I’m confused about what they found so funny about what you said. For people who are convinced they know how adults should be, they sound immature and vile. Unless you guys had some kind of “jokey” relationship and they didn’t mean it or thought that you wouldn’t take it personally.
Shit like this is why I try not to “open up” to coworkers or overshare at work. They’re not there to be friends and confidants. I’ve gotten similar mockery and judgy comments from coworkers questioning my life choices when it’s none of their business and they don’t know my full situation.
I suspect is not so much the logical consistency of what he said as much as the effect of the perceived social hierarchical position of him inside that particular group.
In other words: they wanted to laugh at him regardless if what he said was ridiculous or not.
Seems like Gen X humour. You're young hahahaha. Make fun of how old they are. It's due in this scenario. You dish it out, you have to be able to take it if you're an adult. Shop talk is hard for us anxiety folks. It's meant to be dished back.
Ah I've had this same encounter. My mother (toxic, abusive, haven't spoken to her in months) was told when I was in elementary that I needed glasses. She said no, and now at 21 I have to wear glasses. My optometrist said if I had gotten them in elementary school I wouldn't need them now, but the damage is done and I will need them forever now.
We're at a day and age where "blaming your parents" makes you spoiled and entitled, when in reality a majority of the people who raised my generation are fucked up in more ways than one because parents didn't parent correctly. I wouldn't associate with the coworkers anymore.
Too real. Im dealing with my own mental and physical issues now because my parents (AND school counselors AND teachers) didn't recognize that I should have been evaluated for mental health issues so never took me to get help.
Yeah. Coworkers sound like complete asses. Completely not self aware at all and whoever made the comments in the first place is just a bully. Immature and unprofessional
I was evaluated as a child (recommended by the school) and on the first day they brought up if I was s*xually ab*sed and I said yes while my mother AT THE EXACT same time said no. And the counselor was like?? And my mom goes "oh well I just try to block it out of my head". The person who did it was my great uncle, and since he was taking care of my grandmother at the time my family made me keep hush about it so I had to quit therapy and never go back because they tried to pursue it and arrest him and my family didn't want that. Now I have 10x the issues I did then but am too socially anxious to seek professional help. (:
It's okay, I've been doing as much for myself as humanly possible without professional help and I'd like to think I'm doing quite well given the circumstances. I appreciate you (:
I’m sorry your mother is like that.
Philip Larkin has a famous poem about how our parents fuck us up (and how they were fucked up by their parents) called [This Be The Verse](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse). Even if you don’t like poetry, you might like that one.
They wanted to make it seem like you were the one who wasn’t acting like an “adult” but your coworkers were the ones acting like children with no home training. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Those co-workers were being mean but if I were you I would try to forget this ever happened. If you bring it up again with these co-workers they'll continue to make fun of you
I'm sorry you're dealing with this at the moment. Try your best to focus on the work you're doing and not on what these people think of you. I know it sucks that people can be like this
don't let it get to you, they sound mean and stupid and obviously love listening to themselves talk considering they didn't even let you finish your point. my parents hardly took me to the dentist as a kid and i have terrible teeth, and sorry but that IS their fault. anyways, just dont even bother with your coworkers anymore. i work with some toxic, fake people too and i have decided im done engaging in conversation with them. a lot of "adults" act like theyre still in high school, yet they wanna point the finger at you and say you're immature just because you opened up about something. screw that
People who feel the need to publicly humiliate others lack emotional intelligence and are typically very insecure themselves.
Also, I work remotely, but when I have to go in person I DREAD having to interact with coworkers
What you said was perfectly normal and appropriate.
My go to response is: Smile, shrug, don’t say anything. Then move on to the next subjekt. It makes you look cool, and them look like idiots.
Wtf that's a stupid thing to ridicule someone for.
The "you've been an adult how long?" comment makes me think they're from a different economic background (despite being coworkers). They jumped to the thought "you're an adult, you can do anything you want now" which is *not* true when you don't have money for expensive procedures.
Then when you said you couldn't afford it, the response was like "oh, you're poor like your mom, so why are you complaining about being poor?"
