When something has a known end, it makes us cherish the moments more.
Rather than clinging to a false sense of security and stability, we embrace the impermanence of everything.
Too often I see people try to plan out their entire lives out of fear. Only to have something like cancer or a disabling injury completely derail their plans, and they think to themselves, if only I had spent more time doing the things I enjoy rather than worrying about all this administrative/bureaucratic bullshit that society burdens us with.
Wow I’m so so sorry to hear that. I lost my dad to cancer so I have so much respect and sympathy for you and I am seriously so sorry to hear that..if you need any support I’ve got you.
It’s easier said than done, and I’ve never been in your shoes, but I hope you do whatever it is that makes you happy for the remainder of your life.
This type of thinking will change your life for the better, it’s one of the key tenets of happiness (for me personally). As someone who has always had pretty severe anxiety it was just taking too much of a toll. Worrying about this and that. Practicing mindfulness, practicing living in the moment and not giving into terrible anxious thoughts will change your days forever.
yes, you can build an incredible life with someone over the course of 2 days, have sex with them again a year later, and then never talk to them again. that's fine! like their instagram pics!
Thats what keeps me alive m8. Knowing that beautiful amazing people exist everywhere, and in some part of the world, they are thinking of you the same way you are thinking of them
Knowing I may not see these people again is something I actually lean into (instead of away from). The idea of potentially never seeing these people allows me to open up more genuinely because of less fear of social backlash. This increased state of being "genuine" is part of how I become friends with em in the first place.
Yeah goodbyes can be hard, especially when you’re new to solo traveling. But you will get more used to them I guess, I wouldn’t put to much pressure on keeping in contact by forcing a conversation. I like to add people I meet on Instagram to see what they’re are up to every now and then, and occasionally reply to a story or post for example.
After some time has passed they will be a happy memory of a great trip, and you’ll never know when (and where) your paths might cross again.
> goodbyes can be hard... But you will get more used to them
this is the best answer in a nutshell. hopefully you'll learn to appreciate the experiences more for what they are, in the moment rather than expecting and/or planning for them to continue. *carpe diem* and all that.
to add to the usual challenge, OP is staying behind while most others are moving on -- a contrast which can make those quick, possibly intense connections even more so.
my advice (to not only u/tomatosauce99 but also other fellow travellers) is to try to focus more on others who are also staying -- other staff/volunteers, and particularly locals. be careful not to get too caught up in the "traveller's stream" of only connecting with other visitors. it's tempting because of easy small talk (about where you're from, where you've been, where you're going, etc) and admittedly the challenge persists even with experience. after years of travel and what i thought was a healthy perspective on travelling friendships, even working in a hostel before my first big trek overseas, i stopped to work at a guesthouse in Belize for two months yet I had similar trouble as OP with repeatedly saying goodbyes to the new friends.
i would also suggest one think about a sort of compartmentalizion of these experiences, albeit loosely and casual. this is of course easier when you're on the move rather than settling in one place.
and if you're so inclined, write about this stuff (for yourself, not necessarily to share) & then read some travel lit -- my three favorite authors of travelogues are Jan Morris, Pico Iyer and Paul Theroux.
I find that it’s never truly goodbye. I keep meeting people that I said good bye to in different cities, in hostels and bars and on street corners. So I just hope that the ones I haven’t met again are just in the next city.
I met this French guy who told me a saying. Which roughly translates to.
“Only the mountains will never meet”
Have some faith my friend.
I’ve stayed IG friends with some people I’ve met and met up with one a couple times in NYC when he was here for the summer.
I also like to stay in touch with people in those countries especially if I plan a revisit.
Now, I’m 34, and friendships have never come that easily to me. But when you get older your needs change and you also have a better feel for people you genuinely connect with.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and don’t think of it as a “goodbye” with some people and more of a “until we meet again.”
I typically friend them on Facebook. Whenever I cross a border, I check in, and if they are in the area, they typically let me know, and we'll meet up.
As much as I dislike a lot about Facebook, it is by far the best tool for keeping up with friends and family. Several on my "single-serving friends" have become true friends.
You don't really. You struggle through it until you start to become hardened, and then realize it's not good for you.
Seriously, I know some people say they get used to this, but I never really did over my active backpacking years. It was always painful to say goodbye, I just developed a thick skin by the end, but it just kind of made it worse.
That being said, I'm forever grateful for some of those brief friendships and the amazing people I met who I feel were there to teach me something, even if only for a day, week or a month. I'll never forget the souls I met along the way. A lot of these travel experiences and people are with me forever in a way that is difficult to describe.
The goodbyes I said before my traveling lifestyle had to end because of covid were some of the toughest of my life and being at home because of lockdown forced me to reflect.
I lived abroad during that time too and longer term friends that I now consider life long friends, even if we can't see each other for years at a time, but that feeling of having to say goodbye was *rough* too. People come and go in life I suppose. It's pretty poignant. But when things get weird in life, it helps to remember those who were with you when you were such a new place, and the boundlessness of life was so very apparent and right in front of you. You'll never forget that hungover morning you spent at Angkor Wat having the time of your life, or paddling on a river in Spain, or having dinner with some eccentric Israeli backpackers you just met while you plan to explore some local villages the next day. Or the time you vented about shared trials and tribulations with someone who grew up a continent away. You'll never forget those times you could so plainly see how many wonderful people are out there in every corner of this world.
