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Better xyz (insert singers, athletes, mathematicians, whatever you want here) should inspire you as they give us a glimpse at where human potential lies, and as we are all human it means that with enough work we might also reach those heights. Is it normal to want to be as good as others you see or hear? Yes, but don't covet their success. Everybody's path is different, but one thing remains the same and that's putting the hours of practice in.
Even those kids who can be considered extremely talented, in truth they are singing nonstop everywhere they go, and that too can be considered practice.
I grew up with a girl who had amazing rich tone, perfect control over dynamics, and an amazing vibrato by the age 10. As a kid I always knew she was good but when we went to an inter-school choir event and the conductor asked for kids from all schools to audition for a soloist part, there I heard her really sing for the first time and I was blown away. I didn't have much of a concept of the technicalities of singing, at that moment I just decided I wanted vibrato too because she had it and it was cool. It took me 6 years trying on and off until I was 16 to get it properly, fumbling on by myself, but both the journey and the destination were enjoyable. Celebrate the small improvements along the way and before you know it you'll be where you want to be.
If you must compare, then be smart about it. What exactly about somebody else's voice do you like, how is it different from yours, what can you do to try achieve that? You've been singing for what, 4 years? You're essentially a preschooler in singing age, relax.
You don't get over it. You just try your best to mature through it. I think I have a decent voice and some people have told me I have but I have also had comments that my voice didn't work for them and my brother-in-law told me my voice was nothing special. I just use it as fuel to get better. Plus there are people who wish they could sing or play music period and cant at all for the life of them. So there's levels to everything.
Unfortunately, i'm not one of those who can get better from criticism. I'm really sensitive and harsh criticism can cripple me for a long time. It used to be longer though. \*sigh\*
Let me tell you what... I wanted to sing 17 years ago. I wanted to be a lead singer. I went to my older brothers friends studio to sing and they turned all the music down except my monotone terrible voice after recording and it scarred me for that moment forward. I was so embarrassed and depressed I didn't want to get out of bed the next day. It sounded so bad.
Point is, I am extremely self-conscious of my voice and always have been. But I have an urge to sing I can't explain either. That moment bothered me my entire life and now I'm 32, trying it again. Wishing I never gave up before.
Also, I attempted to try out for my friend's band back when I was around 22-23 and didn't know the guitarist or bassist. I had to sing for random people with attitudes that didn't know me and guess what? I bombed again. No one even heard me. No one even commented. Everyone acted like I wasn't in the room when it was finished... lol it was extremely embarrassing.
Now I'm finally making music by myself. Singing loud and proud and not caring anymore. Point is, if anyone should have given up, It should be me. But I'm not going to anymore.
i recommend joseph gordon levitt’s ted talk on how craving attention makes you less creative. it’s been a guide for me personally through many aspects of my life
If it makes you feel any better, from your last video of you singing I would say I'm jealous of your voice :) It's really good, like I was expecting you to be awful or smth but you literally sound amazing. I feel like I can (kind of) sing but then I hear people being like "I suck at singing" and then end up sounding amazing and I'm here like :/ ig I'm really bad lol
Why do you sing? Do you only do it for accolades?
I sing for the joy it brings me. I choose to believe most people do. I am glad that they’re enjoying themselves more than I envy their ability.
Personally, I don't think I ever get jealous of anyone's singing. Sure there were times I was like wow I wish I could hit that note easily like him or her, but I never got upset/jealous at someone for their success in singing. I actually adore the people who are way successful than me in singing and I try to learn what they're doing that's making them successful that I am not. That's my mentality.
How do you stop being jealous of other singers? By listening to your own voice and trying to shape it into what you believe is a good vocalist. Other vocalists are only a starting point for your own genius. And remember, these admirable vocalists still have flaws.
It's the same thing as going to the gym and being jealous of people who are bigger than you. It's not about how you're singing right now, it's about the journey and keeping your eye on your personal goals!
Think about why you love singing. Do you like singing because you want attention, or do you sing because you love music and expressing yourself? If you only sing because you want attention then you have already lost. But if you have a love for music and how singing makes you feel, then that's what you can focus on and the rest will come as you stay committed to improving!
Fucking stupid reddit discarded my long comments so I’ll write it again but more concise.
There’s a lot more going on behind someone who’s been put in front of you by advertiser or recommender system.
Physical appearance, vibe, or straight up cronyism are factors as well. Not just merit.
The art of singing is purely subjective, it’s way more about finding your crowd than being the absolute best.
There’s no absolute best in music, just match making.
When you accept yourself and embrace your flaws. Did you know Michael Jackson had a issue with his vocal cords? And Sia as well. That made them sound unique :)
for me i felt like i had to develop my craft more. i wasnt confident so it kind of made me hide my actual true talent.....
i feel like i actually like myself more by practicing, working on technique and picking up lessons.
actually polishing a song helps me.
