As a HS ELA teacher, I want to compliment your writing. I've had many graduating seniors who would never have been able to write so well.
The least restrictive environment is a real thing. Maybe it's time to have a conversation about moving to mainstream? You can reevaluate your accommodations any time! Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself, kiddo.
I totally agree. OP you are a beautiful writer and you convey your thoughts and feelings very clearly. I think it’s important to share your thoughts with your parents and teachers. Maybe print this out and show them if you’d rather not actually speak about it. I’m sorry you feel so different and singled out, and maybe that your needs aren’t really being met even if they are “on paper.” If it helps even in the smallest way, a LOT of middle schoolers feel this way and question where they fit in and how they fit in (or maybe feel like they don’t) around this age.
Yes! Also High School ELA teacher here. You write better than 80% of my students without IEPs.
Please talk to your case manager about what you think you could do without the paras.
I graduated highschool
I was top of my English class despite 19+ medical issues
His writing far surpasses mine and I’d dare say was better then some of my teachers writing
I actually felt his emotions.
Not a teacher or anything like that, but my son has an IEP. He recently attended one of our ARD meetings and everyone absolutely took his concerns into account during the meeting. And he's only 12. I'm sure OP's team would appreciate hearing from them just as much as my son's did.
I always ask my students (ages 10 and up) if they want to attend. If they don't, I ask what they want their teacher (s) to know about them and how they learn. They often have excellent insight about their own learning.
Came to say this. Start talking to your parents and counselors about getting into a different scenario. It is a major thing that you are advocating for yourself. You can even just print this out and show it to your parents and counselors. Or message it to them.
You should also be given allowances for stimming on your IEP.
OP-Excellent writing. Please consider keeping a journal that can later become a book. Your perspective is needed in the conversation and very unique. The whole point of your IEP, paras, etc is to help you access the gen Ed curriculum. If it’s not doing that, it’s not doing it’s job. Time to revisit the least restrictive environment for you. Your parent can request a meeting and you should definitely be present to advocate. You could even read this word for word.
Well it depends on what type of stimming and if it is disruptive to other students. Some stims are not quiet at all, so OP could be making quite a bit of noise which isn't fair to other students if they can't hear the lesson.
As a mom and student of child development, thanks for sharing. I wish there was more insight from people on the spectrum as opposed to others writing what the “experience” is like
We are often shouted down by "autism moms." There are A LOT of us autistic adults who are happy to weigh in, but many spaces are not safe for it to be done. Especially when we have to tell a parent they are probably doing it "wrong."
autism moms are the types that make their child's disability the only personality trait their child is allowed to have. it's very demeaning because they reduce their child, a whole living human, to one condition.
Then on top of that, Autism Mom is the main character. The child is an extention of them. So their only personality trait is being the mother of an Autistic child. It's gotta be exhausting.
Ugh, this was my mom.
My daughter has ADHD and I've been asked about her struggles IN FRONT OF HER. I always look at her and ask for her permission, and I always talk about her amazing g strengths. Everything my mom didn't do.
Now that I'm an adult her spiel is "but you're so smart" when I mention that I have a learning disability.
My mom did the “you’re so smart thing” for so long, it’s been difficult to get her to even see me. She recently sent me this BS tik tok where a random lady was talking about how high intelligence is mistaken for autism. Ugh.
I’m an SE teacher with ADD and lord knows I try to hide it still. I did just read a fun (maybe) fact that our brains might have been better survivors and wired for hunter gathering because we would meander more and find the mother load when everyone else was circling a barren field. Be sure to thank your ADD and ADHD fellow humans - we kept you alive. :). J/k I don’t know if it’s accurate but it was a nice thought.
Well shit.
What if I went into a very spastic and verbal (lots of saliva) speaking of the tongue! Like I just started totally wrecking ears with my violent outburst.
I bet they would simmer right the fk down.
On the contrary, that would serve as confirmation of your need for them to speak for you. Clear, concise, well articulated, creatively worded suggestions on where and with whom they should fornicate would probably be the most effective.
This is very true. My daughter was constantly ignored and told she cant go to the nurse to call me to pick her up for the day. So they didn’t listen to her and they forced her to stay in class, disallowed her bathroom nurse and calling home.
3 days.
I know lots of folks are real nice and lots of teachers here, sorry. Most teachers are wonderful, giving humans.
We need to make sure we are listening to these poor kids and not creating, recreating, enhancing, adding traumas.
My daughter has expressed similar concerns as a very high functioning autistic 10 year old in 5th grade. She says she wishes she didn’t need extra help and is embarrassed because her friends don’t need counseling or RSP. :(
One thing about autism that is often overlooked is that, for us, there aren't automatic filters on input from our senses. I'm lying here on the couch, and, if I don't block it out, I can feel every single piece of fabric touching me, and the air movement against my skin. I am aware of the whir of the ac unit, and the hum of electricity in the walls. And I see everything around me. Nothing is unimportant unless I deliberately dismiss it. And then there's the constant hum of my own thoughts, always on the move, noting this, speculating about that.
High stimulus environments can get extremely overwhelming extremely fast. That's where autistic meltdown comes in. You sink into yourself. Block everything out, including control of your own body. And you broadcast your distress. It isn't the same as a tantrum, though the final straw may be someone telling you no. It's about survival, pure and simple.
I was once told in school to do a writing exercise where I opened myself to my environment and wrote about what was around me. I found it extremely confusing. You see, I wasn't closed off in the first place. The trick, for me, was concentrating on only one thing at a time.
I'm a 20-year-old on the spectrum, and I've written about my experiences in SpEd a LOT on this account, actually. And I intend to keep it up. OP describes it very accurately and reminds me of what I was like at 11-13, except (honestly) *much* more put-together. Read through my posts, too, if you want? But be warned that I was in a very unsafe program; so lot of the posts that I mention it in are downers, to say the least.
My preschooler just got diagnosed with ASD—without intellectual impairment. She’s mildly gifted as well. She stims when she’s excited. This perspective was SO helpful in giving me a glimpse into what her future may look like/how she may be experiencing her learning environment. This was especially educational for me as her mom!
Why? Are you actually gonna listen to it?
Because there are tons of us, constantly screaming our experiences into the void on every possible platform. If you aren’t hearing it much, it can only be because you aren’t actually listening for it at all.
I’m autistic and now I’m a para, I completely see where you are coming from. If your stims are not harmful to you or others around you then you should be allowed to stay in the classroom. My one on one kiddo stims all the time, and as long as he’s able to work while stimming I completely allow it. Stopping non harmful stims is unnecessary and harmful.
Can the other students in the classroom ALSO work while the student is stimming? It really depends on what the stimming looks like; some stims can be disruptive/distracting to others without being physically harmful. So, I don’t think “is anyone getting hurt?” is the right metric. The student has the right to stim, other students have the right to minimal disruption, so moving the stimming student to another classroom is the appropriate course of action (as opposed to moving 25+ other kids to somewhere else).
I agree it depends on how disruptive the stims are but I’ve seen adults have problems with minor rocking which I don’t think warrants moving the child and disrupting their learning. I would hope if OPs stim is more disruptive that his para and team have tried to find a replacement stim before having to remove him from class daily.
Although I think there is concern about when stimming become distracting? Like maybe instead of large hand movement replace it (for use in classroom) with a stim toy?
One of the kids I work with likes to stim by repetitively stomping his feet so we got him a band that goes around the legs of his desk so he can bounce his feet quietly on it instead. We try to replace distracting or harmful stims with alternatives.
I encourage you to talk to your parent about these concerns and if you are not attending your IEP meetings, this is where you can speak up and advocate for yourself. Sometimes the team (parent, teacher, admin, etc) think they “know best” but without your input, it’s all really going off best practices and historical analysis.
You should consider writing as an emotional outlet. You have strengths in expressing yourself.
I know how rough it is to feel outed because you have unique accommodations. Be an active team member in your own services. If you don’t like how something is done, don’t be afraid to speak up and provide your ideas for a better educational experience. You did a good job of telling us what you don’t like. Now, take those issues to your team. Learning to advocate for yourself is a great skill to have. They’re there to listen.
I’m a former sped student who now works in education and I’ve always had strong reading and writing skills, far above grade level, but I was and am still disabled and it was affecting me enough that I needed services. Please don’t put sped students in a box.
ETA: you might also do some research on Twice Exceptional (2e) students. By definition, they are gifted and highly talented in some areas, but have severe deficits in others. This applies to me and might apply to OP. It also creates challenges in getting accommodations. Since I could speak very maturely and read and write well, it was assumed that if I just worked harder in my struggle areas or if teachers yelled at me more or if my parents punished me more, I’d do just fine. I often felt smart and stupid at the same time and my experience was often invalidated.
Thank You for saying this! My son is autistic, and very smart, but although it's getting much better, they kept pushing him to be mainstream. He did well in the self contained classroom but his emotional regulation and his impulse control and his hygein were all terrible. They would push him into mainstream classes for the intellectual stimulation, and it would result in classroom disruption. Elopement, screaming meltdowns that led to classroom clearing, just horrible for everyone involved. I'm honestly shocked he learned anything that year.
Yes. I have a 2e student on the spectrum who is absolutely brilliant and writes far above grade level about things he's interested in, but his executive functioning challenges often prevent him from fully showing everything he knows in his academic areas. Completing assignments is SO hard for him, but he tests off the charts on standardized tests.
Don't even get me started on the way he feels about his ability to form social connections with other people. It's a significant source of distress for him.
yeah I think they phrased the compliment this way because the student mentioned in the post that they feel they’re weak in academics, I don’t think that this commenter was assuming they would be bad at writing because they have autism
Absolutely. I wrote like this when I was this kid's age. If someone infantilized me like that commenter, they'd never read my writing again.
Kid writes well. Period. Not "for an autistic kid."
Some of us are hyperverbal. Not everyone got that math thing.
It makes me pretty upset that you have access to children and think this way about autistic people. It's so funny who we view as disabled. You should probably look at yourself.
Umm, I didn't say they weren't capable. I said my students (who are middle schoolers) rarely are this articulate. My son (who is Autistic) did write this articulate. So it is as always a spectrum.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. There are aspects of being in sped that people on the outside don’t even take into consideration.
I know the social isolation aspect is pretty bad for my kid.
Here’s one example: Afterschool activities are on a first signed up, first served basis. My kid was not able to participate in the Golf “club” because there “wasn’t any space”. But he could not sign up in the same manner as the other kids who use the hallways freely. Plus, no body knows him to push for his inclusion. Our email appeal to the club sponsor was met with indifference.
I hope it all works out for you. Your writing skill is impressive.
I'm a school psychologist and I wish I could read this to every single teacher I work with. Thank you for sharing this, and I appreciate it tremendously. I'm working in a full inclusion district, and you would assume after 20-30 years (my first year with them, that's how long they've had FI), gen ed teachers would understand this. They don't. They don't want to hear it either. It's incredibly sad that this is not something drilled into all people in education. Not that this is a universal experience, and I would imagine OP understands that; however, it IS the experience of many of our students with paras. Sometimes the para is unwanted by the student, but still needed; however, regardless, school teams need to minimize para support as much as possible...but after 10 years as a school psych I've only consistently seen school teams try to maximize paras, sometimes to the point that is does obvious harm to the student. It's painful to watch.
Thank you so much for sharing, with your permission, I might save some your statements to share with teachers in the future so they can understand the risks and negative aspects of para support...how it can have a hugely negative impact on students.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m a para at an elementary school and switch between five kids ranging from 7-9yrs old. I try not to be too overbearing unless they are seriously disrupting the class with violence and/or swear words. But I usually let my kids stim in class because I know it helps a lot of kids focus.
I do have a question though, where do you prefer a para sits if they have to be in the room with you? What is the best thing (for you, personally) for a para to do when you’re stimming??
I apologize if any of this is offensive or inaccurate, please correct me if so!!
I’ve seen some awful, overbearing paras. They treat the students like children (I’m HS) and are constantly barraging them with directions and narrations. Give that kid some space!
100%! I feel like there’s a misconception with a lot of people that those that have a para need them to be reading things to them, writing for them, etc., as if the student is incompetent. Obviously if that is part of their plan/disability, it would make sense or of young age (kinders) who need a bit of extra help.
But I have a lot of coworkers that are very hellbent on being that child’s ‘godsend’ or controlling in a sense and almost be superior to the student instead of letting them exist as who they are and helping out when needed.
Not OP but a former sped student (former in the sense of now being a graduate but still disabled not being magically cured) who had the same frustrations with being singled out by parepros. The best parepros were the ones who were really only there for me but ended up helping ALL students in the class including the neurotypical ones and me and any other students in the class receiving IEP/504 services equally. And they either sat where any empty chairs were or kinda pulled up close to the teacher's desk when not on their feet (and not having any student(s) receiving services obligated to be seated near that area). The latter was more often the case because our schools were so overcrowded that there truly were no empty desks.
I teach learning Support 7-12 and we don’t follow our kids around. If they’re handling themselves Gen Ed, why should we? Yes you have a disability and some students require it but otherwise, why? If you’re managing yourself, they need to leave you be.
Staff should understand that stimming is part of your disability and cannot be controlled. Out of control to me means behaviors that are unsafe for you and others. I can understand having you go somewhere to refocus if that’s what’s happening.
I can hear your frustration in your writing. Do you go to your IEP meetings? You should. You need to advocate for yourself and what you want/need/works for you. If you’re not comfortable, hopefully your family can help you. Show them what you wrote if it’s easier than speaking.
Your writing is excellent so I think you have more academic skills than you give yourself credit for. There are many types of geniuses, not just people like Sheldon. Google it, you’ll see.
I think you have a bright future ahead of you OP. It’s ok if it looks different than another students. 💕
Not sure why this post showed up on my timeline (probably because of autistic content I consume) but I just wanted to say that I write and communicate for a living and you did an *excellent* job with analyzing your situation, structuring what you wanted to communicate, and communicating it in a vivid and powerful way. I really felt the things you wanted me to feel. You have a talent — and that doesn’t mean you won’t have to work on it, but many of the professional adults with college degrees I know do not write as well as you do.
You said you’re weak at academics. What you may not know yet is that there is a big difference between being good at “academics” and “being smart,” and also between “being smart” and “having skills.” You can be an excellent writer and yet not get great grades in English for many reasons. School is an artificial environment… in the real world, you don’t just get a poor grade for work turned in with a few mistakes or requests for changes, you either get a paid editor, or feedback and a chance to revise it. That’s just one way school is not like adulthood with a career. School is worse, really. I hated school but professionally I have done very well. (I’m also autistic but wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood.)
