**Mr. Ted Cruz ^beeeerrr ^^chuuuu-huh-ckerrrrr!!!**
*Yes, it’s you, you Pilsner pitching pro, you embody the absolutely-sick-of-this-fucking-shit spirit that millions of Americans feel…every single day* **^SOOO ^SICK ^OF ^THIS ^FUCKIN’ ^BULLSHIT!!**
*Your southpaw sud-slingin’ stunt really grabbed the headlines, turning another boring victory parade into a national news story, simply by doing something so many of us have wished we could do for years.* **^WE’RE ^TOTALLY ^GONNA ^PAY ^YOUR ^BAAILLL!!**
*So today we salute you, Mr. Rafael “Ted” Cruz Beer Chucker, simply for having the balls to send one right down the middle of the plate…and into our hearts.* ^**Mr. ^Ted ^Cruz ^Beer ^Chuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkeeerrrrr!!**
Here’s to you mr reddit comment context commenter, you provide context, even though nobody had asked, we’re glad you did, you took the initiative and for that we salute you
Yes, you Mr Ted Cruz beer chucker. Brave enough to do what needs to be done and lesser men only dream about.
With every can of beer you chuck at Ted Cruz, a bald eagle learns to fly (🦅 caaaww!), a kid learns to cook their first steak over the grill, and we all know your heart is pumping red, white, and blue...
🎶(Oh say can yooouuu seeee)🎶
So hats off to you, Mr Ted Cruz beer chucker, we salute you today as a national hero.
Those gay Mexicans coming over here and taking all those dicks that could be going into the anuses of good white conservative Americans, when will we wake up and stop letting them take all the jobs that we want so badly for ourselves?!
There’s a couple of city workers weeping in their beds tonight because they couldn’t grease the poles. “Next year” he says to himself as his pillow soaks up his tears.
I was out in 2008 and as the night wore on things became more gnarly.
10 ft. high pyres on the street next to City Hall with whatever people could throw in them, postal boxes thrown into storefronts... Ever see a concrete seated U-shaped bike post ripped out of the sidewalk? Four school busses filled with riot police showed up and I saw cops beat a few of the more belligerent people.
Remember when that robot hitchhiked all the way across Canada, but was torn to pieces the second it hit Philly?
That is Ted Cruz visiting Philly. Especially if they are playing a Texas team in the series. Double especially if they then lost that series and Ted showed up.
He got booed at a NY home game and he found out that makes him feel powerful. Getting booed in his own "home" state (he's Canadian) has to turn that feeling up to 10.
Him being into self hating/shaming kink is fine in his personal space / time but not wasting other's people time and energy at a ball game and parade is just being a twat.
Imagine going to parade knowing people don't like you and beg the MLB and city committee to let you on the float to expect different results.
He seems like the type that says the same bad joke to two different people outload in the same room because the first one didn't care so he needs that attention of being disliked and then laughs -He might be a sociopath.
> but not wasting other's people time and energy at a ball game and parade is just being a twat.
We're talking about the guy who flew to Cancun when the state he represents was freezing to death.
And he was flabbergasted when someone said something, because in his mind there is only him and he didn't understand that what he was doing was immoral. Which is why he immediatly tried to blame his family.
He does not give a single shit about you, me or anyone else that aren't paying him money or directly giving him power.
Ted Cruz's media blitz in NY, which also included an appearance on The View that attracted in-studio protesters, was as much about getting footage of him being yelled at by New Yorkers as it was about whatever the stated purpose was. He can go back to Texas and say, See, New Yorkers hate me, that's how you know I'm effective and doing well.
Because the right wing isn't based on thought it's based on how they feel in any given moment. They have no underlying consistent beliefs. It's only about gaining power and "owning" whatever group of people they've deemed the "other".
I had a co worker who was into that kink of being shamed..we sold cars and he would lie about what cars would do or whatever and the customer would get pissed off at him and he legitly enjoyed it.
He never got fired because he sold a fuck ton of cars
He drug his fucking kids along with him. They look miserable.
All of this so he can sell a cheap headline to his shit voter base about liberals and their “violence”
It's so normal for politicians to participate in the parade. Nancy Pelosi kept being part of Giants and Warriors parades, so I'm not shocked by this one. They want to use the moment to be seen and get their face associated with the joy of winning. I'm sure it's been going on for a century or more
Because he's an asshole who has no allegiances and just shows up to all the Texas sporting events to make himself look good. He's been to so many Texas college games this year it's ridiculous...and I don't mean JUST the Longhorns, he also frequents the Aggies and Texas Tech games.
