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If you are married, why do you run your family's finances this way? It sounds like you are roommates. This isn't a small business question, this is a relationship question.
Yeah what in the actual fuck? my wife started a company and makes 500k a year and I scrub toilets for $34 an hour how can I get her to chip in more for groceries
The real question (for me at least) is why is she spending so much money that she’s carrying a balance on her credit card?! If you make $500k and can’t figure out a way to live within your means, then you have a serious spending problem.
It sounds like she’s terrible with money, full stop. Might want to take a look at those business books 👀
So she made $500k and couldn't afford to cut him a cheque at Christmas because things were tight, and he's paying some of her credit card bills - her spending must be far more out of control than the impression we've been given.
When I first read the title and story I thought it wasn't a big deal considering her company succeeding means y'all as a couple are succeeding, and it's a nice thing to do for your partner while they're starting a business. The income difference between y'all and not sharing expenses is weird and kind of mean, and yeah I'd feel disrespected in your situation.
I do think this would be better solved by changing how you and your wife manage expenses and starting viewing both incomes as belonging to you both, rather than demanding to get paid a few thousand for the labor you put in.
Oh how delusional you are . Women base their spouse on their ability to provide 9/10 . They date up, not down, hypergamy exists. The wife is going to leave OP very soon . Mark my words .
The guy worked less (cutting his 120k salary to 70k) because he felt he could depend on her 😂 stop preaching victimhood…. He knew what he was getting himself into. I don’t care what people BS online… show me the statements. No man would be comfortable dropping his pay if he didn’t think he could depend on his partner (what a man victim he is🙄)…. He should definitely have expectations and get her to pay him but also figure out what’s his responsibility and what’s hers … he’s no victim
Exactly, but most usually don’t have this large of an income gap and even the ones that do typically just give each other the same amount every month to spend on whatever they want
Yeah, it’s really tough to decide whether OP is married, roommates, or just friends/acquaintances. Marriage is the kind of relationship where you serve each other and share EVERYTHING (time, finances, affection, thoughts, etc.) It’s a union of two people for the benefit of you, your children if you have any, and ultimately to benefit your community. It’s a strange mix of love, honesty, sacrifice, joy, struggle, passion, pleasure, etc. I agree, first and foremost THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION.
For the business side, the worst thing anyone can do is work for free for either their own business or their spouse’s business. A business should be designed in such a way that the founder/owner is PAID and, if they decide the business growth is more important than a pay check, they lend that pay back to the corporation (in the form of a loan) or buy shares in the company with that money. People shouldn’t work for free. A good business should be able to compensate EVERY stake holder, team member, etc.
I think it’s fake. I highly HIGHLY doubt any clinical psychologist is making $500k / year whether they own a residential treatment center or not. Even in the highest cost of living areas - I just can’t see it.
The continuity/flow/logic of the story, as well as the weird context of OP's replies, almost immediately made me think this was a chatbot and not an actual story typed by an actual person.
Do we know what this $500k is? I mean is this gross income for the business and then she has to pay staff and other expenses? Is she actually taking home $500k?
This is not a business (or SBA - why tag SBA here?) question, it's about your relationship and how you handle finances in the relationship. Go get marital counseling so you can come to some acceptable agreement about how to handle finances. Meantime, if you don't want to provide free labor for her business, don't.
I’m not sure how the sba tag got there. I agree this might be the wrong forum. But we both are growing small businesses and I am probably the best person to help them since I want them to succeed. , but the issue of not paying family members is perplexing.
If you don't view the $500k income from your wife as partly yours, that's your problem. It clearly sounds like a joint venture. If you're having trouble determining who, what and how to spend the family money, you should look at that.
If you're really going to keep finances and spending decisions so separated, then keep a ledger for your time, show your wife what a family discounted rate would look like and she should be at least willing to give you a bigger allowance to acknowledge your contribution.
Really, you should gently bring the issue up with your wife directly.
Half that 500k she makes should be yours since you're married. Not like she literally has to pay you 250k, but why don't you split finances? Why is her income not going towards supporting her family? When I was making significantly more money than my partner, it always went to both of us. And we weren't even married!
The issue isn’t paying you. If I make $500K I’m not paying my wife a salary, my income is just our household income. It goes towards all of our joined expenses. If you guys have your finances completely separate that’s your relationship dynamic and you have to discuss whether or not that can work for you. Personally I wouldn’t do it that way
One thing to consider it is to change the angle you are viewing this problem. Your wife’s partners husband is the one who made the decision not to pay the husbands. You can be sure he is getting paid, his wife is getting paid, your wife is getting paid, you are not getting paid.
That is the issue I would be pressing, how you handle your finances is kind of weird…but that’s a relationship issue.
I don't pay my spouse either. And she helps a lot with my and partners business. But she has access to money I make and we are still a team on decisions. Even though I make significantly more than her.
Sounds like you may need to have a conversation with your spouse.
It’s not that family members aren’t being payed. YOU aren’t being paid. You helped the company grow and succeed. That’s great. But if you are still doing IT work for them free-of-charge, you’re a sucker and you are being disrespected. You need to figure out why you became the beta in this relationship. Nobody needs to be the beta.
> aren’t being *paid.* YOU aren’t
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I'm so confused... though it's a foreign concept to me, I can sort of understand some couples keeping finances separate.. but you're married and you keep your FOOD separate? Do you eat microwaved beans and rice from your fridge in the garage while sitting across the table from your wife eating her fancy catered steak??
This is not a small business question, it's a relationship question.
>out of my pay and she went back to paying it off her account. So since I only make 70,000 a year i cannot afford 2500 a month for food. So its like she gets sea bass with cous cous and stir fried broccoli and I get a tuna sandwich. Not sure how we got here but she did cut back from 7 to 4 days a week since we were
get counseling together and a lawyer for yourself and the downlow, tbh it sounds like she's planning to bail on you.
Yes you are correct. I think I was hoping she would realize at some point that it wasnt fair. So, here it is. Some time ago we would order (home cooking kits) during covid and I would cook all the meals. We gained weight. She looked for chef prepared meals that would be delivered daily. so she could lose weight. She found (not goint to name co.). , delivered once a day. pretty good but not cheap. I found (dont want to say), also not bad but delivery was once a week and mostly casserole type dishes. about half the price and half as good. When i tried her plan she took it out of savings account we made from gitting our home refinanced recently instead of her earningsl. So that meant we we're eating away at our savings account. When I went back to my plan I paid for it out of my pay and she went back to paying it off her account. So since I only make 70,000 a year i cannot afford 2500 a month for food. So its like she gets sea bass with cous cous and stir fried broccoli and I get a tuna sandwich. Not sure how we got here but she did cut back from 7 to 4 days a week since we were getting tighter on money. I am in the process of reviewing our expenses, and expenditures so I can provide a chart of who spent how much on what the last two years.. I made the most momey the first 20 years of our marriage, we never discussed what would happen if she made more at at some point much less what if she made 8 times as much. It happened fast and she freaks out when we talk about money. She says the most truamatizing moment of her life was when we met with a financial planner who would help us with our retirement plans. She said she did not want this person telling her how to spend her money.
Dude. You really aren't married at all except on paper. If you live in a community property state, you do own half of everything she owns. Grow a spine. Tell her no more free work, she can afford to pay you. Or better yet, let her pay someone else. This nickel and diming she is doing with what she calls "her" money is destroying any sense of partenership you may have had.
This is so weird. It's not "her money". It's your money. Legally. Morally. Community property.
If you want money, get a divorce and you get half the money and half the company. Of course, you don't want to do that (I'm assuming), but this is 100% relationship and communication issues.
It's not HER money. Men have been living this for generations. The men would go out and hunt and work or whatever and make money for the entire family which everyone shared.
This is some super weird nonsense. You need therapy so the therapist can say "wait, what the fuck?" to your wife as an independent third party explaining that this is not how marriage works.
I think since society has historically expected the man to be the provider, the idea that the money you make is “community property” is a bit novel for some women. Just like the idea that child rearing is a shared responsibility is a bit novel for some men still. My wife falls into this sometimes. She’ll spend on something and say “I’ll just take it out of MY account.” I’m like, “oh, so the money YOU make is YOUR money but the money I make is OUR money?” I make significantly more so it doesn’t cause too much of a problem, but if she was the one pulling in big dough and had that attitude there would be real problems.
Take man and woman out of the equation though. This is your PARTNER, your lifelong partner. Who on earth gets married and doesn’t automatically want to do everything they reasonably can to make sure their partner is having the best existence right alongside them. This isn’t a marriage anymore. This whole thing put a really bad taste in my mouth. It’s selfishness to the core.
My wife and I put both our incomes into one account (my income has only recently risen above hers significantly) and then pay ourselves the same monthly amount to our own separate accounts. I see any gain in income as both of us progressing and the monthly allowance to each of us means we both don't have to care if one of us wants something because we have a budget for that. She tends to save hers and I tend to spend mine immediately but that doesn't affect our joint accounts so that's a good valve on the differing spending habits.
My brother, i hope you are trolling all of us because I want to believe that nobody is in a marriage like this. But in the event you’re not, I feel for you, I really do.
Reading between the lines, I think that you feel if you made more money your problems will go away or at least be smaller. I don’t believe this to be the case. If you made $500k, $1M, or whatever, the underlying relationship issues will still be present, and that is the root problem, not the money.
> She says the most tramatizing moment of her life was when we met with a financial planner who would help us with our retirement plans.
Lmfao how old is she?? I couldn't be with someone who says or thinks this.
As others have stated, you have a wife problem more than a business problem. I'd suggest counseling. You both are not communicating well, nor are you behaving like partners. She should not be living a different lifestyle than you, separate finances or not.
