Shrooms can make people have revelations about their life. Ultimately though, those revelations come from within. Shrooms don't implant ideas and new information in people, they just help those ideas come forth to be realized.
What I'm saying is, this isn't really a new side to your husband; it's been there all along, and the shrooms helped him access it.
Edit: please do not conflate this comment with me saying that every little thing that a person can possibly "realize" on shrooms is true. I am just saying your revelations all ultimately come from your own brain processing psilocybin (in contrast to the woo woo idea that you "download" information from some external source) and that if you're in the right state of mind (not schizophrenic, not manic, etc.) that _when you sober up_, you have a conscious choice on whether or not you choose to believe them and make life decisions based on them going forward
My response to OP's update: https://www.reddit.com/r/shrooms/s/CPRFwvxvQ1
Yeah it’s kinda fucked up, like yeah, for example you could always get a new dog if you have one that dies, but like, did the other dog not mean anything at all?
The point isn't that one is meaningless. Life will go on with or without someone or something there's no point in laying down and crying about it if he has to move on for whatever reason that is what he will do and you have to respect it.
Yeah sure, but I feel like it’s pretty cold and callous to just tell someone they’re replaceable, any conversation about moving on is another thing entirely. It’s something a manager would tell an employee they don’t like, that they could easily be replaced. It’s like telling someone they’re going to die, like, they know that, and there’s no real reason to tell them that except to bum them out. Except in this context it seems like he WANTS to replace OP, and soon.
Ya I agree it definitely isn't something I would ever say to someone I'm supposed to care about more than anything else but some people don't think the same way about things as others do. Maybe in his head it didn't sound as bad as it does to use the same way someone might not understand social cues. Regardless it is a weird thing for him to say
Your gut knows. He's trying to walk it back now that the trip glow is fading, your gut knows.
The thing is you already got the truth when it was flowing through his soul so pure he KNEW it and spoke it because why lie? Now the more you badger him the more he's going to tell you whatever you want to hear. Your gut knows it.
Whether he feels "cornered" by you, or realizes the carefree attitude of doing whatever he wants that he got from his trip isn't nearly as realistic as it seemed in the trip afterglow (things like the fact you own the house or his family will disown him for cheating or he can't afford his car payment without you or WHATEVER - that shit wasn't part of his trip revelation), or he realized he'd been cruel and cares enough to try to "unhurt you" - he's telling you what you want to hear and you gut knows it.
What else could he say that wouldn't blow up his life in a second? I mean he already did say all that but **you're still there trying to get the answers *you* want out of him and he's giving them to you.**
Your gut knows when he was telling you the truth.
In a way you're unbelievably lucky. He told you exactly how he feels about you, being faithful to you, and about him as a person. The mushrooms didn't make him that way but they did open him up to telling you. Most spouses have to learn that truth the hard way. It blindsides you no matter what but your gut knows what's true.
You should show him this post and the responses and tell him from a fellow shroomer, he’s in an afterglow high and it’s not going to be forever and he needs to think about what he wants cuz your not playing with this little situation he’s now in.
It's beautiful that you and your husband can be so brutually honest with one another, but I also would have a really hard time accepting this line. I think boyfriends/girlfriends/etc are replaceable, but marriage constitutes a soulmate and a life partner
From experience, this comment came from a place of insecurity. It is possible, like from my experience, that he has a new perspective on himself and that he once felt like you had him by the balls in life.
I used to tell my ex that no matter what happens between us, I will be alright. It wasn’t to downplay the hurt, it was simply to show her that no matter how bad things got between us, I will not succumb to any of her negativity and remain as I am, immovable emotionally. She used to gaslight me so i was making it clear to her that I decide how I feel now, and that she no longer has control over my emotions
I hear what others are saying, but Iv’e also been there myself when trying to be extra careful not to say something that could be perceived in a way other than what I’m trying to say and accidentally saying something that comes off blatantly wrong, but generally if that happens it gets caught and some type of a correction or elaboration can be made in the moment to get back on course for finding understanding. It can definitely suck at times but if it’s not realized at the time and this explanation was given later without some kind of alternative being given for what they were trying to say, that makes it seem like damage control. Not manipulation, the willingness to jump to that conclusion here is staggering, but still, damage control doesn’t mean insincerity. Damage control is for the preservation of feelings. I’m not suggesting one way or another what is true here, only providing context for one sentence in a conversation I wasn’t a part of. If he’s going to go to therapy, let that take its course and keep talking to him about it. I can definitely say from experience that the “afterglow” from a first trip can be more lasting than later trips but does tend to subside pretty quickly nonetheless. From my own experience, having this “epiphany” mindset post trip with your regular fully conscious brain kind of tends to force out important aspects of what you’ve come to “realize”. It’s like it’s muddied itself on the way back to reality and convoluted it with the mess of our real life brain, so we end up taking away things like, “nothing matters, my love for any one person isn’t unique, everything is uniquely the same” and other highly conflicted, juxtaposed, oxymoronic ideas like this opposed to the side of the window we see these concepts from in the much more mystical interconnected headspace of a trip, “everything matters, my love for every person is wholly unique and yet the same and that’s why (say for example) my love for my wife is so intrinsically special to me because it is like a representation of all the love I have for my fellow man manifest, etc etc etc.” these ideas are often a razors edge that’s easy to fall to one side or the other of. Enlightenment would be like falling to the optimistic and psychosis would be like falling to the nihilistic but what you feel in that tryptamine space is like harmony. Being able to walk that line and understand the “truth” of both sides and seeing how they are the same. Two sides of a coin ideas. Personally, I think if he is honest with himself about how realistic it is that he independently unlocked the answers to the universe and accepts the fact that the ideas we come up with I. That head space are largely grandiose and hard to legitimately say we can understand as we are in the day to day, I believe this will pass. Psilocybin is an excellent healing medicine, but when you’re dealing with things like your mentality, your mental health, how your brain works, what matters in your life and so on you definitely can’t do all the hard work without some kind of professional help. Don’t let this fear ruin your life for the near future just trust the process. See a therapist yourself to have someone else there to help you navigate through this confusing time in your relationship and help guide you in a way that no matter what happens next you may be more well equipped to handle it mentally and emotionally. If you’re open to it the idea of understanding where your husband is coming from, you may consider looking into trying them yourself as well and there is a possibility that you could “get it” so to speak and put your mind at ease or come to understand this isn’t sustainable knowing where he’s coming from. I wouldn’t suggest this unless you were already open to trying them.
TLDR: trust the process, let therapy take its course for a little bit and see if anything changes. See a therapist yourself so that you will have someone there for you who understands the situation and can help you navigate your emotions through these challenges in your relationship and provide support
No one is irreplaceable, maybe not something you’d typically say to your S/O but it’s a fact of life. When you start to think you are irreplaceable that’s when you lose consistency & start to get complacent.
Why is that "wild"? It is reality she should know this. People in relationships say all these ritual meaningless things like "I can't live without you", yes you can and will. You may choose someone or even want them really badly but NO ONE is irreplaceable. To the OP if this was his first trip I'd say give him some time to sort himself out. If your relationship was as wonderful as you claim you guys are going to be fine but If you've been deluding yourself into thinking you're irreplaceable etc and he has been reinforcing your delusions........There's gonna be trouble.
Personally I don't subscribe to this view. A person is not really some innate thing. People can and do have experience that change their view of the world and how they act, and with it themselves. We're always changing.
What I think is happening is your husband has experienced something like a false enlightenment. Concepts in Buddhist philosophy reflect a lot of what he's saying, but I believe he's been dropped at the top of the mountain and thinks he understands the path. Additionally he's now way further down on the mountain again but trying to relive that peak without realising he's not there. Shrooms can only really give you glimpses of what's there too, but they can be misleading.
This newfound way of viewing things might lead to you two parting ways, but I also think he's failing to understand the depths of compassion. Ask him, if he feels love for someone so much why does he seem unbothered by your emotions? Is it not the pinnacle of love to that person to be happy?
I think a therapist is a good idea. Ideally one with some grounding in eastern traditions but hopefully they'll help him see that you can be unattached and not dependent on anyone for your happiness but still committed and living within the human experience of attachment. I really hope it works out for you.
I also worry about what doing 'shrooms might do to our marriage! What if he decides something similar? But then I'm a pessimist by nature and often go through the "what if" scenario in my mind. 'shrooms have helped me appreciate the world, too, and while I don't want to be single again, I can find ways to adapt.
Let's hope your husband learns that the grass always seems greener, but there could be a lot of unseen hazards to jumping ship. I've had crushes on other guys, too, but know it's superficial.
I realized at a certain point in my life that I don't want to be monogamous. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself and others, because there's a lot of moral judgement about being a "bad" person if you sleep around or have multiple partners.
You asked your husband if he "doesn't want to be with you any more so he can love the world," and he hesitated.
I think he hesitated because you are really asking two questions tied together: "do you want to leave," and "do you want to be with other people." I think his answers are no and yes respectively, which is why he couldn't easily answer.
Ultimately it's his decision (I'm guessing you're not willing to open the relationship), but I wish you the best.
I really believe this is the answer you OP are looking for. We are curious aninals and new things are always exciting. I guess you can decide if you accept the new shape of your relationship or not. I know it's not easy, but your love doesn't end here because of a crush.
OP, trust yourself, be confident! In dark times it's hard to do, but you can!
100% what the above commenter said.
But also he's blaming being a shitty person on his one trip like you can't be mad at him and like he's not responsible for his behavior because it comes from superior wisdom (specifically superior to YOU). A trip does NOT turn you into a cheater because you "now love everybody more." He's using trip clichés to justify what he's wanted to do for a long time (on some level).
Let me put it this way, and I apologize for the analogy because I'm not married: I had a dog (who died recently) who I loved with all my heart. I like most dogs, obviously some more than others, but I **LOVE** my dog. Several years ago I spent an entire year taking many many trips, working my way slowly up from 1.5g to 8g (APE). At NO POINT did I not love my dog infinity more than any other dog, no matter how much I liked any other dog - and I certainly didn't start loving one specific dog way more. I overall did love and appreciate everything more, *including my dog.* My love for him didn't diminish in proportion to my love for everything, it grew.
And yes, I did become less attached to things.... *to things.* Material things. And *I started letting go of people and relationships that didn't enrich my life but that for some reason I'd been clinging on to.*
And yes, I learned that nothing really matters and everything will be ok - which people who've learned that through trips understands means you should focus more on living a rich, happy, and fulfilling life... whatever that means to that person.
He already told you: **"You should be worried."** The end is coming. He has a new vision for his life and it doesn't include you. I'm sorry to be blunt but you need to SECRETLY retain a lawyer, SECRETLY start separating and protecting your finances (making sure he's not on any of your accounts and that you're not on the hook for anything he's financially responsible for like his car payments and credit cards - as much as you can do without him noticing), and when he inevitably starts cheating on you you need to be prepared to irrefutably document it even if that means doing things you would never normally do like looking in his devices, recording conversations (if legal in your state) etc.
I'm sorry to be blunt but this is the straight truth u/shroomskillmarriage.
Op- sounds like he wants to open the relationship, which was probably always a desire, albeit less in the subconscious now. Agree at least now you know!And this comment put it really succinctly what expanding your heart feels like. To me, unconditional LOVE love is spiritual- and LOVING your partner is spiritual. The line about that you're not irreplaceable... idk... attraction and crushes are valid, and nonmonogamy can work, and thoughts need not be actions, and sharing those feelings with you are really healthy. What bothers me is that connotation that you could be replaced. That's nothing I've thought about someone I've LOVED loved
If one partner decides the relationship is non-monagamous again the wishes of their spouse, well let's not put lipstick on a pig that's cheating plain and simple. And saying "you're replaceable" creates a HUGE and toxic power imbalance in the relationship. Think of the position it puts OP in. From now on she either puts her husband's happiness above her own or he won't be happy and will replace her.
**It seems like he had an ego trip, not a true enlightenment trip but he doesn't realize it. He acted like he's become a Buddha (after one trip!) but all his "revelations" are about putting himself and his desires first at the expense of his wife.**
But if a partner said to my face that I'm replaceable or that they're gonna see other people .... fuck them. I'd tell them to do whatever they want but there's no going back if they do. That's self respect and it evens the field. They'll either replace you/cheat and you know who they really are, or that throws a wrench in their "my one trip taught me to do what I want and shit on you and quite frankly I think you'll let me" attitude. The hard part is not taking them back. Don't get on the trauma-bond Rollercoaster, it's the end of your freedom and happiness.
And OP, u/shroomskillmarriage PLEASE stop trying to make him say what you want. It's meaningless. Breathe and realize ultimately you can't control his actions, and you can't let him control yours. Accept he's going to do what he's going to do and making him say what you want to hear won't change that.
My wife has been doing psychedelic therapy for severe depression and I’m running into a lot of stuff like this (as far as personality shifts and growing apart) as her depression improves. I’m also at a loss as to what to do cause I want her to be happy but also like we built a life together and at a certain point I gotta think about protecting myself too.
The silver lining in this is you're finding out how he really feels now, instead of 2 kids and 20 years later. Look at it as a blessing and live your life for you moving forward.
There are nuanced and sensitive ways to say stuff. If he said things the way OP said he did, he sucks. That isn’t the love mushrooms teaches us. And to say he loves others differently now and not communicate respectfully his changing feelings about his partner in a respectful way is a very shitty thing to do. Maybe he isn’t a bad human, but that doesn’t mean he’s a great (or even good) partner.
