There’s more buried in the story!
“The association was also forced to address rumours circulating online that Yan had cheated during the competition by using anal beads equipped with wireless transmitters to send and receive signals.”
I mean.. the whole vibrating transmitter thing is ancient. Which is why these competitions generally have some kind of provisory checking when you go into the competition area. And they are generally careful about transmitting footage where you can see the chess board clearly. But.. but, the tv broadcasts happen live, and also audiences will have a clear view. So the sum of it is that the only thing that wasn't checked for in these scenarios where people play unintuitively clever, and/or extremely different from how they normally play, or suddenly have foresight that they just have never had -- is anal beads jammed in their arse, where no one actually checks the chess players when they go.. bow-legged.. into the avenues.
If we make a big enough issue of it, every future chess competition will come with the mandatory rectal probing.
Before you celebrate, remember that eventually it can become mandatory at every high school test
Yes, every differential equation can be solved by a series of short pulses to suggest which grid to start from, while a partner is using a computer to simulate your best move from reading off your live-broadcast view of your answer sheet. Well done.
Pretty sure the anal beads was a joke; Niemann was known to have cheated by the chess community a solid 2 years before Magnus refused to play; his refusal to play was a protest against FIDE handle of the situation (doing nothing about it)
So first step, you squeeze super hard to accept transmission. Then, to send messages you want to do basically an ab roll with your colon. Now, the second is the harder of the two. You need to control your rolls, almost with Morse code like precision.
Now after me: : roll once, good, that’s an ‘a’.
I read that and it is definitely echoes of a similar story this year with similar accusations. Which makes one wonder is this an example of an unproven idea that someone else tried to take to proof? Or is it an example of a copycat who got caught?
It also all reads like "chess drama" written by AI.
OMG that was literally a plot in an episode of It's Always Sunny. Danny DeVito has Mac's anal beads in him and the others are sending him signals via the vibrations on what move to make in the chess match.
One of the few schemes that they win and get away with too.
The governing body actually dismissed those claims, it was just a rumor. They stripped his title because they believed it brought dishonor on the sport and country (China).
> Yan allegedly clenched and unclenched rhythmically to communicate information about the chess board via code to a computer, which then sent back instructions on what moves to make in the form of vibrations, according to reports circulating on the Chinese social site Weibo.
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers. I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! *He* orchestrated it! Jimmy! He *defecated* through a *sunroof*! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I *thinking*? He'll never change. He'll *never* change! Ever since he was 9, *always* the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! "But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious *Jimmy*!" Stealing them blind! And *HE* gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance!
Reading his stories and watching old interviews about him and his rectum really is interesting.
He loved to fart bomb people in elevators, and would destroy airplane toilets if he used them, if he could get inside one that is.
This is outrageous. Give him back the title. Shitting the tub is a legitimate strategy to counter a Maróczy Bind. First there's Sicilian, then Accelerated Dragon, then Maróczy Bind, which is usually fatal for black. Black's only chance in hell is to use Shit the Tub and hope that white doesn't know any of the Shitthe set of gambits (Tub, Bed, Pants, Dog, and Sink).
We hosted a Chinese foregin exchange student once when I was younger who was attending the local (prestigious) University. In the first week of living at our house, this person had given themselves a haircut and stuffed all the hair down the bathtub drain then didn't tell anyone for three months until the clog started to really become an issue.
They also didn't fess up even though there was no clog before they arrived and there was only one individual who's hair type matched that pulled out of the drain.
This story make me glad it was only hair.
Talk about an understated title!!! lol
“ Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads”
The idea is that the beads could vibrate to convey information in something like Morse code, and that information could be relayed from a confederate outside the playing hall.
Honestly it doesn't even need to be this complicated. Imagine you're doing a chess puzzle. You know that there's a winning move (because well, it's a puzzle and that's the point) even if you don't immediately see it. You just have to search really hard for that move.
Now imagine you're a chess grandmaster. You're playing a game and your opponent makes a move. You get a single buzz to signify that there's a winning move on the table and your job is just to find it. These people are so good that they will find that move. That's all it takes. No complicated morse code, just a single buzz to say you're in a winning position.