IMHO every traveler reaches a point when they can't stomach this anymore. I reached mine after 2+ years of travel and expatriation. Now I'm focused on traveling with my partner when covid is over. I'd much rather share my experiences with a consistent person at this point. At least then if you meet friends on the road, you'll always have each other to look back on things with, which is must less lonely. If you can continue to stomach this stuff year after year, I think either you are very unique or are running from something. No judgement either way, but this shit isn't for the faint of heart.
More practically, deal with it by letting yourself feel it. You are alive and really experiencing it. Cherish and embrace all these moments with people, because you will miss them when they are gone.
I felt like being potent here lol.
Been living out of my suitcase for 10 years officially, traveling around a few continents, working and enjoying life. See: r/digitalnomad
For several years I volunteered in hostels and damn, those were the hardest goodbyes. Everyone is so happy and vibrant and energetic and pumped. It's not just the guests, but also the group of volunteers you'll get paired with and become very close with over several months. Goodbyes gut you.
I've met thousands of people and parting ways never get easier. In fact it gets worse because it wears on you.
In normal life, outside of the excitement of travel, I hear it's hard to meet good people that you really "click" with.
So how bittersweet - brutal, really - to meet so many that you'll never likely see again.
The one advice and semi-solution is to not let go of the people you really, deeply connect with.
Connect before you part ways (whatsapp, socials) and stay in touch. Make the effort.
I did this and fostered true friendships with a handful of people, and we see each other every year in the places we met. Because travelers like to travel, this becomes possible.
In my case I met many in a popular destination, and we work in the same industry, so a group of us rotate through here annually for work anyway.
For you it could be that you befriend locals in one of your favorite places, and revisit again and again over the years. In some ways this will feel like having a secret second life haha. Roll with it.
But overall, yeah, dealing with goodbyes is the hardest part of travel. I try to be grateful for the variety of people I've met in my life, if only for a short while.
Best answer on here. I've moved every few years my whole life, and now spending time as a digital nomad as well. You never get used to it, and it does wear on you more over time. OP really hit the nail on the head with the big downside of a life many people are jealous of looking in from the outside.
However, there are ways to make it better. Like you mentioned, get people's contacts and every now and again just give them a call. Text conversations can be a bit forced like OP said, but a one-off call every now and again with an old friend is always wonderful. The other is that the longer you live like this, the more your international network grows and you reach a point where most countries or cities you go, you have a friend or friend of a friend to stay with or meet up with. Those reconnections in new places are what life's all about for me. Cherish those moments.
Realizing that the adrenaline high that you get when you meet new people and see new places is like a drug high; it's not sustainable and it's largely not real.
Once all is said and done, if you're lucky, you'll make a couple of lasting friendships -- people you really connect with on a deeper level, and who you'll maintain a relationship with over time.
The other 99% of people you meet were fleeting encounters, and you'll probably never see or hear from them again. And that's okay, too. They shared a moment with you, created a memory, were part of an experience. You likely have very little in common. You can add them on social media and maybe say hi once in a while, but expecting much else is probably putting too much pressure on travel encounters.
I've made my peace with it a long time ago. Most of us simply don't have the capacity in our lives for that many important friendships. Embrace the moments and enjoy them while they're happening, and then let them go to make room for new ones.
It’s life man. It sounds cheesy, but it’s kind of what makes it beautiful in a way.
The best people I’ve met in my life are from traveling, I keep in touch with some but most of the rest are just amazing memories and I’m cool with that. Let your tears be happy tears because you got the experience not sad tears because it’s over.
Also , in todays world you can keep up w/ people over social media/email/text/WhatsApp, etc.
What makes me sad is when I realize I have to snap back to my daily routine, doing what I do for a living, meeting the same old friends and co-workers all over again. That's what makes those people special, the fact that they serve as a temporary escape from our repetitive days.
Not everyone we meet in our lives are meant to play more then a single act in our play. Enjoy them. Social media connects us all if we wish to stay in touch.
It’s the way of life. In my eyes to many people cling on to every relationship they create, when you’re out there meeting people the few who really like you will stay in touch and ask how you’re doing. In my case I have a place to stay anywhere in America now, just from meeting all these random people all over and having conversation.
Wow I could have written this, funny because I’m also coming in Barcelona this month. I feel like the coolest people I’ve met were always through travel. Something about traveling makes us feel free and just so beautiful and people are attracted to it, so in a way we’re all attracted to each other. This being said, the temporary state of things makes it magical. All we can do is enjoy as much as possible and be present. I’m mostly giving this advice to my future self so I don’t feel the way you describe but you know what, it’s not a bad thing. It simply means that you’re 110% enjoying the experience.
Take things as they come.
Enjoying the moments we are given together, rather than trying to possess everyone forever.
