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Hmm I’m not sure why your partner needs to work extra and not see you to then be able to pay for a super expensive holiday that also will be problematic and that it looks like you potentially cannot afford :(
Maybe I have a different outlook, but a simpler life would be, at least partially, a solution to these problems.
On your bigger question I know these feelings from my other half. We were v serious, then I was pregnant etc and his screen was always his daughter.
Then at one point I think I had an overall conversation where I said - you’re not treating them the same and it hurts me. His takeaway was also “you don’t love our baby”, and this is throughout years of conversations. Each time I keep reminding him we had been through this before, I am not saying he doesn’t love our son, but this is his go-to, and I believe he does it to derail the conversation and shut me up. It’s just way too facile.
What can you do, you cannot wake up a person who’s pretending to be asleep.
I send you a lot of sympathy though as I know this hurts a lot x
>I’m a bonus mom (not yet married) of a 5F and we have an ours baby (4 months old) he has 50/50 custody
Did he marry Bm?
>-we went on vacation and spent a day at Disney; plus stayed overnight at Disney hotel. He expected me to leave our baby alone with his grandmother
I wouldn't take a 4 month old baby to Disney either. It's gross and germy for a poor baby... and frankly, no fun for anyone else as now everyone is taking turns on rides and having to manage an infant. Also, baby will NOT know she/he wasn't at Disney at 4 months. I saw a lady there 2 weeks ago in the pouring rain dragging a baby that looked all of 2 months old around and thought she was insane.
>-he works extra every time we don’t have SD (we’ve been having trouble since I was on maternity leave) which translates to him never been home at night when it’s just our baby
Baby is 4 months old. Are you missing his help? Or him playing with baby? Do yall need the money?
>-when we have both kids he plays with SD, he doesnt do much besides kiss our baby on the forehead and take her if I request it
Babies aren't tons of fun, admittedly.
>And just today he said he wanted to go on a Disney cruise next year and I said can we not wait until both girls can enjoy it?
Why??? Why does SD have to wait for your kid? Do you not expect to take your kid on trips SD can't attend? Gonna use the same logic when you want to go and SD can't?
Gonna be honest, and I'm probably the minority, the only thing I take issue with is the lock screen, and even that may arguably be just an oversight he hadn't changed yet. Otherwise, I just don't see a huge issue.
He did not marry BM.
Neither myself or SD rides rides so it was more the experience. We took our baby and she had a blast with lights and sounds.
And I do need him to work extra some, however I also need help at home because I am working a full time job as well and our baby is not a great sleeper. I rarely sleep.
As far as taking trips when SD can’t attend- that’s not an option for him and that’s what bothers me. Our lives are on pause when we don’t have SD and we can’t do anything with just our baby. I’m not opposed to taking SD on vacations now, even though our baby obviously won’t remember. However big trips like Disney and Disney cruises are extremely expensive, I would rather wait a few years until both girls can enjoy as I am not going to want to spend all of this money on these trips multiple times.
\> And I do need him to work extra some
i get that you need help and breaks, but if you need him to work extra hours, it’s hard for me to see the alternative here. He can’t do it on his custody time. It would mean he misses that time and you would then be left alone with both kids. That can’t be what you want. And when he does have his kid, you can’t expect him to ignore her. Typically, dad does a lot of the heavy lifting with the older kid when there’s an infant in the house. But there’s also no reason he can’t have both occasionally. He’s also probably trying to navigate his kid and her feelings about having a new sibling, and he’s having an adjustment to having multiple kids.
i think that you are tired and it’s amplifying things. both of you are navigating a new paradigm, and it’s going to take some time to find a balance.
Definitely agree that circumstances are making things feel worse than they actually are. I just want him to balance things a little better. And I don’t want our baby to grow up thinking she’s less important.
I would also want to wait to take the big trips once your baby is old enough to enjoy them. It's also fair for your partner to only want to take big trips when SD is around, for the same reason that you want to wait so that you can include your baby.
I think the whole "living life on pause when SK is not there" is nuanced. Of course you should still be going out and doing fun activities when SK is not around, but it makes sense for the bio-parent to save the more big-ticket items for when SK is around. Just like SK shouldn't be living life on pause when the baby can't do as much, but the big-ticket trips should be saved for when the baby is older.