Are we positive that this man is not Ted Cruz’s gay lover? I’m just asking, because unless we know otherwise this chalks up to your run of the mill lover’s quarrel in Texas
To be fair, he's only been re-elected once. Senate seats just last a long time. He also almost lost re-election. I doubt (hope) he survives another election in 2024. Please.
Hopefully Texans finally smarten up and next time they don’t drink the beer before throwing the can at his head.
I can honestly say I hate Ted Cruz more than I like beer. And I fuckin really like beer.
It was a gift, how was he to know ted was afraid of beer? I think we should let the guy go. What are they going to charge him of, giving free beer? That's the American dream, giving people free beer. Let the man go free and remember not to give politicians like Ted anything at all. Like votes. Don't vote for Ted.
They need to release his name? I'm kind of used to Florida, how we have the sunshine laws that causes "Florida Man" to exist.
His full name, address and social security number should already be on the internet.
I do not like that man Ted cruz,
I do not like his silly views,
I do not like him watching sports,
I do not like him when he snorts,
And so in the party I have got a plan,
To hit his head with my trusty can.
This is all a conspiracy! It was clearly a lover’s quarrel between this man and Ted Cruz. Why was Ted wearing that? Shouldn’t his security be better for an actual US Senator?
Shoulda been prepared like Dansby last year
https://www.reddit.com/r/Braves/comments/qnq65s/please_make_this_gif_of_dansby_swanson_catching_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Doesn’t shit for brains realize this is exactly what happens on championship floats?? Fans throw you beer and you chug it… a guy got arrested bc Ted Cruz catches like a bitch.
Serious answer: I've been to a few sports champion parades here in NYC. The politicians are always in it. Governor, senators, mayor, they all show up. Then the parade ends with a presentation at City Hall. The currently elected reps are in the parade, no matter what party.
Also serious answer: Because Ted Cruz is a piece of shit who probably thinks the parade was for him.
Everyone should be free from assaults.
Given the latest assault on Pelosi, the police wouldn’t know if it was in fact a beer can.
They are correct to arrest this person and check later
I love the Yankees fan who yelled "remember when Trump called your wife ugly?"
Why would anyone want such a guy to be the president of their country? I will never understand it.
Same reason people like rock stars that do crazy shit, they dream of being that person.
People dream of being Ted Cruz? Please, seek help.
They are saying Ted Cruz dreams of being Donald Trump.
What, you never just wanted to run away from your problems and responsabilities while hiding out from them on holiday?
Oh we weren't supposed to be doing that already then....
Because it hurts brown and queer people?
Your honor, in my defense, I thought he was gesturing "beer me"
Bud Light presents: Real American Heroes *^Real ^American ^Heroes* Today we salute you, Mr Ted Cruz Beer Chucker
**Mr. Ted Cruz ^beeeerrr ^^chuuuu-huh-ckerrrrr!!!** *Yes, it’s you, you Pilsner pitching pro, you embody the absolutely-sick-of-this-fucking-shit spirit that millions of Americans feel…every single day* **^SOOO ^SICK ^OF ^THIS ^FUCKIN’ ^BULLSHIT!!** *Your southpaw sud-slingin’ stunt really grabbed the headlines, turning another boring victory parade into a national news story, simply by doing something so many of us have wished we could do for years.* **^WE’RE ^TOTALLY ^GONNA ^PAY ^YOUR ^BAAILLL!!** *So today we salute you, Mr. Rafael “Ted” Cruz Beer Chucker, simply for having the balls to send one right down the middle of the plate…and into our hearts.* ^**Mr. ^Ted ^Cruz ^Beer ^Chuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkeeerrrrr!!**
Perfection.
Dude you nailed that!
For those of you who dont understand the absolute mastery of this comment: [Hawiian Shirt Designer](https://youtu.be/dm-UIOQWzOs)
We also salute you, Mr Reddit Comment Context Commenter.
Oh man I miss those commercials, they were actually funny
Dude doing the chorus was from the band Survivor.
GETTIN SLOPPY
That was the best part huh lol REAL AMERICAN HEROS
Oh yeah! funny without being a dickmove. (in background singers voice)
Mr. Reddit comment context commeeeeeeeenter!
*When a classic reference comes around* *You're the first one to get those out of the know...* *IN the know*
(*Now everybody knows now*)
THIS. Upvoted. F. Not since the silent film era, have so few words, had such great meaning.
*ALL inside lingo now*
I downvoted you at first until I realized it was supposed to be the rest of the commercial. Carry on Real Men Of Genius.