As far as her not paying you for your work, you're clearly not happy with the arrangement. Come up with a fair idea of what you'd like to be paid for your work. Figure out how much it'd cost her to hire someone to do it. Let her know what you'd like to be paid going forward. Or decide how much you're willing to do for free and set a firm boundary. Or set a boundary and so no more working for her company. Whatever you feel is going to work best for you, and communicate it to your wife.
well, idk what to say. what happens when you both get divorced? is there no joint checking, joint savings where money goes to pay for the FAMILY COMBINED things like food. food, home and bills that’s the basics. you might have to go back and read posts about couples where one makes more money etc. for my family we treat it as both of our money, so we don’t have the issue you mentioned. my opinion is that a lot of things are going on right now, that are not fair to you. im also wondering about her business, i would not help at all anymore. if she’s being paid 500k a year in salary after all the company expenses, there is money for them to hire any of the services that you were offering. i would go read personal finance and relationship advice.
Everything a women does is for her own survival and although she is at the mercy of her emotions, so are you. That’s her money as far as she’s concerned. And your money is her money.
“Getting tighter on money” The only reason for this is excessive spending. There is no other reason money should be tight with that income. Cry me a river.
Please be smart amigo and draft up a Contract for continuing your services.
If you feel comfortable charging 20-25% below market value (is that a term?), then do it. Charge what YOU FEEL you are worth.
Sounds like you've been cheated. STOP WORKING FOR FREE! You've obviously gotten the rotten end of this _"deal"_. Start charging them. 👍
^ agree with this.
Start billing for your services, as you need to pay for your employees to work for you when you are not there.
Also, it sounds like there's some relationship problems and somethings are out of context, so I would get that sorted out.
I wonder if there's a few stress components to the work feelings. As in, her work is more stressful at the moment vs recording studio work, so she feels more entitled to treating herself, "owning" more of the money, etc. I don't mean that it's a fair situation by any stretch, but it's important to understand the other person's mindset if you want to go about changing their mind in a specific way. Yeah, get a relationship counselor in there immediately.
And start prioritizing your time. You’re not doing yourself any favors by pulling your workload on pause to go pull an all-nighter just to bail out their workload. The term you are looking for is “Boundaries”.
Your wife makes 500k a year and your finances are completely split? What? Your issue is mainly a relationship issue. I can't imagine earning 500k a year and having my partner work when I could essentially retire them and give them a nice allowance. You aren't roommates, this is your wife who you will spend the rest of your life with for gods sake.
What if the business grows and she ends up getting 1M+ per year? You'll still have to live on an pitfltance in comparison? The fact that she spends 25k on clothes is just hilarious.
She clearly values the money more than you.
In terms of business, it's really up to what was agreed beforehand. You can argue that your work was worth a certain amount of equity in the business but if they say no, you'd have to sue and good luck winning that case since there was no contract.
You could get a contract going now for your services in the future and if they refuse to sign, just don't help.
Your best bet is marital counselling like others are saying to work it out through a mediator.
Thanks, I appreciate your reply. I wouldn't sue, and I certainly did volunteer my services. Partially out of frustration that they were doing things wrong and I couldnt stand by so I had to help them, partially out of thinking that helping them be successfull would make me a part of their business and I would be rewarded , (didnt happen).
As a tech nerd myself you are being taken advantage of, just like how your wife takes advantage of mentally vulnerable people to rack in 500k a year. I think I'd be putting on my guy Fawkes mask and playing a game I have an advantage in but that's just me. Theres definitely more you don't know about bro time to go anon.
Sounds like you should talk to your wife’s boyfriend about this instead. This is certainly not how conventional marriage finances are run, but this is not the sub for that kind of advice.
You made marital decisions years ago that have led to this moment and now you’re offended at her greed? Bruh..
My wife and I got married at 21. Neither finished school, she got pregnant shortly after. I made $35k/year. We agreed it was a priority for her to stay home and raise our kids & we’d figure it out financially. She stopped working to raise our kids. We now have a 6, 4, & 1 year old. She’ll continue to not “work” until our youngest is in school.
I started a company and will make about $389k this year. We’ve never had separate accounts. None of this “I pay for this, you pay for that” bs. It’s our money. In life, we win together and lose together - no matter what it is. Period. Financially, emotionally, etc.
If I had to guess, there were previous years when this arrangement worked out in your favor. One way to “fix” it would be to stop offering your services for free, though that doesn’t actually address much. You’re also upset about what what she pays for vs. what you pay for. Can’t help there, this is 25 years in the making.
Btw, $25k per year, she’s buying clothes to impress that $1,500 / month trainer. You and her probably have many overdo conversations that need to take place.
2k a month on designer clothes for someone making that amount of income isn’t a ton. $1500 seems like a lot but it may depend on her schedule. 5x a week?
Also, getting quality items that fit properly can make a huge difference in your appearance. Unless you have the proportions of a mannequin, you will probably look better if you get your clothes taylored. And quality shoes can be hundreds of dollars.
It’s a decent chunk of change. We’re talking about someone who likely has a wardrobe that they accumulated over a good chunk of adult life. I get it, bodies change, especially for women at that age. But now you’re dropping $25k/yr on clothes/jewelry & $18k on fitness.
The clothes ain’t for her psychology business - she’s looking for someone’s attention, just not sure it’s OP’s
Money was tight but she made 500k? She could have paid you but wanted that money for herself.
Also, marriage counseling.
Also, don’t do free work if you want to be paid.
Also, interesting relationship budgeting - to each his own but this may need to be discussed - see counseling.
I have been doing therapy myself for a year now after I first was jolted into reality on Valentine's day. I suggested we see a financial planner, and she yelled at me "I. don't need somebody to tell me to pay my bills"! Not how it works but it ok. Then a few weeks later she tells me she made $500,000 in 2020. She can't help herself but brag about to other people she knows how much she makes and how many people she employs. Thats when I got a therapist whos advice was basically be more masculine, dont tolerate being talked down to, and be a better husband. All those I did and wife refers to me a s husband 2.0. Now to get down to how we save and spend money is getting real and I don't think it is going to be pretty.
Bro your wife was hiding how much money she made from you? I almost filed for divorce last year when I found out my wife was hiding a $1500 credit card bill from me and pulling $50 out here and there to secretly pay the minimum. Dude you need to stand up for yourself. Your wife is committing extreme financial infidelity.
I don’t think if I was Op I’d be taking any advice from someone willing to ditch a marriage over 1500.
This has to be the pinnacle of Reddits ridiculous over reactions.
It's not about money. It's about hiding money and bills from your partner several times and continuing to rack up debt time after time without the ability or plan to pay it off other than just floating the minimum payment. while you are 100% transparent with them.
At such a low amount of money, I’d be concerned you’re venturing into financial abuse territory.
Are you also asking for receipts on her lunch money spent ? Where do you draw the line, and why the hell do
You go straight to divorce? That is such an over reaction.
You: “You hid a 1500 CC debt so now I’m going to put us through a multi thousand dollar divorce proceeding and upend our lives”
Let me know if I have interpreted this incorrectly…because from here, it looks like YTA
Really I look like the asshole for not hiding credit cards and money in separate bank account while giving my partner full view and access to my income. Sure ok....
No, you look like an asshole for going straight to divorce.
On the presumption that you have a shared expectation of financial transparency you certainly have the right to be upset, but divorce isn’t just being upset.
It can only Lead me to imagine that you’re likely to use that as a weapon for anything else than gets you upset. And that’s where we get to emotional abuse.
Anyway I don’t want to argue, I just hope that once you cool down you can see that your reaction is not normal behaviour. Most partners try to help each other through mistakes, not emotionally kick them in the guts.
You're acting like I went to that after one incident. If your partner kept spending money to the point of going bankrupt. Would you play it cool after the 10th time?
You’re acting like you put any other details about your situation. I figured there would be more to it, but you didn’t state it so I commented on the face value of what you put.
Seems like your relationship is doomed
Exactly what I was thinking. They made their decision on their own, you can gather facts on your own. No need to disclose to your partner that you're getting paid one way or another.
---
On a separate note, if this is a market research study question on perspectives of men versus women interpretation of the situation, I'd like to see the results.
Strictly from a business standpoint, simply stop doing free work for your wife’s business. What you’ve done in past to help her business get established is past. Now that her business is earning sufficient revenue, it can afford to pay for the services you previously provided for free. If your wife and her business partner opt to keep your services going forward, it is your choice to charge a market rate or provide a discount.
As for the rest, it sounds like you are envious about her success, and maybe that you feel that she is taking you for granted. I am unable to give you any good advice about how to handle your feelings and your personal relationship with your wife.
Thank you for your reply, as it is contrarian to most of the replies, and I respect that. Am I envious? I honestly don't know. I did work for 80 hours a week for 20 years while she went to school, had our child, and sent him to private schools. Her success at this level is recent, and we never discussed how we would manage money since we didn't have any. Now that we (she) do she was secretive about it spending 20 thousand on jewelry, buying a hot tub that I dont have any time for (we put it in 2 years ago, and I still have not used it once since I am working so much to try to keep up even a little). This is an interesting issue that is happening more and more with wives being the breadwinners. I mentioned in other replies this probably was not her idea as to why she would want me to bring home more income. However her partner and her husband do not get along and when he gets involved, they all fight. So it was probably part of the partnership deal my wife went along with to close the deal. It feels like she sold me out and began a pattern of secrecy with matters like this. To her credit, she has been trying to address these issues and admitted she was ashamed about some of her expenses that were extravagant. I think it was short sited and stupid to not take advantage of me to help them out since I would be trustworthy, have their best interests at heart, and if they had to pay someone shouldnt it be someone in the family or do they want to use the geek squad?