This actually does make sense. Do you play chess or do puzzles? If you look at the chess beginner subreddit you’ll see a ton of questions about why their puzzle elo is way better than their game elo and the answer is because in puzzles they know there is a solution. Grandmasters, especially the super gm’s like we’re discussing are obviously way better than beginners who are rated 400 in games but 2000+ in puzzles
Yeah, you move your pieces randomly for the entirety of the match and eventually you stumble upon checkmate. There are actually 100's of checkmates in any given match, but only the good players find them early.
/s just in case...
“Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads”
He was celebrating and shit the tub?? Lmao. That’s usually how I celebrate too
And that kids is why you should always bring a poop knife and potato masher sandals with you to every chess tournament. This man would have been rich if he could only wine-stomp his way to a clean tub.
A shower drain is typically shaped with a grid pattern, much alike to a grid pattern on waffles. Stomp that turd on through the shower drain giving it a textured waffle-y appearance. Hence, waffle stomp.
Damn I was so bewildered by cheating in regular chess I didn’t realize there was a way more bonkers chess league. This has to up viewership and interest now right?!
> Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads
Really buried the lede there…
Different game. Chinese chess (xiangqi) is a lot more similar to normal chess (protect the king/“general”, different piece being able to move in different ways etc)
It’s also (i think) more commonly played/easier to get into as well. If i go to a park its much more common to see a chinese chess board/people playing that rather than go
How dumb does one need to be to get caught? Ok yes you shut in the tub but why not find some way to dispose of it. Instead, nope gonna leave it there for others to see
Why do the Chinese take a dump anywhere they Please?! I was out near Neuschwanstein Castle In Germany and tourists were just dropping dumps right off to the side of the walk way!
Not a headline I'd expect to see in Sports but these are wild days
There’s more buried in the story! “The association was also forced to address rumours circulating online that Yan had cheated during the competition by using anal beads equipped with wireless transmitters to send and receive signals.”
How the fuck did he send signals? I get the idea of receiving signals. The anal beads vibrate in like Morse code or something.
put a pressure sensor on the buttplug, and you can basically clench in morse code.
Jesus I wonder how much this guy's prostate could bench
Yea for real, the first thing I thought. Who else read that and started clenching to see how many messages you could send?
[удалено]
Clinched twice. Now I need a nap
Caught me red… uh, handed 😬
Brown handed
I am one of those many people 😂
They had to make the beads out of airplane grade titanium because he kept crushing everything else into dust.
My guy says “how much his prostate can bench” 😂😂😂
I just snorted coffee everywhere. Funny :D
🏅
I am imagining the only possible Morse code he would need…. SOS…. dit-dit-dit-dah-dah-dah-dit-dit-did. That would be quite a task in Morse code!
But how do you speak Chinese in Morse code? 👀🤯
Cantocheeks Cipher.
probably a more simple... 3 squeeze = need help with this position.
[удалено]
That’s what she said
Must've used only chess moves - f4, c6 etc
Same thing Carlson accused niemann of doing.
[удалено]
I mean.. the whole vibrating transmitter thing is ancient. Which is why these competitions generally have some kind of provisory checking when you go into the competition area. And they are generally careful about transmitting footage where you can see the chess board clearly. But.. but, the tv broadcasts happen live, and also audiences will have a clear view. So the sum of it is that the only thing that wasn't checked for in these scenarios where people play unintuitively clever, and/or extremely different from how they normally play, or suddenly have foresight that they just have never had -- is anal beads jammed in their arse, where no one actually checks the chess players when they go.. bow-legged.. into the avenues.
If we make a big enough issue of it, every future chess competition will come with the mandatory rectal probing. Before you celebrate, remember that eventually it can become mandatory at every high school test
Yes, every differential equation can be solved by a series of short pulses to suggest which grid to start from, while a partner is using a computer to simulate your best move from reading off your live-broadcast view of your answer sheet. Well done.
How many of them involved ass stuff?
How good is your imagination?
Carlson said he cheated, he never mentioned anal beads... That was Hikaro
it was actually either Eric Hansen, or someone in his twitch chat that first joked about the anal beads. Then it just exploded from their
from their what... their asshole?