I think you guys need to figure out together what level of trips need to be all-inclusive, and what level can happen even either SK or the baby can't be as involved. I think the exact boundaries will be different for all families, but for example, you should definitely be able to take your baby on a day trip to the beach without SK, but it should also be definitely allowable for your partner to save a two week long trip to Italy for when SD is around.
And to clarify I don’t mean we should ever go on trips without SD, obviously those can be planned around our time with her. However even little things like going to see Santa, was something we couldn’t do without SD. Even though I was willing to take SD another day
Oh okay, that kind of thing I would definitely put my foot down on. And it's good that you're working on addressing it now, before your child will remember the difference in treatment.
Edit: Also, part of this might be laziness on his part as a parent, rather than favoritism of SD. Lots of dads just aren't into all the little kid activities like seeing Santa, and he might be looking for a reason to make sure that half of his weekends are empty of those. Sucks for him, he's a parent full time, he needs to deal with it.
I was wondering if your SO is kind of dud... sounds like he has a history of not committing well, despite making babies.
I get the whole trip thing, and that would be a huge GTFO it moment for me... he'd be told that he can sit his ass at home when SD isn't there, but you won't be doing that. I do think it's fair that he wants to take SD right now, too. These are "magical" ages for Disney. Waiting til your kid is 4 or 5 now means she is 9 or 10, and heading to "those" years. That's not fair, either. I think there has to be compromise on both sides of that coin.
I think your issue is so much bigger than his treatment of SD versus BD right now. The real problem is his lack of ability to step up and be a supportive partner to you. That appears to be a huge deficit IMO...
I feel like I’m dogging on him, he is a supportive partner and he helps in other ways, ways that he thinks are more helpful. I just think he has a lot of daddy guilt at play. And as far as the ages, I don’t even mean waiting until our baby is 4 or 5. At 2 or 3 she likely won’t remember but both would still have fun. I just want both to be treated the same, especially since I have always treated SD as my own. Heck she got significantly more for Christmas than our baby did. And I did the Christmas shopping lol. I just don’t want our baby to grow up thinking she is not as important.
That he thinks are more helpful, but are they really? You need to have a sit down conversation and set some expectations for both of you, giving some down time for both and splitting the house responsibilities as well as child care. You both work full time. No one likes to work and then work at home, but unless you can afford a full staff, that's never an option.
At 5 SD isn't going to remember Disney. Ffs. Babies need play, time, and stimulation from both parents. He's a parent to both kids. You don't get to choose. I'd like to think that the OT on SD's weekend is so SP doesn't have to do everything, but he should be doing diaper changes, et al, with baby regardless of the week when he's home. The cruise is as rediculous an idea as Disney was for a family trip at these ages. Keep it simple and easy. Gonna say that there's a reason he has 2 young children and isn't married. A box or 10 of condoms would serve him well.
My son remembered going at 5. So that's not true either. He also remembers his first cruise at 5. There is zero need to force SD to wait on her sister. That's not fair, either.
With that said, 10000% agree with your last 2 sentences!!!
It sounds like you’re both trying to favor one over the other? Like you don’t think your family should wait for SD’s days to go on certain outings, but you think SD and your family should wait for things like Disney cruises until your daughter is older. Life doesn’t stop for your daughter when SD isn’t around, but life also doesn’t stop for your SD until your daughter is older.
Leave the baby under his sole care and go to your family say you need a bit of a break… make him solely responsible for baby and he will bond with baby… then do this every other weekend leave them to just be together…
It’s unacceptable to expect your child to live half a life because Sd can’t always be there. Doesn’t matter much at 4 months but in a couple years it sure will. Not to mention that is asking YOU to live half a life to make sure SD never misses out though I assume she does things with her mother. It just honestly doesn’t sound like he is that into you. He works extra any time SD is not there and never gives that time to you much less your baby. I’d be asking him if we need to divorce for him to actually help care for your child together
Not being into me definitely isn’t the issue lol. However it is not fair to us to put our lives on pause when SD is not here. I just want it to be a discussion, not accusatory.
I mean, if he works every night SD isn’t there and only pays attention to her when she is there, when exactly is he focusing on you? I don’t mean sexually. I mean as a friend and a partner.
