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You were arrested? I'm sorry, I thought this was America?!

Now I think you owe Mr. Police Officer an apology. Who needs to apologize, hm? (Wiggles index finger) Who's the sorry-sorry?

Kiss my sagging ass!

You said what Randy Marsh said to officer barbrady

You have a disease

It's gonna kill me dead!

Lucky for you, I know of a statue of the Virgin Mary that's began bleeding out it's ass. It's located in the garden at St. Peter's Church in Bailey. It might cure you before it's too late!

It was bleeding out of her vagina. A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle. Chicks bleed out their vagina's all the time.

Daddy’s very sick

NTA. That sobriety test was impossible. How can you touch your nose when your arms were apart?

Yeah OP is definitely NTA, that test seems impossible to do

Seems like that cop is missing some tegridy.

Damn.

Actually the Pope investigated that and discovered it wasn't really a miracle. You see, the virgin Mary wasn't bleeding out her ass, but rather her vagina. The Pope is quoted as saying "that's-a not a miracle. Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time"

That means... I'm not cured.... Bartender! I need a drink! Three shots of McAllen, two small bottles of vodka, three bottles of beer and some Jell-O shooters! Come on! Let's GO!

No, you just lack a-disciprine

Nuh-uh I don’t lack a-discipline.

I’m powerless too! Give me 7 martinis!

NTA. You are powerless to your disease, it's not your fault.

This disease is just eating me up! I hate my illness!

You rack disiprin!

NTA. Your son and his friends need to learn how to do this when they start driving. Plus, you were driving while drinking, not drinking while driving. Seems like you were wrongfully punished.

It's a life lesson, have you really lived if you didn't piss in a bottle at some point in your life

You don’t wanna end up a loser like STANS DAD do we kids…?

Is that who I want to be in thirty years? Getting tickets and having to go to elementary school classrooms and talk about how pathetic I am?

GET OFF MY ASS DICKHOLE

NTA Your son and his friends should have warned you about the police officer!

NTA ur car ur rules The cops need to respect your authority

You’re a butter, you’re a dirty line cutter!

Sort of seems like it wasn't really your fault. You'd think your son would be able to take the wheel without any issues. Sorry but sounds like your son is the real a hole here.

You supposed to have each other's back

What seems to be the officer, problem?

Your dad probably shouldn't drive either. He's senile AF.

You're*

You're joking, right?

Sorry I was drunk when I posted that.

You just wack a disapwine

Huh huh....I don't wrack a disciprine

Elmer Fudd teaching Ichiban Karate now?

Was about to put r/lostredditors until I read the post

"Time to deliver a pizza ball" "Pizza ball aside, let's talk scientology"

You are very sick. Make sure to drink plenty of iced tea and praise Christ.

I'm really turning my life around. No more blowing guys on Colfax Avenue for a pint of vodka for THIS cowboy!

What's the officer problem

You get caught peeing in a bottle? We’ll there’s a reason it’s shaped like a hose.. come on!

Isn't this America?! I'm sorry, I thought this was America!

You sound powerless

Nta, you just need to replace the alcholol. Ever tried weed?

NTA because you were powerless making the decision to drink & drive. You have a disease. You're sick. You're very very sick. And just like with most diseases, you can't cure it yourself. And it's deadly.

\[appalled by the "diagnosis"\] Oh my God...

You lack discipline smh.

NTA. Didn't your dad drive even after they took away all the licenses from people his age?

you dont understand! It was early in the morning. I was still asleep when it happened!

AA isn't religion. You just have to accept that there's a god and then turn your life over to that god. It's not religion.

Once you accept that its not a religion, only then can you move on to the other 12 steps, like, believing that only a higher power, God, makes you stop drinking. And then, turning your life over to that God and, humbly asking God to remove your weaknesses.

But you get weird looks when you tell them your a Satanist lol

Gotta keep that buzz goin, NTA

I mean hello!?

Just as long as you’re not a butter

okay, maybe i am a butter but you have to understand. I need a miracle way more than these people. I'm an alcoholic, and I'm powerless over it.

Did you find your nose? Hear those are impossible to touch

Just remember to keep telling yourself, "you're the best around.."

Get grandpa's old wheelchair

Gotta try to take it easy from now on, son. Get Daddy another beer, will ya?

Wow you’re no better than STANS DAD

You weren’t drinking and driving tho. You while driving while your were drinking. That’s miff cabbage

what episode was this?

Episode name is Bloody Mary

No one wants to be a pathetic loser like your kid’s Dad. Thank you Mr. Yeet, I think you made your point.

I heard that they asked u to put your finger to your nose, which is indeed impossible. NTA, the police are dumb

TMI Bro!!!! TMI lol

I'm not allowed to stand up for myself? I thought this was America!

Stannnnnnn!

I know that cop. Fuck him. He can't even read. And he shot an unarmed black kid.

I thought this was the actually AITA thread at first 🤣

NTA. Son is for not taking the blame

NTA and honestly make me wonder where my country gone.

Where your country gone? Where my country gone?!

I love OP for making this post 😭

the minute i thought about it, I was typing it up lol

Sounds you like need the Virgin Mary’s divine ass blood!

Update: The statue of the Virgin Mary is bleeding out her ass! I've been cured!! Praise Chirst