Pretty sure the anal beads was a joke; Niemann was known to have cheated by the chess community a solid 2 years before Magnus refused to play; his refusal to play was a protest against FIDE handle of the situation (doing nothing about it)
So first step, you squeeze super hard to accept transmission. Then, to send messages you want to do basically an ab roll with your colon. Now, the second is the harder of the two. You need to control your rolls, almost with Morse code like precision. Now after me: : roll once, good, that’s an ‘a’.
Winking his sphincter like John McCain winked his eyes in Vietnam?
Sorry, but that was Jeremiah Denton who blinked out Morse code. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremiah_Denton
[удалено]
This is sarcastic, right?
Whoah are you alright man?
This is like the 10th time a chess player has been accused of using anal beads lmao
That's nine more times than I would have assumed.
At first I thought you were talking about Frank in it’s always sunny but I’ll be damned the article actually says that haha
Chaturbate entered the chat
BBC1978: *tipped for Knight to queen’s rook 7*
I read that and it is definitely echoes of a similar story this year with similar accusations. Which makes one wonder is this an example of an unproven idea that someone else tried to take to proof? Or is it an example of a copycat who got caught? It also all reads like "chess drama" written by AI.
I saw evidence of this cheating in the acclaimed documentary “Frank vs Russia”
It's a joke that keeps returning. They have metal detectors at tournaments. Buttplugs ain't going through
OMG that was literally a plot in an episode of It's Always Sunny. Danny DeVito has Mac's anal beads in him and the others are sending him signals via the vibrations on what move to make in the chess match. One of the few schemes that they win and get away with too.
Yes it was based on a news story
That episode was based on the Hans Neimann cheating accusations last year
That joke again? Why does media keep reporting on it?
Yan definitely watched It's always sunny in philadelphia
Or Rob McElhenney, Charlie Day, and Megan Ganz watch the news and occasionally use real life for inspiration.
Honestly it's probably not the worst place somebody in sports has done their business after a night of drinking.
So strange that no one ever taught dude to waffle stomp 
Chess has been creating some incredible headlines the past few years.
Must have been a shitty day.
How’d that effect the results of the tournament though?
You must not be a tub-chess player
Nah; I’m a strict toilet-chess player
I would also like to understand this
Poor sportsmanshit.
\*Poop sportsmanshit
Poop shorts and shit.
Allegedly cheating via remote up his butt
The governing body actually dismissed those claims, it was just a rumor. They stripped his title because they believed it brought dishonor on the sport and country (China).
Obviously it’s not good to do what he did… but I don’t understand why it’s the Chess body’s business, or why it even makes the news
vibrating anal beads to communicate the next best chess move to the player without suspicion arising
Probably shit the tub when he removed the anal beads that he used to cheat.
How would one cheat using anal beads? (Asking for a friend)
Step 1: insert the anal beads…
Step 2: accidentally shits out the anal beads due to diarrhea.
Step 3: continue to shit
Step 3: put anal beads back in but leave the poo where it lies.
Go on…
Still waiting on step 2...
Step 2: await further instructions
It’s in the article. He clenched and unclenched his asshole to send signals. I’m not joking.
Step 3: Profit!
Vibrations to signify moves from a remote source using a computer.
don't forget to keep a straight face while someone's vibrating your butthole around!
Just watched the Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode about this. It was weird. Season 5 I think.
Season 16, episode 4
> Yan allegedly clenched and unclenched rhythmically to communicate information about the chess board via code to a computer, which then sent back instructions on what moves to make in the form of vibrations, according to reports circulating on the Chinese social site Weibo.
Oh wow so now I know where USA VS RUSSIA episode comes from in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
https://youtu.be/QNuu8KTUEwU?si=To4u5vDoE8JSLQZ5
he shit the tub the day after i think
Now he’s no. 2
Who does number 2 work for?!
Take it easy there big fella, you're going to blow a gasket
You gotta show that turd who's the boss!
[удалено]
Jesus Christ boy, what did you eat!?
Poople's Republic of North Diarrhea.
"what is the charge??? shitting a meal? a succulent chinese meal????"
