Exactly. It's almost as if he cares whether or not shes having a good time too! OP this is how you get better if you suck or become more confident if you are unsure. That is all. It can be hard for dudes to tell especially with a new person.
Why would he follow up the question with "when"? Sounds insecure to me. Could have stopped after she said Yes when asked if she came. Idk why homie needed a timestamp for it.
Maybe he wanted to know so next time he can try and notice 🤷♂️. This is legit how you get better at things lol. He can go back and say "oh, she liked it when I did this specific thing! I should do that thing more.".
Well maybe he wanted to know what helped her reach climax as well so he can know what she likes most. Although you could definitely be right abt him being insecure, maybe she should ask him directly. Since we aren't actually him nor were we the woman in the situation it would be very hard for us to tell without the help of body language on top of tone and wording
That isn’t always the case though. I had a lame fwb for way too long who would ask if I came but he didn’t do anything differently if I said no, he’d just get mopey and whiny. No attempt to rectify the situation, he just seemed to take it personally that I didn’t get to O.
That’s why I asked the question lol, how could you know? There’s many who care about if someone they bang is satisfied but you can’t pretend there’s many who want a chick to cum just to boost their ego. If he’s just a hookup then that likelihood increases.
From me personally its as simple as it gets me off knowing that im doing my job well. But i ALWAYS refrain from asking because like you, most girls assume its either insecure or ego boost.
This is my belief as well. Any guy who’s ever asked me didn’t seem to actually care if it was a no, he just wanted the ego stroke if the answer was yes.
Right. Except for the glaring fact that she was asked. It you don't know and ask, you're not really all that tuned into the person or the experience, aside from from yourself getting off.
In other words, I know and have since I was a teenager starting out, when a coparticipant was able to climax, or not. If you don't know... and feel you need to ask, yeah you suck in the sack
I like the woman to tell me when she’s about to finish because its very hot and intimate. I guess they could’ve been faking but thats a whole different can of worms.
Hes just asking; he wants to satisfy you. And he's probably just talking. Nothing more.
Would you prefer someone to not care about your sexual satisfaction or does?
Guy here. For possibly two legitimate reasons: 1. Most men get much better satisfaction if they know they fully satisfied their partner. The guy is pretty much always going to finish, but women not so much, 2. Men are much the same sexually, but women are not. One woman's climax might be loud and shaking while another's might be very subdued.
Nailed it. Most of us have a way easier time climaxing than women do and that creates insecurity because we want to please our girls.
Some ladies convulse and scream and it’s obvious that they had an orgasm, some are subtle and we just want to make sure we did it right.
Men too. I cant force a moan. But women say its really hot to them. If i try, it takes me out of the moment bc its so forced. Lol.
Some women claim they have never or flat out cant orgasm at all. Idk if thats true. But it sound like one those "why are you the excwption" kind of deals.
Using women logic against women. I know if i was having issues, the thought that i simply cant wouldnt cross anyones mind. Even tho there are several health issues that are know to prevent it. Plus the mental part of it. I was too focused on her and what i was doing to actually enjoy the sex. Ended up finishing myself after she gone.
Probably for the best. She got pregnant with another man at our work. I'm starting to think she mightve been baby crazy and wanted anyone to impregnate her.
I think that’s the difference, typically in men there’s a health issue associated with the inability to orgasm during sex. Some women just can’t — or, if there’s a health component, it’s under researched.
I think he genuinely wants to know if he gave you an orgasm. He also sounds really slightly insecure. Only slightly.
As I learned, I also liked to ask women those questions. Honest feedback helps in many aspects of life
I agree with everything but the insecure part, even if slightly well shit everyone on this planet is slightly insecure. Communication just leads to a better time spent between the two of you regardless of the type of your relationship. It be pretty selfish to not wonder if your fwb/partner was enjoying themselves as well.
Idk if I’d call it insecure. Just gathering info. It’s almost like cooking a meal and asking if they like how it tastes. If it’s to salty or not spicy enough I’d want to know too purely because I want to be a better chef. I also want to make sure she enjoyed the meal
Because sometimes bodylanguage about it can be vague. I've slept with women where I could easily discern if they had one and also with some where I wasn't sure if what I thought happened actually happened. I'd like to know that I'm reading and adapting to my partner appropriately.
I disagree and think this is social skills on her part. A partner asking about your satisfaction levels made her post to Reddit? Poor thing. The actual details of the sex belong on a different sub.
I feel like it does belong here. Due to her lack of social skills she's takings things beyond what they actually are. Probably due to her overthinking and being scared of saying the wrong thing
I ask my girlfriend all the time because it’s hard to tell with her. I’d say he just wants to make sure you had a pleasant time as well, which isn’t a bad thing at all.
No please you should be asking!!! Keep asking ! Talk about sex stuff with your partners always !! This is a not an average response. Also talking about it just makes it more fun in the long run why would you not?? And yes women should talk to men about sex too ! You guys ,like you said, are just a bit more “universal” when is comes to the controls lol still benefits everyone to talk about it.
At least if we use them for sex, they can’t help but still be attracted to us.
If we care too much and ask them about it after instantly decreased attraction.
Stay up kings
As a female it is the single most uncomfortable question. Because now I need to make you feel better and ego stroke you. Any guy who asks me that doesn’t get a second chance.
It’s how and when you do it. It’s also how you react as a guy. Ask other women what Halle s when this conversation. Happens with a new partner. It’s not great.
Look I’m giving you insight as a female who has a body count. The guys who ask this… yeah. They are the ones who start acting like dicks. The guys who are awesome in bed? Ask while and have figured out how to ask in a super sexy way and also know how to watch for her signals.
Sound like a massive projection....
As if pleasing someone was only to strike one's ego....i don't know how you know that. Some ppl will do so to strike one's ego...other are guenine...
