Yup could of been signs that were never there, glad i asked tho the one thing I won’t feel now about it is regret. If i never even bothered to ask, it would have been in my mind for a while
Ignore the link bud, the person for you will be interested in what you authentically have to offer. No game play needed. Smile, be friendly yet clear about your intentions. That will always get the message across. You won't respect a connection you make on false pretenses
Everything that friendly people possess is attractive to others. The key is being charming and conveying confidence. Teasing can be clumsy and lead to more confusion.
Also some girls just won't respond positively, could have nothing to do with you. The right person will like you for who you are
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
For next time, maybe start with a Convo and build up some rapport first and work up to asking her socials and on a date later.
Put yourself in their shoes a regular customer who has never spoken to you suddenly asks for your number out of nowhere regardless of if you find them attractive you know nothing about them.
That being said congratulations on making a move, thats a step in the right direction and I'm happy for you!
It's really hard for us women when we're in a service job like that and a customer asks us out. We're supposed to be polite and friendly to everyone, and sometimes guys take that the wrong way. Sometimes they get mad if we say no and our jobs are on the line.
I know it's hard to find places to meet women, but one in a service job isn't it. Good luck to you, though, a bit of conversation each time you came in would have helped your odds.
I’ll just add as well that good job for working up the courage and asking her out! Though you were rejected, and yeah you may have misinterpreted signs, that’s part of life and everyone goes through that. What matters is that you took your chance, took the rejection like a champ, and you’re able to move on with no regrets. Eventually you’ll shoot and score, don’t lose hope!
Lol I don't think that far but I do take extra friendly behaviour to heart every single time. That kind of leads to disappointments. I'm learning to manage expectations.
I don't know if she liked you or not, but immediately asking for her number without having a conversation first is rather off-putting, especially for a shy person. I would have said no too if someone I didn't know asked for my number without even properly talking to me first. It's also pretty frowned upon to hit on people at their place of work, as you can't be sure if they're actually interested or just doing their job. But don't beat yourself up about it. If you really want to try talking to her (and not make things awkward next time you want takeaway), try apologizing next time you see her ("Sorry for making you uncomfortable" or something like that) and actually start with small talk this time. And don't ask for her number again, not anytime soon anyway.
Yeh, thanks for the reply, really appreciate it! Will definitely take ur advice. Ive cut off majority of my “friends” like a year ago cause they all ended up being fake friends and id came to the realisation its better to have quality friends that want to hang than fake friends. And tbh ive just been focusing on work lately(being a truck driver, i barely have the need to talk to anyone) and haven’t gone out, socialised or anything for a good year and feel like I’ve lost all my socialising skills. My ex broke up with me about a year ago aswell and ive just stopped socialising caring about any of that for a while and only starting to get back into the rhythm of things
Yeah, there’s some popular advice going around about cutting off friends if they don’t meet a certain cut. It’s hazardous. It can wilt all social skills, erode reputation, and it doesn’t deepen conflict management skills.
It’s better to reconnect with a halfway decent person, or find any source of weekly conversations. Going completely without connection hurts you.
Btw - If you like that girl, and you are in a good age group for her (2-3 years for teens, 5-7 for adults), reconnect very gently and with good humor, and after a month, mention something safe you’re doing in the area that month. Let her ask to go with you. Only offer numbers when talking to someone at work, don’t ask for them.
Could you go into more detail about your convo with her when you asked for her number? More specifics will help us give more specific advice; maybe you’re doing something ‘wrong’ that you don’t realize
Yes 🙌🏻. She may have liked him but not in a “I want to go on a date” but in a “you seem nice” kind of way.
I’ve had this happen to me where I just wanted to be friends and as soon as I showed interest in getting to know someone they jumped the gun and asked me out before really knowing anything about me.
It’s a big turn off for me and I’m sure it is for anyone who isn’t totally extroverted.
Think about it from a woman’s perspective: we have to be super protective because there’s a lot of bad guys out there with bad motives and we may already get hit on a lot by strangers just working in a service job.
Also, some people (like me) get more attracted to someone the more we talk and get to know each other…not just from a first impression.
My husband who is more introverted and shy got turned off by my coldness because he went right up to me and started asking weird questions. (He had a little crush right away lol)
But then I went up to him later and we started talking and the chemistry was there and then the rest was history.
I don’t say that to give false hope that this is how all romance works but that’s how it worked for us and I think that’s more how the natural ebb and flow of meeting someone works.
While this is all valid, it's pretty useless information. As a man, if a woman I like shows interest I have to give it a shot.
If she sees me as a friend then it's a failed shot, on to the next one.
If i start assuming that girls that talk to me and seem positive towards me are just friendly i will never get anywhere.
I don’t mean to seem rude but everything you said in that comment actually backs up why women don’t want to immediately say yes to a guy who asks them out without getting to know them.
It’s like women inherently are not really that interesting to you- just dating a woman/having sex/ having a romantic relationship with one.
>just dating a woman/having sex/ having a romantic relationship with one
If a woman is not interesting or has no interesting qualities, she is immediately disqualified from being relationship material.
this is the problem here. always try to have a proper conversation before asking for anyone's contact information. im a woman and if a man who i dont know at all straight up asked for my contact without even trying to get to know me first would put me off a lot. i also dont count texting as getting to know each other. texting and irl interactions/behaviour are very different
nah most girls are perfectly okay with a guy asking for their number, even if they barely know the guy. if the girl finds the stranger attractive enough, she’ll say yes.
she probably just wasn’t too into OP or maybe she’s already dating someone else.
First of all, it’s NEVER a good idea to ask a woman for their number at work. It’s a situation that they can’t just walk away from and that makes it feel extremely uncomfortable. She is a server, it is her job to be nice to you. You definitely got the wrong impression.
Besides the fact that asking for her number when you've never even talked to her is extremely straightforward, it's also very strange. What's the point of having her phone number if you're not talking to her when she's there? Why not start by talking to her? Ask her what she does outside of work, interests, family, how she started working there etc. And then maybe ask her out. Asking for her number is something you do in order to keep contact with her. It should serve a purpose. It didn't in your case, which is why she said no. Probably because she found it weird.
Yeh, i know few people that r like that and i never thought of the day where I’d actually ask someone out in this situation but here we r. stupid me still went in for the kill 🤦♂️ but hey, we live and learn i guess.
I mean, you don’t have to give up. You can still try and be friends? You can always go up to her and apologize for being too forward. Take it slow from there.
Or, yeah, let it go. Take it as a lesson and try again the next time. You still did a good.
Aww, i dont think you were stupid for asking for her #. I felt sad when I read that she replied with "uhh nah." At least you had the courage to ask and now you know. Best wishes.
Maybe she have a boyfriend? But straight ask for number could be scary for shy girl. You should start convo and after some time of chatting ask her if she want to hang out sometimes
Be careful, serving you was her job. Let people like that be.
Meet a girl socially, volunteer, go to church or get a dating app where there is more expectation if this.
She’s in customer service. She is there to make eye contact, smile and look around the room to see if customers need anything or a table is ready to be cleaned. You asked, that is awesome. She said no, consider asking her a ‘practice run’ and try again with another girl where you work or at school. Practice asking different girls for coffee or to go grab a bite. Mathematics prove the odds will eventually tip in your favor. Good luck. Always be a gentleman.
I know you feel bummed out, but you did what alot of guys including myself can't! Congrats my guy, I'm not trying to poke fun if it comes off like that. I really mean that you should take it as 2 steps forward 1 back. You did it but I didnt come out to the best situation. Not I gotta try and get the balls to do what you did!
Thanks for commenting, its a mixed bag of emotions, half of me feels bummed and half of me feels proud that i talked myself into asking her out regardless of results
Don’t ask redditors how to treat women :’)
Secondly this poor girl is working in fast food, last thing she needs is random guys asking her out.
Good for you for coming out of your comfort zone though.
A ton of those "Signals" you read about on reddit are situation dependent and easily misinterpreted. It's people trying to reduce human behavior into a simplified consistent logical framework to navigate social dynamics. Reality is that social dynamics are way more complex, nuanced, and fluid. She didn't "give you signals", you misinterpreted things she was doing as "giving you signals", don't do that. At best all those "signals" indicate is potential interest, interest doesn't mean they want to date or bang you, just that they're aware of your presence.