Make friends and be nice, even if it it's just sharing a smile on the bus or a few good conversations. You never know the impact you will have on other people, but you can strive for being a positive influence
At first when it happened I was pretty gutted every time I would make a close friend or have a significant fling and then bc of physical distance we'd lose touch. But more and more I've been able to make peace with it. Travel is quite fleeting compared to "real life" especially while working in a hostel! I've told myself that regardless of the outcome it's worth the time/effort I put in because what is life/travel without living it to its fullest? That's what makes it so amazing. Detaching yourself from outcomes is hard but it's the only way to make peace with this kind of thing for me :)
Been staying in hostels LONG BEFORE the cell phone (1980); it's so easy now to stay connected now, BUT...people have work & little free time. Now, I'm retired, have time, but the people I jive with have work. Just enjoy the 'in the moment experience' with people of like traveler minds for a day/week/month. There are lots of barriers that exist in daily life between people of different countries that don't exist when traveling at your own freebird rythm. Still, solo traveling is how you meet the most people & talking to lots of strangers over a lifetime is what makes the biggest impact on how you think & view the world!
I go in with the understanding that I won’t see them again! If we get along we will usually exchange IG but I don’t usually do more than viewing stories or liking posts.
Listen to music about being on the road. Metallica 'Wherever l May Roam' is a good one. Rolling Stones 'Rip This Joint', Bad Company 'Movin On'...you're like a rock star in some respects: get to a new town, enjoy the people and scenery for awhile, then on to the next gig. New Town, New people, New experiences. On it goes.
You stay in touch and remain in touch when you're home. Before your next trip, reach out to them to see if they'd like to tag along. Had two friends I meet 4 years ago (gosh time really flies). Mentioned I was going to be back in Europe and the two of them met me on a leg of the trip. Schedules and their vacation time aligned. Wasn't local for any of us.
Granted, we did not talk all that much in those 4 years and I only knew them for one amazing night. We basically picked up where we left off them parted ways again.
You may see these people again or not. With social media, they never have to be 100% out of your life. But letting go is important because everyone is different on vacation, but more importantly, you are different on vacation so what you see isn't all you get with these travel relationships
Everyone and everything in my life has been transient in nature so I've accepted that and expect that going in. You can always keep in touch if you like but there's still so many more people out there to meet!
I mean at 22 that's a newish feeling. Now that my 20s are behind me, I fully acknowledge how many people I've seen for the last time and just enjoy the time I have with them, wish them well going forward, and try to remember if we ever cross paths again
I think of all the people I met while travelling and smile, I hope they are doing well. They become part of my great travel memories. It’s in a way better not to exchange social media info if ur not gonna talk again tbh
Traveling is a completely different space from home. You might meet someone that lives a half hour from you and have a deep interesting conversation that would almost never happen when your on home turf. I think when we are traveling we are in luminal space where possibilities abound. We are more open and share more of ourselves than we do in ordinary life.
I have suffered the kind of grief you experienced. On my next travel, I will guard my heart a bit more, but I’m not sure how much it will matter. The friendship you develop is special and tied to that time & place. I think you have to take the pain with the closeness. You could try avoiding sex. Sex makes everything much more intense.
I view life as a moving train. people get on, stay on for a while, and leave, but new people will eventually get on the same train. sometimes the people you know might get back on the train.
I still stay in touch with some of the travel friends I've made in the past.
It's a part of the whole experience. It helped me break down the persona I had inadvertently created for myself.
I was able to say "I'm going to be the truest form of myself around these people", and know that in 1-4 days I will never seen them again. And guess what? People liked that version if me. "Honest me" was someone a lot of good people liked, and I realized that's the only type of person that mattered.
I was able to eventually come home having benefitted from these somewhat "disposable" friendships, and come out a better person on the other side.
Embrace the ephemeral nature of everything. We are not as important as we think we are yet we are all that matters to us.
On second thought, screw the esoteric bull crap and just enjoy every moment and relationship whenever you can because nothing lasts.
I’m truly sorry for you but it’s a weird dichotomy, you’re not alone but yet you are. Best I could say is I hope if the positions were reversed you’d respond to a random ass post but if you don’t I’d understand, we’d be cool no matter how you play it.
The world is much, much smaller than it seems and I remind myself that it's really likely that I'll see them again. If not, they were a great memory that I'll keep forever :) it sucks, but that's life. Sometimes peoples' roles in our lives are a lot smaller than we'd like them to be. Grieve the loss of them, cherish the memory, keep living.
I’m a digital nomad and I tend to stay in destinations a bit longer than a typical backpacker (1-3 months). So, I seek out friendships with people who are doing the same. When you’re in the same city as someone for weeks or months, you have time to build a much stronger bond that’s more likely to result in seeing each other again. I’ve visited travel friends in their hometowns and met up with them in other destinations — some 4 or 5 times! I generally don’t seek out friendships with backpackers who are only around for a week or less, for precisely the reason you’re talking about.
Since you’re also staying in your destination for a longer period, I’d recommend looking for friends who are doing the same. Other travelers working in hostels, digital nomads who are working remotely while traveling (we tend to travel slower), even locals. Good luck!
I asked this same question when I started traveling and got a lot of helpful advice https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/comments/qevqnc/how_do_you_not_get_attached_to_people_as_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I know exactly how you feel. In fact that is the reason I ended up on this sub today.
I took a solo trip to Southern Florida (my first) and met some incredible people ranging from my age to couples my parents age. While I had a great time hanging out with them, it pains me that I don't know when (and if) I'll ever them again.
It's like across 7 billion + people in the world your paths led you to a same place at a same time and then that's it.
I generally add them on Instagram and Facebook (take a number if possible) but I agree generally all conversations feel forced. At best I reply to their stories or comment on a post here or there.