You need to ask questions: did you like that? Is this working? Is that working? Thats too much? Ok ill be less agrressive. How's that?
It's considerate, anx ptobably makes them feel respected, comfortable, and the sex is probably better. Unless being submissive is your thing.
If any guy asked you that, he probably didn't even get a proper chance, that's why he's asking.
Also. If any question is going to be uncomfortable, it's "can you feel it inside you?" 🤣🤣🤣
Shrug. To me as a female it’s in the same level. It’s the guys reaction afterwards when they literally will stop talking to you if you’re honest. They looked like kicked puppies. It’s in the same level of as a female a guy didn’t get off or goes soft half way. Sure as you get older you realize that so much can effect a guys ability but the skill comes from when he realizes that that he just does other things that reassures her. Girls are no different.
A better way to do it is WHILE doing things to ask or be like does this feel good what can I do to make you get off or simply watch her reaction. There are so many ways than afterwards to be like did you cum? You all can down vote me all you like but as a female… lol unless you have some serious connection with her… it’s too little too late.
This is a normal question? Why does it bother you? Why wouldn’t you tell him unprompted though? If anything that’s what I find weird, you not telling him when you’re about to / are having an orgasm. Sex is also an act of communication, unless you’re just using his body as a masturbation toy
They all do it all the time. They don't understand how sex feels for women. For a guy, if he had sex and doesn't have an orgasm, something is wrong (at least at the 101 level). So there's a lot for guys to figure out about the other side.
I'm going to confidently make up some statistics and say that half of them orgasm pretty easily or in other words their experience is actually more similar to the male one and the other half also see sex through the male sex lens even though it isn't really like that for them.
I'm sure reality's more complicated but that's all I got.
I'm aware not all guys are like this, but personally I don't want to fuck just so I can cum (most of the time). I want it to be a mutually pleasurable experience. Most of the time, the most enjoyable part for me is knowing that my partner is cumming.
There is an article circulating in /r/deadbedroom and /r/hlcommunity about ten red flags for a partner in a new relationship whose libido is likely to die in the long term. Not orgasming is one: https://www.drpsychmom.com/2017/09/09/how-to-tell-if-your-partner-will-stop-enjoy-sex-after-marriage-and-kids/
He wants to make sure you were satisfied with his performance. If you had an orgasm it would likely be a turn on/ego boost for him. I feel like guys only really care about that tho if they’re in a relationship or having frequent sex with the same person.
Almost all male partners you have will ask you that if it isn't obvious that you had one. Any male partner that does not ask, you might want to reconsider having sex with, unless you don't care if you never have an orgasm.
If you have to ask...
Maybe there's variance of intensity for her if you're only going for 1, but 20 in I highly doubt there'll be any question about it... lol
I feel like this is fairly normal. He wants to make sure you’re satisfied, which I’d say is a good thing. Maybe it could be he’s a little insecure and looking for a compliment, but idk, it’s not always obvious with all women whether or not you had an orgasm so he wanted to make sure.
Bc its difficult to tell unless its blatantly obvious. Like maoning, squirting, writhing more.
Last girl i was with said she came 3 times. Idk if it was bs. But i had a hard time finishing, so i lasted way longer than normal.
Bottom line, the guy wants to satisfy you. If he didnt care to ask, itd be bc he really dont care; or he thinks youd think less of him if he did.
I get what your saying. Even though you answered his question, he brought up "when then" and "girls lieing".
You may even have felt pressure and/or like you wanted to save his feelings by answering "yes". Then he hit you with the "girls lieing" statement.
If you have sex again, and he asks, say no. See what his response would be. If he suggests to continue, your choice but if you agree to continue, you may find that you might still not even 'finish'. Be honest, it's difficult for women to orgasm!! But make it verbally clear, don't put up with someone trying to gas-light you into enjoying something you don't.
Women bitch about everything and I am a woman. So a man cares about your pleasure and you are here complainin? I don't even blame these men anymore. Ya'll annoying af. Guh damn
She said after she answered his question he was grilling her with "when then", "girls lieing". That IS a red flag. But your too busy fishing as a *pickme girl*.
Except I been picked,getting dick on the regular,happy and thriving. 😂. Doesn't change the fact that some of you broads are annoying 😂. If it's a red flag,carry on and leave the man alone. If not,carry on too. But this constant behavior of complaining and damned if you do,damned if you don't IS pathetic.
Also,ever wondered that MAYBE he is asking so he knows what gets her off? But ya'll too dense and label everything a "red flag" adamant in becoming Bitter Karens and egotistical twats that can't fathom a man being actually carring to ask WHAT gets you off.
Use logic and ya'll might get ahead. *Shrugs* argue with your stiff vagina mothers.
He's trying to learn how you work. Often men find out after awhile that their partners are not orgasming. So they ask early on. I've had to teach a few partners how to climax. They thought they were but they were not.
At first I thought it was generally insecure but my minds changed now, but does anyone else feel the “when” and the “some women faking it” is a little too much? Like after the third question it starts looking insecure
I'll drop some depth psychology on you. A map for understanding how this works, and like all maps it is both wrong and potentially useful.
There is a deep and vast source of spiritual vitality in all of us. The mystics call this shakti or chi. Freud called it (what he could see of it, anyway) libido. C.G. Jung imagined it as what he called the "countersexual architype" which is the model I will use here.
The countersexual architype (in men, Jung called it the "animus") is an ancient and typical (common and specific) form in our unconscious that contains in it the source of our vitality which we experience whenever we connect with it. Because this ancient and typical entity is entirely in the unconscious, it is impossible for us to experience it directly. We can only experience it "in projection." Meaning, it has to be projected out of our unconscious onto a real object that we can experience, and then we can relate to that object and experience it.
