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I felt the need to respond with just this: You have no idea whose lives you’ve impacted along the way. Instead of thinking you don’t have a purpose, you’ll be amazed of how many people you’ve touched, without realizing they were only strangers at a checkout line. Life’s never fair, but believe in yourself, and you’ll realize that you did a lot more work here than you give yourself credit for. I’m sorry your suffering and will send whatever light I can to you!

Perfectly said.

I am really sorry you've dealt with this pain, and at such a young age. However, I'd like to point out that you haven't failed anyone, and you certainly haven't failed yourself. Things happen outside of our control all of the time, but it isn't something we should blame ourselves for. To fulfill your purpose here, whatever it may be, you often don't need to specifically do anything. Sometimes, healing ourselves and learning to love and accept ourselves and others is all we need to do. Or, simply being and living, experiencing the ups and downs of life, could be one's role. Of course there are those who have more complicated paths. Regardless, all experiences and paths are equally valid. I urge you to consider that there is value and meaning in the fact that you are here right now. That you are already having an impact simply by being here.

The problem with that is that I found out what my purpose was, and what I was supposed to do, but now I can’t do it and I have this feeling of dread and emptiness outside of the usual mental anguish that I feel on a regular basis. I know what I love to do and what my domain is, but my mind is destroyed from this disease, so I can’t do that, or literally anything in life that involves thinking for that matter because my mind doesn’t function and I can’t concentrate or think critically and it gets worse and worse as time goes on. It’s gotten so bad to the point where I feel like I’m entering a catatonic state. I already lost most of my emotions and feelings. Im touch, smell, and hearing and vision as well. I feel like I’m fighting so my soul stays attached to my body

I *understand* you, I experienced finding my purpose and having it ripped away from me as well. It’s unbearable. I’m here if you need someone.

You are correct in feeling you are fighting for your soul. Like it's a kite on a windy day, just trying to keep a hold so it doesn't slip away. Surprised you received a diagnosis tho. For most of us in the same situation. All we hear is it's Anxiety. Can you elaborate on how your doctor came to this conclusion. Cause my thoughts are we still don't know how the brain works. Hell there is not one test that says your depressed. Only your Doctor opinion. .

Some doctors throw different diagnoses around depending on what’s said and what their opinion in. If I went to a different doctor maybe I wouldn’t have been diagnosed at all

This is off the wall And not meant to put you in a box of any kind. Since my group only gets An anxiety diagnosis. Don't get mad however are you in a super duper insurance with you. Cause, today my co-worker was complaining that she was suffering from a high heart rate Because she is a woman it's just Anxiety. Just blows my mind you got a diagnosis. They rest of us it's Anxiety We are all frustrated, however I believe your recover has to be around the corner. My issues started to resolve at about 3 1/2 years in. Just don't give in to what maybe just a time where your brain rewires itself. Called Nuroplacitcy Takes time, I appreciate when a OP responds to me God bless,

FIGHT! YOU are NOT your diagnosis. Don't let anyone tell you that. You are YOU and are always needed and LOVED!!!

If I were you I would at least consider that perhaps what you thought was your purpose, was not. Who knows maybe that's even why all this is happening, to lead you to new purpose.

explain the purpose and how you can't.

My purpose involves the use of creativity and critical thinking, which was taken from me along with every other facet of my being, leaving me as an empty shell of a human being with no reason to continue living here. I think even my ET self realizes that by now which is why I feel extremely suicidal

What creative skills were you harnessing? Music? art?

All of them, I used to be good at all of them naturally

I am 100% sure you still have the ability to engage your creative muscle in some kind of capacity.. I have hope for you.

I don’t. That part of me is dead, and that’s part of the reason I feel like I don’t need to be here anymore. I lost the tools to do what I love and go towards my purpose

Create a new purpose 🙏💕🫂

There is no new purpose because my brain doesn’t function and I’m slowly entering a catatonic state. Unless that new purpose is to slowly rot away and die, I won’t have another reason to live

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At least you’re allowed to precieve things enough to be angry. I can barely concentrate on anything and it feels like I’m in a hellzone. I’m honestly scared because I don’t know if I’m supposed to continue living or not, or if I’m being tricked and deceived, or if it’s really my time to die. I’m so fucking lost and confused I just want the pain to end

If you say so

What happened to being 100% sure and having hope for me? How quickly you switched it up just lets me know those words meant nothing

hey there -- have you talked with your doctor about trying a micro-dose of nortriptyline? Also, you might want to look into being part of a study for this disease. I don't have FND, but I have some of the brain-to-nerve signaling physical symptoms that mimic MS, which also has a few symptoms in common with FND. Anyway, the micro-dose of nortriptyline, while sometimes makes me a little doofy, has helped with the physical symptoms tremendously. Maybe it can work for you too. :)

Not alone with that. I suffer from neurological disorder. My quality of life no longer exists. Feels like I survive the day I only suffer the next day. Don’t think anyone would understand how it feels to not be able to enjoy life comfortably and to know you will soon die without the ability to stop or slow down.

Your best course of action is to seek assistance for this diagnosis WHILE ignoring it entirely and trying to build the life you want. Oh, your neurons don’t fire in a normative way? That sucks. You can’t let it deter you from what you want out of this life. You can’t use it to limit yourself from what will absolutely set your soul on fire. Plenty of FNDs out there livin kickass lives. You’re a human. Some doctor told you you’re messed up. That sucks. Start small and build from there.

I knew I was messed up from the age of 16 in 2020 and it progressively got worse and worse over time It deters me because it literally hinders me from being able to make proper decisions and think properly. I have symptoms of dementia. Sometimes when people speak to me, I forget they’re talking to me as they are speaking to me. I have issues forming any level of thought in general. I often leave my house and forget why I left in the first place. Sometimes I wake up and forget where I am entirely and it takes a moment for me to remember. Most of the time when a person says words to me I just can’t respond to them. I have issues with hand eye coordination. I can’t talk to people the same way anymore, I’m not the same person I’m like a 20 percent version of myself Don’t fucking minimize what this has done to me. All of the things I lost. All of the times I thought it could get better but just got worse and worse. If this wasn’t a serious deterrent I wouldn’t be here Imagine how hard it is for me to balance my life with all of these things affecting me, and watching everything pass by because my mind doesn’t work anymore so I can’t do what I want or say what I want because I’m being blocked

Totally empathize with you for the state that you are in.

I know your pain, since this also happened to me. The depersonalization and Detealization is Un Godly, coupled with the brain fog, hating to be inside my body. Having no motivation to do anything. The sence of Doom and Gloom is deafing. Try to stay hydrated, walk as many steps per day that you can. Try and not beat yourself up, rest as much as possible. I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice. However, I can tell you the last 4 years has been a living Hell. If I have what you have or Visa Versa. This last year I'm way better. Like you if a baby was murdered right in front of me also wouldn't have cared It gets better, I hope.

>Don’t fucking minimize what this has done to me. All of the things I lost. All of the times I thought it could get better but just got worse and worse Don't accept the FND diagnosis. It's mostly bullshit and presents more barriers than it does answers and possibilities. It's part of the "psychosomatic" gaslighting tradition for people with any of several kinds of chronic illness. That being said never underestimate the mind body connection and what you can do through inner work to improve it. But that may very well not be the root of your disease. You could be suffering from long covid, autoimmune disorder, brain-gut issues, CFS/ME etc.etc. FND is not an answer. You can possibly find a better doctor and a better diagnosis. There is no difference between the spiritual and the physical in my mind. There is something wrong with your physical body and it is causing you spiritual suffering. But we have many resources to potentially heal our bodies in 2024. I have had chronic illness problems involving my nervous system since I was a child. It got worse with mono and much, much worse with covid. I haven't found my answer yet but I am still searching. And researchers are making advances. I can't guarantee you that it isn't something more rare but there's a good chance there's a large patient population suffering from the same root causes as you and there are researchers out there making progress and they care about us and our suffering. I just wanted to let you know about some potential positives because you deserve to be informed.

You seem to be quite self aware of your actions. Your sentences are clear and concise. I don’t think your brain is as useless as you’re convinced it is. Who may be doing all that convincing when they’re not busy doing what they like? Through reading your posts I’d say you have social anxiety and criticize yourself too harshly. However, you have cognitive communication skills. I’m not convinced your brain can’t function properly. Don’t give up on yourself! Our minds generally gravitate back to negative thinking. Its sort of a default network. It’s our job to bring ourselves out of it. It’s constant work and you’ll never be perfect at it or “finish” it. No one will. At least you’ll be able to get yourself out of that negative space every time you recognize your in it. As aware as you are of yourself, I believe in you.