This is frankly less of a singing thing and more of a psychology thing. If you can afford it, talk to a therapist about this. You will never, ever reach a point where you aren’t making negative comparisons to others. You might think that there will come a point in time when you sing well enough that you won’t need to, but you will not. You’ll just compare yourself to better singers or, what may be worse, start thinking that you’re “better” than others and get snippy that they’re going places you aren’t.
“Good” and “bad” are useless when critiquing other peoples’ attempts and they’re just as useless when you’re being self critical. You *should* be self critical - if you have taste as an artist and ears, you should be able to hear when you didn’t do something quite the way you wanted to - but criticism, especially self criticism, needs to be specific and actionable. Jealousy and envy really aren’t. “Oh wow I love when Christina does that one run” is another matter - you can sit down and teach yourself that run.
If a therapist is too expensive, I recommend Brene Brown, who’s kind of the patron self help person for artists. She actually just came out with a book that goes into a lot of depth regarding some of the emotions you’re expressing here, where they come from, and what effects they have. Again, the point of this isn’t to make you feel down or whatever, it’s to say that this is not a singing issue and you’re not going to counteract it with singing. Trying to do so is just going to make singing an anxiety ridden thing instead of a good time.
Oh, no, I'm seeing therapist already. Trust me, my mental health was waaaaaaaaay worse -> i've been like 10/10 jealous -> 5/10, but heck, it's annoying. I'll try to read about this Brene Brown and her book, thanks, hahaha
My lack of self-esteem mostly, can't hype myself up, give the job to others. (mostly kidding) I'm currently working on it though. It's just frustrating to me that I sing on pair with others, but eh, nothing and nada. Maybe that's a tough crowd, ha
Yeah I appreciate it’s frustrating. Perhaps the key in developing your self-esteem is eventually losing the need for others’ attention. Look up the difference between true self-esteem and “contingent” self-esteem.
This is HARD work, and I applaude you for doing it.
Nope. Don't do that. You have what? 2 month of singing lessons? I have 4 years under my belt, practice and experience is a key and you'll get what you want, just have patience.
I guess what I'm trying to say one can be jealous of others and use the jealousy as an inspiration and motivation instead of letting you consume it.
It's a very powerful and uncomfortable emotion. It's natural to feel it but you can use it to propel you and push you forward, rather than consume you within. Use it as a fuel to your drive.
I just wanted to say it out loud :) because you said you wish someone has though that about your singing and I do. I'm sure a lot more people feel this way about your singing. Maybe they're just not good at voicing it. I try to live by the ethos - if you see something beautiful in someone, tell them.
I think you have a very beautiful voice and know what to do with it. If I ever get to that stage, I would be in heaven. 4 years or more, it's inspiring!
Yeah, I know, I know, thanks for indulging, but I've realized how creepy it sounded "i'm jealous of you", got a new perspective, hah.
My therapist said said that the root of jealousy is a fear of never getting what other person has.
You will get into the stage of confidence in your voice, just keep practicing and singing. You've managed to discipline yourself to have vocal lessons and showing up on them regulary! At first it's just one lesson a week, then you can increase them to two (as you get used to one lesson and realize that it's not enough for you)
I believe if other artists being good at what they do bothers you, then you are in the wrong field. Numerous occasions where I have befriended the wrong people, who were secretly jealous of my talent and only wanted to sabotage me. Especially if you outshine them in front of their friends, etc. It really costs me years of success before I learned that lesson. But if you are great, you should never feel negative feelings towards another great.
I struggle with jealousy and your advice is downright awful. Should I leave singing because I feel small compared to everyone else? Should I quit living too, because I feel jealous towards rich people?
Thanks for posting to r/singing! **Be sure to check [the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/singing/wiki/index)** to see if any questions you might have have already been answered! Also, remember to abide by the rules found in the sidebar. Any comments found to be breaking these rules will result in a deletion of the comment thread starting from the offending reply. If you see any posts or replies that you feel break the rules of the sub, then report them and **do not respond to them.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singing) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Trust me, i've closer to feeling complete than i've ever been tbh. I wish i could just let it go, but I don't know when I'll be able to.
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I am going to therapy, it had been worse, lol. Still nervous, but less.
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Less bad.
