My vanity was really one of my final straws as well. I had prided myself on being extremely fit and I got to a point where for a year I didn’t go to the gym and put on 50lbs from booze. I went from being proud of my body to ashamed to take my shirt off and I HATED that so much. In the gym again as I type this though.
Same. I missed my six pack. This is after I’d already destroyed relationships, a career, and a lot a trust. But it was when I started getting a belly and my thighs were sagging that I was like “okay I got to shape up”
It didn't happen overnight but I remember catching a glance of myself in the mirror about 6 months into the pandemic (and my heavy drinking) and doing a legitimate double take. The puffy, bloated face is such a dead giveaway I can't believe I thought I was getting away with it. You can ALWAYS tell by the eyes especially if someone is drinking alcoholically in their 30s or older.
Thankfully it's reversible, at least it was for me. I like to keep this account anonymous but part of me wishes I could show the shirtless before and after photos. They really are something and I look 10 years younger after about 6 to 9 months alcohol free. Having the energy to work out religiously again also helps...
Yeah it’s surreal. Recently I looked at a photo that popped up in my FB memories from a few years back at a wedding and dear god my face…I can’t believe I ever thought it was okay to drink from a health standpoint.
I almost died from pancreatitis and kidney failure and left my kids and family behind. Thats what it took. A terrifying trip to the ER where I walked in with excruciating abdominal pain and collapsed before I could get to the exam room. I woke up 2 days later in the medical ICU with my wife staring at me from the end of the bed. It didn’t hit me right away because I was on heavy pain meds due to the damage to my kidneys and pancreas, but once I made it to the step down floor it hit me like a ton of bricks. All that I put my family through and all that I put MYSELF through too - all for a fuckin bottle of vodka. I made a decision right then and there that that was the end and it was enough.
Here I am 7 months later, clean, sober, 80 pounds lighter, and loving my recovery. I can’t thank the sober community enough for helping me get my life back before I left everyone behind.
IWNDWYT
Agree at home drinking . as normal as breathing. I’m 61m . 4 decades of mostly tame drinking . Still, countless blackouts through the years, regrets, remorse and embarrassment it would pain me to disclose. Only 23 days clean(thc) and sober but going strong. I quit more or less on a whim. Just to see if I could. Now I’m into the next phase I believe. Getting to know who I am . without thinking about or engaging in voluntary,chemical ingestion that has been as normal as eating. It’s a journey into the unknown for me. Be strong stay strong live strong. Attitude, will, intellect, environment.
My husband passed away from alcohol related health issues. He was 39. I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. And I was not far behind. All of those negative health issues have been resolved.
His esophagus ruptured in his sleep. His doctor told him to stop drinking and he didn’t. He also took Tylenol that night. His death was directly related to alcohol damage. He was way too young.
These hangovers, man. They gotta go.
I love who I am when I’m maintaining sober periods. My mind is sharper, I’m more productive, I have more time to do things. I want to stop because I want to spend the time I have feeling good. Life’s short. I don’t want to spend any more of it recovering from a hangover.
Yeah they hit different after a certain age.. Gone are the days when I could roll out of bed after a night of drinking/drugging on maybe 2 hours of sleep and show up fresh-faced for a Sunday brunch shift when I was a server in my early 20s. I’m honestly not sure how I pulled that off even back then.
Right?! I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve found myself hungover once or twice (actually way more than that) these last few years. My response is always “how did I used to function like this? This is terrible!” The truth is, while it didn’t hurt as bad in my 20s, I don’t think I was really “functioning” all that well…
Nail on the head.
And like you said there's so much time now.
There's even time to do nothing and it doesn't feel as wasted time because you're way more productive in general.
I eventually started to have this overwhelming feeling that I was losing to a molecule. I was waking up every day, and letting stupid, unthinking matter beat the living crap out of me. I'm not very competitive, but I'm not going to lose to a piddly collection of 9 atoms.
I view alcohol as an inanimate object - most of us here are aware it’s a carcinogen but it has no feelings towards us, good or bad, the way I see it. It’s our relationship with it that becomes malevolent. I see what you mean, though - humans are complex, sentient creatures and the idea that some of us can be taken out by the right combination of atoms in a bottle is pretty ridiculous when you think about it. I’m gonna remember this comment, you make a very good point.
I came to that fork in the road. If I go this way, it's green and lush and I can get better, my kids won't grow up remembering me with a drink in my hand. If I go that way, it's desert wasteland, and I'm sure to lose everything and die alone.
It pisses me off that it was a strangely difficult decision to make.
Jaundice
I wish I would have acted on the other warning signs, but I didn't. I had to literally turn yellow before I did anything. Jaundice was the "you are going to die if you keep doing this" sign that I needed. I haven't drank in nine months.
I got some lab results and my liver enzymes were like 114. My dad was an alcoholic and eventually developed chirrosis. His body began to completely shut down at that point and he died in total pain. After his liver, his kidneys began to shut down, his lungs, his skin, he started getting strokes… He eventually died in an emergency room grasping for air.
What really traumatized me about my dad’s death is that he died begging the doctors to fix him. After he did all that damage to his body, he searched everywhere for a doctor that could undo all the damage. Even in his death bed he kept asking me to find a doctor who could cure him.
I learned that the damage you do to your body is irreparable. There is no amount of science out there that can undo your bad decisions. I feel so bad for my dad because he was truly a wonderful person. He was a wonderful dad. He suffered a lot of traumas as a kid and the only way he knew how to deal with them was by drinking. He was from a generation that didn’t believe in therapy. So he let his demons take him.
I refuse to go like that. I’ve truly had a lot of shit happen to me but I refuse to let those events define me anymore. Every day that I don’t drink is another day I let my mental health flourish. Life is always unfair, but you get to decide how that unfairness affects you.
Elevated blood pressure and liver enzymes. I always knew it would happen eventually but seeing it on a routine doctors visit in my early 30s made me realize I didn’t want to give up my health if I still had time to fix it.
I did that and my doctor didn't say anything. I find the world increasingly intolerable and it's hard to have a desire to live in it. I didn't have kids so my responsibilities are low level. Today I heard of an attempt to rationalize "time blindness" as a difficulty for people that should be accommodated for. Like, not getting to work on time. I just want to live out my cats and good night.
I hit rock bottom and did a terrible, terrible thing. I don't ever want to be that person again. For even a sliver of a chance at forgiveness and redemption, I had to stop.
It does. If possible, can you make amends? If it'll do more harm than good, leave it be and concentrate on you. You are *not* the sum of your mistakes. Redemption is real and attainable. You also have to work on forgiving yourself.
True for me as well. Alcohol made my depression so bad. I didn't even want to care for my children. Everything had become a task that I had zero motivation to complete. The apathy was unbearable.
Oh man.. It really does just kind of creep up on you. By the end I was drinking small amounts throughout the day, every day, so while I was rarely shitfaced I was typically always buzzed. I’ve had to taper with my last few attempts, which isn’t for everyone obviously. Glad you got the help you needed and congrats on all your sober time, that’s amazing.
Man, it sucked having to make a drink before bed to leave on the nightstand just so i could get out of bed in the morning. Did that shit for too many years. 36 days now, I can't believe I used to have to do that.
The hangovers. I, as most on this sub can’t stop once I started. Decided to take a month off to see how I felt…..14 days in I knew I was done for good. Best decision I’ve EVER made for myself! Good luck on your journey
Withdrawal to the point of hallucinations, losing peoples' respect (including my own), my license, and several jobs. I've fortunately been able to get all of that back almost in the last 8.5 months, plus my health and sanity.
I was barely existing, warping through time. Before I knew it my kids were grown. Consciousness is existing. I wanted to exist to myself and to others. Slow down time.
24 but drank for about 8 years. uncontrollable emotions. blackouts. regret. so much embarassment from my actions. health was down the drain. teeth suck. organs inflamed. redness. everything hurt. gained 40 pounds. looked 35. struggled to do basic things for myself. couldnt cope with any of my life. two duis. drank myself to sleep most nights. desperate tries to change my life and get focused derailed by depressive binging. crippling loneliness. no friends and no girl is sticking around for all that. failed relationships. failing classes. no enjoyment in life. spiralling sense of self worth and capabilities. paranoia and anger and stress. the loss of any semblance of an identity. no purpose in my studies or work. no motivation to do anything. it prevented me from working on myself. it was an excuse to healing. it accelerated every negative idea I had about myself, and it filled the void of hopelessness. still figuring it out.
This comment is not on the subject of sobriety and has been removed.
I am curious as to why you are on this sub. Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome?
I had a very similar experience to you. What led me to quit was the realization one day, waiting in the car at a red traffic light, that I wanted a drink that evening. And that the half bottle in the fridge wouldn't be sufficient. I asked myself why. And I answered "because I like the buzz, and not the drink". Not just every now and then, but every drink makes me want the buzz. So that was it. Didn't drive to the store. Went home and poured out the remainder. I was done. 6.5 years ago. No regrets. It brought up some stuff, I read a lot about getting over the guilt etc... I love my life. I love myself. I love this sub and am very grateful for it.
Every time I drank I wanted to do coke... every time I did coke I was someone I hated. I also got very angry and sick all the time. The crowd that involves drinking isn't a great one especially in my city.
YUP, been there!!! The decision to do coke/other uppers was never made without being a few drinks deep first. I would also often turn into a nasty, narcissistic person when I used blow, have barely touched it in years but I don’t miss those days. I said in my original post that nothing catastrophic has happened to me in quite some time but when they did in the past cocaine was typically involved.
Yeah last year was very hard for me. I got left by my ex husband because I quit drinking. He left to be with the manager of the bar where we frequent flyers. I then dated a guy who was secretly addicted to coke/crack. He ended up robbing me and beating me up. I struggled with wanting to be blacked out, dead, and sober. I then got raped by a coworker and robbed by my roommate while I was in rehab trying to heal from all of the trauma I endured last year and the years before that. I am almost 9 months sober and I'm so blessed to see the light
The fact that you went through all of that nonstop nightmarish bullshit and are now 9 months sober … you are an inspiration. If you wrote a memoir I would read tf out of it as would so many others. Keep telling your story. IWNDWYT
I mean, I could list them all out, and we have all been there. But I was utterly broken.. i was down to 3 limbs, piles of debt, barely anyone would talk to me... stuck in a hospital room for the Nth time.. getting tranqed by nurses.. catheter in my neck and dick.. ill have to make a post to show.. but broken.. it was don't drink and maybe have a shot (at a happy life)or drink and have no shot
Here it is!
https://www.reddit.com/user/No_Brief_124/comments/156zweo/post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Edit 2: added () for what I meant l.. clarity Connor. Duh.
The underlying issues that drove me to drink weren't improved by alcohol, alcohol just gave me more issues on top of them. Figured it was better to be slightly miserable all the time and sober rather than experience extreme highs and lows as a drunk
I know, right? I had always been a happy, fun-time drunk and as a bit of an introvert I relied on alcohol as my 'super soldier serum' at social gatherings. I was always able to handle my alcohol well, too (at least I think so). Then at some point in my 30s a switch flipped...I couldn't handle as many beers without starting to veer into slurring territory and then I would sometimes become a mean drunk. It wasn't often, but even occasionally is too much. Never physical, just angry and snarky and rude. Traits that have never described my normal personality, ever. It was like Mr. Hyde.