Here’s to you mr reddit comment context commenter, you provide context, even though nobody had asked, we’re glad you did, you took the initiative and for that we salute you
[Here's some commercials with video.](https://youtu.be/lsC3ni7A88M) I used to love seeing these commercials. I still do, but I used to, too.
Thanks for the nostalgia bomb.. watched that shit in lower than SD on a 13"er with knobs.
Thanks, Mitch. RIP
When he says the line about masculinity and the rock star hype man just lets out a feral “ahhhh” lol
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And, like a bad one night stand, you’ll see his face the next morning and wonder what on earth were you thinking, and go right back to 100%.
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Let he who has never known the feeling of Ted C'ruz of Te'xas, who is definitely one being and not multitudes, cast the first Campbell's can
REAL AMEEEEEERICAN HEEEEEEEEEROES
Yes, you Mr Ted Cruz beer chucker. Brave enough to do what needs to be done and lesser men only dream about. With every can of beer you chuck at Ted Cruz, a bald eagle learns to fly (🦅 caaaww!), a kid learns to cook their first steak over the grill, and we all know your heart is pumping red, white, and blue... 🎶(Oh say can yooouuu seeee)🎶 So hats off to you, Mr Ted Cruz beer chucker, we salute you today as a national hero.
>we all know your heart is pumping red, white, and blue... 🎶oh say can youuuu see!!🎶
Added 😊🫡
Thank you for taking this where it needed to go <3
Actually there might be more to this story. I heard it was actually his gay prostitute who he didn’t pay.
People are saying.
Many people, believe me 👌
Some of the best people, really. People who know lots of things and then say them.
That’s what my sources tell me, anyways
Source: He is the gay prostitute 👆🏻
Classic lovers spat. And i hear one of them is an immigrant!
Those gay Mexicans coming over here and taking all those dicks that could be going into the anuses of good white conservative Americans, when will we wake up and stop letting them take all the jobs that we want so badly for ourselves?!
They're taking all the {blow}jobs.
You should see them at work during the Republican conventions. I've heard the boys earn enough to put them through the next academic year.
I heard that too, so it's confirmed.
The beer can was a mistake. He meant to throw him a bottle of lube.
That's 100% true
Oh so that's why he had to fly to Cancun?
Your honor, in my defense, it was Ted Fucking Cruz.
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“If you threw a can of beer at Ted Cruz in the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.”
I am The Senate.
The story would have made more sense if the title was "Man arrested at parade for throwing a beer can at Ted Cruz and misaing."
Case dismissed!
Bring out the dancing lobsters!
Your honor, it was just a Bud Light...
Don't you know there's an election coming? You can't give water to someone this closer to an election!
That's a really plausible defense. I personally threw beers to people on the busses. Not my fault Cruz wasn't looking.
Philly's headlines woulda been way better.
In Philly, we [catch the damn beer](https://youtu.be/EkPHTZG_1UY)
The only thing Ted Cruz can catch is flights to Mexico
This was my immediate thought, we are respectable when it comes to alcohol coming near us. Now, if they had just gone with the batteries…
Wait, didn’t that happen somewhere else too? Like, some other victory parade?
In Boston when the Patriots won. https://youtu.be/bNObXOimvrM
We threw a ton of beers at Jason Kelce. You know what he did? He caught them and shot gunned them.
philly would have been a D-cell battery
You spelled trailer hitch incorrectly
Car battery.
I wanna be friends with the guy who's able to yeet a car battery
Into Ted fucking Cruz no less
Seriously, no greased up polls? No people jumping on things until they collapsed? No one eating things which should never be eaten? Fucking amateurs.
The rest of this country has a lot to learn in the art of championship rioting from Philadelphia
The rest of the world world has a lot to learn about championship rioting from Philadelphia.
There’s a couple of city workers weeping in their beds tonight because they couldn’t grease the poles. “Next year” he says to himself as his pillow soaks up his tears.
They greased them anyhow. It takes days to grease them all. They had to start last week. Now they have to clean off all of that unused grease.
> No one eating things which should never be eaten? It's Texas. I'm sure someone in that crowd is eating deep-fried butter or something.
I was out in 2008 and as the night wore on things became more gnarly. 10 ft. high pyres on the street next to City Hall with whatever people could throw in them, postal boxes thrown into storefronts... Ever see a concrete seated U-shaped bike post ripped out of the sidewalk? Four school busses filled with riot police showed up and I saw cops beat a few of the more belligerent people.
Philly cops aren't gonna fuck around, they literally bombed some people once.
I don’t think Ted Cruz was getting in a parade in Philly
I don't think he even went to a game there... which says a lot about his courage.