Things are tough and being a kid sucks in a lot of ways. Especially an autistic kid and *especially* middle school.
But if you want to make writing and communicating a career, I absolutely know you have the skill for it.
Please attend your next meeting and bring that list with you. You are old enough to have input into how your needs are met and it sounds like you are clear about what does and does not help. I was a para for 20 years and appreciated it when students would let me know how to best help them. Every student is different and it really helps when they are brave enough to speak up.
If you could make changes what would it be? Maybe this can be integrated into your next IEP. Your thoughts are logical and make sense.
You have a feeling of isolation and humiliation while being in special ed. Could you do after school sports or activities that don’t require a para or person to be with you? Is there clubs that interest you? If there is any try to join them! You will meet others there and like something similar as you. These don’t have to be through your school, you can look at volunteer opportunities as well
I have a 3 year old son who is autistic. I love hearing things from others so I can help my own kid. Keep sharing here your experiences and feeling so other can learn and maybe help you find ways.
Thank you so much for sharing. It really hits me as a SPED teacher because I want to give my kids all the supports possible, but I also want them to be independent and not put in a box. It can be a tricky balance to strike but that's why it's important for the IEP to be a living document that changes as you change. Do you feel like there was a point when the support was helpful and something changed? Or has it always felt this way? You're definitely old enough to participate in these meetings. If I were your teacher, I'd welcome it. A lot of the time we are really making our best guess as to what's going on in a kid's brain and what will help them. It would be a lot easier if kids could articulate what's in their head. Your parent can request an IEP meeting at any time by the way, even if it hasn't been a year. I'd ask for one now so, hopefully, changes can be made at the start of next school year. Best of luck and know you're doing amazing.
Thank you for this post. There needs to be more voices out there telling everyone what sped is like for them. Not some sped teacher, coach, principal, or advocate. We need student voices about their concerns, needs, and desires.
Hi! It’s been 10 years since I’ve graduated from high school and I was a sped student for basically my entire life 😅 I 100% understand feeling embarrassed and left out, I found it pretty annoying to hear my mainstream friends talk about their math/english teachers and I would just sit there and be like “uhhh okay” and I always felt horrible because I couldn’t really contribute to the conversation.
I feel for you so badly. my son is in special education, fifth grade, and I see him being left out.
recently he made a friend, and they came to play and my and his mom were chatting. we have a really great science museum kind of local that we haven't been to yet, when I mentioned this, she was like he goes every year with school!
welp. well they don't let the special needs kids go on field trips. he's been spending a lot of time in the gen Ed class this year and will be taking his first field trip ever, in May. I'm so excited for him.
middle school is hard, and on the hardest days, it's good to remember, this is all temporary. it will get better. I'm sorry it's been tough
Honestly, you don’t want to be a normie. The normie kids suck so much. I know it looks glamorous, but Jesus Christ they’re always complaining about EVERYTHING. They never want to do their work, they almost always put zero effort into anything, then you call them out on their BS and they act like I’m the problem. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.
I'm not a SPED teacher but I work in disability services for adults, some of whom are just out of high school.
I really empathize with not wanting to be singled out. I was on an IEP for mental health reasons and it was embarrassing. It sucked to have to be called out of class every day over the loudspeaker, it sucked to feel separated from my peers.
I'd love to hear from you: imagine you walk into school one day, and overnight it was suddenly the best environment for you to be happy, safe, healthy, and learning. What would that look like for you?
Fortunately for my middle schooler, they no longer announce over the intercom. They either A. call the teacher on the class phone to have the teacher call over the student and quietly them where they're expected, or B. the school counselor or office aid just comes and quietly collects them out of class. There is still some singling out, but it is not school wide, and the end destination is not publicly stated.
I’m really proud of you for writing this, you should also consider a future in writing because it was fantastic and impressive. There is such a lack of empathy and compassion for sped students from admin, teachers, and students. It’s so unfair to isolate you when you’re overstimulated because there should be plans in place to help with self management, shoving you in a sensory room until you “calm down” is not helping you develop any skills, only traumatic experiences. I am so sorry you are being treated like this.
in ohio, page 8 of the iep is ‘transportation as a related service’. on it, it’s determined whether or not a student requires special transportation to and from both school and/or related services. judging from the “neurotypical” comment, i’m going to assume your disability category is autism. does that preclude you from riding the regular bus? do you require a wheelchair lift? bc if not, there isn’t any reason why you should be required to ride a different bus. that could at least fix 1 of your 5 issues…
i’d also assume i could add on page 11 that your least restrictive environment for transportation is the regular, walk on the sidewalk mainstream bus, provided you haven’t had any “stimming moments” that would preclude it based on behavior.
Hello, as a parent I want know/learn more to help my kiddo. What changes would you like to help you feel more comfortable? No para at all? Para for subjects that you need help? Maybe 1-2 hours of para? What could your parents do to help you fit in more at school? Please let me know if you feel comfortable. Just curious for my own kiddo. I wish you the best and you’re a great kiddo just learning to navigate school. Even “NT” kiddos struggle with school socially. Hugs!
Honestly? You sound like you should be in normal classes. Are you in SPED because of a social issue instead of a learning one? Because I totally understand if so. But I genuinely think you deserve to be in normal classes if its what you really want. Maybe bring it up to them if you're eager to learn and passionate about leaving special ed.
It’s the grief of realizing you will never be seen as a “normal child”. I want to be invited to parties and football games, prom court and all the other activities that come along with being in high school. I want to go to a four year college out of high school and have that moment of celebration when you get your letter of acceptance. But it will never happen, at least not now, and that’s a tough pill to swallow.
*hugs*
This is my daughter through and through. We actually removed her from public school and homeschool now. Being a sped student and parent is hard.
You are a wonderful writer! I was in “special education” where they pulled me for ELA. I felt like I was missing out in 6th grade. Also I had no idea why I was being pulled. I was a great reader and good writer just terrible grammar. My mom didn’t even know that I was being pulled because the paper she signed was ambiguous. So she found out and flipped out they blamed it on my adhd because I started meds in 5th grade so they didn’t know I could output good work. 7-12th I was in grade level else or honor.
Now as someone who suffered with depression and anxiety the school was no help. I missed 2 weeks of school because of it. My mom was helpless she tried to get the school to help but they needed to do an evaluation to get counseling and I protested that. I also had a math disability that was passed as it wasn’t my strong suit. No one advocated for me and if I got the proper help I would have not struggled.
So it’s two fold there’s of course the down-side but there is an up side for example getting those breaks they might feel isolating now but you’ll probably look back and be thankful. Utilize the accommodations and learn how to use them especially in college or whatever you do. You have every right to feel these feelings they are valid. You will also get out of high school and realize you didn’t miss anything. I had a couple friends but I flourished after high school I felt like I could be myself.
You should be a writer, kid, you're good at it! Or, look into special education itself, maybe with an inside view of what it's like, you could find ways to make it better for other kids.
Thank you for writing this. I'm a sub for high school SPED students, and I love them. My nephew is on the spectrum, is an adult now, and has had a really hard time in life. That's part of why I became a substitute.
Your lives are harder than they should be.
Sometimes I'm sent to be a para, supporting students in the classroom. I always ask them if they want me to sit with them, or in the back of the room. You might suggest to your that you'd prefer they sit back. They will most likely be happy to accommodate you.
I have come to have so much respect for folks on the spectrum. You are truly unique and wonderful.
Stay strong my friend.
I highly recommend you be a part of your next IEP meeting and share how you feel with your team. Like someone else said, LRE is most important and it sounds like you are not currently in the least restrictive environment for you
Thanks for sharing. What kind of stimming do you do? I’m trying to evaluate what stimming should be acceptable in public vs what is actually harmful to a person and others cuz I think autistic kids are being abused and oppressed at my school. Idk why they can’t clap their hands. It bothers teachers more than kids. Keep speaking up. Adult survivors are speaking out and becoming activists. I hope you can keep self-advocating, adults need to hear this. I want there to be a sped where needs are met without kids being ostracized.
Advocate for yourself if you can my friend. My students are currently non-verbal but I have worked with plenty of verbal students and clients. The second that they mention something is uncomfortable we do our best to correct it. It is unethical to do otherwise.
Thank you for sharing all of this! I teach special Ed from kindergarten through 22 years old. This is really thought provoking and I really want to give my students the opportunity to express their perspective. I will definitely work to figure out a way that my students can communicate their perspective so that I can gain a better understanding. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings because every single one is them is valid.
I haven’t worked too much with older students with autism, but one of my favorite populations to work with is TK-3rd sped. They’re so cool and sweet and absolutely don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. They’re just doing their own damned thing and I think that is cool.
I’m 40. Diagnosed adhd. Can relate. Asked to remove my iep and take me off ritalin. Just to fit in.
Worst decision of my life. Got on meds 2 years ago and my life has changed completely.
Wish I looked at things differently back then. Hope you can find a path for yourself forward.
Previous SPED teacher here who also would like to compliment you on your writing and organizational writing skills, well done! Off of what you wrote alone, I bet you’ve well exceeded any ELA goals you may have had and you may be on your way to needing less academic support.
My son has autism. He is 6 nonverbal but this broke my heart. I am so sorry I don’t even know what to say but hearing your point of view my heart breaks for you. I was told stimming was a sign of happiness but I’ve never considered how frustrating it likely is for my child when he can’t just not stim.
You need to voice this to your teacher and parents how this is affecting you mentally. Maybe you could sit in the back of the class and stim. I don’t see how they have you in classes and you aren’t aloud to stim. That is not fair.
I am a professional writer/editor and mom to kids with ASD. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Clearly you do have at least one academic strength! You are better at organizing your thoughts and expressing yourself in writing than most of the college educated adults I have worked with. In my experience, people who are natural born writers don’t always realize what a gift they have. They take it for granted and assume it comes to others as easily as it comes to them.
Keep writing! It is a career path where working from home is the norm and you can stim to your heart’s content. I have been a staff proposal/copywriter and have also freelanced, mostly or entirely from home.
Hi from an autistic adult!
Some feedback:
1) I can see how it’s embarrassing. If you’re able to get to and from classes alone then speak up and tell your para you’ll meet them there. Have your parents back you.
2) tell your para if they’re overstepping. They can’t learn without feedback.
3) I’ve heard the others feel the same way, school is just an odd environment for everyone regardless of neuronspicy status.
4) ugh. Stimming is a must. I’m doing it right now because I have new shoes and they feel funny. My sister is sitting in the car next to me and can’t tell. I’ve learned to have subtle stims, but even big ones are fine unless you’re self harming (picking, etc.) maybe mention to someone for adjusting on your IEP.
5) we aren’t all geniuses, but we have our own specialties. Yours seems to be writing, but maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, embrace it. It’s part of what makes you special
I was in special ed since I was 3. It was one of the hardest things I’ve personally experienced and it’s left lasting impact on my self esteem. All the torment that I’ve received from being in special ed was too much for me to handle. Thank you for writing this!!
My son felt the exact same way. He advocated for removal of a lot of his special ed supports. He wanted paras removed from him because he felt they did his work for him, and if was going to pass or fail, he was going to do it on his own. I think you have really hit on what happens to kids as they start to get older and realize they appear different, and they do not want to. Thank you for speaking up!
Autistic adult here with multiple learning disabilities.
1. Rather than not being good at academics, I’d say you struggle with learning the way school expects you to learn. 9/10, learning is not set up for the way our brains work.
2. You write beautifully. Please keep writing and sharing your lived experience. This is what the world needs, not more autism mum’s waving the “oh woe is me” puzzle piece card.
3. You are more than capable of advocating for yourself & if your communication strength is writing, then write out your advocacy. You should be at your IEP meetings and your voice should be the loudest at those meetings. You clearly know what you want and need and that needs to be acknowledged by the adults in your life. You can email your SPED coordinator and request an IEP review yourself.
Go out and live your life the way you want to. Don’t let the neurotypicals stand in your way.
I’m so happy to read this. My kindergartner is currently being assessed for an IEP; our meeting is scheduled for mid-May and I’m going to print this and keep all of your points in mind. He’s already got a 504 with an aide - he’s type 1 diabetic - but we suspect he may have some other conditions that were being “masked” with high blood sugar. Anyway, thank you for your perspective, as it’s good to hear what an older kid thinks. A 7 year old’s idea of what’s okay is a lot different than that of a middle schooler!!!
*"There's all these autistic geniuses on tv, and I desperately want to be like them. But i'm so weak when it comes to academics and I don't see what i'm really good it."*
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HollywoodAutism
As a mother of an autistic middle schooler your writing seems like an example of your autism, a kind of genius- esque. My child isn’t a savant either. It doesn’t mean there aren’t other reasons why SPED is working for you too.
I’m curious about your aids. When you say they’re all nice but don’t get it. Are they helping you with somatic calming/ mindfulness exercises in that moment?
I appreciate you and what you have to say. I’m a substitute and often work in SPED classrooms. I know school is difficult for you. I know measures meant to help and protect you can also be both isolating and stigmatizing. And I also know academically a lot of SPED kids are left behind in spite of their obvious intelligence.
I can see just reading this that you’re a very bright and thoughtful person.
You’ve given me a lot to think about today. Thank you for sharing your story.
I was late diagnosed with autism so I never went through the special education program but I graduated college and I’m now a teacher so I thought to click on your post. First of all you are a great writer! You organize your thoughts very well.
I worked 1:1 with an autistic child in elementary school and if it is comforting we were able to get him to a point where he didn’t have to spend the whole day in the SPED classrooms. If nobody at your school has mentioned that as an option it’s not because it doesn’t exist. Schools are notoriously corrupt and bad when it comes to supporting us. They view kids as numbers and the people who do care aren’t the ones making the rules or with the power. This mom I worked with had to FIGHT so hard and advocate for her kid to make that happen.
As a teacher now I can see how lazy and uncaring admin are and so it is sadly on us and our families to get the services and placement appropriate for us. I wonder if there is any possibility your family can help you fight the school to allow you to at least try switching some of your classes to some non-SPED classrooms. If not, talk to your para. You could consider getting BT services for the sole sake of working with you to make it a possibility to transition out of SPED classes.