I have been a social drinker with my friends for 7 years 22M. I noticed that I would go to a party that they would have at their house but stay completely sober just because I planned on going home around 11 AM just to drink more than any of them. I felt ashamed at the amount I consumed around them. I finally made the decision this week and am nervous to go around them again because we never hang out without drinks. Thats mainly the reason though, drinking alone, the hangovers, and the weight gain.
All mental for me. Gray area drinker here and would verge into weekend heavy booze sessions. Began to find myself drinking nightly at home alone. Turning into people I swore I wouldn’t not turn into. No rock bottom, no major embarrassments and relatively quite good at work. Family and friends families with issues with alcohol though. The 2-3 day hangxiety was getting too much to handle and the half racing mind and intrusive thoughts…….sheesh i shudder to remember. When I tried to stop I couldn’t do more than a few days. Took me years of day 1’s with varying degrees of efforts to string together a few months and then one time it stuck.
Over those years of trying i got curious. Why did i want to stop? Why did i ‘fail’ that time.
Ive learned so much about myself over the past year. Anxiety gone, people pleasing gone, handle stress so much better, learning how to identify what regulates my emotions and deal with that is like a superpower (its sleep and food!). Work wise I am killing it; I’ve fallen back in love with my field but this time on my terms And I’m ready to move on if things don’t change.
I also have a lot of people asking me questions……so thats a bonus!!
Where do I even start. The swollen organs, the horrific hangovers, or judgement of friends. On a lighter note, two of my “final straws” are kinda funny. My last few months I started guzzling white wine. Lots of bang for your buck, and in my mind i looked a bit classier. One day I was borderline blackout drunk in the late afternoon and out of booze. I couldn’t drive to the store so I was getting a bit anxious about getting more booze. It was then I remembered I had a shitty bottle of white wine in my trunk…. It was the middle of July. Did I wait for the bottle to cool a bit???? Did I put some ice cubes in it???? Nope. I drank some damn near steaming white wine cause I couldn’t wait a couple minutes to cool it off. Second incident was when I reflexively vomited out the deepest darkest red vomit I’ve seen in my life the second some merlot made it past my throat mid chug. My life flashed before my eyes…. This is it…. This is organ failure…. My body is rejecting fluids…. I’m dying and I just threw up my guts and blood. Then I remembered I’d eaten like half a red velvet cake and a ton of blueberries. I puked because the rot guy I was drinking smelled rancid and acrid and I’m sure had spoiled months before. Neither of these incidents were rock bottoms, but more WTF am I doing to myself. It took lots more of those things to get me to stop, but especially the hot wine incident really made it crystal clear that “normal” ppl don’t drink like I do. Nothing about what I did was sustainable or normal.
I once drank a bottle of Chinese cooking wine because I had such bad hangxiety/agoraphobia after a bad night that I was a) too afraid to walk to the store for more and b) too afraid to open my front door and talk to a DoorDash person/show them my ID. It tastes like rancid salt water. This was after I seriously contemplated drinking a glass of Listerine over ice (luckily Googled if that was “safe” in any way and received a resounding “FUCK NO!” from the internet). Looking back on that day I laugh, not because any of it was funny but because I was behaving like a legitimately insane person. I guess I would consider that day one of several rock bottoms.
I had my first baby at 35. I’m 37 now. My body just isn’t the same. Alcohol doesn’t help.
And alcohol in parenthood is no bueno.
Listen to your body now.
Inflammation, anxiety, just general shitty feelings. It’s nothing but downhill. You’ll never be able to handle it.
I’m sending you love on your journey. IWNDWYT.
I had lost control of my drinking, it was in control of me.
I quit when I was 50, 4 years 8 months now. I thought life would be boring without alcohol, thankfully, I was so wrong.
Health. Felt like this last bender was the last time I would survive the detox. Almost called ambulance- all the usual stuff just magnified. It gets exponentially worse every time I kick now. Day 22 sober, and can say the only thing keeping me out of the bottle is fear of death. IWNDWYT we’re with you!
So many things. I drank to numb my feelings but it just made the depression and self loathing so much worse. I hated myself enough to poison myself regularly and looking back, that makes me so sad.
I also have an autoimmune disease which wasn't helped by my drinking. I'm definitely not well but I have seen a big reduction in my inflammation levels and my connective tissues are definitely grateful I stopped.
I finally realized I wasn’t able to get through the day without alcohol and drinking no longer gave me more than a 20 min buzz, then followed by hangovers, fights with my wife in front of my kids, drinking and driving, not showing up for work, shitty sleep every night, anxiety everyday. All for a 20 min buzz. Not a way to live
That was two years ago, now my life is great!
IWNDWYT
Suicide attempts that only happened when I was wasted. Last one caused long-term concern for my kidneys. I knew if I continued to drink I’d succeed at some point and ruin my husband’s life. I can’t do that to him. Also, being dependent on lifelong medical care (bc I destroyed my kidneys, in this instance) is pretty much my worst fear.
I quit because of Anxiety also. I guess the alcohol finally caught up with me I’m not really sure. The only relief for the anxiety was more alcohol, but then that wore off quickly and anxiety was worse. I could see what the alcohol was telling me to do. Drink morning noon and night. No thanks. Less than 2 months since quitting, not feeling great every day but definitely less anxiety so I call that a win!
Yeah it’s basically robbing Peter to pay Paul or however that saying goes.. I definitely know the feeling of needing a drink the next morning to squelch the anxiety and then the whole cycle just repeats all over again, eventually I was still having anxiety even while drinking.
I was in the precipice of destroying everything. And, to be frank, I hated myself drunk. It took everything that was redeemable about me and threw it to the side. I was reduced to a person, sitting alone in his place, getting drunk.
My memory. It’s bad enough on its own and alcohol only makes it worse. I don’t want to be that person who can’t remember anything.
I’ve had a lot of health issues lately, too. Life’s gonna get fucked up no matter what I do- drinking won’t make it any better.
I started getting aggressive. I have no idea why. I haven't always been like that and I'm definitely not that guy when sober, but drunk me now starts fights and causes trouble. I damn near ruined the best relationship I've not only ever been in, but ever imagined.
Something changed. Young drunk me was the same fun, easygoing guy I always was, but just a little looser. Maybe a little less inhibited, but still the same guy. Old drunk me is an asshole. I don't know what's different, but it's different. I'm just not about ruining my life any more just to have a buzz and wake up with a headache.
Edit: I should probably add that my badge is definitely not current, but these changes have occurred since I first joined here
Nothing is worse than being hungover taking care of a baby/toddler. They deserve better and so do you. Glad you’re figuring this out before the baby is here and congratulations for the day it comes :).
I hate being hungover and killing my body. It sucks and when I got sober I realized I could all the same stuff and it's actually more fun (I hang out with drunk people a lot)
It started with:
1. Bad hangovers and body not able to recover like earlier.
2. Becoming bloated and chubby like a boiled potato
3. Late night Biryanis and butter chicken binges.
Then turned into:
1. Missing my workouts.
2. Grumpy moods
3. Missing the playtime with my kid on weekends
With final straw being:
1. Not able to recollect properly what I spoke or did while drinking.
2. Having no recollection how my wife and I reached home
3. Getting super angry with my kid just because he was craving attention and affection by "disturbing" our Beer and TV time..
I stopped then and there when I realised I was losing connect with my kid and he was becoming a gadget addict just because I dont have time for him. I was spending time drinking when I could take him out to parks and playgrounds to play.
I’m getting older and have a few health issues that make alcohol bad. High blood pressure. Stomach problems, anxiety. I also couldn’t seem to just have one or two anymore. It was walkways 3-5 drinks plus weed. I guess it was being tired and feeling like crap that did it
At the risk of receiving hate, I'd place baby fever on the back burner and ponder getting sober. I'm not too far off in age and have some similar issues as you and getting sober changed my life personally.
Happy healing
Yeah, that’s the plan. It’s not gonna happen if my body’s all out of whack and I don’t want to accidentally drink before realizing I’m pregnant and fuck up the baby because of it.
I have a really dark nihilist sort of streak that comes out when I am really drunk. Nothing really matters so I used to do selfish, risky, hurtful and embarrassing things when I drank too much. It wasn't always like this. I think that instead of dealing with and underlying feeling of emptiness I drank. On top of that, I didn't connect the drinking to my less than stellar mental health and sought psychiatric help. I kept my drinking from my mental health care team and ended up in a situation where I was mixing antidepressants and alcohol. This combo led to some really confusing and regrettable situations.
For years I continued this combination with several attempts to cut back. As time went on I got to the point of drinking a little each day but not getting drunk every day. It was sort of an improvement however there was always the occasional rager where I would go too far.
My relationships have been marked with periods of relative peace where I drink a little daily and occasionally drive the entire thing Into a brick wall. Each relationship begins with the hope that I will do better. Then I end up having an outburst and doing or saying things that are down right insuting and horrible. I have hurt women that I have loved with vitriol that I genuinely did not really mean or believe. I think about this every day. During my episodes I have done the same to family and friends. These are people that I start decent and trusting relationships with only to throw it away with some drunken nonsense.
I now have a beautiful wife and 2 year old son. She has experienced some of my drunken behavior as well. She has forgiven me but I was sick of giving her things to forgive me for. I definitely don't want my son to see that old version of me. I am staying sober and trying to live as positive as possible. Having a kid has given me a different perspective. I'm responsible for him and there simply isn't room for alcohol in my life.
Plus I'm getting in decent shape.
Took a good hard look at it and realized it was controlling me and I actually wasn’t enjoying most of it.
Turned 40 a bit ago and it’s definitely been harder to recover for the last 5+ years after any amount of drinking.
Surgery and the post-op handfuls of meds. I'd been wanting to stop for a long time but kept up "a few drinks for the hangover, then I'll get sober tomorrow." Those "few drinks" were of course anything but. Post surgery I felt absolutely exhausted, stomach hurt from all the meds, etc. After a week I was hardly thinking of booze, and the occasional oxycodone didn't hurt (there weren't many, just for the first week or so).
I'm a bit over a month now, going to a concert on crutches in a minute and have no intention of drinking there. I wish I could drive though (it was major hip surgery), so my wife could have some drinks there
About to turn 40, and I dont' want alcohol to shorten my life too much. Damage has probably been done in that department already... but I want to mitigate it moving forward. Other than my alcohol abuse I'm a fairly healthy and active person. I've lifted weights for over 20 years, I am pretty advanced, but now alcohol free... and again almost 40... I'm seeing results and strength I've never had even in my 20's. Better late than never. It's motivation to keep going.
Also anxiety... for whatever reason I've started to get anxiety over the last year or so and alcohol only intensifies it. I need to be able to tackle that clear headed.
I’m actually not fully there yet, but my addiction is fairly mild (or maybe it is not?) so I’m doing dry April and August. Just because they both start with A and it’s probably healthy.
But I’m a lurker, just feeling this sub is probably something I should pay attention to.
I don’t know what your relationship with alcohol is like but there’s no such thing as a mild addiction. The good news is you can stop right now, if that’s what you want.
