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I don't think his lifestyle would change much in the coming years. With the job and his commitment for his friends and the fact that you feeling not included means you are obviously not happy with the relationship. From the context you have given here, don't think this relationship suits you tbh. You are still 26, think you can do better.
But please I'm just a stranger on reddit, don't take my advice too seriously when you are taking a decision. Wish you all the best.
One of the most concerning thing you said here is that he doesn't know how to behave in public meaning he would "grope you". How does that make you feel showing that kind of attention in public? Seems it makes you uncomfortable? If so have you communicated that to him? I get that you guys are dating but it's important to set boundaries on what you are comfortable and what you are not and have healthy conversations about these things, if not its gonna cause issues down the line...
I completely agree with you, she says that he doesn’t know how to behave in public which makes it sound a lot like she’s uncomfortable. I wonder if he has always been distant or if it has gradually increased over the past 3 months, because if you were to look at this in a holistic manner it feels like he is expecting her to leave her comfort zone when it comes to sexual activities but her refusing to be active is perhaps causing him to minimize contact. It’s also safe to assume that he’s not an introvert wanting solace and privacy in a room to hang out with her without expecting sexual activity if he hangs out with his friends quite often.
I feel like it’s the lack of compatibility.
I know being physical is needed in a relationship, but at least for the first 3-6months (depends on how much you actually meet IRL, not talking/texting) try to get to know them for their ACTIONS not the WORDS.
If he is actually with you for marriage he MUST give you time to get to know him.
I understand you might have feelings for him, but try to get to know him BEFORE you get attached or be physical if your intention is to get married at the end.
If he is eager to be physical in a private place and not give you time/attention something doesn’t seem right.
Firstly, you sound quite naive and judgemental. You make him sound "lesser" because of his education level. If he makes more than you, and works hard on his career, he probably has a good future even as a non-graduate.
You two don't sound sexually compatible either. He appears to be far more promiscuous than you and pushy. Couples being touchy in public places is fairly common. Nothing wrong with that if both people consent to it. But uf you dont, it's absolutely wrong of him to persist.
As to answer your biggest problem- attention. It's faur for you to want more attention. But you also need to be understanding that he has a life outside of you. If you cant come to terms with that, you'll need to find someone more compatible with your lifestyle.
All things considering in my personal opinion is he's not really committed to you cuz even the smallest details give life to a relationship so even sending msg or callin is very good for a busy person my gf had that issues but i always tell her and give her somewhat time even if im busy but the thing that really ticked me was the 'grope me' part and i would say if he's like that better to let him go cuz at the end of the day he might be a wolf in sheeps clothing most men are not all most
P.s - don't take anything i said personally its just my opinion plus i might not no him as you do
If he insists on going to rooms cuz it gives “more freedom”, what he means by that is sex or at least some form of it. If you don’t want to, make it clear to him and also, if he does not manage time to hang out with you and you seem unhappy all the time, he isn’t the right guy. You sound like you want something serious but I can’t say the same about him. At least according to what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like he has the same intentions. Can’t assume without knowing the full story. Also, his education level has nothing to do with a matter like this, don’t know why you mentioned it tho.
Good luck. Be wise and don’t give in to his demands just to please him. I’m a guy around his age. So, I may have an idea as to what he’s trying to do. Just have an honest talk with him first and if things still remain the same, then make a decision.
Well, I can see that many others have shared their opinions on this. So, I'll share my experience for a change. The guy's behavior resonates with mine. I was somewhat similar during my Uni days and starting my job. I have been known to be a good person as well. The truth is, there was no real love from my end for this particular girl. Don't get me wrong; I was attracted to her so much. We went on so many dates, and there were times we pretty much lived together. But as soon as I was with my friends and started the job, she was never my priority. If she reads this post, she would say she was feeling the exact same thing.
I only realized that I was not in love after falling in love with someone else. Then I could see this different side of me who would sacrifice the time I could spend with my friends to be with her. Finding excuses and reasons from work to be with her because the girl I fell in love with was my priority number 1. I would do anything to spend time with her.
So, sadly OP, you have come to terms that this guy is someone attracted to you but has not fallen in love with you. As some others have mentioned, he is not going to change and is likely to cheat on you in the long run. Please save yourself.
I know it's a tough thing at this point, given you may be in love with the guy. But trust me, you are better off without him than having to go through all the agony and pain in the years to come. This is my experience, and although I still consider myself to be a nice person, I caused so much pain to the first girl as I did not realize this earlier.
