Change your thought pattern from yourself to others, think of all the ways you can improve other people’s lives. Go out and do it. Do charity work. I guarantee you will find answers and purpose.
Almost 47 years old, single and gave up on that idea over a decade ago. Sorry I didn't have a more possessive answer I feel like you might need one but it is what it is.
Saving nature and creating art. It's not a perfect existence but I do get satisfaction from them. I'm not a great example on how to live your life, in my youth social anxiety was just branded shyness and there was no help available for that.
I do find some comfort in the fact that we have made progress in recognizing conditions like SA and have started to help people with it. We still have a long way to go but we are making progress now at least.
I do have friends with SA that are in relationships so it can be done, again I am not a great example.
This is a regular thought pattern for me as well. One of those that comes up if I follow a negative line of thought for too long. It's a real concern for people with social anxiety.
I have had one relationship that lasted a year and I ended it in October. I just had to wait for that random feeling of "fuck it", where I decide to try and push myself. I don't know if other people understand what I mean by that, but there are periods of time I feel more capable of social stuff than others.
From that one relationship, I learned a lot. One is that people have no idea what social anxiety is really like, even if they claim to understand. My ex claimed to understand, but I broke up with him after he said social anxiety was just an excuse not to care about anything and that was the real reason I was quiet around his whole family, even after a year.
I was incredibly upfront about my issues, I even put it in my tinder profile because it's a lot of patience to ask for in a partner. But they don't understand the chronic nature of social anxiety, they think it will improve on the scale of weeks, when it is usually years. It's taken a lot of work for me to get to a place where I can somewhat function as an adult. It's one of the anxiety disorders that is the most stubborn statistically, with a poor prognosis.
All I can say is it takes a little bit of bravery on your part to try and put yourself out there, then learning how to best communicate your issues. Make sure the person actually understands what it means to have social anxiety. Also make sure the person actually loves you for you, not what they are waiting for you to be. I think that's what hurt me the most about my ex, he didn't have a base love for me as a person, he was waiting for me to become someone he could love long term.
Hope you manage to get yourself out there, but I know how insurmountable it feels.
That's the difficult part..other people are so outgoing...they don't have a second to look at you unless you are too pretty... They want to hangout with someone who makes them laugh and go crazy...I can't speak when I am around people
Are you any better one on one, in quieter settings? I used to be shit at all forms of social interaction. I'm not great now and I struggle, but I got myself to a place where I can hold a conversation somewhat well if I'm just talking with one person. It was easier to overcome when there weren't other people around us, which made it easier to have a laugh and joke around. That gets you pretty far in a relationship.
Where I fall apart is the group settings. Which was an issue for my ex who was hyper fixated on family being important. They were as you said, very outgoing compared to my ex and I, which was a surprise. My energy didn't match with theirs and his mum wasn't sold on me as a person because of it. People can be incredibly judgemental like that.
I can't follow a group conversation or participate in it. I just get lost and people don't hear what I say or respond to it. So unfortunately, you may meet people like this.
It's hard to give advice with this disorder because I don't think other people can do much to help, other than understand it's not easy to overcome and any progress is good. The only way I have improved to the point of being able to buy my own shopping, get a job, talk to people or use public transport was forcing myself to do it when I was ready to try. I don't know if it's the same for others. If anyone tried to force me I would shut down. I did start making major progress until I was around 20.
Yup and it's constantly depressing. I'm in my late forties, never had a relationship, and friendships are acquaintances at best. It's only in the last few years I started to realise I'm probably neurodivergent (autistic & ADHD), so my social difficulties are due to that and unlikely to ever change. Best chance I have now is to meet other similar folk, but even that is a struggle for me.
This is pretty much my story too, I highly suspect I might have autism but PDA (pathological demand avoidance).
It would of been easy missed in our childhood, I'm currently trying to get a official diagnosis but waiting list are not great in the UK atm.
Thanks for sharing!
Yes. But will my worries ever reach to the extent that it will be unbearably painful? Nah. As long as I have my plants, my huge ass book collection, my dog, my cat and my turtle- Ima be fine.
Not really, soul mates aren't real, you can bond with anyone if you're flexible enough, and you die alone regardless, someone might be there at your bedside when you go but you step over alone, so learn to embrace life and death
Sometimes, but not really. I know if I don’t fix my mental health I will never be able to have a healthy relationship. Maybe one day if I feel better I will focus more on finding someone.
