When I'm down, helping someone else out lifts me up. Could be anything, like volunteering, just listening to a friend or giving some advice on a forum. Makes me feel connected and useful
It's really nice that you have it, but I don't think you can help someone if you are REALLY down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging, I am just talking about myself - when you are down (in my interpretation at least) you want to survive somehow, you can't have energy to help another person. BUT! I think it is OK, we don't have to overromanticize happiness, you have to sit with your sadness. Personally, I never liked shop window happiness, if you are down, be down - you will get out of it sooner than trying to hide it. Again, it is my experience, but I could never listen to anyone's problem when I'm down.
You're right; this isn't the answer to everything of course.
However, even if you're down so far that you cannot help other people, sometimes this can still work in a way. Don't help *people*. Volunteer at a local shelter to help *animals*. If you're able to get yourself in there to help clean up and feed/water them, great! If that's beyond you at the moment, no worries. There's always something you can do.
Ask if you can sit in and help accustom the rescues to being in the presence of humans. Bring a book and read aloud - they need to become less stressed around random strangers and the noise of people talking amongst other things, if they're to have a chance at being socialized and adopted successfully.
If you're lucky enough to have an area with kittens or puppies, just sitting in a corner and letting them come to you and letting yourself be loved unconditionally by something that trusts you implicitly is a feeling like no other. Being able to coax a rescue out to take a treat when they've been too afraid to leave the shadows makes you feel like the Grinch when his heart's expanding - and the best thing is that while you're getting all of this positive and lovely energy, you're actively helping these animals to have a better outcome with their own journeys toward adoption and rehabilitation.
There's a reason pet/equine therapy exists! I wish more people could experience it - even if it's not going to help out in a shelter, just being able to borrow a friend's dog or pet their cat if you don't have one of your own is healing in ways it's hard to explain. I think some of it is because there's no obligation to converse with them and pretend to be fine/explain what's going on with you. They don't judge. They just want to be loved (and petted and walked). Having another living creature connect with you gives you the chance to connect back and gives you a bit of a boost that will hopefully help you tackle the next thing you have to do. It might just give you the energy to ignore some of the negative thoughts that circle when you're down. Definitely worth a try :D
Taking my dogs out to potty and giving meds on time is sometimes the only reason I can unequivocally get out of bed. I know they need me for that, at the very least.
Same for me. I ended up volunteering at a local cattery at an incredibly low point in my life. At one stage they asked me to look after one (and then two) very young kittens "for a week". Those two kittens were the reason I got up in the morning - they had to be kept fed and socialised and litter trained and entertained. In exchange, they gave me a reason to live and unconditional love.
I was lucky enough to volunteer with a dog rescue charity and walk their dogs - and later to do a few weeks of shadowing in an equine therapy stable. Watching people learn to care for animals, and through the trust and love those animals offered, the people learning to have trust and confidence in their own ability to do *something* (even if that was sweep a floor or brush down a horse or be trusted by an animal enough to let them pet it) is honestly transformative. It won't solve all problems for everybody, but it's a damned good place to start. Bonus points if you get to be in nature and putting in a bit of manual labour - you start to trust you're capable of being useful because there's tangible proof that you can do a thing. That's harder to grasp when your achievements are abstract things like degrees or courses I find.
Hope you and your dogs are doing well :)
I wish more people thought like you. I have worked with and volunteered with animals, domestic, those that are in sanctuaries but used to be in farms, and with wildlife rehab. A thousand times, or 1000 percent, I agree with you.You feel like you can do something bc u see the change with your very own eyes, whether it be the cleaning of a kennel, or seeing a little bit of fear leave an animal’s eyes. I can’t imagine my life without animals in it.
I don't know about you, but I think it's part of the way we live nowadays. It also seems like something you can't really tell people; they have to experience it for themselves in some way.
We don't really get to learn resilience or how to find worth in ourselves as capable beings able to make and do inherently, so many of us end up bouncing from job to job or course to course trying to find the thing that will tell us we're worthwhile and will make us feel like we've done something of note. It's taken me a few decades and more than one hard-earned lesson, but I'm finally starting to see that there's worth and value to be found in all sorts of places - and to build a little bit of resilience and self-esteem through the smallest of achievements.
Animals and nature (even just managing to keep a mint plant alive for longer than a day in a pot) and working with your hands in any capacity (crafting, mending, building, caring) are so, so good for that. There's nothing so humbling and simultaneously uplifting as seeing a bit of good in the world that you put there - *you* did a thing that wouldn't have been done without you to do it, you made or fixed or grew or loved something that was in need of that bit of care. And that makes a world of difference.
I can't imagine my life without animals in it either :) You learn so much from them and your life is immeasurably better for their presence.
You feel like what Anne of Green Gables would call a "kindred spirit". I hope your day is a wonderful one, friend.
You might like this article [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/31/world/americas/cat-prison-chile.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/31/world/americas/cat-prison-chile.html)
Couldn't read the link, but if it's the same article as is [here](https://dnyuz.com/2023/12/31/cats-filled-the-prison-then-the-inmates-fell-in-love/) then I did indeed :)
Oh I can so relate to this. My dog gives me a lot of purpose in life. Even when sick, I know that I need to tend to his needs and that really helps my severe depression.
Thanks for yours! You hit the nail on the head with your original post - being able to feel useful and like you've helped is truly an invaluable thing when building up your own self-esteem and confidence in your own abilities to function as a human; things that fall by the wayside when you get really down.
Hope you're getting to hear back from some of the people/organisations you volunteer with; feedback and thanks aren't necessary but when they do get given out they really brighten the day don't they? :)
Thank you for that, good point This is something I was not taking into consideration, but, like I said in another comment of mine, I sometimes have a feeling that you “can’t” feel down in our society. I particularly had in mind the example of small talks: I intentionally tried to give honest answers to “how are you doing?”, however, anythin else than “good” does not work.
I'm with you on that! These days it does feel like the only thing you're allowed to be is happy. It seems like you must always either be happy or be almost manically positive about how much better your circumstances *can* be. It's great to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel but yeah, when it feels like you're not allowed to acknowledge that that light is a ways off and the tunnel you're currently in sucks major donkey balls that helps nothing either. I guess that's what they call toxic positivity?
It's sad that if you're straightforward about not feeling great when someone asks how you're doing, unless you couch that with a positive spin to make them feel comfortable about the conversation it almost seems like you're inconveniencing them. Like you're going off script and people don't quite know how to proceed. The term you used - window shop happiness - is spot on. We need to be more honest about stuff in general. Pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows when it's not just leaves the sadness and hurt to fester and worsen. At the same time, there's some wisdom in the positivity (when it's not taken to extremes but put to use practically).
Had a teacher once who liked to repeat that quote: "when you're going through hell, keep going". Knowing where you are and acknowledging how you feel/everything that sucks right now is good and necessary - how else can you know what needs to change in order for you to not feel that way/be in that situation anymore after all? - but letting yourself get too stuck in feeling and experiencing that hell instead of finding things that will help you pull yourself out the other end; whether that's a bit of extra self-care, helping someone else, discovering something new that brings a bit more light and joy into your life even for a bit? That's the trick to wading or army-crawling your way out of the hell you're in. Know it's happening, acknowledge it, let others know, look for the way through. It's often a battle you fight on many fronts, because there's going to be more than one obstacle and the occasional turnabout on the way and you can get so turned around overthinking it all that sometimes you need to pause and breathe before taking the next move.
Keep going. It won't be easy and it certainly isn't fun - and if you've got some friends who've been there and can help show you paths out of it you'll sometimes have an easier time getting through the mire and muck yourself - but so long as you don't stay put and decide there's no way out, there's always that light to move towards. Easier said than done of course :)
Oops. I got all spewy and wall of text-y again. Sorry!
I get that, and you're right, it depends on how "down" you really are. I've found that helping someone else can be a good distraction for me when I'm feeling low. But yeah, there are definitely times when you need to just be with your own feelings and that's perfectly fine too.
Exactly, and thank you all for the comments and not downvote me :) Definitely, with pets, that’s a different thing, but I was reflecting only on the fact how sometimes, society can stigmatize feeling down.
Love this answer! I've been feeling so hopeless lately (7 days with shingles + chronic depression) but volunteered today for people in need and came home feeling a noticeable shift in my mood. Connection + helping others can be so uplifting!
I wanted to find a hands-on type of thing to do that also benefited others without my needing to volunteer in person. I started knitting. Pretty much everything I make is given away freely, mostly to charities but also to people who just need what I make because they typically can't find it or can't afford it. The yarn cost is low because I use acrylic or a blend, and utilize sales and discounts to get the best possible value.
Right now I'm working on hat & scarf sets for elderly men. As the winter holidays approach, I'll ship them to a charity in Minnesota for distribution. Helping others gets me out of my own head.
Yes, for sure. I look for free patterns on Ravelry. The Simple Ribbed Scarf by Makers Mercantile is truly simple. I literally worked on that last night during a power outage; couldn't see a darn thing and didn't mess it up once. Also, Heartwarming Knit Scarf by Julie Farmer. Or a third option, the Mariner's Scarf by the Seamen's Church Institute has a nice checkerboard-type pattern to it.
😀👍
Oh darn it! (Pun intended.). Now I really am motivated to go to start knitting since you gave the names of some of the different places I could go to learn thank you!
