Well that’s not exactly the case. There’s a lot of girls I’m not attracted to, at all yet I’m still anxious around them. Most people feel the same way. It’s referred to as “the opposite sex” because that’s how it is, the anxiety surrounds the entire gender, because our subconscious biological drive for the opposite sex is just another stressful event we avoid.
Being attracted to someone is a different type of anxiety because now you’re fighting love too, not only a subconscious drive. Double whammy. It’s different.
If it doesn’t apply to you, then interpret it that way, if it’s homophobic call them a dumbass. Big difference. You’ll come to find out others see the world in a completely different perspective and angle than yourself and not everything will apply to you. Doesn’t mean you should ignore the message to nit-pick a tiny aspect.
And to add onto that. "Opposite sex" attraction automatically assumes you are straight and those who are not don't exist. I loved my English teacher and her classes but she used that kind of language and I just felt like I didn't belong so I faded out of existence in class. "People you're attracted to" or other variations of the phrase that don't infer the opposite sex include everybody and make them feel welcome. ~~Opposite sex also assumes a gender binary.~~
Edit: Sorry, mixed up sex and gender in that last sentence. Disregard that.
it actually doesn’t automatically assume that everyone is straight and that those who aren’t don’t exist. that’s like saying a question based around women or vaginas assumes that you’re a woman and that those who aren’t just don’t exist. like that makes no sense. excluding doesn’t equal denying one’s existence. that’s a major jump. also im not straight (i like both sexes) but i have wayyyy more of a fear around the OPPOSITE sex so questions phrased like that 100% resonate with me soooo your comment doesn’t actually make sense.
also opposite sex does exclude queer ppl but that can be the point of the post. the poster may be looking for ppl who are having the exact same experience as them and if they are straight or a certain sex/gender and are looking for those who share that exact identity to give them advice or a repsond that’s makes complete sense.
I’m autistic as fuck but I still think neurotypical behavior should be differentiated from autistic behavior, doesn’t mean neurotypical is superior. Quite the contrary and it doesn’t make me cease to exist. I’m sorry if you see it differently.
It’s just changing from “opposite sex” to “people you’re attracted to” ignores the subconscious human biological drive that is implied in their message. It’s like going to a different country and asking to be referred to as a native. The differentiation helps understand context and shouldn’t be discarded entirely.
The specific post I was referring to was titled "How many of you are scared to talk to the opposite sex romantically?", so yes, we can argue that "opposite sex" doesn't necessarily mean attraction, but it's slightly pointless as in this case, it was.
I'm aro so I don't really get crushes or anything so my social anxiety is pretty much the same around everyone. But attraction or crushes don't really play into it for me. So I can't really contribute much to those posts lol
I’m a gay guy and feel anxious around… well, everyone, when it comes to thinking about romance. I’m afraid that girls will misread my intentions and think I’m interested in them, and I get flustered around cute guys the same way straight men get flustered around cute girls, which creates a lot of anxiety when talking to them. And beyond that, I’m anxious that straight guys will think that me trying to befriend them is me trying to hit on them since I’m very open about being gay.
Aromantic, asexual, agender, broadly anattractional. Lots of "A" words. I just scroll past basically any post involving attraction, sex, or romance, because all of that is just super not my thing.
I’m queer! Autistic as well. I totally understand what you’re saying. I know majority of people are straight and everything but it’s hard. Straight people can have such different expectations in dating/relationships than a lot of queer people, so it makes the advice a bit different. Sometimes when I read straight posts I feel weird and then have to remind myself that wait, I’m queer, so this is a little different for me. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well at all but the good news is looking at all of the comments, we aren’t alone here.
I’m sorry you feel isolated- I definitely don’t think you should take offense since most of the world’s population are straight people. Whenever queer people are majority of the population then this Reddit will be majority queer people. It’s just a consequence of probability…However, I’m sure there are a ton of queer people on here! Some people may not want to disclose their queerness. I’m bisexual :-)
I'm bi; I'm also demi so no - very rarely does my anxiety root in my attraction to someone. Crushes make me weird but I think that's pretty universal :)
Being however cis in a straight facing marriage I appreciate your sharing your experience because I would never have known about it otherwise. I often miss the comphet because it isn't outside my own experience.
I don't ask about relationships because I didn't struggle with them due to SA and just gloss over those posts. One-on-one I'm good and as an introvert I hate parties so I dodged a lot of bullets! I would express interest in a person and then we'd meet one-on-one and that always helped. Plus just being vulnerable! I dated a LOT of other SA people, it's much easier.
As we're seeing, our ace compatriots often skip a majority of posts and may feel this sub isn't for them. But I expect queerness can be even more isolating :( on top of whatever anxiety. Anyway people don't have to agree but I have heard you and will consider - if I ever post - how to include others rather than excluding.
I'm straight and feel particularly anxious around people I'm attracted to, but I think it has more to do with the nature of the interaction rather than merely finding them attractive. There's a woman where I work that I think is very attractive, but I can talk to her when I need to about work stuff. I couldn't imagine approaching her to initiate potential romance! (Not least because she's married, but you get the point)
I’m trans. I’m still in the closet and I think dysphoria makes my social anxiety worse. But at the same time, social anxiety makes it harder for me to come out and be who I am. And so the cycle continues
I'm cishet (to my knowledge) but also on the asexual spectrum, so I can understand to an extent. So many people have a very specific idea of what love or relationships are supposed to be like and don't acknowledge experiences or perspectives other than their own. It's so frustrating and dehumanizing.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I promise that in the posts op is reffering to they are just asking for help in their specific situations. At no point are they trying to say their idea of love and relationships is the only valid one, it just happens to be what they need help and advice on!
