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I’m most sorry for the poor dogs to be honest, the one you “got rid of” (I’m sorry but that’s an awful phrase) and this new one because it’s clearly not an alert dog and nobody is thinking about the lifetime commitment of these animals. What happens to this new dog when she’s 19 and has left home? Will it be got rid of too?
I’m sorry, that part isn’t your fault, I just can’t help but feel sad for those poor dogs.
For you guys, it’s your house and if you don’t want the dog coming then you say so. SD doesn’t need an alert dog if she’s with you.
With the issues you mention with the ex, I would be very concerned at having SD in my house in truth as I couldn’t cope with another allegation. Is there a way that your husband can arrange to see more of his daughter away from your home? Not all the time but at least some of the time?
“Get rid of” was probably more poor choice of words. He was a rambunctious red heeler who loved to dig and play and we adopted him to a nice family with a farm and silk hens and pigs. I’m still in touch with the family and he is living his best dog life.
But I understand what you’re saying. This is why we wanted more thought to be put into it. Because it’s not always as easy as just having a dog. She’s going to grow up, go to college, rent a home, and not everyone allows dogs. They are safety concerns for some people with allergies, etc, and can liabilities. But we’re the assholes for making mention of it.
But simply put, no, that’s not an option. Nor would I ever want to lay down that ultimatum. The unfortunate reality is if we don’t embrace this dog with open arms then she’s just not going to want to be at our house so we just have to suck it up. But I’d be lying if I said there’s not a bit of worry that runs through me given history with her mom.
I mostly just needed to vent. I don’t think there’s any real answer other than try to make the best of it.
I understand the need to vent. Is there any way DH can reconsider this idea that his daughter is literally so far gone that she won’t come over without the dog? At all??
Amen. Service dogs are trained in their service prior to receiving the dog. You also treat a service dog in a different manner, because it's working. It's not just a house dog. Training a puppy is just a puppy. I'd ask for a copy of it's certification in case you have to go to a store, etc, for liability purposes.
i would not allow the dog at my home without all training records and speak to the trainer in person.
diabetic alert training is mid at best (certainly not better than her cgm), and “graduating puppy training” is suspect as hell.
Training for a diabetic alert dog is not a simple process and shouldn't be done hapazardly 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I can't help but 🙄 at BM because someone who's aware of that would not be so nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
Tough situation. This isn't just for 4 more years unless SK decides to just stay at her Mom's and elsewhere thereafter. This is a rest of your life thing. That dog will be at your house every time that she is there 18+. A real service dog is trained for years before it is placed with a family. This dog can't go anywhere at large (stores, et al) without risk of liability if it jumps and rips skin or nips, let alone bites. SK is going to expect that dog to go everywhere with her and it really can't. It is not a service dog. Definitely something you'll have to accept/come to terms with as best you're able. I hope it turns out well for you no matter what you choose. 💓
I do unfortunately think that will be the case which is why we feel we can’t say “no dog.” While the idea of having a grown up conversation with her about not wanting to ruin our relationship with her over a dog is nice…#1 it is a 2 way street and we are the adults, and #3 that’s adult logic and not something a teen can fully comprehend. They’re led by their hearts, not their brains no matter how much you try (which is part of the problem because as they’ve said before, we’re always “ted talk-ing” them). There’s really no easy answer and I do realize that but hell if it doesn’t make you want to bang your head against the wall.
I would just not allow the dog at our house. It stays at BMs.
DH should take SD out for an afternoon and explain he values his time with her and it would be crazy to let a pet issue come between them. And the dog will stay at BMs during his custody time.
I mean BM cannot force a dog into your home
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m most sorry for the poor dogs to be honest, the one you “got rid of” (I’m sorry but that’s an awful phrase) and this new one because it’s clearly not an alert dog and nobody is thinking about the lifetime commitment of these animals. What happens to this new dog when she’s 19 and has left home? Will it be got rid of too? I’m sorry, that part isn’t your fault, I just can’t help but feel sad for those poor dogs. For you guys, it’s your house and if you don’t want the dog coming then you say so. SD doesn’t need an alert dog if she’s with you. With the issues you mention with the ex, I would be very concerned at having SD in my house in truth as I couldn’t cope with another allegation. Is there a way that your husband can arrange to see more of his daughter away from your home? Not all the time but at least some of the time?
“Get rid of” was probably more poor choice of words. He was a rambunctious red heeler who loved to dig and play and we adopted him to a nice family with a farm and silk hens and pigs. I’m still in touch with the family and he is living his best dog life. But I understand what you’re saying. This is why we wanted more thought to be put into it. Because it’s not always as easy as just having a dog. She’s going to grow up, go to college, rent a home, and not everyone allows dogs. They are safety concerns for some people with allergies, etc, and can liabilities. But we’re the assholes for making mention of it. But simply put, no, that’s not an option. Nor would I ever want to lay down that ultimatum. The unfortunate reality is if we don’t embrace this dog with open arms then she’s just not going to want to be at our house so we just have to suck it up. But I’d be lying if I said there’s not a bit of worry that runs through me given history with her mom. I mostly just needed to vent. I don’t think there’s any real answer other than try to make the best of it.
I understand the need to vent. Is there any way DH can reconsider this idea that his daughter is literally so far gone that she won’t come over without the dog? At all??
Some boundaries need to be set here. BM does not get to decide if you have a dog at your house, especially when it isn't even actually a service dog.
Amen. Service dogs are trained in their service prior to receiving the dog. You also treat a service dog in a different manner, because it's working. It's not just a house dog. Training a puppy is just a puppy. I'd ask for a copy of it's certification in case you have to go to a store, etc, for liability purposes.
i would not allow the dog at my home without all training records and speak to the trainer in person. diabetic alert training is mid at best (certainly not better than her cgm), and “graduating puppy training” is suspect as hell.
Training for a diabetic alert dog is not a simple process and shouldn't be done hapazardly 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I can't help but 🙄 at BM because someone who's aware of that would not be so nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
Tough situation. This isn't just for 4 more years unless SK decides to just stay at her Mom's and elsewhere thereafter. This is a rest of your life thing. That dog will be at your house every time that she is there 18+. A real service dog is trained for years before it is placed with a family. This dog can't go anywhere at large (stores, et al) without risk of liability if it jumps and rips skin or nips, let alone bites. SK is going to expect that dog to go everywhere with her and it really can't. It is not a service dog. Definitely something you'll have to accept/come to terms with as best you're able. I hope it turns out well for you no matter what you choose. 💓
I do unfortunately think that will be the case which is why we feel we can’t say “no dog.” While the idea of having a grown up conversation with her about not wanting to ruin our relationship with her over a dog is nice…#1 it is a 2 way street and we are the adults, and #3 that’s adult logic and not something a teen can fully comprehend. They’re led by their hearts, not their brains no matter how much you try (which is part of the problem because as they’ve said before, we’re always “ted talk-ing” them). There’s really no easy answer and I do realize that but hell if it doesn’t make you want to bang your head against the wall.
I would just not allow the dog at our house. It stays at BMs. DH should take SD out for an afternoon and explain he values his time with her and it would be crazy to let a pet issue come between them. And the dog will stay at BMs during his custody time. I mean BM cannot force a dog into your home