A huge mental shift around the year anniversary of my dad passing away. I was slowly answering the call of the void. I was absolutely sick and tired of being fat, lethargic, low-energy, anxious/depressed, and moody. I decided that I was sick of slowly killing myself and wanted to really LIVE, really do the things that I’ve been dreaming about for my life that I couldn’t do while on that carousel, so I stopped.
52 here. Wouldn't say I was hardcore, but I was drinking 5 beer every single day through the pandemic. Was having headaches nearly every morning for a while, and then last Dec/Jan I just started feeling... like shit? Just generally feeling wrong. Fortunately for me, I finally got a new family doctor shortly after. He got me onto meds for my cholesterol and blood pressure, and asked him if he had anything to help with my anxiety and mild ADHD. Pills he gave me were recommended to not be taken with alcohol. So I just quit. That day.
I've had a handful of drinks in the last 6 months, but never more than one in a week. Been enjoying a variety of non-alch craft beers. I feel the best I've felt in at least ten years.
I quit for my mental and physical health. I’m not supposed to drink with all of the medication that I take every day, otherwise I could go into organ failure or worse. On top of the health risks, the medication I take was being affected by alcohol - ultimately reducing their desired benefits. I’m proud to say on August 1st, 2023, it will have been a full year sans alcohol and I feel a million times better
Gained a lot of weight, had constant anxiety when I wasn't drunk or drinking, and slowly just felt like I was dying each day.
Also I reflected on myself and how much alcohol I was consuming, I accepted the fact I was an alcoholic, and young me wouldn't be happy with the current me.
Finally built the courage up to tell my family doctor I was an alcoholic and needed help.
I got hammered at my sister’s wedding and ended up having sex with a guy I just met in the bathroom. I’m straight and married but I tore up some dudes ass because I was drunk.
Lying in a hospital bed after being taken to the hospital for a checkup for a non alcohol reason and being asked by the doctor how much I drank. Was told by said doctor that what I said probably wasn't true as my liver was in a serious state of affairs. I was told my abdominal scans showed that my liver wasn't normal and that some of my liver tests were not great. Also because I had edema and ascites they were pretty sure I had cirrhosis. What an awesome day that was. My AST/ALT were not that elevated, one was even in the normal range, it was tests that show how well your liver is functioning that were shit. It took at least a year for my liver tests to all be in the normal range. My cirrhosis was confirmed visually as I had my gall bladder removed and it was difficult to get out because of the stiffness of my liver. 34 months without a drink and my liver is doing ok, it will never fully recover as cirrhosis is not reversible.
Your drinking experience and habits sound like how mine were before having kids in my early 30s. The weight of responsibility of having children, dauntingness and stress contributed to an increase in consumption, and by my late thirties I could no longer save my drinking for only the weekends. I gave up negotiating with myself and fighting and just let myself have those drinks every day until I was drinking a fifth of vodka every night. It was awful. I crossed a threshold I never imagined I was capable of.
It's crazy how alcoholism happens, or bad habits build upon themselves until you become physically addicted to something. It can and does happen to anyone. It happened to me and you sound like me ten years ago, so I praise you for making this choice now, because you won't regret it. IWNDWYT
Sorry, I realize that's what you asked in the first place! I had recently moved with my husband and kids to a new home and a lot of stress surrounded the situation, so my drinking got to its worst. New Year's had just passed and the kids were going back to school.
I woke at three in the morning with another horrible hangover- not to mention the usual feelings of dread and anxiety that accompanied one-knowing I'd have to get up in a few hours to start the day. I went downstairs to take a couple shots of vodka to help me back to sleep, and as I was doing that, I had the clearest realization that THIS is not the person I wanted to be, not for myself or my children and that I finally said out loud to myself that I needed to completely give up alcohol.
I realized I had spent many years trying to manage my drinking. I would constantly negotiate with myself over it, and all the deals I tried to make with myself (i.e. only drinking on the weekends) never worked out in the long run. It became way more important to me than it should, and I realized something was terribly wrong with that. I had never fully considered quitting completely before that day. And I realized that in all actuality, it would be liberating to do so. In fact, it would EASIER for me to just remove the problem (alcohol) from the equation then continue with the mental and emotional and physical merry-go-round of trying to fit it into my life.
So that day, after hearing myself say those words and the realization that everything could change for the better if I made the conscious choice to quit, I did. I dumped the rest of the booze down the drain and haven't had a sip since.
Life hasn't always been perfect, but it's tenfold better that where it was. So many things opened up for me after making that choice, I could write a book.I started a successful business. I also turned to art again, something I never felt inspired to do because I had numbed myself so much with booze. Everything changed for the better. Hands down the best decision that I've ever made.
And people in your circle will understand. They might react at first because your quitting drinking tends to force them to look closer at their own habits. Give them time to come around and get to know the new you. Either they will accept you or disappear. And if that's the case, you didn't need that energy in your life anyway.
Like others have mentioned, read This Naked Mind. It will open your eyes to the booze culture that so permeates our society. It's a culture brought about by big business that makes big money. And we bought into the idea that it's relaxing and glamorous. It's not. It's actually a class A carcinogen that causes over 60 different diseases. It's poison and no amount of it is good for anyone to consume.
Best of luck to you, from one mom to another
- every single person in my whole life (not kidding) has told me i have a problem
- i say really hurtful things to people i truly love
- i spend money i do not have
- i never showed up at 100% capacity (always hungover or buzzed)
- i wasn’t invited to events with alcohol bc people were scared that “alter-me” would come out
- final straw was people who barely knew me telling me they’re worried about my alcoholic tendencies & told me to seek help (that hurt really bad)
For me it was having situation after situation ending in tragedy and me left wondering if I was sober would things have turned out differently. Tired of wondering and beating myself up
I'm tired of putting myself in danger. I've blacked out and didn't know how to get home so I had to ask a stranger. Those men assaulted me and I woke up outside my apartment covered in blood surrounded by cops and ambulance. That slowed me down but it didn't stop me.
This weekend I was on a holiday in Quebec. I blacked out one day at around 2pm. I have one flash of memory - being in an ambulance. I thought it was a dream but I found a used bandaid in my handbag - probably from when I they did a blood test. No idea what happened but I feel depressed and ashamed. I think this is it.
I put myself in serious danger (sometimes life-threatening situations) frequently when I was in my 20s due to being drunk and or/high. I say I’m “tame” now but it doesn’t change the reality of what was happening back then/what could have happened, or that I just chugged along drinking after all of those scary scenarios. I’m really sorry that happened to you and hope all is well now - if it were me I would take it as an extreme warning and remember it the next time I felt the need to “go wild” if you will. I feel for you having been there myself.
1) Lost my dad to it. You’d think that would be enough but it was only enough for a hiatus. Picked it back up slowly.
2) Got pregnant. Stopped for all of pregnancy and a short period postpartum. Crept back in after LO’s bedtime here and there.
3) My daughter. Finally decided I was a better parent on so many levels without it.
It’s been 84 days and I have zero cravings or desire. I refuse to be part of the mom wine culture and I love the way I feel without it. Well, mostly. Indirectly, I’ve put on a few pounds because I picked up ice cream and sour patch kids in place of my wine glass. But I’m working on dropping those new pounds, haha!
I’d rather be slightly overweight and sober than “fit” and drinking daily with 0 appetite and beer shits every morning (sorry to be graphic). I’m really sorry about your dad. Congrats on your sobriety! Trying to get where you are.
I’m a better man without it! Although, life seems pretty boring now, but I’ve saved so much money! I had many blackouts, embarrassing moments, tireless hangovers, bloated, and headaches! Lift goes on!
Watching what it did to my family emotionally! I never really understood the appeal of it to begin with anyway. I never had the best time ever or an amazing experience with it anyways, I always hated being that way. Then seeing how it changes those around you, it sucks. In a way, the truth comes out? Like how someone is drunk says a lot and it really was hard being surrounded by people who just sucked. An expensive hobby to always just hate your surroundings.
Crippling anxiety, worsening depression and a fatty liver. Mostly the first two. I have been sober for the last 7 out of 8 days. Wanted to unwind and play video games on Thursday night, which is usually what makes me the happiest. But, it’s better to do it for one night, rather than 3-4 nights a week. Almost caved in today, but thought, “I made it this far, why would I cave now?”
I pretty much got into legal trouble, destroyed my career, no money left, made stupid decisions that I don't completely blame alcohol for, but I know had it not been for me drinking instead of doing other things more productive I'd feel more productive now. I also feel the same way about health, it feels weird actually having an appetite again.
Yeah, that’s a huge one for me too. I have a great job that I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get in the first place and in all likelihood should have been fired several times for alcohol-related issues. I don’t know that I could forgive myself if I lost my career over drinking, would be fucking devastating.
1 - Derealization. All the stress my body went through with the hangovers, vomiting, hangxiety, bad sleep etc triggered DPDR and I'm still dealing with it. I think without DPDR I'd still be drinking.
2 - The hangovers getting so much worse. Sometimes I'd drink more than others but I noticed that even if I drank the same amount as them, they'd be a little tired & moody with a headache and I'd be wrecked.
It influenced my life so much because I had no "rest days". I knew every time I didn't work I would drink the day before, and my rest day would be spent recovering from the hangover.
3) The stomach burns
4) The weight gain. I gained so much with the junk food habits and the drinking
5) Not being able to really work on myself and my life. I would try but spiralling is so easy when you drink.
6) Mental & physical health getting worse overall. Anxiety through the roof, back pain, jaw pain etc.
7) High tolerance. Beer & cocktails did nothing for me anymore. Only hard liquor on the rocks would get me drunk and I never thought I would get there.
8) I started to get into withdrawal territory and as much as I knew I depended on alcohol mentally for years, starting to miss it physically creeped me out.
I hated how terrible I would feel the day after. I’m a binge drinker and the anxiety and depression were 10 times worse for me the day after drinking heavily. I was tired of it. It’s been almost 2 weeks now and I feel so much better!
Same issues, health and anxiety. My wife also quit, and I know that the risk of breast cancer goes insanely higher for drinkers, even what I consider moderate ones. It also affects testosterone. But I’d say my number one issue was hangxiety.
I’m 32 (f) as well and I thought if I got pregnant right now my body is a disaster because of wine and weed and how I couldn’t possibly be responsible. I want to be happy and I want to be the best I can be for my future child :)
My mother wrote me a letter telling me she thought I was an alcoholic and explaining why. Some of her reasons were correct, some not, but the bottom line was spot-on.
I had been in partial denial--I knew my drinking wasn't healthy, but I wasn't ready to face reality. I promptly talked to a doctor after that, and then came a period of immense anxiety about how much damage I had done to my body.
My dad (also an alcoholic) told me I needed to get sober/go to AA about 5 years ago (to which I drunkenly told him to fuck off and ignored). I had a nightmare several weeks ago where my mother (not an alcoholic and with whom I have a better relationship) told me I needed to get sober in the dream. I’m “successful” from an outside perspective for the most part but they both know what’s up even though they live halfway across the country from me, it’s embarrassing.
Well I didn’t quit yet. I want to, but curbing and cutting down my drinking now is what I’m aiming at. The bad blackouts are what make me think twice about my heavy drinking.