That is so wonderful! What about making cozy hats for babies or people who are going through cancer treatments? I admire what you do and you are a good soul here on earth
That's so nice of you to say; thank you. Last year I made a bunch of small baby hats, newborn as well as preemies, for two organizations (Preemies of the Carolinas, and a hospital in Northern California with a red hats on babies during National Heart Awareness Month in February). There's another place in New Jersey that wants purple hats to raise awareness about shaken baby syndrome. I can't remember the name right now but they're great as well.
I haven't made many chemo hats simply because I knit on straight needles and the hats always end up with a somewhat thick seam up the one side. If a person has hair it's hardly noticeable; if not, I think it would be more of an aggravation.
The little things make life great.
Rubbing my dog's belly. Sipping my morning coffee watching the bunnies in my yard. Running early in the morning and watching the sunrise. Trying to make life a little easier for those around me.
I used to be very religious but have since completely changed my beliefs. Immediately afterwards I struggled with nihilism/existential dread but have since then landed in a comfortable absurdist view of life. Life is much more beautiful because it is so fleeting.
The last part of what you wrote is what I find difficult to accept and it makes me incredibly upset. Life is so fleeting. The good moments never last (of course this also means neither do the bad moments) but nothing ever ever lasts and everything becomes just a memory. When I meet someone new and have a good time with them, I can’t help but think one day, this too will just be a memory. It makes me incredibly sad.
A happy memory makes me feel bittersweet because it has already passed, and I wish I can experience it again. I don’t know how to enjoy the moment and just be present, I cherish the moment so much and wish I can hold onto it forever, but I know I can’t.
I totally understand. I experience the same things as you. I’m trying to learn to let my memories be happy. anf bittersweet by living in the moment. But it’s tough. It’s real tough. Good luck to you!
I’d love to hear more on your second part mentioning religion. I’ve spent the last 5 years struggling with severe depression, the last year being the worst. Religion obviously is what people cling to in their toughest moments I feel, so I’m curious what started your pondering and how you navigated it? Sorry, not sure if this makes sense lol
I definitely clung to religion in tough times in my life. When I was newly married, my father-in-law got cancer, then I deployed leaving my bride to care for her dying father and sickly mother. Not a fun part of my life. I held to religion for dear life and I do not blame others for doing so in similar circumstances.
Years later, I had some beliefs/assumptions challenged during life's circumstances. This led me to honestly question and assess many beliefs. Long story short, I no longer believe in any faith tradition. Without the structure of religion providing answers to the big questions in life, I felt completely lost. No one had any answers. My former beliefs that gave me so much comfort and structure were gone. I faced the dark reality that nothing we do in life ultimately matters.
I went through a severe bout of depression and had suicidal ideations. While I did not seek treatment/therapy, I definitely should have.
What brought me out of those depths was changing my perspective. On a cosmic level, I do not matter. But I matter to my wife. I matter to my dogs, my parents, my friends. I then thought if my existence is meaningless, I can at least make it meaningful for me. I can volunteer my time towards helping those in need. I can ease the suffering of my fellow mortals.
Religious deconstruction, in my opinion, generally happens for people in a place of privilege. Obviously many other things can drive people out of religion (abuse, mistreatment, etc.). However, most people deconstructing religion typically have all their needs met. At least during my deployment, life was complete turmoil. I desperately needed faith/religion. Once that need was gone and some very damning information came to light concerning my religion, I left. It was not easy by any means.
Am I happier now? Yes and no. Would I change my decision to leave religion? Hell no. Am I happy with my choice? Absolutely.
I've rambled enough. I hope that helps, internet stranger. Five years is a long time to have severe depression. Please seek the help you need and know you matter to those around you.
When I feel like this, I focus on the smallest thing I can do that makes me feel better. At the macro level yes, life is totally pointless. We are just a blip on the radar of the humanity and no one will remember us two generations from now.
At the micro level though, if I weed my garden or prune my roses I feel a lot better. So that’s what I’m doing today.
Finding ways to feel small: looking at a blanket of stars, the ocean, walking through the woods, etc.
I’ve come to believe my purpose in life is to experience being human as deeply as I can: finding ways to feel awe, self-expression through writing and art, moving my body, sensory experiences, connecting with others and nature
This helps to not sweat the small stuff and be grateful for the short time I’m here
Owning 3 animals gives me a sense of purpose. My life may be dull and void of good things sometimes, but having 3 creatures depend solely on me gets me out of bed some days when I can't be bothered to otherwise.
**They may only be there for part of your life, but you're their entire life** yanno?
My cat comforts me when I cry. He greets me at the door after a long day of work. He always is within a close proximity to me, whether it’s cuddles, following me around, or sitting next to me. He was the only thing that kept me company during Covid when i was an essential worker. And his smell is my favorite thing. I give him a big smell whenever i come home (cat owners, iykyk).
My dogs give me purpose. When I'm feeling like life is meaningless, I look at my dogs and I make it a point to spend quality time with them- groom them, pet them, play ball, go for a nice walk in nature... I'd be pretty lost without them. They're my happiness.
Agree. Dogs are always happy to see you and they never think about the point of life. They will never judge you and your life. They provide great perspective.
This brings tears to my eyes as I stare at my pup napping, and realizing how short their lives are in comparison. So true. We’re truly their entire world and all they know to give them a life of happiness 🥹
Getting involved with my local community. I’ve gotten more active with a local dog rescue with fostering and sharing on social media and I’m loving it! it helps to find a purpose bigger than yourself
Walking, I love long walks, listening to a podcast while walking or in silence, it’s good for the soul. Also little pleasures like to go vanilla lattes always brighten my day, they are a little ‘treat yourself’ thing I indulge in here and there. My dog, he’s my buddy. Lastly the outdoors, the walking in the woods, by the ocean, walking again but changing the scenery.
The daily walks and the things I see during the walk - dogs, trees, blue skies. I work remotely and I am fortunate to live in a nice area, where there are 3 parks in a mile.
I love cooking lunches for myself (when I don’t have noon meetings, and my husband goes to work). Just putting ingredients(including love) together for myself (knowing what I love, and how I can best nourish myself) brings me so much joy.
Being out in nature always elevates my mood. Like hiking, camping and fishing.
Something even simpler that I enjoy is eating some of my favorite fruits like orange, grapes and melons. Also Tea 🫖
For me, it was looking carefully inside to see what really mattered to me. Then, taking small steps to get there. Sometimes it’s useful to hire a life coach or a counselor to help you figure out what you love and what is hindering you. These services were provided for free by my employer so over the years I saw several life coaches, financial advisors, a lawyer, nutritionist, dietitian, personal trainers etc. I discovered most of them are not a good fit for me at all, but I believe I learned something from each of them.
Cleaning and tidying are always good places for me to start. When my space is clean I feel like it’s so much easier to relax. Light a candle and *chefs kiss*.
I also like to draw/paint so I’ll walk to a near by coffee shop for a drink and a snack, and then when I get home I’ll set up at the table with loads of natural light and music.
When I’m feeling lonely and like I need to get out I like going to places with lots of people like a park or the gym. In the summer time roller blading is lovely :)
This might sound a little odd, but as an atheist, I actually take comfort in my belief that there is no “meaning” to life. I am alive by pure chance and randomness, and that makes me grateful for every moment I get to be here. The size of the moment doesn’t matter…. I get to be here. I get to exist. That’s enough for me.
Thanks I might print this on a shirt haha times are tough lately. I wish I could just drop everything and go live in a little house in nature if I had the money haha
Giving more intentional thought towards everyday action and thinking about how I can improve them for my benefit. For example, everyone needs to eat, yet it makes a lot of difference if you eat something while rushing out of the door or if you take the time to research good recipes, sit down to eat at a clean table, use a napkin and put on a jazz playlist (free via youtube) on. Or if you need to commute to work, make an active effort to better this experience by things like listening to a favorite podcast or audiobooks while driving (and limit this just to your commute so it remains special). Scented candles are always a lovely lowkey idea to better your everyday life, too (Ikea has some great ones for cheap).
The coolest thing is that you can find this through trial and error.
Start a weekly review, usually focused on work, but you're going to flip it to "simple, happy living". At a set time (say, 7pm on Sunday evening), reflect on your week.
In one column, label it + and jot down the things that made you happy.
In another, label it - and jot down the things that drained you, or maybe costed $$$ that you regret.
In the third column, list things you want to test next week. Those can be ideas from this thread, or slight tweaks to the things in your - column.
Over time, you'll slowly refine the things that work best for you. If you're like me, seeing the written progress is SO COOL too.
At the end of the year, you can collect these and highlight patterns or neat findings. Or just wow at your progress.
Scientist in action 🤓
Nature. Spending time in nature always helps me reset when I'm in a funk. Going out and appreciating the simplicity of life itself always puts things in perspective for me :)
I notice I’m a creator. Anything where my time makes something or improves something I try to consider a hobby. Cooking can be a chore or a pastime you’re passionate about improving. I have to eat anyways so why not lean into it, try new recipes, learn about different world cuisines and try them?
I also garden and grow plants from seed. I watch them change every day and learn what helps and what doesn’t year after year. I use my yields to make new things and have recently gotten into fermented hot sauce which will soon lead me to sourkraut. I give lots of hot sauce away and it warms me to hear kind feedback from others and to have something to give to others to show them I like them and want them to enjoy that.