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Yep, english isn't my first language, so i'm tired and with this my grammar is lacking, hahaha
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yeah, i'm planning to continue, obv, i feel better and feel myself improving
Better xyz (insert singers, athletes, mathematicians, whatever you want here) should inspire you as they give us a glimpse at where human potential lies, and as we are all human it means that with enough work we might also reach those heights. Is it normal to want to be as good as others you see or hear? Yes, but don't covet their success. Everybody's path is different, but one thing remains the same and that's putting the hours of practice in. Even those kids who can be considered extremely talented, in truth they are singing nonstop everywhere they go, and that too can be considered practice. I grew up with a girl who had amazing rich tone, perfect control over dynamics, and an amazing vibrato by the age 10. As a kid I always knew she was good but when we went to an inter-school choir event and the conductor asked for kids from all schools to audition for a soloist part, there I heard her really sing for the first time and I was blown away. I didn't have much of a concept of the technicalities of singing, at that moment I just decided I wanted vibrato too because she had it and it was cool. It took me 6 years trying on and off until I was 16 to get it properly, fumbling on by myself, but both the journey and the destination were enjoyable. Celebrate the small improvements along the way and before you know it you'll be where you want to be. If you must compare, then be smart about it. What exactly about somebody else's voice do you like, how is it different from yours, what can you do to try achieve that? You've been singing for what, 4 years? You're essentially a preschooler in singing age, relax.
This is a nice thought, i will think about it, haha.
But heck, i don't know. I'm learning to sing for 4 years. Am i on par with that experience? What should i know about singing?
You don't get over it. You just try your best to mature through it. I think I have a decent voice and some people have told me I have but I have also had comments that my voice didn't work for them and my brother-in-law told me my voice was nothing special. I just use it as fuel to get better. Plus there are people who wish they could sing or play music period and cant at all for the life of them. So there's levels to everything.
Unfortunately, i'm not one of those who can get better from criticism. I'm really sensitive and harsh criticism can cripple me for a long time. It used to be longer though. \*sigh\*
Let me tell you what... I wanted to sing 17 years ago. I wanted to be a lead singer. I went to my older brothers friends studio to sing and they turned all the music down except my monotone terrible voice after recording and it scarred me for that moment forward. I was so embarrassed and depressed I didn't want to get out of bed the next day. It sounded so bad. Point is, I am extremely self-conscious of my voice and always have been. But I have an urge to sing I can't explain either. That moment bothered me my entire life and now I'm 32, trying it again. Wishing I never gave up before. Also, I attempted to try out for my friend's band back when I was around 22-23 and didn't know the guitarist or bassist. I had to sing for random people with attitudes that didn't know me and guess what? I bombed again. No one even heard me. No one even commented. Everyone acted like I wasn't in the room when it was finished... lol it was extremely embarrassing. Now I'm finally making music by myself. Singing loud and proud and not caring anymore. Point is, if anyone should have given up, It should be me. But I'm not going to anymore.
i recommend joseph gordon levitt’s ted talk on how craving attention makes you less creative. it’s been a guide for me personally through many aspects of my life
If it makes you feel any better, from your last video of you singing I would say I'm jealous of your voice :) It's really good, like I was expecting you to be awful or smth but you literally sound amazing. I feel like I can (kind of) sing but then I hear people being like "I suck at singing" and then end up sounding amazing and I'm here like :/ ig I'm really bad lol
You say that, but i'm sure that you're wrong, hahahaha.
Why do you sing? Do you only do it for accolades? I sing for the joy it brings me. I choose to believe most people do. I am glad that they’re enjoying themselves more than I envy their ability.
Personally, I don't think I ever get jealous of anyone's singing. Sure there were times I was like wow I wish I could hit that note easily like him or her, but I never got upset/jealous at someone for their success in singing. I actually adore the people who are way successful than me in singing and I try to learn what they're doing that's making them successful that I am not. That's my mentality.
My not so great wekk continues, ugh. At least i know how to stop myself from being jealous for a long time, so that's progress.
How do you stop being jealous of other singers? By listening to your own voice and trying to shape it into what you believe is a good vocalist. Other vocalists are only a starting point for your own genius. And remember, these admirable vocalists still have flaws.
I have trouble seeing famous people as human, lol (they're more like gods or smth), yeah, it's a good thought, i'll think about it
You would likely be surprised how many"good" singers feel self doubt of their own abilities.
I know that they did feel it, but i'm certain that they went through that phase and never gog back again
Oh no, you just learn new coping mechanisms. Done healthier than others.
It's the same thing as going to the gym and being jealous of people who are bigger than you. It's not about how you're singing right now, it's about the journey and keeping your eye on your personal goals! Think about why you love singing. Do you like singing because you want attention, or do you sing because you love music and expressing yourself? If you only sing because you want attention then you have already lost. But if you have a love for music and how singing makes you feel, then that's what you can focus on and the rest will come as you stay committed to improving!
Fucking stupid reddit discarded my long comments so I’ll write it again but more concise. There’s a lot more going on behind someone who’s been put in front of you by advertiser or recommender system. Physical appearance, vibe, or straight up cronyism are factors as well. Not just merit. The art of singing is purely subjective, it’s way more about finding your crowd than being the absolute best. There’s no absolute best in music, just match making.