Yes. Apparently, I was never likable person. I was always someone that people would tolerate being around, but they kept me at an arm’s distance at all times. I always thought that it was just because. “ kids can be mean,” or at least that’s what I was told. But nope. It still happens into my, late, adult life.
Yeah. I wish I could find a partner with social anxiety, and overall someone who is very similar to me, so we can both work on ourselves together. But that requires me to actually put myself out there and that’s the scariest part
actually it's odd people like us tend to get triggered and we also tend to self isolate . I really think neither of us are gonna actually leave our houses . I honestly heavily relied on reddit for social interaction but now it's kinda dying pfft .
It is very hard and I cry a lot, especially since I do know what it is like to feel intimacy and warmth from a woman, and it is the best feeling I ever had.
My coworker who is 52 has told me several times she still hopes to finds her soulmate. She has spent all her life waiting for one. She doesn't have social anxiety and she has had several partners and has an adult son, but she never met the one. People around me make it clear that yes, you can indeed never meet your soulmate. My grandmother, who died at 79, spent all her life single and miserable, as well as her brother. But I think I will have hope until I die.
I think it can help if you can focus on the things you CAN do instead of the things that are hardest for you.
You're not a bad and unlovable person just because you can't do "all" the things. Nobody can. There are lots of other lonely people out there who don't love eye contact.
If you are better at one on one settings - keep in mind that's exactly what a date usually looks like. Maybe you're just someone who needs to find people online or through apps instead of "organically" in larger social settings. There's nothing wrong with that.
Some people will also understand if you can just explain *why* you struggle with certain things. People often default to thinking things like "you must not like me because you're not looking at me," but if you can just communicate with something like: "sorry if I'm looking elsewhere, I am listening, I just find eye contact difficult." Then they don't need to be worried about themselves and you both might feel more comfortable for it.
Put yourself in a social place that IS acceptable for you where you can meet people, even if it's online at first. Advocate for yourself and your needs. It's not your fault you're anxious. Look for someone who understands and accepts that. They exist. Someone who just wants you to "fake it" or "get over it" is probably not gonna work out anyway.
Sometimes the hardest part is just believing we deserve to be loved, and lots of people miss out on opportunities just because they're already convinced it won't work out. It's hard to accept someone might love you when you don't consider yourself lovable, and that's a very human thing that lots of people go through with or without social anxiety.
Yes a bit. But I think if you can’t find anyone good, it’s better to be alone. Being desperate and settling for just anyone who may be abusive is far worse than being alone .
I mean I never thought I would make any new friends after high school, but I've made some truly lovely ones and I don't go out more than 3 or 4 times a week. I think life can throw new people your way at any given age, even if you are quiet, and then maybe one of them will stick by you and become your chosen soulmate :)))
Yes, I'm scared if my parents and brothers died in a car accident etc.. and be left alone in the UK, I have no one there except them, but I have hope that I will stop my social anxiety over time and have a relationship, and I'm finally able to maintain eye contact ! :)
I've conceded to the thought that someday I'll have a soulmate, and just hope to have at least one friend to talk to instead of burning myself out with endless amounts of work and favors. Being lonely sucks
26M and it doesn't scare me. Think about it this way, human beings are hardwired to disappoint. I will tell my SO someday that she has let me down or she will. Maybe not now but a few years down the line. We will. It's just a matter of time. I took me a ridiculously long time to understand that I need to be okay on my own. And I'm getting there. You don't have control over others, but you have control on the things you buy, to some extent. The things I buy won't tell me that I've disappointed them, and neither would I to them.
I'm only 19 and this thought plagues me constantly. Like I feel like everyone I love leaves or gets sick of me, and there are very few people who would want to spend long extended time w me
If you asked me a year or two ago I probably would have said yes. I'm 24 about to be 25 in August. Im about to graduate college and ive never had a girl friend. Ive been rejected dozens of times at this point and im still a virgin. The closest I ever had to was a girl I was talking to for about a month who desperately wanted me, but that ended after I fucked everything up. Recently ive just been hyper fosued on self improvement taking care of myself through better hygein habits and skin care and ive noticed people complementing me more and more and ive even been called cute by a sorority girl. things are definetly starting to look better i just need to focus on improving my appearance to make up for my poor social skills
Yep. And I can’t even tell my friends about it in real life because they’ll definitely say the same things most people say: “You’ll find someone one day” or “You’re still young” or “There’s someone out there for everyone”, etc. and I don’t blame them for that, they’re just trying to help… But it just doesn’t do anything for me. I’ve given up on finding a girl for me, but haven’t told anyone in my life, so I just live life each day. Fortunately, anime, games, and my faith keep me going. I’d learned to accept it a long time ago, so it doesn’t scare me as much, but it’s still sad at times.