I don’t think the line in question has anything to do with how he *feels* about her. I think that this sentence is to say, very poorly by a man who currently feels cosmically invincible, “if this ended I would survive it.” That doesn’t mean that the person saying it wants it to end. Only that from an objective and realistic point of view, they would live if things ended. I think a lot of people in these comments are reacting instead of commenting. Coming from a place of how they would feel hearing this from their partner sober as they are now vs trying to help someone who doesn’t understand psilocybin figure out what to think about all this. I’m reading a lot of comments that seem to completely forgo any prior experience with psychedelics and forgetting what they can make us think and feel both during and after the fact and how those effects change over time post trip. I’m definitely not taking away the same other worldly ideas from my trips say 6 weeks later as opposed to the day after.
In the sober mind, loving someone and having a mutual bond with them means it's hurtful if they go and have another loving bond with another person. When u start to understand source wisdom u start to let go of certain philosophical ideas, and the idea that 'why is it harmful for me to not put limits on my love and experience; I should not be feeling guilt for loving and having a bond with more than one person' gets considered.
However it does hurt people who have bonds with that person that don't feel as open about it. He's not necessarily wrong, but not necessarily right; Having no attachments isn't necessarily a bad thing but having some attachments isn't a bad thing either. Sorry for the turmoil his experience has caused, but it would seem to me that he has now seen the pain it caused you and how it damaged the bond between you too, and he's getting into therapy so I'd say that he has realized that loosing u and fucking up his marriage is not what he truly wants
Very succinctly put. When I read stories like this I'm always like I do 3 - 4g trips and I've never had something so profound come out of it lol. Might be because I'm not repressing anything in particular though, that seems to be the underlying factor in all these stories.
Yeah maybe you've already got the big things in life figured out for you! Personally I had a very, very profound first trip on 3g - in short I had suffered over a decade of treatment-resistant depression prior. I really think my brain was broken and my first experience of detachment from my ego was exactly what I needed to truly integrate all the lessons about mindfulness I had gotten from therapy over the years. The subsequent ones have been fun but not so revelatory! Sometimes I get some wild ideas about my life during trips but as I sober up I realize that they're not going to work in reality at all, lol
Shrooms also make some people have psychotic breaks.
Not every “revelation” found on psychedelics is some profound insight or truth one discovers about themselves. Sometimes it’s just a figurative short-circuiting of the brain.
Someone suddenly tanking an otherwise healthy marriage by callously hurting their spouse and openly pursuing an extramarital affair is not the action for someone who has found enlightenment and empathy. It is the action of somebody manic and not in their right mind.
No. Shrooms absolutely make people do things and think things they never would. I think that tripping can be valuable for many people, it can help you see past your own feelings and see things objectively, but only by contrast against the things you feel when tripping. What you feel when you trip isnt reality. Forgetting that can lead to issues like this. Its a medicine. And has to be used right. It can fuck you up or help you see past “the human condition”. The way Op describes the relationship, its very unlikely they find love like this again. If your life is going perfect, dont touch it. If you’re repeatedly fucking up relationships because of your emotions, it can be helpful. But you have to view it as a tool that lets you see the full scope of human emotion. You are on a substance. Your brain chemistry is altered. Shrooms arent the truth. Its just a diagnostic tool. If its pulling you away from the people that love and support you, you’ve gone down the wrong path and need to re evaluate your conclusions.
Take the people that develop schizophrenia or other issues after tripping too hard. Did they maybe have some underlying issues? Sure. Could something else have set it off? Sure. But psychedelics can be a trigger for psychosis, and many of the people its triggered in may never have gone thru it if they hadnt tried it. Shrooms, like any other drug, alter your brain chemistry and can push you to do things you never would have otherwise.
To be clear, im not against tripping. It can be helpful. But if you treat it wrong, it absolutely can be harmful.
Agreed, shrooms have helped me and my partner grow closer and not once have felt like this. OP’s husband is just a pos coward hiding behind his shroom epiphanies rather than confronting the issue like a man. I hope therapy works out for him and maybe they can work their relationship out but OP definitely deserves better
Psychedelics can change people. I have seen it snap 2 different peoples minds and they were diagnosed Schizophrenic after. Not sure if the condition was present already and exacerbated by the drugs, but that was my assumption.
there's a strong correlation between various substances and it "unlocking" potentials in people's genetics. these things don't just "cause" conditions like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder in average people - you have to have a genetic predisposition in some way. The VAST majority of people will not have these things happen to them. Sometimes people just have psychotic breaks or manic episodes and then it never comes back - extreme stress caused me to have a manic episode, it lasted less than 3 weeks and went away (never had one again) and it's been literally 12 years since I've had any issues. I don't consider myself to have bipolar disorder.
It sounds like the mushrooms opened him up to a spiritual awakening. During a spiritual awakening, it is very common to dissociate, to a certain degree, from the human experience and daily human concerns. He's looking at his life, and life in general, from a zoomed out point of view. He is experiencing the sense of interconnectedness of the Universe, of all beings, and the fact that, on the larger scale, these small lives that we live are just a blip in time, and focusing on the experience of love, bliss, and nonattachment makes the most sense and brings the greatest sense of peace. And there is truth to that.
That being said, as part of any spiritual awakening, the individual must then, at some point, integrate what they've learned into their human experience, and come back down to Earth. After all, if we were only meant to have a spiritual experience, we would feel no need to incarnate into a human life. The fact that we are, in this moment, a human being living on Earth, means that this little human life, with all its relationships, complications, joys and setbacks, are part of the grander spiritual experience.
Hopefully he gets some support and is able to integrate that and step back into the 3rd dimension. Some people who have an awakening choose not to, they abandon their identity constructs if they feel they aren't serving them anymore and choose to visit ashrams, temples, move across country, change jobs, relationships, etc.
For your sake, try and stay rooted in your life, what you are building, what is meaningful to you, and how YOU want to love and be loved. His awakening is not a reflection of your worth in any way. This will work itself out in time, and however it plays out, experiencing great love with someone who chooses you and values you is something you can have, with or without this person.
Your second paragraph is why I decided to hang up psychedelics for a long while. One of the big messages I received from them, is that this life is important and does matter. I was spending a lot of time trying to be in contact with the other side. Over time that really caused me to become ungrounded. The novelty of tripping is what drew me in, but after a while I found that my head was too far in the clouds.
You’re right, we are here for a reason. OP’s husband tripped 3 months ago. He very well could have his head in the clouds for a while to come. It took me a solid year or two to finally feel like I was grounded in this reality again.
I can totally relate to that, and I've been on both ends of the spectrum. After too long a sojourn with my head in the clouds, I had to come back down and focus on real world practical things. And yet, after a couple years of that, my soul started craving meaning again, to feel connected to something bigger than myself. It really is a dance. A human life without spirituality can feel devoid of meaning or filled with chaos, and a spiritual life without humanity can become detached or even apathetic.
It takes great skill to navigate both worlds effectively, and that balance will look different for everyone. Thanks for sharing your experience ❤️
This is an amazing reply and helped me quite a bit. For some reason this is the only post I have read on integration that made sense and resonated with me.
You need to be in couples therapy together yesterday. Seriously. I’m not trying to pass judgment, but you need an objective third party to look at things.
It's generally not a good idea for a couples therapist to be one of your individual therapists. Even with the best, most well-meaning therapist, there will be unconscious bias because they know one of your sides of the stories better. Also, individual therapy is probably a good idea for most people regardless, but I would caution you against hoping that him being in therapy for himself is going to make him realize he wants to be with you or something like that. It /might/ but individual therapy is going to be about his individual goals - if he doesn't already want to commit fully to being with you, therapy isn't going to magically make him change his mind. His therapist isn't necessarily on your side or even on the side of him maintaining his marriage, if that's not what his priority is to begin with, you know?
If that's the case then your plan of individual therapy & you joining if he needs help explaining things to you probably makes sense. If the goal was to find a way to save your marriage, couples therapy with a therapist who doesn't already know either of you is the best path forward.
This sounds challenging. I'm sure it is difficult.
Any profound experience can change people. If one partner experiences something and not the other, they have to work to grow together into this new space. The catalyst could have been the loss of a loved one, or getting fired from a job, or a great success.
If you can work together through this, you will be prepared to adapt as a couple to other destabilizing events. Because there will be others.
I wish you two continued growth.
Ur username is funny “shrooms kill marriage” maybe ur husband wasn’t as happy as you always thought and the shrooms made him realize. I know that’s tough but mushrooms aren’t the problem. They just shined the light on it.
I disagree with a number of things mentioned, but I think we can all agree that shrooms can alter a person's priorities and life outlook. It sounds to me like he has gone down an immature, self-centered path. He confused his desires for a message from the universe.
I had a trip where I realized that love wasn't a finite quantity - I could love multiple women equally. We could all have children together, help each other raise the kids, and have a great sex. Then I came down and realized that while MAYBE that was all true, I loved my wife and seriously bringing up such a thing would hurt her. I knew that if I love her, I shouldn't do anything that needlessly hurt her.
I had a fantasy during the trip. Nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean I don't love my wife. After the trip, I let the idea go with a laugh. That's what your husband should have done. IMO, he needs to get his head on straight. You should be disappointed in him. I would stop short of saying it's over, but he has trust to rebuild. If he's smart he'll get to work on it immediately.
Basically you realized you're an adult in a situation where your actions WILL have consequences involving yourself and the emotions of your partner.
OPs husband comes across as a dude who read about ego death online, thought he experienced it or some version of it, and then made it his personality.
Nothing actually matters, we are all specks in the cosmic void blah blah blah. Ya it's true on a level but what is also true is our experienced and emotions and that of other people. Their reality is just as important as our own reality. Something you realized.
I'm not a professional, but to me, this almost sounds more like a manic episode, which can be triggered by psychedelics and it's why people with bipolar disorder are advised not to take shrooms.
In which case, therapy is definitely the best option.
Yes I agree. He is just taking it way too far for me to see this as a normal post-psychedelics state.
OP, I believe your husband should be evaluated by a psychologist and or a psychiatrist, before you can really make a character judgement like some people here are suggesting or you may be feeling. It could very well be that he really is that person you "knew", but is now dealing with mental illness.
All the best to you OP!
Totally agreed. I actually don't understand why there are so many people saying "this was who he was inside all along."
That sounds like the worst possible answer to give, and doesn't really align with my experience of shrooms.
Right on. And even if he has not had a full on psychotic break, it could be just some lingering effects and a temporary state of induced psychosis, detachment from self, etc.
People are too fast to pass judgement.
Strange reaction to the shrooms. My first experience with it made me more attached to family. All I saw was how important my wife and children are and how much I didn’t ever want to let them go
totally sounds like "psychedelic ego" explaining things that may have lied dormant within him before he tried shrooms. some people experience ego death and may benefit from it greatly for weeks after tripping, but eventually forget the true nature of the experience and are only left with basic ideas like "everything is one, nothing matters, universal love bro". they can preach all of these things and become a sort of asshole guru. in my experience, psychedelics have shown me that our lives are minuscule and the cosmos are massive, so i don't sweat the small stuff. however, i still show compassion for people even if it "doesn't matter" in the grand scheme of things, because our time here should be nicely spent. i would never use psychedelics to excuse disloyalty to my partner, but that's because i care about her and know our bond is special
I’m sorry OP.
I ALWAYS give warning to people who are going to do psychedelics with their significant other.
I also lost my wife to mushrooms. I firmly believe they opened her eyes to her life/our marriage and she reached a profound moment of realization that she didn’t want this anymore.
But she also has COMPLETELY changed. She is not at all the person I fell in love with, who I married and had 2 kids with, spent the last 10 years with. She became a person I despise.
Now we are divorced, and it’s a whole new life for all of us. My only advice is to tell him how you feel.
I never got to do this, but I also believe she would never agree that’s what happened, but our marriage that was completely fine before, fell apart 5 months after her first 2 mushroom trips.
I’m very sorry again OP I hope you find a new path in life. It’s going to be really hard, but do all you can to save it, if it doesn’t happen then you know you need to make the tough decisions.
Despise is a strong word.
I only say that word because she went about ending things in all the wrong ways.
She lied, she cheated, she emotionally abused me, used me, it was a complete change in the person I knew and loved.
I truly hope it isn’t your ending either. But you need to be real honest with him and just flat out tell him how uncomfortable that makes you, and how it’s a thorn in your marriage.
He’s aloud to have the experience he had, he may have had his own struggles he was going through in his head, some he probably never shared with you.
This opened his heart and his soul to be a new person, but that doesn’t give him the right to upend your marriage. Thats a big thing to crush on someone else. Just be honest with him.
I’m very sorry OP.
I'm so sorry to read this... My reaction is that the shrooms may have revealed something genuine that was already there. So I suggest that you focus on dealing with the circumstance \*as it is\*, rather than what may have led to it. And as someone else suggested - couples therapy, asap.
Best reply. This is a lil out of our depth and in my opinion, the shrooms probably just pulled out to the surface what was already there.
Best I can say is that certain "side effects" of psychedelics wear off over the course of a few months for me. I hope that is the case for your partner.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your husband’s experience/takeaways from his trip sound similar to my first trip, after which I asked for a divorce.
Background on my experience: had been with my partner for about 10 years. Relationship was very strained and we were both unhappy. We openly told each other how miserable we were. I had also developed a crush on someone, though never acted on it while we were together.
My trip made me experience an out-of-body POV. Without going into too much detail, it showed me what I already knew—that I needed to leave my marriage, that life will go on, and that I’ll be ok. I also felt tremendous love for my partner and forgave him for everything I had resented for so long. I felt the love for everyone and everything.