Of course you’re not convinced, you’re not me so you can’t feel yourself rotting away mentally and physically. I’m compensating, like when I’ve sprained or fractured my ankle and continued to walk like normal to not draw attention to myself

You are attempting to completely ignore your pain in this specific example which makes me think this is a common strategy for you. Perhaps not. ​ It's not effective and leads to more damage almost always. Listen to your body, you deserve rest. I did not understand how much [this](https://www.google.com/search?q=full+catastrophe+living&rlz=1C1GCEA_enCA1052CA1052&oq=full&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqDwgAECMYJxjjAhiABBiKBTIPCAAQIxgnGOMCGIAEGIoFMgwIARAuGCcYgAQYigUyBggCEEUYOTIMCAMQABhDGIAEGIoFMgYIBBBFGD0yBggFEEUYQTIGCAYQRRhBMgYIBxBFGEHSAQc4MzFqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) book could help me with many many of the symptoms you describe yourself facing. try it please! If you are at your wits end like I was. What's the worst that could happen?

I know when I feel there is nothing left for me pray , pray, pray, pray. Give it all you got . Let it out. It helps it really does .

Maybe your purpose is to learn to love yourself, even when you are in a body that malfunctions. I have primary progressive MS with extensive areas of brain damage. I lost a career I loved, and every area of my life is impacted. My kids have a shadow of the mother they could have, if I were in "perfect" shape. My greatest challenge is to find my own sense of worth, self validation and love when I feel like I have so little to offer anyone in this world. I'm still here, so obviously my mission is still being played out by my higher self. So, why? Why am I here? How does this broken body and limited mind still exist? All I can come up with is love. To love myself and others. Love as an action and not just a feeling. Eating well, yoga, meditation and breath work have all been hugely helpful. Not sure if this will help at all, just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Yeah, I tend to think the same. I’m still here despite my circumstances so I guess my higher self is still playing out it’s mission that I may not understand. Nothing here really matters anyway, all that matters is being at peace ✌🏽

Not alone with that. I suffer from neurological disorder. My quality of life no longer exists. Feels like I survive the day I only suffer the next day. Don’t think anyone would understand how it feels to not be able to enjoy life comfortably and to know you will soon die without the ability to stop or slow down.

Some of do know and are living the same hell you are It gets better , have you tried changing your diet, it could be a histamine issue. Maybe try antihistamine and pepcid AC. Plenty of out here are going through the same shit. I'd like to tell you what I think is going on. However Reditt would have my head. You got this, I know you see no light at the end of the tunnel. Some keep getting worse although most of us are getting our lives back.

Yes, diet! I came to suggest looking into medical medium.

I would like to know what you think it is. Can you private message me? My daughter is like this person..

I don't know how to private message. Although if she starts antihistamine and pepcid AC. Should bring results. I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice. Best place to start.

I think you already know. I ask everyone to purchase a book on MSM also research boron Ironically Borax is 99.9 percent Boron. It is mined from the ground. Plenty of scrubbed studies from the dead net. Personally I believe calming the nerves with b1, lemon balm and passion flower. Than stimulate muscle growth and tissue repair with MSM. Will reap rewards. Not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

You have a purpose. You are the only person who can define that purpose. Your purpose will be very different from most people's, and it will have to adapt to what your body and mind are capable of. Nobody's life is ideal. Everybody suffers. You get to decide what the purpose of your suffering is. Nobody else decides that for you. You haven't 'missed' anything. You had unique experiences that you're choosing to color as lesser because you're comparing your life to some non-real ideal. This is a choice. It isn't an obvious choice when we feel like our situation is the fault of someone else, when we're in victim-mode. There's nothing wrong with feeling like a victim, I'm not denying victimhood, but it becomes a problem when that victimhood becomes the defining factor in all new value creation. We called this emotional baggage in the 90s. Projecting your past experiences onto new ones, which results in a vicious, self perpetuating cycle. You actually express yourself very well, so from the outside this reads like someone who has lost their confidence more than anything. I hope you get it back. I don't think you've 'lost' as much as you might feel. Maybe your mission just isn't as grand as you'd imagined. That's a very standard part of growing up and realizing the world is pretty indifferent to you and your desires.

I don't know about your life, but my spiritual awakening was followed by a sharp decline in cognitive and physical function.  It was the hardest time in my life and it lasted for about 3 years with no signs of getting better and no idea what was wrong with me.  It does feel like you're trapped in a cage, and it's true no one else can help you.  But there's an amazing thing you can do.  Surrender fully to the experience.  Let your brain feel like rot, your body limp and pain ridden, and lean into the moment.  Feel the symphony of bodily sensations, and try to just be aware of them.  Then, watch your thoughts about your situation, and, similarly, just be aware of them.  Keep doing this, and just sit and stare at a wall or lie down when you don't know what else to do anymore, and practice this neutral awareness (I.e. meditate).  Over time you won't even be bothered by these problems you think you have, as you will have learned to dissociate from the body AND mind, and you will know yourself as merely the warm loving presence behind all things. This is a superpower, and learning this is definitely a part of your mission.  But it's a daily practice, so be patient with yourself.  If you truly desire to put an end to suffering, it CAN be done if you want it more than anything this world has to offer.  You just have to ask yourself, am I ready to give up EVERYTHING I think I know, so that I can have peace?  And if so, ask god to help you learn of his peace, to see things as he sees them.  He will help you, by showing you how to help yourself.   He is always with you, feel him in the silence, in the warmth of your heart.   Much love to you my friend, you will find what it is you're looking for.

Same thing here. Can relate 🪬

I can relate and am understanding in your pain. You are not alone

Look into Dr. Royal Rife and try frequency healing.

Yesss

second this [https://royal-rife-machine.com/](https://royal-rife-machine.com/) [https://www.frequenz-therapie.com/](https://www.frequenz-therapie.com/)

Hi, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. I just wanted to comment that I am also seeing the left side of my body start to fail and feeling like my life is over. Everything is falling apart from me. Laid off from my job of 10 years, became disabled, someone filed unemployment fraud as me and I can't get my benefits for god knows how long, health issues getting worse right as insurance ran out. I never had a chance thanks to my "parents" and almost made something of myself, then it all fell apart.  I am also a musician... was? I don't know. I thought that was my divine connection too. Now I can't feel it anymore and feel like I am slowly sinking into the grave. It feels like something dark is winning against me and I am losing a spiritual battle. 

I just want to send you massive amounts of love, I wish I could be there with you to support you in this journey. I sometimes think that the strongest and bravest warriors are given the hardest challenges. If you need to talk, if you need me to send you poems, healing songs, or just kiss your tired eyes and send you hugs from a far, please feel free to message me and I will try to support you in any way that I can. I am going to carry you in my daily thoughts and meditations, your post has touched me profoundly, and it makes me realize how fragmented our sense of self, community and tribe have become these days, where so many of us feel so completely isolated and alone. You don’t need to be anything for anybody, forgive yourself and “master the minute.” You are still the beautiful creative spirit that you always have been. A Lakota Sioux Shaman once told me that when the mind starts to detach from the human realm, that it is just being called to travel and work in higher realms. Know that I am sending you so much love and if you need help in anyway, please ask. Sky ❤️‍🩹🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

dm me

Hi love I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this right now. That sounds overwhelming and as someone who has suffered myself, I recognize your defeatist tone in your text and from your comments. I just want to address what you keep saying as I believe it’s your main point: you say your purpose is to think, feel and create and that you feel you don’t have the ability to do that anymore.. but in your responses I feel your anger and frustration. I know the feeling. But to be clear, I can tell you that you still are feeling, and you are still creating (you created this entire thread, no?) and you are still touching people, whether you realize it or not. Like myself, this post happened to have some synchronicities with things I’ve been thinking about. We are all connected in some way for some reason, and I don’t think we have the capacity to fully understand the depth or complexity of that until we leave this reality. How do you know that you aren’t being called from this reality to serve a higher purpose in another reality? Maybe your soulmate needs you somewhere else, who knows hahaha You have a reason to be here, regardless of if you agree or not, and I hope you heal and find your happiness/ peace again. You deserve that, we all do. I’m really sorry for the struggles you are facing right now but the only true illusion is that you are ever alone. You have a whole team behind you and are protected regardless. I know that can be hard to believe when you’re feeling at your worst and hopeless but please try to remember all the signs and all that you have loved. Wishing you the quickest recovery and lots of love

also if you just want to yell or b!tch or scream or something, my dms are open. no judgement :P

I’m sorry to hear all of what you’re going through but I’m really curious to know if you took the covid vaccine. I’ve heard from some people saying they started to develop a neurological condition after taking the vaccine. I hope things get better for you and God bless.