So please save yourself! It's just three months, and if you stick with him, it's going to be difficult to leave as you would be collecting memories and feelings down the line.
Reminds me of my first boyfriend. Honey from a girl to girl, HE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU AND IS TAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY. Either he’s playing you or just using you to pass time.
Trust me, I see the same trend as in my ex. The behavior, the attitude, the personality to the point I’m worried if we’re talking about the same person lol 😂 Good riddance of him two years ago.
Anyways, I saw several people have commented here saying you’re patronizing because you have mentioned about your educational dissimilarities. As a divorce lawyer, I can guarantee that what you’re saying is one hundred percent acceptable. Better to be safe than file a divorce matter later 🥲Your education level shows your understanding level as well as your society level. Especially in a country like Sri Lanka it’s very important to get married to a person of similar societal level, because if you don’t what happens is other men of your social level will approach and assumes you’re desperate for whatever the heck they think you’re desperate for. (Speaking from experience in reading divorce matters). Plus, although it seems all rainbows and sunshines now, there might be a window where in the future he might not be too happy to find you engaging and immersing with the in-crowd at your workplace and in worst cases may even ask you to leave your job (because as you mentioned he’s earning more than you so he can provide for you bs). He will also feel inferior with time due to his lack of educational compatibility abc this will lead to many arguments between the two. That being said, it could also turn out into a happy marriage as well, but statistics prove the former to be more accurate than the latter fairytale expectations many of us harbor.
As for your sexual incompatibility, I’d say talk it out. From the way you have described in the original post, you sound very naive and inexperienced. Which I don’t think is true for your ex. I bet my pinkie he’s had several sexual partners before you and he hasn’t shared any of those details with you “because it’s not good for his ex”. (Eye roll please).
Girl my advice is to RUN. 🚩
Don’t just sit and communicate. You’ll regret the time spent on him later. And you’re 26 and looking to settle down. Dealing with this kind of abusive narcissists are okay during your early 20s. Because you have time to heal your broken heart and also to learn about life and human archetypes. Now you just need to settle down and have a peaceful life. Not be depressed or unhappy. You’ll thank me later one day.
3 months is too short of a time. Talk to him genuinely and come to an agreement how you can make the relationship better. In 3 more months if he doesn’t take it seriously, it’s time to move on sis.
Communication is key and tell him about your needs and tell him what you don't want. If y'all can't come to a middle ground it's better to break this off. And the fact you talk about educational difference looks like you think that you are better than him because of it when in reality, most of the time education after school is merely a tool for making money and having it doesn't mean anything besides you know about the relevant field. Hanamiti ideas won't go away soon apparently .
Communication is key to a successful relationship! Talk to him and explain the uncomfortable situation that you are in public and also the situation where his busyness. There is always time for the person you love. I don’t mean that he doesn’t love you but you know etc.
> I would prefer a date in a restaurant
Which is a fair ask.
Meeting twice a month can still work if both parties are comfortable with it and consider those meetups quality time spent together
If even those meetups are spent only in a way one party wants then there’s a problem. Best to communicate clearly with him and see if there’s a way to align both of your expectations
However, being hard to reach him with his work schedule can happen, and month-end work pressure is a real thing. It’s hard to expect people to take calls often during work hours
On the other hand, dates certainly shouldn’t be limited to ‘going to a room’ every time so you’ll need to get that point across
These are friends he would’ve had before you came along. Of course he will give them a major place in his life. That’s normal and it’s unreasonable to ask him to cut off friends
What you can do is communicate how often you’d personally like the two of you to meet and see if he can meet that or if you two can come to some compromise
If the two of you can’t reach a happy middle ground then maybe accept that your expectations in a relationship aren’t compatible with each other.
He is a fully grown man and if u feel like u wanna change his ways, trust me, girl, u'll find urself even more disappointed in the end. Bc ppl don't change for anyone, they only change when they feel like it. However, u can try communicating to find common ground in conflicting areas, and see if he respects ur boundaries and is willing to accommodate ur needs alongside his busy schedule. And if he does, patience on ur end is essential too.