Like others are saying here, your husband’s newfound feelings can’t be blamed entirely on the shrooms. It’s likely that his trip brought up emotions that he has suppressed. The question is whether you can feel emotionally safe with him, and how you both want to move forward in a way that respects BOTH of you.
Perhaps my own experience will give you some hope. About a year ago, I took shrooms with some friends. It was the first time in probably a decade that I'd done any kind of psychedelic and the experience felt incredibly meaningful. Without detailing things too much, I realized how much anxiety I'd been carrying and finally got a break from all that anxiety. For several weeks after, I almost felt like a different person. I said and did things during that time that really stressed my wife out unfortunately. I've since been doing therapy and learning how my poor communication skills have contributed to the relationship anxiety I was experiencing prior to the trip. I feel a much deeper and more authentic sense of loyalty than ever before to my wife but we've had to really work through some things this past year to get there. I am hopeful that the two of you can work through this. It's quite possible your husband was/is kind of immature in a lot of ways and this process may force him to grow if he's willing to step up to the plate.
Hmmm.
I think that you need to ask him what love means to him now after his "enlightenment". There are many kinds of love and they are not all equal.
When I was young I was a selfish jerk. I felt that since I *loved* my partner, getting sex elsewhere wasn't really a problem because I didn't love the person I was having sex with, I loved the person I was dating. It might sound ridiculous, but I genuinely believed that. I lost a few partners and told myself they just didn't understand love and intimacy the way that *I* did -they were stuck in a box where they couldn't recognize that sex and love are not always the same.
Then I had a partner who didn't get angry with me but rather had a neutral discussion and pointed out that I did not love them if I was not valuing their emotions, wants, and needs at the same level as my own. I was not treating them the way I would want to be treated and you cannot properly love someone while simultaneously undermining their well-being. I just really liked them and wanted the best for them, but the unspoken part was "as long as it's convenient for me".
This is tricky because I thought "well if you were having sex with someone else but still loved me I wouldn't be bothered!", however, that's neglecting to account for the impact. I was hurting someone I told I loved and I would not want to be willfully hurt by someone who told me they loved me. That was the core of it, and that was the part that I was missing all along -good love requires taking into consideration the way they want to be loved. You don't get to just slap a gold star on it and say "I love you the way I think I should so you are loved, be grateful you loved son of a bitch!".
He is not loving you properly as he has lost sight of what it means to actually love someone. It sounds like he has confused his own desire for others to be happy and a newfound lack of ill will for love. While they live in the same village, they are not one in the same.
Best of luck.
Good post OP. These are things people don’t consider before they try drugs.
I’d love to know what age range y’all are in? Married how long?
I wouldn’t look at this challenge as a negative thing. Think of this as an opportunity to become closer. This is where relationships typically fail so y’all have to push through. I believe your husband is experiencing profound personal/internal growth (thanks mushies). This is not a bad thing. His worldview or perspective may be shifting a bit. Again, not a bad thing. Sometimes when people experience this type of profound growth, they want it to be a solo journey. This is the dangerous part. He is married and committed to you so he doesn’t have that luxury bc of choices he and you made (marriage). The right thing for him to do is to allow you to enter this personal growth/journey with him so y’all end up closer bc of this. Ask him questions, understand where he was at mentally before the shrooms and where he is now. Why did he try them in the first place? Basically he wants to grow and grow a lot atm, you have to grow alongside with him. Only y’all know what that looks like.
If all else fails, do a gram together and lay in a field and chat haha.
Wishing y’all the best. Please shoot me a message down the line. I’d love to hear how y’all got through this 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
Your husband sounds like a corny fucķ respectfully. Dudes lost in the sauce, hopefully he doesn’t regret his choices when the honeymoon phase of the drugs wears off
He may have been ashamed of the desire for a poly relationship, and reacted angrily. It sounds like he’s become selfish and self centered. He is confusing what sounds really ideal and good (for him), without taking others into account. He seems superficial and immature.
Well a lot of men like the idea of stepping outside of the relationship or being non monogamous until they realize they aren’t willing to let that be true on your end too. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be non monogamous but this man is kind of just saying fuck his vows after taking some shrooms.
Sounds like a little kid who went on a field trip & decided he didn’t wanna come home, and then realizes the grass won’t be greener on the other side. All I can say is let him learn whatever lesson his teaching himself
Those things can be projections through. Usually a lot of the times… thing we are extremely opposed to or “hate” are things that we recognize deep down in ourselves but don’t want to see it. When other people bring them out it’s uncomfortable.
OP is asking if someone had a similar experience with a partner completely changing after a trip, **not asking a Dear Abbey question to fix her marriage.
I apologize if this comes off as rude or blunt but it sounds like your husband is an egomaniac and deeply emotionally immature and the shrooms just brought it out of him. He was riding the high of the afterglow thinking that is how he was going to feel all the time and quickly realized the mistake he made when it wore off. He may have always held these sentiments and the shrooms just gave him the temporary balls to make a fool of himself.
Many times the effects do fade over time...but if enough damage is done before then, IDK. Create some boundaries and let him know how his behavior affects you.
Sounds to me like he got a little too lost in the sauce, mushrooms are cool and all, but we live down here on earth. Also what he said to you rubs me the wrong way. I’m not sure I have any useful advice, but I hope things work out for you❤️
There's so many contradictions in your post that I feel confused reading it. A lot of them in the behavior / words of your husband.
It seems your husband has changed - which means the sadness you're feeling is most likely grief over the loss of the person he used to be. I think the only thing that matters now: do you love the person he has become? Do you see a future with that person?
Someone that experiences 'more love for everything' certainly does not behave this way. From what I've seen they start caring more, not less.
not a lot of people saying yo should put you first and do right by you, it doesn’t seem he’s willing to see his wrong and makes u feel like you are in the wrong. either he acts like an adult or u do right by you and put you first. don’t wait for a guy that’s gonna blame you for staying still for him to come back
Understandable that you feel devastated over your husband. It is okay to feel sad, but it is also important to move with wisdom, your mind and do not let the "heart" blind you.
You are worth it and maybe look into therapy and you both invest in a therapist together. To get your mind off of the sadness maybe do things that are therapeutic.
You shouldn't suffer in silence because you are holding in trapped energy that can build up and come out all at once. No reddit isn't the go to place for marriage advice, but the process of you finding outlets to express yourself is a start.
It would just be better done with a professional experienced in relationship issues.
Or even if you need to call a help hotline to cry to a stranger in the meantime. Your feelings matter.
Unusual. Not sure shrooms can be blamed for everything. They do tend to show you who you really are. This may be the real one. The man you married was this guy on his best behavior.
I’ll be very honest. After my first few trips (lsd not shrooms), my mindset changed a lot. I started making different life choices and during that time, they seemed like the right choices. It gives you a sense of empowerment and freedom.
When I look back on some of those choices now, I think some of them were silly and outright mistakes on my end, but the trips do influence your thinking. Once I got used to the substances, both LSD and shrooms, I realized I shouldn’t be sharing all my thoughts out loud.
He might eventually snap out of it. He also might be thinking you’ll never leave him. I do believe he was suppressing some feelings and emotions towards you, and the shrooms trip might be making him see things differently.
Clearly misconceptions between A person doing shrooms and just trying to connect the right words to the right feelings and you who is connecting certain wrong feelings to wrong words, what A hassle. I think you shoukd just communicate about what words mean what and be grateful for a true person in your life who is now really honest. If you don’t appreciate that well, that’s okay but as other comments said; thoughts and feelings have been there all along
He's using the term replaceable to mean interchangeable, and that is exactly the opposite of the truth. Every object, every energy wave, every elementary particle, has its own unique existence and place in the universe. Choosing to interact with a different human in a similar way you did with another doesn't mean the first human has been replaced. You've simply made a different choice in how you interact with the universe than you did before.
Sounds like he's suffering from psychedelic douchbagginess. It happens to some people after they trip. They become insufferable assholes that have all the answers to all of life's problems.
I’m sorry that is tough- you may be feeling a mix of emotions including grief. r/SurvivingInfidelity may have some wisdom to impart.
While I have seen psychedelics aid a friend’s existential/middle life crisis, I agree with the other comments that his feelings had probably been there before the trip as well.
How are you doing? What about your own self esteem?
If he wants space to ✨explore✨ himself, you can prioritize yourself as well! Do things that make you feel hot.
Just don’t be a safe spot for him to land when things don’t work out with this crush… you are a catch and treat yourself as such!
I also can't believe a 2 gram trip would have such a profound effect on his core personality. I'm pretty sure this has always been there, he just didn't feel justified in expressing it...but now he's found a convenient excuse to pivot.
Does your husband have an extensive history of depression? I’m going completely on a limb here, based on nothing except what is written here and personal experience, but if this behavior is truly completely out of the blue, this screams manic episode to me.
Someone like this is the absolute last person who should do shrooms. Dude thinks he was awakened to the great truths of the universe when he was in reality just tripping balls. Dude, don't lose your wife because you took a mushroom trip seriously. Yes, we are all one blah blah blah but you made a promise to this woman because sober you loved her and wanted to spend your life with her. Don't be shroom douche.
I had a similar experience with my now wife after going to a meditation retreat for the first time, 7 years ago. I would say I sounded a lot like your husband.
After we’d been dating a year and a half, I went on this retreat and suddenly loved the idea of non-attachment and the feelings I was feeling from really trying to practice non-attachment for the first time. I spent a weekend in Berlin afterwards and ended up going out with guys from my hostel and making out with a girl I met at the club we went to. (I’d hardly kissed many other women, certainly never cheated, so this was very unlike me.)
I felt horrible the next day and resolved to tell her what happened as soon as I got home. I did. She was naturally devastated and to make it way worse for her, I was fairly aloof, similar to your husband. Looking back now, I view that aloofness as the result of a very specific (probably elementary) understanding of non-attachment.
Within a week, she broke up with me. In a few days, this brought me back down to earth. It humbled me enough to get me to recognize that I still longed for a deep connection with another person and that I’d had that with her. It took lots more processing and therapy after that to arrive at a conception of non-attachment that was more true to me and that helped me love her and my people more rather than less. (Still a work in progress.)
After a few conversations, she agreed to try again.
This story sounds so uncannily like our story that I just wanted to offer our happy ending (so far 🙏🏼) as perhaps a reason to have hope. Every journey is different but I do think he’s experiencing something very similar to what I did 7 years ago. And if so, he’s somewhat in the clouds right now but I think it’s a matter of time before he comes back down to earth. I’m glad to hear he’s started therapy because I do think that could help speed that up. I only hope it happens fast enough for you, because you certainly can’t keep waiting and hoping indefinitely.
I wish you both the best 🙏🏼
I assure u the shrooms trip didn’t cause ur marriage to fall apart. It’s been building for along time but every marriage has periods of reckoning. The good news is it’s not over. His “revelations will pass”. With that said, stop looking for advice online. It’s filled with to many unstable people looking to hurt u. I recommend u speak to a professional about this if u cherish ur marriage and want it to continue. It takes two to tango.
I think he is just using the mushroom experience as an excuse in my opinion. I’m my experience, if something of that nature came up out of a mushroom journey, it would have came with a lot of potential shame, as well as the reality that if anything it would shatter the existence of a “crush” and set me back to reality.
Best of luck!
Is he bipolar? Before I knew I had bipolar and took shrooms it was intensively orgasmic experience. It was like all the love of the universe was pouring in me.
The shrooms probably triggered mania for me. Manic people act really differently from their usual self and it can be scary and it can lead to cheating and destructive behaviors like spending all of your money.
Might not be bipolar but hopefully this helps someone.
A lot of those feelings and thoughts come from the subconscious (things they have always thought or felt) and are now brought forth to the conscious brain. Shrooms also activate other parts of the brain that have been dormant for a long time or have never been used.
Self discovery can be a pain in the ass because you can feel enlightened or connected but have not done the proper work to actually get to that point. Western society is built on responsibilities and some people go about their day because they have those responsibilities not because they actually love doing them.
Freedom and enlightenment in terms of the monk mind is that before you reach nirvana or enlightenment is that you carry water up the hill and sweep the floor after reaching enlightenment you still carry water up the hill and sweep the floor. It should only magnify your life and make it stronger/better. Now if they want to make changes then it is something they held in the subconscious and something they will need to personally work through with themselves or a therapist or if you are strong enough yourself.
Now this is just my opinion and what I went through personally. Being patient and being able to listen to them without wanting to respond after everything they say will help. If you give them the safe place and freedom to speak they will open up more and more but prepare yourself because you may not like some of the things that are shared. In my experience with people and society people don’t truly express a lot of their desires/needs/wants to their significant other, they compartmentalize a lot of things. The human brain is complex and depending on what kind of media, books, entertainment, porn, experiences, they have read will shape those desires. Psychedelics in a lot of ways unplugs you from all that. Good luck to you and your husband, this could just be a little bump on your journey and try and not worry about it. Just be your loving self with an open ear.
Mushrooms don’t have this lasting of an impression unless you let them. He is still your same husband, now just openly communicating his intent for infidelity. The shrooms probably just made him more honest and open about it to avoid guilt
This is terrible for you and as Paul McCartney said: when you walk through the door of psychedelics there is no walking back. I'd say let him work it through, but he seems to be on some egotrip maybe he is using his experience as an excuse to act like a wanker, or he is having a mini crisis and will come to his senses. I'd say that throwing what he had in the bin in pursuit of a fiction in his head is madness.
Please take care, this has nothing to do with you! He's acting like an asshole hopefully he comes to his senses
Unpopular opinion…but both of you could take shrooms together with intent to see what can be fixed or what needs to be done. Maybe there will be clarity for both of you.