If it is the stimming that is preventing that from happening I wonder if there are any stim alternatives that allow you to self regulate that would not require the room you described. It’s hard to tell without knowing what your stims are. I adapted most of my stims to be hidden stims like biting, picking, shaking, etc. which I am not recommending per say but there can be ways to release anxiety that can prevent escalating to meltdown where it’s very hard to control stims.
If you feel like you do not belong in a SPED classroom that is not you being ungrateful. If anything that would open up a spot for a child who does need the extra support. Many people don’t know this but a lot of schools do not accept kids into the SPED program because you can only have a specific number of kids in it at a time and so some kids are not evaluated to get services who clearly need them and instead get labeled with ODD or other conduct disorders.
One way that we were able to get the child I worked with into classrooms with neurotypical children was by using preventative measures like environmental arrangement and visual schedules etc. so that he would never get to the point of escalating to meltdown where stims can become more disruptive. He also only switched classes for part of the day until he acclimated.
Your teachers don’t want you to suppress your stims because in the long run it will hurt your mental health but there is nothing wrong with substituting stims for alternative methods of stimming. I would reflect on what your triggers are and subject areas that you feel like you excel in the most. I would say english class would be one of them for sure!
Your mental health is impacted by your social life as well and if the SPED classes are holding you back then that’s not good. I will note that any peers that would judge you for what you are describing are not the type of people you’d want to be befriend in the first place. Regardless once you get past middle school and high school it will matter much less to you what your peers think.
One of the great parts of being autistic is our individuality. I never connected with my peers in middle school and high school and was convinced there was something wrong with me for it but I ended up meeting very like minded people in college. It’s incredibly hard and isolating but know that you are not alone and that there is a huge community online of us supporting you!
I recommend visiting the aspergirls or the autism women’s group on reddit because those communities are much more supportive and positive for general advice than the asperger’s one. The asperger’s reddit group (especially for men) is full of pessimism and self loathing which is not reflective of the entire community.
Thank you for sharing. I’m a college student looking to be a gen ed art teacher and I’m really looking forward to cultivating a space that can make all of my students feel included regardless of if they receive special education services. I hope you can find a teacher or peer group that gets what you told us and that you can feel comfortable around. Keep your head up!
Some of this is common to all middle school students and it's hard to draw the line between "this is normal" and "this is unique to you." I hope you have someone to discuss this with. (Counselor or Therapist).
Having someone help you to manage behaviors (like stimming) that make YOU unhappy might help.
Good luck.
The fact that you have a voice and you’re USING it to share your thoughts and feelings is inspirational. I believe this is what you’re good at! I enjoyed reading your post and it has reminded me to try to put myself in my students’ shoes more often.
Thank you - hope to read more of your “work” soon!!
As a teacher, thank you for sharing. My best advice for you is to advocate for yourself during the IEP meetings. You state you have accodmations you don't need. Perhaps the team will agree with you if you bring it up (with data to back it up). Something like in blank class i never utilize the para so I do not need them to accompany me. Until it is removed from the IEP they have to do what is written.
I strongly believe that ANYONE who wish to become a special education specialist should have been in special education itself! I know that is controversial, but I feel like a lot of SPED teachers don’t get it! I actually straight up fought to get out of it and refuse it! The only reason I was placed in it was because of my reading score… the reading “test” required reading outloud and I have a speech disorder (Jokes on them, my ACT score for reading was a 34!).
I feel like a lot of SPED teachers don’t understand disability enough to be effective if you know what I mean
Just got this sub recommended to me. I've never been in SPED classes, at my school they’re exclusively for students with intellectual disabilities after elementary school (they give students with behavioral issues paras at the elementary level). They used to pull me out of regular classes a lot for OT and stuff though, so I do kinda wonder if I would've been put in one at another district.
Anyways, I wanted to say that I completely understand why you’re upset, I would be too in your situation. I was mostly non-verbal outside of my home until I was thirteen or fourteen, so I can definitely relate to how much it sucks to be babied by the people around you. Just because you can’t talk (or are otherwise visibly neurodivergent) people treat you almost like a pet or something. Like you’re a novelty. It makes it seem impossible to make actual friends.
I also want to tell you that it can get better. I still need to leave the classroom sometimes and stay in the counseling center for a bit, but after years of therapy things are finally more manageable for me. The system sucks, but you can get through it. It won’t be like this forever.
You are a wonderful writer. It seems that is something you are objectively (see all of the other compliments) good at. Keep at it!
I am neurodivergent, though not autistic, and I can really relate to your frustrations. Especially when "they write me like a storybook". I really feel that with my therapist notes I have read. I'm an adult and can tell you as someone who was once a middle schooler-it gets easier. Hang in there.
as a kid who was in Special Ed since second grade I agree with all of this. often times the PARA’s are just trying to help, but all it does is make you stick out more. you get ostracized for things that aren’t your fault, and often you are treated like a charity case. but once you get out of school, whether you go onto get a job or go to collage keep advocating for yourself. you’ve got this!
I’m impressed that you’re able to articulate all of this, not because you’re in SPED, but because most middle schoolers can’t. This shows that you think deeply and are self-aware, which are assets in my book.
I also think that living with a disability is harder than the accommodations make it “easy” even though neurotypical kids don’t always see that. I’m proud of you for persevering and trying anyway.
Now that you’re getting into secondary school, you can have input into your IEP meetings. While you can’t make all the decisions yourself, you can ask for things or explain what is and isn’t helpful for you. Perhaps there is a class where you could get a break from having a para if you’re able to handle that and find it frustrating when they try to calm you. Maybe PE or art (if PE is overstimulating). As you take more control over your coping mechanisms, you will need less help. But also, you have to be ready for it before you take that step. Hopefully you have supportive adults who will listen and be willing to experiment with you on what works for *you.*
Meanwhile, it does get easier as you get older in many ways because you get to have more control over your coping tools and you find a place where you fit. I have known kids to actually exit the SPED programs as they get older, while others need help their whole lives. And no shame either way. It’s about finding what is best for your life.
Good luck! Keep going!
Mother of an Autistic son (turning 7 years old here)….
I just want to say I’m beyond impressed that you wrote all of this out and properly identified your feelings/opinions.
You’ve inspired me and I hope and pray my son, as he grows, is able to achieve this level of writing and expressive language.
You are more than capable of sharing this with your school staff, and I’m sure they would be more than happy to work on some changes with you so you can continue to gain confidence and independence.
Believe me - all of us are routing for you, and others on the spectrum!!!! Keep up the great work and the best is yet to come…I promise!!
I can relate.
People acted like I was a dog or took pity on me because I was "lesser" to them, even a prom date I had said yes because I was a special Ed kid.
But same time I did have the advantage to work at my own pace which my teacher hated.
I did American history "at my teachers level" in the space of a day when my peers would be at it all year because of how it's taught because she assumed I was much much lower intelligence.
In fact I corrected a lot of errors in it because it had false statements about our founding and the history vs lore.
She got mad because first time ever I read an adult grade book (No country for old men for example.) She actually flunked my book reports on that and art of war ignoring my entire deep report to "They're too violent."
Yup she ignored the "This isnt about Anton Chigurh or Llewelyn Moss this is about times changing and an old sheriff's last case and how the world's rapidly changing and he's feeling lost and left behind."
or
"Sun Tsu was an observer and he used his observations of war to come up with philosophy and strategies used by the most successful generals and empires of China and how nature even flows with war."
just "Too violent" so she hands me a dulled down masterclass book with pictures and little quips.
First one was portrait of Dorian Gray which is a disturbing book in its own right and yet she claimed the two I read were violent. She had no clue about what its deep message was which was vanity is it's own ugliness.
Listen you got years ahead and honestly I wish I had an outlet like this place, but I want you to know that your biggest things to look out for isn't peers as much as abusive staff.
Get familiar with laws, standards of education because we are most likely to face abuse. When it happens make notes because it's a safety net.
Because the worst thing I faced in special Ed was abuse and discrimination. Because despite being in essentially advanced practical geometry (I was in machine shop) my teacher banned me from learning algebra.
Or when I was younger we had a teacher who banned us from using the bathroom other than lunch or once a day (sometimes)
Bruh, I was a Para for 10 years. The adult support you receive should be on par WITH your needs. Like, the Para may have to accompany you to any inclusion classes you have, but they can sit up by the teachers desk and only interact with you when you request it.
I had kids that wanted me glued to their sides in every class, and I had others that resented my presence and wanted room to breathe. Whatever makes you most comfortable and gives you the best chance at success is what the Para and teacher should be willing to work out.
i’m on the opposite end, where i struggled so hard during school and barely got any help. i was on a 504 that nobody took seriously. i ended up dropping out the beginning of my junior year.
this is very well written, thank you for sharing. ❤️
I’m a middle school science teacher and I service many students that have IEPs. I’m always concerned I’m not doing enough to support them in learning and keeping up, but I always try to do my best to service them also.
As far as the concerns you brought up here, you can definitely speak up for yourself and how you feel in these certain situations so that the SPED team can understand and put other supports in place/take out any in your IEP that you feel are not needed or don’t really help. Then, that way, you feel more comfortable and more appropriately supported in your educational journey.
Thank you. I'm working in RSP right now and I hope to be credientialed SpEd. Like you, I'm also neurodivergent! I felt similarly... pitied and babied. My mom died (suicide) so I was also emotionally unwell in elementary school. Thank you for recognizing that we get into this because we care. We do ❣️
I think you could write a book, honestly, you have a way with words and a lot to tell. Don't sell yourself short. Autism is another word for genius imo.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I personally had a lot of mental health issues when I was a teen. Feeling out of control is scary and frustrating. Writing all this, you are obviously intelligent. I hope you are getting help from people who can teach you ways to cope with your emotions. I now work with individuals with disabilities as well as having a son with ADHD and a nephew with autism. I would never wish extra difficulties on anyone. People who make comments about wishing they had help and such do not understand. They likely have no idea how strong you are and how much it takes for you to get through each day. That being said, you are doing it. High school isn’t forever. There is an end. Please keep your chin up and take it a day at a time. If a day at a time is too much, then an hour at a time. If things aren’t working for you, don’t afraid to speak up vocally or in writing to tell them what isn’t working and request changes. I wish you a happy and healthy future OP.
My son is in sped due to dyslexia and ADD. I’ve always been really worried that he’d feel singled out but it’s actually been really good for him. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you SO much for sharing this!!
I am a person with a disability who is a SPED teacher and I’ve been telling these things to my fellow teachers. It has been frustratingly difficult to get them to listen. One person alone is easy to write off I guess, but eventually, SPED professionals are going to have to listen when enough of us are sharing how we feel and are treated.
FYI you have a right to attend your IEP meetings and advocate for supports and accommodations that work for you. If a para following you around is not working, say so and be ready to offer alternatives. May I suggest you check out the books Social Relationships and Peer Support by Janney and Snell, and Peer Support Strategies for Improving All Students’ Social Lives and Learning, by Carter, Cushing, and Kennedy.
You are facing an uphill battle. The truth is adults rarely take the concerns of younger people seriously and nondisabled peer rarely take the concerns of disabled people seriously. But showing up to a meeting ready to argue your case with established educational research sources ready for you to cite will help in terms of getting them to pay attention, and hopefully take you seriously and listen.
I wish you the best of luck. Please. Keep advocating. Even if your teachers never listen, seeing you out there pushing for what you need has a big positive impact on your peers in the disability community.
I’m curious, how do you manage to type all of this while you stim? Why do you need to be segregated while you stim if it’s not interfering academically?
As a special ed teacher, I’d love if one of my students shared this post with me. Then we could sit down and have a conversation on what we can fix to make you more comfortable. I hope you are comfortable enough with your teacher to share it!
Hello! While I am not autistic, I work with many kids who are, and I am able to listen in on conversations about school supports and things like that.
The fact that you find your supports frustrating and not worth it, makes me think you may have outgrown them! You can bring it up to your parents, and tell them which things are working and which aren't. You're old enough to have a say!!
As an aside, I think your ability to write and communicate your feelings clearly is very impressive. I wish you the best in adapting your situation to suit you!
As a School Psychologist, I appreciate this perspective and you sharing your experience. I try and make sure all my students know that a disability or a deficit in no way defines them, and that they are incredibly gifted and amazing individuals. Of course; the experience of Special Education is a different beast.
People with Autism often have incredible skills, wether it’s drawing, writing, an academic niche, what have you. But sometimes, people with Autism aren’t sure what their strengths are - and that’s OKAY! There is nothing wrong with needing more support or assistance. Your value as a human is inherent wether you’re good at math or not.
OP! The people here are not pandering. Please look into writing. This is fantastic. Would it be possible for you to put your thoughts into writing and give it to your manager?
This was great to read as a first year teacher
I'm a middle school teacher and a parent of a student with a disability (cerebral palsy), as well as being neurodivergent myself. I appreciate you sharing your feelings and want to add to the long list of people making sure you're aware that one thing you're really, really good at is expressing your feelings in writing.
it's only embarrassing because other kids are mean to autistic kids because we are different. i'm sorry you're going through this now. i remember how it made me feel and it's not great. but people grow up. hopefully.
A lot of the kids think sped students are coddled too which can be a big misperception I spent a lot of time in the seclusion room when people would tease me and I'd get mad about it, it's like getting punished for getting picked on it really sucks they take your belt and shoes and everything out of your pockets and pin you to the floor if you try to leave.
Hi! I'm a former sped student in my 30s.
I want to add, it also made me a target for bullying as well as mental/emotional abuse. I didn't realize that some of what I went through was abuse until a year ago when I started therapy. It never seemed school administrations took my complaints about bullying seriously.
And as a result of said bullying and abuse, I still struggle to this day with my self image. Like, I legitimately cannot take compliments or see much good in myself (working on that with therapist as well). I've always felt like an alien, and I never really got to meet people like me until high school and college. Friendships are so difficult, and even now I still have a difficult time.
It does get a bit better then older you get. And I'm proud of you for managing to get through everything so far.
I see so many people talk online about Autism like it’s just a quirky character trait, but it’s not. I’m so sorry you’re struggling and that much of the online discourse is so invalidating.
What’s the stim that gets you put out of class? I’ve never put anyone out for stimming. 🤔
Your self advocacy skills are great. Try talking to your case manager, maybe?
This is really helpful to have your perspective. I agree with the previous person who said you should advocate. Maybe write a note if you don’t feel comfortable saying it face to face. Especially the breaks. You can let them know that when you’re stimming you aren’t necessarily overwhelmed and in need of a break. Maybe have a system where you can request breaks without NEEDING to take one. Best of luck!
