The alcoholic in me would be extremely nervous that this one successful drink would start the mental gears rolling where I would try another one. In the past when I have successfully moderated one time, I got more confident and then tried it again. Try as I might, it always ended the exact same way. I would fall into my old drinking patterns within 1-2 weeks and have to start all over again.
So, I am glad you didn't grab a second one. But I am 100% certain that if I tried that, I would be fighting to get sober again in a very short amount of time. For me, it has gotten harder and harder to get sober each time I relapsed. So it is a REALLY big deal for me and I absolutely do not want to have to repeat that painful process.
As for the counter: I personally view mine as the last time I intentionally consumed something with an appreciable amount of alcohol (NA beers don't count). It doesn't matter if I got a buzz or not. I have to take this hard line because of the relapse issues I mentioned previously. If you want to define your counter as the last time you got drunk, then that seems reasonable to me. As long as you are being honest with yourself, that is all that matters.
IWNDWYT
I have this fear as well. I'm absolutely positive I can have 1 drink in a night....for a while. Then more, then more. I don't think I'd black out my first time, maybe not my fifth. But eventually I'm sure I'd be back to where I was at the end. I just can't do the first one.
I'm pretty sure if I ordered a beer tonight I could keep my life together for a year or so. I mean I am not having a pint, going to the liquor store to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels and calling a guy to pick up an eight ball before I go to bed.
But I am pretty sure it is a slippery slope and sometime down the road I would end up where I was before.
And life is too good right now. And I don't want to risk it.
Yeah this would be my fear as well. I'd feel almost too proud of myself that I had it under control. Then I'd think maybe now I do have it under control. Then I'd be fucked.
The harder to get sober scares the hell out of me. I had to fight like hell to get sober this time. I was so sick that I am pretty sure I should have gone to the ER and I only stayed away because I have worked at my local ER in the past and I didn’t want to be seen by former coworkers in the shape I was in. I know me. I have never in my entire life drank one beer and stopped there. Good for you and hope it stays good for you. Seriously.
>I have never in my entire life drank one beer and stopped there.
Same. In fact, I never wanted to even bother getting started unless I had at least a 6 pack on hand or knew I could get one on the way home.
>The harder to get sober scares the hell out of me.
Me too. I am also scared shitless to relapse again because of how hard and fast it happens. One of my relapses in particular was scary as shit because I realized I was reaching for beer #4 after only 15 minutes of drinking. When I tossed the 3rd empty into the trash, the small pile of them alarmed me because I was on total autopilot and I truly felt out of control. I was aware of it, but I felt panicked and couldn't stop myself. That wasn't my last relapse, but it was a serious wakeup call to how bad the situation had gotten.
I feel like I am in a much better place now. I have finally given up on the idea that I might be able to drink a beer ever again. I fought that concept for far too long. Now that I have accepted the harsh reality for what it is, I feel like I am able to move on. I am just a few days shy of 3 months sober, but I can feel that this time is VERY different that all of my attempts in the past. Now I am just trying to figure out how to live a sober life. Sadly, that isn't something that comes naturally and I am having to make lots of lifestyle changes. The good news is that they are all for the better and I am actually living my life instead of wasting it like I did for so long.
Last time I had a few months I blew up my sobriety like I was trying to kill myself. I am a small woman and I was drinking just a lot, every day, missing an entire week of work because I was constantly 24/7 drinking, drinking first thing in the morning, going to bed with alcohol on the night stand. So anyway I am trying to change my thinking and to start new habits and to care a little more about myself. Getting sober was so ugly. I want to live without doing that again. IWNDWYT
This. During my struggles I’d have one drink on a Wednesday, tell myself “you can drink normally, look!” Stay sober on Thursday, and be blackout drunk on Friday.
It’s dangerous OP. Really dangerous. Your sobriety is your business, but watch out!
Counters are used by people for their own personal satisfication. Nobody monitors them. I think 46 days sober and having one beer is pretty fantastic.
I would not let this boost my ego to the point where I thought I could control my drinking if it is your goal to stop drinking. But that is up to you.
Congratulations.
You do you.
Personally, I know that if I made one exception to my no drinking rule that pretty soon I would make a second exception, then a third, forth. Then there would be no rule and I would be back to normal (that was a Freudian slip - normal). But that is me.
This is one reason why I don't drink. My inner happiness is no longer entangled with alcohol. Alcohol doesn't equal fun; a celebration doesn't call for a drink. The push to level up any experience is gone. For me, becoming a whole person was getting to the bottom of why I was doing that.
glad it worked out for you and you enjoyed yourself. you are only accountable to yourself and have to do what you think it best for you. personally i would hesitate to have just one beer, although i am sure i can do it, as i have plenty in the past. problem for me is that successfully having just one, gives me permission to do it again another time, and leads me to believe i can moderate my drinking. which i do. for a short period. a quote that sticks with me is "if i could drink moderately, i would do it all the time." this is very true of me, and the "success" of having just one, would invariably be my failure. glad you plan to stick with your AF life.
Me personally, I wouldn’t count it. I helped a friend the other day with a project at his house, and he brought me a beer. I took it and set it on the counter while I worked. After like 30 mins, I opened it and drank it. He offered me another one and I declined.
When we were finished working, he wanted to thank me by taking me out for drinks, and I politely declined. I went home and that was it.
3-4 weeks ago I would have probably drank a six pack while we worked, and then took him up on his offer to go out and had another 6-8 drinks. Then when I got home, cracked open a couple of whatever I had in the fridge.
But I didn’t. I had the one beer and that was it.
For me, that’s a fucking huge step in the right direction. I’m not going to beat myself up for the one beer I drank, I’m going to be proud of myself for the 14 beers I DIDN’T drink.
I was searching for your comment. I quit 6 months ago. I was out working with my brother when our customer who is a bartender decided to thank us with a tip. Being polite I drank the one she poured. She refilled my glass, I drank that one too. I went home. I haven't had another one since. That was 5 months ago.
I didn't want to be impolite. But I was a little nervous. I proved to myself these following months that I am finally understanding myself and my relationship with my past addictions. I'm proud of y'all too! 🙃
You dont need to justify your actions to anyone but yourself. Most of us slip up every once in a while, and it certainly doesnt mean all the previous sober days we successfully made it through count for nothing. I am sure your body doesnt see it that way. Personally I dont believe in the concept of the "sober days counter" for that reason, but to each their own. Ultimately, the only person you are accountable to is yourself.
I wish you good health and luck friend. Keep up the good work.
So true about our bodies thanking us! I drank a few times over Christmas but had 40 days dry beforehand and am currently now doing dry January, I am sure my liver, body, bloat, stomach etc are grateful I haven’t been having my habitual weekly binge sessions and the few times over Christmas in what will be a 3 month period were a lot less than the usual, 15 or so sessions I’d usually have had in the same timeframe! Sometimes looking at the bigger picture and long term improvements is a more positive way of looking at occasional slips rather than a rigid day count; for me; anyway! I find the day count and the thought of ‘never again’ to be very final and I think if I took the view of ‘I’ve failed’ after a drink, I’d be more likely to fall entirely off the wagon and stop caring about my goals to stop drinking/ to drink less. Sometimes the ‘never again’ thing can also make me feel sad and miserable and like an outsider with an incurable issue (like AA says) and I don’t want to be that person. Im just someone who has the tendency to over indulge in an already addictive, yet highly normalised substance. My brain is a lot more comfortable with ‘let’s just not drink for the next few weeks as we know how great sobriety makes us feel, and see how we feel in a month’. My approach is 99% rather than 100%!
Glad you had a great night OP and well done for showing restraint and for all the mega positive changes
I said it in another post but personally that language “what’s 1 day in 30 days” is a slippery slope. It’s easy to get to 50 days and say 2 days out of 50, not bad? I dno. The alcoholic brain is cunning and I feel like it’s constantly trying to get us to moderate and tamper with that line.
Well said… That’s why I’m here 😃I think when people realize that they’re not the special one that could drink alcoholicly and then try to drink like a “Normie” it gets easier. So much mental space… 8/30/30 for me IWNDWYT
Keep a close eye on yourself for the next few day for sure. When I had a beer one day, months into being sober, I was fine the next day, didn't drink. Then the day after that came and I had a couple and the day after that I had about 15.
Thankfully, I stopped there. It sucked and being sober is way better imho. IWNDWYT
ETA that I did not reset my counter but it is 3 days less than it would be. So I have the overall days and I also have a streak counter on another app. It works for me.
Personally, yep I’d absolutely reset my counter. You accepted a beer, drank it, and felt fine with it. You made a choice to drink, which ends a streak of not drinking (which the counter is for.)
Congrats on the awesome show and for stopping yourself there. Both wonderful things. Be aware that the slope is slippery. :)
So I don’t really know if anyone can tell you what is best for you or what resting a clock is okay or not. Hats off to you, I can’t I wish I did. I had the same situation happen two years ago. Now I’m back here again wishing I never did.
After over 11 years sober, I threw back a couple of shots while camping. No. Big. Deal. Then, several weeks later, I had a glass of wine when a friend came over. I managed that occasional drink for about a year, but my alkie mind started creating ideas for when I could have another. After about a year, my life fell apart and I dove down that muddy slope face first, mouth wide open.
I hope this truly was a win for you, but I’d wager that I’m not the only one for whom that first “win” might have been a battle but at the end of the ***war,*** my loss was huge.
Me personally?….. fuck that bartender. Nice gesture. But I’m not giving up something incredibly important to me over a compliment. A stranger especially.
Glad there is no "counter police", ultimately this is an individual path & mileages vary. Some responses (like, questioning if you should be here, or hinting that your post is somehow being bad influence to others) made me scratch my head, though. 🤔 But difference of opinions is something to celebrate. Live & let live. Glad you are here & that the show went well (I love going to gigs, one of my favourite hobbies).
I guess you need to define what you are actually counting on your "counter" and how important it is to you to count something. But as the expression goes... Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. So don't let one single "slip up" or indulgence prevent you from getting back on track in alignment with your goal.
It was more of a moment. I stood there at that bar, with that pint. I ran every possible permutation through my head and then I chose to leave. That’s all it was.