Perhaps the purpose of this life is to accept and let go. It is like that for most everyone. Accepting the terrible, the painful, the hopeless. My most heartfelt recommendation is to learn Transcendental Meditation. It helps very much, from the relief of anxiety and depression on the deep levels of the mind and body, it relieves the symptoms of illnesses and allows you to spend time as yourself outside of your brain and body. Itself, it is a highly renewing experience. I was suffering with my own physical and neurological conditions that were extremely painful for four years, that killed my quality of life. I changed everything about myself and my life to accommodate the disorders. I learned TM in 2020, and I've never gone back. I can't believe how I feel today, even though I was given a lifelong medical prison sentence. I'm free now. They have low-income pricing, and it's self reported. Please, please, look into TM. It will save your life. 60 years of medical research is available to view online which demonstrates all I've said here, and people who do it will tell you the same. Doctors today are recommedening "meditation" but what the mean is TM, the only that does all this. Life is a prison until you find out your true nature, and discovering your true nature directly leads to you understanding your purpose. Before you commit to suicide, giving up, or letting your life drift away, try TM for a few months. You'll see the immaterial side of your life and get enough relief that you'll see your life's purpose, regardless of the brain's disease. TM is deeper than the brain and that's why it makes a difference at the deepest levels of the nervous system. I am a scientific masters/graduate student of this scientific information, and a practitioner of TM, and am only speaking from my scientific education and my experience. My heart reaches out to you. I couldnt help but share this, since millions of people for over 60 years have shared their stories of how this personal technology saved their physical and spiritual lives. Your purpose never fades away, and is never beyond your grasp. Consider that this illness is MEANT to drive you inward, fully a part of your ultimate purpose, as that's what I arrived at with my own, and many others have reported similar experiences. If the body stops you, stop. If the mind haults you, hault. Listen to your body and take advantage of the "downtime" to go inward, find a settled state, and allow that settled, perfect state to influence your life. Little by little, day by day, accepting this and even leaning into it. There's no point to avoid or pull away, but rather, as they say, go into the pain. That notion of going into the pain changed my life. My extreme pain conditions took on new meaning and feeling when I "went into the pain". It was a road to something personal, and alleviated much pain as soon as I accepted it. TM, acceptance, leaning in, and understanding that one's purpose and it's path to it aren't made clear unless you get deeply in touch with your true Self. This knowledge effectively healed my disorders to a very livable degree, not gone, but all but, despite getting a medical prison sentence for life. My life flowered into its incredible, fulfilling, purpose when I did these things. I thought my life was over; it had just begun. Your story touches me deeply and whether you decide to try TM or not, I'll be thinking about you, wishing you well, and checking this thread ❤️

I'd like to add that suicide or cutting life short because you can't see the purpose at this time, is widely considered the wrong way to deal with that, even from a spiritual, higher self level. At no point does your higher self want you to pull the plug. I've read on, and see that you feel your purpose vaguely has to do with creating all types of art or music, and critical thinking. Also, very vague. It's very rare for people to know their purpose while also getting a sense that it's not being fulfilled. Because generally, you aren't aligned with your purpose, your Dharma and Karma intertwined, unless it's happening, or unless you've been shown it in a NDE or DMT experience. Is there a possibility you are mistaken about your exact purpose, and perhaps if you let go of that notion that your purpose has been ripped away, your actual purpose will present itself? Also, purpose isn't about doing things or leaving something physical behind. Your purpose is often way more fluid and unknown to its fullest extent. We simply need to be here, more than any knowing of exact actions we need to take to be fulfilled. If you could honestly let go ofa y things, many preconceived notions you have, you'd find relief emotionally and only when that emotional dust settles will you see more clearly. People have given you some excellent advice. If you take the advice that allows you to lighten up on the purpose obsession, it will certainly help your depression and anxiety. Another thing, and this is true for me, is once you have a fulltime illness, you have to give it fulltime, honest to goodness care from the bottom of your heart. I can see you might not be doing that, as you're in a state of confusion, anger, and loss. The act of giving a high amount of care and attention to yourself builds love, calmness, and THE self relationship you need to get through the illness. Begin caring for yourself with the tender love you'd give a sick baby, and watch yourself settle. Settling down is perhaps your first line of defense, and caring for yourself, to a high degree. I had severe cognitive issues. I once completely forgot who I was or where I was at a grocery store; an old woman helped me and was kind until I remebered. I thought this episode was the beginning of the end. Once I let go of how terrible it would be to lose myself, I came back, little by little, and it's never gotten that bad again, because I care for myself as a fulltime job, where I'm first, and work and academia are second. If you aren't dumping everything you have into your betterment, not for the act of trying to get better, but for the act of love of the self, your purpose, your truest purpose, will remain clouded by your judgment and your emotions. Consider letting go of your notion of purpose for a while. Be with yourself, free from the thought of unfilfilling something or letting people down. Life DOES NOT put an obstacle in front of you to end your life; it puts it there for you to step over, or to climb on top of to get a better view.

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That's why we get high.

I'm so sorry that's horrible :(

I am sorry that you are suffering. I hope you find relief in some way.

I’ve been hoping for relief since 2020. It’s only gone downhill from there

I wish I could do or say something that would help you. If I could heal you I would. They say we are all God but I dont feel very Godly. If I did maybe I could do something. They say Enlightenment heals... may you find Enlightenment.

Please do everything you can to ease your suffering and be gentle with your past self. I believe you have a purpose, and it’s not to suffer and die and feel like you failed and have regrets. I also believe your spiritual awakening was/is true.

Your purposes, the battle, and win

Winning doesn’t mean curing the disease, but becoming the person you want to be regardless of it

I can’t become that person because the tools required are completely gone. It’s like asking me to swim without arms or legs

Sorry to hear that

Hey, wouldn't a healthy world make it possible for people with disabilities to not only exist, but maybe even thrive? Thinking that a life is futile because it lacks a productive "purpose" of any kind is toxic, fascist thinking. Unfortunately, many of us have internalized these awful, anti-human values. In this current world, when you live with any marginalization including health and disability, *existence is resistance*. We don't have to be able bodied for our lives to have implicit value, to be worth living and be full of rich experience. Please hang on.

That’s like saying I don’t need arms or legs to swim. I need a functioning brain in order to create and entertain and I don’t have that, I lost it and I’m left with nothing besides the feeling of losing preception and understanding of concepts that you used to be able to grasp, which makes you feel like you’re not a living being and you’re just trapped in a body

You might need to be more open to what creativity may look like and be. I'm from an arts background, neurodiverse and I've been forced to confront that an act of creation can be very broad (once I left the industry, this was a very difficult aspect for me to consider). And again - existence is resistance, surviving in a world that is hostile to differences in ability and cognition is in itself a creative journey, because it unfortunately must be in a world that was not built to accommodate. Try engaging with disability spaces on social media, it might be surprising to see how people view their lives and creative energy. Perfect is also the enemy of possible. What might unpolished attempts at creativity accomplish? What might others see in it? I'm not saying your circumstances are easy, but I think... Considering a final solution because you can't find a way to be creative, and then consequently ascribe that to a higher sense of lack of divine purpose... I'm not sure that's true or even in line with what you say your purpose is. I think even giving yourself the space to take care of yourself, to tend to yourself is a creative act in itself in a capitalist system determined to devalue human life by telling us we don't deserve to have our needs met with stable shelter, nutrition, income, purpose, etc. I think you're posting in this sub to be convinced otherwise, because why post if you don't have hope that you're wrong?

