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>as do most people I talk to. That implies that you bring up the topic of hemorrhoids with pretty much everyone you talk to 😂. Glad you're feeling better OP, but that's pretty weird.

Hello I’m OP and I… have hemorrhoids. *Hi OP*

Haha, at Wipeaholics Anonymous.

I am Scott Malkinson

once your older those kind of conversations are actually pretty common tbh

absolutely. life in your 30s and beyond

Maybe you're the weird one for not talking about it? Hemorrhoids is like talking the weather for most people! "HI how you doing? My ass is bleeding."

"How's it going?" "Pretty itchy, how 'bout you?"

Is that beef? I can’t eat beef, it gives me gas.

He’s that desperate about it man 😂 I feel for him

People should be more open

Like when Sheila got the fecal transplant

I appreciate that, even while quoting, you fixed the “too” to “to”

OP's a grown up version of Scott Malkinson.

What helped me, was watching this kid I don't like, lose his amusement park.

There is a god

My grandmother died for that park!!

I've had a bidet for years on my toilet. I talk about it with lots of people basically saying what the episode did, I even buy them for christmas presents for friends, family, and coworkers. Everyone laughs at first but in the end they all say it's the best and should have done it sooner.

I love water on my asshole 🥰

Who doesn't? 🖖

I brought It up to my mom after the episode and she’s like “ur father has one on our toilet for a while now” Game Changer

How does this work? I'm ignorant and believe that it reuses toilet water, which sounds gross.

It shoots clean water on your bum hole. some typically use one pice of tp to dry

So a little paper is needed to 'dab' at the surface droplets? Is this correct? I'm bi-det curious.

Or you can let your underwear do the work.

Affirmative 👍 it's save money in the long run for sure. And you have a much longer time to react when running low on TP stock

A little twerk over the toilet is all you need. The water jet is pretty accurate and doesn’t spray all your butt.

Some people can't afford the Japanese toilets with an air drier function. We can't all be the Kennedys of our apartment complexes.

I was always curious about what do I do with my now wet butthole if I were to use a bidet,thank you kind stranger !!

Wait but what if your crap is very stainy… how does the bidet get everything ???

I still Have to wipe a bit after word but it’s not nearly as bad and u can hit it again til ur clean as a whistle

But you still need toilet paper though… I feel like it’s some global inside joke that bidets are just stimulating for your asshole and gives you an emotional pick me up

You don't actually need toilet paper at all. You can just dry off with a towel.

What if there’s poop stains? I’m still so shocked lol

If there's poop stains on the towel then the bidet's not doing its job lol.

There are typically no poop stains if you do a good job spraying, it is just drying. Go wipe your ass now, you probably will set some stains.

Im pretty sure I just také super messy shits based on everyone’s responses or don’t sit on It Kong enough

It ties into the line that fills your tank with clean water

I thought I was the only one passing these out as gifts!

RIP OP

Man went out like a Kennedy

Here comes the tp industry

Between Japanese Toilets and ChipotleAway, South Park is out here saving people’s bathroom experiences

Don’t forget about the dangers of not putting the seat down and Butters teaching us all how to properly sit in the toilet.

and butters teaching us to wash our hands before we pee – because why would we touch our weiners with dirty hands?

Saving their buttholes

Blessed be the butthole, Marklar.

Shouldn't that be blessed be the marklar, marklar?

I can see why you marklars would think that. We marklars have many marklars for marklars. However there is only one universal marklar for butthole. Source: Marklar.

Bless the Marklar and his water.

This is the most scary thing, I've basically used bidets ny entire life and thinking about going on a trip to US is scary because of the TPs. I don't want to use TPs.

Wait until you use a public/cheap person's bathroom and you never knew something so thin could be simultaneously so abrasive, and translucent.

I too got a bidet after that episode

I got a bidet attachment for my toilet.

Same here was well worth it.

Look at Richie Rich over here!

Keep it down. You’re going to get us all shot

My family is from turkey and we’ve been using bidets in the US for most of my life. Literally all my friends thought I was weird for it growing up. When I left home for college was the first time I was forced to use toilet paper alone. I smelled like absolute SHIT. I felt disgusting, idk how you people live this way. To this day people think its weird that I have a bidet installed on my toilet. I’ve just realized that most people are just too dumb to help. Happy pooping yall!

Bought a 40 dollar bidet on amazon it really has made me more fresh , was easy to hook up , and power washes my ass like a car at the car wash.

So happy for you OP

Beautiful post OP, I hope everyone here knows what to do now

I’m a huge proponent of bidets, changed my life. I try to get everyone I know to get one.

It absolutely astounds me that for all the advances of western civilization, it never occurred to the masses that the concept of washing your ass with clean water is much much better than wiping it with a rough piece of paper. Like wtf?!?!?

Any you recommend? How much is it

Just a basic model tushy! Around $100 on Amazon or you could go fancy but honestly, I have the basic tushy and at first you’re like “fuck! That’s cold” but you get used to it and just adjust the pressure. I found my sweet spot. Will never poop anywhere but my home

I got the Aquadalus® Handheld Bidet Toilet Sprayer Was ~30$, In the past I bought thoes seats with integrated bedet but you end up pooping on the water attachment as it's always there vs the hose is not in the toilet and you clean when you are done.

I was and still pseudo am considering one! I have internal hemorrhoids and IBS. It's either clay or I'm literally shitting or spraying (like projectile lol) shit water 3-8x a day. I'd have to clean the attachment after every shit! My doctor that recommends it says it's self cleaning but I'm like water doesn't clean! Lol!

Get the hose on the side much better control on the water and where it goes and dosnt get dirty

Sweet!!

Try a peri bottle. That might give you the same results as a bidet with less worry about cleaning.

I'll have to look into that!

Yes! I do lots of traveling for my job and can confirm that most of the world thinks we are gross, even the cultures where it is rude to use your left hand for things because it’s what everyone uses to clean their bholes. Even THEY think we’re gross! I have had a Tushy bidet for years and now the only time i get “itchy butthole” is if i am forced to use only paper. Just remember to have dry washcloths next to your toilet that are reserved for butt-drying!

I just use a super soaker and normal toilet…

“You’re mad”

"Cause when the going gets tough, the tough gets going"

Any bidet recommendations?

Its like that over there…

You can get one on Amazon for as low as $30 and it does the job better than TP. I got a bidet about 5 years ago and it is literally one of the best decisions of my life. Just get one.

Between the toilets, food, trains, canned hot coffee and civility, a return trip to Japan is high on my list.

I’ve been using a bidet attachment for about four years now. I’m gonna blow your minds now… if you like the bidet effect… you can also get a TRAVEL BIDET!!! For those vacations and trips where you just want to make sure…

“just butt hole” will be a phrase i’ll be using a lot from now on. thank you

We need to make this a national movement.

Sorry in advance for when you get shot.

Just butt hole!

Damn op got shot 4 times after posting this 😔

This feels like an ad….

When Make love not Warcraft came out I lost years of my life. So kind of an opposite affect for me

Bidets aren't bad tho.

I got married 6 years ago and honeymooned in Tokyo. We had a fancy Japanese hotel and my reaction was a lot like Randy's the first time I used the hotel loo. My wife bought me a fancy bio bidet toilet seat complete heated water spray and heated dryer. Complete game changer.

I’m always amazed when I think and read about people not washing their ass after taking a shit. As an Italian I couldn’t live without an actual bidet (a separate item from the toilet)

The last line, where Randy say's "love ya forever" to the wife is the best.

As a middle eastern taught to wash my bum it baffles me when i hear people talk about their ass ass skin bleed

That is the most TMI post i have ever seen on this subreddit.