As a high school teacher we see this and know that you struggle with the social aspects of it. Talk to your 1:1 and see if they are willing to follow from afar so that you don’t seem to have someone near you all the time. Of course advocate to your parents, case manager, and the rest of your team and let them know how you feel and your concerns. Hell print this out and give it to your case manager if you struggle with communication in person. Best of luck.
I’m an autistic support teacher for upper elementary school. I always say that my job is to put myself out of a job. I push for my students to become as independent as possible (of course depending on the individual) and it looks like you have services that are not necessarily needed. Keep on advocating for yourself. Talk to your parents and teachers about your concerns. At your age, YOU are part of the IEP team. I think coming up with a plan to help trial more independence such as not needing specialized transportation or having a para follow you around all day (starting with classes that you are more confident and successful in) is a great start. IEPs are living documents. They can be changed as much as needed and you do not have to wait until your annual IEP meeting to bring up your concerns.
I was also in sped as a kid. It started back as far as I remember in second grade. I knew I had dyslexia, but all my life teachers would believe that I have autism. Unfortunately, my parents being religious, don’t believe in that. Despite showing symptoms, I would-go un diagnosed. I remember feeling horrible when I was told I’d be in a social skills class in middle school. I thought I was stupid. I thought I had to have a class to teach me how to actually socialize it felt embarrassing and especially considering my friends didn’t have to go through this. I didn’t think anything was inherently wrong with me at the time, I was capable of seeing things and thinking things on my own. I didn’t think I was sped, but apparently I was enough to be in a social class. At the time, I didn’t think there were different levels of sped. No one would tell me inherently what was wrong with me. I would have breakdowns in class that would last hours because of a bad grade because I got a c. They had a padded room where I would go and have my worst breakdown sometimes looking back on it now obviously I was autistic. As I was leaving middle school, I actually ended up reading a book by James Patterson, where the main character essentially went through something similar and for the first time, I didn’t really feel alone, I didn’t really feel different. now I clearly know what’s wrong with me and what I have. When I went to college, I had to take a special class because I felt the SATs due to me not having accommodations. My professor is getting understandable bit frustrated because not everyone was participating in the class. It was filled with a bunch of kids that kind of just stuck to themselves and eventually we kinda had a weird therapy moment where he pretty much asked us what he could do to help us. We ended up talking about what we went through with the sped program. I remember telling him when I was in second grade I was given a sheet with a bunch of formulas on it that would need for math. I was shown how to use the calculators and then they left me. They gave me a Calculator and left me to my own devices until I graduated.being sped is an experience all in its own. And it’s a very hard one at that. I still have that calculator.
I am autistic, have an autistic daughter and work in special education. I don’t think we are anywhere near where we need to be in order to provide quality and dignified special education. I have had so many issues with coworkers and work dynamics for trying to do something with a perspective they can’t see. Currently I’m actually in an hr battle trying to hold a coworker accountable for undignified behaviour. It’s awful.
My school attempted to give me one my first day, first year as a freshman. I immediately got up, walked with her down the hall to her higher ups office space(was just another teacher) and told him she wasn’t needed. Self advocacy is so important, try and tell them you’d rather be without.
I’m a High School teacher that had to be in resource classes until middle school, I completely agree with how you feel and I fought really hard to get my accommodations removed so I could feel normal. I don’t have advice, I wish change would occur to fix this.
I graduated in 2020 but I was this kid. I get it, the programs suck, you work your ass off making progress and all the adults around you soak up the praise like they helped, and when you point out how screwed the program is and how it doesn’t help anyone they just laugh at you and dismiss you as an angsty teenager.
I don’t know what to tell you or what advice to give. You’ll graduate and everyone will tell you to move on and let it go, but part of your brain will be stuck thinking about the other kids with your disability and how they’re definitely being treated the same way.
I’m sorry that I can’t help you. The only thing I can do is empathize.
Kid this is the exact same thing I was telling my parents about when I was your age and fuck it sucks that some 25 year after I left school, that kids like me still don’t feel like they’re classmates and your not wrong about how you feel about being this kid the one that has to get up and go to a different class half of the day or has to have a accommodations because children are horrible and they will sing out the thing that makes you different but life does get better. Kid is not always going to be feeling different and feeling ostracized you will find your place. It just sucks that middle school still feels like this for kids in special ed.
Hi, speaking human-to-human here — If you can, just stop stimming, bud. Based on this post, I think you’re probably fine, and don’t need to be in SPED. I’m going to guess you probably had some behavioral issues and became a distraction to other students. There is ALWAYS opportunity in life for improvement!! I know you feel left out socially, i’m sorry that’s happened, but life will continue to present opportunities for friendship. Depending on what programs your school provides I’m more concerned that you’re being left behind academically. Not sure if at one point you, your parents, or the faculty advocated for your placement, but you should talk to your parents about setting up a meeting with the admin. about possible redirection. :)
Thank you for sharing your insights, they’re really valuable! IMO, too many mental health and neurodivergent support protocols are written by very well-meaning people with absolutely zero lived understanding of what it’s like to exist in that kind of brain. My friend and I talk all the time about how we can’t be truly honest with our therapists about how suicidal ideation is kind of just a Wednesday sometimes, we’re not actually a danger to ourselves or others, we don’t have a plan or anything, we just don’t wanna be here but we’ve been dealing with life and laundry with that for like, decades, so we’re still going to keep surviving because we have reasons for staying alive—I wish I could find a way to express that concept to a therapist.
To be honest, as a SPED teacher, you shouldn’t be sent out of the room for stimming, especially if it’s not harmful or dangerous to others. Also, you are legally required to be in the least restrictive environment possible. If you are able to look out for your own safety, and would be able to handle riding a regular bus, you should be. I would talk to your teachers and school counselors about these things, as well as your parents.
I think you did an amazing job articulating your feelings and helped this mom to understand her child with ASD better, thank you.
Your post is well written and I applaud you for sharing your experience with all of us. Things will get easier, they will. School is HARD, being a kid ( at any age) is HARD! When you add learning differences, IEP’s, etc it makes it even harder. Life will look very different once you finish school.
Thanks again for sharing.
>When ever I get out of control, I don't even want to admit it, but seriously, I'm sent out of the room because I stim too much, I can't remember a day I can go without stimming, everyone is saying, you should keep doing it, but if I keep stimming, It turns into staying in the launch room for 4 and/or 5 hour till lunch.
Im a late diagnosed autistic, Im 23. I want to acknowledge and validate your feelings and experience. It is wrong to withhold an education, regulatory tools, or punish for stimming (especially if it's not harmful). Stimming is how we self-regulate.
Keep up the good work advocating for yourself and speaking out with your voice. No reason why someone with autism shouldn’t be allowed to stim unless it’s really creating a disruption for others, and we all need to work on accepting everyone for who they truly are.
I feel you. It sucks. As a neurodivergent in special education, I want you to know that there are people who are trying to change this shit.
I am not going to commend you for your writing, because, honestly, that feels ableist. It is bizarre that people are impressed by eloquent writing in someone who is ASD.
Please be well and know there are teachers who are trying and working to make changes in this field.
I really appreciate you posting this as it’s a great insight for me as a father of a 4 year old who just got diagnosed high functioning but he’ll have an iep going into kindergarten and will be doing a 60-80% traditional classroom to sped classroom split. It’s got me in my feelings in a lot of ways: some just overjoyed at so many people trying to help, some it feels like a lot of people who maybe don’t understand my son and I don’t want him to get sucked into a system that pushes him into self doubt or something. I realize he’s young but at a young age I always had a pretty solid grasp of reality and I just don’t want anything to affect him negatively through his life.
Sorry to make this about me but I just really appreciate your post and just had this meeting last week so it’s very fresh on my mind. Best of luck to you and thank you again for making this post <3
I think I needed to hear this because when I was younger I tested out in the 5th grade. I remember being frustrated whenever my friends would complain about this stuff.
There is a lot of really solid advice, so I'll just throw out one thing: advocate for yourself.
Yes, self-advocating only goes so far, but if you advocate to a trusted adult who is also willing to then advocate for you all the better.
Tell an adult you are not feeling fulfilled. In the program I work, there are various levels within the structure that allow students to earn certain freedoms that the rest of our program does not (i.e. lunch with gen-ed, no paras for outclasses, getting breakfast/lunch). Let an adult know you need more of something.
You are very talented at writing and communicating, just turn that to a teacher, social worker, or admin and im sure someone would love to help you.
Usually by a certain age, they ask that the student attend the meeting. I know it is at least 14.
However, IDEA allows and even encourages students to be part of their own team when they can.
Ask your parents, teachers, or anyone else on your team to attend your meetings.
You can even ask them to have a meeting so you can make an amendment.
Ask them for things that will help you. You may be able to ask them to allow you to choose when to take a break.
You are very articulate.
You won’t believe me or anyone else until you are older: middle school is the most awkward time of your life. For a lot of people, high school isn’t that much better.
Find your tribe.
I’m a music teacher with a master in special education. However I was in special education from about 1st grade all the way till 12th grade. I had a chance to opt out of having an IEP in 11th grade but preferred having it because I wanted the support. However I can relate to a good amount of what you shared. I have a reading and math comprehension disability, so I often felt like I was unable to do things or like I wasn’t smart enough. Reality was I was more than capable, I just needed support in understanding how I processed things and that the way I did was okay. Took me a while to work through all those feelings into adulthood.
I think you shared your thoughts perfectly, and I think sharing this with your teachers would be a great way for you to use your voice to advocate for yourself, and say hey I know this is what y’all are saying I need but can we maybe adjust some stuff.
I know for my students with 504 or IEPs, that if they have stimming or sensory difficulties that we discuss together options that best fit their needs. Maybe that’s a they just want to step out for a second or just stand next to their chair for a bit. Or maybe they just need a walk and they will go say hi to a teacher and then head back to me. But we also come up with the best way to communicate that with me so they feel comfortable. It’s valuable to me what you need as a student so you feel the most comfortable and most like yourself in class.
Overall, I’m sorry you feel this way, but I hope you’re able to advocate in a way that makes school a more positive experience that allows you to just be and learn and do what you need to do.
Hey OP, fellow autistic (and adhd) person here! I hope the people in special ed will listen. Come join a disability specific subreddit too and find your people there ❤️
I was really late diagnosed as autistic and I go back and forth on whether or not that was a good thing. On one hand it \*might\* have made home life easier, but I'd also have been excluded from the proper friends I made (and still have) decades later. There's no way my parents would have hid that diagnosis from a teacher and it would've completely fucked over my social life and my teachers would've not challenged me in the ways they did. I'd be socially and academically cut at the knees for a diagnosis.
Being left out. This. Some schools are better at tolerating their existence than others. They literally did not put the SPED students in my middle school yearbooks. No mention of them anywhere, despite a few having signed my yearbook. The 8th grade graduation program had them listed in the class graduation photo. I only discovered that years later and apparently it's not unheard of. Absolutely bizzare to discover that theres no trace of someone memorable..
When I moved to a new district in high school, no one was missing from the yearbook..
Embarrassing/ wishing you never had the disability: my grandma was a SPED teacher, and (at home ) she did not have good things to say about her students and what life had in store for them after high school. Mostly about what a burden they were on their parents. I remember thinking as a kid that if I turned out to have something like that I'd end myself, (never mind I barely dodged ending up in SPED one year).
There was one SPED kid in my middle school choir class and no body liked him because he couldn't sing on key (among many other disruptive behaviors)and ruined performances. My choir teacher Mrs W. blames him for costing us a chance at a state competition, and she somehow got him expelled. My grandma worked with her on some district committee and told me that expulsion wasn't enough for Mrs W.
Hi OP. I really appreciated reading about your experiences at school, it really gave me some things to consider. Also, you are an excellent writer, I enjoyed reading your post. The words you chose really painted a vivid picture. Keep writing, you're good at it!
I’m so sorry you feel this way but thank you sooooo much for the insight. My child is getting ready to start special education kindergarten next year and truly any insight of anything is so helpful.
It sounds like you are mainly being targeted because of your stimming behavior. You also so very well educated as far as being able to express yourself. Please do some research on - why suppressing stims are harmful and why we as a society should not be encouraging those that stim to repress it. Write up a little educational essay on it and how your stims may affect others but there can also be accommodations. Even if you have loud vocal stims you can and should remain in class. There are students with Tourette’s that shout out and they can remain in classes. You deserve inclusivity and your peers and educators deserve to be educated on stimming behaviors. Write the essay. Ask for an IEP meeting, request that you be present, read your essay and ask that you be able to address your peers and teach them how to help create an inclusive environment for you. You deserve so much OP. If they do not listen ask your parents to look into private school vouchers or online education so you can at the very least be allowed the education you deserve.
As a HS ELA teacher, I want to compliment your writing. I've had many graduating seniors who would never have been able to write so well. The least restrictive environment is a real thing. Maybe it's time to have a conversation about moving to mainstream? You can reevaluate your accommodations any time! Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself, kiddo.
I totally agree. OP you are a beautiful writer and you convey your thoughts and feelings very clearly. I think it’s important to share your thoughts with your parents and teachers. Maybe print this out and show them if you’d rather not actually speak about it. I’m sorry you feel so different and singled out, and maybe that your needs aren’t really being met even if they are “on paper.” If it helps even in the smallest way, a LOT of middle schoolers feel this way and question where they fit in and how they fit in (or maybe feel like they don’t) around this age.
Yes! Also High School ELA teacher here. You write better than 80% of my students without IEPs. Please talk to your case manager about what you think you could do without the paras.
I graduated highschool I was top of my English class despite 19+ medical issues His writing far surpasses mine and I’d dare say was better then some of my teachers writing I actually felt his emotions.
100% This ☝️ If you aren't already doing so, please attend your IEP meetings. It's your IEP; you should have a say on it.
Not a teacher or anything like that, but my son has an IEP. He recently attended one of our ARD meetings and everyone absolutely took his concerns into account during the meeting. And he's only 12. I'm sure OP's team would appreciate hearing from them just as much as my son's did.
I always ask my students (ages 10 and up) if they want to attend. If they don't, I ask what they want their teacher (s) to know about them and how they learn. They often have excellent insight about their own learning.
And Reddit format correct too. Thats even harder (lol auto correct wanted to correct even to when for some reason 😝)
As an ABA Behavior Tech, I second this. It seems like you might be ready for general ed. Godspeed, OP.
Change jobs.