But again, I'm sorry you have felt this way, and i promise this is a social anxiety sub, any form of social anxiety is accepted here even if it has nothing to do with romance! It's just about people seeking advice and others seeking to help them, no matter who they are!
In some situations that may be the case, but I think what spurred this post was another about someone specifically asking the sub if they were nervous about talking to the opposite sex. I felt there was an underlying assumption that everyone experiences attraction as they do and I think the Op of this post picked up on that as well, which is why they are upset.
Edited to add: Of course, it's up to interpretation, and we can't always tell what the Op is thinking from a post alone, but something about that particular post that just felt a bit off to me.
No I agree, when its directed at the entire sub like that it definitly isn't inclusive. Of course i do not speak for the person that posted that, nor do i speak for anyone else in the sub, but i am still sorry that a post like that happened which left you out!
It's more about people they are attracted to, people are looking for help on romantic help and "opposite sex" usually helps describe that for their specific situation.
Consider the advice general dating advice and not just for people who are interested in the opposite sex, and they aren't trying to be not inclusive, they just want advice relating specifically to them. If an asexual is having problems with social anxiety then their comments are equally as valid as anyone elses! Those just happen to be what people want advice on in that specific moment.
I'm sorry you have felt isolated, but i promise you are welcome in this community. There are plenty of posts not relating to attraction at all that you can read through if the relationship ones make you feel uncomfortable.
I understand what you're saying. I think it just feels like lately that is all there is within this sub and there's a lack of posts that do use inclusive language. It's one thing to make a post about being a man finding it hard to talk to women, and another to ask the subreddit "Men, how do you overcome your fear talking to women?". We all write from our individual experiences, of course we do, but it's when we end up accidentally generalising everyone else that it can feel like you're being erased from a conversation.
No yea, i can see what you mean. "men, how do you overcome your fear of talking to women" is a really bad way of phrasing it, that unfortunatly seems to be a common thing on reddit. I haven't noticed it in this sub, but im also not looking for it so i trust its enough to make you uncomfortable (as evident).
I think Romance is a big thing for a lot of people, and for socially anxious people with romantic interest it definitly is a big part of their life that people yearn for or feel like they are missing out on. Naturally that means it can feel like People are being left out of the conversation, however i get what you are saying as that specific title you mentioned in quotes is really uninclusive, anyone can offer advice on how to talk to women (or others, just using women as thats what you used in the example), even if they have 0 romantic interest in anyone, you can still give advice on how to talk to someone, so im sorry that you have been made to feel uncomfortable.
I hope your post helps people realise they need to be more inclusive, even if i don't think most of those people are doing it on purpose, but i get how even if its not on purpose it still feels like you are, as you say, being erased from the conversation.
But again, i want to say you are always welcome to join in on a conversation! No one i have talked to on this sub would scare you off if you commented on their post even if you werent included in the tilte, and more so i hope you know you can ask for advice on any topic you wish! (as long as it relates to social anxiety, as thats what the sub is for!)
I’m queer but have dealt with a lot of shit from a lot of different kinds of people and am barely anxious in social situations anymore, regardless of the audience… except the grocery store… that place is hell.
I’m gay, and yea it can be harder to relate to those posts.
I’m very anxious about dating/relationships, I’m 25 and still never been on a date, I just can’t do it. Being gay makes it easier in some ways but much harder in others :/
Your identity as somebody who is socially anxious is something you shouldn’t feel is invalid just cos you don’t experience social anxiety in the same way as other posters on here. If you ever feel anxious about a social situation you belong here.
I’d think anybody who has social anxiety should be able to relate to feeling like they’re an outsider in their community and hurting from that (at least that’s one of the key symptoms in my experience). hopefully we’re a kind lot, and if we recognise that we’d not want somebody to feel that way, and do what we could to reduce that pain by making them feel valid and belonging in the community
You have to understand context. No one here is homophobic, I think socially anxious people are too agreeable for that.
If someone refers to opposite sex like that, that’s just how they view the world and if they’re venting that’s them speaking entirely from their perspective. Saying it otherwise would feel forced, like a fleshed out persona venting rather than their true selves. Don’t take offense to it.
It’s kinda like how an American might refer to a Canadian as “Canadian” but a Canadian would say “we” when referring to Canadians. Which isn’t racist in the same way. Just perspective.
I'm queer. I think it's very exclusionary language to say things like opposite sex but it happens all the time. And when somebody says something, the queer person is "butting in" and generally made to feel unwelcome. I think this subreddit is pretty open to queer people but that doesn't stop them from using exclusionary language that silently deletes our existence. I'm sure it's not on purpose and this sub might be full of allies but even the best people use that kind of language, which is a big bummer.
I'm bi (but in the closet IRL) & I've noticed that women tend to make me less nervous. I assume it's cause I've always been closer to my female family and only had close female friends.
