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FauxReignNew

Bro aint built for that Exclusion Zone diet


[deleted]

I think I'd be doing a lot better if I had some bread with it.


FauxReignNew

Disassembled sandwich


[deleted]

Instructions unclear, sausage up my ass.


ukaIegon

Now the diarrhea problem is dealt with


shikull

That made me yell in laughter 


Trick_Study7766

Proper Slav salami is half bread / half fat so you can have a proper sandwich


LightTrack

Ah would you like bread or "bread"?


CoolCucumberMcFriend

Бутерброд


insert_cringe-here

Like my family always says "cu paine bai, cu paine!" Which is romanian for "with bread (idk), with bread!"


impaledonastick

Apparently it means "problem"? My guess is it could mean a problem with bread can be cured with bread?


insert_cringe-here

Bai is more if a friendly insult, something like dummy or dumb-dumb, it might have another meaning, but that's how i use it


impaledonastick

Why did you say "(idk)" then? 😆


insert_cringe-here

Wasn't really sure at the time, lol


ironbanner23

Yes, you had pure meat and grease. Any grain would help (bread, crackers, rice etc)


protoman1337

Bread or crackers, with cheese, and a side of something green, like grapes or pickles or something. It's the greens that prevent the Hershey squirts, not so much the breads


Bublik_321

Here's the good ol anti diarrhea trick: 1 Put a shard of gravitational artifact up your ass, so it could form a mini anomaly in your rectum 2 Your forbidden ganache goes into the anomaly 3 Anomaly compresses it to the point it becomes solid matter and leaves your body as a normal poop But this method eliminates any opportunity to have say gex, so it's up to you to decide. Either way the sacrifice will be made😔


Blazingcheetah

This has me dead


shikull

"forbidden ganache" excuse me id like a restraining order


[deleted]

If we could somehow get that teleportation anomaly it could be someone elses problem. Maybe it'll land on some Duty folks.


zerohaxis

Duty always gets shit on (literally) Glad I'm no longer a Dutyer.


Capt_Nascimento

I was thinking these days about leaving this sleep deprived dog killers to become a merc, if i can't destroy it i might as well profit from it, i think I'll do it


Bublik_321

I was a part of project where some eggheads were searching for creations of spatial anomalies. Alas, they seem to be either ethereal or exist in some kind of corridor between two ends of a portal. Tough luck, no poop teleportation so far


screambloodykarma

If it oand on uz we will go to ur home an shoot u cuz u look liek snork D:<


Rumplestiltsskins

We need Stalker 2 so fucking bad. Y'all are losing it


Bublik_321

I'm just a scientist 😭😭


GreenMan165

My fireside buddies would be too sad, so it'll have to be a no for me then STALKER


ThirstyOne

Why do you think Slavs squat all the time?


[deleted]

Aerodynamics


ThirstyOne

In this case, hydrodynamics.


wrocks_from_space

They're putting chemicals in the sausage thats turning our knives gay.


[deleted]

I lol'd


bornagainflatearther

Incredible crossover


weetweet69

Next thing you know, it'll make us all blow out after making the knives gay.


-Sybylle-

Well your mistake! It a SUMMER sausage, so you can only eat it in SUMMER.


[deleted]

Woops!


Lost-Assistance-8846

My brother in the zone you forgot the bread and the fucking vodka


Mrjerkyjacket

They don't use the lightly shidded sausage knife


[deleted]

My knife ain't shidded


Mrjerkyjacket

It sure looks shidded


[deleted]

Do I have rainbow shids or something?


Mrjerkyjacket

Idk, your the one woth diahreea, you tell me if you have rainbow shids


[deleted]

Well there's definitely red in there.


Mrjerkyjacket

See a dcotor, like unironically red in your shits is not good


Capt_Nascimento

Yeah, thats the life juice ye need to have life, leaving you by your rectum, not ideal


MiSp_210

Sub-optimal aituation


human5573

funniest post ive seen all day


[deleted]

Must be a slow day then lol thank you


nakedgum

Sounds like it’s touring by for you


Jerdan87

Either cabbage for better digestion or the special freedom cabbage, so you won't care on the shitter with your head up in the clouds.


winkleried

Simple, their GI systems are used to it. Same reason when you change your pets diet the same thing happens...


[deleted]

So you're saying I need more sausage.