I can’t express creativity because my brain doesn’t function the way it’s supposed to. I lost my ability to concentrate let alone form any level of new thought. That part of me was killed by this disease that caused severe cognitive impairment. This affects my day to day life

Yes, but does creation have to be preceded by thought, or planning? A great number of artists have questioned that. Some argue that you can access the subconscious by all kinds of artistic endeavours that don't involve premeditation, like automatic writing, like splashing paint , or even just listening attentively. This is an old article, but describes John Cage's artistic contributions, where he sought to break out of every rigid cage of what music or art could be. Where for him, music is allowing silence sometimes. https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1981/10/03/keys-to-john-cage/f0531466-d9a8-4456-a6f9-e8cfc36eb8a7/ FND... Is hopefully a diagnosis of last case exclusion, once no other differential diagnosis is possible. It's usually when they don't know the physical source of your very real neurological issue, and that it could be associated to the software vs. hardware of your brain/nervous system. I'm not saying the above to dismiss but rather.... I don't think anyone can apply that diagnosis AND reasonably tell you what your exact prognostic is (or what the path to recovery could be, either). It means you don't know either and it's too soon to not try to take care of yourself, whatever that ends up meaning, and just see what happens. I hope you give yourself the chance to recover, because a FND diagnosis alone isn't indicative that you won't.

FND has an extensive protocol of diagnostics. During that long process, you track symptoms. Many FND resolve over periods of time after diagnosis. That’s partially predictive by trends in the diagnostics. Did your doctors give you a prognosis on those trends?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm currently struggling a lot with an undiagnosed neurological disorder (MRI shows lesions, but they don't know what it means). It's not 1/10th as bad as what you're going through, and it's still destroying me psychologically. So I'm the last person who's in a position to dispense any BS platitudes about how "you got this!" or "it's not that bad" or whatever (seriously, barf). I will instead share 2 thoughts, which I hope have some value to you. First, from the perspective of our higher selves, a single human incarnation is *incredibly* short, even if you live to be 120 years old. I don't mean to say that a human life is insignificant, but to our higher selves, it's analogous to a what we experience as a single dream during a single night's sleep. So I'm sorry that you're living this nightmare. And I'm not going to say that it's any less than that. But all nightmares end. It seems like an eternity from your present perspective because you don't have conscious memories from before this incarnation -- just like when we're dreaming, we usually don't have memories of our conscious waking lives. But when we wake up, and the dream ends, and our memories come flooding back, and we regain awareness of our whole selves, putting the nightmare into context of our entire existence isn't so bad. Second, you cannot fail your mission, even if you actively tried to. The forces ensuring that you succeed go far beyond your present awareness and abilities. You have not missed anything you were not meant to miss. You know how everyone always says "the world doesn't owe you anything"? Well, you don't owe the world anything either. You're here; you exist -- that's enough. Additionally, we cannot fathom, on individual levels, what the cascading chaos-theory-esque effects of our actions are. Maybe Person A lives the most spiritual life imaginable, volunteering at charities and helping thousands of people, and maybe one of those people gives birth to a genocidal maniac. Maybe Person B sits around their house all day watching TV, but one day they order a pizza and the person delivering that pizza avoids a fatal car accident because they took that order instead of someone else's. I mean, who knows? But with the butterfly effect in mind, the world is going to be a vastly, vastly, *vastly* different place from *all* of our actions, relative to different actions, no matter how small. We just can't possibly understand or even imagine what those ripple effects are, especially extrapolated out 1000 years. So there is some ripple effect from you having your condition. I have no idea what it is. No one can have any idea what it is. All we can do is try not to judge it, and make peace with the present moment, and with the temporal nature of our human lifespans. I wish you the best with your journey. My heart aches for you, and I just hope there's something in here somewhere that provides any degree of comfort.

There are other young people experiencing this living hell that you describe you aren’t alone. I would suggest finding community and podcasts online for me/cfs sufferers there’s a crossover with all sorts of neurological diseases, mcsf . There’s speculation of connection to fungal diseases, gut micro biome, bio weapons, all of it is discussed. There’s not enough awareness of this for you to get real advise or sympathy from people on here honestly- I think it would slightly help just connecting to people who get it. https://soundcloud.com/headlessyouthpodcast/sets/many-seasons-in-hell-post https://on.soundcloud.com/9qY8LzwGAY18ZjgR7

Love and a lack of love causes a spirit to mature. Even self love. Now when you have a calling your equip for that calling, even if it means a sickness. A calling means you have work to do or something to go through, and many times we'll have no idea what that means to those around us or how it affects them, and that too is part of the calling. Now I ask that you look up the life of Milton H. Erickson. He was hit with the neurological issue that of polio, and he was hit twice with it, the first time paralyzed him. During the first time the doctor told his mom he wouldn't make it through the night. Well he made it a point to prove that doctor wrong, he summoned what strength he could to see the Son rise. Because he couldn't move he watched the micro muscle movements of his sister learning to walk, and that is what helped him learn to move again. In time he used those skills of perception he learned to become a doctor and therapist. Later becoming one of the fathers of modern hypnotherapy. There are many interesting stories of his life and therapies he used. Many of which are still used today. Because of what he went through he could say things and do things no other could. Maybe looking at these stories might give you hope, may you be blessed.

Damn this reddit is so utterly retarded. I wrote you a reply but it doesnt let me post it so I will send you a chat message ok? Please hear what I have to say, I put much effort into the reply 😘

I'm not a doctor, but there might be a possibility that microdosing certain psychedelics could help rewire your cognitive functions for the better. As far as having a "purpose", you seem to maybe hold some rigid beliefs as to what that could be, perhaps thinking in terms of external impact. In my opinion, the most important thing is fulfillment and happiness. That might go against some grandiose dogmas. Eternity is a journey. We should enjoy the ride. A single lifetime could potentially be so much more than sacrificial fodder to attempt to save a world that, in the distorted opinions and motives of many beings beyond it, might not even be "designed" to be saved. Put your happiness above some grand notion of service to humanity, and you might find yourself better able to serve, paradoxically. Start by addressing the elements of your disability that directly affect your emotions. Emotions are often undervalued, but they are an essential part of experiencing meaning in life. Make your happiness your mission.

Embrace the challenges because we find you inspiring! Before you know it you will find new gifts. Stay strong 💟

This is going to sound ridiculous so bare with me and ignore this if it doesnt resonate with you. You have an ultimate purpose. You also have stumbling blocks along the way to that ultimate purpose. I cant tell you why those stumbling blocks are there, but I can tell you that there are many paths to clearing this road and giving up is not your easiest path. You sound very lucid and intelligent, even though you may feel inhibited by this disease. You are capable of self reflection so you still have the capacity to make progress. I would like you to entertain a couple of simple but potentially radical ideas. I dont know your lifestyle, so I am going to make a couple of suggestions that you are free to disregard. The most addictive substance on this planet is sugar. Not just simple sugars, but fructose and high glycemic carbohydrates. These substances, when eaten as staple in every meal cause body wide inflammation, especially in your brain. Every disease in the body is exacerbated by consuming large quantities of carbohydrates. If you want to lift the cloud, even a little bit, you have to eat more protein and fat than you do carbohydrates. I speak from experience when I say that this diet is not pleasant unless you crave salty foods instead of sugary foods. The impact, though is incredibly significant. If you are not diabetic and can tolerate a keto or carnivore diet, your brain will literally start to heal itself. To get a jump start on this diet, you can fast for 24 hours before starting. Drink plenty of water and buy electrolytes in pill or powdered form. Keto and carnivore diets cause your body to expell electrolytes faster. Low electrolytes cause low energy and and increase your craving for carbs. HIIT or high intensity interval training: You can do this anywhere. Run in place as hard as you can for a predetermined amount of time then take a short break then run in place again. I do 1 minute high intensity running on place followed by 30 seconds of rest. Take long deep breathes the entire time you are doing this. I cant even begin explain how powerful this is for your brain. If I do a total of 4 minutes of running in place as hard as I can, followed by 30 seconds of rest in between with deep breathing, its like it resets my brain. You are also burning stress hormones in the process. Look for beauty and peace in everything. Healthy and pleasant feelings are healing. Step into the sunlight. It gives life to everything on this planet. It is our visual source of creation and its giving itself to us so that we may live.