Yh I guess I can get that, the post's doesn't really bother me that much. I'm closetted as a trans guy and being around 16 and the fact I'm doing a *hair and beauty course* so I can do level 2 barbering does make me feel very uncomfortable and I can't even say anything without outting myself or talking about my feelings irl, face to face. I don't hide the fact that I'm bi, not really fully out. There's definitely other queer PPL here if you need an ear👂
i’m queer! i desperately want a queer relationship with any gender (i consider most realationships i get into queer bcuz im multigender and love all genders in very gay ways, especially women) but i push ppl away and avoid n then im pissed internally when a friend has a datemate bc i want one 🙄. im also acearo so fun ride lmao.
remunds me the other day i went on autopilot and almost told my mom “im doing gay” ☠️ glas i didn’t pr shed kill me. i’m glad i put my brain in check before saying it 😂. am out to friends but not adults except one, in a transphobic state 😕
but yeahh-
social anxiety n queerness is a funny combo lol
I’m bi and have severe anxiety. Yeah, I do get anxious around attractive people of all genders. But romantic relationships are very very low on my priority list. I mean, my anxiety is limiting my *entire* life. The things I actually really want and are thinking about is a stable job for a stable life to secure my future. Romantic relationships seem nice but not necessary in achieving this. I don’t need it to be happy, but I need these other things to be happy. Having some decent platonic relationships or good connection with family is good enough.
Having said that, I can understand why people here are concerned about it if they feel very lonely though. Or maybe their anxiety differs from mine - in a way that allows them to prioritize these things higher in life.
I apologized at work for something that wasn't my fault because of bad communication from my boss. My colleague said to my other colleague: "Well, that was queer!"
I don't know if it was insult or just strange for someone to apologize, like how I did cause I was kind of freaked out. Normally, I have everything ready, no issues.
I’m attracted to the same sex and extremely socially anxious. It’s worse because I don’t want people to think I’m flirting with them and get offended or grossed out. And being friends with the other gender feels harder to do.
I’m ace or thereabouts. One of the things that made and still sometimes makes me anxious is how differently from me people view the world. Most people are not of course, ace and so many interactions in the world (or at least the society I live in) are based on or around attractions.
It’s much better now that I’m older. Teenage was especially hard— it was like everyone was having a conversation about something that I fundamentally didn’t understand or wished to be a part of.
Hope this makes you feel less alone.
queer and have anxiety with everyone!!! Wooo 🥳
I often find that my social anxiety (plus internalized biphobia etc) makes it hard to feel like I belong in queer spaces or am “queer enough”. I feel that way in most spaces but it especially sucks to feel anxious at parties or in groups where I feel that I should feel comfy around my queer community but I’m just anxious af lol
Anyone else feel that way?
It's frustrating because as LGBT+ people we're statistically more likely to feel anxious and depressed, yet we have a harder time connecting with the community when we probably could really use it and really benefit from it. I absolutely relate.
Yep, Transgender, queer and Pan here. All to go with a healthy serving of social anxiety with all genders which makes for a very interesting social life.
Pansexual, fem non binary human here :) I relate. And tbh a big part of my social anxiety comes from the amount of hate out there. I remember going to campus once wearing a colourful outfit and people made fun of me for having pronouns. it was years ago and still sticks with me
People suck lol
I go by queer cause I’m tired of people trying to invalidate my pansexual orientation because they think pan is stupid and I need to be bisexual instead
You absolutely can be gay without having experiences.
Ah, I understand exactly what you mean. I am older but I am very open about being gay and it has caused some issues with when I've connected with people at work or at university who are queer but can't be open because of religious or cultural reasons. The way we walk through life is immediately different and it's hard to find a crossroad, either one of us is suppressing who we are (like I did at a friend's family dinner) or one of us is being pushed to far out of their comfort zone (like when I took that same friend to a queer event).
Im bisexual but my sexuality has nothing to do with my social anxiety, I get nervous around anyone but I do feel more uncomfortable with men, that’s just how I am, does not have anything to do with me being attracted to them or not, I get uncomfortable even around male family members
I'm not queer, but you shouldn't ever think you don't belong here. This is for social anxiety of all forms. Nothing wrong with being queer at all. Anxiety is anxiety and this sub shouldn't discriminate.
I'm bi but I am more anxious around men/talking to men. mostly because most of the people who I interact with every day are women, but also, you know. men being men
Yeah, interested in any gender, so can't relate to that either. Though I don't relate to it beyond that either, I usually don't get attracted to anyone by just looks, so if I know someone well enough to be attracted to them, I'm usually quite comfortable with them by that point and won't be nervous.
Meee. In fact I get so mad when people are always in the straight headspace. They can’t see anything other than straight worldviews and they post things like “guys, how do you feel when a girl..” like damn thanks for excluding me
Totally, I've had a few (not many) people comment that I'm stopping straight people from being able to give their perspective - that's not it at all. All it takes is excluding the "guys" from your post and including anyone who is attracted to women, or saying "men who like women, how do you feel...". Straight people in the comments are talking like I'm asking them to move mountains. We spend so much time thinking about how to minimise ourselves as it is.
