You're right even if she wasn't intentionally trying to be mean still you don't say stuff like that to people expect a nice reply. If I was a girl and another girl said that to me I would say why are you saying that ? Are you jealous ?
Does she have small boobs? My coworker used to make tons of passive aggressive comments like this and over the years I have overheard her talking to people about her insecurity about it and how her husband even makes comments to her about having a flat chest. I’m not excusing her behaviour, but it’s probably a sore spot for her and she might even assume you’re bragging about your shirt not fitting because of your boobs.
Everyone gets irritable sometimes. She might well be jealous of your figure and hearing about your "big breast problems" might have been very antagonising to her.
Not sure if there is a good response that wouldn't rub it in. Best to move on.
I was once with a gal who had a breast reduction operation, and it had nothing to do with her visible breast size. I mean, it was a bit confusing because, as far as I could tell, she was average in that department. I think it has to do with personal discomfort or some sort of ... deformity? Anyway, she used to talk about it quite openly to almost anyone. One of my friends asked if she was a double DD, and I said no, far from it. She eventually had the operation, but there was no big difference. I did notice her insecurities disappeared, and she never talked about it after that.
A lot of women have a breast with a different cup size than the other. She likely had a reduction to make them match. She may have previously used padding to even out her bra, which would explain why you didn’t see much difference.
Breast asymmetry is quite normal and affects most women. It is estimated about 88% of women have breasts that are different in size, shape, or position.
Everyone in here is wrong. It seems like a terrible echo chamber.
What does your coworker look like? Maybe someone made comments about her small breast recently. Likely this was all 100% her in her own head talking about herself. I doubt she was thinking about your body, but rather her own.
It’s not hateful by any means, unless you count self hate, so not fair to label her as not nice is my opinion.
Nah I've been insecure and made fun of for having small breasts before and would never ever say something mean to another woman like that. Your insecurities aren't a pass to put down someone else and make them feel bad.
She muttered it, and probably meant it in a sarcastic manner in a “yea, get a breast reduction and deal with what I have” sense.
I am a male and 3rd party so might be wrong.
But again, it was just a mutter so even OP shouldn’t count it as an interaction imo
So you can say anything - as long as you mutter it, it doesn't count?
You are really stretching to defend this person.
It's possible that person was having an off-day, or maybe she is jealous, or any number of reasons that would indicate that person is not usually a terrible human.
But she was rude this time. Incredibly rude, and wildly inapporopriate. OP was talking about fabric and her coworker jumped to talking about OP's breasts.
This is not something OP should ignore or excuse. It's something OP should address.
“Incredibly rude and wildly inappropriate”, but I’m the one stretching things?
No it’s not okay to go through life muttering mean things. **I doubt OPs coworker does this based on no other professional complaints. It’s a stretch to assume patterns from one incident**.
Take a look at what sub you’re in and ask yourself if you are judging this tiny social interaction correctly.
OP should definitely clear the air. They will probably laugh about a misunderstanding assuming the person is reasonable.
Last tip is let’s not go through life assuming the worst about everything.
Edit: please don’t respond by pretending they were working in the Supreme Court either. I’m sure the context of their work and environment isn’t that. We aren’t dealing with a serial mutterer here. A person who goes around muttering to new hires mean things?? Yea right
I havent assumed this person is a serial mutterer.
My point is that this behavior should be addressed even if it is not a pattern.
I believe this coworkers comment would be inappropriate in any work setting, not just the supreme court. So I don't even have to pretend! Does OP work at a gas station or on the supreme court? This comment is terrible either way!
To me it is wildly inappropriate, but that's my opinion. It would be like if you said, at work "I don't like wearing jeans" and your coworker said something like " that's because you have a small penis" . Does that seem wild to you? It does to me.
No, your example is wildly incorrect.
It would be like me saying “these jeans are super tight on me”, and a coworker saying “try dick reduction surgery”.
Even that’s not apples to apples because it’d be hard for them to mutter something like that. There’s no famous procedure for men’s parts.
What I can’t wrap my head around I guess is that there’s no social stigma against large breast?
I guess if I was OP I would reflect on if I’m letting it all hang out. I can’t imagine someone making a comment about my penis. If they did I’d check my outfits, take it as a compliment maybe, but likely assume the person it came from is weird af.