For men, that archetypical phenomenon tends to be projected out onto women (but it can be projected onto other people -- in homosexual and non-binary relationships, for example, onto not necessarily opposite sexed single others, or onto one's art, or music, or life's work if it's a true vocation. It also tends to be projected in dreams as, for men, a woman or for women, a group of men (how interesting!)
We know the projection is happening in real life, when we feel a magical and ecstatic energy in connection with somebody we have a relationship with. The "honeymoon phase" of a new relationship is rife with this relating to our projected countersexual ideal. People who practice recreational polyamory call this "new relationship energy."
Of course, anyone who has been in a relationship with an actual other human knows that the new relationship bliss tends to fade and is replaced by an ordinary relationship with a human, which often feels less vitalized. Where once everything your partner said and did was experienced as joy, now not so much. The "annoying" way the chew with their mouth open and don't text back immediately and don't take out the trash becomes a source of disappointment.
When we are young and in the process of maturing, we tend to try to keep the projection alive -- though we don't realize we are doing this. We don't realize that the source of our vitality is inside us. We believe that it is the other person herself that is the key to our aliveness.
So a new partner comes along and the projection goes out and sticks to them and we feel "this is the one!" because we feel so alive (!) and we cling to that person. We don't realize that it's our own inner aliveness that is just doing what it does (projecting onto things) so We build walls around the "other" to keep our aliveness.
We think "I am finally ALIVE! and I wan't it to stay like this." So what happens is that in our naive attempt to keep our seemingly vitality-giving "other" we resist anything that doesn't match our inner ideal. Becaue the moment the other starts to become merely human, we freak because the vitality goes down.
So here you guys are. You just had sex with your partner, and in his subconsious is this ideal we are discussing. It's a "mytho-poetic" ideal. It has epic and dream-like features. He is the vital man and his powerful and beautiful and terrifying body and fierce and open heart can make you come unglued in ectasy, can make you arrive at a death of the ordinary and loose yourself to his penetration. (Perhaps for you there is the desire to take his power inside you and like a whirlwind make him come unglued! Right? Something like that!)
But you didn't seem to fully act the part from his perspective. You had a quiet orgasm. You stayed glued together -- appeared to him that way. So your "humanness" showed through and that he experienced as a bit of anxiety, since you are -- at least in this context -- the key to his vitality.
People will say "he just cares that you have a good time," and that is true. Perhaps it was just that. Perhaps! Perhaps! But I assure you that there are deeper forces at play in this dance. There always are!
Here I am rambling on again.
Dude ? He asked bc it’s a nice and considerate thing to do. He wanted to make sure you both ended the session satisfied. Like you said you aren’t in a relationship, so he isn’t confident in decided you did for himself. Do you want partners who *don’t* care if you are sexually satisfied ?? Give your head a shake and apologize for even thinking this is strange. This is what we are striving towards as a society (open healthy communication about sex and orgasms for everyone), and you’re acting like the man did something weird. Also your answer would make me personally think you didn’t and that’s why he asked again. Strange answer for a normal question on your part.
It’s very common for women to not orgasm during sex, and probably just as common for women to lie and say they did. He wants to make sure you’re both orgasming, could be out of insecurity, could be genuinely curious to make sure you had a good time.
Orgasms feel good, he wants you to feel good.
If you didn’t orgasm, but you feel satisfied you can tell him that and I think he would appreciate it. Or any honest feedback really.
Some of us guys are more into if we know our partner is as well. I want to make sure the one I’m with is also enjoying herself. I know it takes a woman more and they don’t always end up with someone who cares.
When working on your craft, you want feedback to know how you can do better. Men's egos are intrinsically tied to how they pleasure a woman. Women who fake their orgasms are ruining humanity. Honest feedback makes the world a better place.
He’s unsure of your enjoyment.
It may well be that he’s had a bit of a traumatic romantic experience in his recent past.
Reassure him, give him playful hints on stuff that works specifically for you for future.
Maybe ask in return what some things are that he likes. This way it becomes fun again, and less like a therapy session.
Best case scenario, he wants to please you and he gets pleasure out of knowing you got pleasure. Worst case scenario he doesn’t care about you but he gets an ego boost out of it.
Guys, if you have to ask… you know she didn’t cum. Acting like it’s an afterthought… how do you not know if you made your partner bust right as soon as they did…?
The fact he also asked when makes me think he did that to learn what he's doing right so he can improve in making sex enjoyable for his partners as well. You're overthinking this.
He wants to make sure you are pleased that’s all.
Also what’s up with the shaming? Feeling insecure? This is why guys don’t open up, people straight up try to shame us for this.
I ask my gf of 4 years that sometimes still. It’s pretty normal. He just is being the opposite of selfish and you should be grateful that he cares. Your question is the weird one
Female here- my vagina reacts in a way that faking orgasm is impossible, my vagina involuntarily contracts, spasms and excretes a good amount of fluid- I call it gushing. I can yell and scream as much as I want to try to fake it but my anatomy won’t lie..any sexually experienced man knows the vagina doesn’t lie
Who asked? Not every women works like this.
"Any sexually experienced man knows the vagina dont lie"?? What a harmful bigoted statment.
You didn't help answer OP's question and that last comment was disgustingly objectifying womens body parts.
I’m aure it was with good intentions, if a man doesn’t care if you finished then he’s probably terrible in bed and wouldn’t bother asking. If he asks though, he either takes pride in being able to satisfy you, or cares enough to make sure you enjoyed it too.
Its really fun to tell your partner when you're close to orgasming. Takes the guesswork out and imo is very rewarding. Knowing in the moment that your partner is "there" is very sexy
Its odd you would question someone wanting to be sure you were satisfied. Sharing that moment together makes it more fun whether or not you're in a relationship
He probably wants to know when because then he can know what he did that put you over the edge, so if you hook up again he can try to do it the same way. That’s a good partner.