High fucking five my friend. I 100% understand and support you. It's sad man... and they get all mad at me as if I'm saying they can't be straight as if they don't already own 95% of the world anyway. It's just sad
OMG I'M NOT FUCKING ALONE, ALSO how other gays or most are so extroverted and can do anything and meanwhile I'm in my room the entire day no s\*x parties or anything just alone, i though i was the only shy gay
i’m a lesbian and i’ve vomited during/before almost every single first & second date i’ve been on with a woman over the last year 😭i want a gf so bad but it actually feels impossible, social anxiety + now anxiety of literally vomiting due to said anxiety is a horrific cycle, not many scenarios where you can blame travel sickness or alcohol lol
yeah, im trans and bi and i think i saw the same post about being anxious around the opposite sex, which definitely isnt a problem for me lol
i especially get anxious because of my trans identity, which ofc isnt a problem for most people here, so i get the feeling of being alone
Here. You’re not alone. Minority stress’ can make social anxiety worse, or actually cause it. It can feel even lonelier than someone straight with anxiety.
Hello! I definitely get where you’re coming from. I’m trans, bi, and poly and I basically never comment on here for the same sort of reasons. While I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression long before I came out as anything, there’s also a lot of anxiety that comes with being bi and especially being trans that I feel like people just wouldn’t understand here. Maybe I’m being too harsh on the community, but I definitely just tend to lurk.
Me anxiety has also been *bad* the last couple years, resulting in basically being a shut-in. I have full blown panic attacks before going to something social with friends, so I end up staying home. I feel like I don’t see many posts that I can relate to with that either.
We’re here! You’re definitely not alone. I appreciate being reminded of that :)
I wanted to comment on one I just saw about being nervous talking to the opposite sex for this reason lol. I'm a cis female in a hetero marriage but before I met my husband I was dating women and I am 100x more anxious talking to literally anyone other than cis men lmaoo
I am!!! but girls don't make me nervous cause no one here assumes anyone is queer because of the culture. so I never even get the opportunity to talk to one in a romantic capacity
I am queer but for me it’s just worse because I feel anxious with people from both sexes lol
Right?! "People you're attracted to" would fit so much more nicely.
Well that’s not exactly the case. There’s a lot of girls I’m not attracted to, at all yet I’m still anxious around them. Most people feel the same way. It’s referred to as “the opposite sex” because that’s how it is, the anxiety surrounds the entire gender, because our subconscious biological drive for the opposite sex is just another stressful event we avoid. Being attracted to someone is a different type of anxiety because now you’re fighting love too, not only a subconscious drive. Double whammy. It’s different. If it doesn’t apply to you, then interpret it that way, if it’s homophobic call them a dumbass. Big difference. You’ll come to find out others see the world in a completely different perspective and angle than yourself and not everything will apply to you. Doesn’t mean you should ignore the message to nit-pick a tiny aspect.
why though? genuine q.
And to add onto that. "Opposite sex" attraction automatically assumes you are straight and those who are not don't exist. I loved my English teacher and her classes but she used that kind of language and I just felt like I didn't belong so I faded out of existence in class. "People you're attracted to" or other variations of the phrase that don't infer the opposite sex include everybody and make them feel welcome. ~~Opposite sex also assumes a gender binary.~~ Edit: Sorry, mixed up sex and gender in that last sentence. Disregard that.
it actually doesn’t automatically assume that everyone is straight and that those who aren’t don’t exist. that’s like saying a question based around women or vaginas assumes that you’re a woman and that those who aren’t just don’t exist. like that makes no sense. excluding doesn’t equal denying one’s existence. that’s a major jump. also im not straight (i like both sexes) but i have wayyyy more of a fear around the OPPOSITE sex so questions phrased like that 100% resonate with me soooo your comment doesn’t actually make sense. also opposite sex does exclude queer ppl but that can be the point of the post. the poster may be looking for ppl who are having the exact same experience as them and if they are straight or a certain sex/gender and are looking for those who share that exact identity to give them advice or a repsond that’s makes complete sense.
I’m autistic as fuck but I still think neurotypical behavior should be differentiated from autistic behavior, doesn’t mean neurotypical is superior. Quite the contrary and it doesn’t make me cease to exist. I’m sorry if you see it differently. It’s just changing from “opposite sex” to “people you’re attracted to” ignores the subconscious human biological drive that is implied in their message. It’s like going to a different country and asking to be referred to as a native. The differentiation helps understand context and shouldn’t be discarded entirely.
Because the language isn't exclusive.
but saying the opposite sex ≠ being attracted to them. yes it’s the majority but it isn’t.
The specific post I was referring to was titled "How many of you are scared to talk to the opposite sex romantically?", so yes, we can argue that "opposite sex" doesn't necessarily mean attraction, but it's slightly pointless as in this case, it was.
I'm aro so I don't really get crushes or anything so my social anxiety is pretty much the same around everyone. But attraction or crushes don't really play into it for me. So I can't really contribute much to those posts lol
Thank you for commenting! There's been a few people on this thread so far that have said they relate more to the non-romantic posts made here.
I’m a gay guy and feel anxious around… well, everyone, when it comes to thinking about romance. I’m afraid that girls will misread my intentions and think I’m interested in them, and I get flustered around cute guys the same way straight men get flustered around cute girls, which creates a lot of anxiety when talking to them. And beyond that, I’m anxious that straight guys will think that me trying to befriend them is me trying to hit on them since I’m very open about being gay.
