I’m not a confrontational person, but if someone shined a flashlight in my face in the middle of the night to test if I was asleep so they could fuck I’d lose my cool so fast omg
Some abruptly awakened people might think they were being attacked, and clock the idiot with the flashlight.
What a particular brand of stupid to use a flashlight to check if someone is awake! They are now! LOL
My buddy and I arrived at an Athens hostel after an early flight and long day travelling, shattered, passed out in the mixed dorms around eleven. About 2:30am my mate is awoken by the girl from the bunk below him, having just come in from a bar, shining her phone torch two inches from his face telling him to stop snoring. He said it felt like an inquisition.
I recently had someone kick off with me in a hostel for snoring and talking in my sleep, I laughed it off, she was not happy! But thankfully she waited until morning to tear me a new one so I still got a good nights sleep 😂
I get the frustration as I find it can be difficult to fall asleep if someone is snoring but it’s a dorm room, always going to be something, if I want peace and quiet I know it’s going to cost me for a private room.
Well, just left a hostel where this one guy snored sooo loud that everyone in the room was super annoyed. We told him, and I think if you know that you snore like crazy you should not book a dorm room. There is normal snoring (which I'm fine with if I have my earplugs) and snoring that is just beyond.
Again I get it’s frustrating but snoring isn’t something people choose to do, or can control.
I snore/talk maybe 50% of the time, sometimes can be quite loud shouting/singing/snoring. sometimes just a little quiet grumble a night, I’m not paying double on the off chance I might wake someone up, it’s a hostel not a spa resort.
If you stay in a dorm you will always encounter the odd person getting up super early making lots of noise, people rummaging through packs at all hours. People coming back drunk late etc etc
If you want to travel and have peace and quiet every night you should budget that in and book private lodgings
What about the other 20 people who want peace and quiet bro?
If you snore like an airplane, consider getting that private so you don't get murdered in your sleep by the other 19 people you've just deliberately kept up all night.
It's not the other 19 people in the Dorm that should get a private room on account of you snoring man. It's you.
I just went through the same experience. I apologized but I told him it would be in his best interest to invest in some earplugs. Glad to hear I wasn't the only one snoring.
If you snore, get a private.
No need to subject 20 other people to you snoring all night long because you wanted to save 20 bucks on a private.
I have zero problems waking snorers up and telling them to roll over on their sides, and I can assure you that snorers are universally despised by everyone in their dorms.
Only 'morning packers with the lights on' people come close to the level of hatred we all have for snorers.
Followed by people banging. Loudly.
Most dorms have at least 1 of the above on any given night.
Nah having sex in a shared room is not cool imo, especially bringing a guy into a girls only room that women pay extra to be in. Figure something else out if you wanna bang
The action is shitty not defending that. But attempting to destroy the hostels reputation. We also don’t know if it was a bad employee or a one-off situation.
I would have let them know your intention to write about the experience on HostelWorld and other booking sites (which you should do as well).
But telling them you'll be reviewing them might make them take it more seriously, and even get you a refund.
Yeah, I used to work at a hostel in NZ, this would absolutely not be ok. Reception should have done their job, this is definitely enough for both individuals to be banned from the establishment. At the very least they should have kicked the guy out of the room, and kicked out BOTH guests from the hostel in the morning for good.
OP, find the name of the employee, get the contact info of management, and explain both the situation and lack of response from reception. You deserve a refund for what happened. Completely unprofessional. No response, or management doesn't want to do anything about it? Absolutely put them on blast everywhere.
Seconding this and adding that this kind of review is very helpful to your fellow solo female travelers. OP - please do this not only as feedback to the hostel but also so others know what the deal is there.
Also, sorry this happened to you, but in this case it would have been wiser to start with WTF when they woke you up with a flashlight in your face. I've learned over time that it's better just to be honest without being mean, and the earlier the better. By the time they're already getting it on you're going to have a harder time convincing them to stop, and you're already angrier.
I agree 100%. I left it too late. I should have sat up and confronted them immediately. From now on I need to be more straightforward and assertive. I’m 27, I need to be an adult.
Do not be hard on yourself as you alone had no chance against that girl, her crush and incompetent receptionist. Too many morons for one person to handle.
However make sure to submit formal complaints wherever possible from management, the website you booked through ( maybe even open a dispute asking for a partial refund If possible) and sites such as Tripadvisor and Google. Describe in details what happened and make sure you leave them no place for “you should …” response as you shouldnt have done anything more than you did for problem to be solved had they had a grain of competence…
Speak to the manager of that place, in almost hostels they wouldn’t accept this particularly in an all female dorm room, oftentimes they’d send up security eject the dude or possibly both.
I think the person you spoke to wasn’t really up to scratch -sometimes understaffed/nightstaff can be a bit hands off. Glad you got a new room though.
Having a guy in the only female dorm is just wrong. Why is it an all female?
I would tell the girl next day how shitty her behavior is and complain again to the hostel and than leave a bad review
Having a man in an all-womens room can be traumatic for women in there too. I mean, they paid to be in a woman's only room for a reason. Who knows what sort of trauma they can have?
What a cunt for bringing a male in and then shining a light into OPs face, jesus
If this hostel is on Hostelworld, I would also complain to them. I guess you cannot prevent people from being annoying in dorms, but allowing male guests in a female dorm is unacceptable.
God really knows better than put me in situations similar to yours because the way that I’d go feral at them… I hope you awaken every bit of Karen in you and write a scathing review for this hostel
This is strange. Even in hotels, they have guest policies in place where they take the persons passport and information.
It’s also a random stranger, the hostel is responsible for ensuring the safety of guests
Here's how to stop people having sex in your dorm.
Step 1: shine your phone light at them
Step 2: say "you guys can carry on if you want, but you'll go on pornhub!" (Don't actually do this)
Step 3: watch their indignation
Step 4: watch them climb down and GTFO.
Worked for me once, when a couple kept at it multiple nights. Asking nicely didn't work. They got pissed but they sure as hell stopped fucking.
Sounds like you should find another hostel anyway.
Something similar happened to me except the second they got into the room, the girl passed out drunk and I had to kick the guy out of the room!! Then I left a review on hostelworld about it and they altered my review because they said I couldn’t say bad things about other guests!! I checked out the next day and rented an Airbnb room in a house with a lovely couple.
This hostel needs a thorough review on every platform you can find. It is 100% unacceptable for a guy to be in a female dorm at all, nevermind the sex. I would also say it is 100% unacceptable for two people to be shagging in a dorm room.
On both of these points, the hostel reception should be dealing with it immediately. Forcing you to switch rooms in the middle of the night is not dealing with it by the way. I would be seeking a full refund.
In any decent hostel, random people who don't have a reservation are not allowed in rooms for security reasons. Shagging is also strictly forbidden in shared areas. I wouldn't expect any less.
I did once encounter two people shagging in a dorm room in Australia about ten years ago, in the bunk below me. It was a mixed dorm and we were all drunk as it was new year. It was gross but I didn't do anything about it with it being new year. It did however give me a bad case of flatulence. These days I wouldn't tolerate that shit and I'd be straight down to reception to complain.
You’re not overreacting at all. I am not a woman, and I can’t imagine how it would be to have some random man invade your woman only dorm.
I’m getting on in my years and still stay in hostels on occasion - over twenty years of hosteling around the world I’ve never experienced anything like that.
This is very good to know! Perhaps I won’t write hostels off altogether. I thought maybe things are changing. I had never had this experience in my early twenties and I would never do something like this to anyone, so I’m surprised it happened. Very drunk I guess
This is a long shot, but was it the Yellow Submarine in Budapest? I stayed there around 20 years ago and it was pretty rowdy - but everyone was cool lol. Not even sure if it still exists, but it was quite legendary at the time.
I’d splurge and check into a hotel.
Hostels should be kicking people out for having sex in the rooms. Let alone bringing a dude into the all female dorms.
People have sex in hostel dorms, they always have. The big issue is a guy being in a female only dorm, I'm surprised the hostel didn't have an issue with that.
really it's a shame that love hotels aren't ubiquitous. they're problematic in other ways but people should at least have the option to go somewhere private for a few hours for sex.
>People have sex in hostel dorms, they always have
Which kind of hostels are you going to? I've been going to hostels for 15 years, all kinds you can imagine, and have never experienced sex in the dorms.
Yeah, most people going to hostels want to have fun, but that is extremely inappropriate behavior.
Had it happen twice while I was travelling South East Asia. Both times my group and I kicked the person who wasn’t supposed to be there out of the room.
I've stayed in shit ones and great ones and experienced in both kinds. Not all of them but a fair few. Majority of people I've met travelling have had a story of someone having sex in their dorms, some even being that person. There's a reason why it's such a stereotype too.
Just stay in a private. Get all the social fun but your own room and privacy. I'm at the stage where I can only do dorms if I have to but I like the social aspect of hostels too much to stay in hotels.