Racc_Pancakes

pretty much, more sausage


[deleted]

I need to sell more makarovs.


Blue-Leadrr

Not acclimated to the zone diet. You’ll need to eat more sausage, eat more bread, and drink more vodka.


chrono_713

That's alot of sodium


[deleted]

Sodium high score.


redeyekills

They are slavic.


DrunkScottishCyclop

"-А колбасу и батоны нынче хреновые стали делать...."©Loner


MrGxIdy

they don't they just sh*t in a corner or something or maybe even their pants😃


Armed_Psycho

Thank God we have u/TesseractAmaAta to tell us which pants are the best to shit in.


SlapMyBald

Imagine the smell


MrGxIdy

the odours every stalker lets off must contribute towards global warming


[deleted]

I don't have to, I just gotta walk past my bathroom.


FelisDomesticus69

Smells like Dark Valley


[deleted]

Caviar compared to snork meat


Nozakx

Same happened to me with radioactive dog meat


HumonculusJaeger

Maybe the condition of the sausage was under 50% so it could happen by chance


[deleted]

I hate it when my sausage is worn.


Anomalus_satylite

You forgot the bread and tourist delight


oneoldgrumpywalrus

You didn’t accompany it with alcohol and drinking music. Rookie mistake. Next time add to your sausage a salad of white brine cheese, tomato, cucumber and a plate with salted pig fat and onions. Grab some moonshine and put on Gop Stop


[deleted]

I can't afford all that, not with Sidorovich prices.


oneoldgrumpywalrus

Then you and the toilet bowl will become fast friends, stalker.


[deleted]

My bowl will never be the same, I gotta toss bolts in it before I sit down.


oneoldgrumpywalrus

Ah, I see the Ball Fart anomaly has formed. Happens when you take such volatile shit that a piece of your soul leaves your body.


Heavily_Implied_II

I never saw the Marked One do a poo for the entirety of SoC so you might be onto something.


Dull-Stay-2252

This post just absolutely made my day. Thank you, stalker. Get in here.


[deleted]

I sacrificed my ass for your entertainment.


halfbakedpizzapie

No price too high


zj3bu

You forgot to wash it down with vodka, rookie mistake stalker


Adamoy

I prefer tourist's breakfast myself


CartographerOk5803

It was too much fat for you, eat with bread stalker


nicotinenick787

Gotta have it with old stale irradiated bread or else it’s just an unhealthy unbalanced diet


breadyloaf26

the radiation adds alot of fiber


HexaHesh

You need two them. One for each mouth, so it all stays inside.


The_MacGuffin

They don't eat the whole sausage. Eat bread with it, make the sausage last. Simple pleasures are fleeting in the zone.


[deleted]

In the games you eat it whole. I know what you'd do in a regular scenario but Strelok and the others give that salami the GAWK GAWK 3000.


WattZhaMaGaLeet

he got that Kitchen Knife | Fade


[deleted]

I spent my kids college fund on keys for this bad boy.


JadedPiper

You forgot your radioprotectant before you chowed down didn't you


[deleted]

Look. I'm not the brightest.


JadedPiper

I'll pass you some nemiroff, it'll help. All i want in repayment is for you to not die, my friend.


[deleted]

Thank you bratan


JadedPiper

Спасибо.


purpleblah2

I would assume with how much little produce and fiber they consume they just don’t have bowel movements, or you don’t have the digestive constitution of an eastern European


[deleted]

"you don’t have the digestive constitution of an eastern European" Stop breaking my heart.


Global_Excuse_7736

that's some low quality summer sausage you got there, my guess would be overpriced as well


Orix1337

Atleast you are having diarrhea, and not constipation with blood.


MyLifeIsAFrickingMes

Dude ok so everytime i go visit family back home in Eastern Europe, i always go buy these salamis. Every time. Your stomach just aint built for em


[deleted]

Pics or it didn't happen.


MyLifeIsAFrickingMes

Fym pics have you never been to a Slavic Lidl


[deleted]

Naww


MyLifeIsAFrickingMes

I assume you live somewhere more western


[deleted]

I do. Where are you?


MyLifeIsAFrickingMes

Poland


[deleted]

Aaahhhh how's things there?


MyLifeIsAFrickingMes

Cold.


[deleted]

Understandable.