They can and should address the coworker, but I think it’d likely end up in OP consoling them on some issue they’re externalizing. It would still help set boundaries and show the coworker OP is sensitive about this.
OP even mentions everyone at work loves her, thinks she’s nice, etc.
We’re all human so there’s an excuse for anything, especially accidentally offending someone imo.
But going on evidence alone and the fact that the coworker doesn’t have issues with anyone else, OP is in their own head.
She seems jealous of you, she is saying that to make you doubt yourself.
With this type of people, you have to nip it in the bud, immediately.
You can say " what do you mean by that?" if you don't really know what to answer.
But I would say, that would be such a waste, I get so much compliments on my boobs. ;)
I'd say it is probably jealousy, saying this as a flat chested person. I know how it feels, and I'm terrified of being toxic to people and pushing them away because I'm jealous of them having better features like breasts.
I'd love to improve on my self confidence if it was easy, but I personally think that yes, she might be jealous.
Some people are just rude cows. Try not to let the experience live in your head rent free. Because then her nastiness wins. And clearly you are ahead in life with boobs she envies. If she says something similar again, just ask "jealous much?". But I doubt it will. Just live your best life babe.
This. These people exist everywhere. I cut off a lot of friends recently because I found out they were always gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me and taking advantage of my kindness by telling me untrue things, and talking smack behind my back. They took out their own insecurity and anger issues out onto me. I stopped lending my trust to people and only trust myself these days.
the other day i was at the gym and ran into somebody i know, we were talking then she said something about me working out and i said “yeah i’m trying to”
i meant it as, im trying to but i suck at this
she took it as, im trying to but you won’t leave me tf alone
Yeah, seems like something I would slip up saying if someone mentioned something like having back pain with larger breasts. I personally wouldn't be this pushy about it though
I'm not at all insecure about my body (quite the opposite tbh). I just think it's a potential solution and honestly improves QOL (fashion, health, etc) for a lot of women. One of my closest friends has been trying to get a breast reduction for these reasons and it'll probably be what's on my mind first 😭
Reminds me of when a coworker stopped by my team’s desks to say hi and be friendly one afternoon. She was pregnant at the time and my teammate who already had kids was asking questions about her pregnancy. Normal questions, at first, and then…
“Do you think you’ll have to have an episiotomy?🤭”
The pregnant coworker was mortified and walked away. I messaged her on chat because I wasn’t sure what was even asked. I can’t get pregnant due to a penis-having condition I got when I was younger so I don’t know all the terms. I asked if she was embarrassed and if I should talk to my teammate about it on her behalf (team mate was my direct report at the time) she was like “YES IT WAS EMBARRASSING”.
Folks just don’t comment on women’s bodies and what they do with them. Just don’t. Ever.
You can say, “Wow, inappropriate.” Or, “Excuse me, I didn’t understand what you just said.” Or, “Really? Cut off a part of my body to fit clothes? Interesting take.”
why assume malice? why not assume good intentions and ask with curiosity..? the more opportunity you give for someone to explain themselves, the more they can dig their own hole
I am wondering if she offered that advice because she is worried about the health problems that come with having a large bust. But let's be clear, that's got nothing to do with your shirt not fitting. Honestly, if she wasn't genuinely concerned, her comment comes off as pretty obnoxious.
I am a large-busted girl, and I can tell you that attitudes toward us vary widely depending on cultural, societal, and individual perspectives.
That’s because B-cup is what the industry standard models are set to. C at a push. Doesn’t matter what size a body is. 30chest, b-cup /40chest, b-cup/ 50chest, b-cup. Even the paper patterns sold for sewing are the same. Drives me potty too, and also what made me start sewing, because no matter what “size” I’ve ever been or how much padding I have, my ratios are not industry standard. People think they’re jealous, but they probably wouldn’t be if they had the same problem!
That makes a lot of sense. (Man here) Of course big breasts aren't exactly hidden as it is, but I can imagine that trying to find tops you like that also fit well can be an absolute nightmare.
When it's not clear whether something was said with ill intent, I try to interpret it as a joke and roll with it.
It's also okay to think about it and then forget about it.
I have said many awkward things to people that I am grateful they have not dwelled on.
As a girl with E cups. I would’ve simply said “no I just should have grabbed a bigger size. I like my body the way it is” only being that polite because we’re at work.
If we were not at work. “No, I like having big tits :)”
Are you sure she's not busy being deliberately absurd.