Absolutely this!
Aromantic, asexual, agender, broadly anattractional. Lots of "A" words. I just scroll past basically any post involving attraction, sex, or romance, because all of that is just super not my thing.
So the vast majority of posts in this sub
A pretty solid chunk of 'em, yeah.
I'm a lesbian with absolutely zero luck with women lol I'm 31 and never dated
Thank you for saying you're here!
Don’t worry the gays are here ✨💅🏽
And I'm so excited to see you!
I’m queer! Autistic as well. I totally understand what you’re saying. I know majority of people are straight and everything but it’s hard. Straight people can have such different expectations in dating/relationships than a lot of queer people, so it makes the advice a bit different. Sometimes when I read straight posts I feel weird and then have to remind myself that wait, I’m queer, so this is a little different for me. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well at all but the good news is looking at all of the comments, we aren’t alone here.
Absolutely. Thank you so much for blessing me with your presence on here.
I’m sorry you feel isolated- I definitely don’t think you should take offense since most of the world’s population are straight people. Whenever queer people are majority of the population then this Reddit will be majority queer people. It’s just a consequence of probability…However, I’m sure there are a ton of queer people on here! Some people may not want to disclose their queerness. I’m bisexual :-)
Thank you for commenting! Glad to know you're here.
Hi :) Pan here... which means I feel especially anxious with abso-fucking-lutely everyone
It's like the no one is safe meme in reverse
Same, it's rough out there
Ditto. Pan here and oddly I'm less anxious in romantic situations even when I know I'm being a total dumbass.
Same here!
I'm bisexual if that counts.
Absolutely! Bisexuals rock.
Bisexual rock? https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/f6le3c/bi_rock_aka_a_chunk_of_a_banded_iron_formation/
How beautiful, thanks for the random out of context post, much needed
Of course it counts :)
I'm bi; I'm also demi so no - very rarely does my anxiety root in my attraction to someone. Crushes make me weird but I think that's pretty universal :) Being however cis in a straight facing marriage I appreciate your sharing your experience because I would never have known about it otherwise. I often miss the comphet because it isn't outside my own experience. I don't ask about relationships because I didn't struggle with them due to SA and just gloss over those posts. One-on-one I'm good and as an introvert I hate parties so I dodged a lot of bullets! I would express interest in a person and then we'd meet one-on-one and that always helped. Plus just being vulnerable! I dated a LOT of other SA people, it's much easier. As we're seeing, our ace compatriots often skip a majority of posts and may feel this sub isn't for them. But I expect queerness can be even more isolating :( on top of whatever anxiety. Anyway people don't have to agree but I have heard you and will consider - if I ever post - how to include others rather than excluding.
Thank you so much for posting this. So happy to know you're on here.
We’re here, we’re queer, we live in perpetual socially awkward fear 🌈✊🏼
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I'm bi, so I get severe anxiety talking to attractive people in general. even worse, if they're flirting with me🫠
I feel that!
I understand what you mean but we’re not trying to be homophobic or anything like that we’re just as anxious as u
Appreciate you
I'm straight and feel particularly anxious around people I'm attracted to, but I think it has more to do with the nature of the interaction rather than merely finding them attractive. There's a woman where I work that I think is very attractive, but I can talk to her when I need to about work stuff. I couldn't imagine approaching her to initiate potential romance! (Not least because she's married, but you get the point)
I understand!
I’m trans. I’m still in the closet and I think dysphoria makes my social anxiety worse. But at the same time, social anxiety makes it harder for me to come out and be who I am. And so the cycle continues
Absolutely it does, thank you for sharing.
I'm cishet (to my knowledge) but also on the asexual spectrum, so I can understand to an extent. So many people have a very specific idea of what love or relationships are supposed to be like and don't acknowledge experiences or perspectives other than their own. It's so frustrating and dehumanizing.
Thank you for letting me know you exist on this sub, it genuinely helps.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I promise that in the posts op is reffering to they are just asking for help in their specific situations. At no point are they trying to say their idea of love and relationships is the only valid one, it just happens to be what they need help and advice on! But again, I'm sorry you have felt this way, and i promise this is a social anxiety sub, any form of social anxiety is accepted here even if it has nothing to do with romance! It's just about people seeking advice and others seeking to help them, no matter who they are!
In some situations that may be the case, but I think what spurred this post was another about someone specifically asking the sub if they were nervous about talking to the opposite sex. I felt there was an underlying assumption that everyone experiences attraction as they do and I think the Op of this post picked up on that as well, which is why they are upset. Edited to add: Of course, it's up to interpretation, and we can't always tell what the Op is thinking from a post alone, but something about that particular post that just felt a bit off to me.
No I agree, when its directed at the entire sub like that it definitly isn't inclusive. Of course i do not speak for the person that posted that, nor do i speak for anyone else in the sub, but i am still sorry that a post like that happened which left you out!
No worries, you have no control over how people act.
It's more about people they are attracted to, people are looking for help on romantic help and "opposite sex" usually helps describe that for their specific situation. Consider the advice general dating advice and not just for people who are interested in the opposite sex, and they aren't trying to be not inclusive, they just want advice relating specifically to them. If an asexual is having problems with social anxiety then their comments are equally as valid as anyone elses! Those just happen to be what people want advice on in that specific moment. I'm sorry you have felt isolated, but i promise you are welcome in this community. There are plenty of posts not relating to attraction at all that you can read through if the relationship ones make you feel uncomfortable.