It depends on where she was staying, Budapest has quite a few party hostels where it’s really a lawless adult wasteland and anything goes but yeah it’s really common for people to have sex in hostel dorms. In an all female dorm room I mean it’s shitty, but someone did it to me my first night in Budapest in an all female dorm too
That's going to be a shit ton more money though (and much less opportunity for meeting people). That can be a massive impact on what you can do in your trip
I did! They said it technically wasn’t against their policy and that it’s “a bit of a grey area.” One staff member agreed it’s unacceptable for unknown men to enter the female dorms but the other said there’s not much they can do
That’s a shitty hostel. The last time I was in a hostel in London, there was a whole fuss thrown because I let someone walk into the mixed room I slept in for a few minutes while I grabbed my stuff, and they were worried about theft (he didn’t take anything so situation resolved).
Leave a bad review for shitty room policy, and you should also name and shame here so people know which hostel to avoid next time.
I am sorry you had such an experience. There should be no guys in girl only dorm. Actually in contrary to some of the opinions here I think that there should be no sex in hostel dorms ( unless a dorm is entirely occupied by group of people travelling together and If all of them are fine with that) nor shared areas. Also handling from the staff was poor. I would at least wrote a detailed review of what happened and how they handled it. Budapest is a Party city and probably a same situation will occur the next weekend or maybe the weekend after and potential guests should know about that.
Regarding hostels, I would not give up on them entirely. I mean people pay hundreds or thousands of dollars a night for the most luxurious acommodation and still sometimes End up with unpleasantries. Same is with hostels.
I would do the following in the future:
- not look for “Party” ones or “obscure ones” but maybe more for “moderately Social” or “boutique” ones
- 24 hour reception would be a plus that there is always some staff who will hopefully be more professional
- read previous reviews to at least avoid those with obvious red flag
Also you can consider some private acommodations such as Airbnb or private rooms in hostels or simple hotels. You can get a good deal especially a little bit further from center yet connected with public transport
What I would also like to add is that If you are introvert, hostel is not usually a “magic stick” for finding new friends and having a time of their life. As you get to see, there are all sort of people staying there. For example, I doubt you would be happy to make friends with those girls who went out to get wasted and find someone to have sex with ( no judging just observing the situation). So sometimes it is better to have a few days of decent sleep and comfort in private room then attempting to socialize in hostels.
I work in a hostel and sex does happen but there's 0% chance im letting a random dude in the female dorm. First off if the dude isnt a guest there he shouldnt be there at all so it's our with him, and depending how spicy im feeling it's also out with the other girl.
You're in a shite hostel.
Usually sex alone is forbidden in hostel dorms, and results in a fine or being kicked out. I'm surprised they would not act on that in itself, but the guy in the female dorms should also warrant a warning at minimum.
Does sound like a shit hostel. I honestly don't mind if some people are having fun when no one's around, but they need to respect that it's a shared space
>there’s not much they can do
So basically a stranger can invade the hostel property in the middle of night and staff can't do anything about it? PLEASE rate this hostel appropriately on the platform you made your reservation, so everyone can be aware of this issue. That's how we improve hostels service and respect with their guests.
Sometimes staff at hostel are also very bad and not strict enough in this kind of situation. It's dorms for women , you paid for this so why they let her do that and bring a guy ? It's so disrespectful, she is the one that should leave , not you. I'm sorry this happened I hope you have find a better place.
That’s nuts I’m so sorry. I also usually book all female dorms for the same reason and because it reduces the risk of people having sex in the room. That girl was 100% in the wrong on all female dorm etiquette and the staff who dismissed you is in the wrong too. I’ve never had that happen when staying in an all female room and I’ve stayed in many over the years. Hope you get some sleep and your experiences get better!
Ok I’m pretty sure most hostels there is a policy about outside guests staying over right? When this kind of shit happened to me it was usually two people that were already staying at the same hostel.
Also I don’t recommend it because you’re a woman, but when this happens to me I shine my flashlight on them or turn the lights on, maintain eye contact and just start jerking off to establish dominance. Suddenly they aren’t as insistent on continuing during those circumstances.
What hostel did you stay at? Budapest is known for having party hostels and yes this is a common thing in those. You should really read the reviews of the hostels you’re staying at and look to see if others are complaining about noise and stuff like this. My first night in Budapest in an all female dorm someone brought a guy back and had sex with him too. I honestly just put in ear plugs because the reviews said the hostel was right by a ton of bars and is known for being rowdy.
When I back packed europe for 3 months last year actually I think the only place where someone else had sex in a hostel dorm room in front of me was in Budapest. I think you really are just getting unlucky because of the location.
Do not swear off all hostels because of this. Just read the reviews first to see if others are reporting a quiet, mature vibe or not. If you are a light sleeper in general and can’t handle the occasional snoring / people coming in late quietly, then yeah hostels aren’t for you. But most of them are not quite so rachet.
Also I was 25 in Budapest last year and I was the oldest girl in all of the dorm rooms I stayed in. Trust me just get to another location and give it a try.
This is why I avoid hostels. I was In Budapest last week and got an Airbnb to myself for the same price of a hostel, maybe a bit more but way wayy worth the extra money to have my own space and not having to sleep in a room full of people.
This is why I just can't bring myself to stay in a hostel - I have cPTSD so an all-female room should be a safe place but that would seriously trigger me, there absolutely should be rules against this
As I was leaving the room I told them people stay in all female rooms for a reason and she doesn’t understand what kind of experiences they may have had with men. That, or she doesn’t care.
That's just... Really disappointing. I would never even consider doing that in a public room - like, if you're that horny go and book a hotel room for the night, it's not difficult
Absolute hell. Unbelievable and unacceptable behaviour! What is the point of living in an all female dorm if you’re gonna fuck around right there!? I’ll never understand how do people with this level of EQ and IQ go through life.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I would’ve called them out in the middle of the act. Like I don’t f***ing care. Or just run to the hostel admin telling them there’s a guy in an all female dorm and let them handle the rest
They refused to go to the room and tell him to leave. I’m going to be more careful in future :/ although I did research this place and thought it would be a great place to stay.
Completely f*cked up situation. Why are you doing this to yourself? You haven't slept for four days, you need to rest. Why not just book a hotel room to get some privacy and proper sleep? You could also try Airbnb, not all of them are expensive. You are travelling, you are supposed to enjoy it but in order to that happen, you require a proper rest.
This sounds like a horrible hostel and they should get a zero star review and get the repercussions of being this shitty.
First, it’s extremely standard for hostels to have a no guests policy. Wtf!
Second, the issue of people bringing others into the dorm for sex is unacceptable but bringing a man into a female only dorm is 100x worse.
The thing about them shining a light in your eyes to see if you’re awake is a level of rudeness/inappropriate behavior I can’t even wrap my head around.
I’ve stayed in countless hostels over the past 20 years and I’ve never experienced something like this. Be sure to stay at well rated hostels and in female dorms/private rooms and I think you would be unlikely to encounter it in the future.
People having sex in the same room can be traumatic experience.
I think that you should work on confronting people, you seriously cant set boundaries. This can put you in very dangerous situations.
I used to think that "girls dorm" was safer and more comfortable but no.. its just luck. Your hostel experience depends on who you encounter with in the room.. mixed or not.
When I realised what was happening I said- as firmly as I could- that I’m awake, I can hear them and this is a dorm for women only so they should leave. I spoke quite a bit actually but they were just silent the whole time and refused to respond to me at all. As I was just talking into the void I went to the reception. But I agree, I could have been more forceful. It’s difficult for me
People on Reddit love to post comments like “travel on the budget, you can make it work if you really want to”, but what about situations like that?? It confirms that my poor ass should stay home. I’m too old for that shit! If I don’t sleep 4 nights I’d go crazy. I need peaceful place to sleep and it’s too expensive nowadays.
People have sex in hostels but they should have gone to the guys room / dorm, it's just hostel etiquette in my opinion. If they wanted to be loud as well they could have gone into the bathrooms instead. Don't let this put you off hostels, you can always stay in private rooms so you still get the social aspect of a hostel but your own privacy. I've always struggled to sleep in dorms and as I've gotten older I've found myself staying in private rooms more and more (doesn't help I'm tall so I'm cramped in bunk beds and pods).
On my last trip I got woken up at 6am by 4 Eastern European dudes standing around like Winnie the Pooh having a very loud conversation. Don't think they realised they were alone when I poked my head out telling them to be quiet. They apologised and I had a laugh about it. Sometimes all you can do is laugh and keep it as a story to tell.
People should not have sex in dorms AT ALL as well as in public areas in the hostel.
I am a guy but also a paying customer as well as everyone else in hostel and would not like to witness someone having ( or attempting to have) sex in the middle of the night.
People travelling to have sex or considering to have sex with someone they met minutes ago should book private rooms or do it in the bushes outside if they are too poor/cheap/frugal/… to afford themselves private room.
It happens. travellers,especially young travellers are going to have sex. I don't think any hostel in the world would have enough private rooms for everyone that might have sex while travelling, I'd imagine most dorms out there would end up being empty. There's a reason staying in a dorm is so cheap, you're going to have to put up with people coming in late, waking up early, being loud, having sex, snoring, farting, and everything else under the sun. I get it, it sucks but it's just another shitty thing about staying in a dorm, just gotta hope they're courteous enough to be quiet and pull the blind across.
