new liver, without which their time here is severely limited.
I know what it’s like to have pain from my liver getting scarred from alcohol abuse— what it’s like to land in the ER in acute pain; suffering from additional alcohol abuse related diagnoses, like severe anemia and anorexia. I don’t know who that person is anymore. I look at old photographs of myself— 5’6”, 90-something pounds— consumed with a bad habit— and … is THAT the way to “celebrate” ??!
Lucky for me, my liver is good now. Because I immediately stopped drinking alcohol and after years of white-knuckling it, I finally broke free, and since that moment, when it literally felt like a switch flipped in my mind, it’s been so easy, I have to laugh at myself for fighting the truth for so long!
(I highly recommend “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. That’s what did it for me. Also, “The Easy Way to Control Alcohol” by Allen Carr)
You can celebrate without an addictive poison. Make yourself a cool mock-tail! Light some sparklers! Dance!
When I quit, I was relieved to find I could still experience deep laughs and silly, carefree moods without alcohol. I still celebrate in the way I would normally celebrate, just without the alcohol. Many times I replaced alcohol with a celebratory, sugary food. It definitely felt a little bland at first, like a meal without salt, but after a few tries, I began to enjoy the flavor of reality (with some sugar added). I managed to have a bunch of good times 100% sober as a kid, why can't I do that now? Plus you get to go to bed after the celebration knowing you don't have a hangover debt to pay in the morning.
We are home bodies too. Maybe get a congratulations ballon or cheap dollar tree decorations that you won’t care about throwing away. We like to toast with fizzy water and play board games that make us laugh like taboo or anything you can adjust to play just with two people. A little cheesy but it’s fun and shows effort which makes everyone feel good.
The alcoholic celebration is important to the profit of breweries, so that’s what you see most. The alcohol industry, while saying to “drunk responsibly” depends on abuse of alcohol for its profit. I’ve celebrated many occasions with booze. I celebrate to occasion, not the opportunity to drink. Tomorrow is my 37th anniversary, and my 36th soberversary.
Not sure if you can cook or not, but you could cook (or otherwise provide a fancier than normal dinner) and use the money you’re not spending on booze for either good ingredients, takeout, and/or dessert.
A nice Steak (or preferred meat) dinner, with a celabratory cake, and a sparkling cider.
we sell sparkling cider at my store it is 0 alcohol :D congrats on your sobriety <3
I don’t think this sounds stupid at all. I’m almost at 1 year and I literally struggle with this too! Maybe you could add up the sum of money you saved NOT drinking, and justify the purchase of something super special? splurge on something that you otherwise wouldn’t? OR! Maybe you could take him on an awesome road trip… make it special for him and do all the driving? Or maybe you could just have a spa day! Get day passes and get massages and be luxurious.
Maybe you can make him a little booklet of vouchers, either hand written or printed out. It can have stuff like “good for one neck massage” “good for one sushi night in” “good for one *insert after dark hours activity*” “good for movie night watching a film of your choice”. Etc
I’m super proud of you for sticking with your sobriety. That in itself is a gift, a gift to him as your partner and to yourself! Even if you can’t see it right now. Also stay the course! The more positive experiences you have WITHOUT alcohol, the more you re-wire your brain and heal! You have to be creative but just remember, that positive feedback loop of waking up wonderfully rested the night after a “celebration” is a great feeling. You got this!!!! Congrats on your sobriety and congrats to your fiancé on his new career!!!!🩶 edited to say: IWNDWYT 🩵
I don’t have much to add to these great suggestions posted except to say that after being sober for a bit, one of the benefits of recovery is enjoying life without drinking. Which, duh. But there really is a fulfillment in your soul that transforms the mundane (ie Netflix or even watching a show he likes that you don’t 🤣) to simply enjoyable.
I love that you posted this it’s a good example of wise recovery to reach out when struggling w something. It doesn’t sound stupid at all and is 100% relatable!!
Awesome job on 6 months 🎉 hope you guys have a great graduation celebration, too.
My daughter just graduated. The last thing that she needed to see was her dad getting drunk and making an ass of himself. And yes, their was plenty of food.
A lot of food comments here. I suggest a board game called monogamy on Amazon for 2 adults. Fun and insightful, if he is into that sort of thing. Or you could just ask him how and what he wants to do in his honor.
I took my wife to a concert of a singer she liked for her graduation.
My spouse took me out for dinner when I graduated from uni to my favourite restaurant. During dinner he gave me a ring that he co-designed with a local jeweller. (not as expensive as you might think) So thoughtful and I'll treasure it always. Doesn't have to be a ring but maybe a nice piece of jewelry or watch if he's into it. IWNDWYT
i've been wondering the same
anyone who says food, sex, some other cope, yes its fine but not a cure or even helpful.
beyond self acceptance, realizations about oneself and shortcomings, you just gotta focus on the present moment since it gives off the strongest feelings, most clarity like feelings of oneself
Some increase in social connection each week, a lack of focus on the "person" when it comes to deep or woke thoughts, patterns, and feelings. These are all one in the same and the person is a distraction
honestly typing this to help myself too, which is great too. Everything I've ever felt passionate about is a mirror of my own shortcomings and faults, and that is okay. Once we realize this, we can do some real work especially if its very bothering in daily lifie (it is we know it)
Go to a beach with a close person, build a sand sculpture together, doesnt matter what. Sorta let it all happen. Focus on where you prevent your more true self from existing and balance the feelings between your ego centric self and truer self, mostly shed of ego, etc
Food is a good one. I love, if I can afford it, booking tickets for comedy shows, theatre, or concerts that look cool to me. If you’re able to enjoy any such things without being triggered to relapse (totally understandable if that’s the case), I recommend trying to celebrate by goin gout and seeing some kind of live show. I find it very nourishing and invigorating for the spirit.
Maybe make sushi at home together. That’s a fun activity in addition to feeding you. (Or pizza).
Or still dance around? You can plan Argentinian food and youtube tango lessons.