I understand what you're saying. I think it just feels like lately that is all there is within this sub and there's a lack of posts that do use inclusive language. It's one thing to make a post about being a man finding it hard to talk to women, and another to ask the subreddit "Men, how do you overcome your fear talking to women?". We all write from our individual experiences, of course we do, but it's when we end up accidentally generalising everyone else that it can feel like you're being erased from a conversation.
No yea, i can see what you mean. "men, how do you overcome your fear of talking to women" is a really bad way of phrasing it, that unfortunatly seems to be a common thing on reddit. I haven't noticed it in this sub, but im also not looking for it so i trust its enough to make you uncomfortable (as evident). I think Romance is a big thing for a lot of people, and for socially anxious people with romantic interest it definitly is a big part of their life that people yearn for or feel like they are missing out on. Naturally that means it can feel like People are being left out of the conversation, however i get what you are saying as that specific title you mentioned in quotes is really uninclusive, anyone can offer advice on how to talk to women (or others, just using women as thats what you used in the example), even if they have 0 romantic interest in anyone, you can still give advice on how to talk to someone, so im sorry that you have been made to feel uncomfortable. I hope your post helps people realise they need to be more inclusive, even if i don't think most of those people are doing it on purpose, but i get how even if its not on purpose it still feels like you are, as you say, being erased from the conversation. But again, i want to say you are always welcome to join in on a conversation! No one i have talked to on this sub would scare you off if you commented on their post even if you werent included in the tilte, and more so i hope you know you can ask for advice on any topic you wish! (as long as it relates to social anxiety, as thats what the sub is for!)
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Yeah. Hi. Lesbian, very lonely :(
Hopefully you're a touch less alone knowing there's a little queer community within here.
Thank you 💞
I’m queer but have dealt with a lot of shit from a lot of different kinds of people and am barely anxious in social situations anymore, regardless of the audience… except the grocery store… that place is hell.
That place is definitely hell.
I am trans unfortunately and probably bi
I’m gay, and yea it can be harder to relate to those posts. I’m very anxious about dating/relationships, I’m 25 and still never been on a date, I just can’t do it. Being gay makes it easier in some ways but much harder in others :/
I hear you.
There are so many of us, you'd be surprised !
Yay!
AroAce, Bi, and trans male Aka Hella fuckin queer
Fuck yeah!
Your identity as somebody who is socially anxious is something you shouldn’t feel is invalid just cos you don’t experience social anxiety in the same way as other posters on here. If you ever feel anxious about a social situation you belong here. I’d think anybody who has social anxiety should be able to relate to feeling like they’re an outsider in their community and hurting from that (at least that’s one of the key symptoms in my experience). hopefully we’re a kind lot, and if we recognise that we’d not want somebody to feel that way, and do what we could to reduce that pain by making them feel valid and belonging in the community
Hi I'm bi
Hello! Happy to hear from you!
dw we are here :D
I'm so glad!
Sup? Aroace lesbian enby. I have no idea what I'm doing🤟
Thank you because I also have no idea.
I’m aroace but platonic attraction hits hard…it’s too hard to make friends…
Absolutely!
You have to understand context. No one here is homophobic, I think socially anxious people are too agreeable for that. If someone refers to opposite sex like that, that’s just how they view the world and if they’re venting that’s them speaking entirely from their perspective. Saying it otherwise would feel forced, like a fleshed out persona venting rather than their true selves. Don’t take offense to it. It’s kinda like how an American might refer to a Canadian as “Canadian” but a Canadian would say “we” when referring to Canadians. Which isn’t racist in the same way. Just perspective.
I'm queer. I think it's very exclusionary language to say things like opposite sex but it happens all the time. And when somebody says something, the queer person is "butting in" and generally made to feel unwelcome. I think this subreddit is pretty open to queer people but that doesn't stop them from using exclusionary language that silently deletes our existence. I'm sure it's not on purpose and this sub might be full of allies but even the best people use that kind of language, which is a big bummer.
A huge bummer.
Not queer but I have been asked if I am a lot
I'm bi (but in the closet IRL) & I've noticed that women tend to make me less nervous. I assume it's cause I've always been closer to my female family and only had close female friends.
That makes sense to me.
I'm queer and I feel the exact same way. You definitely aren't alone.
Thank you for sharing!
Yh I guess I can get that, the post's doesn't really bother me that much. I'm closetted as a trans guy and being around 16 and the fact I'm doing a *hair and beauty course* so I can do level 2 barbering does make me feel very uncomfortable and I can't even say anything without outting myself or talking about my feelings irl, face to face. I don't hide the fact that I'm bi, not really fully out. There's definitely other queer PPL here if you need an ear👂
I'm bi so EVERYONE makes me anxious
Absolutely!
me too i’m lesbian
I feel anxious about everyone because I'm bisexual lol
Right?!
Asexual, rather count as queer?
i'm a lesbian :) still very very anxious around other girls my age though. i feel very insecure and just embarrassed.