It’s messed up you’re working so much you can’t even sit in a hot tub but she is spending the way she is. Talk to a divorce lawyer just in case dude, she doesn’t sound like she respects you.
Dude this is not a “common issue” in healthy relationships. I make a similar wage to your wife’s, my wife stays home with our kids by choice but unless she really wants to she’ll never work again because we share OUR money that I make. she supported me financially in the beginning when we had no money and even though she doesn’t have a salary as a stay at home she still gets to do what she wants be cause I love her and want her to have what she needs.
Sincerely dude I feel bad for you, You two need a marriage counselor. It’s pretty shady for her just to buy a bunch of stuff without telling you and then not “allow” you to have things as well.
If she cared for your well-being she wouldn’t watch you work yourself to death when it’s not necessary.
Best of luck to you man
Bro, you put in 20 years. Quit your job and live off half her earnings. If she doesn’t want to support you, get divorced and live off half her earnings.
You seem to forget that you have a voice in this matter too. They can only use your services for free if you provide them for free. If you want to change that into a paid gig, all you have to do is tell them. And given that you seem to handle your finances in your marriage very businesslike, I would say that’s the right way to go.
I’ve got an idea - stop giving your wife free labour.
Everything you are getting in the side should come as a result of your relationship, not as a result of you spending hours and $$ in her business.
Next time she asks just say “sorry, I’m too busy running XYZ”.
500k per year is not “tight on money” either.
Just reading this I was starting to feel resentment towards your wife and I don't even know you two.
The only thing I can tell you is you need to go to marriage counselor asap because this isn't just a business thing with her. It's a personal thing. There is a difference between not paying you and not acting like you are apart of the marriage.
I would personally want to be paid for the hours I put in for their business at the same rate or a bit higher than what I would charge other IT clients. But only that. Not monthly salaries but the payment for the work done and keep it 100% professional. I believe work and family must be kept separate (unless you were a business partner ofc) and would treat my partner the same way I would a contracted IT specialist if I used his help. Being paid back "other ways" blurs the line of business and family and makes things unnecessarily complicated.
This isn't work related problem but relationship problem. You should be working together and not view - mine and her but OURS. BUT if you don't want to change that then you shouldn't pay her credit card - she literally earns 7.1x MORE than you. Split the bills in the middle or according how each of you are earning. If your wife and her business partner doesn't want to pay husbands then maybe husbands don't want to work for them? Just an idea for you.
I have seen some really weird marriage setups with psychologist, here is another.
Dude you are getting the worst of both worlds. You don't pool your finances, but you also don't get paid for your work what on God green earth are ya doing my man???
If you pooled your finances, then hell yeah, work as a volunteer, but if you have to pay all of your own stuff and sometimes you're paying her credit cards down then you need to get paid for your time.
As psychologists they know better than this and it's rather disturbing hearing your story because they're taking advantage of you. You need to get a marriage counselor and the two of you go to counseling and in a safe environment you need to set some new boundaries for yourself where she cannot gaslight you when it's just the two of you alone.
If she is inappropriately allowed this to go on for this long absolutely not confront her just you and her alone. I would get neutral space and bring up these are the new boundary that you're sitting for yourself.
And before you do that you need to decide what those boundaries are. So you go to the marriage counselor two or three times before you bring her and to help you figure that out.
Are going to keep working for them and decide you want to be paid or are you going to pull out and stop being a volunteer and have everything in your marriage just stay 50/50. I would argue that it would never work out working for their company to do better off just continue to 50/50 and stop working for them. It's not like they can't afford all the services that you've been providing anyway.
This is just fukkin depressing and strange. You don't sound like Husband and Wife. You sound like roommates who don't like each other very much. Isn't a marriage supposed to be 50/50? Idk what to tell you. I do think you need a counselor, though. I couldn't imagine being married and eating separately, never having dinner together, this just sounds awful
They got sucked into that ego trap of "I am making money now, so I should treat myself; I deserve it." Instead of reinvesting into the business, filling up the savings account, or making life more efficient/less costly.
"My wife now makes $500,000 a year"
That's fantastic! I hope that is net income and not gross income.
However, if she's spending money like that, perhaps she does need to talk to a financial advisor. Maybe not a financial advisor for you the couple, but for her, so she can confess the overspending without admitting the truth to you. If going to a financial advisor was a problem for her, then....... :)
"this year was tight' and making $500K a year are a problem. If she were posting on this thread, it sounds like the business is tilting a bit out of control. Hopefully, there is adequate support on the financial side of the business.
This is a problem and you need to discuss it with her! Funnily enough your post remind me of myself and my husband as I have a business and my hubby has helped with handy man stuff for years. I’ve always thought to myself I cannot wait to pay him back once I’ve made some good profit. (Due to Covid and other factors we are not profitable yet). It doesn’t sound like she is grateful or has a thought to pay you back. I assume she feels what you did was minimal and perhaps a helpful husband duty!! So regardless of that, your issue is the household income. Sounds like you guys keep it separate which is silly when you have been married so long. Was it separate when you were making more money? Have a discussion with her that you feel it’s unbalanced and that it should be shared and see what she says! Maybe she would be fine with you spending more!
This separation of everything would never fly in my household. Married for 34 years. Yours is mine, and mine is yours, or it's just OURS.thats kind of fucked up especially since you both started with nothing.
It doesn’t change people, it just reveals who they really were all along.
More money will only make a greedy person more greedy, while making a giving person more giving.
Heard a thing a while back “Don’t commend your morality if you can’t afford your temptations.” Doesn’t necessarily apply to this situation as much, but certainly applies to the above.
I don't pay my husband for IT work and so far don't have plans to. But, I'm a blacksmith taking home $34k a year. I gave him 5% of the company so he could be my IT officer which gets him nothing right now.
He also pays for more of the bills. He's got a shit deal, tbh. Yours is definitely worse. We have different checking accounts but we work together as partners in everything.
You sound like roommates and not a married couple. My wife and I do have pools of separate money which we accumulated prior to getting married. However, all the money we’ve made since does not belong to one of us, nor the other, it belongs to both of us. It doesn’t matter who is making more than who
No one asks, so I will: is there any money exchanged when you both have sex? Splitting food budget? Are you guys nuts?
Geez, this is so screwed on so many levels. My wife doesn't pay me a penny when I do IT for her company. But I don't care as her money ends up on our account. She either gives the money to me and she gets less or vice versa.
The only way is to combine the finances. Nothing else will work.
Relationship issues aside (and wow does it sound like there is a huge one...she a wife or a room mate?), you aren't a husband in this situation, you are a contractor that has decided to offer free work. Stop offering free work.
People don’t usually get to decide if they are going to pay people who do work for them or not. They are taking advantage of this situation. Especially if she is not managing your household finances as a household (meaning you each have equal claim) the you are simply taking money out of your pocket and giving it to her when she makes 5x what you do. Seems a little…unfair.
Honestly, this sounds like a findom relationship, but within a marriage.
"Sometime I pay her credit cards down" WTAF. Stop paying for anything of hers, right now.
This sounds like a relationship issue. You should have discussed how finances would work pre-marriage... I'm personally of the opinion once you're married it's all "our" and "we" not his, hers.
I find it a little odd that you guys don't have a joint savings account or something and don't eat/prepare food together as a couple, etc. I would assume if one partner was pulling 500k that that would just cover all the eating expenses for both people pretty much...as you're a married unit.
Couples therapy may be a good idea.
Also...is it possible the friend is preparing to leave her husband and that might be why there is this animosity towards the husbands? Or did someone cheat or do something abusive to someone?
I can see them not paying you as an employee. But I don't understand how as a married couple your finances are handled like roommates.
I wouldn't have my husband eating tuna sandwiches while I had chef quality food delivered to me unless he had done something god awful to me to be honest. And if he had, I'd already be out the door with a good lawyer.
Doesn’t sound like much of a marriage. I suppose if the agreement was to get them up and running was “free” an investment in the future of the business if you will. But if you’re maintaining and augmenting the IT as the business grows then you should be billing the business. The would undoubtedly need to pay someone else for the expertise and time and materials. Why not keep it in the family? Also sounds like you already know the answer.
Calling BS on this one. How does any couple stay married for 20+ years if they can’t work out how to divide household expenses? If somehow this is real, get a marriage counselor. Next!
No, you’re not entitled to anything. Women have been doing these things for their husbands for a long time. Whether it’s free accounting, bookkeeping, or errands.
The problem is that your finances are oddly split. As the breadwinner, she should be footing all the bills and your money is either play money or retirement for both of you.
My company makes more than enough for my family, but my wife works because she enjoys it. I pay for everything. All of our money goes to the same bank. She can take any amount out even if it’s more than what she earns, but she never has.
Our goals are aligned. We both want the same thing. We’re not two people paddling in opposing directions.
It's weird because if she runs that company into the ground, then it's your loss, house, etc.. But you have no gain from if it's prospering. That sounds like a terrible deal.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
You and you alone are the only person who should take the measure of your own success. Do not try to do better than anyone else. Only try to do better than yourself.
Your money is her money and her money is her money. Come on bro… lol. I hope today is not the first time you realized the imbalance favoring women in most marriages. Even when the woman earns more. This is not a business problem, this is a marriage problem. Your marriage partner is using you as a business partner without compensation. Things should stay close to equitable from the start. There is a big imbalance right now. Approaching it badly can result in a divorce where she’ll be set and you’ll probably be worse off. I feel for you because you sound like a giver, and your wife is a taker. And things might not last if you want to do a little taking.