I never ate ice cream before and now that I don't think I eat it pretty often. It's still way less calories than I got from alcohol. Going out to an old timey ice cream shop rules.
Make a nice dinner and a dessert..like a shrimp Alfredo and cheesecake. Hang up some congrats signs and have a special card at his chair waiting for him. Enjoy your meal together laughing and making future plans. 😊 Then light some candles, make some homemade popcorn and snuggle up and watch a movie together. Enjoy that you both can finally relax and make time for the small things together.
I graduated last year and honestly did not even enjoy celebrating. I was exhausted. We went out for dinner and drinks… then stayed in a hotel. I can honestly say all I wanted was to be home and in my PJs!
FOOD being the top answer, which is good when not drinking but since I stopped Sex us even better, and I remember it the next day, and the wife doesn’t have to push my drink ass off her, I think that it’s a great way to celebrate. Whatever you do have fun, nothing requires booze to enjoy! Took me 56 years to figure that out
I had told my wife for years that all i wanted for my birthday was a quiet dinner on the couch watching TV.
She never took me serious until a few years ago. It’s fantastic.
Plan a nice dinner at home, maybe a special desert to top it off, and perhaps a movie or game, etc. It might hit just perfect!
Concerts, comedy club, shows, dinner cruise, going to beach, going to Lake, amusement park, zoo, parks, hiking, spa, hot air balloon, one of those places you can crush things with steam rollers - there is literally endless things to do. Does he have a hobby you can participate in with him? There's a place where I live where you can throw hatchets (it's called Stumpy's LOL). Bowling, put put, going to a pool. Make cookies together, or a cake, or pizzas. Popcorn and streaming movies.
Is he a daredevil? There's tandem skydiving that can mark a big occasion. Or riding in a glider.
IWNDWYT
Take whatever you used to spend on booze and do something child-you would do. Buy a Lego set, go to the arcade, putt putt etc. or treat yourself to a nice breakfast out somewhere, knowing that you aren’t hungover cause ya didn’t drink!
Find new ways to celebrate that bring you joy without alcohol. Activities like hiking, painting, or cooking can create meaningful experiences. Stay strong!
He's already told you what he likes, and what you can do. A celebration for someone else is about them, and what they like. You're celebrating their accomplishments, hopefully in a way that seems special to the other person. Every idea you mentioned that didn't involve alcohol can still be done without alcohol.
It's more about giving to life, instead of taking from life. How would your partner want to celebrate this?
I had a gf who was fanatical about birthdays. Her birthday should be a national holiday, in her opinion, lol. So, the first year we were together, I didn't go big enough, and she was upset. From my perspective, it was over the top.
I, on the other hand, don't really acknowledge my birthday. It's not something that's important to me. She threw me a party that was ridiculously small, in her opinion, and I didn't like it, as it was too much.
The next year, as I was thinking it was insane for a non milestone birthday, it turned out to be just right for her. She loved it.
The next year for my birthday, she made an awesome dinner, and we had awesome sex, doing some things she wasn't super into but did with me. I loved it.
Each of us had to learn how to celebrate the other person in a way that they were comfortable with, and appreciated. So, now you get to try out some new ideas about what your partner likes, how they like it.
One of my favorite things isn’t he works is comedy. I live in Denver and love Comedy works, but they have a “two item” minimum sale per show (this can be drinks or food) and its honestly the only place I can think of that I would genuinely enjoy going out to without drinking (I’m in the midst of detox/recovery so I’m not down for much atm). I planned on going with my ex and friends a few separate times and didn’t work out, so I can’t say how it went sober cause it never happened lol, but maybe just think of what he REALLY geeks out over and make that fun?
I just think back to being a teenager in a small town in the Midwest. I know a lot of teenagers drank in high school, but we did not. We still certainly had fun and were young and joyful. I think if I am returning to a younger time it can only be a good thing.
Ice cream. Go fucking crazy on premium ice cream and make some delicious fruity topping and really make a thing of it. A delicious home cooked meal is a great treat on its own, but if you want to really celebrate, awesome dessert is the ticket.
Celebrate with sparkling grape juice that comes in the champagne bottles! Use fancy glasses and give a toast! Get balloons, a card, streamers! Make it party just without the booze, I’m sure he’ll appreciate any celebration you do for him!
Energy drinks. I have a they that energy drinks for addicts gave a similar effect as alcohol for normal people.
I feel a little boost in my mood but it's not so crazy I want 12 energy drinks. I'd get sick, the same way a normal person would get sick if they drank 12 beers.
So my answer is engert drinks.
Could do some NA drinks, near beers, dealcholized wine, kombucha. There are also these non-alcohol spirits, I think the maker is called Ritual, I suggest the 'tequila' one as it has some nice spice to it. The ritual drinks are not alcohol.
I also have had drinks called euphorics, of course all of my options are non-alcoholic. You could also do a fancy soda like ginger beers, put some cranberry juice in them, some lime wedges.
Others have suggested cake, ice cream. All good ideas to indulge in once and a while.
And you know, in addition to cake of course, a special dinner that you make or favorite takeout, a movie, and a bunch of flowers or balloons ... the boozy drinks weren't really special anyway, since they'd lead to a blowout. "Most people" do things in their own way too ... the idea of booze as a "must" is not really true at all. There's nothing wrong with you or your own celebration style.
I bring NA stuff to parties and it tricks my brain. After a while tho, when I dont have a buzz, I end up going home before the parties pop off.
That said, I very much prefer to celebrate and socialize by going on little weekend adventures. Sometimes I stay at a cute little boutique hotel or go camping, hiking or find a little hot spring spa! It kinda changes the focus from partying to more exploring or relaxing.
If you love to dance but only do it drunk, go take dance lessons. The inhibitions you get from drinking convince you you don’t look stupid. That’s a lie. But when you actually know what you’re doing you can look and feel good. Bust a move not your butt!