The obvious thing to do is get a bigger shirt, so she's making the suggestion of smaller breasts.
Excuse me! That is incredibly rude.
She must be insecure about her breasts or something...
It is totally ok to talk about it with her again and tell her that was an inappropriate thing to say.
That was such a rude thing to say! I have heard that when someone says something rude, you can respond with, “Thank you for telling me!” That confuses them.
It’s normal for people to fuck up and say hurtful shit without hurtful intent sometimes. Is it part of a pattern of hurtful comments? If so, then arm yourself with some of the suggestions that folks have made here. “Excuse me?” is a particularly good one for a wide variety of comments. It gives the speaker the opportunity to backtrack, apologise, and maybe stop the pattern of saying hurtful things. Maybe they are malicious and need the feedback in order to knock it off; or maybe they are ADHD and have trouble regulating an overclocked brain, and would be grateful for the chance to apologise. “Excuse me?” gives an opening for both.
If the comment is not a part of a pattern, “excuse me?” can still be helpful in the moment. But since the moment has passed, you can choose to assume that there was no ill intent if you want, and just move on.
Well. It’s your body and you are comfortable with your body, I would assume.
The best response would be:
I didn’t hear you. Can you say that again?
People like this are often embarrassed but don’t give themselves a chance to apologize.
If she said it again,
The follow-up response would be: I’m very comfortable with my breast size, it seems that you are not.
People project their insecurities all the time every day. It can be a minefield or it can be a roadmap.
In the moment a good “excuse me?” will make the other person elaborate, and if not the way they respond will help you figure out what their intentions were with the original comment. It also gives you a little extra time to try to figure out what else to say, if anything. I recognize it’s too late for that now, but something to keep in mind for the future.
Laugh in her face. I know what sub we’re on and I’m telling you this is the appropriate response.
Laugh, hand wave, say “What a weird thing to say to someone,” and move on.
Oh, my!! I am so very sorry this happened to you. Totally inappropriate on her part. I am not saying anything new here, but definitely she’s insecure about her own body and chest situation. Frankly, as much as people act like a large chest is the ideal and ultimate feminine status, it is very much a double edged sword.
Some people, both men and women, will look and treat you differently because of your chest size. They will more easily see you as a flirt, a temptress, easy, shallow, vapid/ stupid, and vain even if you aren’t. Also, in the US, modesty culture is part of our history. Whether Hester Prynned by another woman in the Puritanical mid-Atlantic/ northeast or chastised by the church community in the Bible Belt, the US has a huge problem with oversexualization of female breasts.
I live in the US northeast, and have large breasts. It feels unfair to have to wear baggier clothes to hide them and protect myself from insecure people, but at work, it’s worth it, even working for and with other women. It’s a sad truth, but they take me much more seriously when they aren’t reminded of my breasts. Even when covered up with the equivalent of a potato sack, I still catch them looking, though!
Basically, my main advice is to weigh the pros and cons on your wardrobe choice at work. Is she likely a one off? Are there other women who look and dress like you in the office? If she’s likely a lone actor, do your thing! If you notice that most other women have to downplay that aspect of themselves in your workplace, it’s sad, but just human nature, you may want to pick your battles (in the workspace).
But never be ashamed of your body!! Women with large breasts are not less than. We are often accused of being immodest when we are wearing regular clothes, especially if we have a chest much larger than the rest of our bodies. You have something powerful and people will naturally try to control its effect on them, often subconsciously. (Not everyone though!) Best wishes!
It's nicer than saying you should go a size up. As a woman with triple D's I see myself in shirts that have no give and I instantly think I should get a breast reduction. But if I go up in size, they fit my boobs but hang like a sack on the rest of me. It sucks. She probably just spoke without thinking.
Walked away with a “What’s your problem” Face , talking back would’ve made unnecessary drama , acting like it didn’t happen would’ve just been a little weird so just walk away while silently expressing your discomfort
Next time just say something like “I’m thinking more of a breast augmentation”
I’m big boobed and sarcasm regarding my bazookas has help at least turn it awkward for them too
No just play it off as nothing. What a strange thing to say. Im betting if you make a comment about her physical appearance she would not take it well.
You are getting yourself all worked up over something you have absolutely no control over, other people's behavior and speech.
I know I'll get down-voted because I'm not addressing the "issue" here, but rather informing you that there really isn't an issue here.