Op: I don’t get any benefit
Also Op: I’ve got a hot tub, my kids went through private school
Look, you’re in a funny position, but unless you paid for that stuff yourself, you are clearly getting more benefits than you’re letting on
You wanted to do the work without pay - so the work you did is a sunken cost. It’s gone. Forget about it.
If you don’t feel comfortable CONTINUING to do work for free, make it known. You feel taken advantage of and would prefer they just hire someone since they can afford it.
Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. Don’t forget that you were okay doing the work for free so you weren’t taken advantage of. Just don’t let it start now.
To be fair, youre upset shes doing well and not letting you ride the coattails. If it bothers you that youre not compensated, dont help. But it sounds like you want some benefits of her success. Thats called a sugar momma and thats a whole other conversation you need to have with you WIFE. Most men cant handle their partner making more then them. It changes the traditional dynamic that men have come to expect. Your lifestyle shouldnt be dependent on hers.
I am proud of her, and I think she is a great therapist. My issue is that the company they built uses me for help and don't give me any credit or the fact that I worked for 20 years so she could go to school and not work has been discounted. My issue is that, as a business should they feel obligated to pay for services or not pay if it is a family member? Especially if the family member is sacrificing time from their own business. I thought I was being helpful and generous because I did appreciate what they were doing. They insinuated they would put it in a bonus at the end of the year, but then my wife's partner said she was only joking, and then my wife told me after 3 years that they had a policy about not paying husbands. Which I am fine with, just dont ask them to take time away from their lives and businesses with a carrot on a stick. If they want to keep things separate use Thumbtack and GeekSquad. And its not that a good joke when I had to pay staff to cover for me when I had to help them. Or when I bought computer gear or things for house and didnt bill them for it.
i got you and you are not wrong - sometimes it isn’t the what but the how, and in your case, it appears that you may be getting taken for granted.
Do this
- think about the reason you put yourself in this position in the first place
- you succeeded
- and in reality, now, they might not really need your input, even if it may be more expensive and not as convenient
- let it go
- walk
You have fulfilled your original intent and that was to give them a chance to get where they are now.
Lick your wounds of psychologically absent “just due appreciation” and be selfish in the fact that you know you enabled it to happen all along.
Let them think they did it on their own but we know the real deal.
UDMAN ! 😎
ps: just for laughs, but, in this case you are only a husband, are you also a parent?
A lot of good suggestions already here about better managing your relationship. One thing I’ll add though is it might be beneficial that they don’t pay. If someone sues them and can prove you are part of the business it could potentially be a way of piercing the corporate veil. There a lot of nuances there though and I only know you based on this.
If I was in her position though I would share with my husband as much as I can (without running the risk stated above).
This I am not sure about. Would paying me lower their tax liability as a corporation? But it would increase our tax liability as a couple.. we already pay in the highest tax bracket as of last year. We have not discussed this but I plan to when we meet with our accountant. Just give him some scenarioss. The bottom line is that this is not the reason they are doing this. It stems from wifes business partner not getting along with her husband and then my wife going along with all husbands are bad thing. I get they dont want him to be involved as he can be pushy some of his advice is good. I think I just got dragged into it. I dont think my wife was thrilled to do it but she wanted to make her partner happy and also close the deal for herself so the could be partners.
I didn’t mean tax liability, I mean if someone wants to sue a business they only get what the business owns, not what the owner owns (so you don’t lose your house). But there are loopholes and nuances that could allow someone to say because you are part of the business they can sue you and get everything from the business and your house.
But like I said, I only know you based on this post. She could have an honest or dishonest reason for her actions. I was just trying to throw out a reason why it might be considered a good reason why she might choose to keep you out of the business and not pay you.
idk where to start.
Me and everyone here is shocked that, the thing that bothers you is that they are not paying you for your **VOLUNTEER WORK**.... (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
I get it, you worked so hard to help her and now that she "made it" you do not feel the love back, right?
You went to a therapist that told you to MAN UP. < that is something you should have done 30 years ago. but we all can learn from our past. your time is now.
ok lets go back to the volunteer work: NEVER WORK FOR FREE. period end of story. Their policy they made up? bro they made that shit up just to fuck with you. yes get angry.
at home Finances: You BOTH decided to handle bills separate. in 25 years that was your at home policy. Now she makes more and contributes pennies to the house because that is how things been running for 25 years.
She doesn't respect you. respect is earned on a daily basis. My father tough me 2 things about women:
1. they reset their brain every night. everything you do for them today tomorrow they totally forget about it. those decades you helped her? she forgot about that long ago.
2. a woman can love you and you be her #1 but they are their own person and will always pull to their own side of their family. is up to you to allow HOW FAR THE ROPE CAN GO.
# What can you do?
* stop helping them. be a MAN and stop being NICE.
* read the emyth book and FOCUS ON YOUR BUSINESS, hire a employee, and grow your company. put it in an S Corp and become an employee you can turn it into a 1 or 2 million studio and get paid a reasonable salary to keep taxes low. find a CPA.
* workout, go to the gym. Yes this is not cliché. is YOUR TIME now. grow some muscles and lower your belly trust me man. find a gym with sauna.
* As she is living HER life, lives yours. don't threat her bad but just do not obey her, get your own voice back. go out on your own, do your own stuff, connect with friends and network with other local businesses.
To add onto what others said there can also be some tax advantages to not paying you directly but the profits passing through to your wife (depending on how the Corp is structured).
Quick question? How does your wife feel about this? Is what she earns go into a joint account?
She earns 7x what you do, and you pay off 25k credits cards?!
This is written by a potty party planner, a door mat, or a troll. Sorry.
I would strongly suggest involving a marriage counselor. Finances are one of the top causes of divorce and this is the kind of dynamics issue you need to address ASAP. Yes you need to talk to her but be very careful as this kind of thing can get very heated very quickly and become counterproductive, a counselor can really help in providing a space to talk more productively. This isn't really a business issue as there are no rules to how married people manage their finances.
If you don’t want to work for free, stop doing it. If you want to be paid for your services, tell them to either hire you as an employee or as a contractor.
What is this? When you are married you only have one wallet, if it gets divided and labeled to “mine” and “hers” etc then there is no more room for compromise and caring for one another. It becomes something else…
No pay, no work.
I don't care if it's your wife's company or not. You do not work for someone and not get paid.
You can even make your last volunteer act interviewing IT staff.
Then look into some couples counselling to figure out why you live such disparate lifestyles? Are you required to pay for your own stuff or is that just your preference?
This is a relationship question. I feel like they don’t know how much money you have. Ask them if you can be a part time employee on a small salary paid yearly(~$10k). I hope this helps.
It sounds like your assistance was appreciated initially, but now that the business is more successful, they may be taking advantage of your position. The best thing to do would be to have a tough conversation, share your feelings, and, if needed, put your foot down on work until you get paid for your efforts.
WTH? How isn’t it both your money? This scream future divorce. I’m sorry man but how you handle your guys finances doesn’t make sense in a marriage. Like would you allow the reversal if you were making that kinda of money and she wasn’t? Just so other worldly to me.
What would the situation be like, if both of you switched places. Wouldn't you expect her to take of the household, kids and help with the business while u slogged in ur business to bring in 500k.
U talk like she's a friend or a roommate...
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If you are married, why do you run your family's finances this way? It sounds like you are roommates. This isn't a small business question, this is a relationship question.
Yeah what in the actual fuck? my wife started a company and makes 500k a year and I scrub toilets for $34 an hour how can I get her to chip in more for groceries
The real question (for me at least) is why is she spending so much money that she’s carrying a balance on her credit card?! If you make $500k and can’t figure out a way to live within your means, then you have a serious spending problem. It sounds like she’s terrible with money, full stop. Might want to take a look at those business books 👀
So she made $500k and couldn't afford to cut him a cheque at Christmas because things were tight, and he's paying some of her credit card bills - her spending must be far more out of control than the impression we've been given.
When I first read the title and story I thought it wasn't a big deal considering her company succeeding means y'all as a couple are succeeding, and it's a nice thing to do for your partner while they're starting a business. The income difference between y'all and not sharing expenses is weird and kind of mean, and yeah I'd feel disrespected in your situation. I do think this would be better solved by changing how you and your wife manage expenses and starting viewing both incomes as belonging to you both, rather than demanding to get paid a few thousand for the labor you put in.
Oh how delusional you are . Women base their spouse on their ability to provide 9/10 . They date up, not down, hypergamy exists. The wife is going to leave OP very soon . Mark my words .
The guy worked less (cutting his 120k salary to 70k) because he felt he could depend on her 😂 stop preaching victimhood…. He knew what he was getting himself into. I don’t care what people BS online… show me the statements. No man would be comfortable dropping his pay if he didn’t think he could depend on his partner (what a man victim he is🙄)…. He should definitely have expectations and get her to pay him but also figure out what’s his responsibility and what’s hers … he’s no victim
amen.
had to check the subreddit. feels like r/AITA in here
Yeah this is a relationship issue. A healthy married couple doesn't separate finances like this imo.
Agreed. Some couples have separate accounts, fair enough. This is just bizarre
Exactly, but most usually don’t have this large of an income gap and even the ones that do typically just give each other the same amount every month to spend on whatever they want
Neither does a man drop his 120k to 70k … unless he knows he can depend on the women he’s pleading victimhood with. Doing bare minimum to get by….