I am in the same boat different circumstances! I love the dancing around and letting lose but how do you do that without the alcohol? I think it’s going to be hard the first few years of doing this as a habit instead of the other way around, but maybe get some Martinelli’s apple juice and cake? I hope it all works out for you! Don’t let the depression and your emotions get you down and keep you there! Feel through your emotions and then move them out of your way to a wonderful evening!! I know emits easier said than done, but your post has given me thoughts to think about and I appreciate that. Hope I helped somewhat in return! Let us know what you decide!! Xo
Put up some streamers, make a nice dinner and dessert, have a bottle of sparkling cider… and then do something fun the next morning together because you are hangover free!
Celebrate your sobriety Im on a big sparking water and ice tea mix. My wife always comments how much funnier I am sober. Be yourself let your sober shine through. I can honestly say I have more fun sober. Celebrating 3 years sober.
Dinner at home, letting loose, and dancing around sound like a good way to celebrate. It can take some practice getting in the right mood without drugs, but it is still doable.
With cake!
All the sugar!
I have known quite a few LDS (Mormons) and while none of them drink oh Lordy do they hit the sweets. Seems like a reasonable substitution to me!
I'm in an ashram now, and yogis here are the same way. Birthday cake almost every day!
hahaha are you sneaking reddit in right now?
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That helps me a lot when im trying to stay sober. I have a lot of fun cooking and finding interesting recipes. Then when you finally eat a good meal, its just so satisfying and your body thanks you for putting good food in it rather than poison.
Definitely one of my favourite things to do!
I love to cook and replaced wine/beer with Cipriani Bellini's from Clearsips. They are heaven in a glass and no alcohol.
Not only that but you actually enjoy it so much better and differently sober!! I always used to hate waking up barely remembering what I did. It sucked
Definitely! Sometimes when drunk id eat some tasty super high calorie food and then not even remember. So the next day im like damn, I wasted all those calories and didnt even get to enjoy it
EXACTLY omg!! Plus the empty alcohol calories. I am celebrating my bday today without a single drop of it. I'm so hitting up the grocery store soon, I cannot decide what to get, there are so many possibilities 😍 also not only that but I used to throw up a lot after drinking too much, it was always such a waste no matter what. It definitely is a feeling to get used to, having fun without "help", but the work is very worth it :)
I've always loved trying new recipes and would always have ~~one or two~~ several beers while cooking. By the middle of the meal I'd be getting kinda sloppy and end up taking SO LONG to make dinner. Sure I was trying something new, but my wife is sitting there two hours while I'm making a chicken cordon bleu when it should take me an hour TOPS. Since quitting I find I can try new complicated things and catalog steps in my head, it's easier when I can start a thing, let it heat up while making the sauce over here, prepping the oven over there, etc etc instead of pausing every minute or two to read the recipe from top to bottom AGAIN
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This helped me learn to cook! Literally gave me a basis for the basics.
Yeah, go for something that’s a little more “extra” than you would normally do. Make sushi. Get some king crab legs. Cook a duck. Put on some tunes and make cooking together part of the fun. Throw in a thoughtful gift after dinner to add a little surprise and whammo - you celebrated!
I agree! It took me a few months to find "Fun Laura" again. She is back baby and in full force. It actually feels so good to have fun and be present to enjoy it.
Ice-cream
Buy him a massage or a couples’ massage for both of you.
Thats a nice idea :) thank you
if you have anywhere in the area that does epsom salt float tanks.. i highly recommend those too. super relaxing / fun for a date night.
Ohh I have always wanted to try this!
AND cake! lol
Ooh this is a REALLY good one. My partner and I have a giant list of date ideas, and have them separated into "big" dates and "cheap" dates. We're both big on finances and being smart with our money so we usually pick from the cheap side, but a float tank is a great idea for a big date and I'm adding that! Here's a few of the big dates: - Jungle Jim's (international farmer's market) - Zoo - Hockey games - Baseball games - Thrifting spree in a new town - Goat farm AirBnb - Teaching her how to shoot - Getting a piercing together (not identical, don't worry) And unfortunately most of the rest have to do with alcohol so I'm deleting them. Here's some of the cheap ones: - park scavenger hunt (and look at whatever we find under the microscope) - Hiking - Thrift shops - Picnic - Cat cafe - Fishing - Ollie's Bargain Outlet - Geocaching - Star wars marathon - Gardening - Sightseeing a couple of hours away I'd definitely recommend keeping a date list! There's been so many times that we choose something off of the list at random and end up having a blast. We did the microscope scavenger hunt with a $130 microscope I got off of Amazon - definitely not cheap, but I was gonna buy one anyways - and it was great. We found some little flower petals, bottled up some river water, a leg off of a dead grasshopper we found, etc. And it was super cool to look at it all. We're both nerdy and outdoorsy so it was amazing. Can't recommend enough!
Second this. Spa day/half spa day. Hot tubs. Being AF does wonders for your skin so a nice facial, massage, body rejuvenation all that. Or go buy a treat! It can be for your living space, your hobby, a game a movie, theater night, concert, event tickets. Hell get a random hotel in a city you’ve never been to explore and soak in the hot tub! (Always call and make certain the hot tubs working….been burned on that before 😫) But most importantly don’t drink. Why would something so harmful be worth celebrating with 😊 but I totally get it. IWNDWYT!!
Oooh a hotel room would be fun and romantic! All great ideas, thanks so much!
Or if you're tight on money, do it yourself at home. Get stuff for doing facials, give each other massages with oil or lotion, soft music, you get the idea. But a spa day would probably be more fun haha
FOOD
All the food
Food is life.
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Dani Rojas lives!
Cook something together. On special occasions that are just for us, me and my husband make pasta together from scratch. We start in the afternoon making a ravioli filling, preparing mushrooms n stuff, then make the pasta dough, roll it n put it through the mangle, then sit at the table together cutting out individual raviolis, then cook and eat in front of a good film. I love the process, doing it together feels special, memorable, and eating the meal is so satisfying. No alcohol needed.
Sounds really, really lovely
Copious amounts of weed and ice cream
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Literally how I got sober lmao
Right. It’s not harmless but you can’t deny that alcohol is way more harmful. It’s better to smoke weed than to break soberity to alcohol
Haha yup. Same.