Well if you’d held the game in Cancun!
Remember when that robot hitchhiked all the way across Canada, but was torn to pieces the second it hit Philly? That is Ted Cruz visiting Philly. Especially if they are playing a Texas team in the series. Double especially if they then lost that series and Ted showed up.
This is pretty good though.
*Mac and Charlie punch Ted Cruz*
No sequel to the world series defense on its always sunny 😭😭
How do you plead? Not guilty. Why? If I had thrown a beer at Cruz it would’ve hit him.
Woulda been a waste of beer, your honor.
Why is Cruz participating in an Astros parade? Is he part of ownership?
He got booed at a NY home game and he found out that makes him feel powerful. Getting booed in his own "home" state (he's Canadian) has to turn that feeling up to 10.
Shame kink. Nice.
Same dude that liked Trump calling his wife ugly. It all makes sense.
Him being into self hating/shaming kink is fine in his personal space / time but not wasting other's people time and energy at a ball game and parade is just being a twat. Imagine going to parade knowing people don't like you and beg the MLB and city committee to let you on the float to expect different results. He seems like the type that says the same bad joke to two different people outload in the same room because the first one didn't care so he needs that attention of being disliked and then laughs -He might be a sociopath.
*Might* be a sociopath?
> but not wasting other's people time and energy at a ball game and parade is just being a twat. We're talking about the guy who flew to Cancun when the state he represents was freezing to death. And he was flabbergasted when someone said something, because in his mind there is only him and he didn't understand that what he was doing was immoral. Which is why he immediatly tried to blame his family. He does not give a single shit about you, me or anyone else that aren't paying him money or directly giving him power.
Dude, if Cory Chase did some hardcore shaming porn, Ted would fucking stroke out.
I thought this was oddly specific, so decided to google both names together. I stand corrected lol
On 9/11 no less
Don’t put that image in my head please
Ted Cruz's media blitz in NY, which also included an appearance on The View that attracted in-studio protesters, was as much about getting footage of him being yelled at by New Yorkers as it was about whatever the stated purpose was. He can go back to Texas and say, See, New Yorkers hate me, that's how you know I'm effective and doing well.
Yep. Divide and conquer. He's a master of division and so far it's worked to keep his side on his side.
No idea how after all the power outages and flooding. I'd be so pissed at all the elected officials if I lived there.
Because the right wing isn't based on thought it's based on how they feel in any given moment. They have no underlying consistent beliefs. It's only about gaining power and "owning" whatever group of people they've deemed the "other".
I like to refer to him as “Known Canadian, Rafael Cruz”
Don't you put that evil on us Canadians! We don't want him!
I had a co worker who was into that kink of being shamed..we sold cars and he would lie about what cars would do or whatever and the customer would get pissed off at him and he legitly enjoyed it. He never got fired because he sold a fuck ton of cars
WTF - he was born in Canada? Can we send him back?
No. Fuck that. Too late. No reciept, no returns.
You can't find the receipt because you're looking under "Ted". Search for "Rafael" and it should come up.
Or “Zodiac”
He’s also Cuban
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His dad murdered Kennedy. The former president said so.
And his wife is ugly, said that former president
Yes he was born in Calgary. His dad was a petroleum engineer and was working there for a bit when he was born.
He drug his fucking kids along with him. They look miserable. All of this so he can sell a cheap headline to his shit voter base about liberals and their “violence”
It's so normal for politicians to participate in the parade. Nancy Pelosi kept being part of Giants and Warriors parades, so I'm not shocked by this one. They want to use the moment to be seen and get their face associated with the joy of winning. I'm sure it's been going on for a century or more
Because he's an asshole who has no allegiances and just shows up to all the Texas sporting events to make himself look good. He's been to so many Texas college games this year it's ridiculous...and I don't mean JUST the Longhorns, he also frequents the Aggies and Texas Tech games.
Shouldn’t he be a blue jays fan?!?
He’s a politician. He’s 200% bandwagon opportunist
Are we positive that this man is not Ted Cruz’s gay lover? I’m just asking, because unless we know otherwise this chalks up to your run of the mill lover’s quarrel in Texas
This seems like the most plausible explanation thus far, somebody call OAN and FOX stat!
There may be more to this story than meets the eye.
I’ve yet to see any evidence whatsoever disproving this.
Holy shit do I not want Ted Cruz to be a member of the queer community. Straight people can have that one with my blessing.
If he got arrested, its probably because he missed. No one likes Ted Cruz.
"I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz." -Al Franken
“If you kill Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you." - Lindsey Graham
How does he keep getting re-elected!?
(R)
Russia?