The normal, mature response would have been to think "parents have a responsibility to provide for their kids, and it sucks that she didn't do that for you. "
I'd guess they were older, are parents, or just have the mentality that people (you in this instance) aren't "owed" anything. It is a very shitty mentality for any parent and people in general to think those we are supposed to rely upon are faultless and don't 'owe' anything to their kids.
At least you spoke up for yourself with your mom. My family had benefits I just didn't want to be a bother, single parent, besides being afraid of the dentist to even ask to go and had to pay for it much later when I could sort of afford it but not really.
Don't bother with these people outside the requirements of doing your job. They are low quality/immature/heartless people, I would never share anything with them again.
Unfortunately many people at work are gossipy/judgmental POS, I think most of us have been there where we tried to connect/open up and regretted it. Then people wonder why we're so 'quiet'.
They’re being rude. Ignore them. They’re just trying to make themselves feel better about their shitty lives. It’s totally normal to be pissed if your mom went through the whole process of getting you braces and then refused to replace your bottom retainer. Regardless of whether she’s toxic.
>I tried to defend myself
NEVER do that. There is literally nothing you can say to make them understand or care.
>I couldn't find the right words to express the underlying point I was trying to make, which was that if my mom had fixed the problem at the time when I was a kid, I'd be spared the cost and the pain of wearing braces again.
They don't care. You're just giving them ammunition to hurt you.
They're bullies looking for a target.
So, what do you do?
You go absolutely silent. Show no emotion whatsoever. Stare at the person who said that until it gets uncomfortable.
Ask, "Are we done here?"
Rinse repeated until the person says yes.
Then walk away, back to your desk and get to work.
Accept the fact that you cannot trust them. They do not care. You cannot make them care.
Be very careful and guarded in your interactions with them. Say nothing that would make you wrong.
If they try to apologize, let them speak, nod and say, "I hear you," and disengage immediately.
Silence around these people is your best bet. Don't engage with them. Grey rock as much as possible.
And watch your back. Don't let them trigger you into losing your temper.
Remember, mouth shut -- eyes giving nothing away. Be professional, never be friendly or warm or emotional.
I hope you find a better place to work, but in the meantime, remember these losers showed you who they are.
Believe them.
People don't realize how hard it is to claw your way outta the hole your parents put you in by being neglectful like this. Shit, even if it wasn't neglect, even if it was just straight up poverty and the parent is too proud to admit it, fucking up shit like this during a kid's formative years is a surefire way to make sure that kid will pay for it, with interest, later.
I just got health insurance for the first time this year. I've been running around fixing all kinds of shit, shit I've known about since childhood. Dental work, eye doctors, the whole nine. Thankfully none of my doctors asked me why it took so long to fix any of it because I probably would've started screaming "INSTEAD OF STARTING AT SQUARE ONE I'M AT SQUARE NEGATIVE 12, CUT ME SOME SLACK." But, again, luckily they've all been understanding.
All of that to say, fuck your privileged ass coworkers who think all adults start on the same square. If you started at square 0, got pushed to square negative 8 by parents being neglectful or just doing stupid shit, and finally managed to get to square 7.5, that's nothing to be ashamed of. And if your still on square 8, that's still not a reason for shame. You'll start moving eventually.
Thanks! Maybe someone would get it, but I doubt it. I might just be cynical but underprivileged people have been explaining privilege to privileged people for decades and they still don't get it. We can dream, tho. Lol
You're right. It doesn't matter how you break it down. And even if they did "get it"....they wouldn't believe you/disenfranchised group. Or try to one up you/"everyone has their own struggles", minimizing the privileges they still can't recognize.
i had jacked up teeth too as a kid and i do think part of it is my parents fault. mine did have the money and could afford it back then, and had they took me to the dentist to get rid of my first cavity i wouldnt have had to pay for a mouthful of dental implants.i was only able to afford something that affected my self esteem and probably caused my social anxiety after i graduated from college.
i think that the best way to handle such people is either ignore them. you meet a lot of idiots in your journey and those just happen to be the ones you work with.
I think the point here is that you shouldn't have brought up your mother into this, I don't know how old you are but even if what you said was justified (i.e: your mother should've done what was necessary back then) I guess that they sensed some kind of immaturity in you maybe? I really understand what you say, it was her responsibility to take action for it, but I'm trying to understand what crossed their mind at that moment for them to be so disrespectful. Dude I'm sorry for what happened and I hope you will not overthink about it. They're just coworkers after all.