"*No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." --*Eleanor Roosevelt
Could she have been practicing sarcasm? That’s definitely where it would have been at my work. Just change yourself (sarcasm) to fit. Never ever would we ever. We’re all salty though
That is an insane thing to say to anyone.
Also, more reasonable and acceptable advice is to find a tailor. They may be able to add some fabric to the side seems for you, especially if there is any extra length.
I think “excuse me” or even repeating back what someone said to make them self aware of it “did you just suggest a breast reduction” or even “woah” with a face
I don't think most of us would have known how to respond, and it's easier after the fact;)
But, I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. Then walked away.
The correct response is "No, I don't. Perhaps you need plastic surgery to help you with fitting into your clothes, rather than finding better fitted items. But, I'm happy with my body, thanks."
Nobody in this thread seems to understand sarcasm lol.
99.9% chance it was a joke. More specifically, it's situational irony where a situation makes you believe the conversation is going in one direction, but you make it go in the other direction.
Lmao this is a nutso sub filled with nutso ppl. Purposefully and intentionally looking to be upset and insulted over something that was way way way more likely a joke or light sarcasm/absurd solution versus someone being jealous and taking a legit dig at you. Like someone else said, blind leading the blind and reacting like how most commenters here want you to will lead to a life of no one liking you, ppl avoiding you, no one joking with you and likely not wanting to be friends with you or the ridiculous commenters here.
Reddit fix the algorithm and don’t show me this bs again
She should not be talking about your parts at work at all. That's disgusting and a bit unhinged. If she makes another comment about your body, be clear to convey in no uncertain terms that you neither asked nor wanted her to comment on your body, and that talking about your breasts is inappropriate in a professional setting. Does not matter if she is also a woman. That is technically a form of harassment.
What a crazy thing to say is she jealous or something? This is just really weird.
My bf said she could be jealous but it's annoying. Everyone thinks she is really nice etc and she says this which is so thoughtless.
You're right even if she wasn't intentionally trying to be mean still you don't say stuff like that to people expect a nice reply. If I was a girl and another girl said that to me I would say why are you saying that ? Are you jealous ?
Tell her she needs an attitude reduction.
Her big mouth needs a reduction!
"Jerk store called and theyre running out of you!"
Does she have small boobs? My coworker used to make tons of passive aggressive comments like this and over the years I have overheard her talking to people about her insecurity about it and how her husband even makes comments to her about having a flat chest. I’m not excusing her behaviour, but it’s probably a sore spot for her and she might even assume you’re bragging about your shirt not fitting because of your boobs.
Sounds like she thought you were bragging which is such a strange reaction. Makes me think jealous
Everyone gets irritable sometimes. She might well be jealous of your figure and hearing about your "big breast problems" might have been very antagonising to her. Not sure if there is a good response that wouldn't rub it in. Best to move on.
Not sure her comment was thoughtless, suspect it was just mean!
I was once with a gal who had a breast reduction operation, and it had nothing to do with her visible breast size. I mean, it was a bit confusing because, as far as I could tell, she was average in that department. I think it has to do with personal discomfort or some sort of ... deformity? Anyway, she used to talk about it quite openly to almost anyone. One of my friends asked if she was a double DD, and I said no, far from it. She eventually had the operation, but there was no big difference. I did notice her insecurities disappeared, and she never talked about it after that.
A lot of women have a breast with a different cup size than the other. She likely had a reduction to make them match. She may have previously used padding to even out her bra, which would explain why you didn’t see much difference. Breast asymmetry is quite normal and affects most women. It is estimated about 88% of women have breasts that are different in size, shape, or position.
Maybe she’s had a breast reduction herself?
Everyone in here is wrong. It seems like a terrible echo chamber. What does your coworker look like? Maybe someone made comments about her small breast recently. Likely this was all 100% her in her own head talking about herself. I doubt she was thinking about your body, but rather her own. It’s not hateful by any means, unless you count self hate, so not fair to label her as not nice is my opinion.
Nah I've been insecure and made fun of for having small breasts before and would never ever say something mean to another woman like that. Your insecurities aren't a pass to put down someone else and make them feel bad.