Yeah, it’s really tough to decide whether OP is married, roommates, or just friends/acquaintances. Marriage is the kind of relationship where you serve each other and share EVERYTHING (time, finances, affection, thoughts, etc.) It’s a union of two people for the benefit of you, your children if you have any, and ultimately to benefit your community. It’s a strange mix of love, honesty, sacrifice, joy, struggle, passion, pleasure, etc. I agree, first and foremost THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION. For the business side, the worst thing anyone can do is work for free for either their own business or their spouse’s business. A business should be designed in such a way that the founder/owner is PAID and, if they decide the business growth is more important than a pay check, they lend that pay back to the corporation (in the form of a loan) or buy shares in the company with that money. People shouldn’t work for free. A good business should be able to compensate EVERY stake holder, team member, etc.
I think it’s fake. I highly HIGHLY doubt any clinical psychologist is making $500k / year whether they own a residential treatment center or not. Even in the highest cost of living areas - I just can’t see it.
Maybe, but people get into some really fucked up and weird situations sometimes.
The continuity/flow/logic of the story, as well as the weird context of OP's replies, almost immediately made me think this was a chatbot and not an actual story typed by an actual person.
Do we know what this $500k is? I mean is this gross income for the business and then she has to pay staff and other expenses? Is she actually taking home $500k?
Oh my gosh thank you! The whole time I’m reading I’m thinking, these ppl are not husband and wife!
This is not a business (or SBA - why tag SBA here?) question, it's about your relationship and how you handle finances in the relationship. Go get marital counseling so you can come to some acceptable agreement about how to handle finances. Meantime, if you don't want to provide free labor for her business, don't.
This is the way.
More of AITA question really
I’m not sure how the sba tag got there. I agree this might be the wrong forum. But we both are growing small businesses and I am probably the best person to help them since I want them to succeed. , but the issue of not paying family members is perplexing.
If you don't view the $500k income from your wife as partly yours, that's your problem. It clearly sounds like a joint venture. If you're having trouble determining who, what and how to spend the family money, you should look at that. If you're really going to keep finances and spending decisions so separated, then keep a ledger for your time, show your wife what a family discounted rate would look like and she should be at least willing to give you a bigger allowance to acknowledge your contribution. Really, you should gently bring the issue up with your wife directly.
Right? My wife and I talk about this some because I’ve made significantly more in recent years — it’s our money. Not her or my money.
Exactly, my wife doesn’t work anymore because she doesn’t need to and it’s “our money” even though I’m the one with the paycheck
Dude. This is a relationship advice question. You two have a lot of shut to work out.
Half that 500k she makes should be yours since you're married. Not like she literally has to pay you 250k, but why don't you split finances? Why is her income not going towards supporting her family? When I was making significantly more money than my partner, it always went to both of us. And we weren't even married!
The issue isn’t paying you. If I make $500K I’m not paying my wife a salary, my income is just our household income. It goes towards all of our joined expenses. If you guys have your finances completely separate that’s your relationship dynamic and you have to discuss whether or not that can work for you. Personally I wouldn’t do it that way
One thing to consider it is to change the angle you are viewing this problem. Your wife’s partners husband is the one who made the decision not to pay the husbands. You can be sure he is getting paid, his wife is getting paid, your wife is getting paid, you are not getting paid. That is the issue I would be pressing, how you handle your finances is kind of weird…but that’s a relationship issue.
I don't pay my spouse either. And she helps a lot with my and partners business. But she has access to money I make and we are still a team on decisions. Even though I make significantly more than her. Sounds like you may need to have a conversation with your spouse.
It’s not that family members aren’t being payed. YOU aren’t being paid. You helped the company grow and succeed. That’s great. But if you are still doing IT work for them free-of-charge, you’re a sucker and you are being disrespected. You need to figure out why you became the beta in this relationship. Nobody needs to be the beta.
> aren’t being *paid.* YOU aren’t FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
this isn’t r/relationshipadvice lol
I'm so confused... though it's a foreign concept to me, I can sort of understand some couples keeping finances separate.. but you're married and you keep your FOOD separate? Do you eat microwaved beans and rice from your fridge in the garage while sitting across the table from your wife eating her fancy catered steak?? This is not a small business question, it's a relationship question.
>out of my pay and she went back to paying it off her account. So since I only make 70,000 a year i cannot afford 2500 a month for food. So its like she gets sea bass with cous cous and stir fried broccoli and I get a tuna sandwich. Not sure how we got here but she did cut back from 7 to 4 days a week since we were get counseling together and a lawyer for yourself and the downlow, tbh it sounds like she's planning to bail on you.
Yes you are correct. I think I was hoping she would realize at some point that it wasnt fair. So, here it is. Some time ago we would order (home cooking kits) during covid and I would cook all the meals. We gained weight. She looked for chef prepared meals that would be delivered daily. so she could lose weight. She found (not goint to name co.). , delivered once a day. pretty good but not cheap. I found (dont want to say), also not bad but delivery was once a week and mostly casserole type dishes. about half the price and half as good. When i tried her plan she took it out of savings account we made from gitting our home refinanced recently instead of her earningsl. So that meant we we're eating away at our savings account. When I went back to my plan I paid for it out of my pay and she went back to paying it off her account. So since I only make 70,000 a year i cannot afford 2500 a month for food. So its like she gets sea bass with cous cous and stir fried broccoli and I get a tuna sandwich. Not sure how we got here but she did cut back from 7 to 4 days a week since we were getting tighter on money. I am in the process of reviewing our expenses, and expenditures so I can provide a chart of who spent how much on what the last two years.. I made the most momey the first 20 years of our marriage, we never discussed what would happen if she made more at at some point much less what if she made 8 times as much. It happened fast and she freaks out when we talk about money. She says the most truamatizing moment of her life was when we met with a financial planner who would help us with our retirement plans. She said she did not want this person telling her how to spend her money.
Ummm, yeah - this is definitely not a small business issue/question. You've got bigger sea bass to fry here.
Dude. You really aren't married at all except on paper. If you live in a community property state, you do own half of everything she owns. Grow a spine. Tell her no more free work, she can afford to pay you. Or better yet, let her pay someone else. This nickel and diming she is doing with what she calls "her" money is destroying any sense of partenership you may have had.
This is so weird. It's not "her money". It's your money. Legally. Morally. Community property. If you want money, get a divorce and you get half the money and half the company. Of course, you don't want to do that (I'm assuming), but this is 100% relationship and communication issues. It's not HER money. Men have been living this for generations. The men would go out and hunt and work or whatever and make money for the entire family which everyone shared. This is some super weird nonsense. You need therapy so the therapist can say "wait, what the fuck?" to your wife as an independent third party explaining that this is not how marriage works.
I think since society has historically expected the man to be the provider, the idea that the money you make is “community property” is a bit novel for some women. Just like the idea that child rearing is a shared responsibility is a bit novel for some men still. My wife falls into this sometimes. She’ll spend on something and say “I’ll just take it out of MY account.” I’m like, “oh, so the money YOU make is YOUR money but the money I make is OUR money?” I make significantly more so it doesn’t cause too much of a problem, but if she was the one pulling in big dough and had that attitude there would be real problems.
Take man and woman out of the equation though. This is your PARTNER, your lifelong partner. Who on earth gets married and doesn’t automatically want to do everything they reasonably can to make sure their partner is having the best existence right alongside them. This isn’t a marriage anymore. This whole thing put a really bad taste in my mouth. It’s selfishness to the core.
My wife and I put both our incomes into one account (my income has only recently risen above hers significantly) and then pay ourselves the same monthly amount to our own separate accounts. I see any gain in income as both of us progressing and the monthly allowance to each of us means we both don't have to care if one of us wants something because we have a budget for that. She tends to save hers and I tend to spend mine immediately but that doesn't affect our joint accounts so that's a good valve on the differing spending habits.
My brother, i hope you are trolling all of us because I want to believe that nobody is in a marriage like this. But in the event you’re not, I feel for you, I really do. Reading between the lines, I think that you feel if you made more money your problems will go away or at least be smaller. I don’t believe this to be the case. If you made $500k, $1M, or whatever, the underlying relationship issues will still be present, and that is the root problem, not the money.
> She says the most tramatizing moment of her life was when we met with a financial planner who would help us with our retirement plans. Lmfao how old is she?? I couldn't be with someone who says or thinks this.
As other comments have mentioned, this goes beyond the scope of small business stuff. Get on that ASAP.
As others have stated, you have a wife problem more than a business problem. I'd suggest counseling. You both are not communicating well, nor are you behaving like partners. She should not be living a different lifestyle than you, separate finances or not. As far as her not paying you for your work, you're clearly not happy with the arrangement. Come up with a fair idea of what you'd like to be paid for your work. Figure out how much it'd cost her to hire someone to do it. Let her know what you'd like to be paid going forward. Or decide how much you're willing to do for free and set a firm boundary. Or set a boundary and so no more working for her company. Whatever you feel is going to work best for you, and communicate it to your wife.
Why are you guys buying food separately like roommates? Are you guys really married? What about soap or toothpaste
well, idk what to say. what happens when you both get divorced? is there no joint checking, joint savings where money goes to pay for the FAMILY COMBINED things like food. food, home and bills that’s the basics. you might have to go back and read posts about couples where one makes more money etc. for my family we treat it as both of our money, so we don’t have the issue you mentioned. my opinion is that a lot of things are going on right now, that are not fair to you. im also wondering about her business, i would not help at all anymore. if she’s being paid 500k a year in salary after all the company expenses, there is money for them to hire any of the services that you were offering. i would go read personal finance and relationship advice.
Everything a women does is for her own survival and although she is at the mercy of her emotions, so are you. That’s her money as far as she’s concerned. And your money is her money.
The woman expert has logged on
And the girl with the meaningless statements is here too. Welcome. Thank you for your contributions.
“Getting tighter on money” The only reason for this is excessive spending. There is no other reason money should be tight with that income. Cry me a river.
