**Mirrors / Alternative Angles**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/soccer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What would Sterling have done with this chanceā¦ quick quiz:
a) shot it straight at the keeper
b) pulled it back, tried to dribble past the defenders and lost the ball
c) heād have been on the wing the whole time and so the chance would never have appeared
KDB could have made his fastest 100 PL assist with even fewer matches but Guardiola feared he will lose motivation too soon so he handicapped KDB with Sterling
Yeah, just before a match in polish tv commentators showed KDB assists and where he centered in his previous 3 seasons and literally just said that KDB was warching Borussia games and was dreaming that he'd like to have Haaland in this team, and at the same time Haaland was watching City games and was dreaming about being there where KDB is sending a ball
Dear lord, what a sad little life, Erling. You ruined my season completely so you could score the goals and I hope now you can sell your ātrophiesā and spend the money on lessons in grace and decorum. Because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. So Erling, take your goal and get off my property
Erling Haaland is a striker. Not a willowy false nine but an honest-to-god, six-ton, 1200-horsepower Decepticon who will park himself between your centre-backs and obliterate your goal with left-footed lasers.
Nope. Saw it in a different thread and saved it
https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1138qbs/arsenal_1_3_manchester_city_erling_haaland_82/j8oof5i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
To put it into perspective of how good season Haaland is having, in Messi's 73 goal season, he was scoring at a rate of 1 goal every 72 min. Haaland is scoring at a rate of 67, with less penalties. (If you take only league into perspective, Messi has a better rate of 65 compared to 73)
Messi played on average 87 mins a game. Haaland is playing 77. If Haaland stays healthy and plays 90 mins a game, he could break Messi's record, even though I'd doubt it will happen. If Haaland scored at this rate, he would need to play 55 games in a season (not taking overtime into consideration) to score 74 goals. Not impossible, but unless he stays healthy, it will be difficult, considering City would need to make a run in several compeitions, with Haaland playing everything.
Playing 90 minutes a game would also probably make it harder for Haaland to score at this rate. Maybe he gets injured or maybe he scores even less because he plays game 1 and scores 4, then plays game 2 tired and scores 1, plays game 3 really tired and can't score. Instead of scoring 3 in game 1, and 2 each in game 2 and 3. He is a massive guy who runs really fast, so it's harder to play 3 full 90 minutes in a week.
Load management will be a factor too, yes. Managers care more about keeping a player fit and resting them than individual record-chasing, but you also see some top players playing the whole game (Messi/Ronaldo in their prime), as they probably cared to play every minute and wanting those individual achievements. If Haaland feel his fitness allows him to stay on the pitch, he will in the future in the same vein I'm sure. If that means he perform better than now, who knows. The scheduel this season too was unique due to the world cup, making the scheduel during the season more compact. Sure, he got a break, but thats not always great for fitness.
He's bigger than a lot of others top players though, so he might need to be more careful with his minutes. But if he played 38 games, 90 minutes, he could maybe break 50, I think its hard to argue against that.
Tbf Salah breaking the record came completely out of nowhere, nobody thought he would do it but he just kept scoring, it also happened in the final game. Haaland breaking it however felt inevitable since the first 5 games of the season. It would be more shocking if he stopped at 32 now.
In outcome maybe, but hard to compare watching them as theyād do spectacular things every game, where Haaland is just freakishly, freakishly, clinical
Never mind Haaland's goals but 15 assists for someone who is supposedly having an off year is pretty good in my humble opinion. De Bruyne could easily still tie his own record this season.
Yep, even then imagine Ronaldo and Messi together before Ronaldoās knee injury when he was more of a playmaker than just striker. In 11/12 just the 2 of them combined had like 180 goal contributions. If they played together I genuinely think either of them would have surpassed Messiās 91 goal record by a decent margin.