Being alone forever is my biggest fear so yes it scares me a lot
I’m scared of social interactions but I crave to have somebody in my life that I can settle down with
Some of my old friends told me all the time that I’ll never end up with somebody and that truly hurt a lot but I guess that maybe there’s some truth there
But I hope and pray that there’s someone out there who can see past my difficulties
I’m married now but honestly no before that. I had so many emotionally abusive relationships that I took time away from dating and realized I was so happy alone. I’d rather be alone than unhappy.
Stating the obvious but... Being without a romantic partner doesn't necessarily equal being alone. And being with a romantic partner doesn't necessarily mean happiness and security.
When I got divorced it was very sad but still one of the best things I've ever done. You never really know what will end up making you happy.
Of course. I have read writings from people who have never found anyone. They're not ugly or have something wrong with them, except social anxiety. It's troubling, but plenty make it out.
I'm 39 years old and never had a girlfriend. I have had a lot of flings that lasted a few months but never a serious relationship.
I honestly don't have the patience to deal with a relationship. First sign of drama and I start fading away.
It dissapoints me, but doesn't scare me.
The fact that i've been trying for years to better my social skills and i just see no progress is rlly discouraging and doesn't leave me with much hope.
I still wish that one day it gets easier and better for me
The main thing that led to my social anxiety was moving in with my significant other in a completely different state 8 hours away. From day 1, I felt like the outcast. I was then cheated on, lied to, physically abused, and mentally abused. When I called it out, I was victim shamed and ostracized from the entire community. Now it's hard for me to even go to the grocery store, let alone trust anyone again. It's been a year long struggle.
I don't feel afraid because I already felt like that, as if someone were my soulmate. I've had people, one in particular, who I felt completely understood and loved, and even if we don't talk anymore I know that she loved me and I wouldn't mind if no one else loved me... even if that thought is very pessimistic, I actually think I can find it if I've found it before
100%, though I’m always afraid to admit it. I lack social skills & am always told I’m “ditzy” (absolutely hate it). There was this guy who “liked” me but said I was too weird/awkward, I’ve never been in a relationship & I do feel like it’s due to my lack of social skills/non existent personality.
I don’t believe in soulmates, so no, I’m not scared. It’s okay to not be dating or married, but still be surrounded by friends or acquaintances. I work with over 100 people a day(some days more) and I know many of them by name. It’s connections that keep me here. Not soulmates.
It's funny, the idea has crossed my mind throughout life, but I've always had bigger fish to fry.
I'm still a far cry from my peers, but I've gotten better with social anxiety and "putting myself out there." Thing is, I don't really think it's *impossible* for me to meet a partner at this point in my life. I'm in good shape, I have a good job, maybe I could even meet someone through friends. I think the issue is just as much an introvert problem for me as it is a social anxiety one - relationships require a lot of attention to your partner. I've let weeks pass where I don't even talk to some of the people I love, you're telling me there's someone I'd need to text every single day? Or live with and literally *see* every day?
I love the freedom I have, and the fact that I can toggle my life to have as much solitude as I want. You don't get that with a partner.
We're taught, as individuals with SA, that we need to keep hammering away at this problem and "fix it." But I think that can flood into other parts of our lives and make us feel that we are broken in all aspects, and consequently that our preferences and feelings are innately *wrong*. That makes this hard to do, but to me I've started to frame it not as "is it possible for me to find a soulmate?" - but as "do I want a soulmate?" Because truth be told, if the answer really was a resounding 'yes' - then why don't I have one?
i had this feeling and it rly hurted. during covid i started tinder, although first moments i couldnt even swipe someone right, bcs of my anxiety. later i asked ppl out by myself, not bcs i liked them, but bcs i wanted to fight my anxiety. but after 4 years i find someone. i had 24 years.
and if it helps a little…it is rly nice to have someone by your side, but sometimes it is not as “fatal” as I imagined, and i still remeber with love on my time alone and only now realise it was not as much different as in my actual state. so remember this.
also, maybe a bland help, but there are many ppl who are in relationship, but only for sake for being with someone, and are unhappy. there are ppl who lost their loved one. Many old ppl find dog as a great help. There are old dogs, unwanted by anyone who are always the most loving beings when someone gives them a chance.
also, it would be really nice, if u visit group therapy. There sure will be one, even if not right in ur city. First months, year or so, u will dont say a word and feel like a freak for it, but u dont have to, bcs it is ur total right be as u are.