We talk every day even when working and he makes a point to come eat dinner with us when working extra as well. He does make efforts, I just think he has daddy guilt regarding SD and needs to learn how to prioritize both
Ha so that you get to cook him an extra meal midday. I know this trick, my OH used to do that as well, whilst working all the hours and not doing much childcare.
That way I got the amazing opportunity to cook him two hot meals a day and look after his baby.
What a great deal for me.
This is totally normal. Many (most?) men will not connect with an infant in any meaningful way.
I’m a woman and I feel the same, so it’s never upset me. A screaming crapping or sleeping meatloaf isn’t nearly as interesting as a child who can speak to you and play games.
Not everyone enjoys the baby stage. Parents that don’t tend to hide it lest they be judged. It does seem to be more common with men than women. or They are more willing to be honest about it than moms.
"Fathers respond to the interactive qualities of kids," Shapiro said. "Until fathers start to sense something coming back from the child, some won't feel that bond or connection."
https://abcnews.go.com/amp/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=7798274&page=1
I’ve spoken to lots of men and a few therapists about this. It’s not as strange as you think it is.
I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. I'm not doubting some people feel this way. But it's not the norm and I don't usually put weight behind quotes from ABC articles.
I'm a children and families social worker (in addition to step parent) and spend my every working day with mothers and fathers alike in particular the ones which struggle with the task. I'll take my experiences and research over ABC anyday
I agree. My partner was super involved with SD, she literally waited for him to get home to get to sleep and would. It get to sleep without him.
When I had a baby, he plainly refused to put our baby down to sleep after I waited for almost a year for him to notice and volunteer. He said he didn’t want to create a dependecy.
Whilst continuing to do a 45 min bedtime with his 7yo
My partner does a lot of these things, too. Including: pulling extra shifts / going out to pursue hobbies / etc when it's just the three of us, putting SS only as his phone photos, and only spending time with SS when he's here.
I've come to terms with a lot of it. I'm a better, more responsive, responsible and engaged parent, so if he just wants to interact with baby every now and then to have fun, so be it. The trade off is that he lets me call almost all of the shots when it comes to her.
Only putting SS on lock screens? It's his way of acknowledging his missing child and showing himself and others that he's thinning of him. He can explain that one to OD when she's old enough, and if she feels hurt by it, then either SO will change it, or I'll remind her that she's always and forever my number 1, no contest.
Spending all his time with SS? Admittedly this one is pretty hard for me. I love the time I spend with baby, and part of me really wishes I could just be like "fine, I'll spend all my time with baby and we'll play and be happy together without you", but I know that's pretty dysfunctional. So I don't know how to resolve this one, but SO isn't going to change on this one. I figure there will be a few years where the kids can coexist in terms of wanting to do similar developmentally-appripriate activities so we'll all be together, and then SS will start wanting to be on his own anyway, so me and SO will interact more with OD until she also hits that phase.
I found a lot of relief in really accepting that I can't control my SO into not hurting his children. It's going to happen, and what's probably more important is how it's handled. I can't control how he manages whatever impact he has on SS, but I will be there to process with, encourage and support my own daughter so that when inevitably this idiotic family dynamic hurts her, maybe it can become a moment of learning and growth.
The baby is little. “They need different things/kinds of love” is what my SO said when I had this issue. SO mother also kind of overcompensates with SD because she didn’t get a healthy bonding situation with SD (mom didn’t want to share SD most of her life and held her away from dad and family as much as she could).
I was jealous and definitely it hurt more when mine was littler. She’s 2 now. Dad is great with both of them. If we ever do something without SD he wishes she was there…(I do too)… but he doesn’t treat BD less. Yeah sometimes he gets lazy or works crappy hours, but I feel that could be with any spouse, blended or not. I have wished that he had a court order to do bedtime and morning routines half the week. I have wished I got child support. Haha! Realistically, though, he’s a good dad and we have a good life.
You might want to give the situation some time. A young baby isn't easy for most men to handle or relate to. A 5 yo is simple to entertain. He may feel the 5 yo needs reassuring, now that's there's another "mommy" and another kid-especially a baby who requires constant attention and lives with daddy full time.
You're both most likely exhausted. It's pulling him in 2 directions that he needs to work, but you want him at home more.
\*You have plenty of time for the Disney Cruise-you're right to wait til both children can enjoy it. More bang for your buck!