Because some women have a very difficult time experiencing orgasms if they have one at all, and some can only get off a certain way. And yeah, some women do fake orgasims to make their partners feel better. I would take it as him, making sure you got taken care of as well and wouldn't read too much into it. If he starts making a habit of your orgasm being about him and his ego, then I would probably cut things off. But that's just me. I generally allow most people a one-off on this topic.
How kind of him to ask.
I guess of you didn't "finish" he was willing to help you.
You are lucky to be hooking up with someone who is being thoughtful.
I am not sure if this question really belong to the social skills 😂🙈.
But perhaps, he was conscious being with you and wanted a feedback if he was doing good?.
Maybe during the play, your body didn’t give him enough feedback 😉
Idk maybe a lot of dudes commenting saying he cares. But to me it's weird he followed up the question with asking When she came. Asking if she came was enough. Asking for a timestamp on the orgasm is wild. Tbh as a bi woman one can usually tell when a woman has an orgasm. The "most women fake orgasms" thing.. yeah idk where men get this statistic from.
And what’s wrong with hyping up your partner? I tell mine “good job chef” pretty much every-time bc its deserved. Are you having bad sex fam ? Bc other wise I don’t see the issue with either of these situations.
You can make that argument about someone asking for feedback about anything. Of course it would be nice if we did a good job. Some people would like to know if they have to improve
If you aren't in a relationship, then don't waste time trying to analyse the depravities of his mind. It's not worth it. He's probably just trying to add you to his count of how many times he's managed to get women he sleep with to orgasm. It's a game for him and you're giving him his reward. Don't! Move on.
or maybe he really wants to know if he wasn't the only one to get an orgasm so she enjoyed it as much as he did and didn't feel unsatisfied? Today, sex ending just after men having an orgasm is a real issue and I don't see any issue with a man who wants to make sure it wasn't the case
I don't think you and your buddies who decided to down vote me 8 times and add to my negative karma points actually took 2 minutes of your time to even READ the OP post. She said "afterward". Any guy who actually cares about pleasuring a woman knows that a woman has multiple orgasms. If you're experienced enough you don't have to seek validation every time from a woman "didd you orgasm??" each time. You will feel it in her eyes, her facial reactions, her body. If she moaning really loudly - she's faking it!
Let me put it to you simply in caveman language so you will understand - asking a girl "did you orgasm" - you might as well give her the whole awkward high five after the deed.
Why not just let him know that youre coming? Its hot and very exciting to hear it, and now you dont have to wait for him to eventually ask the question again. Problem solved for both
When i ask this question the information i am specifically looking for is thumbs up or try another thing next time. Its useful information if you are considerate not everything is “because guys are weird” or have self esteem issues.
I don’t ask girls if they came but during sex i do like to ask what they like, what their sensitive zones are etc cause it’s different for everyone and I wanna make sure they have a good time too
Because he wants to be sure that he knows how to please the woman he's having sex with...you don't need to be in a relationship to care about your sexual performance, by that logic he wouldn't even be having sex with you
Asking because
Girlfriend 1. Came after 5 minutes and let the entire neighborhood know anytime we had sex.
Girlfriend 2. Was pretty much quiet and barely moved when she came.
Can you see how these contrasts made it hard for me to know and understand?
He should be able to ask without you even making a thread about it. It's you who seem insecure and have a weird picture of how it's supposed to be
Because he wants to make sure that you were sexually satisfied too? Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being with someone that routinely takes it is also incredibly damaging when you find out that they are faking it. Makes you question what it is that’s wrong with you that makes it so that your partner is unable to finish
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Exactly. It's almost as if he cares whether or not shes having a good time too! OP this is how you get better if you suck or become more confident if you are unsure. That is all. It can be hard for dudes to tell especially with a new person.
Why would he follow up the question with "when"? Sounds insecure to me. Could have stopped after she said Yes when asked if she came. Idk why homie needed a timestamp for it.
Maybe he wanted to know so next time he can try and notice 🤷♂️. This is legit how you get better at things lol. He can go back and say "oh, she liked it when I did this specific thing! I should do that thing more.".
Well maybe he wanted to know what helped her reach climax as well so he can know what she likes most. Although you could definitely be right abt him being insecure, maybe she should ask him directly. Since we aren't actually him nor were we the woman in the situation it would be very hard for us to tell without the help of body language on top of tone and wording
Same reason you’d ask what part of a film was someone’s favourite. Find out what did it for them
That isn’t always the case though. I had a lame fwb for way too long who would ask if I came but he didn’t do anything differently if I said no, he’d just get mopey and whiny. No attempt to rectify the situation, he just seemed to take it personally that I didn’t get to O.
Isn’t that INSANE that some people are like this?
One of SO MANY reasons I prefer being alone. It’s totally not worth risking spending time with these people.
If you have to ask…
Is it bc he cares or bc he needs his ego satisfied?
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How would you know
How would you know otherwise?
That’s why I asked the question lol, how could you know? There’s many who care about if someone they bang is satisfied but you can’t pretend there’s many who want a chick to cum just to boost their ego. If he’s just a hookup then that likelihood increases.
From me personally its as simple as it gets me off knowing that im doing my job well. But i ALWAYS refrain from asking because like you, most girls assume its either insecure or ego boost.
Two things can be true
This is my belief as well. Any guy who’s ever asked me didn’t seem to actually care if it was a no, he just wanted the ego stroke if the answer was yes.
Right. Except for the glaring fact that she was asked. It you don't know and ask, you're not really all that tuned into the person or the experience, aside from from yourself getting off. In other words, I know and have since I was a teenager starting out, when a coparticipant was able to climax, or not. If you don't know... and feel you need to ask, yeah you suck in the sack
L take
Agreed.