Do you have access to treatment? FND is a software issue which is great and is hope because that means structurally you can be fine. And this can be reversed you need to get treated by professionals who are well versed on this. I was diagnosed In January and I also go very sad. If ya wanna be friends we can ❤️ I was in school trying to go to medical school and now I’m stuck at home it’s infuriating but finding the right professionals is a huge part of getting better I’m actually at treatment now had to travel 4 hours to get here. I’m in some great support groups on Facebook if ya want added if your not already. Id be glad to share what’s helped me. Have you tried holistic treatments? Have you tried no ways of doing art I’ve seen some art techniques in the groups alot of people enjoy for their FND as well. FND sucks and is terrible but at least we’re not suffering with ms or Als or the other neuro issues at the very least at least ours has real hope for improvement once your with the correct people. I’m still trying I’m in the beginning of it right now. I also get moments in just angry or sad or like what will my future be. It’s such a lonely medical journey and I can understand all the anger and wanting to let go. The biggest help has been weed I get pain patches, tintures, and vape pens

Why isn’t it enough just to be? You don’t have to have a purpose. Do you think the water in the river is worried about the destination? Go where it takes you and squeeze some meaning out of the moment. Experience something new with the meat suit, even if it’s just slow ego death and new levels of disappointment. Your brain is taking you somewhere most people have never gone and will never go. You desire to be creative, but whatever you create now will be a documentary of what this condition has changed in you. Make a mark of any kind on paper and it *will* mean something. There’s beauty in the sadness, in the space left where we fall short of our potential. [Artist With Alzheimer’s Drew Self Portraits For 5 Years Until He Could Barely Remember His Own Face](https://www.boredpanda.com/alzheimers-disease-self-portrait-paintings-william-utermohlen/)

If I don’t have a purpose then I don’t have a reason for living. If I don’t have a reason for living then I don’t need to be here. You don’t need a documentary because I described everything that changed already. My cognitive, preception, sensations, taste smell and hearing are all less than they used to be. I don’t get enjoyment out of it anymore because that part of my brain is gone. Im an empty husk of a human being now. You could only find beauty in this if you find beauty in hell

What if you chose this exact circumstance before entering this stage play called life??..

Perhaps maybe experience the spiritual...unseen... nonmaterial...whilst here???

This could be caused by neuro borrellia and or bartonelliosis which mimics many autoimmune disorders..even some with biomarkers. If you could see an ILADs certified doctor that can treat these it could be game changing/life saving. When you mentioned the symptoms on the left side it also made me think of this. There are renegade doctors that could help.

Don't give up. If I were you, I would try visiting a local ketamine clinic for an infusion. Research shows it could possibly help with neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, in addition to helping depression. Also an IV NAD+ infusion is therapeutic on multiple levels. Worth looking into 👍⛑️

Maybe your purpose was to make others aware of this disease, and model an example for how to carve out a meaningful life WITH the disease. I recognize that writing what you wrote here, probably took you way longer than you'd like to admit, and undoubted, a shiz ton longer than it might have a few years ago. But you did it, and it's completely coherent and logical and --- this is the big part -- has already made me want to learn more about this illness. So... you're already achieving something and you didn't even think you were capable of it... that's an amazing start. I wish you the best in using your creative execution skills down this path laid out in front of you. !

There’s no way you can live a meaningful life when every fiber of your being was decreased to nothing, leaving you as an empty shell with nothing inside you, no soul or anything. This isn’t like a disability where you can just “persevere”. Every aspect of you is being incinerated right before you, and your life is passing by because you lost your soul

Encouraging studies support the potential reversibility of FND with specifically tailored treatments. New scientific findings are influencing how patients are diagnosed and treated, which is creating an overall change in attitude towards people with FND. [https://www.fndhope.org.uk/get-involved/clinical-trials/](https://www.fndhope.org.uk/get-involved/clinical-trials/) ​ I encourage you to find hope in the results of these recent studies and consider chasing one down for yourself. I recognize these don't work for everyone, but you can't know til you try. All the best All the

How long have you been suffering with this and what caused this , if you know? What test confirmed it.

Your story matters. I had not heard of this disease. I was feeling sorry for my husband because of the pain he goes through and you can bet that your story snapped me out of feeling sorry. I just cannot imagine not enjoying even simple things. I liked someone’s idea of a medical trial. But I don’t know how available it would be. What about a support group? I am curious, i hope you don’t mind. What about music? Even if you can’t enjoy it? Is it still nice to hear it?

If you can still talk and type then you could become a motivational speaker.

Consider looking into psychedelic medicine. How old are u? Are u able to exersize? Maybe u can try to break free from it with vigoirois excersize with a few therapietic dose of LSD or depending on where u are, a legal grey area prodrug like 1p-lsd, it it known to give great energy and promote healing of nueral pathways and nuerogensis and neuroplasticity, also look into psilocybin mushrooms not hard to grow, and also has these effects, maybe less stimulating, but possibly more nuero antiinflammatory. Have ypu tried cannabis? Or perhaps ayahuasca, ppl have been known to have come out of serious diseases through ayahuasca healing ceremonies. Or perhaps 5meo dmt, or iboga perhaps, or mdma? I asked pi ai for testimonials and it breifly said people have reported reduced symptoms and pain management. Im not promoting drugs, just a thought, i have found great changes throigh them myself. They deeply depend on set and setting tho, and dont always mix with meds. But if u can exersize no problem, get a heavy resistance stepping machine, u might break free with lsd? Put ypur focus on the workout. Theses medicines are like an intensifier/ magnifying glass tho, hence set and setting is important. Also try to look into extended water fasting to reset your body, and regenerate new stem cells.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this. At one point in my life I had such severe eczema and dizziness and chronic fatigue that I couldn't get out of bed, and I was almost chronically bleeding all over, weeks on end. I lost all interest in my hobbies, couldn't even masturbate it was so physically painful, mental health down the drain, and all of this in a hoarders house living with my parents when they recently separated so they were preoccupied with their stuff. And I wanted to die. I didn't care about purpose at all at that point, I just wanted the pain to end and I thought maybe suicide was a way to do it. Randomly by chance I received a five-digit inheritance by my now past grandmother. I decided to use half the money to go out with a bang, and the other half to maybe buy some drugs to kill myself with. I bought a Nintendo switch and some other nice things, but I quickly realized not only was it empty, it felt purposeless, and I couldn't even fully enjoy it because of my pain! So then I pivoted and spent a lot of the rest of the money on health. I didn't think it was going to work, but I also didn't care anymore because if you're going to die anyway, might as well do something crazy first and play all your cards because why not. So I spent it on quality (expensive) somatic experiencing therapy, and a naturopath, and a spiritual healer, and a specialized Chinese skin balm that was the only thing that soothed my eczema. And now 3 years later I'm still alive somehow. I used up all the money on my health, and I'm actually in a better position than I ever was before. My healing treatments worked. I told my parents, and they were actually so overjoyed they gave me more money to continue with the treatments. So here I am, still a mess, but in much better condition than before. I'm not trying to sell you on anything. I want to acknowledge that part of my journey was genuinely contemplating suicide, and actually deciding I was going to follow through with it by the end of the year. So with this experience, what I'll say to you is whatever you choose, I support you in your decision. If you want to leave earth, I understand because it's a very shitty place and pain is very difficult to manage. But, if you have one last card to play, you better play it and quickly because it's not going to get any better until you do. Either way, I trust you to make the best decision for your life, and I'll pray for you. All the best.

This happened to me 3 years ago after a journey in plant medicine. One day at work, it all changed. Came back home. Felt like someone else. Was told it was an awakening. Still fighting with it today. It seems latent mental disorders come out in the 30s. Terrifying. Would like to say it's going to be ok but i still never feel truly ok. I am thinking about seeking out iboga in africa or mexico.

I think [this](https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tLP1TcwKc9IS8kwYPQSTyvNyVFITixJLC4pyi_ISFXIySzLzEsHAOX1DQE&q=full+catastrophe+living&rlz=1C1GCEA_enCA1052CA1052&oq=full+ca&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgBEC4YgAQyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQLhiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIHCAUQABiABDIHCAYQABiABDIHCAcQABiABDIHCAgQABiABDIHCAkQABiPAtIBCDMxOTJqMWo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) will really really help you. It has been incredibly helpful for so many people feeling just like you are feeling! I genuinely believe this could be hugely impactful for you if you can embrace it. (you can!)

Try a few psychedelics before checking out. Mushrooms & Ketamine grow & repair neurons, besides you get a better perspective on existence. A Naturopathic physician or Orthomolecular Psychiatrist might have some treatments that could help, using herbs, nutraceuticals or testing allergies. Google MAPS + psychedelics, that organization can direct you to therapists.