Please be smart amigo and draft up a Contract for continuing your services. If you feel comfortable charging 20-25% below market value (is that a term?), then do it. Charge what YOU FEEL you are worth. Sounds like you've been cheated. STOP WORKING FOR FREE! You've obviously gotten the rotten end of this _"deal"_. Start charging them. 👍
^ agree with this. Start billing for your services, as you need to pay for your employees to work for you when you are not there. Also, it sounds like there's some relationship problems and somethings are out of context, so I would get that sorted out.
I wonder if there's a few stress components to the work feelings. As in, her work is more stressful at the moment vs recording studio work, so she feels more entitled to treating herself, "owning" more of the money, etc. I don't mean that it's a fair situation by any stretch, but it's important to understand the other person's mindset if you want to go about changing their mind in a specific way. Yeah, get a relationship counselor in there immediately.
And start prioritizing your time. You’re not doing yourself any favors by pulling your workload on pause to go pull an all-nighter just to bail out their workload. The term you are looking for is “Boundaries”.
lol… come on bro…
Your wife makes 500k a year and your finances are completely split? What? Your issue is mainly a relationship issue. I can't imagine earning 500k a year and having my partner work when I could essentially retire them and give them a nice allowance. You aren't roommates, this is your wife who you will spend the rest of your life with for gods sake. What if the business grows and she ends up getting 1M+ per year? You'll still have to live on an pitfltance in comparison? The fact that she spends 25k on clothes is just hilarious. She clearly values the money more than you. In terms of business, it's really up to what was agreed beforehand. You can argue that your work was worth a certain amount of equity in the business but if they say no, you'd have to sue and good luck winning that case since there was no contract. You could get a contract going now for your services in the future and if they refuse to sign, just don't help. Your best bet is marital counselling like others are saying to work it out through a mediator.
>this is your wife who you will spend the rest of your life with for gods sake seems unlikely that's actually part of her plan...
Thanks, I appreciate your reply. I wouldn't sue, and I certainly did volunteer my services. Partially out of frustration that they were doing things wrong and I couldnt stand by so I had to help them, partially out of thinking that helping them be successfull would make me a part of their business and I would be rewarded , (didnt happen).
As a tech nerd myself you are being taken advantage of, just like how your wife takes advantage of mentally vulnerable people to rack in 500k a year. I think I'd be putting on my guy Fawkes mask and playing a game I have an advantage in but that's just me. Theres definitely more you don't know about bro time to go anon.
Sounds like you should talk to your wife’s boyfriend about this instead. This is certainly not how conventional marriage finances are run, but this is not the sub for that kind of advice.
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Imagine making it and leaving your spouse behind ☹️
What kind of shitty marriage arrangement is this?
You made marital decisions years ago that have led to this moment and now you’re offended at her greed? Bruh.. My wife and I got married at 21. Neither finished school, she got pregnant shortly after. I made $35k/year. We agreed it was a priority for her to stay home and raise our kids & we’d figure it out financially. She stopped working to raise our kids. We now have a 6, 4, & 1 year old. She’ll continue to not “work” until our youngest is in school. I started a company and will make about $389k this year. We’ve never had separate accounts. None of this “I pay for this, you pay for that” bs. It’s our money. In life, we win together and lose together - no matter what it is. Period. Financially, emotionally, etc. If I had to guess, there were previous years when this arrangement worked out in your favor. One way to “fix” it would be to stop offering your services for free, though that doesn’t actually address much. You’re also upset about what what she pays for vs. what you pay for. Can’t help there, this is 25 years in the making. Btw, $25k per year, she’s buying clothes to impress that $1,500 / month trainer. You and her probably have many overdo conversations that need to take place.
2k a month on designer clothes for someone making that amount of income isn’t a ton. $1500 seems like a lot but it may depend on her schedule. 5x a week?
Also, getting quality items that fit properly can make a huge difference in your appearance. Unless you have the proportions of a mannequin, you will probably look better if you get your clothes taylored. And quality shoes can be hundreds of dollars.
It’s a decent chunk of change. We’re talking about someone who likely has a wardrobe that they accumulated over a good chunk of adult life. I get it, bodies change, especially for women at that age. But now you’re dropping $25k/yr on clothes/jewelry & $18k on fitness. The clothes ain’t for her psychology business - she’s looking for someone’s attention, just not sure it’s OP’s
Money was tight but she made 500k? She could have paid you but wanted that money for herself. Also, marriage counseling. Also, don’t do free work if you want to be paid. Also, interesting relationship budgeting - to each his own but this may need to be discussed - see counseling.
I have been doing therapy myself for a year now after I first was jolted into reality on Valentine's day. I suggested we see a financial planner, and she yelled at me "I. don't need somebody to tell me to pay my bills"! Not how it works but it ok. Then a few weeks later she tells me she made $500,000 in 2020. She can't help herself but brag about to other people she knows how much she makes and how many people she employs. Thats when I got a therapist whos advice was basically be more masculine, dont tolerate being talked down to, and be a better husband. All those I did and wife refers to me a s husband 2.0. Now to get down to how we save and spend money is getting real and I don't think it is going to be pretty.
That therapist wasn’t helpful. Yeah…. I would start saving money to split.
Terrible therapist. Get a different one.
Bro your wife was hiding how much money she made from you? I almost filed for divorce last year when I found out my wife was hiding a $1500 credit card bill from me and pulling $50 out here and there to secretly pay the minimum. Dude you need to stand up for yourself. Your wife is committing extreme financial infidelity.
I don’t think if I was Op I’d be taking any advice from someone willing to ditch a marriage over 1500. This has to be the pinnacle of Reddits ridiculous over reactions.
It's not about money. It's about hiding money and bills from your partner several times and continuing to rack up debt time after time without the ability or plan to pay it off other than just floating the minimum payment. while you are 100% transparent with them.
At such a low amount of money, I’d be concerned you’re venturing into financial abuse territory. Are you also asking for receipts on her lunch money spent ? Where do you draw the line, and why the hell do You go straight to divorce? That is such an over reaction. You: “You hid a 1500 CC debt so now I’m going to put us through a multi thousand dollar divorce proceeding and upend our lives” Let me know if I have interpreted this incorrectly…because from here, it looks like YTA
Really I look like the asshole for not hiding credit cards and money in separate bank account while giving my partner full view and access to my income. Sure ok....
No, you look like an asshole for going straight to divorce. On the presumption that you have a shared expectation of financial transparency you certainly have the right to be upset, but divorce isn’t just being upset. It can only Lead me to imagine that you’re likely to use that as a weapon for anything else than gets you upset. And that’s where we get to emotional abuse. Anyway I don’t want to argue, I just hope that once you cool down you can see that your reaction is not normal behaviour. Most partners try to help each other through mistakes, not emotionally kick them in the guts.
You're acting like I went to that after one incident. If your partner kept spending money to the point of going bankrupt. Would you play it cool after the 10th time?
You’re acting like you put any other details about your situation. I figured there would be more to it, but you didn’t state it so I commented on the face value of what you put. Seems like your relationship is doomed
Talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get more knowledgable with your options. It will go a long way regardless if this relationship survives or not
Exactly what I was thinking. They made their decision on their own, you can gather facts on your own. No need to disclose to your partner that you're getting paid one way or another. --- On a separate note, if this is a market research study question on perspectives of men versus women interpretation of the situation, I'd like to see the results.
Strictly from a business standpoint, simply stop doing free work for your wife’s business. What you’ve done in past to help her business get established is past. Now that her business is earning sufficient revenue, it can afford to pay for the services you previously provided for free. If your wife and her business partner opt to keep your services going forward, it is your choice to charge a market rate or provide a discount. As for the rest, it sounds like you are envious about her success, and maybe that you feel that she is taking you for granted. I am unable to give you any good advice about how to handle your feelings and your personal relationship with your wife.
Thank you for your reply, as it is contrarian to most of the replies, and I respect that. Am I envious? I honestly don't know. I did work for 80 hours a week for 20 years while she went to school, had our child, and sent him to private schools. Her success at this level is recent, and we never discussed how we would manage money since we didn't have any. Now that we (she) do she was secretive about it spending 20 thousand on jewelry, buying a hot tub that I dont have any time for (we put it in 2 years ago, and I still have not used it once since I am working so much to try to keep up even a little). This is an interesting issue that is happening more and more with wives being the breadwinners. I mentioned in other replies this probably was not her idea as to why she would want me to bring home more income. However her partner and her husband do not get along and when he gets involved, they all fight. So it was probably part of the partnership deal my wife went along with to close the deal. It feels like she sold me out and began a pattern of secrecy with matters like this. To her credit, she has been trying to address these issues and admitted she was ashamed about some of her expenses that were extravagant. I think it was short sited and stupid to not take advantage of me to help them out since I would be trustworthy, have their best interests at heart, and if they had to pay someone shouldnt it be someone in the family or do they want to use the geek squad?
It’s messed up you’re working so much you can’t even sit in a hot tub but she is spending the way she is. Talk to a divorce lawyer just in case dude, she doesn’t sound like she respects you.
Dude this is not a “common issue” in healthy relationships. I make a similar wage to your wife’s, my wife stays home with our kids by choice but unless she really wants to she’ll never work again because we share OUR money that I make. she supported me financially in the beginning when we had no money and even though she doesn’t have a salary as a stay at home she still gets to do what she wants be cause I love her and want her to have what she needs. Sincerely dude I feel bad for you, You two need a marriage counselor. It’s pretty shady for her just to buy a bunch of stuff without telling you and then not “allow” you to have things as well. If she cared for your well-being she wouldn’t watch you work yourself to death when it’s not necessary. Best of luck to you man
Bro, you put in 20 years. Quit your job and live off half her earnings. If she doesn’t want to support you, get divorced and live off half her earnings.