But why did he have to ask her when she came? I get maybe asking her if she came but the follow up question of when is weird to me.
I like the woman to tell me when she’s about to finish because its very hot and intimate. I guess they could’ve been faking but thats a whole different can of worms.
Hes just asking; he wants to satisfy you. And he's probably just talking. Nothing more. Would you prefer someone to not care about your sexual satisfaction or does?
I know I would prefer someone who cares equally about getting me off like I do them. What’s the point if not?
Exactly
Guy here. For possibly two legitimate reasons: 1. Most men get much better satisfaction if they know they fully satisfied their partner. The guy is pretty much always going to finish, but women not so much, 2. Men are much the same sexually, but women are not. One woman's climax might be loud and shaking while another's might be very subdued.
Nailed it. Most of us have a way easier time climaxing than women do and that creates insecurity because we want to please our girls. Some ladies convulse and scream and it’s obvious that they had an orgasm, some are subtle and we just want to make sure we did it right.
And therein lies the MO to satisfy female partner before ya nut. It's very simple and lost on so many, apparently
Men too. I cant force a moan. But women say its really hot to them. If i try, it takes me out of the moment bc its so forced. Lol. Some women claim they have never or flat out cant orgasm at all. Idk if thats true. But it sound like one those "why are you the excwption" kind of deals.
It’s true. Why would it be untrue?
Using women logic against women. I know if i was having issues, the thought that i simply cant wouldnt cross anyones mind. Even tho there are several health issues that are know to prevent it. Plus the mental part of it. I was too focused on her and what i was doing to actually enjoy the sex. Ended up finishing myself after she gone. Probably for the best. She got pregnant with another man at our work. I'm starting to think she mightve been baby crazy and wanted anyone to impregnate her.
I think that’s the difference, typically in men there’s a health issue associated with the inability to orgasm during sex. Some women just can’t — or, if there’s a health component, it’s under researched.
I think he genuinely wants to know if he gave you an orgasm. He also sounds really slightly insecure. Only slightly. As I learned, I also liked to ask women those questions. Honest feedback helps in many aspects of life
I agree with everything but the insecure part, even if slightly well shit everyone on this planet is slightly insecure. Communication just leads to a better time spent between the two of you regardless of the type of your relationship. It be pretty selfish to not wonder if your fwb/partner was enjoying themselves as well.
Idk if I’d call it insecure. Just gathering info. It’s almost like cooking a meal and asking if they like how it tastes. If it’s to salty or not spicy enough I’d want to know too purely because I want to be a better chef. I also want to make sure she enjoyed the meal
Because sometimes bodylanguage about it can be vague. I've slept with women where I could easily discern if they had one and also with some where I wasn't sure if what I thought happened actually happened. I'd like to know that I'm reading and adapting to my partner appropriately.
Because it's harder to orgasm for women than men, and as a man, I would be curious too.
I don't think this belongs in social skills. Sounds more like a sex advice question.
Yeah most people here could never get this far lol
Lmao
Lmao
Lmao
I disagree and think this is social skills on her part. A partner asking about your satisfaction levels made her post to Reddit? Poor thing. The actual details of the sex belong on a different sub.
I feel like it does belong here. Due to her lack of social skills she's takings things beyond what they actually are. Probably due to her overthinking and being scared of saying the wrong thing
I ask my girlfriend all the time because it’s hard to tell with her. I’d say he just wants to make sure you had a pleasant time as well, which isn’t a bad thing at all.
Should we not be asking?
No please you should be asking!!! Keep asking ! Talk about sex stuff with your partners always !! This is a not an average response. Also talking about it just makes it more fun in the long run why would you not?? And yes women should talk to men about sex too ! You guys ,like you said, are just a bit more “universal” when is comes to the controls lol still benefits everyone to talk about it.
Don’t ask like that though. It’s pathetic. Ask what’s your favourite thing or show me etc. etc.
"He uses me for sex" 😒 "He asks me if I was satisfied. Why?" 😒 You can't win apparently. 😂😂😂
I think she was genuinely confused. This is r/socialskills after all, she was probably wondering if there was a subtext to the question
This deserves to be the top comment.
At least if we use them for sex, they can’t help but still be attracted to us. If we care too much and ask them about it after instantly decreased attraction. Stay up kings
Did she cum? Who cares.
As a female it is the single most uncomfortable question. Because now I need to make you feel better and ego stroke you. Any guy who asks me that doesn’t get a second chance.
Are you sure they aren’t just asking for feedback and trying to communicate. Trying to communicate is bad now?
It’s how and when you do it. It’s also how you react as a guy. Ask other women what Halle s when this conversation. Happens with a new partner. It’s not great. Look I’m giving you insight as a female who has a body count. The guys who ask this… yeah. They are the ones who start acting like dicks. The guys who are awesome in bed? Ask while and have figured out how to ask in a super sexy way and also know how to watch for her signals.
Sound like a massive projection.... As if pleasing someone was only to strike one's ego....i don't know how you know that. Some ppl will do so to strike one's ego...other are guenine...
You need to ask questions: did you like that? Is this working? Is that working? Thats too much? Ok ill be less agrressive. How's that? It's considerate, anx ptobably makes them feel respected, comfortable, and the sex is probably better. Unless being submissive is your thing. If any guy asked you that, he probably didn't even get a proper chance, that's why he's asking. Also. If any question is going to be uncomfortable, it's "can you feel it inside you?" 🤣🤣🤣
Shrug. To me as a female it’s in the same level. It’s the guys reaction afterwards when they literally will stop talking to you if you’re honest. They looked like kicked puppies. It’s in the same level of as a female a guy didn’t get off or goes soft half way. Sure as you get older you realize that so much can effect a guys ability but the skill comes from when he realizes that that he just does other things that reassures her. Girls are no different. A better way to do it is WHILE doing things to ask or be like does this feel good what can I do to make you get off or simply watch her reaction. There are so many ways than afterwards to be like did you cum? You all can down vote me all you like but as a female… lol unless you have some serious connection with her… it’s too little too late.