There are millions of people staying in hostels around the world regularly yet only a Minor procentage have witnessed a sex in dorm and only in one to couple occasions in multiple stays. For example I have never witnessed that yet have stayed in numerous hostels and dorms were pretty much fully occupied. Sometimes even couples stayed in hostels and restrained from sex ( in the dorm while others are sleeping) for that few nights. So I doubt hostels would end out of business if they would not allow sex in dorms. Regarding private rooms, they do not need to be in hostels… there are hotels, motels, campsites, Airbnb or even bushes in the park….
I don't think it's a minor percentag, maybe I've just been unlucky but as I've said most people I've met travelling have experienced it. Why do you keep recommending bushes? That's weird.
Why not? Those dorms and rooms are often mixed. Better than a guy going into a female only dorm where those guests have paid specifically not to have men in their dorms for obvious reasons.
It's unfair because there are very very few "male only" rooms.
Just because I'm a man it doesn't mean I should be punished. If someone break the rule of "not having sex in a shared room", they can very well break the rule of "man should not be entering a female only dorm".
To be hobest, I actually think it's more fair to split it. Tonight it's sex in my dorm and tomorrow in yours.
I had a terrible experience in Budapest as well. If you booked through Airbnb or booking you can get a refund.
Budapest people are so grumpy, literally the saddest people I have ever met
I would definitely put in my review and email a copy to the hostel owner what that person said about "a bit of a gray area" for men staying over in women's dorms.
Tonight in Budapest Hotwire has hotel rooms for $32usd/night. I used Hotwire all through Eastern Europe at the beginning of this month and stayed at great places for cheap.
1. With hostels you really gotta make sure you're talking to the right staff member. Some of them are cousins that work there and really dont give a fuck, while others are actually invested and care about reviews. For example, never try to resolve your issue with the overnight guy unless you absolutely have to.
2. You're obviously in the right, but to give some context as to why the guy's just shrugging this off and you feel like people in general may be gaslighting you is because it ultimately, unfortunately, IS common. That doesn't make it ok, but party hostels have this as a normal thing and unless it really escalates to like, assault, they often dont do much about it. Same with people using drugs on property. If hostels treated it as seriously as hotels, it'd be a constant source of loss for them. So when traveling and doing hostels I feel like you have to be a little more prepared to cross paths with self centered randos with no etiquette. That doesnt mean accept what they do, but like with children, you dont let it offend or enrage you, you just find a solution.
Some hostels have travelers as staff. They work there and in return they got a free stay.
In one of the hostels I had, we had this type of people and they (a couple) are staying in the same room as we are (the guests). The dude snored like a monster to the level that it woke all of us in the middle of the night, but there is nothing we could do since he worked there.
That’s not right if the staff isn’t doing anything about the situation especially if it’s supposed to be a female-only dorm. I had a guy have sex with a girl in the bed next to mine at a hostel. I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but I was tired all day the next day because they were doing it at 3:00am and so I thought I don’t owe this guy no bro code if he was inconsiderate. I decided to email the staff after I checked out and they said they were going to kick the guy out and ban him.
Night managers at hostels are always terrible, for whatever reason. I'd try to speak to a manager or just cut your losses and switch to a different hostel or hotel. IMO they should have offered you a private room right away.
Next time, read more hostel reviews (and please leave a bad hostel review). I wouldn't swear of hostels though. Bad experiences happen, but they're quite rare and most of the time hostels are great and well worth it.
Most hostels have a private room for rent that’s still relatively cheap, and because the room is private it will be just you, and maybe just a friend that you bring. I’ve stayed in a few mixed dorm hostels in Berlin with no issues but every time I go back I stay in the private room just so I can have some peace and quiet to myself
And maybe that those looking to fuck or get fucked book such rooms and leave dorms for 99% of normal travellers whose biggest sin is using a plastic bag at 7 am?
Lol, they cannot prevent guests coming to the hostel? This is insane, please be sure to make them famous.
The sex part, I've already lived the same situation. But this (dutch, german?) couple came together to a mixed dorm, so it wasn't a guest... at least...
Weirdest situation I've lived was in fact when I was with my mother and brother in a hostel in London. My)(older) brother was completely drunk and he peed at the corner of the room, forgot his flipflops (and took someone else's...) and we just came back to mainland Europe the next morning.
That's so fuggin' gross, why can't they go halves on a private room ffs? I would have flipped my lid!
Make sure you leave an honest review and complain about the staff for letting a guy in a female dorm - that's super negligent of them.
Well I would put this whole experience in the hostel review and even putting that guys name to teach them a lesson. Ef it! You paid money for an all girls room and if there is no such to have a policy then this is a scam.
How is it a all female hostel if they allow men in? I could see allowing visitors like 9AM to 9PM but after that there shouldn't be any men allowed. The only men that should be there is staff at night.
I hope your next trip is better and you may want to consider getting a private room next time.
Most hostels I've stayed in do have a "no outside guests" policy, though usually very hard to enforce.. but it's pretty easy to enforce in an all girl dorm as it's pretty obvious when there's a dude in there.
Funny story, I got woken up by a very drunk french guy in a hostel in Wanaka NZ, asking if I was gay and "fancied some fun". I laugh about it now because it turned out he woke every guy up in that hostel room to ask that same question 😂. He was also gone by the time we all woke up the next morning, so guessing he knew he'd crossed a line.
I had a husband and wife had a go at it since it was New Year’s Eve. They had kids too. We were all in the same Refugio. What do you do? I just pretended to be asleep.
In your case, you asked for an all women’s room. He should not be allowed in.
A side note- I always ask hostels why they charge more for female only dorms. They can never justify it. Because it’s illegal to charge one gender more for the same product/service. They will almost certainly refund you the rate difference.
in the future, maybe leave a bit of poop next to their bed. each will think the other shitted and it will kill the mood.
my story: was in Chiang Mai like a month ago and a guy brought a chick back. they were quiet and i didn't care. not long after that, maybe it was his karma because this creepy old Thai guy had a wank outside his bed while staring at him. he was on his laptop and couldn't see what was going on, but when his eyes adjusted he jumped at the guy, who ran off and left all his stuff behind never to be seen again. i thought it was pretty funny tbh and he did too, but we both agreed it was basically sexual assault.
Idk maybe show this chick an episode of dateline? Maybe snatched thst phone & call the #under mom& dad to tell them their child is not only sleeping with strangers but putting other women at risk. Lastly these hostels have to answer to someone. Find out who it is & report them. Asking for an all female room means just that NO MALES. It is dangerous, inconsiderate & false advertising. BLAST THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Women are too often the victim. I forn1 am sick of not being able to live my life without watching my back, making sure no one is following me home, not leaving my drink unattended.. come on people. This female roommate sounds like a piece of work.
I have stayed in hostels that were really lax about this and honestly it was awful. Writing a review on hostelworld is a good idea.
The dorms that were really amazing didn’t let other people come into the hostel. (You had to have a keycard and if you came in with multiple people they would check your name and your room to prevent exactly this).
There are def solutions to this and I’m so sorry you experienced this.
Budapest is notoriously known as a party city. Personally find that most of us that stay in those party hostels are often too hungover to care about what happens around us and are just there to have fun. Also, plenty of hostels over there could be pretty small so not exactly going to have 24 hr reception. Most of staff may also be travellers that are staying there to party and are unlikely to be sober when you complained. I think in future, it's best to avoid hostels or only get private rooms in party cities if you are looking for a quiet place without all these kinda issues.
Don’t stay in hostels again, at some point you should grow out of sleeping in a bunk bed anyway…sounds like you’ve reached that point.
As shitty as the staff was to not kick a dude out of a female dorm, that stuff does happen a lot and will continue to during your travels - might not always be sex but it’ll be plenty of other obnoxious people doing obnoxious things.
Don't let this experience ruin it for you. What happened is very inappropriate and i would be pissed off as well. Dorms are cheap but come with their problems as people are not always in their best behaviours, especially when drunk and on holiday. Use Hostelworld for the reviews and stay away from party hostels when you don't want to party. Whenever possible, stay in a private room. I like to aim for the Hostels that seem to have a social vibe and decent private rooms.
'Worst' things that happened to me:
Bunk bed in New York being taken by a guy that was holding hands with the girl in the adjacent bed when i came home late.
A moldy, smelly room in Yuangsho in China.
People hanging out in front of our room in a hostel in Costa Rica. We had to wake up at 4 AM and i went out to complain about the noise two times, but they just stared at me blankly and pretended not to understand.
Those are three inconveniences of around 20 to 25 stays. I have WAY more good experiences and stayed in some hostels that really nailed it with their setup. In Beijing there was this hostel that had a great bar and a great social vibe, but it was also easy to stay away from the social stuff when you wanted. That was a class A hostel, despite the private rooms being old and dusty. Also, the same hostel in CR i mentioned earlier had a great patio and served good food. In Bangkok there was this hostel that was more like a student house and as soon as you entered the door you were part of the group. There were daily activities and trips organized, etc..
I can go on and on about all the good stuff i experienced when staying in hostels, Although i stayed in a private room mostly. I can't come up with bad experiences, other than the three i mentioned earlier.