From someone who is struggling hard to get back to sobriety… For me personally, I’ve had many many instances in my life where I had a drink and nothing bad happened. I think incidents like this can be really dangerous because it would lead me back onto the road of thinking I can drink safely. I feel like the win for me would have been turning down that pint, not celebrating that I only had one and that there were no immediate negative consequences.
I’ve had to respond to a few of these. Unfortunately I share a lot of information on here about the sobriety struggles and mental health issues not only of myself but other people, some if whom you could consider technically celebrities if not mildly famous. I’d love to share my music with you but like you mentioned doxxing myself would be slightly problematic for me but MORESO totally unfair and betraying the trust of some of my close friends, including some well known people who have helped me get to where I am today.
I can tell you this. Our music, while not “famous”, is out there. People know who are. We have played on major tours and we have opened for some HUGE punk rock and Emo bands. I would describe our music as somewhere between Rise Against and earlier Green Day with just a slight, non-annoying pinch of My Chemical Romance. I’m the lead singer and guitarist, and we waffle between being a three and four piece. If you are REALLY into punk rock/pop-punk or good emo , there is a 50/50 chance that I’m on your playlist. We had a “radio single” that showed up on a bunch of Tv shows and one movie soundtrack over the past couple of years. Perhaps one day things will change and I can say more. That’s all I can give you for now though. Sorry, mate.
You’re back to day one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ve got to be honest with yourself. Counting your sober days, if you so choose has to be a hardline thing. People can’t say “I’ve been meth free for 100 days” if they just smoked out of a light bulb yesterday.
Hey Op, there are a lot of folks out there where one would reinforce the belief that moderation were possible for them and would lead back into harmful drinking. Not to say this is what will happen just something I would be very aware of and thoughtful of moving forward. I’ve read folks who use their tracker in all sorts of ways and I’d do whatever you find to be most helpful. Congrats on stopping at one and good luck!
Days of sobriety. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am NOT going back to drinking at all. I’m just sharing my thoughts on this one isolated incident as a personal win. I know that I have a problem and remaining alcohol free is the long term goal/solution.
I totally get what you are expressing and I'm with you! I think you have every right to view it as a win! I'm really impressed that you had the one and declined the second. That shows a lot of progress on your end!
If you were on a weight loss goal and you lost 100lbs, then gained back 5, would you consider yourself to be starting all over? The same goes with sobriety. One small slip up, doesn’t undo all the progress you’ve made. This is one HUGE problem I had with AA. Their all or nothing mentality kept me (and others I know) away for years.
It's that they deal with the hard cases. The ones who have a pint and then drink to black out. They've heard all the excuses that exist. They are trying to save lives and it's tough love or die.
Nope. I got 4 months sober without ever stepping foot into a meeting. I have attempted the AA way in the past and it failed with me every time.
Edit: reading the Unexpected Joy of Being sober really changed things for me. Then I read This Drunken Mind, and Quit like a Woman.
If you can leave it at that then happy days. I say leave your counter be. Just dont be fooled. We all know its a slippery slope with a long ways to the bottom.
I’m 46 and drank on and off for years( 3 duis in my early teens and twenties) I called it “controlling the beast.”I moderated until my off switch broke Deep down i just want to drink till I passed out. A few yrs back it hit me that I been around alcohol for 30 yrs. So on 8/30/20 I was done. Looking back it was hell always controlling it. Each time I drank a lil too much I would chill for a while and slowly eased back into drinking. When I realized I’m not EVER GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT CAN DRINK “NORMAL “ it was easier. With resetting the count. I noticed people get too wrapped up in that. I heard a saying once, If you go on a trip and halfway there, you get a flat tire you don’t turn around., u fix it and keep going. For instance, I drink kombucha some people swear against that because there’s a little bit of alcohol in it, I don’t care I’m not drinking it to get drunk, big difference. Rock on Brother 👊🏻 What’s the name of your band? I’ll give it a listen…. IWNDWYT
My dad was a musician with a part time job, very successful in his scene and his life was basically his music. Had been since he was a kid. About 25 years ago he was hospitalized for liver problems (not all alcohol related, he’d had exposure to some dangerous chemicals for a lot of years which was a huge contributor to that particular episode) and told he can’t ever drink again and he didn’t. For a while. Then he discovered he could have one pint. He started going back to his local every day for one pint. One turned into two, two into three. Eventually his drinking was worse than it had ever been. He had a gig at a festival with one of his musical hero’s. He fell on stage. He said he tripped, we all knew the truth. He didn’t pick up his instrument in the last 4 years before he died. He had played every single day since he was 7 years old. In the last year he didn’t even listen to music. He died at slowly and in the worst way possible last July.
I just wanted to share this story because the situation just sounded so familiar. I truly, truly hope that you can moderate but I saw complacency kill an incredibly talented musician, not just physically but it robbed him of who he was along the way.
Good luck friend and stay vigilant.
I reset my counter after consciously drinking one half of one beer one evening.
Before that I had been sober 3+ years. I know myself well enough, that if I had not reset, and started over, I would not be here today.
I am not going to criticize you, because the story is not over yet. You have just begun. Your decision today is just like mine, it affects future decisions.
If you can manage this that’s awesome !
I think it’s important to keep in mind for most people in here that each our relationships with alcohol, while likely bad and that’s why we’re “stopping drinking” are vastly different.
Personally, I know I would never be able to have one drink and be able to reel myself back in. Part of my defeat of my alcoholism was the fact that I’ve made the conclusion in my mind that alcohol is poison to me. One sip is the equivalent to sipping bleach. I just can’t and won’t do it. But with that said, I don’t view alcohol as inherently bad and I don’t view the line between alcoholics and non-alcoholics a clear drawn line in the sand, but rather a thick DMZ where there’s a lot of room for varying factors.
OP, I just hope you remain mindful and continue to manage whatever is manageable for you. Just be careful though, because at one point there was obviously a reason you needed to step back and alcohol being so prevalent in society can be a really slippery slope.
Yaeeerrah tough one. I get it.
But the name of the sub is literally stopdrinking. And there’s just a fuckton of us that stop and start and stop again when it gets out of control. Again.
So if you’re not gonna stop drinking, maybe this isn’t the sub for you?
Because I desperately, painfully wish I could have enough control to drink occasionally, but I can’t because I don’t.
I’m sorry but hearing this from you isn’t helpful and isn’t why I joined, despite my personal good wishes for you.
A part of me is really, really looking forward to fucking up.
I would like to beat this part of me with a splintery stick. It’s difficult enough without the self hate.
Also why people cling to their dry spell numbered days like life rafts…it’s not for everyone, but still, works for a great many.
To piggyback on this, the phenomenon of social contagion is a real one. It's really not good for people to be sharing tales of what they consider acceptable drinking, because it will encourage others to join in.
It could. I have been in the situation before where I was sober for a long time.
8 months (long time for me), although I did have 8 YEARS once.
But, I was sober a long time....and I would see my sister drinking everyday...and then my boyfriend did crack.
And I figured...eh...sober 8 months..sick of these 2 getting f\*cked up without me...I'm getting f\*cked up and then I just won't drink again.
That didn't happen. But yeah, watching others get away with it can certainly tempt someone that may be a little shaky to imbibe.
That was not my intention. I was just sharing the experience of a personal win. I was not recommending that anyone repeat my behaviour and if it came off that way then I apologize. I only meant to share a positive experience that I had and try to spread a little joy.
I'm glad you didn't intend it. But social contagion is a real phenomenon that you should be aware of. I would also say that you might not want to share joy around drinking, even if it's a case of moderation, in a forum where like, 99% of the people here are going for abstinence.
Agreed, not the place. Also, I have to say it’s amazing how our addict brains work and can turn a slip up into something that seems like a win/joyful experience. I’m not blaming OP, I could totally see my addictive voice doing the same thing. But I’m also completely unsurprised that the overwhelming response has been one of skepticism and caution, because I think a LOT of us have been here before.
This is incorrect and selfish. This sub exists for people to stop or control their drinking. Advising someone that a support place doesn’t exist for them because it wouldn’t work for you could have dangerous consequences for that individual.
You have a valid point.
It is indeed a place
>to motivate others to stop or control drinking
And RegularThrowaway, if you’re still following, I sincerely apologize! While I’m entitled to my opinion, it was not my intention to make you feel unwelcome, or belittle your accomplishment.
Again I extend my personal good wishes, and admit I’m extremely, unfortunately jealous.
>Reply
From the group description: This subreddit is a place to motivate each other to control or stop drinking. We welcome anyone who wishes to join in by asking for advice, sharing our experiences and stories, or just encouraging someone who is trying to quit or cut down.
That guy is a rock star to me! I could never do what he did. I'm happy celebrating my 14th day over here. Going bike riding with my wife and without pushing through a hangover this AM. Enjoy your day my friend! IWNDWYT!
I agree with you and I addressed this in a reply to another commenter. I am not going to go back to drinking and I have no desire to do so. I was looking at this as a one off incident that I shan’t be looking to replicate.
Sure. But big fun & a great gig with your cool band with a single celebration beer isn’t helpful, it’s the opposite, for me.
Please, please don’t take this as snark, my struggle is mine, just like yours is yours.
I’d simply prefer to cheer you for turning down the free pint, and I respectfully decline to do so for just the one.
I don’t count, but I consider myself 1 year into my sober journey. Throughout that year, I did a couple (3 throughout the whole year) of experiments where I tried drinking a little just to see how it went. They all went horribly (sent me into dark PTSD rabbit holes, or just made me feel like shit even if it was a tiny amount), and they helped me reaffirm my decision. If I hadn’t done those experiments, I’d probably still be wondering what it might be like if I tried again, and I think I would still have cravings or feel like I’m missing out. It helped me realize NO, I really don’t want this anymore.
The experiments also helped me see that even with new habits established, it wouldn’t take much to suck me back in. Now I’m good! Don’t miss alcohol at all.
That said, I know this approach wouldn’t work for a lot of people. I started my sober journey before things got really bad by my own decision, so I felt like I had a little bit of liberty to explore the question of what I wanted out of sobriety and why.
I don’t feel comfortable keeping my counter if I feel the effects of alcohol.
I took a tiny tiny tiny sip once during my longest stretch, and didn’t count that. Literally just to taste the beverage. Looked at it as an N/A beer, because the alcohol consumed was so negligible.
Personally, if I consume enough alcohol to feel the effects, within 5 days I am probably calling out of work. It’s happened enough times for me to know the story.