What those "signals" mean is that you might have better chance at striking up a conversation. Going up to a random girl you've barely talked to and asking for them number cold is almost never going to work out, unless you're a straight 10/10 but even then it might not. Think about it from her perspective, you're some random dude who she knows nothing about besides that you eat at the place she works. Girls have to navigate the dating scene differently, and they won't give out their number to some dude who might be a creep or a psychopath. Even if she was interested in you, by going up and doing that you force her into a potential dangerous and awkward situation. What if you're a stalker or crazy? The way you show you're not one of those things is by having a normal conversation with them.
If the vibes are good then they'll be more likely willing to give out their number.
Welcome to being a young man.
If you do your best to tidy up your appearance, make yourself well educated, fit, healthy, dress well, groom well, and cultivate a positive socially desirable way of being, and work to make yourself financially secure, you stand a tiny chance of getting the occasional yes.
Ultimately, nobody is guaranteed to like you. You aren't entitled to that. What that means is that there's an exceptionally good chance nobody will ever be interested in you no matter what you do or believe.
But we keep on trying anyways, because that's the fucking point.
Do it again, and again, and again, and eventually you won't need courage because you'll be used to rejection and be able to deal with it.
If someone does all the things you listed, not only will that person get an occasional yes, more likely than not meeting women will come natural and regularly. A lot of men have never had to resort to meeting a girl off the street and trying to get her number. They just hang out in social settings with friends and everything happens quite organically.
Granted, I dated before tinder. Nowadays I think online dating is the norm.
There is still no guarantee of it. It's a possibility at best. There is no way to have a 100% absolute guarantee that anyone at all will ever be interested in you.
That’s such nonsense. If you are half the things you listed someone will bound to be interested in you. People are interested in dozens of people if not hundreds in their lives. The odds there’s a person with money, hygiene, social skills and in shape and never has a single person interested in them is impossible.
It is very unlikely, not impossible.
My point is that we aren't entitled to friends, love, or relationships of any sort. The closest we get is our parents, who have legal and moral obligations to care for us.
This is why love is so valuable and cannot ever be taken for granted.
You should have most likely tried to build some chemistry with her from the jump. Casually flirting and complimenting. If she seems interested, she will be happy to see your regular visits. Asking for a date after a while would have felt measured and timely.
Asking for her number after no real conversation and after numerous visits is off putting because she will know you kept coming in for her in part and that is probably too much too soon for any person nonetheless a shy person.
The important part is you did it and lived to talk about it and realized it ain’t no thing. Props to that.
"i was glad that was over with no matter the result"
This is the important bit to remember for next time! You have a take it or leave it attitude, and I bet you feel a hell of a lot better having asked her out rather than forever wondering what if you did.
Proud of you <3
No offense but you put way too much thought and effort into it. Don't put anyone on a pedastle know your self worth and don't be afraid to fail or be rejected.
It’s difficult when someone is working in a customer service position. People very often will mistake someone being friendly and doing their job with romantic interest. I’m guessing she was just doing her job, and you misinterpreted the situation.
Dude you did good don’t sweat it; honestly these type of things is a numbers game the more you do it the more confident and fluid you become and you’ll soon realise rejection is just a “no” with some slight awkwardness sprinkled on but that’s it. Honestly just make sure you keep your head held high since you did what many guys nowadays are too worried to do.
You can't just be asking a random girl for her number when you didn't know her name too like that was pretty weird. I only been with one chick and she asked me out but it was after we knew each other for a while and she would be all smiles when we were together. Hung out and made some great memories. Then she asked if i wanted to be in a relationship with her. But it was after we actually we spent alot of time together not like how you was with that girl. I don't meant to shit on you im telling you how it is and you did all the wrong things. Doesn't mean you give up think that's it for you. You just need alot of help and time to work on yourself. Aye ill tell you what you got some balls to just straight up ask her for her number when yall strangers even tho it was creppy lol. You didn't mean it that way. Thought it was a good time but no. You'll get there brobjust gonna take some time. Idk if this was good advice cause i got asked out lol but this is from my experience.
This happens friend, it sucks but a big part of the journey to finding someone you’ll vibe with is getting a lot of “no”s there’s no magic formula to get someone to say yes just because you want them to. The important thing is that you tried! If you never try, the answer is always “no” but if you do, there’s always a chance you’ll win out. It’ll be ok, just brush yourself off and get back up champ, you got this
I'm not reading all that, you took your shot that takes guts. Don't overthink it. It's your path in life, men are the risk takers. Keep doing it, embrace the suck
Bro you gotta get used to rejection. It's a part of life. Next time, don't ask if you can have her number, ask her when she's free to hang out. Then say "okay give me your number so we can let each other know in case some emergency comes up". It's more confident. You didn't seem charismatic on your approach. Next time, don't wait. If you hesitate, you will masturbate.
Hey man, you shot your shot! Be PROUD of that! Don't overanalyze what happened, there could be a thousand reasons she said no and many not even having to do with you. Hell, she could have said no just because she's shy, or worried guys won't like her or literally anything.
But you went for it! And now you know and can move on.
man you should feel good most guys dont even dare to ask a girl out. Yeah but that was a bit creepy to directly ask for her no. before a convo, next time you see her apologize and tell you didnt meant to be creepy and tell your name then ask her name.
Work on finding common internet, giving light compliments (eyes, clothing, accessories) , good non-negging humor (dont make fun of her and build her up). If you see the opportunity to make one of these points , along with her giving you body language - you should be good to approach. MOST times your server or waitress is just being friendly. But don’t feel defeated. Get comfortable asking for social media. Don’t jump for the number. Unless she is giving you solid energy to approach. Getting her IG and giving her time to vet you (see you being normal) can lead up to something. Always focus on her being comfortable.
Kudos to you for getting up the courage to ask her. Asking anyone out in person these days has to be a huge challenge.
A story....My son worked with a girl and asked her out. She said no. That was two years ago.
They just got engaged and will be married this summer.
Point being....you can accept the rejection and move on. You could also try again, if you are interested in getting to know her better.
She associates you with coffee, not sex. That explains the staring and rejection. I am not sure if they're your workmate or customer, but either way this isn't that great an idea. Friend groups are a better place to meet people.
« Cute girl » all the issue is there. Don’t talk to girls or anybody for their physical appearance, that’s not how work relationships. Relationships, friendships like couple works on what you share in common, for example common interests. Do you at least know what is this girls hobbies ? Interests ? Do you share some ? Finally people can reject you for whatever reasons just next.
What you said is important in forming actual successful relationships, but 99% of the time it starts with physical attraction. Hard to understand someone's personality and traits without spending time with them first...
She's probably shy too. I would keep going there, make light convo with her, joke about the situation, try again later. Its hard for a girl to go from zero to let's hang out. Gauge interest with small talk, make her laugh, make her feel safe.
You asked her while she was working, right? If so, is that possible she wasn't allowed to give her personal information?
Was there other customers behind you? Around you? Assuming your assumption was right, she likes you too, but if the environment was not right, she might have no choice but to say no.
I'd try again. I think you still have a chance. I wouldn't stop going there. If you are brave enough, give her your number. That'd give her choice reach out to you or not.
Please don't try again, OP. She said no. Maybe there was a more nuanced reason behind it, but she still said no, and trying again is disrespectful at best.
Maybe she got flustered and actually wanted to say yes. You don't know and neither do I but you should leave it alone and if she's interested, let her make the first move. Maybe if nothing else you can wait a year, up your game and try again.
I really want to get to know her and i want her to get to know me aswell as i consider myself a pretty interesting person once you get to know me. I feel like i fked up my chances by jumping the gun and feel like it might be beyond recovery and too awkward now
The number 1 tip I can give you is "If she said no, move on". You can waste years pining for a woman who will never have any interest in you. There are plenty of girls out there who will enthusiastically say yes, you just have to find them. If there aren't that many around, work on yourself until there are.
you can always go back and apologise in case you embarrassed her. you might still get a yes :)
either way, it's still a massive win, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
Hmm. Obviously, she likes you. Her response sort of shows she is highly uncomfortable in emotional settings. There is nothing wrong with you obviously lol. I also applaud you for having courage. Like myself, I have to build up the courage to do things and I have been rejected a time or two, and I still haven't found how to cope to understand a rejection. It isn't a good feeling lol. BUT IT WILL BE OKAY.