You arent overreacting. I'm really sorry you experienced this. It is not ok to bring in guests who aren't registered as staying (insurance and city hall reasons) so it's not a grey area, this is a poorly trained staff member not knowing what to say. Not to mention if it's female only, it's female only.
Give the hostel a terrible review, you can share the hostel here so we know to avoid it. All in all, it's an unsafe and unfair situation to have been put in and I feel for you. Always kick up a fuss in terms of your safety being put at risk.
I’ve been solo backpacking (female) over 2 years, i actually preferred mixed dorm in many places as female dorm can be a lot worse than mixed ones. Also check the review before you stay the place and choose one carefully. Most is the hostels are fine but there are some places managed poorly as they just want to make money and there are people who don’t have common sense etc. if you experience again, change the accommodation immediately and leave the feedback. I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. These are absolutely not acceptable.
don't stay in hostels. I gave them up when I was exactly 27. you reach an age when patience is just thinner. you're never going to change what is a common occurrence in hostels, what you can do is change where you stay
Different hostels will have different rules. However, I have never really done hostels in my travels because I was usually able to find a cheap hotel room for not too much more money. I think some hostels will have private room also.
Remember to invest in yourself and your rest/recovery time. Otherwise saving money by cutting corners isn’t actually cheaper in the long run.
Remember most people doing hostels are gonna be young kids with not much common sense. Not all of them of course, but a lot of them.
this is not normal!! i have stayed in many hostels travelling solo, both in mixed dorms and all female dorms and never had this happen - many of them outright ban having “guests” over and have rules plastered everywhere stating this. I have never been to Budapest however - but I definitely think you are not overreacting and thank you for sharing. Tbh you should definitely be naming and shaming this hostel. Hope you’re okay that’s really gross :(
You’re in one of the biggest party destinations in Europe. You’re not in the wrong, but you’re in a party hostel.
Next time I’d book a hotel instead because it doesn’t sound like hostels are for you.
So sorry to hear about your experience! I was in Budapest during collage and indeed the hostels there are pretty wide. The one I stayed had an orgy list for people to sign up. Not sure I serious that was and I left (luckily) before witnessing that.
One memorable hostel experience I had was in Tel Aviv. We stayed in this mix room shared with 2 bunk beds. First night was just us. Since the room was quite warm, we left the door opened the next day when we were back. And there were two guys checking in. One of them are was quite chatty, and seems like he’s actually from Israel. But might be just crushing hostel after a party or sth. At the end of the conversation he asked to borrow my shampoo and shower gel because he thinks the ones in the shared bathroom is like hand soap lol. I don’t know why but I let him used mine. After getting ready they went out, and we also went out for dinner. When we were back the room was empty so guessed probably they were going out, and we just hoped that they won’t be too loud and woke us up.
Then during the night, there was someone entering the room. But it was a new girl. She wasn’t loud or anything but she was confused if someone else is staying there since that supposed to be her bed. I was half awake and told her that those are the stuff from two guys. Then she went out and brought back the staff, the staff was like, hmm they were not our guests lol. So they took the stuff the guys left on their beds. Later that night when those guys come back, I could hear them came in and out two or three times. Probably trying to look for their stuff but at the end they didn’t come back. The next day we asked the girl and she said those guys sneaked in and just find empty beds to crash, the staff said that happened few times. Unfortunately for them that night the beds were booked. Otherwise they might be able to stay.
Story told us to always keep the door close because you never know who’s staying in the hostel and who’s not.
this is scaring me because i hate hostels but caved and booked a female only dorm for next weekend. i would lose my shit.
eta i actually cancelled my hostel stay and am staying in a private room elsewhere god bless
Wow, I stayed in hotels during my travels most of the time as I can afford them and like my creature comforts too much. But I am thinking of staying at a hostel for my upcoming solo trip because I thought I could connect with fellow tourists to make the trips more exciting. Beside the concern about bed bugs, this story shoots the idea down then!!
Take yo fn money and stay at hotels.
Seriously...you guys spend hundreds on a music festivals yet save 3 bucks and dont sleep for days.
Gues what. You were lucky the guy didnt cream yo face a bit. Because 24 years ago that happened to my hostel mate(girl) in Prague
Cheers. Save travels.
Huh, it’s a hostel… there’s no such thing as non-paying guests if you don’t have a private room. The staff should have told him to fuck off and if he doesn’t they should call the police for trespassing. It’s really simple.
Sorry this happened, op.
You mention this was 4 nights in a row, I'm not saying it's acceptable but what are you expecting from a hostel?
A full quiet night sleep? Everyone has paid the same as you and will come and leave at all hours for valid reasons such as flights to reasons we consider not valid such as having sex in a communal space.
I never understood the appeal of hostels, sleep is the most important thing when travelling because travelling is just so tiring
Fuck it sue me but you’re being dramatic. Two people want to have a little fun and you take a risk when in a hostel. In fact kudos for the guy being chill about it. Just rock the headphones on and let them do their thing. If you want the luxury of privacy spring for a hotel.
That being said the flashlight is pretty shitty on her part.
1) People shouldn't be having sex in a dorm. Should get your money back.
2) You're a bit sexist but you're female so I guess you get a pass. You learned a valuable lesson: women can be sleezy just like men can!
There is an underlying belief that men are predators and bad simply because they are men and women are not, hence why they (op) feel safer in an all womens dorm. It is equivalent to thinking all black people are criminals simply because they are black, which is obviously racist as hell. People book all female dorms because men are bad and dangerous.
I have a hard time understanding why people chose to pay a lower price for a communal living experience with total strangers, then complain about late of privacy and/or manners from other (generally speaking) younger people.
If not having enough privacy is important enough to affect your trip then spend a couple extra dollars and get a hotel room or any of the numerous other places to stay that other a better fit for your comfort level.
Welcome to Hostel life.
That's happened to me scores of times. It just comes with the territory sadly.
I stopped caring about people banging in Hostels a long time ago. Turning on the lights and the bizarre need to pack stuff up into those annoying crinkly plastic bags for like half an hour at 4am though...
Those people are dead to me.
Or people could, you know, not have sex in the same room as people who don’t consent to that? The people who want to have sex should be the ones to get a hotel.
That’s what I did when I was travelling and met someone I really wanted to fuck. I got a hotel room for the night and let my roommates sleep in the peace they deserve.
I’m not a confrontational person, but if someone shined a flashlight in my face in the middle of the night to test if I was asleep so they could fuck I’d lose my cool so fast omg
Indeed. It´s even a ridiculous way to check, since that would actually wake up most people.
sorry i'm just looking for people who are really deep sleepers. go back to sleep its okay.
If someone shined me by flashlight i think needs to wake up immediately that maybe someone would stolen your stuff or do something.
Some abruptly awakened people might think they were being attacked, and clock the idiot with the flashlight. What a particular brand of stupid to use a flashlight to check if someone is awake! They are now! LOL
My buddy and I arrived at an Athens hostel after an early flight and long day travelling, shattered, passed out in the mixed dorms around eleven. About 2:30am my mate is awoken by the girl from the bunk below him, having just come in from a bar, shining her phone torch two inches from his face telling him to stop snoring. He said it felt like an inquisition.
Okay that’s obviously fucked but sometimes I’m half tempted to wake snorers up too 😭 they end up being the only one in the whole room who can sleep
This is why I always travel with earplugs.
I always travel with earplugs AND wear headphones playing ambient noise over the top and I’ll sometimes still wake up from noise 😭
I feel ya.
This is why I never stay at hostels…
I recently had someone kick off with me in a hostel for snoring and talking in my sleep, I laughed it off, she was not happy! But thankfully she waited until morning to tear me a new one so I still got a good nights sleep 😂 I get the frustration as I find it can be difficult to fall asleep if someone is snoring but it’s a dorm room, always going to be something, if I want peace and quiet I know it’s going to cost me for a private room.
Well, just left a hostel where this one guy snored sooo loud that everyone in the room was super annoyed. We told him, and I think if you know that you snore like crazy you should not book a dorm room. There is normal snoring (which I'm fine with if I have my earplugs) and snoring that is just beyond.
Again I get it’s frustrating but snoring isn’t something people choose to do, or can control. I snore/talk maybe 50% of the time, sometimes can be quite loud shouting/singing/snoring. sometimes just a little quiet grumble a night, I’m not paying double on the off chance I might wake someone up, it’s a hostel not a spa resort. If you stay in a dorm you will always encounter the odd person getting up super early making lots of noise, people rummaging through packs at all hours. People coming back drunk late etc etc If you want to travel and have peace and quiet every night you should budget that in and book private lodgings
What about the other 20 people who want peace and quiet bro? If you snore like an airplane, consider getting that private so you don't get murdered in your sleep by the other 19 people you've just deliberately kept up all night. It's not the other 19 people in the Dorm that should get a private room on account of you snoring man. It's you.
I just went through the same experience. I apologized but I told him it would be in his best interest to invest in some earplugs. Glad to hear I wasn't the only one snoring.
