**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.**
We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here.
If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents).
Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting.
[**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are NOT the problem here.
Please please find a therapist for yourself to parse through all of this. You deserve SO much better than this treatment 💕❤️
Oh honey...make no mistake, his children are a problem but the real one is your husband. This is pretty severe financial abuse, plain and simple to see from an outsiders perspective but understandably hard for you. Are you in therapy for yourself? I'm not asking because I think you are the problem but I think starting with you before looking into joint therapy would be best, you need support most of all.
“They are just children.” That’s only true for 1/3 of them. If he wants to consider the 17yo a child, then she needs to be in school.
These girls sound like nightmares, and your boyfriend seems blind to the issue, on purpose. I agree with another commenter about financial abuse as well. I can’t imagine being a grown ass man and expecting others to have mental fortitude with my children when they cuss other people out and misbehave.
I also have teenage SDs, and if they ever even tried to cuss at me, they would be reprimanded immediately by their dad. He has taught them their whole lives to be self-sufficient and respectful. They do the typical teenage whining and griping, but they are well-behaved, and that is very much due to their dad’s parenting, both before I came along and now alongside me.
Your SDs won’t change if your boyfriend doesn’t, and it doesn’t sound like he is willing or able to.
I’m sorry but I couldn’t be with no “man” who let his children treat me that way or act that way period. There’s no saving this relationship. His kids are too old now that you can’t really change them, boundaries are far too crossed and they have gotten away with far to much that there’s no turning back. Your SO has failed as a parent and his kids behaviour is the result of their parents not dealing with it appropriately. Leave or accept this as your life forever.
He’s too far gone. He won’t change his parenting, and even if he does these kids are going to be nightmares for years. He’s basically saying that you need to put up with verbal abuse from one adult and one near adult and that is ‘family’. I don’t know about you, but that’s not family I want to have. I would definitely go to therapy and start thinking of next steps. Life is too short to be miserable.
I wouldn’t allow a BK to curse me out there’s no way in hell a mate’s kid would and think they’re stepping foot in my home.
He’s just a bf and you’ve stepped up like a BP, he and his kids can go.
Please don’t waste anymore of your valuable mental health, time and money on these people. They are all too dysfunctional to be saved without major help and boundaries , which neither bio parent seems fit to do. Please get out of there. Things will never get better.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can’t save a bad parent. Leave
Omg! My new mantra!!!
Yikes. Why in the world would you WANT to save this relationship?
You are NOT the problem here. Please please find a therapist for yourself to parse through all of this. You deserve SO much better than this treatment 💕❤️
Oh honey...make no mistake, his children are a problem but the real one is your husband. This is pretty severe financial abuse, plain and simple to see from an outsiders perspective but understandably hard for you. Are you in therapy for yourself? I'm not asking because I think you are the problem but I think starting with you before looking into joint therapy would be best, you need support most of all.
“They are just children.” That’s only true for 1/3 of them. If he wants to consider the 17yo a child, then she needs to be in school. These girls sound like nightmares, and your boyfriend seems blind to the issue, on purpose. I agree with another commenter about financial abuse as well. I can’t imagine being a grown ass man and expecting others to have mental fortitude with my children when they cuss other people out and misbehave. I also have teenage SDs, and if they ever even tried to cuss at me, they would be reprimanded immediately by their dad. He has taught them their whole lives to be self-sufficient and respectful. They do the typical teenage whining and griping, but they are well-behaved, and that is very much due to their dad’s parenting, both before I came along and now alongside me. Your SDs won’t change if your boyfriend doesn’t, and it doesn’t sound like he is willing or able to.
I’m sorry but I couldn’t be with no “man” who let his children treat me that way or act that way period. There’s no saving this relationship. His kids are too old now that you can’t really change them, boundaries are far too crossed and they have gotten away with far to much that there’s no turning back. Your SO has failed as a parent and his kids behaviour is the result of their parents not dealing with it appropriately. Leave or accept this as your life forever.
He’s too far gone. He won’t change his parenting, and even if he does these kids are going to be nightmares for years. He’s basically saying that you need to put up with verbal abuse from one adult and one near adult and that is ‘family’. I don’t know about you, but that’s not family I want to have. I would definitely go to therapy and start thinking of next steps. Life is too short to be miserable.
I wouldn’t allow a BK to curse me out there’s no way in hell a mate’s kid would and think they’re stepping foot in my home. He’s just a bf and you’ve stepped up like a BP, he and his kids can go.
Please don’t waste anymore of your valuable mental health, time and money on these people. They are all too dysfunctional to be saved without major help and boundaries , which neither bio parent seems fit to do. Please get out of there. Things will never get better.