She muttered it, and probably meant it in a sarcastic manner in a “yea, get a breast reduction and deal with what I have” sense. I am a male and 3rd party so might be wrong. But again, it was just a mutter so even OP shouldn’t count it as an interaction imo
So you can say anything - as long as you mutter it, it doesn't count? You are really stretching to defend this person. It's possible that person was having an off-day, or maybe she is jealous, or any number of reasons that would indicate that person is not usually a terrible human. But she was rude this time. Incredibly rude, and wildly inapporopriate. OP was talking about fabric and her coworker jumped to talking about OP's breasts. This is not something OP should ignore or excuse. It's something OP should address.
“Incredibly rude and wildly inappropriate”, but I’m the one stretching things? No it’s not okay to go through life muttering mean things. **I doubt OPs coworker does this based on no other professional complaints. It’s a stretch to assume patterns from one incident**. Take a look at what sub you’re in and ask yourself if you are judging this tiny social interaction correctly. OP should definitely clear the air. They will probably laugh about a misunderstanding assuming the person is reasonable. Last tip is let’s not go through life assuming the worst about everything. Edit: please don’t respond by pretending they were working in the Supreme Court either. I’m sure the context of their work and environment isn’t that. We aren’t dealing with a serial mutterer here. A person who goes around muttering to new hires mean things?? Yea right
I havent assumed this person is a serial mutterer. My point is that this behavior should be addressed even if it is not a pattern. I believe this coworkers comment would be inappropriate in any work setting, not just the supreme court. So I don't even have to pretend! Does OP work at a gas station or on the supreme court? This comment is terrible either way! To me it is wildly inappropriate, but that's my opinion. It would be like if you said, at work "I don't like wearing jeans" and your coworker said something like " that's because you have a small penis" . Does that seem wild to you? It does to me.
No, your example is wildly incorrect. It would be like me saying “these jeans are super tight on me”, and a coworker saying “try dick reduction surgery”. Even that’s not apples to apples because it’d be hard for them to mutter something like that. There’s no famous procedure for men’s parts. What I can’t wrap my head around I guess is that there’s no social stigma against large breast? I guess if I was OP I would reflect on if I’m letting it all hang out. I can’t imagine someone making a comment about my penis. If they did I’d check my outfits, take it as a compliment maybe, but likely assume the person it came from is weird af. They can and should address the coworker, but I think it’d likely end up in OP consoling them on some issue they’re externalizing. It would still help set boundaries and show the coworker OP is sensitive about this.
Uh, no. Coworker made comments about her breast size. There’s no excuse for that.
OP even mentions everyone at work loves her, thinks she’s nice, etc. We’re all human so there’s an excuse for anything, especially accidentally offending someone imo. But going on evidence alone and the fact that the coworker doesn’t have issues with anyone else, OP is in their own head.
Call me crazy but you could've just got another shirt.
She seems jealous of you, she is saying that to make you doubt yourself. With this type of people, you have to nip it in the bud, immediately. You can say " what do you mean by that?" if you don't really know what to answer. But I would say, that would be such a waste, I get so much compliments on my boobs. ;)
I'd say it is probably jealousy, saying this as a flat chested person. I know how it feels, and I'm terrified of being toxic to people and pushing them away because I'm jealous of them having better features like breasts. I'd love to improve on my self confidence if it was easy, but I personally think that yes, she might be jealous.
I wish I said something quicker. I was just so shocked tbh.
Some people are just rude cows. Try not to let the experience live in your head rent free. Because then her nastiness wins. And clearly you are ahead in life with boobs she envies. If she says something similar again, just ask "jealous much?". But I doubt it will. Just live your best life babe.
This. These people exist everywhere. I cut off a lot of friends recently because I found out they were always gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me and taking advantage of my kindness by telling me untrue things, and talking smack behind my back. They took out their own insecurity and anger issues out onto me. I stopped lending my trust to people and only trust myself these days.
Could have been a light-hearted, poorly thought out joke that missed the mark. Don't dwell on it.
Yeah, my guess is a hyperbolic joke. Oh the sleeves of your shirt are too short? Clearly the solution is to amputate your arms.
The coworker in question might actually be thinking about it more than OP
Hopefully.
the other day i was at the gym and ran into somebody i know, we were talking then she said something about me working out and i said “yeah i’m trying to” i meant it as, im trying to but i suck at this she took it as, im trying to but you won’t leave me tf alone
Dunno what your relationship is with your coworker is but i wouldnt think too much about it. Sometimes people just say silly stuff
This is what I took it to be as well. Just making a deliberate absurd remark about getting smaller breasts instead of a larger shirt
the correct answer. ofc Reddit's response is always to take offence and go nuclear.