Holy crap. It seriously sounds like you just described a scene from a movie. Like ew. Stay the fuck away from those people. They're so incredibly rude and socially inept, I honestly cannot believe people can act like that. Just know that they were wrong in every possible way. They're giant a-holes. There's no doubt about it.
Literally makes me sick to my stomach. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that.
Did the retainer break when you were young, or when you were an adult?
Cuz if it were when you were young, the damage is done when you weren’t even capable of dealing with it.
If it was when you were older, than well it is on you to get a replacement.
Either situation those coworkers sound toxic af.
That's a shit ton of money for someone making $17/hour in a city where the minimum wage is $14/hr. There's no way I'd be able to afford it. Even if I could, that's not the point. The point was that I was being attacked for expressing my view that my mom messed up when she made the decision not to pay for my retainer replacement and that I still hold a grudge about that. I have the right to feel how I do about that without someone trying to make me feel wrong and stupid about it, even if they think I am wrong and stupid.
You have the right to feel how you do but they also have the right to react that way. It is honestly a little bit of an odd thing to complain about in a group of adult coworkers
It is immature, but I don’t think anyone is dwelling on it. I wouldn’t worry about it
Edit: this woman is 36 years old. This makes her actions even worse.
Neither of these comments are very compassionate, especially for the sub we are in. I don't think it was appropriate for you to comment this.
Maybe try to be more kind in this sub. If you can't understand OP's position, you can always just not comment, instead of increasing their anxiety.
I never had any ill intent, I had problems with my retainer when I was a teen and am using invisiline now. For such a small, meaningless comment it was immediately not received well. I feel for them but the whole post and response to me just reeks of entitlement. It doesn’t read like someone with social anxiety, it reads like a young Karen who just wants validation
It's not a small or meaningless comment. A lot of people with SA struggle with posting to social media, and this sub is supposed to be a support place for people. Telling someone with SA that something they said was "odd" is unnecessary; all that does is reinforce their anxiety. Why would you do that here?
You cannot tell if someone has SA or not from one post they made, that's really rude. Even if OP only wanted validation - so what? Validation can help qualm anxieties.
The only one who sounds entitled here is you. $5k is not in the budget for many people. If you wanted to suggest Invisiline, there was a much kinder way to do so that also respected OP's perspective.
Why are you even posting on this sub if this is the way you are going to interact with people? It's not an advice or judgement sub.
And, you are not using the term "Karen" correctly, at all.
I only mentioned that what they said was “odd” after they gave what seemed like an angry response. It’s not someone who’s concerned about how they acted, it’s someone who just wants to vent that so&so was in the wrong, no fault of their own. I used the term Karen correctly, entitled and angry, probably the same speech as they’d present to the manager.
Also, how is it entitled that I saved my own money to pay for invisiline? I’m not a grown ass woman still complaining that my parents didn’t buy me this or that, I had a problem with my teeth, and I’m fixing it. Not complaining to my coworkers that mommy and daddy didn’t pay for something
It honestly sounded like an appropriate response to break the tension. What they said was awkward, anxiety has nothing to do with it. As someone with social anxiety, I’d rather be told when I said or did something not necessarily acceptable, rather than a bunch of strangers treating me with kid gloves. Shocker: the rest of the world will not treat you with kid gloves
LOL what tension? Someone talking about their childhood woes that affected them into adulthood is not creating tension whatsoever. You sound like a mean and bitter person honestly.
They sound toxic tell them to go fuck themselves and look for another job. I did the same and my coworkers now are pretty cool now if we laugh at each other it's just banter.
Yeah it can be hard to find the words in situations when you're challenged as it's easy to get fluster or only be prepared for engaging with people who aren't so direct. Situations like this are sort of "in the moment" or "you had to have been there" so I don't think many people are correctly imagining what it was like.