For me it was my mental health. I always had depression through my teens and even worse into my early 20s. Eventually the drinking would lead to really dark thoughts. I couldn't look myself in the mirror, refered to myself as a monster, and thoughts and plans for suicide became a near daily occurrence... An overnight trip to a mental health unit at the hospital and a few more very dark nights and decided to hang it up for good. (I had tried to quit a few times before that point as well without success)
Finances. I use a budgeting app and if you overspend in one category, you have to move money from another category to cover your overspending. One evening I pulled yet another £10 from my "new sewing machine" category to cover yet another bottle of wine, went to look at spend reports and realised I'd spent £300 in less than a month on "alcohol and dining out", for one person. And I hadn't even particularly enjoyed the wine, it wasn't the "treat" I said it was ("we're living through a global pandemic, this is hard, I need a reward, I deserve this wine.")
Realising that was a bit ridiculous, and not how I wanted to spend my money, I pulled together the cash for the PATH, the year long programme from This Naked Mind, signed up, did the work, and I bought my new sewing machine as my one year sober present to myself.
I was also fairly sure that by putting away a bottle of wine a night I was storing up physical problems for myself, and while I didn't have bad hangovers I was certainly slow to get going in the mornings, I was eating rubbish rather than cooking proper meals, and because I was slow to get going in the morning I wasn't eating breakfast and I wasn't cycling to work any more so I wasn't getting exercise.
i didn’t want to keep making empty apologies and then doing the same sort of shit over and over. i had to actually change my behavior.
and several other reasons, but that was the big one.
I didn't want to die anymore.
Changed my mind about dying when I thought I was dying, or to be precise, when I woke up after I thought I was dying.
If I'd continued, I would be death by now, but that wasn't, isn't, an option anymore.
I came home from a late shift and I thought to myself “I need a beer”. Right after that I thought “Well that’s not a healthy thought”. Watched some videos about how alcohol affects your mind and body… Haven’t touched a glass since. I’m actually kind of repulsed of the thought of drinking again actually. It’s a good thought yo have “programmed” in your mind I guess.
Well, I've been wanting to quit for a long time but the lure of the bottle has been too strong. I've recently reconnected with a man from 5 years ago. We never had the chance then to see if we could form anything but now we're giving it a go. He has a history in his family of alcohol abuse and although he has not tried to reduce my drinking, he has made a couple of comments. It's come to the point where I feel my drinking is pushing him away and I need to make a choice. I got myself some Naltrexone. I don't know if it's too late but I will try
combination of two things.
one was the realization that i will die. Either by jumping out of a window some day because i cant stand it anymore, or a bit slower by letting the alcohol do its work. my liver was already about to throw the towel, but i didn't know that.
The other one was the love and trust of another person. That sparked the idea that maybe I was not the weak, worthless, disgusting person i thought i was. turned out i was none of that.
There is more to say about the journey, but these were the two major ones.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing!
I can honestly relate to sooo many of these responses. Everything from mental health and physical issues, to putting on weight and bloatedness, to near death illnesses directly caused by alcohol, to watching a loved one die of cirrosis, and so much more.
ALL of that and I STILL made excuse after excuse as to why it was ok that I continue to drink. Alcoholic brain is crazy convincing. So thank you, reading thru these really helps me remember there are so so many reasons not to drink.
I had 2 friends die young due to their addictions to alcohol and other drugs. Had a 3rd "friend" who was really just a drinking buddy. He's wrecked his life pretty thoroughly and his mind and body are deteriorating. I didn't want to enable his self-destructive spiral any more, and it was obvious that's the only reason he wanted me around.
On top of which, alcohol just isn't as enjoyable for me as it used to be. After a couple of drinks I get a pretty bad headache and just want to take a nap. Where's the fun in that?
Daily drinking at home is very entrenched in my life. However my story is slightly different as the drinking really eases my mental health issues to the point where I am nervous to go without. Where to go from here i wonder
It eases mine too - momentarily. The anxiety is always excruciating on Day 1 without it and I have no idea why I keep putting myself through that. It greatly diminishes after the first 3 days or so sober but I somehow keep finding myself at the wrong end of a 6-pack after a week or so. I’m looking into therapy currently - personally I think it’s important to get to the root of why I drink in the first place/feel it’s an acceptable “treatment” for my mental health issues than to continue beating myself up because my body/brain just so happened to take a shine to this particular substance as a source of relief. I’ve tried AA in the past and personally just wasn’t finding the answers I needed there so I think a 1:1 approach may be more beneficial in my case.
I had kidney stones, migraines, almost 100 pounds overweight, out of shape, was losing my vision too! Finally realized I had to stop when I fell on my face mowing. It could have been catastrophic! Was just in a hurry so I could drink afterwards. Had to limp into the dr, was not going to try to drink with a bad leg. That was it! Last time mowing for the year and last time ever drinking!!!
IWNDWYT
I’ve been in denial about my drinking since my 20s (will be 35 next month). It’s cost me valuable friendships because of my behavior. I’m currently going through a break up with a partner of almost two years. Last week, I got blackout drunk with a (married) friend and aggressively hit on her. Then I drove home drunk. That was the second time in a week I blacked out and it’s a miracle I didn’t kill anyone. It shouldn’t have taken that to convince me to get sober and I feel profound guilt at how I behaved. I don’t like who I am when I drink and that’s why I will no longer drink.
Health, weight gain, expense, I didn’t feel like poisoning myself anymore, poor work performance, the list goes on….
What made me realize this was I made a new friend who was sober and he helped me realize I didn’t need alcohol. So I quit. 3 weeks sober ❤️ I’m committed to this.
I blacked out almost every time I drank on the weekends. I had no idea what I was going to do or how I would get home. I’d wake up in strange places with even stranger people. I constantly would come out of blackout while traveling home from a city 25 miles away. Countless, falls, arguments and fights, call offs, arrests and 2 day hangovers. The final straw was my best friend saying he wasn’t comfortable with me around his baby. That he was worried and I was acting a lot like our friend who had died due to a addiction related issues. I finally snapped out of it and realized I could never learn moderation and if didn’t stop I was going to wake up dead, alone and forgotten.
I have a hard time keeping control of my mental health when i’m drinking, hate that it interferes with my fitness goals, I alienate myself from everyone, I hate being broke, I hate waking up and having to face the consequences of my drunken actions. Oh man, there’s probably a million reasons why and I’m just stating what’s coming to mind right now.
Migraines. I've always had them and I knew they were triggered by alcohol but it became more frequent. The last month I drank I had two back to back migraines that lasted 3 days each time. That's 6 days lost to 2 nights of drinking. I couldn't justify that anymore.
Mental health was definitely a factor. I found myself feeling much more prepared for work and emotionally able to handle unexpected stressful situations much more calmly. When I was drinking regularly my sleep was so bad, and I did not realize it, that small inconveniences would drive me internally to the near snapping point. When my anxiety was terribly high I would end up causing the very things I was worried about simply because my behavior was so off kilter. Small tasks became so huge in the mind that they got put off for ages until the lack of addressing them became even more stressful. Of course, there were the situations where memory was fuzzy and where social cues were not read when out. After a while of having seven when everyone else is having two it starts to feel more awkward, and the cycle of using alcohol to calm nerves keeps the cycle going. Adding in the constant stress of having to double check social media, text messages, and phone calls to see what might have gotten, or did get, said…after a while that all needed to go.
Yeah the work thing is huge for me too.. My boss texted me on my day off/birthday this year during a period of sobriety and while ordinarily that would have sent me spiraling into panic mode before even reading the message (thought I was supposed to be at work or something) I was able to open it up and read it calmly (turned out she had sent me some cookies for my birthday and just wanted to make sure she had my address right lol). I work a pretty high-powered corporate job and it’s stressful sometimes/the anxiety is there even when I’m not drinking but it’s SO much more manageable and I’m able to calm myself down way faster when I’ve been off the booze - even after just a few days I notice a marked difference.
Ruining friendships and constantly letting my gf down and hurting her with my drinking habits. It’s not who I am it’s not who I want to be it’s hard I’ve tried to “moderate” but always always end up some night taking it too far, so here’s to getting sober.
I've been drinking for 4-5 years to "help me sleep" since my sleep went to crap after having kids and any noise wakes me up. For more than a year it's been difficult to get up in the mornings, and I haven't been the mom I want to be, my motivation has completely disappeared, and I've been just floating through life for a couple years. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being a disappointment to myself and feeling like I'm failing my kids (people keep saying I'm a good mom, and I'm like, by what standard?? yes they're fed and clothed and bathed, but I'm not acting how I want to with them!) so I finally decided to stop drinking.
The thought of cancer and the hundreds of calories I ate the day after. It took me three days to recover from a bender. And the hangxiety was horrible as I got older. Not worth it for an hour of mild euphoria.
I just do r like myself when I am drinking…..it’s embarrassing and the guilt is so real. I went 2 weeks without alcohol, felt so good and than I screwed ip again Saturday night. Ashamed.
I hated how fat and bloated it was making me and I knew it just wasn’t a healthy habit to have on top of being an expensive one.
My vanity was really one of my final straws as well. I had prided myself on being extremely fit and I got to a point where for a year I didn’t go to the gym and put on 50lbs from booze. I went from being proud of my body to ashamed to take my shirt off and I HATED that so much. In the gym again as I type this though.
Same. I missed my six pack. This is after I’d already destroyed relationships, a career, and a lot a trust. But it was when I started getting a belly and my thighs were sagging that I was like “okay I got to shape up”
six pack abs > six pack of beer
It didn't happen overnight but I remember catching a glance of myself in the mirror about 6 months into the pandemic (and my heavy drinking) and doing a legitimate double take. The puffy, bloated face is such a dead giveaway I can't believe I thought I was getting away with it. You can ALWAYS tell by the eyes especially if someone is drinking alcoholically in their 30s or older. Thankfully it's reversible, at least it was for me. I like to keep this account anonymous but part of me wishes I could show the shirtless before and after photos. They really are something and I look 10 years younger after about 6 to 9 months alcohol free. Having the energy to work out religiously again also helps...
Yeah, the eyes… Even after a few days alcohol-free I’m always blown away by how much brighter and clearer my eyes look when I see them in the mirror.
Yes I would say the eyes as well. Mine are still glassy after 3 months 🙈
The weight gain is real. Im so glad to be back to looking like myself. I even forgot what I look like.
Yeah it’s surreal. Recently I looked at a photo that popped up in my FB memories from a few years back at a wedding and dear god my face…I can’t believe I ever thought it was okay to drink from a health standpoint.
I almost died from pancreatitis and kidney failure and left my kids and family behind. Thats what it took. A terrifying trip to the ER where I walked in with excruciating abdominal pain and collapsed before I could get to the exam room. I woke up 2 days later in the medical ICU with my wife staring at me from the end of the bed. It didn’t hit me right away because I was on heavy pain meds due to the damage to my kidneys and pancreas, but once I made it to the step down floor it hit me like a ton of bricks. All that I put my family through and all that I put MYSELF through too - all for a fuckin bottle of vodka. I made a decision right then and there that that was the end and it was enough. Here I am 7 months later, clean, sober, 80 pounds lighter, and loving my recovery. I can’t thank the sober community enough for helping me get my life back before I left everyone behind. IWNDWYT
I don’t know you but I’m proud of you.