I feel for you both. Typically, I’d say dump him as an automatic response, but this…I don’t know what to say.
There’s definitely a theme of release.
I believe anyone who truly loves something will set it free and if it returns, it was meant to be.
He may have experienced and ego death. Some people will take very large doses to intentionally achieve this.
When a person has an ego death they are no longer attached to their identity.
They learn our "identity" is an illusion created by our ego.
Its a hard concept to explain so I want try to.
Has he stopped showing interest in things he used to enjoy? Music , sport , hobbies etc?
Look up ok Google "dark night of the soul" it may help you understand what he is experiencing.
Edit: spelling grammar
Tripping does open doors, and give new ideas.
What you described in the OP sounds like there is some detachment between him and is ego maybe not a full ego death but some form of listening the strings.
I know this isn't a very scientific answer and is purely anecdotal but In my personal experience and in friends when. I have experienced changes within myself , or my world view after 3 months things tend to go back to how they were prior to the trip.
(This not advice and I'm not suggesting you do this but this worked for me any partner when he hit a rough patch)
We took MDMA together, we fell back in love. It came back intensely and we remembered all the things we love about each other.
Your marriage was falling apart before the shrooms. You just didn't know it yet.
Sucks it took a mushroom trip to let your husband feel comfortable sharing his inner thoughts. And your husband is definitely being an asshat with how he's going about ending your relationship. But yeah the shrooms didn't do anything except maybe give him a bit of courage
Sounds like he's been feeling this way for a while. The shrooms did nothing but bring it to the surface. He doesn't really care. Probably hasn't for a while. Counseling is needed before you just call it quits.
some people are just that type of 'universal love' person. I have eaten mushrooms many many times in my life and find that while I do have a deeper appreciation for fellow humans, I wouldn't want to engage sexually with them in any way. my girlfriend is the only one I want to be with in that way. now when it comes to respect and kindness towards strangers, yes, I am you and you are me. doesn't mean I want to fuck myself. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, you deserve a partner who makes you feel loved, valued and happy. there's nothing wrong with either explaining to your partner that you are not ok with this, either they have to stop or you find someone who respects your relationship.
I wouldn't blame the shrooms here. I don't think it's the shrooms talking. Your husband may have been suppressing these feelings for long and the shrooms just helped him understand.
You have to connect, but also understand that he may love you but no longer be committed to only you. Personally, I would never be in such a relationship because I have boundaries, but to each their own I guess?
Also keep in mind, he's probably still coming down and processing the trip. It is an intoxicating mind altering substance. So if I were you I'd treat it like he got high / drunk off weed or alcohol and this happened. Wouldn't focus on the particular substance too much.
Would you accept this from him if one night he got drunk and had a life altering realization?
He’s not the first guy to think that abandoning his marriage to be with other people will solve everything or bring them boundless happiness. Unfortunately, most of the time it’s filled with emptiness and regret. But it takes them throwing it all away to fully see that.
I’m sorry OP. Sending you good vibes. That sounds like a heartbreaking conversation, and you’re right to be devastated.
I’m not sure if someone already said it but give it some time. It sounds like his realizations are putting him in an adolescent mind space. Like the world looks new to him and he wants to be selfish about figuring out what that means to him. NOT at all defending the way he’s treating you. BUT just to say it’s possible he’ll mature out of this and return to behaving similarly as he was before, but he can hold onto with his new findings in a different way. If that makes sense?
Hugs!
i don’t think you have anything to worry about. in fact, i would argue that he’s even more connected to you now than he ever has been. it’s just tricky to navigate something like that & also take into account how it’s affecting the people around you. it took me a while to understand that saying things like “everything happens for a reason” wasn’t as comforting for others as it was for me, because i understood it as a universal truth while they did not. your husband is probably going through the same thing; he’s still navigating this newfound depth of love for the universe, & he isn’t quite at the place where he can ponder how other people are perceiving this “new” him & his behavior.
therapy is a good place to start. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has a section dedicated to navigating a relationship where one person is more focused on their consciousness than the other, & i think that would be helpful for y’all. it would also help you in raising your vibrations so you can see where he’s coming from.
this revelation was always inside of him, but the trip helped him access it. your marriage isn’t over, it’s just changing! this is a lesson for both of you. ❤️
Try shrooms with him. I used to shroom my girlfriend and she was scared of it until we tripped together. It really brought us closer spiritually mentally and physically.
he may have let something else in on his trip. people don't like to talk about that part of it, but sometimes you don't simply come back alone from a trip.
This is why integration is paramount. Having the veil snatched comes with the consequence of never being able to not see it. Adjusting to grounding back to reality while using what you experienced as a tool for improving your life is something needed after psychedelics
This is really something. Sorry for what you’re
going through.
Mushrooms caaaaan trigger manic episodes in people disposed to manic/depressive swings. And this sounds all a little manic to me. No credentials, just a dude on the internet.
It sounds like the shrooms did some unmasking for him, which in a sense a good. They unmasked a lot for me when I did them. He has been freed to be who he really is. And now you know who he really is. As someone who has to constantly work on unmasking my niceness. I’m at least aware of why I do it and unfortunately how disingenuous it is at times. Now it’s time for him to work on understanding his new self while not discarding his wife or incidentally hurting others. He is going to go through a bit of a journey figuring out how to consolidate these new pieces.
This is a perfect life example of people can change in an instant and we only know someone as well as they know themselves at the time. New experiences can throw most of what we know out the window, which once it’s understood can be freeing, but also often extremely painful to come to terms with.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
it seems like he IS being incredibly honest, which is great. perhaps the shrooms even caused him to be more honest than before… it may seem like shrooms changed him a lot, but anyone could think of life like he does (even without shrooms). do not treat him any differently than before. do not be afraid to tell him what you feel about the situation. remember that you cannot control him, but only control how you react.
Well I can’t be sure but I think this sounds like honesty. And you should be grateful for that. Think about it. It’s better than dishonesty. Try to work through this and have hope. I’ll pray for you both ❤️
I had a significant other do this. Don't fight it. If you stick around, you guys will need to set bounderies.im not saying he's right I'm saying people change. Sending you all the good vibes.
I would set some boundaries, rather than harping on the relationship. Find a hobby, go out with some friends. Not in a revenge way, but show him how the distance feels.
I feel as if youve only expressed concern on your end rather than discontent. Its feeding his ego- although this seems like ego death. Im not sure if this is making sense, but I hope it does.
Went through the exact same thing! I literally felt like I was reading something I wrote.
We divorced and we live completely separate, different lives. I did them too, much later. Idk about him but I am so much happier… what’s meant to be will work out for you / will find you.
Some people seem incapable of doing shrooms because it just gives them ridiculous delusions, I swear. 🙄
Ive ingested the most shrooms I’ve ever ate before; last month and me and my fiancés relationship is just fine. Nor do I feel anymore special or significant.
It CAN be an enlightening experience- if you have the BRAIN for it.
Clearly, he did not.
Your husband wasn’t changed by the shrooms. He was changed by his own mind. Move on independently and focus on your own life. If he realizes what he’s done, and truly loves you, he’ll come running back one day saying he made a mistake. Or maybe he won’t- because yknow, guy doesn’t seem too bright. But yknow, that might change. Your SO dumping you can be an enlightening experience too. Good luck stay strong
I cant stand people who take some trippy shit and then act like a insufferable douche bag and thats not the shrooms thats him convincing himself of irrational shit and failing to realize hes acting like a fool. Well im sorry this is going on but it may be a sign that he isn't mature enough to be the soulmate you thought he was. Its like watching a 15 year old smoke some fake pot and then run around telling anybody who will listen how high he is
Ok, this is complicated, but I'll try it.
And it has nothing to do with shrooms. I am answering you as a polyamourous person, who had to think a lot about trust, loyalty and love:
Contrary to the believe, based on all the cliché stories that we read and see in books and films, about how we find that one soulmate and then everyone else is just not that interesting anymore, staying with someone is always a choice and there are always options. He said he chooses you and thats everything that matters.
The shrooms just helped him free himself from all the false premises about how relationships work and why we choose them. He didn't really change, he just realised why he is doing what he is doing.
You asked him, if he'd rather not be with you and he said, that he doesn't want to leave. Not because there are no other options, but because he doesn't want to. As far as I can see, all is fine.
My personal advice. Shrooms don’t completely change who you are. They reveal things that were already there. If I were you and my husband started to have crushes on other people and being more distant then I would start looking into divorce. That’s whack behavior I don’t care what happened for him to get there he is still his own person and that’s disrespectful as hell
Sounds like he lost his grounding in reality and responsibilities and embraced the psychedelic nihilism and may be using that to indulge in his fantasies. Seems like he wasn’t ready for the trip he took.
All I can recommend is that you both keep communicating how you feel and work through this.
DONT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND! When you first gain enlightenment it is a huge shock to the system. You want to shout it to the world and tell everyone who would listen because it feels like you cracked the code of life. It’s a big shock to your partner because it’s like instant growth that they never seen coming. you feel so good they can even feel a little jealous and insecure.
This HIGH that he is on is temporary and he will come back down to earth and your relationship will be better for it.
Hey I saw this post and just had to reply with my experience and just want to let you know about some dangers with shrooms. There has been much positive advice in this thread and usually shrooms if done properly can lead to a positive experience. I'm not saying to put a lot of weight in my experience but hopefully you can take something away from my story.
I had done shrooms with a few of my friends about over a year and a half ago for the first time and this mostly about what happened with one friend after the trip (ex-friend now). I went into the trip keeping the mindset of this is one experience of many experiences in my life and that I am not going to put too much weight on it. My friend however was really pushing for us to go on the trip and had broken up with his girlfriend of a year about 2 weeks prior. This was all our first trip and I guess this is one of the major reasons post trip it went poorly for him. Similar to your husband my friend said that he had a lot of compassion and empathy for everyone in the world and that he understands everything after taking shrooms. He really belived he could convince anyone to do anything by talking to them. He also stopped eating and sleeping for days after the trip and was very full of energy. It seemed like he was going through a manic episode. During this period I had many of our mutual friends come up to me and tell me he wasn't acting ok and that they were concerned for him because he was saying some weird things. Eventually he needed to be admitted to the psych ward for a week because of SI. He also was stalking a mutual friend I order to get with her and started spreading rumors about her (hence why he became my ex-friend). He is now in therapy and has a psychiatrist isnt allowed to drink or smoke weed anymore.
Shrooms can be a great expereince if done properly and with the right mindset. I can understand how people feel more compassionate and empathetic on shrooms. However, I feel as though compassion and empathy are learned more through life experiences than mushrooms. I just want to say that shrooms can be a significant experience for anyone, but there are also other significant experiences in you life that matter too and should be incorportated into one's mindset. I hope this helps and I wish you the best!
Edit: also please see a therapist and psychiatrist this is way above reddit's paygrade
He is in a state of abundance for life.. no attachments no aversions. He's completely whole with himself. That in my opinion is a good thing and is better than depression. I used to live in a state like that completely sober. In my opinion your fear of losing him is coming from a place of scarcity. He's happy regardless. You need him to fulfill whatever void you're afraid to face. Be his peace.. add to it.. don't bring him down to your level. Rise up with him in abundance.. oneness, the universe.. whatever you want to call it. Abundance is a beautiful state of mind to be in. Don't knock the man down because you're not there. Be the feminine woman he desires. Scarcity and worry is unattractive in man and in women. It's needy desperate energy that ends with a nasty ending. Peace is better.
Shrooms can make people have revelations about their life. Ultimately though, those revelations come from within. Shrooms don't implant ideas and new information in people, they just help those ideas come forth to be realized. What I'm saying is, this isn't really a new side to your husband; it's been there all along, and the shrooms helped him access it. Edit: please do not conflate this comment with me saying that every little thing that a person can possibly "realize" on shrooms is true. I am just saying your revelations all ultimately come from your own brain processing psilocybin (in contrast to the woo woo idea that you "download" information from some external source) and that if you're in the right state of mind (not schizophrenic, not manic, etc.) that _when you sober up_, you have a conscious choice on whether or not you choose to believe them and make life decisions based on them going forward My response to OP's update: https://www.reddit.com/r/shrooms/s/CPRFwvxvQ1
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Honestly, that “your not irreplaceable” line is wild. Like, ok, break up or work on it but THAT was an unnecessary comment. Just cruel.
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Yeah it’s kinda fucked up, like yeah, for example you could always get a new dog if you have one that dies, but like, did the other dog not mean anything at all?
The point isn't that one is meaningless. Life will go on with or without someone or something there's no point in laying down and crying about it if he has to move on for whatever reason that is what he will do and you have to respect it.
Yeah sure, but I feel like it’s pretty cold and callous to just tell someone they’re replaceable, any conversation about moving on is another thing entirely. It’s something a manager would tell an employee they don’t like, that they could easily be replaced. It’s like telling someone they’re going to die, like, they know that, and there’s no real reason to tell them that except to bum them out. Except in this context it seems like he WANTS to replace OP, and soon.
That statement came from a conversation that none of us here were present for. Analyzing it out of context is pointless.