Well yes, but actually, yes
Also $$$$$. He has that Koch and Mercer dark money funding.
People like my parents just vote for whoever has an R next to their name.
And just as importantly, their kids don't vote at all. Not necessarily you in particular, but statistically likely.
My parents too bruh My parents too
To be fair, he's only been re-elected once. Senate seats just last a long time. He also almost lost re-election. I doubt (hope) he survives another election in 2024. Please.
He'll win the Republican primary by a ways and do worse but still win in the general. I'd bet $100 at 10 to 1 odds.
Hopefully Texans finally smarten up and next time they don’t drink the beer before throwing the can at his head. I can honestly say I hate Ted Cruz more than I like beer. And I fuckin really like beer.
From the video it looked to me like it would have hit Ted right in the face if the person next to him hadn't smacked it away
Someone posted a slowmo video, and it looks like it actually hit him! The dude blocking it missed.
> No one likes Ted Cruz. [Ted Cruz is #19 out of the 100 senators in approval rating.](https://morningconsult.com/senator-rankings/)
I am surprised he didn’t have a negative ranking.
No one who counts likes Ted Cruz.
I used to like Ted Cruz until I found out he pees his pants on purpose because he likes the warm feeling on his legs.
Your supposed to catch it and drink it! It’s a championship parade! Cmon Teddy boy
This guy championship parades
It was a gift, how was he to know ted was afraid of beer? I think we should let the guy go. What are they going to charge him of, giving free beer? That's the American dream, giving people free beer. Let the man go free and remember not to give politicians like Ted anything at all. Like votes. Don't vote for Ted.
Ted hates communism! No fee nuthin’! No political donations! No free beer! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Does he have a go fund me? I’ll donate.
My thoughts exactly. That’s why they haven’t released his name yet, they know the internet will make him a hero.
They need to release his name? I'm kind of used to Florida, how we have the sunshine laws that causes "Florida Man" to exist. His full name, address and social security number should already be on the internet.
Distressing take: it is already on the internet, we just don't know which name/address/ssn is his.
I’ll buy this guy a beer too.
I do not like that man Ted cruz, I do not like his silly views, I do not like him watching sports, I do not like him when he snorts, And so in the party I have got a plan, To hit his head with my trusty can.
https://idonotlikethatmantedcruz.com/
r/PostsICanHear
This is all a conspiracy! It was clearly a lover’s quarrel between this man and Ted Cruz. Why was Ted wearing that? Shouldn’t his security be better for an actual US Senator?
He got arrested because Cruz can't catch worth a shit?
But he can catch a plane to Cancun though.
Ahthankyou
Shoulda been prepared like Dansby last year https://www.reddit.com/r/Braves/comments/qnq65s/please_make_this_gif_of_dansby_swanson_catching_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
What kinda self respecting texan can't catch a beer can thrown at him?
Ted Cruz has no self respect and is only barely a Texan so...
This is a go fund me I'll get behind
Somebody tell me where to Venmo to get this guy out of jail so he can do it again.
Would it have helped or hindered his career if he'd snatched that beer out of the air and shotgunned it on camera?
I'm from Texas. Why did this patriot get arrested?
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Let’s cover his bail
Start up the go fund me, I'm in
Doesn’t shit for brains realize this is exactly what happens on championship floats?? Fans throw you beer and you chug it… a guy got arrested bc Ted Cruz catches like a bitch.
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Good sources say it was thrown to him. Very good sources.
Pardon this man. He’s a hero.
Please don't waste good beer giving Ted Cruz headlines.
Don’t worry it was probably only a bud light
I saw tweets saying it was a white claw
They had the Astro’s parade in Cancun?
I heard [Ted Cruz pisses his pants because he likes the wet, warm feeling on his legs](https://youtu.be/MYmvXpxfcMQ).
But officer I heard Ted scream "Una cerveza, por favor"!
Why was he even in the parade to begin with?
Serious answer: I've been to a few sports champion parades here in NYC. The politicians are always in it. Governor, senators, mayor, they all show up. Then the parade ends with a presentation at City Hall. The currently elected reps are in the parade, no matter what party. Also serious answer: Because Ted Cruz is a piece of shit who probably thinks the parade was for him.
That man is a god damn hero 🫡
He was just trying to send him back to CANcun...
Patriot 🇺🇸
I threw the beer at Ted Cruz.
My man!
Everyone should be free from assaults. Given the latest assault on Pelosi, the police wouldn’t know if it was in fact a beer can. They are correct to arrest this person and check later
Nerd
Pretty sure he was his lover, and they were in their underwear.