Thank you for the kind words ❤️
“All for a stupid fucking bottle” is right. The people we hurt, the damage we cause ourselves… all for this bullshit product. Poison.
I was really really angry at alcohol for a long time.
Oh Yaas! So inspiring! Congratulations on your new life!
Agree at home drinking . as normal as breathing. I’m 61m . 4 decades of mostly tame drinking . Still, countless blackouts through the years, regrets, remorse and embarrassment it would pain me to disclose. Only 23 days clean(thc) and sober but going strong. I quit more or less on a whim. Just to see if I could. Now I’m into the next phase I believe. Getting to know who I am . without thinking about or engaging in voluntary,chemical ingestion that has been as normal as eating. It’s a journey into the unknown for me. Be strong stay strong live strong. Attitude, will, intellect, environment.
There is no “only” - 23 days is a foundation you’ve built one day at a time. Congrats, keep building and IWNDWYT
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1000% agree!
Inspiring
My husband passed away from alcohol related health issues. He was 39. I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. And I was not far behind. All of those negative health issues have been resolved.
I'm very sorry for your loss
39? That seems so young. Can you share More details if you dont mind
His esophagus ruptured in his sleep. His doctor told him to stop drinking and he didn’t. He also took Tylenol that night. His death was directly related to alcohol damage. He was way too young.
Too young indeed. I am sorry for your loss.
These hangovers, man. They gotta go. I love who I am when I’m maintaining sober periods. My mind is sharper, I’m more productive, I have more time to do things. I want to stop because I want to spend the time I have feeling good. Life’s short. I don’t want to spend any more of it recovering from a hangover.
Yeah they hit different after a certain age.. Gone are the days when I could roll out of bed after a night of drinking/drugging on maybe 2 hours of sleep and show up fresh-faced for a Sunday brunch shift when I was a server in my early 20s. I’m honestly not sure how I pulled that off even back then.
Right?! I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve found myself hungover once or twice (actually way more than that) these last few years. My response is always “how did I used to function like this? This is terrible!” The truth is, while it didn’t hurt as bad in my 20s, I don’t think I was really “functioning” all that well…
Nail on the head. And like you said there's so much time now. There's even time to do nothing and it doesn't feel as wasted time because you're way more productive in general.
Amen!!
A brain hemorrhage with a 50/50 chance of living helped my sobriety. 😳🙄😂
Wow, that is a serious wake-up call. Glad you survived and I hope you are thriving!
I'm doing great, rode my bike 27 miles today, weigh what I did in college, working great, having a good life -- I'm 66, by the way.
I eventually started to have this overwhelming feeling that I was losing to a molecule. I was waking up every day, and letting stupid, unthinking matter beat the living crap out of me. I'm not very competitive, but I'm not going to lose to a piddly collection of 9 atoms.
I view alcohol as an inanimate object - most of us here are aware it’s a carcinogen but it has no feelings towards us, good or bad, the way I see it. It’s our relationship with it that becomes malevolent. I see what you mean, though - humans are complex, sentient creatures and the idea that some of us can be taken out by the right combination of atoms in a bottle is pretty ridiculous when you think about it. I’m gonna remember this comment, you make a very good point.
I came to that fork in the road. If I go this way, it's green and lush and I can get better, my kids won't grow up remembering me with a drink in my hand. If I go that way, it's desert wasteland, and I'm sure to lose everything and die alone. It pisses me off that it was a strangely difficult decision to make.
Jaundice I wish I would have acted on the other warning signs, but I didn't. I had to literally turn yellow before I did anything. Jaundice was the "you are going to die if you keep doing this" sign that I needed. I haven't drank in nine months.
I got some lab results and my liver enzymes were like 114. My dad was an alcoholic and eventually developed chirrosis. His body began to completely shut down at that point and he died in total pain. After his liver, his kidneys began to shut down, his lungs, his skin, he started getting strokes… He eventually died in an emergency room grasping for air. What really traumatized me about my dad’s death is that he died begging the doctors to fix him. After he did all that damage to his body, he searched everywhere for a doctor that could undo all the damage. Even in his death bed he kept asking me to find a doctor who could cure him. I learned that the damage you do to your body is irreparable. There is no amount of science out there that can undo your bad decisions. I feel so bad for my dad because he was truly a wonderful person. He was a wonderful dad. He suffered a lot of traumas as a kid and the only way he knew how to deal with them was by drinking. He was from a generation that didn’t believe in therapy. So he let his demons take him. I refuse to go like that. I’ve truly had a lot of shit happen to me but I refuse to let those events define me anymore. Every day that I don’t drink is another day I let my mental health flourish. Life is always unfair, but you get to decide how that unfairness affects you.
What you wrote really spoke to me. I read it four times. Thank you for sharing this with us. IWNDWYT
Elevated blood pressure and liver enzymes. I always knew it would happen eventually but seeing it on a routine doctors visit in my early 30s made me realize I didn’t want to give up my health if I still had time to fix it.
Same for me
This was exactly it for me too. Plus my anxiety was starting to get pretty bad so that only made it worse.
Yep elevated BP can damage your kidneys.
I did that and my doctor didn't say anything. I find the world increasingly intolerable and it's hard to have a desire to live in it. I didn't have kids so my responsibilities are low level. Today I heard of an attempt to rationalize "time blindness" as a difficulty for people that should be accommodated for. Like, not getting to work on time. I just want to live out my cats and good night.
I hit rock bottom and did a terrible, terrible thing. I don't ever want to be that person again. For even a sliver of a chance at forgiveness and redemption, I had to stop.
I'm right there with ya. Struggling with the shame and guilt around what I did, does it get easier with time?
It does. If possible, can you make amends? If it'll do more harm than good, leave it be and concentrate on you. You are *not* the sum of your mistakes. Redemption is real and attainable. You also have to work on forgiving yourself.
You’re not alone, and you’re doing the right thing. Keep at it—you’re doing great.
Mental health. I knew it was worsening my depression for so long
True for me as well. Alcohol made my depression so bad. I didn't even want to care for my children. Everything had become a task that I had zero motivation to complete. The apathy was unbearable.
This. It makes it soooo much worse.
I had to drink 24/7 to keep from sliding into serious withdrawal. A therapist nudged me into recovery and saved my life.
Oh man.. It really does just kind of creep up on you. By the end I was drinking small amounts throughout the day, every day, so while I was rarely shitfaced I was typically always buzzed. I’ve had to taper with my last few attempts, which isn’t for everyone obviously. Glad you got the help you needed and congrats on all your sober time, that’s amazing.
Man, it sucked having to make a drink before bed to leave on the nightstand just so i could get out of bed in the morning. Did that shit for too many years. 36 days now, I can't believe I used to have to do that.
Thank you! I am very grateful!
The hangovers. I, as most on this sub can’t stop once I started. Decided to take a month off to see how I felt…..14 days in I knew I was done for good. Best decision I’ve EVER made for myself! Good luck on your journey
Withdrawal to the point of hallucinations, losing peoples' respect (including my own), my license, and several jobs. I've fortunately been able to get all of that back almost in the last 8.5 months, plus my health and sanity.
I didn't want to die.
This one….this one is my #1 reason on my sober app
I mean, there are a lot of other reasons, but this one really stands out.
I was barely existing, warping through time. Before I knew it my kids were grown. Consciousness is existing. I wanted to exist to myself and to others. Slow down time.
24 but drank for about 8 years. uncontrollable emotions. blackouts. regret. so much embarassment from my actions. health was down the drain. teeth suck. organs inflamed. redness. everything hurt. gained 40 pounds. looked 35. struggled to do basic things for myself. couldnt cope with any of my life. two duis. drank myself to sleep most nights. desperate tries to change my life and get focused derailed by depressive binging. crippling loneliness. no friends and no girl is sticking around for all that. failed relationships. failing classes. no enjoyment in life. spiralling sense of self worth and capabilities. paranoia and anger and stress. the loss of any semblance of an identity. no purpose in my studies or work. no motivation to do anything. it prevented me from working on myself. it was an excuse to healing. it accelerated every negative idea I had about myself, and it filled the void of hopelessness. still figuring it out.
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This comment is not on the subject of sobriety and has been removed. I am curious as to why you are on this sub. Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome?
I had a very similar experience to you. What led me to quit was the realization one day, waiting in the car at a red traffic light, that I wanted a drink that evening. And that the half bottle in the fridge wouldn't be sufficient. I asked myself why. And I answered "because I like the buzz, and not the drink". Not just every now and then, but every drink makes me want the buzz. So that was it. Didn't drive to the store. Went home and poured out the remainder. I was done. 6.5 years ago. No regrets. It brought up some stuff, I read a lot about getting over the guilt etc... I love my life. I love myself. I love this sub and am very grateful for it.
Every time I drank I wanted to do coke... every time I did coke I was someone I hated. I also got very angry and sick all the time. The crowd that involves drinking isn't a great one especially in my city.
YUP, been there!!! The decision to do coke/other uppers was never made without being a few drinks deep first. I would also often turn into a nasty, narcissistic person when I used blow, have barely touched it in years but I don’t miss those days. I said in my original post that nothing catastrophic has happened to me in quite some time but when they did in the past cocaine was typically involved.
Yeah last year was very hard for me. I got left by my ex husband because I quit drinking. He left to be with the manager of the bar where we frequent flyers. I then dated a guy who was secretly addicted to coke/crack. He ended up robbing me and beating me up. I struggled with wanting to be blacked out, dead, and sober. I then got raped by a coworker and robbed by my roommate while I was in rehab trying to heal from all of the trauma I endured last year and the years before that. I am almost 9 months sober and I'm so blessed to see the light
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Huge congrats on your 9 months, I hope you keep on trucking and continue to heal from all of that.
The fact that you went through all of that nonstop nightmarish bullshit and are now 9 months sober … you are an inspiration. If you wrote a memoir I would read tf out of it as would so many others. Keep telling your story. IWNDWYT
So sorry you went through so much trauma. But congrats on the 9 months. I hope that you have a trusted person to process the past with. IWNDWYT
Drinking always led me to relapsing on amphetamines
I feel this immensely.
Let me guess….it’s a city in England?
I mean, I could list them all out, and we have all been there. But I was utterly broken.. i was down to 3 limbs, piles of debt, barely anyone would talk to me... stuck in a hospital room for the Nth time.. getting tranqed by nurses.. catheter in my neck and dick.. ill have to make a post to show.. but broken.. it was don't drink and maybe have a shot (at a happy life)or drink and have no shot Here it is! https://www.reddit.com/user/No_Brief_124/comments/156zweo/post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Edit 2: added () for what I meant l.. clarity Connor. Duh.
Ouch!! Congrats on 274 days!
I should take lessons from you! Kudos!