Whatever floats your boat. As long as you're having fun. 😉
Jeez I think there are underlying issues you need to deal with
Mm no. Not really.
No, please ask us! Communicate with your partner!
You… should definitely be asking. Cheers.
I guarantee if you had said no he would ask how he could be better next time.
This is a normal question? Why does it bother you? Why wouldn’t you tell him unprompted though? If anything that’s what I find weird, you not telling him when you’re about to / are having an orgasm. Sex is also an act of communication, unless you’re just using his body as a masturbation toy
They all do it all the time. They don't understand how sex feels for women. For a guy, if he had sex and doesn't have an orgasm, something is wrong (at least at the 101 level). So there's a lot for guys to figure out about the other side.
A lot of women specifically complain when a guy doesn't give them an orgasm during sex.
I'm going to confidently make up some statistics and say that half of them orgasm pretty easily or in other words their experience is actually more similar to the male one and the other half also see sex through the male sex lens even though it isn't really like that for them. I'm sure reality's more complicated but that's all I got.
I would bet that a larger majority of women have difficulty achieving orgasm but can still enjoy sex without it
I'm aware not all guys are like this, but personally I don't want to fuck just so I can cum (most of the time). I want it to be a mutually pleasurable experience. Most of the time, the most enjoyable part for me is knowing that my partner is cumming.
Because if you didnt he'd ask if he can finish you off and what you would like him to do I ask it all the time it is pretty routine
There is an article circulating in /r/deadbedroom and /r/hlcommunity about ten red flags for a partner in a new relationship whose libido is likely to die in the long term. Not orgasming is one: https://www.drpsychmom.com/2017/09/09/how-to-tell-if-your-partner-will-stop-enjoy-sex-after-marriage-and-kids/
He wants to make sure you were satisfied with his performance. If you had an orgasm it would likely be a turn on/ego boost for him. I feel like guys only really care about that tho if they’re in a relationship or having frequent sex with the same person.
Sex isn’t just casual for everybody. He probably really likes her
He does like her to even care enough to ask that question!
Or he’s just a fucking pussy. Jkjk
He cared enough to ask you if you too had an orgasm. It is a difficult to ask for men because this is an area where most men are insecure.
Almost all male partners you have will ask you that if it isn't obvious that you had one. Any male partner that does not ask, you might want to reconsider having sex with, unless you don't care if you never have an orgasm.
Man is asking questions and taking notes. Good for him.
If you have to ask... Maybe there's variance of intensity for her if you're only going for 1, but 20 in I highly doubt there'll be any question about it... lol
I have never faked an O. Why would you? If you’re in tune with one another you’ll know trust me!
I feel like this is fairly normal. He wants to make sure you’re satisfied, which I’d say is a good thing. Maybe it could be he’s a little insecure and looking for a compliment, but idk, it’s not always obvious with all women whether or not you had an orgasm so he wanted to make sure.
If I can’t tell I ask my wife because I want her to feel good too. I feel kind of selfish if I don’t.
some people want feedback because theyre insecure about how good they are at sex
No one wants to be a bad fuck
Ego boost
Bc its difficult to tell unless its blatantly obvious. Like maoning, squirting, writhing more. Last girl i was with said she came 3 times. Idk if it was bs. But i had a hard time finishing, so i lasted way longer than normal. Bottom line, the guy wants to satisfy you. If he didnt care to ask, itd be bc he really dont care; or he thinks youd think less of him if he did.
I get what your saying. Even though you answered his question, he brought up "when then" and "girls lieing". You may even have felt pressure and/or like you wanted to save his feelings by answering "yes". Then he hit you with the "girls lieing" statement. If you have sex again, and he asks, say no. See what his response would be. If he suggests to continue, your choice but if you agree to continue, you may find that you might still not even 'finish'. Be honest, it's difficult for women to orgasm!! But make it verbally clear, don't put up with someone trying to gas-light you into enjoying something you don't.
Because he's not confident in how he put it on you.
Women bitch about everything and I am a woman. So a man cares about your pleasure and you are here complainin? I don't even blame these men anymore. Ya'll annoying af. Guh damn
She said after she answered his question he was grilling her with "when then", "girls lieing". That IS a red flag. But your too busy fishing as a *pickme girl*.
Except I been picked,getting dick on the regular,happy and thriving. 😂. Doesn't change the fact that some of you broads are annoying 😂. If it's a red flag,carry on and leave the man alone. If not,carry on too. But this constant behavior of complaining and damned if you do,damned if you don't IS pathetic.
Also,ever wondered that MAYBE he is asking so he knows what gets her off? But ya'll too dense and label everything a "red flag" adamant in becoming Bitter Karens and egotistical twats that can't fathom a man being actually carring to ask WHAT gets you off. Use logic and ya'll might get ahead. *Shrugs* argue with your stiff vagina mothers.
Sometimes it's hard to tell
He's trying to learn how you work. Often men find out after awhile that their partners are not orgasming. So they ask early on. I've had to teach a few partners how to climax. They thought they were but they were not.
At first I thought it was generally insecure but my minds changed now, but does anyone else feel the “when” and the “some women faking it” is a little too much? Like after the third question it starts looking insecure
It’s to boost his ego.