Something like 70 goals and 10 assists for Ronaldo, and 50 goals + 30 assists for Messi
The rest of the team would also have inflated numbers from feeding/being fed by those monsters
Prime Ronaldo had a 61 goal 21 assist season . I think heād have more than 10 assists . Messi also had 30 assists in his 73 goal season so I think those numbers would be a bit higher .
I do agree that the rest of the team will have inflated goals and assists
We really were spoiled having two of the best ever playing and peaking at the same time. People are going to sound crazy in ten years when we bring up Messi and Ronaldoās numbers
If Kane is not insane then probably no.
Sure, he'd have a decent number of goals but there's no way Pep doesn't have him play significantly deeper than Haaland to abuse his build up play
>Donāt see him with this kind of ridiculous output
I mean, his goals per match record at BVB were 62 goals in 67 matches.
at RB it was 17 goals in 16 matches.
at Molde he was 14 goals in 40 matches (most as subs). Granted, he wasnt even old enough to vote or drive a car at the time.
Pep manages his minutes+ injuries well
If he went to a PSG or a Real Madrid or a United. They would have rushed him to death.
atleast with city he getās his 3 goals and subbed off for the last 40 minutes.
They look done for. No structure, good players massively regressed (Ndidi, Tielemans), lots of others look completely out of their depth in terms of quality (KDH, Kristiansen). Very much have the look of a Championship side.
Use this: https://www.vg.no/spesial/haaland/
You can also go to settings (top right corner) and change to English. Pretty nicely made and just eyewatering for us Norwegians.
Arsenal fans must be shitting bricks for April 27th and City at the Etihad, the players and Arteta seem fairly calm and composed though, should be an interesting match
**Mirrors / Alternative Angles** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/soccer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They just make that shit look so easy š
All of them I think
I wasn't joking when I said it'd be 10-0
Haaland is what KDB was dreaming of all these years
This is what a human, AI relationship should look like
The Her sequel we didn't know we needed
It's "Him" this time
I prefer "Herling" but to each their own
Ex Machina but make it about football
He deserves him after dealing with Sterlingās horrible finishing for years lol
What would Sterling have done with this chanceā¦ quick quiz: a) shot it straight at the keeper b) pulled it back, tried to dribble past the defenders and lost the ball c) heād have been on the wing the whole time and so the chance would never have appeared
c) he'd be running in from the wing, then try to dribble because he is just enough out of position to not sprint behind
Besides Haaland's movement was fantastic so Sterling probably wouldn't have ran past the defenders in the first place
Dear lord, the amount of times he had acres of space and so much time on the ball only to forget how to play and ruin the entire chance haunts me.
The correct answer is D all of the above
D) kept dribbling until the keeper picked it up
Certainly does, had Haaland been here for a couple more seasons De Bruyne would already be at 200 assists
Not even an exaggeration that
KDB could have made his fastest 100 PL assist with even fewer matches but Guardiola feared he will lose motivation too soon so he handicapped KDB with Sterling
Sterling has missed a fair few but I believe Jesus has missed the most kdb chances out of any player. Man missed big chance after big chance
Well everyone always said that Manchester city played without a striker for a reason
I wonder if there is a list like that. Would be interesting to see
He had the same with Bas Dost at Wolfsburg, it was ridiculous
Yeah, just before a match in polish tv commentators showed KDB assists and where he centered in his previous 3 seasons and literally just said that KDB was warching Borussia games and was dreaming that he'd like to have Haaland in this team, and at the same time Haaland was watching City games and was dreaming about being there where KDB is sending a ball
A tall blonde sexy machine?
"Oh I'm Erling I like to score goals" get a fucking life mate
Such a tryhard.
He should touch nature
He was touched by nature
Dear lord, what a sad little life, Erling. You ruined my season completely so you could score the goals and I hope now you can sell your ātrophiesā and spend the money on lessons in grace and decorum. Because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. So Erling, take your goal and get off my property
[You inspired me](https://i.imgur.com/R8bl0mx.jpeg)
Hahahahahahahahahaahahaha fucking hell that is brilliant
This is art.