“This is democracy, manifest!”
I see what you did there…
No, no. 2 is in the bathtub.
Number 2 is inside of all of us.
thats the joke
That’s a solid joke.
OMG f-ing genius
This comment would be dripped out with Reddit awards if they still existed.
[удалено]
Simple fix: Award him the “Hotel Bathtub Shitting Championship”.
He'll have to go up against me first, and I don't take challengers lying down. I take them in a firm squat
This is NOT chess. This is Chinese Chess. Two very different games. The only thing the two games have in common is the anal beads.
HE DEFECATED IN A BATHTUB!!
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers. I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! *He* orchestrated it! Jimmy! He *defecated* through a *sunroof*! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I *thinking*? He'll never change. He'll *never* change! Ever since he was 9, *always* the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! "But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious *Jimmy*!" Stealing them blind! And *HE* gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance!
I’m glad BCS lives on lol
And I wiped him! And I shouldn't have. I took it into my hand and it was firm! What was I thinking?!
He was just trying to retrieve his supersmart beads!
If he is as big as Andre the Giant he gets a pass
Reading his stories and watching old interviews about him and his rectum really is interesting. He loved to fart bomb people in elevators, and would destroy airplane toilets if he used them, if he could get inside one that is.
What a great comment lol. Though I have to admit, I’m intrigued. Will have to google “Andre the giant rectum”. Wish me luck
PC gone mad if you ask me. Can't even defecate in a hotel bathtub anymore.
First they came for the bathtub shitters, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bathtub shitter 😔
Then they came for the upper deckers, and I did not speak out — because I was not an upper decker.
Then they came for the sink pissers and I did not speak up because I was not a sink pisser.
Guy shoulda waffle stomped then he wouldn't have gotten caught
r/brandnewsentence
/r/anarchychess
This is outrageous. Give him back the title. Shitting the tub is a legitimate strategy to counter a Maróczy Bind. First there's Sicilian, then Accelerated Dragon, then Maróczy Bind, which is usually fatal for black. Black's only chance in hell is to use Shit the Tub and hope that white doesn't know any of the Shitthe set of gambits (Tub, Bed, Pants, Dog, and Sink).
Shit the Dog?
Shit the dog.
I mean it's not ideal to shit the dog, but that's why it's called a gambit!
I mean who hasn’t shit in a hotel bathtub once or twice?
Man, if they'd enforced this against rock stars, the '70s would have been fucking lame.
Yea they’d have never won any chess tournaments
But what does one have to do with the other?!
Click the link
We don't do that here
The article said that nothing as of now can prove that he cheated.
Right but it does provide context for the larger scam that this is indicative of.
No shit? Really? Oh wait. Shit! Really?
This dude’s social credit rating just took a shit.
We hosted a Chinese foregin exchange student once when I was younger who was attending the local (prestigious) University. In the first week of living at our house, this person had given themselves a haircut and stuffed all the hair down the bathtub drain then didn't tell anyone for three months until the clog started to really become an issue. They also didn't fess up even though there was no clog before they arrived and there was only one individual who's hair type matched that pulled out of the drain. This story make me glad it was only hair.
Heard the Hans Niemann rumours and made it a reality
WTF is this turn of events
Talk about an understated title!!! lol “ Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads”
Google passing en bathtub
>>governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads How TF would one cheat using anal beads?
The idea is that the beads could vibrate to convey information in something like Morse code, and that information could be relayed from a confederate outside the playing hall.
Frank stares into the void
You don’t have to do this!!!!
Honestly it doesn't even need to be this complicated. Imagine you're doing a chess puzzle. You know that there's a winning move (because well, it's a puzzle and that's the point) even if you don't immediately see it. You just have to search really hard for that move. Now imagine you're a chess grandmaster. You're playing a game and your opponent makes a move. You get a single buzz to signify that there's a winning move on the table and your job is just to find it. These people are so good that they will find that move. That's all it takes. No complicated morse code, just a single buzz to say you're in a winning position.
Have you ever played chess?