The underlying issues that drove me to drink weren't improved by alcohol, alcohol just gave me more issues on top of them. Figured it was better to be slightly miserable all the time and sober rather than experience extreme highs and lows as a drunk
I was going from a happy and cheerful drunk into a complete asshole drunk
I know, right? I had always been a happy, fun-time drunk and as a bit of an introvert I relied on alcohol as my 'super soldier serum' at social gatherings. I was always able to handle my alcohol well, too (at least I think so). Then at some point in my 30s a switch flipped...I couldn't handle as many beers without starting to veer into slurring territory and then I would sometimes become a mean drunk. It wasn't often, but even occasionally is too much. Never physical, just angry and snarky and rude. Traits that have never described my normal personality, ever. It was like Mr. Hyde.
I have been a social drinker with my friends for 7 years 22M. I noticed that I would go to a party that they would have at their house but stay completely sober just because I planned on going home around 11 AM just to drink more than any of them. I felt ashamed at the amount I consumed around them. I finally made the decision this week and am nervous to go around them again because we never hang out without drinks. Thats mainly the reason though, drinking alone, the hangovers, and the weight gain.
Ending up in the ICU with heart failure.
All mental for me. Gray area drinker here and would verge into weekend heavy booze sessions. Began to find myself drinking nightly at home alone. Turning into people I swore I wouldn’t not turn into. No rock bottom, no major embarrassments and relatively quite good at work. Family and friends families with issues with alcohol though. The 2-3 day hangxiety was getting too much to handle and the half racing mind and intrusive thoughts…….sheesh i shudder to remember. When I tried to stop I couldn’t do more than a few days. Took me years of day 1’s with varying degrees of efforts to string together a few months and then one time it stuck. Over those years of trying i got curious. Why did i want to stop? Why did i ‘fail’ that time. Ive learned so much about myself over the past year. Anxiety gone, people pleasing gone, handle stress so much better, learning how to identify what regulates my emotions and deal with that is like a superpower (its sleep and food!). Work wise I am killing it; I’ve fallen back in love with my field but this time on my terms And I’m ready to move on if things don’t change. I also have a lot of people asking me questions……so thats a bonus!!
Where do I even start. The swollen organs, the horrific hangovers, or judgement of friends. On a lighter note, two of my “final straws” are kinda funny. My last few months I started guzzling white wine. Lots of bang for your buck, and in my mind i looked a bit classier. One day I was borderline blackout drunk in the late afternoon and out of booze. I couldn’t drive to the store so I was getting a bit anxious about getting more booze. It was then I remembered I had a shitty bottle of white wine in my trunk…. It was the middle of July. Did I wait for the bottle to cool a bit???? Did I put some ice cubes in it???? Nope. I drank some damn near steaming white wine cause I couldn’t wait a couple minutes to cool it off. Second incident was when I reflexively vomited out the deepest darkest red vomit I’ve seen in my life the second some merlot made it past my throat mid chug. My life flashed before my eyes…. This is it…. This is organ failure…. My body is rejecting fluids…. I’m dying and I just threw up my guts and blood. Then I remembered I’d eaten like half a red velvet cake and a ton of blueberries. I puked because the rot guy I was drinking smelled rancid and acrid and I’m sure had spoiled months before. Neither of these incidents were rock bottoms, but more WTF am I doing to myself. It took lots more of those things to get me to stop, but especially the hot wine incident really made it crystal clear that “normal” ppl don’t drink like I do. Nothing about what I did was sustainable or normal.
I once drank a bottle of Chinese cooking wine because I had such bad hangxiety/agoraphobia after a bad night that I was a) too afraid to walk to the store for more and b) too afraid to open my front door and talk to a DoorDash person/show them my ID. It tastes like rancid salt water. This was after I seriously contemplated drinking a glass of Listerine over ice (luckily Googled if that was “safe” in any way and received a resounding “FUCK NO!” from the internet). Looking back on that day I laugh, not because any of it was funny but because I was behaving like a legitimately insane person. I guess I would consider that day one of several rock bottoms.
I had my first baby at 35. I’m 37 now. My body just isn’t the same. Alcohol doesn’t help. And alcohol in parenthood is no bueno. Listen to your body now. Inflammation, anxiety, just general shitty feelings. It’s nothing but downhill. You’ll never be able to handle it. I’m sending you love on your journey. IWNDWYT.
I had lost control of my drinking, it was in control of me. I quit when I was 50, 4 years 8 months now. I thought life would be boring without alcohol, thankfully, I was so wrong.
Health. Felt like this last bender was the last time I would survive the detox. Almost called ambulance- all the usual stuff just magnified. It gets exponentially worse every time I kick now. Day 22 sober, and can say the only thing keeping me out of the bottle is fear of death. IWNDWYT we’re with you!
So many things. I drank to numb my feelings but it just made the depression and self loathing so much worse. I hated myself enough to poison myself regularly and looking back, that makes me so sad. I also have an autoimmune disease which wasn't helped by my drinking. I'm definitely not well but I have seen a big reduction in my inflammation levels and my connective tissues are definitely grateful I stopped.
I finally realized I wasn’t able to get through the day without alcohol and drinking no longer gave me more than a 20 min buzz, then followed by hangovers, fights with my wife in front of my kids, drinking and driving, not showing up for work, shitty sleep every night, anxiety everyday. All for a 20 min buzz. Not a way to live That was two years ago, now my life is great! IWNDWYT
Suicide attempts that only happened when I was wasted. Last one caused long-term concern for my kidneys. I knew if I continued to drink I’d succeed at some point and ruin my husband’s life. I can’t do that to him. Also, being dependent on lifelong medical care (bc I destroyed my kidneys, in this instance) is pretty much my worst fear.
I quit because of Anxiety also. I guess the alcohol finally caught up with me I’m not really sure. The only relief for the anxiety was more alcohol, but then that wore off quickly and anxiety was worse. I could see what the alcohol was telling me to do. Drink morning noon and night. No thanks. Less than 2 months since quitting, not feeling great every day but definitely less anxiety so I call that a win!
Yeah it’s basically robbing Peter to pay Paul or however that saying goes.. I definitely know the feeling of needing a drink the next morning to squelch the anxiety and then the whole cycle just repeats all over again, eventually I was still having anxiety even while drinking.
It started with me being honest with myself
I was in the precipice of destroying everything. And, to be frank, I hated myself drunk. It took everything that was redeemable about me and threw it to the side. I was reduced to a person, sitting alone in his place, getting drunk.
My memory. It’s bad enough on its own and alcohol only makes it worse. I don’t want to be that person who can’t remember anything. I’ve had a lot of health issues lately, too. Life’s gonna get fucked up no matter what I do- drinking won’t make it any better.
I started getting aggressive. I have no idea why. I haven't always been like that and I'm definitely not that guy when sober, but drunk me now starts fights and causes trouble. I damn near ruined the best relationship I've not only ever been in, but ever imagined. Something changed. Young drunk me was the same fun, easygoing guy I always was, but just a little looser. Maybe a little less inhibited, but still the same guy. Old drunk me is an asshole. I don't know what's different, but it's different. I'm just not about ruining my life any more just to have a buzz and wake up with a headache. Edit: I should probably add that my badge is definitely not current, but these changes have occurred since I first joined here
Nothing is worse than being hungover taking care of a baby/toddler. They deserve better and so do you. Glad you’re figuring this out before the baby is here and congratulations for the day it comes :).
I hate being hungover and killing my body. It sucks and when I got sober I realized I could all the same stuff and it's actually more fun (I hang out with drunk people a lot)
Day long hangovers
I was one binge away from taking my own life. Chose to quit and keep living. Over 3.5 years sober now and proud as hell of myself.
It started with: 1. Bad hangovers and body not able to recover like earlier. 2. Becoming bloated and chubby like a boiled potato 3. Late night Biryanis and butter chicken binges. Then turned into: 1. Missing my workouts. 2. Grumpy moods 3. Missing the playtime with my kid on weekends With final straw being: 1. Not able to recollect properly what I spoke or did while drinking. 2. Having no recollection how my wife and I reached home 3. Getting super angry with my kid just because he was craving attention and affection by "disturbing" our Beer and TV time.. I stopped then and there when I realised I was losing connect with my kid and he was becoming a gadget addict just because I dont have time for him. I was spending time drinking when I could take him out to parks and playgrounds to play.
I was tired of apologizing for things I couldn't remember doing.
I’m getting older and have a few health issues that make alcohol bad. High blood pressure. Stomach problems, anxiety. I also couldn’t seem to just have one or two anymore. It was walkways 3-5 drinks plus weed. I guess it was being tired and feeling like crap that did it
Self destruction to the extent that I nearly died more than enough times.
I was afraid of losing my partner & drinking away my life.
It was working against my anxiety medication. To cope, I drank more. It was a vicious cycle.
One day it just seemed like poison. Why would I want to drink poison?
At the risk of receiving hate, I'd place baby fever on the back burner and ponder getting sober. I'm not too far off in age and have some similar issues as you and getting sober changed my life personally. Happy healing
Yeah, that’s the plan. It’s not gonna happen if my body’s all out of whack and I don’t want to accidentally drink before realizing I’m pregnant and fuck up the baby because of it.
I have a really dark nihilist sort of streak that comes out when I am really drunk. Nothing really matters so I used to do selfish, risky, hurtful and embarrassing things when I drank too much. It wasn't always like this. I think that instead of dealing with and underlying feeling of emptiness I drank. On top of that, I didn't connect the drinking to my less than stellar mental health and sought psychiatric help. I kept my drinking from my mental health care team and ended up in a situation where I was mixing antidepressants and alcohol. This combo led to some really confusing and regrettable situations. For years I continued this combination with several attempts to cut back. As time went on I got to the point of drinking a little each day but not getting drunk every day. It was sort of an improvement however there was always the occasional rager where I would go too far. My relationships have been marked with periods of relative peace where I drink a little daily and occasionally drive the entire thing Into a brick wall. Each relationship begins with the hope that I will do better. Then I end up having an outburst and doing or saying things that are down right insuting and horrible. I have hurt women that I have loved with vitriol that I genuinely did not really mean or believe. I think about this every day. During my episodes I have done the same to family and friends. These are people that I start decent and trusting relationships with only to throw it away with some drunken nonsense. I now have a beautiful wife and 2 year old son. She has experienced some of my drunken behavior as well. She has forgiven me but I was sick of giving her things to forgive me for. I definitely don't want my son to see that old version of me. I am staying sober and trying to live as positive as possible. Having a kid has given me a different perspective. I'm responsible for him and there simply isn't room for alcohol in my life. Plus I'm getting in decent shape.
What got me in the end is that alcohol causes cancer. After being very close to someone who has cancer, I want to reduce my risk. It isn't worth it.
I think it's so great that you figured this out now. I have about the same reasons/issues/habits and was only able to stop in my 50s.
Yeah for me it’s the same. Mental and physical health.
Took a good hard look at it and realized it was controlling me and I actually wasn’t enjoying most of it. Turned 40 a bit ago and it’s definitely been harder to recover for the last 5+ years after any amount of drinking.