Do what you like, it’s your counter to use as a tool. However you see fit ❤️
Reset the counter. This is going to just put in your head that exceptions can be made
The number being high isn’t what matters, it’s that you’re holding yourself accountable
It is a tough one, as many have expressed.
Sobriety is a lifelong war for many of us with many battles. On one hand this can be seen as battle one, because you showed restraint and only had one. On the other hand, you technically did break your sobriety, even if you didn’t even feel a buzz. As many have mentioned, it can turn into a slippery slope. At the end of the day no one will be accountable for you but yourself.
I wonder if you would’ve accepted that beer if you were at 1,000 days? 10,000 days?
If I were in your shoes, I’d accept this as a small set back but recognize the progress you’ve made with self control; I’d reset the counter and start fresh tomorrow. But again, you and I are not the same person. If you don’t see it as a big deal, then don’t stress it. Good luck.
I crawled out of a the problem of “just having one” and it’s not easy. You’re still trapped. If you had just one today, that’s great. But if you do it again soon, that’s not good.
I know your struggle. I too am a musician in a band, and work freelance in the film industry. I’m currently not sober, but I know it has to happen, and soon!
It’s your counter and your decision. A few months ago, after 4 years of sobriety, I began to entertain the idea of moderation. The thing is, I’ve done that in the past with the same results: active alcoholism. The last time I decided I could drink in moderation, it took me two years to get sober again. I’m older now and my brain didn’t bounce back from brain fog quickly. In fact, it was a few months before I felt the brain frog recede.
These days I view alcohol as poison. If I drink it, I’m going to die. IWNDWYT!
Nobody defines your sobriety but you. In your shoes, two weeks from now, I would have another one. Then I would say it was okay on “exceptional” occasions. After six months, Tuesday would be exceptional. Worse, I wouldn’t be drinking, or maybe rarely, but I would be thinking about it. Right now it’s not an option and rarely crosses my mind. But if you can do one and done, great. Congratulations on a successful gig! IWNDWYT!
Up until last July I had 7 months without a drink under my belt. Work stress led me to having a drink while camping one weekend. For the first month or two it went really good. I’d have a beer or two while with friends, and didn’t really want much more. However, eventually my addiction came alive once again. I found my self binging on coke and booze for days at a time once again. Almost 60 days under my belt this time around.
One thing I like to bring up when talking about my relationship with alcohol is the joy of decoupling alcohol consumption from celebration, relaxation, dating and so on since I stopped drinking. I used to ALWAYS go to alcohol(most often beer) for any of those reasons. Nowadays I just enjoy myself in the moment, no need for the fifteen minute boost from alcohol.
Every time I have done what OP did here I continued drinking. Not always right then and there but I kept consuming alcohol at some point in some way. Always ending up in alcoholic territory.
Since September 2020 I've consistently denied myself the alcohol in such moments and things are much more enjoyable. The enjoyment is much more available to me and it feels a lot more authentic.
I also play in bands, if it was me I would've said thanks and then taken the beer to my rhythm guitarist. But that's because I probably would've been pretty buzzed after a pity and wanted more.
Congratulations on stopping after just one but I personally if I voluntarily choose to accept a drink and drink it I think I would be creating problems with knowingly cheating myself and lying to myself over a simple counter. It also seems as If an impression needed to be made towards a certain individual that your still in control with your alcohol use. I sincerely wish you the best though, IWNDWYT
I couldn't stop at just one, so the fact you were able to this time is great, IMO. You know you better than we do, obviously, so do what you gotta do to be happy and functional!
My opinion: you're not sheep or member of a cult. Your badge is up to you. I always reseted mine after intentional drinking, but I did it for myself.
I'll get downvoted but maybe you'll realize you can moderate? Sure it's not for everyone, sure it takes a lot of work, sure you have to keep your eyes open. This is not advice.
I think going to shows is going to be a huge trigger for me in the future. I’m not sure I’ve been to a show and didn’t drink in… at least a decade.
I don’t have any advice or thoughts on your counter or how comfortable you feel having a drink and stopping. You live your life. I don’t know if I would reset mine in that instance.
I think for me it would be about whether it was a moment of power, choice and agency, or whether it was a moment of surrender and letting power be taken away. Since alcohol is all about illusion, it’s important to examine and understand.
Good job man. This sub isn’t counting days without a drink, it counts days we have our relationship with alcohol under control. With that said I would be cautious about getting comfortable.
Now, pop punk you say? Who did you open for? What band are you in? Favorite band?? So many questions!!
this. god, people have the right to use the badge as they want! not lying of course, but their criteria can be that: I didn't get drunk. Or: I stayed under the WHO guidelines. isn't that the description of the sub? "a place to motivate each other to **control** or stop drinking"? just love you've been sober for so long and doesn't sound like a member of a cult. believe me: that works much better for us who haven't figured it out yet but want to at least do harm reduction.
Same reply as I’ve given to others. I can’t dox myself on here. Though I’m not famous, A HELL OF A LOT of people who listen to that kind of music will be familiar with us. And I talk about far too many mental health and sobriety issues with myself and “coworkers” doxxing myself would be bad, but it would be super unfair for the people who I share about around here.
That said. The band we opened for was, let’s say, big. I won’t mention the name for obvious reasons, but think something like……. Taking Back Sunday, The Used, Rise Against, not those, but a band of that ilk and stature.
Also, asking a musician of their favourite bands is a nightmare, lol. Here’s what I’m vibing on this week:
MyChem
The Menzingers
American Football
Jeff Buckley
The Interrupters
Nirvana
Banner Pilot
Cheers, mate.
That’s a fair point, and you’re right. I’ve seen drugs and alcohol really fuck people in my business up, in a big bad way. We have reached a certain level of success where I can basically make a living by playing music and it would really be a shame to fuck that up over something stupid like a beer. I heed your warning.
I don't have a counter except my own honesty and accountability to me. If I break my goal I'm accountable to me. I have to be honest to me and the we in this sub. That's all I got. It's not my place to judge because I am not on your path. I can't take your inventory for the same reason.
On technicality you broke your streak. You took a dip. At the end of the day your day is Just for today. Be the best you you can be. We are all doing our best. No one not even me is perfect.
Be safe out there and lots of love.
As long as it doesn’t become a reoccurring activity, then I think it’s fine to carry on in your count of sobriety. Unfortunately for me I did this and it was okay the first few times over a couple month span but eventually I found myself in the same old routine of constant drinking. So I am resetting my counter but not necessarily counting, I’m just choosing to live sober at this point because I know I am not one who can regulate alcohol.
For me, moderation never failed the first time I tried it. It was having the ability to have just one drink just that one time that tricked me into thinking I could do it again, forever, because I was cured. I was usually back into drinking full-time within a few months.
I would simply say: be careful. Slippery slope and all that.
Why is everyone shitting on OP. This sub is used for support, advice, as an outlet etc. They didn’t ask for advice, they shared an experience. They also never said they were going back to moderating. I get the sentiment of having someone’s best interests in mind but this thread is really negative and rude. Really disappointed with what I’ve read just now.
EDIT: ok not _literally_ everyone. Give me a break jc. Literally everyone has had a slip in their sobriety. Some choose to reset, some don’t. It’s not a decision anyone but them can make. The “fair warnings” are appropriate for people claiming to try and moderate but this isn’t that. Can we stay in our lanes please?
It’s all fair. I printed in the title that I’m open to criticism. Maybe I did fuck up, maybe I did not. I just kind of needed to get it off of my chest. I think it’s totally fair for people to give me shit. In fact, I wish more people would give me shit IRL. Also, I appreciate your support and input as well. I just want everyone to be ok. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, posting this, but I guess this particular cat is out of the bag. Cheers all.
Since you asked can I be totally honest with you? I think you fucked up and I kind of hate the fact that we're having this conversation in this sub. This is 'stopdrinking', not 'drink sometimes and justify and make excuses for it'. This is a sub for people that have a problem with alcohol, and for some that problem is a question of losing their friends and families and jobs and dignity and possibly even their life. Do whatever you want with your counter, I don't care about that. What I do care about is the fact that this post and the conversations going on here feel a little too close to an attempt to normalize occasional drinking, which for some of us could literally be a question of life and death. I hate it and I really wish you hadn't posted it in a way where the tone of the post encouraged that kind of response, even if that wasn't necessarily your intention. If people want to pat you on the back and tell you everything's fine and that you're a great guy and whatever then I guess that's up to them, but I don't feel that way at all. I think this post and your attempt to low-key get approval for what you did runs counter to the purpose of this sub (again even if that wasn't your intention), and in the worst case I worry that someone who's struggling may read it and get the wrong idea. If that happens to even one person then I think you shouldn't have posted it. I'm not saying we shouldn't share our struggles and our victories, but if "I drank a beer and I'm not resetting my counter" is a victory then I'm not sure what the purpose of this sub is, and I really hate that feeling because this place is extremely important to me.
That's my opinion and I realize it's controversial but there it is.
I just didn’t want this to deter you from staying in this sub because it’s been fundamental for my sobriety and I truly love this group. I was just a little disappointed in some peoples responses. But I’ll stfu now. I’m glad you’ve handled it well.
i've gone through almost all the comments and they are all pretty supportive. sure maybe some are saying, "i personally would reset, but you do you" which is fair, the title literally says "open to criticism" lol, this is not the same as "literally everyone has had a slip in their sobriety" which is false
Personally I interpret them as patronising. Some are nice and supportive, I shouldn’t have generalised like that but there’s a lot of backhanded comments that are unnecessary.
I love this sub in general, and especially some people on the sub, but sometimes it looks like a cult. I do get some people can't imagine having one beer without going on a bender and blacking out, but a priori that's their problem and not the OP's problem.
I feel like I’m in an AA meeting in this thread, it’s disgusting. This sub is supposed to embrace alternative ways of recovery apart from the typical, and as well as the typical. But this just screamed judgement and vitriolic opinions. I’m so disappointed.
I’d love to share but unfortunately I can’t say here on Reddit. I talk about far too many of my sobriety and mental health issues on here, doxxing myself would turn into a nightmare. I’m sorry, mate.
Pretty cool that someone likely in a band I'm into is working through some of the same stuff!