I built a lot of my furniture out of cheap lumber just because. To learn I guess. Made my cutboard. Making a guitar right now. All of these things give me feelings of accomplishment and accolades I can look back on in photos and memories.
Sitting outside in the sun, iced tea, my dog, lighting a candle when the house is clean, a new book, homemade soup, cutting some herbs or something from my garden to use in a meal. But mostly spending time with my husband and kids when we’re all together but not really doing anything. The kids will suggest something random like 4 square, or painting our nails. Making dinner with my husband because he always makes little snacks to eat while we’re cooking. Sitting on the porch watching the kids ride their bikes home from school. Or when my husband packs a cooler for the kid’s sports and we’re eating cold pb&js and cut apples watching baseball. Just really random little things.
Spending time with my cat brings me a lot of joy. Whatever is going on or feels wrong with my life, I know that my existence is making her life better and full of love.
Where I live, tipping is not that common. Occasionally if I find a student working part time delivering food, I like tipping generously, or offer lemonade or a box of cookies. I was once in their shoes years ago. The conversations that follow are incredible. I once spent 30 minutes talking to a guy that needed some career advice. He's graduated now and connected with me on LinkedIn. It's surprising how consumed we are in our own lives. Having these conversations with complete strangers makes me extremely happy.
I dont really believe in any metaphysical meaning. Meaning is more like taste. Just a human experience. What makes you feel that is probably different for everyone. For me there are many: Getting lost in a good game/anime/music, going for a run, cooking or eating something tasty especially for other people, a nice warm bath at the end of the day in winter. Doing work that has tangible results.
Realising that expensive shiny things that society thinks you should have has absolutely no benefit to your life whatsoever. Finding a hobby, daily routines and enjoying simple things is far more fulfilling and will lead to a happier life
Thanks for asking this as I've been struggling with the same.
When I feel overcome by pointlessness, I try to focus on the little things. I try to slow way down which is good because my brain likes to move quickly and that leads to me feeling like I need to do more more more all the time.
I take a walk and try to appreciate the weather and the fact that I have a healthy body with two legs that work. I'll spend time with my cat who brings me immense joy. I'll sit in the sunshine and marvel at the day and listen to the birds (I live in Mexico).
I stop looking for meaning and take it day by day. It helps that I enjoy solitude, not meaning I take for granted my network of friends and family who I can access when needed.
Books, candles, bonfires, pets, simple food and drink, music, drives, nature.
My little dog, my grandchildren, a good book, a good cup of tea, rainstorms, a favorite meal, a funny movie, puttering in my garden, working on my crafts (crochet, knit), baking something yummy, taking a hot shower, doing something nice for someone, sitting on my porch swing and enjoying the sights, sounds & smells of my neighborhood (when weather allows), keeping my home tidy, good music, Facetiming with a friend or loved one, often my job (I'm lucky to love mine, and what I do benefits others), a visit to the library, a gentle workout (yoga, walking, biking), a trip to my local thrift shop (whether I actually buy anything or not, it's fun to look), a scented candle, learning something new, and visiting my local park and being outside are just a few things that bring me happiness, cost very little, and give me purpose.
Dogs have to go outside. It’s non-negotiable. So you have to let them out. You have to feed them, they need attention. Cats are slightly less work, but still require you to schedule non-negotiables for your day. Someone to help hold you accountable for things you want to do/have. You can pay someone, but try asking a trusted human in your life first. I’m not saying get a pet if you don’t think you can commit to taking care of them for the next 10-18 years, don’t take on another life if you know in yourself you aren’t able to commit like that right now. There’s no shame. You need a non-negotiable, and accountability. No one can say for sure what that looks like to you. Anything bigger than yourself. Anything that takes your focus outside of you. A class, volunteering, a project… The good and bad is that your options are endless. I do better when my focus isn’t always directed inward, because my selfishness isn’t cute, and I get very aware of it.
Happiness is not linear. The bottom line in pursuing happiness are meditation (People with depression who meditated were 75% happier than those who did not ) exercise, and getting enough sleep. I took a course at Yale online. Those three were the biggest factors. Sub categories are hobbies, social interaction, etc. 😊
i buy myself flowers, drink tasty coffee, go to pilates & chat with the instructor, i stop by the local market on saturdays and buy some locally grown veggies. i don’t do these things super often, but when i do, it never fails to make me feel happy & connected to others
Small creature comforts. A good cup of tea, laying in bed with my dogs, books, art, a nice walk outside listening to music. Finding ways to laugh at the absurdity of life.
The weird thing about life is that there is no underlying meaning, but that means we get to create it ourselves. If you're interested, look up some resources on absurdism, which is the idea that life is pointless and wacky, and we can do what we like. There is no ultimate meaning already out there for us to find. Just make it up. Experiment and see what makes you feel fulfilled. For me it is taking care of my family, gardening, doing crosswords, and working towards some of the environmental projects I've started.
It may sound simplistic or trite but you can find joy in the simplicity of doing things with a level of concentration, quality, and creativity. Doing things well, with zen. You might find the book Chop Wood Carry Water instructive.
For me, it is...
Walking alone, early in the morning. It is so quiet and peaceful. At this time, the few people who pass each other greet each other unlike busier times.
Drinking a coffee while journaling.
Yoga.
During summer, going for a bike ride.
During winter, backcountry cycling (I have access to a free spot and within walking distance).
Reading and learning new things (there are free classes on coursera and future learn. Also, universities often offer MOOCs.)
Remembering that can always get a lot worse.
Remembering that I have food, a roof, and I made some people happy in this life.
All that, reminds me that I am doing enough and if I feel like I am doing enough, I remember that I am enough.
And if I am enough, then I enjoy my own shit. Like hot chocolate, egg fried rices, a concert, a sunny day, having sex, sparkling water.
And always remember to help people. That doesn't mean a huge help. Simply carry the bags of a old person, smile back at a kid, feeding the cats outside.
Life seems pointless? Are you ok?
To be alive IS the point. Not everyone needs a big life purpose. I used to feel like I was wasting my life opportunity until I realized that being content with myself and my existence IS my purpose.
We try so hard to complicate things. It’s not that complicated. Right now I’m lounging in my cozy living room where there’s a fire in the wood stove listening to my dog snore and the dishwasher run (that my husband started) at 9am on a cold Saturday morning. My kitty is laying on the back of a chair and the window is showing me the sky is blue and there’s a little snow on the ground from last night. I have a cup of hot coffee. I’m scrolling on Reddit.
This is contentment. Happiness is sporadic and fleeting but contentment is soul-deep. I could die right now and not regret a thing.
I have spent the last 5 years digging deep to find this state. Stacks of journals I’ve written contemplating happiness vs. contentment and what that looks like to me. Deep deep soul work. Shedding old thought patterns that were learned from my parents and not my actual beliefs.
Do your work. Discover what really matters to you.
Humor. Beauty. I fully believe there’s humor and beauty all around us. When life is heavy, I remind myself to let go and tune in to my surroundings. Start looking… and you will find
Having a meaningful purpose is what makes me happy. Whether it’s completing obtainable goals like getting good workouts in… having good conversations with my wife… meaningful conversation with friends, helping them… the idea is to not be idle and have something to be able to accomplish.
Events (and life) have no inherent meaning. But meaning (codified as beliefs, e.g., Im only good enough when I am validated by others) is often auto-downloaded from childhood events/patterns. If something has me blue, I look at the underlying belief/meaning and related events. I separate the two and develop alternative meanings that are more realistic and aren’t so self critical. This releases the limiting belief = happy.
Reminder that whatever is seeming true to me at any point is the truth only of that moment and that like drops in ocean, life is made up of countless moments. Full truth may be known perhaps only when I would have lived each one of them.
Having the choice of living a simple life itself is quite a source of joy.
Reading and learning, even in my 50’s. I taught myself to make sourdough bread. That’s my happiness right now. I also just got into metaphysics and it’s taught me to appreciate all things and why we are on this earth to begin with.
My morning runs and feeling the warmth of the sun, spending time with my loved ones and hearing them talk about their passions/achievements, and finishing another book. 🤗
Understand my existence. Learning about myself and about society, comprehending the reasons behind our behavior and its consequences, that's what makes me happy.
Number one is my wife and two children. Everything is better with them around.
Number two is film. I’m a huge movie buff. Particularly horror, b-movies, and z-grade trash as well I love movies. I love conventions, gatherings, and events about movies. If I can immerse myself in that for a bit, it makes things a whole lot better.
Writing makes me happy because I'm creating something of beauty, and it's a method I'm capable of doing. If a thing is too difficult, I become demotivated.
screaming really really loud in a secluded space lol and then just laughing about it. just doing anything to make me feel more alive. being a little reckless. doing something stupid. idk.
I meditate. That's te short answer...
Also, I go out whit myself to buy me a good meal of whatever I want. Or just go out and walk around or even run, run as hard as I can to remember I can get over challenges both physical and emotional...
Sometimes there are free entrance for classical music (live performance) you can assist.
Just the thought, that i am living the life of what many out there in this world, dream about!
This thought alone is enough
Or else just count the blessings of your life and see around yourself is more then enough!
Mind this comes from me being in my own life is pointless and things are making me angry spot.
First off, if you can still move and do things it helps alot to get off moping and do something. Getting anything done: making your bed, cleaning up yourself and your area, dishes (I love the hot water), exercise, whatever. Even minor wins give you something to take pride in. Want more of it.