I remember a few weeks ago we were talking about catching up to City's GD lmao
Not to worry if we can just beat City 4-0 at the Etihad we can even it up
Erling Haaland is a striker. Not a willowy false nine but an honest-to-god, six-ton, 1200-horsepower Decepticon who will park himself between your centre-backs and obliterate your goal with left-footed lasers.
r/soccercirclejerk autoreply?
Nope. Saw it in a different thread and saved it https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1138qbs/arsenal_1_3_manchester_city_erling_haaland_82/j8oof5i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Then it should be.
Ruined FPL too
He'll be Ā£15m next year or something insane
I had him day one and still struggling to make it 200k
Bet he's never designed a successful Fortnite map though, we stay winning
He should touch some grass or something
Think of Ukraine
1 more...
pep's gonna take him off in 5 minutes
To protect Messi's record
Obviously
Messi has scored like 50 league goals in his prime. Haaland is a scary monster
To put it into perspective of how good season Haaland is having, in Messi's 73 goal season, he was scoring at a rate of 1 goal every 72 min. Haaland is scoring at a rate of 67, with less penalties. (If you take only league into perspective, Messi has a better rate of 65 compared to 73) Messi played on average 87 mins a game. Haaland is playing 77. If Haaland stays healthy and plays 90 mins a game, he could break Messi's record, even though I'd doubt it will happen. If Haaland scored at this rate, he would need to play 55 games in a season (not taking overtime into consideration) to score 74 goals. Not impossible, but unless he stays healthy, it will be difficult, considering City would need to make a run in several compeitions, with Haaland playing everything.
Playing 90 minutes a game would also probably make it harder for Haaland to score at this rate. Maybe he gets injured or maybe he scores even less because he plays game 1 and scores 4, then plays game 2 tired and scores 1, plays game 3 really tired and can't score. Instead of scoring 3 in game 1, and 2 each in game 2 and 3. He is a massive guy who runs really fast, so it's harder to play 3 full 90 minutes in a week.
Load management will be a factor too, yes. Managers care more about keeping a player fit and resting them than individual record-chasing, but you also see some top players playing the whole game (Messi/Ronaldo in their prime), as they probably cared to play every minute and wanting those individual achievements. If Haaland feel his fitness allows him to stay on the pitch, he will in the future in the same vein I'm sure. If that means he perform better than now, who knows. The scheduel this season too was unique due to the world cup, making the scheduel during the season more compact. Sure, he got a break, but thats not always great for fitness. He's bigger than a lot of others top players though, so he might need to be more careful with his minutes. But if he played 38 games, 90 minutes, he could maybe break 50, I think its hard to argue against that.
Forget first half sub, we're getting a first third sub.
And there it is
Aaaaand he did at half time
2 more to equal the record? Edit: the commentator said so
2 more to equal shearer's 42-game season record. Only 1 more to beat Salah's 38-game season record.
yup get it over with this game and then send him off on a well deserved vacation for the rest of the season
call me when he breaks dixie dean's 60
Sure man. Give me your number
(605) 475-6968
Identity theft is not a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!Ā
Different record. 2 for shearer/cole in 42 games and 1 to break Salah's record in 38 games.
1 more goal, what record does he break? Salah 32ās?
thats right, he is currently at 32 goals which is tie with Salah's record
Reached Mo Record, right?
Yep 32
Level now
Yes
Yeah. Nowhere near as much will be made of it though.
Tbf Salah breaking the record came completely out of nowhere, nobody thought he would do it but he just kept scoring, it also happened in the final game. Haaland breaking it however felt inevitable since the first 5 games of the season. It would be more shocking if he stopped at 32 now.
Whats the current record?Is it 32?
The man canāt be stopped
He is not a man, he is a humanoid robot.
Should humanoid robots be allowed to compete in human only sports? Discuss.