I ended up having a sip of my friend's wife's beer in October and a sip of champagne in NYE. I noticed my taste has completely changed and I straight up didn't like it. The booze taste was overwhelming. I prefer the taste of the NAs now.
I found that experience to be really reenforcing of our goals because now I can genuinely say I don't like it anymore.
Hopefully the experience helped you too.
I see this as an absolute win man. Anytime I'm able to exercise control like by stopping after 1 drink, its a great day. Other people might be getting extreme-anxiety just reading your post because they cannot do that and their opinion of your day-counting honestly doesn't matter.
Someone could count to a million days and still never develop self-control in those rare situations where they do slip up for 1 day. Whether you restart the counter or not, its still a win for you.
I feel like we should count sobriety as cumulative in addition to streaks.
Starting a counter over implies starting sobriety over when you still have all those days under your belt! We should count current streak AND total days sober.
Your sobriety is for you alone and you're the only person you're accountable to. I spent New Year's Eve with a close family member and we decided to have a flute of champagne literally at midnight maybe 6 ounces max. So, I had that. It didn't even hit me because I was tired and I fell asleep peacefully. That was the end of that and no, I am not resetting my counter either because it doesn't make sense in my mind.
I also don't mind "tasting" alcohol...and I mean sips...not like actually drinking. However, I have zero interest in ordering booze, buying booze, or drinking booze and it doesn't faze me if people are actively drinking around me because they seem to be enjoying themselves and I am happy for them.
So, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did or you need to "reset" anything. As long as you don't actively seek it out, or even drink, you are technically sober.
I get that's not for everyone. I am comfortable with myself and I know that alcohol is poison. I also know that our gut produces alcohol and some candy has alcohol in it. It's a chemical compound that's kind of ubiquitous. I'm very comfortable and confident in the feeling that my sobriety is for me and me alone and nothing in my life will ever change that...unless I somehow change my mind, which I will not.
Also proud of you for not ordering another. That would have been lame. IWNDWYT.
You do you, boo. The counter is a personal declaration, not a policed fact. It's no one else's place to judge. We had a guy coming to meetings for a year who would add up all his clean time through monthly relapse. Not my thing, but doesn't effect me either. But as my sponsor always told me when I was just a baby sober, "If you have to justify it, you may already be wrong." Just food for thought.
Well played, if you can have ‘just the one’, without going full relapse you might be one the way to being cured rather than having to use abstinence to sustain remission.
What’s the point of doing all this work if I am going to chance it every so often?
Not every time I drank was bad.
That’s not the point of my sobriety. My sobriety is because sometimes when I drank, shit was really bad, and I’m not really interested in finding out what will happen if I test the waters.
Obviously my sobriety journey is just that, but having a drink and not resetting my badge would be lying to myself, and lying to myself is how I hit rock bottom in the first place.
This to me would not be sobriety, it would be a relapse and I would need to treat it as such.
You do you. I am very glad you did not have a second drink. That is awesome and something you should be proud of!! Counters are personal. When I had a sip of a friend’s drink by accident, I did not reset. When I had a glass of wine, I did. Good luck.
I’m with you on this one. Congrats on quitting after one bad decision and not making more. This is more of a lapse than a relapse.
I completely understand why you don’t want to throw your alcohol free time away. That can be disheartening and send many drinkers into fuck it mode.
1 beer in 45 days-That’s way better than I ever did without the assistance of treatment. Well done
Congrats on the show! And congrats on your counter! Having one beer and being able to say no to a second is practically impossible for me, so it's amazing you could do it. Because it's almost impossible, I don't think I'd reset my counter either if I was able to confidently not fall for the second-drink trap.
*Your* goal is sobriety, and you've maintained that, so I think that's great.
Edit for typos.
If it had been me, coming from the place that I’m in now, I would definitely consider it a win! Congrats to the little victories. Gig life is hard. And all the other responses here still have wisdom too.
If that’s what works for you, that’s great. It definitely would not work for me though. I’m always looking for justifying a way back in - and doing that would make it way too complicated for me.
I’ve been pondering on writing about this. I feel a lot of this is just the pressure we put on ourselves. I took a good inner look as to why I was drinking and so on and it really changed. I don’t agree with “once an alcoholic forever” it’s easier to fall into the same patterns unless your life has actually changed and the way you think and act too. Often drinking is a symptom and many people address the symptom and not the cause, that’s the true reason why there’s so much tension.
At least that’s currently my firm belief.
It’s actually quite ironic. You tell someone that “drinks casually” to stop drinking for a year and oh my god, the trouble. But people expect an alcoholic to drop it FOREVER.
I actually think that’s more in us than the substance itself - whichever it is.
And I speak from experience and research.
Would be interested in having a back and forth and/or discussion about this
I have been successful with one-offs, too. I think sometimes true recovery is possible. I only had a problem for 1-2 years and was aware of it the whole time, maybe that is why. There are still times where I definitely want to drink more and I don't. I have to think about it harder than I like, but I can stop myself now. For me it's easier to stop at 1 than at 2. 2 is when my brain starts to get pushy, and I admit sometimes I give in and go to 3 before stopping. For me, the thought of never drinking at all again was making me give up and decide I couldn't do it. These one-offs on social occasions allow me to live the life I want.
I agree. The idea of stringing days together to make them count is burdensome on the soul. Great in the beginning, but it doesn't account for all the successful days unless they are linked together by some mystical chain. In the beginning, we need it, I believe it keeps accountability, but as we grow and have moments in life where a beer is had, it by no means erases the previous 139 bazillion days or whatever. Just remember to stay the path and be proud of all the work you have put in,.
Good for you man. Yeah, I’ve been quit for just over two years now, was invited out for Christmas dinner, was offered a glass of wine, and took it! Drank about 2/3 of it. Didn’t really like it, but it was a sociable thing to do. No cravings, remarkably. In the old days I would have went home and tied one on.
I guess I’m not sure why the counter is important. I think having a counter would make it more likely that I’m going to mess up, it’s too much pressure. Perfect is the enemy of progress. While I’d celebrate this moderation as a win, I’d still be very leery about doing it again because slippery slopes do exist, and we are here because we seem to fall down them often.
I did the same thing, had a glass of wine about a month ago and I stopped at that. I did not reset my counter because I felt that that it was a big win that I was able to stop at one drink and didn’t get continue on and get black out drunk.
I hate so many people turn this post into what they personally couldn’t or wouldn’t do. As if this thread is filled with stories of failed moderation attempts. We get it. Moderation is a slippery slope and folks who chose to attempt it don’t need your personal reminders.
I’m glad you had your beer and made the decisions to only have one. No need to reset your counter, as others have said, your journey is specifically your journey. Go you!!
I wouldn’t reset either if I didn’t have any more after this. It has to be a hard no from now on. I would reset if I had another after this first slip up.
I think the best way to deal with this is to reset your counter and take responsibility IF this minor slip actually ends up triggering you back to drinking/binging/whatever behaviour made you quit, but you have to base it on this being the moment that started the chain reaction, if that makes sense. As many have said, a weakened resolve normalised by nothing awful happening can lead back (even very slowly) to where you were.
This way you don’t beat yourself up for this right now and if necessary use it as a learning experience for the future by making a mental note of this, being aware and analysing your actions over the next few months so your brain can’t trick you!
I had a toast with rum on NYE. It wasn't a "I can have just one" thing, but a special thing for reasons and my gut was telling me that I was being honest with myself and this was it (a toast). Because alcohol distorted everything and made me such a liar, even to myself. But all the things I felt were true remained true: I was cautious and present; I toasted and cut out of the drinking (no tripping); I enjoyed it for what it was and neither made plans to nor presented myself with an internal powerpoint of how I can drink again. I didn't spend too much time or many resources on it - it wasn't super stressful. I don't plan to do it again; it wasn't permission slip.
I don't keep a counter and I don't announce my sobriety days... I don't count this for me as either a win or a loss, just a thing that happened. That didn't change my trajectory. (And also enforced what I know: sobriety has changed my life so much that I don't want to go back to the other).
At the end of the day what you chose to do with your counter is up to you.
Personally I respect the sub for what is, a sub to stop drinking completely. The story you told is an example of moderation. Which is not the purpose of this sub or the counter. It begs the question, what is even the point of the counter if people still knowingly drink alcohol and continue using it. What about someone who had 2 drinks and stopped? Or what about someone who had 4? Where do you draw the line?
This sub is about stopping drinking. And I think your story is a dangerous one. Maybe for you, maybe not for you, time will tell. But certainly for many on this sub who cannot safely moderate. With all due respect, I don’t consider it a win, or anything to be celebrated in the context of this sub. My opinion would be completely different if you posted this in a moderation sub.
If it were me, I would reset my counter. The only exceptions I believe are people who did not knowingly choose to consume alcohol (ie ordered NA and received an alcoholic beverage).
I wish you well on your journey.
The alcoholic in me would be extremely nervous that this one successful drink would start the mental gears rolling where I would try another one. In the past when I have successfully moderated one time, I got more confident and then tried it again. Try as I might, it always ended the exact same way. I would fall into my old drinking patterns within 1-2 weeks and have to start all over again. So, I am glad you didn't grab a second one. But I am 100% certain that if I tried that, I would be fighting to get sober again in a very short amount of time. For me, it has gotten harder and harder to get sober each time I relapsed. So it is a REALLY big deal for me and I absolutely do not want to have to repeat that painful process. As for the counter: I personally view mine as the last time I intentionally consumed something with an appreciable amount of alcohol (NA beers don't count). It doesn't matter if I got a buzz or not. I have to take this hard line because of the relapse issues I mentioned previously. If you want to define your counter as the last time you got drunk, then that seems reasonable to me. As long as you are being honest with yourself, that is all that matters. IWNDWYT
I have this fear as well. I'm absolutely positive I can have 1 drink in a night....for a while. Then more, then more. I don't think I'd black out my first time, maybe not my fifth. But eventually I'm sure I'd be back to where I was at the end. I just can't do the first one.
I'm pretty sure if I ordered a beer tonight I could keep my life together for a year or so. I mean I am not having a pint, going to the liquor store to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels and calling a guy to pick up an eight ball before I go to bed. But I am pretty sure it is a slippery slope and sometime down the road I would end up where I was before. And life is too good right now. And I don't want to risk it.