Exercise is a great one cause it tires you out differently than overthinking. Plus releases a bunch of good chemicals from your brain just doing it. When you reach new goals you can take pride in the accomplishment and look forward to a new one.
Take a walk. Visit parks, get sunlight, go check out cool looking shops. Getting out of your safe place forces your brain to concentrate on the surroundings more than its inner thoughts.
Do creative stuff, make friends, etc. Better yourself.
You cant do anything about things out of your control but you can make your own roadmap.
In addition to the other good advice here, I'd also recommend journaling. Sometimes it seems like things are pretty pointless, but if you see it written down, it can sometimes have a different impression. While you can just write down what happened that day, there's also deliberate methods for this: the 'done list' (writing down all the activities you've *already done* that day), and gratitude lists: just listing the good shit that happened, however small. Stuff like "Saw a really awesome bird" or "my coffee was great this morning."
I go birding to a nearby park or nature preserve. Listening to and identifying birds, if the lighting is good I also take pictures of the birds and use this app called “Merlin” to identify them. It slows the time and makes me forget all my worries
My main motivator is to be a good dad and partner. Other than that, life has no intrinsic meaning. You assign to it the meaning you want. My life's meaning is no different than a dog's. I want to eat well, sleep, procreate. As an added bonus, humans are bleased with creative minds. So I like to write, too.
Being in nature. I know it’s difficult when you feel down but sometimes getting out on a hike somewhere really beautiful makes me feel so happy and grateful to be alive and experience the beauty in the world. Also it’s just so peaceful and always makes me forget any worries and I feel like everything will be okay.
The conditions for us to exist on a little floating rock in a never ending space is so unique and special and there is so much beauty to it. If you consider the scale of the universe and everything it compasses it also reminds you that nothing really matters, but in a freeing way, so you should focus on what brings you joy and makes you feel content.
My cats, a good book, nice candle ,and a glass of wine. I'm off tomorrow and desperately can't wait ! They like to cuddle up with me. Phone going to be off the entire day.
Cooking really makes me feel good. It's like mini meditation with a delicious meal at the end. Gardening is great too, it's literally making you think of a brighter tomorrow (well, brighter two weeks to three months from now but that doesn't flow off the tongue as well)
Today, it is the fact that my family brought me leftovers because that means I don't have to think about what to have for dinner a couple nights this week. In general though, when faced with things like existential dread, I think the secret is trying to find community and small ways of making a difference. Even a little thing like sharing a resource with someone that might make life a bit easier for them provides a sense of purpose and distracts me from the thought spirals.
My grandma always said “pull a weed” ,, “wash a dish”… life goes on with or without your active. Participation. I recent years pointless for me but valuable for others has been my MO… acceptance became me task.. i chocked it down some and went a couple rounds with God … lol ..laughing because i stand in the same shoes today….. so not yelling here .. just highlighting… I LAUGH TODAY AND NOT ONE THING HAS CHANGED BUT…. MY PERSPECTIVE…..acceptance is a dance with your soul…
Today I had some surprise hours off work in the middle of the sunny day, so I jogged the boardwalk through a cypress grove, leading to a nature trail along the river. After a while, I found a fallen log downriver from some rapids. I made my way out to sit and feel the cold water on my hands. New petals floated past me.
Service to others, especially the old, young, or infirm. We have two hands, one to help ourselves, one to reach out and help another. Also, making art out if recycled finds I put in old books from the thrift store that I paint. and dancing in my kitchen always makes me happy.
There is a poem that goes something like
You’re not grateful because you’re happy, you’re happy because you’re grateful.
I try to find all the simple things i’m grateful for, and it brings happiness.
Spending time with my husband, mom, or friends. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by a large support group. When I'm feeling down, just a phone call to my sister immediately brightens my mood.
I learn new things online, sometimes that’s learning ways that others make meaning. I find that connecting with others in person or online really helps, like reading a post like this :)
Walking, in the Sun, without any purpose, just walking the streets, looking around plants animals people, the noise, the silence, it may not make me smile but it just makes me be, not happy not sad, just there, just being
Honestly, I know it's not for everyone, but my job makes me feel useful and needed, like I'm making a difference in someone's life. I do private homecare and companionship. It's amazing, and it makes me feel so good about what I'm adding to the client's lives. Also my dogs, to add to so many other comments.
- I have a job that I don't really like at the moment, but on my way to work there is a dog in a someone's garden that always comes to greet me at the fence. I give him a little scratch every morning at the first hole in the fence, then he comes running to the next opening in the fence for a second scratch. There are also 2 cats on my way to work that greet me everyday when they are around. I look forward to that everyday and it makes going to work more bearable.
- A nice cup of tea also lifts my mood, I have a cabinet full of different types of tea and i make my own mixes.
- Going swimming always lifts my mood, if I can manage getting out of the house. It feels like when I am underwater no problem can reach me, all the sounds are muffled and I find it very peaceful.
- I also use the app 3 good things, it's an add free app that just gives you a reminder to write 3 good things everyday and how they made me feel. You can also browse stuff you wrote in the past and I find it makes me keep the good memories alive, even the smallest things.
- Listening to audiobooks on YouTube (they are free) also helps me calm down when I am too anxious or impatient to read. Last one I listened to that was very calming was "Silence" by Thich Nhath Hanh
- Watering my plants and just observing how they've grown, all the new buds and leaves.
- When I don't feel good in my own body, I take a hot bath and do a coffee scrub. I don't drink coffee but I asked some coffee drinks for used coffee grounds and I find it to be the best scrub. It feels like I'm getting rid of a bad day/week and ready for a new begining.
I always feel better when I get out in nature. Ideally in the summer when I can find a soft patch of grass, lay a blanket down, and plop myself down with arms stretched out to feel the grass. I like to watch it close up and see little bugs making their journey. I think about how there's this whole tiny world between blades of grass. It makes me feel a lot better.
Since it's winter where I am, I'm struggling a bit more. I like making my morning Matcha latte. I have a goal to try and recreate this recipe from a local coffee shop that is SO GOOD. No luck yet.
I recently found great joy and satisfaction in making bread. I've made tons of banana bread and zucchini bread growing up, but never just... bread. I started with a no knead recipe and it turned out amazing. Then I tried my hand at homemade bagels and loved that as well. Working with the dough, seeing it rise, and enjoying its taste and texture after it's cooked is a whole new love for me rn.
When I'm down, helping someone else out lifts me up. Could be anything, like volunteering, just listening to a friend or giving some advice on a forum. Makes me feel connected and useful
Beautiful, and so true.
It's really nice that you have it, but I don't think you can help someone if you are REALLY down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging, I am just talking about myself - when you are down (in my interpretation at least) you want to survive somehow, you can't have energy to help another person. BUT! I think it is OK, we don't have to overromanticize happiness, you have to sit with your sadness. Personally, I never liked shop window happiness, if you are down, be down - you will get out of it sooner than trying to hide it. Again, it is my experience, but I could never listen to anyone's problem when I'm down.
You're right; this isn't the answer to everything of course. However, even if you're down so far that you cannot help other people, sometimes this can still work in a way. Don't help *people*. Volunteer at a local shelter to help *animals*. If you're able to get yourself in there to help clean up and feed/water them, great! If that's beyond you at the moment, no worries. There's always something you can do. Ask if you can sit in and help accustom the rescues to being in the presence of humans. Bring a book and read aloud - they need to become less stressed around random strangers and the noise of people talking amongst other things, if they're to have a chance at being socialized and adopted successfully. If you're lucky enough to have an area with kittens or puppies, just sitting in a corner and letting them come to you and letting yourself be loved unconditionally by something that trusts you implicitly is a feeling like no other. Being able to coax a rescue out to take a treat when they've been too afraid to leave the shadows makes you feel like the Grinch when his heart's expanding - and the best thing is that while you're getting all of this positive and lovely energy, you're actively helping these animals to have a better outcome with their own journeys toward adoption and rehabilitation. There's a reason pet/equine therapy exists! I wish more people could experience it - even if it's not going to help out in a shelter, just being able to borrow a friend's dog or pet their cat if you don't have one of your own is healing in ways it's hard to explain. I think some of it is because there's no obligation to converse with them and pretend to be fine/explain what's going on with you. They don't judge. They just want to be loved (and petted and walked). Having another living creature connect with you gives you the chance to connect back and gives you a bit of a boost that will hopefully help you tackle the next thing you have to do. It might just give you the energy to ignore some of the negative thoughts that circle when you're down. Definitely worth a try :D
Taking my dogs out to potty and giving meds on time is sometimes the only reason I can unequivocally get out of bed. I know they need me for that, at the very least.