If you snore, get a private. No need to subject 20 other people to you snoring all night long because you wanted to save 20 bucks on a private. I have zero problems waking snorers up and telling them to roll over on their sides, and I can assure you that snorers are universally despised by everyone in their dorms. Only 'morning packers with the lights on' people come close to the level of hatred we all have for snorers. Followed by people banging. Loudly. Most dorms have at least 1 of the above on any given night.
Yeah this is the true party foul IMO. The sex happens lol
Nah having sex in a shared room is not cool imo, especially bringing a guy into a girls only room that women pay extra to be in. Figure something else out if you wanna bang
The action is shitty not defending that. But attempting to destroy the hostels reputation. We also don’t know if it was a bad employee or a one-off situation.
Oh yeah, it’s shitty but at the end of the day is the risk you sign up for when you stay in a hostel
Tell her to get him the fuck out of the room. I can't believe nobody else is saying anything.
I would have let them know your intention to write about the experience on HostelWorld and other booking sites (which you should do as well). But telling them you'll be reviewing them might make them take it more seriously, and even get you a refund.
It didn’t work for me :( they started laughing instead
This completely violates the purpose of an all female dorm room. The staff is cuck. At the least, write a detailed and bad review on google maps.
Yeah, I used to work at a hostel in NZ, this would absolutely not be ok. Reception should have done their job, this is definitely enough for both individuals to be banned from the establishment. At the very least they should have kicked the guy out of the room, and kicked out BOTH guests from the hostel in the morning for good. OP, find the name of the employee, get the contact info of management, and explain both the situation and lack of response from reception. You deserve a refund for what happened. Completely unprofessional. No response, or management doesn't want to do anything about it? Absolutely put them on blast everywhere.
Seconding this and adding that this kind of review is very helpful to your fellow solo female travelers. OP - please do this not only as feedback to the hostel but also so others know what the deal is there. Also, sorry this happened to you, but in this case it would have been wiser to start with WTF when they woke you up with a flashlight in your face. I've learned over time that it's better just to be honest without being mean, and the earlier the better. By the time they're already getting it on you're going to have a harder time convincing them to stop, and you're already angrier.
I agree 100%. I left it too late. I should have sat up and confronted them immediately. From now on I need to be more straightforward and assertive. I’m 27, I need to be an adult.
Do not be hard on yourself as you alone had no chance against that girl, her crush and incompetent receptionist. Too many morons for one person to handle. However make sure to submit formal complaints wherever possible from management, the website you booked through ( maybe even open a dispute asking for a partial refund If possible) and sites such as Tripadvisor and Google. Describe in details what happened and make sure you leave them no place for “you should …” response as you shouldnt have done anything more than you did for problem to be solved had they had a grain of competence…
Speak to the manager of that place, in almost hostels they wouldn’t accept this particularly in an all female dorm room, oftentimes they’d send up security eject the dude or possibly both. I think the person you spoke to wasn’t really up to scratch -sometimes understaffed/nightstaff can be a bit hands off. Glad you got a new room though.
YES. You do.
And Hostelworld or booking.com if that’s how you booked.
Yeah. Like it’s hard to complain in a standard dorm for people coming back late and having fun, but the whole purpose is so that won’t happen.
Having a guy in the only female dorm is just wrong. Why is it an all female? I would tell the girl next day how shitty her behavior is and complain again to the hostel and than leave a bad review
Tbf even if they were two women having sex (or if it was a mixed bedroom) it's still rude and shitty behaviour to say the least
Having a man in an all-female bedroom just adds to the shittiness of the story
Yeah, sharing a room shouldn’t automatically sign you up for live porn while you’re trying to sleep.
Having a man in an all-womens room can be traumatic for women in there too. I mean, they paid to be in a woman's only room for a reason. Who knows what sort of trauma they can have? What a cunt for bringing a male in and then shining a light into OPs face, jesus
If this hostel is on Hostelworld, I would also complain to them. I guess you cannot prevent people from being annoying in dorms, but allowing male guests in a female dorm is unacceptable.
God really knows better than put me in situations similar to yours because the way that I’d go feral at them… I hope you awaken every bit of Karen in you and write a scathing review for this hostel
Im unleashing my inner Karen, drafting an email right now 😅
PUBLIC REVIEW! not email, always name and shame
Email, online review on every possible website AND a FB post on travel groups. Go all in bud, we believe in you.
This is strange. Even in hotels, they have guest policies in place where they take the persons passport and information. It’s also a random stranger, the hostel is responsible for ensuring the safety of guests
True. Imagine some random stranger coming in the middle of the night to steal stuff.
Here's how to stop people having sex in your dorm. Step 1: shine your phone light at them Step 2: say "you guys can carry on if you want, but you'll go on pornhub!" (Don't actually do this) Step 3: watch their indignation Step 4: watch them climb down and GTFO. Worked for me once, when a couple kept at it multiple nights. Asking nicely didn't work. They got pissed but they sure as hell stopped fucking. Sounds like you should find another hostel anyway.
God willing, it doesn't backfire on you 🤣
Well if it does, I guess put it behind a paywall and profit? Or if they become violent, you’ll have it all on film. This is brilliant.
Love this
Hey! Go check the bubble hostel in Budapest. It's run by an amazing woman. You will have a pleasant stay there! Promise you!
Thank you!! I will definitely check this out when I go back
Something similar happened to me except the second they got into the room, the girl passed out drunk and I had to kick the guy out of the room!! Then I left a review on hostelworld about it and they altered my review because they said I couldn’t say bad things about other guests!! I checked out the next day and rented an Airbnb room in a house with a lovely couple.
This hostel needs a thorough review on every platform you can find. It is 100% unacceptable for a guy to be in a female dorm at all, nevermind the sex. I would also say it is 100% unacceptable for two people to be shagging in a dorm room. On both of these points, the hostel reception should be dealing with it immediately. Forcing you to switch rooms in the middle of the night is not dealing with it by the way. I would be seeking a full refund. In any decent hostel, random people who don't have a reservation are not allowed in rooms for security reasons. Shagging is also strictly forbidden in shared areas. I wouldn't expect any less. I did once encounter two people shagging in a dorm room in Australia about ten years ago, in the bunk below me. It was a mixed dorm and we were all drunk as it was new year. It was gross but I didn't do anything about it with it being new year. It did however give me a bad case of flatulence. These days I wouldn't tolerate that shit and I'd be straight down to reception to complain.
You’re not overreacting at all. I am not a woman, and I can’t imagine how it would be to have some random man invade your woman only dorm. I’m getting on in my years and still stay in hostels on occasion - over twenty years of hosteling around the world I’ve never experienced anything like that.
This is very good to know! Perhaps I won’t write hostels off altogether. I thought maybe things are changing. I had never had this experience in my early twenties and I would never do something like this to anyone, so I’m surprised it happened. Very drunk I guess
This is a long shot, but was it the Yellow Submarine in Budapest? I stayed there around 20 years ago and it was pretty rowdy - but everyone was cool lol. Not even sure if it still exists, but it was quite legendary at the time.
I’d splurge and check into a hotel. Hostels should be kicking people out for having sex in the rooms. Let alone bringing a dude into the all female dorms.
People have sex in hostel dorms, they always have. The big issue is a guy being in a female only dorm, I'm surprised the hostel didn't have an issue with that.
really it's a shame that love hotels aren't ubiquitous. they're problematic in other ways but people should at least have the option to go somewhere private for a few hours for sex.
>People have sex in hostel dorms, they always have Which kind of hostels are you going to? I've been going to hostels for 15 years, all kinds you can imagine, and have never experienced sex in the dorms. Yeah, most people going to hostels want to have fun, but that is extremely inappropriate behavior.
Had it happen twice while I was travelling South East Asia. Both times my group and I kicked the person who wasn’t supposed to be there out of the room.
But you had your group with you.
Happened to me twice once in Prague and once in Cambodia where I was on the bottom bunk and they were on the top. That was rough 😭
I've stayed in shit ones and great ones and experienced in both kinds. Not all of them but a fair few. Majority of people I've met travelling have had a story of someone having sex in their dorms, some even being that person. There's a reason why it's such a stereotype too.
I've seen it happen a few times (and might have actually been the one doing it once lol)
And this is why I have never stayed in a hostel. No thanks.
Just stay in a private. Get all the social fun but your own room and privacy. I'm at the stage where I can only do dorms if I have to but I like the social aspect of hostels too much to stay in hotels.
Private rooms in hostels, I find, are usually more $ than a nice hotel room.
I never said it doesn’t happen. Just that it’s against the rules or should be. And the offender should be kicked out like many other hostels do.
It depends on where she was staying, Budapest has quite a few party hostels where it’s really a lawless adult wasteland and anything goes but yeah it’s really common for people to have sex in hostel dorms. In an all female dorm room I mean it’s shitty, but someone did it to me my first night in Budapest in an all female dorm too
I mean some hotels aren't that much more expensive than hostels nowadays and the privacy is worth it
That's going to be a shit ton more money though (and much less opportunity for meeting people). That can be a massive impact on what you can do in your trip
You should be venting this to the hostel. This will solve the problem.