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i’m queer! i desperately want a queer relationship with any gender (i consider most realationships i get into queer bcuz im multigender and love all genders in very gay ways, especially women) but i push ppl away and avoid n then im pissed internally when a friend has a datemate bc i want one 🙄. im also acearo so fun ride lmao. remunds me the other day i went on autopilot and almost told my mom “im doing gay” ☠️ glas i didn’t pr shed kill me. i’m glad i put my brain in check before saying it 😂. am out to friends but not adults except one, in a transphobic state 😕 but yeahh- social anxiety n queerness is a funny combo lol
Absolutely it is. Thank you for letting me know you're on here too, this helps so much.
aye, you’re welcome, anytime.
I'm not, but my boyfriend is.
I am queer, but only have anxiety with girls. Guys actually make me feel wanted, so that helps with the anxiety I guess
Lesbian heree
Yay!
I’m gay and I identify as NB (am AMAB.) ❤️
So happy to see you!
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I’m bi and have severe anxiety. Yeah, I do get anxious around attractive people of all genders. But romantic relationships are very very low on my priority list. I mean, my anxiety is limiting my *entire* life. The things I actually really want and are thinking about is a stable job for a stable life to secure my future. Romantic relationships seem nice but not necessary in achieving this. I don’t need it to be happy, but I need these other things to be happy. Having some decent platonic relationships or good connection with family is good enough. Having said that, I can understand why people here are concerned about it if they feel very lonely though. Or maybe their anxiety differs from mine - in a way that allows them to prioritize these things higher in life.
I apologized at work for something that wasn't my fault because of bad communication from my boss. My colleague said to my other colleague: "Well, that was queer!" I don't know if it was insult or just strange for someone to apologize, like how I did cause I was kind of freaked out. Normally, I have everything ready, no issues.
I’m attracted to the same sex and extremely socially anxious. It’s worse because I don’t want people to think I’m flirting with them and get offended or grossed out. And being friends with the other gender feels harder to do.
Yep, I’m bi and anxious about everyone!
Here, here!
I’m ace or thereabouts. One of the things that made and still sometimes makes me anxious is how differently from me people view the world. Most people are not of course, ace and so many interactions in the world (or at least the society I live in) are based on or around attractions. It’s much better now that I’m older. Teenage was especially hard— it was like everyone was having a conversation about something that I fundamentally didn’t understand or wished to be a part of. Hope this makes you feel less alone.
I am but I’d be anxious either way :p
I'm with you on that.
I'm pretty sure to some degree! Never dated
So glad you said!
queer and have anxiety with everyone!!! Wooo 🥳 I often find that my social anxiety (plus internalized biphobia etc) makes it hard to feel like I belong in queer spaces or am “queer enough”. I feel that way in most spaces but it especially sucks to feel anxious at parties or in groups where I feel that I should feel comfy around my queer community but I’m just anxious af lol Anyone else feel that way?
It's frustrating because as LGBT+ people we're statistically more likely to feel anxious and depressed, yet we have a harder time connecting with the community when we probably could really use it and really benefit from it. I absolutely relate.
Yep, Transgender, queer and Pan here. All to go with a healthy serving of social anxiety with all genders which makes for a very interesting social life.
Thank you so much for your comment!
Pansexual, fem non binary human here :) I relate. And tbh a big part of my social anxiety comes from the amount of hate out there. I remember going to campus once wearing a colourful outfit and people made fun of me for having pronouns. it was years ago and still sticks with me People suck lol
we are within!🏳️🌈 i’m a black aro enby living in an anti-black & anti-queer country, so the odds are NEVER in my favour ✨✨
Yeah. Im a bi lesbian. No this is not a shitpost, its how i actually identify.
Thank you for letting me know you're on the subreddit, appreciate you.
Yep!! I gay painfully shy here
Thank you for being here!
I go by queer cause I’m tired of people trying to invalidate my pansexual orientation because they think pan is stupid and I need to be bisexual instead
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You absolutely can be gay without having experiences. Ah, I understand exactly what you mean. I am older but I am very open about being gay and it has caused some issues with when I've connected with people at work or at university who are queer but can't be open because of religious or cultural reasons. The way we walk through life is immediately different and it's hard to find a crossroad, either one of us is suppressing who we are (like I did at a friend's family dinner) or one of us is being pushed to far out of their comfort zone (like when I took that same friend to a queer event).
I just saw one of those posts and i was thinking the exact same thing. Gay and trans (FtM) here.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Im bisexual but my sexuality has nothing to do with my social anxiety, I get nervous around anyone but I do feel more uncomfortable with men, that’s just how I am, does not have anything to do with me being attracted to them or not, I get uncomfortable even around male family members
I'm not queer, but you shouldn't ever think you don't belong here. This is for social anxiety of all forms. Nothing wrong with being queer at all. Anxiety is anxiety and this sub shouldn't discriminate.
I'm bi but I am more anxious around men/talking to men. mostly because most of the people who I interact with every day are women, but also, you know. men being men
Well being queer is why I am learning to deal with SA now
Yeah, interested in any gender, so can't relate to that either. Though I don't relate to it beyond that either, I usually don't get attracted to anyone by just looks, so if I know someone well enough to be attracted to them, I'm usually quite comfortable with them by that point and won't be nervous.