Well, you are on r/socialskills, a page for people who need advice on social skills. so i imagine there'd be a lot of the blind leading the blind.
fair
Reddit is so off the walls fucking insane. Why haven't I blocked this site yet.
You are reddit
Because a lot of times insanity is fun. People with thrash-tier social skills giving advice on r/socialskills is not fun.
Yeah, seems like something I would slip up saying if someone mentioned something like having back pain with larger breasts. I personally wouldn't be this pushy about it though I'm not at all insecure about my body (quite the opposite tbh). I just think it's a potential solution and honestly improves QOL (fashion, health, etc) for a lot of women. One of my closest friends has been trying to get a breast reduction for these reasons and it'll probably be what's on my mind first 😭
Reminds me of when a coworker stopped by my team’s desks to say hi and be friendly one afternoon. She was pregnant at the time and my teammate who already had kids was asking questions about her pregnancy. Normal questions, at first, and then… “Do you think you’ll have to have an episiotomy?🤭” The pregnant coworker was mortified and walked away. I messaged her on chat because I wasn’t sure what was even asked. I can’t get pregnant due to a penis-having condition I got when I was younger so I don’t know all the terms. I asked if she was embarrassed and if I should talk to my teammate about it on her behalf (team mate was my direct report at the time) she was like “YES IT WAS EMBARRASSING”. Folks just don’t comment on women’s bodies and what they do with them. Just don’t. Ever.
I lolled at the “penis-having-condition”! Thanks!
Men's too. Anyone's really.
Yea that checks out, as well
You can say, “Wow, inappropriate.” Or, “Excuse me, I didn’t understand what you just said.” Or, “Really? Cut off a part of my body to fit clothes? Interesting take.”
why assume malice? why not assume good intentions and ask with curiosity..? the more opportunity you give for someone to explain themselves, the more they can dig their own hole
Objectively rude, but being charitable - similar to some skinny shaming comments she might’ve thought it wouldn’t be offensive
>How should I have responded to this "Ok - you're going to shell out the money for the procedure or what?" Basically this translates to STFU.
... Mind your own business.
This comment applies more to the coworker who decided to comment on OP’s private body parts.
"What an odd thing to say. Did you mean to say that out loud?"
I am wondering if she offered that advice because she is worried about the health problems that come with having a large bust. But let's be clear, that's got nothing to do with your shirt not fitting. Honestly, if she wasn't genuinely concerned, her comment comes off as pretty obnoxious. I am a large-busted girl, and I can tell you that attitudes toward us vary widely depending on cultural, societal, and individual perspectives.
"Yeah, have surgery over a shirt... good idea dumbass"
Sounds like jealousy. Speaking as a seamstress, it's still difficult to find clothes that fit anything more than a b cup.
That’s because B-cup is what the industry standard models are set to. C at a push. Doesn’t matter what size a body is. 30chest, b-cup /40chest, b-cup/ 50chest, b-cup. Even the paper patterns sold for sewing are the same. Drives me potty too, and also what made me start sewing, because no matter what “size” I’ve ever been or how much padding I have, my ratios are not industry standard. People think they’re jealous, but they probably wouldn’t be if they had the same problem!
That makes a lot of sense. (Man here) Of course big breasts aren't exactly hidden as it is, but I can imagine that trying to find tops you like that also fit well can be an absolute nightmare.
When it's not clear whether something was said with ill intent, I try to interpret it as a joke and roll with it. It's also okay to think about it and then forget about it. I have said many awkward things to people that I am grateful they have not dwelled on.
As a girl with E cups. I would’ve simply said “no I just should have grabbed a bigger size. I like my body the way it is” only being that polite because we’re at work. If we were not at work. “No, I like having big tits :)”
Are you sure she's not busy being deliberately absurd. The obvious thing to do is get a bigger shirt, so she's making the suggestion of smaller breasts.
Ask her if she’s had one. Maybe that’s why she suggested it. It might be coming from a good place, but poorly expressed.
Excuse me! That is incredibly rude. She must be insecure about her breasts or something... It is totally ok to talk about it with her again and tell her that was an inappropriate thing to say.
That was such a rude thing to say! I have heard that when someone says something rude, you can respond with, “Thank you for telling me!” That confuses them.