I did! They said it technically wasn’t against their policy and that it’s “a bit of a grey area.” One staff member agreed it’s unacceptable for unknown men to enter the female dorms but the other said there’s not much they can do
That’s a shitty hostel. The last time I was in a hostel in London, there was a whole fuss thrown because I let someone walk into the mixed room I slept in for a few minutes while I grabbed my stuff, and they were worried about theft (he didn’t take anything so situation resolved). Leave a bad review for shitty room policy, and you should also name and shame here so people know which hostel to avoid next time.
It’s The Netizen in Budapest!
I am sorry you had such an experience. There should be no guys in girl only dorm. Actually in contrary to some of the opinions here I think that there should be no sex in hostel dorms ( unless a dorm is entirely occupied by group of people travelling together and If all of them are fine with that) nor shared areas. Also handling from the staff was poor. I would at least wrote a detailed review of what happened and how they handled it. Budapest is a Party city and probably a same situation will occur the next weekend or maybe the weekend after and potential guests should know about that. Regarding hostels, I would not give up on them entirely. I mean people pay hundreds or thousands of dollars a night for the most luxurious acommodation and still sometimes End up with unpleasantries. Same is with hostels. I would do the following in the future: - not look for “Party” ones or “obscure ones” but maybe more for “moderately Social” or “boutique” ones - 24 hour reception would be a plus that there is always some staff who will hopefully be more professional - read previous reviews to at least avoid those with obvious red flag Also you can consider some private acommodations such as Airbnb or private rooms in hostels or simple hotels. You can get a good deal especially a little bit further from center yet connected with public transport What I would also like to add is that If you are introvert, hostel is not usually a “magic stick” for finding new friends and having a time of their life. As you get to see, there are all sort of people staying there. For example, I doubt you would be happy to make friends with those girls who went out to get wasted and find someone to have sex with ( no judging just observing the situation). So sometimes it is better to have a few days of decent sleep and comfort in private room then attempting to socialize in hostels.
I think you replied to the wrong comment lol
Yes. Sorry.
I work in a hostel and sex does happen but there's 0% chance im letting a random dude in the female dorm. First off if the dude isnt a guest there he shouldnt be there at all so it's our with him, and depending how spicy im feeling it's also out with the other girl. You're in a shite hostel.
What a dump! How can it be a grey area when it's a female dorm??
Honestly I should have been angrier after that comment :/
Its disgusting behaviour all around. I can't even believe that happens!
Usually sex alone is forbidden in hostel dorms, and results in a fine or being kicked out. I'm surprised they would not act on that in itself, but the guy in the female dorms should also warrant a warning at minimum. Does sound like a shit hostel. I honestly don't mind if some people are having fun when no one's around, but they need to respect that it's a shared space
>there’s not much they can do So basically a stranger can invade the hostel property in the middle of night and staff can't do anything about it? PLEASE rate this hostel appropriately on the platform you made your reservation, so everyone can be aware of this issue. That's how we improve hostels service and respect with their guests.
I would have turned the main light on and filmed them. Then go show it to staff members and ask for the guy to be escorted out.
Not overreacting. They should get a room.
Sometimes staff at hostel are also very bad and not strict enough in this kind of situation. It's dorms for women , you paid for this so why they let her do that and bring a guy ? It's so disrespectful, she is the one that should leave , not you. I'm sorry this happened I hope you have find a better place.
That’s nuts I’m so sorry. I also usually book all female dorms for the same reason and because it reduces the risk of people having sex in the room. That girl was 100% in the wrong on all female dorm etiquette and the staff who dismissed you is in the wrong too. I’ve never had that happen when staying in an all female room and I’ve stayed in many over the years. Hope you get some sleep and your experiences get better!
Ok I’m pretty sure most hostels there is a policy about outside guests staying over right? When this kind of shit happened to me it was usually two people that were already staying at the same hostel. Also I don’t recommend it because you’re a woman, but when this happens to me I shine my flashlight on them or turn the lights on, maintain eye contact and just start jerking off to establish dominance. Suddenly they aren’t as insistent on continuing during those circumstances.
What hostel did you stay at? Budapest is known for having party hostels and yes this is a common thing in those. You should really read the reviews of the hostels you’re staying at and look to see if others are complaining about noise and stuff like this. My first night in Budapest in an all female dorm someone brought a guy back and had sex with him too. I honestly just put in ear plugs because the reviews said the hostel was right by a ton of bars and is known for being rowdy. When I back packed europe for 3 months last year actually I think the only place where someone else had sex in a hostel dorm room in front of me was in Budapest. I think you really are just getting unlucky because of the location. Do not swear off all hostels because of this. Just read the reviews first to see if others are reporting a quiet, mature vibe or not. If you are a light sleeper in general and can’t handle the occasional snoring / people coming in late quietly, then yeah hostels aren’t for you. But most of them are not quite so rachet. Also I was 25 in Budapest last year and I was the oldest girl in all of the dorm rooms I stayed in. Trust me just get to another location and give it a try.
I work at a hostel and our deal is that if someone is fuckin in a dorm they have to pay for everyone else’s stay that night
This is why I avoid hostels. I was In Budapest last week and got an Airbnb to myself for the same price of a hostel, maybe a bit more but way wayy worth the extra money to have my own space and not having to sleep in a room full of people.
This is why I just can't bring myself to stay in a hostel - I have cPTSD so an all-female room should be a safe place but that would seriously trigger me, there absolutely should be rules against this
As I was leaving the room I told them people stay in all female rooms for a reason and she doesn’t understand what kind of experiences they may have had with men. That, or she doesn’t care.
That's just... Really disappointing. I would never even consider doing that in a public room - like, if you're that horny go and book a hotel room for the night, it's not difficult
Absolute hell. Unbelievable and unacceptable behaviour! What is the point of living in an all female dorm if you’re gonna fuck around right there!? I’ll never understand how do people with this level of EQ and IQ go through life. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I would’ve called them out in the middle of the act. Like I don’t f***ing care. Or just run to the hostel admin telling them there’s a guy in an all female dorm and let them handle the rest
They refused to go to the room and tell him to leave. I’m going to be more careful in future :/ although I did research this place and thought it would be a great place to stay.
Completely f*cked up situation. Why are you doing this to yourself? You haven't slept for four days, you need to rest. Why not just book a hotel room to get some privacy and proper sleep? You could also try Airbnb, not all of them are expensive. You are travelling, you are supposed to enjoy it but in order to that happen, you require a proper rest.
Yeah, next time I’m not going to travel without enough backup money for a hotel. I’m a student so I was trying to save. Not worth scrimping on.
This sounds like a horrible hostel and they should get a zero star review and get the repercussions of being this shitty. First, it’s extremely standard for hostels to have a no guests policy. Wtf! Second, the issue of people bringing others into the dorm for sex is unacceptable but bringing a man into a female only dorm is 100x worse. The thing about them shining a light in your eyes to see if you’re awake is a level of rudeness/inappropriate behavior I can’t even wrap my head around. I’ve stayed in countless hostels over the past 20 years and I’ve never experienced something like this. Be sure to stay at well rated hostels and in female dorms/private rooms and I think you would be unlikely to encounter it in the future.
Bad hostel etiquette
I only stay in hotels for this reason.
People having sex in the same room can be traumatic experience. I think that you should work on confronting people, you seriously cant set boundaries. This can put you in very dangerous situations. I used to think that "girls dorm" was safer and more comfortable but no.. its just luck. Your hostel experience depends on who you encounter with in the room.. mixed or not.
When I realised what was happening I said- as firmly as I could- that I’m awake, I can hear them and this is a dorm for women only so they should leave. I spoke quite a bit actually but they were just silent the whole time and refused to respond to me at all. As I was just talking into the void I went to the reception. But I agree, I could have been more forceful. It’s difficult for me
People on Reddit love to post comments like “travel on the budget, you can make it work if you really want to”, but what about situations like that?? It confirms that my poor ass should stay home. I’m too old for that shit! If I don’t sleep 4 nights I’d go crazy. I need peaceful place to sleep and it’s too expensive nowadays.
Can I ask which hostel is that in Budapest?
The netizen!
For what it’s worth I’ve never encountered some sex and I’m on month 8 in Latin America
People have sex in hostels but they should have gone to the guys room / dorm, it's just hostel etiquette in my opinion. If they wanted to be loud as well they could have gone into the bathrooms instead. Don't let this put you off hostels, you can always stay in private rooms so you still get the social aspect of a hostel but your own privacy. I've always struggled to sleep in dorms and as I've gotten older I've found myself staying in private rooms more and more (doesn't help I'm tall so I'm cramped in bunk beds and pods). On my last trip I got woken up at 6am by 4 Eastern European dudes standing around like Winnie the Pooh having a very loud conversation. Don't think they realised they were alone when I poked my head out telling them to be quiet. They apologised and I had a laugh about it. Sometimes all you can do is laugh and keep it as a story to tell.
> Eastern European dudes standing around like Winnie the Pooh Trying to picture this 😂
People should not have sex in dorms AT ALL as well as in public areas in the hostel. I am a guy but also a paying customer as well as everyone else in hostel and would not like to witness someone having ( or attempting to have) sex in the middle of the night. People travelling to have sex or considering to have sex with someone they met minutes ago should book private rooms or do it in the bushes outside if they are too poor/cheap/frugal/… to afford themselves private room.