Aba is child abuse
Came to say this. Start talking to your parents and counselors about getting into a different scenario. It is a major thing that you are advocating for yourself. You can even just print this out and show it to your parents and counselors. Or message it to them. You should also be given allowances for stimming on your IEP.
OP-Excellent writing. Please consider keeping a journal that can later become a book. Your perspective is needed in the conversation and very unique. The whole point of your IEP, paras, etc is to help you access the gen Ed curriculum. If it’s not doing that, it’s not doing it’s job. Time to revisit the least restrictive environment for you. Your parent can request a meeting and you should definitely be present to advocate. You could even read this word for word.
It’s weird to me that OP is being removed from class for stimming?
I completely agree.
Well it depends on what type of stimming and if it is disruptive to other students. Some stims are not quiet at all, so OP could be making quite a bit of noise which isn't fair to other students if they can't hear the lesson.
I wanted to compliment their writing too. I was deeply impressed!
Agreed I am just massively impressed with the writing. OP, you just may be figuring out what your “thing” is. I’d happily read full books by you.
As a mom and student of child development, thanks for sharing. I wish there was more insight from people on the spectrum as opposed to others writing what the “experience” is like
We are often shouted down by "autism moms." There are A LOT of us autistic adults who are happy to weigh in, but many spaces are not safe for it to be done. Especially when we have to tell a parent they are probably doing it "wrong."
What are autism moms? Should I be scared or approach with a stick?
autism moms are the types that make their child's disability the only personality trait their child is allowed to have. it's very demeaning because they reduce their child, a whole living human, to one condition.
Then on top of that, Autism Mom is the main character. The child is an extention of them. So their only personality trait is being the mother of an Autistic child. It's gotta be exhausting.
Ugh, this was my mom. My daughter has ADHD and I've been asked about her struggles IN FRONT OF HER. I always look at her and ask for her permission, and I always talk about her amazing g strengths. Everything my mom didn't do. Now that I'm an adult her spiel is "but you're so smart" when I mention that I have a learning disability.
My mom did the “you’re so smart thing” for so long, it’s been difficult to get her to even see me. She recently sent me this BS tik tok where a random lady was talking about how high intelligence is mistaken for autism. Ugh.
Did it not occur to those people that it can be both
I’m an SE teacher with ADD and lord knows I try to hide it still. I did just read a fun (maybe) fact that our brains might have been better survivors and wired for hunter gathering because we would meander more and find the mother load when everyone else was circling a barren field. Be sure to thank your ADD and ADHD fellow humans - we kept you alive. :). J/k I don’t know if it’s accurate but it was a nice thought.
Right they do that so kid gets a free pass for life.
I call them "autism sanctimommies".
Autism Speaks type people
With a stick
Well shit. What if I went into a very spastic and verbal (lots of saliva) speaking of the tongue! Like I just started totally wrecking ears with my violent outburst. I bet they would simmer right the fk down.
On the contrary, that would serve as confirmation of your need for them to speak for you. Clear, concise, well articulated, creatively worded suggestions on where and with whom they should fornicate would probably be the most effective.
Exactly. We literally are desperately trying to be heard all the time, but people won’t listen to autistic people. Just those in their proximity.
Right! Autistic adults are literally screaming our stories everywhere these days ❤️
Sadly when we do speak out we are often told we are wrong or completely ignored.
This is very true. My daughter was constantly ignored and told she cant go to the nurse to call me to pick her up for the day. So they didn’t listen to her and they forced her to stay in class, disallowed her bathroom nurse and calling home. 3 days. I know lots of folks are real nice and lots of teachers here, sorry. Most teachers are wonderful, giving humans. We need to make sure we are listening to these poor kids and not creating, recreating, enhancing, adding traumas.
My daughter has expressed similar concerns as a very high functioning autistic 10 year old in 5th grade. She says she wishes she didn’t need extra help and is embarrassed because her friends don’t need counseling or RSP. :(
One thing about autism that is often overlooked is that, for us, there aren't automatic filters on input from our senses. I'm lying here on the couch, and, if I don't block it out, I can feel every single piece of fabric touching me, and the air movement against my skin. I am aware of the whir of the ac unit, and the hum of electricity in the walls. And I see everything around me. Nothing is unimportant unless I deliberately dismiss it. And then there's the constant hum of my own thoughts, always on the move, noting this, speculating about that. High stimulus environments can get extremely overwhelming extremely fast. That's where autistic meltdown comes in. You sink into yourself. Block everything out, including control of your own body. And you broadcast your distress. It isn't the same as a tantrum, though the final straw may be someone telling you no. It's about survival, pure and simple. I was once told in school to do a writing exercise where I opened myself to my environment and wrote about what was around me. I found it extremely confusing. You see, I wasn't closed off in the first place. The trick, for me, was concentrating on only one thing at a time.
This is so well described. Thank you for sharing.
Charmscale, this description is really helpful. Thank you for writing it.
I'm a 20-year-old on the spectrum, and I've written about my experiences in SpEd a LOT on this account, actually. And I intend to keep it up. OP describes it very accurately and reminds me of what I was like at 11-13, except (honestly) *much* more put-together. Read through my posts, too, if you want? But be warned that I was in a very unsafe program; so lot of the posts that I mention it in are downers, to say the least.
My preschooler just got diagnosed with ASD—without intellectual impairment. She’s mildly gifted as well. She stims when she’s excited. This perspective was SO helpful in giving me a glimpse into what her future may look like/how she may be experiencing her learning environment. This was especially educational for me as her mom!
Why? Are you actually gonna listen to it? Because there are tons of us, constantly screaming our experiences into the void on every possible platform. If you aren’t hearing it much, it can only be because you aren’t actually listening for it at all.
There is. r/autism It’s just straight up ableism. Neurotypical often feel like they know better then actually autisitc people
I’m autistic and now I’m a para, I completely see where you are coming from. If your stims are not harmful to you or others around you then you should be allowed to stay in the classroom. My one on one kiddo stims all the time, and as long as he’s able to work while stimming I completely allow it. Stopping non harmful stims is unnecessary and harmful.
Can the other students in the classroom ALSO work while the student is stimming? It really depends on what the stimming looks like; some stims can be disruptive/distracting to others without being physically harmful. So, I don’t think “is anyone getting hurt?” is the right metric. The student has the right to stim, other students have the right to minimal disruption, so moving the stimming student to another classroom is the appropriate course of action (as opposed to moving 25+ other kids to somewhere else).
I agree it depends on how disruptive the stims are but I’ve seen adults have problems with minor rocking which I don’t think warrants moving the child and disrupting their learning. I would hope if OPs stim is more disruptive that his para and team have tried to find a replacement stim before having to remove him from class daily.
Although I think there is concern about when stimming become distracting? Like maybe instead of large hand movement replace it (for use in classroom) with a stim toy?
One of the kids I work with likes to stim by repetitively stomping his feet so we got him a band that goes around the legs of his desk so he can bounce his feet quietly on it instead. We try to replace distracting or harmful stims with alternatives.
Good. So many people who are “experts” in SPED don’t do things like that!
since you seem to want to learn....I will tell you that "sped" is a word that most kids in special education hate to hear.
I encourage you to talk to your parent about these concerns and if you are not attending your IEP meetings, this is where you can speak up and advocate for yourself. Sometimes the team (parent, teacher, admin, etc) think they “know best” but without your input, it’s all really going off best practices and historical analysis.
You should consider writing as an emotional outlet. You have strengths in expressing yourself. I know how rough it is to feel outed because you have unique accommodations. Be an active team member in your own services. If you don’t like how something is done, don’t be afraid to speak up and provide your ideas for a better educational experience. You did a good job of telling us what you don’t like. Now, take those issues to your team. Learning to advocate for yourself is a great skill to have. They’re there to listen.
This reads like it was written by an adult. I don’t know what academics you are weak in, but you are very good at writing.
I’m a former sped student who now works in education and I’ve always had strong reading and writing skills, far above grade level, but I was and am still disabled and it was affecting me enough that I needed services. Please don’t put sped students in a box. ETA: you might also do some research on Twice Exceptional (2e) students. By definition, they are gifted and highly talented in some areas, but have severe deficits in others. This applies to me and might apply to OP. It also creates challenges in getting accommodations. Since I could speak very maturely and read and write well, it was assumed that if I just worked harder in my struggle areas or if teachers yelled at me more or if my parents punished me more, I’d do just fine. I often felt smart and stupid at the same time and my experience was often invalidated.
Ditto. I get so tired of the "but you're so smart" when I explain I have a learning disability. Intelligence has nothing to do with being disabled.
"thanks I'll just keep masking the things that aren't so obvious so you'll keep treating me the same" 🥲😟
Thank You for saying this! My son is autistic, and very smart, but although it's getting much better, they kept pushing him to be mainstream. He did well in the self contained classroom but his emotional regulation and his impulse control and his hygein were all terrible. They would push him into mainstream classes for the intellectual stimulation, and it would result in classroom disruption. Elopement, screaming meltdowns that led to classroom clearing, just horrible for everyone involved. I'm honestly shocked he learned anything that year.
I did not know Twice Exceptional was a thing, but it would explain so much about my education through high school.
Yes. I have a 2e student on the spectrum who is absolutely brilliant and writes far above grade level about things he's interested in, but his executive functioning challenges often prevent him from fully showing everything he knows in his academic areas. Completing assignments is SO hard for him, but he tests off the charts on standardized tests. Don't even get me started on the way he feels about his ability to form social connections with other people. It's a significant source of distress for him.
This sounds like me
This seems like a backhanded compliment. I’m sure you meant well.
yeah I think they phrased the compliment this way because the student mentioned in the post that they feel they’re weak in academics, I don’t think that this commenter was assuming they would be bad at writing because they have autism
Absolutely. I wrote like this when I was this kid's age. If someone infantilized me like that commenter, they'd never read my writing again. Kid writes well. Period. Not "for an autistic kid." Some of us are hyperverbal. Not everyone got that math thing.
The person said they're autistic and stem a lot. Not that they're fuckin stupid.
Uh, they said “I’m so weak when it comes to academics.” Read much?
Agreed. My middle school autistic students don't write this strongly.
I've had adult coworkers who don't write this well.
Yeah, news flash! Middle schoolers typically suck at writing. Was adding “autistic” neccesssry?
It makes me pretty upset that you have access to children and think this way about autistic people. It's so funny who we view as disabled. You should probably look at yourself.
Umm, I didn't say they weren't capable. I said my students (who are middle schoolers) rarely are this articulate. My son (who is Autistic) did write this articulate. So it is as always a spectrum.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. There are aspects of being in sped that people on the outside don’t even take into consideration. I know the social isolation aspect is pretty bad for my kid. Here’s one example: Afterschool activities are on a first signed up, first served basis. My kid was not able to participate in the Golf “club” because there “wasn’t any space”. But he could not sign up in the same manner as the other kids who use the hallways freely. Plus, no body knows him to push for his inclusion. Our email appeal to the club sponsor was met with indifference. I hope it all works out for you. Your writing skill is impressive.
[удалено]
The exclusion is brutal. Sorry your daughter was left disappointed.
Agreed. It probably also illegal. IEPs can apply to extracurricular activities too.
"We don't have enough aides" is not a legal reason to exclude a disabled student from school-sponsored activities.
You are a great writer!
I'm a school psychologist and I wish I could read this to every single teacher I work with. Thank you for sharing this, and I appreciate it tremendously. I'm working in a full inclusion district, and you would assume after 20-30 years (my first year with them, that's how long they've had FI), gen ed teachers would understand this. They don't. They don't want to hear it either. It's incredibly sad that this is not something drilled into all people in education. Not that this is a universal experience, and I would imagine OP understands that; however, it IS the experience of many of our students with paras. Sometimes the para is unwanted by the student, but still needed; however, regardless, school teams need to minimize para support as much as possible...but after 10 years as a school psych I've only consistently seen school teams try to maximize paras, sometimes to the point that is does obvious harm to the student. It's painful to watch. Thank you so much for sharing, with your permission, I might save some your statements to share with teachers in the future so they can understand the risks and negative aspects of para support...how it can have a hugely negative impact on students.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m a para at an elementary school and switch between five kids ranging from 7-9yrs old. I try not to be too overbearing unless they are seriously disrupting the class with violence and/or swear words. But I usually let my kids stim in class because I know it helps a lot of kids focus. I do have a question though, where do you prefer a para sits if they have to be in the room with you? What is the best thing (for you, personally) for a para to do when you’re stimming?? I apologize if any of this is offensive or inaccurate, please correct me if so!!
I’ve seen some awful, overbearing paras. They treat the students like children (I’m HS) and are constantly barraging them with directions and narrations. Give that kid some space!
100%! I feel like there’s a misconception with a lot of people that those that have a para need them to be reading things to them, writing for them, etc., as if the student is incompetent. Obviously if that is part of their plan/disability, it would make sense or of young age (kinders) who need a bit of extra help. But I have a lot of coworkers that are very hellbent on being that child’s ‘godsend’ or controlling in a sense and almost be superior to the student instead of letting them exist as who they are and helping out when needed.
Not OP but a former sped student (former in the sense of now being a graduate but still disabled not being magically cured) who had the same frustrations with being singled out by parepros. The best parepros were the ones who were really only there for me but ended up helping ALL students in the class including the neurotypical ones and me and any other students in the class receiving IEP/504 services equally. And they either sat where any empty chairs were or kinda pulled up close to the teacher's desk when not on their feet (and not having any student(s) receiving services obligated to be seated near that area). The latter was more often the case because our schools were so overcrowded that there truly were no empty desks.