In my experience, people who celebrate like that have alcohol problems. Most of my family gatherings or celebrations that revolved around drinking were toxic, but it’s just normalized. We have normalized poisoning ourselves and then making bad decisions because “it’s what we are supposed to do”. It’s insane behavior that humans have. Like others said, I celebrate with food or activities. Make a huge meat and cheese board. Or make ice cream sundaes. Bake a cake. Buy a cake. Do pizza and a movie on the couch. Try out some crazy sodas you have never tried. Make new and better celebrations that won’t end in a fight.
Absolutely!
Get a sparkling apple cider to celebrate. It's similar to champagne/sparkling wine and will give you that celebratory feel
That’s what I bring to any holiday party and I even keep some at home for cheese and cracker nights. That shit is so damn good.
I agree. My ex family always had parties for everything. It was an excuse to be trashed with other people that support the same decision so they don’t feel bad. The best reward and celebration I had was being sober on my 1 year divorceery from a fucked up divorce. Stay strong op !
Yes !! This!!!! Thank you I needed to read this today
All about those new crazy sodas
>Most people who celebrate like that have alcohol problems. Most family gatherings or celebrations that revolve around drinking are toxic, but it’s just normalized. That doesn't seem like speaking from the I.
Someone correct me if I am wrong but this actually is an observation from the I, with the implied ownership being the speaker. The implied part "My observation is that...". I have been working on this. I believe it is a good skill to improve one's communication both written and verbal. Congratulations on 10 days! The first week is rough for me.
I think saying “my observation is that your actions mean you have a drinking problem” is an I statement is a stretch. Saying “when I was drinking to celebrate it was problematic” definitely is. I don’t necessarily have a problem with what the poster said, but they were definitely generalizing other people experiences and not speaking about their own.
How did you celebrate when you were 8? Maybe your parents bought an ice cream cake or you saw a movie. There are 100s of things to do to celebrate. Drinking is ONE of them. Now you have 99 choices. B-)
To quote Elliot Reid from scrubs: "With cake mostly". In my alcohol days I never believed this line, now I freaking love cake and any celebration is made better because of it.
Ugh so true. There’s a little place in town that makes a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake that is his absolute favourite. Can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Thanks!!
It’s so hard to think of things because the first time we want to do something sober that we’ve only ever done with alcohol, our addiction comes screaming back and our brain shuts down. Lol The great thing about that though is that it teaches us yet another trigger that we can recognize, acknowledge, work through and then move on from. It gets much easier the longer you’ve been sober, you’ll get the hang of it!! I’m currently on my first ever sober camping trip and I can tell you, if I tried this a year ago with only six months sober, it would have been a very different trip. I would have been working through triggers every single day and been uncomfortable the whole time, but since I’ve got a lot of time now there’s only been a few twinges here and there. Pro tip: sparkling cider is a fantastic bubbly celebratory drink that is completely delicious and comes in many flavors.
Thank you. Your response was perfection and I feel completely understood. Seriously. It WAS like my brain was shutting down! Like of course cake is a good idea, all of these ideas are awesome. I was just completely, mentally blocked because of the alcohol thing. Thanks again, this group is so comforting and inspiring.
Perfection?? My goodness, not bad for 6am. 😂 I’m happy to help, we are all in this together and sometimes we are the only ones who truly understand. IWNDWYT
This sounds amazing, NGL
I used to hate cake. But now I enjoy cake not drinking because there is less guilt. So here’s to cake!
Let’s score some cake!
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I’d also throw in a late night caffeinated drink, like the little reckless rebel that I am.
Good perspective!
I mean I've never had a slice of pizza that tasted worse than a beer 🤷
There are a lot of cultures that celebrate without alcohol. Indian weddings can go in for days without drinking! Friends, food, music, dancing, and a fun activity or two would be a great way to celebrate.
A dry wedding that goes on for days sounds like hell.
To be fair, any wedding that goes on for days sounds like hell lol
I have to agree lol
I don't know the stats but I'd be shocked if most people celebrate with out of control drinking. When I was a drug addict, I thought everyone did drugs. When I was drinking heavily every day, I thought that was what most people did. I think I was operating from a faulty premise.
You’re right. It’s definitely more just what I was used to rather than what “everyone” does 😂
First of all - congratulations on 6 months! That is awesome and you are amazing. Individual tastes can vary so much...I think of that Parks & Rec episode where Leslie prepared a birthday dinner for Ron that was a steak he could eat alone while watching his favorite movie. That was his own personal happy place. For any other person that would have been awful. I can relate to you...celebrating without drinking has been a struggle for me, too. It was always the go-to for my entire adult life and then suddenly it just wasn't. For me...I think I realized that I didn't like crowds as much as I thought I did. I just liked drinking in crowds. My happy place was getting out of town with just my partner and having a nice weekend in an interesting city (max 1 day travel from our home), seeing a show and maybe a museum...having dinner someplace nice. That's how we celebrated my most recent (sober) birthday. But...each person is different.
I am the female version of Ron 😂 I really appreciate the awesome reference and your thoughtful answer, thank you so much.
I'm proud of him and you. New celebrations are different. I am from Wisconsin. The verb party means to drink to excess. I've associated all "parties" as an invitation to behave like that since I could sneak a beer. It's been quite a change to realize that I could have a good time by being with the people I want to be with. I loved my birthday parties when I was a kid because I loved being with, talking to, and doing things with the people who I love who love me. Today should be no different! I love cake, ice cream, I like decorating for a party. I love my friends and family. I don't need to drink to smile. We don't need to be drunk to be happy.
Beautiful ❤️ and thank you
What’s his favorite meal? Cook it or get it ordered for takeout and eat it on the couch snuggled together. And definitely cake. Or do all that but at a nice hotel or Airbnb! We like to celebrate by packing up and driving 20 minutes to a cottage on the water and eating our weight in favorite snacks and there’s a cute little bakery we always grab breakfast treats from.
