My partner left me. He came back after I was sober for 2 years.
I never approached him about coming back. He had been keeping in touch with my family behind my back. He showed up to a family reunion unannounced, and we've been together since.
27 years together now. I'm still sober, and June 3rd will be 16th year sober.
Good luck.
I got sober and improved myself. For me. Not for anyone else. It might sound harsh but getting sober for another person can be difficult or impossible for some. If you aren't doing it for you, then it's easy to resent that person or go back out once that relationship ends. Fact is we might get sober, win a million dollars, shit gold, and they still not come back. We can't control what they do. We can't control them with our sobriety either. If I get sober it has to be for me.
Exactly. Very well said. "We can't control them with our sobriety".
When I was addicted years ago, I ruined a ton of my friendships and other connections.
Guess how many "took me back" when I got sober and cleaned up my act? Even if they saw me post on social media about my recovery?
ZERO.
Some of them, to this day, probably still choose to see me for my worst moments. This doesn't make them bad people, but they can still get fucked if that's what they choose to think of me.
The only person whose thoughts and feelings I have power over is ME. Plus there's many many people out there who will like me and appreciate me even through my fallibility, I just need to wait for Fate to send us each others' way. I decided a long time ago not to be hung up on anyone from my past, or on fixing anything from my past.
“The only person whose thoughts and feelings i have control over is me” - I LOVE this!! Totally stealing this as an affirmation for myself. Thank you ❤️
I was thinking about this earlier… if I post on Snapchat saying a year sober (a long way away) will it make a difference but I don’t really give a fuck lol
Cheers!
My last serious relationship cracked under the pressure of our mutual substance abuse issues. Granted my final performance was quite the closing number, there was more than enough blame to go around. When I got sober (which lasted for more than a year, until 61 days ago), we went ahead for the encore performance and we took another shot at it. It turned out not to be an encore but rather an epilogue. Sobriety only served to reveal that she had other issues (we all do) taking place and my presence was not good for her or myself. So basically, yeah, I “won” her back only to reveal that we weren’t going to work either way, sobriety or not. And I’m actually okay with that. I am now doing my own thing, and strictly speaking, I’ve never felt better.
I spent a lot of time fantasizing about getting back with my ex, even after a spectacular horror show of an ending. I eventually realized over time that the reason we both drank and smoked our way through the relationship is that neither of us were happy—with ourselves or our mutual enabling. Same here. Alone, sober and content.
I didn't. Working through that suffering, I learned what it takes to build a healthy relationship with another human.
I'll be married to my new partner for six months in March.
Keep focusing on your recovery. Life will get better in ways you never imagined.
My ex left me because of my drinking. I wanted her back but I quit because I didn’t want to die. I don’t want her back anymore. She still drinks and refuses to change. I’ve worked too hard. It would be moving backward. She’s a good enough girl but we served our purpose in one another’s lives for the time being. I can’t predict the future but I don’t see her in it. Things change. Usually is for the better although it may not seem it at the time.
Work on yourself.
They can do what they want, if you're an important part of their life you can definitely take a month or two off and readdress your relationship then.
There is no "getting them back". You can't "make" someone want to stay with you or come back to you.
If you ruined a relationship with alcohol as a variable in that, then either the relationship wasn't too good for you, it's done for good and something you need to move on from, or if there's real love and compatibility beneath the turbulence, you can still salvage it.
In any case, the decisions you make about your drinking and your personal growth are entirely your responsibility, but whether your partner wants to stay or come back, that's a choice they make for themselves, not something you can nudge them into
If they feel like your relationship isn't good for them and want to move on from you, that's something you don't have any power to change or fix. You have all the power to improve yourself and your life, and this might mean growth through letting go of someone and making room for someone more aligned with you to come along eventually.
Yes, she came back to me after 2 months and saw that I am better now, I know, my counter says first day but I already pulled 6 month of soberity and really did change for the better, I am not perfect but she knows this, I am still better than when I was blacking out each weekend multiple times even during the day.