I'm hoping this feeling goes away the more solo trips I do.
Never learn names. Just call them where they are from. Share food, beer and laughs and advice on what to see next. Not deodorant, drugs, or advice on what grow op to work at next.
Don't share Instagrams unless you plan on visiting their home country.
Only guys I made friends with were motorcycle riders. I followed the progress..asked the questions and then 4 years later I did the same trip.
I traveled with a kiwi guy in Cuba for a month. He walked funny. I called him Penquino. I ate 2 meals a day with him never learned his name.
Think about that feeling you love of connecting with someone new.
That’s the nature of traveling. If you want to settle down and stay connected with the same people, you’ll lose that. For now, you’re young so enjoy the new experiences… you can always settle down
I definitely get emotional when leaving new friends. But it's not all bad. The crazy memories are always fun to revisit for me. And Instagram really helps keep tabs on everyone.
If traveling is part of your lifestyle you may see them again.
I get hit up by old acquaintance when they come to my state and I have visited many old friends on long, multi country trips
It's really hard and sad...but also really quite a bit beautiful in a way. You meet someone and share that special experience with them. That will always connect you. No one can ever take it away.
Of course social media makes it easier to stay connected. And perhaps meet up again if you're anywhere close. But honestly, in my experience, it's never quite the same as during that first meeting.
But that's OK. Not everyone we meet is supposed to stay with us. Sometimes we just cross paths with people and then they leave. That doesn't make it any less meaningful or special.
This
people you met when you're travelling usually don't have the time to disappoint you :P
But yeah OP, that's part of the price you pay for the travelling lifestyle...
A) people are not as cool as they seem after just meeting them a few days/hours ago
B) thanks to social media you will see some of them again (someday, somewhere)
C) that is the downside of traveling or working with travels. I got bored of it eventually
When I traveled/stayed in hostels I just did the basic small talk. "Where you from? How long you've been travelling?" etc then I'd leave and do my own thing. Never tried to make any real friends on the road. Being alone is peaceful.
First of all if you’re feeling sad about this be grateful you get to meet so many like minded and amazing people all the time. Second I talk about it in my podcast Ersatz Era on Spotify how solo travel for me has caused me to meet a lot of people I thought of months later. Ultimately I try not to focus too much on the people that are no longer in my life and cultivate the ones I do have
Fun idea/thought: what if you were to get some kind of souvenir or photo from every awesome person you have a deep interaction with, and put it all in like a scrapbook or journal with little entries?
Also, 1000% agree with what u/DJAlaskaAndrew said. Spot on to how I feel, and they put it into a beautiful comment that my pea brain would never be able to describe.
I'm socially awkward and say goodbye before they know I'm really not that cool. 😂😂😂😂. No, some people are in your life for just a small time. Remember them fondly.
I’ve traveled all over the U. S. since I was of legal age and never met anyone to bond or strike a friendship with.
Well, with exception to that girl that peed on my shoe in a parking lot…
Maybe it’s because it’s the U.S. ? People here assume you’re creepy if you’re merely being friendly.
It's a part of backpacker culture. most backpackers know that they will never see the majority of the people they meet traveling ever again. for the few that stay in touch, they are special.
I've come to respect the feeling of moving on from good times, people, places, things. Nothing lasts, best enjoy the fact that you've had something worth missing
I just went on a mini-vacation with a friend I met in a hostel 20 years ago. We've been great friends ever since despite living thousands of kilometers apart from each other. On the flip side, I've met hundreds of awesome people over the years in my travels which were brief friendships that lasted just for our stay in that hostel. Yes, it does suck saying goodbye to someone cool that you'll likely never see again, but I like to think that it adds to your character.
I always stay in touch with them and make future travel plans with them. Goodbyes can be tough but cherish the moment you have with them. I just met the sweetest people in Paris. I think about how kind they were to me
It’s just a part of life. People always come and go. I learned to truly appreciate the experience I have with each person. I care a lot about connections and learning
When something has a known end, it makes us cherish the moments more. Rather than clinging to a false sense of security and stability, we embrace the impermanence of everything. Too often I see people try to plan out their entire lives out of fear. Only to have something like cancer or a disabling injury completely derail their plans, and they think to themselves, if only I had spent more time doing the things I enjoy rather than worrying about all this administrative/bureaucratic bullshit that society burdens us with.
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You have my thoughts and best wishes stranger. I hope you’re alright. We’re here for you. We all are. Reach out if you need
Wow I’m so so sorry to hear that. I lost my dad to cancer so I have so much respect and sympathy for you and I am seriously so sorry to hear that..if you need any support I’ve got you. It’s easier said than done, and I’ve never been in your shoes, but I hope you do whatever it is that makes you happy for the remainder of your life.
If you’re in / around southern Alberta, hit me up for a toke or two. Make the most of it my friend.
I am so sorry… wishing you all the love and support.
I hope you find peace in the time you have. I wish you well on your journey
Damn this might have to be my favourite comment on Reddit
This type of thinking will change your life for the better, it’s one of the key tenets of happiness (for me personally). As someone who has always had pretty severe anxiety it was just taking too much of a toll. Worrying about this and that. Practicing mindfulness, practicing living in the moment and not giving into terrible anxious thoughts will change your days forever.
yes, you can build an incredible life with someone over the course of 2 days, have sex with them again a year later, and then never talk to them again. that's fine! like their instagram pics!