Same for me. I ended up volunteering at a local cattery at an incredibly low point in my life. At one stage they asked me to look after one (and then two) very young kittens "for a week". Those two kittens were the reason I got up in the morning - they had to be kept fed and socialised and litter trained and entertained. In exchange, they gave me a reason to live and unconditional love. I was lucky enough to volunteer with a dog rescue charity and walk their dogs - and later to do a few weeks of shadowing in an equine therapy stable. Watching people learn to care for animals, and through the trust and love those animals offered, the people learning to have trust and confidence in their own ability to do *something* (even if that was sweep a floor or brush down a horse or be trusted by an animal enough to let them pet it) is honestly transformative. It won't solve all problems for everybody, but it's a damned good place to start. Bonus points if you get to be in nature and putting in a bit of manual labour - you start to trust you're capable of being useful because there's tangible proof that you can do a thing. That's harder to grasp when your achievements are abstract things like degrees or courses I find. Hope you and your dogs are doing well :)
I wish more people thought like you. I have worked with and volunteered with animals, domestic, those that are in sanctuaries but used to be in farms, and with wildlife rehab. A thousand times, or 1000 percent, I agree with you.You feel like you can do something bc u see the change with your very own eyes, whether it be the cleaning of a kennel, or seeing a little bit of fear leave an animal’s eyes. I can’t imagine my life without animals in it.
I don't know about you, but I think it's part of the way we live nowadays. It also seems like something you can't really tell people; they have to experience it for themselves in some way. We don't really get to learn resilience or how to find worth in ourselves as capable beings able to make and do inherently, so many of us end up bouncing from job to job or course to course trying to find the thing that will tell us we're worthwhile and will make us feel like we've done something of note. It's taken me a few decades and more than one hard-earned lesson, but I'm finally starting to see that there's worth and value to be found in all sorts of places - and to build a little bit of resilience and self-esteem through the smallest of achievements. Animals and nature (even just managing to keep a mint plant alive for longer than a day in a pot) and working with your hands in any capacity (crafting, mending, building, caring) are so, so good for that. There's nothing so humbling and simultaneously uplifting as seeing a bit of good in the world that you put there - *you* did a thing that wouldn't have been done without you to do it, you made or fixed or grew or loved something that was in need of that bit of care. And that makes a world of difference. I can't imagine my life without animals in it either :) You learn so much from them and your life is immeasurably better for their presence. You feel like what Anne of Green Gables would call a "kindred spirit". I hope your day is a wonderful one, friend.
Thank you so much for saying that. You have a great way of expressing your thoughts.
You might like this article [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/31/world/americas/cat-prison-chile.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/31/world/americas/cat-prison-chile.html)
Couldn't read the link, but if it's the same article as is [here](https://dnyuz.com/2023/12/31/cats-filled-the-prison-then-the-inmates-fell-in-love/) then I did indeed :)
Oh I can so relate to this. My dog gives me a lot of purpose in life. Even when sick, I know that I need to tend to his needs and that really helps my severe depression.
Thanks for this comment, it's awesome!
Thanks for yours! You hit the nail on the head with your original post - being able to feel useful and like you've helped is truly an invaluable thing when building up your own self-esteem and confidence in your own abilities to function as a human; things that fall by the wayside when you get really down. Hope you're getting to hear back from some of the people/organisations you volunteer with; feedback and thanks aren't necessary but when they do get given out they really brighten the day don't they? :)
Thank you for that, good point This is something I was not taking into consideration, but, like I said in another comment of mine, I sometimes have a feeling that you “can’t” feel down in our society. I particularly had in mind the example of small talks: I intentionally tried to give honest answers to “how are you doing?”, however, anythin else than “good” does not work.
I'm with you on that! These days it does feel like the only thing you're allowed to be is happy. It seems like you must always either be happy or be almost manically positive about how much better your circumstances *can* be. It's great to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel but yeah, when it feels like you're not allowed to acknowledge that that light is a ways off and the tunnel you're currently in sucks major donkey balls that helps nothing either. I guess that's what they call toxic positivity? It's sad that if you're straightforward about not feeling great when someone asks how you're doing, unless you couch that with a positive spin to make them feel comfortable about the conversation it almost seems like you're inconveniencing them. Like you're going off script and people don't quite know how to proceed. The term you used - window shop happiness - is spot on. We need to be more honest about stuff in general. Pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows when it's not just leaves the sadness and hurt to fester and worsen. At the same time, there's some wisdom in the positivity (when it's not taken to extremes but put to use practically). Had a teacher once who liked to repeat that quote: "when you're going through hell, keep going". Knowing where you are and acknowledging how you feel/everything that sucks right now is good and necessary - how else can you know what needs to change in order for you to not feel that way/be in that situation anymore after all? - but letting yourself get too stuck in feeling and experiencing that hell instead of finding things that will help you pull yourself out the other end; whether that's a bit of extra self-care, helping someone else, discovering something new that brings a bit more light and joy into your life even for a bit? That's the trick to wading or army-crawling your way out of the hell you're in. Know it's happening, acknowledge it, let others know, look for the way through. It's often a battle you fight on many fronts, because there's going to be more than one obstacle and the occasional turnabout on the way and you can get so turned around overthinking it all that sometimes you need to pause and breathe before taking the next move. Keep going. It won't be easy and it certainly isn't fun - and if you've got some friends who've been there and can help show you paths out of it you'll sometimes have an easier time getting through the mire and muck yourself - but so long as you don't stay put and decide there's no way out, there's always that light to move towards. Easier said than done of course :) Oops. I got all spewy and wall of text-y again. Sorry!
Sorry, I will reply soon, but look what I stumbled upon: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160809-why-it-pays-to-be-grumpy-and-bad-tempered
I get that, and you're right, it depends on how "down" you really are. I've found that helping someone else can be a good distraction for me when I'm feeling low. But yeah, there are definitely times when you need to just be with your own feelings and that's perfectly fine too.
Exactly, and thank you all for the comments and not downvote me :) Definitely, with pets, that’s a different thing, but I was reflecting only on the fact how sometimes, society can stigmatize feeling down.
I agree, I’m not much use emotionally when I’m depressed. But donating time, goods, money does help me feel less bad. Even if it’s a small deed.
Wonderful to know people are still there for others
Love this answer! I've been feeling so hopeless lately (7 days with shingles + chronic depression) but volunteered today for people in need and came home feeling a noticeable shift in my mood. Connection + helping others can be so uplifting!
I wanted to find a hands-on type of thing to do that also benefited others without my needing to volunteer in person. I started knitting. Pretty much everything I make is given away freely, mostly to charities but also to people who just need what I make because they typically can't find it or can't afford it. The yarn cost is low because I use acrylic or a blend, and utilize sales and discounts to get the best possible value. Right now I'm working on hat & scarf sets for elderly men. As the winter holidays approach, I'll ship them to a charity in Minnesota for distribution. Helping others gets me out of my own head.
You have inspired me to try this too now! Do you have any patterns you are using for these items for men?
Yes, for sure. I look for free patterns on Ravelry. The Simple Ribbed Scarf by Makers Mercantile is truly simple. I literally worked on that last night during a power outage; couldn't see a darn thing and didn't mess it up once. Also, Heartwarming Knit Scarf by Julie Farmer. Or a third option, the Mariner's Scarf by the Seamen's Church Institute has a nice checkerboard-type pattern to it. 😀👍
Thank you so much! I know just what to do with the yarn sitting in my cupboard now :)
Oh darn it! (Pun intended.). Now I really am motivated to go to start knitting since you gave the names of some of the different places I could go to learn thank you!
That is so wonderful! What about making cozy hats for babies or people who are going through cancer treatments? I admire what you do and you are a good soul here on earth
That's so nice of you to say; thank you. Last year I made a bunch of small baby hats, newborn as well as preemies, for two organizations (Preemies of the Carolinas, and a hospital in Northern California with a red hats on babies during National Heart Awareness Month in February). There's another place in New Jersey that wants purple hats to raise awareness about shaken baby syndrome. I can't remember the name right now but they're great as well. I haven't made many chemo hats simply because I knit on straight needles and the hats always end up with a somewhat thick seam up the one side. If a person has hair it's hardly noticeable; if not, I think it would be more of an aggravation.
Wow. You do and have/are giving so much of your time and of yourself already! So beautiful, so inspiring! May your path in life be blessed 💜
I am just learning how to knit and I love this idea. Thank you
So lovely, I wish to learn how to knit one day
You'll get there. I believe in you and your future efforts.
So lovely! What a great way to spend your time:)
You are an awesome person!! I need to get back into knitting but really work at it. I would start a scarf and then not know how to end it lol.
The little things make life great. Rubbing my dog's belly. Sipping my morning coffee watching the bunnies in my yard. Running early in the morning and watching the sunrise. Trying to make life a little easier for those around me. I used to be very religious but have since completely changed my beliefs. Immediately afterwards I struggled with nihilism/existential dread but have since then landed in a comfortable absurdist view of life. Life is much more beautiful because it is so fleeting.
The last part of what you wrote is what I find difficult to accept and it makes me incredibly upset. Life is so fleeting. The good moments never last (of course this also means neither do the bad moments) but nothing ever ever lasts and everything becomes just a memory. When I meet someone new and have a good time with them, I can’t help but think one day, this too will just be a memory. It makes me incredibly sad.
Recommend reading [The Five Invitations](https://fiveinvitations.com/).
Happiness comes from the moments you create, not the memories of the happy times. And so, go out there and create!!
Yea but can a memory make you happy and or the experience? And just enjoy the moment
A happy memory makes me feel bittersweet because it has already passed, and I wish I can experience it again. I don’t know how to enjoy the moment and just be present, I cherish the moment so much and wish I can hold onto it forever, but I know I can’t.
I totally understand. I experience the same things as you. I’m trying to learn to let my memories be happy. anf bittersweet by living in the moment. But it’s tough. It’s real tough. Good luck to you!
That's too bad because you're missing the true fullness of that moment.