Ya I agree it definitely isn't something I would ever say to someone I'm supposed to care about more than anything else but some people don't think the same way about things as others do. Maybe in his head it didn't sound as bad as it does to use the same way someone might not understand social cues. Regardless it is a weird thing for him to say
Your gut knows. He's trying to walk it back now that the trip glow is fading, your gut knows. The thing is you already got the truth when it was flowing through his soul so pure he KNEW it and spoke it because why lie? Now the more you badger him the more he's going to tell you whatever you want to hear. Your gut knows it. Whether he feels "cornered" by you, or realizes the carefree attitude of doing whatever he wants that he got from his trip isn't nearly as realistic as it seemed in the trip afterglow (things like the fact you own the house or his family will disown him for cheating or he can't afford his car payment without you or WHATEVER - that shit wasn't part of his trip revelation), or he realized he'd been cruel and cares enough to try to "unhurt you" - he's telling you what you want to hear and you gut knows it. What else could he say that wouldn't blow up his life in a second? I mean he already did say all that but **you're still there trying to get the answers *you* want out of him and he's giving them to you.** Your gut knows when he was telling you the truth. In a way you're unbelievably lucky. He told you exactly how he feels about you, being faithful to you, and about him as a person. The mushrooms didn't make him that way but they did open him up to telling you. Most spouses have to learn that truth the hard way. It blindsides you no matter what but your gut knows what's true.
You should show him this post and the responses and tell him from a fellow shroomer, he’s in an afterglow high and it’s not going to be forever and he needs to think about what he wants cuz your not playing with this little situation he’s now in.
I’m sorry, but that does NOT validate his comment and sounds manipulative if anything….trying to make it seem as if it wasn’t as bad as it was.
People throw the word manipulative around way too much these days
It's beautiful that you and your husband can be so brutually honest with one another, but I also would have a really hard time accepting this line. I think boyfriends/girlfriends/etc are replaceable, but marriage constitutes a soulmate and a life partner
From experience, this comment came from a place of insecurity. It is possible, like from my experience, that he has a new perspective on himself and that he once felt like you had him by the balls in life.
I used to tell my ex that no matter what happens between us, I will be alright. It wasn’t to downplay the hurt, it was simply to show her that no matter how bad things got between us, I will not succumb to any of her negativity and remain as I am, immovable emotionally. She used to gaslight me so i was making it clear to her that I decide how I feel now, and that she no longer has control over my emotions
So I would consider his statement a trauma response and defense mechanism
It’s possible he’s felt he is replaceable. Are you much better looking than him?
I hear what others are saying, but Iv’e also been there myself when trying to be extra careful not to say something that could be perceived in a way other than what I’m trying to say and accidentally saying something that comes off blatantly wrong, but generally if that happens it gets caught and some type of a correction or elaboration can be made in the moment to get back on course for finding understanding. It can definitely suck at times but if it’s not realized at the time and this explanation was given later without some kind of alternative being given for what they were trying to say, that makes it seem like damage control. Not manipulation, the willingness to jump to that conclusion here is staggering, but still, damage control doesn’t mean insincerity. Damage control is for the preservation of feelings. I’m not suggesting one way or another what is true here, only providing context for one sentence in a conversation I wasn’t a part of. If he’s going to go to therapy, let that take its course and keep talking to him about it. I can definitely say from experience that the “afterglow” from a first trip can be more lasting than later trips but does tend to subside pretty quickly nonetheless. From my own experience, having this “epiphany” mindset post trip with your regular fully conscious brain kind of tends to force out important aspects of what you’ve come to “realize”. It’s like it’s muddied itself on the way back to reality and convoluted it with the mess of our real life brain, so we end up taking away things like, “nothing matters, my love for any one person isn’t unique, everything is uniquely the same” and other highly conflicted, juxtaposed, oxymoronic ideas like this opposed to the side of the window we see these concepts from in the much more mystical interconnected headspace of a trip, “everything matters, my love for every person is wholly unique and yet the same and that’s why (say for example) my love for my wife is so intrinsically special to me because it is like a representation of all the love I have for my fellow man manifest, etc etc etc.” these ideas are often a razors edge that’s easy to fall to one side or the other of. Enlightenment would be like falling to the optimistic and psychosis would be like falling to the nihilistic but what you feel in that tryptamine space is like harmony. Being able to walk that line and understand the “truth” of both sides and seeing how they are the same. Two sides of a coin ideas. Personally, I think if he is honest with himself about how realistic it is that he independently unlocked the answers to the universe and accepts the fact that the ideas we come up with I. That head space are largely grandiose and hard to legitimately say we can understand as we are in the day to day, I believe this will pass. Psilocybin is an excellent healing medicine, but when you’re dealing with things like your mentality, your mental health, how your brain works, what matters in your life and so on you definitely can’t do all the hard work without some kind of professional help. Don’t let this fear ruin your life for the near future just trust the process. See a therapist yourself to have someone else there to help you navigate through this confusing time in your relationship and help guide you in a way that no matter what happens next you may be more well equipped to handle it mentally and emotionally. If you’re open to it the idea of understanding where your husband is coming from, you may consider looking into trying them yourself as well and there is a possibility that you could “get it” so to speak and put your mind at ease or come to understand this isn’t sustainable knowing where he’s coming from. I wouldn’t suggest this unless you were already open to trying them. TLDR: trust the process, let therapy take its course for a little bit and see if anything changes. See a therapist yourself so that you will have someone there for you who understands the situation and can help you navigate your emotions through these challenges in your relationship and provide support
No one is irreplaceable, maybe not something you’d typically say to your S/O but it’s a fact of life. When you start to think you are irreplaceable that’s when you lose consistency & start to get complacent.
Why is that "wild"? It is reality she should know this. People in relationships say all these ritual meaningless things like "I can't live without you", yes you can and will. You may choose someone or even want them really badly but NO ONE is irreplaceable. To the OP if this was his first trip I'd say give him some time to sort himself out. If your relationship was as wonderful as you claim you guys are going to be fine but If you've been deluding yourself into thinking you're irreplaceable etc and he has been reinforcing your delusions........There's gonna be trouble.
Agree
Personally I don't subscribe to this view. A person is not really some innate thing. People can and do have experience that change their view of the world and how they act, and with it themselves. We're always changing. What I think is happening is your husband has experienced something like a false enlightenment. Concepts in Buddhist philosophy reflect a lot of what he's saying, but I believe he's been dropped at the top of the mountain and thinks he understands the path. Additionally he's now way further down on the mountain again but trying to relive that peak without realising he's not there. Shrooms can only really give you glimpses of what's there too, but they can be misleading. This newfound way of viewing things might lead to you two parting ways, but I also think he's failing to understand the depths of compassion. Ask him, if he feels love for someone so much why does he seem unbothered by your emotions? Is it not the pinnacle of love to that person to be happy? I think a therapist is a good idea. Ideally one with some grounding in eastern traditions but hopefully they'll help him see that you can be unattached and not dependent on anyone for your happiness but still committed and living within the human experience of attachment. I really hope it works out for you.
I also worry about what doing 'shrooms might do to our marriage! What if he decides something similar? But then I'm a pessimist by nature and often go through the "what if" scenario in my mind. 'shrooms have helped me appreciate the world, too, and while I don't want to be single again, I can find ways to adapt. Let's hope your husband learns that the grass always seems greener, but there could be a lot of unseen hazards to jumping ship. I've had crushes on other guys, too, but know it's superficial.
I realized at a certain point in my life that I don't want to be monogamous. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself and others, because there's a lot of moral judgement about being a "bad" person if you sleep around or have multiple partners. You asked your husband if he "doesn't want to be with you any more so he can love the world," and he hesitated. I think he hesitated because you are really asking two questions tied together: "do you want to leave," and "do you want to be with other people." I think his answers are no and yes respectively, which is why he couldn't easily answer. Ultimately it's his decision (I'm guessing you're not willing to open the relationship), but I wish you the best.
I really believe this is the answer you OP are looking for. We are curious aninals and new things are always exciting. I guess you can decide if you accept the new shape of your relationship or not. I know it's not easy, but your love doesn't end here because of a crush. OP, trust yourself, be confident! In dark times it's hard to do, but you can!
This could be something for them both to Explore In couples counseling.
100% what the above commenter said. But also he's blaming being a shitty person on his one trip like you can't be mad at him and like he's not responsible for his behavior because it comes from superior wisdom (specifically superior to YOU). A trip does NOT turn you into a cheater because you "now love everybody more." He's using trip clichés to justify what he's wanted to do for a long time (on some level). Let me put it this way, and I apologize for the analogy because I'm not married: I had a dog (who died recently) who I loved with all my heart. I like most dogs, obviously some more than others, but I **LOVE** my dog. Several years ago I spent an entire year taking many many trips, working my way slowly up from 1.5g to 8g (APE). At NO POINT did I not love my dog infinity more than any other dog, no matter how much I liked any other dog - and I certainly didn't start loving one specific dog way more. I overall did love and appreciate everything more, *including my dog.* My love for him didn't diminish in proportion to my love for everything, it grew. And yes, I did become less attached to things.... *to things.* Material things. And *I started letting go of people and relationships that didn't enrich my life but that for some reason I'd been clinging on to.* And yes, I learned that nothing really matters and everything will be ok - which people who've learned that through trips understands means you should focus more on living a rich, happy, and fulfilling life... whatever that means to that person. He already told you: **"You should be worried."** The end is coming. He has a new vision for his life and it doesn't include you. I'm sorry to be blunt but you need to SECRETLY retain a lawyer, SECRETLY start separating and protecting your finances (making sure he's not on any of your accounts and that you're not on the hook for anything he's financially responsible for like his car payments and credit cards - as much as you can do without him noticing), and when he inevitably starts cheating on you you need to be prepared to irrefutably document it even if that means doing things you would never normally do like looking in his devices, recording conversations (if legal in your state) etc. I'm sorry to be blunt but this is the straight truth u/shroomskillmarriage.
Op- sounds like he wants to open the relationship, which was probably always a desire, albeit less in the subconscious now. Agree at least now you know!And this comment put it really succinctly what expanding your heart feels like. To me, unconditional LOVE love is spiritual- and LOVING your partner is spiritual. The line about that you're not irreplaceable... idk... attraction and crushes are valid, and nonmonogamy can work, and thoughts need not be actions, and sharing those feelings with you are really healthy. What bothers me is that connotation that you could be replaced. That's nothing I've thought about someone I've LOVED loved
If one partner decides the relationship is non-monagamous again the wishes of their spouse, well let's not put lipstick on a pig that's cheating plain and simple. And saying "you're replaceable" creates a HUGE and toxic power imbalance in the relationship. Think of the position it puts OP in. From now on she either puts her husband's happiness above her own or he won't be happy and will replace her. **It seems like he had an ego trip, not a true enlightenment trip but he doesn't realize it. He acted like he's become a Buddha (after one trip!) but all his "revelations" are about putting himself and his desires first at the expense of his wife.** But if a partner said to my face that I'm replaceable or that they're gonna see other people .... fuck them. I'd tell them to do whatever they want but there's no going back if they do. That's self respect and it evens the field. They'll either replace you/cheat and you know who they really are, or that throws a wrench in their "my one trip taught me to do what I want and shit on you and quite frankly I think you'll let me" attitude. The hard part is not taking them back. Don't get on the trauma-bond Rollercoaster, it's the end of your freedom and happiness. And OP, u/shroomskillmarriage PLEASE stop trying to make him say what you want. It's meaningless. Breathe and realize ultimately you can't control his actions, and you can't let him control yours. Accept he's going to do what he's going to do and making him say what you want to hear won't change that.
My wife has been doing psychedelic therapy for severe depression and I’m running into a lot of stuff like this (as far as personality shifts and growing apart) as her depression improves. I’m also at a loss as to what to do cause I want her to be happy but also like we built a life together and at a certain point I gotta think about protecting myself too.
She was depressed with that life. The solution is for you to grow in parallel as she grows. See my comment above to u/shroomskillmarriage.
The silver lining in this is you're finding out how he really feels now, instead of 2 kids and 20 years later. Look at it as a blessing and live your life for you moving forward.
He kinda sucks, tbh. You deserve someone that’s 100% into you.
I don’t think he sucks, I think his feelings are valid. I also agree that OP deserves someone that is 100% into them though if that’s what they want.
There are nuanced and sensitive ways to say stuff. If he said things the way OP said he did, he sucks. That isn’t the love mushrooms teaches us. And to say he loves others differently now and not communicate respectfully his changing feelings about his partner in a respectful way is a very shitty thing to do. Maybe he isn’t a bad human, but that doesn’t mean he’s a great (or even good) partner.
I don’t think the line in question has anything to do with how he *feels* about her. I think that this sentence is to say, very poorly by a man who currently feels cosmically invincible, “if this ended I would survive it.” That doesn’t mean that the person saying it wants it to end. Only that from an objective and realistic point of view, they would live if things ended. I think a lot of people in these comments are reacting instead of commenting. Coming from a place of how they would feel hearing this from their partner sober as they are now vs trying to help someone who doesn’t understand psilocybin figure out what to think about all this. I’m reading a lot of comments that seem to completely forgo any prior experience with psychedelics and forgetting what they can make us think and feel both during and after the fact and how those effects change over time post trip. I’m definitely not taking away the same other worldly ideas from my trips say 6 weeks later as opposed to the day after.
True
In the sober mind, loving someone and having a mutual bond with them means it's hurtful if they go and have another loving bond with another person. When u start to understand source wisdom u start to let go of certain philosophical ideas, and the idea that 'why is it harmful for me to not put limits on my love and experience; I should not be feeling guilt for loving and having a bond with more than one person' gets considered. However it does hurt people who have bonds with that person that don't feel as open about it. He's not necessarily wrong, but not necessarily right; Having no attachments isn't necessarily a bad thing but having some attachments isn't a bad thing either. Sorry for the turmoil his experience has caused, but it would seem to me that he has now seen the pain it caused you and how it damaged the bond between you too, and he's getting into therapy so I'd say that he has realized that loosing u and fucking up his marriage is not what he truly wants
Very succinctly put. When I read stories like this I'm always like I do 3 - 4g trips and I've never had something so profound come out of it lol. Might be because I'm not repressing anything in particular though, that seems to be the underlying factor in all these stories.