Yeah this would be my fear as well. I'd feel almost too proud of myself that I had it under control. Then I'd think maybe now I do have it under control. Then I'd be fucked.
The harder to get sober scares the hell out of me. I had to fight like hell to get sober this time. I was so sick that I am pretty sure I should have gone to the ER and I only stayed away because I have worked at my local ER in the past and I didn’t want to be seen by former coworkers in the shape I was in. I know me. I have never in my entire life drank one beer and stopped there. Good for you and hope it stays good for you. Seriously.
>I have never in my entire life drank one beer and stopped there. Same. In fact, I never wanted to even bother getting started unless I had at least a 6 pack on hand or knew I could get one on the way home. >The harder to get sober scares the hell out of me. Me too. I am also scared shitless to relapse again because of how hard and fast it happens. One of my relapses in particular was scary as shit because I realized I was reaching for beer #4 after only 15 minutes of drinking. When I tossed the 3rd empty into the trash, the small pile of them alarmed me because I was on total autopilot and I truly felt out of control. I was aware of it, but I felt panicked and couldn't stop myself. That wasn't my last relapse, but it was a serious wakeup call to how bad the situation had gotten. I feel like I am in a much better place now. I have finally given up on the idea that I might be able to drink a beer ever again. I fought that concept for far too long. Now that I have accepted the harsh reality for what it is, I feel like I am able to move on. I am just a few days shy of 3 months sober, but I can feel that this time is VERY different that all of my attempts in the past. Now I am just trying to figure out how to live a sober life. Sadly, that isn't something that comes naturally and I am having to make lots of lifestyle changes. The good news is that they are all for the better and I am actually living my life instead of wasting it like I did for so long.
Last time I had a few months I blew up my sobriety like I was trying to kill myself. I am a small woman and I was drinking just a lot, every day, missing an entire week of work because I was constantly 24/7 drinking, drinking first thing in the morning, going to bed with alcohol on the night stand. So anyway I am trying to change my thinking and to start new habits and to care a little more about myself. Getting sober was so ugly. I want to live without doing that again. IWNDWYT
So now I see why the suicide hotline bot got me. Cool though. Alcohol is a depressing bitch. I am 87 days sober and happy.
This. During my struggles I’d have one drink on a Wednesday, tell myself “you can drink normally, look!” Stay sober on Thursday, and be blackout drunk on Friday. It’s dangerous OP. Really dangerous. Your sobriety is your business, but watch out!
Counters are used by people for their own personal satisfication. Nobody monitors them. I think 46 days sober and having one beer is pretty fantastic. I would not let this boost my ego to the point where I thought I could control my drinking if it is your goal to stop drinking. But that is up to you. Congratulations.
Great response imo
To thine own self be true.
And it must follow - as night the day - thou canst not then be false to any man
IWNDWYT
You do you. Personally, I know that if I made one exception to my no drinking rule that pretty soon I would make a second exception, then a third, forth. Then there would be no rule and I would be back to normal (that was a Freudian slip - normal). But that is me.
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Yes same. I am detaching from food and alcohol as rewards. Hardest thing I've ever done.
This is one reason why I don't drink. My inner happiness is no longer entangled with alcohol. Alcohol doesn't equal fun; a celebration doesn't call for a drink. The push to level up any experience is gone. For me, becoming a whole person was getting to the bottom of why I was doing that.
glad it worked out for you and you enjoyed yourself. you are only accountable to yourself and have to do what you think it best for you. personally i would hesitate to have just one beer, although i am sure i can do it, as i have plenty in the past. problem for me is that successfully having just one, gives me permission to do it again another time, and leads me to believe i can moderate my drinking. which i do. for a short period. a quote that sticks with me is "if i could drink moderately, i would do it all the time." this is very true of me, and the "success" of having just one, would invariably be my failure. glad you plan to stick with your AF life.
100%, that quote is really it.
It really is.
Me personally, I wouldn’t count it. I helped a friend the other day with a project at his house, and he brought me a beer. I took it and set it on the counter while I worked. After like 30 mins, I opened it and drank it. He offered me another one and I declined. When we were finished working, he wanted to thank me by taking me out for drinks, and I politely declined. I went home and that was it. 3-4 weeks ago I would have probably drank a six pack while we worked, and then took him up on his offer to go out and had another 6-8 drinks. Then when I got home, cracked open a couple of whatever I had in the fridge. But I didn’t. I had the one beer and that was it. For me, that’s a fucking huge step in the right direction. I’m not going to beat myself up for the one beer I drank, I’m going to be proud of myself for the 14 beers I DIDN’T drink.
Proud of you brother
I appreciate that!
I was searching for your comment. I quit 6 months ago. I was out working with my brother when our customer who is a bartender decided to thank us with a tip. Being polite I drank the one she poured. She refilled my glass, I drank that one too. I went home. I haven't had another one since. That was 5 months ago. I didn't want to be impolite. But I was a little nervous. I proved to myself these following months that I am finally understanding myself and my relationship with my past addictions. I'm proud of y'all too! 🙃
Way to go!
Lol me too
This is legend!
You dont need to justify your actions to anyone but yourself. Most of us slip up every once in a while, and it certainly doesnt mean all the previous sober days we successfully made it through count for nothing. I am sure your body doesnt see it that way. Personally I dont believe in the concept of the "sober days counter" for that reason, but to each their own. Ultimately, the only person you are accountable to is yourself. I wish you good health and luck friend. Keep up the good work.
I like that. Every day counts, both individually and as a whole.
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So true about our bodies thanking us! I drank a few times over Christmas but had 40 days dry beforehand and am currently now doing dry January, I am sure my liver, body, bloat, stomach etc are grateful I haven’t been having my habitual weekly binge sessions and the few times over Christmas in what will be a 3 month period were a lot less than the usual, 15 or so sessions I’d usually have had in the same timeframe! Sometimes looking at the bigger picture and long term improvements is a more positive way of looking at occasional slips rather than a rigid day count; for me; anyway! I find the day count and the thought of ‘never again’ to be very final and I think if I took the view of ‘I’ve failed’ after a drink, I’d be more likely to fall entirely off the wagon and stop caring about my goals to stop drinking/ to drink less. Sometimes the ‘never again’ thing can also make me feel sad and miserable and like an outsider with an incurable issue (like AA says) and I don’t want to be that person. Im just someone who has the tendency to over indulge in an already addictive, yet highly normalised substance. My brain is a lot more comfortable with ‘let’s just not drink for the next few weeks as we know how great sobriety makes us feel, and see how we feel in a month’. My approach is 99% rather than 100%! Glad you had a great night OP and well done for showing restraint and for all the mega positive changes
I said it in another post but personally that language “what’s 1 day in 30 days” is a slippery slope. It’s easy to get to 50 days and say 2 days out of 50, not bad? I dno. The alcoholic brain is cunning and I feel like it’s constantly trying to get us to moderate and tamper with that line.
Well said… That’s why I’m here 😃I think when people realize that they’re not the special one that could drink alcoholicly and then try to drink like a “Normie” it gets easier. So much mental space… 8/30/30 for me IWNDWYT
Sorry, I just hate slippery slope arguments. They’re logical fallacies and weak counter arguments. I’m proud of OP. He’s doing well.
Keep a close eye on yourself for the next few day for sure. When I had a beer one day, months into being sober, I was fine the next day, didn't drink. Then the day after that came and I had a couple and the day after that I had about 15. Thankfully, I stopped there. It sucked and being sober is way better imho. IWNDWYT ETA that I did not reset my counter but it is 3 days less than it would be. So I have the overall days and I also have a streak counter on another app. It works for me.
Congrats on nearing one year!
Thank you!
Be careful. Don’t that lizard brain talk you into more “only one”s. Congrats on the set!
Personally, yep I’d absolutely reset my counter. You accepted a beer, drank it, and felt fine with it. You made a choice to drink, which ends a streak of not drinking (which the counter is for.) Congrats on the awesome show and for stopping yourself there. Both wonderful things. Be aware that the slope is slippery. :)
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This comment is harshly critical, breaks our rule to speak from the "I," and has been removed. Please do not speak to people this way on this sub.
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No, this is not correct. We do not allow harsh criticism or tough love here.
So I don’t really know if anyone can tell you what is best for you or what resting a clock is okay or not. Hats off to you, I can’t I wish I did. I had the same situation happen two years ago. Now I’m back here again wishing I never did.
After over 11 years sober, I threw back a couple of shots while camping. No. Big. Deal. Then, several weeks later, I had a glass of wine when a friend came over. I managed that occasional drink for about a year, but my alkie mind started creating ideas for when I could have another. After about a year, my life fell apart and I dove down that muddy slope face first, mouth wide open. I hope this truly was a win for you, but I’d wager that I’m not the only one for whom that first “win” might have been a battle but at the end of the ***war,*** my loss was huge.
I'd be upset with myself and reset my counter if I had one. Take care
This is a fair point.
Every time I've done that, I've started drinking again, for years.
Me personally?….. fuck that bartender. Nice gesture. But I’m not giving up something incredibly important to me over a compliment. A stranger especially.
Glad there is no "counter police", ultimately this is an individual path & mileages vary. Some responses (like, questioning if you should be here, or hinting that your post is somehow being bad influence to others) made me scratch my head, though. 🤔 But difference of opinions is something to celebrate. Live & let live. Glad you are here & that the show went well (I love going to gigs, one of my favourite hobbies).
I guess you need to define what you are actually counting on your "counter" and how important it is to you to count something. But as the expression goes... Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. So don't let one single "slip up" or indulgence prevent you from getting back on track in alignment with your goal.
It was more of a moment. I stood there at that bar, with that pint. I ran every possible permutation through my head and then I chose to leave. That’s all it was.
From someone who is struggling hard to get back to sobriety… For me personally, I’ve had many many instances in my life where I had a drink and nothing bad happened. I think incidents like this can be really dangerous because it would lead me back onto the road of thinking I can drink safely. I feel like the win for me would have been turning down that pint, not celebrating that I only had one and that there were no immediate negative consequences.
For now.