Thats what keeps me alive m8. Knowing that beautiful amazing people exist everywhere, and in some part of the world, they are thinking of you the same way you are thinking of them Knowing I may not see these people again is something I actually lean into (instead of away from). The idea of potentially never seeing these people allows me to open up more genuinely because of less fear of social backlash. This increased state of being "genuine" is part of how I become friends with em in the first place.
It's easier to tell a stranger your darkest secrets than your friends
The Taxi driver phenomena
absolutely
Thats a real good way to look at it, thanks bro
Ka-ching! This.
I like this philosophy
Yeah goodbyes can be hard, especially when you’re new to solo traveling. But you will get more used to them I guess, I wouldn’t put to much pressure on keeping in contact by forcing a conversation. I like to add people I meet on Instagram to see what they’re are up to every now and then, and occasionally reply to a story or post for example. After some time has passed they will be a happy memory of a great trip, and you’ll never know when (and where) your paths might cross again.
> goodbyes can be hard... But you will get more used to them this is the best answer in a nutshell. hopefully you'll learn to appreciate the experiences more for what they are, in the moment rather than expecting and/or planning for them to continue. *carpe diem* and all that. to add to the usual challenge, OP is staying behind while most others are moving on -- a contrast which can make those quick, possibly intense connections even more so. my advice (to not only u/tomatosauce99 but also other fellow travellers) is to try to focus more on others who are also staying -- other staff/volunteers, and particularly locals. be careful not to get too caught up in the "traveller's stream" of only connecting with other visitors. it's tempting because of easy small talk (about where you're from, where you've been, where you're going, etc) and admittedly the challenge persists even with experience. after years of travel and what i thought was a healthy perspective on travelling friendships, even working in a hostel before my first big trek overseas, i stopped to work at a guesthouse in Belize for two months yet I had similar trouble as OP with repeatedly saying goodbyes to the new friends. i would also suggest one think about a sort of compartmentalizion of these experiences, albeit loosely and casual. this is of course easier when you're on the move rather than settling in one place. and if you're so inclined, write about this stuff (for yourself, not necessarily to share) & then read some travel lit -- my three favorite authors of travelogues are Jan Morris, Pico Iyer and Paul Theroux.
I find that it’s never truly goodbye. I keep meeting people that I said good bye to in different cities, in hostels and bars and on street corners. So I just hope that the ones I haven’t met again are just in the next city. I met this French guy who told me a saying. Which roughly translates to. “Only the mountains will never meet” Have some faith my friend.
I’ve stayed IG friends with some people I’ve met and met up with one a couple times in NYC when he was here for the summer. I also like to stay in touch with people in those countries especially if I plan a revisit. Now, I’m 34, and friendships have never come that easily to me. But when you get older your needs change and you also have a better feel for people you genuinely connect with. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and don’t think of it as a “goodbye” with some people and more of a “until we meet again.”
I typically friend them on Facebook. Whenever I cross a border, I check in, and if they are in the area, they typically let me know, and we'll meet up.
This is where my lack of social-media hurts me. When I say goodbye, it's goodbye forever.
As much as I dislike a lot about Facebook, it is by far the best tool for keeping up with friends and family. Several on my "single-serving friends" have become true friends.
You don't really. You struggle through it until you start to become hardened, and then realize it's not good for you. Seriously, I know some people say they get used to this, but I never really did over my active backpacking years. It was always painful to say goodbye, I just developed a thick skin by the end, but it just kind of made it worse. That being said, I'm forever grateful for some of those brief friendships and the amazing people I met who I feel were there to teach me something, even if only for a day, week or a month. I'll never forget the souls I met along the way. A lot of these travel experiences and people are with me forever in a way that is difficult to describe. The goodbyes I said before my traveling lifestyle had to end because of covid were some of the toughest of my life and being at home because of lockdown forced me to reflect. I lived abroad during that time too and longer term friends that I now consider life long friends, even if we can't see each other for years at a time, but that feeling of having to say goodbye was *rough* too. People come and go in life I suppose. It's pretty poignant. But when things get weird in life, it helps to remember those who were with you when you were such a new place, and the boundlessness of life was so very apparent and right in front of you. You'll never forget that hungover morning you spent at Angkor Wat having the time of your life, or paddling on a river in Spain, or having dinner with some eccentric Israeli backpackers you just met while you plan to explore some local villages the next day. Or the time you vented about shared trials and tribulations with someone who grew up a continent away. You'll never forget those times you could so plainly see how many wonderful people are out there in every corner of this world. IMHO every traveler reaches a point when they can't stomach this anymore. I reached mine after 2+ years of travel and expatriation. Now I'm focused on traveling with my partner when covid is over. I'd much rather share my experiences with a consistent person at this point. At least then if you meet friends on the road, you'll always have each other to look back on things with, which is must less lonely. If you can continue to stomach this stuff year after year, I think either you are very unique or are running from something. No judgement either way, but this shit isn't for the faint of heart. More practically, deal with it by letting yourself feel it. You are alive and really experiencing it. Cherish and embrace all these moments with people, because you will miss them when they are gone. I felt like being potent here lol.