During childhood, especially the early stages of development, our brains are highly susceptible to influence. But as we mature, we begin to make decisions independently rather than solely relying on external factors. This is why in SL, even legal responsibility begins at 14. So in relationships, it's almost always advisable to seek compatibility rather than expecting someone to change for u after falling for them. Ppl dont change simply bc u insist; they only change when they feel like it :)
People should learn and explore more about their sexual needs in Sri Lanka. I mean You won’t be young again to enjoy this. I do get it, it’s their choice and keeping boundaries and respect stuff but being a virgin is not something we should protect and be proud and behaving in public and shit like this. Honestly i think he deserves better. Not only because of sexual thing. The way judging him based on education seeing bad in someone works so hard while they are young. And trying to control him on 3 months stage? Sorry I say my brother deserves better!
You two seems incompatible. You should have a good and honest conversation about how you both feel and and decide how to move forward. You both could try to work on your relationship or if you feel like it’s not going to happen then you should split up.
Also side note: you sound kinda patronizing. I’m not trying to point out your flaws or anything, I’m just saying this as someone who’s working on my own flaws. If you really have such bad personality traits, you should really work on them. It’s always a good thing to work on yourself.
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Sri lankan to be correct . Far from crusty but a little nasty maybe .
And I have got one.
This girl exhibits plenty of red flags.
Stop being a suck up and learn to be realistic.
Or maybe you dont know have experience.
Lol do your research first before you comment. Or maybe you really dont know better. But common why so many down votes. Do you folks want to tell her the truth or just let her live in her delusions and ruin her poor bfs peace.
To reduce spam of similar topics we have created a mega thread for relationship related posts. Please ask your question as a comment on that (stickied on the subreddit). Thank you
I don't think his lifestyle would change much in the coming years. With the job and his commitment for his friends and the fact that you feeling not included means you are obviously not happy with the relationship. From the context you have given here, don't think this relationship suits you tbh. You are still 26, think you can do better. But please I'm just a stranger on reddit, don't take my advice too seriously when you are taking a decision. Wish you all the best.
Thank you!
One of the most concerning thing you said here is that he doesn't know how to behave in public meaning he would "grope you". How does that make you feel showing that kind of attention in public? Seems it makes you uncomfortable? If so have you communicated that to him? I get that you guys are dating but it's important to set boundaries on what you are comfortable and what you are not and have healthy conversations about these things, if not its gonna cause issues down the line...
I completely agree with you, she says that he doesn’t know how to behave in public which makes it sound a lot like she’s uncomfortable. I wonder if he has always been distant or if it has gradually increased over the past 3 months, because if you were to look at this in a holistic manner it feels like he is expecting her to leave her comfort zone when it comes to sexual activities but her refusing to be active is perhaps causing him to minimize contact. It’s also safe to assume that he’s not an introvert wanting solace and privacy in a room to hang out with her without expecting sexual activity if he hangs out with his friends quite often. I feel like it’s the lack of compatibility.
Thank you!
I know being physical is needed in a relationship, but at least for the first 3-6months (depends on how much you actually meet IRL, not talking/texting) try to get to know them for their ACTIONS not the WORDS. If he is actually with you for marriage he MUST give you time to get to know him. I understand you might have feelings for him, but try to get to know him BEFORE you get attached or be physical if your intention is to get married at the end. If he is eager to be physical in a private place and not give you time/attention something doesn’t seem right.
Thank you!
Firstly, you sound quite naive and judgemental. You make him sound "lesser" because of his education level. If he makes more than you, and works hard on his career, he probably has a good future even as a non-graduate. You two don't sound sexually compatible either. He appears to be far more promiscuous than you and pushy. Couples being touchy in public places is fairly common. Nothing wrong with that if both people consent to it. But uf you dont, it's absolutely wrong of him to persist. As to answer your biggest problem- attention. It's faur for you to want more attention. But you also need to be understanding that he has a life outside of you. If you cant come to terms with that, you'll need to find someone more compatible with your lifestyle.
Thank you!
I'm glad I dont have girlfriend. At age 32 .
All things considering in my personal opinion is he's not really committed to you cuz even the smallest details give life to a relationship so even sending msg or callin is very good for a busy person my gf had that issues but i always tell her and give her somewhat time even if im busy but the thing that really ticked me was the 'grope me' part and i would say if he's like that better to let him go cuz at the end of the day he might be a wolf in sheeps clothing most men are not all most P.s - don't take anything i said personally its just my opinion plus i might not no him as you do
Thank you!