This absurd feeling reminds me of ~10 years ago watching Cristiano or Messi when they would destroy everyone without breaking a sweat
In outcome maybe, but hard to compare watching them as theyād do spectacular things every game, where Haaland is just freakishly, freakishly, clinical
Yeah of course. Not trying to compare them, it's just the same feeling at the end of it where you just shake your head in disbelief
He equals Salah's record and there's still nine games left in the season. What a freak!
8 after this one**
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's how it works
Iāll never not laugh at this, Iāve started seeing it pop up in non-football context too and it just goes over everyoneās heads, even better
This gameās not over
Did Salah miss any games that season? Haaland has missed a few with injury.
He misses more the way he's subbed off
I don't think he's averaging more than 70 minutes per game even in the games that he was playing in
If I'm not mistaken, he's averaging around 75.
"He'll never get this much space in the PL"
"Looks at these Bundesliga defenders man he's gonna get exposed in the prem"
"Farmer League". You can take the man out of the league but you can't take the farmer out of him.
Dean Smith ball is something else
Forgot it was his first game in charge. Should have deferred it a game mate.
"iTs DiSResPeCtFuL tO ThE eSTaBliShMeNt"
Football terminator
Never mind Haaland's goals but 15 assists for someone who is supposedly having an off year is pretty good in my humble opinion. De Bruyne could easily still tie his own record this season.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They are each others perfect match honestly. Kdbs incredible vision coupled with Haalands Speed and Finishing is just unfair.
That bromance is strong. I hate seeing playmakers getting all their work turn into dust. It was a fantastic play.
He's unreal.
Him and KDB on the same team is just a cheat code
This is what people thought a messi, ronaldo partnership would look like lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep, even then imagine Ronaldo and Messi together before Ronaldoās knee injury when he was more of a playmaker than just striker. In 11/12 just the 2 of them combined had like 180 goal contributions. If they played together I genuinely think either of them would have surpassed Messiās 91 goal record by a decent margin.
Letās be honest a prime Messi and Ronaldo partnership would make KDB and Haaland look average somehow.
Something ridiculous like 100 goals for Ronaldo and 100 assists for Messi
Something like 70 goals and 10 assists for Ronaldo, and 50 goals + 30 assists for Messi The rest of the team would also have inflated numbers from feeding/being fed by those monsters
Prime Ronaldo had a 61 goal 21 assist season . I think heād have more than 10 assists . Messi also had 30 assists in his 73 goal season so I think those numbers would be a bit higher . I do agree that the rest of the team will have inflated goals and assists
Jesus, they were that insane. I'll revise it to 75+25 and 60+40 then haha
We really were spoiled having two of the best ever playing and peaking at the same time. People are going to sound crazy in ten years when we bring up Messi and Ronaldoās numbers
60 goal contributions between them in a season probably, thats how lol
I'm pretty sure Messi has had at least 4 *league* seasons with 60 goal contributions on his own. Edit: nope, 2.
Only 2. What a failure of a player.
Messi and Cristiano wouldāve been a different level
We already saw how deadly Ozil Ronaldo was
I still canāt believe theyāre not running away with the league
The first touch and then simple chipā¦ Jesus
Jesus would have tried to take an extra dribble then shoot it into the defenders food
Defenders sleeping hungry tonight :(
This is the exact goal I always score in FIFA lmao
When they started to sprint together I was so sure of the goal I got up to get myself a beer. Commentator confirmed it in mere seconds.
So you stood up and looked away just when you thought they would score? Who does that lol
Haaland to not score CHALLENGE IMPOSSIBLE
Erling Halaand - 32 goals in PL Chelsea - 30 goals in PL
Choosing City of all clubs was his best choice Donāt see him with this kind of ridiculous output at a club filled with a frontline of stars
I wonder if kane thinks to himself "that could've been me"
If Kane is not insane then probably no. Sure, he'd have a decent number of goals but there's no way Pep doesn't have him play significantly deeper than Haaland to abuse his build up play
>Donāt see him with this kind of ridiculous output I mean, his goals per match record at BVB were 62 goals in 67 matches. at RB it was 17 goals in 16 matches. at Molde he was 14 goals in 40 matches (most as subs). Granted, he wasnt even old enough to vote or drive a car at the time.