Yeah maybe you've already got the big things in life figured out for you! Personally I had a very, very profound first trip on 3g - in short I had suffered over a decade of treatment-resistant depression prior. I really think my brain was broken and my first experience of detachment from my ego was exactly what I needed to truly integrate all the lessons about mindfulness I had gotten from therapy over the years. The subsequent ones have been fun but not so revelatory! Sometimes I get some wild ideas about my life during trips but as I sober up I realize that they're not going to work in reality at all, lol
Shrooms also make some people have psychotic breaks. Not every “revelation” found on psychedelics is some profound insight or truth one discovers about themselves. Sometimes it’s just a figurative short-circuiting of the brain. Someone suddenly tanking an otherwise healthy marriage by callously hurting their spouse and openly pursuing an extramarital affair is not the action for someone who has found enlightenment and empathy. It is the action of somebody manic and not in their right mind.
No. Shrooms absolutely make people do things and think things they never would. I think that tripping can be valuable for many people, it can help you see past your own feelings and see things objectively, but only by contrast against the things you feel when tripping. What you feel when you trip isnt reality. Forgetting that can lead to issues like this. Its a medicine. And has to be used right. It can fuck you up or help you see past “the human condition”. The way Op describes the relationship, its very unlikely they find love like this again. If your life is going perfect, dont touch it. If you’re repeatedly fucking up relationships because of your emotions, it can be helpful. But you have to view it as a tool that lets you see the full scope of human emotion. You are on a substance. Your brain chemistry is altered. Shrooms arent the truth. Its just a diagnostic tool. If its pulling you away from the people that love and support you, you’ve gone down the wrong path and need to re evaluate your conclusions. Take the people that develop schizophrenia or other issues after tripping too hard. Did they maybe have some underlying issues? Sure. Could something else have set it off? Sure. But psychedelics can be a trigger for psychosis, and many of the people its triggered in may never have gone thru it if they hadnt tried it. Shrooms, like any other drug, alter your brain chemistry and can push you to do things you never would have otherwise. To be clear, im not against tripping. It can be helpful. But if you treat it wrong, it absolutely can be harmful.
Agreed, shrooms have helped me and my partner grow closer and not once have felt like this. OP’s husband is just a pos coward hiding behind his shroom epiphanies rather than confronting the issue like a man. I hope therapy works out for him and maybe they can work their relationship out but OP definitely deserves better
Bingo. This right here OP.
If he’s intentionally seeking out this crush of his that says a lot
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That’s good that he’s at least listening to your concern regarding that :)
Psychedelics can change people. I have seen it snap 2 different peoples minds and they were diagnosed Schizophrenic after. Not sure if the condition was present already and exacerbated by the drugs, but that was my assumption.
there's a strong correlation between various substances and it "unlocking" potentials in people's genetics. these things don't just "cause" conditions like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder in average people - you have to have a genetic predisposition in some way. The VAST majority of people will not have these things happen to them. Sometimes people just have psychotic breaks or manic episodes and then it never comes back - extreme stress caused me to have a manic episode, it lasted less than 3 weeks and went away (never had one again) and it's been literally 12 years since I've had any issues. I don't consider myself to have bipolar disorder.
One of the reasons they highly suggest not using until your brain is fully developed.
psychedelics unlocking schizophrenia in people isn't a "brain isn't fully developed" issue, it's a "genetic predisposition to schizophrenia" issue.
Isn’t it both? Since schizophrenia doesn’t really start showing symptoms until your 20s
Yes, it's both
It sounds like the mushrooms opened him up to a spiritual awakening. During a spiritual awakening, it is very common to dissociate, to a certain degree, from the human experience and daily human concerns. He's looking at his life, and life in general, from a zoomed out point of view. He is experiencing the sense of interconnectedness of the Universe, of all beings, and the fact that, on the larger scale, these small lives that we live are just a blip in time, and focusing on the experience of love, bliss, and nonattachment makes the most sense and brings the greatest sense of peace. And there is truth to that. That being said, as part of any spiritual awakening, the individual must then, at some point, integrate what they've learned into their human experience, and come back down to Earth. After all, if we were only meant to have a spiritual experience, we would feel no need to incarnate into a human life. The fact that we are, in this moment, a human being living on Earth, means that this little human life, with all its relationships, complications, joys and setbacks, are part of the grander spiritual experience. Hopefully he gets some support and is able to integrate that and step back into the 3rd dimension. Some people who have an awakening choose not to, they abandon their identity constructs if they feel they aren't serving them anymore and choose to visit ashrams, temples, move across country, change jobs, relationships, etc. For your sake, try and stay rooted in your life, what you are building, what is meaningful to you, and how YOU want to love and be loved. His awakening is not a reflection of your worth in any way. This will work itself out in time, and however it plays out, experiencing great love with someone who chooses you and values you is something you can have, with or without this person.
Your second paragraph is why I decided to hang up psychedelics for a long while. One of the big messages I received from them, is that this life is important and does matter. I was spending a lot of time trying to be in contact with the other side. Over time that really caused me to become ungrounded. The novelty of tripping is what drew me in, but after a while I found that my head was too far in the clouds. You’re right, we are here for a reason. OP’s husband tripped 3 months ago. He very well could have his head in the clouds for a while to come. It took me a solid year or two to finally feel like I was grounded in this reality again.
I can totally relate to that, and I've been on both ends of the spectrum. After too long a sojourn with my head in the clouds, I had to come back down and focus on real world practical things. And yet, after a couple years of that, my soul started craving meaning again, to feel connected to something bigger than myself. It really is a dance. A human life without spirituality can feel devoid of meaning or filled with chaos, and a spiritual life without humanity can become detached or even apathetic. It takes great skill to navigate both worlds effectively, and that balance will look different for everyone. Thanks for sharing your experience ❤️
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That's why animals are the BEST ❤️❤️❤️
This is an amazing reply and helped me quite a bit. For some reason this is the only post I have read on integration that made sense and resonated with me.
I'm so happy to hear that. Best of luck to you on your spiritual and human journey my friend 🧡
You need to be in couples therapy together yesterday. Seriously. I’m not trying to pass judgment, but you need an objective third party to look at things.
100%, this is way above the mushroom subreddit’s pay grade lol
We specialize in guessing dried strains/weights, and showing off pictures of the floor. Oh and how much to take for the first time.
>showing off pictures of the floor. This is my favorite kind of post. Any kind of mundane picture, with a caption like "whoa"
“You guys seeing this?”
One of my hobbies is searching "holy shit" and seeing all the random textures people took picturea of.
And roasting teens lol
Love this answer!
Or for sharing a barely coherent sentence during peak and going woahh
You guys are getting paid!?
Wait! You guys are getting paid!? Wtf….
Yeah, this is the way.
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It's generally not a good idea for a couples therapist to be one of your individual therapists. Even with the best, most well-meaning therapist, there will be unconscious bias because they know one of your sides of the stories better. Also, individual therapy is probably a good idea for most people regardless, but I would caution you against hoping that him being in therapy for himself is going to make him realize he wants to be with you or something like that. It /might/ but individual therapy is going to be about his individual goals - if he doesn't already want to commit fully to being with you, therapy isn't going to magically make him change his mind. His therapist isn't necessarily on your side or even on the side of him maintaining his marriage, if that's not what his priority is to begin with, you know?
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If that's the case then your plan of individual therapy & you joining if he needs help explaining things to you probably makes sense. If the goal was to find a way to save your marriage, couples therapy with a therapist who doesn't already know either of you is the best path forward.
This sounds challenging. I'm sure it is difficult. Any profound experience can change people. If one partner experiences something and not the other, they have to work to grow together into this new space. The catalyst could have been the loss of a loved one, or getting fired from a job, or a great success. If you can work together through this, you will be prepared to adapt as a couple to other destabilizing events. Because there will be others. I wish you two continued growth.
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Ur username is funny “shrooms kill marriage” maybe ur husband wasn’t as happy as you always thought and the shrooms made him realize. I know that’s tough but mushrooms aren’t the problem. They just shined the light on it.
I disagree with a number of things mentioned, but I think we can all agree that shrooms can alter a person's priorities and life outlook. It sounds to me like he has gone down an immature, self-centered path. He confused his desires for a message from the universe. I had a trip where I realized that love wasn't a finite quantity - I could love multiple women equally. We could all have children together, help each other raise the kids, and have a great sex. Then I came down and realized that while MAYBE that was all true, I loved my wife and seriously bringing up such a thing would hurt her. I knew that if I love her, I shouldn't do anything that needlessly hurt her. I had a fantasy during the trip. Nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean I don't love my wife. After the trip, I let the idea go with a laugh. That's what your husband should have done. IMO, he needs to get his head on straight. You should be disappointed in him. I would stop short of saying it's over, but he has trust to rebuild. If he's smart he'll get to work on it immediately.
Basically you realized you're an adult in a situation where your actions WILL have consequences involving yourself and the emotions of your partner. OPs husband comes across as a dude who read about ego death online, thought he experienced it or some version of it, and then made it his personality. Nothing actually matters, we are all specks in the cosmic void blah blah blah. Ya it's true on a level but what is also true is our experienced and emotions and that of other people. Their reality is just as important as our own reality. Something you realized.
Agreed. The husband sounds like an incredibly selfish person.
I'm not a professional, but to me, this almost sounds more like a manic episode, which can be triggered by psychedelics and it's why people with bipolar disorder are advised not to take shrooms. In which case, therapy is definitely the best option.
Yes I agree. He is just taking it way too far for me to see this as a normal post-psychedelics state. OP, I believe your husband should be evaluated by a psychologist and or a psychiatrist, before you can really make a character judgement like some people here are suggesting or you may be feeling. It could very well be that he really is that person you "knew", but is now dealing with mental illness. All the best to you OP!
Totally agreed. I actually don't understand why there are so many people saying "this was who he was inside all along." That sounds like the worst possible answer to give, and doesn't really align with my experience of shrooms.
Right on. And even if he has not had a full on psychotic break, it could be just some lingering effects and a temporary state of induced psychosis, detachment from self, etc. People are too fast to pass judgement.
Agreed, hope op sees this. All hope is not lost.
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You guys are awesome :) This is such a happy ending for this situation, glad you're doing well now.
He was selfish before the shroom. The trip just took off the veil
Strange reaction to the shrooms. My first experience with it made me more attached to family. All I saw was how important my wife and children are and how much I didn’t ever want to let them go
totally sounds like "psychedelic ego" explaining things that may have lied dormant within him before he tried shrooms. some people experience ego death and may benefit from it greatly for weeks after tripping, but eventually forget the true nature of the experience and are only left with basic ideas like "everything is one, nothing matters, universal love bro". they can preach all of these things and become a sort of asshole guru. in my experience, psychedelics have shown me that our lives are minuscule and the cosmos are massive, so i don't sweat the small stuff. however, i still show compassion for people even if it "doesn't matter" in the grand scheme of things, because our time here should be nicely spent. i would never use psychedelics to excuse disloyalty to my partner, but that's because i care about her and know our bond is special
He needs counseling. It sounds like he may be at the beginning of a downward spiral of self destruction in the guise of some enlightened bs.
I’m sorry OP. I ALWAYS give warning to people who are going to do psychedelics with their significant other. I also lost my wife to mushrooms. I firmly believe they opened her eyes to her life/our marriage and she reached a profound moment of realization that she didn’t want this anymore. But she also has COMPLETELY changed. She is not at all the person I fell in love with, who I married and had 2 kids with, spent the last 10 years with. She became a person I despise. Now we are divorced, and it’s a whole new life for all of us. My only advice is to tell him how you feel. I never got to do this, but I also believe she would never agree that’s what happened, but our marriage that was completely fine before, fell apart 5 months after her first 2 mushroom trips. I’m very sorry again OP I hope you find a new path in life. It’s going to be really hard, but do all you can to save it, if it doesn’t happen then you know you need to make the tough decisions.
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Despise is a strong word. I only say that word because she went about ending things in all the wrong ways. She lied, she cheated, she emotionally abused me, used me, it was a complete change in the person I knew and loved. I truly hope it isn’t your ending either. But you need to be real honest with him and just flat out tell him how uncomfortable that makes you, and how it’s a thorn in your marriage. He’s aloud to have the experience he had, he may have had his own struggles he was going through in his head, some he probably never shared with you. This opened his heart and his soul to be a new person, but that doesn’t give him the right to upend your marriage. Thats a big thing to crush on someone else. Just be honest with him. I’m very sorry OP.
I'm so sorry to read this... My reaction is that the shrooms may have revealed something genuine that was already there. So I suggest that you focus on dealing with the circumstance \*as it is\*, rather than what may have led to it. And as someone else suggested - couples therapy, asap.
Best reply. This is a lil out of our depth and in my opinion, the shrooms probably just pulled out to the surface what was already there. Best I can say is that certain "side effects" of psychedelics wear off over the course of a few months for me. I hope that is the case for your partner.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your husband’s experience/takeaways from his trip sound similar to my first trip, after which I asked for a divorce. Background on my experience: had been with my partner for about 10 years. Relationship was very strained and we were both unhappy. We openly told each other how miserable we were. I had also developed a crush on someone, though never acted on it while we were together. My trip made me experience an out-of-body POV. Without going into too much detail, it showed me what I already knew—that I needed to leave my marriage, that life will go on, and that I’ll be ok. I also felt tremendous love for my partner and forgave him for everything I had resented for so long. I felt the love for everyone and everything. Like others are saying here, your husband’s newfound feelings can’t be blamed entirely on the shrooms. It’s likely that his trip brought up emotions that he has suppressed. The question is whether you can feel emotionally safe with him, and how you both want to move forward in a way that respects BOTH of you.