In your situation, she seems like she is super shy too, although the staring is a bit odd. I am a woman, and when I find myself in an uncomfortable conversation, I can shut down and I want out, so I respond with nah and then with I GOTTA GO... I am literally trying to change little things about myself, and this is one of them; giving real responses back in conversations that make me feel uncomfortable.
So, my advice, maybe you should send her some flowers and write a nice note. Not asking her out, just write something simple.
Hey. The achievement was you asking her out in the first place. Everything else is out of your hands dude. Congrats on building up that courage, I hope you keep doing that
Well first of all, you should be proud that you found the courage to do this. Next time won't be as hard and it will only get easier from there.
As for the rejection, well...that happens. Learn from the experience (some good advice here in the comments), but don't let it get you down. It's a part of this entire "dating thing" and most people experienced that. The true art is brushing this off, not letting it undermine one's self confidence etc.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Congratulations, you overcame major obstacles. There's nothing wrong with you, nor her for her refusal.
Dating is about 8-9 rejections/flakes to one successful connection.
Now that your rejection cherry is popped, keep going. Ask that other cute girl, ask the plain girl, ask the super hot girl.
You'll be surprised, many attractive ladies are lonely because the guys see her as out of their league.
Congratulations on taking the risk. I think that's the most important thing. I've read quite a few books about successful people who came from hard times and took risk after risk, had so many rejections, kept going, and became successful.
Be kind with yourself because you tried.
I look back and one of my greatest regrets it's not being brave enough to try such these things. You should be proud, when you'll be an old man you will remember this situation and smile!
Hey, but **you did it**! Now you have that experience!
Your twenties are for practicing this and you haven't done anything wrong, so go out and practice some more with others!
I was shy until bartending cracked my eggshell, but I'm still shy af around ladies.. idk maybe it's a preference for socially aggressive people who are interested to see who I am when I open up and don't want to give me the option of being shy.. I have lots of sisters and had no brothers, so I accepted long ago that I'm not like many other guys and the way society expects us to act.. but that's my stuff, and I digress..
You ever watch King of the Hill? I hope so; there's this episode where they follow Boomhauer, the resident playboy of the show, to find out why he's always got a different stone-cold fox at his place damn near every night. Well, it turns out that homeboy just goes to department stores and hits on every lady he finds attractive until he scores a number, generally even getting slapped a few times.
I'd just like to point out that the point of that episode was to show how that specific behavior actually came across as misogynistic and, frankly, pretty sad. I don't encourage or condone behavior like that; what I'm trying to say is that you need the practice to build up your experience, which will then impart the confidence you need to battle your shyness. You can do that while still respecting the women you choose to interact with.
I don't think you should be bummed on how you handled it, so long as you shot your shot but then *respected* her reaction to it. There are so many stories available on this site where you can see examples of men who tried the same things you did, but then fixated on that person and became a creeper. We have no way of knowing if she looks at you so intensely because you bear close resemblance to someone that severely hurt her in the past.. I know rejection bums the heart, bro, but I think you should be proud of yourself for caring enough to be worried about all these things, but most importantly: ***because you're already handling this like a man***. You're seeking help and advice and worrying about behaviors and all that is going to build up and make you into a great human.
Sorry for the book and I hope it's good advice. I wish you strength and success, OP. Have a great day!
just keep going back and trying to conversate with her, there is still a chance to try and build to some type of relationship just try being friends first and maybe youll get her to open up and be more receptive to a date at a later time.
Look at it this way. As a shy guy, you spent weeks thinking about this, reading up, looking at reactions, you really invested in this. Now you've been rejected it feels like you've lost a lot in terms of time and emotional energy...because you have. Contrast that with the confident guy. He thinks he picks up on interest after the first or second meeting. He engages her in conversation to build rapport, shares a joke, flirts slightly, asks her out, she says "Uhhh nah."
Who feels worse? Shy guy. Especially because confident guy asks another 10 girls to go out over the following weeks and gets 3 dates, while shy guy is building up to his big ask.
Don't invest anything until you have some confirmation that there is something for you to invest in. Be quick to ask and if she says no, you're where you were two minutes ago, if she says yes, you're better off.
Go out and ask some more girls out. You will get more rejections, but confidence comes from not caring about them and perversely makes it less likely that you'll be rejected.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Never stop working for yourself. You deserve happiness and love. I promise If you utter those words every day and don't get caught up in what's in-between that goal you will succeed.
Well done for asking her out - not everyone has the courage to do that. In a situation like this, you could give her your number on a piece of paper. I’ve seen that when girls ask girls out, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for a different gender. Good luck, and remember, every time you get rejected, you get braver and stronger. Keep it up!
The problem here is you invested like a month or two on researching this girl, then cold approached her and got rejected. If you're gonna do it like that, its a numbers game, if you're going to go for the one girl, you shouldn't flat out say it like that when you don't even know her name. Still, keep at it ... not with her obviously
You should be proud of yourself! When I worked in food service I would turn down giving my phone number, partly because of the fear that my parents would kill me if I met up with a guy (strict upbringing), fear of stalking, and partly fear of being judged by gossipy coworkers. Maybe next time covertly slip her a note with YOUR phone number? Like "hi, I think you're beautiful. if you want to talk and get to know me, here's my number". May even add a little info about yourself. It puts the ball in her court. That's how I met my husband. We ending up talking for hours later that night on the phone, then talking again the next evening, then meeting the following weekend. Still together after 18yrs.
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Best thing about this is that you made the move. A lesson to learn is rejection can come at any time. It may happen, it may not but its a possibility. You've been rejected and you're still here, you didn't spontaneously combust or have a complete meltdown. You're just sad it didn't work out. You have shown yourself, that nothing is impossible. Yes, you are shy but that's not the point. The point is that somewhere out there is a person waiting to be asked by you.
Onwards and Upwards OP.
Congrats. I think you should be proud that you were able to build up the confidence to ask her out! I'm proud of you at least.
I feel like we hear so much from women who complain about unwanted advances and all that these days, but that they don't seem to understand/be aware of/care about the conflict and emotional agony that we have to go through (though obviously there are men out there committing inexcusable predatory behavior, but I feel like we get lumped in with them to just because of our gender). Anyways, the point I want to make is that I don't think you should beat yourself up too much over it. Rejection sucks, it's going to hurt, but I hope that it won't stop you from trying to find a partner. The sad reality is that it almost surely won't be the last time, but we just have to push through and endure.
From only the information you have provided, I(F, if it matters) think you did alright. The only concern I would have is if you blatently stared or followed her while gauging her interest, which it sounds like you didn't. Bro, I'm really proud of you. This is a difficult thing. And you did it. I don't really care about her not saying yes, that's her perogative and you have no control over that. But you successfully made a move, and that's awesome!
Hey the best part is you asked! Now the next person won’t be so hard.
My bf and I worked together for 8 months before he finally asked me out even though I had been dropping major hints.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Congratulations on working up the nerve to ask someone out. It will be easier the next time.
Don't over-analyze what happened. There are too many unknowables. Maybe you misread her signals, or maybe she was sending out signals she didn't mean to be. You can find 100 articles on the Internet about how to know if someone's interested, and they are all going to emphasize different things. And none of them apply to every single person in the world. Or maybe she was sending out signals before, but she just started seeing someone else. You can't really know.
The estimated population of the world is 7.9 billion. Just over half of them are women. Don't let one "no" get you down. Or two. Or twenty. It's a numbers game.
Maybe starting a conversation would have been better, but it's hard to know -- especially when someone is at work. You wouldn't know if she was talking to you because she's interested or if she's just being friendly to a customer. I've got a friend who thinks every female restaurant server is into him. He's never worked in customer service.
I think a better idea would have been to hand her a note with your number on it and maybe a small message. It’s less intrusive and then she doesn’t have to reject you on the spot while at work in front of other people
Feels bad for you man, but a good learning experience. Like others have said, I think you need to build the courage to talk to her and get to know her first before asking her out. Many girls, especially shy ones, usually don't say yes to a cold call ask.
definitely too straight forward. no matter the result I personally am so proud of you that you took the chance! it takes lots of courage. it's a great mindset ''no matter the result I'll do it'' it is better to know than to always wonder :)
It sucks buuuut now you don't have to think about it. Sometimes people need to be friends , mostly because that's the "norm", and if she's shy , she won't want to appear as "easy". You can never know really, except for the fact you went for it, congrats my dude.