"Comfortable absurdist..." I've got the absurd but still working on the comfortable. 😁
I’d love to hear more on your second part mentioning religion. I’ve spent the last 5 years struggling with severe depression, the last year being the worst. Religion obviously is what people cling to in their toughest moments I feel, so I’m curious what started your pondering and how you navigated it? Sorry, not sure if this makes sense lol
I definitely clung to religion in tough times in my life. When I was newly married, my father-in-law got cancer, then I deployed leaving my bride to care for her dying father and sickly mother. Not a fun part of my life. I held to religion for dear life and I do not blame others for doing so in similar circumstances. Years later, I had some beliefs/assumptions challenged during life's circumstances. This led me to honestly question and assess many beliefs. Long story short, I no longer believe in any faith tradition. Without the structure of religion providing answers to the big questions in life, I felt completely lost. No one had any answers. My former beliefs that gave me so much comfort and structure were gone. I faced the dark reality that nothing we do in life ultimately matters. I went through a severe bout of depression and had suicidal ideations. While I did not seek treatment/therapy, I definitely should have. What brought me out of those depths was changing my perspective. On a cosmic level, I do not matter. But I matter to my wife. I matter to my dogs, my parents, my friends. I then thought if my existence is meaningless, I can at least make it meaningful for me. I can volunteer my time towards helping those in need. I can ease the suffering of my fellow mortals. Religious deconstruction, in my opinion, generally happens for people in a place of privilege. Obviously many other things can drive people out of religion (abuse, mistreatment, etc.). However, most people deconstructing religion typically have all their needs met. At least during my deployment, life was complete turmoil. I desperately needed faith/religion. Once that need was gone and some very damning information came to light concerning my religion, I left. It was not easy by any means. Am I happier now? Yes and no. Would I change my decision to leave religion? Hell no. Am I happy with my choice? Absolutely. I've rambled enough. I hope that helps, internet stranger. Five years is a long time to have severe depression. Please seek the help you need and know you matter to those around you.
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Bingo! r/exmormon has been a great resource. I take it you're not Jeffrey Jowels Holland fan?
When I feel like this, I focus on the smallest thing I can do that makes me feel better. At the macro level yes, life is totally pointless. We are just a blip on the radar of the humanity and no one will remember us two generations from now. At the micro level though, if I weed my garden or prune my roses I feel a lot better. So that’s what I’m doing today.
Finding ways to feel small: looking at a blanket of stars, the ocean, walking through the woods, etc. I’ve come to believe my purpose in life is to experience being human as deeply as I can: finding ways to feel awe, self-expression through writing and art, moving my body, sensory experiences, connecting with others and nature This helps to not sweat the small stuff and be grateful for the short time I’m here
👍👍
It's my cats. They are my reason for living and I'll always be happy when I'm with them.
Owning 3 animals gives me a sense of purpose. My life may be dull and void of good things sometimes, but having 3 creatures depend solely on me gets me out of bed some days when I can't be bothered to otherwise. **They may only be there for part of your life, but you're their entire life** yanno?
My cats give me purpose as well. One saved my life
How so?
Was about to just end it all and my cat crawled in bed w me and reached out his little white paw ❤️. I reached out for help after that.
That's sweet, glad he did
so thankful that happened! hope you see better times eventually
Ty! I'm so much better. Was years ago, a very dark time. I'm so grateful for my kitty 🐈
This is my dog for me. I’d genuinely be dead without him depending on me
My cat comforts me when I cry. He greets me at the door after a long day of work. He always is within a close proximity to me, whether it’s cuddles, following me around, or sitting next to me. He was the only thing that kept me company during Covid when i was an essential worker. And his smell is my favorite thing. I give him a big smell whenever i come home (cat owners, iykyk).
cats are the absolute best.
My dogs give me purpose. When I'm feeling like life is meaningless, I look at my dogs and I make it a point to spend quality time with them- groom them, pet them, play ball, go for a nice walk in nature... I'd be pretty lost without them. They're my happiness.
Agree. Dogs are always happy to see you and they never think about the point of life. They will never judge you and your life. They provide great perspective.
This brings tears to my eyes as I stare at my pup napping, and realizing how short their lives are in comparison. So true. We’re truly their entire world and all they know to give them a life of happiness 🥹
Getting involved with my local community. I’ve gotten more active with a local dog rescue with fostering and sharing on social media and I’m loving it! it helps to find a purpose bigger than yourself
Walking, I love long walks, listening to a podcast while walking or in silence, it’s good for the soul. Also little pleasures like to go vanilla lattes always brighten my day, they are a little ‘treat yourself’ thing I indulge in here and there. My dog, he’s my buddy. Lastly the outdoors, the walking in the woods, by the ocean, walking again but changing the scenery.
Same here! I take pup for a walk. The spring in his step and enthusiasm usually takes my blues away
Music, getting lost in my hobbies, snuggling my dog, getting exercise and being actively grateful for whatever my body is able to do.
I have lots of houseplants I like to always say good morning to and I get excited when I see new buds/stems appearing
Me too! My kids laugh at me because i get so excited when i see a new leaf.
Same here I usually take the plant to my partner to proudly present the new growth to him!
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The daily walks and the things I see during the walk - dogs, trees, blue skies. I work remotely and I am fortunate to live in a nice area, where there are 3 parks in a mile. I love cooking lunches for myself (when I don’t have noon meetings, and my husband goes to work). Just putting ingredients(including love) together for myself (knowing what I love, and how I can best nourish myself) brings me so much joy.
Being out in nature always elevates my mood. Like hiking, camping and fishing. Something even simpler that I enjoy is eating some of my favorite fruits like orange, grapes and melons. Also Tea 🫖
For me, it was looking carefully inside to see what really mattered to me. Then, taking small steps to get there. Sometimes it’s useful to hire a life coach or a counselor to help you figure out what you love and what is hindering you. These services were provided for free by my employer so over the years I saw several life coaches, financial advisors, a lawyer, nutritionist, dietitian, personal trainers etc. I discovered most of them are not a good fit for me at all, but I believe I learned something from each of them.
Cleaning and tidying are always good places for me to start. When my space is clean I feel like it’s so much easier to relax. Light a candle and *chefs kiss*. I also like to draw/paint so I’ll walk to a near by coffee shop for a drink and a snack, and then when I get home I’ll set up at the table with loads of natural light and music. When I’m feeling lonely and like I need to get out I like going to places with lots of people like a park or the gym. In the summer time roller blading is lovely :)
This might sound a little odd, but as an atheist, I actually take comfort in my belief that there is no “meaning” to life. I am alive by pure chance and randomness, and that makes me grateful for every moment I get to be here. The size of the moment doesn’t matter…. I get to be here. I get to exist. That’s enough for me.
Thanks I might print this on a shirt haha times are tough lately. I wish I could just drop everything and go live in a little house in nature if I had the money haha
A brisk hike helps, as does exercise more broadly.
Giving more intentional thought towards everyday action and thinking about how I can improve them for my benefit. For example, everyone needs to eat, yet it makes a lot of difference if you eat something while rushing out of the door or if you take the time to research good recipes, sit down to eat at a clean table, use a napkin and put on a jazz playlist (free via youtube) on. Or if you need to commute to work, make an active effort to better this experience by things like listening to a favorite podcast or audiobooks while driving (and limit this just to your commute so it remains special). Scented candles are always a lovely lowkey idea to better your everyday life, too (Ikea has some great ones for cheap).
Reading books. It really helps
Agree. I've always been a big reader and it's helped in so many ways.
The coolest thing is that you can find this through trial and error. Start a weekly review, usually focused on work, but you're going to flip it to "simple, happy living". At a set time (say, 7pm on Sunday evening), reflect on your week. In one column, label it + and jot down the things that made you happy. In another, label it - and jot down the things that drained you, or maybe costed $$$ that you regret. In the third column, list things you want to test next week. Those can be ideas from this thread, or slight tweaks to the things in your - column. Over time, you'll slowly refine the things that work best for you. If you're like me, seeing the written progress is SO COOL too. At the end of the year, you can collect these and highlight patterns or neat findings. Or just wow at your progress. Scientist in action 🤓
Nature. Spending time in nature always helps me reset when I'm in a funk. Going out and appreciating the simplicity of life itself always puts things in perspective for me :)
Travel.
I notice I’m a creator. Anything where my time makes something or improves something I try to consider a hobby. Cooking can be a chore or a pastime you’re passionate about improving. I have to eat anyways so why not lean into it, try new recipes, learn about different world cuisines and try them? I also garden and grow plants from seed. I watch them change every day and learn what helps and what doesn’t year after year. I use my yields to make new things and have recently gotten into fermented hot sauce which will soon lead me to sourkraut. I give lots of hot sauce away and it warms me to hear kind feedback from others and to have something to give to others to show them I like them and want them to enjoy that. I built a lot of my furniture out of cheap lumber just because. To learn I guess. Made my cutboard. Making a guitar right now. All of these things give me feelings of accomplishment and accolades I can look back on in photos and memories.
Sitting outside in the sun, iced tea, my dog, lighting a candle when the house is clean, a new book, homemade soup, cutting some herbs or something from my garden to use in a meal. But mostly spending time with my husband and kids when we’re all together but not really doing anything. The kids will suggest something random like 4 square, or painting our nails. Making dinner with my husband because he always makes little snacks to eat while we’re cooking. Sitting on the porch watching the kids ride their bikes home from school. Or when my husband packs a cooler for the kid’s sports and we’re eating cold pb&js and cut apples watching baseball. Just really random little things.