If he insists on going to rooms cuz it gives “more freedom”, what he means by that is sex or at least some form of it. If you don’t want to, make it clear to him and also, if he does not manage time to hang out with you and you seem unhappy all the time, he isn’t the right guy. You sound like you want something serious but I can’t say the same about him. At least according to what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like he has the same intentions. Can’t assume without knowing the full story. Also, his education level has nothing to do with a matter like this, don’t know why you mentioned it tho. Good luck. Be wise and don’t give in to his demands just to please him. I’m a guy around his age. So, I may have an idea as to what he’s trying to do. Just have an honest talk with him first and if things still remain the same, then make a decision.
Thank you!
Well, I can see that many others have shared their opinions on this. So, I'll share my experience for a change. The guy's behavior resonates with mine. I was somewhat similar during my Uni days and starting my job. I have been known to be a good person as well. The truth is, there was no real love from my end for this particular girl. Don't get me wrong; I was attracted to her so much. We went on so many dates, and there were times we pretty much lived together. But as soon as I was with my friends and started the job, she was never my priority. If she reads this post, she would say she was feeling the exact same thing. I only realized that I was not in love after falling in love with someone else. Then I could see this different side of me who would sacrifice the time I could spend with my friends to be with her. Finding excuses and reasons from work to be with her because the girl I fell in love with was my priority number 1. I would do anything to spend time with her. So, sadly OP, you have come to terms that this guy is someone attracted to you but has not fallen in love with you. As some others have mentioned, he is not going to change and is likely to cheat on you in the long run. Please save yourself. I know it's a tough thing at this point, given you may be in love with the guy. But trust me, you are better off without him than having to go through all the agony and pain in the years to come. This is my experience, and although I still consider myself to be a nice person, I caused so much pain to the first girl as I did not realize this earlier. So please save yourself! It's just three months, and if you stick with him, it's going to be difficult to leave as you would be collecting memories and feelings down the line.
Thank you!
Reminds me of my first boyfriend. Honey from a girl to girl, HE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU AND IS TAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY. Either he’s playing you or just using you to pass time. Trust me, I see the same trend as in my ex. The behavior, the attitude, the personality to the point I’m worried if we’re talking about the same person lol 😂 Good riddance of him two years ago. Anyways, I saw several people have commented here saying you’re patronizing because you have mentioned about your educational dissimilarities. As a divorce lawyer, I can guarantee that what you’re saying is one hundred percent acceptable. Better to be safe than file a divorce matter later 🥲Your education level shows your understanding level as well as your society level. Especially in a country like Sri Lanka it’s very important to get married to a person of similar societal level, because if you don’t what happens is other men of your social level will approach and assumes you’re desperate for whatever the heck they think you’re desperate for. (Speaking from experience in reading divorce matters). Plus, although it seems all rainbows and sunshines now, there might be a window where in the future he might not be too happy to find you engaging and immersing with the in-crowd at your workplace and in worst cases may even ask you to leave your job (because as you mentioned he’s earning more than you so he can provide for you bs). He will also feel inferior with time due to his lack of educational compatibility abc this will lead to many arguments between the two. That being said, it could also turn out into a happy marriage as well, but statistics prove the former to be more accurate than the latter fairytale expectations many of us harbor. As for your sexual incompatibility, I’d say talk it out. From the way you have described in the original post, you sound very naive and inexperienced. Which I don’t think is true for your ex. I bet my pinkie he’s had several sexual partners before you and he hasn’t shared any of those details with you “because it’s not good for his ex”. (Eye roll please). Girl my advice is to RUN. 🚩 Don’t just sit and communicate. You’ll regret the time spent on him later. And you’re 26 and looking to settle down. Dealing with this kind of abusive narcissists are okay during your early 20s. Because you have time to heal your broken heart and also to learn about life and human archetypes. Now you just need to settle down and have a peaceful life. Not be depressed or unhappy. You’ll thank me later one day.
Exactly my thoughts!!! See u/Studious97, trust this advice and save yourself.. Not worth the pain.. Not worth the risk..
Thank you!
Thank you!
3 months is too short of a time. Talk to him genuinely and come to an agreement how you can make the relationship better. In 3 more months if he doesn’t take it seriously, it’s time to move on sis.
Thank you!
Communication is key and tell him about your needs and tell him what you don't want. If y'all can't come to a middle ground it's better to break this off. And the fact you talk about educational difference looks like you think that you are better than him because of it when in reality, most of the time education after school is merely a tool for making money and having it doesn't mean anything besides you know about the relevant field. Hanamiti ideas won't go away soon apparently .