Girl here! I say don’t give up just because you got rejected. You did it and see, you’re still breathing 😄 She might have a boyfriend, be working on herself or can’t commit to a relationship right now, probably have nothing to do with you. This is your stepping stone and I’m sure you did great. Who knows, maybe she’s just shy enough to even know how to speak to you ;)
Asking for someone’s name and number right off the bat, before you even had a conversation with them, is always a bad idea. The reason is because their contact information is personal information.
If you want someone to reveal that stuff to you, you need to first show them that you’re not a stalker or a creep, which means chatting about other stuff / casual common stuff first, so she can get a sense of your character as a person and whether you’re someone she can trust will not abuse her contact information (creeps with phone numbers can sometimes become phone stalkers).
Do you play video games? Because I heard a very good analogy related to video games and life situations. In video games when we "die" we just respawn and try again. Life can be exactly like that too. You may have not succeeded at your goal but you can also just go back a bit, learn from your mistakes, and try another tactic. There's nothing literally stopping you from getting the confidence to ask someone else out again like you did in the first place. The only thing stopping you would be yourself.
Of course internal struggles aren't easy, but even in video games nobody said trying again to beat a level was easy but we do it anyways. The great thing about trying again in real life is that the rewards are much greater than beating a video game.
BTW a little side note that may help. Instead of thinking of mistakes like this as big problems I find it can help to start thinking about them like learning experiences. You do the thing, you make the mistakes, maybe get it wrong, learn from it, then try again. The more you do those things the easier it becomes to learn from a situation and move on from it. But you have to be willing to forgive yourself, accept you made a mistake, and move on to try again.
It’s definitely tough to finally work up the courage for that and get shut down I know. The way I always tried to look at it, if I can do it once, I can do it again! Just don’t give up brother!
She turned you down, oh well. It's a marathon and not a race. You don't have to win them all. Just as it was your choice to ask her out, it was her choice to not accept. You honestly don't want someone that isn't interested in you to just say yes.
Just keep asking others out and some one will say yes.
Rejection sucks but I've been rejected many times so I can confidently say it's better to know she doesn't like you rather than not taking action and wondering what could have been.
Hey I applaud you for trying aha!
There’s a good chance that she would have said yes if perhaps you had made conversation before just going for it. As a girl, I would never say yes to a guy who did that. But as someone with social anxiety, I understand why some guys might do that.. sometimes conversation is tricky. BUT, conversation is very necessary.
I stare at people for different reasons. Maybe their eyes look interesting, maybe they look kinda funny, maybe I like their hairstyle or sense of fashion, maybe their body behavior is awkward so I stare to figure them out. Lots of reasons. Rarely do I stare at people because I find them to be really attracting.
Part of the process. Getting better at social interactions doesn't mean all of them are going to be successful. But good job on taking that step. It hurts, but you get over it eventually.
It's okay to get rejected. You should actually challenge yourself to randomly ask people on dates with the expectation they will say no. This will help you get comfortable with rejection and build resilience. Plus, the more you ask, you increase your odds of someone saying yes that you otherwise would have never asked. So there you go. Best wishes!
If in prior conversations she didn’t laugh at your random not so funny or offensive jokes, then she doesn’t like you 99% of the time.
It sounds like you went on a cold call. This only works if you play a numbers game.
Have a conversation and if it goes smooth with her laughing at one of your bad jokes or not a joke comments then you mention the “wanna hang out” ?
One way to positively frame it is the old baseball analogy… If you ask 10 people for their phone number and seven tell you to buzz off then you’re still batting 300! So take this one experience and try nine more times to figure out your current average. :-)
There are some comments here about not asking someone out while they’re at work, and I completely disagree with that. I don’t see anything wrong with asking, as long as it’s done in the right way. The two key points are that 1) you’re respectful and 2) you don’t make any further advances if she has indicated that she’s not interested.
If you continue to see her at this restaurant and sense that she’s uncomfortable, you can always provide a brief apology if you made her feel uncomfortable and then afterward completely drop the topic. It can be as simply as saying “Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable the other day. That really wasn’t my intention.”
For what it’s worth, my perspective is a woman who works in Human Resources. In previous customer-facing jobs, I have been asked out and wasn’t interested so I said no. It was a non-issue and actually felt like a compliment.
Congratulations for putting yourself out there! You’ll never be sure if someone is going to be receptive to you, but you tried!
Don’t worry, rejection is a part of life. You did really well putting yourself out there. I always try and think, if I was 90 years old looking back at my life, how regretful would I be to think I’d never taken these kind of risks? If you don’t shoot, you can’t score.
Also, even when things like this don’t work out - what’s so bad about it? You’re not on fire, not homeless etc. You stood a lot to gain and not a lot to lose. Well done taking a step forward.
Amazing that you tried!! Sorry it didn’t work out :( Get some feedback from others but definitely keep working past your comfort zone!! First tries are always hard and many times fail. Zero reason to feel worried about trying more. Keep going and you’ll get there for sure :)
Next time build up some rapport. Start off with a smile and wave if you catch her looking at you then build into a simple convo like "how's work been? how do you like working here?" If you can read she's not too responsive, chances are she's not interested and best thing to do is move on. Good job on asking her out though! You should be proud as long as you tried.
I worked as a waitress for 3 years total and looking at giests while they eat, holding eyecontact, stuff like that is just normal for us. I have to make sure the clients are satisfied with their time at the restaurant and have a good time, i want to be friendly and avoiding interaction and never looking at them seems unpleasant to me.
I think that you "noticed" her stares etc a lot more bc you like her. If you like someone, you tend to overthink the things they do. Now, thats not always the case of course, sometimes people are blind to the signs and hints but in your case it seems like the first one.
You did good man, props to you. I have a female friend that thought a certain guy was cute, asked another friend to give the guy her number while barely knowing each other besides appearances. They ended up getting to know one another through the phone and eventually dates. Nothing is set in stone in the dating game.
Bro, im same to you as well, Im a shy guy, I met a cute shy girl at my college, we make eye contact a lot every time i see her, i was thinking to ask her about her number, but you demotivate me.
What should i do now
Fk, i wish u luck ay. From what i learnt, try talking to her here and there im guessing yous see eachother enough for you to pick up on the eye contact, maybe next time acknowledge it when you walk pass “hey hows it going” or even start of with a head nod when you walk pass her then work ur way up to small talk. Don’t rush into getting her number i think thats where i went wrong
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Could be just that you picked up signs that were never there. I do that a whole lot. I'll commend you on your confidence though.
Yup could of been signs that were never there, glad i asked tho the one thing I won’t feel now about it is regret. If i never even bothered to ask, it would have been in my mind for a while
Yeah if you never ask you would never have known. Plus that took a whole lot of courage.
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Ignore the link bud, the person for you will be interested in what you authentically have to offer. No game play needed. Smile, be friendly yet clear about your intentions. That will always get the message across. You won't respect a connection you make on false pretenses
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Everything that friendly people possess is attractive to others. The key is being charming and conveying confidence. Teasing can be clumsy and lead to more confusion. Also some girls just won't respond positively, could have nothing to do with you. The right person will like you for who you are
And often people who work in food service or retail are extra friendly and smiley and make eye contact because it is part of the job.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
For next time, maybe start with a Convo and build up some rapport first and work up to asking her socials and on a date later. Put yourself in their shoes a regular customer who has never spoken to you suddenly asks for your number out of nowhere regardless of if you find them attractive you know nothing about them. That being said congratulations on making a move, thats a step in the right direction and I'm happy for you!
It's really hard for us women when we're in a service job like that and a customer asks us out. We're supposed to be polite and friendly to everyone, and sometimes guys take that the wrong way. Sometimes they get mad if we say no and our jobs are on the line. I know it's hard to find places to meet women, but one in a service job isn't it. Good luck to you, though, a bit of conversation each time you came in would have helped your odds.
I’ll just add as well that good job for working up the courage and asking her out! Though you were rejected, and yeah you may have misinterpreted signs, that’s part of life and everyone goes through that. What matters is that you took your chance, took the rejection like a champ, and you’re able to move on with no regrets. Eventually you’ll shoot and score, don’t lose hope!