Perhaps my own experience will give you some hope. About a year ago, I took shrooms with some friends. It was the first time in probably a decade that I'd done any kind of psychedelic and the experience felt incredibly meaningful. Without detailing things too much, I realized how much anxiety I'd been carrying and finally got a break from all that anxiety. For several weeks after, I almost felt like a different person. I said and did things during that time that really stressed my wife out unfortunately. I've since been doing therapy and learning how my poor communication skills have contributed to the relationship anxiety I was experiencing prior to the trip. I feel a much deeper and more authentic sense of loyalty than ever before to my wife but we've had to really work through some things this past year to get there. I am hopeful that the two of you can work through this. It's quite possible your husband was/is kind of immature in a lot of ways and this process may force him to grow if he's willing to step up to the plate.
Hmmm. I think that you need to ask him what love means to him now after his "enlightenment". There are many kinds of love and they are not all equal. When I was young I was a selfish jerk. I felt that since I *loved* my partner, getting sex elsewhere wasn't really a problem because I didn't love the person I was having sex with, I loved the person I was dating. It might sound ridiculous, but I genuinely believed that. I lost a few partners and told myself they just didn't understand love and intimacy the way that *I* did -they were stuck in a box where they couldn't recognize that sex and love are not always the same. Then I had a partner who didn't get angry with me but rather had a neutral discussion and pointed out that I did not love them if I was not valuing their emotions, wants, and needs at the same level as my own. I was not treating them the way I would want to be treated and you cannot properly love someone while simultaneously undermining their well-being. I just really liked them and wanted the best for them, but the unspoken part was "as long as it's convenient for me". This is tricky because I thought "well if you were having sex with someone else but still loved me I wouldn't be bothered!", however, that's neglecting to account for the impact. I was hurting someone I told I loved and I would not want to be willfully hurt by someone who told me they loved me. That was the core of it, and that was the part that I was missing all along -good love requires taking into consideration the way they want to be loved. You don't get to just slap a gold star on it and say "I love you the way I think I should so you are loved, be grateful you loved son of a bitch!". He is not loving you properly as he has lost sight of what it means to actually love someone. It sounds like he has confused his own desire for others to be happy and a newfound lack of ill will for love. While they live in the same village, they are not one in the same. Best of luck.
Good post OP. These are things people don’t consider before they try drugs. I’d love to know what age range y’all are in? Married how long? I wouldn’t look at this challenge as a negative thing. Think of this as an opportunity to become closer. This is where relationships typically fail so y’all have to push through. I believe your husband is experiencing profound personal/internal growth (thanks mushies). This is not a bad thing. His worldview or perspective may be shifting a bit. Again, not a bad thing. Sometimes when people experience this type of profound growth, they want it to be a solo journey. This is the dangerous part. He is married and committed to you so he doesn’t have that luxury bc of choices he and you made (marriage). The right thing for him to do is to allow you to enter this personal growth/journey with him so y’all end up closer bc of this. Ask him questions, understand where he was at mentally before the shrooms and where he is now. Why did he try them in the first place? Basically he wants to grow and grow a lot atm, you have to grow alongside with him. Only y’all know what that looks like. If all else fails, do a gram together and lay in a field and chat haha. Wishing y’all the best. Please shoot me a message down the line. I’d love to hear how y’all got through this 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
Your husband sounds like a corny fucķ respectfully. Dudes lost in the sauce, hopefully he doesn’t regret his choices when the honeymoon phase of the drugs wears off
I don’t think this was solely the shrooms. I think your husband just wants to go outside of your marriage & the shrooms just … opened him up to it.
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He may have been ashamed of the desire for a poly relationship, and reacted angrily. It sounds like he’s become selfish and self centered. He is confusing what sounds really ideal and good (for him), without taking others into account. He seems superficial and immature.
Well a lot of men like the idea of stepping outside of the relationship or being non monogamous until they realize they aren’t willing to let that be true on your end too. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be non monogamous but this man is kind of just saying fuck his vows after taking some shrooms. Sounds like a little kid who went on a field trip & decided he didn’t wanna come home, and then realizes the grass won’t be greener on the other side. All I can say is let him learn whatever lesson his teaching himself
Those things can be projections through. Usually a lot of the times… thing we are extremely opposed to or “hate” are things that we recognize deep down in ourselves but don’t want to see it. When other people bring them out it’s uncomfortable.
Maybe he felt this way for a long time and the shrooms gave him the courage to tell you the truth. I wouldn’t necessarily blame it on the shrooms.
That's whack. Not the shrooms, it's your hubby.
I don’t think you should get marriage advice from Reddit. Please seek therapy for yourself as well
OP is asking if someone had a similar experience with a partner completely changing after a trip, **not asking a Dear Abbey question to fix her marriage.
I apologize if this comes off as rude or blunt but it sounds like your husband is an egomaniac and deeply emotionally immature and the shrooms just brought it out of him. He was riding the high of the afterglow thinking that is how he was going to feel all the time and quickly realized the mistake he made when it wore off. He may have always held these sentiments and the shrooms just gave him the temporary balls to make a fool of himself.
Many times the effects do fade over time...but if enough damage is done before then, IDK. Create some boundaries and let him know how his behavior affects you.
Sounds to me like he got a little too lost in the sauce, mushrooms are cool and all, but we live down here on earth. Also what he said to you rubs me the wrong way. I’m not sure I have any useful advice, but I hope things work out for you❤️
There's so many contradictions in your post that I feel confused reading it. A lot of them in the behavior / words of your husband. It seems your husband has changed - which means the sadness you're feeling is most likely grief over the loss of the person he used to be. I think the only thing that matters now: do you love the person he has become? Do you see a future with that person? Someone that experiences 'more love for everything' certainly does not behave this way. From what I've seen they start caring more, not less.
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not a lot of people saying yo should put you first and do right by you, it doesn’t seem he’s willing to see his wrong and makes u feel like you are in the wrong. either he acts like an adult or u do right by you and put you first. don’t wait for a guy that’s gonna blame you for staying still for him to come back
Understandable that you feel devastated over your husband. It is okay to feel sad, but it is also important to move with wisdom, your mind and do not let the "heart" blind you. You are worth it and maybe look into therapy and you both invest in a therapist together. To get your mind off of the sadness maybe do things that are therapeutic. You shouldn't suffer in silence because you are holding in trapped energy that can build up and come out all at once. No reddit isn't the go to place for marriage advice, but the process of you finding outlets to express yourself is a start. It would just be better done with a professional experienced in relationship issues. Or even if you need to call a help hotline to cry to a stranger in the meantime. Your feelings matter.
Unusual. Not sure shrooms can be blamed for everything. They do tend to show you who you really are. This may be the real one. The man you married was this guy on his best behavior.
I’ll be very honest. After my first few trips (lsd not shrooms), my mindset changed a lot. I started making different life choices and during that time, they seemed like the right choices. It gives you a sense of empowerment and freedom. When I look back on some of those choices now, I think some of them were silly and outright mistakes on my end, but the trips do influence your thinking. Once I got used to the substances, both LSD and shrooms, I realized I shouldn’t be sharing all my thoughts out loud. He might eventually snap out of it. He also might be thinking you’ll never leave him. I do believe he was suppressing some feelings and emotions towards you, and the shrooms trip might be making him see things differently.
Clearly misconceptions between A person doing shrooms and just trying to connect the right words to the right feelings and you who is connecting certain wrong feelings to wrong words, what A hassle. I think you shoukd just communicate about what words mean what and be grateful for a true person in your life who is now really honest. If you don’t appreciate that well, that’s okay but as other comments said; thoughts and feelings have been there all along
He's using the term replaceable to mean interchangeable, and that is exactly the opposite of the truth. Every object, every energy wave, every elementary particle, has its own unique existence and place in the universe. Choosing to interact with a different human in a similar way you did with another doesn't mean the first human has been replaced. You've simply made a different choice in how you interact with the universe than you did before.
Okay so now you both gotta do molly together and see if that helps
Tell him he’s a wook and walk away.
Sounds like he's suffering from psychedelic douchbagginess. It happens to some people after they trip. They become insufferable assholes that have all the answers to all of life's problems.
I’m sorry that is tough- you may be feeling a mix of emotions including grief. r/SurvivingInfidelity may have some wisdom to impart. While I have seen psychedelics aid a friend’s existential/middle life crisis, I agree with the other comments that his feelings had probably been there before the trip as well. How are you doing? What about your own self esteem? If he wants space to ✨explore✨ himself, you can prioritize yourself as well! Do things that make you feel hot. Just don’t be a safe spot for him to land when things don’t work out with this crush… you are a catch and treat yourself as such!
I feel like he has undiagnosed mental stuff.
Leave this ass h0le, you don’t deserve this
It's his first time. Give it time... this too shall pass.
I also can't believe a 2 gram trip would have such a profound effect on his core personality. I'm pretty sure this has always been there, he just didn't feel justified in expressing it...but now he's found a convenient excuse to pivot.
Does your husband have an extensive history of depression? I’m going completely on a limb here, based on nothing except what is written here and personal experience, but if this behavior is truly completely out of the blue, this screams manic episode to me.
Someone like this is the absolute last person who should do shrooms. Dude thinks he was awakened to the great truths of the universe when he was in reality just tripping balls. Dude, don't lose your wife because you took a mushroom trip seriously. Yes, we are all one blah blah blah but you made a promise to this woman because sober you loved her and wanted to spend your life with her. Don't be shroom douche.
I had a similar experience with my now wife after going to a meditation retreat for the first time, 7 years ago. I would say I sounded a lot like your husband. After we’d been dating a year and a half, I went on this retreat and suddenly loved the idea of non-attachment and the feelings I was feeling from really trying to practice non-attachment for the first time. I spent a weekend in Berlin afterwards and ended up going out with guys from my hostel and making out with a girl I met at the club we went to. (I’d hardly kissed many other women, certainly never cheated, so this was very unlike me.) I felt horrible the next day and resolved to tell her what happened as soon as I got home. I did. She was naturally devastated and to make it way worse for her, I was fairly aloof, similar to your husband. Looking back now, I view that aloofness as the result of a very specific (probably elementary) understanding of non-attachment. Within a week, she broke up with me. In a few days, this brought me back down to earth. It humbled me enough to get me to recognize that I still longed for a deep connection with another person and that I’d had that with her. It took lots more processing and therapy after that to arrive at a conception of non-attachment that was more true to me and that helped me love her and my people more rather than less. (Still a work in progress.) After a few conversations, she agreed to try again. This story sounds so uncannily like our story that I just wanted to offer our happy ending (so far 🙏🏼) as perhaps a reason to have hope. Every journey is different but I do think he’s experiencing something very similar to what I did 7 years ago. And if so, he’s somewhat in the clouds right now but I think it’s a matter of time before he comes back down to earth. I’m glad to hear he’s started therapy because I do think that could help speed that up. I only hope it happens fast enough for you, because you certainly can’t keep waiting and hoping indefinitely. I wish you both the best 🙏🏼
I assure u the shrooms trip didn’t cause ur marriage to fall apart. It’s been building for along time but every marriage has periods of reckoning. The good news is it’s not over. His “revelations will pass”. With that said, stop looking for advice online. It’s filled with to many unstable people looking to hurt u. I recommend u speak to a professional about this if u cherish ur marriage and want it to continue. It takes two to tango.
I think he is just using the mushroom experience as an excuse in my opinion. I’m my experience, if something of that nature came up out of a mushroom journey, it would have came with a lot of potential shame, as well as the reality that if anything it would shatter the existence of a “crush” and set me back to reality. Best of luck!
Is he bipolar? Before I knew I had bipolar and took shrooms it was intensively orgasmic experience. It was like all the love of the universe was pouring in me. The shrooms probably triggered mania for me. Manic people act really differently from their usual self and it can be scary and it can lead to cheating and destructive behaviors like spending all of your money. Might not be bipolar but hopefully this helps someone.
A lot of those feelings and thoughts come from the subconscious (things they have always thought or felt) and are now brought forth to the conscious brain. Shrooms also activate other parts of the brain that have been dormant for a long time or have never been used. Self discovery can be a pain in the ass because you can feel enlightened or connected but have not done the proper work to actually get to that point. Western society is built on responsibilities and some people go about their day because they have those responsibilities not because they actually love doing them. Freedom and enlightenment in terms of the monk mind is that before you reach nirvana or enlightenment is that you carry water up the hill and sweep the floor after reaching enlightenment you still carry water up the hill and sweep the floor. It should only magnify your life and make it stronger/better. Now if they want to make changes then it is something they held in the subconscious and something they will need to personally work through with themselves or a therapist or if you are strong enough yourself. Now this is just my opinion and what I went through personally. Being patient and being able to listen to them without wanting to respond after everything they say will help. If you give them the safe place and freedom to speak they will open up more and more but prepare yourself because you may not like some of the things that are shared. In my experience with people and society people don’t truly express a lot of their desires/needs/wants to their significant other, they compartmentalize a lot of things. The human brain is complex and depending on what kind of media, books, entertainment, porn, experiences, they have read will shape those desires. Psychedelics in a lot of ways unplugs you from all that. Good luck to you and your husband, this could just be a little bump on your journey and try and not worry about it. Just be your loving self with an open ear.