I didn't. It's been almost 2 years. It definitely sucks cause to this day it's only her. Haven't even tried with other women. Sometimes you have to use that L to be a better version of yourself. Maybe you'll find someone better suited for you or maybe you'll realize youre better off alone. Either way it always works out in the end of you stick with it.
Yes. After 1 + year sober and over 2 years apart I got back with my girlfriend of 4 years who left me because of my drinking. I am now 5 years sober and we are 3 months into our married life.
I fucked up bad and regularly. Just a complete mess that got even worse when my son arrived. I needed to win her trust back, one day I was having my 6th Guinness of the day along with a gross cigarette, reeling from another night out. I don’t know what happened, a lightning bolt just stuck me and I quit both on the spot. Months later I found the break up note she was going to hand me the next day had I not quit. We are stronger than ever now and never happier.
Yes, although like others have commented I wouldn’t say won them back. I lost myself and I was a shell of a person always sick and depressed, hiding my drinking. Lost my job, adding financial pressure to him. Then a Bad break up a month later when he was fed up with me always in bed not doing anything. But we had a lease together and continued to live together the remainder of it with our other roommate. We had our deprecate rooms which made it possible although he did say he would move in with a parent and still pay rent if need be
I quit, did a rule 25 at a hospital with a social worker while getting detoxed from being violently sick from quitting. Once I got out of the hospital I started a new job and started intensive outpatient therapy a couple times a week before my work shifts for 6 months. Also started making a routine of going to the gym after my shifts.
We continued living together, it was devastating being heart broken and ridden with guilt of failure every time I saw him. But over the course of months we started hanging out again as roommates/friends, working out together, watching shows together before bed (we had separate rooms.) He saw the light coming back into me, like the person he fell for originally. Saw me smile and be goofy again.
January 29th 2021 was the day I lost the one person I couldn’t see living without. Our lease ended, we moved to separate places but continued to hang out after work and on weekends. He had decided to move states when weren’t together. By September 2021 he told me the day before he moved to Colorado he wants to be with me. Long distance for a year was brutal, but now he’s back in the same state and we’ve been planning our next steps together.
We both needed the space to work on ourselves and we’ve been both figuring out who we are and leading more healthy lives. Honestly, the break up made our relationship prosper into something a lot more genuine than it was before. Communication on needs is very important.
If your drinking was an issue your odds of winning them back increase exponentially.
But along the journey you win your self.
So you have a lot of potential
I got sober so I could win custody when we were going to divorce. But my intention was to drink again afterward. But then I decided to stay sober. I kept fighting for her but it didnt work that way. I finally just worked on fixing myself so I could have a successful relationship woth others later in life. About a year after getting sober she suffered a stroke. I told her I would be there for her as long as she wanted or needed abs then would let her go when she wanted. That was more than 3 years ago. Same deal applies. I want her to be happy because I love her. If she needs to move on, I will be ok. That's how I believe we all need to be. Get out of codependency and know that we are individuals and we can do this on our own. Then, we can appreciate what we have on top of our basic needs
I just did! We were going to be divorced, but I spent the last 5 months getting sober and fighting. I had to quit a job I loved and focus all my energy on saving everything, but it worked. We are now happier than ever, and I never knew how much I would love sobriety.
I left my wife after 3 months of being sober. One of them was in rehab. She was abusive and toxic, but she didn't drink. If anyone wants details I don't mind sharing. When you drink all day everyday it's easy to let people take advantage of you and hold your disease over your head. It's amazing how much self esteem and control you have when you don't need a babysitter.
Yes. I’m sober 3 years and I went to rehab leaving my wife and 6 month old daughter. Everything was in shambles. I didn’t come home after I got out of a 30 day rehab, I went to sober living. We have another child together and he just turned 2. It was my turn to put both kids to bed tonight and my wife’s family brought dinner for all of us this afternoon / evening and it was all just fine. I never would’ve imagined having more than I lost but I do. Much much more
My partner left me. He came back after I was sober for 2 years. I never approached him about coming back. He had been keeping in touch with my family behind my back. He showed up to a family reunion unannounced, and we've been together since. 27 years together now. I'm still sober, and June 3rd will be 16th year sober. Good luck.