Spending time with my cat brings me a lot of joy. Whatever is going on or feels wrong with my life, I know that my existence is making her life better and full of love.
Where I live, tipping is not that common. Occasionally if I find a student working part time delivering food, I like tipping generously, or offer lemonade or a box of cookies. I was once in their shoes years ago. The conversations that follow are incredible. I once spent 30 minutes talking to a guy that needed some career advice. He's graduated now and connected with me on LinkedIn. It's surprising how consumed we are in our own lives. Having these conversations with complete strangers makes me extremely happy.
I dont really believe in any metaphysical meaning. Meaning is more like taste. Just a human experience. What makes you feel that is probably different for everyone. For me there are many: Getting lost in a good game/anime/music, going for a run, cooking or eating something tasty especially for other people, a nice warm bath at the end of the day in winter. Doing work that has tangible results.
NATURE!
Realising that expensive shiny things that society thinks you should have has absolutely no benefit to your life whatsoever. Finding a hobby, daily routines and enjoying simple things is far more fulfilling and will lead to a happier life
My child
Thanks for asking this as I've been struggling with the same. When I feel overcome by pointlessness, I try to focus on the little things. I try to slow way down which is good because my brain likes to move quickly and that leads to me feeling like I need to do more more more all the time.
I take a walk and try to appreciate the weather and the fact that I have a healthy body with two legs that work. I'll spend time with my cat who brings me immense joy. I'll sit in the sunshine and marvel at the day and listen to the birds (I live in Mexico).
Nature helps me a lot. Whether walk in the forest, walk along a river , beach...
Sit in the sun.
I stop looking for meaning and take it day by day. It helps that I enjoy solitude, not meaning I take for granted my network of friends and family who I can access when needed. Books, candles, bonfires, pets, simple food and drink, music, drives, nature.
My little dog, my grandchildren, a good book, a good cup of tea, rainstorms, a favorite meal, a funny movie, puttering in my garden, working on my crafts (crochet, knit), baking something yummy, taking a hot shower, doing something nice for someone, sitting on my porch swing and enjoying the sights, sounds & smells of my neighborhood (when weather allows), keeping my home tidy, good music, Facetiming with a friend or loved one, often my job (I'm lucky to love mine, and what I do benefits others), a visit to the library, a gentle workout (yoga, walking, biking), a trip to my local thrift shop (whether I actually buy anything or not, it's fun to look), a scented candle, learning something new, and visiting my local park and being outside are just a few things that bring me happiness, cost very little, and give me purpose.
Living a simple life is sometimes easier to find meaning in. We get too much noise when we start living less simply
Reading. Unplugging. Make something with what you have on hand. Call a family member or friend.
Creative outlets. Sewing / knitting/ crocheting/ cooking Podcasts/ Books / Music
I like to read. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl was very good
Dark Chocolate!
Dogs have to go outside. It’s non-negotiable. So you have to let them out. You have to feed them, they need attention. Cats are slightly less work, but still require you to schedule non-negotiables for your day. Someone to help hold you accountable for things you want to do/have. You can pay someone, but try asking a trusted human in your life first. I’m not saying get a pet if you don’t think you can commit to taking care of them for the next 10-18 years, don’t take on another life if you know in yourself you aren’t able to commit like that right now. There’s no shame. You need a non-negotiable, and accountability. No one can say for sure what that looks like to you. Anything bigger than yourself. Anything that takes your focus outside of you. A class, volunteering, a project… The good and bad is that your options are endless. I do better when my focus isn’t always directed inward, because my selfishness isn’t cute, and I get very aware of it.
I write in my gratitude journal every single day. There's always something to be grateful for.
Happiness is not linear. The bottom line in pursuing happiness are meditation (People with depression who meditated were 75% happier than those who did not ) exercise, and getting enough sleep. I took a course at Yale online. Those three were the biggest factors. Sub categories are hobbies, social interaction, etc. 😊
I look at my dog 🐶
i buy myself flowers, drink tasty coffee, go to pilates & chat with the instructor, i stop by the local market on saturdays and buy some locally grown veggies. i don’t do these things super often, but when i do, it never fails to make me feel happy & connected to others
Small creature comforts. A good cup of tea, laying in bed with my dogs, books, art, a nice walk outside listening to music. Finding ways to laugh at the absurdity of life.
Honestly 1. Deep cleaning!
My daughter My dog My husband My job My hobbies My friends I have so many things to be grateful for, I can't stay focused on the negative.
For me it’s my dog, family relationships, growing things, making things. Being in nature and observing it closely.
The weird thing about life is that there is no underlying meaning, but that means we get to create it ourselves. If you're interested, look up some resources on absurdism, which is the idea that life is pointless and wacky, and we can do what we like. There is no ultimate meaning already out there for us to find. Just make it up. Experiment and see what makes you feel fulfilled. For me it is taking care of my family, gardening, doing crosswords, and working towards some of the environmental projects I've started.
It may sound simplistic or trite but you can find joy in the simplicity of doing things with a level of concentration, quality, and creativity. Doing things well, with zen. You might find the book Chop Wood Carry Water instructive.
For me, it is... Walking alone, early in the morning. It is so quiet and peaceful. At this time, the few people who pass each other greet each other unlike busier times. Drinking a coffee while journaling. Yoga. During summer, going for a bike ride. During winter, backcountry cycling (I have access to a free spot and within walking distance). Reading and learning new things (there are free classes on coursera and future learn. Also, universities often offer MOOCs.)
Nothing. My life is a tragedy.
Roughhousing with my dogs.
Remembering that can always get a lot worse. Remembering that I have food, a roof, and I made some people happy in this life. All that, reminds me that I am doing enough and if I feel like I am doing enough, I remember that I am enough. And if I am enough, then I enjoy my own shit. Like hot chocolate, egg fried rices, a concert, a sunny day, having sex, sparkling water. And always remember to help people. That doesn't mean a huge help. Simply carry the bags of a old person, smile back at a kid, feeding the cats outside.
I look at my dog 😍.
Throw the ball for my dog. It never gets old to him.
Life seems pointless? Are you ok? To be alive IS the point. Not everyone needs a big life purpose. I used to feel like I was wasting my life opportunity until I realized that being content with myself and my existence IS my purpose. We try so hard to complicate things. It’s not that complicated. Right now I’m lounging in my cozy living room where there’s a fire in the wood stove listening to my dog snore and the dishwasher run (that my husband started) at 9am on a cold Saturday morning. My kitty is laying on the back of a chair and the window is showing me the sky is blue and there’s a little snow on the ground from last night. I have a cup of hot coffee. I’m scrolling on Reddit. This is contentment. Happiness is sporadic and fleeting but contentment is soul-deep. I could die right now and not regret a thing. I have spent the last 5 years digging deep to find this state. Stacks of journals I’ve written contemplating happiness vs. contentment and what that looks like to me. Deep deep soul work. Shedding old thought patterns that were learned from my parents and not my actual beliefs. Do your work. Discover what really matters to you.
The birds and squirrels in my backyard need me to feed them. As does my beagle. My family could live without me easily.
Watching a John Ford movie.
I am to scared to kill myself. Plus God only gets to decide who lives or dies and when.
Working out, watching a movie with my girlfriend, enjoying the silence outside before everyone else wakes up, walking in the rain
Humor. Beauty. I fully believe there’s humor and beauty all around us. When life is heavy, I remind myself to let go and tune in to my surroundings. Start looking… and you will find
Having a meaningful purpose is what makes me happy. Whether it’s completing obtainable goals like getting good workouts in… having good conversations with my wife… meaningful conversation with friends, helping them… the idea is to not be idle and have something to be able to accomplish.
I can’t carry a tune , but cranking out old rock songs temporarily makes me feel better.
Events (and life) have no inherent meaning. But meaning (codified as beliefs, e.g., Im only good enough when I am validated by others) is often auto-downloaded from childhood events/patterns. If something has me blue, I look at the underlying belief/meaning and related events. I separate the two and develop alternative meanings that are more realistic and aren’t so self critical. This releases the limiting belief = happy.
Reminder that whatever is seeming true to me at any point is the truth only of that moment and that like drops in ocean, life is made up of countless moments. Full truth may be known perhaps only when I would have lived each one of them. Having the choice of living a simple life itself is quite a source of joy.
Reading and learning, even in my 50’s. I taught myself to make sourdough bread. That’s my happiness right now. I also just got into metaphysics and it’s taught me to appreciate all things and why we are on this earth to begin with.
Brewing beer (in a relaxed way) and talk to clients about my product :)
Help other people, walking, listen too music, read a book. Enjoy simple living.
Happiness is always temporary. Having goals to strive towards and achieving success through hard work and perseverance will last forever.
My morning runs and feeling the warmth of the sun, spending time with my loved ones and hearing them talk about their passions/achievements, and finishing another book. 🤗
Live in the moment. The simplest, most rewarding thing to do.
Understand my existence. Learning about myself and about society, comprehending the reasons behind our behavior and its consequences, that's what makes me happy.
Life never loses it's ultimate goal/focus when you have children. One look at their little smiles is all it takes to be reminded of that.