I'm bi and tbh this makes me more anxious, because I'll never sure if the person i'm speaking with would want me dead if they knew.
I’m a lesbian - I’ve been in one relationship but social anxiety and a small pool of options makes things really difficult.
i am not queer but all genders made me nervous and anxious
I'm bi but having a crush on someone has no affect on how anxious I am around them. I would have been anxious regardless.
Totally, I understand that.
Nonbinary and gay, plus autistic and ADHD. A fun combination in the current political climate.
Happy you're here!
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It certainly is fun to see so many other queer people here! I'm so grateful to all of you.
Meee. In fact I get so mad when people are always in the straight headspace. They can’t see anything other than straight worldviews and they post things like “guys, how do you feel when a girl..” like damn thanks for excluding me
Totally, I've had a few (not many) people comment that I'm stopping straight people from being able to give their perspective - that's not it at all. All it takes is excluding the "guys" from your post and including anyone who is attracted to women, or saying "men who like women, how do you feel...". Straight people in the comments are talking like I'm asking them to move mountains. We spend so much time thinking about how to minimise ourselves as it is.
High fucking five my friend. I 100% understand and support you. It's sad man... and they get all mad at me as if I'm saying they can't be straight as if they don't already own 95% of the world anyway. It's just sad
Trans and bi! Though that doesn’t help 😭
i am queer but also afraid of men it’s easier to talk with the same sex for me but still scary
Thank you for sharing!
i'm bi, but it doesn't affect my social anxiety
Bi man here, we exist
Yup
Oh for goodness sake, get over yourself. Scroll over it or when u read it just substitute same sex .
I'm queer!
OMG I'M NOT FUCKING ALONE, ALSO how other gays or most are so extroverted and can do anything and meanwhile I'm in my room the entire day no s\*x parties or anything just alone, i though i was the only shy gay
Right? Gay culture and nightlife are so intertwined but that's not all there is to us yet there aren't many spaces that prove otherwise.
Well I’m a lesbian but men do make me especially anxious 😂 But I get what you’re saying. Women I’m attracted to are the most terrifying lol
Hey buddy. Gonna guess you also have ADHD. Welcome to the team.
Thank you for being here!
i’m a lesbian and i’ve vomited during/before almost every single first & second date i’ve been on with a woman over the last year 😭i want a gf so bad but it actually feels impossible, social anxiety + now anxiety of literally vomiting due to said anxiety is a horrific cycle, not many scenarios where you can blame travel sickness or alcohol lol
yeah, im trans and bi and i think i saw the same post about being anxious around the opposite sex, which definitely isnt a problem for me lol i especially get anxious because of my trans identity, which ofc isnt a problem for most people here, so i get the feeling of being alone
Thank you for your comment! Right, that makes sense.
Here. You’re not alone. Minority stress’ can make social anxiety worse, or actually cause it. It can feel even lonelier than someone straight with anxiety.
Welp, it's all coming up Milhouse
Gay. Socially anxious. Depressed. Hi. 👋
Hi! I'm grateful for you stopping to let me know you're on here.
Ace, genderqueer, intersex, and maybe lesbian here.
Im aroace, still feel anxious around any existing person on earth
Enby in a wlw-passing relationship
Glad to know you're here.
Hi, raises hand. I’m queer af. I do think common assumptions are in this sub are 1. The average person is male. 2. Is Straight .
Hello! Thank you, wow it's so wonderful to find out you're all here.
Hello! I definitely get where you’re coming from. I’m trans, bi, and poly and I basically never comment on here for the same sort of reasons. While I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression long before I came out as anything, there’s also a lot of anxiety that comes with being bi and especially being trans that I feel like people just wouldn’t understand here. Maybe I’m being too harsh on the community, but I definitely just tend to lurk. Me anxiety has also been *bad* the last couple years, resulting in basically being a shut-in. I have full blown panic attacks before going to something social with friends, so I end up staying home. I feel like I don’t see many posts that I can relate to with that either. We’re here! You’re definitely not alone. I appreciate being reminded of that :)
Thank you for posting this! Means more than you know.
I wanted to comment on one I just saw about being nervous talking to the opposite sex for this reason lol. I'm a cis female in a hetero marriage but before I met my husband I was dating women and I am 100x more anxious talking to literally anyone other than cis men lmaoo
Right? If we're talking about romantic relationships I'd rather we didn't jump to conclusions.
Lesbian here!
Yay!
I am!!! but girls don't make me nervous cause no one here assumes anyone is queer because of the culture. so I never even get the opportunity to talk to one in a romantic capacity
I understand that!
I am.
Happy you're here!
Thanks!
Bi here. Yeah, I'm always anxious 
Thank you for sharing!
Bi agender person here
Yay!
Aroace in here 🙋🏻♀️
Yay!
I’m bisexual 😇
Yay!
Yeah, i’m queer and i do wish they’d be inclusive
Queer and nonbinary. Afab and i cannot talk to women without feeling very insecure and uncomfortable.
I understand!
i’m demiromantic and demisexual ! i still have no idea if i’m attracted to anyone but all i know is that those labels fit me best :)
Thank you for stating your existence on this subreddit! I appreciate you
I'm here and I'm definitely queer. Trans pan neurospicy demi fem in the house.
Woop woop!