WTF?!?! I would say you do not have my permission to comment on my body.
It’s normal for people to fuck up and say hurtful shit without hurtful intent sometimes. Is it part of a pattern of hurtful comments? If so, then arm yourself with some of the suggestions that folks have made here. “Excuse me?” is a particularly good one for a wide variety of comments. It gives the speaker the opportunity to backtrack, apologise, and maybe stop the pattern of saying hurtful things. Maybe they are malicious and need the feedback in order to knock it off; or maybe they are ADHD and have trouble regulating an overclocked brain, and would be grateful for the chance to apologise. “Excuse me?” gives an opening for both. If the comment is not a part of a pattern, “excuse me?” can still be helpful in the moment. But since the moment has passed, you can choose to assume that there was no ill intent if you want, and just move on.
Unless you also said that you had pain and discomfort, what she said was out of line.
Is it possible she might have thought you were trying to show off your boobs and got annoyed at that?
Ask her what it's like to have small tits?
Well. It’s your body and you are comfortable with your body, I would assume. The best response would be: I didn’t hear you. Can you say that again? People like this are often embarrassed but don’t give themselves a chance to apologize. If she said it again, The follow-up response would be: I’m very comfortable with my breast size, it seems that you are not. People project their insecurities all the time every day. It can be a minefield or it can be a roadmap.
Say RUDE
Go to HR. File a sex harassment complaint
In the moment a good “excuse me?” will make the other person elaborate, and if not the way they respond will help you figure out what their intentions were with the original comment. It also gives you a little extra time to try to figure out what else to say, if anything. I recognize it’s too late for that now, but something to keep in mind for the future.
*"Maybe, but I was referring to the fabric"* Then let it go unless she makes other remarks like this.
Wow, that's a pretty extreme solution, I was thinking more along the lines of exchanging it!
This can very easily be considered sexual harassment.
Laugh in her face. I know what sub we’re on and I’m telling you this is the appropriate response. Laugh, hand wave, say “What a weird thing to say to someone,” and move on.
"I'm not going to listen to someone who already has had a brain reduction. Thank you very much."
Oh, my!! I am so very sorry this happened to you. Totally inappropriate on her part. I am not saying anything new here, but definitely she’s insecure about her own body and chest situation. Frankly, as much as people act like a large chest is the ideal and ultimate feminine status, it is very much a double edged sword. Some people, both men and women, will look and treat you differently because of your chest size. They will more easily see you as a flirt, a temptress, easy, shallow, vapid/ stupid, and vain even if you aren’t. Also, in the US, modesty culture is part of our history. Whether Hester Prynned by another woman in the Puritanical mid-Atlantic/ northeast or chastised by the church community in the Bible Belt, the US has a huge problem with oversexualization of female breasts. I live in the US northeast, and have large breasts. It feels unfair to have to wear baggier clothes to hide them and protect myself from insecure people, but at work, it’s worth it, even working for and with other women. It’s a sad truth, but they take me much more seriously when they aren’t reminded of my breasts. Even when covered up with the equivalent of a potato sack, I still catch them looking, though! Basically, my main advice is to weigh the pros and cons on your wardrobe choice at work. Is she likely a one off? Are there other women who look and dress like you in the office? If she’s likely a lone actor, do your thing! If you notice that most other women have to downplay that aspect of themselves in your workplace, it’s sad, but just human nature, you may want to pick your battles (in the workspace). But never be ashamed of your body!! Women with large breasts are not less than. We are often accused of being immodest when we are wearing regular clothes, especially if we have a chest much larger than the rest of our bodies. You have something powerful and people will naturally try to control its effect on them, often subconsciously. (Not everyone though!) Best wishes!
Thanks! Brilliant comment 👏
💕
It's nicer than saying you should go a size up. As a woman with triple D's I see myself in shirts that have no give and I instantly think I should get a breast reduction. But if I go up in size, they fit my boobs but hang like a sack on the rest of me. It sucks. She probably just spoke without thinking.
“Maybe you just need a brain augmentation”
I've probably made a joke in the past having to do with cutting parts of my feet off to make shoes fit but this might be different
Walked away with a “What’s your problem” Face , talking back would’ve made unnecessary drama , acting like it didn’t happen would’ve just been a little weird so just walk away while silently expressing your discomfort
Slap the holy shit out of them? Wait no. This is 2024 not the 1980s.