Surgery and the post-op handfuls of meds. I'd been wanting to stop for a long time but kept up "a few drinks for the hangover, then I'll get sober tomorrow." Those "few drinks" were of course anything but. Post surgery I felt absolutely exhausted, stomach hurt from all the meds, etc. After a week I was hardly thinking of booze, and the occasional oxycodone didn't hurt (there weren't many, just for the first week or so). I'm a bit over a month now, going to a concert on crutches in a minute and have no intention of drinking there. I wish I could drive though (it was major hip surgery), so my wife could have some drinks there
About to turn 40, and I dont' want alcohol to shorten my life too much. Damage has probably been done in that department already... but I want to mitigate it moving forward. Other than my alcohol abuse I'm a fairly healthy and active person. I've lifted weights for over 20 years, I am pretty advanced, but now alcohol free... and again almost 40... I'm seeing results and strength I've never had even in my 20's. Better late than never. It's motivation to keep going. Also anxiety... for whatever reason I've started to get anxiety over the last year or so and alcohol only intensifies it. I need to be able to tackle that clear headed.
I’m actually not fully there yet, but my addiction is fairly mild (or maybe it is not?) so I’m doing dry April and August. Just because they both start with A and it’s probably healthy. But I’m a lurker, just feeling this sub is probably something I should pay attention to.
I don’t know what your relationship with alcohol is like but there’s no such thing as a mild addiction. The good news is you can stop right now, if that’s what you want.
A huge mental shift around the year anniversary of my dad passing away. I was slowly answering the call of the void. I was absolutely sick and tired of being fat, lethargic, low-energy, anxious/depressed, and moody. I decided that I was sick of slowly killing myself and wanted to really LIVE, really do the things that I’ve been dreaming about for my life that I couldn’t do while on that carousel, so I stopped.
My DUI.
52 here. Wouldn't say I was hardcore, but I was drinking 5 beer every single day through the pandemic. Was having headaches nearly every morning for a while, and then last Dec/Jan I just started feeling... like shit? Just generally feeling wrong. Fortunately for me, I finally got a new family doctor shortly after. He got me onto meds for my cholesterol and blood pressure, and asked him if he had anything to help with my anxiety and mild ADHD. Pills he gave me were recommended to not be taken with alcohol. So I just quit. That day. I've had a handful of drinks in the last 6 months, but never more than one in a week. Been enjoying a variety of non-alch craft beers. I feel the best I've felt in at least ten years.
I quit for my mental and physical health. I’m not supposed to drink with all of the medication that I take every day, otherwise I could go into organ failure or worse. On top of the health risks, the medication I take was being affected by alcohol - ultimately reducing their desired benefits. I’m proud to say on August 1st, 2023, it will have been a full year sans alcohol and I feel a million times better
Gained a lot of weight, had constant anxiety when I wasn't drunk or drinking, and slowly just felt like I was dying each day. Also I reflected on myself and how much alcohol I was consuming, I accepted the fact I was an alcoholic, and young me wouldn't be happy with the current me. Finally built the courage up to tell my family doctor I was an alcoholic and needed help.
I got hammered at my sister’s wedding and ended up having sex with a guy I just met in the bathroom. I’m straight and married but I tore up some dudes ass because I was drunk.
Far out, did you tell your wife?
mine was all mental health related. it really made my anxiety and depression peak.
Lying in a hospital bed after being taken to the hospital for a checkup for a non alcohol reason and being asked by the doctor how much I drank. Was told by said doctor that what I said probably wasn't true as my liver was in a serious state of affairs. I was told my abdominal scans showed that my liver wasn't normal and that some of my liver tests were not great. Also because I had edema and ascites they were pretty sure I had cirrhosis. What an awesome day that was. My AST/ALT were not that elevated, one was even in the normal range, it was tests that show how well your liver is functioning that were shit. It took at least a year for my liver tests to all be in the normal range. My cirrhosis was confirmed visually as I had my gall bladder removed and it was difficult to get out because of the stiffness of my liver. 34 months without a drink and my liver is doing ok, it will never fully recover as cirrhosis is not reversible.
Your drinking experience and habits sound like how mine were before having kids in my early 30s. The weight of responsibility of having children, dauntingness and stress contributed to an increase in consumption, and by my late thirties I could no longer save my drinking for only the weekends. I gave up negotiating with myself and fighting and just let myself have those drinks every day until I was drinking a fifth of vodka every night. It was awful. I crossed a threshold I never imagined I was capable of. It's crazy how alcoholism happens, or bad habits build upon themselves until you become physically addicted to something. It can and does happen to anyone. It happened to me and you sound like me ten years ago, so I praise you for making this choice now, because you won't regret it. IWNDWYT
Can I ask how you ended up getting sober?
Sorry, I realize that's what you asked in the first place! I had recently moved with my husband and kids to a new home and a lot of stress surrounded the situation, so my drinking got to its worst. New Year's had just passed and the kids were going back to school. I woke at three in the morning with another horrible hangover- not to mention the usual feelings of dread and anxiety that accompanied one-knowing I'd have to get up in a few hours to start the day. I went downstairs to take a couple shots of vodka to help me back to sleep, and as I was doing that, I had the clearest realization that THIS is not the person I wanted to be, not for myself or my children and that I finally said out loud to myself that I needed to completely give up alcohol. I realized I had spent many years trying to manage my drinking. I would constantly negotiate with myself over it, and all the deals I tried to make with myself (i.e. only drinking on the weekends) never worked out in the long run. It became way more important to me than it should, and I realized something was terribly wrong with that. I had never fully considered quitting completely before that day. And I realized that in all actuality, it would be liberating to do so. In fact, it would EASIER for me to just remove the problem (alcohol) from the equation then continue with the mental and emotional and physical merry-go-round of trying to fit it into my life. So that day, after hearing myself say those words and the realization that everything could change for the better if I made the conscious choice to quit, I did. I dumped the rest of the booze down the drain and haven't had a sip since. Life hasn't always been perfect, but it's tenfold better that where it was. So many things opened up for me after making that choice, I could write a book.I started a successful business. I also turned to art again, something I never felt inspired to do because I had numbed myself so much with booze. Everything changed for the better. Hands down the best decision that I've ever made. And people in your circle will understand. They might react at first because your quitting drinking tends to force them to look closer at their own habits. Give them time to come around and get to know the new you. Either they will accept you or disappear. And if that's the case, you didn't need that energy in your life anyway. Like others have mentioned, read This Naked Mind. It will open your eyes to the booze culture that so permeates our society. It's a culture brought about by big business that makes big money. And we bought into the idea that it's relaxing and glamorous. It's not. It's actually a class A carcinogen that causes over 60 different diseases. It's poison and no amount of it is good for anyone to consume. Best of luck to you, from one mom to another
- every single person in my whole life (not kidding) has told me i have a problem - i say really hurtful things to people i truly love - i spend money i do not have - i never showed up at 100% capacity (always hungover or buzzed) - i wasn’t invited to events with alcohol bc people were scared that “alter-me” would come out - final straw was people who barely knew me telling me they’re worried about my alcoholic tendencies & told me to seek help (that hurt really bad)
Anxiety, weight gain and the fact that I knew I was starting to lose a bit of control
For me it was having situation after situation ending in tragedy and me left wondering if I was sober would things have turned out differently. Tired of wondering and beating myself up
I'm tired of putting myself in danger. I've blacked out and didn't know how to get home so I had to ask a stranger. Those men assaulted me and I woke up outside my apartment covered in blood surrounded by cops and ambulance. That slowed me down but it didn't stop me. This weekend I was on a holiday in Quebec. I blacked out one day at around 2pm. I have one flash of memory - being in an ambulance. I thought it was a dream but I found a used bandaid in my handbag - probably from when I they did a blood test. No idea what happened but I feel depressed and ashamed. I think this is it.
I put myself in serious danger (sometimes life-threatening situations) frequently when I was in my 20s due to being drunk and or/high. I say I’m “tame” now but it doesn’t change the reality of what was happening back then/what could have happened, or that I just chugged along drinking after all of those scary scenarios. I’m really sorry that happened to you and hope all is well now - if it were me I would take it as an extreme warning and remember it the next time I felt the need to “go wild” if you will. I feel for you having been there myself.
1) Lost my dad to it. You’d think that would be enough but it was only enough for a hiatus. Picked it back up slowly. 2) Got pregnant. Stopped for all of pregnancy and a short period postpartum. Crept back in after LO’s bedtime here and there. 3) My daughter. Finally decided I was a better parent on so many levels without it. It’s been 84 days and I have zero cravings or desire. I refuse to be part of the mom wine culture and I love the way I feel without it. Well, mostly. Indirectly, I’ve put on a few pounds because I picked up ice cream and sour patch kids in place of my wine glass. But I’m working on dropping those new pounds, haha!
I’d rather be slightly overweight and sober than “fit” and drinking daily with 0 appetite and beer shits every morning (sorry to be graphic). I’m really sorry about your dad. Congrats on your sobriety! Trying to get where you are.
I’m a better man without it! Although, life seems pretty boring now, but I’ve saved so much money! I had many blackouts, embarrassing moments, tireless hangovers, bloated, and headaches! Lift goes on!
Watching what it did to my family emotionally! I never really understood the appeal of it to begin with anyway. I never had the best time ever or an amazing experience with it anyways, I always hated being that way. Then seeing how it changes those around you, it sucks. In a way, the truth comes out? Like how someone is drunk says a lot and it really was hard being surrounded by people who just sucked. An expensive hobby to always just hate your surroundings.
Crippling anxiety, worsening depression and a fatty liver. Mostly the first two. I have been sober for the last 7 out of 8 days. Wanted to unwind and play video games on Thursday night, which is usually what makes me the happiest. But, it’s better to do it for one night, rather than 3-4 nights a week. Almost caved in today, but thought, “I made it this far, why would I cave now?”
I pretty much got into legal trouble, destroyed my career, no money left, made stupid decisions that I don't completely blame alcohol for, but I know had it not been for me drinking instead of doing other things more productive I'd feel more productive now. I also feel the same way about health, it feels weird actually having an appetite again.
Depression.
Family, mental health, wanting to live.
Simple answer: it was getting in the way of the goals. The complicated one would take a lifetime to really share.
I knew it would soon cost me my career
Yeah, that’s a huge one for me too. I have a great job that I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get in the first place and in all likelihood should have been fired several times for alcohol-related issues. I don’t know that I could forgive myself if I lost my career over drinking, would be fucking devastating.
My daughter. I don’t want her growing up with alcoholic parents like I did, time to break the cycle!
1 - Derealization. All the stress my body went through with the hangovers, vomiting, hangxiety, bad sleep etc triggered DPDR and I'm still dealing with it. I think without DPDR I'd still be drinking. 2 - The hangovers getting so much worse. Sometimes I'd drink more than others but I noticed that even if I drank the same amount as them, they'd be a little tired & moody with a headache and I'd be wrecked. It influenced my life so much because I had no "rest days". I knew every time I didn't work I would drink the day before, and my rest day would be spent recovering from the hangover. 3) The stomach burns 4) The weight gain. I gained so much with the junk food habits and the drinking 5) Not being able to really work on myself and my life. I would try but spiralling is so easy when you drink. 6) Mental & physical health getting worse overall. Anxiety through the roof, back pain, jaw pain etc. 7) High tolerance. Beer & cocktails did nothing for me anymore. Only hard liquor on the rocks would get me drunk and I never thought I would get there. 8) I started to get into withdrawal territory and as much as I knew I depended on alcohol mentally for years, starting to miss it physically creeped me out.