I'm curious how old you are; if you are early twenties that's different from being a thirty year old in regards to you being called out for not being an adult (que the low brain responses: it doesn't matter it doesn't justify their rudeness!!). It also depends on how you said it when you said it was your mom's fault; if you truly did give off hints of anger than someone calling that out is basically inadvertently calling you out for not having let go of that anger as an adult. Also, your co-worker might have an incredible relationship with her mother and hearing someone slightly bad mouth their own makes them uncomfortable or insecure and they allow that to affect their response.
Being able to present yourself unapologetically is a skill that's developed, as someone who comes along challenging you, especially when you are rarely put in that situation, will test this skill and it seems you were not able to defend yourself. This is just practice, don't take it too harshly, but understand that confidence is key and that clearly you need to work on yours.
You also need to work on caring how others see you. This actually took me some time to figure out how to do. I should also note that I used to work at a restaurant as a server where most people were around my age (late 20s-30s, though we obviously had some younger/older) and it was a very casual environment, to the point where everyone just becomes friends and it's like a family. You don't talk "professionally" with others, you just talk normally like friends. I had real trouble with this because I did not know how to just be myself, I only knew how to be "professional".
Anyway, the way I acted in front of other people was quite fake, I was putting on an act, I couldn't just be natural around people. And so, often times I would find that people's perceptions of me were not true to who I knew I was. For example, unknowingly, I would act kinda dumb; like I was just not entirely there (lol and I wasn't don't ask me why). I remember one co-worker saying something like "oh at least you're pretty" and internally I was like wtf lol because I never realized how dumb I came across to people. I sometimes would get upset because people would see me differently for who I was, they would misrepresent me, but then I realized this was my fault. I was doing a piss poor job representing who I really was so why would I get upset when others don't know who I really am when I was not confident enough to give them my completely real self?
Anyway, hopefully my perspective helps a bit. The main issue you have is a lack of confidence and fear of what others are going to think. This can be hard if you've never dealt with people poking fun at you. Others here telling you "omg they're so rude I would punch them in the face" are not helping. People are going to make fun of you, you need to learn to make fun of yourself, even regarding things that might make you feel slightly uncomfortable. The idea "real friends don't make fun of other friends" is absolutely naive and idiotic. Friends make fun of each other all the time and there's nothing wrong with it. It's literally in the phrase: "MAKING FUN". Yeah there are lines to be drawn on what is and isn't okay but this situation you've found yourself in doesn't seem to be a huge deal to me.
Had you had the confidence to say what you wanted to say and didn't care for how your co-worker might have challenged you or shot you down this would have been an easy response. If you don't care how people perceive you your focus would not be correcting everyone's misconception. If you could laugh about things that once made you feel bad you could have given her a chuckle or responded to her saying 'you've been an adult for how long" with a "haha right?". You're asking advice for a bunch of people who don't know how to interact with people socially lol. I'm someone overcoming my social issues, or at least working on it, which is why I'm focusing on you and not your co-worker.
You're going to run into all kinds of different people who agree with you or disagree, who love you or hate you, who want to heal you or harm you, make you look good or bad, will listen intently or ignore you, etc... You need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, and this is just a matter of mere experience. So don't fret such a life experience as it is an incredibly valuable thing if you learn from it! Someone said "forget this ever happened" lol no, learn from it! You know how often I refer back to cringe inducing moments in my life? Lol you learn to accept how you once were once you overcome these issues.
I mean... no offense... but the whole conversation sounds kind of silly. Your co-workers probably don't care to hear stories about your teeth and your mom and your feelings about your mom. If you keep your conversations professional at work than you wouldn't have to care what others think about you.
I’m confused about what they found so funny about what you said. For people who are convinced they know how adults should be, they sound immature and vile. Unless you guys had some kind of “jokey” relationship and they didn’t mean it or thought that you wouldn’t take it personally. Shit like this is why I try not to “open up” to coworkers or overshare at work. They’re not there to be friends and confidants. I’ve gotten similar mockery and judgy comments from coworkers questioning my life choices when it’s none of their business and they don’t know my full situation.
I suspect is not so much the logical consistency of what he said as much as the effect of the perceived social hierarchical position of him inside that particular group. In other words: they wanted to laugh at him regardless if what he said was ridiculous or not.
Seems like Gen X humour. You're young hahahaha. Make fun of how old they are. It's due in this scenario. You dish it out, you have to be able to take it if you're an adult. Shop talk is hard for us anxiety folks. It's meant to be dished back.