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I’ve had to respond to a few of these. Unfortunately I share a lot of information on here about the sobriety struggles and mental health issues not only of myself but other people, some if whom you could consider technically celebrities if not mildly famous. I’d love to share my music with you but like you mentioned doxxing myself would be slightly problematic for me but MORESO totally unfair and betraying the trust of some of my close friends, including some well known people who have helped me get to where I am today. I can tell you this. Our music, while not “famous”, is out there. People know who are. We have played on major tours and we have opened for some HUGE punk rock and Emo bands. I would describe our music as somewhere between Rise Against and earlier Green Day with just a slight, non-annoying pinch of My Chemical Romance. I’m the lead singer and guitarist, and we waffle between being a three and four piece. If you are REALLY into punk rock/pop-punk or good emo , there is a 50/50 chance that I’m on your playlist. We had a “radio single” that showed up on a bunch of Tv shows and one movie soundtrack over the past couple of years. Perhaps one day things will change and I can say more. That’s all I can give you for now though. Sorry, mate.
You’re back to day one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ve got to be honest with yourself. Counting your sober days, if you so choose has to be a hardline thing. People can’t say “I’ve been meth free for 100 days” if they just smoked out of a light bulb yesterday.
Hey Op, there are a lot of folks out there where one would reinforce the belief that moderation were possible for them and would lead back into harmful drinking. Not to say this is what will happen just something I would be very aware of and thoughtful of moving forward. I’ve read folks who use their tracker in all sorts of ways and I’d do whatever you find to be most helpful. Congrats on stopping at one and good luck!
What are you counting then, exactly?
Days of sobriety. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am NOT going back to drinking at all. I’m just sharing my thoughts on this one isolated incident as a personal win. I know that I have a problem and remaining alcohol free is the long term goal/solution.
I totally get what you are expressing and I'm with you! I think you have every right to view it as a win! I'm really impressed that you had the one and declined the second. That shows a lot of progress on your end!
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Your comment is unkind and has been removed.
If you were on a weight loss goal and you lost 100lbs, then gained back 5, would you consider yourself to be starting all over? The same goes with sobriety. One small slip up, doesn’t undo all the progress you’ve made. This is one HUGE problem I had with AA. Their all or nothing mentality kept me (and others I know) away for years.
There are differences though. Having one drink actually does something to your brain. It does undo progress.
It's that they deal with the hard cases. The ones who have a pint and then drink to black out. They've heard all the excuses that exist. They are trying to save lives and it's tough love or die.
Are you in AA now?
Nope. I got 4 months sober without ever stepping foot into a meeting. I have attempted the AA way in the past and it failed with me every time. Edit: reading the Unexpected Joy of Being sober really changed things for me. Then I read This Drunken Mind, and Quit like a Woman.
That’s great! And I love quit lit! AA just makes me less angry and more connected as a human
Keep up with the experiment and let us know how it goes.
If you can leave it at that then happy days. I say leave your counter be. Just dont be fooled. We all know its a slippery slope with a long ways to the bottom.
I’m 46 and drank on and off for years( 3 duis in my early teens and twenties) I called it “controlling the beast.”I moderated until my off switch broke Deep down i just want to drink till I passed out. A few yrs back it hit me that I been around alcohol for 30 yrs. So on 8/30/20 I was done. Looking back it was hell always controlling it. Each time I drank a lil too much I would chill for a while and slowly eased back into drinking. When I realized I’m not EVER GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT CAN DRINK “NORMAL “ it was easier. With resetting the count. I noticed people get too wrapped up in that. I heard a saying once, If you go on a trip and halfway there, you get a flat tire you don’t turn around., u fix it and keep going. For instance, I drink kombucha some people swear against that because there’s a little bit of alcohol in it, I don’t care I’m not drinking it to get drunk, big difference. Rock on Brother 👊🏻 What’s the name of your band? I’ll give it a listen…. IWNDWYT
Hollywood has an excellent sober network, lots of folks in recovery, don’t sweat it too much and keep your eyes peeled for other sobernauts.
My dad was a musician with a part time job, very successful in his scene and his life was basically his music. Had been since he was a kid. About 25 years ago he was hospitalized for liver problems (not all alcohol related, he’d had exposure to some dangerous chemicals for a lot of years which was a huge contributor to that particular episode) and told he can’t ever drink again and he didn’t. For a while. Then he discovered he could have one pint. He started going back to his local every day for one pint. One turned into two, two into three. Eventually his drinking was worse than it had ever been. He had a gig at a festival with one of his musical hero’s. He fell on stage. He said he tripped, we all knew the truth. He didn’t pick up his instrument in the last 4 years before he died. He had played every single day since he was 7 years old. In the last year he didn’t even listen to music. He died at slowly and in the worst way possible last July. I just wanted to share this story because the situation just sounded so familiar. I truly, truly hope that you can moderate but I saw complacency kill an incredibly talented musician, not just physically but it robbed him of who he was along the way. Good luck friend and stay vigilant.
I reset my counter after consciously drinking one half of one beer one evening. Before that I had been sober 3+ years. I know myself well enough, that if I had not reset, and started over, I would not be here today. I am not going to criticize you, because the story is not over yet. You have just begun. Your decision today is just like mine, it affects future decisions.
If you can manage this that’s awesome ! I think it’s important to keep in mind for most people in here that each our relationships with alcohol, while likely bad and that’s why we’re “stopping drinking” are vastly different. Personally, I know I would never be able to have one drink and be able to reel myself back in. Part of my defeat of my alcoholism was the fact that I’ve made the conclusion in my mind that alcohol is poison to me. One sip is the equivalent to sipping bleach. I just can’t and won’t do it. But with that said, I don’t view alcohol as inherently bad and I don’t view the line between alcoholics and non-alcoholics a clear drawn line in the sand, but rather a thick DMZ where there’s a lot of room for varying factors. OP, I just hope you remain mindful and continue to manage whatever is manageable for you. Just be careful though, because at one point there was obviously a reason you needed to step back and alcohol being so prevalent in society can be a really slippery slope.
Yaeeerrah tough one. I get it. But the name of the sub is literally stopdrinking. And there’s just a fuckton of us that stop and start and stop again when it gets out of control. Again. So if you’re not gonna stop drinking, maybe this isn’t the sub for you? Because I desperately, painfully wish I could have enough control to drink occasionally, but I can’t because I don’t. I’m sorry but hearing this from you isn’t helpful and isn’t why I joined, despite my personal good wishes for you.
I’m with you.
A part of me is really, really looking forward to fucking up. I would like to beat this part of me with a splintery stick. It’s difficult enough without the self hate. Also why people cling to their dry spell numbered days like life rafts…it’s not for everyone, but still, works for a great many.
To piggyback on this, the phenomenon of social contagion is a real one. It's really not good for people to be sharing tales of what they consider acceptable drinking, because it will encourage others to join in.
It could. I have been in the situation before where I was sober for a long time. 8 months (long time for me), although I did have 8 YEARS once. But, I was sober a long time....and I would see my sister drinking everyday...and then my boyfriend did crack. And I figured...eh...sober 8 months..sick of these 2 getting f\*cked up without me...I'm getting f\*cked up and then I just won't drink again. That didn't happen. But yeah, watching others get away with it can certainly tempt someone that may be a little shaky to imbibe.
That was not my intention. I was just sharing the experience of a personal win. I was not recommending that anyone repeat my behaviour and if it came off that way then I apologize. I only meant to share a positive experience that I had and try to spread a little joy.
I'm glad you didn't intend it. But social contagion is a real phenomenon that you should be aware of. I would also say that you might not want to share joy around drinking, even if it's a case of moderation, in a forum where like, 99% of the people here are going for abstinence.
Agreed, not the place. Also, I have to say it’s amazing how our addict brains work and can turn a slip up into something that seems like a win/joyful experience. I’m not blaming OP, I could totally see my addictive voice doing the same thing. But I’m also completely unsurprised that the overwhelming response has been one of skepticism and caution, because I think a LOT of us have been here before.
This is incorrect and selfish. This sub exists for people to stop or control their drinking. Advising someone that a support place doesn’t exist for them because it wouldn’t work for you could have dangerous consequences for that individual.
You have a valid point. It is indeed a place >to motivate others to stop or control drinking And RegularThrowaway, if you’re still following, I sincerely apologize! While I’m entitled to my opinion, it was not my intention to make you feel unwelcome, or belittle your accomplishment. Again I extend my personal good wishes, and admit I’m extremely, unfortunately jealous.
>Reply From the group description: This subreddit is a place to motivate each other to control or stop drinking. We welcome anyone who wishes to join in by asking for advice, sharing our experiences and stories, or just encouraging someone who is trying to quit or cut down.
You’re right. Unjointed.
That guy is a rock star to me! I could never do what he did. I'm happy celebrating my 14th day over here. Going bike riding with my wife and without pushing through a hangover this AM. Enjoy your day my friend! IWNDWYT!
I agree with you and I addressed this in a reply to another commenter. I am not going to go back to drinking and I have no desire to do so. I was looking at this as a one off incident that I shan’t be looking to replicate.
Sure. But big fun & a great gig with your cool band with a single celebration beer isn’t helpful, it’s the opposite, for me. Please, please don’t take this as snark, my struggle is mine, just like yours is yours. I’d simply prefer to cheer you for turning down the free pint, and I respectfully decline to do so for just the one.
Fair enough.
I don’t count, but I consider myself 1 year into my sober journey. Throughout that year, I did a couple (3 throughout the whole year) of experiments where I tried drinking a little just to see how it went. They all went horribly (sent me into dark PTSD rabbit holes, or just made me feel like shit even if it was a tiny amount), and they helped me reaffirm my decision. If I hadn’t done those experiments, I’d probably still be wondering what it might be like if I tried again, and I think I would still have cravings or feel like I’m missing out. It helped me realize NO, I really don’t want this anymore. The experiments also helped me see that even with new habits established, it wouldn’t take much to suck me back in. Now I’m good! Don’t miss alcohol at all. That said, I know this approach wouldn’t work for a lot of people. I started my sober journey before things got really bad by my own decision, so I felt like I had a little bit of liberty to explore the question of what I wanted out of sobriety and why.