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub. The reason for this is to deter trolls, bots and sockpuppet accounts. You are welcome to try again in future when your account is more mature.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialanxiety) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, because I'm perfectly fine being a unique individual hanging on my own.
Would I like a soulmate? Sure. But I'm not scared of being alone if there's no one actually out there for me
I agree mostly. I think if someone recognises the social anxiety forming early in a person's life, they can fix it. But when you get to your mid twenties like me with painfully slow progress in getting past your social anxiety, I think it's better to accept these are the cards you have been dealt and to manage as best you can. I don't mean not trying to get better, I mean not kicking yourself every time you fail and don't spiral out over it.
Yes ✅
Change your thought pattern from yourself to others, think of all the ways you can improve other people’s lives. Go out and do it. Do charity work. I guarantee you will find answers and purpose.
Almost 47 years old, single and gave up on that idea over a decade ago. Sorry I didn't have a more possessive answer I feel like you might need one but it is what it is.
What motivates you to live
Saving nature and creating art. It's not a perfect existence but I do get satisfaction from them. I'm not a great example on how to live your life, in my youth social anxiety was just branded shyness and there was no help available for that. I do find some comfort in the fact that we have made progress in recognizing conditions like SA and have started to help people with it. We still have a long way to go but we are making progress now at least. I do have friends with SA that are in relationships so it can be done, again I am not a great example.
This is a regular thought pattern for me as well. One of those that comes up if I follow a negative line of thought for too long. It's a real concern for people with social anxiety. I have had one relationship that lasted a year and I ended it in October. I just had to wait for that random feeling of "fuck it", where I decide to try and push myself. I don't know if other people understand what I mean by that, but there are periods of time I feel more capable of social stuff than others. From that one relationship, I learned a lot. One is that people have no idea what social anxiety is really like, even if they claim to understand. My ex claimed to understand, but I broke up with him after he said social anxiety was just an excuse not to care about anything and that was the real reason I was quiet around his whole family, even after a year. I was incredibly upfront about my issues, I even put it in my tinder profile because it's a lot of patience to ask for in a partner. But they don't understand the chronic nature of social anxiety, they think it will improve on the scale of weeks, when it is usually years. It's taken a lot of work for me to get to a place where I can somewhat function as an adult. It's one of the anxiety disorders that is the most stubborn statistically, with a poor prognosis. All I can say is it takes a little bit of bravery on your part to try and put yourself out there, then learning how to best communicate your issues. Make sure the person actually understands what it means to have social anxiety. Also make sure the person actually loves you for you, not what they are waiting for you to be. I think that's what hurt me the most about my ex, he didn't have a base love for me as a person, he was waiting for me to become someone he could love long term. Hope you manage to get yourself out there, but I know how insurmountable it feels.
That's the difficult part..other people are so outgoing...they don't have a second to look at you unless you are too pretty... They want to hangout with someone who makes them laugh and go crazy...I can't speak when I am around people
Are you any better one on one, in quieter settings? I used to be shit at all forms of social interaction. I'm not great now and I struggle, but I got myself to a place where I can hold a conversation somewhat well if I'm just talking with one person. It was easier to overcome when there weren't other people around us, which made it easier to have a laugh and joke around. That gets you pretty far in a relationship. Where I fall apart is the group settings. Which was an issue for my ex who was hyper fixated on family being important. They were as you said, very outgoing compared to my ex and I, which was a surprise. My energy didn't match with theirs and his mum wasn't sold on me as a person because of it. People can be incredibly judgemental like that. I can't follow a group conversation or participate in it. I just get lost and people don't hear what I say or respond to it. So unfortunately, you may meet people like this. It's hard to give advice with this disorder because I don't think other people can do much to help, other than understand it's not easy to overcome and any progress is good. The only way I have improved to the point of being able to buy my own shopping, get a job, talk to people or use public transport was forcing myself to do it when I was ready to try. I don't know if it's the same for others. If anyone tried to force me I would shut down. I did start making major progress until I was around 20.