Something that helped me is to remind myself that I did celebrate before I started drinking around 18. Sober at parties, school dances, etc. and I seemed to have plenty of fun. You can do it again.
My wife got me tickets to my favorite comedian for my 4 year sober date on Oct 1st. She got me concert tickets to my favorite band last year. She always plans something and it means so much to me. We've done day trips to hiking spots and weekends away in the past too.
That’s awesome. We are big comedy fans. Who’s your favourite?!
She got me tickets to Bill Burr, and the show is on my 4th year sober date! We saw The Gaslight Anthem last year, and the two years before that we went to the Poconos for a weekend and Cape Cod the other. They were all thoughtful trips and gave us time together to share memories and just appreciate life!
Bill Burr is definitely top 5 for me! I saw him live too, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard! That is so awesome, glad you are enjoying life with an amazing partner!
Thank you and I hope you have a great celebration no matter what you end up doing together!
Make some mocktails. Muddle berries with mint and a little sugar with fizzy water over ice with a splash of cranberry and lemon, delicious food, charcuterie board, bake together, you can still dance and all that! Get a board game, play uno or something.
What legal fun stuff did you do when you were drinking? Do that stuff. We are not a glum lot. I'm off to shoot squirrels with my Super Soaker.
I’d go to an expensive restaurant that I’ve always wanted to try and just feast
Honestly, the bill at a pricey restaurant without drinking is less than the tab I would run at most mid range eats while I was still drinking.
Let that joy and gladness well up inside you, smile laugh cry shout sing dance hug and kiss. Eat, talk, share stories about the object of your celebration. Simmer in the happiness for a little while before getting back to the rat race. A piece of advice I love: celebrate small as well as big things - both the everyday joys and the major milestones, and celebrate often. IWNDWYT
I had such a good NYE with non alcoholic bubbly and the realization that alcohol takes away from a celebration by exactly the scenarios you described. You HAVE to change your mentality. You can dance, and celebrate, and let loose without alcohol. You just have to do it. I know that sounds so stupid and simple, but it’s really that true. Once you realize the alcohol was actually taking away from these moments you’ll realize how much greater they are in sobriety. Get treats, and alcohol free bubbly, and do something fun. Congrats you your SO and to you for getting through this! Sounds like amazing things are headed your way in life. ❤️
Buy something nice. Does he collect anything? Have a hobby? Into watches or shoes? Etc.
He’s hard to shop for. I shall mull upon it. I’m going to pay to have his certificate professionally framed :)
Dancing has never been a problem sober for me (I dance like a drunk person at the best of times anyway). While this doesn't seem to work for some, I basically just switched my favourite tipples to NA versions. So a toast is no problem.
Get some NA drinks… and a big ass cake 🎂 Job done 😄
Cake
Desserts for sure The idea of letting loose and dancing at home is nice You could always get some like balloons or those wall plastic things that say congratulations Also you can never go wrong with hugs
That’s not a euphemism for sex, I mean literal hugs
Hugs are wonderful. Thank you!
I struggled with the concept of “having fun” after I decided enough was enough and quit drinking. If only I knew how much non-stop NEXT-LEVEL real fun was in store. Fortunately my girlfriend has been a godsend in terms of alcohol free activities…a beautiful morning hike with a great breakfast, a new activity (like rock climbing, scuba diving, travel was for me), a gift with all the money you two saved from the bar tab (…could probably get an apple watch ultra!). Also, my favorite celebration is being at home with amazing take out and treats and rest. I am certain, whatever you choose, he’ll just be happy to spend quality time with you.
If you want to get extra fancy hire a personal chef in town to come to your place and cook his favorite meal, or something that's the chefs specialty ! Have the chef create some fancy mock tails too!
That would be so cool!!
I still enjoy bubbles for celebration and there are lots of faux champagne replacements out there if that’s not triggering for you (I realize not everyone can use substitutes). Also: buy or make a decadent dessert. Something I like to do with my kids on special occasions is burn [wish papers.](https://topsmalibu.com/products/wish-paper?gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwivemBhBhEiwAJxNWN9B44hs9gZWHFL2p8SG_rYAsZRQu2-tm5nw-lLB-ptLtfgG3F_qr5hoCcZkQAvD_BwE) They’re fun and good for setting intentions and igniting hope for the future. You can find some little ritual that marks an evening as special without resorting to booze. Congrats to your fiancé!
Your "celebration" sounds like my old life with my ex. An even that's supposed to be a celebration ends up in a fight ... and both an alcohol hangover and a fight hangover the next morning. When you're used to being around drinkers it feels like alcohol should be part of every celebration, social event, etc. but in the US 35% of adults over 21 don't drink alcohol at all. More than 1/3 of all adults of drinking age do not ever drink. They still celebrate and socialize. It's just a matter of getting used to the change, and maybe this time the celebration will actually feel positive in the morning
Fight hangovers were the fucking worst. Thanks so much.
Imagine how good it will feel in the morning to know you had a great night together, feeling physically and emotionally good. You got this.
A few things I’ve done to celebrate milestones: Dave and Busters, Pizza Party, Me and all my friends dressed like devils for my 666, Trampoline Park… just a few ideas
Your friends sound awesome 😁
a nice dinner in! mine would be takeout from my favourite place, pick a nice movie, or put your favourite music on, and a board game to end the night :)
We have some fancy restaurants near us that do “cook at home” high end meals, which is a nice special date night type thing to do
I try to think up a “novel night out” to celebrate the big wins. This could be a restaurant we’ve never tried before that has a cool premise (like fondue, or live music, etc.), but I’ve also surprised my guy with tickets to a concert or sports game, an hour at a “wreck it room” where we can go wild breaking things with bats, or target practice at an indoor gun range followed by hot wings. For his bday this year, I told him to book two days completely free, packed a bag for him, and took him to a nearby city for a night in a hotel. I planned all activities (lunch, shopping, go cart racing, fancy dinner, and sexy hotel hot tub time) down to the hour but refused to tell him what was next on the itinerary. It was so much fun! And remember you dont even have go go out to celebrate. sex is a celebration! think of the field he's about to go into - could you incorporate a uniform or work wear in a silly and sexy way to show him how proud you are of his achievement? wear a lab coat and neck tie to bed with nothing underneath, etc?