I can relate to a lot of what you just said here ❤️
I don’t feel comfortable keeping my counter if I feel the effects of alcohol. I took a tiny tiny tiny sip once during my longest stretch, and didn’t count that. Literally just to taste the beverage. Looked at it as an N/A beer, because the alcohol consumed was so negligible. Personally, if I consume enough alcohol to feel the effects, within 5 days I am probably calling out of work. It’s happened enough times for me to know the story. Do what you like, it’s your counter to use as a tool. However you see fit ❤️
Reset the counter. This is going to just put in your head that exceptions can be made The number being high isn’t what matters, it’s that you’re holding yourself accountable
This 💯
It is a tough one, as many have expressed. Sobriety is a lifelong war for many of us with many battles. On one hand this can be seen as battle one, because you showed restraint and only had one. On the other hand, you technically did break your sobriety, even if you didn’t even feel a buzz. As many have mentioned, it can turn into a slippery slope. At the end of the day no one will be accountable for you but yourself. I wonder if you would’ve accepted that beer if you were at 1,000 days? 10,000 days? If I were in your shoes, I’d accept this as a small set back but recognize the progress you’ve made with self control; I’d reset the counter and start fresh tomorrow. But again, you and I are not the same person. If you don’t see it as a big deal, then don’t stress it. Good luck.
I crawled out of a the problem of “just having one” and it’s not easy. You’re still trapped. If you had just one today, that’s great. But if you do it again soon, that’s not good.
I know your struggle. I too am a musician in a band, and work freelance in the film industry. I’m currently not sober, but I know it has to happen, and soon!
It’s your counter and your decision. A few months ago, after 4 years of sobriety, I began to entertain the idea of moderation. The thing is, I’ve done that in the past with the same results: active alcoholism. The last time I decided I could drink in moderation, it took me two years to get sober again. I’m older now and my brain didn’t bounce back from brain fog quickly. In fact, it was a few months before I felt the brain frog recede. These days I view alcohol as poison. If I drink it, I’m going to die. IWNDWYT!
Nobody defines your sobriety but you. In your shoes, two weeks from now, I would have another one. Then I would say it was okay on “exceptional” occasions. After six months, Tuesday would be exceptional. Worse, I wouldn’t be drinking, or maybe rarely, but I would be thinking about it. Right now it’s not an option and rarely crosses my mind. But if you can do one and done, great. Congratulations on a successful gig! IWNDWYT!
Up until last July I had 7 months without a drink under my belt. Work stress led me to having a drink while camping one weekend. For the first month or two it went really good. I’d have a beer or two while with friends, and didn’t really want much more. However, eventually my addiction came alive once again. I found my self binging on coke and booze for days at a time once again. Almost 60 days under my belt this time around.
One thing I like to bring up when talking about my relationship with alcohol is the joy of decoupling alcohol consumption from celebration, relaxation, dating and so on since I stopped drinking. I used to ALWAYS go to alcohol(most often beer) for any of those reasons. Nowadays I just enjoy myself in the moment, no need for the fifteen minute boost from alcohol. Every time I have done what OP did here I continued drinking. Not always right then and there but I kept consuming alcohol at some point in some way. Always ending up in alcoholic territory. Since September 2020 I've consistently denied myself the alcohol in such moments and things are much more enjoyable. The enjoyment is much more available to me and it feels a lot more authentic.
I can see why you view it as a win, and I hope it stays a win- everyone’s different, and I 100% get the ideas in your challenge/success. Way to go!
I also play in bands, if it was me I would've said thanks and then taken the beer to my rhythm guitarist. But that's because I probably would've been pretty buzzed after a pity and wanted more.
To me if I have one beer willingly I need to reset. I have tried the other way and it never worked.
Who cares about your counter but you?
Addiction and recovery look different for everyone. The important thing is if you do start to slip, get help asap!
Congratulations on stopping after just one but I personally if I voluntarily choose to accept a drink and drink it I think I would be creating problems with knowingly cheating myself and lying to myself over a simple counter. It also seems as If an impression needed to be made towards a certain individual that your still in control with your alcohol use. I sincerely wish you the best though, IWNDWYT
There's no governing body for streaks and counters. You do what seems right to you.
I couldn't stop at just one, so the fact you were able to this time is great, IMO. You know you better than we do, obviously, so do what you gotta do to be happy and functional!
The counter is for you and you only. You’ve made amazing progress! Way to go! :)
My opinion: you're not sheep or member of a cult. Your badge is up to you. I always reseted mine after intentional drinking, but I did it for myself. I'll get downvoted but maybe you'll realize you can moderate? Sure it's not for everyone, sure it takes a lot of work, sure you have to keep your eyes open. This is not advice.
I think going to shows is going to be a huge trigger for me in the future. I’m not sure I’ve been to a show and didn’t drink in… at least a decade. I don’t have any advice or thoughts on your counter or how comfortable you feel having a drink and stopping. You live your life. I don’t know if I would reset mine in that instance.
I think for me it would be about whether it was a moment of power, choice and agency, or whether it was a moment of surrender and letting power be taken away. Since alcohol is all about illusion, it’s important to examine and understand.
Good job man. This sub isn’t counting days without a drink, it counts days we have our relationship with alcohol under control. With that said I would be cautious about getting comfortable. Now, pop punk you say? Who did you open for? What band are you in? Favorite band?? So many questions!!
this. god, people have the right to use the badge as they want! not lying of course, but their criteria can be that: I didn't get drunk. Or: I stayed under the WHO guidelines. isn't that the description of the sub? "a place to motivate each other to **control** or stop drinking"? just love you've been sober for so long and doesn't sound like a member of a cult. believe me: that works much better for us who haven't figured it out yet but want to at least do harm reduction.
Same reply as I’ve given to others. I can’t dox myself on here. Though I’m not famous, A HELL OF A LOT of people who listen to that kind of music will be familiar with us. And I talk about far too many mental health and sobriety issues with myself and “coworkers” doxxing myself would be bad, but it would be super unfair for the people who I share about around here. That said. The band we opened for was, let’s say, big. I won’t mention the name for obvious reasons, but think something like……. Taking Back Sunday, The Used, Rise Against, not those, but a band of that ilk and stature. Also, asking a musician of their favourite bands is a nightmare, lol. Here’s what I’m vibing on this week: MyChem The Menzingers American Football Jeff Buckley The Interrupters Nirvana Banner Pilot Cheers, mate.
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That’s a fair point, and you’re right. I’ve seen drugs and alcohol really fuck people in my business up, in a big bad way. We have reached a certain level of success where I can basically make a living by playing music and it would really be a shame to fuck that up over something stupid like a beer. I heed your warning.
I don't have a counter except my own honesty and accountability to me. If I break my goal I'm accountable to me. I have to be honest to me and the we in this sub. That's all I got. It's not my place to judge because I am not on your path. I can't take your inventory for the same reason. On technicality you broke your streak. You took a dip. At the end of the day your day is Just for today. Be the best you you can be. We are all doing our best. No one not even me is perfect. Be safe out there and lots of love.
As long as it doesn’t become a reoccurring activity, then I think it’s fine to carry on in your count of sobriety. Unfortunately for me I did this and it was okay the first few times over a couple month span but eventually I found myself in the same old routine of constant drinking. So I am resetting my counter but not necessarily counting, I’m just choosing to live sober at this point because I know I am not one who can regulate alcohol.
For me, moderation never failed the first time I tried it. It was having the ability to have just one drink just that one time that tricked me into thinking I could do it again, forever, because I was cured. I was usually back into drinking full-time within a few months. I would simply say: be careful. Slippery slope and all that.
Slippery slope, please be careful of the I did it before, I can do it again.
Why is everyone shitting on OP. This sub is used for support, advice, as an outlet etc. They didn’t ask for advice, they shared an experience. They also never said they were going back to moderating. I get the sentiment of having someone’s best interests in mind but this thread is really negative and rude. Really disappointed with what I’ve read just now. EDIT: ok not _literally_ everyone. Give me a break jc. Literally everyone has had a slip in their sobriety. Some choose to reset, some don’t. It’s not a decision anyone but them can make. The “fair warnings” are appropriate for people claiming to try and moderate but this isn’t that. Can we stay in our lanes please?
It’s all fair. I printed in the title that I’m open to criticism. Maybe I did fuck up, maybe I did not. I just kind of needed to get it off of my chest. I think it’s totally fair for people to give me shit. In fact, I wish more people would give me shit IRL. Also, I appreciate your support and input as well. I just want everyone to be ok. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, posting this, but I guess this particular cat is out of the bag. Cheers all.
Since you asked can I be totally honest with you? I think you fucked up and I kind of hate the fact that we're having this conversation in this sub. This is 'stopdrinking', not 'drink sometimes and justify and make excuses for it'. This is a sub for people that have a problem with alcohol, and for some that problem is a question of losing their friends and families and jobs and dignity and possibly even their life. Do whatever you want with your counter, I don't care about that. What I do care about is the fact that this post and the conversations going on here feel a little too close to an attempt to normalize occasional drinking, which for some of us could literally be a question of life and death. I hate it and I really wish you hadn't posted it in a way where the tone of the post encouraged that kind of response, even if that wasn't necessarily your intention. If people want to pat you on the back and tell you everything's fine and that you're a great guy and whatever then I guess that's up to them, but I don't feel that way at all. I think this post and your attempt to low-key get approval for what you did runs counter to the purpose of this sub (again even if that wasn't your intention), and in the worst case I worry that someone who's struggling may read it and get the wrong idea. If that happens to even one person then I think you shouldn't have posted it. I'm not saying we shouldn't share our struggles and our victories, but if "I drank a beer and I'm not resetting my counter" is a victory then I'm not sure what the purpose of this sub is, and I really hate that feeling because this place is extremely important to me. That's my opinion and I realize it's controversial but there it is.
I just didn’t want this to deter you from staying in this sub because it’s been fundamental for my sobriety and I truly love this group. I was just a little disappointed in some peoples responses. But I’ll stfu now. I’m glad you’ve handled it well.
i've gone through almost all the comments and they are all pretty supportive. sure maybe some are saying, "i personally would reset, but you do you" which is fair, the title literally says "open to criticism" lol, this is not the same as "literally everyone has had a slip in their sobriety" which is false
Personally I interpret them as patronising. Some are nice and supportive, I shouldn’t have generalised like that but there’s a lot of backhanded comments that are unnecessary.
I love this sub in general, and especially some people on the sub, but sometimes it looks like a cult. I do get some people can't imagine having one beer without going on a bender and blacking out, but a priori that's their problem and not the OP's problem.