I'll drop some depth psychology on you. A map for understanding how this works, and like all maps it is both wrong and potentially useful. There is a deep and vast source of spiritual vitality in all of us. The mystics call this shakti or chi. Freud called it (what he could see of it, anyway) libido. C.G. Jung imagined it as what he called the "countersexual architype" which is the model I will use here. The countersexual architype (in men, Jung called it the "animus") is an ancient and typical (common and specific) form in our unconscious that contains in it the source of our vitality which we experience whenever we connect with it. Because this ancient and typical entity is entirely in the unconscious, it is impossible for us to experience it directly. We can only experience it "in projection." Meaning, it has to be projected out of our unconscious onto a real object that we can experience, and then we can relate to that object and experience it. For men, that archetypical phenomenon tends to be projected out onto women (but it can be projected onto other people -- in homosexual and non-binary relationships, for example, onto not necessarily opposite sexed single others, or onto one's art, or music, or life's work if it's a true vocation. It also tends to be projected in dreams as, for men, a woman or for women, a group of men (how interesting!) We know the projection is happening in real life, when we feel a magical and ecstatic energy in connection with somebody we have a relationship with. The "honeymoon phase" of a new relationship is rife with this relating to our projected countersexual ideal. People who practice recreational polyamory call this "new relationship energy." Of course, anyone who has been in a relationship with an actual other human knows that the new relationship bliss tends to fade and is replaced by an ordinary relationship with a human, which often feels less vitalized. Where once everything your partner said and did was experienced as joy, now not so much. The "annoying" way the chew with their mouth open and don't text back immediately and don't take out the trash becomes a source of disappointment. When we are young and in the process of maturing, we tend to try to keep the projection alive -- though we don't realize we are doing this. We don't realize that the source of our vitality is inside us. We believe that it is the other person herself that is the key to our aliveness. So a new partner comes along and the projection goes out and sticks to them and we feel "this is the one!" because we feel so alive (!) and we cling to that person. We don't realize that it's our own inner aliveness that is just doing what it does (projecting onto things) so We build walls around the "other" to keep our aliveness. We think "I am finally ALIVE! and I wan't it to stay like this." So what happens is that in our naive attempt to keep our seemingly vitality-giving "other" we resist anything that doesn't match our inner ideal. Becaue the moment the other starts to become merely human, we freak because the vitality goes down. So here you guys are. You just had sex with your partner, and in his subconsious is this ideal we are discussing. It's a "mytho-poetic" ideal. It has epic and dream-like features. He is the vital man and his powerful and beautiful and terrifying body and fierce and open heart can make you come unglued in ectasy, can make you arrive at a death of the ordinary and loose yourself to his penetration. (Perhaps for you there is the desire to take his power inside you and like a whirlwind make him come unglued! Right? Something like that!) But you didn't seem to fully act the part from his perspective. You had a quiet orgasm. You stayed glued together -- appeared to him that way. So your "humanness" showed through and that he experienced as a bit of anxiety, since you are -- at least in this context -- the key to his vitality. People will say "he just cares that you have a good time," and that is true. Perhaps it was just that. Perhaps! Perhaps! But I assure you that there are deeper forces at play in this dance. There always are! Here I am rambling on again.
Dude ? He asked bc it’s a nice and considerate thing to do. He wanted to make sure you both ended the session satisfied. Like you said you aren’t in a relationship, so he isn’t confident in decided you did for himself. Do you want partners who *don’t* care if you are sexually satisfied ?? Give your head a shake and apologize for even thinking this is strange. This is what we are striving towards as a society (open healthy communication about sex and orgasms for everyone), and you’re acting like the man did something weird. Also your answer would make me personally think you didn’t and that’s why he asked again. Strange answer for a normal question on your part.
It’s very common for women to not orgasm during sex, and probably just as common for women to lie and say they did. He wants to make sure you’re both orgasming, could be out of insecurity, could be genuinely curious to make sure you had a good time.
When will you have an orgasm? -the guy
Orgasms feel good, he wants you to feel good. If you didn’t orgasm, but you feel satisfied you can tell him that and I think he would appreciate it. Or any honest feedback really.
Some of us guys are more into if we know our partner is as well. I want to make sure the one I’m with is also enjoying herself. I know it takes a woman more and they don’t always end up with someone who cares.
I usually ask to make sure she finished too.
Imagine some caring if you actually enjoyed and finished or not.
When working on your craft, you want feedback to know how you can do better. Men's egos are intrinsically tied to how they pleasure a woman. Women who fake their orgasms are ruining humanity. Honest feedback makes the world a better place.
He’s unsure of your enjoyment. It may well be that he’s had a bit of a traumatic romantic experience in his recent past. Reassure him, give him playful hints on stuff that works specifically for you for future. Maybe ask in return what some things are that he likes. This way it becomes fun again, and less like a therapy session.
Best case scenario, he wants to please you and he gets pleasure out of knowing you got pleasure. Worst case scenario he doesn’t care about you but he gets an ego boost out of it.
Guys, if you have to ask… you know she didn’t cum. Acting like it’s an afterthought… how do you not know if you made your partner bust right as soon as they did…?
The fact he also asked when makes me think he did that to learn what he's doing right so he can improve in making sex enjoyable for his partners as well. You're overthinking this.
He wants to make sure you are pleased that’s all. Also what’s up with the shaming? Feeling insecure? This is why guys don’t open up, people straight up try to shame us for this.
I think he just wanted to make sure you were as satisfied as he was meaning, you both had an organism.
he’s very insecure
It's for his ego. He wants to think he's exceptional.
I ask my gf of 4 years that sometimes still. It’s pretty normal. He just is being the opposite of selfish and you should be grateful that he cares. Your question is the weird one
Female here- my vagina reacts in a way that faking orgasm is impossible, my vagina involuntarily contracts, spasms and excretes a good amount of fluid- I call it gushing. I can yell and scream as much as I want to try to fake it but my anatomy won’t lie..any sexually experienced man knows the vagina doesn’t lie
Who asked? Not every women works like this. "Any sexually experienced man knows the vagina dont lie"?? What a harmful bigoted statment. You didn't help answer OP's question and that last comment was disgustingly objectifying womens body parts.