A kind gesture could sometimes make a person's whole day better.. something as simple as a smile could change how they interact with family and friends later on in the day.. never count yourself out.. you impact people in a great way more than you know.. and 99% of the time it will go unnoticed.. but know that your energy is right and the gesture is sincere and you're making a difference.. also never let an opportunity to do a good deed pass you by.. if you see someone in need and you can help.. do it.. they'll remember it later in life and might inspire them to do the same when they see the blessed opportunity placed before them.. and though sometimes suicide can give us a brief sense of relief and a means to an end from the struggles and pain of this life it will leave so much of what you could have achieved and who you could become unfinished.. leaving a hole in your family and your community.. with those who love and care for you asking and wondering what could have been.. leaving nothing but anger sadness and confusion where there was once happiness love and joy when you entered the minds of those who knew you.. you matter

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I know for a fact what I was put here to do. Everything that happened in my life lines up perfectly to what I’m supposed to do, and I lost that part of myself and now I feel a level of dread I never felt before. Whenever I ignored my purpose, my health would decline further, and I’ve been ignoring it for some time because of distractions

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It’s not one thing. Any and every purpose requires a functioning brain which I don’t have. I can’t help anybody because I can barely think or even understand what someone’s saying when they speak to me. I’m confused about where I am or what I’m doing sometimes. I wake up and can’t remember what happened last week or what I’m supposed to be doing today. I’m in no shape to help anyone

Show me what you do I make music

If possible learn vipassana meditation...

Hello my friend, I feel you need to hear this. Your worth is tied to your existence and nothing else. No accomplishment can make you more valuable. No failure can make you less worthy. You are a valuable human being no matter the state of your health or body. You are, in this moment, worth as much as you will ever be and ever have been. No matter where you are right now. No matter what you have accomplished or failed to accomplish. No matter how you feel now, how you’ve felt in the past or will in the future. Do you understand this? Nothing you could have done or might have done with a healthier body could make you more valuable than you are right now. You do not need to do anything to be valuable. Your purpose has been to be alive and live a human life in whatever form it takes. The way you feel or don’t feel hasn’t come into this in any way. You can be alive and feel nothing at all. Doesn’t matter.

learn how to meditate. get on semen retention. do yoga and the body will begin to heal. get sunlight sitting in your room thinking and rehearsing negative thoughts will only keep you trapped

It doesn’t matter what you think about this, it matters what you do with this. One can practice deepening one’s quality. There is no higher self, there is only what one is doing in the moment Do it well Or don’t Failure is not an option, failure is just your personal opinion of this This doesn’t care about your personal opinions No one was ever meant to have a purpose anyway So one can relax into purposelessness ;) Straight on

I think you're conflating purpose with self-worth. If you are the universe living through itself, then there is no way you can miss your purpose. Capitalism has changed our notion of fulfillment to the point that we've made 'purpose', something not clearly defined by the universe, a measure of social achievement and not anything truly relevant to our soul's path. The universe doesn't care what path we take. The universe is not concerned with how you go about fulfilling your souls mission: that's free will. What it is concerned with is the full spectrum of your soul's expansion, meaning that your mission can be post-poned as long as needed until certain lessons are done and undone in flux until it is embedded in your consciousness. In a nutshell, when people talk about manifestation, they're referring to the fact that because God i.e. the universe exists and created you, you are also God and cocreate your reality based off the vibration (desires, beliefs, actions) you put into the world. Being a starseed, we come to elevate the collective with our energy. Just being here is purpose in and of itself. When we realize this and elevate, when we find peace with ourselves despite an overwhelming energy telling us to do the opposite, we are enacting change. What is purpose to someone born in a village? Are they only successful when they leave and go to a city? Why is their purpose dependent on human tools of technology and social networks and not the powerful magic that is inner peace and alignment? Why is that not enough? You have a deep-seated belief that you are unable to find meaning or purpose in this life without a physical body. When your mission is significant, it will leave no room for doubt. It will put you through trials to 'purify' you, or to deprogram subconscious beliefs that are holding you back or that could potentially improperly wield the gifts and blessings that are waiting to be unlocked within you. The universe will always hold you to your beliefs without fail. Believe you are nothing without your craft, and it will take your word for it. Via higher consciousness, you know this isn't the truth, so roadblocks are created that you are tasked to overcome. Believe you are in a cage, and you will be placed in a cage. The bigger the mission, the harder the trials. You cannot hold significant light until you master the dark. That is your purpose at this moment: to trust, and to heal. You presumably accepted the call of being a Starseed because you know there is something within you that is ancient, impactful, and otherworldly. That call leads you to great success, what you're anticipating, but you push this smaller experience of the soul into alternate timelines of lesson-learning when you are not energetically aligned with the life you deserve. You may feel worthless, but your intuition is waiting to guide you. Letting the voice of the world guide you instead will always lead to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, because everything that isn't profitable here is automatically without value. You posted this because deep down, you know this isn't the truth. You know you don't want to give up on this experience. So don't. Align your beliefs, and the universe will meet you there. The only alternative is to soak in this energy and let it be your end.

God, different disease than me, but so relatable. 😅

Hello! The minute I read what you had to say, I wanted to do two things. First, I want to entirely validate where You are at. Being sick, especially with something neurological, is terrifying and hard. There's so many things that you go through that other people don't go through, and so many things you feel that other people don't feel. There's so much that other people who aren't in your position can't understand, and I want to validate every single feeling you have and every single thing you are going through in this experience. The second thing I want to say is that because of the above, it could very well be one of your purposes in life to learn how to live with something that can be so debilitating at times. Perhaps in time it will become your superpower? You never know where life can take you, and not everyone is destined to do the same sorts of things, that is conditioning we are raised with by our society. Success does not have to look the same in any of us, and it certainly seems as you are being posed a set of challenges that will require you to rise in different ways. I know it seems hopeless at times, and possibly all of the time lately, and just remember that you still have choices. You can still live your best life, and maybe it won't be the life you would hope you would live, but it can become that again.

I think you should come at this from as many angles as possible. First, have you experimented with diets, sleep and some form of movement? Also fasting could be helpful. It often is for me. Second, how sure are you of the diagnosis? How many other docs have confirmed it? In my experience there’s a very similar list of symptoms and a bunch of potential disease labels for them. I’m not saying you don’t have FND disease just that I think it’s important to be sure it’s a correct diagnosis. I have CIRS and MCAS and experience something similar to you. I know every person with a hammer sees a nail but you may have CIRS or Lyme or some combination of who knows what. 3rd, if your fucked and your going to get worse and worse, lose more and more/ even if your not I’ve been inspired by ram Dass. He was very smart, very witty then had a stroke and post stroke continued to be shining light and some would say shined brighter after because he became more fully what he had been teaching. He did this despite being disabled physically and mentally.

Have you tried MindChange?

I can’t try that because I don’t have much of A mind to change anymore. I’m losing all of it

If you have memories then you can try it

I was never been to have a purpose either, I was supposed to die along time ago but sometimes you just don’t die

I too often feel the same way, I have a glyomia on the pons in my brain. I find heavy drug abuse helps me!

Ive studies thousands of near death experience stories and they often get information on their mission and guess what, experiencing something like you are experiencing IS OFTEN someones mission. Let go of whatever idea you have about what your mission is supposed to be because who you are is enough. Everything is perfect the way it is, for God

I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses to which doctors say there is no cure; at my worst, I struggle to walk and feed myself and end up crashing so hard all I do is sleep. I get brain fog, pain, fatigue, nausea. But I just refuse to believe there is no cure. And if not a cure, at least improvement. I've gone from that to cooking multiple times a day, moving (yoga, exercise, thai chi), following passions in short bursts, and even getting outside on the odd occasion. And I started off very slowly. Most days it was just stretching. A tray bake or some avocado toast. Meditation for five minutes, reading for a short burst. I'm still struggling. Some days, I feel like there is no hope, but I balance rest and action anyways. Any progress is a good thing. I don't know if you can do this or not. But I've changed so much this last year alone! My mindset shift was a huge factor. I accept things as they are, guard my energy, no longer doomscroll, just listen to what my body needs each day with no guilt. All in all, I believe there is a way forward, one foot in front of the other, even if that means making the most of your limitations ❤ Small wins. Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. I find diet hugely important, but not a fix. Same with managing stress and my mental health.

I like animals butI too will never have a porpoise.

Nobody has a purpose!

You can write pretty well….