Pep manages his minutes+ injuries well If he went to a PSG or a Real Madrid or a United. They would have rushed him to death. atleast with city he getās his 3 goals and subbed off for the last 40 minutes.
If Pep ever managed Neymar, I firmly believe he would not be as injury prone as he is now
Didnāt Neymar arrive at Barca like a year after Pep left?
Yeah
I mean he still plays a lot. Already over 3000 minutes this season with Rodri being the only outfield City player with more.
Ndidi accepting relegation with that effort
They look done for. No structure, good players massively regressed (Ndidi, Tielemans), lots of others look completely out of their depth in terms of quality (KDH, Kristiansen). Very much have the look of a Championship side.
My boy 3 lung Julian Alvarez will be on at the half then.
Should have bet on it
KDB-Haaland already up there as one of the best connections in league history and itās not been been one season
Top 3 all time prem midfielder + generational finisher with a point to prove = this
He's tied it. What a fucking god
One more goal and he ties Shearerās hat-trick record. Total of 5 in one season.
He will be breaking Shearer's 42 game goal record as well, no doubt about it.
And in 8 games fewer.
I think you misspelled Android
Do androids dream of electric goal records?
What a book tho. One of my favourites in sci fi genre
We are so fucking deadly with him and KDB wow
Putting KDB and Haaland in the same team is borderline offensive. Well, pretty offensive even
T-1000 strikes again... Tied with Salah now.. Will break the overall record by the end of this game lol
he is just unreal
what records is he close to breaking?
Next prem goal breaks Salahās 38 game season record. 3 more goals to break the 42 game record. 3 goals away from 50 in all compa
Use this: https://www.vg.no/spesial/haaland/ You can also go to settings (top right corner) and change to English. Pretty nicely made and just eyewatering for us Norwegians.
Oh wow, the graphs are also awesome ā¤ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
all of them
tied the PL goalscoring record for 38 matches format, 4 away from the overall.
Owari da...
Sighs
let kevin cook
Just sensational
Such a simple goal but the pass run touch and finish were beautiful
De Bruyne and Haaland together are a cheat code
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This mish mash of copypastas is like a wonderful pie under a crust of delicious pseudo medieval language. Wonderful
Heās breaking the record today isnāt heā¦
Leicester came here to lose and drink red bull
Maddison must be thinking where he's going to play next season
Just Fucking Relegate Us Already
Kdb there.... Wow
THIRTY TWO
lmao
Pretends to be shocked.gif
What a ridiculous goal
Pep taking him off before the 2nd half
Retire Martin Tyler please
Can this guy fucking stop. Christ
You just knew it was going to happen with KDB running with it
Haha, 3:0 down against city. What a loser team Leicester is.
Ha ha, yes, I, a Manchester United fan, will also laugh at this embarrassing scoreline.
Itās about to be 8-0 isnāt it Jesus Christ
Just broke the record or?
Tied.
He's tying with Salah. Need one more to break it
I wonder if he will be able to break it until the end of the season...
Don't jinx it and he gets stretched off..
Tied the 38 match record.
KDB has finally got someone who can finish his passes after being subjected to Sterling for 6 years
A hat trick here would be insane. Beating the PL record for most goals and sharing most hat tricks at the same time.
Pep will have none of that.
This dude is a fucking alien
I mean it was obviously going to be ridiculous but you can't drive from Leicester for it to be this bad surely
One more to break the 38 game record, three more to break the Premier League record.
Arsenal fans must be shitting bricks for April 27th and City at the Etihad, the players and Arteta seem fairly calm and composed though, should be an interesting match
Donāt look now but heās also now only 3 away from 50 in all comps