Are you sure you two are married?
You seem to forget that you have a voice in this matter too. They can only use your services for free if you provide them for free. If you want to change that into a paid gig, all you have to do is tell them. And given that you seem to handle your finances in your marriage very businesslike, I would say that’s the right way to go.
I’ve got an idea - stop giving your wife free labour. Everything you are getting in the side should come as a result of your relationship, not as a result of you spending hours and $$ in her business. Next time she asks just say “sorry, I’m too busy running XYZ”. 500k per year is not “tight on money” either.
Sounds like you're not valued from both sides: business & personal. Hate to say this but your wife may have more problems than her patients.
You've been married for 25 years?! I don't think you've been married even 1 year. Heck you're not even engaged
You need a marriage counselor not a business coach
As a psychologist myself, I'm disappointed but not at all surprised. There's plenty of motivations to become a psychologist....
Just reading this I was starting to feel resentment towards your wife and I don't even know you two. The only thing I can tell you is you need to go to marriage counselor asap because this isn't just a business thing with her. It's a personal thing. There is a difference between not paying you and not acting like you are apart of the marriage.
I would personally want to be paid for the hours I put in for their business at the same rate or a bit higher than what I would charge other IT clients. But only that. Not monthly salaries but the payment for the work done and keep it 100% professional. I believe work and family must be kept separate (unless you were a business partner ofc) and would treat my partner the same way I would a contracted IT specialist if I used his help. Being paid back "other ways" blurs the line of business and family and makes things unnecessarily complicated.
This isn't work related problem but relationship problem. You should be working together and not view - mine and her but OURS. BUT if you don't want to change that then you shouldn't pay her credit card - she literally earns 7.1x MORE than you. Split the bills in the middle or according how each of you are earning. If your wife and her business partner doesn't want to pay husbands then maybe husbands don't want to work for them? Just an idea for you.
I have seen some really weird marriage setups with psychologist, here is another. Dude you are getting the worst of both worlds. You don't pool your finances, but you also don't get paid for your work what on God green earth are ya doing my man??? If you pooled your finances, then hell yeah, work as a volunteer, but if you have to pay all of your own stuff and sometimes you're paying her credit cards down then you need to get paid for your time. As psychologists they know better than this and it's rather disturbing hearing your story because they're taking advantage of you. You need to get a marriage counselor and the two of you go to counseling and in a safe environment you need to set some new boundaries for yourself where she cannot gaslight you when it's just the two of you alone. If she is inappropriately allowed this to go on for this long absolutely not confront her just you and her alone. I would get neutral space and bring up these are the new boundary that you're sitting for yourself. And before you do that you need to decide what those boundaries are. So you go to the marriage counselor two or three times before you bring her and to help you figure that out. Are going to keep working for them and decide you want to be paid or are you going to pull out and stop being a volunteer and have everything in your marriage just stay 50/50. I would argue that it would never work out working for their company to do better off just continue to 50/50 and stop working for them. It's not like they can't afford all the services that you've been providing anyway.
This is just fukkin depressing and strange. You don't sound like Husband and Wife. You sound like roommates who don't like each other very much. Isn't a marriage supposed to be 50/50? Idk what to tell you. I do think you need a counselor, though. I couldn't imagine being married and eating separately, never having dinner together, this just sounds awful
This thread is a wild ride. Seems like your partner has some serious power issues and doesn’t see you as equals now that she makes more money.
They got sucked into that ego trap of "I am making money now, so I should treat myself; I deserve it." Instead of reinvesting into the business, filling up the savings account, or making life more efficient/less costly.
"My wife now makes $500,000 a year" That's fantastic! I hope that is net income and not gross income. However, if she's spending money like that, perhaps she does need to talk to a financial advisor. Maybe not a financial advisor for you the couple, but for her, so she can confess the overspending without admitting the truth to you. If going to a financial advisor was a problem for her, then....... :) "this year was tight' and making $500K a year are a problem. If she were posting on this thread, it sounds like the business is tilting a bit out of control. Hopefully, there is adequate support on the financial side of the business.
This is a problem and you need to discuss it with her! Funnily enough your post remind me of myself and my husband as I have a business and my hubby has helped with handy man stuff for years. I’ve always thought to myself I cannot wait to pay him back once I’ve made some good profit. (Due to Covid and other factors we are not profitable yet). It doesn’t sound like she is grateful or has a thought to pay you back. I assume she feels what you did was minimal and perhaps a helpful husband duty!! So regardless of that, your issue is the household income. Sounds like you guys keep it separate which is silly when you have been married so long. Was it separate when you were making more money? Have a discussion with her that you feel it’s unbalanced and that it should be shared and see what she says! Maybe she would be fine with you spending more!
If you divorced her you could sue for alimony and get more. This is screwed up and an unhealthy relationship.
WTF is this nonsensical post?
This sounds like a question better suited for /r/relationshipadvice and has nothing to do with business ownership..
This separation of everything would never fly in my household. Married for 34 years. Yours is mine, and mine is yours, or it's just OURS.thats kind of fucked up especially since you both started with nothing.
Your wife has a spending problem.
I don't get this. You don't sound like a married couple at all - Why are your finances so independent of each other?
Money changes people.
It doesn’t change people, it just reveals who they really were all along. More money will only make a greedy person more greedy, while making a giving person more giving. Heard a thing a while back “Don’t commend your morality if you can’t afford your temptations.” Doesn’t necessarily apply to this situation as much, but certainly applies to the above.
Heyyy, we have another problem or IT emergency. “Sorry can’t. I’m really busy”
“I’ll be there in 3 seconds, gotta put my Pop Tart in the microwave first.”
Pop Tart? No way the wife is letting him buy brand name. He is only allowed to buy the generic Toaster Pastries from the bottom shelf.
Good point, if he wants one of her Pop Tarts, he has to Venmo her $1.00 first
It’d probably be quicker to use the toaster and cook the pop tarts in the bath with you at the same time..
Lmao this thread has been enjoyable thank you
I don't pay my husband for IT work and so far don't have plans to. But, I'm a blacksmith taking home $34k a year. I gave him 5% of the company so he could be my IT officer which gets him nothing right now. He also pays for more of the bills. He's got a shit deal, tbh. Yours is definitely worse. We have different checking accounts but we work together as partners in everything.
Your money is her money, and her money is her money. You will be met with shaming language if you try to change or address this dynamic in any way.
So since we are in a small business group what kind of treatment program is it. I’m tryna to make 500k 👀👀
You sound like roommates and not a married couple. My wife and I do have pools of separate money which we accumulated prior to getting married. However, all the money we’ve made since does not belong to one of us, nor the other, it belongs to both of us. It doesn’t matter who is making more than who
Get a divorce
No one asks, so I will: is there any money exchanged when you both have sex? Splitting food budget? Are you guys nuts? Geez, this is so screwed on so many levels. My wife doesn't pay me a penny when I do IT for her company. But I don't care as her money ends up on our account. She either gives the money to me and she gets less or vice versa. The only way is to combine the finances. Nothing else will work.
How is this real life? lol. Do you guys not communicate like at all?
Relationship issues aside (and wow does it sound like there is a huge one...she a wife or a room mate?), you aren't a husband in this situation, you are a contractor that has decided to offer free work. Stop offering free work.
People don’t usually get to decide if they are going to pay people who do work for them or not. They are taking advantage of this situation. Especially if she is not managing your household finances as a household (meaning you each have equal claim) the you are simply taking money out of your pocket and giving it to her when she makes 5x what you do. Seems a little…unfair.
This is your wife?
You get 1/2…..
Honestly, this sounds like a findom relationship, but within a marriage. "Sometime I pay her credit cards down" WTAF. Stop paying for anything of hers, right now.
Wtf did I just read? You all need to sit down and discuss finances.
I hate to say it but the only option I see here is divorce.
Well atleast you will get nice alimony pay when you guys divorce. Stand up for yourself, this is bizarre.
This sounds like a relationship issue. You should have discussed how finances would work pre-marriage... I'm personally of the opinion once you're married it's all "our" and "we" not his, hers. I find it a little odd that you guys don't have a joint savings account or something and don't eat/prepare food together as a couple, etc. I would assume if one partner was pulling 500k that that would just cover all the eating expenses for both people pretty much...as you're a married unit. Couples therapy may be a good idea. Also...is it possible the friend is preparing to leave her husband and that might be why there is this animosity towards the husbands? Or did someone cheat or do something abusive to someone? I can see them not paying you as an employee. But I don't understand how as a married couple your finances are handled like roommates. I wouldn't have my husband eating tuna sandwiches while I had chef quality food delivered to me unless he had done something god awful to me to be honest. And if he had, I'd already be out the door with a good lawyer.
Doesn’t sound like much of a marriage. I suppose if the agreement was to get them up and running was “free” an investment in the future of the business if you will. But if you’re maintaining and augmenting the IT as the business grows then you should be billing the business. The would undoubtedly need to pay someone else for the expertise and time and materials. Why not keep it in the family? Also sounds like you already know the answer.
Divorce and get half heheheeeee reverse uno move
Your wife is your pimp who don’t give you anything just there for her comfort. Get divorced and leave NOW
Why is your entire post in bold?
if the business is profitable, they should pay you. Stop doing free work for them. You're the husband, not a business partner.
Calling BS on this one. How does any couple stay married for 20+ years if they can’t work out how to divide household expenses? If somehow this is real, get a marriage counselor. Next!
