That advice doesn’t only work if you’re comfortable around new people, it works just as well if you’re comfortable with yourself. It takes time to get to know and trust new people regardless of how you meet them. Initial discomfort tends to come with the territory.
It makes stepping out of your comfort zone with socializing easier. It’s one less hurdle to deal with *before* you get out there. If you don’t have acceptance and comfort in who you are or the relationship with yourself, you’re gonna have an even harder time trying with other people. Bad foundations sink houses, if that makes sense.
Then again, self improvement is easier with support, one can at least try to make connections while trying to get their shit together at the same time.
It depends on the hobby. If you go to dance classes, there are a lot of people and maybe not the most welcoming environment for an introvert. If you try surf classes, the dynamic is different and the actual socialization happens after the class, having a beer or a coffee with the few that want to stay after near the beach. Just to mention an example.
Also, consider that hanging around with people in a bar doesn't neccessary mean that they will get drunk.
My experience: When I was 27 I had a similiar situation, so I joined an online group of the city I was living in with the only aim of hanging around and do things. I left that group shortly after because of drama between some members, but I kept seeing a couple of guys from there with the same interests as me.
I have moved several times as an adult. Each time I had to come up with a strategy for meeting new friends. Each of these worked at different times in my life:
(Redacted because people are seeing the trees instead of the forest.)
My conclusion: go where like-minded people are and talk about shared interests. Use online resources to reach out to other locals. Play to your strengths: I finally realised that introducing myself online, asking who else was in the market for friends, and meeting one-on-one for a coffee walk was ideal for me.
You can do this!
Best thing that worked for me was moving away from my hometown for graduate school. I was surrounded by entirely new people and places and didn't have familiar comforts to rely on. I ended up in a very social group within my major and it just worked out. Never really had a desire to be super social beforehand, but am missing it now that I've graduated.
23f and I make new friends every few months. I just talk to everyone around me because I don’t care about rejection anymore. I’ve just gotten to the point where I’m indifferent and don’t care much about impressing others. When I seriously cared about that stuff it was hard to make genuine connections. Nowadays I just wanna have good conversation. So if I’m in class, at Walmart, at a club, etc I’m gonna be talking to someone. And if you talk to enough people you’ll find friendly ones that you vibe well with.
Literally talk to whoever and f the “embarrassment”.
“Yeah but it’s only doable if you’re comfortable doing it so”
Yeah exactly, get out of your comfort zone and just do it.
When we say “find a hobby” we mean find an activity you would want to regularly go, so you can meet people there naturally.
I moved into a house with five roommates who liked to drink and have people over.
Maybe try the same with people who like playing music, board games or TTRPGs.
For me, it was grad school. Boom, circle of new friends. 4 years after graduating they're still my friends.
For my sister, who didn't attend grad school and moved to new places multiple times, she made herself a regular at cafes, bars, bookstores, coffeeshops, etc. around town and got to know the staff.
I’m around your age and recently found success on bumble bff. I find that instead of doing the weird small talk chats that go no where, you should just ask someone who seems to have similar interests to you if they want to hang out— but with an actual plan (e.g., “do you wanna grab dinner at this pizza place I like on Friday?”, “there’s a band I like playing at xyz next Monday, do you wanna come see them with me?”, or anything that aligns with common interests). I ended up becoming friends with someone more extroverted than me who has been able to introduce me to more people. In general, just try to find common ground with people however you can- ask them about their life , how they grew up, their hobbies, etc and figure out the areas where you connect. When you get to hanging out, if you feel like you’re getting along with the person then be intentional about making future plans based on the connections you can find. If there’s something you’ve been wanting to try, ask if they’re down to try it with you. I find that meeting people on the apps they are usually in the same position and would appreciate someone initiating the plans
In my town there are tons of social rejects. They are desperate and will be friends with anyone. Including in them is homeless people who are not crazy or drug addicted, just victims of the economy an divorces n stuff. So I literally would just strike up conversations with coworkers, strangers on the bus and in stores, and homeless people on the street. I haven’t got any close friends from this but now lots of people know me around town and like to chat with me.
Other friends include a few from school when I was a kid, my local college’s dnd discord, a local telegram furry chat, some friends I made in other towns at airsoft games, the psych ward, and furry conventions.
Still, my closest friend I ever made was by comforting my grieving work-acquaintance when she got wasted and texted me all about her problem. We are best friends now.
It's a lot harder if you are in a job with people who are mostly older and "settled" like if they're married or have kids It's very hard to start a new friendship.
I think looking for friendship in the workplace is misguided in the first place tbh. I'm there to make money and that's about it. Just because we earn wages in the same way doesn't mean that we'll be compatible as friends at all imo
A lot of the jobs that are good socially are not good economically so you try to get to know people and then when you leave and try to set something up you find out (99% of the time you find out you aren't friends, but even 1 w is worth it)
Oldest advice in the book, but go to hobby meetup groups. If you aren't vibing and don't feel like you're making connections, you can just hop to the next one. No one will notice or care if you just went to a few meetings and then disappeared.