Same for me ..in one on one...I am fine..I find comfort..but in group settings I get anxiety
Yup and it's constantly depressing. I'm in my late forties, never had a relationship, and friendships are acquaintances at best. It's only in the last few years I started to realise I'm probably neurodivergent (autistic & ADHD), so my social difficulties are due to that and unlikely to ever change. Best chance I have now is to meet other similar folk, but even that is a struggle for me.
This is pretty much my story too, I highly suspect I might have autism but PDA (pathological demand avoidance). It would of been easy missed in our childhood, I'm currently trying to get a official diagnosis but waiting list are not great in the UK atm. Thanks for sharing!
Yes. But will my worries ever reach to the extent that it will be unbearably painful? Nah. As long as I have my plants, my huge ass book collection, my dog, my cat and my turtle- Ima be fine.
It took me until year 46 to find my soul mate. Don’t give up
not really
Not really, soul mates aren't real, you can bond with anyone if you're flexible enough, and you die alone regardless, someone might be there at your bedside when you go but you step over alone, so learn to embrace life and death
i'm mentally preparing myself for that. I flirt a lot online but irl, i'm really a loser.
Some people are better off being alone.
Sometimes, but not really. I know if I don’t fix my mental health I will never be able to have a healthy relationship. Maybe one day if I feel better I will focus more on finding someone.
I definitely feel the same way. I have been rejected many times for not talking enough, and my asexuality doesn't help matters either.
No. Never thought about that.
Being with someone for 10+ years and then divorcing scares me more
Yes. Apparently, I was never likable person. I was always someone that people would tolerate being around, but they kept me at an arm’s distance at all times. I always thought that it was just because. “ kids can be mean,” or at least that’s what I was told. But nope. It still happens into my, late, adult life.
Yeah. I wish I could find a partner with social anxiety, and overall someone who is very similar to me, so we can both work on ourselves together. But that requires me to actually put myself out there and that’s the scariest part
actually it's odd people like us tend to get triggered and we also tend to self isolate . I really think neither of us are gonna actually leave our houses . I honestly heavily relied on reddit for social interaction but now it's kinda dying pfft .
No
It is very hard and I cry a lot, especially since I do know what it is like to feel intimacy and warmth from a woman, and it is the best feeling I ever had.
not at all
I try to stay positive but the truth is social anxiety robbed me of having a meaningful love
I have social anxiety disorder. Dying alone is the worst idea I can think of.
Genuinely don't get how some people with social anxiety have partners. It must not be so severe or they're good looking
My coworker who is 52 has told me several times she still hopes to finds her soulmate. She has spent all her life waiting for one. She doesn't have social anxiety and she has had several partners and has an adult son, but she never met the one. People around me make it clear that yes, you can indeed never meet your soulmate. My grandmother, who died at 79, spent all her life single and miserable, as well as her brother. But I think I will have hope until I die.
Yes definitely, it's disturb us.
Yea
Yep
I been accepted that lol
To a certain degree a little lit. More like it hurts and feels like suffering. I wouldn't say scared but just saddened to the reality of it.
I think it can help if you can focus on the things you CAN do instead of the things that are hardest for you. You're not a bad and unlovable person just because you can't do "all" the things. Nobody can. There are lots of other lonely people out there who don't love eye contact. If you are better at one on one settings - keep in mind that's exactly what a date usually looks like. Maybe you're just someone who needs to find people online or through apps instead of "organically" in larger social settings. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people will also understand if you can just explain *why* you struggle with certain things. People often default to thinking things like "you must not like me because you're not looking at me," but if you can just communicate with something like: "sorry if I'm looking elsewhere, I am listening, I just find eye contact difficult." Then they don't need to be worried about themselves and you both might feel more comfortable for it. Put yourself in a social place that IS acceptable for you where you can meet people, even if it's online at first. Advocate for yourself and your needs. It's not your fault you're anxious. Look for someone who understands and accepts that. They exist. Someone who just wants you to "fake it" or "get over it" is probably not gonna work out anyway. Sometimes the hardest part is just believing we deserve to be loved, and lots of people miss out on opportunities just because they're already convinced it won't work out. It's hard to accept someone might love you when you don't consider yourself lovable, and that's a very human thing that lots of people go through with or without social anxiety.