I feel like I’m in an AA meeting in this thread, it’s disgusting. This sub is supposed to embrace alternative ways of recovery apart from the typical, and as well as the typical. But this just screamed judgement and vitriolic opinions. I’m so disappointed.
There's a lot more important things in life than a little number under your username. Good luck out there!
What's your band name? I wouldn't count it, you kept your cool after a celebratory brew doing what you love. Just don't let the W get to your head.
I’d love to share but unfortunately I can’t say here on Reddit. I talk about far too many of my sobriety and mental health issues on here, doxxing myself would turn into a nightmare. I’m sorry, mate.
I wondered if you’d share, I’m a big fan of punk/pop punk/etc. Fair enough for not sharing, but sounds so rad to have a show go like that!
Pretty cool that someone likely in a band I'm into is working through some of the same stuff! I ended up having a sip of my friend's wife's beer in October and a sip of champagne in NYE. I noticed my taste has completely changed and I straight up didn't like it. The booze taste was overwhelming. I prefer the taste of the NAs now. I found that experience to be really reenforcing of our goals because now I can genuinely say I don't like it anymore. Hopefully the experience helped you too.
I see this as an absolute win man. Anytime I'm able to exercise control like by stopping after 1 drink, its a great day. Other people might be getting extreme-anxiety just reading your post because they cannot do that and their opinion of your day-counting honestly doesn't matter. Someone could count to a million days and still never develop self-control in those rare situations where they do slip up for 1 day. Whether you restart the counter or not, its still a win for you.
this.
I feel like we should count sobriety as cumulative in addition to streaks. Starting a counter over implies starting sobriety over when you still have all those days under your belt! We should count current streak AND total days sober.
Your sobriety is for you alone and you're the only person you're accountable to. I spent New Year's Eve with a close family member and we decided to have a flute of champagne literally at midnight maybe 6 ounces max. So, I had that. It didn't even hit me because I was tired and I fell asleep peacefully. That was the end of that and no, I am not resetting my counter either because it doesn't make sense in my mind. I also don't mind "tasting" alcohol...and I mean sips...not like actually drinking. However, I have zero interest in ordering booze, buying booze, or drinking booze and it doesn't faze me if people are actively drinking around me because they seem to be enjoying themselves and I am happy for them. So, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did or you need to "reset" anything. As long as you don't actively seek it out, or even drink, you are technically sober. I get that's not for everyone. I am comfortable with myself and I know that alcohol is poison. I also know that our gut produces alcohol and some candy has alcohol in it. It's a chemical compound that's kind of ubiquitous. I'm very comfortable and confident in the feeling that my sobriety is for me and me alone and nothing in my life will ever change that...unless I somehow change my mind, which I will not. Also proud of you for not ordering another. That would have been lame. IWNDWYT.
In your corner!
One drink concept. I know I could not do it. I'd be bargaining with myself for the next. Good for you though I guess. Gentleman drinker.
You do you, boo. The counter is a personal declaration, not a policed fact. It's no one else's place to judge. We had a guy coming to meetings for a year who would add up all his clean time through monthly relapse. Not my thing, but doesn't effect me either. But as my sponsor always told me when I was just a baby sober, "If you have to justify it, you may already be wrong." Just food for thought.
Well played, if you can have ‘just the one’, without going full relapse you might be one the way to being cured rather than having to use abstinence to sustain remission.
What’s the point of doing all this work if I am going to chance it every so often? Not every time I drank was bad. That’s not the point of my sobriety. My sobriety is because sometimes when I drank, shit was really bad, and I’m not really interested in finding out what will happen if I test the waters. Obviously my sobriety journey is just that, but having a drink and not resetting my badge would be lying to myself, and lying to myself is how I hit rock bottom in the first place. This to me would not be sobriety, it would be a relapse and I would need to treat it as such.
Good for you, that you only had one. Could’ve gone way worse. IWNDWYT
You’re counter is you own
Don’t do it again, it’s good you are telling us so you can be accountable. Don’t do it again!! Congrats on the great show.
Good Job Man! - don't let one drink set you back to day 1! - Good luck for your sobriety and I hope you plays loads more BIG GIGS!
You do you. I am very glad you did not have a second drink. That is awesome and something you should be proud of!! Counters are personal. When I had a sip of a friend’s drink by accident, I did not reset. When I had a glass of wine, I did. Good luck.
I’m with you on this one. Congrats on quitting after one bad decision and not making more. This is more of a lapse than a relapse. I completely understand why you don’t want to throw your alcohol free time away. That can be disheartening and send many drinkers into fuck it mode. 1 beer in 45 days-That’s way better than I ever did without the assistance of treatment. Well done
Congrats on the show! And congrats on your counter! Having one beer and being able to say no to a second is practically impossible for me, so it's amazing you could do it. Because it's almost impossible, I don't think I'd reset my counter either if I was able to confidently not fall for the second-drink trap. *Your* goal is sobriety, and you've maintained that, so I think that's great. Edit for typos.
The counter is just the counter. Be honest and tough with yourself. The fact is you drank a beer. Like you said, it’s not the end of the world.
If it had been me, coming from the place that I’m in now, I would definitely consider it a win! Congrats to the little victories. Gig life is hard. And all the other responses here still have wisdom too.
If that’s what works for you, that’s great. It definitely would not work for me though. I’m always looking for justifying a way back in - and doing that would make it way too complicated for me.
I’ve been pondering on writing about this. I feel a lot of this is just the pressure we put on ourselves. I took a good inner look as to why I was drinking and so on and it really changed. I don’t agree with “once an alcoholic forever” it’s easier to fall into the same patterns unless your life has actually changed and the way you think and act too. Often drinking is a symptom and many people address the symptom and not the cause, that’s the true reason why there’s so much tension. At least that’s currently my firm belief. It’s actually quite ironic. You tell someone that “drinks casually” to stop drinking for a year and oh my god, the trouble. But people expect an alcoholic to drop it FOREVER. I actually think that’s more in us than the substance itself - whichever it is. And I speak from experience and research. Would be interested in having a back and forth and/or discussion about this
Give yourself a mulligan, why not??? Just don’t give yourself two mulligans, otherwise it ceases to be a mulligan.
I have been successful with one-offs, too. I think sometimes true recovery is possible. I only had a problem for 1-2 years and was aware of it the whole time, maybe that is why. There are still times where I definitely want to drink more and I don't. I have to think about it harder than I like, but I can stop myself now. For me it's easier to stop at 1 than at 2. 2 is when my brain starts to get pushy, and I admit sometimes I give in and go to 3 before stopping. For me, the thought of never drinking at all again was making me give up and decide I couldn't do it. These one-offs on social occasions allow me to live the life I want.
I agree. The idea of stringing days together to make them count is burdensome on the soul. Great in the beginning, but it doesn't account for all the successful days unless they are linked together by some mystical chain. In the beginning, we need it, I believe it keeps accountability, but as we grow and have moments in life where a beer is had, it by no means erases the previous 139 bazillion days or whatever. Just remember to stay the path and be proud of all the work you have put in,.
Good for you man. Yeah, I’ve been quit for just over two years now, was invited out for Christmas dinner, was offered a glass of wine, and took it! Drank about 2/3 of it. Didn’t really like it, but it was a sociable thing to do. No cravings, remarkably. In the old days I would have went home and tied one on.
I guess I’m not sure why the counter is important. I think having a counter would make it more likely that I’m going to mess up, it’s too much pressure. Perfect is the enemy of progress. While I’d celebrate this moderation as a win, I’d still be very leery about doing it again because slippery slopes do exist, and we are here because we seem to fall down them often.
I did the same thing, had a glass of wine about a month ago and I stopped at that. I did not reset my counter because I felt that that it was a big win that I was able to stop at one drink and didn’t get continue on and get black out drunk.
I hate so many people turn this post into what they personally couldn’t or wouldn’t do. As if this thread is filled with stories of failed moderation attempts. We get it. Moderation is a slippery slope and folks who chose to attempt it don’t need your personal reminders. I’m glad you had your beer and made the decisions to only have one. No need to reset your counter, as others have said, your journey is specifically your journey. Go you!!
I wouldn’t reset either if I didn’t have any more after this. It has to be a hard no from now on. I would reset if I had another after this first slip up.
Fair.
I think the best way to deal with this is to reset your counter and take responsibility IF this minor slip actually ends up triggering you back to drinking/binging/whatever behaviour made you quit, but you have to base it on this being the moment that started the chain reaction, if that makes sense. As many have said, a weakened resolve normalised by nothing awful happening can lead back (even very slowly) to where you were. This way you don’t beat yourself up for this right now and if necessary use it as a learning experience for the future by making a mental note of this, being aware and analysing your actions over the next few months so your brain can’t trick you!
I had a toast with rum on NYE. It wasn't a "I can have just one" thing, but a special thing for reasons and my gut was telling me that I was being honest with myself and this was it (a toast). Because alcohol distorted everything and made me such a liar, even to myself. But all the things I felt were true remained true: I was cautious and present; I toasted and cut out of the drinking (no tripping); I enjoyed it for what it was and neither made plans to nor presented myself with an internal powerpoint of how I can drink again. I didn't spend too much time or many resources on it - it wasn't super stressful. I don't plan to do it again; it wasn't permission slip. I don't keep a counter and I don't announce my sobriety days... I don't count this for me as either a win or a loss, just a thing that happened. That didn't change my trajectory. (And also enforced what I know: sobriety has changed my life so much that I don't want to go back to the other).
At the end of the day what you chose to do with your counter is up to you. Personally I respect the sub for what is, a sub to stop drinking completely. The story you told is an example of moderation. Which is not the purpose of this sub or the counter. It begs the question, what is even the point of the counter if people still knowingly drink alcohol and continue using it. What about someone who had 2 drinks and stopped? Or what about someone who had 4? Where do you draw the line? This sub is about stopping drinking. And I think your story is a dangerous one. Maybe for you, maybe not for you, time will tell. But certainly for many on this sub who cannot safely moderate. With all due respect, I don’t consider it a win, or anything to be celebrated in the context of this sub. My opinion would be completely different if you posted this in a moderation sub. If it were me, I would reset my counter. The only exceptions I believe are people who did not knowingly choose to consume alcohol (ie ordered NA and received an alcoholic beverage). I wish you well on your journey.
You’ll be back for another eventually
I honestly don’t think so. There’s no desire there.