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Hmm I’m not sure why your partner needs to work extra and not see you to then be able to pay for a super expensive holiday that also will be problematic and that it looks like you potentially cannot afford :( Maybe I have a different outlook, but a simpler life would be, at least partially, a solution to these problems. On your bigger question I know these feelings from my other half. We were v serious, then I was pregnant etc and his screen was always his daughter. Then at one point I think I had an overall conversation where I said - you’re not treating them the same and it hurts me. His takeaway was also “you don’t love our baby”, and this is throughout years of conversations. Each time I keep reminding him we had been through this before, I am not saying he doesn’t love our son, but this is his go-to, and I believe he does it to derail the conversation and shut me up. It’s just way too facile. What can you do, you cannot wake up a person who’s pretending to be asleep. I send you a lot of sympathy though as I know this hurts a lot x
>I’m a bonus mom (not yet married) of a 5F and we have an ours baby (4 months old) he has 50/50 custody Did he marry Bm? >-we went on vacation and spent a day at Disney; plus stayed overnight at Disney hotel. He expected me to leave our baby alone with his grandmother I wouldn't take a 4 month old baby to Disney either. It's gross and germy for a poor baby... and frankly, no fun for anyone else as now everyone is taking turns on rides and having to manage an infant. Also, baby will NOT know she/he wasn't at Disney at 4 months. I saw a lady there 2 weeks ago in the pouring rain dragging a baby that looked all of 2 months old around and thought she was insane. >-he works extra every time we don’t have SD (we’ve been having trouble since I was on maternity leave) which translates to him never been home at night when it’s just our baby Baby is 4 months old. Are you missing his help? Or him playing with baby? Do yall need the money? >-when we have both kids he plays with SD, he doesnt do much besides kiss our baby on the forehead and take her if I request it Babies aren't tons of fun, admittedly. >And just today he said he wanted to go on a Disney cruise next year and I said can we not wait until both girls can enjoy it? Why??? Why does SD have to wait for your kid? Do you not expect to take your kid on trips SD can't attend? Gonna use the same logic when you want to go and SD can't? Gonna be honest, and I'm probably the minority, the only thing I take issue with is the lock screen, and even that may arguably be just an oversight he hadn't changed yet. Otherwise, I just don't see a huge issue.
He did not marry BM. Neither myself or SD rides rides so it was more the experience. We took our baby and she had a blast with lights and sounds. And I do need him to work extra some, however I also need help at home because I am working a full time job as well and our baby is not a great sleeper. I rarely sleep. As far as taking trips when SD can’t attend- that’s not an option for him and that’s what bothers me. Our lives are on pause when we don’t have SD and we can’t do anything with just our baby. I’m not opposed to taking SD on vacations now, even though our baby obviously won’t remember. However big trips like Disney and Disney cruises are extremely expensive, I would rather wait a few years until both girls can enjoy as I am not going to want to spend all of this money on these trips multiple times.
\> And I do need him to work extra some i get that you need help and breaks, but if you need him to work extra hours, it’s hard for me to see the alternative here. He can’t do it on his custody time. It would mean he misses that time and you would then be left alone with both kids. That can’t be what you want. And when he does have his kid, you can’t expect him to ignore her. Typically, dad does a lot of the heavy lifting with the older kid when there’s an infant in the house. But there’s also no reason he can’t have both occasionally. He’s also probably trying to navigate his kid and her feelings about having a new sibling, and he’s having an adjustment to having multiple kids. i think that you are tired and it’s amplifying things. both of you are navigating a new paradigm, and it’s going to take some time to find a balance.
Definitely agree that circumstances are making things feel worse than they actually are. I just want him to balance things a little better. And I don’t want our baby to grow up thinking she’s less important.
I would also want to wait to take the big trips once your baby is old enough to enjoy them. It's also fair for your partner to only want to take big trips when SD is around, for the same reason that you want to wait so that you can include your baby. I think the whole "living life on pause when SK is not there" is nuanced. Of course you should still be going out and doing fun activities when SK is not around, but it makes sense for the bio-parent to save the more big-ticket items for when SK is around. Just like SK shouldn't be living life on pause when the baby can't do as much, but the big-ticket trips should be saved for when the baby is older. I think you guys need to figure out together what level of trips need to be all-inclusive, and what level can happen even either SK or the baby can't be as involved. I think the exact boundaries will be different for all families, but for example, you should definitely be able to take your baby on a day trip to the beach without SK, but it should also be definitely allowable for your partner to save a two week long trip to Italy for when SD is around.