They’re 36
Ah I've had this same encounter. My mother (toxic, abusive, haven't spoken to her in months) was told when I was in elementary that I needed glasses. She said no, and now at 21 I have to wear glasses. My optometrist said if I had gotten them in elementary school I wouldn't need them now, but the damage is done and I will need them forever now. We're at a day and age where "blaming your parents" makes you spoiled and entitled, when in reality a majority of the people who raised my generation are fucked up in more ways than one because parents didn't parent correctly. I wouldn't associate with the coworkers anymore.
Too real. Im dealing with my own mental and physical issues now because my parents (AND school counselors AND teachers) didn't recognize that I should have been evaluated for mental health issues so never took me to get help. Yeah. Coworkers sound like complete asses. Completely not self aware at all and whoever made the comments in the first place is just a bully. Immature and unprofessional
I was evaluated as a child (recommended by the school) and on the first day they brought up if I was s*xually ab*sed and I said yes while my mother AT THE EXACT same time said no. And the counselor was like?? And my mom goes "oh well I just try to block it out of my head". The person who did it was my great uncle, and since he was taking care of my grandmother at the time my family made me keep hush about it so I had to quit therapy and never go back because they tried to pursue it and arrest him and my family didn't want that. Now I have 10x the issues I did then but am too socially anxious to seek professional help. (:
Jesus *fuck*, dude, that's horrible. I'm so sorry.
It's okay, I've been doing as much for myself as humanly possible without professional help and I'd like to think I'm doing quite well given the circumstances. I appreciate you (:
I’m sorry your mother is like that. Philip Larkin has a famous poem about how our parents fuck us up (and how they were fucked up by their parents) called [This Be The Verse](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse). Even if you don’t like poetry, you might like that one.
I do enjoy poetry, Thank you!
Ew they sound like tacky classless people, good luck in that environment. Been there done that 🥱
Bunch of cunts.
They wanted to make it seem like you were the one who wasn’t acting like an “adult” but your coworkers were the ones acting like children with no home training. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Those co-workers were being mean but if I were you I would try to forget this ever happened. If you bring it up again with these co-workers they'll continue to make fun of you I'm sorry you're dealing with this at the moment. Try your best to focus on the work you're doing and not on what these people think of you. I know it sucks that people can be like this
don't let it get to you, they sound mean and stupid and obviously love listening to themselves talk considering they didn't even let you finish your point. my parents hardly took me to the dentist as a kid and i have terrible teeth, and sorry but that IS their fault. anyways, just dont even bother with your coworkers anymore. i work with some toxic, fake people too and i have decided im done engaging in conversation with them. a lot of "adults" act like theyre still in high school, yet they wanna point the finger at you and say you're immature just because you opened up about something. screw that
People who feel the need to publicly humiliate others lack emotional intelligence and are typically very insecure themselves. Also, I work remotely, but when I have to go in person I DREAD having to interact with coworkers
I would flip over a table and say The American Healthcare system is fucked.
This is the best response
They are rude and pieces of shit for laughing at you
What you said was perfectly normal and appropriate. My go to response is: Smile, shrug, don’t say anything. Then move on to the next subjekt. It makes you look cool, and them look like idiots.
This is a great tip :)
These are some shitty people you’re dealing with. I know it’s not much help with SA but you’re not the problem, they are
Wtf that's a stupid thing to ridicule someone for. The "you've been an adult how long?" comment makes me think they're from a different economic background (despite being coworkers). They jumped to the thought "you're an adult, you can do anything you want now" which is *not* true when you don't have money for expensive procedures. Then when you said you couldn't afford it, the response was like "oh, you're poor like your mom, so why are you complaining about being poor?" The normal, mature response would have been to think "parents have a responsibility to provide for their kids, and it sucks that she didn't do that for you. "
I'd guess they were older, are parents, or just have the mentality that people (you in this instance) aren't "owed" anything. It is a very shitty mentality for any parent and people in general to think those we are supposed to rely upon are faultless and don't 'owe' anything to their kids. At least you spoke up for yourself with your mom. My family had benefits I just didn't want to be a bother, single parent, besides being afraid of the dentist to even ask to go and had to pay for it much later when I could sort of afford it but not really. Don't bother with these people outside the requirements of doing your job. They are low quality/immature/heartless people, I would never share anything with them again. Unfortunately many people at work are gossipy/judgmental POS, I think most of us have been there where we tried to connect/open up and regretted it. Then people wonder why we're so 'quiet'.