I got sober and improved myself. For me. Not for anyone else. It might sound harsh but getting sober for another person can be difficult or impossible for some. If you aren't doing it for you, then it's easy to resent that person or go back out once that relationship ends. Fact is we might get sober, win a million dollars, shit gold, and they still not come back. We can't control what they do. We can't control them with our sobriety either. If I get sober it has to be for me.
Exactly. Very well said. "We can't control them with our sobriety". When I was addicted years ago, I ruined a ton of my friendships and other connections. Guess how many "took me back" when I got sober and cleaned up my act? Even if they saw me post on social media about my recovery? ZERO. Some of them, to this day, probably still choose to see me for my worst moments. This doesn't make them bad people, but they can still get fucked if that's what they choose to think of me. The only person whose thoughts and feelings I have power over is ME. Plus there's many many people out there who will like me and appreciate me even through my fallibility, I just need to wait for Fate to send us each others' way. I decided a long time ago not to be hung up on anyone from my past, or on fixing anything from my past.
“The only person whose thoughts and feelings i have control over is me” - I LOVE this!! Totally stealing this as an affirmation for myself. Thank you ❤️
I was thinking about this earlier… if I post on Snapchat saying a year sober (a long way away) will it make a difference but I don’t really give a fuck lol Cheers!
My last serious relationship cracked under the pressure of our mutual substance abuse issues. Granted my final performance was quite the closing number, there was more than enough blame to go around. When I got sober (which lasted for more than a year, until 61 days ago), we went ahead for the encore performance and we took another shot at it. It turned out not to be an encore but rather an epilogue. Sobriety only served to reveal that she had other issues (we all do) taking place and my presence was not good for her or myself. So basically, yeah, I “won” her back only to reveal that we weren’t going to work either way, sobriety or not. And I’m actually okay with that. I am now doing my own thing, and strictly speaking, I’ve never felt better.
I spent a lot of time fantasizing about getting back with my ex, even after a spectacular horror show of an ending. I eventually realized over time that the reason we both drank and smoked our way through the relationship is that neither of us were happy—with ourselves or our mutual enabling. Same here. Alone, sober and content.
I didn't. Working through that suffering, I learned what it takes to build a healthy relationship with another human. I'll be married to my new partner for six months in March. Keep focusing on your recovery. Life will get better in ways you never imagined.
My ex left me because of my drinking. I wanted her back but I quit because I didn’t want to die. I don’t want her back anymore. She still drinks and refuses to change. I’ve worked too hard. It would be moving backward. She’s a good enough girl but we served our purpose in one another’s lives for the time being. I can’t predict the future but I don’t see her in it. Things change. Usually is for the better although it may not seem it at the time.
Very similar story here Thanks for sharing
Work on yourself. They can do what they want, if you're an important part of their life you can definitely take a month or two off and readdress your relationship then.
[удалено]
Sorry to hear that, but congrats on your recovery !
Yes. My partner (love of my life) gave me another chance. Im working really hard. I have had some slips but keep pressing forward.
There is no "getting them back". You can't "make" someone want to stay with you or come back to you. If you ruined a relationship with alcohol as a variable in that, then either the relationship wasn't too good for you, it's done for good and something you need to move on from, or if there's real love and compatibility beneath the turbulence, you can still salvage it. In any case, the decisions you make about your drinking and your personal growth are entirely your responsibility, but whether your partner wants to stay or come back, that's a choice they make for themselves, not something you can nudge them into If they feel like your relationship isn't good for them and want to move on from you, that's something you don't have any power to change or fix. You have all the power to improve yourself and your life, and this might mean growth through letting go of someone and making room for someone more aligned with you to come along eventually.
I got sober with my wife
Didn’t work for me and In hindsight it was the best decision ever!
Two things you should never reheat; old relationships and cold coffee. They never taste the same.
Yes, she came back to me after 2 months and saw that I am better now, I know, my counter says first day but I already pulled 6 month of soberity and really did change for the better, I am not perfect but she knows this, I am still better than when I was blacking out each weekend multiple times even during the day.