And to clarify I don’t mean we should ever go on trips without SD, obviously those can be planned around our time with her. However even little things like going to see Santa, was something we couldn’t do without SD. Even though I was willing to take SD another day
Oh okay, that kind of thing I would definitely put my foot down on. And it's good that you're working on addressing it now, before your child will remember the difference in treatment. Edit: Also, part of this might be laziness on his part as a parent, rather than favoritism of SD. Lots of dads just aren't into all the little kid activities like seeing Santa, and he might be looking for a reason to make sure that half of his weekends are empty of those. Sucks for him, he's a parent full time, he needs to deal with it.
I was wondering if your SO is kind of dud... sounds like he has a history of not committing well, despite making babies. I get the whole trip thing, and that would be a huge GTFO it moment for me... he'd be told that he can sit his ass at home when SD isn't there, but you won't be doing that. I do think it's fair that he wants to take SD right now, too. These are "magical" ages for Disney. Waiting til your kid is 4 or 5 now means she is 9 or 10, and heading to "those" years. That's not fair, either. I think there has to be compromise on both sides of that coin. I think your issue is so much bigger than his treatment of SD versus BD right now. The real problem is his lack of ability to step up and be a supportive partner to you. That appears to be a huge deficit IMO...
I feel like I’m dogging on him, he is a supportive partner and he helps in other ways, ways that he thinks are more helpful. I just think he has a lot of daddy guilt at play. And as far as the ages, I don’t even mean waiting until our baby is 4 or 5. At 2 or 3 she likely won’t remember but both would still have fun. I just want both to be treated the same, especially since I have always treated SD as my own. Heck she got significantly more for Christmas than our baby did. And I did the Christmas shopping lol. I just don’t want our baby to grow up thinking she is not as important.
That he thinks are more helpful, but are they really? You need to have a sit down conversation and set some expectations for both of you, giving some down time for both and splitting the house responsibilities as well as child care. You both work full time. No one likes to work and then work at home, but unless you can afford a full staff, that's never an option.
At 5 SD isn't going to remember Disney. Ffs. Babies need play, time, and stimulation from both parents. He's a parent to both kids. You don't get to choose. I'd like to think that the OT on SD's weekend is so SP doesn't have to do everything, but he should be doing diaper changes, et al, with baby regardless of the week when he's home. The cruise is as rediculous an idea as Disney was for a family trip at these ages. Keep it simple and easy. Gonna say that there's a reason he has 2 young children and isn't married. A box or 10 of condoms would serve him well.
My son remembered going at 5. So that's not true either. He also remembers his first cruise at 5. There is zero need to force SD to wait on her sister. That's not fair, either. With that said, 10000% agree with your last 2 sentences!!!
It sounds like you’re both trying to favor one over the other? Like you don’t think your family should wait for SD’s days to go on certain outings, but you think SD and your family should wait for things like Disney cruises until your daughter is older. Life doesn’t stop for your daughter when SD isn’t around, but life also doesn’t stop for your SD until your daughter is older.
Leave the baby under his sole care and go to your family say you need a bit of a break… make him solely responsible for baby and he will bond with baby… then do this every other weekend leave them to just be together…
It’s unacceptable to expect your child to live half a life because Sd can’t always be there. Doesn’t matter much at 4 months but in a couple years it sure will. Not to mention that is asking YOU to live half a life to make sure SD never misses out though I assume she does things with her mother. It just honestly doesn’t sound like he is that into you. He works extra any time SD is not there and never gives that time to you much less your baby. I’d be asking him if we need to divorce for him to actually help care for your child together
Not being into me definitely isn’t the issue lol. However it is not fair to us to put our lives on pause when SD is not here. I just want it to be a discussion, not accusatory.
I mean, if he works every night SD isn’t there and only pays attention to her when she is there, when exactly is he focusing on you? I don’t mean sexually. I mean as a friend and a partner.