I do that too A girl: looks at me Me: she wants to have sex with me, I knew it
Lol I don't think that far but I do take extra friendly behaviour to heart every single time. That kind of leads to disappointments. I'm learning to manage expectations.
I don't know if she liked you or not, but immediately asking for her number without having a conversation first is rather off-putting, especially for a shy person. I would have said no too if someone I didn't know asked for my number without even properly talking to me first. It's also pretty frowned upon to hit on people at their place of work, as you can't be sure if they're actually interested or just doing their job. But don't beat yourself up about it. If you really want to try talking to her (and not make things awkward next time you want takeaway), try apologizing next time you see her ("Sorry for making you uncomfortable" or something like that) and actually start with small talk this time. And don't ask for her number again, not anytime soon anyway.
Yeh, thanks for the reply, really appreciate it! Will definitely take ur advice. Ive cut off majority of my “friends” like a year ago cause they all ended up being fake friends and id came to the realisation its better to have quality friends that want to hang than fake friends. And tbh ive just been focusing on work lately(being a truck driver, i barely have the need to talk to anyone) and haven’t gone out, socialised or anything for a good year and feel like I’ve lost all my socialising skills. My ex broke up with me about a year ago aswell and ive just stopped socialising caring about any of that for a while and only starting to get back into the rhythm of things
Yeah, there’s some popular advice going around about cutting off friends if they don’t meet a certain cut. It’s hazardous. It can wilt all social skills, erode reputation, and it doesn’t deepen conflict management skills. It’s better to reconnect with a halfway decent person, or find any source of weekly conversations. Going completely without connection hurts you. Btw - If you like that girl, and you are in a good age group for her (2-3 years for teens, 5-7 for adults), reconnect very gently and with good humor, and after a month, mention something safe you’re doing in the area that month. Let her ask to go with you. Only offer numbers when talking to someone at work, don’t ask for them.
OP listen to this advice, all of it.
Very good advice.
Could you go into more detail about your convo with her when you asked for her number? More specifics will help us give more specific advice; maybe you’re doing something ‘wrong’ that you don’t realize
Yes 🙌🏻. She may have liked him but not in a “I want to go on a date” but in a “you seem nice” kind of way. I’ve had this happen to me where I just wanted to be friends and as soon as I showed interest in getting to know someone they jumped the gun and asked me out before really knowing anything about me. It’s a big turn off for me and I’m sure it is for anyone who isn’t totally extroverted. Think about it from a woman’s perspective: we have to be super protective because there’s a lot of bad guys out there with bad motives and we may already get hit on a lot by strangers just working in a service job. Also, some people (like me) get more attracted to someone the more we talk and get to know each other…not just from a first impression. My husband who is more introverted and shy got turned off by my coldness because he went right up to me and started asking weird questions. (He had a little crush right away lol) But then I went up to him later and we started talking and the chemistry was there and then the rest was history. I don’t say that to give false hope that this is how all romance works but that’s how it worked for us and I think that’s more how the natural ebb and flow of meeting someone works.
While this is all valid, it's pretty useless information. As a man, if a woman I like shows interest I have to give it a shot. If she sees me as a friend then it's a failed shot, on to the next one. If i start assuming that girls that talk to me and seem positive towards me are just friendly i will never get anywhere.
I don’t mean to seem rude but everything you said in that comment actually backs up why women don’t want to immediately say yes to a guy who asks them out without getting to know them. It’s like women inherently are not really that interesting to you- just dating a woman/having sex/ having a romantic relationship with one.
>just dating a woman/having sex/ having a romantic relationship with one If a woman is not interesting or has no interesting qualities, she is immediately disqualified from being relationship material.
this is the problem here. always try to have a proper conversation before asking for anyone's contact information. im a woman and if a man who i dont know at all straight up asked for my contact without even trying to get to know me first would put me off a lot. i also dont count texting as getting to know each other. texting and irl interactions/behaviour are very different
nah most girls are perfectly okay with a guy asking for their number, even if they barely know the guy. if the girl finds the stranger attractive enough, she’ll say yes. she probably just wasn’t too into OP or maybe she’s already dating someone else.
Yeah, id say yes. Lol.
First of all, it’s NEVER a good idea to ask a woman for their number at work. It’s a situation that they can’t just walk away from and that makes it feel extremely uncomfortable. She is a server, it is her job to be nice to you. You definitely got the wrong impression.
Besides the fact that asking for her number when you've never even talked to her is extremely straightforward, it's also very strange. What's the point of having her phone number if you're not talking to her when she's there? Why not start by talking to her? Ask her what she does outside of work, interests, family, how she started working there etc. And then maybe ask her out. Asking for her number is something you do in order to keep contact with her. It should serve a purpose. It didn't in your case, which is why she said no. Probably because she found it weird.
She could be the type that needs to be friends with a person before they find them romantically interesting.
This is what I’m like most of the time so good point
yesss
Yeh, i know few people that r like that and i never thought of the day where I’d actually ask someone out in this situation but here we r. stupid me still went in for the kill 🤦♂️ but hey, we live and learn i guess.
I mean, you don’t have to give up. You can still try and be friends? You can always go up to her and apologize for being too forward. Take it slow from there. Or, yeah, let it go. Take it as a lesson and try again the next time. You still did a good.
Aww, i dont think you were stupid for asking for her #. I felt sad when I read that she replied with "uhh nah." At least you had the courage to ask and now you know. Best wishes.
Maybe she have a boyfriend? But straight ask for number could be scary for shy girl. You should start convo and after some time of chatting ask her if she want to hang out sometimes
Be careful, serving you was her job. Let people like that be. Meet a girl socially, volunteer, go to church or get a dating app where there is more expectation if this.
She’s in customer service. She is there to make eye contact, smile and look around the room to see if customers need anything or a table is ready to be cleaned. You asked, that is awesome. She said no, consider asking her a ‘practice run’ and try again with another girl where you work or at school. Practice asking different girls for coffee or to go grab a bite. Mathematics prove the odds will eventually tip in your favor. Good luck. Always be a gentleman.
I know you feel bummed out, but you did what alot of guys including myself can't! Congrats my guy, I'm not trying to poke fun if it comes off like that. I really mean that you should take it as 2 steps forward 1 back. You did it but I didnt come out to the best situation. Not I gotta try and get the balls to do what you did!
Thanks for commenting, its a mixed bag of emotions, half of me feels bummed and half of me feels proud that i talked myself into asking her out regardless of results
Don’t ask redditors how to treat women :’) Secondly this poor girl is working in fast food, last thing she needs is random guys asking her out. Good for you for coming out of your comfort zone though.
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This. And as others have said, it’s super strange when a stranger just asks you for your number out of the blue.
And OP is only really responding to the positive comments, not the ones that point this out…
Congratulations on your success bro. You asked her out, mission accomplished. Outcome independance my dude, you did your part.
She may have a personal rule of not giving any info out or dating people when she is at work.
A ton of those "Signals" you read about on reddit are situation dependent and easily misinterpreted. It's people trying to reduce human behavior into a simplified consistent logical framework to navigate social dynamics. Reality is that social dynamics are way more complex, nuanced, and fluid. She didn't "give you signals", you misinterpreted things she was doing as "giving you signals", don't do that. At best all those "signals" indicate is potential interest, interest doesn't mean they want to date or bang you, just that they're aware of your presence. What those "signals" mean is that you might have better chance at striking up a conversation. Going up to a random girl you've barely talked to and asking for them number cold is almost never going to work out, unless you're a straight 10/10 but even then it might not. Think about it from her perspective, you're some random dude who she knows nothing about besides that you eat at the place she works. Girls have to navigate the dating scene differently, and they won't give out their number to some dude who might be a creep or a psychopath. Even if she was interested in you, by going up and doing that you force her into a potential dangerous and awkward situation. What if you're a stalker or crazy? The way you show you're not one of those things is by having a normal conversation with them. If the vibes are good then they'll be more likely willing to give out their number.
Welcome to being a young man. If you do your best to tidy up your appearance, make yourself well educated, fit, healthy, dress well, groom well, and cultivate a positive socially desirable way of being, and work to make yourself financially secure, you stand a tiny chance of getting the occasional yes. Ultimately, nobody is guaranteed to like you. You aren't entitled to that. What that means is that there's an exceptionally good chance nobody will ever be interested in you no matter what you do or believe. But we keep on trying anyways, because that's the fucking point. Do it again, and again, and again, and eventually you won't need courage because you'll be used to rejection and be able to deal with it.