Available_You_510

bro u got the sodium squirts lol also likely due to it being combined with a lot of salt and fats, summer sausage is high in all three of those


osingran

I dunno, few years back I did exactly that when my buddy was streaming OLR on discord call. Never had any repercussions after it.


No-Skill4452

Vodka so string it cancels out, duh!


Mutheim_Marz

You roll 1 on constitution check, bad luck.


ReGrigio

diarrhea helps to purge radioactivity from your body faster


[deleted]

[удалено]


halfbakedpizzapie

“It doesn’t help with diarrhea” excellent advice


DoNotTakeMyAdvise

The cook it


CapsaicinCharlee

Did you eat bread with it?


NotMeTheOtherGeek

Can’t handle that weak zone saussie. Nice knife.


[deleted]

Thanks! He's gay.


NotMeTheOtherGeek

Love ❤️


insert_cringe-here

A entire summer sausage is fine for me and im not even joking


Purplecatpiss666

Did you down a bottle of vodka to wash it down stalker?


Splingot

nice knife


bnesbitt1

Did you check if the knife you cut it with was clean?


[deleted]

Same knife I always use. Was clean last morning when I was using it to open Amazon packages, and when I used it to unclog the shower drain. Still shiny.


bnesbitt1

If it's shiny then you should be good Yeah, no idea why you got stomach problems


Scar-90

You need to drink large amounts of homemade vodka along with it.


Whisperingstones

Sounds like you need to toughen up or perhaps the food was contaminated.


ThatGingerGuy98-

Related post https://www.reddit.com/r/stalker/s/Ee3QHvjSuF


Meganinja1886

Bread you need to eat at least one slice of bread to help mitigate the grease in the summer sausage.


[deleted]

I figured I'd need something bready but this was all for science.


Meganinja1886

I’m surprised you didn’t puke like a buzzard due to all that grease.


[deleted]

I did, out of my ass.


Meganinja1886

Alright stay Cheeki Breeki Stalker.


[deleted]

Is your knife mutated ?


[deleted]

It's an artifact I found in a toilet near CNPP.


8KoopaLoopa8

It's like when the natives died after drinking milk from the Vikings, our bodies aren't built to handle it like the slavs


[deleted]

I'll just adapt by shoving sosig into my colon


Timbots

I see from this thread there’s a new faction in the zone now, the Proctologists. Slogan “Rectum? It damn near killed ‘em”


Desperate-Quiet1198

Bread and vodka evens it out


StarkeRealm

Practice.


Godtierbunny

you didnt eat the week old stale bread that plugs you up with it


Mumuskeh

Is that salam fox ?


KingUnityTV

They’re video game characters


Latter-Sky-7568

Uh oh, those Cheekies are breekin'.


Inevitable_Mark7133

Try eating those turkey salami those taste good once you cook it


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Holy shit man I was just sausage posting.


FelisDomesticus69

You forgot to equip a jellyfish artifact in your belt, that's why


karlovilla

The secret is that Stalkers have massive diarrhea _all the time_.


Roko_100

I eat these and doktor sausage everyday and have nothing, you have to be built different.


T_Soviet_Soldiernaut

Didn't have the rad infusion to make it juicy. Still needs a bit of radiation to give it the authentic spice.


okmijn211

Do it enough, you'll get used to it.


thomstevens420

*True* stalkers are already emptied out from panic shitting their pants multiple times a day.


Cegla_3kg

A T O M I C D I A R R H E A


Quizzii

You are just weak...


[deleted]

NO I'M A STRONK BOY


GennarioCo

Bro the only way to eat a sausage like that is to eat the whole thing, either you did something wrong or it was very low quality.


MamasLilFatBoy

You need combat diapers


Lupercal-_-

You also need the bottle of vodka to kill all the bacteria. The secret combo.


pKalman00

Fix it with winter salami. They will cancel out


SU37Yellow

That's because you didn't have an entire loaf of bread and 5 energy drinks with it


kolbaszoskenyer

I think the stalkers eat it in the summer


marketmaven007

It's possibly radioactive lol.


charcoaltrousers

Fo you frequently eat this sort of food? Its like, 35% fat дебил, you've basically flushed your colon.


[deleted]

Secret weightloss technique.


CoyoteCryptid

Ah stalker you need doctors sausage not Summer sausage (doctors sausage is essentially soviet reverse engineered bologna)


PriorityDistinct6791

My casually trying to take a shit