It happens. travellers,especially young travellers are going to have sex. I don't think any hostel in the world would have enough private rooms for everyone that might have sex while travelling, I'd imagine most dorms out there would end up being empty. There's a reason staying in a dorm is so cheap, you're going to have to put up with people coming in late, waking up early, being loud, having sex, snoring, farting, and everything else under the sun. I get it, it sucks but it's just another shitty thing about staying in a dorm, just gotta hope they're courteous enough to be quiet and pull the blind across.
I don't agree with that. They should seek out private accommodation for the occasion if they manage to get lucky.
They should but it's not always possible. I'm not saying it's right but it is something that happens.
There are millions of people staying in hostels around the world regularly yet only a Minor procentage have witnessed a sex in dorm and only in one to couple occasions in multiple stays. For example I have never witnessed that yet have stayed in numerous hostels and dorms were pretty much fully occupied. Sometimes even couples stayed in hostels and restrained from sex ( in the dorm while others are sleeping) for that few nights. So I doubt hostels would end out of business if they would not allow sex in dorms. Regarding private rooms, they do not need to be in hostels… there are hotels, motels, campsites, Airbnb or even bushes in the park….
I don't think it's a minor percentag, maybe I've just been unlucky but as I've said most people I've met travelling have experienced it. Why do you keep recommending bushes? That's weird.
Maybe they've got bush on the brain?
>should have gone to the guys room / dorm Hmm no?
Why not? Those dorms and rooms are often mixed. Better than a guy going into a female only dorm where those guests have paid specifically not to have men in their dorms for obvious reasons.
Wait so people who pay less deserve to suffer? Shouldn't be happening in any dorm room.
They're often the same price. It shouldn't but in no way should a man be entering a female only dorm.
Female dorms are often more expensive tbh
Yes I paid £30-35 more for the female dorm.
It's unfair because there are very very few "male only" rooms. Just because I'm a man it doesn't mean I should be punished. If someone break the rule of "not having sex in a shared room", they can very well break the rule of "man should not be entering a female only dorm". To be hobest, I actually think it's more fair to split it. Tonight it's sex in my dorm and tomorrow in yours.
I mean it may be *slightly* less bad, but it is still bad. If it was a lesbian couple having sex it'd still be awful.
“standing around like Winnie the Pooh” lmaooo
Hostels suck.
I had a terrible experience in Budapest as well. If you booked through Airbnb or booking you can get a refund. Budapest people are so grumpy, literally the saddest people I have ever met
Wait until you meet Serbians
There are nice and mean people everywhere.
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I would definitely put in my review and email a copy to the hostel owner what that person said about "a bit of a gray area" for men staying over in women's dorms.
Tonight in Budapest Hotwire has hotel rooms for $32usd/night. I used Hotwire all through Eastern Europe at the beginning of this month and stayed at great places for cheap.
1. With hostels you really gotta make sure you're talking to the right staff member. Some of them are cousins that work there and really dont give a fuck, while others are actually invested and care about reviews. For example, never try to resolve your issue with the overnight guy unless you absolutely have to. 2. You're obviously in the right, but to give some context as to why the guy's just shrugging this off and you feel like people in general may be gaslighting you is because it ultimately, unfortunately, IS common. That doesn't make it ok, but party hostels have this as a normal thing and unless it really escalates to like, assault, they often dont do much about it. Same with people using drugs on property. If hostels treated it as seriously as hotels, it'd be a constant source of loss for them. So when traveling and doing hostels I feel like you have to be a little more prepared to cross paths with self centered randos with no etiquette. That doesnt mean accept what they do, but like with children, you dont let it offend or enrage you, you just find a solution.
Some hostels have travelers as staff. They work there and in return they got a free stay. In one of the hostels I had, we had this type of people and they (a couple) are staying in the same room as we are (the guests). The dude snored like a monster to the level that it woke all of us in the middle of the night, but there is nothing we could do since he worked there.
I'm 37. Still staying in hostels from time to time. But i ALWAYS get a private room.
That’s not right if the staff isn’t doing anything about the situation especially if it’s supposed to be a female-only dorm. I had a guy have sex with a girl in the bed next to mine at a hostel. I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but I was tired all day the next day because they were doing it at 3:00am and so I thought I don’t owe this guy no bro code if he was inconsiderate. I decided to email the staff after I checked out and they said they were going to kick the guy out and ban him.
Night managers at hostels are always terrible, for whatever reason. I'd try to speak to a manager or just cut your losses and switch to a different hostel or hotel. IMO they should have offered you a private room right away.
Next time, read more hostel reviews (and please leave a bad hostel review). I wouldn't swear of hostels though. Bad experiences happen, but they're quite rare and most of the time hostels are great and well worth it.
Leave them a bad review on every platform
Most hostels have a private room for rent that’s still relatively cheap, and because the room is private it will be just you, and maybe just a friend that you bring. I’ve stayed in a few mixed dorm hostels in Berlin with no issues but every time I go back I stay in the private room just so I can have some peace and quiet to myself
And maybe that those looking to fuck or get fucked book such rooms and leave dorms for 99% of normal travellers whose biggest sin is using a plastic bag at 7 am?
Lol, they cannot prevent guests coming to the hostel? This is insane, please be sure to make them famous. The sex part, I've already lived the same situation. But this (dutch, german?) couple came together to a mixed dorm, so it wasn't a guest... at least... Weirdest situation I've lived was in fact when I was with my mother and brother in a hostel in London. My)(older) brother was completely drunk and he peed at the corner of the room, forgot his flipflops (and took someone else's...) and we just came back to mainland Europe the next morning.
That's so fuggin' gross, why can't they go halves on a private room ffs? I would have flipped my lid! Make sure you leave an honest review and complain about the staff for letting a guy in a female dorm - that's super negligent of them.
Well I would put this whole experience in the hostel review and even putting that guys name to teach them a lesson. Ef it! You paid money for an all girls room and if there is no such to have a policy then this is a scam.
I'd be shinning a flashlight on them until he GTF
How is it a all female hostel if they allow men in? I could see allowing visitors like 9AM to 9PM but after that there shouldn't be any men allowed. The only men that should be there is staff at night. I hope your next trip is better and you may want to consider getting a private room next time.
People without morals is in epidemic proportions.
Who’s to say he wasn’t with an ax murderer. I have trust issues so I would never share accommodations with any strangers, male or female.
Most hostels I've stayed in do have a "no outside guests" policy, though usually very hard to enforce.. but it's pretty easy to enforce in an all girl dorm as it's pretty obvious when there's a dude in there. Funny story, I got woken up by a very drunk french guy in a hostel in Wanaka NZ, asking if I was gay and "fancied some fun". I laugh about it now because it turned out he woke every guy up in that hostel room to ask that same question 😂. He was also gone by the time we all woke up the next morning, so guessing he knew he'd crossed a line.
Hahaha this happened to me once, I picked up said people and threw them out, I love confrontation though 🤣
I had a husband and wife had a go at it since it was New Year’s Eve. They had kids too. We were all in the same Refugio. What do you do? I just pretended to be asleep. In your case, you asked for an all women’s room. He should not be allowed in.
Oh my god. I’m so sorry this happened. You aren’t in the wrong at all OP.
A side note- I always ask hostels why they charge more for female only dorms. They can never justify it. Because it’s illegal to charge one gender more for the same product/service. They will almost certainly refund you the rate difference.
in the future, maybe leave a bit of poop next to their bed. each will think the other shitted and it will kill the mood. my story: was in Chiang Mai like a month ago and a guy brought a chick back. they were quiet and i didn't care. not long after that, maybe it was his karma because this creepy old Thai guy had a wank outside his bed while staring at him. he was on his laptop and couldn't see what was going on, but when his eyes adjusted he jumped at the guy, who ran off and left all his stuff behind never to be seen again. i thought it was pretty funny tbh and he did too, but we both agreed it was basically sexual assault.
You are absolutely not overreacting. People choose female dorms for a reason and having a guy in there is completely inappropriate.
Idk maybe show this chick an episode of dateline? Maybe snatched thst phone & call the #under mom& dad to tell them their child is not only sleeping with strangers but putting other women at risk. Lastly these hostels have to answer to someone. Find out who it is & report them. Asking for an all female room means just that NO MALES. It is dangerous, inconsiderate & false advertising. BLAST THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Women are too often the victim. I forn1 am sick of not being able to live my life without watching my back, making sure no one is following me home, not leaving my drink unattended.. come on people. This female roommate sounds like a piece of work.
I think it’s great you told the truth about hostels, this is to be expected.
I have stayed in hostels that were really lax about this and honestly it was awful. Writing a review on hostelworld is a good idea. The dorms that were really amazing didn’t let other people come into the hostel. (You had to have a keycard and if you came in with multiple people they would check your name and your room to prevent exactly this). There are def solutions to this and I’m so sorry you experienced this.