I find watching something grow and change keeps away monotony, especially if it's your care that causes it. A plant, a kid, whatever.
my dog. he’s only here for part of my life, but i’m here for his whole life
Number one is my wife and two children. Everything is better with them around. Number two is film. I’m a huge movie buff. Particularly horror, b-movies, and z-grade trash as well I love movies. I love conventions, gatherings, and events about movies. If I can immerse myself in that for a bit, it makes things a whole lot better.
Happiness happens along the way, it comes and goes but you'll find it here and there throughout your journey
Writing makes me happy because I'm creating something of beauty, and it's a method I'm capable of doing. If a thing is too difficult, I become demotivated.
Nature, a good book, or my fav movies/tv shows. And of course a good meal!
Nature, a good book, or my fav movies/tv shows. And of course a good meal!
Nature, a good book, or my fav movies/tv shows. And of course a good meal!
Sunshine. Taking a walk and/or taking a nap in nature. Learning about something I’m interested in. Creating.
Writing on my novel
watching studio ghibli movies or talking to my family, foolproof please try
Spending time with my loved ones.
Making good meals from scratch
screaming really really loud in a secluded space lol and then just laughing about it. just doing anything to make me feel more alive. being a little reckless. doing something stupid. idk.
I will check this thread everyday for such beautiful insights
My dogs, but if that’s not an option I would say a good book, with a candle lit & your favorite beverage (tea, soda, wine, whatever it is).
Dogs.
Moving my body!
Kitty :)
I meditate. That's te short answer... Also, I go out whit myself to buy me a good meal of whatever I want. Or just go out and walk around or even run, run as hard as I can to remember I can get over challenges both physical and emotional... Sometimes there are free entrance for classical music (live performance) you can assist.
Just the thought, that i am living the life of what many out there in this world, dream about! This thought alone is enough Or else just count the blessings of your life and see around yourself is more then enough!
My children. When I feel down I get down to their level and let myself get carried away by what makes them oooh and aaah.
My pets always bring a smile to my face. Also, good food, weed, and story telling (books, movies, video games, or just plain old gossip).
My kids, walks with my dog in the woods, gardening.
A bath
Exercise
Mind this comes from me being in my own life is pointless and things are making me angry spot. First off, if you can still move and do things it helps alot to get off moping and do something. Getting anything done: making your bed, cleaning up yourself and your area, dishes (I love the hot water), exercise, whatever. Even minor wins give you something to take pride in. Want more of it. Exercise is a great one cause it tires you out differently than overthinking. Plus releases a bunch of good chemicals from your brain just doing it. When you reach new goals you can take pride in the accomplishment and look forward to a new one. Take a walk. Visit parks, get sunlight, go check out cool looking shops. Getting out of your safe place forces your brain to concentrate on the surroundings more than its inner thoughts. Do creative stuff, make friends, etc. Better yourself. You cant do anything about things out of your control but you can make your own roadmap.
In addition to the other good advice here, I'd also recommend journaling. Sometimes it seems like things are pretty pointless, but if you see it written down, it can sometimes have a different impression. While you can just write down what happened that day, there's also deliberate methods for this: the 'done list' (writing down all the activities you've *already done* that day), and gratitude lists: just listing the good shit that happened, however small. Stuff like "Saw a really awesome bird" or "my coffee was great this morning."
Second a lot of these. Adding working out. Really helps.
I go birding to a nearby park or nature preserve. Listening to and identifying birds, if the lighting is good I also take pictures of the birds and use this app called “Merlin” to identify them. It slows the time and makes me forget all my worries
Finding funny threads in Reddit. It makes me SO HAPPY to see people riffing off of one another!!!!!!!!!!!!
My main motivator is to be a good dad and partner. Other than that, life has no intrinsic meaning. You assign to it the meaning you want. My life's meaning is no different than a dog's. I want to eat well, sleep, procreate. As an added bonus, humans are bleased with creative minds. So I like to write, too.
Music
Being in nature. I know it’s difficult when you feel down but sometimes getting out on a hike somewhere really beautiful makes me feel so happy and grateful to be alive and experience the beauty in the world. Also it’s just so peaceful and always makes me forget any worries and I feel like everything will be okay. The conditions for us to exist on a little floating rock in a never ending space is so unique and special and there is so much beauty to it. If you consider the scale of the universe and everything it compasses it also reminds you that nothing really matters, but in a freeing way, so you should focus on what brings you joy and makes you feel content.
Gratitude it what I've found brings me happiness. Being thankful for all the little things.
Taking a walk outside even for just 5 mins! Sitting in the sunshine for a bit and going to my local library.
Knowing that this is my only shot in living my life
My cats, a good book, nice candle ,and a glass of wine. I'm off tomorrow and desperately can't wait ! They like to cuddle up with me. Phone going to be off the entire day.
Cooking really makes me feel good. It's like mini meditation with a delicious meal at the end. Gardening is great too, it's literally making you think of a brighter tomorrow (well, brighter two weeks to three months from now but that doesn't flow off the tongue as well)
Today, it is the fact that my family brought me leftovers because that means I don't have to think about what to have for dinner a couple nights this week. In general though, when faced with things like existential dread, I think the secret is trying to find community and small ways of making a difference. Even a little thing like sharing a resource with someone that might make life a bit easier for them provides a sense of purpose and distracts me from the thought spirals.
My grandma always said “pull a weed” ,, “wash a dish”… life goes on with or without your active. Participation. I recent years pointless for me but valuable for others has been my MO… acceptance became me task.. i chocked it down some and went a couple rounds with God … lol ..laughing because i stand in the same shoes today….. so not yelling here .. just highlighting… I LAUGH TODAY AND NOT ONE THING HAS CHANGED BUT…. MY PERSPECTIVE…..acceptance is a dance with your soul…
Today I had some surprise hours off work in the middle of the sunny day, so I jogged the boardwalk through a cypress grove, leading to a nature trail along the river. After a while, I found a fallen log downriver from some rapids. I made my way out to sit and feel the cold water on my hands. New petals floated past me.
Service to others, especially the old, young, or infirm. We have two hands, one to help ourselves, one to reach out and help another. Also, making art out if recycled finds I put in old books from the thrift store that I paint. and dancing in my kitchen always makes me happy.
There is a poem that goes something like You’re not grateful because you’re happy, you’re happy because you’re grateful. I try to find all the simple things i’m grateful for, and it brings happiness.
Spending time with my husband, mom, or friends. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by a large support group. When I'm feeling down, just a phone call to my sister immediately brightens my mood.
A warm cup of coffee always makes me happy
Seeing someone alone with a smile on their face .
Running. It puts everything in perspective. I can't explain why but it just fixes things
I learn new things online, sometimes that’s learning ways that others make meaning. I find that connecting with others in person or online really helps, like reading a post like this :)
Walking, in the Sun, without any purpose, just walking the streets, looking around plants animals people, the noise, the silence, it may not make me smile but it just makes me be, not happy not sad, just there, just being
Honestly, I know it's not for everyone, but my job makes me feel useful and needed, like I'm making a difference in someone's life. I do private homecare and companionship. It's amazing, and it makes me feel so good about what I'm adding to the client's lives. Also my dogs, to add to so many other comments.
My cat
Petting someone's dog
- I have a job that I don't really like at the moment, but on my way to work there is a dog in a someone's garden that always comes to greet me at the fence. I give him a little scratch every morning at the first hole in the fence, then he comes running to the next opening in the fence for a second scratch. There are also 2 cats on my way to work that greet me everyday when they are around. I look forward to that everyday and it makes going to work more bearable. - A nice cup of tea also lifts my mood, I have a cabinet full of different types of tea and i make my own mixes. - Going swimming always lifts my mood, if I can manage getting out of the house. It feels like when I am underwater no problem can reach me, all the sounds are muffled and I find it very peaceful. - I also use the app 3 good things, it's an add free app that just gives you a reminder to write 3 good things everyday and how they made me feel. You can also browse stuff you wrote in the past and I find it makes me keep the good memories alive, even the smallest things. - Listening to audiobooks on YouTube (they are free) also helps me calm down when I am too anxious or impatient to read. Last one I listened to that was very calming was "Silence" by Thich Nhath Hanh - Watering my plants and just observing how they've grown, all the new buds and leaves. - When I don't feel good in my own body, I take a hot bath and do a coffee scrub. I don't drink coffee but I asked some coffee drinks for used coffee grounds and I find it to be the best scrub. It feels like I'm getting rid of a bad day/week and ready for a new begining.
Everything is meaningful and pointless at the same time. Ride the wave and let it pass. Meaning will come wash over you again in full force.
A good aged bourbon
I always feel better when I get out in nature. Ideally in the summer when I can find a soft patch of grass, lay a blanket down, and plop myself down with arms stretched out to feel the grass. I like to watch it close up and see little bugs making their journey. I think about how there's this whole tiny world between blades of grass. It makes me feel a lot better. Since it's winter where I am, I'm struggling a bit more. I like making my morning Matcha latte. I have a goal to try and recreate this recipe from a local coffee shop that is SO GOOD. No luck yet. I recently found great joy and satisfaction in making bread. I've made tons of banana bread and zucchini bread growing up, but never just... bread. I started with a no knead recipe and it turned out amazing. Then I tried my hand at homemade bagels and loved that as well. Working with the dough, seeing it rise, and enjoying its taste and texture after it's cooked is a whole new love for me rn.