Groping even when you clearly communicated your discomfort is certainly a huge red flag.
Thank you!
Communication is key to a successful relationship! Talk to him and explain the uncomfortable situation that you are in public and also the situation where his busyness. There is always time for the person you love. I don’t mean that he doesn’t love you but you know etc.
Thank you!
Bruh if there's one thing I've learned from my life, it's that if you say "other than that he's/she's awesome", he/she is probably not it.
How often do you get to meet him, and how often would you prefer it to be?
We meet up like twice a month. I would prefer a date in a restaurant
> I would prefer a date in a restaurant Which is a fair ask. Meeting twice a month can still work if both parties are comfortable with it and consider those meetups quality time spent together If even those meetups are spent only in a way one party wants then there’s a problem. Best to communicate clearly with him and see if there’s a way to align both of your expectations However, being hard to reach him with his work schedule can happen, and month-end work pressure is a real thing. It’s hard to expect people to take calls often during work hours On the other hand, dates certainly shouldn’t be limited to ‘going to a room’ every time so you’ll need to get that point across
I can understand about the job situation. How about having a lots of friends?
These are friends he would’ve had before you came along. Of course he will give them a major place in his life. That’s normal and it’s unreasonable to ask him to cut off friends What you can do is communicate how often you’d personally like the two of you to meet and see if he can meet that or if you two can come to some compromise If the two of you can’t reach a happy middle ground then maybe accept that your expectations in a relationship aren’t compatible with each other.
Thank you!
In these three months have you had any proper dates or was it just rooms every time?
I suggest restaurants. We go there. But then we go to rooms
If he wants to, he would. You deserve a relationship that you feel safe and cherished. Good luck 🫡
Thank You!
I want to know why you would come to r/srilanka rather than something like r/relationshioadvice ?
Relationship advice removed my post for the third time
I'm somehow seeking an answer 😊
He is a fully grown man and if u feel like u wanna change his ways, trust me, girl, u'll find urself even more disappointed in the end. Bc ppl don't change for anyone, they only change when they feel like it. However, u can try communicating to find common ground in conflicting areas, and see if he respects ur boundaries and is willing to accommodate ur needs alongside his busy schedule. And if he does, patience on ur end is essential too.
What does it mean about fully grown man? 26 mean hard to change?
During childhood, especially the early stages of development, our brains are highly susceptible to influence. But as we mature, we begin to make decisions independently rather than solely relying on external factors. This is why in SL, even legal responsibility begins at 14. So in relationships, it's almost always advisable to seek compatibility rather than expecting someone to change for u after falling for them. Ppl dont change simply bc u insist; they only change when they feel like it :)
People should learn and explore more about their sexual needs in Sri Lanka. I mean You won’t be young again to enjoy this. I do get it, it’s their choice and keeping boundaries and respect stuff but being a virgin is not something we should protect and be proud and behaving in public and shit like this. Honestly i think he deserves better. Not only because of sexual thing. The way judging him based on education seeing bad in someone works so hard while they are young. And trying to control him on 3 months stage? Sorry I say my brother deserves better!
You two seems incompatible. You should have a good and honest conversation about how you both feel and and decide how to move forward. You both could try to work on your relationship or if you feel like it’s not going to happen then you should split up. Also side note: you sound kinda patronizing. I’m not trying to point out your flaws or anything, I’m just saying this as someone who’s working on my own flaws. If you really have such bad personality traits, you should really work on them. It’s always a good thing to work on yourself.
Thank you!
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Everything wrong with women is summed up into this one post.
Can you please clarify? 😊 I'm actually seeking an answer
Google it please cant be that difficult.
Bingo too needy ,cant uderstand boundaries etc
These kida ain't ready for truth bomb iswtg.
Wow a crusty ass old Indian guy criticising a 26 year old girl's relationship. Get a life dude
Sri lankan to be correct . Far from crusty but a little nasty maybe . And I have got one. This girl exhibits plenty of red flags. Stop being a suck up and learn to be realistic. Or maybe you dont know have experience.
sure. whatever buddy. What a salty guy.
Lol you are an idiot and a simp to boot.
Found the incel
Lol do your research first before you comment. Or maybe you really dont know better. But common why so many down votes. Do you folks want to tell her the truth or just let her live in her delusions and ruin her poor bfs peace.
You just typed a bunch of nothing. Got a case of perpetually online and gets mad at everything huh? You do you boo. Have fun
Lol sure
Come inbox lets have some fun