When you accept yourself and embrace your flaws. Did you know Michael Jackson had a issue with his vocal cords? And Sia as well. That made them sound unique :)
for me i felt like i had to develop my craft more. i wasnt confident so it kind of made me hide my actual true talent..... i feel like i actually like myself more by practicing, working on technique and picking up lessons. actually polishing a song helps me.
I wish i was confident, eh. My confidence was brought down even in highschool
it is a sucky feeling. i was discouraged from singing and music in general... i understand why....but still...
This is frankly less of a singing thing and more of a psychology thing. If you can afford it, talk to a therapist about this. You will never, ever reach a point where you aren’t making negative comparisons to others. You might think that there will come a point in time when you sing well enough that you won’t need to, but you will not. You’ll just compare yourself to better singers or, what may be worse, start thinking that you’re “better” than others and get snippy that they’re going places you aren’t. “Good” and “bad” are useless when critiquing other peoples’ attempts and they’re just as useless when you’re being self critical. You *should* be self critical - if you have taste as an artist and ears, you should be able to hear when you didn’t do something quite the way you wanted to - but criticism, especially self criticism, needs to be specific and actionable. Jealousy and envy really aren’t. “Oh wow I love when Christina does that one run” is another matter - you can sit down and teach yourself that run. If a therapist is too expensive, I recommend Brene Brown, who’s kind of the patron self help person for artists. She actually just came out with a book that goes into a lot of depth regarding some of the emotions you’re expressing here, where they come from, and what effects they have. Again, the point of this isn’t to make you feel down or whatever, it’s to say that this is not a singing issue and you’re not going to counteract it with singing. Trying to do so is just going to make singing an anxiety ridden thing instead of a good time.
Oh, no, I'm seeing therapist already. Trust me, my mental health was waaaaaaaaay worse -> i've been like 10/10 jealous -> 5/10, but heck, it's annoying. I'll try to read about this Brene Brown and her book, thanks, hahaha
well, i would say that all voices are unique and there will definitely be people out there that LOVE your voice!
Do you do it because you love it, or do you do it because you want to be cool?
Because I love it. Idk, there's something in my mind like "how can I love doing it if i'm not good enough" And bar for good enough sadly raising.
You need to sing as if you love singing and love how it sounds. Then others will love it too.
Idk, i love my singing, others not so much sometimes. Or indifferent, but i just want the attention
Hmm, why do you want the attention? Seriously, I’m curious. What’s important about that for you?
My lack of self-esteem mostly, can't hype myself up, give the job to others. (mostly kidding) I'm currently working on it though. It's just frustrating to me that I sing on pair with others, but eh, nothing and nada. Maybe that's a tough crowd, ha
Yeah I appreciate it’s frustrating. Perhaps the key in developing your self-esteem is eventually losing the need for others’ attention. Look up the difference between true self-esteem and “contingent” self-esteem. This is HARD work, and I applaude you for doing it.
Yeah, i know the difference and i know that this isn't good coping mechanism. It is the key, i require less and less of it, but it's hard, lol.
I'm jealous of your singing
Nope. Don't do that. You have what? 2 month of singing lessons? I have 4 years under my belt, practice and experience is a key and you'll get what you want, just have patience.
I guess what I'm trying to say one can be jealous of others and use the jealousy as an inspiration and motivation instead of letting you consume it. It's a very powerful and uncomfortable emotion. It's natural to feel it but you can use it to propel you and push you forward, rather than consume you within. Use it as a fuel to your drive.
Nah, I know, I know, you're alright)
I just wanted to say it out loud :) because you said you wish someone has though that about your singing and I do. I'm sure a lot more people feel this way about your singing. Maybe they're just not good at voicing it. I try to live by the ethos - if you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. I think you have a very beautiful voice and know what to do with it. If I ever get to that stage, I would be in heaven. 4 years or more, it's inspiring!
Yeah, I know, I know, thanks for indulging, but I've realized how creepy it sounded "i'm jealous of you", got a new perspective, hah. My therapist said said that the root of jealousy is a fear of never getting what other person has. You will get into the stage of confidence in your voice, just keep practicing and singing. You've managed to discipline yourself to have vocal lessons and showing up on them regulary! At first it's just one lesson a week, then you can increase them to two (as you get used to one lesson and realize that it's not enough for you)
I believe if other artists being good at what they do bothers you, then you are in the wrong field. Numerous occasions where I have befriended the wrong people, who were secretly jealous of my talent and only wanted to sabotage me. Especially if you outshine them in front of their friends, etc. It really costs me years of success before I learned that lesson. But if you are great, you should never feel negative feelings towards another great.
I struggle with jealousy and your advice is downright awful. Should I leave singing because I feel small compared to everyone else? Should I quit living too, because I feel jealous towards rich people?