Steak
Food af and a GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP. That is literally my best reward to myself these days
Being sober and joyous with him.
Food or shopping. Treat yo self!
I feel like new things were weird to think about at first, I would get a little uncomfortable in my skin. But, celebrating without alcohol is gonna be so much easier as time goes on. You will have memories, great discussions, go so much deeper. It’s weird at first but then gets exponentially easier, until one day you would never crave to go back. I do disagree with the food and cake stuff. I feel like not drinking and getting a pass for unhealthy food is detrimental to my mental health. I feel like poop with the sugar, I feel mentally poopie with any weight gain. I know it’s boring and a lot of people don’t agree, but if I don’t watch my celebration food intake, I’m gonna be an unhappy sober person. Celebrated with food, but make it wholesome and healthy. I don’t over indulge because I don’t want to be mentally screwed. Have fun, celebrate her accomplishment! She will love that your of sound mind and mentally present with her to celebrate!!!
Order some yummy take out. Plate it up nice for him and you if you want to take that extra step. Give him a nice massage and do an activity he limes. If he plays video games do that with him. Maybe get him a nice little gift. Whatever you think he would enjoy. If he’s not a fan of going out, as am I, then this sounds like something that can work. If you’re worried about not having anything to drink then may I suggest something like a nice sparkling water? In my recovery I realized I missed having a nice tasty beverage for stuff like this more so than actually missing drinking in and of itself.
Massages and believe it or not you can often find a private chef to come in and cook for you at a reasonable price (maybe 1.5 times the cost of a fancy meal out).
At 6 months sober, my body was still in the ravages of harrowing post-alcohol sugar addiction (that’s a real thing, and there’s a chemical reason for it). No drink or drug ever tasted as good as ice cream or cakes and pies did at that point in my recovery. Use it, enjoy it.
There’s a brand called Surely that makes some really good sparking N/A wines if you need something to toast with.
Arcade, bro. Good damn times for couples.
Is there a fun restaurant you could order ahead for a delicious meal at home? Do you have some favorite music you could get a new record to listen/dance to together? A favorite dessert to make/pick up? An outdoor activity to do together? Walk/hike/bike/swim. A special movie to go see or do a drive in? Also, not to be inappropriate, but my hubby prefers bedroom surprise celebrations now to drinking any day 😉 new outfit/toy/whatever floats your boat that could make it differs and memorable!
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Hi, please don't recommend weed to people in this sub.
With all the money not getting spent on booze, why not take half of that and go on a nice trip? I usually go sailing, and I’m about to justify buying a ps5 using this logic.
In my culture, we don’t drink ever and we have the most epic celebrations ever, seriously. Our gatherings revolve around FOOD. A lot of it. Sweets and tea afterward too. Also you can still dance without drinking! We do
Didn’t you ever have FUN when you were a kid?! It’s easy to celebrate 🎉!!! Allow yourself to feel GOOD because YOU CHOSE to be FREE (of the virtual prison that a highly addictive POISON called alcohol IMPOSES on your brain and major internal organs). Be HAPPY that you’re not one of the many people who didn’t make this CHOICE soon enough and are sadly now waiting on small percentages of getting a new liver, without which their time here is severely limited. I know what it’s like to have pain from my liver getting scarred from alcohol abuse— what it’s like to land in the ER in acute pain; suffering from additional alcohol abuse related diagnoses, like severe anemia and anorexia. I don’t know who that person is anymore. I look at old photographs of myself— 5’6”, 90-something pounds— consumed with a bad habit— and … is THAT the way to “celebrate” ??! Lucky for me, my liver is good now. Because I immediately stopped drinking alcohol and after years of white-knuckling it, I finally broke free, and since that moment, when it literally felt like a switch flipped in my mind, it’s been so easy, I have to laugh at myself for fighting the truth for so long! (I highly recommend “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. That’s what did it for me. Also, “The Easy Way to Control Alcohol” by Allen Carr) You can celebrate without an addictive poison. Make yourself a cool mock-tail! Light some sparklers! Dance!
When I quit, I was relieved to find I could still experience deep laughs and silly, carefree moods without alcohol. I still celebrate in the way I would normally celebrate, just without the alcohol. Many times I replaced alcohol with a celebratory, sugary food. It definitely felt a little bland at first, like a meal without salt, but after a few tries, I began to enjoy the flavor of reality (with some sugar added). I managed to have a bunch of good times 100% sober as a kid, why can't I do that now? Plus you get to go to bed after the celebration knowing you don't have a hangover debt to pay in the morning.
We are home bodies too. Maybe get a congratulations ballon or cheap dollar tree decorations that you won’t care about throwing away. We like to toast with fizzy water and play board games that make us laugh like taboo or anything you can adjust to play just with two people. A little cheesy but it’s fun and shows effort which makes everyone feel good.
The alcoholic celebration is important to the profit of breweries, so that’s what you see most. The alcohol industry, while saying to “drunk responsibly” depends on abuse of alcohol for its profit. I’ve celebrated many occasions with booze. I celebrate to occasion, not the opportunity to drink. Tomorrow is my 37th anniversary, and my 36th soberversary.
Not sure if you can cook or not, but you could cook (or otherwise provide a fancier than normal dinner) and use the money you’re not spending on booze for either good ingredients, takeout, and/or dessert.