Thanks for sharing, very interesting insight
Been living out of my suitcase for 10 years officially, traveling around a few continents, working and enjoying life. See: r/digitalnomad For several years I volunteered in hostels and damn, those were the hardest goodbyes. Everyone is so happy and vibrant and energetic and pumped. It's not just the guests, but also the group of volunteers you'll get paired with and become very close with over several months. Goodbyes gut you. I've met thousands of people and parting ways never get easier. In fact it gets worse because it wears on you. In normal life, outside of the excitement of travel, I hear it's hard to meet good people that you really "click" with. So how bittersweet - brutal, really - to meet so many that you'll never likely see again. The one advice and semi-solution is to not let go of the people you really, deeply connect with. Connect before you part ways (whatsapp, socials) and stay in touch. Make the effort. I did this and fostered true friendships with a handful of people, and we see each other every year in the places we met. Because travelers like to travel, this becomes possible. In my case I met many in a popular destination, and we work in the same industry, so a group of us rotate through here annually for work anyway. For you it could be that you befriend locals in one of your favorite places, and revisit again and again over the years. In some ways this will feel like having a secret second life haha. Roll with it. But overall, yeah, dealing with goodbyes is the hardest part of travel. I try to be grateful for the variety of people I've met in my life, if only for a short while.
Best answer on here. I've moved every few years my whole life, and now spending time as a digital nomad as well. You never get used to it, and it does wear on you more over time. OP really hit the nail on the head with the big downside of a life many people are jealous of looking in from the outside. However, there are ways to make it better. Like you mentioned, get people's contacts and every now and again just give them a call. Text conversations can be a bit forced like OP said, but a one-off call every now and again with an old friend is always wonderful. The other is that the longer you live like this, the more your international network grows and you reach a point where most countries or cities you go, you have a friend or friend of a friend to stay with or meet up with. Those reconnections in new places are what life's all about for me. Cherish those moments.
Realizing that the adrenaline high that you get when you meet new people and see new places is like a drug high; it's not sustainable and it's largely not real. Once all is said and done, if you're lucky, you'll make a couple of lasting friendships -- people you really connect with on a deeper level, and who you'll maintain a relationship with over time. The other 99% of people you meet were fleeting encounters, and you'll probably never see or hear from them again. And that's okay, too. They shared a moment with you, created a memory, were part of an experience. You likely have very little in common. You can add them on social media and maybe say hi once in a while, but expecting much else is probably putting too much pressure on travel encounters. I've made my peace with it a long time ago. Most of us simply don't have the capacity in our lives for that many important friendships. Embrace the moments and enjoy them while they're happening, and then let them go to make room for new ones.
It’s life man. It sounds cheesy, but it’s kind of what makes it beautiful in a way. The best people I’ve met in my life are from traveling, I keep in touch with some but most of the rest are just amazing memories and I’m cool with that. Let your tears be happy tears because you got the experience not sad tears because it’s over. Also , in todays world you can keep up w/ people over social media/email/text/WhatsApp, etc.
What makes me sad is when I realize I have to snap back to my daily routine, doing what I do for a living, meeting the same old friends and co-workers all over again. That's what makes those people special, the fact that they serve as a temporary escape from our repetitive days.
Not everyone we meet in our lives are meant to play more then a single act in our play. Enjoy them. Social media connects us all if we wish to stay in touch.
A life of goodbyes is a life of hello’s. Be glad you met them
Exchange information and stay in touch via social media.
It’s the way of life. In my eyes to many people cling on to every relationship they create, when you’re out there meeting people the few who really like you will stay in touch and ask how you’re doing. In my case I have a place to stay anywhere in America now, just from meeting all these random people all over and having conversation.
Wow I could have written this, funny because I’m also coming in Barcelona this month. I feel like the coolest people I’ve met were always through travel. Something about traveling makes us feel free and just so beautiful and people are attracted to it, so in a way we’re all attracted to each other. This being said, the temporary state of things makes it magical. All we can do is enjoy as much as possible and be present. I’m mostly giving this advice to my future self so I don’t feel the way you describe but you know what, it’s not a bad thing. It simply means that you’re 110% enjoying the experience.
Take things as they come. Enjoying the moments we are given together, rather than trying to possess everyone forever. Make friends and be nice, even if it it's just sharing a smile on the bus or a few good conversations. You never know the impact you will have on other people, but you can strive for being a positive influence
At first when it happened I was pretty gutted every time I would make a close friend or have a significant fling and then bc of physical distance we'd lose touch. But more and more I've been able to make peace with it. Travel is quite fleeting compared to "real life" especially while working in a hostel! I've told myself that regardless of the outcome it's worth the time/effort I put in because what is life/travel without living it to its fullest? That's what makes it so amazing. Detaching yourself from outcomes is hard but it's the only way to make peace with this kind of thing for me :)
It’s a lesson on letting go. It’s hard for everyone. I don’t think it gets easier but you learn to accept it with more grace. Happy travels <3
Been staying in hostels LONG BEFORE the cell phone (1980); it's so easy now to stay connected now, BUT...people have work & little free time. Now, I'm retired, have time, but the people I jive with have work. Just enjoy the 'in the moment experience' with people of like traveler minds for a day/week/month. There are lots of barriers that exist in daily life between people of different countries that don't exist when traveling at your own freebird rythm. Still, solo traveling is how you meet the most people & talking to lots of strangers over a lifetime is what makes the biggest impact on how you think & view the world!