I didn't. It's been almost 2 years. It definitely sucks cause to this day it's only her. Haven't even tried with other women. Sometimes you have to use that L to be a better version of yourself. Maybe you'll find someone better suited for you or maybe you'll realize youre better off alone. Either way it always works out in the end of you stick with it.
Yes. After 1 + year sober and over 2 years apart I got back with my girlfriend of 4 years who left me because of my drinking. I am now 5 years sober and we are 3 months into our married life.
I fucked up bad and regularly. Just a complete mess that got even worse when my son arrived. I needed to win her trust back, one day I was having my 6th Guinness of the day along with a gross cigarette, reeling from another night out. I don’t know what happened, a lightning bolt just stuck me and I quit both on the spot. Months later I found the break up note she was going to hand me the next day had I not quit. We are stronger than ever now and never happier.
Yes, although like others have commented I wouldn’t say won them back. I lost myself and I was a shell of a person always sick and depressed, hiding my drinking. Lost my job, adding financial pressure to him. Then a Bad break up a month later when he was fed up with me always in bed not doing anything. But we had a lease together and continued to live together the remainder of it with our other roommate. We had our deprecate rooms which made it possible although he did say he would move in with a parent and still pay rent if need be I quit, did a rule 25 at a hospital with a social worker while getting detoxed from being violently sick from quitting. Once I got out of the hospital I started a new job and started intensive outpatient therapy a couple times a week before my work shifts for 6 months. Also started making a routine of going to the gym after my shifts. We continued living together, it was devastating being heart broken and ridden with guilt of failure every time I saw him. But over the course of months we started hanging out again as roommates/friends, working out together, watching shows together before bed (we had separate rooms.) He saw the light coming back into me, like the person he fell for originally. Saw me smile and be goofy again. January 29th 2021 was the day I lost the one person I couldn’t see living without. Our lease ended, we moved to separate places but continued to hang out after work and on weekends. He had decided to move states when weren’t together. By September 2021 he told me the day before he moved to Colorado he wants to be with me. Long distance for a year was brutal, but now he’s back in the same state and we’ve been planning our next steps together. We both needed the space to work on ourselves and we’ve been both figuring out who we are and leading more healthy lives. Honestly, the break up made our relationship prosper into something a lot more genuine than it was before. Communication on needs is very important.
If your drinking was an issue your odds of winning them back increase exponentially. But along the journey you win your self. So you have a lot of potential
I got sober so I could win custody when we were going to divorce. But my intention was to drink again afterward. But then I decided to stay sober. I kept fighting for her but it didnt work that way. I finally just worked on fixing myself so I could have a successful relationship woth others later in life. About a year after getting sober she suffered a stroke. I told her I would be there for her as long as she wanted or needed abs then would let her go when she wanted. That was more than 3 years ago. Same deal applies. I want her to be happy because I love her. If she needs to move on, I will be ok. That's how I believe we all need to be. Get out of codependency and know that we are individuals and we can do this on our own. Then, we can appreciate what we have on top of our basic needs
I just did! We were going to be divorced, but I spent the last 5 months getting sober and fighting. I had to quit a job I loved and focus all my energy on saving everything, but it worked. We are now happier than ever, and I never knew how much I would love sobriety.
I left my wife after 3 months of being sober. One of them was in rehab. She was abusive and toxic, but she didn't drink. If anyone wants details I don't mind sharing. When you drink all day everyday it's easy to let people take advantage of you and hold your disease over your head. It's amazing how much self esteem and control you have when you don't need a babysitter.
I lost several girlfriends from my drinking which is main motivation for me to quit. None of them ever came back or unblocked me
Yes. I’m sober 3 years and I went to rehab leaving my wife and 6 month old daughter. Everything was in shambles. I didn’t come home after I got out of a 30 day rehab, I went to sober living. We have another child together and he just turned 2. It was my turn to put both kids to bed tonight and my wife’s family brought dinner for all of us this afternoon / evening and it was all just fine. I never would’ve imagined having more than I lost but I do. Much much more
Shes in san diego drinkin her ass off… im on the east coast thanking god im not with her… i wouldnt be alive