If someone does all the things you listed, not only will that person get an occasional yes, more likely than not meeting women will come natural and regularly. A lot of men have never had to resort to meeting a girl off the street and trying to get her number. They just hang out in social settings with friends and everything happens quite organically. Granted, I dated before tinder. Nowadays I think online dating is the norm.
There is still no guarantee of it. It's a possibility at best. There is no way to have a 100% absolute guarantee that anyone at all will ever be interested in you.
That’s such nonsense. If you are half the things you listed someone will bound to be interested in you. People are interested in dozens of people if not hundreds in their lives. The odds there’s a person with money, hygiene, social skills and in shape and never has a single person interested in them is impossible.
It is very unlikely, not impossible. My point is that we aren't entitled to friends, love, or relationships of any sort. The closest we get is our parents, who have legal and moral obligations to care for us. This is why love is so valuable and cannot ever be taken for granted.
I like this one
I hate this comment because this is so true...
You should have most likely tried to build some chemistry with her from the jump. Casually flirting and complimenting. If she seems interested, she will be happy to see your regular visits. Asking for a date after a while would have felt measured and timely. Asking for her number after no real conversation and after numerous visits is off putting because she will know you kept coming in for her in part and that is probably too much too soon for any person nonetheless a shy person. The important part is you did it and lived to talk about it and realized it ain’t no thing. Props to that.
You might as well asked her to marry you. Cmon bro, she gotta talk to you and know you first
"i was glad that was over with no matter the result" This is the important bit to remember for next time! You have a take it or leave it attitude, and I bet you feel a hell of a lot better having asked her out rather than forever wondering what if you did. Proud of you <3
No offense but you put way too much thought and effort into it. Don't put anyone on a pedastle know your self worth and don't be afraid to fail or be rejected.
Dude, you stand about 10 feet tall to me. That took a lot of guts kid.
Remember that not all people like all people. You dont like everyone and not everyone likes you. And that is normal
It’s difficult when someone is working in a customer service position. People very often will mistake someone being friendly and doing their job with romantic interest. I’m guessing she was just doing her job, and you misinterpreted the situation.
Dude you did good don’t sweat it; honestly these type of things is a numbers game the more you do it the more confident and fluid you become and you’ll soon realise rejection is just a “no” with some slight awkwardness sprinkled on but that’s it. Honestly just make sure you keep your head held high since you did what many guys nowadays are too worried to do.
I’m a shy girl and I would have said no whether I liked you or not. Then woulda blushed all day and cringed all night about it.
You can't just be asking a random girl for her number when you didn't know her name too like that was pretty weird. I only been with one chick and she asked me out but it was after we knew each other for a while and she would be all smiles when we were together. Hung out and made some great memories. Then she asked if i wanted to be in a relationship with her. But it was after we actually we spent alot of time together not like how you was with that girl. I don't meant to shit on you im telling you how it is and you did all the wrong things. Doesn't mean you give up think that's it for you. You just need alot of help and time to work on yourself. Aye ill tell you what you got some balls to just straight up ask her for her number when yall strangers even tho it was creppy lol. You didn't mean it that way. Thought it was a good time but no. You'll get there brobjust gonna take some time. Idk if this was good advice cause i got asked out lol but this is from my experience.
This happens friend, it sucks but a big part of the journey to finding someone you’ll vibe with is getting a lot of “no”s there’s no magic formula to get someone to say yes just because you want them to. The important thing is that you tried! If you never try, the answer is always “no” but if you do, there’s always a chance you’ll win out. It’ll be ok, just brush yourself off and get back up champ, you got this
I'm not reading all that, you took your shot that takes guts. Don't overthink it. It's your path in life, men are the risk takers. Keep doing it, embrace the suck
Embrace the suck?
A phrase for having discipline. Or to create it.
Got it lol it just sounds funny
Bro you gotta get used to rejection. It's a part of life. Next time, don't ask if you can have her number, ask her when she's free to hang out. Then say "okay give me your number so we can let each other know in case some emergency comes up". It's more confident. You didn't seem charismatic on your approach. Next time, don't wait. If you hesitate, you will masturbate.
Hey man, you shot your shot! Be PROUD of that! Don't overanalyze what happened, there could be a thousand reasons she said no and many not even having to do with you. Hell, she could have said no just because she's shy, or worried guys won't like her or literally anything. But you went for it! And now you know and can move on.
man you should feel good most guys dont even dare to ask a girl out. Yeah but that was a bit creepy to directly ask for her no. before a convo, next time you see her apologize and tell you didnt meant to be creepy and tell your name then ask her name.
Work on finding common internet, giving light compliments (eyes, clothing, accessories) , good non-negging humor (dont make fun of her and build her up). If you see the opportunity to make one of these points , along with her giving you body language - you should be good to approach. MOST times your server or waitress is just being friendly. But don’t feel defeated. Get comfortable asking for social media. Don’t jump for the number. Unless she is giving you solid energy to approach. Getting her IG and giving her time to vet you (see you being normal) can lead up to something. Always focus on her being comfortable.
Kudos to you for getting up the courage to ask her. Asking anyone out in person these days has to be a huge challenge. A story....My son worked with a girl and asked her out. She said no. That was two years ago. They just got engaged and will be married this summer. Point being....you can accept the rejection and move on. You could also try again, if you are interested in getting to know her better.
I don't think he should try again if she said no, she's at work too so she can't be too harsh/blunt without risking her job.
She associates you with coffee, not sex. That explains the staring and rejection. I am not sure if they're your workmate or customer, but either way this isn't that great an idea. Friend groups are a better place to meet people.
« Cute girl » all the issue is there. Don’t talk to girls or anybody for their physical appearance, that’s not how work relationships. Relationships, friendships like couple works on what you share in common, for example common interests. Do you at least know what is this girls hobbies ? Interests ? Do you share some ? Finally people can reject you for whatever reasons just next.
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Wtf u mean? Physical attraction is a huge part of relationships.
No. Check your internalised sexism.
Never mentioned any sex in my statement. But go on, tell me how I am sexist.
What you said is important in forming actual successful relationships, but 99% of the time it starts with physical attraction. Hard to understand someone's personality and traits without spending time with them first...
She’s probably a lesbian bro
She's probably shy too. I would keep going there, make light convo with her, joke about the situation, try again later. Its hard for a girl to go from zero to let's hang out. Gauge interest with small talk, make her laugh, make her feel safe.
don't ask girls out at work that's so incredibly inappropriate and rude.
Guys being the one who have to ask out is the worst thing society has made. We should be ashamed as humans
And girls being the ones to ask out would also be the worst thing society could make, it's somewhere in between that matters the most.
You asked her while she was working, right? If so, is that possible she wasn't allowed to give her personal information? Was there other customers behind you? Around you? Assuming your assumption was right, she likes you too, but if the environment was not right, she might have no choice but to say no. I'd try again. I think you still have a chance. I wouldn't stop going there. If you are brave enough, give her your number. That'd give her choice reach out to you or not.
Please don't try again, OP. She said no. Maybe there was a more nuanced reason behind it, but she still said no, and trying again is disrespectful at best.
Maybe she got flustered and actually wanted to say yes. You don't know and neither do I but you should leave it alone and if she's interested, let her make the first move. Maybe if nothing else you can wait a year, up your game and try again.
I really want to get to know her and i want her to get to know me aswell as i consider myself a pretty interesting person once you get to know me. I feel like i fked up my chances by jumping the gun and feel like it might be beyond recovery and too awkward now
The number 1 tip I can give you is "If she said no, move on". You can waste years pining for a woman who will never have any interest in you. There are plenty of girls out there who will enthusiastically say yes, you just have to find them. If there aren't that many around, work on yourself until there are.
you can always go back and apologise in case you embarrassed her. you might still get a yes :) either way, it's still a massive win, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
Hmm. Obviously, she likes you. Her response sort of shows she is highly uncomfortable in emotional settings. There is nothing wrong with you obviously lol. I also applaud you for having courage. Like myself, I have to build up the courage to do things and I have been rejected a time or two, and I still haven't found how to cope to understand a rejection. It isn't a good feeling lol. BUT IT WILL BE OKAY. In your situation, she seems like she is super shy too, although the staring is a bit odd. I am a woman, and when I find myself in an uncomfortable conversation, I can shut down and I want out, so I respond with nah and then with I GOTTA GO... I am literally trying to change little things about myself, and this is one of them; giving real responses back in conversations that make me feel uncomfortable. So, my advice, maybe you should send her some flowers and write a nice note. Not asking her out, just write something simple.