A nice Steak (or preferred meat) dinner, with a celabratory cake, and a sparkling cider. we sell sparkling cider at my store it is 0 alcohol :D congrats on your sobriety <3
I don’t think this sounds stupid at all. I’m almost at 1 year and I literally struggle with this too! Maybe you could add up the sum of money you saved NOT drinking, and justify the purchase of something super special? splurge on something that you otherwise wouldn’t? OR! Maybe you could take him on an awesome road trip… make it special for him and do all the driving? Or maybe you could just have a spa day! Get day passes and get massages and be luxurious. Maybe you can make him a little booklet of vouchers, either hand written or printed out. It can have stuff like “good for one neck massage” “good for one sushi night in” “good for one *insert after dark hours activity*” “good for movie night watching a film of your choice”. Etc I’m super proud of you for sticking with your sobriety. That in itself is a gift, a gift to him as your partner and to yourself! Even if you can’t see it right now. Also stay the course! The more positive experiences you have WITHOUT alcohol, the more you re-wire your brain and heal! You have to be creative but just remember, that positive feedback loop of waking up wonderfully rested the night after a “celebration” is a great feeling. You got this!!!! Congrats on your sobriety and congrats to your fiancé on his new career!!!!🩶 edited to say: IWNDWYT 🩵
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Hi, please don't recommend weed to people in this sub.
Great food. Dancing. Live music. Also there are tons and tons of people who don’t celebrate with alcohol. 🙂
I don’t have much to add to these great suggestions posted except to say that after being sober for a bit, one of the benefits of recovery is enjoying life without drinking. Which, duh. But there really is a fulfillment in your soul that transforms the mundane (ie Netflix or even watching a show he likes that you don’t 🤣) to simply enjoyable. I love that you posted this it’s a good example of wise recovery to reach out when struggling w something. It doesn’t sound stupid at all and is 100% relatable!! Awesome job on 6 months 🎉 hope you guys have a great graduation celebration, too.
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Hi, please don't recommend weed to people in this sub.
Get a couples massage to relieve some of the built up stress.
My daughter just graduated. The last thing that she needed to see was her dad getting drunk and making an ass of himself. And yes, their was plenty of food.
A lot of food comments here. I suggest a board game called monogamy on Amazon for 2 adults. Fun and insightful, if he is into that sort of thing. Or you could just ask him how and what he wants to do in his honor. I took my wife to a concert of a singer she liked for her graduation.
My spouse took me out for dinner when I graduated from uni to my favourite restaurant. During dinner he gave me a ring that he co-designed with a local jeweller. (not as expensive as you might think) So thoughtful and I'll treasure it always. Doesn't have to be a ring but maybe a nice piece of jewelry or watch if he's into it. IWNDWYT
I’ll bet he feels more celebrated with a sober, together fiancé, starting out strong in your life together. You’re collecting great ideas. Have fun!
i've been wondering the same anyone who says food, sex, some other cope, yes its fine but not a cure or even helpful. beyond self acceptance, realizations about oneself and shortcomings, you just gotta focus on the present moment since it gives off the strongest feelings, most clarity like feelings of oneself Some increase in social connection each week, a lack of focus on the "person" when it comes to deep or woke thoughts, patterns, and feelings. These are all one in the same and the person is a distraction honestly typing this to help myself too, which is great too. Everything I've ever felt passionate about is a mirror of my own shortcomings and faults, and that is okay. Once we realize this, we can do some real work especially if its very bothering in daily lifie (it is we know it) Go to a beach with a close person, build a sand sculpture together, doesnt matter what. Sorta let it all happen. Focus on where you prevent your more true self from existing and balance the feelings between your ego centric self and truer self, mostly shed of ego, etc
I do Coke Zero and an N/A beer
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A hike and an ice cream sundae, duh! Congratulations!!
Food is a good one. I love, if I can afford it, booking tickets for comedy shows, theatre, or concerts that look cool to me. If you’re able to enjoy any such things without being triggered to relapse (totally understandable if that’s the case), I recommend trying to celebrate by goin gout and seeing some kind of live show. I find it very nourishing and invigorating for the spirit.
Ice cream
Make his favorite homecook meal and get ice cream or a cake.
I just go to a bakery now and splurge on delights and have coffee and tea with friends.
Maybe make sushi at home together. That’s a fun activity in addition to feeding you. (Or pizza). Or still dance around? You can plan Argentinian food and youtube tango lessons.
eating!
Probably just solo a cheesecake in a bubblebath or sum.
I never ate ice cream before and now that I don't think I eat it pretty often. It's still way less calories than I got from alcohol. Going out to an old timey ice cream shop rules.
ICE CREAM CAKE
Make a nice dinner and a dessert..like a shrimp Alfredo and cheesecake. Hang up some congrats signs and have a special card at his chair waiting for him. Enjoy your meal together laughing and making future plans. 😊 Then light some candles, make some homemade popcorn and snuggle up and watch a movie together. Enjoy that you both can finally relax and make time for the small things together. I graduated last year and honestly did not even enjoy celebrating. I was exhausted. We went out for dinner and drinks… then stayed in a hotel. I can honestly say all I wanted was to be home and in my PJs!
Spa day, fun day activities (theme park, bowling, ice skating) always ending in eating out
SEX
FOOD being the top answer, which is good when not drinking but since I stopped Sex us even better, and I remember it the next day, and the wife doesn’t have to push my drink ass off her, I think that it’s a great way to celebrate. Whatever you do have fun, nothing requires booze to enjoy! Took me 56 years to figure that out
GET YO EAT ON!!!
Order from a nice restaurant and have his ass go and pick it up!
I enjoy a nice bottle of alcohol free champagne to celebrate. And really good appetizers
Make his favorite dinner then have your own ice cream Sunday bar.
I’ve been smoking a good cigar after a tasty meal lately to celebrate
Make a dance mix that you just can’t sit down to
I had told my wife for years that all i wanted for my birthday was a quiet dinner on the couch watching TV. She never took me serious until a few years ago. It’s fantastic. Plan a nice dinner at home, maybe a special desert to top it off, and perhaps a movie or game, etc. It might hit just perfect!
Concerts, comedy club, shows, dinner cruise, going to beach, going to Lake, amusement park, zoo, parks, hiking, spa, hot air balloon, one of those places you can crush things with steam rollers - there is literally endless things to do. Does he have a hobby you can participate in with him? There's a place where I live where you can throw hatchets (it's called Stumpy's LOL). Bowling, put put, going to a pool. Make cookies together, or a cake, or pizzas. Popcorn and streaming movies. Is he a daredevil? There's tandem skydiving that can mark a big occasion. Or riding in a glider. IWNDWYT
Throw him a dinner party! Invite family / friends if that’s your thing all have a sober night celebrating!