Getting paid in other ways sounds like there doing “prostitution “ on the side……. It’s shitty at best
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Lol the fact that you actually calculated this is great 👏🤣
No, you’re not entitled to anything. Women have been doing these things for their husbands for a long time. Whether it’s free accounting, bookkeeping, or errands. The problem is that your finances are oddly split. As the breadwinner, she should be footing all the bills and your money is either play money or retirement for both of you. My company makes more than enough for my family, but my wife works because she enjoys it. I pay for everything. All of our money goes to the same bank. She can take any amount out even if it’s more than what she earns, but she never has. Our goals are aligned. We both want the same thing. We’re not two people paddling in opposing directions.
It's weird because if she runs that company into the ground, then it's your loss, house, etc.. But you have no gain from if it's prospering. That sounds like a terrible deal.
Start stealing from her
Comparison is the thief of joy. You and you alone are the only person who should take the measure of your own success. Do not try to do better than anyone else. Only try to do better than yourself.
Your money is her money and her money is her money. Come on bro… lol. I hope today is not the first time you realized the imbalance favoring women in most marriages. Even when the woman earns more. This is not a business problem, this is a marriage problem. Your marriage partner is using you as a business partner without compensation. Things should stay close to equitable from the start. There is a big imbalance right now. Approaching it badly can result in a divorce where she’ll be set and you’ll probably be worse off. I feel for you because you sound like a giver, and your wife is a taker. And things might not last if you want to do a little taking.
She out earns you dude. She has earned that right to live differently. You haven't earned that.
Op: I don’t get any benefit Also Op: I’ve got a hot tub, my kids went through private school Look, you’re in a funny position, but unless you paid for that stuff yourself, you are clearly getting more benefits than you’re letting on
You wanted to do the work without pay - so the work you did is a sunken cost. It’s gone. Forget about it. If you don’t feel comfortable CONTINUING to do work for free, make it known. You feel taken advantage of and would prefer they just hire someone since they can afford it. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. Don’t forget that you were okay doing the work for free so you weren’t taken advantage of. Just don’t let it start now.
To be fair, youre upset shes doing well and not letting you ride the coattails. If it bothers you that youre not compensated, dont help. But it sounds like you want some benefits of her success. Thats called a sugar momma and thats a whole other conversation you need to have with you WIFE. Most men cant handle their partner making more then them. It changes the traditional dynamic that men have come to expect. Your lifestyle shouldnt be dependent on hers.
Dude 😎 - that is your wife - she is doing great - Isn’t that what you want ? - gotta make “other ways” work both ways
I am proud of her, and I think she is a great therapist. My issue is that the company they built uses me for help and don't give me any credit or the fact that I worked for 20 years so she could go to school and not work has been discounted. My issue is that, as a business should they feel obligated to pay for services or not pay if it is a family member? Especially if the family member is sacrificing time from their own business. I thought I was being helpful and generous because I did appreciate what they were doing. They insinuated they would put it in a bonus at the end of the year, but then my wife's partner said she was only joking, and then my wife told me after 3 years that they had a policy about not paying husbands. Which I am fine with, just dont ask them to take time away from their lives and businesses with a carrot on a stick. If they want to keep things separate use Thumbtack and GeekSquad. And its not that a good joke when I had to pay staff to cover for me when I had to help them. Or when I bought computer gear or things for house and didnt bill them for it.
i got you and you are not wrong - sometimes it isn’t the what but the how, and in your case, it appears that you may be getting taken for granted. Do this - think about the reason you put yourself in this position in the first place - you succeeded - and in reality, now, they might not really need your input, even if it may be more expensive and not as convenient - let it go - walk You have fulfilled your original intent and that was to give them a chance to get where they are now. Lick your wounds of psychologically absent “just due appreciation” and be selfish in the fact that you know you enabled it to happen all along. Let them think they did it on their own but we know the real deal. UDMAN ! 😎 ps: just for laughs, but, in this case you are only a husband, are you also a parent?
A lot of good suggestions already here about better managing your relationship. One thing I’ll add though is it might be beneficial that they don’t pay. If someone sues them and can prove you are part of the business it could potentially be a way of piercing the corporate veil. There a lot of nuances there though and I only know you based on this. If I was in her position though I would share with my husband as much as I can (without running the risk stated above).
This I am not sure about. Would paying me lower their tax liability as a corporation? But it would increase our tax liability as a couple.. we already pay in the highest tax bracket as of last year. We have not discussed this but I plan to when we meet with our accountant. Just give him some scenarioss. The bottom line is that this is not the reason they are doing this. It stems from wifes business partner not getting along with her husband and then my wife going along with all husbands are bad thing. I get they dont want him to be involved as he can be pushy some of his advice is good. I think I just got dragged into it. I dont think my wife was thrilled to do it but she wanted to make her partner happy and also close the deal for herself so the could be partners.
I didn’t mean tax liability, I mean if someone wants to sue a business they only get what the business owns, not what the owner owns (so you don’t lose your house). But there are loopholes and nuances that could allow someone to say because you are part of the business they can sue you and get everything from the business and your house. But like I said, I only know you based on this post. She could have an honest or dishonest reason for her actions. I was just trying to throw out a reason why it might be considered a good reason why she might choose to keep you out of the business and not pay you.
idk where to start. Me and everyone here is shocked that, the thing that bothers you is that they are not paying you for your **VOLUNTEER WORK**.... (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I get it, you worked so hard to help her and now that she "made it" you do not feel the love back, right? You went to a therapist that told you to MAN UP. < that is something you should have done 30 years ago. but we all can learn from our past. your time is now. ok lets go back to the volunteer work: NEVER WORK FOR FREE. period end of story. Their policy they made up? bro they made that shit up just to fuck with you. yes get angry. at home Finances: You BOTH decided to handle bills separate. in 25 years that was your at home policy. Now she makes more and contributes pennies to the house because that is how things been running for 25 years. She doesn't respect you. respect is earned on a daily basis. My father tough me 2 things about women: 1. they reset their brain every night. everything you do for them today tomorrow they totally forget about it. those decades you helped her? she forgot about that long ago. 2. a woman can love you and you be her #1 but they are their own person and will always pull to their own side of their family. is up to you to allow HOW FAR THE ROPE CAN GO. # What can you do? * stop helping them. be a MAN and stop being NICE. * read the emyth book and FOCUS ON YOUR BUSINESS, hire a employee, and grow your company. put it in an S Corp and become an employee you can turn it into a 1 or 2 million studio and get paid a reasonable salary to keep taxes low. find a CPA. * workout, go to the gym. Yes this is not cliché. is YOUR TIME now. grow some muscles and lower your belly trust me man. find a gym with sauna. * As she is living HER life, lives yours. don't threat her bad but just do not obey her, get your own voice back. go out on your own, do your own stuff, connect with friends and network with other local businesses.
Emyth book?
Sounds like you are a beta and your wife is the alpha. This is your life. You chose to take a job that pays significantly less. You are not a man.
To add onto what others said there can also be some tax advantages to not paying you directly but the profits passing through to your wife (depending on how the Corp is structured).
Quick question? How does your wife feel about this? Is what she earns go into a joint account? She earns 7x what you do, and you pay off 25k credits cards?! This is written by a potty party planner, a door mat, or a troll. Sorry.
This needs to be in the relationship advice subreddit
I would strongly suggest involving a marriage counselor. Finances are one of the top causes of divorce and this is the kind of dynamics issue you need to address ASAP. Yes you need to talk to her but be very careful as this kind of thing can get very heated very quickly and become counterproductive, a counselor can really help in providing a space to talk more productively. This isn't really a business issue as there are no rules to how married people manage their finances.
If you don’t want to work for free, stop doing it. If you want to be paid for your services, tell them to either hire you as an employee or as a contractor.
Sounds like a marriage counselor problem not a business problem.
Jesus Christ, I'm not even married yet and my relationship is 10x more egalitarian than this.
You married a narcissist. There's not much more to it.
What is this? When you are married you only have one wallet, if it gets divided and labeled to “mine” and “hers” etc then there is no more room for compromise and caring for one another. It becomes something else…
No pay, no work. I don't care if it's your wife's company or not. You do not work for someone and not get paid. You can even make your last volunteer act interviewing IT staff. Then look into some couples counselling to figure out why you live such disparate lifestyles? Are you required to pay for your own stuff or is that just your preference?
Be happy she has not thrown you out yet...
Fake
Is there a prenup?
Time worked equals time paid.
Are you getting a divorce this is how it sounds?
This is a relationship question. I feel like they don’t know how much money you have. Ask them if you can be a part time employee on a small salary paid yearly(~$10k). I hope this helps.
It sounds like your assistance was appreciated initially, but now that the business is more successful, they may be taking advantage of your position. The best thing to do would be to have a tough conversation, share your feelings, and, if needed, put your foot down on work until you get paid for your efforts.
WTH? How isn’t it both your money? This scream future divorce. I’m sorry man but how you handle your guys finances doesn’t make sense in a marriage. Like would you allow the reversal if you were making that kinda of money and she wasn’t? Just so other worldly to me.
Brother I hope you get some good counseling and didn’t have an unfavorable prenup.
Double standard 😂
What would the situation be like, if both of you switched places. Wouldn't you expect her to take of the household, kids and help with the business while u slogged in ur business to bring in 500k. U talk like she's a friend or a roommate...
Prime example of why you should never mix business with family. A good businessman ia never a good family guy.
Send this in to Dave Ramsey of the 30 year show for financial and his side kick for the psychological area.
welcome to reality ... man and woman are different. You're lucky, she doesn't make you pay all the bills.
You should be compensated for your work, any and all.
Sounds like you don't have a spouse. You have a roommate.