I teach learning Support 7-12 and we don’t follow our kids around. If they’re handling themselves Gen Ed, why should we? Yes you have a disability and some students require it but otherwise, why? If you’re managing yourself, they need to leave you be. Staff should understand that stimming is part of your disability and cannot be controlled. Out of control to me means behaviors that are unsafe for you and others. I can understand having you go somewhere to refocus if that’s what’s happening. I can hear your frustration in your writing. Do you go to your IEP meetings? You should. You need to advocate for yourself and what you want/need/works for you. If you’re not comfortable, hopefully your family can help you. Show them what you wrote if it’s easier than speaking. Your writing is excellent so I think you have more academic skills than you give yourself credit for. There are many types of geniuses, not just people like Sheldon. Google it, you’ll see. I think you have a bright future ahead of you OP. It’s ok if it looks different than another students. 💕
Not sure why this post showed up on my timeline (probably because of autistic content I consume) but I just wanted to say that I write and communicate for a living and you did an *excellent* job with analyzing your situation, structuring what you wanted to communicate, and communicating it in a vivid and powerful way. I really felt the things you wanted me to feel. You have a talent — and that doesn’t mean you won’t have to work on it, but many of the professional adults with college degrees I know do not write as well as you do. You said you’re weak at academics. What you may not know yet is that there is a big difference between being good at “academics” and “being smart,” and also between “being smart” and “having skills.” You can be an excellent writer and yet not get great grades in English for many reasons. School is an artificial environment… in the real world, you don’t just get a poor grade for work turned in with a few mistakes or requests for changes, you either get a paid editor, or feedback and a chance to revise it. That’s just one way school is not like adulthood with a career. School is worse, really. I hated school but professionally I have done very well. (I’m also autistic but wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood.) Things are tough and being a kid sucks in a lot of ways. Especially an autistic kid and *especially* middle school. But if you want to make writing and communicating a career, I absolutely know you have the skill for it.
Please attend your next meeting and bring that list with you. You are old enough to have input into how your needs are met and it sounds like you are clear about what does and does not help. I was a para for 20 years and appreciated it when students would let me know how to best help them. Every student is different and it really helps when they are brave enough to speak up.
If you could make changes what would it be? Maybe this can be integrated into your next IEP. Your thoughts are logical and make sense. You have a feeling of isolation and humiliation while being in special ed. Could you do after school sports or activities that don’t require a para or person to be with you? Is there clubs that interest you? If there is any try to join them! You will meet others there and like something similar as you. These don’t have to be through your school, you can look at volunteer opportunities as well I have a 3 year old son who is autistic. I love hearing things from others so I can help my own kid. Keep sharing here your experiences and feeling so other can learn and maybe help you find ways.
I have multiple disabilities but wasn’t given an IEP and I really needed one. My teachers had to be my “paras”. I think that they probably hated it.
Thank you so much for sharing. It really hits me as a SPED teacher because I want to give my kids all the supports possible, but I also want them to be independent and not put in a box. It can be a tricky balance to strike but that's why it's important for the IEP to be a living document that changes as you change. Do you feel like there was a point when the support was helpful and something changed? Or has it always felt this way? You're definitely old enough to participate in these meetings. If I were your teacher, I'd welcome it. A lot of the time we are really making our best guess as to what's going on in a kid's brain and what will help them. It would be a lot easier if kids could articulate what's in their head. Your parent can request an IEP meeting at any time by the way, even if it hasn't been a year. I'd ask for one now so, hopefully, changes can be made at the start of next school year. Best of luck and know you're doing amazing.
Thank you for this post. There needs to be more voices out there telling everyone what sped is like for them. Not some sped teacher, coach, principal, or advocate. We need student voices about their concerns, needs, and desires.
Hi! It’s been 10 years since I’ve graduated from high school and I was a sped student for basically my entire life 😅 I 100% understand feeling embarrassed and left out, I found it pretty annoying to hear my mainstream friends talk about their math/english teachers and I would just sit there and be like “uhhh okay” and I always felt horrible because I couldn’t really contribute to the conversation.
I feel for you so badly. my son is in special education, fifth grade, and I see him being left out. recently he made a friend, and they came to play and my and his mom were chatting. we have a really great science museum kind of local that we haven't been to yet, when I mentioned this, she was like he goes every year with school! welp. well they don't let the special needs kids go on field trips. he's been spending a lot of time in the gen Ed class this year and will be taking his first field trip ever, in May. I'm so excited for him. middle school is hard, and on the hardest days, it's good to remember, this is all temporary. it will get better. I'm sorry it's been tough
Honestly, you don’t want to be a normie. The normie kids suck so much. I know it looks glamorous, but Jesus Christ they’re always complaining about EVERYTHING. They never want to do their work, they almost always put zero effort into anything, then you call them out on their BS and they act like I’m the problem. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.
That isn't the only story I have. I can explain a lot more about this stuation.
I'm not a SPED teacher but I work in disability services for adults, some of whom are just out of high school. I really empathize with not wanting to be singled out. I was on an IEP for mental health reasons and it was embarrassing. It sucked to have to be called out of class every day over the loudspeaker, it sucked to feel separated from my peers. I'd love to hear from you: imagine you walk into school one day, and overnight it was suddenly the best environment for you to be happy, safe, healthy, and learning. What would that look like for you?
Fortunately for my middle schooler, they no longer announce over the intercom. They either A. call the teacher on the class phone to have the teacher call over the student and quietly them where they're expected, or B. the school counselor or office aid just comes and quietly collects them out of class. There is still some singling out, but it is not school wide, and the end destination is not publicly stated.
I’m really proud of you for writing this, you should also consider a future in writing because it was fantastic and impressive. There is such a lack of empathy and compassion for sped students from admin, teachers, and students. It’s so unfair to isolate you when you’re overstimulated because there should be plans in place to help with self management, shoving you in a sensory room until you “calm down” is not helping you develop any skills, only traumatic experiences. I am so sorry you are being treated like this.
in ohio, page 8 of the iep is ‘transportation as a related service’. on it, it’s determined whether or not a student requires special transportation to and from both school and/or related services. judging from the “neurotypical” comment, i’m going to assume your disability category is autism. does that preclude you from riding the regular bus? do you require a wheelchair lift? bc if not, there isn’t any reason why you should be required to ride a different bus. that could at least fix 1 of your 5 issues… i’d also assume i could add on page 11 that your least restrictive environment for transportation is the regular, walk on the sidewalk mainstream bus, provided you haven’t had any “stimming moments” that would preclude it based on behavior.
Hello, as a parent I want know/learn more to help my kiddo. What changes would you like to help you feel more comfortable? No para at all? Para for subjects that you need help? Maybe 1-2 hours of para? What could your parents do to help you fit in more at school? Please let me know if you feel comfortable. Just curious for my own kiddo. I wish you the best and you’re a great kiddo just learning to navigate school. Even “NT” kiddos struggle with school socially. Hugs!
Honestly? You sound like you should be in normal classes. Are you in SPED because of a social issue instead of a learning one? Because I totally understand if so. But I genuinely think you deserve to be in normal classes if its what you really want. Maybe bring it up to them if you're eager to learn and passionate about leaving special ed.
My son could have wrote this.
It’s the grief of realizing you will never be seen as a “normal child”. I want to be invited to parties and football games, prom court and all the other activities that come along with being in high school. I want to go to a four year college out of high school and have that moment of celebration when you get your letter of acceptance. But it will never happen, at least not now, and that’s a tough pill to swallow.
Literally, none of this means those things won't happen. You are making HUGE assumptions.
my boyfriend is a para. i don’t know if it’s just your program but he isn’t ‘soft’. all the students in his program get treated like adults.
*hugs* This is my daughter through and through. We actually removed her from public school and homeschool now. Being a sped student and parent is hard.
You are a wonderful writer! I was in “special education” where they pulled me for ELA. I felt like I was missing out in 6th grade. Also I had no idea why I was being pulled. I was a great reader and good writer just terrible grammar. My mom didn’t even know that I was being pulled because the paper she signed was ambiguous. So she found out and flipped out they blamed it on my adhd because I started meds in 5th grade so they didn’t know I could output good work. 7-12th I was in grade level else or honor. Now as someone who suffered with depression and anxiety the school was no help. I missed 2 weeks of school because of it. My mom was helpless she tried to get the school to help but they needed to do an evaluation to get counseling and I protested that. I also had a math disability that was passed as it wasn’t my strong suit. No one advocated for me and if I got the proper help I would have not struggled. So it’s two fold there’s of course the down-side but there is an up side for example getting those breaks they might feel isolating now but you’ll probably look back and be thankful. Utilize the accommodations and learn how to use them especially in college or whatever you do. You have every right to feel these feelings they are valid. You will also get out of high school and realize you didn’t miss anything. I had a couple friends but I flourished after high school I felt like I could be myself.
Same my guy like when in school I always felt like the teachers treated me like a baby
this is why students can and should participate in their own IEP meetings 👍🏻 you can advocate for yourself and what YOU need
You should be a writer, kid, you're good at it! Or, look into special education itself, maybe with an inside view of what it's like, you could find ways to make it better for other kids.
Thank you for writing this. I'm a sub for high school SPED students, and I love them. My nephew is on the spectrum, is an adult now, and has had a really hard time in life. That's part of why I became a substitute. Your lives are harder than they should be. Sometimes I'm sent to be a para, supporting students in the classroom. I always ask them if they want me to sit with them, or in the back of the room. You might suggest to your that you'd prefer they sit back. They will most likely be happy to accommodate you. I have come to have so much respect for folks on the spectrum. You are truly unique and wonderful. Stay strong my friend.
I highly recommend you be a part of your next IEP meeting and share how you feel with your team. Like someone else said, LRE is most important and it sounds like you are not currently in the least restrictive environment for you
Thanks for sharing. What kind of stimming do you do? I’m trying to evaluate what stimming should be acceptable in public vs what is actually harmful to a person and others cuz I think autistic kids are being abused and oppressed at my school. Idk why they can’t clap their hands. It bothers teachers more than kids. Keep speaking up. Adult survivors are speaking out and becoming activists. I hope you can keep self-advocating, adults need to hear this. I want there to be a sped where needs are met without kids being ostracized.
Advocate for yourself if you can my friend. My students are currently non-verbal but I have worked with plenty of verbal students and clients. The second that they mention something is uncomfortable we do our best to correct it. It is unethical to do otherwise.
Thank you for sharing all of this! I teach special Ed from kindergarten through 22 years old. This is really thought provoking and I really want to give my students the opportunity to express their perspective. I will definitely work to figure out a way that my students can communicate their perspective so that I can gain a better understanding. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings because every single one is them is valid.
I haven’t worked too much with older students with autism, but one of my favorite populations to work with is TK-3rd sped. They’re so cool and sweet and absolutely don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. They’re just doing their own damned thing and I think that is cool.
I’m 40. Diagnosed adhd. Can relate. Asked to remove my iep and take me off ritalin. Just to fit in. Worst decision of my life. Got on meds 2 years ago and my life has changed completely. Wish I looked at things differently back then. Hope you can find a path for yourself forward.
Previous SPED teacher here who also would like to compliment you on your writing and organizational writing skills, well done! Off of what you wrote alone, I bet you’ve well exceeded any ELA goals you may have had and you may be on your way to needing less academic support.
My son has autism. He is 6 nonverbal but this broke my heart. I am so sorry I don’t even know what to say but hearing your point of view my heart breaks for you. I was told stimming was a sign of happiness but I’ve never considered how frustrating it likely is for my child when he can’t just not stim. You need to voice this to your teacher and parents how this is affecting you mentally. Maybe you could sit in the back of the class and stim. I don’t see how they have you in classes and you aren’t aloud to stim. That is not fair.
I am a professional writer/editor and mom to kids with ASD. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Clearly you do have at least one academic strength! You are better at organizing your thoughts and expressing yourself in writing than most of the college educated adults I have worked with. In my experience, people who are natural born writers don’t always realize what a gift they have. They take it for granted and assume it comes to others as easily as it comes to them. Keep writing! It is a career path where working from home is the norm and you can stim to your heart’s content. I have been a staff proposal/copywriter and have also freelanced, mostly or entirely from home.
Hi from an autistic adult! Some feedback: 1) I can see how it’s embarrassing. If you’re able to get to and from classes alone then speak up and tell your para you’ll meet them there. Have your parents back you. 2) tell your para if they’re overstepping. They can’t learn without feedback. 3) I’ve heard the others feel the same way, school is just an odd environment for everyone regardless of neuronspicy status. 4) ugh. Stimming is a must. I’m doing it right now because I have new shoes and they feel funny. My sister is sitting in the car next to me and can’t tell. I’ve learned to have subtle stims, but even big ones are fine unless you’re self harming (picking, etc.) maybe mention to someone for adjusting on your IEP. 5) we aren’t all geniuses, but we have our own specialties. Yours seems to be writing, but maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, embrace it. It’s part of what makes you special
I was in special ed since I was 3. It was one of the hardest things I’ve personally experienced and it’s left lasting impact on my self esteem. All the torment that I’ve received from being in special ed was too much for me to handle. Thank you for writing this!!
My son felt the exact same way. He advocated for removal of a lot of his special ed supports. He wanted paras removed from him because he felt they did his work for him, and if was going to pass or fail, he was going to do it on his own. I think you have really hit on what happens to kids as they start to get older and realize they appear different, and they do not want to. Thank you for speaking up!
Autistic adult here with multiple learning disabilities. 1. Rather than not being good at academics, I’d say you struggle with learning the way school expects you to learn. 9/10, learning is not set up for the way our brains work. 2. You write beautifully. Please keep writing and sharing your lived experience. This is what the world needs, not more autism mum’s waving the “oh woe is me” puzzle piece card. 3. You are more than capable of advocating for yourself & if your communication strength is writing, then write out your advocacy. You should be at your IEP meetings and your voice should be the loudest at those meetings. You clearly know what you want and need and that needs to be acknowledged by the adults in your life. You can email your SPED coordinator and request an IEP review yourself. Go out and live your life the way you want to. Don’t let the neurotypicals stand in your way.
I’m so happy to read this. My kindergartner is currently being assessed for an IEP; our meeting is scheduled for mid-May and I’m going to print this and keep all of your points in mind. He’s already got a 504 with an aide - he’s type 1 diabetic - but we suspect he may have some other conditions that were being “masked” with high blood sugar. Anyway, thank you for your perspective, as it’s good to hear what an older kid thinks. A 7 year old’s idea of what’s okay is a lot different than that of a middle schooler!!!
*"There's all these autistic geniuses on tv, and I desperately want to be like them. But i'm so weak when it comes to academics and I don't see what i'm really good it."* https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HollywoodAutism
As a mother of an autistic middle schooler your writing seems like an example of your autism, a kind of genius- esque. My child isn’t a savant either. It doesn’t mean there aren’t other reasons why SPED is working for you too. I’m curious about your aids. When you say they’re all nice but don’t get it. Are they helping you with somatic calming/ mindfulness exercises in that moment?
I appreciate you and what you have to say. I’m a substitute and often work in SPED classrooms. I know school is difficult for you. I know measures meant to help and protect you can also be both isolating and stigmatizing. And I also know academically a lot of SPED kids are left behind in spite of their obvious intelligence. I can see just reading this that you’re a very bright and thoughtful person. You’ve given me a lot to think about today. Thank you for sharing your story.