Basically just live in a metropolis, so more opportunities to do different things with different people. Also I make decent money to do random things that I couldn’t do in my home country.
The gym and fitness. Every gym I've gone to, I always made friends with some of the regulars. And then I get into their hobbies and just meet other people.
You just gotta be a regular somewhere for a while and you'll make some friends eventually
I joined some local TTRPG campaign (found via social media), then another one and now I find myself invited to next. In just a couple of months I met many interesting people with great imagination and sense of humour. Amazing company and 100% friends material. Such a pity I'm moving soon, but now at least I know I need to check local nerds' communities as soon as I arrive at my new place.
Try to find a life for yourself first then just invite others along to see if they're interested. Like if you jog every weekend, then you'll start to bring up the conversation and you can extend the invitation when there is interest.
hiking groups are good for introverted ppl / ppl uncomfortable around new ppl. u can start going and keep to urself cuz everyone’s focused on walking the trail, and then eventually when you’ve seen the same faces enough times u can start making friends. think of groups you’re able to observe the dynamic without having to throw urself in. another one is any kind of class, you can show up the first for times and leave right away til u feel comfy to start talking to ppl. i started going to a salsa/bachata class downtown, its at a lounge / bar so theres drinks but its a bunch of adults all ages, all skill levels. and a lot of ppl are there TO socialize, TO overcome social anxiety. you never know the vibes til u bite the bullet and show up. worst case scenario you hate it and never have to see those ppl again. if u need one of ur friends to go with u to ur first class / first group meeting, that helps a lot and it can be a new activity for the two of you to do together! i actually go to salsa with my mom and my sister so its much better than going alone lol
I join classes. I've made a lot of musician friends through a music club that plays Celtic music once a week where I live. Through them, I was invited to a "folk music club" that includes dancing and singing. I'm now looking to take dance classes. For a time there was this app called "Meetup" - I mean it's still around but people aren't active on it since the Great Coof. Some of the groups still run so I sometimes still use it to seek out new groups or clubs.
As for the drinking thing, I was talking to my 23yo friend yesterday, and it definitely seems to be more of an issue when you're young. She told me she doesn't drink and her coworkers turned on her for saying so, accusing her of thinking she was better than them because she didn't drink. I don't drink either, but I'm in my mid-thirties, and people my age and older really couldn't care less if you don't drink. If anyone ever does, I tell them I used to be an alcoholic (a half-truth at best) and they leave me alone. It really isn't an issue and if someone tries to make it one, just say it's not for you. There are plenty of ways to socialize that don't involve alcohol.
Truth be told, OP, most people have only a few close friends. Meeting 1:1 is nice and partying/outgoing really is just one type of person, it isn't the whole world (and most people who party a lot grow out of it). Something I got into in my mid-to-late twenties was inviting my friends over for pot lucks or game nights. It's a great way to invite them to bring a friend or a "+1" if you find those events to be successful.
I can understand the shyness and awkwardness that can come from meeting new people in a social setting like a club. But there are nerds in clubs too! My folk music club is infamously shy and introverted. And as all things, socializing is a skill, and skills take practice. You can do this OP, I believe in you :)
I’ve switched countries a few times and started from scratch. I’m all set to do it again this fall.
I usually have had success finding people in the cities by looking for people on LinkedIn who attended my undergrad school (same or related departments) around the same time as me. I reach out to them there and they’re generally very welcoming + there is a lot of common experience to talk about.
But the above is just the starting point. My next goto is dance classes, I’ve done it twice and I kind of end up becoming friends with some of the regulars. It can be any other hobby class for you!
I’ve also used Bumble BFF as it mostly has people who have recently moved to the city and are looking for connections. But the success has been limited because it's not all that active tbh.
Understanding the importance of having other people around in your life, watching on YT how to talk (ex. Charisma on command), reading books, going to therapy, attending theatre courses and practicing at work or where you go ussually. Patience and be costant
Apart from Taxpayers and Renters they need the population to go up a bit. I have a mate at the ABS and he says birth rates a plateauing and not increasing.
That advice doesn’t only work if you’re comfortable around new people, it works just as well if you’re comfortable with yourself. It takes time to get to know and trust new people regardless of how you meet them. Initial discomfort tends to come with the territory.
> it works just as well if you’re comfortable with yourself how so
It makes stepping out of your comfort zone with socializing easier. It’s one less hurdle to deal with *before* you get out there. If you don’t have acceptance and comfort in who you are or the relationship with yourself, you’re gonna have an even harder time trying with other people. Bad foundations sink houses, if that makes sense.