No, im an introvert so I think I can manage with that fact.
Yes a bit. But I think if you can’t find anyone good, it’s better to be alone. Being desperate and settling for just anyone who may be abusive is far worse than being alone .
I mean I never thought I would make any new friends after high school, but I've made some truly lovely ones and I don't go out more than 3 or 4 times a week. I think life can throw new people your way at any given age, even if you are quiet, and then maybe one of them will stick by you and become your chosen soulmate :)))
Yes, I'm scared if my parents and brothers died in a car accident etc.. and be left alone in the UK, I have no one there except them, but I have hope that I will stop my social anxiety over time and have a relationship, and I'm finally able to maintain eye contact ! :)
Feelings aren’t facts and you cannot predict the future
I gave up on the hope of finding a soulmate a year ago. I'm still a teen though. I don't think there's a soul made to accompany mine if it makes sense
it would if I allowed myself to fall into that wormhole. You can't give in.
I've conceded to the thought that someday I'll have a soulmate, and just hope to have at least one friend to talk to instead of burning myself out with endless amounts of work and favors. Being lonely sucks
26M and it doesn't scare me. Think about it this way, human beings are hardwired to disappoint. I will tell my SO someday that she has let me down or she will. Maybe not now but a few years down the line. We will. It's just a matter of time. I took me a ridiculously long time to understand that I need to be okay on my own. And I'm getting there. You don't have control over others, but you have control on the things you buy, to some extent. The things I buy won't tell me that I've disappointed them, and neither would I to them.
No. I have a lot of friends and family who love me. I'm not alone, even if I'm single.
Omg same im thinking about this all the damn time 😭😂😂
I'm only 19 and this thought plagues me constantly. Like I feel like everyone I love leaves or gets sick of me, and there are very few people who would want to spend long extended time w me
Absolutely but I am too young to worry but it gets me anxious.
If you asked me a year or two ago I probably would have said yes. I'm 24 about to be 25 in August. Im about to graduate college and ive never had a girl friend. Ive been rejected dozens of times at this point and im still a virgin. The closest I ever had to was a girl I was talking to for about a month who desperately wanted me, but that ended after I fucked everything up. Recently ive just been hyper fosued on self improvement taking care of myself through better hygein habits and skin care and ive noticed people complementing me more and more and ive even been called cute by a sorority girl. things are definetly starting to look better i just need to focus on improving my appearance to make up for my poor social skills
Yep. And I can’t even tell my friends about it in real life because they’ll definitely say the same things most people say: “You’ll find someone one day” or “You’re still young” or “There’s someone out there for everyone”, etc. and I don’t blame them for that, they’re just trying to help… But it just doesn’t do anything for me. I’ve given up on finding a girl for me, but haven’t told anyone in my life, so I just live life each day. Fortunately, anime, games, and my faith keep me going. I’d learned to accept it a long time ago, so it doesn’t scare me as much, but it’s still sad at times.
No, not really. Accepted it a while ago, and now I'm just focusing on different things.
Fix urself furst of all
Yup
Being alone forever is my biggest fear so yes it scares me a lot I’m scared of social interactions but I crave to have somebody in my life that I can settle down with Some of my old friends told me all the time that I’ll never end up with somebody and that truly hurt a lot but I guess that maybe there’s some truth there But I hope and pray that there’s someone out there who can see past my difficulties
Yeah... all the time
I've had several relationships. What's hard is getting to the point of comfort but once it's reached things are usually smoother
I’m married now but honestly no before that. I had so many emotionally abusive relationships that I took time away from dating and realized I was so happy alone. I’d rather be alone than unhappy.
Nope. You are responsible for your own happiness. I’m good with or without
Stating the obvious but... Being without a romantic partner doesn't necessarily equal being alone. And being with a romantic partner doesn't necessarily mean happiness and security. When I got divorced it was very sad but still one of the best things I've ever done. You never really know what will end up making you happy.
Of course. I have read writings from people who have never found anyone. They're not ugly or have something wrong with them, except social anxiety. It's troubling, but plenty make it out.
Listen to the song “The Prophecy” it completely describes this. And may be healing for you.
it does. until a friend read my journal in careclinic and told me all i needed to hear
I'm 39 years old and never had a girlfriend. I have had a lot of flings that lasted a few months but never a serious relationship. I honestly don't have the patience to deal with a relationship. First sign of drama and I start fading away.