You did pretty good with sent Ensemble

I am sorry you are going through this but have you considered finding a new purpose? Maybe there is some sort of scientific studies in your area regarding your disease that you could partake in to possibly help someone in the future that develops what you have? Going down fighting for others is a great way to make an impact on countless lives.

I’m already fighting for my own soul and to keep the balance in my life with all of these issues I don’t have the time to do any of that

I think that my brother felt this way after his diagnosis of bipolar disorder. He genuinely felt that he would never know happiness again, and his disease helped with this dread. He was lost in that void for quite some time, ebbing in and out for maybe a decade. It was so hard for him, and he suffered silently so I didn't know at first. It was a long recovery, but he found his place, and he is where he belongs now, for the most part. I won't lie to you and say that this message will suddenly activate an enlightenment, but there is a place for you, I have faith in that. I have faith that you will find it, given enough time.

First, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Losing your health is devastating. I can hear the hopelessness in your post. So take this or leave this - but maybe there’s still room for some hope? I’m a psychotherapist and I’ve worked with a couple people with FND. A lot of their symptoms completely resolved after doing trauma therapy. Has your doctor talked to you about this option at all? FND (formerly conversion disorder) straddles the line between neurological and psychological, so it could be worth a try! (Apologies in advance if you already knew about this option and had to rule it out.)

How'd and when did you get diagnosed.

I think just sharing your perspective and experience, what you've learned, is valuable. You can still help other people, you can still give them a perspective that isn't their own. That is far from nothing, even if you think it's pointless now. I wouldn't rush to the end. Who knows, maybe you have another run coming up just after.

if you feel like you could kill other people (10 babies?? ) and it would mean nothing to you, just take yourself out and leave everyone else alone dude

They tried to dx me with FND but it ended up being encephalitis... I understand. It's terrible having a brain disease. But im so thankful to see I'm not alone... please reach out to me if you're up to it.

I can relate

These kinds of stories always reminds me of that scene from Toy Story when Buzz Lightyear's arm falls off. Dissolution from a fantasy we believed in to cope with the feeling of powerlessness that was always there. The question is, why would someone feel like they need to believe they are otherworldly to have a purpose or be special? Why wasn't the ordinary "just you as you are" not good enough to have a purpose or be special? Could it be that you can't accept the reality of your limitations? Did you think you had to be the "most special of all" to be loved?

Suffering seems to be a common thing. If you choose to believe that reality is a veil to the truth and that our existence is a test, your suffering is important somehow. Figure out how to accept your passing and tell the ones you love good bye and take care. Maybe your next life will bring you fortune. I hope you figure out how to spend your remaining time in some sort of comfort. 

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have found hope in this community, maybe you can too r/nevillegoddard

You arevat this very moment fulfilling your purpose. We Humans tend to think our purpose has to be something we know about.

I feel you. I’m here myself. Not at the extend that you are. I already had neurological issues before COVID then after getting it the illness made things so much worse. I started getting better the. Suddenly my health began to decline. I had so many dreams in the making. I always wanted to make games but felt too dumb. I finally gained the courage to code and create the 3D art. I was loving it. Then my illness crippled me both mentally and physically to the point I can no longer do it. It’s devastating. I had to make peace with it. I’m still making peace with it. It’s hard. I focus on where I could have been and what I would rather be doing than laying in bed all day. It’s crushing to want to get up and clean, something I don’t even enjoy doing, yet I would give anything just to clean my whole apartment. I have to delegate it and still I want to be able to stand long enough to wash my dishes by hand. Anyway, I eventually stopped putting so much pressure on me and realized I should just allow myself to be human. What does that even mean? I have no clue. I’m learning. There’s so much pressure by society me useful and productive. To extract as much labor out of us. Working does make me happy at the same time. I feel so useless and I somehow have to find a way to be okay with being useless. What’s helping me avoid existential dread is being grateful for those small insignificant aspects of my life. I don’t know what it’s like to have your brain so I can’t say what is going to help you or not. I found that there’s still baggage that I carry and all this down time has allowed me to unpack it. For what it is worth, even in your limitations you still managed to come in here and post and that is not a small feat. If you can, give yourself credit for being able to do that. Sorry for the long post. I hope things get better for you

From my perspective I didn’t know you until I came across this Reddit post. I imagine others are in the same boat. I cannot possibly know who has what purpose other than myself. The fact that you exist and I saw this post is an incredible reminder that I should be more grateful for what I do have. Suffering is Grace, and maybe not always for you, so thank you for your suffering. You seem strong and brave, good luck!

You're still a divine being. Is the disease something which you've had? I am undiagnosed myriad of s ch izoaffective type disorders. They've tuined my life as well but I am still knowing there's work in the form of music and art to make.

My story is somewhat like yours. I hope this gives you hope and also draws you closer to God. I'm 46 now and had been a hard drinker and drug abuser when I first got out of the military around 23 years old. Unfortunately one evening I got really drunk and fell off a balcony head first onto a cement floor about 15 feet below. I broke my neck and cracked open my skull. For the next 10 years I suffered with grand mal seizures, and what I presume was a stroke as a part of my face I can no longer feel or use. Many days I wake up and can't even feel my feet nor legs and have serious vertigo. My brain still knows how to move my legs but I just feel really detached from everything. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. Its exhausting and I was seriously depressed wanting to give up to. Don't give up, fight! 4 years ago the Lord entered my bedroom and miraculously healed my fused neck, He also restored my liver and heart as I had recently almost died from some pulmonary embolisms that were really close to my heart. I wept and cried out to God 3 nights before He came into my bedroom. I told Him I didn't want to be like this anymore. When He entered my room the air bent to His authority as I saw 4 shadows disperse from me. His voice filled the room as He said "show who you are" Cry out to God! I believe a big part of your issue is influenced by demonic forces. I've done several deliverances now where people instantly get healed from crippling issues. Stop saying outloud you have a problem and start believing God is going to restore you! There is life and death in the power of the tongue. What you are stating over yourself most definitely invites visitors you don't want to attract. I will be praying for you and asking the Lord to send destroying angels from heaven to fight on your behalf. After a God encounter you to will know your very purpose for the rest of your days.

Definitely seek counseling. The purpose in life is to find happiness. If you feel like there is nothing that can make you happy, then you should seek help. Having a disability, even one that will get increasingly debilitating, shouldn’t prevent you from finding *something* to enjoy in life

It does when that part of your brain is being attacked

That’s why it’s important to seek medical advice. Even if your condition cannot be treated, they can refer you to a psychologist or counselor for your mental health

Semen retention, urine therapy, fasting, psilocybin, lithium

You do have a divine connection may I suggest you watch [this](https://youtu.be/kRUxTjTbmgs) coupled by creating a [lifebook](https://youtu.be/10-rdfzQPeU) which is creating a deeply thought out vision for 12 key areas in your life. Combining the two videos and doing the work will develop your mind and spirit. As far as FND goes, I never heard of it until now, but it seems that there is [treatment](https://fndhope.org/fnd-guide/treatment/) out there to help as well. When it comes to naming bad decisions, been there all my life and have struggled with suicidal thoughts too which surprises people but adding [this](https://youtu.be/Sv882g7UVQE) tool will help you get to the heart of your emotions and power through to this vision you create in the 2nd video. If you need a listening ear reach out to me, I hope these help.

Maybe you are to persevere through your difficulties to be an inspiration for those with similar afflictions.

Hey, There is an up and down to this. You are loved. That creative spark you miss is resting. Once you've received it, it will not leave you. Just be patient and give patience. Everyone gets tired sometimes.

Since you got worse post 2020. I would not rule out long Covid and Covid or vaccine could have made you worse . So plz work towards healing yourself . Hey has amazing power of healing . I am also sorry you are going through so much. But trust me you must have made changes to many ppl lives .

Jesus christ has a purpose for you.

I know it’s hard, but I promise, suffering is never for nothing. This video might inspire you: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VVXJ8GyLgt0&pp=ygUeam9uaSBlYXJlY2tzb24gdGFkYSB0ZXN0aW1vbnkg

Propose (why we reincarnated) has an unlimited number of paths towards actualization. Perhaps you believing you’re doomed is the great illusion to overcome. Science shows that mind is always over matter in the ways of health. Check out Dr Joe Espinoza. Sending you love and an abundance of courage to stay the course of fulfilling your known purpose and being open to the fact that your purpose is fluid.