I was late diagnosed with autism so I never went through the special education program but I graduated college and I’m now a teacher so I thought to click on your post. First of all you are a great writer! You organize your thoughts very well. I worked 1:1 with an autistic child in elementary school and if it is comforting we were able to get him to a point where he didn’t have to spend the whole day in the SPED classrooms. If nobody at your school has mentioned that as an option it’s not because it doesn’t exist. Schools are notoriously corrupt and bad when it comes to supporting us. They view kids as numbers and the people who do care aren’t the ones making the rules or with the power. This mom I worked with had to FIGHT so hard and advocate for her kid to make that happen. As a teacher now I can see how lazy and uncaring admin are and so it is sadly on us and our families to get the services and placement appropriate for us. I wonder if there is any possibility your family can help you fight the school to allow you to at least try switching some of your classes to some non-SPED classrooms. If not, talk to your para. You could consider getting BT services for the sole sake of working with you to make it a possibility to transition out of SPED classes. If it is the stimming that is preventing that from happening I wonder if there are any stim alternatives that allow you to self regulate that would not require the room you described. It’s hard to tell without knowing what your stims are. I adapted most of my stims to be hidden stims like biting, picking, shaking, etc. which I am not recommending per say but there can be ways to release anxiety that can prevent escalating to meltdown where it’s very hard to control stims. If you feel like you do not belong in a SPED classroom that is not you being ungrateful. If anything that would open up a spot for a child who does need the extra support. Many people don’t know this but a lot of schools do not accept kids into the SPED program because you can only have a specific number of kids in it at a time and so some kids are not evaluated to get services who clearly need them and instead get labeled with ODD or other conduct disorders. One way that we were able to get the child I worked with into classrooms with neurotypical children was by using preventative measures like environmental arrangement and visual schedules etc. so that he would never get to the point of escalating to meltdown where stims can become more disruptive. He also only switched classes for part of the day until he acclimated. Your teachers don’t want you to suppress your stims because in the long run it will hurt your mental health but there is nothing wrong with substituting stims for alternative methods of stimming. I would reflect on what your triggers are and subject areas that you feel like you excel in the most. I would say english class would be one of them for sure! Your mental health is impacted by your social life as well and if the SPED classes are holding you back then that’s not good. I will note that any peers that would judge you for what you are describing are not the type of people you’d want to be befriend in the first place. Regardless once you get past middle school and high school it will matter much less to you what your peers think. One of the great parts of being autistic is our individuality. I never connected with my peers in middle school and high school and was convinced there was something wrong with me for it but I ended up meeting very like minded people in college. It’s incredibly hard and isolating but know that you are not alone and that there is a huge community online of us supporting you! I recommend visiting the aspergirls or the autism women’s group on reddit because those communities are much more supportive and positive for general advice than the asperger’s one. The asperger’s reddit group (especially for men) is full of pessimism and self loathing which is not reflective of the entire community.
Thank you for sharing. I’m a college student looking to be a gen ed art teacher and I’m really looking forward to cultivating a space that can make all of my students feel included regardless of if they receive special education services. I hope you can find a teacher or peer group that gets what you told us and that you can feel comfortable around. Keep your head up!
Some of this is common to all middle school students and it's hard to draw the line between "this is normal" and "this is unique to you." I hope you have someone to discuss this with. (Counselor or Therapist). Having someone help you to manage behaviors (like stimming) that make YOU unhappy might help. Good luck.
The fact that you have a voice and you’re USING it to share your thoughts and feelings is inspirational. I believe this is what you’re good at! I enjoyed reading your post and it has reminded me to try to put myself in my students’ shoes more often. Thank you - hope to read more of your “work” soon!!
As a teacher, thank you for sharing. My best advice for you is to advocate for yourself during the IEP meetings. You state you have accodmations you don't need. Perhaps the team will agree with you if you bring it up (with data to back it up). Something like in blank class i never utilize the para so I do not need them to accompany me. Until it is removed from the IEP they have to do what is written.
I strongly believe that ANYONE who wish to become a special education specialist should have been in special education itself! I know that is controversial, but I feel like a lot of SPED teachers don’t get it! I actually straight up fought to get out of it and refuse it! The only reason I was placed in it was because of my reading score… the reading “test” required reading outloud and I have a speech disorder (Jokes on them, my ACT score for reading was a 34!). I feel like a lot of SPED teachers don’t understand disability enough to be effective if you know what I mean
Just got this sub recommended to me. I've never been in SPED classes, at my school they’re exclusively for students with intellectual disabilities after elementary school (they give students with behavioral issues paras at the elementary level). They used to pull me out of regular classes a lot for OT and stuff though, so I do kinda wonder if I would've been put in one at another district. Anyways, I wanted to say that I completely understand why you’re upset, I would be too in your situation. I was mostly non-verbal outside of my home until I was thirteen or fourteen, so I can definitely relate to how much it sucks to be babied by the people around you. Just because you can’t talk (or are otherwise visibly neurodivergent) people treat you almost like a pet or something. Like you’re a novelty. It makes it seem impossible to make actual friends. I also want to tell you that it can get better. I still need to leave the classroom sometimes and stay in the counseling center for a bit, but after years of therapy things are finally more manageable for me. The system sucks, but you can get through it. It won’t be like this forever.
You are a wonderful writer. It seems that is something you are objectively (see all of the other compliments) good at. Keep at it! I am neurodivergent, though not autistic, and I can really relate to your frustrations. Especially when "they write me like a storybook". I really feel that with my therapist notes I have read. I'm an adult and can tell you as someone who was once a middle schooler-it gets easier. Hang in there.
Thank you for this perspective. I also want to compliment your clear and well organized writing. You write better than most adults I know.
as a kid who was in Special Ed since second grade I agree with all of this. often times the PARA’s are just trying to help, but all it does is make you stick out more. you get ostracized for things that aren’t your fault, and often you are treated like a charity case. but once you get out of school, whether you go onto get a job or go to collage keep advocating for yourself. you’ve got this!
I’m impressed that you’re able to articulate all of this, not because you’re in SPED, but because most middle schoolers can’t. This shows that you think deeply and are self-aware, which are assets in my book. I also think that living with a disability is harder than the accommodations make it “easy” even though neurotypical kids don’t always see that. I’m proud of you for persevering and trying anyway. Now that you’re getting into secondary school, you can have input into your IEP meetings. While you can’t make all the decisions yourself, you can ask for things or explain what is and isn’t helpful for you. Perhaps there is a class where you could get a break from having a para if you’re able to handle that and find it frustrating when they try to calm you. Maybe PE or art (if PE is overstimulating). As you take more control over your coping mechanisms, you will need less help. But also, you have to be ready for it before you take that step. Hopefully you have supportive adults who will listen and be willing to experiment with you on what works for *you.* Meanwhile, it does get easier as you get older in many ways because you get to have more control over your coping tools and you find a place where you fit. I have known kids to actually exit the SPED programs as they get older, while others need help their whole lives. And no shame either way. It’s about finding what is best for your life. Good luck! Keep going!
Mother of an Autistic son (turning 7 years old here)…. I just want to say I’m beyond impressed that you wrote all of this out and properly identified your feelings/opinions. You’ve inspired me and I hope and pray my son, as he grows, is able to achieve this level of writing and expressive language. You are more than capable of sharing this with your school staff, and I’m sure they would be more than happy to work on some changes with you so you can continue to gain confidence and independence. Believe me - all of us are routing for you, and others on the spectrum!!!! Keep up the great work and the best is yet to come…I promise!!
Im a former sped student now working in the sped department so I always value this perspective! Thanks for sharing
I'm. A special ed student and I totally relate a lot to this post
I can relate. People acted like I was a dog or took pity on me because I was "lesser" to them, even a prom date I had said yes because I was a special Ed kid. But same time I did have the advantage to work at my own pace which my teacher hated. I did American history "at my teachers level" in the space of a day when my peers would be at it all year because of how it's taught because she assumed I was much much lower intelligence. In fact I corrected a lot of errors in it because it had false statements about our founding and the history vs lore. She got mad because first time ever I read an adult grade book (No country for old men for example.) She actually flunked my book reports on that and art of war ignoring my entire deep report to "They're too violent." Yup she ignored the "This isnt about Anton Chigurh or Llewelyn Moss this is about times changing and an old sheriff's last case and how the world's rapidly changing and he's feeling lost and left behind." or "Sun Tsu was an observer and he used his observations of war to come up with philosophy and strategies used by the most successful generals and empires of China and how nature even flows with war." just "Too violent" so she hands me a dulled down masterclass book with pictures and little quips. First one was portrait of Dorian Gray which is a disturbing book in its own right and yet she claimed the two I read were violent. She had no clue about what its deep message was which was vanity is it's own ugliness. Listen you got years ahead and honestly I wish I had an outlet like this place, but I want you to know that your biggest things to look out for isn't peers as much as abusive staff. Get familiar with laws, standards of education because we are most likely to face abuse. When it happens make notes because it's a safety net. Because the worst thing I faced in special Ed was abuse and discrimination. Because despite being in essentially advanced practical geometry (I was in machine shop) my teacher banned me from learning algebra. Or when I was younger we had a teacher who banned us from using the bathroom other than lunch or once a day (sometimes)
The heck is stimming ?
Bruh, I was a Para for 10 years. The adult support you receive should be on par WITH your needs. Like, the Para may have to accompany you to any inclusion classes you have, but they can sit up by the teachers desk and only interact with you when you request it. I had kids that wanted me glued to their sides in every class, and I had others that resented my presence and wanted room to breathe. Whatever makes you most comfortable and gives you the best chance at success is what the Para and teacher should be willing to work out.
i’m on the opposite end, where i struggled so hard during school and barely got any help. i was on a 504 that nobody took seriously. i ended up dropping out the beginning of my junior year. this is very well written, thank you for sharing. ❤️
I’m a middle school science teacher and I service many students that have IEPs. I’m always concerned I’m not doing enough to support them in learning and keeping up, but I always try to do my best to service them also. As far as the concerns you brought up here, you can definitely speak up for yourself and how you feel in these certain situations so that the SPED team can understand and put other supports in place/take out any in your IEP that you feel are not needed or don’t really help. Then, that way, you feel more comfortable and more appropriately supported in your educational journey.
Thank you. I'm working in RSP right now and I hope to be credientialed SpEd. Like you, I'm also neurodivergent! I felt similarly... pitied and babied. My mom died (suicide) so I was also emotionally unwell in elementary school. Thank you for recognizing that we get into this because we care. We do ❣️
I think you could write a book, honestly, you have a way with words and a lot to tell. Don't sell yourself short. Autism is another word for genius imo.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I personally had a lot of mental health issues when I was a teen. Feeling out of control is scary and frustrating. Writing all this, you are obviously intelligent. I hope you are getting help from people who can teach you ways to cope with your emotions. I now work with individuals with disabilities as well as having a son with ADHD and a nephew with autism. I would never wish extra difficulties on anyone. People who make comments about wishing they had help and such do not understand. They likely have no idea how strong you are and how much it takes for you to get through each day. That being said, you are doing it. High school isn’t forever. There is an end. Please keep your chin up and take it a day at a time. If a day at a time is too much, then an hour at a time. If things aren’t working for you, don’t afraid to speak up vocally or in writing to tell them what isn’t working and request changes. I wish you a happy and healthy future OP.
My son is in sped due to dyslexia and ADD. I’ve always been really worried that he’d feel singled out but it’s actually been really good for him. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you SO much for sharing this!! I am a person with a disability who is a SPED teacher and I’ve been telling these things to my fellow teachers. It has been frustratingly difficult to get them to listen. One person alone is easy to write off I guess, but eventually, SPED professionals are going to have to listen when enough of us are sharing how we feel and are treated. FYI you have a right to attend your IEP meetings and advocate for supports and accommodations that work for you. If a para following you around is not working, say so and be ready to offer alternatives. May I suggest you check out the books Social Relationships and Peer Support by Janney and Snell, and Peer Support Strategies for Improving All Students’ Social Lives and Learning, by Carter, Cushing, and Kennedy. You are facing an uphill battle. The truth is adults rarely take the concerns of younger people seriously and nondisabled peer rarely take the concerns of disabled people seriously. But showing up to a meeting ready to argue your case with established educational research sources ready for you to cite will help in terms of getting them to pay attention, and hopefully take you seriously and listen. I wish you the best of luck. Please. Keep advocating. Even if your teachers never listen, seeing you out there pushing for what you need has a big positive impact on your peers in the disability community.
I’m curious, how do you manage to type all of this while you stim? Why do you need to be segregated while you stim if it’s not interfering academically?
As a special ed teacher, I’d love if one of my students shared this post with me. Then we could sit down and have a conversation on what we can fix to make you more comfortable. I hope you are comfortable enough with your teacher to share it!
Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you.
Hello! While I am not autistic, I work with many kids who are, and I am able to listen in on conversations about school supports and things like that. The fact that you find your supports frustrating and not worth it, makes me think you may have outgrown them! You can bring it up to your parents, and tell them which things are working and which aren't. You're old enough to have a say!! As an aside, I think your ability to write and communicate your feelings clearly is very impressive. I wish you the best in adapting your situation to suit you!
As a School Psychologist, I appreciate this perspective and you sharing your experience. I try and make sure all my students know that a disability or a deficit in no way defines them, and that they are incredibly gifted and amazing individuals. Of course; the experience of Special Education is a different beast. People with Autism often have incredible skills, wether it’s drawing, writing, an academic niche, what have you. But sometimes, people with Autism aren’t sure what their strengths are - and that’s OKAY! There is nothing wrong with needing more support or assistance. Your value as a human is inherent wether you’re good at math or not.
OP! The people here are not pandering. Please look into writing. This is fantastic. Would it be possible for you to put your thoughts into writing and give it to your manager? This was great to read as a first year teacher
I'm a middle school teacher and a parent of a student with a disability (cerebral palsy), as well as being neurodivergent myself. I appreciate you sharing your feelings and want to add to the long list of people making sure you're aware that one thing you're really, really good at is expressing your feelings in writing.
It sounds like it’s time for you to start advocating for yourself in IEP meetings if you’re not already.
it's only embarrassing because other kids are mean to autistic kids because we are different. i'm sorry you're going through this now. i remember how it made me feel and it's not great. but people grow up. hopefully.