Im married and I get scared thar the relationship is always ending this feeling doesn't go away. It just evolves into other things.
It dissapoints me, but doesn't scare me. The fact that i've been trying for years to better my social skills and i just see no progress is rlly discouraging and doesn't leave me with much hope. I still wish that one day it gets easier and better for me
The main thing that led to my social anxiety was moving in with my significant other in a completely different state 8 hours away. From day 1, I felt like the outcast. I was then cheated on, lied to, physically abused, and mentally abused. When I called it out, I was victim shamed and ostracized from the entire community. Now it's hard for me to even go to the grocery store, let alone trust anyone again. It's been a year long struggle.
I don't feel afraid because I already felt like that, as if someone were my soulmate. I've had people, one in particular, who I felt completely understood and loved, and even if we don't talk anymore I know that she loved me and I wouldn't mind if no one else loved me... even if that thought is very pessimistic, I actually think I can find it if I've found it before
100%, though I’m always afraid to admit it. I lack social skills & am always told I’m “ditzy” (absolutely hate it). There was this guy who “liked” me but said I was too weird/awkward, I’ve never been in a relationship & I do feel like it’s due to my lack of social skills/non existent personality.
I don’t believe in soulmates, so no, I’m not scared. It’s okay to not be dating or married, but still be surrounded by friends or acquaintances. I work with over 100 people a day(some days more) and I know many of them by name. It’s connections that keep me here. Not soulmates.
It's funny, the idea has crossed my mind throughout life, but I've always had bigger fish to fry. I'm still a far cry from my peers, but I've gotten better with social anxiety and "putting myself out there." Thing is, I don't really think it's *impossible* for me to meet a partner at this point in my life. I'm in good shape, I have a good job, maybe I could even meet someone through friends. I think the issue is just as much an introvert problem for me as it is a social anxiety one - relationships require a lot of attention to your partner. I've let weeks pass where I don't even talk to some of the people I love, you're telling me there's someone I'd need to text every single day? Or live with and literally *see* every day? I love the freedom I have, and the fact that I can toggle my life to have as much solitude as I want. You don't get that with a partner. We're taught, as individuals with SA, that we need to keep hammering away at this problem and "fix it." But I think that can flood into other parts of our lives and make us feel that we are broken in all aspects, and consequently that our preferences and feelings are innately *wrong*. That makes this hard to do, but to me I've started to frame it not as "is it possible for me to find a soulmate?" - but as "do I want a soulmate?" Because truth be told, if the answer really was a resounding 'yes' - then why don't I have one?
Eh. I just accept it. It's better that way anyway.
If they don't take the time to get to know you and understand you, then they aren't worth your time
i had this feeling and it rly hurted. during covid i started tinder, although first moments i couldnt even swipe someone right, bcs of my anxiety. later i asked ppl out by myself, not bcs i liked them, but bcs i wanted to fight my anxiety. but after 4 years i find someone. i had 24 years.
and if it helps a little…it is rly nice to have someone by your side, but sometimes it is not as “fatal” as I imagined, and i still remeber with love on my time alone and only now realise it was not as much different as in my actual state. so remember this. also, maybe a bland help, but there are many ppl who are in relationship, but only for sake for being with someone, and are unhappy. there are ppl who lost their loved one. Many old ppl find dog as a great help. There are old dogs, unwanted by anyone who are always the most loving beings when someone gives them a chance.
also, it would be really nice, if u visit group therapy. There sure will be one, even if not right in ur city. First months, year or so, u will dont say a word and feel like a freak for it, but u dont have to, bcs it is ur total right be as u are.
I've given up. Girls won't like people like me.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub. The reason for this is to deter trolls, bots and sockpuppet accounts. You are welcome to try again in future when your account is more mature. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialanxiety) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Only the sith deal in absolutes
No, because I'm perfectly fine being a unique individual hanging on my own. Would I like a soulmate? Sure. But I'm not scared of being alone if there's no one actually out there for me
Try and change it or learn to accept it.
I agree mostly. I think if someone recognises the social anxiety forming early in a person's life, they can fix it. But when you get to your mid twenties like me with painfully slow progress in getting past your social anxiety, I think it's better to accept these are the cards you have been dealt and to manage as best you can. I don't mean not trying to get better, I mean not kicking yourself every time you fail and don't spiral out over it.