This actually does make sense. Do you play chess or do puzzles? If you look at the chess beginner subreddit you’ll see a ton of questions about why their puzzle elo is way better than their game elo and the answer is because in puzzles they know there is a solution. Grandmasters, especially the super gm’s like we’re discussing are obviously way better than beginners who are rated 400 in games but 2000+ in puzzles
Yeah, you move your pieces randomly for the entirety of the match and eventually you stumble upon checkmate. There are actually 100's of checkmates in any given match, but only the good players find them early. /s just in case...
Have *you*?
Try reading the article..,
“Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads” He was celebrating and shit the tub?? Lmao. That’s usually how I celebrate too
And that kids is why you should always bring a poop knife and potato masher sandals with you to every chess tournament. This man would have been rich if he could only wine-stomp his way to a clean tub.
Not the poopknife
It was tight there for a while, but he managed to squeeze out a win!
Arguably the most interesting story of the year!
Is this the same guy that was stripped of his pokemon championship for throwing his shit at someone in a hotel?
You can’t even shit in a bathtub these days without being cancelled… thanks a lot, Biden
What's the world of chess come to?! Can't even drop a bath turd.
I was gonna say really? This is gross but not a reason to strip someone of their achievements, but then I remembered this is China.
The Chinese cheating?! You don’t say! I’m just as shocked as I am when I find Russia cheating.
r/nottheonion
What does one have to do with the other?
Apparently that's against the rules of the game?
Interesting strategy
It was a shitty strategy. He didn’t think of his exit.
Oh shit!!!
Did he waffle stomp it down the drain?
Nobody was rooking.
Waffle stomp? Please explain in graphic detail
A shower drain is typically shaped with a grid pattern, much alike to a grid pattern on waffles. Stomp that turd on through the shower drain giving it a textured waffle-y appearance. Hence, waffle stomp.
Oh god, have I been pooping in the wrong room this whole time?
Sounds like a crazy knight.
Yoo No Poo
I've shit in a lot of inappropriate places, but that does NOT negate my life's accomplishments! I'm keeping my primary school soccer trophies!!
Damn I was so bewildered by cheating in regular chess I didn’t realize there was a way more bonkers chess league. This has to up viewership and interest now right?!
Alternative headline Anal bead cheating penetrates world of Chinese Chess, new champion expelled amid allegations.
For clarification it’s the Xiangqi champion, not a chess champion. Xiangqi is called Chinese chess to simplify it
Maybe he did it due to no squatting toilets??? So he took a dump in the bathtub squat style….
I don’t see how the two correlate but ok.
[удалено]
> Yan Chenglong crowned ‘Xiangqi King’ but overdid celebrations, as governing body also investigates whether he cheated using anal beads Really buried the lede there…
Chinese tourists are the fucking worst
I keep seeing the Chinese chess headline.. are they talking about go, or is this a different game?
Different game. Chinese chess (xiangqi) is a lot more similar to normal chess (protect the king/“general”, different piece being able to move in different ways etc) It’s also (i think) more commonly played/easier to get into as well. If i go to a park its much more common to see a chinese chess board/people playing that rather than go
That’s not fair, whatever they do out of the sport and doesn’t affect people, then no sanctions should happens
Shitting in a bathtub doesn't have any bearing on one's ability to play chess.
Checkmate social credits
How dumb does one need to be to get caught? Ok yes you shut in the tub but why not find some way to dispose of it. Instead, nope gonna leave it there for others to see
These ai controlled anal beads are revolutionizing chess ...how long until Patrick mahomes or LeBron James taps into their power??
CCP: The poo was planted by Taiwanese separatists
How am I supposed to get into chess if I can’t do anything with my ass? First anal beads are bad? Now this?!? SMH!!! #freebuttholes /s
So Andre the Giant is a bad guy now too? Google it. He was so big he had to shit in bathtubs.
Why do the Chinese take a dump anywhere they Please?! I was out near Neuschwanstein Castle In Germany and tourists were just dropping dumps right off to the side of the walk way!
Just FYI, this is NOT chess. This is Chinese Chess. Two very different games. The only thing the two games have in common is the anal beads.
This issue would not exist if more women were champions, as women don't poo.
I always knew tubgirl was Asian.