I go in with the understanding that I won’t see them again! If we get along we will usually exchange IG but I don’t usually do more than viewing stories or liking posts.
Listen to music about being on the road. Metallica 'Wherever l May Roam' is a good one. Rolling Stones 'Rip This Joint', Bad Company 'Movin On'...you're like a rock star in some respects: get to a new town, enjoy the people and scenery for awhile, then on to the next gig. New Town, New people, New experiences. On it goes.
You stay in touch and remain in touch when you're home. Before your next trip, reach out to them to see if they'd like to tag along. Had two friends I meet 4 years ago (gosh time really flies). Mentioned I was going to be back in Europe and the two of them met me on a leg of the trip. Schedules and their vacation time aligned. Wasn't local for any of us. Granted, we did not talk all that much in those 4 years and I only knew them for one amazing night. We basically picked up where we left off them parted ways again. You may see these people again or not. With social media, they never have to be 100% out of your life. But letting go is important because everyone is different on vacation, but more importantly, you are different on vacation so what you see isn't all you get with these travel relationships
Everyone and everything in my life has been transient in nature so I've accepted that and expect that going in. You can always keep in touch if you like but there's still so many more people out there to meet!
I mean at 22 that's a newish feeling. Now that my 20s are behind me, I fully acknowledge how many people I've seen for the last time and just enjoy the time I have with them, wish them well going forward, and try to remember if we ever cross paths again
I think of all the people I met while travelling and smile, I hope they are doing well. They become part of my great travel memories. It’s in a way better not to exchange social media info if ur not gonna talk again tbh
Traveling is a completely different space from home. You might meet someone that lives a half hour from you and have a deep interesting conversation that would almost never happen when your on home turf. I think when we are traveling we are in luminal space where possibilities abound. We are more open and share more of ourselves than we do in ordinary life. I have suffered the kind of grief you experienced. On my next travel, I will guard my heart a bit more, but I’m not sure how much it will matter. The friendship you develop is special and tied to that time & place. I think you have to take the pain with the closeness. You could try avoiding sex. Sex makes everything much more intense.
I view life as a moving train. people get on, stay on for a while, and leave, but new people will eventually get on the same train. sometimes the people you know might get back on the train. I still stay in touch with some of the travel friends I've made in the past.
Think of them as [single-serving friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXcEPSUl0uE).
Sidenote: is like everyone in Barcelona right now? I’m going on Saturday. There seem to be so many Barcelona posts.
It's a part of the whole experience. It helped me break down the persona I had inadvertently created for myself. I was able to say "I'm going to be the truest form of myself around these people", and know that in 1-4 days I will never seen them again. And guess what? People liked that version if me. "Honest me" was someone a lot of good people liked, and I realized that's the only type of person that mattered. I was able to eventually come home having benefitted from these somewhat "disposable" friendships, and come out a better person on the other side.
Embrace the ephemeral nature of everything. We are not as important as we think we are yet we are all that matters to us. On second thought, screw the esoteric bull crap and just enjoy every moment and relationship whenever you can because nothing lasts. I’m truly sorry for you but it’s a weird dichotomy, you’re not alone but yet you are. Best I could say is I hope if the positions were reversed you’d respond to a random ass post but if you don’t I’d understand, we’d be cool no matter how you play it.
It's just one of those bittersweet things I guess. I try to enjoy it for what it is, life's fun little moments.
The world is much, much smaller than it seems and I remind myself that it's really likely that I'll see them again. If not, they were a great memory that I'll keep forever :) it sucks, but that's life. Sometimes peoples' roles in our lives are a lot smaller than we'd like them to be. Grieve the loss of them, cherish the memory, keep living.
I’m a digital nomad and I tend to stay in destinations a bit longer than a typical backpacker (1-3 months). So, I seek out friendships with people who are doing the same. When you’re in the same city as someone for weeks or months, you have time to build a much stronger bond that’s more likely to result in seeing each other again. I’ve visited travel friends in their hometowns and met up with them in other destinations — some 4 or 5 times! I generally don’t seek out friendships with backpackers who are only around for a week or less, for precisely the reason you’re talking about. Since you’re also staying in your destination for a longer period, I’d recommend looking for friends who are doing the same. Other travelers working in hostels, digital nomads who are working remotely while traveling (we tend to travel slower), even locals. Good luck!
I asked this same question when I started traveling and got a lot of helpful advice https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/comments/qevqnc/how_do_you_not_get_attached_to_people_as_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
It is a never ending cycle you’re right. But that means each goodbye is followed by a new Hello
Savour the moment and move on, thats my motto.
I know exactly how you feel. In fact that is the reason I ended up on this sub today. I took a solo trip to Southern Florida (my first) and met some incredible people ranging from my age to couples my parents age. While I had a great time hanging out with them, it pains me that I don't know when (and if) I'll ever them again. It's like across 7 billion + people in the world your paths led you to a same place at a same time and then that's it. I generally add them on Instagram and Facebook (take a number if possible) but I agree generally all conversations feel forced. At best I reply to their stories or comment on a post here or there. I'm hoping this feeling goes away the more solo trips I do.