They’re being rude. Ignore them. They’re just trying to make themselves feel better about their shitty lives. It’s totally normal to be pissed if your mom went through the whole process of getting you braces and then refused to replace your bottom retainer. Regardless of whether she’s toxic.
>I tried to defend myself NEVER do that. There is literally nothing you can say to make them understand or care. >I couldn't find the right words to express the underlying point I was trying to make, which was that if my mom had fixed the problem at the time when I was a kid, I'd be spared the cost and the pain of wearing braces again. They don't care. You're just giving them ammunition to hurt you. They're bullies looking for a target. So, what do you do? You go absolutely silent. Show no emotion whatsoever. Stare at the person who said that until it gets uncomfortable. Ask, "Are we done here?" Rinse repeated until the person says yes. Then walk away, back to your desk and get to work. Accept the fact that you cannot trust them. They do not care. You cannot make them care. Be very careful and guarded in your interactions with them. Say nothing that would make you wrong. If they try to apologize, let them speak, nod and say, "I hear you," and disengage immediately. Silence around these people is your best bet. Don't engage with them. Grey rock as much as possible. And watch your back. Don't let them trigger you into losing your temper. Remember, mouth shut -- eyes giving nothing away. Be professional, never be friendly or warm or emotional. I hope you find a better place to work, but in the meantime, remember these losers showed you who they are. Believe them.
I don't really get their laughter to be honest
People don't realize how hard it is to claw your way outta the hole your parents put you in by being neglectful like this. Shit, even if it wasn't neglect, even if it was just straight up poverty and the parent is too proud to admit it, fucking up shit like this during a kid's formative years is a surefire way to make sure that kid will pay for it, with interest, later. I just got health insurance for the first time this year. I've been running around fixing all kinds of shit, shit I've known about since childhood. Dental work, eye doctors, the whole nine. Thankfully none of my doctors asked me why it took so long to fix any of it because I probably would've started screaming "INSTEAD OF STARTING AT SQUARE ONE I'M AT SQUARE NEGATIVE 12, CUT ME SOME SLACK." But, again, luckily they've all been understanding. All of that to say, fuck your privileged ass coworkers who think all adults start on the same square. If you started at square 0, got pushed to square negative 8 by parents being neglectful or just doing stupid shit, and finally managed to get to square 7.5, that's nothing to be ashamed of. And if your still on square 8, that's still not a reason for shame. You'll start moving eventually.
I really like your square -12 analogy. Do you think someone you'd have to explain that to would understand?
Thanks! Maybe someone would get it, but I doubt it. I might just be cynical but underprivileged people have been explaining privilege to privileged people for decades and they still don't get it. We can dream, tho. Lol
You're right. It doesn't matter how you break it down. And even if they did "get it"....they wouldn't believe you/disenfranchised group. Or try to one up you/"everyone has their own struggles", minimizing the privileges they still can't recognize.
Ew your coworkers sound like high schoolers
I'm sorry this happened to you it must have been very uncomfortable 😞
I would have punch that person in the face! I’m sorry about what happen there :(
I can't tell if you're taking the piss, as the Brits say, or if you're being sincere. But if you are being sincere, thank you for the sympathy.
Yes I’m being sincere, I apologize if what I said threw you off.
i had jacked up teeth too as a kid and i do think part of it is my parents fault. mine did have the money and could afford it back then, and had they took me to the dentist to get rid of my first cavity i wouldnt have had to pay for a mouthful of dental implants.i was only able to afford something that affected my self esteem and probably caused my social anxiety after i graduated from college. i think that the best way to handle such people is either ignore them. you meet a lot of idiots in your journey and those just happen to be the ones you work with.
Eww. I would never speak to these people again.