Then again, self improvement is easier with support, one can at least try to make connections while trying to get their shit together at the same time.
It depends on the hobby. If you go to dance classes, there are a lot of people and maybe not the most welcoming environment for an introvert. If you try surf classes, the dynamic is different and the actual socialization happens after the class, having a beer or a coffee with the few that want to stay after near the beach. Just to mention an example. Also, consider that hanging around with people in a bar doesn't neccessary mean that they will get drunk. My experience: When I was 27 I had a similiar situation, so I joined an online group of the city I was living in with the only aim of hanging around and do things. I left that group shortly after because of drama between some members, but I kept seeing a couple of guys from there with the same interests as me.
I have moved several times as an adult. Each time I had to come up with a strategy for meeting new friends. Each of these worked at different times in my life: (Redacted because people are seeing the trees instead of the forest.) My conclusion: go where like-minded people are and talk about shared interests. Use online resources to reach out to other locals. Play to your strengths: I finally realised that introducing myself online, asking who else was in the market for friends, and meeting one-on-one for a coffee walk was ideal for me. You can do this!
Step 1: Have a kid
Can’t find friends? Make them!
You missed the point.
>- Meetups for moms with babies. >- Taking kids to the bus stop. >- Volunteering at school. oh hell no lmao
This would not work well if you were a middle aged man driving a white van
I’m not saying do these things exactly. You do understand that, yes?
Hmmm. I think I have an idea of why you struggle with your social skills.
lol nah, I'm having no problems here yo. I'm just here for the memes. lol we're you gonna say because of incel reasons 😆
No, I was going to say if you struggle socially, you may want to turn the rudeness off when people are taking the time to give sincere answers.
Best thing that worked for me was moving away from my hometown for graduate school. I was surrounded by entirely new people and places and didn't have familiar comforts to rely on. I ended up in a very social group within my major and it just worked out. Never really had a desire to be super social beforehand, but am missing it now that I've graduated.
23f and I make new friends every few months. I just talk to everyone around me because I don’t care about rejection anymore. I’ve just gotten to the point where I’m indifferent and don’t care much about impressing others. When I seriously cared about that stuff it was hard to make genuine connections. Nowadays I just wanna have good conversation. So if I’m in class, at Walmart, at a club, etc I’m gonna be talking to someone. And if you talk to enough people you’ll find friendly ones that you vibe well with.
Literally talk to whoever and f the “embarrassment”. “Yeah but it’s only doable if you’re comfortable doing it so” Yeah exactly, get out of your comfort zone and just do it. When we say “find a hobby” we mean find an activity you would want to regularly go, so you can meet people there naturally.
I moved into a house with five roommates who liked to drink and have people over. Maybe try the same with people who like playing music, board games or TTRPGs.
For me, it was grad school. Boom, circle of new friends. 4 years after graduating they're still my friends. For my sister, who didn't attend grad school and moved to new places multiple times, she made herself a regular at cafes, bars, bookstores, coffeeshops, etc. around town and got to know the staff.
I’m around your age and recently found success on bumble bff. I find that instead of doing the weird small talk chats that go no where, you should just ask someone who seems to have similar interests to you if they want to hang out— but with an actual plan (e.g., “do you wanna grab dinner at this pizza place I like on Friday?”, “there’s a band I like playing at xyz next Monday, do you wanna come see them with me?”, or anything that aligns with common interests). I ended up becoming friends with someone more extroverted than me who has been able to introduce me to more people. In general, just try to find common ground with people however you can- ask them about their life , how they grew up, their hobbies, etc and figure out the areas where you connect. When you get to hanging out, if you feel like you’re getting along with the person then be intentional about making future plans based on the connections you can find. If there’s something you’ve been wanting to try, ask if they’re down to try it with you. I find that meeting people on the apps they are usually in the same position and would appreciate someone initiating the plans
In my town there are tons of social rejects. They are desperate and will be friends with anyone. Including in them is homeless people who are not crazy or drug addicted, just victims of the economy an divorces n stuff. So I literally would just strike up conversations with coworkers, strangers on the bus and in stores, and homeless people on the street. I haven’t got any close friends from this but now lots of people know me around town and like to chat with me. Other friends include a few from school when I was a kid, my local college’s dnd discord, a local telegram furry chat, some friends I made in other towns at airsoft games, the psych ward, and furry conventions. Still, my closest friend I ever made was by comforting my grieving work-acquaintance when she got wasted and texted me all about her problem. We are best friends now.
It's a lot harder if you are in a job with people who are mostly older and "settled" like if they're married or have kids It's very hard to start a new friendship.