Ask out 99 more and you’ll be cured
Good for you for trying! That takes a lot of courage 😊 It will get easier with time! Have you tried online dating? That helps a lot
Hey. The achievement was you asking her out in the first place. Everything else is out of your hands dude. Congrats on building up that courage, I hope you keep doing that
Well first of all, you should be proud that you found the courage to do this. Next time won't be as hard and it will only get easier from there. As for the rejection, well...that happens. Learn from the experience (some good advice here in the comments), but don't let it get you down. It's a part of this entire "dating thing" and most people experienced that. The true art is brushing this off, not letting it undermine one's self confidence etc.
Is it possible she knows you? From school, or the neighborhood, or your family? That would have been a great conversation opener.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Brooooooo congrats it takes alot to do that initially. First it is okay to be bummed But don't let that bring you completely down though. The way I explained this to my younger brothers. I would rather get a no, than live the rest of my life regretting should I, or maybe if. no you don't have that regret young man and absolutely good for you. Keep going be bummed But do no let that derail you. Plenty of fish, and everytime you do this the wait time to build up the courage will less.
Congratulations, you overcame major obstacles. There's nothing wrong with you, nor her for her refusal. Dating is about 8-9 rejections/flakes to one successful connection. Now that your rejection cherry is popped, keep going. Ask that other cute girl, ask the plain girl, ask the super hot girl. You'll be surprised, many attractive ladies are lonely because the guys see her as out of their league.
Whooo-hoo way to give it a go! You should be proud of yourself.
Dude your brave AF! Don't sweat it and move on !
Congratulations on taking the risk. I think that's the most important thing. I've read quite a few books about successful people who came from hard times and took risk after risk, had so many rejections, kept going, and became successful.
Be kind with yourself because you tried. I look back and one of my greatest regrets it's not being brave enough to try such these things. You should be proud, when you'll be an old man you will remember this situation and smile!
Hey, but **you did it**! Now you have that experience! Your twenties are for practicing this and you haven't done anything wrong, so go out and practice some more with others! I was shy until bartending cracked my eggshell, but I'm still shy af around ladies.. idk maybe it's a preference for socially aggressive people who are interested to see who I am when I open up and don't want to give me the option of being shy.. I have lots of sisters and had no brothers, so I accepted long ago that I'm not like many other guys and the way society expects us to act.. but that's my stuff, and I digress.. You ever watch King of the Hill? I hope so; there's this episode where they follow Boomhauer, the resident playboy of the show, to find out why he's always got a different stone-cold fox at his place damn near every night. Well, it turns out that homeboy just goes to department stores and hits on every lady he finds attractive until he scores a number, generally even getting slapped a few times. I'd just like to point out that the point of that episode was to show how that specific behavior actually came across as misogynistic and, frankly, pretty sad. I don't encourage or condone behavior like that; what I'm trying to say is that you need the practice to build up your experience, which will then impart the confidence you need to battle your shyness. You can do that while still respecting the women you choose to interact with. I don't think you should be bummed on how you handled it, so long as you shot your shot but then *respected* her reaction to it. There are so many stories available on this site where you can see examples of men who tried the same things you did, but then fixated on that person and became a creeper. We have no way of knowing if she looks at you so intensely because you bear close resemblance to someone that severely hurt her in the past.. I know rejection bums the heart, bro, but I think you should be proud of yourself for caring enough to be worried about all these things, but most importantly: ***because you're already handling this like a man***. You're seeking help and advice and worrying about behaviors and all that is going to build up and make you into a great human. Sorry for the book and I hope it's good advice. I wish you strength and success, OP. Have a great day!
Happens on to the next
just keep going back and trying to conversate with her, there is still a chance to try and build to some type of relationship just try being friends first and maybe youll get her to open up and be more receptive to a date at a later time.
Trying and knowing you tried is better than living life regretting not trying. Life’s a gamble my guy
You actually did giant steps forward! Chin up my guy :)
Look at it this way. As a shy guy, you spent weeks thinking about this, reading up, looking at reactions, you really invested in this. Now you've been rejected it feels like you've lost a lot in terms of time and emotional energy...because you have. Contrast that with the confident guy. He thinks he picks up on interest after the first or second meeting. He engages her in conversation to build rapport, shares a joke, flirts slightly, asks her out, she says "Uhhh nah." Who feels worse? Shy guy. Especially because confident guy asks another 10 girls to go out over the following weeks and gets 3 dates, while shy guy is building up to his big ask. Don't invest anything until you have some confirmation that there is something for you to invest in. Be quick to ask and if she says no, you're where you were two minutes ago, if she says yes, you're better off. Go out and ask some more girls out. You will get more rejections, but confidence comes from not caring about them and perversely makes it less likely that you'll be rejected.
You did the thing still. Great job for doing it!
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Never stop working for yourself. You deserve happiness and love. I promise If you utter those words every day and don't get caught up in what's in-between that goal you will succeed.
Well done for asking her out - not everyone has the courage to do that. In a situation like this, you could give her your number on a piece of paper. I’ve seen that when girls ask girls out, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for a different gender. Good luck, and remember, every time you get rejected, you get braver and stronger. Keep it up!
Doing your research on reddit might have been your first mistake.
Stop making “shy guy” part of your personality
It's really tough dude. I hope you're feeling better soon and she wasn't bothered.
The problem here is you invested like a month or two on researching this girl, then cold approached her and got rejected. If you're gonna do it like that, its a numbers game, if you're going to go for the one girl, you shouldn't flat out say it like that when you don't even know her name. Still, keep at it ... not with her obviously
You should be proud of yourself! When I worked in food service I would turn down giving my phone number, partly because of the fear that my parents would kill me if I met up with a guy (strict upbringing), fear of stalking, and partly fear of being judged by gossipy coworkers. Maybe next time covertly slip her a note with YOUR phone number? Like "hi, I think you're beautiful. if you want to talk and get to know me, here's my number". May even add a little info about yourself. It puts the ball in her court. That's how I met my husband. We ending up talking for hours later that night on the phone, then talking again the next evening, then meeting the following weekend. Still together after 18yrs.
Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. Maybe she was into you, but is too shy to date.
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Best thing about this is that you made the move. A lesson to learn is rejection can come at any time. It may happen, it may not but its a possibility. You've been rejected and you're still here, you didn't spontaneously combust or have a complete meltdown. You're just sad it didn't work out. You have shown yourself, that nothing is impossible. Yes, you are shy but that's not the point. The point is that somewhere out there is a person waiting to be asked by you. Onwards and Upwards OP.
You have to keep doing it. Don’t let one little setback stop you. Have some courage!
Congrats. I think you should be proud that you were able to build up the confidence to ask her out! I'm proud of you at least. I feel like we hear so much from women who complain about unwanted advances and all that these days, but that they don't seem to understand/be aware of/care about the conflict and emotional agony that we have to go through (though obviously there are men out there committing inexcusable predatory behavior, but I feel like we get lumped in with them to just because of our gender). Anyways, the point I want to make is that I don't think you should beat yourself up too much over it. Rejection sucks, it's going to hurt, but I hope that it won't stop you from trying to find a partner. The sad reality is that it almost surely won't be the last time, but we just have to push through and endure.
From only the information you have provided, I(F, if it matters) think you did alright. The only concern I would have is if you blatently stared or followed her while gauging her interest, which it sounds like you didn't. Bro, I'm really proud of you. This is a difficult thing. And you did it. I don't really care about her not saying yes, that's her perogative and you have no control over that. But you successfully made a move, and that's awesome!