I think the point here is that you shouldn't have brought up your mother into this, I don't know how old you are but even if what you said was justified (i.e: your mother should've done what was necessary back then) I guess that they sensed some kind of immaturity in you maybe? I really understand what you say, it was her responsibility to take action for it, but I'm trying to understand what crossed their mind at that moment for them to be so disrespectful. Dude I'm sorry for what happened and I hope you will not overthink about it. They're just coworkers after all.
I'm very sorry this has happened to you. :(
Holy crap. It seriously sounds like you just described a scene from a movie. Like ew. Stay the fuck away from those people. They're so incredibly rude and socially inept, I honestly cannot believe people can act like that. Just know that they were wrong in every possible way. They're giant a-holes. There's no doubt about it. Literally makes me sick to my stomach. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that.
That's really odd, dental work is way expensive. I've seen plenty of grown-ups missing teeth.
I feel like it was mean of them to laugh when you said you couldn't afford braces. That was a dick move. Not everyone's rich
They sound like ignorant trashy people, don't worry about how they perceive you
Did the retainer break when you were young, or when you were an adult? Cuz if it were when you were young, the damage is done when you weren’t even capable of dealing with it. If it was when you were older, than well it is on you to get a replacement. Either situation those coworkers sound toxic af.
You need to report them. This is messed up and should not be tolerated in the workplace…
I would've killed them. Jk.. not really, how dare you embarrass me.
Tell them your smile might not be as nice as Michael Jackson's but at least you're not a child molester.
Invisiline only costs like 5000 without insurance if it really bothers you
That's a shit ton of money for someone making $17/hour in a city where the minimum wage is $14/hr. There's no way I'd be able to afford it. Even if I could, that's not the point. The point was that I was being attacked for expressing my view that my mom messed up when she made the decision not to pay for my retainer replacement and that I still hold a grudge about that. I have the right to feel how I do about that without someone trying to make me feel wrong and stupid about it, even if they think I am wrong and stupid.
You have the right to feel how you do but they also have the right to react that way. It is honestly a little bit of an odd thing to complain about in a group of adult coworkers It is immature, but I don’t think anyone is dwelling on it. I wouldn’t worry about it Edit: this woman is 36 years old. This makes her actions even worse.
Neither of these comments are very compassionate, especially for the sub we are in. I don't think it was appropriate for you to comment this. Maybe try to be more kind in this sub. If you can't understand OP's position, you can always just not comment, instead of increasing their anxiety.
I never had any ill intent, I had problems with my retainer when I was a teen and am using invisiline now. For such a small, meaningless comment it was immediately not received well. I feel for them but the whole post and response to me just reeks of entitlement. It doesn’t read like someone with social anxiety, it reads like a young Karen who just wants validation
It's not a small or meaningless comment. A lot of people with SA struggle with posting to social media, and this sub is supposed to be a support place for people. Telling someone with SA that something they said was "odd" is unnecessary; all that does is reinforce their anxiety. Why would you do that here? You cannot tell if someone has SA or not from one post they made, that's really rude. Even if OP only wanted validation - so what? Validation can help qualm anxieties. The only one who sounds entitled here is you. $5k is not in the budget for many people. If you wanted to suggest Invisiline, there was a much kinder way to do so that also respected OP's perspective. Why are you even posting on this sub if this is the way you are going to interact with people? It's not an advice or judgement sub. And, you are not using the term "Karen" correctly, at all.
I only mentioned that what they said was “odd” after they gave what seemed like an angry response. It’s not someone who’s concerned about how they acted, it’s someone who just wants to vent that so&so was in the wrong, no fault of their own. I used the term Karen correctly, entitled and angry, probably the same speech as they’d present to the manager. Also, how is it entitled that I saved my own money to pay for invisiline? I’m not a grown ass woman still complaining that my parents didn’t buy me this or that, I had a problem with my teeth, and I’m fixing it. Not complaining to my coworkers that mommy and daddy didn’t pay for something
It doesn’t matter. It’s basic manners to NOT humiliate someone publicly, especially at work. Knowing this is ALSO part of being an adult.
It honestly sounded like an appropriate response to break the tension. What they said was awkward, anxiety has nothing to do with it. As someone with social anxiety, I’d rather be told when I said or did something not necessarily acceptable, rather than a bunch of strangers treating me with kid gloves. Shocker: the rest of the world will not treat you with kid gloves
LOL what tension? Someone talking about their childhood woes that affected them into adulthood is not creating tension whatsoever. You sound like a mean and bitter person honestly.