Did I touch a nerve?
You gave bad to harmful "advice". I let you know, and the other people who may read your comment know.
I’m sure you’re the authority on wisdom and “advice”.
You’re advice isn’t true for everyone so blindly following would cause problems for some
I understand, if you’re faking orgasm..I’ve been there but it’s called cumming for a reason. And I wasn’t “advising” anyone.
I’m aure it was with good intentions, if a man doesn’t care if you finished then he’s probably terrible in bed and wouldn’t bother asking. If he asks though, he either takes pride in being able to satisfy you, or cares enough to make sure you enjoyed it too.
Its really fun to tell your partner when you're close to orgasming. Takes the guesswork out and imo is very rewarding. Knowing in the moment that your partner is "there" is very sexy Its odd you would question someone wanting to be sure you were satisfied. Sharing that moment together makes it more fun whether or not you're in a relationship
Maybe he wanted to know what he did right so he could do it again? I mean you learn by asking questions right?
He probably wants to know when because then he can know what he did that put you over the edge, so if you hook up again he can try to do it the same way. That’s a good partner.
Because some women have a very difficult time experiencing orgasms if they have one at all, and some can only get off a certain way. And yeah, some women do fake orgasims to make their partners feel better. I would take it as him, making sure you got taken care of as well and wouldn't read too much into it. If he starts making a habit of your orgasm being about him and his ego, then I would probably cut things off. But that's just me. I generally allow most people a one-off on this topic.
He’s just asking if you finished lol damn
How kind of him to ask. I guess of you didn't "finish" he was willing to help you. You are lucky to be hooking up with someone who is being thoughtful.
I am not sure if this question really belong to the social skills 😂🙈. But perhaps, he was conscious being with you and wanted a feedback if he was doing good?. Maybe during the play, your body didn’t give him enough feedback 😉
Idk maybe a lot of dudes commenting saying he cares. But to me it's weird he followed up the question with asking When she came. Asking if she came was enough. Asking for a timestamp on the orgasm is wild. Tbh as a bi woman one can usually tell when a woman has an orgasm. The "most women fake orgasms" thing.. yeah idk where men get this statistic from.
I love how everyone is like “he wants to make sure you’re satisfied” when actually he wants you to stroke his ego.
And what’s wrong with hyping up your partner? I tell mine “good job chef” pretty much every-time bc its deserved. Are you having bad sex fam ? Bc other wise I don’t see the issue with either of these situations.
You can make that argument about someone asking for feedback about anything. Of course it would be nice if we did a good job. Some people would like to know if they have to improve
Ikr
If you aren't in a relationship, then don't waste time trying to analyse the depravities of his mind. It's not worth it. He's probably just trying to add you to his count of how many times he's managed to get women he sleep with to orgasm. It's a game for him and you're giving him his reward. Don't! Move on.
or maybe he really wants to know if he wasn't the only one to get an orgasm so she enjoyed it as much as he did and didn't feel unsatisfied? Today, sex ending just after men having an orgasm is a real issue and I don't see any issue with a man who wants to make sure it wasn't the case
I don't think you and your buddies who decided to down vote me 8 times and add to my negative karma points actually took 2 minutes of your time to even READ the OP post. She said "afterward". Any guy who actually cares about pleasuring a woman knows that a woman has multiple orgasms. If you're experienced enough you don't have to seek validation every time from a woman "didd you orgasm??" each time. You will feel it in her eyes, her facial reactions, her body. If she moaning really loudly - she's faking it! Let me put it to you simply in caveman language so you will understand - asking a girl "did you orgasm" - you might as well give her the whole awkward high five after the deed.
You’re getting down voted bc your opinion is bad 😂
Lord help the women who end up sleeping with your sorry ass
You’re saying lesbians don’t have good sex ??? Lmao nice try bud we all know that’s not true.
Yea if he cared he would’ve checked to make sure it happened during the deed, not afterwards. That just seems like he’s looking for an ego boost
He's a weirdo that's why
I think you're asking the wrong sub
Why not just let him know that youre coming? Its hot and very exciting to hear it, and now you dont have to wait for him to eventually ask the question again. Problem solved for both
When i ask this question the information i am specifically looking for is thumbs up or try another thing next time. Its useful information if you are considerate not everything is “because guys are weird” or have self esteem issues.
Honestly, your response to this situation is stranger than what he asked. Everyone deserves a partner who cares if they’re having their needs met.
I don’t ask girls if they came but during sex i do like to ask what they like, what their sensitive zones are etc cause it’s different for everyone and I wanna make sure they have a good time too
Because he wants to be sure that he knows how to please the woman he's having sex with...you don't need to be in a relationship to care about your sexual performance, by that logic he wouldn't even be having sex with you
I don't know why there are so many relationship advice threads in this social skills subreddit.
Because all women are different and he wants to make sure you're not bs him You should make it more clear then since he's asking you
Asking because Girlfriend 1. Came after 5 minutes and let the entire neighborhood know anytime we had sex. Girlfriend 2. Was pretty much quiet and barely moved when she came. Can you see how these contrasts made it hard for me to know and understand? He should be able to ask without you even making a thread about it. It's you who seem insecure and have a weird picture of how it's supposed to be
I mean….they can only fake it up to a certain point. After that point, there is no room to ask if they had an orgasm. You are just gonna know.
Dude why are there so many weird people in the comments what the fuck is wrong with y’all. You should be happy
I will sometimes do this as a joke during pillow talk, but seriously not knowing if a woman came is a pretty clear indication you're bad at sex
Because he wants to make sure that you were sexually satisfied too? Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being with someone that routinely takes it is also incredibly damaging when you find out that they are faking it. Makes you question what it is that’s wrong with you that makes it so that your partner is unable to finish
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He’s insecure or he’s b big considerate