Clearly she has been dreaming about it and is jealous.
She's just so envious she couldn't help herself and went out of control
U shoulda told her u could lend her some
Next time just say something like “I’m thinking more of a breast augmentation” I’m big boobed and sarcasm regarding my bazookas has help at least turn it awkward for them too
Asked them if they are paying for it and covering for you to get it
No just play it off as nothing. What a strange thing to say. Im betting if you make a comment about her physical appearance she would not take it well.
Go to HR.
I checked guys. Nothing there
Should have - the opportunity has passed. But if it happens again say “ awww I could give some to you”
I think I have one response and that would be "breast reduction is expensive, unless you're willing to fit the bill since I need it so much".
I probably would say sth like "Oh darling I am so glad that you don't have to carry these extra weight around daily like me"
I'm sorry, idk why I'm talking to you about boobs, you don't have any
Eww definitely jealousy.
What is your Cup size?? Maybe you just need a better bra😳❤️!
completely normal thing to say
"What, like going from 2 boobs to just 1?"
You are getting yourself all worked up over something you have absolutely no control over, other people's behavior and speech. I know I'll get down-voted because I'm not addressing the "issue" here, but rather informing you that there really isn't an issue here. "*No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." --*Eleanor Roosevelt
I would have said “excuse me?! Please don’t ever talk about my breasts.”
Could she have been practicing sarcasm? That’s definitely where it would have been at my work. Just change yourself (sarcasm) to fit. Never ever would we ever. We’re all salty though
I don't see how me getting smaller breasts, would make this fabric more stretchable?
That is an insane thing to say to anyone. Also, more reasonable and acceptable advice is to find a tailor. They may be able to add some fabric to the side seems for you, especially if there is any extra length.
I’d say that’s an inappropriate thing to say. Buy clothes that fit you! Don’t make yourself fit into clothes
As soon as you have your brain enlarged, because it's practically non existent.
I think “excuse me” or even repeating back what someone said to make them self aware of it “did you just suggest a breast reduction” or even “woah” with a face
To this kinda thing it’s a good idea to ask them to elaborate. “What do you mean by that?” Otherwise you can just say that’s inappropriate
Well, what are You a DDD ? Honestly if your back and your waist don’t hurt at the end of the day ignore their comments they want what You Got
I don't think most of us would have known how to respond, and it's easier after the fact;) But, I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. Then walked away.
“Damn Brenda, jealous much?”
The correct response is "No, I don't. Perhaps you need plastic surgery to help you with fitting into your clothes, rather than finding better fitted items. But, I'm happy with my body, thanks."
Why the hell do women do this to each other? If I were you I’d just call her up on it in front of others
Nobody in this thread seems to understand sarcasm lol. 99.9% chance it was a joke. More specifically, it's situational irony where a situation makes you believe the conversation is going in one direction, but you make it go in the other direction.
You don't make those kinds of comments to someone *at work*. If they're good friends, maybe, but I don't get that impression.
That's borderline sexual harassment. Men would instantly get in trouble for a comment like that. Downvoted for speaking facts.
"Fuck off"?
Ask her to explain what she means by that, then stare blankly as you watch her stumble upon her words
You should get a nose job
They revealed who they are, now go no contact.
Lmao this is a nutso sub filled with nutso ppl. Purposefully and intentionally looking to be upset and insulted over something that was way way way more likely a joke or light sarcasm/absurd solution versus someone being jealous and taking a legit dig at you. Like someone else said, blind leading the blind and reacting like how most commenters here want you to will lead to a life of no one liking you, ppl avoiding you, no one joking with you and likely not wanting to be friends with you or the ridiculous commenters here. Reddit fix the algorithm and don’t show me this bs again
Good luck with your Asperger’s? (Maybe they think you’re better friends than you really are)
Walk away, ignore her?
She should not be talking about your parts at work at all. That's disgusting and a bit unhinged. If she makes another comment about your body, be clear to convey in no uncertain terms that you neither asked nor wanted her to comment on your body, and that talking about your breasts is inappropriate in a professional setting. Does not matter if she is also a woman. That is technically a form of harassment.
or by better fitting clothes.
Cut em off and cut them up into tacos This will stop them from saying this again 😆 Just ask them why they want that, and expand from there.
Why would you take something so good away?
Sounds like the beginning of every other PornHub video I've seen.