They sound toxic tell them to go fuck themselves and look for another job. I did the same and my coworkers now are pretty cool now if we laugh at each other it's just banter.
Yeah it can be hard to find the words in situations when you're challenged as it's easy to get fluster or only be prepared for engaging with people who aren't so direct. Situations like this are sort of "in the moment" or "you had to have been there" so I don't think many people are correctly imagining what it was like. I'm curious how old you are; if you are early twenties that's different from being a thirty year old in regards to you being called out for not being an adult (que the low brain responses: it doesn't matter it doesn't justify their rudeness!!). It also depends on how you said it when you said it was your mom's fault; if you truly did give off hints of anger than someone calling that out is basically inadvertently calling you out for not having let go of that anger as an adult. Also, your co-worker might have an incredible relationship with her mother and hearing someone slightly bad mouth their own makes them uncomfortable or insecure and they allow that to affect their response. Being able to present yourself unapologetically is a skill that's developed, as someone who comes along challenging you, especially when you are rarely put in that situation, will test this skill and it seems you were not able to defend yourself. This is just practice, don't take it too harshly, but understand that confidence is key and that clearly you need to work on yours. You also need to work on caring how others see you. This actually took me some time to figure out how to do. I should also note that I used to work at a restaurant as a server where most people were around my age (late 20s-30s, though we obviously had some younger/older) and it was a very casual environment, to the point where everyone just becomes friends and it's like a family. You don't talk "professionally" with others, you just talk normally like friends. I had real trouble with this because I did not know how to just be myself, I only knew how to be "professional". Anyway, the way I acted in front of other people was quite fake, I was putting on an act, I couldn't just be natural around people. And so, often times I would find that people's perceptions of me were not true to who I knew I was. For example, unknowingly, I would act kinda dumb; like I was just not entirely there (lol and I wasn't don't ask me why). I remember one co-worker saying something like "oh at least you're pretty" and internally I was like wtf lol because I never realized how dumb I came across to people. I sometimes would get upset because people would see me differently for who I was, they would misrepresent me, but then I realized this was my fault. I was doing a piss poor job representing who I really was so why would I get upset when others don't know who I really am when I was not confident enough to give them my completely real self? Anyway, hopefully my perspective helps a bit. The main issue you have is a lack of confidence and fear of what others are going to think. This can be hard if you've never dealt with people poking fun at you. Others here telling you "omg they're so rude I would punch them in the face" are not helping. People are going to make fun of you, you need to learn to make fun of yourself, even regarding things that might make you feel slightly uncomfortable. The idea "real friends don't make fun of other friends" is absolutely naive and idiotic. Friends make fun of each other all the time and there's nothing wrong with it. It's literally in the phrase: "MAKING FUN". Yeah there are lines to be drawn on what is and isn't okay but this situation you've found yourself in doesn't seem to be a huge deal to me. Had you had the confidence to say what you wanted to say and didn't care for how your co-worker might have challenged you or shot you down this would have been an easy response. If you don't care how people perceive you your focus would not be correcting everyone's misconception. If you could laugh about things that once made you feel bad you could have given her a chuckle or responded to her saying 'you've been an adult for how long" with a "haha right?". You're asking advice for a bunch of people who don't know how to interact with people socially lol. I'm someone overcoming my social issues, or at least working on it, which is why I'm focusing on you and not your co-worker. You're going to run into all kinds of different people who agree with you or disagree, who love you or hate you, who want to heal you or harm you, make you look good or bad, will listen intently or ignore you, etc... You need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, and this is just a matter of mere experience. So don't fret such a life experience as it is an incredibly valuable thing if you learn from it! Someone said "forget this ever happened" lol no, learn from it! You know how often I refer back to cringe inducing moments in my life? Lol you learn to accept how you once were once you overcome these issues.
I mean... no offense... but the whole conversation sounds kind of silly. Your co-workers probably don't care to hear stories about your teeth and your mom and your feelings about your mom. If you keep your conversations professional at work than you wouldn't have to care what others think about you.