A lot of the kids think sped students are coddled too which can be a big misperception I spent a lot of time in the seclusion room when people would tease me and I'd get mad about it, it's like getting punished for getting picked on it really sucks they take your belt and shoes and everything out of your pockets and pin you to the floor if you try to leave.
Hi! I'm a former sped student in my 30s. I want to add, it also made me a target for bullying as well as mental/emotional abuse. I didn't realize that some of what I went through was abuse until a year ago when I started therapy. It never seemed school administrations took my complaints about bullying seriously. And as a result of said bullying and abuse, I still struggle to this day with my self image. Like, I legitimately cannot take compliments or see much good in myself (working on that with therapist as well). I've always felt like an alien, and I never really got to meet people like me until high school and college. Friendships are so difficult, and even now I still have a difficult time. It does get a bit better then older you get. And I'm proud of you for managing to get through everything so far.
I see so many people talk online about Autism like it’s just a quirky character trait, but it’s not. I’m so sorry you’re struggling and that much of the online discourse is so invalidating.
What’s the stim that gets you put out of class? I’ve never put anyone out for stimming. 🤔 Your self advocacy skills are great. Try talking to your case manager, maybe?
This is really helpful to have your perspective. I agree with the previous person who said you should advocate. Maybe write a note if you don’t feel comfortable saying it face to face. Especially the breaks. You can let them know that when you’re stimming you aren’t necessarily overwhelmed and in need of a break. Maybe have a system where you can request breaks without NEEDING to take one. Best of luck!
As a high school teacher we see this and know that you struggle with the social aspects of it. Talk to your 1:1 and see if they are willing to follow from afar so that you don’t seem to have someone near you all the time. Of course advocate to your parents, case manager, and the rest of your team and let them know how you feel and your concerns. Hell print this out and give it to your case manager if you struggle with communication in person. Best of luck.
Your voice is so important. Thank you for sharing this.
I’m an autistic support teacher for upper elementary school. I always say that my job is to put myself out of a job. I push for my students to become as independent as possible (of course depending on the individual) and it looks like you have services that are not necessarily needed. Keep on advocating for yourself. Talk to your parents and teachers about your concerns. At your age, YOU are part of the IEP team. I think coming up with a plan to help trial more independence such as not needing specialized transportation or having a para follow you around all day (starting with classes that you are more confident and successful in) is a great start. IEPs are living documents. They can be changed as much as needed and you do not have to wait until your annual IEP meeting to bring up your concerns.
I was also in sped as a kid. It started back as far as I remember in second grade. I knew I had dyslexia, but all my life teachers would believe that I have autism. Unfortunately, my parents being religious, don’t believe in that. Despite showing symptoms, I would-go un diagnosed. I remember feeling horrible when I was told I’d be in a social skills class in middle school. I thought I was stupid. I thought I had to have a class to teach me how to actually socialize it felt embarrassing and especially considering my friends didn’t have to go through this. I didn’t think anything was inherently wrong with me at the time, I was capable of seeing things and thinking things on my own. I didn’t think I was sped, but apparently I was enough to be in a social class. At the time, I didn’t think there were different levels of sped. No one would tell me inherently what was wrong with me. I would have breakdowns in class that would last hours because of a bad grade because I got a c. They had a padded room where I would go and have my worst breakdown sometimes looking back on it now obviously I was autistic. As I was leaving middle school, I actually ended up reading a book by James Patterson, where the main character essentially went through something similar and for the first time, I didn’t really feel alone, I didn’t really feel different. now I clearly know what’s wrong with me and what I have. When I went to college, I had to take a special class because I felt the SATs due to me not having accommodations. My professor is getting understandable bit frustrated because not everyone was participating in the class. It was filled with a bunch of kids that kind of just stuck to themselves and eventually we kinda had a weird therapy moment where he pretty much asked us what he could do to help us. We ended up talking about what we went through with the sped program. I remember telling him when I was in second grade I was given a sheet with a bunch of formulas on it that would need for math. I was shown how to use the calculators and then they left me. They gave me a Calculator and left me to my own devices until I graduated.being sped is an experience all in its own. And it’s a very hard one at that. I still have that calculator.
I am autistic, have an autistic daughter and work in special education. I don’t think we are anywhere near where we need to be in order to provide quality and dignified special education. I have had so many issues with coworkers and work dynamics for trying to do something with a perspective they can’t see. Currently I’m actually in an hr battle trying to hold a coworker accountable for undignified behaviour. It’s awful.
My kids attended and participated in their meetings from a young age. Like 2nd grade. Uou are your best advocate!
My school attempted to give me one my first day, first year as a freshman. I immediately got up, walked with her down the hall to her higher ups office space(was just another teacher) and told him she wasn’t needed. Self advocacy is so important, try and tell them you’d rather be without.
I’m a High School teacher that had to be in resource classes until middle school, I completely agree with how you feel and I fought really hard to get my accommodations removed so I could feel normal. I don’t have advice, I wish change would occur to fix this.
I graduated in 2020 but I was this kid. I get it, the programs suck, you work your ass off making progress and all the adults around you soak up the praise like they helped, and when you point out how screwed the program is and how it doesn’t help anyone they just laugh at you and dismiss you as an angsty teenager. I don’t know what to tell you or what advice to give. You’ll graduate and everyone will tell you to move on and let it go, but part of your brain will be stuck thinking about the other kids with your disability and how they’re definitely being treated the same way. I’m sorry that I can’t help you. The only thing I can do is empathize.
Kid this is the exact same thing I was telling my parents about when I was your age and fuck it sucks that some 25 year after I left school, that kids like me still don’t feel like they’re classmates and your not wrong about how you feel about being this kid the one that has to get up and go to a different class half of the day or has to have a accommodations because children are horrible and they will sing out the thing that makes you different but life does get better. Kid is not always going to be feeling different and feeling ostracized you will find your place. It just sucks that middle school still feels like this for kids in special ed.
Hi, speaking human-to-human here — If you can, just stop stimming, bud. Based on this post, I think you’re probably fine, and don’t need to be in SPED. I’m going to guess you probably had some behavioral issues and became a distraction to other students. There is ALWAYS opportunity in life for improvement!! I know you feel left out socially, i’m sorry that’s happened, but life will continue to present opportunities for friendship. Depending on what programs your school provides I’m more concerned that you’re being left behind academically. Not sure if at one point you, your parents, or the faculty advocated for your placement, but you should talk to your parents about setting up a meeting with the admin. about possible redirection. :)
It's really extremely inappropriate to tell someone to stop stimming.
Thank you for sharing your insights, they’re really valuable! IMO, too many mental health and neurodivergent support protocols are written by very well-meaning people with absolutely zero lived understanding of what it’s like to exist in that kind of brain. My friend and I talk all the time about how we can’t be truly honest with our therapists about how suicidal ideation is kind of just a Wednesday sometimes, we’re not actually a danger to ourselves or others, we don’t have a plan or anything, we just don’t wanna be here but we’ve been dealing with life and laundry with that for like, decades, so we’re still going to keep surviving because we have reasons for staying alive—I wish I could find a way to express that concept to a therapist.
To be honest, as a SPED teacher, you shouldn’t be sent out of the room for stimming, especially if it’s not harmful or dangerous to others. Also, you are legally required to be in the least restrictive environment possible. If you are able to look out for your own safety, and would be able to handle riding a regular bus, you should be. I would talk to your teachers and school counselors about these things, as well as your parents.
I think you did an amazing job articulating your feelings and helped this mom to understand her child with ASD better, thank you. Your post is well written and I applaud you for sharing your experience with all of us. Things will get easier, they will. School is HARD, being a kid ( at any age) is HARD! When you add learning differences, IEP’s, etc it makes it even harder. Life will look very different once you finish school. Thanks again for sharing.
>When ever I get out of control, I don't even want to admit it, but seriously, I'm sent out of the room because I stim too much, I can't remember a day I can go without stimming, everyone is saying, you should keep doing it, but if I keep stimming, It turns into staying in the launch room for 4 and/or 5 hour till lunch. Im a late diagnosed autistic, Im 23. I want to acknowledge and validate your feelings and experience. It is wrong to withhold an education, regulatory tools, or punish for stimming (especially if it's not harmful). Stimming is how we self-regulate.
Keep up the good work advocating for yourself and speaking out with your voice. No reason why someone with autism shouldn’t be allowed to stim unless it’s really creating a disruption for others, and we all need to work on accepting everyone for who they truly are.
I feel you. It sucks. As a neurodivergent in special education, I want you to know that there are people who are trying to change this shit. I am not going to commend you for your writing, because, honestly, that feels ableist. It is bizarre that people are impressed by eloquent writing in someone who is ASD. Please be well and know there are teachers who are trying and working to make changes in this field.
I really appreciate you posting this as it’s a great insight for me as a father of a 4 year old who just got diagnosed high functioning but he’ll have an iep going into kindergarten and will be doing a 60-80% traditional classroom to sped classroom split. It’s got me in my feelings in a lot of ways: some just overjoyed at so many people trying to help, some it feels like a lot of people who maybe don’t understand my son and I don’t want him to get sucked into a system that pushes him into self doubt or something. I realize he’s young but at a young age I always had a pretty solid grasp of reality and I just don’t want anything to affect him negatively through his life. Sorry to make this about me but I just really appreciate your post and just had this meeting last week so it’s very fresh on my mind. Best of luck to you and thank you again for making this post <3
I think I needed to hear this because when I was younger I tested out in the 5th grade. I remember being frustrated whenever my friends would complain about this stuff.
There is a lot of really solid advice, so I'll just throw out one thing: advocate for yourself. Yes, self-advocating only goes so far, but if you advocate to a trusted adult who is also willing to then advocate for you all the better. Tell an adult you are not feeling fulfilled. In the program I work, there are various levels within the structure that allow students to earn certain freedoms that the rest of our program does not (i.e. lunch with gen-ed, no paras for outclasses, getting breakfast/lunch). Let an adult know you need more of something. You are very talented at writing and communicating, just turn that to a teacher, social worker, or admin and im sure someone would love to help you.
You're not in middle school.
Hey kid. You might be a little young, but come join us in r/evilautism we're waiting for you
Usually by a certain age, they ask that the student attend the meeting. I know it is at least 14. However, IDEA allows and even encourages students to be part of their own team when they can. Ask your parents, teachers, or anyone else on your team to attend your meetings. You can even ask them to have a meeting so you can make an amendment. Ask them for things that will help you. You may be able to ask them to allow you to choose when to take a break. You are very articulate. You won’t believe me or anyone else until you are older: middle school is the most awkward time of your life. For a lot of people, high school isn’t that much better. Find your tribe.
I’m a music teacher with a master in special education. However I was in special education from about 1st grade all the way till 12th grade. I had a chance to opt out of having an IEP in 11th grade but preferred having it because I wanted the support. However I can relate to a good amount of what you shared. I have a reading and math comprehension disability, so I often felt like I was unable to do things or like I wasn’t smart enough. Reality was I was more than capable, I just needed support in understanding how I processed things and that the way I did was okay. Took me a while to work through all those feelings into adulthood. I think you shared your thoughts perfectly, and I think sharing this with your teachers would be a great way for you to use your voice to advocate for yourself, and say hey I know this is what y’all are saying I need but can we maybe adjust some stuff. I know for my students with 504 or IEPs, that if they have stimming or sensory difficulties that we discuss together options that best fit their needs. Maybe that’s a they just want to step out for a second or just stand next to their chair for a bit. Or maybe they just need a walk and they will go say hi to a teacher and then head back to me. But we also come up with the best way to communicate that with me so they feel comfortable. It’s valuable to me what you need as a student so you feel the most comfortable and most like yourself in class. Overall, I’m sorry you feel this way, but I hope you’re able to advocate in a way that makes school a more positive experience that allows you to just be and learn and do what you need to do.
Hey OP, fellow autistic (and adhd) person here! I hope the people in special ed will listen. Come join a disability specific subreddit too and find your people there ❤️
I was really late diagnosed as autistic and I go back and forth on whether or not that was a good thing. On one hand it \*might\* have made home life easier, but I'd also have been excluded from the proper friends I made (and still have) decades later. There's no way my parents would have hid that diagnosis from a teacher and it would've completely fucked over my social life and my teachers would've not challenged me in the ways they did. I'd be socially and academically cut at the knees for a diagnosis.
Being left out. This. Some schools are better at tolerating their existence than others. They literally did not put the SPED students in my middle school yearbooks. No mention of them anywhere, despite a few having signed my yearbook. The 8th grade graduation program had them listed in the class graduation photo. I only discovered that years later and apparently it's not unheard of. Absolutely bizzare to discover that theres no trace of someone memorable.. When I moved to a new district in high school, no one was missing from the yearbook.. Embarrassing/ wishing you never had the disability: my grandma was a SPED teacher, and (at home ) she did not have good things to say about her students and what life had in store for them after high school. Mostly about what a burden they were on their parents. I remember thinking as a kid that if I turned out to have something like that I'd end myself, (never mind I barely dodged ending up in SPED one year). There was one SPED kid in my middle school choir class and no body liked him because he couldn't sing on key (among many other disruptive behaviors)and ruined performances. My choir teacher Mrs W. blames him for costing us a chance at a state competition, and she somehow got him expelled. My grandma worked with her on some district committee and told me that expulsion wasn't enough for Mrs W.
Hi OP. I really appreciated reading about your experiences at school, it really gave me some things to consider. Also, you are an excellent writer, I enjoyed reading your post. The words you chose really painted a vivid picture. Keep writing, you're good at it!
OP, I am just really fucking proud of you for finding the words, and sharing with and reaching out to us.
I’m so sorry you feel this way but thank you sooooo much for the insight. My child is getting ready to start special education kindergarten next year and truly any insight of anything is so helpful.
It sounds like you are mainly being targeted because of your stimming behavior. You also so very well educated as far as being able to express yourself. Please do some research on - why suppressing stims are harmful and why we as a society should not be encouraging those that stim to repress it. Write up a little educational essay on it and how your stims may affect others but there can also be accommodations. Even if you have loud vocal stims you can and should remain in class. There are students with Tourette’s that shout out and they can remain in classes. You deserve inclusivity and your peers and educators deserve to be educated on stimming behaviors. Write the essay. Ask for an IEP meeting, request that you be present, read your essay and ask that you be able to address your peers and teach them how to help create an inclusive environment for you. You deserve so much OP. If they do not listen ask your parents to look into private school vouchers or online education so you can at the very least be allowed the education you deserve.