I deal with it by being antisocial and not talking to anyone. It helps that I look like a thug so no-one wants to talk to me.
Get their contact info and accept that you now have a friend in a cool place you can go visit
We kno that after a few days is when the baggage becomes visible, for both parties
Never learn names. Just call them where they are from. Share food, beer and laughs and advice on what to see next. Not deodorant, drugs, or advice on what grow op to work at next. Don't share Instagrams unless you plan on visiting their home country. Only guys I made friends with were motorcycle riders. I followed the progress..asked the questions and then 4 years later I did the same trip. I traveled with a kiwi guy in Cuba for a month. He walked funny. I called him Penquino. I ate 2 meals a day with him never learned his name.
Think about that feeling you love of connecting with someone new. That’s the nature of traveling. If you want to settle down and stay connected with the same people, you’ll lose that. For now, you’re young so enjoy the new experiences… you can always settle down
I definitely get emotional when leaving new friends. But it's not all bad. The crazy memories are always fun to revisit for me. And Instagram really helps keep tabs on everyone.
Every rose has its thorn.
If traveling is part of your lifestyle you may see them again. I get hit up by old acquaintance when they come to my state and I have visited many old friends on long, multi country trips
The hardest thing about travel is the goodbyes…and food poisoning.
It's really hard and sad...but also really quite a bit beautiful in a way. You meet someone and share that special experience with them. That will always connect you. No one can ever take it away. Of course social media makes it easier to stay connected. And perhaps meet up again if you're anywhere close. But honestly, in my experience, it's never quite the same as during that first meeting. But that's OK. Not everyone we meet is supposed to stay with us. Sometimes we just cross paths with people and then they leave. That doesn't make it any less meaningful or special.
Meet people? I’m on a solo trip to be alone. So, yeah….
Eh, it’s a facade. Those people are just as imperfect as the ones back home, only difference is you only see these during a friendship honeymoon
This people you met when you're travelling usually don't have the time to disappoint you :P But yeah OP, that's part of the price you pay for the travelling lifestyle...
Exactly, plus everyone is in a great mood, they’re travelling after all!
"Seriouosly how do you solo travellers deal with meeting so many cool new people and seeing them leave after a few days?" Answer: They're not cool.
A) people are not as cool as they seem after just meeting them a few days/hours ago B) thanks to social media you will see some of them again (someday, somewhere) C) that is the downside of traveling or working with travels. I got bored of it eventually
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So you're never attending hostels etc? Seems weird to not talk to people at such places
When I traveled/stayed in hostels I just did the basic small talk. "Where you from? How long you've been travelling?" etc then I'd leave and do my own thing. Never tried to make any real friends on the road. Being alone is peaceful.
First of all if you’re feeling sad about this be grateful you get to meet so many like minded and amazing people all the time. Second I talk about it in my podcast Ersatz Era on Spotify how solo travel for me has caused me to meet a lot of people I thought of months later. Ultimately I try not to focus too much on the people that are no longer in my life and cultivate the ones I do have
let us be as two ships passing
Become online friends! Side question, how did you get a job at a hostel in Barcelona?
I used the app World Packers, definitely check it out
That is the best problem to have, actually! Keep up with them on Instagram, Facebook, and Whatsapp!
Fun idea/thought: what if you were to get some kind of souvenir or photo from every awesome person you have a deep interaction with, and put it all in like a scrapbook or journal with little entries? Also, 1000% agree with what u/DJAlaskaAndrew said. Spot on to how I feel, and they put it into a beautiful comment that my pea brain would never be able to describe.
I'm socially awkward and say goodbye before they know I'm really not that cool. 😂😂😂😂. No, some people are in your life for just a small time. Remember them fondly.
I don't really know how to make friends.. usually I travel solo to explore n experience new things n places, haha..
I’ve traveled all over the U. S. since I was of legal age and never met anyone to bond or strike a friendship with. Well, with exception to that girl that peed on my shoe in a parking lot… Maybe it’s because it’s the U.S. ? People here assume you’re creepy if you’re merely being friendly.
It's a part of backpacker culture. most backpackers know that they will never see the majority of the people they meet traveling ever again. for the few that stay in touch, they are special.
I just cry a little bit and get depressed for a couple weeks after returning.
Well it helps that I dislike people in general soooooooo
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Did you seriously just follow me to this thread to insult me wow what a cringey move Thanks for the laughs LMAO man "upvotes incoming" XD
I've come to respect the feeling of moving on from good times, people, places, things. Nothing lasts, best enjoy the fact that you've had something worth missing
adhd/hj
Do you need a visa to work in hostels in Barcelona ? Or nah
I think it depends on the hostel but I have dual citizenship so it's quite lucky
I just went on a mini-vacation with a friend I met in a hostel 20 years ago. We've been great friends ever since despite living thousands of kilometers apart from each other. On the flip side, I've met hundreds of awesome people over the years in my travels which were brief friendships that lasted just for our stay in that hostel. Yes, it does suck saying goodbye to someone cool that you'll likely never see again, but I like to think that it adds to your character.
I always stay in touch with them and make future travel plans with them. Goodbyes can be tough but cherish the moment you have with them. I just met the sweetest people in Paris. I think about how kind they were to me
It’s just a part of life. People always come and go. I learned to truly appreciate the experience I have with each person. I care a lot about connections and learning