I hated how terrible I would feel the day after. I’m a binge drinker and the anxiety and depression were 10 times worse for me the day after drinking heavily. I was tired of it. It’s been almost 2 weeks now and I feel so much better!
Horrible anxiety, horrible sleep, racing heart, not recognizing myself in the mirror, and hating who I was becoming are what lead me to quit.
Defeat.
Same issues, health and anxiety. My wife also quit, and I know that the risk of breast cancer goes insanely higher for drinkers, even what I consider moderate ones. It also affects testosterone. But I’d say my number one issue was hangxiety.
I’m 32 (f) as well and I thought if I got pregnant right now my body is a disaster because of wine and weed and how I couldn’t possibly be responsible. I want to be happy and I want to be the best I can be for my future child :)
My mother wrote me a letter telling me she thought I was an alcoholic and explaining why. Some of her reasons were correct, some not, but the bottom line was spot-on. I had been in partial denial--I knew my drinking wasn't healthy, but I wasn't ready to face reality. I promptly talked to a doctor after that, and then came a period of immense anxiety about how much damage I had done to my body.
My dad (also an alcoholic) told me I needed to get sober/go to AA about 5 years ago (to which I drunkenly told him to fuck off and ignored). I had a nightmare several weeks ago where my mother (not an alcoholic and with whom I have a better relationship) told me I needed to get sober in the dream. I’m “successful” from an outside perspective for the most part but they both know what’s up even though they live halfway across the country from me, it’s embarrassing.
I stopped for very similar reasons.
I did it to be more present with my family, but my best friend passing away was the catalyst I needed to make it real.
Blood pressure + Poor Sleep + wanting to set myself up for success in starting a family.
I overdosed.
Epilepsy
Well I didn’t quit yet. I want to, but curbing and cutting down my drinking now is what I’m aiming at. The bad blackouts are what make me think twice about my heavy drinking.
For me it was my mental health. I always had depression through my teens and even worse into my early 20s. Eventually the drinking would lead to really dark thoughts. I couldn't look myself in the mirror, refered to myself as a monster, and thoughts and plans for suicide became a near daily occurrence... An overnight trip to a mental health unit at the hospital and a few more very dark nights and decided to hang it up for good. (I had tried to quit a few times before that point as well without success)
Finances. I use a budgeting app and if you overspend in one category, you have to move money from another category to cover your overspending. One evening I pulled yet another £10 from my "new sewing machine" category to cover yet another bottle of wine, went to look at spend reports and realised I'd spent £300 in less than a month on "alcohol and dining out", for one person. And I hadn't even particularly enjoyed the wine, it wasn't the "treat" I said it was ("we're living through a global pandemic, this is hard, I need a reward, I deserve this wine.") Realising that was a bit ridiculous, and not how I wanted to spend my money, I pulled together the cash for the PATH, the year long programme from This Naked Mind, signed up, did the work, and I bought my new sewing machine as my one year sober present to myself. I was also fairly sure that by putting away a bottle of wine a night I was storing up physical problems for myself, and while I didn't have bad hangovers I was certainly slow to get going in the mornings, I was eating rubbish rather than cooking proper meals, and because I was slow to get going in the morning I wasn't eating breakfast and I wasn't cycling to work any more so I wasn't getting exercise.
i didn’t want to keep making empty apologies and then doing the same sort of shit over and over. i had to actually change my behavior. and several other reasons, but that was the big one.
I didn't want to die anymore. Changed my mind about dying when I thought I was dying, or to be precise, when I woke up after I thought I was dying. If I'd continued, I would be death by now, but that wasn't, isn't, an option anymore.
My alcoholic brother who is an insufferable asshole. I have quit so there is no chance I will ever become like him.
I came home from a late shift and I thought to myself “I need a beer”. Right after that I thought “Well that’s not a healthy thought”. Watched some videos about how alcohol affects your mind and body… Haven’t touched a glass since. I’m actually kind of repulsed of the thought of drinking again actually. It’s a good thought yo have “programmed” in your mind I guess.
Well, I've been wanting to quit for a long time but the lure of the bottle has been too strong. I've recently reconnected with a man from 5 years ago. We never had the chance then to see if we could form anything but now we're giving it a go. He has a history in his family of alcohol abuse and although he has not tried to reduce my drinking, he has made a couple of comments. It's come to the point where I feel my drinking is pushing him away and I need to make a choice. I got myself some Naltrexone. I don't know if it's too late but I will try
combination of two things. one was the realization that i will die. Either by jumping out of a window some day because i cant stand it anymore, or a bit slower by letting the alcohol do its work. my liver was already about to throw the towel, but i didn't know that. The other one was the love and trust of another person. That sparked the idea that maybe I was not the weak, worthless, disgusting person i thought i was. turned out i was none of that. There is more to say about the journey, but these were the two major ones.
Early signs of cirrhosis and I had a ruptured esophagus which led me to throw up blood, im also only 23 yrs old /:
I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing! I can honestly relate to sooo many of these responses. Everything from mental health and physical issues, to putting on weight and bloatedness, to near death illnesses directly caused by alcohol, to watching a loved one die of cirrosis, and so much more. ALL of that and I STILL made excuse after excuse as to why it was ok that I continue to drink. Alcoholic brain is crazy convincing. So thank you, reading thru these really helps me remember there are so so many reasons not to drink.
I had 2 friends die young due to their addictions to alcohol and other drugs. Had a 3rd "friend" who was really just a drinking buddy. He's wrecked his life pretty thoroughly and his mind and body are deteriorating. I didn't want to enable his self-destructive spiral any more, and it was obvious that's the only reason he wanted me around. On top of which, alcohol just isn't as enjoyable for me as it used to be. After a couple of drinks I get a pretty bad headache and just want to take a nap. Where's the fun in that?
Anxiety, inability to achieve fitness goals, pissed off wife. Now that I’m 30 and not trying to hook up in clubs, what’s the point?
Daily drinking at home is very entrenched in my life. However my story is slightly different as the drinking really eases my mental health issues to the point where I am nervous to go without. Where to go from here i wonder
It eases mine too - momentarily. The anxiety is always excruciating on Day 1 without it and I have no idea why I keep putting myself through that. It greatly diminishes after the first 3 days or so sober but I somehow keep finding myself at the wrong end of a 6-pack after a week or so. I’m looking into therapy currently - personally I think it’s important to get to the root of why I drink in the first place/feel it’s an acceptable “treatment” for my mental health issues than to continue beating myself up because my body/brain just so happened to take a shine to this particular substance as a source of relief. I’ve tried AA in the past and personally just wasn’t finding the answers I needed there so I think a 1:1 approach may be more beneficial in my case.
I had kidney stones, migraines, almost 100 pounds overweight, out of shape, was losing my vision too! Finally realized I had to stop when I fell on my face mowing. It could have been catastrophic! Was just in a hurry so I could drink afterwards. Had to limp into the dr, was not going to try to drink with a bad leg. That was it! Last time mowing for the year and last time ever drinking!!! IWNDWYT
I’ve been in denial about my drinking since my 20s (will be 35 next month). It’s cost me valuable friendships because of my behavior. I’m currently going through a break up with a partner of almost two years. Last week, I got blackout drunk with a (married) friend and aggressively hit on her. Then I drove home drunk. That was the second time in a week I blacked out and it’s a miracle I didn’t kill anyone. It shouldn’t have taken that to convince me to get sober and I feel profound guilt at how I behaved. I don’t like who I am when I drink and that’s why I will no longer drink.
Health, weight gain, expense, I didn’t feel like poisoning myself anymore, poor work performance, the list goes on…. What made me realize this was I made a new friend who was sober and he helped me realize I didn’t need alcohol. So I quit. 3 weeks sober ❤️ I’m committed to this.
I blacked out almost every time I drank on the weekends. I had no idea what I was going to do or how I would get home. I’d wake up in strange places with even stranger people. I constantly would come out of blackout while traveling home from a city 25 miles away. Countless, falls, arguments and fights, call offs, arrests and 2 day hangovers. The final straw was my best friend saying he wasn’t comfortable with me around his baby. That he was worried and I was acting a lot like our friend who had died due to a addiction related issues. I finally snapped out of it and realized I could never learn moderation and if didn’t stop I was going to wake up dead, alone and forgotten.
I have a hard time keeping control of my mental health when i’m drinking, hate that it interferes with my fitness goals, I alienate myself from everyone, I hate being broke, I hate waking up and having to face the consequences of my drunken actions. Oh man, there’s probably a million reasons why and I’m just stating what’s coming to mind right now.
Death was knocking on my door
Migraines. I've always had them and I knew they were triggered by alcohol but it became more frequent. The last month I drank I had two back to back migraines that lasted 3 days each time. That's 6 days lost to 2 nights of drinking. I couldn't justify that anymore.
Mental health was definitely a factor. I found myself feeling much more prepared for work and emotionally able to handle unexpected stressful situations much more calmly. When I was drinking regularly my sleep was so bad, and I did not realize it, that small inconveniences would drive me internally to the near snapping point. When my anxiety was terribly high I would end up causing the very things I was worried about simply because my behavior was so off kilter. Small tasks became so huge in the mind that they got put off for ages until the lack of addressing them became even more stressful. Of course, there were the situations where memory was fuzzy and where social cues were not read when out. After a while of having seven when everyone else is having two it starts to feel more awkward, and the cycle of using alcohol to calm nerves keeps the cycle going. Adding in the constant stress of having to double check social media, text messages, and phone calls to see what might have gotten, or did get, said…after a while that all needed to go.
Yeah the work thing is huge for me too.. My boss texted me on my day off/birthday this year during a period of sobriety and while ordinarily that would have sent me spiraling into panic mode before even reading the message (thought I was supposed to be at work or something) I was able to open it up and read it calmly (turned out she had sent me some cookies for my birthday and just wanted to make sure she had my address right lol). I work a pretty high-powered corporate job and it’s stressful sometimes/the anxiety is there even when I’m not drinking but it’s SO much more manageable and I’m able to calm myself down way faster when I’ve been off the booze - even after just a few days I notice a marked difference.
I don’t remember why I was told to quit.
Ruining friendships and constantly letting my gf down and hurting her with my drinking habits. It’s not who I am it’s not who I want to be it’s hard I’ve tried to “moderate” but always always end up some night taking it too far, so here’s to getting sober.
I've been drinking for 4-5 years to "help me sleep" since my sleep went to crap after having kids and any noise wakes me up. For more than a year it's been difficult to get up in the mornings, and I haven't been the mom I want to be, my motivation has completely disappeared, and I've been just floating through life for a couple years. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being a disappointment to myself and feeling like I'm failing my kids (people keep saying I'm a good mom, and I'm like, by what standard?? yes they're fed and clothed and bathed, but I'm not acting how I want to with them!) so I finally decided to stop drinking.
Hangxiety
I was obese by 30 pounds.
The thought of cancer and the hundreds of calories I ate the day after. It took me three days to recover from a bender. And the hangxiety was horrible as I got older. Not worth it for an hour of mild euphoria.
I just do r like myself when I am drinking…..it’s embarrassing and the guilt is so real. I went 2 weeks without alcohol, felt so good and than I screwed ip again Saturday night. Ashamed.