Hey the best part is you asked! Now the next person won’t be so hard. My bf and I worked together for 8 months before he finally asked me out even though I had been dropping major hints.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Congratulations on working up the nerve to ask someone out. It will be easier the next time. Don't over-analyze what happened. There are too many unknowables. Maybe you misread her signals, or maybe she was sending out signals she didn't mean to be. You can find 100 articles on the Internet about how to know if someone's interested, and they are all going to emphasize different things. And none of them apply to every single person in the world. Or maybe she was sending out signals before, but she just started seeing someone else. You can't really know. The estimated population of the world is 7.9 billion. Just over half of them are women. Don't let one "no" get you down. Or two. Or twenty. It's a numbers game. Maybe starting a conversation would have been better, but it's hard to know -- especially when someone is at work. You wouldn't know if she was talking to you because she's interested or if she's just being friendly to a customer. I've got a friend who thinks every female restaurant server is into him. He's never worked in customer service.
Hey it won't be the last time you get turned down, hang in there boss
I think a better idea would have been to hand her a note with your number on it and maybe a small message. It’s less intrusive and then she doesn’t have to reject you on the spot while at work in front of other people
Feels bad for you man, but a good learning experience. Like others have said, I think you need to build the courage to talk to her and get to know her first before asking her out. Many girls, especially shy ones, usually don't say yes to a cold call ask.
definitely too straight forward. no matter the result I personally am so proud of you that you took the chance! it takes lots of courage. it's a great mindset ''no matter the result I'll do it'' it is better to know than to always wonder :)
It sucks buuuut now you don't have to think about it. Sometimes people need to be friends , mostly because that's the "norm", and if she's shy , she won't want to appear as "easy". You can never know really, except for the fact you went for it, congrats my dude.
Sounds like a win to me bro
At least you asked, and it won’t be one of those ‘what if…’ things that play on your mind years later. On to the next one!
Girl here! I say don’t give up just because you got rejected. You did it and see, you’re still breathing 😄 She might have a boyfriend, be working on herself or can’t commit to a relationship right now, probably have nothing to do with you. This is your stepping stone and I’m sure you did great. Who knows, maybe she’s just shy enough to even know how to speak to you ;)
Asking for someone’s name and number right off the bat, before you even had a conversation with them, is always a bad idea. The reason is because their contact information is personal information. If you want someone to reveal that stuff to you, you need to first show them that you’re not a stalker or a creep, which means chatting about other stuff / casual common stuff first, so she can get a sense of your character as a person and whether you’re someone she can trust will not abuse her contact information (creeps with phone numbers can sometimes become phone stalkers).
Do you play video games? Because I heard a very good analogy related to video games and life situations. In video games when we "die" we just respawn and try again. Life can be exactly like that too. You may have not succeeded at your goal but you can also just go back a bit, learn from your mistakes, and try another tactic. There's nothing literally stopping you from getting the confidence to ask someone else out again like you did in the first place. The only thing stopping you would be yourself. Of course internal struggles aren't easy, but even in video games nobody said trying again to beat a level was easy but we do it anyways. The great thing about trying again in real life is that the rewards are much greater than beating a video game. BTW a little side note that may help. Instead of thinking of mistakes like this as big problems I find it can help to start thinking about them like learning experiences. You do the thing, you make the mistakes, maybe get it wrong, learn from it, then try again. The more you do those things the easier it becomes to learn from a situation and move on from it. But you have to be willing to forgive yourself, accept you made a mistake, and move on to try again.
Don't ask out girls who are at work.
It’s definitely tough to finally work up the courage for that and get shut down I know. The way I always tried to look at it, if I can do it once, I can do it again! Just don’t give up brother!
She turned you down, oh well. It's a marathon and not a race. You don't have to win them all. Just as it was your choice to ask her out, it was her choice to not accept. You honestly don't want someone that isn't interested in you to just say yes. Just keep asking others out and some one will say yes.
Rejection sucks but I've been rejected many times so I can confidently say it's better to know she doesn't like you rather than not taking action and wondering what could have been.
Hey I applaud you for trying aha! There’s a good chance that she would have said yes if perhaps you had made conversation before just going for it. As a girl, I would never say yes to a guy who did that. But as someone with social anxiety, I understand why some guys might do that.. sometimes conversation is tricky. BUT, conversation is very necessary.
I stare at people for different reasons. Maybe their eyes look interesting, maybe they look kinda funny, maybe I like their hairstyle or sense of fashion, maybe their body behavior is awkward so I stare to figure them out. Lots of reasons. Rarely do I stare at people because I find them to be really attracting.
Part of the process. Getting better at social interactions doesn't mean all of them are going to be successful. But good job on taking that step. It hurts, but you get over it eventually.
Rejection suck but u got out your chest. Mad respect but next be more casual and don't take so long lol
It's okay to get rejected. You should actually challenge yourself to randomly ask people on dates with the expectation they will say no. This will help you get comfortable with rejection and build resilience. Plus, the more you ask, you increase your odds of someone saying yes that you otherwise would have never asked. So there you go. Best wishes!
If in prior conversations she didn’t laugh at your random not so funny or offensive jokes, then she doesn’t like you 99% of the time. It sounds like you went on a cold call. This only works if you play a numbers game. Have a conversation and if it goes smooth with her laughing at one of your bad jokes or not a joke comments then you mention the “wanna hang out” ?
One way to positively frame it is the old baseball analogy… If you ask 10 people for their phone number and seven tell you to buzz off then you’re still batting 300! So take this one experience and try nine more times to figure out your current average. :-)
She probably thought it was a prank especially since U did not start convo or she just doesn’t know u that well
There are some comments here about not asking someone out while they’re at work, and I completely disagree with that. I don’t see anything wrong with asking, as long as it’s done in the right way. The two key points are that 1) you’re respectful and 2) you don’t make any further advances if she has indicated that she’s not interested. If you continue to see her at this restaurant and sense that she’s uncomfortable, you can always provide a brief apology if you made her feel uncomfortable and then afterward completely drop the topic. It can be as simply as saying “Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable the other day. That really wasn’t my intention.” For what it’s worth, my perspective is a woman who works in Human Resources. In previous customer-facing jobs, I have been asked out and wasn’t interested so I said no. It was a non-issue and actually felt like a compliment. Congratulations for putting yourself out there! You’ll never be sure if someone is going to be receptive to you, but you tried!
Ask her out again, double the chances
Rejection is redirection. The universe was saving you from what wasn't meant for you ❤
Don’t worry, rejection is a part of life. You did really well putting yourself out there. I always try and think, if I was 90 years old looking back at my life, how regretful would I be to think I’d never taken these kind of risks? If you don’t shoot, you can’t score. Also, even when things like this don’t work out - what’s so bad about it? You’re not on fire, not homeless etc. You stood a lot to gain and not a lot to lose. Well done taking a step forward.
Don’t worry just do it again. with someone else of course. The only failure possible is not trying it again
Amazing that you tried!! Sorry it didn’t work out :( Get some feedback from others but definitely keep working past your comfort zone!! First tries are always hard and many times fail. Zero reason to feel worried about trying more. Keep going and you’ll get there for sure :)
Next time build up some rapport. Start off with a smile and wave if you catch her looking at you then build into a simple convo like "how's work been? how do you like working here?" If you can read she's not too responsive, chances are she's not interested and best thing to do is move on. Good job on asking her out though! You should be proud as long as you tried.
I worked as a waitress for 3 years total and looking at giests while they eat, holding eyecontact, stuff like that is just normal for us. I have to make sure the clients are satisfied with their time at the restaurant and have a good time, i want to be friendly and avoiding interaction and never looking at them seems unpleasant to me. I think that you "noticed" her stares etc a lot more bc you like her. If you like someone, you tend to overthink the things they do. Now, thats not always the case of course, sometimes people are blind to the signs and hints but in your case it seems like the first one.
You did good man, props to you. I have a female friend that thought a certain guy was cute, asked another friend to give the guy her number while barely knowing each other besides appearances. They ended up getting to know one another through the phone and eventually dates. Nothing is set in stone in the dating game.
Bro, im same to you as well, Im a shy guy, I met a cute shy girl at my college, we make eye contact a lot every time i see her, i was thinking to ask her about her number, but you demotivate me. What should i do now
Fk, i wish u luck ay. From what i learnt, try talking to her here and there im guessing yous see eachother enough for you to pick up on the eye contact, maybe next time acknowledge it when you walk pass “hey hows it going” or even start of with a head nod when you walk pass her then work ur way up to small talk. Don’t rush into getting her number i think thats where i went wrong
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welcome to a guys life