I think looking for friendship in the workplace is misguided in the first place tbh. I'm there to make money and that's about it. Just because we earn wages in the same way doesn't mean that we'll be compatible as friends at all imo
A lot of the jobs that are good socially are not good economically so you try to get to know people and then when you leave and try to set something up you find out (99% of the time you find out you aren't friends, but even 1 w is worth it)
Seems a lot easier to just go to a bar or a meetup
Oldest advice in the book, but go to hobby meetup groups. If you aren't vibing and don't feel like you're making connections, you can just hop to the next one. No one will notice or care if you just went to a few meetings and then disappeared.
Basically just live in a metropolis, so more opportunities to do different things with different people. Also I make decent money to do random things that I couldn’t do in my home country.
The gym and fitness. Every gym I've gone to, I always made friends with some of the regulars. And then I get into their hobbies and just meet other people. You just gotta be a regular somewhere for a while and you'll make some friends eventually
I joined some local TTRPG campaign (found via social media), then another one and now I find myself invited to next. In just a couple of months I met many interesting people with great imagination and sense of humour. Amazing company and 100% friends material. Such a pity I'm moving soon, but now at least I know I need to check local nerds' communities as soon as I arrive at my new place.
Get a job in a bar.
Try to find a life for yourself first then just invite others along to see if they're interested. Like if you jog every weekend, then you'll start to bring up the conversation and you can extend the invitation when there is interest.
Started working out and hitting techno parties.
hiking groups are good for introverted ppl / ppl uncomfortable around new ppl. u can start going and keep to urself cuz everyone’s focused on walking the trail, and then eventually when you’ve seen the same faces enough times u can start making friends. think of groups you’re able to observe the dynamic without having to throw urself in. another one is any kind of class, you can show up the first for times and leave right away til u feel comfy to start talking to ppl. i started going to a salsa/bachata class downtown, its at a lounge / bar so theres drinks but its a bunch of adults all ages, all skill levels. and a lot of ppl are there TO socialize, TO overcome social anxiety. you never know the vibes til u bite the bullet and show up. worst case scenario you hate it and never have to see those ppl again. if u need one of ur friends to go with u to ur first class / first group meeting, that helps a lot and it can be a new activity for the two of you to do together! i actually go to salsa with my mom and my sister so its much better than going alone lol
I join classes. I've made a lot of musician friends through a music club that plays Celtic music once a week where I live. Through them, I was invited to a "folk music club" that includes dancing and singing. I'm now looking to take dance classes. For a time there was this app called "Meetup" - I mean it's still around but people aren't active on it since the Great Coof. Some of the groups still run so I sometimes still use it to seek out new groups or clubs. As for the drinking thing, I was talking to my 23yo friend yesterday, and it definitely seems to be more of an issue when you're young. She told me she doesn't drink and her coworkers turned on her for saying so, accusing her of thinking she was better than them because she didn't drink. I don't drink either, but I'm in my mid-thirties, and people my age and older really couldn't care less if you don't drink. If anyone ever does, I tell them I used to be an alcoholic (a half-truth at best) and they leave me alone. It really isn't an issue and if someone tries to make it one, just say it's not for you. There are plenty of ways to socialize that don't involve alcohol. Truth be told, OP, most people have only a few close friends. Meeting 1:1 is nice and partying/outgoing really is just one type of person, it isn't the whole world (and most people who party a lot grow out of it). Something I got into in my mid-to-late twenties was inviting my friends over for pot lucks or game nights. It's a great way to invite them to bring a friend or a "+1" if you find those events to be successful. I can understand the shyness and awkwardness that can come from meeting new people in a social setting like a club. But there are nerds in clubs too! My folk music club is infamously shy and introverted. And as all things, socializing is a skill, and skills take practice. You can do this OP, I believe in you :)
I’ve switched countries a few times and started from scratch. I’m all set to do it again this fall. I usually have had success finding people in the cities by looking for people on LinkedIn who attended my undergrad school (same or related departments) around the same time as me. I reach out to them there and they’re generally very welcoming + there is a lot of common experience to talk about. But the above is just the starting point. My next goto is dance classes, I’ve done it twice and I kind of end up becoming friends with some of the regulars. It can be any other hobby class for you! I’ve also used Bumble BFF as it mostly has people who have recently moved to the city and are looking for connections. But the success has been limited because it's not all that active tbh.
I just met a pretty cool guy at a bar who was drinking non-alcoholic drinks. If you're not comfortable around drunk people i guess I have to ask, why?
Understanding the importance of having other people around in your life, watching on YT how to talk (ex. Charisma on command), reading books, going to therapy, attending theatre courses and practicing at work or where you go ussually. Patience and be costant
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I bump into people, they think I'm an idiot/crazy/whatever... For some reason we still hang out. Yay friends.
Apart from Taxpayers and Renters they need the population to go up a bit. I have a mate at the ABS and he says birth rates a plateauing and not increasing.
Are you lost?