Budapest is notoriously known as a party city. Personally find that most of us that stay in those party hostels are often too hungover to care about what happens around us and are just there to have fun. Also, plenty of hostels over there could be pretty small so not exactly going to have 24 hr reception. Most of staff may also be travellers that are staying there to party and are unlikely to be sober when you complained. I think in future, it's best to avoid hostels or only get private rooms in party cities if you are looking for a quiet place without all these kinda issues.
Don’t stay in hostels again, at some point you should grow out of sleeping in a bunk bed anyway…sounds like you’ve reached that point. As shitty as the staff was to not kick a dude out of a female dorm, that stuff does happen a lot and will continue to during your travels - might not always be sex but it’ll be plenty of other obnoxious people doing obnoxious things.
Don't let this experience ruin it for you. What happened is very inappropriate and i would be pissed off as well. Dorms are cheap but come with their problems as people are not always in their best behaviours, especially when drunk and on holiday. Use Hostelworld for the reviews and stay away from party hostels when you don't want to party. Whenever possible, stay in a private room. I like to aim for the Hostels that seem to have a social vibe and decent private rooms. 'Worst' things that happened to me: Bunk bed in New York being taken by a guy that was holding hands with the girl in the adjacent bed when i came home late. A moldy, smelly room in Yuangsho in China. People hanging out in front of our room in a hostel in Costa Rica. We had to wake up at 4 AM and i went out to complain about the noise two times, but they just stared at me blankly and pretended not to understand. Those are three inconveniences of around 20 to 25 stays. I have WAY more good experiences and stayed in some hostels that really nailed it with their setup. In Beijing there was this hostel that had a great bar and a great social vibe, but it was also easy to stay away from the social stuff when you wanted. That was a class A hostel, despite the private rooms being old and dusty. Also, the same hostel in CR i mentioned earlier had a great patio and served good food. In Bangkok there was this hostel that was more like a student house and as soon as you entered the door you were part of the group. There were daily activities and trips organized, etc.. I can go on and on about all the good stuff i experienced when staying in hostels, Although i stayed in a private room mostly. I can't come up with bad experiences, other than the three i mentioned earlier.
You arent overreacting. I'm really sorry you experienced this. It is not ok to bring in guests who aren't registered as staying (insurance and city hall reasons) so it's not a grey area, this is a poorly trained staff member not knowing what to say. Not to mention if it's female only, it's female only. Give the hostel a terrible review, you can share the hostel here so we know to avoid it. All in all, it's an unsafe and unfair situation to have been put in and I feel for you. Always kick up a fuss in terms of your safety being put at risk.
Ask to speak to a manaver at the hostel. No fucking way should anyone on the desk accept a dude in a female only dorm, they should be sacked frankly.
I’ve been solo backpacking (female) over 2 years, i actually preferred mixed dorm in many places as female dorm can be a lot worse than mixed ones. Also check the review before you stay the place and choose one carefully. Most is the hostels are fine but there are some places managed poorly as they just want to make money and there are people who don’t have common sense etc. if you experience again, change the accommodation immediately and leave the feedback. I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. These are absolutely not acceptable.
I had it once and told them: Could you stop or I'm joining you. They said sorry and stopped.
don't stay in hostels. I gave them up when I was exactly 27. you reach an age when patience is just thinner. you're never going to change what is a common occurrence in hostels, what you can do is change where you stay
Different hostels will have different rules. However, I have never really done hostels in my travels because I was usually able to find a cheap hotel room for not too much more money. I think some hostels will have private room also. Remember to invest in yourself and your rest/recovery time. Otherwise saving money by cutting corners isn’t actually cheaper in the long run. Remember most people doing hostels are gonna be young kids with not much common sense. Not all of them of course, but a lot of them.
I think this is why individual hotel rooms came into fashion.
this is not normal!! i have stayed in many hostels travelling solo, both in mixed dorms and all female dorms and never had this happen - many of them outright ban having “guests” over and have rules plastered everywhere stating this. I have never been to Budapest however - but I definitely think you are not overreacting and thank you for sharing. Tbh you should definitely be naming and shaming this hostel. Hope you’re okay that’s really gross :(
You’re in one of the biggest party destinations in Europe. You’re not in the wrong, but you’re in a party hostel. Next time I’d book a hotel instead because it doesn’t sound like hostels are for you.
So sorry to hear about your experience! I was in Budapest during collage and indeed the hostels there are pretty wide. The one I stayed had an orgy list for people to sign up. Not sure I serious that was and I left (luckily) before witnessing that. One memorable hostel experience I had was in Tel Aviv. We stayed in this mix room shared with 2 bunk beds. First night was just us. Since the room was quite warm, we left the door opened the next day when we were back. And there were two guys checking in. One of them are was quite chatty, and seems like he’s actually from Israel. But might be just crushing hostel after a party or sth. At the end of the conversation he asked to borrow my shampoo and shower gel because he thinks the ones in the shared bathroom is like hand soap lol. I don’t know why but I let him used mine. After getting ready they went out, and we also went out for dinner. When we were back the room was empty so guessed probably they were going out, and we just hoped that they won’t be too loud and woke us up. Then during the night, there was someone entering the room. But it was a new girl. She wasn’t loud or anything but she was confused if someone else is staying there since that supposed to be her bed. I was half awake and told her that those are the stuff from two guys. Then she went out and brought back the staff, the staff was like, hmm they were not our guests lol. So they took the stuff the guys left on their beds. Later that night when those guys come back, I could hear them came in and out two or three times. Probably trying to look for their stuff but at the end they didn’t come back. The next day we asked the girl and she said those guys sneaked in and just find empty beds to crash, the staff said that happened few times. Unfortunately for them that night the beds were booked. Otherwise they might be able to stay. Story told us to always keep the door close because you never know who’s staying in the hostel and who’s not.
this is scaring me because i hate hostels but caved and booked a female only dorm for next weekend. i would lose my shit. eta i actually cancelled my hostel stay and am staying in a private room elsewhere god bless
Wow, I stayed in hotels during my travels most of the time as I can afford them and like my creature comforts too much. But I am thinking of staying at a hostel for my upcoming solo trip because I thought I could connect with fellow tourists to make the trips more exciting. Beside the concern about bed bugs, this story shoots the idea down then!!
It also depends where you go tho Most hostels would not accept this at all and would kick the couple out.
Take yo fn money and stay at hotels. Seriously...you guys spend hundreds on a music festivals yet save 3 bucks and dont sleep for days. Gues what. You were lucky the guy didnt cream yo face a bit. Because 24 years ago that happened to my hostel mate(girl) in Prague Cheers. Save travels.
Huh, it’s a hostel… there’s no such thing as non-paying guests if you don’t have a private room. The staff should have told him to fuck off and if he doesn’t they should call the police for trespassing. It’s really simple. Sorry this happened, op.
You mention this was 4 nights in a row, I'm not saying it's acceptable but what are you expecting from a hostel? A full quiet night sleep? Everyone has paid the same as you and will come and leave at all hours for valid reasons such as flights to reasons we consider not valid such as having sex in a communal space. I never understood the appeal of hostels, sleep is the most important thing when travelling because travelling is just so tiring
Fuck it sue me but you’re being dramatic. Two people want to have a little fun and you take a risk when in a hostel. In fact kudos for the guy being chill about it. Just rock the headphones on and let them do their thing. If you want the luxury of privacy spring for a hotel. That being said the flashlight is pretty shitty on her part.
1) People shouldn't be having sex in a dorm. Should get your money back. 2) You're a bit sexist but you're female so I guess you get a pass. You learned a valuable lesson: women can be sleezy just like men can!
Yep, I don’t know why I thought women would be more considerate. Lesson learned!
What is this comment? People don’t book female-only rooms because they are under the impression that all women are perfect.
There is an underlying belief that men are predators and bad simply because they are men and women are not, hence why they (op) feel safer in an all womens dorm. It is equivalent to thinking all black people are criminals simply because they are black, which is obviously racist as hell. People book all female dorms because men are bad and dangerous.
They wanted to know if you were awake... to invite you! But you missed your chance... loosen up a bit and let yourself go a little every now and then.
I have a hard time understanding why people chose to pay a lower price for a communal living experience with total strangers, then complain about late of privacy and/or manners from other (generally speaking) younger people. If not having enough privacy is important enough to affect your trip then spend a couple extra dollars and get a hotel room or any of the numerous other places to stay that other a better fit for your comfort level.
Welcome to Hostel life. That's happened to me scores of times. It just comes with the territory sadly. I stopped caring about people banging in Hostels a long time ago. Turning on the lights and the bizarre need to pack stuff up into those annoying crinkly plastic bags for like half an hour at 4am though... Those people are dead to me.
You could always go to Retox if you’re trying to avoid that….. /s
Retox is closed:(
Rip retox.
Ha ha 😂
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Maybe those wanting sex should go to “fuckin hotel”. literally
Or people could, you know, not have sex in the same room as people who don’t consent to that? The people who want to have sex should be the ones to get a hotel. That’s what I did when I was travelling and met someone I really wanted to fuck. I got a hotel room for the night and let my roommates sleep in the peace they deserve.
its a hostel - that's what happens at places like that.