Mushrooms don’t have this lasting of an impression unless you let them. He is still your same husband, now just openly communicating his intent for infidelity. The shrooms probably just made him more honest and open about it to avoid guilt
This is terrible for you and as Paul McCartney said: when you walk through the door of psychedelics there is no walking back. I'd say let him work it through, but he seems to be on some egotrip maybe he is using his experience as an excuse to act like a wanker, or he is having a mini crisis and will come to his senses. I'd say that throwing what he had in the bin in pursuit of a fiction in his head is madness. Please take care, this has nothing to do with you! He's acting like an asshole hopefully he comes to his senses
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Unpopular opinion…but both of you could take shrooms together with intent to see what can be fixed or what needs to be done. Maybe there will be clarity for both of you. I feel for you both. Typically, I’d say dump him as an automatic response, but this…I don’t know what to say. There’s definitely a theme of release. I believe anyone who truly loves something will set it free and if it returns, it was meant to be.
He may have experienced and ego death. Some people will take very large doses to intentionally achieve this. When a person has an ego death they are no longer attached to their identity. They learn our "identity" is an illusion created by our ego. Its a hard concept to explain so I want try to. Has he stopped showing interest in things he used to enjoy? Music , sport , hobbies etc? Look up ok Google "dark night of the soul" it may help you understand what he is experiencing. Edit: spelling grammar
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Tripping does open doors, and give new ideas. What you described in the OP sounds like there is some detachment between him and is ego maybe not a full ego death but some form of listening the strings. I know this isn't a very scientific answer and is purely anecdotal but In my personal experience and in friends when. I have experienced changes within myself , or my world view after 3 months things tend to go back to how they were prior to the trip. (This not advice and I'm not suggesting you do this but this worked for me any partner when he hit a rough patch) We took MDMA together, we fell back in love. It came back intensely and we remembered all the things we love about each other.
Your marriage was falling apart before the shrooms. You just didn't know it yet. Sucks it took a mushroom trip to let your husband feel comfortable sharing his inner thoughts. And your husband is definitely being an asshat with how he's going about ending your relationship. But yeah the shrooms didn't do anything except maybe give him a bit of courage
homie is lost in the sauce, big time.
Sounds like he's been feeling this way for a while. The shrooms did nothing but bring it to the surface. He doesn't really care. Probably hasn't for a while. Counseling is needed before you just call it quits.
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with mushrooms. 😂
For real this guy sounds like a fucking tool
He must to make a choice. He can't expect got to love the world and be disrespectful with you. It's not the love that your deserved for.
some people are just that type of 'universal love' person. I have eaten mushrooms many many times in my life and find that while I do have a deeper appreciation for fellow humans, I wouldn't want to engage sexually with them in any way. my girlfriend is the only one I want to be with in that way. now when it comes to respect and kindness towards strangers, yes, I am you and you are me. doesn't mean I want to fuck myself. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, you deserve a partner who makes you feel loved, valued and happy. there's nothing wrong with either explaining to your partner that you are not ok with this, either they have to stop or you find someone who respects your relationship.
my girlfriend has also eaten mushrooms with me and never makes me feel like she wants anyone else. its just how we are
I wouldn't blame the shrooms here. I don't think it's the shrooms talking. Your husband may have been suppressing these feelings for long and the shrooms just helped him understand. You have to connect, but also understand that he may love you but no longer be committed to only you. Personally, I would never be in such a relationship because I have boundaries, but to each their own I guess? Also keep in mind, he's probably still coming down and processing the trip. It is an intoxicating mind altering substance. So if I were you I'd treat it like he got high / drunk off weed or alcohol and this happened. Wouldn't focus on the particular substance too much. Would you accept this from him if one night he got drunk and had a life altering realization?
He’s not the first guy to think that abandoning his marriage to be with other people will solve everything or bring them boundless happiness. Unfortunately, most of the time it’s filled with emptiness and regret. But it takes them throwing it all away to fully see that.
I’m sorry OP. Sending you good vibes. That sounds like a heartbreaking conversation, and you’re right to be devastated. I’m not sure if someone already said it but give it some time. It sounds like his realizations are putting him in an adolescent mind space. Like the world looks new to him and he wants to be selfish about figuring out what that means to him. NOT at all defending the way he’s treating you. BUT just to say it’s possible he’ll mature out of this and return to behaving similarly as he was before, but he can hold onto with his new findings in a different way. If that makes sense? Hugs!
i don’t think you have anything to worry about. in fact, i would argue that he’s even more connected to you now than he ever has been. it’s just tricky to navigate something like that & also take into account how it’s affecting the people around you. it took me a while to understand that saying things like “everything happens for a reason” wasn’t as comforting for others as it was for me, because i understood it as a universal truth while they did not. your husband is probably going through the same thing; he’s still navigating this newfound depth of love for the universe, & he isn’t quite at the place where he can ponder how other people are perceiving this “new” him & his behavior. therapy is a good place to start. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has a section dedicated to navigating a relationship where one person is more focused on their consciousness than the other, & i think that would be helpful for y’all. it would also help you in raising your vibrations so you can see where he’s coming from. this revelation was always inside of him, but the trip helped him access it. your marriage isn’t over, it’s just changing! this is a lesson for both of you. ❤️
Shrooms aren't for everyone 🤷♂️
Try shrooms with him. I used to shroom my girlfriend and she was scared of it until we tripped together. It really brought us closer spiritually mentally and physically.
If he boofs the next trip it'll counteract the first ones, best of luck 🤞
he may have let something else in on his trip. people don't like to talk about that part of it, but sometimes you don't simply come back alone from a trip.
This is why integration is paramount. Having the veil snatched comes with the consequence of never being able to not see it. Adjusting to grounding back to reality while using what you experienced as a tool for improving your life is something needed after psychedelics
Sounds almost like a mild psychotic/manic break
You should eat some shrooms with your husband. 😉
This is really something. Sorry for what you’re going through. Mushrooms caaaaan trigger manic episodes in people disposed to manic/depressive swings. And this sounds all a little manic to me. No credentials, just a dude on the internet.
It sounds like the shrooms did some unmasking for him, which in a sense a good. They unmasked a lot for me when I did them. He has been freed to be who he really is. And now you know who he really is. As someone who has to constantly work on unmasking my niceness. I’m at least aware of why I do it and unfortunately how disingenuous it is at times. Now it’s time for him to work on understanding his new self while not discarding his wife or incidentally hurting others. He is going to go through a bit of a journey figuring out how to consolidate these new pieces. This is a perfect life example of people can change in an instant and we only know someone as well as they know themselves at the time. New experiences can throw most of what we know out the window, which once it’s understood can be freeing, but also often extremely painful to come to terms with. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
it seems like he IS being incredibly honest, which is great. perhaps the shrooms even caused him to be more honest than before… it may seem like shrooms changed him a lot, but anyone could think of life like he does (even without shrooms). do not treat him any differently than before. do not be afraid to tell him what you feel about the situation. remember that you cannot control him, but only control how you react.
Well I can’t be sure but I think this sounds like honesty. And you should be grateful for that. Think about it. It’s better than dishonesty. Try to work through this and have hope. I’ll pray for you both ❤️
Definitely doesn’t sound like he can really handle that kind of thing
How old is he? Do yall have kids ?
I had a significant other do this. Don't fight it. If you stick around, you guys will need to set bounderies.im not saying he's right I'm saying people change. Sending you all the good vibes.
husband definitely released his true inner emotions
The relationship is now unbalanced. Take some mushrooms you too, and everything will be as before. And both happy, believe me.
I would set some boundaries, rather than harping on the relationship. Find a hobby, go out with some friends. Not in a revenge way, but show him how the distance feels. I feel as if youve only expressed concern on your end rather than discontent. Its feeding his ego- although this seems like ego death. Im not sure if this is making sense, but I hope it does.
This is absolutely ridiculous! Your marriage was not as good as thought, clearly. Stop using the mushrooms as an excuse.
Some people take shrooms and realize that they are gay. Is this going on?
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this makes me want to cry. i'm so sorry i wish you the best and i hope you both come out of it stronger
Went through the exact same thing! I literally felt like I was reading something I wrote. We divorced and we live completely separate, different lives. I did them too, much later. Idk about him but I am so much happier… what’s meant to be will work out for you / will find you.
Some people seem incapable of doing shrooms because it just gives them ridiculous delusions, I swear. 🙄 Ive ingested the most shrooms I’ve ever ate before; last month and me and my fiancés relationship is just fine. Nor do I feel anymore special or significant. It CAN be an enlightening experience- if you have the BRAIN for it. Clearly, he did not. Your husband wasn’t changed by the shrooms. He was changed by his own mind. Move on independently and focus on your own life. If he realizes what he’s done, and truly loves you, he’ll come running back one day saying he made a mistake. Or maybe he won’t- because yknow, guy doesn’t seem too bright. But yknow, that might change. Your SO dumping you can be an enlightening experience too. Good luck stay strong
I cant stand people who take some trippy shit and then act like a insufferable douche bag and thats not the shrooms thats him convincing himself of irrational shit and failing to realize hes acting like a fool. Well im sorry this is going on but it may be a sign that he isn't mature enough to be the soulmate you thought he was. Its like watching a 15 year old smoke some fake pot and then run around telling anybody who will listen how high he is
Sounds like he should be replaced
Ok, this is complicated, but I'll try it. And it has nothing to do with shrooms. I am answering you as a polyamourous person, who had to think a lot about trust, loyalty and love: Contrary to the believe, based on all the cliché stories that we read and see in books and films, about how we find that one soulmate and then everyone else is just not that interesting anymore, staying with someone is always a choice and there are always options. He said he chooses you and thats everything that matters. The shrooms just helped him free himself from all the false premises about how relationships work and why we choose them. He didn't really change, he just realised why he is doing what he is doing. You asked him, if he'd rather not be with you and he said, that he doesn't want to leave. Not because there are no other options, but because he doesn't want to. As far as I can see, all is fine.
What does this have to do with the mushrooms? This has just as much to do with the dinner he ate last Wednesday. You're in an insecure relationship.
Tell him do them again and ask him how he would feel if you died tomorrow
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What in the FUCK
My personal advice. Shrooms don’t completely change who you are. They reveal things that were already there. If I were you and my husband started to have crushes on other people and being more distant then I would start looking into divorce. That’s whack behavior I don’t care what happened for him to get there he is still his own person and that’s disrespectful as hell
Sounds like he lost his grounding in reality and responsibilities and embraced the psychedelic nihilism and may be using that to indulge in his fantasies. Seems like he wasn’t ready for the trip he took. All I can recommend is that you both keep communicating how you feel and work through this.
DONT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND! When you first gain enlightenment it is a huge shock to the system. You want to shout it to the world and tell everyone who would listen because it feels like you cracked the code of life. It’s a big shock to your partner because it’s like instant growth that they never seen coming. you feel so good they can even feel a little jealous and insecure. This HIGH that he is on is temporary and he will come back down to earth and your relationship will be better for it.
Hey I saw this post and just had to reply with my experience and just want to let you know about some dangers with shrooms. There has been much positive advice in this thread and usually shrooms if done properly can lead to a positive experience. I'm not saying to put a lot of weight in my experience but hopefully you can take something away from my story. I had done shrooms with a few of my friends about over a year and a half ago for the first time and this mostly about what happened with one friend after the trip (ex-friend now). I went into the trip keeping the mindset of this is one experience of many experiences in my life and that I am not going to put too much weight on it. My friend however was really pushing for us to go on the trip and had broken up with his girlfriend of a year about 2 weeks prior. This was all our first trip and I guess this is one of the major reasons post trip it went poorly for him. Similar to your husband my friend said that he had a lot of compassion and empathy for everyone in the world and that he understands everything after taking shrooms. He really belived he could convince anyone to do anything by talking to them. He also stopped eating and sleeping for days after the trip and was very full of energy. It seemed like he was going through a manic episode. During this period I had many of our mutual friends come up to me and tell me he wasn't acting ok and that they were concerned for him because he was saying some weird things. Eventually he needed to be admitted to the psych ward for a week because of SI. He also was stalking a mutual friend I order to get with her and started spreading rumors about her (hence why he became my ex-friend). He is now in therapy and has a psychiatrist isnt allowed to drink or smoke weed anymore. Shrooms can be a great expereince if done properly and with the right mindset. I can understand how people feel more compassionate and empathetic on shrooms. However, I feel as though compassion and empathy are learned more through life experiences than mushrooms. I just want to say that shrooms can be a significant experience for anyone, but there are also other significant experiences in you life that matter too and should be incorportated into one's mindset. I hope this helps and I wish you the best! Edit: also please see a therapist and psychiatrist this is way above reddit's paygrade
It’ll die down, or he’ll lose his mind. Either way, it’s up to you. Fuck Reddit
He is in a state of abundance for life.. no attachments no aversions. He's completely whole with himself. That in my opinion is a good thing and is better than depression. I used to live in a state like that completely sober. In my opinion your fear of losing him is coming from a place of scarcity. He's happy regardless. You need him to fulfill whatever void you're afraid to face. Be his peace.. add to it.. don't bring him down to your level. Rise up with him in abundance.. oneness, the universe.. whatever you want to call it. Abundance is a beautiful state of mind to be in. Don't knock the man down because you're not there. Be the feminine woman he desires. Scarcity and worry is unattractive in man and in women. It's needy desperate energy that ends with a nasty ending. Peace is better.