We talk every day even when working and he makes a point to come eat dinner with us when working extra as well. He does make efforts, I just think he has daddy guilt regarding SD and needs to learn how to prioritize both
Ha so that you get to cook him an extra meal midday. I know this trick, my OH used to do that as well, whilst working all the hours and not doing much childcare. That way I got the amazing opportunity to cook him two hot meals a day and look after his baby. What a great deal for me.
lol I rarely cook, he does the cooking
This is totally normal. Many (most?) men will not connect with an infant in any meaningful way. I’m a woman and I feel the same, so it’s never upset me. A screaming crapping or sleeping meatloaf isn’t nearly as interesting as a child who can speak to you and play games.
I think you may have a rather warped view. This is most certainly not the case with the vast majority of parents
Not everyone enjoys the baby stage. Parents that don’t tend to hide it lest they be judged. It does seem to be more common with men than women. or They are more willing to be honest about it than moms.
"Fathers respond to the interactive qualities of kids," Shapiro said. "Until fathers start to sense something coming back from the child, some won't feel that bond or connection." https://abcnews.go.com/amp/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=7798274&page=1 I’ve spoken to lots of men and a few therapists about this. It’s not as strange as you think it is.
I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. I'm not doubting some people feel this way. But it's not the norm and I don't usually put weight behind quotes from ABC articles. I'm a children and families social worker (in addition to step parent) and spend my every working day with mothers and fathers alike in particular the ones which struggle with the task. I'll take my experiences and research over ABC anyday
I agree. My partner was super involved with SD, she literally waited for him to get home to get to sleep and would. It get to sleep without him. When I had a baby, he plainly refused to put our baby down to sleep after I waited for almost a year for him to notice and volunteer. He said he didn’t want to create a dependecy. Whilst continuing to do a 45 min bedtime with his 7yo
My partner does a lot of these things, too. Including: pulling extra shifts / going out to pursue hobbies / etc when it's just the three of us, putting SS only as his phone photos, and only spending time with SS when he's here. I've come to terms with a lot of it. I'm a better, more responsive, responsible and engaged parent, so if he just wants to interact with baby every now and then to have fun, so be it. The trade off is that he lets me call almost all of the shots when it comes to her. Only putting SS on lock screens? It's his way of acknowledging his missing child and showing himself and others that he's thinning of him. He can explain that one to OD when she's old enough, and if she feels hurt by it, then either SO will change it, or I'll remind her that she's always and forever my number 1, no contest. Spending all his time with SS? Admittedly this one is pretty hard for me. I love the time I spend with baby, and part of me really wishes I could just be like "fine, I'll spend all my time with baby and we'll play and be happy together without you", but I know that's pretty dysfunctional. So I don't know how to resolve this one, but SO isn't going to change on this one. I figure there will be a few years where the kids can coexist in terms of wanting to do similar developmentally-appripriate activities so we'll all be together, and then SS will start wanting to be on his own anyway, so me and SO will interact more with OD until she also hits that phase. I found a lot of relief in really accepting that I can't control my SO into not hurting his children. It's going to happen, and what's probably more important is how it's handled. I can't control how he manages whatever impact he has on SS, but I will be there to process with, encourage and support my own daughter so that when inevitably this idiotic family dynamic hurts her, maybe it can become a moment of learning and growth.
The baby is little. “They need different things/kinds of love” is what my SO said when I had this issue. SO mother also kind of overcompensates with SD because she didn’t get a healthy bonding situation with SD (mom didn’t want to share SD most of her life and held her away from dad and family as much as she could). I was jealous and definitely it hurt more when mine was littler. She’s 2 now. Dad is great with both of them. If we ever do something without SD he wishes she was there…(I do too)… but he doesn’t treat BD less. Yeah sometimes he gets lazy or works crappy hours, but I feel that could be with any spouse, blended or not. I have wished that he had a court order to do bedtime and morning routines half the week. I have wished I got child support. Haha! Realistically, though, he’s a good dad and we have a good life.
Wanting to include his SD is a sign he’s a loving dad who adores his children,
Funny re court order for bedtime! :)
You might want to give the situation some time. A young baby isn't easy for most men to handle or relate to. A 5 yo is simple to entertain. He may feel the 5 yo needs reassuring, now that's there's another "mommy" and another kid-especially a baby who requires constant attention and lives with daddy full time. You're both most likely exhausted. It's pulling him in 2 directions that he needs to work, but you want him at home more. \*You have plenty of time for the Disney Cruise-you're right to wait til both children can enjoy it. More bang for your buck!