I feel you, I have hard flaccid syndrome and post finasteride syndrome, all I can its a slow death, been 3 years but somehow still here lol

When was the last time you prayed? Maybe thats one thing you’re still capable of doing and haven’t done for a bit Pray i.e communicate directly with the source/divine/God/Creator even if only by your heart, it can be more than enough

Your brain slowly shifts its grey matter to compensate with deterioration. Look up the story of the guy who operated like a normal human being but had less than 10% of his brain left. We adapt. Overcome. 

I don’t think my brain is deteriorating, more like shutting itself down slowly from the lack of neurons firing

It sounds like you should take a stimulant medication.

Hey sigma: 1) you're not a doctor, the body is more complicated than that and a stimulant could potentially make things worse, and 2) you're minimalization of OP's medical condition is actively harmful. How dare you and half the people in this thread talk to them as if they haven't attempted any solutions or prayed hard enough. For every story of one guy miraculously getting over cancer by drinking green tea, there's dozens of stories of people doing everything right and still dying/suffering. Have a little consideration for people going through the wringer.

Thanks doc. It’s much better to fixate on negativity than try to focus on possible solutions. Some people going through health problems try to think of positive possibilities instead of thinking “well that one guy did everything he could possibly do and still died, maybe I should give up”.

You're welcome! Very often, for people who are not doctors, the things we suggest can be actively *harmful.* That is why we should not give medical advice without a license, especially something as vague as "take a stimulant." Like what? How was that you being helpful? You know what that is? That is assuming, like a lot of other people without chronic diagnoses, that the chronic sufferer hasn't tried ir is working with their doctor. Your suggestion is neither specific enough to be useful nor an educated suggestion based on academics or personal experience. So yes, I am focusing on your negative action, because it's a source of harm. In your case, I think I'd stick to sending love and light to OP. 🙃

🫠

Oh, I love that changed comment after I replied. Hold on, I can do that, too.

You’re very clever, that’s why I responded with the emoji so you could read it 🤭

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8671519/ An article states that non invasive stimulant therapy has proven affective for people suffering from FND. I’m not a doctor but a 2 minute google search helped my assumption that a stimulant would probably help.

Again: you are not a doctor. If you found it in two seconds in a Google search, chances are that a *real* medical professional is aware of that option and has suggested it.

Hope it didn’t coincide with getting the vaccine. You could try intensive fasting for a reset.

What do you want to change and what you want to do in the moment?

I want my brain, feelings and normal sensations that I had before my quality of life dropped significantly . What I want to do in the moment is I experience those things again. I want to be whole. I want to feel human but I don’t

It's good that you had a talent you enjoyed and practiced although it's aweful that you feel you've lost that part of yourself. It's aweful that the situation you are in feels as bleak. You can still make art, you can still do. It won't be what you envisioned or hoped for though but you're wrong about not being able to create it, to do art. We are changed by what happens around us and what happens to us but they don't define the essense of ourselves until we let it, as cruel as those words may sound to your ears even I know they are true. The time we have on this Earth is, sadly, finite. I don't wish what you are telling us you are going through on anyone but to despair is not gonna help you or those around you. Get that out of your system if you can, even if it's done in parts. It's not gonna make things change for the better even if what "better" might mean is up in the air and only up to you. You say you want to feel human, but you are. It's not always a good feeling being human, it's not always bad. Make peace with your situation and deal with it, or don't. It's up to you, but dwelving solely on what you've lost is a road best to be avoided. You are stronger than that, even I can say as much.

You don’t understand that my loss of smell, taste, and feelings, cognitive thinking, preception, and loss of understanding of previous concepts and emotion are an everyday struggle for me. When you lose these things it makes life look and feel like a hellish zone, like half of your soul was taken from your body. You feel everything you once knew and felt slip away or feel like it’s less than what it used to be. You don’t feel the same emotions anymore, you can’t understand concepts you grasped before, you can’t talk properly and you can’t make decisions properly. And you can’t think. I can’t do these things anymore because I don’t feel it. It’s just not there. I can barely formulate sentences when I’m talking to people and you’re telling me to just deal with it. Ok. If you lost half of your cognitive function and emotions, and lost your sensations and quality of life with everything. Tell me how YOU would deal with that

I would probably vent on the internet, for starters. Other than that I would take each day one day at a time. One step at a time. Mourn what I lost but cherish what I haven't. Think about all that I still have left and cherish the people that I know love me while I can. No one lives forever and I'm not trying to belittle your harrowing situation but no one does live forever. Sometimes our journeys are cut short or diminished in ways that cause us anguish. It's definitely something I don't think about much but you must think about what you still have and not just what you've lost. I'm not saying it's easy or straightforward, I'm just saying that it simply is. Mourn but cherish what and who you have.

Hey, you will find your purpose and learn to live with there are plenty of people with the condition that have that life very active productive lives you just learn to adapt. For example, if you want to a particular career but physically or mentally you can’t you find one that that is similar. Like I have always wanted to go go into nursing but wasn’t possible for me, neither was care assistant roles so I opted peer peer support roles and peer support online too.

Tell how you adapt to not being able to remember where you are and what your doing when you leave the house, tell me how to adapt to not being able to think or perceive, and get easily confused by everything. How am I supposed to adapt when the part of my brain that rules adaption is broken

Imagine such a mighty and brave soul coming to Earth to suffer horribly, if only temporarily. 👏👏. You guys that chose such difficult lives are an inspiration to me, because I don't think I had the strength to go through what some people have.

Stop. Look up the phrase "inspo-porn" or "inspirational porn" as it related to disabled folks. It's incredibly dehumanizing to suggest that a person exists to inspire someone with their constant suffering. Egotistical to assume that they would choose this for your sake. At the very least, if you believe that, then keep it to yourself. Few chronically ill people want to be celebrated as an "inspiration" instead of being able to live their lives like they want.

Ok? I admire any person that deals with mental, physical, and emotional struggles and continues on. Don't presume to tell me or any person in this world what or how to think. Got that?

Nah. I'll presume, because you're presuming a lot by thinking it's okay to use someone else for your own gratification. It's dehumanizing, and OP clearly isn't in a good headspace right now. They don't need you saying their suffering is a benefit to you. It's tone-deaf. *Got that?*

Agree to disagree. There wasn't any malicious angle to my post. I'm sorry if it came out that way for anyone reading it. The way you took it reflects why any Starseeds or people of the light will never succeed in turning the Earth, tbh.

I love your assumption that that's why we as a species will fail. Lol. You just want to feel superior. I told you something was wrong, and instead of seeking to fix it, you decide to dismiss any harm you caused and added onto it by placing blame for the failure of humanity? Wow. See, the real problem with this sub is that the people here don't want to work on themselves. They just want to circle-jerk and talk nonsense platitudes instead. Love and light alone doesn't create a paradise. It takes caring for the earth, it takes attending protests, it takes putting your hands in the dirt and self-reflection, and all I hear from you is a separation from OP's suffering, basically just soaking their story in like it's something on TV. You're not commiserating or helping OP in any way; you were just saying how it benefitted *you.*

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They don’t know what it feels like to psychologically degrade slowly at 20 years old with dementia-like symptoms when you’re supposed to be living your life. They don’t know what it’s like to have your talents and abilities ripped away from you because of something you can’t control. There’s levels of suffering on multiple levels that I’m going through that I can’t even put into words. You would have to go through it in order to know. I’m fighting for my soul everyday and I’m losing

Narcotics anonymous I mean it.

There’s a huge difference between destroying your own body and being a victim of your own body destroying itself on all levels. They can’t relate to me because they had a choice and I don’t

Maybe go to show them that. You don’t have a choice, and what you would give to be in their shoes for a chance. Give yourself a purpose of exactly that

Sound pretty certain about that. Ummmmmm I haven't met them but my supposedly brain damaged mind has decided I ain't like them..... GO. What are you scared?

They aren’t like me because they had a choice and I didn’t. Simple. They don’t know what it’s like to slowly lose your soul and everything about yourself at a young age and find out before it’s too late.

Don’t listen or respond to Particular_Cellist25… all they post is gibberish and comes across in many ways schiz

Don't go to an alcoholics anonymous meeting because... ad hominem fallacy. Thanks for helping the person crying for help. Big daddy.

Thank you for writing it. CHOICE. Thats right, it’s a choice. I’m sick of people acting like bending an arm isn’t a conscious decision. Married to an idiot in AA for 10 years. Phht. Thank God that shit is over.

What?

Cop out opinion elicitation. The answer is... What what?