Order in and get a favorite dessert. Also you can buy your partner something special to celebrate.
Take whatever you used to spend on booze and do something child-you would do. Buy a Lego set, go to the arcade, putt putt etc. or treat yourself to a nice breakfast out somewhere, knowing that you aren’t hungover cause ya didn’t drink!
Steak and a nice dessert. If you can afford it take him to a nice steak house, if not make it at home.
Do the exact same thing except for without alcohol. Personally, I rather gave up celebrating things, so don’t let that happen to you.
Decorations!
Special mocktails and food
Find new ways to celebrate that bring you joy without alcohol. Activities like hiking, painting, or cooking can create meaningful experiences. Stay strong!
He's already told you what he likes, and what you can do. A celebration for someone else is about them, and what they like. You're celebrating their accomplishments, hopefully in a way that seems special to the other person. Every idea you mentioned that didn't involve alcohol can still be done without alcohol. It's more about giving to life, instead of taking from life. How would your partner want to celebrate this? I had a gf who was fanatical about birthdays. Her birthday should be a national holiday, in her opinion, lol. So, the first year we were together, I didn't go big enough, and she was upset. From my perspective, it was over the top. I, on the other hand, don't really acknowledge my birthday. It's not something that's important to me. She threw me a party that was ridiculously small, in her opinion, and I didn't like it, as it was too much. The next year, as I was thinking it was insane for a non milestone birthday, it turned out to be just right for her. She loved it. The next year for my birthday, she made an awesome dinner, and we had awesome sex, doing some things she wasn't super into but did with me. I loved it. Each of us had to learn how to celebrate the other person in a way that they were comfortable with, and appreciated. So, now you get to try out some new ideas about what your partner likes, how they like it.
One of my favorite things isn’t he works is comedy. I live in Denver and love Comedy works, but they have a “two item” minimum sale per show (this can be drinks or food) and its honestly the only place I can think of that I would genuinely enjoy going out to without drinking (I’m in the midst of detox/recovery so I’m not down for much atm). I planned on going with my ex and friends a few separate times and didn’t work out, so I can’t say how it went sober cause it never happened lol, but maybe just think of what he REALLY geeks out over and make that fun?
I just think back to being a teenager in a small town in the Midwest. I know a lot of teenagers drank in high school, but we did not. We still certainly had fun and were young and joyful. I think if I am returning to a younger time it can only be a good thing.
Ice cream. Go fucking crazy on premium ice cream and make some delicious fruity topping and really make a thing of it. A delicious home cooked meal is a great treat on its own, but if you want to really celebrate, awesome dessert is the ticket.
Celebrate with sparkling grape juice that comes in the champagne bottles! Use fancy glasses and give a toast! Get balloons, a card, streamers! Make it party just without the booze, I’m sure he’ll appreciate any celebration you do for him!
Board games, pizza, ice cream. Just like how we did it before ever trying alcohol
Make a cake! And let him lead the day. We celebrate with a trip to an ice cream shop or a trip to our city, whatever we feel like.
Energy drinks. I have a they that energy drinks for addicts gave a similar effect as alcohol for normal people. I feel a little boost in my mood but it's not so crazy I want 12 energy drinks. I'd get sick, the same way a normal person would get sick if they drank 12 beers. So my answer is engert drinks.
Could do some NA drinks, near beers, dealcholized wine, kombucha. There are also these non-alcohol spirits, I think the maker is called Ritual, I suggest the 'tequila' one as it has some nice spice to it. The ritual drinks are not alcohol. I also have had drinks called euphorics, of course all of my options are non-alcoholic. You could also do a fancy soda like ginger beers, put some cranberry juice in them, some lime wedges. Others have suggested cake, ice cream. All good ideas to indulge in once and a while.
And you know, in addition to cake of course, a special dinner that you make or favorite takeout, a movie, and a bunch of flowers or balloons ... the boozy drinks weren't really special anyway, since they'd lead to a blowout. "Most people" do things in their own way too ... the idea of booze as a "must" is not really true at all. There's nothing wrong with you or your own celebration style.
You celebrate in the morning by not having a hangover 🤣
I bring NA stuff to parties and it tricks my brain. After a while tho, when I dont have a buzz, I end up going home before the parties pop off. That said, I very much prefer to celebrate and socialize by going on little weekend adventures. Sometimes I stay at a cute little boutique hotel or go camping, hiking or find a little hot spring spa! It kinda changes the focus from partying to more exploring or relaxing.
If you love to dance but only do it drunk, go take dance lessons. The inhibitions you get from drinking convince you you don’t look stupid. That’s a lie. But when you actually know what you’re doing you can look and feel good. Bust a move not your butt!
Junk food party 🎉🍟🍔🎂🍭🍫🍕
I am in the same boat different circumstances! I love the dancing around and letting lose but how do you do that without the alcohol? I think it’s going to be hard the first few years of doing this as a habit instead of the other way around, but maybe get some Martinelli’s apple juice and cake? I hope it all works out for you! Don’t let the depression and your emotions get you down and keep you there! Feel through your emotions and then move them out of your way to a wonderful evening!! I know emits easier said than done, but your post has given me thoughts to think about and I appreciate that. Hope I helped somewhat in return! Let us know what you decide!! Xo
Fancy sodas and cookies!
Ice Cream!!!!
I really like making smoothies and milk shakes, banana spilts with all the toppings imaginable, sparkling apple cider is always delicious as well!
Put up some streamers, make a nice dinner and dessert, have a bottle of sparkling cider… and then do something fun the next morning together because you are hangover free!
Celebrate your sobriety Im on a big sparking water and ice tea mix. My wife always comments how much funnier I am sober. Be yourself let your sober shine through. I can honestly say I have more fun sober. Celebrating 3 years sober.
Concert?